


The Man To Hold The Water

by ScullyLikesScience



Category: Dawson's Creek
Genre: Abusive Parents, Angst with a Happy Ending, Belligerent Sexual Tension, Canon Compliant, Canon Divergence, Dawson Leery Is The Worst, Dorks in Love, Dysfunctional Family, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I have no idea but the feeling just came over me, I wrote this for myself, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, It's not as dark as it sounds, Joey Potter Grows A Spine, Male-Female Friendship, Missing Scenes, One True Pairing, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pacey POV, Pacey Witter Gets Therapy, Pacey was into Joey before Dawson ever was, Pay no attention to the wips over there in the corner, Pining, Post-Canon, Pre-Canon, References to Depression, Romance, anyway on to the good stuff, but you can read it if you want to, if anyone even reads this, is the hill I will die on, just wanted to give people a head's up, up until a certain point, why am I writing Dawson's Creek fanfic in 2019?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2020-11-06 05:37:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 48
Words: 415,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20789387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScullyLikesScience/pseuds/ScullyLikesScience
Summary: Where you go, I will followWhere you are, I will beWhen you're lost, I will find youAnd when you fall, fall on meA Pacey and Joey story.





	1. 1995-1998

**Author's Note:**

> See End Notes for info on the timeline.

**1995**

January. His 12th birthday was a disaster of epic proportions. His dad had been calling him "Pacey Pukey" all week long. Why couldn't anything ever go right in his life? He came home from school on Friday afternoon to find the house empty and a note from his mother telling him that she didn't feel like cooking or grocery shopping so they'd all decided to take a drive into Boston—his parents, Gretchen, and Doug. They were going to see a movie and would be having dinner while they were in the city, and he could just heat up some leftovers in the microwave. Great. Around five o'clock he made his way into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. There weren't any leftovers. He searched every shelf and drawer—nothing. He told himself that he'd just make a sandwich, but there wasn't any bread. After searching the cupboards for something edible or easy to prepare himself to no avail, he admitted defeat. He cursed his family and trudged back upstairs to his bedroom. 

By eight o'clock, his hunger pangs were making him restless. He threw on his coat and hat and walked out the door. It was a 20-minute walk to the Ice House. When he reached the restaurant and stepped inside, he was happy to see Mrs. Potter behind the counter. Her head was wrapped in a scarf with red flowers on it. When she had first lost all her hair because of the cancer treatment, he'd felt sorry for her. After a little while, he didn't seem to notice it anymore because Mrs. Potter was real pretty with or without hair. And when she smiled, like she was smiling at him now, he almost forgot she was sick. 

"Pacey," she beamed. "How are you doing, honey?"

"I'm okay, Mrs. Potter. How are you?"

"I'm just fine, sweetie." She eyed him. "Are you hungry?"

He nodded, but a guilty feeling welled up inside him. "I don't have any money."

She smirked. "You never have any money. When has that ever stopped you from eating in my kitchen?"

Embarrassed, he could feel his face getting red, and he shrugged. She then led him into the back and sat him at a work bench. Mike Potter then appeared from the pantry. "Hello, Pacey. You're our last customer for the night. What can I whip up for you?"

"Hi, Mr. Potter. Um... a grilled cheese?"

"You got it." 

Pacey watched as the Potters eyed each other for a long moment, a tense feeling suddenly heavy in the air, before Mrs. Potter walked back out of the kitchen. Just a few minutes later, a hot sandwich was on a plate in front of him. His mouth watered. Mr. Potter then disappeared into the pantry again. After taking a few delicious bites, he suddenly heard Joey's voice. "Ugh, why is _Pacey Pukey_ here? This is the third time in the past two weeks." 

"Josephine, don't call him that," her mother replied sternly. "It's the people who are hurting who are in most need of our kindness. So, be kind, and especially to him. I don't think he gets much kindness at home."

"Why? What's wrong with him?"

There was a pause, and he stopped chewing, straining to hear. 

"There's nothing wrong with _him,_ Joey. I don't think the Witters take very good care of that boy. Remember last summer, what happened during the Little League championship game? Sheriff Witter's... display?"

"Yes."

His face burned hot as memories rushed forward in his mind of his father berating him for striking out in front of all the other players and parents. It was the last time he'd ever play baseball. His dad had made it clear that he was done and wouldn't be allowed to embarrass the family with his pathetic lack of ability anymore. 

"Do you notice just how much time he spends either here or at the Leery's?"

"Yes..."

"Joey, happy children don't avoid being at home as much as Pacey Witter does. So, be nice to him." 

He heard her familiar scoff. "But he's not nice _to me!_ He's always making fun of me and pulling my hair. The other day he told me to 'eat cement.'"

He laughed under his breath. Mrs. Potter giggled. "Honey, I'm pretty sure he does those things because he likes you an awful lot." 

"Mom, that doesn't make any sense."

"I know it doesn't, Joey. I don't quite understand it much myself, and I'm not saying that it's right or okay for him to act that way. But... boys feel things just as strongly and deeply as us girls do. And sometimes they're so overwhelmed and confused by all those feelings, they don't know what to do with them. So, they tease you and pull your hair and... eat grilled cheese sandwiches in your family's kitchen. I think he just wants your attention, honey. Why don't you go back there and talk to him? He could use a friend."

Silence. "Do you _really_ think Pacey likes me?"

"Yes, I do. Do you like him?"

Silence.

His stomach was doing somersaults. He hurriedly finished his sandwich, wanting to get out of there as quickly as possible. He scarfed it down, and before he had even swallowed the last bite, he was walking out the back door. 

September. It was the first time that his dad had gotten just drunk and angry enough to beat the shit out of him. While running around the house in anxious anticipation of Joey Potter's 13th birthday party later that Saturday afternoon, he accidentally knocked over a can of black paint and ruined the living room carpet. His mother told him that he should've known better than to irritate his father. Gretchen was the only one who cared, but there was nothing she could do. Mrs. Potter called the house looking for him, and his mother made excuses. On Monday morning, he showed up at school with his broken arm in a sling. Dawson's eyes went wide, and with genuine concern wanted to know what had happened. He told his best friend that he fell out of a tree. Joey merely stared at him with a look of pure hatred, indignation seeping from her pores; how dare he run around climbing trees and getting hurt when her dying mother had planned a party for her that he had to miss because of his recklessness. The idea of her being angry with him twisted his stomach into knots. He wanted to tell her the truth, but he couldn't. He wanted so badly for her to look at him the way she looked at Dawson. She wouldn't.

December 12. His family was gathered in the living room, watching TV. It was just past eight o'clock at night when the phone rang. His mother answered and he could hear her speaking in hushed tones in the kitchen. She soon hung up and returned to the room. "That was Bessie Potter," she announced. "Lillian passed today." 

He immediately stared at the floor, his eyes filling with tears. Gretchen reached over and put her arm around him. He couldn't cry in front of his father and Doug, and so he stood up from the couch and made for the stairs, stifling back his sobs. "That boy needs to toughen up," was the last thing he heard his dad say before he shut his bedroom door. He threw himself on his bed. He couldn't believe Mrs. Potter was gone. She was so young and so beautiful. It wasn't fair. Then all he could think of was Joey losing her mom and the pain she must be in, and he cried himself to sleep.

The funeral was the saddest thing he'd ever experienced in his young life, up until that point. He wanted to tell Joey how sorry he was, wanted to tell her how much he cared. He wanted to sit next to her and hold her hand, or hug her. He didn't know how. Everything would just come out wrong, so he said nothing, did nothing. He quietly watched as Dawson sat down next to her and took her hand. He didn't say anything either, but Joey put her head on his shoulder and cried. A twinge of jealousy stirred in his chest, which confused him, and he left the room to go hang out with Gretchen and Bessie in the kitchen.

On Christmas Day, he pilfered one of the many bright red poinsettias his mother had scattered all over the house and brought it to the cemetery. After placing it on Mrs. Potter's grave, he waited and waited in hopes Joey might come to visit her mom. It was Christmas, after all—a day to spend with the people you love most. She never showed. 

**1996**

July. His dad had been screaming at him for an hour. He didn't even know what for. Existing, probably. His mom was standing at the kitchen sink washing dishes and humming a show tune as if her husband wasn't currently verbally abusing their youngest child in the living room. Gretchen was out with her friends; he had no ally. He watched as his dad opened one can of beer after another. He could sense the tension thickening. It was going to be a bad night, the kind of night that ended up with bruises or broken bones. His dad stared over at him with that familiar glazed, agitated look. He then made a split decision and ran from the room and out the front door. To his surprise, he found himself heading in the direction of the Potter's house, and not the Leery's. Dawson was his best friend and there was no one who mattered to him more, but he just didn't get it—he couldn't, and probably wouldn't, ever understand just how shitty his life was. Joey would probably understand.

He knew it was late, but he walked around the house and knocked on her bedroom window. After a few moments, he saw Joey pull back the curtain. Upon recognition, she scowled, but she opened the window, anyway. "What are you doing here, Pacey?" she demanded by way of greeting.

"My dad is drunk and if I stayed one more minute in that house, things were not gonna go well for me," he answered.

"Why didn't you just go to Dawson's?" Her tone was still full of irritation.

He hesitated. "Sometimes being around Dawson and his perfect parents and their perfect family just makes me feel worse." He had never said that out loud before, and hadn't planned on saying it just then. But now that he had said it, he knew it was true.

Her face softened for a moment and he watched as she chewed on her lip in that cute way of hers. "Yeah. I know what you mean." Her pretty brown eyes then blazed with a fiery glint as she placed her hands on her hips. "So, you figured, 'Joey's family is screwed up, so I'll just go see her?' Is that it?"

"Well, Potter, your dad is in prison and my dad should be in prison. We can sympathize in a way Dawson would never be able to wrap his head around."

Her scowl returned.

He swallowed and threw his best pleading gaze at her. "Can I just stay here for a little while? _Please,_ Joey. I can't go back there tonight."

Her eyes softened and she nodded, standing aside to let him climb in. He spent several moments looking about the room, fascinated by Joey's personal space. He was suddenly struck with the desire to look through all her stuff and find out every little detail about her, to learn all her secrets. That is, until she threw a pillow at his head. He kicked off his shoes and lay down on the floor beside her bed. She then climbed onto her mattress and tossed him a blanket. As he covered up and laid his head on the pillow, she turned out the light and they went to sleep without another word spoken between them. 

September. He found himself heading over to the Potter's once again. Gretchen was spending a semester abroad in Spain as part of a student exchange program and things were getting worse at home. He was now the only Witter child under his parents' roof, making him the sole target of their cruel remarks and drunken rages. Standing in front of Joey's bedroom window, he sighed, hesitating for a moment as nerves filled his gut. He then raised his hand and knocked. Her face soon appeared and she immediately frowned. She was never happy to see him, no matter the context. He wondered if there would ever come a day when Joey Potter would actually smile when she saw him, but he knew her smiles were reserved for Dawson. He felt his heart sink within him.

Joey opened the window. "Your dad?"

He swallowed, nodding and averting his eyes from her penetrating gaze. She sighed, "All right," and turned back from the window. He climbed inside and took his spot on the floor by her bed as she silently handed him a pillow and blanket.

**1997**

The trips to Joey's became a regular routine. It also soon became apparent that this was something neither of them were telling Dawson about. He told himself he just didn't want to talk about his family problems with Dawson, but he had no idea why Joey wouldn't have told their friend that he'd been sleeping in her bedroom at least one night a week for the past year. She wasn't telling, and so he wasn't telling. And the longer they went without telling him, the more imperative it seemed for their friend to not find out. He didn't understand why she was keeping this information from Dawson, but there was a small voice in the back of his head that told him this was somehow significant. He couldn't explain it. It was almost like a hopeful feeling.

One Saturday afternoon, a couple weeks before Christmas, they had gathered in Dawson's bedroom for a Christmas movie marathon when their friend asked her a seemingly very innocent question. "So, what did you do last night?"

His eyes turned to Joey, who met his gaze with a fleeting look. He'd spent the previous night on her bedroom floor and they'd actually talked for an hour or so before she turned off the light. They'd been starting to talk during these nights for the past few months, almost like real friends. Last night had been the two-year anniversary of her mother's death, and he was pleasantly surprised that Joey had opened up and talked to him about something so personal. It was a vast improvement from the broody silence that had hung in the air on his initial late night visits, and he'd fallen to sleep with a smile on his face and a warm feeling in his chest.

"Oh, not much," Joey finally answered Dawson, an inexplicable blush creeping into her face. "Nothing exciting ever happens in my boring yet tragic life."

Dawson smirked and then turned his attention to him. "And you, Pace? Get up to anything wild and crazy last night?"

His eyes met Joey's again and she gave him a furtive look. He still had no idea why they were keeping it a secret. It wasn't like it was a big deal or anything. But maybe it was. "Oh, you know me, Dawson. It was one orgy after another. Frankly, I'm exhausted." 

"You're such a pervert," Joey grumbled.

"And you're a prude." 

She scowled. He grinned. She was even prettier when she was mad, and he loved to make her mad. He turned his attention back to the TV, thankful neither she nor Dawson could read his mind.

**1998**

October. Spending a precious Saturday cooped up in the library with evil incarnate, Abby Morgan, and the tension triangle that was Joey, Dawson, and Jen was enough to make him want to find the nearest cliff. As he sat at a table lost in thought, wondering how much better the day might've been had he been there alone with Joey or just not in detention at all, she walked over and sat down, setting her textbooks and notebook on the table. He looked around at the other empty chairs, his heart beating a little faster with the knowledge she had chosen the seat closest to him. They were alone at the table—the others out of sight and out of earshot. In his periphery, he could feel her lean closer to him and he instinctively closed the distance between them until their arms were touching. He felt a surge of electricity.

"I think I need to apologize to you, Pacey," she whispered hesitantly. She was so close he could smell her hair. She smelled like vanilla. He felt his groin tighten and inwardly scolded himself to get a grip. That's what got him in detention in the first place.

"_Josephine Potter?_ Apologize to _me?_ What for?" He feigned ignorance, and gave her a friendly smile, but still his mind settled on recent events. Ever since the Ms. Jacobs debacle, Joey's bedroom floor was no longer open to him as a place of refuge. The night after the school board hearing and the official end to his relationship with Tamara, his father really let him have it. Bruised and battered, with feelings that he'd be better off dead swirling inside his mind, he made his usual way to the Potter's house and knocked on her window. She pushed aside the curtain and gave him a look of pure disgust. After opening the window, she told him that the sight of him gave her dry heaves and then she slammed the window shut. He was no longer welcome. Somehow that hurt more than the beating.

Joey sighed. "I think what happened to you is partly my fault."

He furrowed his brows in confusion.

"Dawson breaking your nose," she explained. "See, we were arguing the other night about guys and how they always stupidly compete over girls. He used his friendship with you as an example of two guys who never have to compete. Well, I might've told him that the reason he never competes with you over girls is because he hates losing. And... I might've pointed out that your biceps are bigger than his. I'm afraid I gave him a complex, or at least made an already-existing complex become so consuming that he decided to throw a basketball at your face."

That was the last thing he'd ever expected her to say. "Seriously, Jo?" he chuckled. 

She gave him a look of embarrassment and bit her bottom lip. "It's stupid, Pacey, I know. I'm sorry. I never would've gone for the jugular if I'd known he would hurt you. I didn't mean for it to cause this kind of overreaction. At least not directed at you, anyway."

"You mean, you were hoping he'd throw a basketball at Jen Lindley's face." He smirked.

She shook her head, rolling her eyes and laughing through her nose. She was so cute he couldn't help but smile. He thought for a moment about what she'd said. "Did you really mean it?"

Her brows knitted. "What?"

He licked his lips, briefly hesitating. "What you said... If Dawson and I were ever to compete over the same girl, do you _really_ think I'd win?" He swallowed, staring at her in anticipation as his stomach tightened.

Joey blushed furiously. "My backhanded comment was not intended to boost your ego." She continued to blush and averted her eyes from his steady gaze. Instead of properly responding to his question, she turned her attention to her History book and began taking notes. Although much to his disappointment, she refused to give him a real answer, he took comfort in the fact she didn't move away from him. She kept her arm pressed against his, sending a sensation of butterflies dancing through his chest that really shouldn't be there. A fleeting thought ran through his mind and he wondered how she would react if he was ever to voice aloud his confusing feelings about her, how they ran hot and cold and he could never figure them out. Sometimes he wanted to tell her; most of the time he knew better. Not long after, Abby Morgan reared her head as a welcome distraction.

Hours later, when they were almost free from this detention in hell, he sat listening as Joey painfully attempted to pour her heart out to an oblivious Dawson, his mood sinking with every word she said. _"I can't. 'Cause if I say these things, I can't ever take them back. It'll change everything, and I can't do that. I can't."_ Unfortunately, he could relate. The librarian then reappeared to dismiss them. Sighing, he stood up from his chair and walked out of the library without another word to any of them.

There was a heat wave in the northeast, bringing unusually warm weather to the cape. In true Bay Stater fashion, seniors of Capeside High School donned their shorts and flip flops and decided to throw a beach party. As soon as he finished his shift at the video store, he hurried over to the Ice House to collect Joey. He didn't want to show up alone and she could use a night out. And since he was no longer permitted to crash on her bedroom floor, a particular Joey-sized void had entered his life and he found himself wanting to spend time with her, much to his chagrin. She put up a decent protest, so he waved the Dawson carrot in front of her. Maybe one of these days she'd want to hang out with him without the promise of Dawson's presence, but he wasn't going to hold his breath. 

On the way to the party, Joey was very talkative, filling him in on her craziness at home with the new baby and the stresses of schoolwork. He didn't mind, nor did he object to the fact she kept finding reasons to touch him as they talked. Her hand would brush his arm, she'd grab his shoulder, she'd playfully shove him aside or try to adjust his shirt. A sudden rush of electricity would surge through him every time, confusing him even more. 

A few hours later, he was nursing a sore hand while standing over an intoxicated Joey who was showering Dawson with praise for "saving" her from the brute. Unbelievable. Scratch that. It was totally believable. The sun would be setting soon and they needed to find a way to get her safely home without Bessie or Bodie finding out about her drunken state. "How am I going to get her home like this?" his best friend asked. "She can barely walk."

He turned and started walking towards the parking lot. "You'll just have to make due, Dawson," he said over his shoulder. "You're her _hero_, remember?"

"Pacey, you gotta help me. Come on."

He sighed, closing his eyes. "All right."

Turning back around, he put one of Joey's arms around his neck while Dawson took the other, and together they walked off the beach. Later that night, as they were rowing across the creek back to the Leery's abode, he sat there in utter disbelief at the level of obliviousness his friend was apparently suffering from as he talked about his relationships with Joey and Jen. "Trust me, there's a difference between friendship and love," Dawson insisted.

"And you're so sure you know that difference?" he challenged.

"You don't know what you're talking about."

Maybe he did, maybe he didn't. All he knew was that Dawson didn't know a good thing when he had it. The next day, he called his friend to ask if he was going to head over to the Potter's and see if Joey was okay after last night. "I'm sure she'll be fine," Dawson replied. "She can take care of herself. I need to try and straighten things out with Jen. She ended things last night, but... I don't know... I don't know. I have to get her back. Why don't _you_ go check on Joey if you're so concerned?"

"Yeah, maybe I will." He hung up the phone, seething. When would the melodrama that was Joey-Dawson-Jen come to an end and put them all out of their misery?

After swinging by the local bakery and picking up two breakfast sandwiches and some doughnuts, he arrived at the Potter house. Bessie opened the door and frowned at him. "So... how is she?"

Joey's older sister crossed her arms and scowled. He recognized the look. "Hungover."

"Look, Bessie, I... I had nothing to do with that," he laughed nervously. "I promise. I tried to get her to _stop_ drinking, but you know our Jo..." He held up the bakery bag. "Look, I brought some essential hangover cures. Can I come in, please?"

Her face softened and she smirked. "Sure, Pacey. Come on in." 

He stepped inside and into the living room, where he found Joey sprawled on the couch. "You look like shit," he told her. 

"Yeah? I feel like it. So, thank you, Pacey. It's nice to see you, too." 

He smiled. "Glad to see you didn't die from alcohol poisoning, or shame. I brought you some much-needed grease and sugar."

Sitting up, she moved over and made room. He watched her tuck her hair behind her ears before he plopped down on the couch next to her and handed her a wrapped sandwich. "Thanks," she said, giving him a half-smile. They ate in comfortable silence for some minutes. After wiping his mouth with a napkin, he glanced over at her. He wondered if she remembered the moment at the party where she drunkenly told him he was a terrific friend. "You know, Jo, I was kind of worried about you yesterday."

She reached into the bag and pulled out a glazed doughnut. "There was nothing to worry about, Pacey."

"Oh, really? Josephine Potter getting drunk off her ass and wandering down the beach with some handsy senior who was undoubtedly going to take advantage of her. Nothing to worry about?"

She heaved a frustrated sigh and turned to give him a retort, but her gaze was suddenly drawn downwards. Her eyes widened and he followed her gaze to his bruised fingers and knuckles. "Pacey! What happened to your hand?"

He pursed his lips. "That senior I just mentioned? Well, my hand made direct contact with his jaw."

"You punched him?!"

"I had to get him away from you, Jo. You could've gotten hurt." He watched emotions flicker across her face—confusion at first, then realization and disappointment, and then something else he couldn't recognize.

She leaned back against the couch and started pulling small pieces from the doughnut and popping them into her mouth. "I don't know why you care so much," she murmured. 

Shaking his head, he rolled his eyes. A memory from last night came to mind, of Dawson telling him that Joey had kissed him in her drunken state. He didn't really know why he cared so much either. He sighed and sat back against the couch, his arm brushing against hers. "Well, I suppose someone's got to, Potter."

November. He watched Dawson leave the video store, anger sitting in his gut like lead. The phone rang, breaking his reverie.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Pacey."

"Gretchen? Why are you calling me at work?"

"Because you're not home. Mom gave me the number."

"Oh."

"What's wrong?"

"My life sucks. What else is new? So, you coming home for Thanksgiving? Please say yes."

"Yes, Pacey. I'll be there. I'm driving down on Wednesday."

"Good."

"So, did Dawson do his Friday the 13th schtick last week?"

"Yes."

"Okay, seriously, Pace. What's the matter? Is it Dad? Or Mom? Both? Doug?"

"Surprisingly, none of them have made me miserable this week. It won't last for long since the midterm grades will come out soon enough, but I'll take whatever reprieve I can get."

"So, then what's wrong? Something is obviously bothering you. I can hear it in your voice. Is it school?"

He sighed. "I kissed Joey."

"And?"

"Well, doesn't that surprise you at all, Gretchen?"

"No, not really. You've always had a thing for her—chasing her around, teasing her relentlessly. It was obvious you had a little crush on her. I don't think it was one-sided, either."

He didn't know how to respond to that.

"So, what happened?"

"Nothing. She doesn't like me. She only has eyes for Dawson."

"That's still going on? I thought she was smarter than that. Is he still dating the neighbor girl?"

"They broke up. But they went on this double date with other people... It's weird. They're hung up on each other. So, he's got _both_ Joey and Jen obsessing over him, and _he's_ obsessing over Jen but he won't cut Joey loose and just keeps stringing her along, keeping her close... He had the nerve to come here and tell me he doesn't want me to date her. If she was just his friend, why would he care? He doesn't want to date her, or so he claims, but he doesn't want me to. Unbelievable. I can't take the obliviousness anymore. How can he spend hours with Joey Potter, day in and day out, and not know? I spent one day with her working on a school project and I ended up kissing her."

Gretchen chuckled. "Have you considered that maybe Dawson may not actually want a romantic relationship with Joey, but he just doesn't want to lose his place as the most important person in her life? If she were to date someone else, he could lose that number one spot."

He remembered Joey telling him a few weeks ago about Dawson not competing because he doesn't want to lose, and her non-answer to his very pointed question. "Well, it doesn't really matter because she doesn't like me—she likes him. Who am I compared to golden boy Dawson Leery?"

"Hmm. I know I may be biased, but I don't understand why these girls are obsessing over Dawson when you're literally right there."

"Girls don't exactly flock to the sarcastic slacker, Gretchen."

"Don't sell yourself short, Pacey. You're charming and funny. You're smart. And you're a good, decent, sweet person. Anyone who spends enough time with you would see all of that. You'd be surprised at how attractive the sarcastic-slacker-with-a-heart-of-gold is to the feminine heart. And... that's probably why Dawson doesn't want you to sweep Joey off her feet."

"Well, I'm not going to chase after a girl who doesn't want me. Certainly not one who I'm pretty sure my best friend is harboring feelings for that he won't admit to. There are plenty of fish in the sea."

"That's the spirit. Get out there."

"Sure thing."

"Pacey... I know high school can be all-consuming and everything is this huge affair of the heart, but it won't always be like this. I know it may not seem like it right now, but everything changes and things do get better. There is life after high school. I promise you. Just get through it, and then you'll be free to live your life how you want and make yourself happy. That's what is most important—not keeping Dad happy, or Mom or Doug or... even your friends."

He sighed. "Thanks, Gretchen."

December. Sitting in the Leery's living room, he couldn't believe the bullshit coming out of Dawson's mouth. How could someone be so in denial? If he rolled his eyes any harder, they'd pop out of their sockets. "So, what you're saying is you don't want her, but you don't want anybody else to have her either?"

Dawson stared at him like a deer caught in the headlights.

"Or, you're perfectly fine with Joey going out with someone as long as that person isn't me, is that it?"

"Pacey, come on. You know that's not true."

"Yeah? Which part?"

Dawson opened his mouth to respond, but then quickly closed it. 

He stood up, shaking his head in disbelief. "Whatever, Dawson. Just be sure to let me know when you come up with a real answer." He walked out of the house and to the borrowed Witter wagon. 

Days later, he was standing backstage at the Miss Windjammer Contest, donned in his black tuxedo and awaiting the evening wear competition. He turned to see Jen and Joey joining the crowd gathered behind the stage. "Doesn't Joey look beautiful, Pacey?" asked Jen.

His eyes roamed over her gown and makeup. "It doesn't really look like you, but you look... nice."

"That's it? _Nice?"_ She frowned. Jen glanced between them and made up some excuse to leave. What that was he didn't know; he wasn't paying attention. Joey pursed her lips. "I'm going to walk out there and all people are going to think is, 'she looks nice.' Why did I even bother?" 

"And by 'people' you mean Dawson, right?"

She averted her eyes from his and looked down, playing with her fingers. "I just... for once I wish that he'd look at me and not see little Joey Potter rowing across the creek to hang out with her buddy. That he'd look at me and think I was beautiful."

He stepped closer to her. "Jo, you've always been beautiful. You didn't need a dress and lipstick to look beautiful because you already are. And if Dawson can't see that, he's a moron. There are plenty of guys who would take one look at Joey Potter rowing across the creek towards them and think they were the luckiest sons of bitches alive."

"Yeah? Like who?"

Before he could reply, one of the pageant handlers rushed over to put everyone in their correct spot in line. Later on, when walking off the stage with blue paint across his face à la Mel Gibson in _Braveheart,_ he came face-to-face with Joey again. She was grinning ear to ear. "That was incredible," she told him.

"You liked that, huh?"

"I did," she laughed. "If I didn't have such a high personal stake in this, and was just one of those people out there in the audience, I'd want you to win this stupid thing."

"Thanks, Jo. And since I'm clearly out of the running, I'm rooting for you. I wouldn't bet against that Potter girl, remember?"

She beamed at him, her smile radiating over him like sunshine, and he felt a confusing mixture of sadness and happiness. He nodded and turned to walk away to go wash the paint off his face.

"Pacey?"

"Yeah?" he said, turning back around.

Joey chewed on her lip for a moment. "Thank you. For everything."

He gazed at her, unspoken words hanging in the air between them. "It's about time, Potter."

A week later, he'd borrowed his dad's old beat up truck and was driving to the state prison. He'd felt like absolute shit and was avoiding going home, so naturally he found his way over to the Ice House to see Joey. After bribing a prison guard with $20 of his hard-earned video store money, she was able to see her father. Fifteen minutes later, she was walking back to the gate, wiping tears from her cheeks. Upon reaching him, neither said a word and they walked quietly together back to the truck. They drove in silence for some time before she spoke. 

"So... Mrs. Tringle informed me the other day that I've been selected for the semester abroad program. It's in Paris."

"That's great, Jo!" He glanced at her with a surprised smile. "Congratulations."

She pursed her lips and tucked her hair behind her ear. "Thanks."

"So, when are you leaving?"

"Can't wait to get rid of me, huh, Pacey?"

He laughed. "You got that right. I can't wait to see the back of ya. Josephine Potter spending six months out of the country? I'll help you pack myself."

She rolled her eyes. "Anyway, I'd leave a few days after Christmas."

"I mean, that's amazing. Really, Jo. It's a great opportunity, especially for you. You've always wanted to travel and see the world and get the hell out of Capeside."

"Yeah..."

He looked over, saw her chewing on her bottom lip, and could feel the self-doubt pouring off her. "So, what's the problem?"

She sighed. "The same problem I've had all year."

"Dawson." He inwardly groaned. "You'll only be gone a semester, Jo. He'll still be here when you get back." 

"My dad told me that Dawson loves me."

Was Joey Potter, of all people, seriously thinking of skipping out on going to France for a boy? He didn't know how to respond, at least not in a way that wouldn't piss her off and make the rest of their little road trip miserable. They still had over two hours of driving ahead of them.

She stared down at her lap, playing with her fingers. "I guess I just feel like there's so much left unresolved. And if I just left things like this and ran away, the problem might be even bigger when I got back. And who knows what a prolonged absence would do? What if my dad is right? What if Dawson does love me? Well, going away for a whole semester isn't exactly going to foster those feelings, now will it?"

"If it's true love, then a six months' absence won't extinguish them," he replied. "If he loves you in December, and it's that true-love-forever-soulmates-let's-grow-old-together-capital-L-O-V-E, then he'll still love you in June... now won't he?"

She stared out the window and didn't reply. The subject having been abruptly dropped, they drove on in silence for some time. After a while, she spoke again. "Pacey, it's freezing in here. Turn the heat on."

He shrugged. "Can't. It's broken."

"Well, where are those blankets we used before?"

"You mean when we got naked and you could barely contain yourself?"

Her face hardened into a scowl. "As if. Don't make me puke."

Laughing, he shrugged again. "I think the blankets got left at your house, actually." He grinned at her. "You could just slide over here and sit closer. It'll be warmer."

"I wouldn't want to give you any ideas," she snarked. 

"Get over yourself, Potter. You can either stay cold or get warm. The choice is yours."

She heaved a sigh and crossed her arms, saying nothing more. He kept glancing at her, watching her hug herself and shiver. Jesus Christ, she was stubborn. He leaned forward and turned on the radio, keeping the volume low; Bob Marley's "Waiting in Vain" was playing on the classic rock station. It wasn't long before he thought he could hear Joey's teeth chattering. As she quietly slid across the seat and then leaned against him, resting her head on his shoulder, he told himself she must've admitted defeat. Good sense finally won out over her pride. And that was Joey. She couldn't be forced or coerced into making the right choice. All he had to do was wait. 


	2. 1998-1999

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _This old world, well  
Don't it make you wanna think, damn  
This cold girl, well  
Don't she make you wanna scream, damn_
> 
> _What's the matter girl, well  
Don't you think I'm good enough  
This old heart's had a whole lot a breakin' down  
She's got all these reasons in her head_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few of you may notice the fic's title change from "A Life of Good Intentions." Usually I just wing it when it comes to a title in the beginning because I'm not exactly sure what kind of story it's going to be. Now that I am seeing the story unfold and I've figured out what it is that I'm doing and know what I'm aiming for, I decided a different title was more fitting to the story I want to tell. The new title of this fic is also a song title by Rob Thomas.

**1998**

December. His last few days of school before Christmas Break had their ups and downs. He got in a minor car accident while _borrowing_ his dad’s patrol cruiser, for which he could almost guarantee he would pay dearly for later, but he did have a little fun messing with that new girl, Andie McPhee. She was an annoying yet amusing mixture of hyper perkiness and do-gooder gullibility that made her an easy target. Dawson and Joey were at puke-levels of new coupledom, but with the surprising help of Andie he scored a promising date with senior cheerleader, Kristy Livingstone. Except the “date” proved to be a mortifying disaster.

December 23. He arrived home from his shift at the video store to find his father waiting up for him in the living room. His dad didn’t say a word upon his arrival, just drank from his beer and stared. The way the Sheriff looked at him tied his guts into knots of fear. He glanced about the room and saw empty beer cans on the coffee table. “Hi, Dad…”

His father gave him a scornful look. “Bessie Potter called earlier. She’s interested in buying the truck. She also wanted to thank you for driving Joey to see their dad. She said it meant a lot to Joey and she appreciates what you did for her.”

He only nodded in reply, unsure where this conversation was heading.

“My son. Taking my truck. Without my permission. To the state pen. To visit a criminal.”

“I didn’t visit anyone, Dad. I just drove.”

The Sheriff’s face hardened. “You bribed a guard… so your little girlfriend could visit a convicted felon.”

He said nothing in reply. He didn’t know where the “girlfriend” comment came from, but there was no use denying the $20 he slipped the man at the gate; Bessie had obviously told him how Joey was able to manage to see her dad in the middle of the night.

“We try to instill good values in our children, but then there’s selfish, self-centered Pacey who only cares about himself. Are you determined to make this family a laughingstock? To make a mockery out of the badge I wear? To drag my name through the mud?”

Unable to stop himself, he laughed out of spite. Sheriff John Witter preaching about good values and being selfless? What horseshit. His father pursed his lips, drawing his mouth into a thin line of barely-concealed hatred, and then came at him. Taking a step back, he flinched and braced himself for impact.

**1999**

January. New Year's Eve party at the Ice House. They had originally planned to hold the party at the Leery's since their Christmas Eve party had been cancelled, but whatever weirdness was going on with Mitch and Gail had also rendered a New Year's get-together impossible. The clock struck midnight. Surrounded by half of their sophomore class, he watched Dawson and Joey embrace and kiss. He turned away, the twinge of jealousy he felt inside his chest filling him with frustration, and escaped into the kitchen, where he found Bessie and her boyfriend. 

“Hey, Pacey,” Bodie greeted. “You looking for food?”

“No, I'm not hungry. Thanks, anyway.” He shoved his hands in his pockets. “You two need any help back here?”

Bessie eyed him. “Aren’t you enjoying the party?”

He pursed his lips and shrugged. “It's a little too wild out there for me. But seriously, you guys need a hand?”

“I’ll take any help I can get,” Bodie replied with a smile. He then nodded at a small package covered in shiny blue wrapping paper dotted with snowflakes that sat on the work bench against the wall near the back door. “I saw you bring that in earlier. What is it?”

“Joey’s Christmas present. I know it's late, but I haven't seen her since school let out for break.” He hadn't seen Dawson either, and a week spent at home with nowhere to go and nothing to do was the absolute worst. It was some consolation that Dawson had remembered his existence and invited him over for Christmas Eve despite the party's cancellation, but after the late-night fight with his father over taking the truck to drive Joey to the state penitentiary to visit a convicted felon, something Sheriff John Witter could not abide by, any public appearances were out of the question. After getting smacked hard enough to fall to the floor, he'd automatically stuck out his hand to break his fall and subsequently had spent the past week nursing a sprained wrist and a busted lip.

He watched Bodie throw a pointed look Bessie's way, who thrust her tongue in her cheek and shook her head in response. “Ahh,” he said. “Yeah, she’s been rather preoccupied lately. Well, I’m sure she’ll appreciate the gift.”

Frowning, he had his doubts. Moments later, Bodie put him to work and the two moved about the kitchen together, slicing and dicing. They soon were dishing up more hors d'oeuvres for the party guests. “Feel like returning to the party?” Bessie asked him as she filled up some platters to serve. 

“I think I’d rather stay in here, if that’s all right?” The thought of watching Dawson and Joey canoodle happily in some dark corner didn't exactly put him in a festive mood. His life was a shitshow and they were as oblivious to it as ever. After helping Bodie clean up the kitchen, he went to the back door and lifted his coat from one of the hooks on the wall. He shrugged it on and reached for the doorknob when a voice interrupted him.

“You're leaving?”

He turned to see Joey had walked into the kitchen. She was staring at him with knitted brows and pursed lips. “Pacey, I haven't seen you in over a week and you haven't said a single word to me all night.”

Shoving his hands in his pockets, he nodded. “What did you want me to say, Jo?”

“Well, ‘hello’ would've been a good start,” she snarked. 

“Hello,” he deadpanned. “And goodbye.” Turning around, he again reached for the doorknob.

“Are you mad at me or something?” 

He closed his eyes and sighed. “If I was mad about something, I’d thoroughly enjoy reaming you out about it, but I honestly have nothing to say. So, no. I’m not mad.”

She walked around the table and stepped closer to him. “Yes, you are. When you’re really upset about something, you get quiet and just avoid people and don’t talk to anyone. So, you’re obviously not happy about something. What that could be, I have no idea, but if...”

“Why didn’t you go to Paris?” he blurted out. He hadn't planned on or wanted to confront her about this, but it had been eating away at him ever since Dawson told him that Joey would be staying in Capeside next semester. His friend had been grinning ear to ear as if it was the best news in the world and he'd felt the inexplicable urge to smack the grin off his face. He watched her own face turn red. “Give me one good reason, other than you wanted to spend next semester making out with Dawson instead of going after something you've wanted for as long as you can remember.”

She swallowed, hesitating to answer, her vulnerability briefly exposed before she walled it up again. Her posture became defensive. “I had plenty of valid reasons for not going.”

“Bullshit. You stayed here because it was easier. Because as much as you bitch about Capeside and wanting to get the hell out of here, spending six months in France away from everything you're familiar with would actually challenge you for once. And we both know you're way too scared to deal with any kind of real change. You stayed here because Dawson is comfortable and easy and life with him is safe and predictable, and God forbid you actually take a chance on something.” He realized he'd almost said ‘someone,’ but quickly pushed that thought away.

Her eyes widened and her mouth fell open; her face got even redder. “Whether I go to Paris or not doesn't concern you, Pacey. I don't owe you any explanations. How could you possibly understand how I feel? To spend the last several years of your life feeling like no one loves you at all, and then suddenly someone does and it's worth any sacrifice. How could you ever possibly understand what it is to love someone more than anything, to love someone more than yourself? Well, you wouldn't know how that feels because you're just a self-centered, self-absorbed, selfish asshole.”

It was if she’d sucker punched him to the gut. Is that really what she thought of him? “You’re right, Potter. How could I possibly know how it feels to _think_ no one loves you? Except the difference is that I actually _know it_. Something you just imagined about yourself is a daily reality for me.” As he turned away and placed a hand on the doorknob, he gestured to the wrapped gift on the work bench. “I brought that over for you. I went shopping with Gretchen in Boston a couple weeks ago and saw that and thought of you. I had planned on giving it to you at the Leery’s Christmas Eve party, but... Anyway, it’s an Eiffel Tower snow globe. Merry Christmas.” Then he opened the door and walked out into the cold night air. 

January 8. The end of the first week back to school following break, the day of his written driver’s test at the DMV, and his 16th birthday. It should’ve been a momentous event, but if the day was any indicator of how the rest of the year was going to treat him, then he was better off finding the nearest cave and hibernating until the 21st century. He threw himself a party and at first no one he knew showed up except Andie, bound and determined to irritate the hell out of him, but then Dawson showed up, impervious to his pain as ever. Later on, his friend was genuinely apologetic and insisted on doing their previously-planned road trip to Maine, but Mitch and Gail quickly squashed that idea.

The following night, he made his way over to the Ice House to avoid eating dinner with his parents. He sat at the counter and chatted with Andie’s brother while he ate a burger and fries. Jack soon disappeared into the kitchen, and a few minutes later, Joey emerged carrying a plate with a large slice of black forest cake, one of the Ice House’s specialties. Atop the cake was a lit number-16 candle, and she set it on the counter and smiled at him. He smiled back at her. Time seemed to stand still.

“Happy birthday, Pacey. I’m really sorry I forgot.”

He gazed at her—his words caught somewhere in the back of his throat.

She blushed and started rambling nervously. “I mean, you didn’t forget my 16th birthday. You’ve never forgotten my birthday, actually. You may have missed a party here and there for weird reasons, but you’ve always remembered it. And so, I just feel terrible. Turning 16 is a big deal, and we blew it. You should’ve gotten a full-blown decorated cake with all the candles and a real party and gifts, but this is all I…”

“This is perfect,” he interrupted, having finally found his voice. “Thank you, Joey.”

She averted her eyes from his in that cute embarrassed way of hers and tucked her hair behind her ears. He stared at her until her gaze met his again. “Well, make a wish and blow out your candle.”

He nodded and then looked down at the slice of cake. What should he wish for? What did he want most in the world? He wasn’t sure. Just to be happy, he supposed. It seemed like a long shot. It’s not like it really mattered, though. Wishes didn’t come true, at least not for him. But maybe tonight was special, somehow, and The Powers That Be were actually smiling down on him for once. Closing his eyes, he made a quick silent request. Opening them, he blew out the candle.

He looked up to see Joey smiling at him, and then removed the candle. “Look, I’m sorry that I was so hard on you about Paris. You were right. Whether you go or not, or what your reasons are, is none of my business. I guess I just thought you were throwing away an opportunity of a lifetime, and I know if that were me, I’d jump at the chance to get the hell out of here.”

“Thanks. And I’m sorry for blowing up at you about it, Pacey. The things I said to you... I shouldn’t have reacted like that. I don’t know why I did...”

He thought he knew the reason—he’d hit the nail on the head. “It’s okay. Let’s just forget about it.” He glanced down at the plate in front of him. “Get yourself a fork, Jo. Birthday cake is supposed to be shared.”

She smiled, her eyes sparkling with excitement, and she reached below the counter for a fork. He remembered his comment to Jen about having “a case of the Molly Ringwalds” and smiled to himself. Then they sat in comfortable silence, savoring the chocolatey dessert.

About a week later, while walking back from an empty real estate property and his last run-in with Tamara Jacobs, he turned a corner and walked right into Joey Potter.

“Pacey!”

“Sorry! Oh, hi.” She looked exactly how he felt, and he wondered if she was having just as confusing and upsetting a day as he’d been having.

She took a step back and straightened out her shirt. “So, what are you up to? You’re apparently so busy you can’t seem to pay attention where you’re walking,” she teased.

He gave her a look of annoyance and scowled. “You walked into me just as much as I walked into you, okay? So, why don’t you pay attention to where _you’re_ going?”

“Geez, Pacey. What bug crawled up your butt?”

“Probably the same one that’s been up your ass for 16 years.”

For a moment he thought she was going to yell at him, but instead she laughed. “Seriously, what’s the matter? What’s your problem?”

He opened his mouth to answer, but instantly thought better of it. He could almost guarantee she wouldn’t entertain any conversations about Ms. Jacobs. “Nothing. Just a regular bad day in a long line of bad days that make up my pathetic existence. What problem are you dealing with? Dawson?”

“Why does my problem have to be Dawson?”

“Because, Jo, your problem is always Dawson. When is it not Dawson?”

She closed her eyes, her face falling, and she shrugged in defeat. “I… well, maybe my problem is Dawson, or me. Both of us? I don’t know. It would take too long to explain it.”

He shoved his hands in his pockets and pursed his lips, nodding. “I’m not busy.”

“Okay…” She chewed on her lip as she turned on her heel, and they began walking together in the direction of the Ice House. “So, after our Econ project, I kind of got into art.”

“Like painting and drawing, or…?”

She nodded. “Yeah. And I like it. I didn’t think I’d be any good and I was kind of nervous to try it, but I really am enjoying it and it’s become important to me.”

It made sense. “That’s understandable because of your mom, since she was an artist.”

“What?” She stopped walking and stared at him. “You actually remember that? I mean, Dawson didn’t even…”

“Well, your mom did that stuff all the time—drawing and painting. She did a picture of Dumbo one year for my birthday. I’ve still got it.”

They began walking again and she was silent for a few minutes. “Anyway, Dawson called my ‘art thing’ a hobby and he was basically jealous that I was spending time doing something for myself, that I wanted to maybe keep it as something just for myself. Then he acted all dismissive and superior about it.”

Typical. _Dawson hates to lose._ “You mean, art was encroaching on the claim he’s made to be your number one priority at all times? And you being wrapped up in anything that wasn’t involving him or his interests made him uncomfortable? Because he cares more about how you can make _him_ happy instead of what makes _you_ happy?”

She frowned, saying nothing in reply. They walked on in silence. He wondered if he was having yet another Pinter moment. She then turned to him. “Well, _I_ talked. So, spill. What’s eating _you?”_

“You don’t want to know.”

“Come on, Pacey.”

“No, I’m serious. You _really_ don’t want to know.”

She sighed and gave him a look of disbelief. “It can’t be that bad. I can take it.”

He scoffed, shaking his head. “If there’s one thing you can’t take, it’s this. Trust me. Because anything having to do with sex immediately sets you on edge, _particularly_ where I’m concerned. Why do you think that is?”

“That’s not true,” she denied. Yet her body language instantly betrayed her. “But you’re right, I really don’t want to hear the gory details of your sex life.”

“See, Jo? That’s what I mean. Why does sex have to be ‘gory’? It can actually be nice, you know. Passionate and meaningful. Except, well, you wouldn’t know, would ya?”

She scowled, shaking her head. “And you really wouldn’t either. All you know about sex is from a woman twice your age who should be in jail for what she did to you. That’s not _nice,_ Pacey. She used you and took advantage of your immaturity and inexperience.”

He stared at her in shock. “Used me? If anything, I used her. I was the horny teenage virgin who was constantly flirting with her and I instigated the whole thing.”

“That doesn’t matter, Pacey. You were a 15-year-old boy with a crush. She was a grown woman who should’ve known better. She should’ve nipped your silly flirtation in the bud and not let it go as far as it did.”

He shook his head, rolling his eyes. “Is there anything you _don’t_ have an opinion on? Life must be really exhausting for you, Potter.”

She stopped walking and grasped hold of his arm, and he halted, turning towards her. “Pacey, what if that had been me? What if innocent, 15-year-old sophomore, Joey Potter, had started screwing a teacher in his 30’s? How would you feel about that? What would you think of that teacher?”

He suddenly remembered the party back in October, and that creep who had walked Joey down the beach to get her away from everyone so he could do whatever he wanted with her. He pictured some teacher putting his hands on her. He'd want to cut his balls off.

“What happened to you isn’t any different, Pacey. You were 15, and so of course it’s to be expected that you’d have poor judgment, like most teenagers. There is a reason minors aren’t able to give consent. You were the child. She was the adult. She was the authority figure. What she did was a crime. She knew it was a crime, and she did it anyway. She had no concern for your well-being. She used you for her own gratification. Any adult who looks at a 15-year-old boy and chooses him for a sex partner has serious problems.”

A part of him knew what Joey was saying was right, but another part of him couldn’t wrap his head around this depiction of Tamara. She had cared about him—she told him so. She even said she had missed him. What they had was more than just the sex, at least he thought so. It had felt real, like she truly cared. Hadn’t she? He felt his mood sinking even more.

Joey sighed. “Honestly, Pace, I don’t mean to be so hard on you about it. I guess… I just feel really bad for you. I know Ms. Jacobs meant a lot to you, but your first time should’ve been special. It should’ve been with someone your own age, someone you truly loved and who loved you back the same way.”

“Yeah? And where am I going to find one of those?” he snarked, sounding more bitter than he’d intended.

“I think that Andie girl likes you,” she grinned. “For some odd reason I can’t figure out.”

He snorted. “Yeah, so I’ve heard.”

Joey smiled. “I’ve seen her following you around school like a lost puppy. She’s cute—in that real high-strung, perky way that would probably drive cynical northeastern depressives like us absolutely nuts.”

“There’s a certain charm to her perkiness, I’ll admit.” He thought of her prank with Kristy Livingstone, the way she kept calling him “Officer Pacey” in an increasingly flirtatious way, and smiled to himself. “So, what are you gonna do about Dawson?” he asked, changing the subject.

Her smile turned into a frown and she gave him a worried look. “I don’t know.” She chewed on her lip for a moment. “What are you gonna do about Andie?”

“I don’t know.”

They walked on in silence and he decided it was definitely another Pinter moment.

January 30. It was late on Saturday night when he left Andie’s house. He didn’t really feel like going home, so he made his way over to the Leery’s. As he approached the house, he saw Joey coming down off the ladder. “Hey,” he called out, walking towards her. He noticed her despondent expression and wondered what was wrong.

“Hey. I’m not sure you wanna go in there tonight, Pacey.”

“Why? Did you break up with Dawson?”

Her eyes widened. “What?! No! Of course not. Why would you even say something like that?”

Noticing her defensiveness, he wondered if he had struck a nerve. “I don’t know,” he replied, even though the idea of her and Dawson breaking up wouldn’t have surprised him in the slightest. “I guess because of the whole art thing. And you also seem agitated. I mean, let’s be honest, Jo. You’re usually agitated about something, but you just seem… off.”

“It’s been a weird night,” she sighed, and started fidgeting with her fingers, avoiding eye contact. “The full moon and all. Mitch and Gail are imploding, and Dawson’s taking it really hard.” Masking her emotions, she finally looked up at him and gave him a fake smile. “So, how was your first date with Andie? You went to the movies, right?”

He laughed sarcastically. “Uh, no. We didn’t actually make it to the movie theater. I had a weird night, too.”

She nodded, pursing her lips. “Do you think there will be a second date?”

Grinning, he felt his face redden. “Yeah, I think so.”

“I’m happy for you, Pacey.”

“Thanks.” He glanced up at the house. “Well, I suppose if the Leery’s are having a rough night, they probably don’t want me hanging around. So, goodnight, Joey. See you at school.” She nodded and he turned to walk home.

“Um… Pacey?”

He turned back around and gave her an expectant look.

She stepped towards him, somewhat apprehensively. “Um… I came here from the Ice House and I don’t have my row boat. Do you… Do you think you could walk me home? It’s late and the full moon has me kind of spooked.”

He smiled. “Sure, Potter. Let’s go.”

She returned his smile and together they walked away from Dawson’s house. When they reached Joey’s porch, she thanked him.

“No problem.”

“So, you’re gonna go home now?”

He shrugged. “I might walk around a while and hopefully kill some time. Maybe by the time I get home my dad would’ve already gone upstairs to bed and passed out.”

She gave him a sympathetic look. “Look, Pacey… if you want to crash on my bedroom floor tonight, it’s okay. Really.”

His mouth went dry and he swallowed. His heart started pounding beneath his ribs. Then Andie’s face danced in front of his eyes. “If you had made the offer a few weeks ago, I might’ve taken you up on it, but I don’t think it’s a good idea, Jo.”

“Um… okay.” He thought he almost saw a glimpse of disappointment in her confused expression, or maybe that was just wishful thinking. “You could take the living room couch? Bessie won’t mind.”

“That’s all right, but thanks, anyway.” If he was going to give whatever this thing with Andie McPhee was a real shot, then the less time he spent alone with Joey, the better. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Pacey.”

February. The inevitable breakup occurred. Dawson and Joey were finished, at least for the time being. Their blowup at the school dance—and Jack McPhee’s involvement—was being gossiped about in the halls, and he was trying his best to stay out of it. Then they all ended up at Chris Wolfe’s house, although thankfully Jack was not in attendance to make the night even more uncomfortable than it ended up being.

It was obvious Dawson was taking the breakup really hard. “I don’t know. I seem to have trouble saying a lot of things lately, you know?”

He honestly had no idea what was going on with Joey since they hadn’t talked since the dance. But he knew her well enough—and Dawson well enough—to know that she needed a lot more freedom to be her own person than that co-dependent relationship could give her. Dawson’s world revolved around Dawson and his aspirations, and he wouldn’t be satisfied unless Joey’s world revolved around the same. In the movie that was Dawson’s mind, Joey could be whatever he wanted her to be, but real-life Joey was her own person. If he wanted to hold onto her, he’d have to change, and if there was one thing both Dawson and Joey were terrible at, it was change.

He stepped closer to his friend while gazing at Joey, sitting at the table studying. “You know what?” he asked.

“What?”

He grasped Dawson by the shoulder. “Try harder.”

Later on, while in the kitchen getting a soda, Joey walked into the room. “Hey, Pace.”

He turned and gave her a weak smile. “Hey. You want a drink?” he asked, gesturing to the refrigerator.

“Sure.”

He grabbed another Coca-Cola and handed it to her. “Caffeine and sugar will get us through this study session, if nothing else will.”

She snorted, rolling her eyes, and popped open the can of soda.

“Hey, I… I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry things aren’t really working out with you and Dawson.” It was partly true, he told himself. Or maybe it was half a lie.

“Thanks.” She took a swig of soda and then licked her lips. “So, where’s Andie? I haven’t seen her.”

“I don’t know,” he shrugged. “She’s not talking to me right now, but she’s gotta be somewhere in this massive house. She’ll get over it. At least I hope so. This Sunday is Valentine’s Day and I want it to be special.”

“Not talking to you?” She knitted her brows and gave him a look. “Uh oh. What’d you do?”

“Ms. Jacobs.”

Joey gave him a _yikes_ look. “Sorry, Pace.” She heaved a sigh. “We never should’ve taken that stupid quiz.”

He pursed his lips, thinking. “Well, I don’t know. It’s probably good that some stuff gets laid out in the open… not that in front of an entire group at Chris Wolfe’s house is the best place for it.”

“I think telling the truth was brave of you, if that’s any consolation,” she said. “It couldn’t have been easy, considering… I think most guys wouldn’t have been so honest.”

“Maybe I’m not most guys, Jo.”

She arched her brow and gave him a sarcastic look. “Pacey Witter: truth-teller.” She laughed to herself.

He smirked. “What?”

“Do you find it strange that we, of all people, tend to wind up commiserating with one another? I mean, it’s not like we’re actually friends.”

“We’re not?” he replied, furrowing his brows.

She shrugged. “You know what I mean. We don’t, like, hang out on purpose. We don’t sit together at lunch. We don’t hang out at each other’s houses for movie nights. You and I aren’t friends like me and Dawson are friends—or _were friends_—or like you and Dawson are friends.”

Watching her purse her lips and tuck her hair behind her ears, that familiar longing feeling began to well up inside his chest. He quickly shoved it down. “No. We aren’t.”

“I mean, we’ve known each other just as long. I know you hated my guts when we were kids, but…”

“What?” He laughed in disbelief and started walking towards the doorway. “Joey, if you and I aren’t friends, _I’m_ not the reason.” He turned to look at her. Their eyes met and held for a long moment, unspoken words hanging in the air between them. She parted her lips to speak, but he didn’t want to hear it. He just wanted to get away from her. “Anyway, I’m gonna go find Andie and see if she’s ready to talk to me. See ya.”

Two days later, while eating lunch with Andie, Jack sat down at their table, announcing he’d scored a date with Joey. He didn’t know what to think. Being caught between his best friend and Andie’s brother, not to mention his own confusing dynamic with Joey, was not going to be pleasant. He was determined to stay out of it and keep his distance from yet another love triangle, and just focus on the only good thing in his life: Andie.

He had never wished death upon anyone like he did Abby Morgan. Hearing the thunder overhead and the pouring rain outside, he hoped she’d get hit by lightning. As he walked out of school, cursing her name and praying she rots in hell, Joey’s voice interrupted his reverie.

“Hey, Pace?”

Closing his eyes, he hung his head. He didn’t really want to deal with her opinions about his character and her lectures on morality. Begrudgingly, he turned around. “Yes, Jo?”

“Can you give me a ride home?”

He blinked. “Uh… sure.” He stood on the verandah, staring at the parking lot. There was no way to avoid getting soaked. “We’re gonna have to make a run for it. Ready?”

“I don't know... I think we should walk. It’s safer.”

“Why walk when we can run?”

She nodded and hoisted her backpack over both shoulders. “But I don’t know if I can run, Pacey. I don’t want to slip and fall and break something. Wouldn’t that just be the perfect ending to this day in hell?”

He held out his hand, fixing her with a steady gaze. “I won’t let you fall, Potter. Trust me.”

Smiling apprehensively, she slipped her palm inside his. He closed his hand around hers, holding her tight. “Come on.” They ran together through the rain and to the parking lot, quickly jumping into the Witter station wagon. They gazed at each other, both soaked to the skin, and laughed. But it wasn’t long before his face fell, his heart sinking within him as thoughts of Andie swirled inside his head.

“Do… you want to talk about it?” Joey ventured kindly.

“I got an A on the History quiz.”

She gave him a confused look. “That’s great, Pacey. But I don’t understand what that has to do with…”

He sighed. “I’ve never gotten an A before. I mean, Andie has completely… My life is slowly starting to change, for the better, and suddenly things don’t seem so hopeless anymore. She makes me feel like maybe I’m not a lost cause after all, which is a completely new feeling for me.”

“You were never a lost cause, Pacey. That’s your dad talking and you shouldn’t listen to his crap because it’s not true.”

He started the car and began pulling out of the parking space. “Yeah, well… maybe if he was the only Witter who ever said such things, but we both know that’s not the case. Other than Gretchen, I’m the bane of their existence.”

Joey started playing with her fingers and stared down at her lap. “So, you and Andie had sex, and now you regret it?”

“Regret is a strong word,” he replied, turning onto the road. “We don’t need to talk about this, Joey. We both know sex isn’t a topic you enjoy discussing.”

“Because I’m a prude, right?” She scowled. “You know, Pacey, just because I don’t particularly like talking about it doesn’t mean I don’t think about it or want it. Not right now, of course, but you know… I will, eventually.” She blushed. “Look, you can talk to me about whatever’s bothering you with Andie, if you need someone to talk to. Or don’t talk. No sweat off my back.”

He rolled his eyes. “Okay, fine. It was really special, but we haven’t been dating that long. What if we went too fast and now it all falls apart because there wasn’t a strong foundation? A real relationship before rushing into it? What if I should’ve made the mature decision instead of being ruled by my hormones for once? And the thing is, it wasn’t just hormones. It really wasn’t. It wasn’t just sex and wanting to get off. It was more than that, so much more that I don’t even know how to put it into words, and that scares me. I feel like I can’t lose Andie—not now and not ever. But my life up until this point has been nothing but shit, and so how can I not expect the worst? Maybe we’re moving too fast and should hit the brakes, you know?”

“Pacey Witter, giving serious thought and consideration to his actions? Color me shocked.” She smirked, her eyes sparkling humorously. “If you want my opinion—and I know you rarely do—it sounds like you’re in love with her.”

He let out a shaky breath. “Yeah, that’s what I’m afraid of. The other shoe is bound to drop.” They drove on in silence until they arrived at her house.

She reached for the door handle and then turned towards him. “Thanks for the ride.”

Nodding, he gave her a weak smile. “No problem, Jo.”

“Pacey,” she said as she opened the car door. “Don’t be so afraid of losing someone you love, that you refuse to love anyone. Fear makes us run away from the people we want most or cling to the people we know aren’t right for us, but it won’t bring any happiness to our lives. Loving is scary, but _not_ loving is even more terrifying.”

“You’re one to talk, Potter.”

She sighed and stepped out of the car. “I’m a work in progress, Pacey. We all are.”

After she closed the car door, he watched her run through the rain and disappear inside her house. Her words danced around his head the rest of his drive home.

March. Andie started going to therapy. Dawson was busy making his movie about his never-ending obsession with Joey. The clusterfuck that was the fishing trip then rolled around. The next day at school following the father-son weekend from hell, he met with a tutor in the library at Mr. Milo’s suggestion. He had thought Andie was a good enough homework partner, but Milo had implored him to give it a try during his study halls. Sitting in a cubicle with the tutor, a senior on the math team, he worked on his geometry problems.

It wasn’t long before he heard backpacks and books being dropped on a table on the other side of the cubicle, and then he heard voices. His left hand froze, his pencil coming to an abrupt stop. The voices belonged to Andie, Jen, and Joey. He turned to the tutor. “Hey, I think we can stop for the day,” he whispered.

The tutor only stared at him. “Mr. Milo said I might have trouble reining you in.”

“What?”

“Yeah. He said you were likely to clown around and not take this seriously and try to get out of it, at least at first until you finally realize that the right thing is just to do what you’re supposed to do. So, why don’t you save the time and energy and just do the work? You have 12 more problems to do. You can leave when they’re finished.”

He gave her an exasperated look, sighed, and went back to work. That is, until an unwelcome voice rent the air.

“Hi, ladies. More female bonding?”

“Ugh, go away, Abby,” said Joey.

She tutted. “Now, now. Didn’t we all have a nice time at the Leery’s this weekend? There’s nothing like an afternoon of _Good Will Humping_ to bring people closer together, eh?”

His brows furrowed over the page and he tried to focus on the word problem in front of him.

“And why should it end there? I say we should all get to know one another better.”

“No one wants to get to know _you_ better, Abby,” Joey snarked.

Jen laughed. “Now, come on,” Andie spoke up. “Let’s try to at least be civil for all our sakes.”

He heard another backpack drop on the table. “Thank you, Andie. I think I’m up for more girl talk, and let’s start with you. There’s something I’ve been dying to ask. What’s sex with Pacey like?”

“I don’t want to talk about this, or hear about it.”

“I wasn’t talking to you, Joey,” Abby snapped. “No one cares about your weird hang-ups.”

His pencil had frozen still again and he could feel the tutor’s eyes on him. He didn’t want to be hearing this. “Let’s move to another spot in the library,” he whispered.

“I quite like it here,” said his tutor pointedly, a mean glint in her eye.

Andie huffed. “I don’t see how that’s any of your business, Abby.”

“You’re the one here who’s getting some on a regular basis, Andie, so those of us who are lacking can live vicariously through your experiences with Pacey.” She paused. “Right, Joey?”

“Got to hell, Abby.”

Jen scoffed. “Maybe we shouldn’t talk about this, huh?”

“I wholeheartedly agree.”

Abby laughed. “Well, of course you don’t want to talk about it, Andie. Based on his reputation, I don’t blame you at all.”

“What do you mean, ‘_his reputation?’_ Abby, I’ll have you know Pacey is the perfect gentleman.”

Clenching his jaw muscles, he heard her scoff in reply. “Yeah, right. ‘Perfect gentleman,’ my ass. Would a perfect gentleman bend Ms. Jacobs over her desk every day?”

“It never happened in school,” Andie retorted hotly.

“How do you know?” Abby replied. “You weren’t even here.”

“Pacey told me.”

Abby laughed. “Please. As if he’d tell you the truth about his scandalous affair. I thought you were smart, Andie.”

Jen spoke up. “Abby, stop it. Leave her alone.”

“Pacey may be a lot of things, Abby, but he’s not a liar.”

“Okay, _fine._ Pacey Witter is a beacon of honesty. So, Andie, how good of a teacher was Ms. Jacobs? How would you say he holds up in the bedroom? Can he cut the mustard?”

He felt his face redden and he wanted to run from the room. He could feel the tutor gazing at him. Staring down at the page he tried to will his ears closed, but no such luck.

Joey heaved a sigh of frustration. “I don’t want to hear about this anymore. Let’s change the subject.” He thought she sounded rattled. _Shocker._

“Jesus,” Abby cursed. “Why are you getting so bent out of shape? It’s just sex. Relax.”

“I really don’t want to hear the gory details about Pacey because I’ll vomit all over the floor,” Joey carped.

He heard a pen slam down on the table. “There’s nothing gory about it. And I’ll have you know, Abby, that Pacey is loving and kind and gentle, and I’m sick of hearing you bad-mouth him. And as far as the answer to the totally inappropriate and rude question you’re asking, I have no cause for complaints. That’s all I’m going to say.”

“So, what you’re saying is that he makes you come. I’m glad to hear it. A guy should know how to please his girlfriend.”

“That’s it,” Joey fumed. “I’m leaving.” He heard her gather up books and a backpack, and she walked away from their table.

“Joey,” Jen called out after her.

Abby laughed derisively. “If anyone in Capeside is in serious need of a healthy boinkfest, it’s Joey Potter. That girl has issues.”

More books were picked up off the desk. “You’re such a bitch, Abby,” Jen scolded, before walking away from the table.

He looked at the tutor beside him, and her mouth curved maliciously. “You still have 12 problems to finish. I suggest you hurry.”

At lunch, after complaining about the sadistic tutor Mr. Milo had set him up with, Andie filled him in on what happened in the library. “Abby loves to create drama,” she told him. “She said so herself yesterday at the Leery’s.”

“Abby is a sociopath,” he replied. Then he smirked at her. “Well, I’m glad you gave me a positive performance review.”

She rolled her eyes, fighting a grin. “You’re such a pig.”

He nodded, standing up from the table and swinging his backpack over one shoulder. “You’re right. I am. We should probably break up.”

She stood up and wrapped her arms around his waist. “Totally. I never want to see you again.”

He pulled her close and pressed his forehead to hers. “I agree. Well, at least until tonight. I have a ton of homework. And… I’m sleeping over.”

“Oh, you are, are you?” she teased.

“Maintaining a quality performance is important to me.”

She giggled and then tilted her head up to kiss him. He watched her walk away, smiling after her. He turned to grab his lunch tray from the table and suddenly caught Joey’s eye. She’d obviously been staring. Her face turned red and she quickly looked away, turning her back to him completely, and started speaking to Jack. A flurry of butterflies filled his stomach. Confused, he picked up the tray and walked away from the table.

Days passed, and then came the showdown with Peterson, his suspension from school, and subsequent fight with Andie. Not seeing her or talking to her was agonizing. On Friday night, he was at the Ice House, seated at the counter, and sipping from his Coke. It wasn’t long before Joey appeared carrying a platter with nachos, setting it in front of him. “Thanks.”

“So, no Andie tonight?”

“She’s not talking to me,” he said before popping a tortilla chip in his mouth. “Or… I’m not talking to her. We’re both not talking.”

She leaned forward, placing her elbows on the counter, and gave him a sympathetic look. “I’m sorry, Pace.”

He shrugged. “Um, not that it’s any of my business, but how are things with you and Jack?”

Her face reddened, and she averted her eyes from his gaze as she tucked her hair behind her ears.

“It’s okay, Jo. I didn’t mean to be nosy. I just haven’t been at school all week, and with me and Andie not talking, I’m not really up to speed.”

“Don’t worry about it, Pacey.” Her eyes met his again. “You know, I never thanked you for what you did for Jack. Standing up to Peterson took guts, and I’m glad that Jack had someone on his side in that classroom. Don’t worry about Andie. You two will be all right.”

He finished chewing before he spoke. “I hope so.”

She smiled. “I know so. Haven’t you noticed that you and Andie are, like, the happiest people in the entire sophomore class?”

“We are?”

“Seriously. It’s borderline disgusting how happy you guys are.”

He chuckled darkly. “Not this week.”

Joey arched her brow, giving him a look. “Pacey, I can pretty much guarantee you two will make up soon enough. I’ve seen how good you are to her, and I’ve seen the way Andie looks at you.”

His brows furrowed, giving her a curious expression. “How does she look at me?”

Her brown eyes sparkled with humor. “Like you’re the best thing since sliced bread. How anyone who has sex with Pacey Witter on a regular basis can be so happy all the time…”

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” he blurted out while reaching for another tortilla chip.

His eyes quickly met hers. He hadn’t meant to say that out loud. She blushed furiously at his insinuation, her lips parting, and stared at him like a deer caught in the headlights. When she finally found her voice, it was irrationally angry, as expected. She fixed her harshest scowl at him. “You wanna know why we’re not really friends, Pacey? _That’s why._ You’re as deluded as ever.”

He gazed after her as she stormed away from the counter, heading for the kitchen. “Yeah, that’s me,” he said under his breath. “Captain Delusional.” 

Dawson’s 16th birthday. He was standing in the poster-covered bedroom of his best friend, watching him pace around the room in full-blown meltdown mode. Sometimes he felt like Dawson’s whole existence was made up of whiny, overboard, self-absorbed drama.

“Come on, Dawson. You need to stop looking to the movies for answers to all of life’s questions. Okay? What you need to do is figure out what it is that you want, and make it happen. Okay? Be definitive.”

“You’re right,” his friend replied. “I need answers—definitive answers.” He paused. “Joey is the answer.”

He stared, unsure of what to say to that.

“I had her, I lost her, and now I’m gonna get her back. How’s that for definitive?” Dawson then rushed out of the bedroom.

Unbelievable. Scratch that. It was totally believable. Why couldn’t Dawson just move on with his life? He sighed and walked out of the room, heading for the stairs. How does one tell their best friend that if he were to get back together with his erstwhile girlfriend, it would only end up the same? How could he possibly tell Dawson that neither of their personalities had changed so much in their brief time apart to render a reunion successful? Joey was just as angry, sarcastic, and oversensitive as ever. Dawson was just as self-absorbed and suffocating as ever.

As he stood on the Leery’s porch, he badly wanted to just tell Dawson that while he and Joey made great friends, perhaps they just weren’t right for each other romantically. That in the short time they called themselves a couple, they weren’t all that happy for most of it. That neither of them seemed capable of helping the other grow up. Instead, he just wished Dawson a happy birthday and walked back to the car.


	3. 1999 (Part One)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Oh well, oh well  
I guess you got it all worked out so far  
You adjust your reason  
Until you see the light from where you are  
But you can never win, you can never lose  
That's the worst part  
You can only say that what you want  
Is where you are_
> 
> _You beautiful girl  
Won't you listen to me  
Well, I tried so hard to give you what you need  
And it burned like gasoline_
> 
> _Oh well, oh well  
It never took a lot to make this hard  
'Cause you were so off balance  
And I knew all the words to set you off  
But you can never win, you can never lose  
That's the scorned heart  
Then you throw your head back  
And you laugh at where we are_
> 
> _You're a beautiful girl  
So, won't you listen to me  
Well, I tried so hard to give you what you need  
And it burned like gasoline_

March. The unmitigated disaster that was Dawson’s 16th birthday came to an excruciating end. While Andie and the birthday boy were in the upstairs bathroom puking their guts out, he was in the kitchen helping Joey clean up. They moved about the room quietly, not speaking. When they had gotten it pretty much all cleaned, he turned from the sink and saw Joey staring down at Dawson’s ruined birthday cake.

“I’m sorry the party turned out like this,” he told her.

“It’s not your fault.”

He shook his head. “No, it wasn’t my fault. It was Dawson’s, and Andie’s. When she decides to have a night of irresponsibility, apparently she goes full throttle.”

Joey turned to look at him. “Are you still mad at her?”

“No, I’m not mad,” he murmured. “I’m a little worried.”

“Is she okay?” Joey questioned, stepping around the table and closer to him.

He shrugged. “Most of the time she’s fine. Other times…” Sighing, he leaned back against the counter. “Her doctor took her off her medication and suggested therapy instead. I think therapy’s a good idea. She should have someone to talk to—someone impartial—who understands what she’s going through, but ever since she came off the meds, her moods are all over the place.”

Joey frowned. “I’m not an expert and I honestly don’t know much about this stuff at all, but… maybe Andie should go back on her medication?”

“I said the same thing to her—that maybe therapy and meds together might be a good idea—and she freaked out.” He swallowed against the lump forming in the back of his throat. “Taking medication would mean she can’t get better on her own, and so she wouldn’t be living up to this expectation of perfection she’s made for herself.” Shaking his head, he crossed his arms. “I’m hoping in time she’ll realize she doesn’t need to be perfect. Of course, this led to her therapist prescribing her a night of imperfection and freedom from responsibility. Combine that with whatever the hell is going on with Dawson, and then _this_ happened.” He raised his hand and did a sweeping gesture over the room.

She heaved a sigh.

“Anyway, I went to Moby Dickens a couple weeks ago and got some books on anxiety and depression disorders. The more I know about it, the more I can help her.”

Joey then gave him a look as if she was just seeing him for the first time. “I have to say I’m really impressed with you, Pacey.”

He furrowed his brows. “Why is that impressive? That’s what you’re supposed to do when you love someone: be supportive.”

“Yeah, but I honestly didn’t think you were capable of something like that.”

“What? Loving someone?” He crossed his arms again, his posture stiffening.

She scowled. “Don’t put words in my mouth. I meant being so… mature and responsible.”

Shaking his head, he scoffed. “Well, when people only expect you to be a joke who will only ever fail at life, I guess they’re easily impressed.”

“I’m not going to dignify that with a response.”

He stared at the ruined cake. “Or in Dawson’s case, they’re easily irritated and angry,” he grumbled.

“You know,” she said contemplatively. “The things Dawson said in there? It’s not like most of what he said wasn’t true, to an extent. It definitely wasn’t the right time or place to say them, and certainly not in the manner in which he chose to do it. It was all very rude, what he said, but also kind of true. The stuff about Mitch and Gail? He wasn’t exactly wrong. What he said about Jen? Sad and uncomfortable, but maybe not wrong there either. It’s also true that Jack is gay, and that I started dating him immediately after breaking up with Dawson. And then what he said about me? Well, I can’t say he didn’t have a point. I’m seemingly incapable of knowing what I truly want, or _who_ I want, and I’m sure that frustrates Dawson. It frustrates the hell out of me.”

He eyed her, saying nothing.

She stepped closer to him. “But, Pacey, what he said to you? That was inexcusable. I really hope that’s not how Dawson truly feels and that he was just venting misplaced anger at himself. Your life isn’t supposed to be worse than his. You’re obviously growing and changing, and you’re with a girl who loves you back the same way. And he… isn’t, at least not right now. Don’t let him make you feel bad about it.”

His mouth curved into a half-smile. “Thanks, Jo.”

Before she could reply, they were interrupted by the sound of Andie coming down the stairs. He sighed and walked out of the kitchen. When his girlfriend reached the landing and saw him, her face crumpled. “I’m so sorry, Pacey,” she cried.

“It’s okay, Andie. Come on. I’ll take you home.” He reached up and held out his hand, helping her down the rest of the stairs.

After helping her put on her coat, Joey met them at the front door. “I’m sorry about the party,” Andie told her as she walked out the door. “It was all my fault. Me and my id.”

_“Id?”_ Joey asked, throwing him a confused look.

He laughed under his breath. “Yeah. _Id_. It’s a Freud thing. Apparently, your id is that part deep inside you that wants to satisfy your purest impulses, needs, and desires. It doesn’t care what anyone thinks. It just wants what it wants. Accessing your id can free you from the restrictions you, or others, place on yourself, that keep you from living your life how _you_ want. Or so Andie says.”

Watching Joey’s face fall as she thought about what he said, he felt a sudden rush of sympathy. “I should go upstairs and check on Dawson,” she sighed.

“Jo?”

“Yeah?”

He hesitated briefly, wanting to say the right thing. “_Your_ id may be locked up tight, at least right now, but someday you’ll set it free. You’ll figure out what it is you truly want, or _who_ you want, and then you’ll just go after it. You won’t care what anyone says, what anyone thinks. You’ll just do whatever you need to do to be happy.”

Nodding, she gave him a weak smile. He could sense her self-doubt. “And Jo?” he continued. “When you do figure it out, don’t let Dawson make you feel bad about it.”

He held her gaze, and her eyes slowly widened as she took in the implications of what he said. “Goodnight, Joey. See you in school.” He then went out the door without waiting for a reply.

April. Easter weekend brought the Capeside Family Fun Fair to the waterfront. The chilly Saturday afternoon had started out fun, but by nightfall a cloud of doom had returned over Andie’s head, thanks to a fortune teller. The woman had nothing good to say to him either, and while what she had said to him was somewhat unsettling, he had faith that he and Andie could get through anything together. Life was way too complicated, with too many different paths to take and choices to make, for some five-dollar carnie to have all the answers to what lay ahead of them.

Sipping from his coffee, making his way back to pack up the Captain Skippy booth, he approached the tent where the local artists were displaying their work. He saw Jack and waved. “Hey.”

“Hey, Pacey,” Jack greeted.

He stepped into the tent. “How’s it going, man? Did you guys have a good day here?”

Andie’s brother smiled. “Great. Joey sold a piece.”

“That’s nice.” He glanced around at the displays of her drawings and paintings. “Just one?”

“Yeah, but it’s a good start. Maybe she’ll sell even more next year.”

He nodded, and started moving closer to the artwork to get a better look. His eyes soon fell on a painting of a dark-haired woman in a red dress walking on the beach, the waves crashing around her feet. Jack came over next to him and leaned over to read the exhibit label. “Woman on Capeside Beach.”

Staring at the woman’s face, a sense of sadness rose up within him. “It’s Mrs. Potter.”

“Joey’s mom?” Jack responded before turning to look at the painting again.

“I’ll buy it.”

“Seriously, Pacey?”

He nodded. “Here. Hold my coffee.” Pulling out his wallet, he then reached inside for his cash. “How much did she sell the other one for?”

Jack thought for a moment. “I think it was 30 bucks.”

“Here’s 50,” he said, handing over the bill.

“Wow, Pacey.”

He reached up and took down the painting. “Thanks, man.”

Smiling, Jack walked with him to the edge of the tent. “See ya.”

He started walking away, and then abruptly stopped. “Oh, Jack,” he said, turning around. “Um… Don’t tell Joey I’m the one who bought it.”

“Why not?” he asked, his brows furrowing into a confused expression. “She’ll be so excited she sold another one.”

“Just… don’t tell her it was me. Please?”

Jack nodded, clearly still not understanding why he would make such a request. He wasn’t entirely sure himself. “Sure, Pacey. I won’t tell her. I promise.”

He smiled. “Thanks, pal. See you later.”

Easter weekend also brought Gretchen home to visit and forced a family dinner on Sunday. His two eldest sisters and their husbands and kids also turned up. While he was standing at the kitchen counter chopping carrots, his dad walked in to get yet another beer from the refrigerator. “Say, Gretchen, did you happen to see Pacey’s report card here?” his dad asked.

His sister looked up from where she was seated at the kitchen table peeling potatoes. “No, I didn’t.” She glanced at him somewhat nervously and they locked eyes for a brief moment. He gave her a reassuring look. Starting to smile, she got up from the table and walked over to the fridge. “Wow, Pacey! Three B’s and two A’s. That’s awesome. Good job.”

“Thanks, Gretchen,” he replied, smiling.

“I told him we should frame it,” his mom spoke up.

His dad laughed. “You know what? We should. God knows he’ll never get another one like it.”

Shaking his head, he laughed derisively under his breath and turned back to the carrots. Typical.

“Dad, Pacey obviously worked hard,” Gretchen replied, her voice stern. “I’m sure his next report card will be great.”

“It may be a long shot, since we all know he’s not the brightest bulb in the chandelier,” his mom said in a honeyed voice, as if he wasn’t standing right there. “But if he ever gets another good report card, then we’ll just have to frame that one, too. Won’t we, honey?” She smiled at him sweetly, as if there was nothing at all wrong with anything she had just said. He didn’t know if his mother was ignorant or tone-deaf or just cruel, but sometimes her seeming indifference to his feelings hurt worse than his dad’s outright contempt.

Turning, he met Gretchen’s stunned look of disbelief. He shrugged defeatedly, and went back to chopping. The sound of the beer can opening rent the air and his dad took a sip. “Pacey, why are you in here cooking with the women? The baseball game’s on. You should be in the living room with the men.”

He scoffed. Sitting around while Doug tries to play straight with their dad and brothers-in-law was not his idea of fun, nor was being their punching bag. “No thanks, Dad. I’ll stay here and help Mom and Gretchen.”

“Pacey, I said get in the living room.” He heard the underlying threat in his voice. “Now.”

“Listen to your father.” His mom smiled. “There’s no need for you to be in the kitchen. This is women’s work, honey.”

He unceremoniously dropped the knife on the cutting board and sighed. As he followed his dad out of the room, he exchanged unhappy looks with Gretchen. Later that evening, he helped his sister clean up the kitchen. Doug and his other sisters and their families had all gone home, his mom had gone upstairs to bed, and his dad was passed out drunk on the couch.

“So, why did Dad keep bringing up your friend Jack at dinner?” his sister asked him as she handed him a plate to dry. “I mean, I guess I understand mentioning him, like, once in conversation but he seriously kept finding reasons to talk about him.”

“Because Doug was at the table.” He dried the plate with the dish towel and placed it back in the cupboard.

She sighed, shaking her head.

“You know how Dad feels about the gays, Gretchen.”

Handing him another dinner plate, she rolled her eyes. “I’m so glad I don’t live in this fucking house anymore.”

He nodded. “Yeah, must be nice. You know, Doug should just come out of the closet. We all know he’s in there.”

“He’s too busy being Dad’s shining example of an upstanding citizen and a _real_ man.”

Shaking his head, he scoffed. “Dad knows, Gretchen. _He knows._ He’ll never say it, and he’ll ignore it, but he knows the truth about Doug just as much as the rest of us do. Don’t you think Doug would be happier if he just admitted the truth and stopped living a lie? Jack’s happier… I think. And he’s got issues with his own father, too.”

“Well, I’m sure Dad would make a point to make him miserable as much as possible,” she replied. “Doug will come out when he’s ready to come out. No one else can make that decision for him, Pacey.”

“Yeah, I know.”

She smirked at him. “It almost sounds as though you genuinely care for Doug’s well-being.”

He feigned shock. “_Me?_ Care about Doug?” He quickly glanced at the clock. “I gotta get going. I’m glad you came home this weekend, Gretchen. It was nice having you around.”

“Go? Where are you going? It’s eight o’clock on Easter Sunday. And don’t you have school tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I know. I’ve got homework to do. That’s why I gotta go. Andie’s expecting me.”

She nodded her understanding. “So, Pacey, how is it having a serious girlfriend?”

He grinned, and could feel his face getting hot. “I like it.”

“And this girl really loves you?”

“Yes, she does, Gretchen. I don’t know why, or how, but she does.”

His sister rolled her eyes. “What’s not to love?” She smiled. “It makes me happy to see you so happy, Pace. The last time I saw you was at Christmas and I remember how miserable you were.”

He sighed. “Yeah, well, you can thank Dad for that.”

“It breaks my heart the way he treats you,” his sister said quietly, even though their dad was passed out in the living room and unable to hear. “The next time he lays a hand on you, you need to do something about it. You need to go to the hospital and make a report, or go to social services or…”

“Or call the police?” he snarked. “He’s _the Sheriff_, Gretchen. One, who would believe me? Two, who could help me? My own mother doesn’t even care.”

Her eyes filled with tears. “You have to get out of this house, Pacey. Get out of this town.”

He gave her a sympathetic look and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. “Hey, now. I’ll be all right. I’m honestly not at home that much anymore. I stay over at Andie’s all the time. I’m rarely here now. Really.”

“What do Mom and Dad have to say about that?”

“I think we’ve already established they don’t care about me, Gretchen.”

She frowned and then heaved a sigh. “Does Andie know how bad it is for you here?”

He shrugged. “She knows some, but not the extent of it… Not the worst of it. She has enough on her own plate without worrying about me on top of everything else she deals with.”

“So, you really love this Andie?”

“I do. Very much.”

Nodding, she pursed her lips. “And… what about Joey?”

_What?_ His face hardened and he dropped his arm from his sister’s shoulder. “What _about_ Joey?”

“No need to get agitated. Jesus. It’s just that five months ago you liked Joey and kissed her.”

“And then I explained to you that she doesn’t like me,” he replied, his tone full of the irritation he inexplicably felt. “She likes Dawson, and he likes her. I met Andie and we fell in love. End of story.”

She knitted her brows. “Why are you getting so upset?”

He huffed. “I’m _not_ upset.”

His sister shot him a disbelieving look, which only irritated him more. Why the hell did she have to bring up Joey Potter for? “Look, it was nice seeing you, Gretchen. Have a safe drive back to college. I have to go or I’ll never get all my homework finished, and I need to finish it to get my reward for good behavior.”

“Do I want to know what that is?”

“No,” he laughed, pulling her into a hug goodbye.

Her face scrunched up. “Gross.”

He laughed some more. “See ya, Gretchen. Call me sometime.”

“You just said you’re never home, Pacey.”

“Oh, right. I’ll call you.”

She chuckled, rolling her eyes, and he gave her another hug. “Bye, Pacey.” Then he grabbed his backpack and coat and went out the door.

April 10. Saturday afternoon at the Athenaeum. He stood in the kitchen with Andie, Jack, and Dawson while Joey instructed them all on what their duties were for the Ice House’s initial catering event. After he and Andie set up the buffet table in the quiet banquet room adjacent to the ballroom where guests were arriving and mingling, Mike Potter walked in to check everything out.

“Pacey,” he smiled, holding his hand out in greeting.

“Hi, Mr. Potter.” They shook hands. “It’s good to see you again, sir.”

Joey’s dad chuckled under his breath. “No one’s called me ‘sir’ in a long time.” He looked him up and down. “My, you’ve gotten tall, Pacey. You’ve got your mom’s height.”

He nodded. “Yeah, I guess.”

“The last time I saw you, you were at the Ice House eating a grilled cheese sandwich.”

He smiled at the memory. “Yeah, I used to eat a lot of those in your kitchen.”

Mike eyed him for a moment. “So… how’s your family treating you these days, Pacey?”

Hesitating, he swallowed. “Um, fine,” he lied.

“You know, Lillian worried about you a lot.”

“She did?” His brows furrowed as memories of Mrs. Potter began coming forward.

Mr. Potter nodded. “She always talked about what a sweet kid you were. She really liked you, you know. I think you were her favorite out of all of Joey’s friends. You made her laugh a lot. She had a great laugh.” He sighed. “I miss her.”

He frowned, and shoved his hands in his pockets, feeling somewhat awkward. “I do, too.”

“Well, I should get back to the kitchen,” Mike said. “I’m sure I’ll see you around later.”

Later on, after the fiasco with the wedding cake was saved, while standing in the ballroom watching the guests dance to the music, Joey approached him. “Hey.”

“Hey, Jo. Looks like the Ice House knocked it out of the park.”

She shrugged. “Barely. Perhaps more catering events are in our future, although I hope not.”

Grinning, he nodded. “Hey, for $60 a pop, count me in.”

“Oh, you guys did a great job fixing that whole cake mess,” she told him.

“Thanks.”

They watched the couples swaying to the music. The groom spun his bride around the middle of the dance floor. “Do you think you’ll ever get married?” she asked him.

Brows furrowing, he turned a confused look in her direction. He’d never expected that question. “Um… yeah. I mean, I hope so. I’d like to be married, and have a family of my own. It’ll make up for the one I’m stuck with now. We’ll see if Andie still tolerates me in ten years.”

“So, you really think you and Andie are gonna get married?”

“I… I don’t see us breaking up—God forbid that ever happened—and if two people stay together, then chances are marriage is in their future.”

Joey hummed. “You know, the chances of people marrying the person they dated when they were 16 are pretty slim.”

He stared at her. “Are you trying to bum me out, Potter?”

“No. I just mean people grow up and change and life takes them on different paths. Ten years from now, we won’t be the same people. We’ll have changed our minds a thousand times over, our feelings and opinions. You might think someone is your soulmate, but what if you’re wrong? You could even marry someone and be completely wrong, and what then? It’s kind of scary, I guess, to make that huge of a mistake. Your whole life could be ruined.”

“This isn’t about me and Andie, is it?”

She didn’t reply.

He sighed. “Look, Joey, not that I’m an expert or anything, but you’ll know if you’re with the right person. And yeah, I suppose when you say those marriage vows, you’re making a huge commitment, and not just to the person they are on the wedding day but who that person will become as they grow older and change. It’s about changing together, I think, through whatever life throws at you.” He watched as she chewed on her lip. “Is this about Dawson?”

Her face fell. “For the longest time I had this idea in my head of what my life should look like when I’m older, and Dawson is exactly the kind of person who fit perfectly into that. I know he’ll grow up to be that ideal, he’ll be the person I’m supposed to be with. And he keeps saying that we’re soulmates and we will always be connected, but so much can happen between now and our future adult lives. Is it better to just be friends while we’re young, and if it’s truly meant to be, then when we’re grown up, we’ll be the people we need to be to make it work? Or should we just take that chance now, even though we’re only 16 and we don’t have a clue what we’re doing? That we just make it work no matter what?”

“I can’t possibly answer that, Jo.” She frowned. “Maybe timing is everything. Again, I’m not the expert, but in my humble opinion, true love isn’t about forcing pieces to fit. It’s about pieces just falling into something that fits naturally.” He suddenly saw Andie across the room. She caught his eye and smiled. He watched as she began walking towards them. “That’s not always easy, but it also shouldn’t be a struggle.” He wanted to tell her that just because two people are naturally great friends, it doesn’t mean they’ll naturally be great lovers, but he kept his mouth shut. She’d have to figure that out on her own.

She smirked at him. “Are you _sure_ you’re not the expert?” she teased.

Before he could reply, Andie reached them. “Hi, guys.”

“Hey,” Joey greeted. “I should pop back into the kitchen and check on some stuff.”

Later, he and Andie swayed together on the dance floor, her arms around his neck and his arms wrapped around her waist, holding her close. Turning, his eyes quickly fell on Dawson and Joey dancing together. They were kissing. A wave of disappointment welled up inside him and something churned in his stomach at the sight of them. He didn’t exactly understand why. He told himself he was just tired of their never-ending drama, that they couldn’t possibly make each other happy in the long run, and that he wished they’d just move on with their lives and find out what _would_ make them happy.

He leaned down and whispered in Andie’s ear. “Hey, you wanna get out of here?”

“You want to take me home?” She smiled and bit her bottom lip. “Or go somewhere else?”

Grinning, he pulled her closer. “We could go to your place and I could sleep over like I usually do. Or would you want to go somewhere else?”

“This wedding has me feeling awful romantic, Pacey,” she smirked suggestively. “And the night is still young.”

“Well, we have $120 from this gig. Do you remember that little B&B downtown we rented a couple months ago?”

A smile bright as sunshine spread across her face. “Really?”

Leaning over, he kissed her cheek. “Really,” he whispered in her ear. “I already packed a bag for us. It’s in the car. And I told Jack not to expect you home until tomorrow.”

“Aww, Pacey.”

He waggled his eyebrows and they walked off the dance floor hand-in-hand, heading for the kitchen to get their coats. When he reached the door, he glanced back at Dawson and Joey. They looked happy, at least at the moment. But for how long? He told himself he didn’t care, and walked out of the ballroom.

May. He was supposed to be spending his Monday morning Study Hall in the library doing homework or studying for finals, but he couldn’t concentrate on his textbook. Instead, he pulled a dog-eared paperback from his bag and began to read where he’d last left off. After a few minutes, he looked up to see Joey standing there.

“Hi.”

“Uh… hi.” He noticed her glance down at the book and he quickly closed it and set it on his lap beneath the table.

She laughed. “What are you reading?”

He cleared his throat. “Nothing.”

Arching her brow, she pursed her lips. “Come on. Tell me. What? Is it a dirty book?”

“No, but trust me, Potter, if I ever come into the possession of a dirty book, I’ll be sure to let you borrow it. Lord knows you could probably use one.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” she challenged, her hands going to her hips. “That I’m an uptight prude?”

He sighed and irritably tapped his yellow highlighter on the table. “Did you come over here on purpose to talk to me about something or did you just stumble across my table and decide to annoy me?”

Thrusting her tongue in her cheek, she fought a grin and sat down across from him. “So… neither Jack nor Andie are in school today. And why is Andie’s hair brown? I noticed it on Friday but never got the chance to ask her.” She seemed to be greatly amused by this turn of events.

“I’m not exactly sure,” he breathed. Just thinking about it tied his stomach into knots of worry. “Andie had a rough weekend. Jack and I convinced her to take the day off and study at home. We thought it was a good idea for Jack to stay with her. I wanted to, but I can’t afford to miss another day this close to finals.”

The amusement slowly faded from Joey’s expression. “What’s wrong?”

He didn’t reply and only shook his head.

“Is it Andie? Is she… okay?”

“For the past month—ever since Abby died—she’s been on edge. Either she’s really down and crying a lot, or she’s hyper to the point of being almost manic, or she’s very angry and lashes out for no apparent reason. It’s one extreme or the other. And, not that you want to hear this, but she runs hot and cold as far as our relationship goes. Sometimes she wants me around, and she wants to…” He paused, thinking of the right words to use for Joey’s oversensitive ears. “She wants affection. Other times she doesn’t want me to be in the same room with her, let alone touch her. It’s up and down, and I never know which of Andie’s moods I’m gonna get. And then this past weekend… it was rough. Kind of scary, actually.”

She frowned. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were going through all of that.”

He set his highlighter down on the table. “You don’t need to be sorry for me, Jo. It’s Andie I’m worried about.”

“She’ll be all right, Pacey.”

“Yeah? How do you know?”

“Because she has you.”

Their eyes met and held for a long moment, the space between them filling with a heavy silence, before Joey averted her gaze, tucking her hair behind an ear. “So, are you going to tell me what book you’re hiding under the table, or what?” she teased, changing the subject.

He hesitated, and then grabbed the book, placing it on the table and sliding it across to her.

She stared down at the cover, her eyes widening. “_When You Love Someone with Anxiety: Understanding and Helping Your Partner_,” she read aloud. She looked up at him, surprised. She then flipped through the dog-eared pages. “You’ve highlighted paragraphs, and you’ve even got notes written in the margins.”

Always the tone of surprise. She must really think him a simpleton. “Yeah. I’ve been reading it every day for the past couple weeks, in the morning before school or at night before I go to bed or while waiting for Andie when she has appointments. And I bring it to work with me to read when it’s slow.”

She handed the book back to him. “Does anyone know you’re dealing with this, Pacey? Does Dawson know?”

When does Dawson ever take the time to know anything that’s going on in his life? “I’ve tried to talk to him a couple times, but he’s been busy lately. You know, with editing his film and freaking out over Mitch dating his film teacher and… the fact he’s got you right back where he wants you. So, no. He doesn’t know.”

“I’m going to ignore how you phrased that last part.” She gave him a slight scowl. “You shouldn’t have to deal with this by yourself, Pacey.”

“I’m not. Me and Jack are dealing with it together, and Andie. The three of us are…” He sighed. Who was he kidding? “I think Jack is going to call his dad, actually.”

She frowned. “Yeah, but who’s helping _you?_ You’ve clearly taken on this caregiver role, but you’ll get burnt out if you don’t get the kind of care _you_ need. Believe me, I know. Those last few months of my mother’s life were really hard on all of us, physically and emotionally. It takes a toll. I think you should take some time away from the stress. Hang out with Dawson. Do… guy stuff.”

He sighed. “Sure.”

“And I know we’re not really friends, but if you ever need someone to vent to then…”

“You really love saying that, don’t you?”

Joey blinked. “What?”

Scoffing, he shook his head. “You have this constant need to say we’re not friends. I’m not sure if you think that I need to hear that over and over again for some reason, or if it’s just something you feel you have to keep reminding yourself because God forbid if we actually _were_ friends.”

He shoved his book in his backpack and zipped it up while she stared at him. “Got nothing to say, Potter, for once in your life?” He then started walking away from the table. “Pacey,” she called out after him, but he didn’t turn around.

June. There was smoke everywhere inside the Ice House. The fire was getting out of control. Joey was screaming. He quickly grabbed her, and lifted her off the ground as she struggled. “Let go of me,” she screamed. He carried her out of the back room, through the restaurant, and they ran outside together. They stood side by side, watching the blaze. She leaned against him and he rubbed her arm, trying to comfort her.

Later, after the Fire Department had put out the flames, his father and his deputies took over the scene. As he walked out of the Ice House, he was hailed by one of the EMTs. He changed course and started walking towards an ambulance parked outside. He soon recognized the man who’d called for him, a guy in his late 30’s who’d been at the job a long time. “You haven’t been checked out yet, Pacey,” the man said as he approached.

He groaned. “I’m fine, Jason. Really. I just want to get out of here.”

“You think I’m gonna let the Sheriff’s son go home without getting cleared for injuries or smoke inhalation?”

Tongue in cheek, he shook his head, sighing. “The Sheriff doesn’t care. I promise you.”

The EMT gave him an exasperated expression. “Give me a break, pal. I want to go home, too. It won’t take long.”

“Fine.” Soon he was sitting on the back of the ambulance. A few minutes passed and suddenly Joey appeared. Her face and clothes were soot stained. His guts twisted nervously. He didn’t want her to hate him, not like when the Sheriff arrested her dad the first time and she then refused speak to him for months, but he knew it could easily end up like that again. The moment his dad had showed up at the Ice House earlier, she’d immediately been set on edge and he could feel a sense of anger towards him as if he had anything to do with his dad showing up there.

“Bessie and I overheard some of the deputies talking,” she said.

Great. _Here it comes._ “Yeah?”

She chewed on her lip. “They said you punched your dad. Is that true?”

Jason’s eyes went wide. He ignored the EMT and answered her. “Yep.”

“Why?” she asked.

“Because he said something shitty about Andie.”

Nodding her head slowly, she played with her fingers. “They also said that you told him my dad was a better father than he ever was. Is that true, too? Did you really say that?”

He sighed. “I said, ‘even if Mr. Potter was involved in this, he’s still 10x the father you ever were.’”

“Why?” she asked again, her eyes filling with tears.

“Because it’s the truth, Jo.”

Her tears brimmed over and she forcefully brushed them away with the back of her hand. “So, he thinks my dad was involved in the fire? Because of drugs, right?”

He didn’t want to lie, and he knew telling the truth would just upset her. “He suspects, yes, but that doesn’t mean he’s right. My dad is wrong about a lot of things. I’m sure this will get all cleared up and everything will be fine.” At least he hoped so.

She nodded quietly, her face hardening, anxiety etched across her features, and she started to turn and walk away. He jumped down from the ambulance and grasped her arm. She spun around, surprised. “Just don’t hate me, okay? No matter what comes of all this. I’m not my father, Joey. I don’t act like he does and I certainly don’t think like he does. I only want good things for your dad, and for you and Bessie. You gotta believe me.”

Her face softened. “I do.”

He had his doubts. She turned from him again to walk away, but then quickly turned back as if she’d suddenly changed her mind or made a decision she’d been wrestling with. She stepped forward and hugged him. Taken aback, he didn’t know what to do. His stomach was doing somersaults. “Thank you, Pacey,” she whispered. “For saving me from the fire, and for… for defending my dad.”

Joey then abruptly let go and quickly walked away, leaving him staring after her.

June 28. Behind the counter of the video store, he chatted with customers while they picked up a few movies. They were college kids who were back home for the summer, and told him all about their rented beach house and the parties they were planning over the next two months. When they finally turned from the counter and walked away, he saw Joey standing there, arms crossed and scowling at him.

“You know, sometimes I wonder if that scowl will someday become a permanent fixture on your face.”

“Those girls were blatantly flirting with you, Pacey.”

He thought she seemed really irritated by that. “Yeah, I know.”

She arched her brow. “Well, what about Andie?”

“I wasn’t flirting back, Jo.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t stop them either.”

Was she for real? “Well, I can’t exactly tell customers to ‘fuck off’ if I wanna keep this job, now can I?”

Huffing, she approached the counter. “And are you going to go to one of their beach parties they so desperately want you to attend for some reason?”

“No, I’m not.”

“Why anyone would find you remotely desirable is beyond me,” she grumbled.

He blinked. “You’re right. I’m obviously the Quasimodo of Capeside.”

Scoffing, she rolled her eyes.

“Is this your way of trying to rent a video or is there some other reason you decided to walk in here and annoy the hell out of me, Potter?”

She chewed on her lip for a moment. “Did you… did you check your mail before you came into work today?”

Ahh. Now it made sense. “You know that you can just come in here and talk to me like a normal person without needing to pick a fight with me first, right?” She scowled again. “Yes, I got my mail. I’ve been making sure I get up early enough to get it before my mom can get to it first. Well, I’m guessing you got yours. So, did you open it?”

“My report card? No. Did you?” She kept chewing on her lip and tucked her hair behind her ears.

He reached below and pulled the envelope out of his bag, placing it on the counter. “Nope.”

She sighed and pulled hers from her back pocket, setting it down next to his. “I’ve been too scared to read it.”

“Do you want _me_ to read it and then tell you what it says?” he ventured, wondering if this was in fact the reason she’d come to see him.

“You don’t mind?”

He shook his head and grabbed the envelope. Tearing it open, he pulled out the year’s final report card. He looked over it and laughed. “All A’s, Potter.” She smiled. “Was there any doubt?”

Pursing her lips, she shrugged as she took the card from him. She glanced down at his unopened envelope. “Do you… want me to read yours?”

He sighed. “Sure.” His stomach tightened with nerves while he watched her open the envelope. As she read the report, a smile slowly spread across her face like the sun coming out after a long rain. He let out the breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. “Come on, Joey. Tell me.”

“Okay, so for the final quarter you earned three A’s and two B’s.”

“You’re kidding.” The knot in his stomach began to loosen.

She shook her head, still smiling. “You scored B’s on four of your final exams, and an A in history. That’s great, Pacey.”

He let out a breathy laugh of relief. “And… my final grades for the year?”

“You finished with a B in every class,” she smiled. “Honestly, you probably would’ve finished with some A’s if you hadn’t gotten C’s first semester.”

“A misspent youth, eh?” he joked.

Joey smiled. “Your parents should be proud.”

Upon seeing the look on his face, her smile faltered. _“Should_ is the operative word. Whether I got an F or an A, it wouldn’t matter to them. If I’d gotten an F, it’d be ‘of course loser Pacey failed’ and if I’d gotten straight A’s, it’d be ‘well it won’t last for long since we all know Pacey’s a loser who’s doomed to fail eventually.’” He sighed. “I’m going to mail it to Andie. I know she’ll be proud at least.”

“So, um, how is Andie?” she asked.

“She’s… She’s all right, I guess. She’s in a hospital for treatment. She says she likes her doctor and her therapist, and the other people there are nice. So, that’s good.”

Nodding, Joey leaned forward against the counter. “You get to talk to her a lot?”

He folded up his report card and put it back in the envelope. “She calls me every Sunday, and we write letters.”

“Are you writing _love_ letters, Pacey?” she teased.

“They’re _life_ letters, Potter, and, yes, love is a part of life.” She scrunched up her face. “Hey, uh, I don’t mean to pry into _your_ life, but… how’re things with your dad?”

The humorous sparkle instantly left her brown eyes and she frowned. “You’re the first person to ask me that.” She sighed. “He worked out a deal and is giving the District Attorney’s office information on the men who burned down the Ice House. He’ll still go to prison, but not as long as he might’ve. We have to go to court on Thursday.”

He hesitated, thinking. “Um… do you want someone to go with you? I don’t have to work on Thursday.”

Scoffing, she leaned back from the counter and stood upright, averting her gaze from his. “That’s okay, Pacey.”

“Have you talked to Dawson at all since he left for Philadelphia?” he asked, wondering if he should even bring the subject up.

“No, and I don’t want to.”

He thought he felt something like a hopeful feeling fluttering deep inside, but didn’t understand where it came from. He willed himself to ignore it. “So, listen. Since my two best friends have left the state of Massachusetts for the summer, I’m kind of on my own. Jack and Jen have got their own thing happening, and I haven’t seen them too much. So, I thought, you know… Me and you… Well, we could…”

She knitted her brows. “What?”

“You know, hang out this summer.”

She blinked. “You and me… Hang out on purpose. Are you for real?”

Jesus Christ, this girl could drive him to drink. “Won’t you just listen to me? Why spend the summer alone? We could go to the movies or something. _Summer of Sam_ is opening this weekend, and _American Pie_ comes out the following weekend. That looks good, and we could probably use a laugh around here.”

“No, thanks, Pacey.” She suddenly looked uncomfortable, her brows furrowing in confusion.

He sighed. When would he ever be good enough for her? “You got better plans, Potter? Who else are you going to hang out with? Dawson isn’t coming back until September, so the seemingly never-ending minidrama that is your life is temporarily on hold. I’m afraid that leaves you and me to our own devices for the summer.”

She turned an angry expression on him. “I don’t need to hang out with anyone, least of all you. Anyway, I’ll be too busy trying to help Bessie clean up the huge mess our father made while trying to figure out how we’re going to make ends meet now that the Ice House is gone. I won’t be available to hang out with you even if I wanted to, which I assure you I don’t.” Her tone dripped with venom.

Scoffing, he shook his head as anger began churning in his stomach. Then he took a calming breath. “Look, I know you’ve had a rough few weeks. I feel for you, I do. I’m trying to be your friend here, Jo, but you always have to make it so damn hard all the time.”

“I have enough friends, Pacey,” she snapped. “I don’t need you.”

“You sure about that?” he challenged, arching his brows in disbelief.

Joey’s eyes blazed. She turned on her heel and walked away from the counter and out the door.

July. Independence Day Weekend. Most residents of Capeside were gathered along the harbor on Sunday night awaiting the fireworks that were due to begin at dusk. Happy to skip out on the drunken Witter family BBQ from hell, he accepted Jack’s offer to go see the fireworks with him and Jen. They found a soft grassy area just far enough from the crowd of people gathering on the beach to be able to talk normally and still hear each other. They were soon sitting on a soft blanket, laughing about some older gentleman who’d taken it upon himself to salaciously flirt with Jen’s grandmother at the grocery store.

“Joey!” Jack suddenly called out.

He turned to see her standing off at some distance. He hadn’t seen her since she walked out of the video store on Monday afternoon. She acknowledged Jack and started walking across the grass towards them. She was wearing a yellow sundress that stopped just above her knees and she was carrying a pair of sandals in her hand. He stared as if in a daze. Soon she reached their blanket and he looked down at her bare feet; her toes were painted red. He gulped, and slowly drew his gaze up to her face. Goddamn, she was beautiful—beautiful and mean. He instantly felt his mood plummet.

“Hi, guys,” she greeted them. “Bessie convinced me to get out of the house for a while.”

He merely nodded while his friends said their hellos. “Do you want to sit and watch the fireworks with us?” Jen asked her.

She hesitated and met his gaze; their eyes locked for a moment. He swallowed. She tucked her hair behind an ear. “Um, sure. Why not?”

He sighed while she sat down on the other side of Jen. He listened while the three of them talked but he couldn’t concentrate on what they were saying. A wave of loneliness began crashing over him and he didn’t want to be there anymore. After a few minutes, Jack turned to him. “Why are you being so quiet, Pacey?”

“I… I just wish Andie was here.” His throat suddenly tightened with emotion, threatening to choke him.

“Were you able to talk to her today?”

He nodded. “Yeah, we talked earlier this afternoon.”

Before Jack could respond, they were rudely interrupted by a group of passersby. “Hey, look, it’s McPhee and his boyfriend!” The small group of boys laughed together as they walked past. He recognized them; they were on the Capeside High basketball team. Anger rose up inside him like bile. “Yeah, that’s right! And we’re going to have great sex later, so go fuck yourselves!” 

_“Damn,_ Pacey,” Jen laughed.

Jack sighed. “I wish you wouldn’t do stuff like that.”

He shrugged. “Well, I wish people in this town would get their heads out of their asses. We can’t all get what we want.”

“You’re so juvenile,” Joey glowered.

“Eat glass,” he spat.

“Okay, okay,” Jen interjected, her arms raised between them like a referee. “Let’s just cool our jets. We’re here to have fun, all right?”

Jack backed her up. “Yeah, guys. If you two are just going to fight the entire time, it defeats the whole purpose.”

Both he and Joey turned confused expressions on him. “The purpose of what?” she asked, her voice tinged with laughter.

“You know…” Jack appeared to be looking for the right words. “Us being here and enjoying each other’s company. This is supposed to be a fun outing.”

“Sorry, man. I’ll just shut up.”

“The best thing you’ve said all week,” Joey muttered quietly.

He bit his tongue while Jack and Jen exchanged exasperated looks. A short time later, dusk settled in. Then the first of the fireworks went up and exploded in the sky, showering bright colors of red, white, and blue. Single fireworks lit up the sky and multiple displays that brightened the whole area. The crowd cheered, and a lot of oohs and aahs were heard all around them. Jack and Jen smiled up at the sky, laughing, clearly enjoying themselves. In low spirits, he merely sat in quiet observance.

The next firework exploded with a loud _bang!_ Jen squeezed Jack’s arm in reaction. “Whoa!”

Another firework went straight up, whistling through the air, a large missile that soared higher than all the others had gone previously. He glanced in Joey’s direction. She turned. Their eyes met and held. Something deep inside his chest clutched at him and ached. Everyone around them looked up with bated breath. The firework exploded and the night sky ignited with bright colors, lights dancing in her eyes until she finally looked away.


	4. 1999 (Part Two)

August. When the clock struck seven o’clock on Tuesday evening, he punched out of work and walked out the door into the humid summer air. He really didn’t want to go home, so he strolled downtown, hoping to kill some time. The town was crowded with tourists; he couldn’t wait until Labor Day when they all finally went home. He walked down the street, passing by shops and eateries. The bell over the door to Capeside Candy dinged and he turned to see Belinda McGovern and her fellow cheerleading cronies following her outside the door.

“Why, it’s Pacey Witter,” she greeted him in a honeyed voice. “Screw any more 40-year-olds this summer?”

“Why, it’s the racist bitch monster,” he said with false glee, clasping his hands together.

She pursed her lips into a thin angry line, her hands going to her hips. “People need to let that go, okay? I haven’t said that word since the ninth grade!”

He sneered. “In public, you mean.” He watched her eyes go wide and her nostrils flare as she stood there, seething. Her friends exchanged uncomfortable looks behind her back. “Bye ladies,” he said, wiggling his fingers at them. “See you next week when we descend back into the concrete misery known as Capeside High. Of course, Belinda here will be taking the elevator up to go to school.”

Seeing their faces contort with confusion, he shook his head, laughing, and walked away. He soon came to Reese’s Dairy Bar, an ice cream shop with an attached miniature golf course behind it. Ice cream sounded good on a muggy night like this. He adjusted his direction, heading for the shop, where there was a line outside the front window. The sun was just starting to set and he hoped the temperature would be tolerable enough to sleep well later.

He came up behind a tall girl with tanned skin, in khaki shorts and a red tank top, her dark brown hair just falling to her shoulders. Eyeing the girl up and down, he smiled. He hadn’t seen her in weeks. Yet he kept silent as the line moved forward. When she got up to the window, she stood there hesitating.

“You’re holding up the line, dear,” spoke the woman on the other side.

“It’s just that I know what I _really_ want—it’s my favorite thing here—but it’s always too big and I can never finish it. So, it’s a waste, right? Plus, it’s just so much sugar for one person. I should just get a vanilla cone. I usually end up getting that. That’s a safe choice, right?”

He crossed his arms. _Jesus, why was she rambling?_ The woman behind the window smirked. “You need to make a decision, honey.” _Thank you!_ “You want a vanilla cone or what your heart truly desires?” He could almost guarantee Joey was standing there, chewing on her lip indecisively. Rolling his eyes, he stepped forward. “Hey there. Um, she’ll have the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup Sundae. And, uh… two spoons. Oh, and an order of French fries, please.”

Joey turned, wide-eyed, and stared at him, lips parting. He smiled. “Hi, Jo.”

“That’ll be $6.50,” the woman said. He pulled out his wallet and handed her the money. She nodded. “It’ll be right out in a minute.”

“You didn’t have to pay for it, Pacey.”

He pursed his lips. “Sure, I did. Otherwise, you would’ve been stuck with a boring vanilla cone. I mean, they have 25 flavors here, Jo. Live a little.”

She sighed, and they stood in silence for several moments. When the woman returned to the window with a sundae covered with hot fudge and peanut butter sauce, he watched as Joey’s remarkable brown eyes lit up with excitement. She reached for the sundae. The woman handed him the spoons and the fries. He thanked her. After he poured ketchup on his fries and pulled some napkins from a container on the window ledge, they walked over to an umbrella-covered table.

As Joey took the first bite of her ice cream, he watched her eyes roll to the back of her head. “Oh my God,” she groaned in delight. “This is so good.”

“Don’t say I never did nothing for ya, Potter.” He smirked and took his own bite of the delicious treat.

She continued chewing, fighting a grin. They ate in silence for some minutes. “So, what have you been up to?” she asked.

He swallowed his ice cream. “Uh… working at the video store six days a week, writing letters to Andie, and talking to her on the phone for an hour every Sunday afternoon.”

“Six days a week? Really?”

“Yeah. Gotta make as much money as I can before the school year starts, and thankfully I’ve managed to save most of it. Plus, it gets me out of the house for eight hours a day. Can’t beat that.” She took another bite of the sundae and he watched her close her eyes while she swallowed, savoring the flavor. He stared. “And what have you been up to, Potter?”

“Oh, just trying to ignore my life. Have you been able to do anything fun over the summer?”

He sighed. “Life’s not much fun without Andie around, or Dawson. He comes back this weekend, you know? Well, Labor Day… I think.”

Nodding, she averted her eyes from his, but she didn’t reply. They ate in comfortable silence for several moments. “So, when does Andie come home?”

“She told me her doctor said maybe sometime in September, but who knows,” he sighed. “So, what about you? Did you get a summer job?”

“Yep. Down at Logan’s Marina.”

“How’s that going?”

“My boss is a disgusting creep. Other than that, it pays good.”

He dipped his spoon into the peanut butter sauce. “You need me to go down there and handle him?”

She rolled her eyes. “No, thanks, Pacey. I can take care of myself.”

“Okay. Well, be careful, Jo.” She held his gaze for a long moment before she turned her attention back to the sundae. Behind her, he watched as patrons received mini-golf clubs from a man at the stand in front of the course. He nodded towards it. “You wanna play?”

Joey turned and looked behind her. “Ugh. I hate mini golf.”

“Why?”

“Because I suck at it.”

He laughed. “Mini golf is so ridiculous, sucking at it is part of the fun.”

She pursed her lips, thinking it over. “I don’t think so, Pacey. Maybe another time.”

“Why are you being so nice to me?” he blurted. “The last time we were in each other’s company, uh…”

“And I’m sorry about that,” she apologized. He gave her a mild look of surprise. “I was just really angry. Not at you, specifically. I was angry at my dad, at myself, at Dawson. I wasn’t in a great place two months ago, and you were just… there. I was angry at the world. I’m sorry. So, I’m trying to make up for it and be a little nicer. Plus, you bought me a sundae. Don’t worry, though. I’m sure this is just temporary and we’ll be back to fighting in no time.”

He frowned in sympathy. “Well, if there’s anyone who has a right to be angry at the world for a while, it’s you, Potter. You’ve been through things most people will never experience, or understand.”

She nodded quietly, avoiding eye contact. “Anyway, I think we’ve inflicted our presence on each other long enough. Thanks for the ice cream.”

He watched her stand up from the table, feeling slightly disappointed she was leaving so soon. “Sure.”

“See you at school,” she said before walking away.

“Uh, Joey,” he called out after her.

She turned around, her eyebrows rising expectantly.

He licked his lips. “Uh, you know how I said earlier that my life wasn’t fun this summer without Andie or Dawson? Well… I admit it wasn’t much fun without you around either.”

She blushed, her brows knitting, an embarrassed expression etching across her features. “Uh, thanks, Pacey,” she laughed almost nervously, still avoiding eye contact, and did that cute hair flip of hers.

He shrugged. “See you next week, Potter. Bright and early Tuesday morning at the Junior Assembly. Excited?” He waggled his eyebrows. “I’ll save you a seat with me and Dawson.” He grinned at her teasingly.

Grumbling and rolling her eyes, she turned to walk away. He smiled after her, chuckling to himself.

September. Mitch Leery’s arrival home on Wednesday night brought the party to a crashing halt. He sat on the porch watching guests spill out the front door, Dawson’s dad yelling from inside the house for everyone to get the hell out. Mitch then walked back out to the porch and gave him a hard stare. “Pacey.”

“Yes, sir?”

“Where is my son?”

“Um…” He was stalling, not sure what to say. _He’s probably off with this cocktail waitress named Eve getting another blowjob, sir._

Mitch suddenly turned, crossing his arms. “Dawson. Get in the house. Now.”

He watched Mr. Leery disappear inside and then saw his best friend climb the stairs to the porch. “I thought you left, man. Where’s Eve?”

Dawson sighed, shrugging defeatedly. “I’ve had two beautiful women throw themselves at me tonight, and I rejected both of them.”

“What do you mean, _two?”_ He stared, and then realization dawned. “Wait a minute… You said she wanted you back, but… Joey _threw herself_ at you? Joey Potter? Josephine Lillian Potter? Threw herself at you? Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

“Yes, Pacey! Yes. She was waiting for me in my bedroom and then she took her shirt off and she was going to…” Dawson closed his eyes, groaning. “But I just… I couldn’t. It wasn’t right. We’re no good for each other. If we got back together now, things would just end up like they did last spring. I feel it in my bones.”

He rubbed his hand over his mouth. _It’s about damn time Dawson came to the correct conclusion about their relationship. But wow… Joey?! _“How did she react when you told her this?”

He watched Dawson grimace. “She got angry.” _Naturally._ “But then she was… She was crushed, Pacey. I mean, you should’ve seen her face. I really do feel awful about it. So, you’ll still check up on her tomorrow at school and spend the next couple days just looking out for her? Make sure she’s okay?”

“Yes, Dawson. I told you I will.” He inwardly groaned. Not that he minded, but spending time where he was unwanted wasn’t his specialty. And how soon before they just start fighting and the whole ‘watching out for her’ schtick comes to a bitter, frustrating end? But then again, maybe this was just the kind of severing from Dawson she needed to finally deem him worthy enough to actually call him her friend.

Mitch’s voice suddenly rent the air. “Dawson,” he barked.

He watched his best friend hang his head and then walk inside the house. He stepped off the porch and started heading for home, but then stopped and stared at the dock where Dawson’s rowboat was tied. He hadn’t been to the Potter’s house in what felt like a year, but maybe it was time to knock on Joey’s window again and have a chat. She was heartbroken, and he didn’t particularly want to go home yet. He walked down to the rowboat.

Later, while sitting together on the edge of the Potter’s dock, Joey wrapped her arms around his waist and cried into his shoulder. He hadn’t really seen her cry like this since her mother’s funeral. Keeping quiet, he simply held his arm around her and let her cry it out. Eventually she stemmed the flow of her tears, and letting out a shuddering breath, she moved away from him. “I suppose you should get the rowboat back to Dawson,” she said quietly.

“I suppose.”

She played with her fingers in her lap. “Um… did you need a place to crash for the night, or are things okay with your dad?”

He looked over at her. She was staring down at her lap. “Actually…” Things had been rather okay over the summer, ever since Andie talked to his dad on the phone and he passed all his classes. Plus, it helped that he spent all day away from the house, and only came home at night and well past dinner time. He gazed at Joey, still playing with her fingers, and realized why she’d asked the question. “Um, yeah. I could use a place to sleep for the night. Is your bedroom floor available?”

She snorted. “Yeah.”

“I can get the rowboat back to Dawson in the morning.”

“Okay.”

He bent his head, smiling to himself. Something in the pit of his stomach fluttered. “Do you want to go inside?”

She nodded, and they got up. She walked through the front door while he went around to the back and waited outside her window. After a few minutes, he saw the light turn on. Then a few minutes after that, the curtains pulled apart. He gazed at her standing in her pajamas while she lifted the window open. “Hi there,” he said.

Thrusting her tongue in her cheek, she fought a grin. “Hi.”

Laughing, he climbed inside her bedroom. Kicking off his shoes, he slid them underneath her bed, and she handed him a pillow and blanket. Just as he was drifting off to sleep, she spoke.

“Pacey?” she murmured in the dark.

“Hmm?”

“Do you think there’s something wrong with me?”

His eyes fluttered open. “Um… Well, that’s a loaded question.”

She scoffed. “Be serious, please. Dawson and I dated for a grand total of four months, and we never once… He meets this Eve girl and she immediately… makes him crash a boat.”

He yawned. “There’s nothing wrong with you, Jo. And what you did earlier tonight... I have to say I'm impressed.”

“Of course, you’d be impressed with my humiliation.”

“That’s not what I meant. That took a lot of guts what you did. I didn’t think you had it in you. Little Joey Potter is growing up.”

“I don’t know, Pace. Sometimes I think there must be something wrong with me, and then I think that I’m the one who’s normal and everyone else is just too blasé about something so monumentally life-changing. Everyone acts like it’s not a big deal, but it is. And then I doubt myself again and think that maybe I’m the one who’s going about this all wrong and I should just get it over with at the first opportunity like everyone else, but...” She sighed. “When me and Dawson were together, he never really, you know, _went for it,_ and so we just never did. Not even close. I wasn’t ready, and he knew that, but he also rarely ever brought it up for discussion. I would think if he wanted me, he’d at least mention it on a regular basis. And don’t you think your boyfriend would at least _try_ to feel you up or something? We didn’t even dry hump, which is basically a rite of passage in practically every teenager’s life. How pathetic is that? And then me and Jack…” She scoffed again. “We all know why he chose me for… whatever that was.”

Now fully awake, he stared wide-eyed up at the ceiling and had no idea what to say. “See, Potter? This is why you should’ve hung out with me over the summer. We could’ve hashed this girl talk stuff all out before Dawson ever came home.”

“I’m serious, Pacey.”

He could picture her pouting in the dark. What did she want him to say? “What is it that you’re asking me, Jo?”

“I don’t know,” she murmured.

“There is nothing wrong with you,” he told her. “You’re 16—soon to be 17—and you’re completely normal. You have plenty of time to get some dry humping in before your 20th birthday, so don’t worry about that particular teenage rite of passage, and you have the rest of your life to have all the sex you want. There’s no need to rush.”

He heard her shifting in the bed and suddenly her voice was just above his head. “That’s rich for you to say,” she said, her tone accusatory. “You rushed.”

He heaved a sigh. “I’m sure it appears that way from the outside, but I was ready. I was also responsible and safe about it.”

“You also didn’t crash any boats,” she grumbled, shifting back on the mattress. “You know, just because I’m not ready to… go all the way… doesn’t mean that I don’t want to be wanted. Guys looks at me and just think _‘virginal prude.’” _She sighed. “Eve is everything I’m not.”

“She doesn’t hold a candle to you, Potter. There are a thousand Eves. There’s only one you.”

Silence.

He gulped. His stomach was suddenly fluttering like butterflies trapped in a jar. He tried to will the feeling away. “You know, Dawson may be right about your relationship, but he’s a moron if he thinks whatever he might have with Eve is superior to you in any way, shape, or form.”

Silence.

He then gentled his tone. “Joey, it will happen for you. When you’re ready, when you decide it’s the right time, and when you’re with the right person who wants you just as badly as you want him, it’ll happen. There’s no need for it to happen sooner than that, unless you want it to. The choice is entirely yours, and you’re right—it is a big deal. So, you shouldn’t let anyone make you feel inferior—not Dawson and certainly not Eve, if that’s even her real name.”

Silence. He listened to her breathing. Several minutes passed and he thought she might’ve fallen asleep, but then she spoke.

“Goodnight, Pacey.”

“Goodnight, Jo.”

“Pacey?” she whispered.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

He smiled. “Anytime, Potter.” The butterflies calmed. A warm, contented feeling rose within him, and he soon drifted to sleep.

In the morning, he awoke as the sun was coming up. He quietly got off the floor, folded his blanket, slipped on his shoes, and then went out the window while Joey still slept. After rowing Dawson’s boat back to the Leery’s dock, he went home to shower and get ready for school. When he came downstairs, his mom greeted him in the kitchen.

“Good morning, honey. What can I get you for breakfast? I made eggs and bacon for your father before he left for work and there’s still plenty here.”

“Hi, Mom.” He stared while she busied herself around the kitchen, humming to herself. Did she not know, or just not care, that he never came home last night? He shook his head. _Same difference._ “No, thanks. I’m just going to have some cereal. I gotta get going.”

He got a bowl and a box of Honey Nut Cheerios from the cupboard while his mother got the milk out of the refrigerator. He ate in a hurry. “Oh, Mom… Can I take the car to school today? I have to pick someone up and give ‘em a ride.”

She gave him a look of faux surprise. “Pacey John Witter? Asking _permission_ to take the car?”

Smirking, he shrugged. “It’s a new year. There could be plenty more changes in store.”

His mother walked over to the hutch against the wall and grabbed the keys to the wagon before setting them down on the table. “Here you go. Drive safe.”

“Thanks, Ma.” He stood from the table and set his empty bowl in the sink. Then he threw his backpack over one shoulder and made for the front door. “Be good in school and mind your teachers,” his mom called after him as he stepped outside.

Less than 10 minutes later, he was pulling up outside Joey’s house and honking the horn. A few seconds passed, and he saw her step out through the front door, her brows knitting in confusion at the sight of him. She scowled in annoyance. He waved cheerfully. She rolled her eyes, and he laughed to himself. She then went back inside for a minute and returned with her backpack. He watched her walk to the car and get into the front passenger seat.

“Good morning, sunshine,” he smirked. “And how are you on this fine Thursday morning?”

“You didn’t tell me you were driving me to school today, Pacey.”

“I didn’t? Huh. Well, now you know.” He smirked as she put her seatbelt on. “I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship, Potter.”

She rolled her eyes again, but this time she was finally smiling. “Just drive.”

Grinning, he put the car into gear and they were soon on the road, heading for the high school.


	5. 1999 (Part Three)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _It's never easy and you never know  
What leaves you crying and what makes you whole  
There ain't no way that I can hold it down  
Falling to pieces, forever in doubt_
> 
> _But it's all right  
Why don't you tell me again  
How you'll still be there  
When the heartache ends  
Well, it's all right  
Why don't you tell me, my friend  
How you'll still be there  
When the heartache ends_

September 11. He left work at six o’clock and drove over to the Potter’s house. Bessie answered the door when he knocked, somewhat surprised to see him. After letting him inside, he found Joey on the living room couch. “Hey, how was work?” he greeted with a smile, sitting down next to her.

“The worst,” she grumbled. “You?”

He set two videos down on the coffee table. “It was pretty good for a Saturday.”

She eyed the movies. “And what did you bring over for our viewing pleasure? Porn?”

“You wish,” he deadpanned. Then he smiled. “To honor our first official weekend as real, actual friends, I brought some new releases on VHS: _Varsity Blues_ and _Cruel Intentions_. I saw both of ‘em in the theater with Andie and she really liked them. Have you seen them?”

“Nope.” She looked over at him, eyeing him up and down. “What’s got you in such a good mood?”

He smiled, his stomach doing somersaults from excitement. “Andie’s getting out of the clinic on Friday morning.”

Joey gave him a look of surprise. “Really? That’s great, Pacey.”

“I know,” he said, feeling giddy. “I can’t wait. I’m gonna ask her dad if I can pick her up Thursday after school and surprise her.”

“Aww. It’ll be nice to see her again. I have to admit I’ve rather missed her perky enthusiasm.”

He let out a breathy laugh. “If her dad says it’s cool, you wanna go with me to pick her up? We’d have to leave before school lets out, so you’d miss your afternoon classes.”

She shrugged, pursing her lips. “Uh… yeah, sure, okay. I’ve never been to Rhode Island. So, when did she tell you the good news?”

He reached for a video. “Um… she didn’t. Jack told me this morning. I suppose Andie will tell me all about it when she calls tomorrow.”

Just then there was knock on the door. Joey turned a startled look in its direction. “That’ll be for us,” he said, grinning at her. “Meet me back here with two plates.” He got up from the couch and went to the door, opening it to find the delivery guy on the other side. “That’ll be $13.80,” the driver said. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out his wallet and handed over the cash. He returned to the living room carrying a large pizza, setting it down on the table next to the plates and some napkins. As he sat down on the couch, he watched Joey pop a video cassette into the VCR and smiled.

When she took her seat next to him, he flipped open the pizza box, the aroma making his mouth water. “Dig in.”

When the second movie began, Joey started yawning. Halfway through, she leaned against him with a tired sigh, and it wasn’t long after that she fell asleep with her head on his shoulder. Rather than shove her off, he wrapped an arm around her and listened to her quiet breathing while he kept watching the movie. He didn’t remember much after that, not until his eyes fluttered open and saw Bessie standing over him in her pajamas with a scowl on her face and crossed arms. He glanced at the TV screen—it was bright blue. He looked over as Joey sat up, rubbing her eyes and yawning.

“Pacey, it’s almost midnight,” Bessie said in a stern tone. “Don’t you think you should get on home now?”

“Can’t I spend the night?” he yawned, feeling groggy. “I’m too tired to drive.”

Joey kicked his foot. Bessie knitted her brows. “What? No. You live like five minutes away. Go home, Pacey. I’m sure your parents are wondering where you are.”

He groaned as he stood up. “I doubt it,” he muttered under his breath. He made his way over to the front door.

“Thanks for the pizza and the movie night,” Joey said as she followed him. “It’s been a while since I had one of those. Even though I think I missed the entirety of _Varsity Blues_.”

“No problem.” He grasped the doorknob and opened the door, before turning back to her. “Uh… you wanna hang out tomorrow? I have work and then I gotta be home for Andie’s phone call, but I can come over after.”

“Sure,” she sighed. “We can finish watching the movie.”

He nodded and then went out the door. “Goodnight, Bessie,” he called out in an exaggerated tone before the door closed behind him. He made for the Witter wagon, but then changed his mind. He was too tired. Instead, he walked around to the back of the house. There he found Joey waiting for him, standing in front of her open window. “How’d I guess?” she smirked. Chuckling, he climbed inside her bedroom and took his spot on her floor.

September 16. After putting his backpack away, he closed his locker just as the lunch bell rang to see Joey’s sudden appearance on the other side of it. She crossed her arms, looking pleased with herself. “Aren’t you glad you don’t have to take your books home because we finished all our homework in Study Hall this morning?”

“It’s a thrill,” he snarked.

She pursed her lips. “Well, you should be happy that I went to our teachers and got the assignments, so we’re not going to miss out by skipping our afternoon classes. The thrill will be when you get your report card and are rewarded for all your hard work. Weren’t you pleased with your good grades last year?”

He shrugged in defeat. “Yes, Jo. I was. Okay, let’s go.” He turned to head towards the entrance.

“Can’t we eat before we go, Pacey?” she asked, grasping his hand and pulling him back. “Please? I’m so hungry, I’m willing to eat what passes for food at this school.”

“Okay, but make it quick. We still gotta go to my house to get the car.”

They walked together to the cafeteria and went through the lunch line. He watched Joey load her tray with salad and a sandwich, and then grabbed two drinks. When they sat down at a table, he slid over her can of Diet Coke while he popped open his Coca-Cola. She took a bite of her sandwich and then said, “Aren’t you going to eat?”

He blinked. “Talking with your mouth full isn’t an attractive quality, Potter.”

She threw her hand in front of her mouth. “I’m sorry, I’m starving,” she said with garbled speech.

“Swallow first, then talk.” She rolled her eyes. “And no, I’m not eating. I’m too nervous to eat.”

Dawson then entered the cafeteria and they watched him sit down with Jen and Jack. “You can go hang out with them for a while before we leave,” Joey suggested. “If you want. I’m sure it’s more interesting than just waiting for me to finish eating.”

He shook his head and smiled. “I’m fine right here.”

She averted her eyes from his, fighting a smile, and returned to her food. Twenty minutes later, they were walking out of school. After he pulled his bike out from the rack, he turned to see her throwing a sarcastic look in his direction. “You’ve got to be kidding me,” she said.

“What?”

“How are the two of us going to get to your house on _one_ bike, Pacey?”

He smirked. “You’re gonna ride my handlebars.”

Joey’s brows knitted and she squinted at him suspiciously. He then strode the bike and gripped the bars. “Come on.”

“I’m not going to do that. We’ll just end up falling and I have no desire to be scraped off the pavement.”

“Why are you so scared of everything, Joey? You’re like a skittish kitten—afraid of your own shadow.”

She crossed her arms and scowled. “I am not!”

“Would you get on the damn bike? We’re wasting time.”

She huffed. “Fine. But if we end up going to the Emergency Room with injuries, know that it’s all your fault.”

He rolled his eyes. “Come over here, step over the front wheel, and then sit on the handlebars.” She did as he instructed, placing herself between his arms and tightly gripping the bars. He tried to ignore the fact her ass was on his hands. “Okay, now lean back against me.” Although hesitating for a moment, she leaned back a little. Pushing off a few times with his foot to get the bike going, he then started pedaling down the school drive.

“Ahhh!”

He laughed as he went faster, and soon she was laughing, too. It wasn’t long before she leaned fully back against him, allowing him to support her. The scent of her hair filled his nostrils. She turned her head often to look at him, her brown eyes sparkling with delight.

Ten minutes later, they were pulling into the Witter driveway. He stopped the bike.

“Tired?” she asked.

“No, not really.”

Joey climbed off the bike. She put her hand on his shirt over his heart and arched her eyebrows; it was beating like mad. He felt her warmth through the fabric before she moved her hand away.

“Okay, I’m a little tired,” he admitted. “And nervous about Andie. I’m like a 13-year-old kid, huh?”

“It’s cute,” she smiled. “Your ears are red.”

They walked the bike up the drive to the garage. He opened the door to find the Witter wagon was gone, and groaned. “She was supposed to be home from her errands by now,” he said in an exasperated tone. He placed his bike inside and then closed the door again. He stared at the dark blue Ford SUV sitting in the driveway that belonged to the Sheriff’s Department. Shrugging, he started walking towards it. “Come on.”

He opened the driver’s side door and hopped in. Pulling the visor down, the keys spilled out and onto his lap. Joey got into the front seat beside him and put on her seatbelt. “Won’t you get into trouble for this, Pacey?” she questioned.

“Depends on my Pop’s mood.”

They were soon on the highway heading for Providence. When they reached the state border, they were greeted by the sign, “Welcome to Rhode Island: The Ocean State.”

Joey gripped his arm excitedly. “I’ve never left Massachusetts before!”

“Stick with me, Potter, and you’ll go places,” he smirked.

“Next stop: mental health clinic.”

He threw her a look. “And I’d be more than happy to sign you over to them, believe me. They could help you work out your issues.”

“Ha. Ha. Ha.”

A few hours later, after they’d retrieved Andie from the hospital, they pulled up outside her house. Undoing his seatbelt, he hopped out of the car and he and Joey helped carry her belongings up to the front porch while Andie carried them inside the house. Joey was closing the rear doors when Andie walked back out to the car. He reached for her and she wrapped her arms around his waist.

“I’ll drop Joey off home and then I’ll come back,” he whispered in her ear. “I thought, uh, maybe I could spend the night.” Somewhere behind them he thought he heard Joey clear her throat. He fought an eye-roll.

“You can’t, Pacey,” Andie replied, frowning.

His guts tied into knots again. “Why not? You don’t want me to?”

She sighed, averting her eyes from his. “No, of course I want you to. It’s just that my dad is here. He lives here now. You can’t sleep over anymore.”

A wave of disappointment began sweeping over him but he pushed it away. “Well, that’s okay. I understand. Do you wanna go out and get something to eat? Maybe go down to our spot and walk around?”

“I’m really tired, Pacey. It’s been a long day. I just want to change into my pj’s and get into bed. Tomorrow will be my first day back in school and I’m nervous.”

He rubbed her back and sighed. “I understand.”

She smiled, yet it didn’t reach her eyes. “I’ll see you in the morning at school, okay?”

“Yeah.” He gazed down at her. “I love you, Andie.” He bent down to kiss her but she turned slightly at the last second and he kissed her cheek.

“I love you, too, Pacey,” she replied quietly, not looking him in the face. She then turned and walked away. He stood watching until she disappeared behind her front door, his guts twisting into knots so fierce he thought he might be sick. He suddenly felt like crying, but didn’t know why. Behind him, he heard a door open and shut. Sighing, he returned to the car.

The drive from Andie’s house over to Potter’s was a silent one. When they arrived, Joey turned and stared at him, but he wouldn’t look at her. “What’s the matter, Pacey?”

“I don’t know.”

“Is it Andie?”

He sighed. “Something’s not right, Jo.”

She frowned in sympathy. “Well, she’s probably nervous to be back here after spending all summer away. And it’s not like she spent the summer on the beach. Everyone knows she was in a mental hospital, and tomorrow she’s going to walk into school knowing everyone knows. That can’t be easy. I’m sure she’s scared. Just give her some time.”

“No, that’s not it. Something’s wrong.”

“Pacey, I’m sure it’s nothing…”

“You don’t know her like I know her, Joey,” he retorted.

She shook her head and opened the car door. “Okay. Well, goodnight, Pacey. Thanks for bringing me along on your little road trip. See you tomorrow. Are you going to give me a ride to school, or no?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “Depends if there is a car available or not.”

Joey slid out of the seat and closed the door behind her. She then leaned on the open car window. “You’ve got your bike, though, right?”

He turned to look at her. She smiled, her eyes sparkling. He snorted. “Yeah. I’ll see you in the morning, Jo.”

The next day, Andie was all gung-ho on attending the Pep Rally that night. She had insisted that he pick Joey up and bring her along with them. This only strengthened his suspicions of her seeming avoidance of being alone with him. The knots in his stomach wouldn’t go away and he soon learned they were entirely justified. He sat inside the car, parked in the student lot of the high school. His heart was breaking as he held back the tears. He refused to cry. He was too angry to cry.

He watched as people began spilling out of the front doors, talking and laughing as they departed the rally. Several minutes passed, and he then saw Jack and Andie walk out. She appeared inconsolable and her brother seemed to be trying to get her to talk to him. Jen and Joey appeared and hovered around Andie, no doubt also trying to find out the reason for her tears. A feeling of guilt settled in his stomach, which only made him angrier. He saw Andie begin to speak and their eyes widen in shock. Joey instantly turned to face the parking lot; she was looking for him. Her gaze soon found the Sheriff’s vehicle and she walked away from the others without a word.

She was soon opening the passenger door and getting into the seat beside him. Her brown eyes gazed at him tenderly, full of sympathy. It only made him feel worse. “Pacey, I’m so…”

“I don’t want to talk about it, Jo.”

She said nothing more and quietly buckled her seatbelt. He turned the ignition and soon they were on the road heading home. After several minutes of silence, she spoke. “Well, you missed quite the show in there.”

He scoffed.

“Courtesy of Dawson and Eve,” she sneered.

Taking his eyes off the road for a moment, he glanced at her with furrowed brows.

Joey nodded. “Yeah. So, during the showing of his film promoting the football team, the screen started going up and then there he was with Eve, basically in the middle taking each other’s clothes off. And of course, everyone saw and started cheering like the brain dead morons they are.”

“What?” He was shocked, and impressed. _Well, good for him._ Then he noticed the look on her face. “I’m sure that couldn’t have been easy for you to see.”

She sighed, and they both chose silence for the remainder of the drive.

On Monday afternoon, there was a knock on his front door but he didn’t move off the couch. Several more knocks. He listened as his mom made her way to the door to answer it. “Well, if it isn’t Josephine Potter,” his mother greeted cheerfully. He groaned. “What brings you to our house?”

“Hi, Mrs. Witter,” he heard Joey reply. “Um, Pacey wasn’t in school today. I haven’t seen him since Friday night.”

“He’s not feeling too well, but you can come in and see him.”

“Thanks.”

He heard the door close and listened as footsteps approached the living room. “Pacey, honey, your little friend is here.”

He shook his head, rolling his eyes as his mom went back to the kitchen. “What are you doing here, Jo?”

“You won’t return my phone calls and then you didn’t come to school,” she replied, sitting down on the coffee table in front of the couch.

“Sounds like you’ve been worried about me.” He arched his brows.

Joey scoffed. “Nothing could be further from the truth,” she denied, yet she couldn’t quite meet his eyes. She then reached inside her backpack. “I took the liberty of collecting your homework assignments for tomorrow and I brought them over.”

“I knew there was a reason to live,” he deadpanned.

She frowned. “Pacey, you can’t just lay around and wallow.”

Sighing, he didn’t reply or move. He wanted to die. The one person in his life who never looked at him or treated him like a failure, the one person who loved him the most… What was the point? His heart was broken but he still hadn’t shed a tear. Maybe he was already dead inside.

“You’re going to come to school tomorrow, though, right?” she asked.

He stared at her chewing on her lip. “You miss me, don’t you?”

Joey gave him a sarcastic look. “Please.”

“Admit it, Potter. You miss having me around.”

“You’re delusional,” she scowled. “I only worry about you falling behind and messing up your academic progress over a girl. The PSATs are in less than two weeks, you know?”

“Well, it was a girl who motivated the progress to begin with, so I call that coming full circle.”

She rolled her eyes and shrugged in defeat. “Why did I bother? Well, don’t come crawling to me when you’re suddenly failing your classes and you need someone to help you dig out of the hole you created.”

He watched as she grabbed her backpack and started waking away. “Joey!” She turned around. “Since you’re missing me and all, I’ve decided to come to school tomorrow. I’ll pick you up in the morning and we’ll walk to all our classes together and sit next to each other at lunch and then I’ll drive you home. I had no idea you wanted me around so badly, but I’ll make the effort for your sake.”

She thrust her tongue in her cheek, fixing him with a harsh scowl. “I hate you.”

He laughed to himself as she walked out of the house. Then thoughts of Andie once again began swirling inside his head, plaguing him.

September 22. Just before the last bell rang, signaling the end of the school day, he stood by Joey’s locker and waited. He soon saw her round a corner, scowling. He fought hard to keep his face passive. When she’d gotten into his car that morning, she’d been smiling and excited. By the time they’d arrived at school, she was starting to frown. He’d watched her scowl harden and deepen as the day progressed, just waiting for this moment.

“Hey, Jo,” he greeted as she approached him. “How was your afternoon?”

She stared at him. Emotions flickered across her face—annoyance, anger, and finally hurt. “Have you figured out what today is yet?” she asked, shrugging her shoulders.

“Wednesday?” he replied, pursing his lips. His stomach was doing somersaults of anticipation.

Joey shook her head and crossed her arms. “You know what? It didn’t surprise me at all that Dawson completely forgot what today is, or at least didn’t care to remember since I’m not blond and my name doesn’t rhyme with Steve. But I have to say that, for some strange reason I can’t seem to pinpoint anymore, I expected more from you. Maybe because this happened to you earlier this year and so maybe you would know how it feels to have your friends forget. Or maybe because I thought you…” She paused, averting her eyes as the sentence trailed off. Then she squared her shoulders and returned her gaze to his. “Well, it doesn’t matter what I thought. You’re just as disappointing as Dawson.”

He shrugged his shoulders, furrowing his brows into a confused expression. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, Jo.”

She pursed her lips into a thin angry line, turned from him, and started putting in the combination on her locker. He stood there staring, biting his cheek to keep from smiling. The instant she pulled the door open, confetti exploded in her face. Paper rainbows in yellows and greens and blues fluttered and drifted, coating her hair and clothes, as a bright pink _“Happy Birthday!”_ balloon floated out of the locker. He burst out laughing.

“Oh, my God, Pacey,” she laughed in disbelief as she stared down at the confetti all over her clothes and the floor. Then she threw him an accusatory look. “Why did you make me go all day long thinking you’d forgotten?”

“Payback is a bitch, Potter,” he snarked, grinning at her.

She laughed. “Thank you, Pacey.” Joey smiled, her eyes sparkling.

He shook his head. “The day isn’t over yet.”

Thirty minutes later, they were walking into the movie theater. When they got up to the window, he pulled out his wallet. “Two tickets for _Love Stinks_, please.”

_“‘Love Stinks?’”_ Joey said. “I can’t believe I’m taking a night off from studying for the PSATs for _Love Stinks_.”

“It’s a comedy,” he grinned. “And a perfect title for the two of us, huh?” She rolled her eyes, fighting a smile. “You know, there _is_ such a thing as studying too much, Potter. It’s healthy to take a night off. Plus, it’s your birthday. I think the occasion calls for a break.”

After they retrieved their tickets, they made their way over to the concession stand. “What do you want? My treat.”

Joey smiled excitedly. “Popcorn and a Cherry Coke.”

“Any candy?”

She pursed her lips and shrugged indecisively. He then spoke to the cashier behind the counter. “Uh, we’ll have a medium popcorn…” He turned to Joey. “Extra butter?”

She nodded, smiling. “Extra butter.”

“And, uh… one small Cherry Coke and one small Sprite. Um… Twizzlers.” He glanced at Joey. “Goobers?” She smiled. He turned back to the cashier. “And some Goobers.”

When they got their snacks, they walked into the theater housing their movie. Looking around, he only saw a handful of people inside; they had their pick of seats. Joey chose a row halfway from the front and two seats directly in the middle. They snacked quietly through the previews. Sometime after the movie started, the popcorn bag was crumpled and placed on the floor next to their feet. He then looked over to see Joey rubbing her hands up and down her thighs.

“What are you doing?” he whispered.

“My hands are all greasy from the popcorn.”

“Why are you wiping them on your jeans?”

“Because I don’t have any napkins.”

“Jesus, Potter. I can’t take you anywhere.”

She rolled her eyes.

When the movie ended, they exited the theater. He took a minute to look at the posters on display for upcoming releases, but then Joey grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the parking lot. “Come on,” she said, still holding onto his hand as they made for the car. “I want to get some ice cream before it closes.”

After parking at Reese’s and hopping out of the car, he reached beneath the seat and retrieved a plastic bag. At the window, Joey ordered a Peanut Butter Cup Sundae with two spoons. They sat down together at an umbrella-covered table. Reaching into the plastic bag, he pulled out two cardboard crowns, glittering and pink and with “17” emblazoned on the front in silver.

Joey blinked. “I’m not wearing that.”

“Oh yes, you are,” he said, putting on his own sparkling crown.

She started giggling at the sight of him, but frowned when he handed over her own crown. She adamantly shook her head. “I loathe the color pink.”

“I know. That’s why I chose it.”

She scowled.

“Come on, Jo.”

“I’ll look ridiculous.”

“It’s good to look ridiculous from time to time.”

She huffed.

He pursed his mouth. “Has anyone ever told you that you take yourself way too seriously? You’re too young to be this bitter. Try having fun for a change. You might like it.”

Joey chewed on her lip. He kept grinning at her, waggling his brows. “Oh, all right,” she sighed, and took the pink crown from his hand, setting it on her head. He smiled. Wearing their 17th birthday crowns, they then shared the sundae, and soon she was smiling, too. After they finished, he glanced over at the table next to them, where a married couple were having ice cream with their two small children. He pulled out a camera from the plastic bag.

“Ma’am?” He watched the woman turn to meet his eye. “Would you mind taking our picture?”

“Oh, my God, Pacey. No.”

“Shush.”

“Don’t _shush_ me.”

The woman smiled and walked over, taking the camera from him. He stood up and moved over to Joey’s side of the table before taking a seat next to her. He threw his arm around her shoulder.

“We look ridiculous, Pacey,” Joey murmured. “Can’t we at least take these stupid crowns off first?”

“No. The entire point of the picture is to have a memento of us celebrating your birthday with these stupid crowns.”

She sighed. The woman moved towards them, holding up the camera. “Say cheese,” she told them. Joey wrapped an arm around his waist and hugged him close while the picture was taken. It was only a brief moment, but just long enough for him to feel a flutter of butterflies in his stomach.

October. He walked out of school on Monday afternoon, heading towards the parking lot with Joey. The day had been all right—for a Monday. His bruised lip was healing and almost unnoticeable. The same was true for Dawson’s eye. And seemingly overnight, Capeside High had become overrun with Homecoming fever. The big game was scheduled for Saturday at two o’clock, where the Homecoming Queen would be crowned, and then the dance in the school gym later that night. He and Joey had no intention of attending either.

“I feel like maybe we should support Jack, though?” he suggested. “And whatever passive-aggressive cheers Jen’s got planned are bound to be at least somewhat entertaining.”

She sighed. “I know, but… Ugh. Football games. Next thing you know, we’ll be joining Yearbook and campaigning for Prom King and Queen.”

He smirked. “We’re already used to wearing crowns.”

“Ha. Ha.” She threw him a look, but she smiled, her eyes glinting with amusement.

He was suddenly accosted by Andie. “Pacey, I didn’t want to say anything about this because it’s none of my business anymore. I didn’t want to pry or get involved and make you feel uncomfortable or make you upset. But… I can’t help it, Pacey. How could you just walk out of the PSATs on Saturday? I mean it. _How could you?_ You’ve worked so hard and now you’re just throwing everything away.”

“I’m not the only one who threw everything away, now am I?”

Joey’s eyes widened and she started turning and backing away. He reached out and grasped hold of her wrist, preventing her from leaving him alone with his ex-girlfriend. Andie frowned at him, her eyes filling with hurt at his words. A pang of guilt churned in his stomach, only making him angrier. Why should he still feel guilty when he did nothing wrong? She was the one who ruined everything.

“But what about your future, Pacey?” Andie finally replied, trying her best to ignore his jab. “You have so much potential and you’re so smart. You shouldn’t let… recent events… derail you. I mean, this is self-sabotage. You owe it to yourself and your future to keep doing well.”

“I appreciate the pep talk, Andie. But you’re right, it’s none of your business anymore.” He then turned from her, still holding onto Joey’s wrist, and walked away, pulling his friend along. He finally let go when they reached the parking lot. They quietly got into his mom’s wagon. The drive to the Potter’s house was a silent one. Sitting in their driveway, he put the car into park and she took off her seatbelt.

Joey turned to him. “You know, Pacey, you can still take the PSATs. There are other test dates posted in the Main Office. I know Dawson is going to. He’ll have to if he wants to get into a top film school.”

Emotion started rising up within him, and he tried to shove it down. “But what’s the point? We both know I’m not getting into college.”

“You don’t know that,” she retorted.

“Oh, but I do. Anyway, so what? College isn’t for everyone, right? Not everyone enjoys school the way you do, Joey.”

She shot him a look. “I don’t enjoy school.”

He arched his brows. “Were we, or were we not, once waist-deep in cold marsh muck hunting for snails partly because you got a 98 on a test instead of 100?”

“That doesn’t mean I _like_ school, Pacey,” she said, rolling her eyes. “It means I make sure I work my ass off to get the best grades possible so I don’t get stuck in this town for the rest of my life.”

“Yeah, like I will,” he grumbled.

“No, you won’t. Why should you end up stuck here? You can go anywhere, Pacey. Do anything.”

His throat tightened with emotion, threatening to choke him. Hot tears pricked his eyes. He’d once had a dream for a future that included Andie and her dreams of Harvard. He once thought that with her help, the rest of his high school career wouldn’t turn out an abysmal failure and he could even apply to some schools. There was bound to be at least one in Boston that would’ve accepted him, even if it was just a community college, which would’ve allowed him to be where Andie was. He would’ve been free from this town, free from his parents, and finally happy. Now, everything he’d once seen in his future had faded away. Where once a feeling of hope had buoyed him, it had been quickly replaced with feelings of loneliness, gloom, and longing. Longing for what? He didn’t know, but the emptiness was crushing and he had no idea how to fill it.

“Pacey?” Joey said quietly. He heard the concern in her voice.

He shook his head, hands gripping the steering wheel, desperately trying to fight back the tears, and refused to look at her. She placed a comforting hand on his back. All of a sudden, the tears began to run down his face. Unable to fight it anymore, he hung his head and cried. The tears, the pain, and the pent-up anger that he’d buried along with his relationship with Andie were finally pouring out.

Joey slid across the seat. Keeping her palm pressed gently against his back, she laid her head on his shoulder and took hold of his hand, prying it from the steering wheel. “You’ll be all right, Pacey,” she whispered. “I promise.” Her hand gripped his and she sat with him until the tears subsided.

October 8. On the Friday before the big Homecoming game, he walked with Dawson to English, their one and only class together. He filled his best friend in on his expedition with Joey that included skipping school and then getting caught. “And as punishment, Principal Green decided that Joey and I will don the mascot at the game tomorrow,” he said.

Dawson laughed. “Oh, that reminds me. I noticed something the other day. Did you know that Joey has a picture of you in her locker?”

His stomach tightened. “What?”

“Yeah. You’re wearing these pink things on your heads. I didn’t get a good look. I just saw it in passing.”

“Oh, yeah. The pink birthday crowns.”

Dawson came to an abrupt stop. He halted and turned to see an expression of horror on his best friend’s face. “Oh, my God, Pacey.”

“I know.”

“I completely forgot.”

“I know.”

Dawson frowned. “Why didn’t you remind me?”

He shrugged. “Weren’t you the one telling me that you and Joey needed to _weave your separate paths through the woods called life _or whatever that was you said?”

“Was she really upset?”

“Hmm. I think she made her peace with it, Dawson.”

“I gotta make it up to her, Pacey. I feel terrible. I mean, she threw me a birthday party earlier this year and I completely ruined that. And now this.”

They then took their seats in English class near Jen and Joey. Before the bell rang, Jack and Andie were hailed to join them. They got up from their seats on the other side of the room and walked over. To ‘make it up to Joey,’ Dawson ended up telling them all to meet him in the parking lot at the end of the day. When school let out, he and Joey walked out to the student lot, where they found Dawson and Jen waiting for them.

“Hey, guys,” Joey greeted. “What’s this plan you’ve cooked up?”

“We’re going to make up for missing your birthday,” Dawson told her. “So, it’s a surprise.”

“Yeah, now that I know the date, I won’t forget next year,” Jen added. “And Jack feels bad he couldn’t make it. He’s got practice. Andie, well…” She glanced at Pacey. He sighed. “Well, she said she has too much studying to do, but that she’ll make it up to you another time.”

Joey shrugged, her face turning red, and tucked her hair behind an ear. “It’s okay. Really. I told you guys it’s no big deal. We don’t have to do anything. I had a great time with Pacey.”

He pursed his lips, fighting a smile. His stomach fluttered.

Dawson glanced between them, and he almost thought he saw a glimpse of tension in his eyes. The memory of getting a basketball thrown at his face suddenly came to mind. “Well,” his friend laughed uncomfortably. “I’m going to make sure you get the best belated birthday ever. Okay? Great. Let’s go.”

Watching Dawson and Jen turn around, he glanced at Joey and they exchanged pointed looks. They were soon in the back seat of Dawson’s SUV, and after departing the school, it wasn’t long before they arrived at a large complex with a sign that read, “Pirate’s Cove Adventure Golf.”

“Oh, no,” Joey muttered. Seated next to her in the backseat, he shot her a sympathetic look.

After getting out of the car, they walked together towards the entrance. “You’ve got to be kidding me,” Joey grumbled as Dawson acquired four clubs from an attendant once they were inside.

Their best friend turned and saw the look on her face. “What? We always have fun when we come here.” Dawson handed her a club before turning to give out the others.

“Yeah, _you_ do,” she muttered under her breath.

The outdoor, 18-hole course snaked through a maze of dolphins and sharks, wind mills and lighthouses, bridges and pirate ships and waterfalls. The place was swarming with families and other teens on dates. Their own small group approached the first hole.

“Birthday girl goes first,” Dawson declared happily. “I can keep score.” He pulled out the paper and pencil.

Joey groaned.

By the time they got to the ninth hole, she was miserable. The worst she played the more Dawson laughed. “Come on, you can do it,” their friend encouraged her as she teed up. “I know you can. Just concentrate.” Yet when her performance did about just as well as the previous eight holes, Dawson couldn’t contain his laughter. “Okay. My turn.”

“I suck at this, Dawson,” she complained as she stepped away so he could tee up. “Consider yourself completely and totally forgiven for forgetting my birthday if we can just quit now.”

“We have to do the whole course, Joey. If we quit now, the scores are useless. Plus, I paid for all 18 holes for four people.”

He’d had about enough. “Okay, I have an idea.” He took Jen by the shoulder and walked her up to Dawson. “Why don’t you two go first and just play on. You’ll get done faster. Me and Joey will keep playing and we’ll meet you at the 18th hole. Sound good?”

She sighed.

Dawson and Jen exchanged looks and smiled, nodding. “Okay. Sounds good.”

They hung back, allowing their friends to finish the ninth hole and move on to the next. He then turned to Joey. “I’ll go first.”

She nodded, frowning.

He teed up and then looked back at her, staring until she met his gaze. He held it and then looked down at the golf ball, before turning his gaze back at her. He gave her a pointed look and then turned his head to look at the target, back at the ball, and then back to her. She caught on, and moved forward, giving him her rapt attention. He swung and got a hole-in-one. Turning to her, he gave her a smile and an encouraging nod. She stepped forward and teed her ball.

By the time they reached the 18th hole, Joey was laughing. There they found Dawson and Jen waiting. “Hey, guys,” he greeted them. “Having fun?”

“Yep,” Joey replied.

He smiled. “Yeah.”

“Okay, let’s tally our scores before we do the last hole.” He handed his paper to Dawson, who added up their scores and announced, “Me and Pacey are tied for first, followed by Jen, and Joey.” He glanced at the two score sheets. “Wow, Joey. You did really well on the back half. That’s great.”

“No kidding,” she snarked.

“So, Dawson, how about a friendly wager?” he asked, a strong desire to beat his friend suddenly welling up inside him.

The girls glanced between them.

“Sure. What did you have in mind, Pacey? Money or food?”

_Joey._ It was the first thing that popped in his head, confusing him, and he forced the thought away, not understanding where it came from. Clearing his throat, he nodded. “Uh… loser pays for drinks and snacks?”

Dawson smiled. “Deal.”

He nodded and teed up. Glancing back at Joey for a moment, their eyes met and held. He then fired the golf ball at the target. Hole-in-one. He turned around with a shit-eating grin on his face. “Your turn, Dawson.”

Later, he sat at a table with the girls, waiting for their friend. It wasn’t long before they saw him walking towards them carrying a cardboard box filled with sodas, burgers, and fries. “Poor Dawson,” Jen commented. “He really hates losing.” Fighting a grin, he and Joey exchanged a smug look.

October 16. After finishing his Saturday shift at the video store, he made his way to the yard to work on True Love. Throwing himself into fixing it up was keeping him in a good mood, or at least it was allowing him to forget about everything else going on in his miserable life. With a small blue fiberglass pad, he removed the remaining moss and small barnacles from the bottom. Picking up a palm sander, he then continued with sanding the boat. After about an hour, he heard a voice ring out.

“Permission to come aboard?”

The sound of her voice made him smile. He stood up to see her waiting at the bottom of the ladder. She still had on her work uniform—a slate gray button-down with “Joey” in red stitching. The look on her face caused his smile to falter. “What’s wrong?” he asked her.

She chewed on her lip. “As of today, I am no longer employed with Logan’s Marina.”

“Did you finally quit and give that jerk what-for?”

“I don’t really want to go into the details right now, Pacey. Maybe another time.”

He nodded. “Well, come aboard. I hear sanding old boats and working up a sweat does wonders for ignoring your problems.”

She gave him a weak smile and climbed the ladder. They got down to work, remaining quiet for some time. “So, are you gonna look for a new job?” he finally spoke, turning around to face her.

Joey had sat down and was wiping the sweat from her brow. She then reached for the buttons of her shirt. Unable to look away, he watched her like a hawk as first one button and then another came undone. Slowly, she removed the button-down and it fell out of her hand to the floor of the boat. She sat there in a white spaghetti-strap tank top, cropped to expose a bare midriff and cut low enough to make him uncomfortable. He gulped as he felt his face grow hot and his stomach tighten, and then silently cursed this Indian Summer.

She sighed. “I guess I’ll have to, but Bessie said the insurance check for the fire should be here any day now.”

Tearing his gaze from her, he turned around and went back to sanding. “What are you gonna do with the money? Repair the Ice House? I miss that place.”

“I suppose,” she shrugged. “I kind of had this idea… but it’s stupid.”

“What?” he asked, turning back to look at her. He forced himself to look at her eyes and nothing else, although for some reason that didn’t seem to help much.

She pursed her lips. “Well, I thought maybe we could use the money and turn our house into a bed & breakfast. It’s a nice property, and the other ones in Capeside are all in the downtown area. I thought people might like to stay at a place near the creek, you know, where it’s quiet and very green and peaceful.” She gazed at him nervously. “What do you think?”

He smiled. “I think that sounds like a great idea, Jo.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. You should do it. Have you mentioned this idea to Bessie yet?”

Joey shook her head. “No, not yet. Who knows if the insurance money will cover everything we’d need to renovate the house? And then labor doesn’t come cheap.”

He nodded pensively. “We’ll think of something, Potter.”

She smiled and then stared off into the distance, lost in thought. Unable to help himself, his eyes dropped to her mouth, lingered, and then to the smooth skin showing above her top. He let his gaze drop lower, to the roundness of her breasts. Perfect breasts. Not too big, not too small. Very touchable. He was powerless against the sudden surge of longing that rose in his chest. He then shook his head, breaking the spell, and heaved a sigh, turning around and putting his back to her. The fact he’d even have such a reaction to Joey Potter, of all people—a woman equally as irritating as she could be infuriating—was just proof his four-months-and-counting dry spell had reached Saharan proportions. He told himself that’s all it was and began sanding vigorously.

October 31. He didn’t hear her over the sound of the circular saw until she was shouting. Flipping it off, he turned to see Joey standing there inside the workshop. He sighed. He didn’t really feel like company. He watched emotions flicker across her face, but he couldn’t read them. As soon as he thought he had her figured out, she became a mystery all over again.

“Good morning,” she said.

“Good morning, Jo.”

Silence filled the air between them, becoming more awkward. “Were you planning on coming over today?” she finally asked.

He stared. “Did you come all the way out here just to ask me if I was going to come to your house?”

“Well…” She chewed on her lip. “And I wanted to see how you’re feeling.”

“Ahh. So, you’ve been talking to Andie.”

Joey pursed her lips. “She came over last night, yeah.”

He closed his eyes and shook his head. “Let’s see… How am I feeling? I feel like shit. Thanks for asking. Look if you came out here to give me a lecture, Potter, spare me. I know I made a colossal mistake—me and Andie both did. We never should’ve done it. It won’t happen again.”

“I wasn’t going to lecture you, Pace. Feelings are complicated. Relationships are complicated. There’s this whole gray area around breakups that’s murky and hard to navigate.”

Sighing, he dropped the saw on the table and moved over to the chair, sitting down. “When will this end?”

Joey moved closer and took the chair next to his. “What?”

“The heartache. I’d just like to be my old self again—the pre-Andie Pacey who didn’t have a care in the world. And the thing is, I don’t even know that guy anymore. I don’t remember what it felt like before Andie. I also can’t remember what it felt like to be happy and in love with Andie. I can’t… I can’t get that feeling back. It’s gone. And I’m just stuck in this place where everything is terrible.”

“Well, I can’t say the pre-Andie Pacey was all that happy, honestly,” she replied. “And I don’t think he didn’t have a care in the world. I think that’s just the impression he wanted to give everyone.”

He frowned. “But I know I didn’t feel like this. This feeling that’s… It’s not like I want to die, but I don’t exactly want to live. When does that go away? Everything sucks, Joey. How long before it stops sucking?”

“I’ll let you know once I find out myself.”

“Dawson?”

“He hasn’t even talked to me since we went to Pirate’s Cove.” She gazed at him for a moment. “Is this why we’ve suddenly started hanging out all the time? Misery loves company?”

He scoffed, shaking his head. “We’re drawn to each other’s magnetic negativity.”

She rolled her eyes.

“If it’s any consolation, Potter, I do hope that someday there will be a time when both of us are happy and we still choose to hang out and be friends.”

Joey smiled. “Me, too, Pacey.”

He stood up from the chair. “And on that note, what are you doing tonight?”

“Keeping all the lights off inside the house and hiding from trick-or-treaters.”

“Naturally. You want to go to the movies instead?”

She thought about it for a moment. “Sure. Avoiding children dressed in costumes and begging for candy while in a movie theater sounds like a lot more fun than crawling from room to room in the dark.”

He laughed.

Later that night, they stood in front of the concession stand after getting their tickets to see _House on Haunted Hill_. “I really don’t like scary movies, Pacey,” she said as they moved forward in line.

“I know, my little skittish kitten, but it’s Halloween. Besides, everything else playing is a sappy drama or a romantic comedy. I’m in the mood for neither. You?”

“Ugh.”

He nodded. “See? Scary movie it is.”

They soon reached the counter and ordered their snacks. “Extra butter?” he asked her.

Joey nodded enthusiastically, her eyes sparkling. “Extra butter.”

After paying, they began walking away from the concession stand, but then he quickly doubled back and grabbed some napkins, stuffing them in his pocket.


	6. 1999 (Part Four)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _That smile on your face like summer  
The way that your hand keeps touching mine  
Let me be the one to make it right  
And maybe..._
> 
> _Maybe let me hold you, baby  
Let me come over  
I would tell you secrets nobody knows  
I cannot overstate it, I will be overjoyed_

November. After he rolled up his sleeves to his elbows, he began rolling white primer onto a wall. Joey was standing behind him on the other side of the room with a paintbrush. The Potter’s home was quickly looking more and more like a bed & breakfast.

“You know, I think we should put up a self-portrait in the Pacey J. Witter Memorial Addition,” he said.

She snorted, turning around and throwing him a sarcastic look. “Pacey, we want guests to stay here, not run away screaming.”

He batted his eyelashes and adopted a feminine voice. “Paint me like one of your French girls, Joey!”

“You have snot for brains,” she retorted.

He rolled his eyes. “_Snot for brains?_ What, are we in first grade again?”

“Well, we met in first grade. It’s a fitting callback.”

“I know, Potter. My life was ruined forever that day,” he joked.

“Sorry I stole Dawson from you and forced you to share him,” she grinned.

“Nah, that’s not it. He called dibs.”

Joey stared at him. “What do you mean?”

The memories, long forgotten and only half remembered, were now coming forward in his mind, crystal clear. “Yeah. Well, you know, Dawson suffered from Only Child Syndrome and didn’t like to share his toys. He met you first, before you came to school, and that was it. You were _his_ friend and he wasn’t going to share, especially not with me.”

She didn’t reply at first and went back to painting. Then she stopped and turned around again. “Do you even remember the day we met? It was so long ago.”

“I remember everything.” He smirked. “Well, I remember the day you walked into our classroom.”

“And what did you think of little Joey Potter?” she teased.

_I thought she was the prettiest thing I’d ever laid my eyes on._ He shrugged his shoulders. “I have to say, I thought you were kind of hideous.”

She looked affronted. “Hideous?!”

“Yeah, you walked in with a gimp and you had that huge lump on your back.” He scrunched his face up in mock disgust.

“I didn’t have a lump!” she laughed in disbelief.

He shrugged, pursing his lips. “I’m pretty sure you did, Jo. Total hunchback. Eventually it got smaller and now you can barely even see it. So, good for you. Still gotta work on that gimp, though.”

She flicked her wrist and flung some paint on him. “You’re such a doofus.”

He looked down in shock at the white paint stains on his blue shirt. “You’re gonna pay for that, Potter.”

Adamantly shaking her head, she started stepping backwards as he reached for a brush handle. “Don’t you dare, Pacey.” He lifted it from the can, white primer dripping from the bristles, and shook it at her wildly, flinging paint all over. She screamed and threw her hands up to stop the assault.

“You jerk!” she said as she turned the paint back on him with her own brush. He then wrapped his arms around her, pinning her hands at her sides. She dropped the brush. “Okay, okay!”

He stared down at her. His gaze settled on her mouth. Despite her annoying personality, and the crazy paint stains all over her face and hair and clothes, and the fact that if he even _thought_ about touching her, he’d probably get struck by lightning, he suddenly wanted to kiss her. He wanted to know what she would taste like and how she would respond. He wanted—

He felt his groin tighten. _Fuck._

He quickly let her go. “Okay, truce!” He turned away and went back to the far wall and picked up the roller again.

“Geez, Pacey. Look at me. I’m covered in paint.”

“It’ll wash off,” he replied without looking. His heart was pounding. Goddamn, he needed to get laid.

They then quietly went back to work.

“Do you want to do something later?” she asked over her shoulder after some time had passed. “We could rent a movie or… I don’t know. Go out? It’s Saturday. There’s gotta be something we can do around town tonight. Unless you’re hanging out with Dawson.”

“I haven’t hung out with him that much lately,” he replied. He hadn’t really wanted to, and wasn’t exactly sure why.

She dipped her brush again into a can of white primer. “So, then you want to do something?”

“Um…” He hesitated. “I’m kinda busy later.”

She scoffed. “Doing what?”

_Jen Lindley, hopefully._ “I have plans, Jo.”

“You always have plans lately,” she complained as she continued applying primer behind him. 

He frowned at the wall. He’d briefly considered telling Joey about the friends-with-benefits arrangement he and Jen had made last week, but he knew it would only make her mad. He knew she couldn’t possibly understand how he felt or even the concept that two people might want to have sex because they enjoy it, especially if they had gone a long time without it. He’d just end up on the receiving end of another one of her harsh, judgmental lectures on morality and his numerous character flaws, which was to be expected whenever his sex life was up for discussion.

But what was there to tell? Nothing had happened. Over the past 10 days, he and Jen had made out a few times. But what had happened? Nothing. Her blond hair, her blue eyes, her full figure—she was a beautiful girl, but he felt nothing. Certainly not arousal, much to his slowly increasing disappointment and frustration. Of course, Jen broke out into laughter every time he tried to feel her up, and needless to say, that was a major mood killer. So, there was no need to tell Joey about it because it was nothing. Yet a strange guilt had begun to settle in the pit of his stomach and it made him feel uneasy. But what had he done? Nothing.

“I can’t be at your beck and call, Potter,” he snapped, feeling inexplicably angry. “Get yourself a boyfriend.” The sound of her brush stopped. Guilt suddenly twisted sharply in his gut. He closed his eyes, sighing, and turned around. She stared at the wall, keeping her back to him. “I’m sorry, Joey. I didn’t mean it.”

She kept her back to him and didn’t reply for several moments. “You didn’t mean that you can’t be at my beck and call? Or you didn’t mean that you want me to get a boyfriend?”

What? “No, I…” He didn’t know what to say. “I didn’t mean…” She turned to look at him, arching her brows, waiting for an answer. “I just didn’t mean to snap at you like that, or bring up the whole, you know, you-being-single-because-Dawson-dumped-you thing. Okay? I’m sorry.”

Joey nodded her head slowly and pursed her lips. “But you do think I should get a boyfriend.”

His guts tied into knots, and he felt a flush creeping up his neck and into his face. Again, he suddenly felt angry but didn’t exactly understand why. “I don’t care what you do, Potter. Your love life is none of my business.” He thought he saw a glimpse of disappointment in her face, but then her expression became smug.

“You’re right, Pacey. It isn’t.” With a mean look, she flipped her hair and turned back around, once again painting primer on the wall.

His brows furrowed. What the hell was that about? He felt his jaw tighten in annoyance and struggled to suppress it. Why did she get under his skin so damn much? It was unnerving how she could aggravate him like no one else. An overwhelming urge to run from the room welled up inside him. He dropped his roller onto a pan. “Anyway, I gotta get going. My, uh, plans and all. I’m sure you can finish up here.”

She turned, her eyes widening. “You’re leaving?”

“Yeah. Well, I have to go home and feed the dog. Then I have to shower and get this paint off me before I… you know, gotta be somewhere.”

“Fine.” She scowled. “Bye, Pacey.” She again put her back to him.

He sighed and left the room, the guilt still churning.

November 25. Thanksgiving. He rode his bike home from Mrs. Ryan’s house. Upon his arrival, he saw that Gretchen’s car was nowhere to be seen. She’d decided not to come home for the holiday after all. When he’d talked to her over the weekend, she’d been undecided; there was a new guy she was dating and she might go with him to his family’s house in Maine. A wave of disappointment washed over him.

He walked up onto the porch and stared at the front door. Inside were his father, Doug, and his two brothers-in-law, and no doubt all had consumed more beer than was good for them. His guts twisted into knots of fear as his chest tightened with anxiety. He turned around and bolted down the steps, hopping back onto his bike, and rode back to Jen’s house. Why spend the holiday with family who hated him when he could spend it with friends?

About an hour after he arrived back at Mrs. Ryan’s, Andie and Jack left, and then Jen said goodnight and joined her grandmother inside the house. He was left with his two oldest friends. They sat around the fire pit watching the flames leap and dance in the darkness. Stars lit up the sky. Dawson and Joey sat across the fire from him, talking and smiling with each other. Neither of them had spoken a word to him, or even looked at him, for several minutes. He may as well have been absent. It felt like he had been forgotten, and the loneliness he now felt was suffocating.

How long before Dawson and Joey fell back into the usual song-and-dance routine that was their squirm-inducing, doomed-to-fail romance? Watching them together made him tense, made him feel things he didn’t want to feel. He didn’t know where the anger came from, but it swelled inside him. He had to get out of there.

“Well, goodnight.” He stood up.

“Bye, Pacey,” Dawson said. “I’m glad you decided to hang out here instead of at home.”

He nodded. “Yeah. Me, too. Gretchen decided not to come home. She’s got some new guy. Anyway, without her around, the holiday would’ve been unbearable. Safer for me to be here and far away from the drunken Witter men.”

His best friend chuckled. “It can’t be that bad, Pacey.”

“You’re right, Dawson,” he said dryly. “I exaggerate. You know me.” He glanced at Joey. “See ya, Potter.”

He then walked away from the fire pit, heading up the driveway to collect his bike.

“Pacey!”

Heaving a sigh, he turned around. “What?”

She quickly moved forward to catch up with him. “You’re still coming over tomorrow to help with the B&B, right?”

“Yeah. I told you on Monday I would.”

Joey pursed her lips. “Yeah, but… I haven’t really talked to you that much since. And you haven’t really said much to me all day.”

His brows furrowed. “You haven’t said much to _me_ all day.”

“Are you all right?” she asked, giving him a concerned look. Realization then dawned on her face, and she frowned in sympathy. “It couldn’t have been easy to have Andie around. I didn’t even think… I’m sorry if that was difficult.”

“It wasn’t a walk in the park, but it wasn’t that bad,” he replied. “Could’ve been worse. Anyway, see you tomorrow.” He turned around and walked away from her.

November 29. The first Monday back to school following the holiday was a drag. After leaving Study Hall, the 4th period bell rang as he walked into Chemistry. He took his usual seat in the back-row right behind Joey. Two rows over, Jen leaned over her desk and turned to give him a nod hello. He smiled and gave her a nod in return.

It was 30 minutes into class, and just past eleven o’clock, when he stopped listening to whatever Mrs. J was saying and dazed. He found himself staring at Joey. She tucked a loose tendril of hair behind her ear. He gazed at the back of her head, marveling at the half-ponytail she’d done today and the way her dark brown hair brushed against the soft skin of her neck. There was a time long ago when his fascination would’ve prompted him to reach forward and pull the ponytail to get a reaction out of her. Now he wanted to reach out and touch her skin. Wanted to touch her everywhere so he could find out just how soft she’d be. He bet she tasted like paradise.

His groin suddenly tightened in response to his lazy thoughts. He shifted in his seat and tried to gain some control. He glanced over at Jen. She was bent over her desk taking notes. Quickly tearing a piece of scrap paper from his notebook, he wrote _“NOW”_ and folded it up. He then reached over and tapped it on Jim Connelly’s desk, who tore himself away from his textbook to look at him. He handed Jim the paper and nodded at Jen. Jim passed it along. He watched Jen turn and take the note. She opened it and laughed.

He rolled his eyes. She leaned over and looked at him, clearly amused. “Come on!” he silently mouthed, brows furrowed in frustration. She shook her head and shrugged her shoulders, mouthing back, “Where?”

He sighed. He didn’t know. The back of Joey’s head taunted him. Defeated, he laid his head on the desk. Then there was a tap on his shoulder. He sat back up to see Jim passing him a note. He quickly grabbed it and flipped it open.

_“Dawson’s house. Lunch bell.”_

He looked up at the clock. The lunch bell would go off at 11:22. _Thank you, Jesus._ He turned to Jen and nodded enthusiastically.

Later, he walked back into school in the middle of 5th period feeling almost as frustrated as when he left. Jen had said they should give it another week to keep trying, but it was starting to seem hopeless. He didn’t get it. She was attractive. He desperately wanted to have sex; the strange urges were getting more difficult to control. And yet, nothing was happening.

As he passed by the Main Office, a voice called out. “Oh, Mr. Witter.”

_Great._ He inwardly groaned and turned around. “Hi, Mr. Milo.”

The guidance counselor walked out of the office and approached him. “I’ve been looking for you. I want you to go see Mr. Kapinos.”

His stomach lurched. “The school psychologist?”

“Yes, Mr. Witter. Right now.”

This day officially sucked. He turned around and started heading for Mr. Kapinos’ office, where he was soon informed that he was failing Math. Later, as he walked to English class with Joey, he managed to get her to agree to help him learn trigonometry. When they entered the classroom and he saw Dawson sitting at his desk, that strange guilt settled in his stomach. But what had he done? So, he made out with Jen on his friend’s bed. But nothing happened. There was nothing to feel guilty about. Yet the guilt wouldn’t go away.

After his 7th period Spanish class ended, he walked out of school, where he found Joey waiting for him by his mom’s wagon. “You said you’d do anything,” she said in greeting.

“Yeah. Anything.”

“Okay,” she smiled, looking pleased with herself. “So, let’s go.”

He eyed her suspiciously as he walked over to the driver’s side door. Once they left the parking lot, she asked him to make a quick pitstop at her house. When she walked back out her front door, he noticed she had changed out of her khakis and into a skirt. She then directed him to drive downtown and to park on Main Street not far from the video store. Once they got out of the car, he followed her until they were standing in front of Starlight Dance Studio.

Joey threw her hands up at the sign. “Ta-daa!”

“Is this a joke?”

“Nope.”

He furrowed his brows. “So, let me get this straight. You are going to help me learn trig, and in exchange, you want me to dance with you?”

She blushed and fought a grin. “Yes. Ballroom dancing, to be exact.”

His mouth fell open. “Ballroom dancing? Wait a minute… There aren’t frilly costumes involved, is there?”

“I don’t know. I guess we’ll find out.”

He started shaking his head and waving his hands at her. “No, no, no. I don’t think so, Potter. Over my dead body am I doing that.”

Joey put her hands on her hips and arched her brows. “You said you’d do _anything_, Pacey_._ I know you’re a man of your word. And as much as the thought of dancing with you makes me gag, this is important to me.”

Pouting, he groaned. She rolled her eyes and then grabbed his hand. Her palm was warm and soft against his. “Come on,” she said, and pulled him along with her as she stepped in through the studio doors. Music filled his ears once he was inside and several couples were waltzing around the dance floor. A blonde woman approached them with cropped short hair, wearing a black leotard and a flowery skirt.

“Hi, I’m Penny Pretty. Welcome to my studio.”

“Is that your real name?” he blurted. Joey elbowed him. “Ow!”

The woman fixed them with a patient smile. “No. It’s my professional name. So, what brings two youngsters like yourselves to the Starlight?”

“Your guess is as good as mine,” he deadpanned.

Joey huffed. “We’re interested in taking a course.”

Nodding, Penny gestured for them to walk over to the desk. “Beginner’s course, or have you two danced before?”

He laughed. Joey smiled tightly. “Beginners, please,” she replied.

After they’d signed up and hung their coats in the coatroom, the instructor led them out to the floor as a Henry Mancini song played in the background. She maneuvered them to stand in front of each other. Miss Penny placed Joey’s hand on his shoulder and his hand on her waist. “Okay. Good. Now move closer. Your rib cages need to touch.”

He and Joey stared at each other like deer caught in the headlights.

“Have fun, you two,” the instructor said before walking off to observe the other couples.

His stomach tightening, he started to move closer, his gaze dropping to her chest, but Joey instantly backed away, removing her hand from his shoulder. “Your rib cage isn’t coming anywhere near my rib cage.”

He scowled. “Like I even want it to. Get over yourself, Potter.”

Penny Pretty then clapped her hands and got the room’s attention. The music stopped. “Okay, everyone. From the top.” Another song began to play. He inwardly groaned. It was going to be a long week.

December. Friday night. The strange, confusing guilt he’d been experiencing for the past several weeks was now starting to become clear. It had made him want to keep this whole dance lesson thing with Joey a secret. It had made him avoid Dawson all week. It made his gut twist into knots when Dawson actually showed up at the dance studio, catching him and Joey there together.

The guilty feeling quickly transitioned to anger. The accusatory and threatening look on Dawson’s face made him angry; it was a look he’d seen countless times before. Sophomore year when Dawson had showed up at the video store to tell him not to kiss Joey and he’d told him he was too late. When they’d played Spin the Bottle at Dawson’s 14th birthday party. When they’d gone to the roller skating rink for Joey’s 12th birthday. In second grade when he’d picked purple wildflowers on the edge of the school playground during recess and gave them to her. And standing there in the dance studio, he found himself suddenly lashing out against the claim his best friend still made on her, despite saying he was over her and wanted to moved on with his life. Dawson just didn’t want Joey to move on and have her own life separate from his. He didn’t want her, but he didn’t want anyone else to have her, and especially not Pacey Witter. The story of his goddamn life.

But the most powerful guilt of all was when he saw the look on Joey’s face when she caught him in the coatroom with Jen, when she got angry and stormed out. The guilt flooded him—as if he’d been unfaithful, as if the whole thing with Jen had somehow been a betrayal. A betrayal of what? He’d done nothing wrong. Nothing had happened. They’d done nothing. He didn’t understand why he felt that way, which left him defensive and angry.

Yet as he sat at the table inside the studio, feeling lonely and miserable while watching the other couples waltz around the dance floor, Jen’s words went around and around his head. The truth that there was nothing between them, not even sexual attraction. He’d been trying to find a reason why it wasn’t working for weeks. For all intents and purposes, it shouldn’t have been a problem. They tried to force it, but it just wasn’t there—no spark, no desire, no tension. He hadn’t understood, but he thought he might be starting to.

_“See the hostility, the way they're weary with each other, not to mention the constant bickering and name-calling. Now, these two clearly are in the early stages of some screwball mating ritual.”_

_“There’s enough sexual tension here to power a KISS reunion tour.”_

_“If people dance that badly, then they're usually hot for each other. The dancing doesn’t lie.”_

His and Joey’s denial of it had been borderline defensive. Maybe they had protested Penny Pretty’s analysis a little too strongly, but the dance instructor obviously saw something there. Jen had seen it, and Dawson sure had been suspicious of it. The guilt twisted in his gut.

Then there was what Jen had said about how he’d overreacted to Dawson’s accusation and how Joey had overreacted to seeing him and Jen together, and its implications. Sure, he could admit that getting in Dawson’s face about a simple misunderstanding could come across as a little overboard when Jen didn’t know the history. But the idea that Joey getting upset actually meant anything other than her usual moral high horse crusade against his choices and opinions regarding sex… Was that really an overreaction or her typical judgmental self? He wondered.

Why should Joey care who he sleeps with and for what reason? Why had the whole thing with Ms. Jacobs upset her as much as it had? Why did any and all commentary or innuendo or opinion or joke of a sexual nature out of his mouth rile her up the way it did? The way it always had basically since they’d hit puberty? Why did sexual comments always make _him_ a “pervert” or a “pig” but sometimes elicit next to no reaction when coming from other people, even Dawson? Why did she get so bent out of shape and storm out of the library that one day when Abby Morgan was grilling Andie about his sexual prowess? Why should any of it bother her so much? He was so used to Joey reacting this way whenever he and sex was the topic at hand, that he had never stopped to think whether this reaction was excessive. He had thought it was just her aggravating personality, but now he wondered.

And then there she was, walking back into the ballroom carrying her coat. He was surprised to see her. He’d expected her to give him the cold shoulder for at least a week, but she was actually apologizing for “overreacting.” That gave him pause. When he told her that he and Jen never actually slept together, not even close, Joey seemed relieved. When he said the window had closed and his arrangement with Jen had come to an end, he could see she was pleased, even though she wouldn’t meet his gaze and tried her best to hide it. And even though she had only come back to get her coat, she’d ended up sitting at the table with him to sincerely apologize and clear the air; it was not typical Joey Potter behavior. A hopeful feeling rose in his chest.

“Come on,” she said, again taking him by the hand and then pulling him up.

When they were stopped by Penny Pretty, he found himself feeling disappointed there was no actual scholarship for Joey to win. Surprising himself, he realized he gladly would’ve kept dancing with her. Joey then grabbed his hand again and pulled him out of the dance studio. They were soon sitting in the front seat of his mom’s wagon. He put the car into gear, pulled out onto Main Street, and started driving towards the Potter’s house.

The ride was quiet; the radio was on but the volume was turned low. The events of the evening, and the past several weeks, swirled inside his head. Joey soon broke the quiet. “I’m curious, Pacey. Why did you even ask me for my advice about your not-so-hypothetical situation when you must’ve known how I’d feel about it?”

“Jen pretty much asked me the same thing,” he said. “I didn’t have a real answer… Just that you were there, we were studying, and I just asked.”

She nodded, pursing her lips. “So, it was nothing more than you and me being in the same place at the same time and you just blurted it out?”

He glanced over at her. “Well, I mean, yeah, I admit it’s strange I would even feel the need to mention it to you. Why go to you, of all people, for advice about sex? It’s almost laughable. Inexperienced, judgmental Joey Potter, whom I knew wouldn’t have understood or ever approved.”

“I’m going to ignore the judgmental remark,” she said dryly. “So… why me, Pacey?”

The answer suddenly hit him, clear as anything, and he knew it was true. “Because…” He sighed. “Because I knew you’d talk me out of it if I was making the wrong decision.”

Joey’s eyes widened, her expression one of pleasant surprise. Then she turned her face towards the window to hide her smile and chewed on her lip. After a moment, she turned back to look at him. “So… what you’re saying is that my opinion matters to you.”

He threw her a look. “I wouldn’t go that far, Potter. So, you can wipe that cute smirk off your face.”

“Mm-hmm.” She stuck her tongue in her cheek and arched her brows, not buying his denial.

He heaved a sigh. They drove on in silence. He looked over at Joey. She was again looking out the window. He kept glancing over, noticing how her profile would momentarily alight with the passing of street lamps, and then once again become cloaked in darkness. He felt like there was so much he wanted to talk to her about, or ask her, but didn’t know how, or even what he’d say. He had an inexplicable feeling that a door was opening, an opportunity was being given him, that something was changing between them—for the better.

They were soon pulling into her driveway and he threw the car into park when they were in front of the house. “Thanks for doing the dance lessons with me, Pace. I’m sorry if it was a drag.”

He smiled. “It honestly wasn’t as bad as I may have made it out to be. I had a good time, even though my toes will be bruised for weeks,” he teased. “I’m just sorry the whole scholarship thing fell through.”

She sighed. “Yeah. Me, too.” Glancing at him, she chewed on her lip. “Look, Pacey, about that stuff Miss Penny was saying about us…”

He let out a nervous laugh. “She doesn’t even know us, Jo. So, don’t worry about it.”

She rubbed her fingertips across her brow. “Yeah. I know.” She smiled weakly. “For someone who knows so much about dancing, she was completely wrong about everything else.”

He gave her the side-eye. “Yeah.”

“And I’m sorry about Dawson,” she said. “It wasn’t fair to you—giving you the third degree like that—and over something so ridiculous. I mean, the idea that you and I would…” She let out a breathy, nervous laugh. “It’s absurd.”

He frowned and turned to her, but she avoided his gaze. “Yeah. Absurd.”

A heavy, awkward silence filled the space between them.

Joey then looked over at him, grinning. “When you and Dawson were arguing, did I hear the words ‘freaking goddess’ come out of your mouth while you emphatically pointed in _my_ direction?”

His heart lurched. “You need to get your hearing aid batteries checked, Potter.”

“It must’ve been an auditory hallucination, then,” she snarked.

Suddenly nervous, he wanted to get going. “Anyway… Goodnight, Joey. I’ll probably be over sometime this weekend to help you and Bessie finish painting. The Potter B&B officially opens in two weeks. I’m excited.”

Guilt etched across her features. “I won’t be here this weekend, Pacey.”

He furrowed his brows. “Where are you going?”

She chewed on her lip. “Boston. I have a college campus tour.”

“Oh.”

“I signed up weeks ago,” she explained. “I had wanted to tell you, but you were having a rough time and I thought it would be throwing salt in the wound.”

He pursed his lips, unsure what she meant.

Joey shrugged. “Well, I’m going with Andie.”

“Ahh.”

“Jack’s coming along, too, just to hang out in the city, I guess. And…”

He looked over at her. She was staring down at her lap, playing with her fingers like she did when she was nervous or uncomfortable. “And?”

She sighed. “Dawson’s coming, too. He signed up for some student film festival thing. It’s in Boston and he’s going to show _Witch Island_. The four of us are taking the bus up there together. We leave tomorrow morning and we’ll be back on Sunday.”

“You’re staying overnight?” His stomach knotted. Dawson and Joey, in the city together, possibly staying in a hotel… The thought of them together made his jaw clench, a cold anger starting to well up inside him.

“Yeah. The college has paired me up with a freshman who’s going to be my guide and show me around. I’ll be staying in her dorm room to get a glimpse into the college experience. I think Andie’s got something similar going on, and I think Dawson and Jack will be sharing a room together, somewhere.”

He felt some relief knowing she wouldn’t be in too close proximity to Dawson. Nodding, he gave her a weak smile. He wondered if she was over Dawson yet. He found himself hoping she was. She smiled and laughed a lot more now, more than he’d ever seen her in the last few years, she wasn’t nearly as uptight as she used to be, and she often looked at him with a warm and soft gaze—all good signs.

She eyed him. He thought he saw pity in her face. So, this is what the future had in store for him. All his friends would go off to Boston or some other place and he’d be left behind. May as well get used to it now. Whatever hopeful feeling had risen in his chest earlier was starting to deflate.

Joey grabbed his hand. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about it sooner, Pacey. I feel bad. You should’ve been invited, but I guess because of Andie…”

He swallowed. It was a light, cool pressure against his fingers, but it made him immediately warm. She’d been doing that a lot lately, he suddenly realized. He liked it when she held his hand. Her hand felt like silk in his. As he looked into her eyes, affection for her tugged at his heart. He quickly shoved his feelings aside. Whatever sparked inside him when she touched his hand—it would do him no good to dwell on it.

“It’s okay, Jo. I hope you have a good time.”

“Thanks, Pacey. I’ll see you on Monday.” She smiled and let go of his hand, before opening the car door and stepping out.

His gaze followed her as she closed the door and started walking around the front of the car. And he knew—just like when he felt relief earlier that night when he and Jen had parted ways—that if he’d gone through with their casual sex arrangement, he would’ve regretted it. But why exactly? He wanted to have sex. The urge was there, and it was driving him crazy. As he watched Joey walk up onto the porch, open her front door, and then turn back to smile at him and wave goodnight, he knew the answer. He wanted to have sex, just not with Jen. The realization hit him like a fist to the gut, a realization so wonderful and terrible that his breath froze in his lungs, and his heart swelled at once with joy and anguish. _He wanted Joey Potter._


	7. 1999 (Part Five)

December 10. On Friday morning, he waited by Joey’s locker before the first bell. He soon saw her coming towards him, walking quickly. “Hey,” she said as she approached him, looking frazzled.

“Hi. Where were you this morning? I stopped by your house to pick you up.”

“I’m sorry,” she apologized as she put in the combination on her padlock. “The Potter home has been a regular house of horrors this week. Bessie decided to postpone the opening. We thought it’d be ready in time to possibly have holiday guests, but the furnace stopped working. Again. Getting a new one is going to be such a huge cost. Then the washing machine busted last night, so I had to get up early and go with Bessie to the laundromat on the other side of town because that’s the only one open before 6:00 AM. That’s why I wasn’t around when you came to pick me up. The repair guy can’t come until Monday. That’ll be another cost.” She sighed.

He nodded, watching her hang up her coat inside her locker. She looked especially pretty today, he thought. Softer somehow. She wore a snowflake-dotted blue sweater that hugged her figure and her dark brown hair fell loose about her shoulders. Then there were those gorgeous eyes—large, brown, and intelligent, with something like a haunting sadness that tugged at his heart and drew him to her. Her mouth was full, desirable, and she smiled at him. His stomach filled with butterflies.

The bell rang and they started heading towards Homeroom. “You know, Potter, I would’ve at least appreciated a phone call. I mean, it’s common courtesy. You knew I was giving you a ride.”

“I said I was sorry. It’s not like I forgot you on purpose. I had other things on my mind.”

“Well, I see how I rate: just below the washing machine,” he snarked, his tone dripping with sarcasm.

She rolled her eyes and sighed. “Look, Pacey.” She held out her left arm and pulled at her sleeve, revealing a delicate piece of jewelry around her wrist. “I just found my mother’s bracelet this morning, so why don’t you cut me some slack?”

He stared down at the bracelet that had once belonged to Mrs. Potter, and smiled. “Okay, Jo. But just this once.” He smirked.

She fought a grin, shaking her head as they walked into the classroom.

When the bell rang at 1:40, signaling the end of 6th period, he gathered his textbook and started walking out of English class with Dawson and Joey, Jack and Jen following behind them. Before he reached the doorway, the teacher stopped him.

“Pacey Witter.”

Rolling his eyes, he turned around. “Yes, Mr. Broderick?”

“I’d like a word.”

_Great._ His friends gave him sympathetic glances as they left the classroom. Three minutes later, he walked out to find Joey was waiting for him. “Are you in trouble?” she asked as they started walking down the hall towards their Spanish classroom.

He laughed. “No, I’m not in trouble, Joey. Mr. Broderick said he’ll raise my D to a C if I’ll try out for the school play.”

_“Barefoot in the Park?”_ she said, surprised. “You? Doing the school play? Participating in an extracurricular school activity? Has hell frozen over?”

“I know it’s not my regularly scheduled programming, Jo, but Mr. Broderick’s deal is just too good to pass up. Well, I guess I’m technically being blackmailed…”

“Why can’t you just work harder on your homework? Do you remember getting A’s and B’s last year, Pacey? It wasn’t that long ago. I know you can do it if you just put in the time and make a little more effort.”

Frowning, he glanced at her. “So, then you think doing the play is a bad idea? I probably won’t be any good, anyway.”

“I didn’t say that. What’s the role?”

“Paul.”

“That’s actually perfect,” she said, smiling to herself. “I’m sure you’ll nail it.”

He beamed. “Thanks, Jo. You wanna come and watch? They’re holding tryouts in the auditorium after school today. If I do get the part, it’s six weeks of rehearsals and then three shows in January. It’ll suck up my weekends for a while, but it could be fun.”

“I’d love to watch you read for the part, but…” She avoided his gaze and tucked her hair behind an ear. “Well, I kind of need to be home right away. I’m, you know, expecting a phone call.”

“Oh, okay.” They walked the rest of the way to class in silence. Joey had been like this all week—needing to get home immediately after school because someone was supposed to call her—ever since she came home from the college campus trip. He’d once asked her who was calling her, but she changed the subject. She obviously didn’t want him to know, which both intrigued and bothered him.

After his Friday afternoon tryout and first rehearsal, he rode his bike to the Potter’s house. Once Bessie let him inside, he found Joey moving furniture around in the new guest sitting room. She’d rearranged the furniture several times this week. He guessed it was nervous energy over the B&B’s impending opening. He loudly cleared his throat and dropped his backpack on the floor. She turned to look at him, chuckling. He then held up a piece of paper and began to read.

“‘I have volunteered to take part in Capeside High School's production of _Barefoot in the Park_. I understand that this is a serious personal commitment. I hereby agree to show up on time for all rehearsals, performances, and related activities, and to give my best to make this show a success. I confirm that I consider my participation in this show to be a special priority in my life.’”

He looked up at Joey and grinned, turning the paper around to show it off. “Signed, Pacey J. Witter.”

Her mouth fell open. “Pacey!” She rushed forward and hugged him. His heart started pounding and his mouth went dry. “Congratulations,” she said as she pulled out of the hug. “This is so exciting! I can’t wait to see you in action.”

He smiled. “Thanks! Yeah, it’s great.” His smile faltered. “Well… there’s a slight… hiccup? I don’t know. Well, Andie is going to be the assistant director. We got in this stupid argument. She wanted me to quit and I told _her_ to quit, and then we both just decided… not to quit. So, I guess we’re stuck with each other for the next six weeks.”

Joey swallowed. “Oh. So, you two will be spending a lot of time together, then.”

He shrugged. “I guess. If we don’t kill each other first.” He tried to laugh it off. “Andie is quite bossy, so I’m sure she’ll be good at directing.”

The air in the room had suddenly changed. She dropped her gaze from his, no longer able to meet his eyes, the excitement fading from her face, and turned back to her sitting room project. He eyed her, not sure of the reason for her change in demeanor. “Uh, you want some help, Jo?”

“Sure.” She wouldn’t look at him.

They worked quietly, the strange tension in the room remaining palpable for some time until it slowly dissipated. Soon they were laughing together. Once the furniture and other décor were in their right place, they pulled out their textbooks and began working on their homework. Around eight o’clock, the telephone rang. Joey jumped up from the couch and he watched her rush over to the phone.

“Hello?” She smiled shyly. “Hi. … I’m good. How’re you? … Um, I can’t really talk right now. I have a friend over. … Can you call back in about an hour or so? … Okay. Sounds good. … Bye.”

He watched her walk back over to the couch, taking her seat next to him. “Who was that?”

She shrugged, not meeting his gaze. “Just… someone.”

“Is it a secret?” he questioned. More than ever, he wanted to know who’d been calling her all week.

“No, it’s not a secret, Pacey.” She huffed in annoyance. “Fine. I met someone when I was in Boston for the campus tour. His name is A.J. and he’s really nice.”

Her words caused his gut to tighten. _She met a guy?_ “He’s in college?!”

Joey still wouldn’t look at him. “Yes. He’s a sophomore.”

“And what do you two talk about on the phone every night?” he asked, unable to keep the suspicion out of his tone.

“Books, poetry,” she answered.

He scoffed. “Oh, so he’s a geek.”

She rolled her eyes and threw him an exasperated look. “He’s sophisticated and intelligent. He’s an English Lit major and he’s a brilliant writer himself.”

The thought of her with some college guy made him physically ill. The faceless jerk he now envisioned her with was dying a very painful death in his head. “Well, la-dee-fucking-da,” he snarked. “You missed watching me read for the part in the play because you had to hurry up and get home so some poetry geek could read to you over the phone? And then he didn’t even call until eight o’clock at night? Thanks a lot, Joey.”

“What’s your problem, Pacey? If you’re going to be rude, you can leave,” she scolded.

“Fine, I will.” The reminder that Joey Potter was getting to him on a level that was unprecedented was not welcome. He stuffed his textbooks and notes into his backpack, and walked out of the house without another word.

He drove home in silence, keeping the radio off. If only he could shut his brain off. Why should he care if some poetry geek called Joey on the phone? This feeling surging through him couldn’t possibly be jealousy. What was there to be jealous of, anyway? So, the guy read poems to her over the phone. Lame. And the guy was in college, in Boston, and surrounded by experienced women on campus on a daily basis. There was no way the guy would get serious with a high school girl as uptight as she was, and if college-boy did, so what? It’s not like _he_ wanted to date her. _Unless…?_

The icy knife of fear stopped his thoughts in their mental tracks. He knew the feeling, and he was afraid of it. There was no possible way he could fall in love with Joey Potter. He couldn’t, and he wouldn’t. He’d convinced himself that what he felt for her was nothing more that overwhelming lust mixed with crippling loneliness. That’s all he would allow it to be. She was a beautiful girl, and it had been so long since he’d had any kind of positive female attention that frankly any good-looking woman who had spent that amount of time with him over the past several months would’ve had the same effect.

He knew he was lying to himself. It was Joey. He’d felt it for years, off and on, but because Dawson had almost always been around them, he’d managed to ignore it, keep it controlled. Not now. Now, they were alone most of the time. Now, it was driving him crazy. He quickly shoved those thoughts away. He reminded himself what he felt for Joey was purely hormonal. Chemical. Controllable.

December 12. On Sunday morning, while on his way to the high school for _Barefoot in the Park’s_ third rehearsal in as many days, he went downtown and stopped at Enchanted Florist. He was the only customer in the place. There was one wall lined with shelves that were filled with vases of all kinds—glass, crystal, porcelain, wood. He walked around large coolers full of bouquets in the center of the shop, and checked out another corner of the room where a plethora of balloons and teddy bears sat on a table.

“Hi, can I help you?”

He spun around to see the owner of the voice, one of Gretchen’s friends from high school and former Capeside High cheerleader. She wore a pair of faded blue jeans that hugged her curves and a white canvas half-apron tied around her waist. The pink polo shirt she wore had the florist logo above her left breast. Her long curly blond hair was pulled into a thick ponytail at the nape, but some curling strands fell free against her face and neck. “Hi there.”

“Well, if it isn’t Pacey Witter,” she said with a bright smile.

“Well, if it isn’t Ryan Lawrence.”

“What brings you here?”

“I… uh, need some flowers.”

Her green eyes twinkled. “You’re in luck. I think I have a few around here somewhere.”

He chuckled under his breath.

“Are you looking for anything in particular, or just whatever I can throw together?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” he replied. “Nothing too expensive, but nice.”

She nodded, and glanced around the shop. “What’s the occasion? Birthday? Anniversary? Christmas?”

_Does the anniversary of someone’s death count?_ “Um…”

“Is there an occasion, or do you just want to surprise her for no reason?”

He was taken aback. “Who?”

“Your girlfriend.”

His brows furrowed as he squinted in confusion. “What girlfriend?”

She gave him a disbelieving look. “I’ve seen you around town a lot with that Potter girl, and you always look all gaga and woozy for each other.”

“She’s just a friend,” he replied, suddenly uncomfortable, his stomach doing somersaults. “Anyway, I need the flowers because I’m going to the cemetery later.”

Ryan’s eyes widened in shock. “Oh my. Who died? I haven’t heard anything…”

“Oh, no! No. It’s no one in my family. Just a friend who passed a few years ago. I’m going to visit her grave later.”

“Ahh. I see. So, this friend… Do you know what kind of flowers she liked?”

He wracked his brain for any flash of memory. In his mind’s eye, he could see Mrs. Potter on the back sunporch. She was painting. Classical music filled the air, emanating from the CD player in the corner. There were a few vases around the room. “Lilies… and roses, I think.”

She smiled. “Okay, we can work with that. Did she have a favorite color?”

“Hmm. She wore red a lot.”

“All right.” She smiled again. “Let me put something together. I’ll be right back.” She cast him another smile before pushing through some double doors behind the counter and out of his sight.

He paced around the shop while he waited. He noticed one of the teddy bears was about to fall off the table, and reached down to adjust it. The stuffed bear had a red and gold ribbon tied into a bow around its neck. Behind him he heard the double doors open again, and he turned around.

Her smile was beautiful. “What do you think?” She had a small bouquet with three white calla lilies and a half dozen long stem red roses. The blossoms were interspersed with dark green leaves. The bouquet was tied together with a red-and-white striped ribbon. It was very pretty.

“It’s perfect,” he said. “I’ll take it.”

She smirked. “And the teddy bear?”

“What? Oh.” Clenched in his hand was the stuffed bear he’d attempted to straighten out on the table. “Um… Yeah, I guess. The teddy bear, too.”

She started typing into the register. “I’ll give you the Friends & Family discount.”

He smiled. “Thanks, Ryan.”

She read him the amount and he pulled out his wallet, handing her the cash. “Do you want a bag?”

“Nah.”

“You know, you’re getting cuter every day, Pacey.” She smiled again, her eyes twinkling. “That Potter girl sure is lucky.”

He swallowed. “We’re just…”

“Friends. Yeah, you said.” Ryan smirked, handing him the receipt and his change.

He laughed nervously. After thanking her and saying goodbye, he walked out of the shop. Just as he reached his mom’s wagon, a familiar voice called out.

“Pacey?”

Turning, he saw Joey on the sidewalk. His heart started pounding and his stomach filled with butterflies. “Oh, hey.”

She eyed him, glancing at the flowers and the teddy bear in his hand and smiling with amusement.

“What are you up to?” he asked her.

“I’m running errands for Bessie.” She stared at the flowers again. “And where are you going?”

“Rehearsal,” he answered.

She nodded, her smile faltering a little. “Are those props for the play?” she asked, pointing at what he was carrying.

He shook his head. “No. I bought them for… someone.” Why couldn’t he just tell her that the flowers were for her mom’s grave? He’d been going every year since Mrs. Potter died, but the thought of telling her made him nervous for some reason. He didn’t know how she’d react.

Whatever amusement had been in Joey’s eyes went out like a light and her face became a wall. “Oh. Will everyone be at rehearsal? Mr. Broderick?”

“Yep. He’s supposed to be.”

“And… Andie?”

He let out a breathy laugh. “She’ll probably be the first one there.”

She pursed her lips, averting her gaze from his. “How are you two getting along?”

“Um, it’s not too bad, I guess. Well… to be honest, she’s being really supportive, actually. Of course, as assistant director I suppose she has to be, but I think she means it.”

Joey still avoided eye contact and tucked her hair behind an ear. “That’s good. Okay, well… I hope your rehearsal goes well.”

“Thanks, Potter.”

“See you later.” She eyed the flowers and teddy bear once more before walking away, heading down the sidewalk. He stared after her until she disappeared inside Ace Hardware.

Three hours of play rehearsal later, he drove to the cemetery, one eye on the rear-view mirror. Once he arrived, he stepped out into the cold air and walked to Mrs. Potter’s neat and well-maintained plot. Then he laid the bouquet of flowers on the grave plaque, just beside her name and dates.

IN LOVING MEMORY  
LILLIAN JOSEPHINE POTTER  
JULY 5, 1952  
DECEMBER 12, 1995

As he knelt down, he stretched out his arm and rubbed the plaque gently. “I wish you were still here,” he said quietly. “You should see Joey. She’s beautiful. Super smart, and funny. You’d be proud. But that daughter of yours is also really annoying, just so you know. Mostly because she’s almost always right, even though I hate admitting it. That temper of hers…. I swear she does things just to spite me. She drives me nuts. I, uh… I think I kind of like her, but we’re not going to tell her that. It’s our little secret.”

His throat suddenly tightened with emotion, hot tears pricking his eyes. He stood up and gazed down at the grave for a long moment, memories swirling inside his head. “I’ll never forget how kind you were to me,” he whispered.

Snow began to fall, giant, fluffy white flakes. Behind him, a voice spoke softly and said, “Hi.”

Startled, he turned around and saw her. “Hi, Joey.” He swallowed, his guts twisting into knots, his face becoming flushed. “How long have you been standing there?”

“Not long,” she replied. The heat of her breath misted the cold air. Her gaze dropped from his and she stared down at her mother’s grave. Then her eyes flew back to his, surprised. “The flowers…”

“Yeah.” He felt apprehensive, unsure if she would react positively to the fact that he’d come to visit her mother’s grave.

Her lips parted and she stared. “I had assumed the flowers were for…” He gave her a look of confusion, his brows furrowing. She seemed embarrassed. “Well, it doesn’t matter. I have to say I’m surprised, Pacey. I never thought you…” The sentence trailed off.

Never thought he what? Cared? Frowning, he met her penetrating gaze; she had never looked at him like this before. There was… something in her eyes. Loyalty, maybe? Esteem? Affection? A fondness that hadn’t been there before? He wasn’t sure, but it made his heart pound and his knees go weak. She stepped forward and moved to stand next to him in front of her mother’s plaque, setting down a small bouquet of red and yellow flowers beside it. She looked down at the grave, lost in her own thoughts. Then she slowly placed her hand in his. It was soft and cool, but quickly warmed.

They stood in silence, the snow falling around them. He liked holding her hand. He liked it too much—more than was good for him. She turned and eyed him for a moment, a bit of sadness in her eyes that seemed unrelated to where they were, as if she was thinking the same thing. Then she started pulling her hand away. He fought the urge to hold onto her tighter, and let her go. She shoved her hands in her pockets to keep them warm.

“Do you need a ride home, Potter?” he asked quietly.

She nodded. “Thanks.”

They then walked quietly side by side out of the cemetery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter got way too big, and I was forced to split it. So, there should be another update coming fairly soon.


	8. 1999 (Part Six)

December 24. Early on Friday morning, he was up making breakfast for his family. He hadn’t slept much as he had to spend the night on the living room couch, but nervous energy had sent him to the kitchen. Unfortunately, Gretchen had again decided to skip out on coming home for the holiday to go to Maine with her boyfriend, and his parents were in a wretched mood about it. It was non-stop “ungrateful” this and “selfish” that comments. His second eldest sister Amy and her family had flown in from Wilmington, North Carolina, where her husband served as an officer with the Coast Guard. The oldest Witter child, Carrie, drove down from Bedford with her husband and kids. Doug was working a holiday shift, but he would be at the house sometime after five o’clock.

It wasn’t long before large pans of sausage, home fries, and scrambled eggs were cooking on the stove. Homemade biscuits were baking in the oven when his parents came in the kitchen.

“Pacey, what on earth?” his mother exclaimed.

“I fixed breakfast, Ma.” He handed her a cup of hot coffee.

She smiled. “Thank you, honey.”

His father stared.

“Um, you want some coffee, Pop?” he asked.

“Uh… sure, Pacey.”

After handing him a steaming cup of black coffee, his father walked out of the kitchen without another word and turned on the television in the living room. Minutes later, the rest of his family were coming down the stairs. The children started running around the house, balls of pent-up energy, while his brothers-in-law joined his father in front of the TV. With some effort, his mother and sisters were soon able to corral everyone around the dining room table.

“The eggs don’t taste like Mom’s,” said Amy from where she sat across the table.

“Well, I wasn’t trying to get them to taste like Mom’s,” he said dryly. “So, I guess I succeeded. Thanks, Amy.”

She rolled her eyes. Amy was 12 years older than him and had moved out of the house before he finished kindergarten. At 17, she ran away from home to get married, and to get away from their parents. She’d spent most of his life married and out of the house, moving all over the country with her husband wherever he was stationed, and they didn’t have much of a relationship.

He passed the pitcher of orange juice to Carrie and then glanced at his father apprehensively, who was quietly buttering a biscuit. He watched his father take a bite and then put a fork to his eggs and home fries, looking for any sign he was enjoying the food, desperate as ever for a crumb of approval. The children laughed and fooled around, their mothers encouraging them to sit still and eat. His brothers-in-law talked about football.

“Thanks for making breakfast, Pacey,” Carrie said kindly. “It’s really good.”

“Yeah, it’s really good,” her kids chimed in simultaneously.

“Thanks,” he smiled.

The Sheriff took a sip from his coffee and nodded. “Good job, Pacey.”

He swallowed, his stomach tightening. Did he really just get a compliment? “Thank you, Dad.”

“I used to think you were destined to pump gas for a living, especially after those last two report cards you brought home,” his father mocked. “But now I think you could probably get a job flipping burgers at McDonald’s. So, you’ve got that to look forward to after high school.”

His heart sunk within him and he frowned. Typical. His family laughed around the table. His mother reached over and patted his hand sympathetically while looking at his father. “John, we need to be supportive.” She turned to him. “Well, then you’ll just be the very best burger-flipper they ever had, won’t you, honey?” She smiled sweetly.

“Thanks for the support, Ma,” he deadpanned. How was this his life? He couldn’t wait to get the fuck away from these people and never come back.

The phone rang. “Who the hell is calling on Christmas Eve?” his father barked. Carrie got up to answer it and moments later returned to the living room. “It’s Bessie Potter,” she announced. “She wants to talk to Pacey.”

He jumped up from the table, desperate to get away, and hurried into the kitchen. Lifting the receiver from the counter, he said, “Hello?”

“Hi, Pacey. It’s Bessie.”

“What’s up? I thought you were going to Boston?”

“I was, but… Well, I am. I just have a bit of a dilemma. You know we were all supposed to go up to the city to spend the holiday with Bodie, but Joey is awful sick with the flu and a sinus infection on top of it. I wanted to take her to the Emergency Room yesterday, but she refuses to set foot in a hospital. I managed to get her in to see the family doctor, thankfully.”

He gulped, his stomach tightening with worry. “Is she gonna be all right?”

“Oh, yeah. He gave her medicine for the sinus infection, and the flu, well… It’s a virus—it’s just gotta work its way out of her system, but it’ll probably be a few days before she feels better. I don’t want to get the flu, and I especially don’t want Alexander to get it. Bodie can’t come here because of work. It’s been weeks since we’ve seen him, and I don’t want to keep his son away from him on Christmas. But I don’t want to leave Joey alone either.”

“Yeah.”

“I was going to call Mitch and Gail and see if I could send her to their house and they could look after her, but Joey refused. I doubt she could get herself out of the house and into a car, anyway. But I’m worried to leave her by herself in case she gets worse. I told her she can’t be left alone, that she needs someone to take care of her. She told me to call you.”

His heart fluttered happily in his chest and he smiled into the phone. “What do you need me to do?”

“Can you spend the weekend here with Joey? I hate to tear you away from your family, but I don’t know what else to do. Have you had a flu shot?”

“Yeah. My mom took me to get one in October.”

“So… do you think your parents will let you come over for a couple days? I’ll be back Sunday morning.”

“I’ll be over there as soon as I can, Bessie.”

“Thanks a million, Pacey. You’re a life-saver.”

He hung up the phone and hurried back into the dining room. “Mom, Dad…”

His parents exchanged a look. “Go ahead, honey,” his mother said. “I’m sure your friends want to see you.”

“Thanks. Well, Joey’s real sick actually and Bessie has to go to Boston. I’ll be back on Sunday.” He hurried out of the room and went up the stairs, taking two at a time. He quickly packed a duffel bag and came back down. “Mom, can I borrow the wagon?” he called out while in the hallway slipping on his shoes.

“Sure,” she called back. “Be careful and drive safe. The roads are slippery.”

“I will.” He threw on his coat and grabbed the keys off the small table in the hall. “Merry Christmas,” he shouted before going out the front door, closing it behind him.

When he arrived at the Potter’s house, he found Bessie loading the old truck with bags and wrapped gifts. “Thank you so much, Pacey,” she said in greeting.

He smiled. “Not a problem.” He then nodded at the house. “The invalid is inside, I presume.”

“Go on in,” Bessie told him. “I know she’ll be happy to see you.”

He fought a grin, his heart swelling, and he walked up onto the porch before letting himself inside the house. A decorated Christmas tree stood out in the far corner of the living room. A few wrapped gifts remained beneath it. He found Joey on the couch, huddled beneath a blanket. She looked pale and weak. “Hey. How’re you feeling?”

“I’ve been better,” she mumbled.

“I’m sure that’s one hell of an understatement. You look terrible, Jo.”

“I feel terrible. My arms and legs ache, my throat is killing me, my head is pounding.” She then started to cough when taking a deep breath. “And I have this…” She kept coughing. “This terrible cough.” The coughing continued.

He shook his head. “I know this goes against every inclination you have, Potter, but stop talking.” She glared at him. He grinned and then turned to set his duffel bag on a chair and remove his coat. Alexander came running into the room, and he quickly scooped him up in his arms and carried him into the kitchen.

Bessie then came inside. On the counter, she pointed to some pill bottles and other items. “This is her prescription,” she explained. “She needs to take one pill every six hours. There’s ibuprofen for pain relief and it’ll also help with inflammation. Some over-the-counter stuff for her cough and congestion. Lozenges for her throat. In the cupboard there’s herbal tea and honey. Make sure she eats and drinks as much as possible, even if she doesn’t want to. She had a little oatmeal this morning. If she starts complaining of body aches, get her to soak in a hot bath. It’ll help her sinuses, too.”

She moved further along the counter. “Here’s the thermometer. If she spikes a fever, give her some Tylenol and get her to soak in a bath of tepid water, _not cold. _Cold water will actually cause your body to warm up. If she gets the chills and starts shivering, get her to stop shivering as soon as possible—shivering will just make the fever rise—but don’t use a lot of blankets because that kind of insulated heat will just make her worse. If she gets the chills, then just sit next to her and hug her until she stops shivering. Okay? You understand all that?”

“So, what kind of a patient is she?” He wondered if he could actually get her to do any of this stuff, not to mention how long before they started fighting.

“Terrible,” Bessie smirked. “She’s stubborn as a mule, and cries easily. And, just so you know, that old furnace stopped working again last night. Have fun. There’s plenty of food in the house, but I’ve left $20 here on the counter if you want to get pizza tonight. Bodie’s number is on the fridge. Call me if there’s an emergency, and by _emergency_, I mean the house has burned down or someone died, okay?” She then carried Alexander out of the kitchen, saying goodbye to her sister as she hurried out the door.

After setting the kettle on to boil and fixing a cup of hot tea, he walked back over to the couch and gazed down at his friend. He set the cup on the table in front of the couch. “Tea with lemon and honey,” he said. “Drink.”

“I’m sorry I’ve ruined your Christmas,” Joey mumbled up at him, her lower lip quivering with emotion.

“Are you kidding, Potter? You rescued me from my family. I’d rather spend Christmas with you anytime.” She gave him a half smile. “I hope you feel better by the Y2K party next week,” he said. “I expect it to be _the_ event of junior year, or maybe the only event if the world ends.”

Smiling weakly, she reached for the cup of tea and took a sip. “Hot.” She cleared her throat, her voice hoarse and raspy. “I hope so. We’re all still going together, right?”

“Dawson’s picking everyone up, as far as I know. His car can fit all of us.”

“So, you and Andie going to a party together…”

He shrugged. “No, it’s the six of us all going together because we’re all friends.” She gave him a look. “Okay, so, me and Andie are working on being friends…” He paused. “Well, being friendly, anyway.”

Joey frowned and laid back down on the couch, sighing as if exhausted.

“I’m gonna go fix you something to eat. You have to promise me you’ll eat.”

She gazed up at him with a look of suspicion. “What are you going to make?”

He smiled. “Chicken soup, the perfect comfort food. You can have some for lunch.”

“We don’t have any canned soup in the house.”

“Canned?” He gave her an affronted look. “I can make a wicked pot of soup, Joey.”

She frowned. “I guess I can plan on having food poisoning on top of everything else.”

“Look who’s got jokes,” he deadpanned. “I’ll have you know that I know my way around a kitchen. When you’re often forced to fend for yourself due to parental neglect, you learn a few things. Just relax, Jo. Drink your tea. You rest, and I’ll go cook.”

He went and busied himself in the kitchen. He found a large pot and rummaged through the refrigerator and cupboards for ingredients. He then got to slicing and dicing. It wasn’t long before soup was simmering on the stove. When he returned to the living room, he found Joey had fallen asleep. Noticing the empty cup on the table, he smiled. Reaching into his duffel bag, he took out two wrapped gifts and placed them under the tree in the corner of the room. He then took a seat in the chair next to the couch and flipped on the TV, keeping the volume low while he watched _National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation_.

After a while, he dozed off. His eyes opened as the credits were rolling on the movie. He got up to check on the soup, stirring the pot and adding a bit more salt and pepper. Back in the living room, he walked over to check on Joey. She still slept but she moaned softly. Her hairline was drenched in sweat. He placed his hand on her forehead. She was burning up. He went back to the kitchen counter, grabbed the thermometer, and hurried back to the living room. “Joey, wake up. You gotta sit up for me. I need to take your temperature.” Her eyes fluttered open and she moaned again, this time louder. She then mumbled, “I’m fine.” Her stubbornness made his mouth curve into a smirk in spite of his worry. “Yes, I can see that, Potter.”

Removing the fleece blanket, he could see the collar of her pajama top was also drenched. His stomach tightened with alarm. “Okay, I mean it. I have to sit you up.” After helping her into a sitting position, he shook the thermometer to activate it and then stuck it under her tongue. He couldn’t remember how long he was supposed to keep it there. He began timing. Fifteen seconds. Thirty seconds. One minute. Was that long enough? He let it stay in her mouth another 20 seconds, just in case. When he pulled it out, the temperature read 102.5°. _Shit._

He left her on the couch and returned to the kitchen counter. He dispensed two Tylenol into his palm and then got a glass of cold water. When he returned to her side, he got her to drink them down. “Joey, if your fever gets worse, I might have to take you to the Emergency Room.”

“No hospitals, Pacey.”

“But there’s only so much I can do for you here. If your fever gets any higher, I might have to.”

She adamantly shook her head, and to his surprise, her eyes became wet with tears. “No hospitals,” she repeated, her hoarse voice now emotional. “Promise me, Pacey.”

He sighed and nodded in agreement, unsure whether that was the right thing to promise. Two hours later, he retook her temperature and it hadn’t gone down. His worry increased. After getting three ibuprofen and another glass of cold water down her, he made a decision. “Okay, Joey. Here’s what we’re gonna do. I’m going to put you in the bath.”

“I don’t think so,” she croaked. “Over my dead body.”

“It might come down to that,” he snarked. He then crossed his arms. “Potter, either I put you in the tub or I put you in the car and drive you to the hospital,” he stated, in a tone that brooked no argument.

She pouted, whimpering. “That’s the spirit,” he praised, before heading to the brand-new upstairs bathroom. He began filling the clawfoot tub with lukewarm water and then placed a towel on the counter. Returning downstairs, he walked into Joey’s bedroom and opened her closet, where he found a bathrobe hanging on the back of the door.

Once he returned to the living room, he leaned over and scooped her up off the couch and began carrying her. She hugged her arms around his neck, and her mumbled, “I’m so cold, Pacey,” made his stomach tighten even more with worry. As he carried her upstairs, she felt like an oven in his arms.

When they reached the bathroom, he set her down on her feet, but she needed to lean against him. “Are you wearing anything underneath your pajamas?” he said, trying not to think too hard about what he’d just asked.

“Are you coming on to me?” she croaked.

He snorted. “As irresistibly sexy as you are in this state, no. But maybe some other time. I wouldn’t want to disappoint you.”

She rolled her eyes and sighed. “I have underwear on.” She reached up and felt her breasts. His eyes went wide, his face becoming flushed. “And a bra, too.”

“Uh… Well. Okay, good. Can you undress yourself or do you need help?” He was almost afraid to ask.

She paused, thinking. He noticed she was still leaning against him for support. “I… I don’t know.” Her face crumpled. “This is so embarrassing, Pacey.” Tears filled her eyes again. “I don’t want you to see me like this.”

_Oh, good lord._ “Okay, look. You don’t have to get naked. I’ll help you with your pajamas and then you can just get in the tub with your underwear on. I promise I won’t look at anything unless I have to. Okay? It’s either that or the hospital.”

Joey grumbled. “Fine.” She began unbuttoning her plaid pajama top. He saw the edge of her white bra and looked away. Once she undid the last button, she turned and put her back to him. He helped her push the top off her shoulders and down her arms. It fell to the floor. While keeping his hands on her upper arms for support, she loosened her pajama bottoms and they too dropped to the floor. He kept his eyes on the back of her head. He then helped her into the tub, where she eased herself down into the lukewarm water, leaning forward and hugging her knees to cover herself, putting her back to him.

“You need to lie down in the tub,” he told her, trying not to stare at her bra clasp. “You gotta submerge your whole body, Jo. You’re burning up. I’ll be back to check on you in a while. Call me if you need me.”

She nodded, not voicing a reply, and he left, keeping the door ajar. Forty-five minutes later, he returned to the bathroom. Pushing open the door, he immediately noticed her wet bra and underwear had been tossed onto the floor. “Knock, knock,” he said, announcing his presence. “You ready to come out?”

“Yeah, I’m feeling a little better,” she answered.

He stepped inside the room and went to the counter, fighting the urge to gaze at her while she sat in the tub. He grabbed her bathrobe and walked over to the clawfoot. “Do you need help to stand up?” He wasn’t sure how he wanted her to answer that.

“I think I can manage, Pacey.”

Holding the robe up high and staring down at the floor, he blocked his view of her. He listened as she rose from the water and stepped out of the tub. She ran her arm through one sleeve and he helped bring the robe over her other shoulder. She tied it around her waist as he began draining the tub.

“You feeling hungry? The soup’s ready.”

“A little,” she replied.

They walked back down the hall and towards the staircase. “I may need to lean on you going down the stairs,” she told him.

He smiled. “You can lean on me whenever you need to, Potter.”

Joey gazed at him tenderly. Then with his arm around her, they descended the stairs. When they were back down, he waited outside her bedroom door while she dried off and changed into a fresh set of pajamas. She soon emerged, and they returned to the living room. Once again on the couch, he covered her with the fleece blanket. He then retook her temperature. “All right, Potter. One hundred and one. We’re moving in the right direction.” Heading over to the stereo, he put on a CD of holiday music. He walked into the kitchen and dished up a bowl of chicken soup.

He carried the bowl over to Joey, along with a spoon, and set it down on the coffee table. With some effort, she pushed herself up into a sitting position. It was obvious she wouldn’t be able to lean over the table. He lifted the bowl. “Can you hold this in your lap?”

She sighed. “I can’t eat right now, Pacey. Maybe later.”

“Joey, you have to eat.” He gazed over her. She looked pale and weak. The trip upstairs and back had exhausted her. After dipping the spoon into the bowl, he brought it to her mouth. She gave him a look of surprise, and then embarrassment, shaking her head. “Come on, Jo. Eat. Please?”

He again brought the spoon to her mouth. She hesitated, stubborn as ever, but then took a tiny taste off the end of the spoon. Her eyes closed as she tasted it. She gave a hum of approval and then took another taste. His heart swelled. “My dad used to make me soup when I was sick,” she spoke quietly. “This is really good, Pacey. It’s nice to have a man cook for me again.” He smiled, the butterflies once again kicking it into high gear. Then one spoonful at a time, he fed her the soup until he’d emptied the bowl. By then, Joey’s eyes were half-closed, and she leaned back against the couch. “I’m so tired.”

He rose and brought the empty bowl back to the kitchen, setting it down in the sink. When he returned to the living room, she had laid back down on the couch, her head on a pillow. He covered her with the blanket, and let her sleep. Turning on the TV again, he kept the volume low while watching _Home Alone_.

Later that evening, he plugged in the Christmas tree, its lights twinkling in the living room. Then he got on the phone and ordered a large pepperoni-and-cheese pizza. Once it arrived, he returned to Joey on the couch and they sat side by side, eating and watching television. _It’s a Wonderful Life_ came on. She was done after one slice, and leaned back against the couch. When he finished eating, he brought their plates and the pizza box to the kitchen, before rejoining her on the couch. He lifted his arm towards her, feeling her face and forehead with the back of his hand.

“You’re still really warm,” he said. Then he retrieved the thermometer and her medicine from the kitchen counter. After retaking her temperature, he sighed. “One hundred point five. Better, but not great. Still moving in the right direction, though.” He leaned back against the couch, his arm brushing against hers. He stared at the TV screen. George Bailey was standing on a bridge, about to jump into the freezing water and kill himself, when Clarence, his guardian angel, arrived to save him.

“I’m glad you’re here, Pacey,” Joey murmured hoarsely. He turned to look at her. Her eyes inexplicably filled with tears, her voice suddenly becoming thick with emotion. “It’s nice to be taken care of.”

The butterflies were back. “So… why me? You could’ve gone to the Leery’s house, or Dawson could’ve come here. Why did you tell Bessie to call _me?”_

She shrugged and chewed on her lip, her eyes shiny and wet with unshed tears. “I figured if anyone wouldn’t mind being away from their family on Christmas, it’d be you,” she said quietly.

“And that’s the only reason?” He was fishing, he knew, but he couldn’t help it. He watched her mouth quiver as she tried to hold back the tears.

She stared down at her lap. “I like having you around. It makes me feel—I don’t know—safer? I honestly haven’t felt safe since my mom died and my dad... Well, anyway. And it’s nice not to feel alone on Christmas.” Her tears began to brim over, and she quickly brushed them away.

He smiled sadly, wishing she wouldn’t say such things to him, wishing he hadn’t asked. “Damn, Potter. I had no idea you get so emotional when you’re sick.”

She sniffled and laid her head on his shoulder. “You’re a really great friend, Pacey,” she whispered tearfully. “You’re my best friend these days.”

Stomach tightening, he scoffed nervously. “That’s your fever talking.”

She didn’t reply. After a while he glanced down to see her eyes had drifted closed. He watched her steady breathing for a moment before lifting his arm and wrapping it around her. She snuggled closer, her arm going around his waist, and he covered them with the fleece blanket. Putting his feet up on the coffee table, he leaned back and watched the rest of the movie while she slept.

His eyes fluttered open. The cold light of morning shone through the living room windows. The Christmas tree was still lit. An infomercial was on the television screen. He looked down to see Joey’s head was in his lap and his left hand was in her hair. He brushed some tendrils from her forehead, relief filling him when he realized she wasn’t nearly as warm as the night before. Taking a deep breath, and stretching as best he could so as not to disturb her, he looked around the room and got his bearings. _It’s Christmas!_

Very slowly and very carefully, he slid out from under Joey’s head, replacing his lap with a pillow, and pulled the blanket over her shoulder. She moaned softly at the change and he froze, hoping he didn’t wake her. Then she curled up and lightly snored. He laughed under his breath and walked away from the couch, heading for the kitchen. He soon had bacon and scrambled eggs sizzling on the stove, and a kettle of water boiling.

“Is that bacon I smell?” Joey called out hoarsely from the other room.

He chuckled. “Yep,” he called back.

She grinned as she walked into the kitchen and sat at the table. “I could eat.”

Smiling, he nodded. “You’re looking better than last night.”

“I feel a little better, thanks.”

He removed the kettle from the stovetop and poured the water into two cups of cocoa. They then ate their breakfast in comfortable silence. While she sipped from her cup of hot chocolate, he glanced at the Christmas tree. “Do you want to open your gifts?” he asked her.

Joey pursed her lips, deciding. “They’re from my sister and Bodie. I think I’d rather open them when Bessie gets back. I’m sorry you’re not home to open presents with your family.”

“I’m not,” he said dryly. “I probably got a pair of socks and a blank job application to McDonald’s.”

She frowned sympathetically. A look of realization then dawned on her face, as if she’d just remembered something, and she grinned. “I do want to save my gift opening for when Bessie can be here, but we can go sit in front of the tree, anyway.” She shrugged. “It’s tradition.”

They were soon back in the living room. _A Christmas Story_ was airing on the television. They sat in front of the twinkling, glittering tree. “You got quite a few presents from Bessie and Bodie,” he commented. “That was generous of them.”

“Hmm… I don’t think they’re _all_ for me,” she hinted. “Maybe you should take a closer look.”

His mouth curved into a smirk. Glancing over the boxes wrapped in shiny paper, his gaze soon fell on one labeled, _“To Pacey, From Santa.”_ He looked up at Joey in surprise and she smiled. As he started unwrapping the gift, he glanced at her and saw she was watching him with spellbound attention. Nerves fluttered in his gut.

Discarding the last of the wrapping paper, he lifted the lid of the box and peered inside. His eyes widened in shock. “Oh, my God,” he whispered and looked up at Joey.

She beamed. “Just a few items we thought you’d need when you embark on _True Love_.”

Reaching into the red-tissue-paper filled box, he pulled out a pair of water shoes, two dry bags, and a stainless-steel rigging knife with a tiny sailboat engraved on the side. “This is completely unexpected. Thank you so much.”

“Thank Bessie,” she said, taking another sip from her hot chocolate. “And there’s more.”

“More?” He arched his brows. He then went digging in the box and pulled out a Casio Sport Watch. His mouth fell open and he felt his face turn bright red. “You didn’t,” he gasped.

She laughed. “I didn’t. Bodie did. We really appreciate everything you’ve done to help us, Pacey. Bodie, especially, since he couldn’t be here. He’s really grateful for all the work you’ve put into the B&B, and just being there for Bessie and Alexander and me over the past few months.”

He stared down at the watch. “I can’t believe this.”

“It’s waterproof,” she told him excitedly. “It has an altimeter, a barometer, and a thermometer. It has a stopwatch and a countdown timer. It’s also solar-powered, which will come in handy while you’re out on the open water, and when fully charged, the battery will last six months without needing to go into the sun again.”

He shook his head in disbelief. “I don’t know what to say. I can only say thank you, and Bodie’s not even here.”

She chewed on her lip. “Um… there’s more.”

He stared at her. “More than this?”

“Just one more.” She gazed at him, her eyes sparkling.

Butterflies in his stomach, he reached into the box again and rummaged through the tissue paper. His hand closed around a small wrapped box. Lifting it out, he quickly removed the snowflake wrapping paper to reveal a square, brown leather case. He opened it and gasped. Inside was an antique-style brass compass with an attached chain. He slowly took it out of the case and flipped it open. He saw the needle behind a glass cover and began rotating the compass in his hand to make it spin. He closed the compass and opened it again, amazed at such a gift. He then noticed some writing on the back of the compass; there was an inscription.

_Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined. ~ Thoreau _

A lump of raw emotion formed in his throat at her thoughtfulness. He swallowed against it as hot tears pricked his eyes, and felt another flush redden his face. He looked up at her, dumbstruck. Their eyes met and held, and there was a tightness in his chest. Her gaze was tender, and just the smallest hint of a smile played on her lips. “You’re welcome,” she breathed.

He was speechless; all he could do was stare at her. When he recovered from the shock, he found his voice. “Joey,” he said nervously, feeling unworthy to be the recipient of such a personal gift. “You shouldn’t… This must’ve cost… How did you…?” He sighed. “How can I even begin to thank you?”

She smiled, her eyes sparkling. “Well, Mr. Logan of Logan’s Marina owed me one after I sent him a scathing letter about his son’s behavior towards me while employed there. One of the things he offered me to avoid a sexual harassment lawsuit was the pick of any one item in his nautical shop up in Provincetown. Bessie and I took a drive up there a few weeks ago. I saw the compass and…” She shrugged her shoulders. “I asked if they could do an inscription, and they did.”

“I can’t even put into words…” Gratitude and affection filled his heart. “I’m truly touched. Thank you, Joey.”

She blushed, and averted her eyes from his, glancing at the tree. Her gaze then fell on the gifts he’d laid there the day before. His face burned, and he reached to grab them away, but she got to them faster. He sighed and watched as she opened the first wrapped box. “This must weigh 10 pounds, Pacey.”

Discarding the wrapping paper, her eyes widened as she pulled out a box of dark wood. She slowly ran her hand over the smooth surface. She undid the locking clasps and opened it, revealing a plethora of art supplies. There were coloring pencils, oil pastels, watercolors, brushes, drawing pencils, along with a pad of watercolor painting paper and a sketch book. “Oh, Pacey,” she sighed, gazing over the supplies. “Thank you. This is so nice of you.” She looked up at him with a tender gaze. “I’ll put it to good use.”

He smiled, his heart swelling inside his chest.

“I can’t believe you got me two gifts,” she then exclaimed happily, picking up the smaller and lighter one of the presents.

“It’s nothing, really.” After the gifts he’d just received, what he’d gotten her was laughable. He suddenly felt like a fool. “Please don’t open it. It was honestly kind of a joke. Just forget about it, or I’ll get you something different.”

“What do you mean?” She frowned. “I want both my gifts.”

Feeling embarrassed, he raised his eyes to the ceiling and sighed. She opened the second present, wrapped in the same shiny red paper dotted with snowmen. He watched as her lips parted and her eyes lit up. She then started giggling and lifted the teddy bear with a red bow tied around its neck from the discarded wrapping. “I love it.”

“It’s stupid,” he lamented.

“No, it’s not! It’s sweet. At least you spent money on my gifts. I got yours for free because I threatened to sue my former employer.”

He chuckled and watched as her fingers touched the red and gold ribbon. Her brows then knitted, and she tilted her head to the side, studying it. “Um… Pacey, did you know there’s writing on the ribbon?”

He swallowed. “Writing?”

“Yeah. The gold here? They’re words.”

His stomach tightened and his brows arched. “Words? I thought it was just a fancy design. I guess I didn’t look too closely. What does it say?”

Joey blushed, and pursed her lips. _“Be my sweetheart.”_

He burst out laughing, a sense of panic rising within him. His arm swung out to snatch the teddy bear, but she quickly pulled it back, keeping it out of his reach. “Don’t take my bear.”

“I’ll get you something else, Jo. This is silly.”

“But I want it!”

He felt himself getting even redder in the face. His jaw clenched. “I had no idea the ribbon said that, Potter. If I had known, I never would’ve given it to you.”

She scowled. “I know.” He thought she almost seemed disappointed by that, or maybe he just hoped she was. “But I still want it, Pacey. It’s the thought that counts. If it makes you feel better, I’ll take the ribbon off and put it on one of Alexander’s stuffed animals. Happy now?”

“Yes,” he huffed. He told himself it was true.

Silence hung in the air between them. He should’ve known they wouldn’t be able to go 24 hours without fighting.

“Well, I’m going to get some more hot chocolate,” she croaked, before going into another coughing spell.

“I’ll do that,” he told her. “You go and rest on the couch.”

She did as he said without protest and he returned to the kitchen, putting the kettle on to boil. He soon returned to the living room with another mug of hot cocoa. He then kept quiet, watching Joey throughout the rest of the day, taking her temperature, making sure she took her medicine and got enough to eat and drink. A thousand unspoken words remained unsaid between them.

In the afternoon, the temperature dropped. He chopped wood, and managed to find lighter fluid and some old newspapers in the shed out back. After he lit a fire in the living room hearth, Joey abruptly shut off the TV. “I’m sick of Christmas movies,” she mumbled. “There’s only so many times I can watch Bing Crosby sing ‘White Christmas’ before I want to tear my hair out.” He chuckled. She sighed and laid down on the couch, pulling the blanket over her shoulders.

Her eyes half-closed, she threw him a shy smile. “Pacey, would you read to me?” she asked weakly.

Butterflies filled his stomach again. He wished they’d quit. “Sure. What do you want me to read?”

“The dictionary,” she snarked. “What do you think? A book. You can go to my room and get a book, any book.”

When he reached her bedroom, he glanced over the bookshelf. There were so many books. His eyes soon fell on _Little Women_. A faded memory stirred, something having to do with Mrs. Potter. He pulled the book from the shelf and returned to the living room. Joey’s eyes widened at the sight of the book and she smiled. He sat down in the chair beside the couch and began to read.

For the next few hours he read aloud, changing his voice for each of the characters, making his voice go all squeaky and soft when reading the March sisters. Joey would giggle on the couch. After he reheated some leftover pizza and gave her more soup, he returned to the book, reading well into the evening. “It’s so sad when Jo rejects his marriage proposal later,” Joey sighed when he finished a chapter. “They grew up together. They’re best friends. They’re soulmates.”

“Laurie?” He gave her a look of disbelief. “They would’ve ended up hating each other.”

Her mouth fell open in shock. “Hating each other? Really, Pacey?”

He nodded. “Yeah. They’re not compatible. They’re great friends, but they would’ve been terrible lovers. It’s obvious he wants their lives to stay the same, for things to be like this always. He may love Jo’s spunk, but you just know the guy wants a traditional wife who will stay at home and cook for him and have his babies. She would’ve been suffocated. She’s going to grow so far beyond him. I don’t doubt he loves her, or that a part of Jo loves him too, but if she married him, she would’ve been miserable, and she knew it. She obviously has ambitions. Laurie doesn’t challenge her. He’s safe and predictable, and their life together would’ve been boring as hell. She wants more out of life than what he’s capable of giving her.”

Joey frowned, thinking over what he said. “But you go through the whole book expecting Jo and Laurie to end up together, even all the other characters expect it, and then you get to Chapter 35 and she rejects him. Then she falls in love with this man who comes out of nowhere and marries him.”

“Gotta love a dark horse,” he grinned. “A strong-willed woman like Jo March is perfectly within her rights to flout people’s expectations.”

She didn’t reply. He glanced over at her. She had pulled the blanket up tight around her shoulders. He noticed her shivering. The fire in the hearth had died down. “I can go chop some more wood, if you’re cold, Joey.”

She sighed. “I’m actually really tired, Pacey. I don’t want to spend another night on the couch. I think I want to go to bed.”

He set the book aside, laying it on the coffee table. Retrieving the thermometer, he took her temperature again—it had climbed up to 101°. After he got her to take her last dose of medicine for the night, he helped her stand up from the couch. Holding the blanket tight around her, she took his hand and let him lead the way to her bedroom. She slid between the sheets. He pulled the comforter over her and then began to walk out of the room.

“Where are you going?” she whispered hoarsely.

“I was gonna take the couch,” he said. “After I disinfect it.”

“Ha. Ha.” She paused. “Aren’t you going to sleep in here?” 

He hadn’t slept on her floor in a while, not since before he’d first made the now-defunct casual sex agreement with Jen. And now things were different, his feelings were different, or at least he thought he now better understood what they were. Panic rose up inside him. “Uh… I wasn’t planning on it.”

“Please, Pacey?”

Sighing in defeat, he closed her bedroom door and returned to her bedside. One of these days he’d learn how to say no to her. She handed him a pillow and one of her blankets. After she turned out the light, he lay on the floor and stared up at the ceiling. He didn’t know how he could feel so happy being around someone and feel lousy about it at the same time. The enigma that was their friendship dominated his thoughts, and sleep wouldn’t come easily.

He thought he soon heard her teeth chattering.

“Pacey?” she murmured in the dark.

“Go to sleep, Joey. Your fever spiked and you need rest.”

“But I’m cold.”

“Sorry to hear that.”

She sighed. “Aren’t you cold? The floor must be freezing.”

“You’re right, it is. I should go out to the living room where it’s still kinda warm.”

She whimpered. “But I don’t want to be alone.”

Damn, she was needy when she was sick. “Then go back out to the couch. I’ll add more wood to the fire. I think there might be a little lighter fluid left.”

“But I wanna stay in bed,” she whined. “It’s way more comfortable.”

“What do I have to do to get you to shut up and go to sleep, Potter?”

She sighed. “I just want to get warm. Can you go get some more blankets from the hall closet?”

Inwardly groaning, he got up off the floor, clenching his blanket in his hand. Shaking his head, remembered Bessie’s words about the chills, he sighed, his stomach tightening with nerves, and got up onto the mattress.

“What the hell are you doing?” she demanded.

“You’ve got the chills and a fever, so I’m helping you get warm.”

Her face was an angry scowl. “I said to get more blankets, Pacey, not get in bed with me.”

Glaring, his jaw clenched. “I’m not getting _in_ bed with you, Potter. I’m going to stay on top of the comforter, okay? Bessie warned me not use too many blankets when you have a fever, even if you have the chills. Too much insulated heat will just make your fever worse. So, do you want to get warm, or don’t you? I’ll be more than happy to go back to the living room.”

She hesitated, dropping her gaze from his. Grimacing, she turned and put her back to him, and laid back down, clutching the covers around her shoulder. “Fine.”

He then lay down beside her on top of the covers, and pulled her flush against him as he draped his blanket over himself. Joey was shivering, but her overheated body warmed him and he sighed with content. She felt so good beside him. He wanted to wrap his arms around her. He wanted to press his face into her hair, her neck, and breathe in her sweet scent. She shifted backwards, trying to get closer to his warmth, her ass suddenly pressed against his groin. He then started to panic. _Don’t get hard, don’t get hard, don’t get hard, don’t get hard..._ His heart was beating like the drummer in a marching band. The butterflies in his stomach were desperately trying to get out. He’d imagined—actually dreamt—this moment many times. Having Joey beside him felt so right, like it was where he belonged.

He quickly caught himself and frowned. He couldn’t let her get under his skin any more than she already had. He couldn’t allow their friendship to cross that line in the proverbial sand and become something else, something more. He’d been doing all he could to control his feelings, his urges, and it was becoming more and more difficult. He had to keep a tight rein on their relationship and himself, and needed to get a grip on his reactions to her.

Oh, who the hell was he trying to fool? He had control over nothing. He wanted her. He wanted her so bad he could taste it. She sparked something inside him like no one else he’d ever known. But he shifted away from her, once again creating much-needed space between their bodies. No matter how strong his attraction was to her, no matter how much his physical desires were driving him crazy with lust, he was bound and determined to never act on them. No good would come of it if he did. One, there was no possible way she felt for him what he felt for her, and two—most importantly—Dawson.

Joey soon stopped shivering, and her teeth stopped chattering. He had no idea when or how, but at some point, he fell asleep. The following morning, he got out of bed and retreated to the living room long before she woke up. He busied himself cleaning up the kitchen and the living room. Bessie soon arrived with Alexander, and Joey still hadn’t gotten out of bed yet.

“Thank you so much for this weekend, Pacey. I can’t begin to thank you. I mean, skipping out on Christmas with your family to take care of my sick sister…”

“I didn’t mind, really. We had an okay time, even though she wasn’t feeling good.”

Bessie eyed him. “So, how much of a pain in the ass was she?”

He laughed. “Nothing I couldn’t handle.”

After Bessie thanked him again, he gathered up his duffel bag and put on his coat. He then stepped down the hallway and opened Joey’s bedroom door just wide enough to look inside. She was sound asleep. He smiled sadly and then closed the door. He said goodbye to Bessie and then walked out the door, getting into the Witter wagon and heading home.


	9. 1999-2000

**1999**

December 31. On Friday night, Pacey headed out with his friends to the New Year’s Eve party at the Seacrest Beach House, a small yet stylish event venue on the beach in the next town over, known for turning a blind eye to underage drinking if paid handsomely. The Capeside High upperclassmen’s student governments pooled their funds together for the party; only juniors and seniors were permitted to attend. It was around eight o’clock when they arrived at the party, and the parking lot was already jam-packed.

“Excellent,” Jen remarked as they approached the main doors. Two bouncers greeted them, Capeside High football players, who high-fived Jack as he went past. “This party is gonna be a banger, and no freshmen in sight, which is kind of a relief.”

“I’m just sorry Andie couldn’t be here,” Dawson said as they walked inside.

“So, am I,” Jack replied. “I’m glad I haven’t gotten that flu that’s going around. Andie’s really bummed she couldn’t make it.”

Pacey glanced over at Joey, who was grinning slyly to herself. “What are you so happy about, Potter?”

Her eyes flew to his and she looked embarrassed, as if he’d caught her out. “I don’t know what you mean, Pacey.”

His eyes glinted at her suspiciously and she kept her face turned away from him. The large ballroom was decorated with twinkling Christmas lights. There was a square dance floor in the middle of the room, and some tables on the carpeted floor around it. Just beyond the main entrance, the junior and senior student body presidents handed them each a flyer.

CAPESIDE HIGH’S Y2K WORLD’S END PARTY RULES  
FOR GOOD LUCK IN THE NEW MILLENIUM  
1) NO DRINKING ON THE DANCE FLOOR – CLEANING UP GLASS IS A BITCH  
2) NO PUKING ON THE DANCE FLOOR – ENOUGH SAID  
3) NO SEX ON THE DANCE FLOOR – THAT’S WHAT YOUR CAR IS FOR  
4) NO FIGHTING ON THE DANCE FLOOR – OPT FOR PISTOLS AT DAWN INSTEAD  
5) DON’T BE AN ASSHOLE – THAT MEANS NO COCKBLOCKING AND NO DRAMA  
6) RESPECT THE VENUE – DON’T BREAK SHIT  
7) NO DRUGS ALLOWED – IF YOU WANT TO GET HIGH, GO SOMEWHERE ELSE  
8) LOOK OUT FOR EACH OTHER’S SAFETY AND WELL-BEING  
9) NO DRINKING AND DRIVING – YOU WILL BE HELD DOWN BY A FOOTBALL PLAYER IF YOU ATTEMPT SOMETHING SO STUPID  
10) WHEN THE CLOCK STRIKES MIDNIGHT, KISS EVERYONE – THAT MEANS ON THE MOUTH, YOU PRUDES

“Ugh. On the mouth?” Joey looked up with a disgusted expression. “That’s how you get mono.”

He laughed. “Party pooper.”

The party was in full swing. There were people everywhere; he guessed around 150, more or less, were in attendance. Some of the girls had dressed up like it was prom; others were more casual. Many were singing and dancing along to the music; others mingled around, drinking and talking. A senior approached them. “Hey, you guys want something to drink? We’ve got beer, champagne, Jell-O shots, spiked punch…”

“I’m not drinking, Scott,” he replied. “You got any soda?”

“You’re not?” Joey arched her brows in surprise.

He gave her a look. “No, I’m not. Dawson isn’t either, since he’s driving. Why are you so surprised?”

“Well, I didn’t expect Dawson to drink, whether he’s driving or not. But you being responsible? I’m a little surprised, yeah.”

He shook his head. “You know that Mr. Broderick made us all sign a contract that we won’t drink or do drugs or participate in any other risky behavior while doing the play.”

She pursed her lips, impressed. “And you’re sticking to the contract?”

“I know this may come as a shock to you, Joey, but I am a trustworthy person.”

“I never said you weren’t, Pacey. I guess I just never thought you’d honor an agreement, you know, for a school thing.”

“Well, it’s only for a few more weeks. There will be plenty of other parties when the play is over and I fully intend on living it up, but until then...”

The senior gave him a look. “Unless the world ends tonight. This may be your last chance to say and do everything you want to before it’s all over, Witter.”

He blinked. “I’ll take my chances, Scott. But thanks for lookin’ out, dude.” The senior shook his hand and then walked off. He turned to Joey. “So, won’t your college geek get upset that you’re not home for his nightly phone call? Who is he going to read poems to if you’re not available?”

She glowered at him. “I had invited him to the party, actually, but he already had plans with friends.”

“He’d rather hang out with his friends than you?” His brows furrowed. “I thought you said he was intelligent, Potter.”

Joey rolled her eyes and turned away from him.

“You better stay away from me at midnight,” he called out after her. “I don’t wanna get mono!”

She flipped him off as she walked away, and he laughed before he turned to search for something to drink. He then kept his distance from Joey but also tried to keep an eye on her. He watched her mingle with some other students with a smile on her face, but he knew it wasn’t one of her real smiles, more like a fake yet polite keep-your-distance smile. He thought she was probably wondering what the hell she was even doing at this party. Then he saw his best friend circle into her orbit and remain at her side.

For a man who was desperately trying to control his emotions, the anger suddenly scalding his chest as he watched Joey smile and laugh with Dawson was extremely unwelcome. The DJ then started playing some slow songs, and he noticed she looked a bit wistful as she watched some of the couples dancing. She glanced his way and their eyes met and held for a long moment. She couldn’t possibly want _him_ to dance with her. Right? Butterflies filled his stomach. With superhuman effort he forced himself to concentrate on his conversation with Jack and a few of his teammates, but his gaze was soon drawn to the dance floor where Joey was now dancing with Dawson. _Great._

He frowned as he watched Dawson’s hand on Joey’s waist, leading her around the dance floor. She wasn’t uptight about it, and she wasn’t stepping on his toes. Their ribcages were touching. She seemed totally at ease and looked like she was enjoying herself. Under normal circumstances he liked Dawson, who was his best and oldest friend in the world, but right now he was seriously tempted to connect his fist with Dawson’s face. The circumstances were anything but normal, he sadly admitted to himself.

The song ended and he watched Joey walk away from their friend. He felt relieved nothing more had apparently happened between them on the dance floor. He turned and immediately bumped into Jen Lindley. “Oh, hey.”

“Do you really think that’s a good idea?” she asked, nodding in Joey’s general direction. “Dating your best friend’s ex-girlfriend, who he’s probably still hung up on even though he denies it?”

“We’re not dating,” he said, his stomach twisting into knots. “In case you haven’t noticed, she’s way over there and I’m over here. We’re not together. We’ve haven’t even spoken to each other since we first arrived.”

“I’ve noticed you’ve been watching her most of the night,” Jen replied.

He frowned at her. “What the hell are you? A stalker?”

Jen smirked. “No, I’m just observant. Much more so than the rest of our friends. If Dawson noticed the things I notice, well… I think he’d be really hurt.”

“And Dawson’s feelings are more important than mine, right?” he retorted.

“I didn’t say that, Pacey.”

“No, but you implied it.” He walked away from her.

At just past ten o’clock, he realized he hadn’t seen Joey in a while. He spotted Dawson chatting up Nikki, the principal’s daughter; Jen was with Jack and some of the cheerleaders, but he had no idea where Joey was. He walked around the large room, winding his way through groups of his classmates, his eyes scanning the party for his friend. It wasn’t long before he spotted her with Nick Delaney, one of the blond-haired, blue-eyed tools on the basketball team, who was smirking and whispering in her ear. She was giggling and flipping her hair, and kept touching Nick on the arm. _What?_

“Joey?”

She turned to face him and said, “Yes?” It came out slurred.

“Are you drunk, Potter?”

“What? Pacey! Never. Maybe a little bit tipsy. I’ve just had a little champagne, or... a lot.”

“Josephine and I were just going to head outside,” Nick spoke up. “I’ve got a great mixtape in my car I want her listen to. Way better than the garbage music they’re playing at this party.”

“Yeah, Pacey. I was just gonna go out to his car and listen to some music.”

He blinked. “Like hell you are.”

She glared at him. “If I want to go out to some guy’s car, I can. There’s nothing you can do about it. Didn’t you tell me that I should get a boyfriend, Pacey? Well, how about Nick here?”

“Um… what?” Nick stared.

“You really _are_ drunk, aren’t ya? What about your poetry geek you like so much?”

“You said he’d rather hang out with his friends than with me. I mean, look at this!” She waved her hand over her body, up her tight purple sweater and down her figure-hugging jeans. “Who in their right mind would pass this up?”

Nick tilted his head, eyeing her up and down. “The girl has a point.”

He pursed his lips into a thin angry line. “Get the hell out of here, Delaney. She isn’t going anywhere with you. Go try and find a girl who’s sober, if you can actually find one who would like you without the necessity of impaired judgment.”

“Rule number five, Witter. No cockblocking.”

“Get lost.” He then grasped Joey by the arm and walked her away. She smirked up at him and said, her words slurred, “Well, since you don’t approve of Nick and you obviously don’t like the poetry geek, as you keep calling him, then who do you think _should_ be my boyfriend, Pacey? You got any suggestions?”

“Wow, Potter. You’re _really_ drunk.”

“Is that a no?”

“It’s a no.”

“Why not?”

He heaved a sigh, rolling his eyes and clenching his jaw in annoyance. “Joey, how come whenever you go to a party, you get wasted, are nearly assaulted by some creep, and I have to rescue you? Do you recall sophomore year? On the beach?”

“I don’t really remember.”

“Well, that’s a shocker,” he snarked as he still held onto her and maneuvered through the partygoers.

“Wait, didn’t you punch someone to defend my honor? I remember your hand being bruised. That was really heroic of you, Pace.”

“Yeah, and look how well that turned out,” he grumbled, the bitter memory of her calling Dawson her hero and kissing him coming forward in his mind.

“Are you going to kiss anyone at midnight, Pacey?”

A flush crept up his neck and into his face. He felt like his blood was boiling. “No. …I don’t know.”

“Why not? What if the world is really ending?”

“I told you, Potter. I don’t want to get mono.”

She scoffed. “I was just joking about the mono, Pacey. Well, not really, because that_ is_ how you get mono, but I don’t think anyone in our school has gotten mono this year. So, I think we’re safe.”

He kept walking, pulling her along. “Eh, I don’t wanna risk it.”

“What if no one kisses me?” she whined. “I’ll have bad luck for the next hundred years, which is fitting, actually.”

“I’m sure someone here will,” he said. “Party rule number 10.”

He soon reached Jack and Jen on the other side of the large room. “Keep her with you guys, okay? She’s drunk. Make sure she doesn’t drink anymore booze.”

Jack and Jen stared in wide-eyed amusement. “Sure,” they said in unison, laughing.

“Don’t leave me here, Pacey!” a very intoxicated Joey shouted out as he walked away, her words still slurring from the alcohol. He didn’t turn around. He then went outside to get some fresh air and cool down. Why did she affect him like this? He couldn’t even understand exactly why he was angry. Why should it matter if she was drunk? She was obviously way less uptight when she was. Was it the dance with Dawson? Flirting with that jerk, Nick Delaney? The way she’d make thoughtless comments that made his feelings for her harder to ignore? Was he angry at her or at himself? He didn’t know.

He avoided Joey for the rest of the night, and forced himself to not even look for her. So, what if she got drunk and flirted with every jerk in here? He wasn’t her keeper. She could take care of herself. If he wanted to stop caring, if he wanted to control his emotions, then he’d actually have to make an effort to try to not care. It was soon nearing midnight. Everyone had crowded on and around the dance floor. The lights dimmed and the countdown soon began.

“10…9…8…7…”

He noticed some couples holding onto one another, smiling at each other excitedly. Other kids were standing around and giggling nervously. He only felt depressed.

“6…5…4…3…2…1”

A loud cheer went up, sparklers were lit, and music played as the clock struck midnight, and everyone around him started hugging and kissing. Soon it was a frenzy. Kimberly Sokernyk, a senior on the field hockey team, threw her arms around him and kissed him, before he turned and then there was Meghan Arliss, Jim Connelly’s girlfriend, and then she kissed him, too. Around and around he went, kissing whatever girl was in front of him. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Dawson and Joey kiss, and he forced himself to look away. He didn’t care, he told himself. He wasn’t going to care.

He turned around and then there was Jen. She looked up at him and laughed. He shrugged good-humoredly and then grabbed her, dipping her dramatically in his arms as she threw hers around his neck, and he kissed her. “Happy New Year, Jen.”

“Happy New Year, Pacey.” She smiled, and then frowned. “I’m gonna go and kiss Jack again. No one’s kissing him. Well, except me and Joey, but that’s it. Everyone else is keeping a wide berth.”

He nodded and then turned. Suddenly there was another senior girl coming forward and kissing him. It continued this way for some minutes and then he bumped into Jack. “Oh, hey, Pacey. Happy New Year.”

Grinning, he placed his hands on his friend’s face and planted a kiss on his mouth. “Happy New Year, Jack.”

“Pacey!” He’d gone red in the face, embarrassed. “Oh, my God.”

“Don’t say I never did nothing for you, McPhee.”

He laughed and turned away, moving on to the next girl coming at him. As Nancy Wheeler left his arms, he turned and found himself face to face with Joey. His stomach bottomed out. She was like a deer caught in the headlights.

He stood as if frozen and blinked, staring. Unable to move, he quivered at the hope, the desire, the fear of what might happen next. Her lips parted and she gazed up at him with her doe eyes. She looked beautiful. Breathtakingly beautiful. His heart wrenched. Everyone was kissing around them, sparklers were twirling in the air, the music filled his ears. They leaned forward hesitantly and then kissed each other on the cheek, the lightest, briefest of touches, and then quickly turned away from each other.

It was almost one o’clock when they were climbing back into Dawson’s SUV. “I should sit Joey in the far back,” he told his friend. “In case she pukes or something. And we should probably drop her off home first.”

“Good idea,” Dawson replied, chuckling.

While Jen got in the front passenger seat, he opened the back door and helped Joey climb into the third row, before sitting down beside her. Jack then jumped into the back seat just in front of them and closed the door. It was a 20-minute drive to Capeside. While Dawson, Jen, and Jack talked and laughed together, he and Joey were quiet. After a few minutes, she leaned against his arm. “So, how many girls did you kiss tonight?” she whispered.

He glanced at her. “Are you still drunk?”

“A little bit, yeah.”

Sighing, he shrugged. “I kissed my fair share. Fingers crossed I don’t get mono.” He grinned. “And you? Did you get the midnight kiss of your dreams?” He shoved down the image of her and Dawson kissing that suddenly appeared in his mind.

Joey frowned. “Of my dreams? No, but I kissed my fair share as well. So, hopefully no bad luck will be coming my way, which will come in handy since the B&B is opening in two weeks.”

They were again quiet for some time. He stared out the window, gazing at nothing. He still felt depressed. Some nights he wondered if he’d ever feel happy again. This was one of those nights.

“Thanks for taking care of me, Pacey,” she then said quietly, breaking the silence in the back seat.

“Huh?”

“When I was sick,” she answered. “It really meant a lot to me, and I can’t remember if I thanked you.”

He sighed. “You’re welcome, Potter.”

They spent the rest of the drive silent. When they arrived at Joey’s house, he got her out of the far back seat. As they walked around the car, Dawson’s window came down. “Do you need any help getting her inside?” his friend asked.

“No, I’ve got it.”

“Probably for the best,” Dawson said, laughing. “The last time I deposited a drunk Joey inside her house, she kissed me. I wouldn’t want a replay of that.”

His jaw clenched in annoyance and he didn’t reply. Dawson’s car window went back up. His arm around Joey’s waist, he walked her toward the porch. “Can you carry me, Pacey?”

He burst out laughing. “What? No!”

“Why not?” she whined.

“Well, our friends are sitting in the car, watching us.”

She knitted her brows at him. “Why should that matter?”

His face flushed. “Well, you know, it would look weird.” She huffed.

They walked up the steps and to the door. “You got your keys, Potter?” he whispered.

“They’re in my pocket.”

He stared at her. “So, get them out.”

She blinked. “Oh, right.” Pulling out her keys, she placed them in his palm. He unlocked the door quietly and they stepped inside. He then walked her to her bedroom, where she kicked off her shoes and slid beneath the covers of her bed.

“Are you really going to sleep in your jeans?” he asked her.

“Well, I’m not going to take them off with you in here,” she muttered, putting her back to him.

Her words were still slurring a little. He sighed. “Why did you get drunk tonight, Jo?”

“I don’t know, Pacey. I thought champagne sounded good. After I had one glass, I could feel the stress leaving my body and I wanted to chase that feeling. I wasn’t worried about the B&B. I wasn’t worried about money. I wasn’t worried about my dad. I wasn’t worried about you. I could just… be free, and it was a relief.”

_What?_ His brows furrowed. “You worry about me?”

A heavy silence hung in the air. Turning to lay on her back, she looked up at him for a long moment. “The world didn’t end,” she said, ignoring his question.

He gave her a weak smile, shaking his head. “No, it didn’t.”

“It’s a new year.”

“Yes, it is.”

“It’s a new decade, and a whole new century.”

He nodded and smiled down at her.

She gazed up at him, her eyes sparkling. “Think of the possibilities, Pacey.”

He swallowed. His heart raced, his palms tingled, nerves tightened in his stomach. _Think of the possibilities._ Fear gripped his chest. He wanted Joey with what felt like a desperate hunger. He wanted all the things he knew he shouldn’t have; he knew he couldn’t have. But that didn’t stop the wanting, no matter how much he tried to reason with himself.

“Is something wrong?” Joey asked, her voice apprehensive.

“Everything’s fine,” he reassured. Everything _was_ fine, he thought, everything except his self-control. He again told himself that his feelings for her were only physical, hormonal. He just had to learn to better control them or he might explode.

She smiled up at him, but he thought there was a tinge of sadness in her gaze. “Happy New Year, Pacey.”

“Happy New Year, Joey.”

He turned and walked towards her bedroom door. Opening it, he looked back at her just as his hand went to the light switch on the wall. She turned to lay on her side, clutching a teddy bear in her arms. His eyes widened as he noticed it had the red and gold ribbon tied into a bow around its neck, the one that read, “_Be my sweetheart_.” The butterflies were back. He flipped the light switch, darkening the room, and then closed the door.

He climbed into Dawson’s car next to Jack. They were soon back on the road. He remained quiet for the rest of the ride home. Dawson glanced at him from time to time in the rearview mirror. He didn’t know exactly when or how it had happened—and definitely hadn’t been expecting it to happen—but he wanted his best friend’s self-proclaimed soulmate. Dawson had been his closest friend, and sometimes only friend, since kindergarten. How many people were lucky enough to have friends who stick around that long, who loyally stay by their side through all their screw-ups?

An ache of guilt settled in the pit of his stomach. He was determined to spend less time alone with Joey, at least until he could get his hormones in check. It wasn’t worth the risk. There was no way she’d ever want him the same way, so what was even the point of all this? It was never going to go anywhere, and he knew it was only a matter of time before she and Dawson returned to their usual state of affairs. He was tormenting himself for nothing. There were plenty of reasons why she was undesirable, not least the fact she didn’t want him in return, and he was trying hard to list them. Yet as his thoughts turned to the teddy bear she was now hugging to her chest as she slept and the kiss on his cheek earlier, just an inch from his lips, he couldn’t stop himself from smiling.

**2000**

January 8. On Saturday afternoon, he showed up at the Potter’s house along with a repair guy who was going to refurbish the old furnace. It needed to be fixed by the official opening next Friday, and buying a new one would be too much of an expense. He waited with Joey in the kitchen while the guy worked. “So, where’s Bessie and Alexander?” he asked her.

“They’re in Boston visiting Bodie for the weekend,” she answered.

He nodded, and watched her while she moved about the room. She reached for a glass in the cupboard and filled it with water. Today was his 17th birthday, and she hadn’t said a word to him about it. Dawson had called him that morning, wished him happy birthday, and apologized for not being able to get out of his video store shift tonight; Maybe they could do something tomorrow. Andie had even wished him happy birthday earlier at play rehearsal. He’d expected Joey to at least remember, but nothing so far. Maybe that was for the best, he thought. His birthdays were always a disaster waiting to happen.

She drank from her glass and then sighed. “You wanna do something later? I’m bored.”

Was this some birthday ploy? He wondered. “If you’re bored, why don’t you hang out with Dawson?”

“Well, I already called Dawson earlier to see if he wanted to hang out and have a movie night, but he has to work.”

“So, I’m your second choice, is what you’re saying.”

She gave him a look of annoyance. “It has nothing to do with a choice, Pacey. You and I hang out almost every day. Me and Dawson? Not so much. I’d like to get our friendship back on track, and that requires hanging out like friends are supposed to. Anyway, do you want to do something, or not?”

He sighed. “You wanna order pizza and rent a movie?”

She pulled a face. “I’m sick of pizza.” Pursing her lips, she thought for a moment. “Let’s go out. I really like that French bistro place.”

“You probably went there on dates with Dawson, right?” He frowned. “No, thanks.”

“I went _once_ with Dawson and we sat with his dad and his film teacher. The night ended up being more about me and Jen trying to get Mitch and Gail back together than a date. It wasn’t a romantic night at all, really.”

He frowned again. “Does this mean I have to dress up?”

Crossing her arms, she threw him a look. “I know you own a suit, Pacey.”

He wondered if she was planning something at this restaurant for his birthday. He may as well oblige and not spoil her fun. Well, not too much. “I’ll wear the suit I wore to Abby Morgan’s funeral.”

Joey pursed her lips, not amused.

That evening, as soon as he had parked the Witter wagon and they stepped inside the French restaurant, he immediately felt uncomfortable. The restaurant was very intimate and romantic, with low lighting and plenty of tables for two. He also half-expected people to jump out and shout, _“Surprise!”_ It didn’t happen, and he wasn’t sure whether he was thankful or disappointed. A hostess offered to check their coats. He shrugged his off and handed it over to the woman. When Joey removed her coat, revealing a dark green dress that clung to her in all the right places, he ran his eyes down her figure.

“Don’t stare,” she scolded, pursing her lips. “It’s rude.”

He shrugged. “You look great, that’s all.”

She averted her eyes from his and tucked her hair behind an ear, hiding a smile. The maître d’ then showed them to a small table by the side wall and near the piano. A young waitress in a starched white button-down shirt and a black skirt with a long black apron tied around her waist arrived and offered them menus. The interior of the dining room had dark wood paneling set off by the pale light of three chandeliers, and most of the tables were filled with patrons.

As they looked over their menus, the maître d’ glided over with breadsticks in a wicker basket, set it on the table, and asked, “Are you ready to order?”

He and Joey exchanged a look, shrugging. “I think we’ll need a few minutes,” he replied.

“Not a problem, sir. Can we get you any drinks to start with?”

“I’m good. Jo, you want something?”

She shook her head. “Water is fine.”

“Very well, madam.” The maître d’ bowed pompously and turned from the table.

He snorted, shaking his head as the man walked away. He watched as Joey studied her menu. “You wanna tell me what we’re doing here, Potter?”

She looked up, brows knitting. “We’re having dinner.”

“No kidding,” he deadpanned. “We could’ve gone anywhere. Why here? Why with me?”

“I thought it would be nice,” she answered vaguely.

He threw her a look of disbelief and set his menu down on the table. “Okay, let’s cut the bullshit. I know you know today is my birthday. What are you planning, Jo? You needed to get me here, or temporarily get me away from somewhere else… for what?”

She frowned.

“You’re forgetting that you and I planned something very similar for Dawson’s disaster of a 16th birthday,” he said. “So… what? You got a surprise party happening somewhere? Back at the B&B? At Dawson’s house? Or, God forbid, my house?”

“Pacey, I asked you last month if you wanted a party for your birthday and you told me no. If I recall correctly, you were rather adamant about it.”

Before he could reply, the waitress returned to their table and smiled at him. “Ready to order?”

He sighed and picked up his menu, giving it a quick glance. “Well, look at that,” he remarked under his breath, before looking up and grinning. “I’ll have the Crêpe Josephine with the Truffle Frites.”

Joey shot him an impressed look across the table.

“Very nice, sir,” the waitress replied, still smiling brightly down at him. “Excellent choices. And you, miss?”

“Um… the Salmon Niçoise.”

“Okay,” said the waitress, before turning back to him. “Can I get you anything to drink besides water? We have a very sexy Côte du Rhône as well as a delicious Bourgogne Pinot Noir to really whet your appetite. I think you’d be very pleased with either.”

He opened his mouth to reply, but Joey cut in. “We’re 17 years old,” she replied dryly.

The waitress winked at him and smirked as she collected their menus and walked away. He looked at Joey, who was staring after the waitress and scowling. “So… why are we here?” he asked again.

She turned her head to face him. “The nerve of that woman.”

He snorted. “What’s wrong?”

“Our waitress is blatantly flirting with you, Pacey. Haven’t you noticed?”

“No, I’ve been looking at you.”

Joey frowned. “I mean, the audacity. We’re sitting here having dinner in a romantic French restaurant, and she’s making eyes at you right in front of me. The woman should be a little more subtle considering you aren’t at the table alone.”

His brows furrowed. “But we’re just friends and this isn’t a date.”

“Yeah, but she doesn’t know that!”

“I think you’re getting worked up for nothing, Potter.” He then tilted his head and pursed his lips. “Although… Do you think if I slipped her my number later, she’d have sex with me? It’s been a long time and a man has needs.”

She glared.

He burst out laughing. “I’m just kidding, Jo.” He tilted his head again, arching his brows. “Or am I?”

Joey threw a breadstick at him.

“Hey, watch it! This is a classy place.” He smirked and lifted the breadstick from his lap, placing it on the table. Then he sighed. “Come on, Jo. Seriously. What are we doing here? This isn’t exactly our thing.”

“If you want to know,” she paused, hesitating. “It wasn’t supposed to be just you and me, and we weren’t originally going to come here. I know you said you didn’t want a party, but I had invited Dawson and his parents, Jen, her grandmother, Jack and Andie to just have a birthday dinner with us at my house. I asked Bodie to come home for the weekend and cook you a nice meal. But it was _just_ a dinner, _not_ a party. I had it all planned, but then they all had other stuff going on that they unfortunately couldn’t get out of. So, I’m sorry that going to a nice restaurant and having dinner with yours truly is such a bummer on your birthday.”

Too touched by her thoughtfulness to feel truly irritated, he smiled and took a sip of his water. “It’s far from a bummer. I’m sitting at a table with a beautiful woman.”

Joey blushed, averting her eyes from his.

“So… why this place? I mean, we could’ve gone anywhere.”

“My dad would take my mom here on her birthday every year,” she revealed. “She was a total Francophile. French food, French fashion, French films, French music, wine, art—she loved it all. And she loved this restaurant. We didn’t have a lot of money, so she couldn’t come that often, but her birthday was a special occasion. Anyway, when my dinner party plans fell through, I still wanted to do something nice for you and this was the first place I thought of.”

He knew that Joey didn’t often speak of her mother, and even less of her father. That she found it hard opening up at the best of times. “Well, thanks for inviting me.”

She smiled. “You’re welcome.”

A man sitting at the piano began to play soft music and then their food arrived shortly after. They spent the next hour enjoying their meal, talking the entire time. They discussed everything from the B&B’s opening, just a week away, to school, to Jen and whatever was going on with that freshman, Henry Parker, Dawson and his movie-poster-less bedroom walls, and finally _Barefoot in the Park_.

“Opening night is in two weeks,” he said excitedly. He then gazed at her somewhat shyly. “You’re gonna be there, right?”

“Of course,” she replied, giving him a thousand-watt smile. “I wouldn’t miss it.”

His heart fluttered in his chest. Their dinner plates were then cleared away and the waitress was back. “I believe we have something very special being prepared for you in the kitchen,” she said as she bent over him, putting her back to Joey as if she wasn’t also sitting at the table. The waitress patted his hand lightly and then straightened up. “I hope you saved room for dessert.”

He turned a wide-eyed gaze at Joey as the waitress walked away. His friend crossed her arms and scowled. He chuckled. “Relax. She just wants a good tip.”

“She wants a lot more than that,” Joey grumbled. He rolled his eyes.

Homemade crème brûlée soon arrived. A lit candle stood in the middle of it. _“Happy Birthday Pacey”_ was written in chocolate on the plate next to the dessert. The waitress laid two spoons on the table beside it. His friend beamed at him. “Happy birthday,” she said. “Make a wish.”

He didn’t know what to wish for. He wanted to be happy. He wanted Joey to be happy. He wanted her to want him the same way he wanted her, and he wanted Dawson to be cool with it. He wanted to make his father proud. He wanted to get the hell out of this town and never come back. Why did every wish of his seem impossible? Closing his eyes, he sighed, and wished that this could be the one birthday that didn’t end up a catastrophe. He opened his eyes and blew out the candle.

Dipping his spoon into the dessert, he ate in silence. Being treated like he was someone important warmed his heart. He wasn’t used to it.

“Did your parents do anything for your birthday?” Joey asked as she dipped her own spoon into the other end of the dessert.

He scoffed. “They detest that I managed to survive my infancy, so they’re not about to celebrate the fact I’m turning 17, Jo.”

She blinked those soulful brown eyes at him, and looked at him with such pity and compassion that it physically hurt. “How bad is it, really?” Her voice was just above a whisper.

“You don’t want to know.”

“Yes, I do.”

“Why?”

“Because maybe I can help you.”

“Help me? Do I have neon sign flashing over my head that says ‘save me’? You don’t want to hear this shit.”

“That’s what friends do, Pacey. They help each other.”

He sighed. “There’s nothing you can do, Joey. There’s nothing anyone can do. I just gotta keep my head down until I turn 18 and then I’m outta here.”

Pursing her lips, she dipped her spoon into the crème brûlée. “Once we’re out of high school and in college, everything will be different, and hopefully better.”

“I’m not getting into college,” he replied.

“You don’t know that, Pacey.”

“Oh, but I do.”

She frowned. “Okay, so if you don’t get into college, then whose fault is that? You’re really smart, Pacey, and I’ve seen what you can do when you make an effort. You just don’t want to do the work.”

He had no argument, and said nothing.

“Let’s suppose you don’t get into college,” she said matter-of-factly. “That’s not the end of the world. School isn’t for everyone, Pacey. Some people thrive inside the box. They need rules and structure in their lives. They do well with academics. But that’s not everyone. Other people thrive outside the box, breaking rules, and they create amazing things. There are plenty of people who have been very successful, in their careers and lives, who never went to college, who never even graduated high school. Just find something you love to do, and do it. You can do whatever you put your mind to, and once you figure out what that is going to be, I know you’ll do it well.”

The emotion shining in her eyes, her confidence in him, made him feel like he could do anything. A lump of emotion formed in his throat and he shrugged off her praise, returning his attention to the dessert. Joey then suddenly reached across the table and placed her hand over his, grasping hold of him. He felt a tingle down his spine. “The music,” she said, gazing at him earnestly. “Listen.”

He concentrated on the music emanating from the piano. It was classical, and familiar. “What am I hearing?”

“Debussy,” she said quietly. “My mom’s favorite composer.” Her hand still holding his, she gazed at nothing, and he could tell her mind was elsewhere. “She loved this composition. _Clair De Lune_. She would play this a lot while she painted.” 

They sat quietly listening, and she still held onto his hand. Her touch made him feel emotions he’d almost given up hope of ever controlling, which were clearly more powerful than he was equipped to handle. The thought filled him with fear and trepidation. She obviously had no idea what she was doing to him. Yet with a smile he craved as much as her physical touch, Joey tenderly gazed across the table at him until the musical piece ended, and then she slowly pulled her hand away.

January 15. He had the growing sense that he was doomed. The harder he tried to find a reason Joey Potter was undesirable in any way, the less success he had. On Saturday, what was supposed to be the coldest night of the year, he gathered chopped wood into his arms and climbed the steps onto the porch, heading back inside the Potter’s house. The living room was currently empty. Jack and Andie had gone to Mrs. Ryan’s house to fetch a space heater. Dawson went with Gail back to their house to retrieve more blankets. He didn’t know where the others were; probably making similar efforts around the bed and breakfast. As he crouched on the floor and began piling the chopped wood in the large basket beside the hearth, Mitch Leery’s words still rang inside his head.

_“That goes to the heart of who Pacey Witter is. What makes you care so much?”_

All the time and effort he’d put into helping Joey and Bessie with the bed and breakfast. All the dry walling and painting and cleaning and repairing, and then roping the critic, Fred Fricke, to come out and review the place so word about their business would spread, and rounding up their friends to pose as fake guests. And all for what? Why was it all so important to him? Of course, he wanted good things for Bessie and Joey. They deserved something good in their lives after all they’d been through, but he’d attacked the B&B project like it was the number one priority in his life, even putting his work on _True Love_ on the back burner. Mitch had made it seem like he’d gone above and beyond what anyone would expect.

“Hey,” spoke a soft voice, breaking his reverie.

He turned to see Joey standing there. “Hey.” His heart sunk within him at the sight of her. The look in her eyes stole his breath. There was pain and sadness there. Those beautiful brown eyes were brimming with it. He was used to letting people down—his parents, his siblings, his teachers, Mr. Milo, Andie—but knowing he’d disappointed Joey was a physical ache inside of him.

“I, um, I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry,” she said.

“Sorry?” His brows furrowed. “For what?”

She hesitated, and he stood up. She played with her fingers for a moment, before crossing her arms over her chest. “For getting so angry with you earlier. For blaming you for everything that’s gone wrong. It was irrational and unfair, and untrue. It’s not your fault, Pacey. You’ve done nothing but try your best to help. I freaked out on you _and_ Bessie, and neither of you deserved that. I was just really stressed and worried and…” She sighed. “I’m sorry.”

He gave her a half smile. “It’s okay, Potter.”

Mitch then walked into the room as Dawson and Gail came through the front door, carrying several heavy wool blankets. Andie and Jack walked in behind them with a space heater, and Joey told them to take it up to Mr. Fricke’s guestroom. Bessie and Mrs. Ryan then left the kitchen and joined them in the living room. It was going to be a cold night, but hopefully they all could make the best of it.

Hours later, as one by one they retreated to their bedrooms, he still couldn’t shake the feeling that he’d let Joey down, even after Mitch Leery’s pep talk and her apology. So, he was doing everything he could think of to make things right. He called Bodie on the phone and left a desperate message on his answering machine. He stayed up in the living room, adding fuel to the fire all night long, returning outside to chop more wood as needed to keep the heat going. When the Sunday morning sky began to brighten and the gray light of dawn started to seep in through the windows, he finally allowed himself to fall asleep on the couch.

Then there was a hand shaking him awake. His eyes flew open and he saw a man standing over him. He blinked his eyes into focus. “Bodie!”

He laughed, patting him on the shoulder. “Hi, Pacey.”

He jumped up off the couch and hugged Bessie’s boyfriend. “I’m so glad you’re here. We gotta do a wicked breakfast for this Fricke dude.”

“I’m with you, man.”

They walked into kitchen together and went to work.

Later that day, he stood on the porch with Joey, watching Mr. Fricke back out of the driveway. “I think he’s going to give Potter B&B a rave review,” he told her. “Your phone will be ringing off the hook.”

She turned to him with a bright smile. “You amaze me, Pacey.”

His eyes went wide. “Me? What’d I do?”

“I don’t know,” she shrugged. “Everything? The whole Fricke thing as a way to promote the bed and breakfast. Coming up with fake guests to impress him. An ingenious idea like that never would’ve even entered my head. I mean, the way your mind works… The things you come up with… You’re creative in a way that I could never be. I don’t think there’s anyone like you.”

“Oh, well, I don’t know about that, Jo.” He felt his face redden at her compliment.

She gazed at him. “I do.” Her mouth curved into a sweet smile. “You need to start believing in yourself, Pacey.”

His heart warmed, and he returned her smile. “Anyway, I’m going to try and get ahold of the furnace guy today. Hopefully he’ll be able to get over here sooner rather than later. As soon as Fricke writes his raving review, you’ll have more guests than you know what do with, and it’s gonna be a cold winter.”

Later that evening, after having talked to the repair guy about the furnace, he walked inside the Potter house looking for Joey, only to find her asleep beneath a blanket on the living room couch. A fire blazed in the hearth. He stepped over to her and pulled the blanket up more. It had been a busy, stressful weekend, and she was probably exhausted. He was, too. Removing his coat, he collapsed into the chair near the fireplace and stretched out. He watched Joey as she slept, letting his mind wander to places it shouldn’t be going.

He wanted to climb onto that couch with her and kiss her until she melted into him. He wanted to bury himself deep inside her until he didn’t know where he ended and she began. He wanted to taste every inch of her, explore every bit of her silky skin until he found all her secret spots that made her feel good. He wanted to make her feel good. He wanted nothing more than to give her pleasure and take away her sadness, all her worries.

His heart swelled as he gazed at her on the couch. He could watch Joey sleep like that for hours. He’d done it before, when she was sick a few weeks ago. Then as he sat there, something Mrs. Ryan said the night before came forward in his mind. When they’d all gathered around the living room hearth, and she spoke to them about similar evenings she had spent with her husband.

And that was the answer to the question Mitch had posed the night before. What made him care so much? He wanted—no, _needed_—to make Joey happy. Everything he did was for her sake. He knew the feeling, and he was afraid of it, but it was no use denying it any longer, or trying to ignore it or control it and stop himself from feeling it. He was in love with Joey Potter, he finally admitted to himself. He wanted her more than he’d ever wanted anything, loved her more than he’d ever loved anyone. _I have always loved her,_ he thought guiltily, _from the very first moment I saw her._ It was a painful longing inside him, sharp as glass.

For the first time in a long time, someone special was by his side. Not just one of his friends, but a woman who had confidence in him, who pushed him to be the man he’d always wanted to be, who encouraged him to believe. Despite the risks and potential consequences, despite the importance of his friendship with Dawson and the guilt he felt, he knew what he would do if given the chance. He was sick of just existing. He wanted so badly to be needed, to be loved. To be someone’s soulmate. Only hers. If there ever came a time when he had a chance with Joey, he’d take it.

He continued to gaze at her while she slept, and as the weight of exhaustion began to pull him under as well, he held on to Mrs. Ryan’s words.

_“You know you love someone when you can spend the entire night just sitting by the fire, watching them sleep.”_

He knew it was true. And for now, that was enough.


	10. 2000 (Part One)

January 18. On Tuesday evening when he finished his shift at the video store, he went straight over to the Potter’s. Yesterday, when they’d been walking together to one of their classes, Joey had willingly agreed to help him run his lines in preparation for _Barefoot in the Park_. They had been going through the play for the past two nights. He paced around her living room while she read from his copy of the play.

“I’ll come down when you’ve said it again, loud and clear,” he recited enthusiastically as the character Paul.

“What? Anything, Paul,” Joey sat on the couch and read from the playbook in a monotonous tone.

“Paul Bratter,” he continued.

“Paul Bratter…”

He almost laughed at her dull reading, which had been amusing him all night. “Rising young attorney.”

“Rising young attorney,” Joey mimicked.

He raised his hand in the air, pointing emphatically. “Is a lousy, stinking drunk.”

She suddenly blushed, like she’d been doing every time she got to similar lines, and blatantly avoided looking at him as she spoke. “Is a lousy, stinking drunk, and I love him.”

He gazed at her and butterflies filled his stomach. He became distracted by the shape of her mouth, the soft swell of her pouting bottom lip and the curve of the top one. He wanted to press his mouth to hers, to follow its shape with the tip of his tongue before slipping inside. Heat surged in his blood. His groin tightened. He clenched his jaw. Goddammit, he was driving himself crazy. Why did he torment himself like this? _What was my line? Oh, right._ “I love you, too.”

She cleared her throat. “The line is, ‘I love you, too, _Corie_.’ You keep forgetting your wife’s name, Pacey.”

“Right.” He paced the room, trying to ignore the butterflies. “I love you, too, Corie.” He then turned to Joey and smiled. “I mean, even when I didn’t like you, I loved you.” They were just lines belonging to a fictional character, but the words rang true to him and his heart swelled with affection for her as he said them.

“Then please come down, darling,” she continued reading. “Please.” She then tossed the playbook aside and smiled at him. “You did great, Pacey. You know it like the back of your hand. I didn’t have to prompt you much at all.”

“Thanks, Jo. But, uh, there’s still more of the scene to do here.”

She pursed her lips and stood up from the couch. “I’m not kissing you.”

He shrugged, grinning at her. “Your loss, Potter.”

Joey rolled her eyes and walked into the kitchen. “I’m starving. Is dinner ready yet?”

The door then opened and Bodie stepped inside the house. Joey turned, rushing over to him, and gave him a hug. “Nice to be home,” he said.

“What are you doing here on a Tuesday?” she asked.

“I’ve got tomorrow off,” he shrugged.

Alexander came running into the room, closely followed by Bessie, and Bodie pulled them into his arms. He then stepped forward to greet him. “Good to see you, Pacey.”

They shook hands. “You, too, Bodie. You’re just in time for dinner.”

Not long after, he was carrying the pan of homemade mac-and-cheese from the oven and to the table. He then dished up for Joey, Bessie, Bodie, and Alexander before spooning some onto his own plate and sitting down. He watched with bated breath as they picked up their forks, dug into the hot food, and lifted it to their mouths.

Bodie turned a wide-eyed gaze at him. “_You_ made this?”

Joey hummed in satisfaction. “This is _really_ good, Pacey.”

“So good,” Bessie agreed.

He let out the breath he’d been holding, his heart swelling with their approval. “Thanks.” He then began eating. “Oh yeah,” he said appreciatively after he took his first bite. “This is good stuff.”

After Bodie filled them in on the stressful life of being a line cook in a popular Boston restaurant, Joey cleared her throat and then announced, “I have some news.”

“You’re quitting school and becoming a spokesperson for the Ab Roller,” he quipped.

Bessie and Bodie laughed while she pulled a face at him. “While that sounds like an enticing career, no. Principal Green called me to his office today and told me that I was one of three students to be selected to paint a mural in one of the hallways at school.”

His eyes went wide. “Wow, Jo. That’s great!”

“Congrats,” Bodie offered.

“Really incredible, Joey,” said Bessie. “And such an honor to be selected.”

She blushed under their praise. “Thanks. The theme is unity and school spirit. I have no idea what I’m going to paint, but I have a month to work on it.”

Smiling, he gazed at her from across the table. “I know you’ll paint something amazing.”

Joey chewed on her lip and tucked her hair behind her ears. “We’ll see.”

Later, he stood next to Joey in the kitchen while she filled the sink with hot, soapy water. He tossed a dishcloth over his shoulder. She looked at him and grinned. “My dad used to help my mom do the dishes every night. I’d sit at the table, doing my homework or reading a book, and watch them stand in front of the sink together. Sometimes the radio would be on and they’d, like, sway from side to side while she handed him dishes to dry.” She laughed under her breath at the memory.

He smiled, gazing intently at her, eating up every word. He wanted to know everything about her. He wanted every memory, every detail. His mind wandered to an alternate universe where he and Joey were the ones married, swaying together in the kitchen while their kids sat around the table. She glanced up at him, and her smile faltered at the look in his eye. “What is it?”

“Hmm?” He caught himself, realizing he needed to stop letting his mind wander to these places. Good lord, he’d actually been thinking about marriage and kids and white picket fences. “Nothing. It’s nothing.”

Joey shook her head and returned her attention to the sink. “Does your father do the dishes?” She handed him a plate to dry.

He laughed derisively. “Uh, no. Sheriff John Witter is a man’s man.”

She plunged her hands into the soapy water again. “How does your mom feel about that?”

“My dad has never done a dish in his life and I’m sure my mom would be horrified if he tried. The kitchen is the woman’s domain,” he said dryly. “They completely agree about that. She made herself into exactly the kind of woman he wanted her to be. If she ever wanted to be anything else, do anything for herself, you’d never know. She’s the sheriff’s wife, and that’s all.”

“Maybe that’s all she wants to be,” Joey shrugged.

He placed a dried plate in the cupboard above the counter. “Apparently. I just can’t stand the way she caters to him, the way he pats her on the head and calls her ‘little woman.’ I mean, my mom is six feet tall.” He sighed. “But the strange thing is, they’re happy together. I don’t get them at all, but they don’t get me either. So…”

She handed him another clean plate. “Have you told them about the play?”

“Yep.”

“And?”

He sighed. “My dad laughed, made some homophobic crack about actors, and left the room. My mom said it’d be too difficult for her to watch me fall on my face in front of hundreds of people, but if opening night isn’t a disaster then she’ll come see it on Saturday or Sunday if she’s not too busy.” Scoffing, he shook his head. “Busy doing what?”

Joey frowned. “I’m sorry, Pace.”

“Oh well. At least you’ll be there opening night. That’s all I care about, really.” He paused, a flush creeping into his face. “You know, uh, my friends being there, you and Dawson. Then at the after party at the Crown & Anchor, we’ll either celebrate my success or mourn my abysmal failure. Oh, and Gretchen said she’s coming down on Saturday to see the play, so that’s good. I feel like it’s been forever since I’ve seen her.”

“That’s nice your sister is making an effort,” she replied.

“She’s the only Witter who gives a damn about me.”

She offered him a wet glass. “What about your other sisters?”

Dish towel in hand, he dried the glass and set it in the proper cupboard. “The two eldest Witter children are consumed with their own lives. Carrie and Amy both married military men right out of high school, popped out a bunch of kids, and ended up being miserable. The life of a teenage little brother can’t compete with their daily drama. With Amy in North Carolina and Carrie living on the base at Hanscom, I honestly don’t see them except for holidays. They’re not about to show up at my play.”

“Well, what about Doug? He must care, Pacey. Otherwise, he probably wouldn’t give you such a hard time.”

“He has his moments, I guess, but they’re few and far between. I told him about the play, but he said he has to work. He couldn’t possibly switch shifts or ask for a night off, you know, even though his father is the town sheriff. He also doesn’t think that watching teenage thespians, and I quote, _‘butcher_ iconic characters’ is his idea of a fun way to spend an evening. So, there you go.”

When the dishes were all cleaned and dried and put away, he walked out to the living room and shrugged on his coat. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he told her.

“Can you give me a ride to school?” she asked as she followed him into the room.

“Sure.” He then gave her a look. “Uh, not that I mind giving you rides, but have you thought about finally getting your license, Joey? You’ve had your permit for over a year.”

She frowned. “I’ve thought about it, but it’s winter and that’s probably not the best time to begin my foray into licensed driving. Besides, the truck is a stick shift and it’s too confusing. Bessie tried to show me, but she gave up.”

He stepped over to the door, placing his hand on the knob. “I could show you. After this weekend, I’ll be done with the play, and then my evenings will be free to spend them doing whatever you wanna do. We can take the truck out and practice every day when I get out of work next week.”

“I don’t know, Pacey…”

“What? Are you scared? Is my skittish kitten afraid of getting behind the wheel?” He pouted sympathetically before letting out a breathy laugh.

She huffed in annoyance. “No, I’m not scared.”

_Doubtful._ “Come on, Jo. I can teach you. I’ll be like Lloyd Dobbler in _Say Anything_.”

“Well, you both have that whole noble underachiever thing going for you,” she joked, rolling her eyes and giving him a smile. “I’ll think about it.”

He smiled in return and then said goodnight.

January 21. The packed auditorium thundered loudly on Friday night, everyone standing to their feet and clapping at the curtain call. He looked out at the sea of faces and saw their smiles, heard their whistles and cheers. As he scanned the audience, he focused on the back of the room seeking one special person, hoping she’d somehow changed her mind. It was stupid to think she might’ve just shown up. That she might’ve bailed on her date with college guy to come support him. Stupid, but he searched the crowd anyway. She wasn’t there. Joey hadn’t shown, and disappointment filled him once again.

Later, at the after party, Joey did show up, which was somewhat encouraging, but then college guy showed up, too. Once the spectacle between Jen and that freshman, Henry Parker, came to an end, he sat at a table watching her smile at A.J. She played with her fingers and shyly tucked her hair behind an ear. He felt sick and overwhelmed with a great pain in his chest. He told himself it wasn’t jealousy. He refused to be jealous of some Latin-speaking poetry geek. It was the fact she’d skipped out on seeing him in the play, and all to go watch some lights in the sky with a guy she’d only known for a month. It was just a painful reminder that she didn’t feel for him the same way he felt for her.

As he sat there, her words ran around and around inside his head.

_“How could I ever feel about him the way that I…”_

_“Feel about Dawson.”_

_“No, I was… I was actually going to say ‘felt.’”_

He not only had this college geek to compete with, but also her history with Dawson. Yet a hopeful feeling had slightly rose in his chest when she’d said “felt.” Past tense. Was it possible she was finally over Dawson? That she no longer loved him like she used to? He could only hope. It was at least a small step in the right direction. He wanted her to care for _him_, really care for him. He wanted her to open her eyes to the reality of his feelings for her. He wanted to love her, completely, freely. He wanted to make her happy if she’d only give him the chance. She wasn’t even aware of how her proximity affected him, how it made his heart want to jump out of his chest whenever she was near.

He wanted her love like he needed air to breathe. He knew down to the depths of his soul that he’d never want anyone else but her, and in some way, he’d always known it. He knew she now had him wrapped around her finger, and that he’d probably do anything to make her care for him even a tenth as much as he cared for her. For him, she was first, now and always. But she didn’t even see him as a friend worth skipping out on some sky-gazing for, and with a guy she’d just met, to see him perform in a play, knowing how hard he’d worked at it for weeks.

“You’re not exactly celebratory this evening.”

The familiar voice broke his reverie. He turned to see his best friend taking the seat at the table next to him. “I’m just tired. It’s been a stressful day.”

Dawson took a sip from his drink. “Yeah. Well, now you can put that stage fright behind you because you were awesome, Pacey. Really. I mean it. You were great up there. I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks, man. I appreciate that.” He sighed. “Only two more shows to go and then it’s over.”

“And I’ll be at both of them.”

The not-so-strange guilt was back. “You don’t need to come to all three shows, Dawson. I’m sure you have other stuff you can be doing.”

“I know I don’t _need_ to, Pacey. I want to.” Dawson turned and looked towards the entrance. “That’s him? That’s the college guy?” he asked, sounding unimpressed. “The poetry geek as you’ve named him?”

He turned to see A.J. chatting with Joey. “Yeah. That’s him.”

Dawson scoffed.

“You know, you’re acting very chill about all this. Why aren’t you, of all people, more upset at this turn of events?”

“That guy?” Dawson thumbed in A.J.’s general direction. “I’ve got nothing to worry about.”

His brows furrowed and he watched the guy help Joey put her coat on. “But doesn’t the very idea of Joey being with someone else bother you? Isn’t she supposed to be your soulmate, Dawson? Isn’t your future happy ending threatened by this at all?”

Dawson laughed, scoffing again. “I don’t feel threatened, Pacey. There is no way Joey is going to have a future with that guy. Whatever she has with him isn’t going to last, so there’s no reason for me to get upset over it. Just by looking at him, he doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who can make her happy. There’s no way she’ll ever have something with him that’s better or more meaningful than what we have. He doesn’t seem like the type who can make her fall head over heels, you know? And the poetry stuff you told me about? Sweet, sure, but that’s not what lasting relationships are built on. Now, a love built on friendship…” He took a sip from his drink. “We have a solid foundation that nothing else can compete with. So, her dating this college guy doesn’t really matter in the big scheme of things. All roads lead back to me.”

Before he could reply, they were interrupted by Nikki Green. “Hi, Pacey. Great job tonight. My dad said to tell you that you were wonderful and he’s really proud. He’s sorry he couldn’t make it to the after party, but he’ll be at the play again tomorrow night and will try to talk to you then.”

At hearing Principal Green’s praise, a slight feeling of elation pushed through the depression. “Wow. Thanks, Nikki.”

She smiled. “Um, Dawson, do you think you could give me a ride home?”

His friend nodded. “Uh, yeah, sure.” He stood up from the table. “Bye, Pacey. I can’t wait for tomorrow night’s show.”

“Thanks for being here. It means a lot. See ya, Dawson.”

He stared after him as he walked away with Nikki. Dawson’s words rang inside his head. He recalled the night his friend had caught him at the Starlight Dance Studio with Joey and nearly had an aneurysm at the thought she was involved with him. Yet Dawson truly seemed fine with her dating this college guy. So, then why would it be such a problem if _he_ was the guy in question? Why would _that_ make Dawson freak out, but not this? Realization then slowly dawned on him. Dawson didn’t see A.J. as a threat to his relationship with Joey. Dawson didn’t see A.J. as someone who could make Joey fall in love, someone worthy enough, someone who could compete with him for soulmate status. But Pacey Witter was obviously a whole other story.

He didn’t know whether to feel bolstered by this knowledge, or even more hopeless. There had been many times over the past week that he’d wanted to tell Joey how he felt. He’d come close several times, but just couldn’t do it. He couldn’t see any outcome that was good. If he confessed his feelings, knowing full well she didn’t return them, he could kiss their friendship goodbye. He may as well toss in his friendship with Dawson right along with it. If he confessed his feelings and Joey actually found it in her heart to care for him, the very act of the two of them getting together would be like launching a grenade into their entire social circle; all he could see were casualties. He’d rather keep Joey as a friend than not have her at all. He’d rather hold onto something than lose everything.

Later, when he walked to the Crown & Anchor’s parking lot with Andie, he felt better than he had all night. She chatted away, full of ideas for school projects or extracurricular activities she wanted to throw herself into. He smiled to himself while she talked. When they reached his mom’s wagon, the conversation trailed off and an awkward silence filled the space between them. He didn’t want it to be awkward with Andie anymore. Doing the play with her only reminded him of all the reasons he’d liked her in the first place, reminded him of her unique charm and spark. He had forgotten how much he missed it.

“Well, goodnight, Pacey,” she finally said.

“Uh, Andie…” He hesitated, not knowing how she’d react, or even if he was making a smart move. He went for it, anyway. “I know things were kind of weird and uncomfortable at first, but I really enjoyed doing the play. I had fun with you.”

She beamed. “Me, too, Pacey.”

Nodding, he smiled nervously. “I was wondering if… Well, now that the play is pretty much over… I mean, well I hope that doesn’t mean we won’t, you know, hang out anymore. And I wanted to know if it would be okay if we still hung out… once in a while?” She gazed up at him, surprised, and nerves tightened in his gut. “It’s okay if you don’t want to, or feel like you can’t or shouldn’t. I completely understand. It’s just that… Well, I guess I wanted to know if…”

He sighed. Why was this so hard? “Do you think there will ever be a time—hopefully sooner rather than later—when we could be friends?” A lump of emotion formed in the back of his throat, and horrified, he felt tears suddenly threatening. “I, uh, I could really use a friend right now.” A friend who wasn’t Dawson or Joey, he thought miserably.

“I’ve always been your friend, Pacey,” she said sweetly.

“You know what I mean, Andie.”

She smiled up at him. “I do. And, uh, yeah. I miss you, Pacey.” Her eyes widened, as if she caught herself, and she started speaking fast. “I don’t want you to think I mean I want to get back together. I know that won’t happen, and I’ve come to terms with it. Really. It’s fine. I’m fine. This is the best I’ve been in a long time, thanks to the play, and you, too. And I do miss just being around you, Pacey. You’re fun and funny, and you’re a wonderful person. I miss that. And, so, it would be totally fine with me if you wanted to hang out sometimes. We could totally be friends. It’s totally fine with me.”

Shaking his head, he grinned down at her. “Thanks, McPhee. You’re fun and funny and a wonderful person, too. But you said the word ‘fine’ like five times, so I’m kind of doubtful here. I don’t want you to feel obligated to agree to be friends, but inside you’re not actually fine and it’s difficult for you. I don’t want to hurt you, Andie. Please be honest with me.”

She smiled sadly. “You know I love you, Pacey. A part of me probably always will, but I don’t think that’s a bad thing. We had something really special and it meant a lot to me. I will always regret hurting you, and the way things ended between us. It was the last thing I ever wanted. I know we can’t go back to the way it was before, and it’s okay. I mean, it sucks, but it’s okay. I’ll be okay. We’ll both be okay. And I still want you in my life. You’re the best friend anyone could ever hope for, the best teacher and protector. I’d seriously be missing out if I passed on an opportunity to have you as my friend. There isn’t a better one out there.”

“Have you considered writing greeting cards for a living?” he joked, trying to make light of the jumble of emotions surging through him.

Andie rolled her eyes and laughed. “Anyway, I’ll see you back at the school for round two, Witter. I know you’ll knock ‘em dead again tomorrow night.”

Smiling, pulled her into another hug. He knew in his heart that her friendship meant a lot to him—more than he could ever express in words. “Goodnight, Andie.”

The next night, he performed to another packed house. He sometimes caught glimpses of the audience throughout the evening. Despite his parents and Doug apparently being a no-show once again, his heart leapt at the sight of Joey smiling in the crowd from the center of the third row. It was a smile that made his heart melt. Yet she sat next to Dawson, and he often noticed them lean into one another and whisper or laugh. A cold resentment would wash over him at the sight.

When he walked back onstage for another thunderous curtain call, the applause of his teachers, peers, and other parents filling the auditorium, he heard one set of hands clapping louder than all the rest.

“WAY TO GO, PACEY!”

He recognized the voice, ringing out like a bell above the noise. He gazed out into the crowd, searching for her. He then turned and saw Gretchen standing off to the side, saw her bright smile, her proud eyes, and his heart swelled, full to bursting. He visibly started to glow, with gratitude, with love, as he took his final bow before the audience. Backstage, Principal Green was waiting for him, and shook his hand enthusiastically, again praising him for his efforts. He felt truly touched, the feeling lifting his spirits as he walked into the dressing room.

After he’d changed out of his costume and washed the makeup from his face, he made his way to the school lobby where he found Gretchen there waiting for him. He hugged his sister tightly, lifting her a foot off the floor. She smiled and hugged him. “I’ve missed you so much,” he said as he set her back down on the ground.

Gretchen smiled up at him. “I’ve missed you, too, Pacey.” Her eyes roamed over his face, and then her smile faltered. Her face became an expression of concern. “Do you want to skip the after party and maybe go out somewhere, just the two of us? We can get some something to eat and… talk.”

He clenched his jaw as he suddenly felt his throat tighten with emotion. Nodding, he said, “Yeah.”

They walked out of the school and into the cold night air, snow falling around them, and bumped into Dawson and Joey, who greeted them happily. “You did great, Pacey,” she said, smiling and laying a soft, gloved hand on his arm. “Just like I knew you would.”

He tensed abruptly and shrugged his arm free. He didn’t want her touching him. “Yeah, you called it,” he deadpanned. He saw her brows knit, as if confused at his reaction to her. The fact she hadn’t come to see him opening night still felt raw. His emotions were a jumbled mess. He was hopelessly in love with her, and craved her smiles, kind words, and brief touches, but underneath a sordid mixture of fear, anger, sadness, exasperation, and disappointment battled for dominance.

“I didn’t think it was possible, Pacey, but you were even better tonight than last night,” his best friend complimented.

Nodding, he half-smiled. “Thanks, Dawson.”

Joey frowned. “I’m sorry your parents weren’t here. They should’ve been.”

“Yeah, they should’ve.” He could feel Gretchen staring at him and he forced himself not to make eye contact.

Dawson pursed his lips. “So, you heading to the after party? Don’t think any freshmen will climb the rafters tonight, but there might be some amusement.”

He shook his head. “We’re going out,” he replied, nodding at Gretchen. “But you two should definitely go to the after party and have fun. Mingle. Canoodle. Whatever.”

“Canoodle?” Joey threw him a baffled look.

“Anyway, goodnight,” he said, ignoring her.

“Goodnight, Pacey,” Dawson responded. “See you at tomorrow’s show.”

He turned and started walking away from them. “It was nice seeing you again,” he heard Gretchen say to Dawson and Joey behind him. She was soon at his side, keeping stride with him through the parking lot. “You were kind of rude to Joey back there, Pace. I thought you were friends now.”

He sighed. “We are.”

“Did you drive?” she asked.

“Nope. I got a ride with Jack and Andie. Mom was out grocery shopping and Dad took his car to poker night with the fellas. You know, the important things that make them miss their son performing in the school play.”

After they got into Gretchen’s car, they drove downtown. “I need to stop at the ATM first,” he told her. “My bank is right next to Parker’s Grille.”

She eyed him. “I can pay for dinner, Pacey. This is your special night.”

“You are a college girl living off student loans and a part-time job at one of Boston’s 327 Irish pubs. I can treat you to a meal.”

“Ahh,” she replied knowingly. “The illustrious Pacey Witter savings account.”

He chuckled. “There are a lot of things I’m not good at, Gretchen, but I can save money like a champ.”

Once she parked the car on Main Street in front of the Capeside Five Cents Savings Bank, they walked together to the ATM at the front of the building. Then he entered his PIN and withdrew 40 dollars, placing the cash inside his wallet. Then he retrieved the receipt and looked at the balance.

“I’ve never seen anyone smile when reading their bank balance,” Gretchen remarked.

“There’s a first time for everything.”

When they entered the restaurant, they shook the snow off their coats and hung them on a rack near the door. Then they were fortunate to be seated at a table in a quiet corner despite the room being crowded, and soon ordered off the menu. As he lifted his glass of Coke, his sister leaned forward, placing her arms on the table and smirking at him. “So… are you going to tell me how much you’ve saved, or not?”

Hesitating, he took a sip through the straw.

Gretchen stared. “You don’t want me to know?”

“I just don’t want it generally known,” he said pointedly. “What’s the opposite of the Midas Touch? Because whatever that is, I’ve got it. So, I don’t want to send a number out there into the universe because I feel like I’ll jinx it.”

“I won’t say anything, Pacey.” When he still wouldn’t reply, she drummed her fingers on the table. “Okay, well, let me see if I can figure it out.” She cleared her throat. “Last I knew, you made almost six dollars an hour at the video store, and you work 20 hours a week.”

Grinning, he nodded. “Forty in the summer.”

She pursed her lips, her eyes rolling as she did mental calculations. “Okay. I’m going to guess that after taxes, you bring home about $6500 a year.”

“More like sixty-three hundred,” he corrected. “You should probably take a math class, Gretchen.”

“And you’ve been working at the video store since you were 14,” she stated ignoring his good-humored jab.

He nodded again. “It’ll be three years in March. Right after Dawson’s birthday, we both applied there.”

Gretchen hummed. “I’m gonna say you’ve saved about six grand.”

“More.”

“Seven thousand?”

“A lot more.”

She gave him a look of disbelief. “_Nine_ thousand?”

“More.” He grinned. “I told you I save like a champ, and my biggest expense so far has been _True Love_, which I bought for 200 bucks, plus the supplies I needed to repair it, which weren’t cheap.”

Her eyes widened. “Pacey, you could buy yourself a car. You wouldn’t have to borrow Mom’s or steal Dad’s anymore.”

He shrugged and tilted his head from side to side. “Yeah, I could. But the money isn’t for a car. It’s my fuck-off-Capeside fund. I’m not touching the money until after I graduate and get the hell out of here.” Then he stared hard at his sister. “And I mean it, Gretchen. You can’t say anything.”

“I promise, Pacey. I won’t.”

Their food arrived and he dug in to his burger and fries. His sister gazed at him across the table, watching him for a moment while she ate her salad. After taking a sip of her water, she finally spoke. “So, are you going to tell me why you were so cold to Joey earlier?”

Inwardly groaning, he finished chewing and swallowed. “Where do I even begin,” he sighed. “Well, she couldn’t be bothered with coming to see the play opening night, even though she knew how hard I’d worked on it for the past six weeks, not to mention the fact that during all that time I also bent over backwards to help get her and Bessie’s bed and breakfast operating. But who cares about that, right?”

Gretchen frowned. “Why didn’t she come see you last night?”

“She had a date,” he grumbled before dipping a fry into some ketchup. “With some college geek she met in Boston a month ago who reads poems to her over the phone.”

“Ahh,” said his sister. “It all becomes clear.”

He threw her an exasperated look. “Don’t start.”

She forked her salad. “Why can’t you just admit how you feel about her, Pacey? You’ll drive yourself crazy the longer you deny it, and then you’ll just end up bitter and angry. I mean, look at you. You’re already miserable.”

“I’m not denying anything, Gretchen. It’s an impossible situation.”

“What’s so impossible about it?” she asked gently.

Frustration welled up inside him. “Let’s see… One, she doesn’t like me. Two, she’ll always compare whoever she does like to Dawson, and who can live up to that? And last, but surely not least, Dawson himself.”

Gretchen considered what he said for a moment while she ate her food. After she’d swallowed her bite, she spoke. “I don’t see what’s so impossible about it.”

“Are you serious?” he gaped.

“Let’s tackle them one at time,” she asserted. “The first one: you say she doesn’t like you. Well, that’s not what I saw outside the school tonight. She was beaming at you, Pace.”

He blinked. “She doesn’t like me in a way that is relevant to my current situation, Gretchen. Does she consider me a friend? Yes, I think so. Anything more than that…?” He shrugged sarcastically.

She smiled patiently. “And what have you done to show her how you feel? To make her see you in a different light, as someone with more to offer than just friendship?”

“I’ve done plenty of things,” he said defensively. “I helped with the B&B, I was her shoulder to cry on when she took her breakup with Dawson really hard, I’ve taken care of her… I’ve been there for her, okay?”

“But have you really spelled it out for her, Pacey? Have you made yourself clear? Have you tried anything overtly romantic that can’t be misconstrued as something else?”

He turned his attention back to his French fries, avoiding her direct gaze. “Like a grand romantic gesture, you mean? Like Lloyd Dobbler holding up that boombox outside Diane Court’s bedroom window?”

Gretchen pursed her lips, eyeing him. “Couldn’t hurt. Okay, so… Dawson. You’re his best friend. You two have been thick as thieves since you were five years old. Dawson and Joey aren’t together anymore. So, if she decides to date someone else, then he’ll just have to get over it. Sure, he would probably be upset at first, but in time he’d see that you’re the same Pacey you’ve always been and that your friendship is irreplaceable.”

“I don’t think you understand just how dedicated he can be to self-involved drama,” he said dryly. “But hopefully you’re right.”

“And you also say that Joey will always compare anyone she likes to Dawson. Have you considered that that might be a good thing? That there are guys out there with a lot more to offer Joey than what Dawson can offer her?”

“Well, I guess we’ll see how well it goes with the poetry geek,” he snarked.

“I was talking about _you_, Pacey.”

Staring down at his plate, he sighed. “Can we change the subject, please? Tell me about what’s going on with you. How’s school? What’s up with that guy you were seeing? Are you going to spend the summer in Maine, or what?”

He then tried his best to focus on Gretchen, but his mind wouldn’t cooperate. The problem was, Dawson and Joey were both his best friends. Doing anything about this situation would hurt at least one of them, and more likely all three of them. He knew Dawson didn’t value her like he should, or in a way that wasn’t wholly unselfish. Whenever his friend had talked about Joey and their relationship, it was always about what she could do to make _him_ happy. How he needed her by his side to help make _his_ dreams come true, so he could live out the movie he’d written inside his head that, no matter what, ended with a happily-ever-after with his soulmate.

It was never the other way around—never about what he could do to make _Joey_ happy, or make _her_ dreams come true. He knew Dawson didn’t deserve her. Yet Dawson was the Hollywood-bound wunderkind, destined for success. He could probably give her the kind of life she deserved. Joey was also bound for college, and he knew she had a brilliant future in front of her. He’d be lucky if he graduated high school. What could he offer her, really? Only himself, and he knew deep down that wasn’t enough.

When they finished their meal and he paid the check, Gretchen drove him home. She came inside the house for a few minutes. He said goodnight to her in the kitchen, hugging her and telling her he’d call her sometime. Then he quietly retreated to his bedroom upstairs as she began to scold their parents for missing the play. Closing his door, he shut himself away.

February. On Friday morning while he stood in front of his locker, taking his Chemistry textbook out, Joey came up beside him. “Are you mad at me or something?” she blurted.

He closed his locker door. “Why would I be mad at you?”

“Well, you haven’t come over all week. I’m supposed to be helping you with your homework, remember? And you haven’t picked me up for school. You’ve barely spoken to me while _in_ school. Are you upset about something, Pacey?”

“No,” he lied. He had thought keeping his distance from Joey would help, but he was now starting to think that it only served to make him even more angry and frustrated when she was around. “I’ve been busy.”

She scoffed. “Busy. Right. Your life consists of school, working four days a week—and you’re usually out by eight o’clock—and then you come over to my house.”

His jaw clenched. “Maybe I got sick of being interrupted by college guy’s phone calls. It’s hard to stay on top of this trig stuff when you keep leaving the room so some Renaissance nerd can read you a poem.”

“So, then what have you been doing with yourself?” she asked, ignoring his remark. “Because I asked Dawson what you’ve been up to and he said he hasn’t seen you much either.”

Shaking his head, he started heading towards Chemistry class. “I’ve been working on _True Love_. You remember that project I started back in the fall that I sidelined to help you and Bessie get the B&B in working order?”

“What’s with the tone, Pacey? You know how much we appreciate everything you’ve done for us. And I’m sorry that you haven’t been able to work on your boat as much as you might’ve liked, but that was entirely your choice.”

“You’re right. It was.” He glanced at her while she walked beside him; she was frowning. A pang of guilt shot through him. “Look, I don’t have to work tonight, so I’ve got the evening free. We can hang out and wallpaper each other like we’ve been meaning to. And I can pick you up for school on Monday?”

She rolled her eyes, fighting a smile. “Isn’t Monday Valentine’s Day?”

“Yeah,” he answered, his heart suddenly pounding beneath his ribs. “You got plans? Are you going to skip school that day or something? Go up to the city and have some poems read to you in person?”

She scowled. “Actually, Dawson is supposed to teach me to drive stick and I think he said something about us taking the truck to school on Monday.”

Disappointment welled up inside him. “You asked Dawson to teach you how to drive?” His face fell and he frowned. “I told you I could show you.”

She shrugged and avoided eye contact. “I know, but the idea of driving is scary. I’m scared, okay? I admit it. And so, yeah, I asked Dawson to teach me. It’s nothing against you. He’s just the first person I thought of to help me out in a scary situation. You know, I trust him. He’s been there for me through every scary thing I’ve dealt with in my life, through every milestone, every big change. Driving a car is another one, and it’s overwhelming. So, I asked Dawson.”

Joey paused, and then looked at him again and smiled reassuringly. His face must’ve betrayed the sadness and disappointment he was feeling. “You can still come to my house Monday morning and ride to school with us. I’m sure you won’t want to miss out on how hilariously bad I am at driving stick.”

After responding with a half-hearted laugh, he kept silent for the remainder of their walk to Chemistry class. As he took his seat right behind her and gazed at the back of her head, the old familiar feelings of unworthiness threatened to rise up and choke him. Was this how it was always going to be with her? He was always going to come in second to Dawson, no matter what he did or how hard he tried? He wanted to be seen as worthy, deserving, in her eyes. Did he have any hope of gaining her affection? Was it possible for her to ever love him back, even if not as much as he loved her? And even if she did, would they be able to weather the perfect storm it would undoubtedly create in their lives? Why did he keep tormenting himself over an impossible situation?

On Monday as they walked to lunch, Joey was hounding him in the school hallway about his plans to attend senior Matt Caufield’s anti-Valentine’s Day party that night with Dawson. While Jack had scored the password, they’d yet to discover its secret location. They hadn’t given up, though, and Joey had done nothing but nag him every chance she got about it.

“Pacey, please change your mind about going to this party,” she pleaded for what seemed liked the 50th time that morning.

“Would you give it up, Jo? Jesus. You won’t quit.”

“Well, your moral compass needs calibrating,” she quipped. “Why won’t you see reason? Six months ago, that Hopkins kid went to the hospital with alcohol poisoning after going to a Matt Caufield party. Remember last year? There was the party where Crystal Moore got knocked up and she had no idea who the father was and she had to drop out of school. And then remember what happened to Kim Sokernyk and the Davidson girl at the party he threw over Spring Break? They had to get their stomachs pumped, and God knows what else they got involved in at that party. They couldn’t show their faces in school for weeks. They missed their junior prom!”

He heaved a frustrated sigh. “Potter, are you in training for the talking Olympics? Congrats, you’re gold-medal material.”

She grabbed his arm, turning him to look at her. “Are you _trying_ to ruin Dawson’s life?”

“Look, Joey, just because Dawson has been a little lost lately and doesn’t know what to do with himself, going to one party doesn’t mean you’re losing him to the depths of Hell.” He wished she’d just let go and let Dawson live his life. There could be only one reason she kept freaking out about their friend attending a wild party, and cold resentment rose up inside him. Maybe she wasn’t over him after all.

“You know there will be drugs at this party, Pacey—and I don’t mean a few burn-outs passing around a joint—hardcore drugs.”

He glowered at her. “Good. I wonder how much I need to put me out of my misery.”

Her mouth fell open in shock. “Pacey!”

_“Joey!”_ he mocked in a high voice.

They were then walking into the cafeteria. After he filled up a lunch tray, he sat down at a table next to Andie. She gave him a surprised smile at his sudden appearance by her side. It wasn’t long before they were joined by Jack and Jen, and soon Dawson and Joey had sat down with them. The conversation almost immediately fell to the party plans.

“You’re gonna come to the party with us, right, Andie?” he asked.

She beamed. “Yeah. Jack told me about it. Sounds like fun.”

Joey arched her brows. “Andie, I’m surprised at you. Do you even know what a Matt Caufield party is? Bad things happen.”

“Well, we’ll all be there together,” she replied. “I’m sure it won’t be that bad. I mean, we’ve got each other’s backs, right?”

“Exactly right, Andie.” He then sneered at Joey. “Christ, Potter. Give it a rest. You’re like a broken record.”

Dawson shook his head, groaning in frustration. He turned to Jen. “Well, what about you? Gonna join in on a wild night of fun?”

He turned to her, grinning, and nodded. Out of the corner of his eye he swore he could see Joey scowling.

“No can do, guys,” said Jen. “I’ve got a big date with Henry.” They all raised their eyebrows at her. “And no, I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Well, would you look at that, Potter,” he snarked as he turned towards her. “Even a freshman knows to take someone out for Valentine’s Day. Too bad we can’t say the same for a certain Ivy League geek who’d rather study for midterms than devote a single day to doing something special for his girl.”

Joey glared from across the table, her jaw clenching. He’d struck a nerve, and inwardly gloated. Then her expression became one of haughty disapproval. “A.J. says that Valentine’s Day is just a greedy corporate plot to sell greeting cards. The intellectuals among us recognize that Valentine’s Day is a commercialized, frivolous, and socially inept institution that ultimately means nothing. I wouldn’t expect a slacker like you to grasp that concept, Pacey.”

He pulled a sarcastic face. “I wish _you’d_ grasp the concept that jumping up my ass about some party just because your college beau decided to ignore you on Valentine’s Day isn’t going to stop me from going.”

Her eyes grew dark at his continued jabs about A.J., and he could see the storm building inside as she glowered with disapproval. “Maybe some of us don’t need debauchery to have a good time, and don’t need to attend parties thrown by an immoral scumbag like Matt Caufield.”

“Good for you. No one would want a buzzkill there, anyway, Potter. Especially not one currently stuck in hardcore Prude Mode.”

“Bite me, Pacey.”

Dawson groaned again. “Enough already! Are you two going to fight the entire time? I should just eat my lunch in the library.”

“I’m done fighting, Dawson,” he assured his friend. “I’m gonna let it go and just enjoy the party later. We’re in for a night free from responsibility, free from all our worries and cares, and we’re just going to live it up to the fullest, my friend. But _some people_ should just relax because nothing bad is going to happen.”

“Famous last words,” Joey snarked.

Eighteen hours later, he was locked inside a cell at the Sheriff’s Office holding facility. He lay awake, staring up at the concrete ceiling. His friends had all been bailed out by Mitch hours ago. At some point, his brother finished his shift, said goodnight, and then left as well. He’d slept off and on, but he had no idea for how long. There were no windows; it was impossible to tell what time of day or night it was.

His last conversation with Doug went around and around inside his head.

_“Never lose the butterflies. You know, that’s maybe what sucks most about getting older. Somewhere along the line, you just lose the butterflies. So, the question is, little brother, what are you gonna do about it?”_

_“In my experience, you don’t come across that many people with the ability to give you butterflies. You just don’t. And if you don’t tell this girl how you feel, well, it’ll be like spending the rest of your life in your own personal prison.”_

His feelings for Joey were eating him up inside. He knew his brother was right, that if he didn’t get his feelings out, he’d just continue to live in agony. How much longer could he withstand it? And if he did nothing, said nothing, years from now, would he look back on this moment and hate himself? Would he regret Joey for the rest of his life?

He knew the answer.

After some time had passed, the door opened and Doug was once again walking into the cell. “Good morning, little brother.”

He stood up from the bench. “Can I leave now?”

His brother pursed his lips, keeping silent, and then stepped aside as their father walked into the cell. He immediately tensed, his whole body motionless except for his breathing, which was quickly becoming panicked. The only way out of the cell was through the door behind his father. He had no way out. His fight or flight response was kicking in.

“I hope a night in a jail cell taught you a hard lesson,” John Witter spoke, fixing him with a contemptuous look.

“Yes, sir.” He glanced at Doug, looking for some support, but his brother was staring down at his shoes.

His father pursed his lips into a thin, angry line. “The name Witter means something around here, Pacey. I wouldn’t expect someone so selfish and self-centered to realize this, but your actions affect more people than just yourself. I have been the Sheriff of this county for 21 years. How do you think your behavior reflects on me and my office? Reflects on your entire family?”

He swallowed, his stomach twisting into knots. “I made a mistake, Dad. I’m sorry.”

“It better be the last one,” his father replied. “Next year is an election year, and I can’t have the citizens of this county saying I allow my youngest son to go around breaking the law at will and do nothing about it. If you _ever_ do anything like this again, if you publicly shame me _again_, I won’t just make you spend the night in a holding cell, Pacey. I’ll throw the book at you and make you an example for the community. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes, sir,” he answered, nodding his head. “Crystal clear.”

“Good. Now get out of here. You have to be at school in two hours.”

As soon as he walked out of the Sheriff’s Office, he went straight to the Potter’s house. He needed to apologize for the way he’d been treating Joey, and Doug’s advice kept running in circles inside his head. What he’d said the night before was right, and he believed both Dawson and Joey needed to hear it, but the way he’d gone about it was rude and uncalled for. When she answered the door, he was grateful she allowed him to apologize and that she seemed to forgive him. She said that the Devil could lead Dawson into hell and his moral code would still emerge unscathed. So, then why was she freaking out so much about Dawson going to that party if she knew he’d be fine?

“Maybe I think that… nobody’s worrying about you right now,” Joey said.

The realization sunk in that it hadn’t been about Dawson at all, really. He was the one she’d truly been worried about. Because, in some way, she must really care about him.

“You gotta learn to read between the banter, Pacey.”

“Right…” He should tell her.

“So, are we all finished here?”

He had to tell her. He had to just lay it out there. “It’s just something I’ve been meaning to tell you.” Maybe it might not go so badly. Maybe she might surprise him. “Look, uh… Joey…”

But he was also realizing that she freaked out about the party and was worried about him because she didn’t trust him or trust his judgment—not fully, implicitly. Not like she trusted Dawson. He knew that trusting wasn’t easy for Joey, not after losing her mother to cancer and then losing her father to prison, twice. Not to mention the betrayal she felt after learning what her father had done, both times. Dawson was stable, reliable, predictable, and there was security in that. It was why in some ways she still clung to Dawson, even though that relationship was no good for her. It was why she went to Dawson for driving lessons, even though _he’d_ offered. How could a perpetual screw-up compete?

He had to think of something. Like how he could make her trust him. How to get her to see him as someone she could rely on. How to get her to see him as a man, as a _good_ man, someone she could have faith in. How to get her to open her heart to him. How to make her care as much as he did. He knew he’d gone there to finally tell her the truth about his feelings—and he wanted so badly to tell her—but looking at her, he knew he couldn’t possibly tell her how he felt unless he thought there was a chance she might feel the same. If he told her and she didn’t care for him the way he needed her to, then he’d be blowing up his entire life for nothing.

She had to trust him first. “You’re lingering on your clutch. Okay, I know you think you’re just easing into the gear, but… it’s not a good idea, you know. Maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow, but soon you’re gonna do a lotta damage to your transmission. So, what I was thinking, is that if you wanted to, I could show ya.”

“Now?”

He smiled. “Yeah.”

Not long after, they were climbing into Bessie’s truck. “Okay, Potter. Once the motor is running, press down on the clutch with your left foot. You have to press it all the way down every time you want to shift.”

Joey turned the ignition. “Okay.”

“Then you move into first gear. Let your foot off the clutch slow and easy while slowly pressing down on the gas.”

She nodded and then the truck started moving. She glanced over at him, and he could tell she was uneasy about it. Joey let out a shaky breath. “I don’t know why I’m so nervous.” Then she grinned and threw him a look, rolling her eyes. “Hmm… Maybe it’s because the last time I tried to shift, I did it wrong and Dawson screamed my head off.”

“Well, I’m not Dawson. It’s okay to make a mistake. You’re learning something new.” He glanced at her. “I know you’re nervous, Jo, but you can’t be staring down at the pedals. You gotta keep your eyes on the road, okay? Just keep slowly giving it more gas. You’ll need to press the clutch down again soon, so be ready.”

“But how will I know when?”

He smiled. “I’ll tell you when to shift into second gear. Trust me, Joey.”

She took a deep breath and nodded, continuing to move the truck forward in the driveway. After a minute, she glanced at him. “Now?”

“Not now,” he said.

She gave it a little more gas. “Now?”

“Now! Shift!”

Pressing the clutch all the way down, she shifted into second gear. Joey’s mouth fell open and she gave him an excited look. “Huh?! Huh?!” he said, beaming at her.

“I did it!”

“Yes, you did!” He laughed and clapped his hands together. “Congratulations, Potter. We are finally gettin’ somewhere.”

Joey giggled. For the next half hour, they continued to practice shifting from first to second, back to first, driving forward and in reverse. If only he could tell her that she was lingering on her emotional crutch, Dawson, and sooner or later she was going to lose herself if she couldn’t shift and move beyond their childish co-dependency. Instead, he turned to her and said, “I think you’re ready for third gear. You wanna drive us to school?”

Her eyes went wide. “Me? Drive to school? Like, on the road with other drivers?”

“Yeah,” he laughed.

“I don’t think I’m ready for that. What if I forget to press down the clutch when I shift?”

He pursed his lips. “It’s best to do it now, since it’s early and there won’t be much traffic, not ‘til we reach the high school. I’ll be sitting right here next to you. And if you make a mistake and the truck stalls, it’s okay. But I think you’ll do fine. Trust me, Joey.”

She took a deep breath, swallowed, and turned to look at him, her brows knitting. He could tell she was trying to come to a decision. “Okay, Pacey.”

Not long after, Joey successfully made a left turn onto the road. She pressed down on the clutch, and then slowly shifted back up to second. “Tell me when to shift again.”

He smiled, his heart swelling. “Ease up off the clutch and give it more gas.” She did as he said. He watched the speedometer and when it got up to 20 MPH, he spoke again. “Okay, now! Shift!”

Pressing down on the clutch, she shifted into third gear and they took off down the road. As she drove, she would frequently glance over at him with knitted brows of worry, looking for support or approval that she was doing something correctly. He would smile and nod, and tell her she was doing great. He then watched her let go just a little. Relief and trust smoothed her features with every encouraging word he spoke to her. She was starting to trust him, and it made him feel taller, stronger. It made him feel like he could fly.


	11. 2000 (Part Two)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I am the one-winged bird for flying  
Sinking quickly to the ground  
See your faith in me subsiding  
See you prime for giving in  
I give you all that I am_
> 
> _I am the sound of love's arriving  
Echoed softly on the sand  
Lay your head upon my shoulder  
Lay your hand within my hand  
I give you all that I am_
> 
> _I am the white dove for a soldier  
Ever marching as to war  
I would give my life to save you  
I stand guarding at your door  
I'll give you all that I am_
> 
> _I am the one-winged bird for flying  
Sinking quickly to the ground  
I'm a blind man for a watchdog  
I am prime for giving in  
I'll show you all that I am_
> 
> _And I breathe where you breathe  
Let me stand where you stand  
And I breathe so you breathe  
Let me stand so you stand  
With all that I am_

February 17. After school got out on Thursday, he went to his beachside workshop to continue restoring _True Love_. He’d only been working at it for an hour when he heard a car horn beeping loudly outside. He walked out of the shop to see a patrol vehicle for the sheriff’s office had pulled up alongside the road. The car window came down and he recognized Officer Callaghan. His stomach twisted with nerves. “Hey, Brendan. Is something wrong?”

“Hi, Pacey,” the deputy greeted him with a friendly, familiar tone. “Glad I found you. Your dad said you’d probably either be here or at the Potter’s house. He wants you home ASAP. There’s a family situation.”

The knots in his stomach tightened. “Uh… okay.”

Callaghan smiled. “I see you got your bike.” He nodded towards where it was propped against the side of the workshop. “You can throw it in the back and I’ll drop you off home.”

He returned to the shop to set aside his work and gather his coat and backpack. After tossing his bike in the far back of the SUV, he got into the front passenger seat. Once his seatbelt was buckled, Officer Callaghan put the car into gear and pulled onto the road. “So, what’s the family situation?” he asked.

“The Sheriff wouldn’t say.” Then he was silent for a moment. “So, uh, from what I’ve heard, I think this is the second time you’ve been in a deputy’s vehicle this week.” He threw him a shit-eating grin.

Sighing, he shook his head. “At least I’m in the front seat this time.”

The officer let out a hearty laugh. “That Doug sure is a stickler for doing things by the book. He was that way in high school, too.”

“Isn’t that a good thing for a law enforcement officer?” he questioned, side-eyeing him.

“Well, sure,” Callaghan replied. “But, you know, you’re his brother. I would’ve just given mine a swift kick in the ass and sent him on home.”

He shrugged. “I should just be glad Doug didn’t cuff me.”

More laughter. “Oh, so, uh, I think I might’ve scared your friend. You’ll have to apologize for me.”

“What friend?” His brows furrowed in confusion.

“Bessie Potter’s little sister. I went to their house first, you know, looking for you. She said you weren’t there and she hadn’t seen you since school let out. I said ‘thanks’ and left, but I think she looked kind of worried. I hope she doesn’t think you’re in some kind of trouble, or that something’s happened to you. You might wanna give her a call when you get home and ease her pretty little mind.”

He frowned at the officer’s last comment. “Yeah, thanks, Brendan. I will.”

Callaghan looked over at him and grinned. “She’s cute.”

His mouth pursed into a hard line. “She’s 17 years old, man.”

“My comment was directed at _you_, Pacey.” The deputy looked affronted. “I’m happily married to the love of my life, thank you very much. Why go out for hamburger when I’ve got steak at home? You get what I’m saying to you, kid?”

He threw him another side-eye. “Oh, yeah. I get it.”

They soon turned onto the street where he lived. Once they were in front of his house, he thanked Officer Callaghan for the ride and retrieved his bike. He then came home to find his eldest sister, Carrie, sitting on the living room couch, sobbing, while their mother sat next to her, trying to soothe her. His dad was pacing the floor, shouting. His three young nieces were running around, fighting and screaming. In a word, it was chaos. He shut the front door behind him. “What’s going on?” he asked tentatively.

“Your sister left her husband,” his dad replied. “And then just showed up on our porch.” The Sheriff turned to his daughter. “You know, a phone call would’ve been nice, Carrie.”

“I didn’t have time for a phone call, Dad,” his sister cried. “I threw clothes in some bags, grabbed the girls, and left.”

He glanced between them. “Why did you leave Jerry?”

She choked out another sob. “I caught him cheating, and with a senior airman’s wife, no less, who was supposed to be my friend. We go to their house all the time for drinks and cards. That backstabbing bitch.” She continued to cry. When she got command of her breathing, she spoke again. “And when I confronted him about it, he said all sorts of horrible things.”

Anger flooded his gut. “You did the right thing, Carrie. You don’t deserve to be treated that way.”

She began crying even harder. “As soon as he left for work today, I told myself I wasn’t going to put up with it anymore. I tried to explain to the girls, but… they don’t really understand what’s going on. Piper thinks whatever happened must be my fault and I just need to go home and apologize to Daddy.”

“The kid is probably right,” his father snapped.

He stared, dumbfounded. _You’ve got to be kidding me._

“John, we need to be supportive,” censured his mom. “Carrie just needs some time and then I’m sure she and Jerry will work everything out, won’t you, honey? It’s probably just some huge misunderstanding and once you two talk it out, everything will be fine.”

_Unbelievable._ His sister buried her face in her hands and began to weep. He turned and walked out of the living room, heading for the kitchen. Then he picked up the telephone and dialed Joey’s number.

“Potter Bed & Breakfast.”

“Hey, Bessie. Is Joey there?”

“No, she went to the school to work on her mural. Are you all right, Pacey? Brendan Callaghan was here looking for you earlier…”

“Yeah. Everything’s fine. He just had to get a message to me from my dad.”

Once he hung up with Bessie, he returned to the meltdown happening in the living room. “Uh… Pop, is there a reason you wanted me to come home?”

His dad stared at him and then emphatically gestured to Carrie. “Your sister needs to be taken care of!”

Not sure what the hell _he_ was supposed to do, he returned to the kitchen and put the kettle on to boil. Then he gathered up his nieces, who were having a fit, pinching and hitting each other, and set them down at the kitchen table. “How about some grilled cheese sandwiches?” he asked them.

“Yeah,” she said in unison.

“I’ll only make them if you’re quiet,” he said. “Running around here screaming isn’t helping your mom.”

Once they had sandwiches and glasses of milk in front of them, the girls quieted. He then returned to the living room carrying a hot cup of tea. He set it down on the coffee table in front of the couch where his sister sat in time to hear his father ask Carrie what she was doing—or not doing—to make her husband stray to another woman. His sister screamed, “I hate you!” back at him, and then broke down into another fit of weeping. He found himself walking back to the front door, grabbing his mom’s car keys from the small table in the hall, and escaping outside.

Twenty minutes later, he was inside the school, standing next to Joey and gazing over the mural she’d painted featuring Chinese characters that somehow highlighted the school unity theme. For weeks, she’d refused to tell him what she was going to paint and then refused to let him see it. Catching her unawares had its benefits. She was in the middle of a passionate speech about the power of art and so, naturally, he had to make a smartass comment.

“And that’s what I like about you, Pacey. You just… go so deep.”

He gazed at her, smiling. Did she just admit to liking him? “Thanks.”

Joey turned back around to take in her mural and was silent for several moments. “You want to help me cover it back up?”

“Sure. Happy to help.”

They were soon packing up her supplies. She glanced at him, chewing on her lip. “So, uh, Brendan Callaghan came by the house today looking for you.”

“Yeah, I know. He found me out at the workshop. My dad was looking for me and wanted me to come home for the Carrie Crisis.”

“Well, I don’t like the cops showing up at my house, Pacey.”

Something in her tone caused him to stare at her. It sounded almost like a warning. There was an unexpected weight behind her words. It made him nervous, but he didn’t quite understand why. “I’m sorry, Joey. My dad knew I’d either be with you or with my boat.”

She nodded. “I understand. I just don’t want it to become a habit. The Potter’s have had enough negative ties with law enforcement to last us a lifetime. We already had one family business ruined because of it, and my dad dragged the Potter name through the mud. I refuse to go through anything like that again. The last thing we need is for the bed and breakfast to be tainted. People talk, Pacey. The less dealings we have with the police, the better.”

Frowning, he nodded his understanding. “I’m really sorry. I’ll ask my dad not to send anyone around your house looking for me again.”

Joey pursed her lips. “Thanks. Can you, uh, give me a ride home?”

He pulled the keys out of his pocket and then stepped forward, taking her hand in his and laying them in her palm. “You can drive us.”

She gave him a half-smile and her eyes widened. He could tell she was a little nervous. “But it’s almost dark outside.”

“Well, then you should practice driving at this time of day,” he said. “And I’ve got my mom’s car. It’s automatic, so it’ll be easier.”

When he was seated in the front passenger side of the wagon, he watched Joey buckle her seatbelt and turn the ignition. Then she shivered and turned the heat on high, air suddenly blasting out of the vents and onto the floorboards. She glanced at him a little apprehensively. “It’s started snowing,” she said while she pulled gloves from her coat pocket. “Maybe you should drive, Pacey,” she fretted.

He smiled reassuringly. “It’s only a dusting, and the roads aren’t icy. You’ll be fine, Jo. I wouldn’t put you in harm’s way. Trust me.” She sighed and gave him a weak smile. “Okay, after you turn your lights on, put your foot on the brake and then put the car into Drive.” He watched her gloved hand grip the gear shift, and she did as he told her. “Now, take your foot off the brake and gently press down on the gas pedal.” The car started moving. “Good. Next stop: your house.”

“That’s it?” She threw him a look. “I’ve never driven at night before, and that’s all the instruction I’m going to get?”

“Okay…” He thought for a second. “It’s important that you don’t stare at the lights of oncoming cars. Keep your eyes on your side of the road.”

She nodded and stared ahead, making her way out of the parking lot. When they reached the road, she turned onto West Main Street. He watched her as she drove through the fading light and falling snow. Her fingers nervously tapped an unheard rhythm on the steering wheel, the sound muffled by the blue wool gloves she wore. Every now and then she checked the rearview mirror. The dim light of streetlamps accentuated her dark eyes and the curves of her face. A bandana was still tied biker style around her dark brown hair. She looked so damn cute.

“So, how old are your nieces?” Joey asked. “They’re like seven or eight now, right?”

“Those are Amy’s kids. They’re older than Carrie’s. The twins, Maddie and Audrey, are three, and Piper is five.”

She smiled. “Those are cute ages.”

Scoffing, he shook his head. “Don’t be fooled. They’re little monsters.” Grinning to himself, he then yawned dramatically, stretched out and leaned back against the seat, and closed his eyes.

“Pacey!”

“Hmm?” He still kept his eyes closed.

“You can’t leave me alone here! What if I do something wrong?”

“You won’t, Joey. Just drive. Everything will be all right. Okay? Trust yourself.”

She whimpered and he smirked. Then he pretended to take a nap, occasionally opening an eye to check on her. Her hands gripped the steering wheel, her body language tense and alert, but after a few minutes, he saw her relax. Smiling to himself, he kept his eyes closed for the rest of the drive.

On Saturday afternoon, he sat in his brother’s kitchen, painting an antique cedar chest a deep shade of blue. That morning, Doug had him coat it with paint primer and sand it. His brother also now sat at the table with him, cutting a print of _Bird on Money_ by Jean-Michel Basquiat into small two-inch squares. “Isn’t decoupage relaxing?” Doug sighed contentedly.

“I should be working on my boat, you know?” he muttered.

“Pacey, it’s the middle of winter.”

He shrugged. “Right. Now is the best time to get the work done so _True Love_ will be ready to sail by the time summer is here.”

Doug eyed him. “Why did you give your boat that name, exactly?”

“Uh… Well, I was broken up over Andie and I thought that since true love wasn’t actually real, I could restore it or make it into something tangible.” He sighed. “I don’t know. It made sense at the time.”

His brother hummed to himself as the music emanating from the living room stereo came to a stop. Doug then got up from the table, leaving the kitchen and disappearing into the other room to resume the music before quickly returning. “Do you still think true love isn’t real, Pacey?”

He frowned. “Well, my boat is real.”

“Ahh.”

_“…Don't leave me in all this pain, don’t leave me out in the rain, come back and bring back my smile, Come and take these tears away, I need your arms to hold me now, the nights are so unkind…”_

His paint brush froze as the words of the song playing infiltrated his mind, and he looked up, staring hard at his brother, who continued to cut paper with a nonchalant air. He scowled. “Interesting song choice, Doug.”

His brother grinned. “Beautiful song. Beautiful voice. Beautiful woman.” He cleared his throat. “So, uh, are you going to tell me who the girl is?”

“What girl?”

“Come on, little brother. The girl that’s got you so frustrated that you wound up spending the night in a holding cell earlier this week.”

He only sighed, and concentrated on painting the cedar chest.

Doug shoved his tongue in his cheek, eyeing him. “Let me guess. I don’t think it’s Andie. That really only leaves…” His brother paused. He felt a hot flush begin to creep up his neck and into his face. “I don’t suppose it could be the girl whose family’s B&B you spent several months renovating out of the kindness of your heart, the same girl who’s been tying you into knots since you were 10 years old, could it?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Dougie.” He refused to look up and meet his gaze.

“Sure, little brother. Whatever you say.”

Later that night, while Doug was at work, he grabbed the cordless phone and flopped down on the couch before dialing Joey’s number.

“Potter Bed & Breakfast,” she answered.

“Hey, it’s Pacey.”

“Hey,” she said. “What’s up?”

“I just wanted to let you know where I was. You know, in case you needed to get a hold of me for whatever reason.”

“Are you in jail and is this your one phone call?” she quipped.

“Worse. I’m at Doug’s. But I’m touched you think that you’d be my one phone call.”

“You mean, I wouldn’t be?” Her tone dripped with skepticism.

Humming, he paused before replying. “I have to say it’s still Dawson, but ask me again once you’ve got your driver’s license.”

She snorted. “Well, that’s probably for the best, Pacey. If you called me from jail, I’d hang up on you.”

“Joey! Thank you for being the kind of friend who’d come help bail a guy out.”

“I have no desire to ever set foot inside a police station or a jail again, or to have any more ties, however small and insignificant, to criminal offenders. That already happened once because of you and that Matt Caufield party, and I don’t want any repeats. Best stick with Dawson.”

“Thanks, Potter.”

“So, what are you doing over at Doug’s place?”

He stretched out on the couch, leaning his head against a pillow, and sighed. “My screaming nieces took over my bedroom. I was relegated to the living room couch, which meant my dad was forced to see a lot more of my face, and so he decided to send me to my brother’s.”

“What’s it like staying with Doug?”

“It feels like I’m stuck in an episode of _Will & Grace_, except imagine that Will is a paranoid closet case. So, not much fun, I have to say. If only Jack would show up.” Then he chuckled. “Of course, Debra Messing would be ideal.”

Joey tutted. “So, uh, you told Dawson that my mural was great?”

“Yep.”

“Why?”

“Because it is. You know what you’re gonna say on Monday? You’re giving a speech, right?”

She sighed into the phone. “I’m working on it.” Joey then cleared her throat and it sounded like she was moving around.

“What are you doing, Potter?”

“Trying to get comfortable. I had to move some books off my bed.”

He grinned into the phone. “You’re in bed?”

“Well, I’m lying on top of it, yeah.”

He brought his mouth close to the receiver, lowering his voice suggestively as he spoke. “What are you wearing right now?”

There was a long pause. “Pacey, you have the subtlety of a brick and the depth of a shot glass.”

“Thank you.” He smiled. “So, tell me something, Potter.”

“What?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. Anything. What do you want to talk about? I’m bored here and don’t want to hang up yet.”

She waited a moment before replying. “Hmm… Oh, so, I told A.J. about your theory regarding Jo March and Laurie.”

_“Little Women?”_

“Yeah. I have to say he doesn’t agree with you. He has the same opinion as I do. He said Jo and Laurie were clearly made for each other.”

Rolling his eyes, he scoffed into the phone. “Well, then you’re both wrong. Anyway, I don’t really want to talk about your poetry geek. That’s actually the last thing I want to talk about.”

“Okay…” she spoke quietly. “Well, then is there anything you want to talk to me about?”

_Yes._ “No, not really.”

“You’re a thrilling conversationalist, Pacey.”

If only she knew how much he could say, how much he wanted to say, but didn’t. “I can’t wait to see your mural.”

“You already saw it,” she giggled.

“You know what I mean, Jo. I can’t wait to see you show it off in front of everyone. I’ll be so proud. My friend, the artist.” She didn’t reply. He wondered if she was embarrassed, or nervous. “Are you going to thank me in your speech?”

Joey let out a breathy laugh of disbelief. “Thank you for what?”

“For being the wind beneath your wings,” he quipped.

“You’re not going to break out into song, are you?”

“Don’t tempt me, Potter.”

The sound of her laughter was like sunshine after a long, cold winter, and everything inside him melted.

February 23. It had been embarrassing enough to put up with people’s stares and asinine comments about the shiner on his face while working his shift at the video store. Now he sat on Doug’s couch, his face bruised and his soul weary, as Joey chastised him for coming to her aid—defending her honor and seeking justice for the wrong done to her. There she stood, frowning at him. He bristled at her angry glare. What had he ever done to her? Matt Caufield deserved what he got for vandalizing her mural, and he’d deserve whatever was coming to him at the disciplinary committee hearing tomorrow.

Why was Joey always so angry, always jumping down his throat, when he was only ever trying to help her? This was so unfair. Christ, he couldn’t win with her no matter what he did. But as angry and hurt as he felt by her reaction, beneath it all he knew how much he loved her. And he knew that he always would. How the hell did he even wind up in this situation? _Fuckin’ Dawson, that’s how._

Angered by the feelings she stirred in him, frustrated at the hopelessness of them and the fact almost everything he did for her went unappreciated, he crossed his arms over his chest, protecting himself from her verbal onslaught. “Don’t think I ever cared here,” he spat caustically. “I was only doing Dawson a favor.” And then out of his anger and frustration, he spilled the whole agreement he’d made with their best friend to look out for her at the start of the school year.

“Is that what this is about?” she demanded.

“What?”

“Us. You and me. I thought that—” She broke off, shrugging.

He stared at her. “You thought what?”

She pursed her lips into a hard line of disappointment. “I guess I thought something else, Pacey.”

He watched hurt cloud her brown eyes and shadow her face before she turned from him and walked out of the apartment without another word. His heart wrenched. He hadn’t intended to hurt her, and never thought he even had the ability to. It’s not like she cared, not the way he did, and so he’d needed to lash out, angry that he cared so much and she seemingly cared so little despite all he had done for her.

Doug suddenly appeared from the kitchen. “So, I was right. Joey’s the girl.”

“Were you listening to our conversation?” His brows furrowed as he scowled.

“I would’ve had to leave the apartment to not hear your conversation, Pacey,” his brother said. He paused. “Do you want my opinion?”

“No,” he snapped.

Doug shoved his hands in his pockets. “Well, you’re going to hear it, anyway. It seems to me Joey sounded awful upset at the idea that you don’t actually care about her,” his brother mused. “That the only reason you’ve been spending so much time with her is because Dawson asked you to, not because you want to. And for her to react that way, well…” He shrugged, the sentence trailing off. “And I have to say, her coming all the way over here to berate you for fighting a school bully on her behalf, well that seems kind of an overreaction. In my humble opinion, of course.”

There was that word again. Overreaction. He knew he did the right thing by bringing Matt Caufield to justice, no matter what she said. Why did it matter to her whether he got suspended or not? Or, as she put it, whether he ‘pumped gas for the rest of his natural born life?’ She seemed upset that he would risk ‘throwing away his future’ and all for her. Was it possible that Joey cared about him more than she let on?

The next day, after Matt Caufield got what was coming to him at the disciplinary committee, and _he_ was given the rather unique punishment of mentoring a kid half his age, he walked down the hallway with Dawson as the 2:30 bell rang, signaling the end of school. Kids poured out of their classrooms and into the hall, eager to finally leave.

“Hmm.” He could tell by the look on his best friend’s face that Dawson was none too happy about letting Joey in on their little agreement. “Well, what do you think the odds are that you, yourself, will be as enlightened and forgiving as a person as Principal Green just was?”

“Not good, Pace. Not good.”

He sighed. Now both of them were upset with him. “Let me make it up to you. How about you and me hang out? We’ll go get some pizza or something? My treat.”

Dawson gave him a half-smile. “I have to stay after school and help Nikki with something she’s working on, and then I gotta head right over to the restaurant to help my mom. Aren’t you supposed to be working at the video store today?”

“No, my schedule changed,” he replied. “Thank you for quitting, by the way. I’m getting more hours.”

His friend scoffed. “Sorry I can’t hang out, but maybe you can do something with Joey after school.”

They reached the hallway with the mural display, and he stared up at the plastic sheet that covered her vandalized artwork. “I’m not exactly her favorite person at the moment, Dawson,” he said. She hadn’t spoken to him all day, rebuffing any and all attempts at conversation, which was difficult since they had almost every class together this year. “I’m sure the last thing she wants to do is hang out with yours truly.”

“I don’t know about that. She’s planning on repainting the mural, by the way. Hopefully this time around, since she knows exactly what she’s painting, it won’t take her nearly as long to finish it.”

“Huh.” He stared up at the covered wall.

Dawson then patted him on the shoulder. “I gotta get going. Nikki’s waiting for me. See ya, Pace.”

He glanced at his best friend as he walked away. “See ya, Dawson.”

“Pacey?”

He turned around to face the voice and smiled. “Oh, hey, Andie.”

She offered a weak smile in return. It didn’t reach her eyes. “Hey. So, um, what happened in the disciplinary hearing?”

“Well, thankfully I wasn’t suspended, but I’ve been tasked with community service, so to speak,” he replied. “The Capeside Mentoring Program.”

She nodded. “That’s actually perfect.”

“Yeah? I’m kind of looking forward to it.”

“What happened to Matt Caufield?”

He grinned and arched his brows. “He got expelled.” Then he scoffed, shaking his head. “That guy’s a real piece of work. Pathetic excuse for a human being.”

She frowned, lowering her gaze from his.

“You know, I was kind of disappointed you weren’t in there, Andie. I was hoping to see a friendly face.”

“I’m sorry, Pacey. I wish I could’ve been on the committee today, at least for your sake, but it’s just not a right fit for me anymore.”

He eyed her for a moment. Something was wrong. “Are you all right, McPhee?”

Andie gave a half-hearted shrug. “I will be. I have to go talk to Principal Green about something. I’ll see you later.”

“Okay.” He watched her walk away, his brows furrowing. Not long after, he was driving to the downtown hardware store. Once he purchased some white paint, pans, and rollers, he returned to Capeside High. Back inside the school, he saw most of the students had left for the day. Only a few appeared in the halls from time to time, those who were involved in extracurricular activities like Yearbook and Debate Club. He searched for a while until he found one of the janitors, who got a ladder out of a storage closet for him to use.

Once he pulled away the canvas drop cloth from the wall, revealing the vandalized mural, he poured white paint into a pan, dipped a roller into it, and then got to work. It wasn’t long before he heard a familiar, welcome voice.

“What on earth?”

He turned. “Hey, Potter.” His stomach tightened momentarily until he could see from her face and her demeanor that whatever anger she’d been feeling towards him had now dissipated. A bandana was once again tied biker style around her hair, which was now bound in two braids. She looked so damn cute it was all he could do to keep from grinning at her. They bantered about why he was there, how he had known she’d be repainting the mural, and why she should thank him for defending her honor. Then Joey did what she did best and called him on his bullshit. He could sense a spark between them, a change, if ever so slight.

“Pacey, if I was going to thank you for anything, it would be for being yourself, and, you know, not caring what anybody else thinks, and for knowing in your heart what’s right and wrong, and…” She averted her eyes from his direct gaze. “And for being there this year when I needed you the most.”

This was something he’d never expected. Her spoken appreciation warmed his bruised heart. Until Joey had said those words, he hadn’t fully realized just how much he needed to hear them. Shielding his feelings, he lowered his gaze. “You’re welcome.”

After offering his help with repainting the mural, she said she’d only let him on one condition. “Be honest. The only reason you’ve been hanging out with me is simply because Dawson told you to?”

Butterflies fluttered inside, and he deliberately avoided eye contact as he added more white paint to his roller and turned towards the wall. “Yep. That’s the only reason.”

“You need to get a life.”

He chuckled as he rolled paint over the old mural. They painted for some minutes without speaking again. “So, uh, I take it then that you’re not mad anymore about the whole arrangement with Dawson?” he asked tentatively.

“No, I’m not.”

He pursed his lips as he ran his roller into the pan. “You were pretty upset last night… And then you wouldn’t talk to me all day. Why are you suddenly okay with it now?”

“Look, I know I was wrong to react the way I did last night,” she replied. “It’s like the time you spit in Mr. Peterson’s face when he bullied Jack. On the surface, sure it can be considered shocking and uncalled for, but you were standing up for what’s right and coming to the defense of a friend who couldn’t stand up for himself. You’re only doing what you believe is right, no matter what other people say and no matter the consequences to yourself, and you do all this because you care. I guess I was just… really worried that you’d get suspended again, and I felt guilty because it was over me and my mural.”

He scoffed. “Me? Care?” He threw her a grin.

“Yes, you. And then today I realized that, despite you spending all this time with me just because Dawson told you to…” Her eyes glinted as she smirked knowingly. “I knew you wouldn’t have stood up for me to Matt Caufield and risked suspension unless you truly cared.”

“And how ever did you come to that conclusion, Potter?”

“It was something Dawson said to me, actually. He basically said, ‘Pacey may be impulsive, thoughtless, and stubborn, but there can be no doubt he truly cares.’ And when I think of everything that you’ve done for me this year…” The sentence trailed off.

“Yeah, that’s me—impulsive, thoughtless, and stubborn,” he quipped. “But at least I care. I guess I owe Dawson another one.”

She shook her head. “Well, he wasn’t entirely right. Are you impulsive? Definitely. Stubborn? Hmm… sometimes. But thoughtless? I don’t think so. I mean, just look at this.” She gestured to the once-ruined mural that had transformed into a blank white canvas and then gazed up at him, her eyes sparkling. “You are full of thoughtfulness, Pacey.”

There was a sweet tenderness in her voice that filled him again with a sense of hope. Everything seemed to be melting inside him. “Um… just so you know, if it makes you feel any better about the whole thing, when Dawson asked me to look out for you and make sure you were okay, he only meant for a few days.”

He watched as his words sunk in, their meaning registering in her face. Joey smiled, nodding. “And six months later, you’re still here.”

“I’m still here, Potter. And I’m not going anywhere.”

Their eyes met and held. The implication of his words hung in the air. An invisible line stretched taut between them, and he felt her trust in him growing.

The emergency PTA Meeting on Monday evening was a disaster, parents and the school board butting heads over Principal Green. The meeting had been nothing but a shouting match and a thinly-veiled racist railroading of their principal, who had until Friday to change his ruling about Matt Caufield or resign. Reporters and protesters gathered outside the school the following day. Students were restless and class discussions often veered from the curriculum to their embattled principal and the controversial decision surrounding Matt Caufield’s expulsion. 

Joey’s college beau, A.J., had shown up on Tuesday, much to his chagrin, and he was once again shoved to her periphery. She also reverted back to her indifference and unappreciation towards any and all help or encouragement he extended to her. But the cause was about more than simply Joey finally growing a spine and standing up for herself—it was about Principal Green and the injustice being inflicted on him. So, he was determined to do all he could to help her win this fight.

March. Early on Wednesday morning, he waited outside the school with flyers, hoping to head off students before they went inside. The plan was to skip their classes that day and launch a protest of their own outside the superintendent’s office. He ran back and forth all over the student parking lot and the bus drop off, but in the end only managed to convince about 20 students to cut school and come to the protest.

Later that afternoon, after Joey threatened the superintendent with a 300-signature petition that didn’t exist and an even bigger rally in Principal Green’s defense, the protestors all headed over to the Potter B&B, which had been set up as command central, to try and make good on those threats. Meanwhile, he went downtown and popped into some local shops run by friendly faces to tell them about the rally on Thursday. His dazzling people skills came into good use and he found most were more than willing to promote the rally and hang up any flyers he might bring around, not to mention the manager of the Rialto Theater who agreed to let them use it for the rally free of charge. He then headed back to the Potter’s, where Jack, Andie, and Jen were busy working with Joey and their fellow classmates.

Although he was focused on the task at hand, the inescapable presence of A.J. and watching Joey gaze moonily at him was like a physical ache. He wanted to run his fingers through her hair. He wanted to press his lips to the back of her neck, to the base of her throat, and hold her close to his body. He wanted to talk to her and have those sparkling brown eyes fixed on him—only on him—and to see that impish, flirty grin directed his way. Instead he watched A.J. receive that grin and more when she turned to him and he kissed her.

The idea of Joey in a relationship with some college geek far off in Boston, while unpleasant, was nothing compared to the pain of actually seeing it with his own two eyes. This time there was no mistaking the feelings that were now raging through his veins. It was jealousy, raw and bitter. It was the heartache of unrequited love. It was undeniable. He tried to force it down, but it was no use. It flooded his gut like molten lava.

Jen suddenly appeared. “You okay?” she asked, as inconveniently perceptive as ever.

He escaped outside. Down on the waterfront, he walked along the pier in the freezing night air putting up flyers on all the posts. It wasn’t long before Jen found him and tried her best to give him a pep talk about his impossible situation and being a true friend despite it—the Duckie to her Molly Ringwald. Of course, he was going to stand by Joey, defend her, protect her, encourage her. There was never any question. “I guess it just hurts, that’s all.”

“Well, that just means that it isn’t pretend anymore,” Jen said.

He sighed. Ever since A.J. had shown up, his loneliness and heartache were more palpable than ever. He didn’t know how much longer he could stand it. Why had he fallen for Joey so hard, knowing nothing good would ever come of it, knowing how impossible it was? Why did it feel like he had cut his own heart out with a spoon?

Jen gave him another sympathetic look. “I still think you should tell her how you feel, Pacey.”

“How can I? She’s too far gone on this college guy. Anyway, it would be a big joke. Destined-for-mediocrity Pacey Witter loves Ivy-League-Dean’s-List-bound Joey Potter. What do I have to offer her? She deserves a life where all her dreams come true, a life where she can have anything she wants.”

“She doesn’t have you,” she said kindly. “And maybe you shouldn’t sell her short. Just don’t wait too long to tell her, okay?”

Shaking his head, he started walking towards the next post. “I can’t. It’ll ruin everything. I… I don’t know what I’d do if she wasn’t my friend anymore. The same goes for Dawson.”

Jen walked beside him. “But you’ll never know unless you do something about it. You gotta tell her soon. Or you’ll go through life with this horrible feeling, regretting not telling her, and then it really _will_ ruin your friendship.”

Approaching the next post, he stapled another flyer to it and sighed.

It was past midnight when he returned to the Potter’s, and some lights were still on inside the house. Yet the cars that had filled the driveway earlier in the evening were now gone. He knocked on the door and stepped inside, finding Joey sitting alone at the dining table in front of a laptop computer. “Hey,” he said.

She looked up from the screen. “Hey.”

Pursing his lips, he shrugged off his coat and hung it on the back of a chair. “So, the troops crashed for the night?”

“Yeah, it was late. And we’ve got a big day tomorrow. It was great they helped out for as long as they did.”

Silently nodding, he took a seat at the table across from her. “Flyers are up all over downtown, the waterfront, the marina, and I put them in the windshield of every car on Windsor Drive, including the Caufield’s, just to stick it to those rich assholes.”

She offered a weak smile and returned her attention to the computer screen. She seemed unhappy about something that he guessed had nothing to do with their efforts to help Principal Green. There was something off about her. His brows furrowed as he turned and glanced into the living room. No one else was around. “Is everything all right, Jo?” he asked. “Where’s A.J.?” He watched her jaw clench, and she stared hard at the screen in front of her.

Joey finally looked up at him. “He left.”

“I thought you said he was staying until Friday.”

“Yeah, I thought he was, but he said he had papers to write, or grade. Both? Who knows?” She sighed. “Me and Bessie got into a huge fight about using our house as ground zero. A.J. overheard and got uncomfortable, thought that he was to blame for it, and so he decided to leave. I guess family arguments are a little too much to handle when you’ve only been seeing someone for less than two months.”

Apparently A.J. was no Duckie, he inwardly gloated. “He should’ve stayed since it’s important to you.”

She didn’t respond, and only sighed as she tucked her hair behind an ear, and avoided looking him in the eye.

“Well, I’m here, Jo. Anything else you need me to do?”

She pursed her lips, thinking. “I can’t think of anything that can be done at this time of night, but we’ll start all over again in the morning and hopefully we’ll have a decent turnout at the rally.”

“All right.” He stood up from the table and slipped on his coat. “Better head on home—” He paused. “Well, Doug’s, anyway.”

Joey followed him to the front door. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He smiled. “Sure thing, Potter.”

“Um, Pacey?”

“Yeah?”

She chewed on her lip and played nervously with her fingers. “So… uh, what do you think of A.J.?”

He blinked. “He’s about as exciting as a slice of Wonder bread.”

Joey threw him a look, her eyes narrowing, but he could tell she was also fighting a grin. “Well, he thinks _you’re_ a good guy,” she said with an air of superiority. “And he says he’s a good judge of character. He doesn’t know you that well, though.” Her lips curved into a teasing smile.

“He does seem like a nice guy, I admit, despite speaking Latin and loving poetry,” he joked. “Anyway, goodnight.” He turned and walked out the door.

March 3. On Friday afternoon, after Principal Green had walked out of school and most of the other students had gone home, he stood in front of Joey’s repainted mural. With his help, and working nonstop through the weekend, it had taken her five days to finish it. He stared up at the Chinese characters meaning ‘possibility.’ Everything he wanted, everything he needed, seemed impossible.

After he got out of work, he went back to Doug’s apartment. He was soon sitting on the couch waiting for the pizza he’d ordered to arrive, even though he didn’t have much of an appetite. The day’s events had depressed him. Feeling disheartened, he sat back against the couch and stared at the television, not knowing or caring what was on the screen.

There was a knock on the door. He glanced over to see if Doug would answer it and then remembered his brother had already left for work. Moving off the couch, he stepped over to the door and pulled out his wallet. As he opened it, he heard a sniffle and, surprised, he saw Joey standing there, tears filling her eyes.

His chest squeezed. “Jo?”

Her brows knitted together, and she shook her head gently as her face crumpled. She chewed her lip and tears began rolling down her face. “We did everything we could to not fail, and we still failed. We couldn’t save Principal Green, and now he’s gone,” she cried.

Sighing, he reached out and pulled her inside the apartment. Then, to his surprise, she threw her arms around him and cried into his shoulder. Tentatively, he wrapped an arm around her and held her against him. His heart tumbled into the pit of his stomach. “It’s okay, Joey,” he whispered. “You did your very best, and no one could ask for more. I know Principal Green is proud of you, and what you did for him this week was nothing short of amazing.”

“But it wasn’t enough,” she spoke tearfully into his shoulder, her voice thick with emotion.

“Sometimes our best isn’t enough for some people,” he consoled. “It doesn’t change their minds or affect their actions like we hoped it would. Trust me, I know all about that. The blame for losing Principal Green falls on the superintendent and the school board and the bigots in this town—not you.”

Joey took a few shuddering breaths and sniffled as she moved back and out of his embrace. “I know, Pacey,” she said, nodding. “I just wish things had turned out differently. It isn’t fair.”

He shook his head. “No, it’s not fair. Few things are.”

“And all over a mural I painted. Here I was stupidly thinking art had power to unite and bring people together, had the power to move people and change hearts. I mean, what’s the point?”

“Just because some jackass ruined the mural doesn’t mean those things aren’t true,” he encouraged. “I bet the next thing you paint will be bigger and better, and you’ll see just how powerful it can be. And I know Principal Green would never want you to give up, and because of Matt Caufield of all people.”

She took a deep, calming breath. “Yeah, I know.”

He stepped around her and shut the apartment door. “Do you want to hang out here with me for a while? I’ve got pizza coming.”

She nodded quietly, still sniffling. He pulled her by the hand and they walked further into the living room. “There’s nothing that good on TV on Friday nights, but maybe we can find something,” he said as he sat down. She removed her coat and laid it over the back of the couch. Then she sat close to him, the warmth of her thigh against his. The butterflies in his stomach were trying to get out. “I take it A.J. isn’t around at the moment,” he probed. “Is that why you came over here?”

“No, I’m pretty sure he’s in his dorm by now,” she replied. “He usually is. I’ll probably call him later, unless he’s studying or writing papers. I came over here because I was upset and needed to talk to someone who’d understand, and you were the first person I thought of.”

He tried to hide his smile as he picked up the remote and started flipping through channels. “World’s Wildest Police Videos?” he offered. She threw him a look and he laughed. “The Jamie Foxx Show?” Flip. “Big Brother?” Flip. “Kids Say the Darndest Things?” Flip. “Boy Meets World?”

“That’s fine,” she finally answered.

He set the remote down on Doug’s coffee table and leaned back against the couch, his arm brushing against hers. “So, uh, then I guess Dawson must be busy?” he asked, making an effort to sound casual.

“Dawson?” Her brows knitted.

“Yeah, I mean… I figure Dawson wasn’t around and that’s what made you come over to see me instead.” He eyed her curiously.

Joey leaned back further and propped her feet up on the table, crossing her ankles. “I have no idea what Dawson is up to. I suppose he might be at Gail’s restaurant. Would you rather I went over there? I’m sorry my presence irks you,” she teased.

He smiled and shook his head. “No, not at all. You can come over here anytime you want, Potter.”

She returned his smile. “Good.”

The concept that he was the one Joey sought out when she most needed someone made his heart race, while a hopeful feeling rose in his chest. It seemed that their friendship had now grown to the point where she would go to _him_ whenever she was upset or scared, instead of running to Dawson like she always did. He knew she finally trusted him—as a friend she could rely on—and reveled in the knowledge. Now the only question was would she ever trust him with her heart. He hoped time would tell, and sooner rather than later.

Not long after, the pizza arrived and they spent the rest of the evening in comfortable conversation.

The next day, while heading downtown to the video store, he noticed an empty lot in front of a large wall. The paint on the wall had long faded, where no doubt there once had been advertising of some sort many years ago. He then noticed a “For Sale or Rent” sign. He stared up at the wall. His mind swirled with Gretchen’s advice about grand romantic gestures as well as everything Jen had said to him the night before the rally. Walking toward the sign, he read the phone number at the bottom and smiled. Maybe Jen was right—maybe every duck might have its day after all.


	12. 2000 (Part Three)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _And if you want we'll share this life  
Anytime you need a friend I'm gonna be by your side  
When nobody understands you  
Well, I do_
> 
> _So maybe let me hold you, baby  
Let me come over  
I will tell you secrets God only knows  
I cannot overstate it, I will be overjoyed_

March 12. His life had been so full of distractions lately—the ruined mural, the fight with Matt Caufield, Principal Green’s ordeal, his job at the video store, _True Love_, and Joey—that he had been severely neglecting his homework. Late on Sunday afternoon, knowing he couldn’t put them off any longer, he called Joey on the phone and asked if they could work together on their assignments that were due the following week. She agreed, but only if he would come to her since she couldn’t leave Alexander.

He watched Joey across the table from him. She skimmed over lines in her math textbook and entered numbers into her calculator. She then picked up her pen and began writing on her assignment sheet. He reread the word problem on his own sheet, the same one he’d been staring at for the last several minutes. He may as well have been trying to read Greek. “I’m never going to get this,” he said, sighing as he dropped his forehead down on his textbook. “It’s useless. I’m a lost cause.”

“It’s not that bad,” Joey reassured. “Look, you can get this done. You only have one more question and then you’ll be finished.”

“Can’t you do it for me?” He pouted.

She gave him a disapproving look. “No. If I do your work, then how will you learn it?”

“What’s the point in learning trigonometry? We’re never going to use it.” He shook his head. “Who even came up with this stuff? It’s so boring. I’m young and virile, and I should be out there having fun instead of doing this stupid assignment.”

She rolled her eyes. “Quit whining and finish, Pacey.”

“Potter, if I had a dime…” he joked, smirking suggestively at her. Joey stared at him for a moment, and when she realized his meaning, she blushed furiously and lowered her gaze to her textbook. He laughed and returned to his assignment sheet. It then dawned on him that he needed to use the Pythagorean theorem to solve the final problem, and a few minutes later he was finished. “God, finally,” he said, slamming his textbook shut. “You wanna look it over?”

Joey reached for his homework. “Nice job,” she said, and handed it back to him. Then she opened their new English workbook and flipped to the back. “Have you noticed what our final assignment is for the poetry unit?”

“No. It’s bad enough we’re doing poetry again this year. I’m not about to skip ahead so I can see in advance all the horror that’s in store.”

“You might want to prepare yourself for this, Pacey.”

He frowned. “We don’t have to write another original poem, do we? I think I still have trauma from Peterson’s class.”

Her eyes went wide and she nodded in agreement. “No, you don’t have to write. You have to recite, and in front of the whole class.”

“Ah, come on,” he complained. “I might have words with Mr. Broderick.”

“Well, you are his shining star of the school play,” she said, grinning at him. Then she held up the workbook and read from it. “‘For this unit’s final assignment, students will recite a poem of their choosing to the class. The poem does not have to be memorized, but students need to show evidence of multiple rehearsals and familiarity with the poem. The recitation will be graded based on the following…’”

Joey cleared her throat dramatically and looked up at him, smirking, before continuing to read. “‘Physical Presence, Voice and Articulation, Dramatic Appropriateness, Level of Difficulty, Understanding and Personal Application.’”

His brows furrowed. _“Personal application?”_

“When you’re done reciting, you need to be able to explain to the class how you personally relate to the poem you chose,” she answered. Then she continued. “‘The final assignment will be worth 50% of the unit’s final grade.’”

He groaned and buried his face in his arms on the table. She tutted. “It won’t be that bad, Pacey. You were great on stage in _Barefoot in the Park_. This will be so much easier.”

Before he could reply, the telephone rang and Bessie, who’d recently returned from her date night with Bodie, entered the kitchen to answer it. “Potter Bed & Breakfast.” She paused. “Yeah, she’s right here.” Bessie turned towards the table. “Joey, A.J. is on the phone.”

His head snapped up and he looked at her. Their eyes held for a moment. His heart sank within him. She swallowed, and then got up from the table, heading over to the phone and taking it from her sister. “Hi, A.J.” … “Now isn’t really a good time. I’m helping a friend with homework.” … “Pacey.” She turned to look at him. “A.J. says hello.”

He blinked, and tried not to scowl.

“Pacey says hi,” she said into the phone, throwing him a pointed look, before putting her back to him. “Can I call you in an hour or so?” … “Oh. Well, that’s okay. If you’re not back when I call later, then I’ll just talk to you tomorrow?” … “Okay. Sounds good.” … “Bye.” She hung up the phone and returned to the table.

“You know, Jo, I can take off if you want to talk to him,” he said, even though the last thing he wanted to do was leave.

She smiled and shook her head. “That’s all right. This is more important.”

He returned her smile, and could feel a warmth rising within him. “Well, we’re almost done. Just history left.”

After he opened his U.S. history textbook to _Chapter 23: An Era of Social Change_, half an hour later he had finished his writing assignment. “Well, I should get going,” he said as he started putting textbooks inside his backpack. “Thanks for helping me, Joey. I’ll be back in the morning and you can drive us to school.”

“You’re leaving already?”

He arched his brow at her, recognizing the disappointment in her voice. “Did you want me to stay?”

“I just…” Her face reddened and she seemed tongue-tied, pulling some hair behind her ear. “I… thought you’d hang out for a while, I guess. I figured we could watch _Simpsons_ and _The X-Files_.”

“Yeah, I can hang out,” he said, smiling. That hopeful feeling again rose in his chest.

He was soon sitting on the couch, watching Joey carry two cans of soda into the living room. She dropped down close beside him. Their thighs touched and he felt her heat, sending a melting sensation through him, but then she abruptly moved over, putting space between them. She gave him an awkward smile and the air around them filled with tension. Her gaze dropped to his mouth, and she licked her lips nervously before turning from him and picking up the TV remote from the table. He then opened his can of Coca-Cola, his mouth parched, his heart racing, and leaned back against the couch, trying in vain to concentrate on the television.

March 17. When school let out, Joey rode with him back to Doug’s apartment. His brother greeted them when they walked inside and then retreated to his bedroom to change out of his uniform. Soon they were all in the living room in front of the TV. “So, what are you two doing this evening?” Doug asked.

“We’re hitting up all the local pubs and we’re going to drink ourselves into oblivion in honor of St. Patrick’s Day,” Joey quipped.

He nodded solemnly. “It’s the Irish way.”

She chuckled. “Well, I’m not Irish. But call me when Oktoberfest rolls around.”

“But the Witter’s are,” he grinned. “Right, Dougie?”

His brother rolled his eyes. “So, what you’re saying is that I’m stuck with the two of you for the evening?”

“Nah, we’re going to the movies,” he answered. “I borrowed Mom’s wagon. The Rialto is doing their suspense double feature: a new release followed by a classic. They’re showing _Psycho_ this time. It doesn’t start until seven, though. We’re hanging out here until then.”

“That’s fine,” his brother replied. “Just so you know, you can’t bring over any of your friends next Sunday, and while we’re at it, you should probably find someplace to be as well.”

His brows furrowed. “Why?”

Doug leaned back in the chair and crossed his legs. “I’m having some friends over for fondue and to watch the Academy Awards. You’ll have to find somewhere else to hang. Adults only.”

“You’re having a fondue Oscars party?” He blinked. “I’m trying my best to keep the gay jokes at a minimum, Dougie, but you’re making it real difficult. I mean, they practically write themselves.”

His brother sneered.

“Ooh, I’m gonna watch, too,” Joey said excitedly. “I love the red carpet with the actresses in their fancy dresses and expensive jewelry.”

Doug nodded, smiling. “It’s almost as important as the award show itself.”

He bit his tongue.

Her expression then became wistful. “Sometimes I like to imagine that could be me someday. Not that I ever want to be an actress—because I don’t—but to be someone glamorous and rich, someone who goes to important events like award shows and fancy dinners and galas.”

“You think award shows are important?” he said dryly.

“Well, they’re more important than whatever is happening in Capeside on any given day,” she snarked. “And I think they’re a far better way to spend one’s time than cleaning bathrooms and making beds.”

He frowned. “Are you unhappy with the B&B?”

Joey shrugged. “Well, no… But that’s Bessie and Bodie’s life, not mine. I’m getting out of this town. And who knows? Maybe you’ll see me on a red carpet one day. Stranger things have happened.”

He sometimes thought she suffered from the same kind of self-deception as Dawson—the rejection of reality. “Life isn’t a fairy tale, Potter. Why don’t you try wanting something that’s real? And if you’re not going to be an actress, why would you even be on a red carpet for one of those things, anyway?” He arched his brow at her, giving her a challenging look.

“I could produce some huge Hollywood blockbuster or write a critically-acclaimed screenplay,” she mused. He thought it sounded a lot more like Dawson’s dreams than anything she truly wanted for herself. She gazed at him, eyes sparkling and lips curving into a smirk. “Or maybe I’ll just get married to Keanu Reeves and then he’ll thank me in his speech in front of millions of people watching all over the world.”

“I don’t know what’s more unlikely: you walking a red carpet or Keanu Reeves winning an Oscar.”

She scowled. Doug laughed.

Later, they arrived at the Rialto to find a busy Friday night crowd. Once they got their tickets for the double feature and their snacks from the concession stand, they found some seats inside. The theater was packed. By the end of the previews, Joey had finished her popcorn, setting the bag down on the floor. She glanced down at her hands and sighed. He saw she was about to wipe them on her jeans and quickly pulled some napkins out of his pocket, handing them over.

“Thanks,” she whispered.

_Final Destination_ began, and at each fright scene they both jumped in their seats. Then Joey started hiding her face behind her hands whenever the music reached a tense crescendo. Occasionally, she let out a yelp or a shriek. He chuckled every time. Towards the end of the film, the suspense ratcheted and suddenly she was sitting closer and clutching his arm. Butterflies danced in his stomach. Following a quick intermission and bathroom break, they returned to their seats to watch _Psycho_. When the private investigator got stabbed on the stairs, some in the audience gasped. Joey grabbed his hand and hung on until “The End” appeared on the screen, but he’d barely registered the climax to the movie. He was more absorbed in the feel of her hand in his, the proximity of her sitting so close beside him.

They stopped on the edge of town at Bobby Byrne’s and sat in the car to eat burgers and fries and talk about the movies they’d seen. “I probably won’t sleep tonight,” Joey snarked. “And I’m never closing my shower curtain again.”

“I’d like to see that,” he blurted as he popped a French fry in his mouth. Realizing what he’d said, his eyes quickly shot to hers. She looked startled and stared at him, lips parting, seemingly speechless. He could feel his face getting hot. “Wait… That wasn’t what I… I mean… Well, I don’t know what I mean. That came out wrong.” His face got redder and then she smiled, relaxing her posture and taking another bite of her burger.

He wanted to change the subject. “So, you ready for your road test tomorrow?”

She finished chewing before she spoke. “As ready as I’ll ever be. You’re still going to take me out to practice for a while before, right?”

“Of course,” he smiled.

The next day, he picked her up an hour before the test and went through their standard routine of practicing different maneuvers in the Witter wagon before arriving at the RMV. Once they arrived, the examiner came out to greet Joey and take her on the driving test. The examiner, one Mrs. O’Brien, was known among Capeside teenagers as a real battleax. He knew Joey had been hoping for Mr. Campbell. She swallowed nervously, gazing at him, her brows knitting with worry.

“You’ll do great, Jo. I know you will.”

“Easy for you to say,” she muttered.

He smiled patiently. “If you believe in yourself just one-tenth of how much I believe in you, you’ll ace it.”

Steeling herself, she sighed. “Okay. I can do this. I’ll just pretend you’re sitting in the front seat next to me instead of _her_.” She eyed Mrs. O’Brien as the woman approached the passenger side door.

Then he watched Joey climb into the driver’s seat of the wagon. It wasn’t long before she drove out of the parking lot. He then waited 15 minutes for her to return. Just as he was looking out the window of the RMV he saw her arriving. She parked the car along the curb, smiling, and he knew she’d passed. His heart leapt. He quickly walked back outside to greet her.

“I passed!” She said happily. “I passed my test. I’m a licensed driver!”

He beamed. She threw her arms around him. “Thank you, Pacey,” she murmured, her mouth close to his ear. “I never could’ve done it without you.”

Closing his eyes, he sighed and hugged her, but then quickly stepped back from her embrace. He rubbed her arm good-naturedly, feeling somewhat awkward. “Yeah, you could’ve.”

Joey gave him a half smile and shrugged. “Eventually, sure, but you’re the reason I was able to do it _now_, Pacey. Without you, I’d still be afraid and putting it off because I didn’t want to face my fear. And because of you, I have my license _now_ and not a year from now.”

He smiled at her, his heart swelling with pride and joy.

On Monday morning, he stood by his locker with Dawson and Jen, chatting about their weekend while waiting for the Homeroom bell to ring. He turned to see Joey hurrying towards him looking like the cat that ate the canary. She smiled excitedly as she approached. “I have to tell you some…” she started to say, but then abruptly cut herself short when she caught sight of Dawson and Jen standing there as well. She cleared her throat as she reached their side. “Hey, guys.”

“Hello,” Dawson and Jen said in unison. “How was your weekend?” he asked, smiling.

“Um… it was good, Dawson,” Joey answered. “You know, the usual. Went to the movies, finished my homework, dined at the Yacht Club. Their filet mignon is to die for.”

Jen smiled appreciatively. Dawson chuckled. “Well, I hear you’re finally licensed to drive,” he said. “Aren’t you glad my foray into giving you lessons in driving only lasted a single day?”

She smirked darkly. “You have no idea. We’d probably still be sitting in my driveway arguing.”

Their friend arched his brows in agreement. “Friends definitely shouldn’t teach friends to drive stick.”

“Sure, Dawson,” Joey said dryly.

He glanced between them. She pursed her lips and eyed Dawson and Jen impatiently, clearly wanting their friends to leave so she could tell him whatever was on her mind. He couldn’t help but grin. Then the familiar ringing went through the halls. “Saved by the bell,” he muttered under his breath. Joey’s mouth curved into a smirk.

“Well, see you later, guys,” Jen said before walking away. Dawson smiled and nodded and then followed her down the hall.

“Finally,” Joey breathed. Then she turned back to him and they started heading for their classroom, talking as they went. “So, I got this in the mail on Saturday.” She took an envelope out of her backpack. “Maybe fairy tales _do_ come true, Pacey.”

She pulled out a piece of fancy paper; it looked like an invitation of some kind. “Harvard’s English Department is giving A.J. an award,” she told him. “The university will be honoring all prize recipients in a ceremony that includes dinner and a live reading of their works. It’ll be in the Barker Center, and it’s this weekend. I’m going to take the train on Saturday morning and then come back on Sunday. A.J. bought me a ticket.”

His guts twisted. “You’re spending the night?”

Joey shrugged, not meeting his gaze as she returned the envelope to her bag. “Yeah. Why not?”

“With college guy?!”

She scoffed. “It’s not a big deal, Pacey. A.J. will be the perfect gentleman.”

He felt flustered and upset. “But… It’s not a good idea, Jo.” There was no way she could do something like that. “He’s a college sophomore who wants a high school girl to spend the night in his dorm room. Perfect gentleman, my ass.”

Scowling, she huffed and walked ahead of him.

They reached Homeroom just as the bell rang. They exchanged hellos with Andie as they made their way to their seats in the back row. He then leaned over to where Joey sat beside him. “And what does Bessie have to say about you spending the night up in the city with your poetry geek?”

Her face reddened and she again refused to meet his gaze. “She’s totally fine with it. I’ll be 18 in six months. She likes A.J. It’s not a big deal. But this is just between you and me, okay? It’s our secret.”

“Secret? You don’t want Dawson to know about your big night with college boy, is that it?” His mood was plummeting by the second. He turned to face the front of the class and refused to look at her.

“It’s frankly none of Dawson's business. And, let’s be honest, if Dawson felt _concerned_ about me spending the night up there, you know he’d butt in. Anyway, can’t some things just be between me and you? Why does everyone in our dysfunctional social circle have to know every single detail about everything?”

Did she really want there to be things just between the two of them? Secrets? Things he’d know about her and no one else would? Not even Dawson? He reveled in the thought, but then frowned. He was sick of settling for crumbs of her affection. She had her sights set on a guy who could give her a semblance of the kind of romantic relationship she craved, but who conveniently lived 100 miles away. Why couldn’t she open her eyes and see what she had here—someone right in front of her, something real. Because fantasy was safer than reality.

“And, uh, can you drive me to the train station on Saturday?”

Unbelievable. Why did he continue to put up with this? He ignored her and tried to focus his attention on their Homeroom teacher who was now taking attendance.

“Please, Pacey?” She reached over and grabbed his hand.

He finally turned. Her pleading gaze locked on his. The look in her brown eyes started to melt the coldness he felt. Her hand was a trusting weight in his. No one had ever wielded this kind of power over him. He sighed in defeat. “Of course, I won’t tell anyone. And yes, I’ll drive you.”

“Thank you.” Joey smiled sweetly, her eyes sparkling with gratitude, and she squeezed his hand. Her warm hand in his felt so right, as if his skin had been specifically designed for her touch. Suddenly the world had meaning, life had purpose. His agitation slipped away, and when she let go of his hand, his heart just kept falling.

March 25. On Saturday morning, he arrived at the Potter’s house and Bessie let him inside. After shaking hands with Bodie, Alexander reached for him and he lifted him in his arms, carrying him around the living room. Joey soon appeared with her overnight bag, greeted him warmly, and then put on her coat.

Bessie said, “Thanks again for driving Joey to the train station, Pacey. We know how important it is for her to do these campus visits, but the B&B has guests and we couldn’t get away.”

He briefly glanced at Joey, who gave him a pointed look. “That’s all right, Bessie. I don’t mind.”

“We’ll pick her up on Sunday afternoon,” Bodie added. “So, don’t worry about having to make two trips.”

“Okay,” he replied, handing Alexander off to his mother.

They were soon on the road, heading to the train station. He’d borrowed his mom’s wagon again. The run-in he had with his father earlier that morning when he’d gone to the house to get it had been rather unpleasant and he was trying not to think about it. His dad had a knack for making him feel like a failure, knew all the buttons to push, and that was the last thing he needed right now.

“So, what are you going to do this weekend without me around?” Joey asked, breaking the quiet.

“Well, it just so happens that the Capeside Mentoring Program finally found a kid for me,” he answered. “They were looking for just the right match, apparently. I’ll be meeting him later and spending the day with him. Maybe we’ll go to the arcade or something. That’s what kids like, right? I know me and Dawson did when we were in the 4th grade.”

She arched her brows and smiled. “I can’t wait to hear all about it.”

When they neared the train station, Joey became positively giddy about attending a fancy dinner where her college beau would be honored that night. Except, Joey never actually referred to A.J. as her boyfriend. As they pulled into the parking lot of the station, she maintained that long-distance relationships don’t follow the same rules.

“No, they don’t,” he allowed. “And that’s why they’re perfect for you. Because they’re not real.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

He shook his head and got out of the car. Her whole trip to the city to put on a fancy dress and dine with Harvard’s elite was a fantasy life. He told her it was an eyes-closed wish; reality was going to come and smack her right in the face any moment.

Joey frowned. “Try to have a good weekend, Pacey,” she said depressingly, and walked away from him without waiting for a response. “Thanks for the ride.”

His gaze followed her. He felt somewhat bad for taking the wind out of her sails. He knew it had been kind of rude for him to say, but he also knew it was true and that she needed to hear it. “Have a good time,” he called out after her.

She threw her hand up and gave a sarcastic wave over her shoulder.

It was after ten o’clock at night when he finally got back to Doug’s place. It had been an exhausting day and evening with his young mentee, Buzz Thompson. He collapsed on the couch and turned on the TV. The last thing he heard before drifting off was the opening credits to _Saturday Night Live_.

_RING-G-G-G._ The sound jarred him from a troubled sleep. Not fully awake, he threw his hands up to protect his face from his father’s blows. _RING-G-G-G._ Awakening from his dream, he realized he wasn’t under attack, and the sound he heard was the telephone. “Hello,” he said, sleepily, as he pulled the cordless receiver from the end table and up to his ear.

There was a pause. Someone on the other end sniffled. “Pacey?”

His eyes went wide and he started to sit up. “Joey?”

Another pause. “Can you come get me?”

From the sound of her voice, it was obvious she was unhappy. Glancing at the TV, he saw the _SNL_ cast members standing around hugging each other as the end credits rolled. “Where are you?”

“I’m at the train station.”

“You’re back in Capeside already?”

Another long pause. “…No.”

His heart started racing as his mind went into overdrive. “You’re still in Boston?”

“Yes. South Station on Atlantic Avenue. I’m on a pay phone in the waiting area. It’s in the Grand Concourse.”

“Jo, are you all right? What happened? Did he try something? Are you hurt?”

She heaved a sigh. “Nothing happened. I’m not hurt. Just… please come get me, Pacey. The next train back to Capeside isn’t until nine o’clock and I don’t want to sit in this station alone all night.”

He started moving off the couch. “It’s probably gonna take me a couple hours to get there.”

“I know. I’ll be okay until then.”

“Okay. Just… Just stay there, Joey. I’m leaving right now.”

“Thank you, Pacey.” Then she hung up.

It was almost three o’clock in the morning when he arrived at the train station and parked the wagon. Once inside, he noticed there was barely anyone around. He followed the signs directing him to the enclosed waiting area. Rounding a corner on the right, he found Joey sitting alone on a long wooden bench. There was no one else in the room. “Hey,” he said when he saw her, and again asked her what had happened. She again told him nothing happened.

He sat down in one of the chairs against the wall, facing her. It was obvious she had been crying. Something had definitely happened. He watched her while she put on her scarf and started shrugging on her coat. “You got bored? You got homesick? He finally ripped off his rubber mask and revealed his true alien features? What?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” she said as she stood up and started walking away from him.

He followed her out of the waiting area. “Oh, well, forgive me if I’m having a little bit of trouble with the no questions asked part.” She just kept walking and didn’t respond.

When they were in the car and he was pulling out of his parking space, he gazed at her. She was wiping fresh tears from her cheeks. “Come on, Jo. Just tell me. You call me in the middle of the night and I drive all the way up here to get you. The least you could do is tell me why.”

“There’s nothing to tell,” she insisted.

“If nothing happened, then why aren’t you spending the night with your college beau and coming home on Sunday afternoon as planned?”

She heaved a sigh of annoyance. “Just drop it, Pacey.”

He turned onto I-93 South and followed signs for the MA-3. “So, then why don’t you tell me about your day in the city? Did you get to do any sight-seeing? How was the award dinner thing?”

Joey crossed her arms and looked out the window. He turned the heat up inside the car. “Well, since you’re not gonna talk, how about I talk instead? I could tell you about my day with my young padawan?” She still didn’t reply.

“Okay, so I’m just gonna assume that your silence is your acquiescence. The kid the mentoring program paired me up with? His name is Buzz, and let me tell ya, he was a handful. An adorable little brat. I ended up taking him to the arcade like I told you about, and he got into a fight with these older kids in there. Man, that kid’s got a lot of anger. I thought it would be a good idea for him to work out his aggression with some physical labor. Working on _True Love_ does wonders for the psyche, as I’m sure you would agree.”

He glanced over at her. She was still peering out the window, keeping quiet. “Anyway, the kid gave me real shit for it. He had a terrible attitude. Nine-year-olds shouldn’t be so nasty.”

“You were nasty when you were nine,” she blurted. “And you were angry, too.”

Pausing, he swallowed. Her words hung in the air. “Huh. Anyway… After I’d had about enough, I dropped him off at home. I drove right over to the program’s offices to find out what the kid’s deal was. Apparently, he’d been through a lot of mentors. They’ve all quit on him because of his attitude problems. See, he had told me his dad died, but the program director informed me that his dad wasn’t dead. The kid’s father had abandoned the family and moved away to start a whole new family. His mother had to start working a lot to support them and she’s just not around much. Buzz’s bratty behavior is really just his way of testing someone’s commitment, you know, to see if they can be trusted. To see if they’re gonna stick around or if they’re just another person who’s going to reject him.”

“Gee, sounds familiar,” Joey deadpanned while gazing out the window.

He sighed. “Yeah, well, Principal Green and the program director thought me and the kid were a perfect match. Anyway, so I went to the grocery store and picked up some stuff to make meatloaf and mashed potatoes, and went over to Buzz’s house. We sat in the kitchen and cooked together. I’m tellin’ you, Jo. You should’ve seen the transformation in this kid. He was a real pain in my ass all day long, and then all it took was showing up and giving him my undivided attention. I figure that’s what kids need, you know? I guess I have a knack for bonding with people who have dysfunctional dad issues. Right, Jo?” He grinned.

She snorted, but still kept her face turned away from him. Forty-five minutes later they were driving through Plymouth. “I’m starving,” he said. “So, McDonald’s or Dunkin Donuts? Your pick.”

“I knew there was a reason to live,” she snarked.

“McDonald’s it is!” he exclaimed with false enthusiasm.

He pulled off the highway and several minutes later they were pulling into the fast food restaurant’s parking lot. “Do you want anything? My treat. French fries? Apple pie? Fudge sundae? A bottle of scotch and a razor blade?” She didn’t reply. She didn’t even look at him.

“Geez, Potter. I had no idea you could keep your mouth shut this long. It must be a record.” Still no response. Then he went through the drive-thru and ordered some food before parking the car. He held out a red container emblazoned with the golden arches. “Fry?” he offered with a smile.

Joey sighed and shook her head.

“Fine,” he shrugged. “More for me.”

An hour later, the sun had come up and they were only a few miles from Capeside. He looked over to see Joey had started crying again. His heart constricted. He wished she’d just talk to him. “So, are you ever gonna speak again? Come on, Jo. Say something.”

She finally turned to look at him, her expression angry, and started to bemoan the fact that he had been right about A.J. all along. “You were right, okay? Right as always. Pacey Witter, the only person in my life who ever speaks the truth.”

He scoffed. “That’s not entirely accurate.” There were plenty of truths he’d never spoken to her.

She was angry, as if she was expecting him to pull an ‘I told you so’ on her. There had been another girl. The fairy tale was over. Cinderella had returned from the ball and it was pumpkin city all over again. “I’m sorry, Jo,” he told her.

“You know, the whole time I was watching them, I just kept thinking, ‘this is it. This is real, just like Pacey said. This is the real thing.’” He knew he could’ve done the whole _I told you so_ thing, but he hated seeing her like this, hated seeing her unhappy. “And it reminded me once again what exactly I don’t have.”

“Keep looking, you’ll find it,” he encouraged. He wished she’d open her eyes and see what was sitting right next to her in this car, but he was starting to accept the chances of that were slim to none.

“No, I won’t. I mean, isn’t it obvious by now? I’m not meant to.”

He wasn’t coming to her pity party. “Why? Because you’re 17 and alone? Come on.”

She denied that was the reason. “In my entire life, there have been two people who’ve actually known me, Pacey: Dawson and—”

_Oh, come on._ “This A.J. guy didn’t know you. All right? I don’t care how you felt about him, Jo. He didn’t know you. ‘Cause if he did, he never would’ve walked away.” There was no way in hell that poetry geek understood her.

Joey sighed. “I was going to say _you_, Pacey.”

He stared at her. How could she admit that and still not realize what they shared? Still not know how special and amazing what was happening between them was? Not know that _this_ was real? “Okay.”

He started to hit the brakes and pull the car over. God, she frustrated him to no end. How could she still be so blind to a truth that was literally staring her in the face? He couldn’t take it anymore. Enough was enough.

“Have you totally lost it?” Joey said.

The car came to an abrupt stop. “Not totally, not yet.”

Then he unbuckled his seatbelt and got out of the car, Joey doing the same, and they stepped off to the side of the road. He took a steadying breath. “All right, what did you mean by that?”

“About what?” She shrugged, her brows knitting in confusion.

“About me knowing you better than anybody else.”

“Exactly what I said, Pacey. You know me, okay? In a way that nobody else besides Dawson ever has.”

He really wanted to leave Dawson out of this. “We’re talkin’ about _me_. I mean, you can’t keep on doin’ this to me, Potter.”

“Doing what? What? So, I count on you, and I tell you secrets, and suddenly it’s—?”

“And you call me in the middle of the night to pick you up. Why?” If she wasn’t going to willingly open her eyes, he would have to pry them open.

Joey shook her head in frustration. “Well, I’m sorry that I called. I thought that I could—”

Good lord, she still didn’t get it. “I’m not mad that you called me. I just want to know _why_ you called me.”

She shrugged, shaking her head. “You were the first person that I thought of, Pacey.”

Not Bessie or Bodie. Not Dawson. _Him_. “And what does that mean, Jo?”

“It means that…” The sentence trailed off and she shrugged. He could see in her face she was searching for the answer. “I guess it…” She paused. “It means that I can talk to you and that you’re there for me.”

The butterflies in his gut were frantic. It felt like his heart was in his throat. “Don’t you ever get tired of talkin’?”

“No, I don’t.”

“Well, I get tired.” Joey was babbling her confusion. He could tell she still had no idea what was happening here. “I don’t want to talk anymore.”

He became unraveled. It was a moment he wouldn’t forget in a hundred lifetimes; a sensation that seeped into his very bones. The hunger he had been denying himself roared into life with a vengeance. He moved forward, gripped her face with his hands, pulled her towards him, and found her mouth with his.

Sparks of pleasure ignited inside him.

Her mouth was so soft, her shocked gasp lost in the movement of his lips. His tongue brushed her lower lip and it went straight to his groin. His blood roared in his ears. The butterflies in his stomach were detonating like grenades. He simultaneously felt like he was dying in this moment and more alive than he had ever been. He was in love with Joey. Completely in love with her.

He had fully expected her to pull away, to react badly, and for a moment she was totally still, just letting herself be kissed. Then to his surprise she was actually kissing him back. He felt her mitten-covered hands move to gently hold his arms. His heart swelled, full to bursting. She tasted like everything he had imagined, like a paradise oasis in the desert. She tasted like everything he had ever hungered for, but had always been denied him. She tasted like everything he had ever needed, but had spent his life not knowing it until now. His head reeled with the rightness of it, the sweetness and the hunger.


	13. 2000 (Part Four)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Maybe you have your reasons  
Maybe you're scared you'll be let down  
Are you crying when there's no one around  
Then maybe..._
> 
> _Maybe if you hold me, baby  
Let me come over  
I will tell you secrets nobody knows  
I cannot overstate it, I will be overjoyed_

March 26. He kissed her, and she let him. Not only that, but after a moment of surprise, she was kissing him back, her mouth moving beneath his. Her lips were warm and yielding as he pressed his mouth against hers. Her hands gently held his arms. He never wanted this to end, the moment to cease, but like all good things, it did.

He pulled back and gazed down at her face. Affection for her filled his heart. He had never felt this way before, not with anyone. For an instant her gaze lifted to his and he felt the now familiar jolt, like a bolt of electricity, surge through him. Her lips were swollen from his kisses. Her eyes were heavy-lidded with desire. Those eyes locked on his, and then she reacted. Badly.

Joey lashed out, striking him, and he was shoved backwards. “Are you insane?! How could you do that? How could you take a simple declaration of friendship as an invitation to just maul me, Pacey?” She hit him again, shoving him back. “Answer me! What were you thinking?” Another hard blow, his chest stinging with the pain of it. “What?!”

He started panicking. How could he save this situation? He hadn’t wanted to ruin anything, but now it seemed like he was on the verge of ruining everything. He’d always known there was a chance she would react badly to any declarations he made, but for some foolish reason he hadn’t given up hope that there was a slight chance she might react well. He’d never imagined she would become so angry she would physically attack him.

He tried to act like it wasn’t a big deal—it had been an impulse and nothing more, but this didn’t appease her. She continued striking him. “Do you have any idea of the monumental implications of that meaningless little impulse?” she stormed.

“You’re right, Potter,” he muttered, feeling increasingly deflated by the second. “Forgive me for thinking a kiss is just a kiss.” Except it wasn’t, he wanted to shout at her. It wasn’t just a meaningless kiss that meant nothing. It had meant everything.

And then she threw the very thing in his face that he’d been trying to avoid for a long time: Dawson. He’d distanced himself from his best friend for months, had avoided personal conversations and spending too much time together. He hadn’t wanted to face it. He knew what his feelings for Joey threatened. As much as he cared for her, and Dawson too, the fear of destroying their friendships was ever present.

“I mean, he factors into this little… hormonal meltdown,” she fumed.

_“‘Meltdown?’”_ He retorted. He wasn’t exactly shocked at the rejection, but this? “I just had a meltdown? Forgive me if I don’t think that this is the worst tragedy in the history of humankind—that Pacey Witter, in a moment of… impulsive, compulsive, hormone-induced insanity, would have the nerve to kiss Joey Potter. And you let me do it,” he accused, pointing at her. She gasped at his accusation, but didn’t deny it. “You did. You let me do it. So, what, now? I guess the universe begins to unravel. Well, excuse me while I get in the car.” He suddenly wanted nothing more than for them to forget it ever happened.

After she refused to get in the car with him, he pulled up alongside her and again tried to coax her into the vehicle. Common sense then ruled out her anger and she got back inside, immediately turning completely away from him in dramatic fashion without saying a word. “So, I guess I’m to take it from your angry silence that you’re not speaking to me anymore.”

Joey buckled her seatbelt, throwing him a dirty look. “Nope.”

“Great. And how long you planning on keeping that up?” _God knows she could only keep her mouth shut for so long._

“How does indefinitely sound?” She sneered.

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

They drove the rest of the way to the Potter Bed and Breakfast in broody silence. Part of him wanted to rectify what he had done, to try and do everything he could to convince her that it was no big deal. To convince her that it would never happen again, that it wasn’t worth getting so upset about. Another part of him was angry and hurt at the rejection, at the vehemence of her reaction, especially since he technically hadn’t been the only participant.

When he pulled up in front of the house, Joey unbuckled her seatbelt and made a scene out of retrieving her overnight bag from the back seat. She stepped out of the car and slammed the door shut. “Jo?” he called out.

She turned back and glared at him.

“Why did you kiss me back?”

Her eyes widened. He saw emotions flicker across her face—shock, fear, uncertainty. Her mouth then pursed into a hard line. “I didn’t,” she denied angrily.

“You did, Potter!” he said triumphantly. “I felt it! You know you did!”

Joey turned on her heel without another word and stormed inside the house.

Then he drove home to drop off the wagon. To his surprise, Doug’s police cruiser was parked outside the house. He carried the keys to the car inside. He was greeted by his mom, still wearing her bathrobe. “Thanks for bringing the car back, sweetie, but I honestly didn’t expect you so early. Do you want to stay for breakfast? I’m going to make bacon and eggs, hash browns, and homemade biscuits.”

“Uh… I don’t know, Ma. Maybe.”

The sound of Carrie and the girls watching TV was emanating from the living room. He found Doug and his dad standing in the kitchen drinking coffee. “And where did you go in the middle of the night?” his brother asked, arching a brow.

“Joey needed me to pick her up in Boston,” he answered. “It was either that or sit in a train station by herself for eight hours. So, I went and got her.” He heaved a sigh, feeling miserable.

Doug eyed him with a penetrating gaze. His brother opened his mouth to reply, but he gave a slight shake of his head to silence him.

His mother walked into the kitchen. “Are you sure you won’t stay for breakfast, Doug?”

“Sorry, Mom. I need to finish my shift. I’ll eat later.”

John Witter took a sip of his coffee, cleared his throat, and then stared at his youngest child. “So, how’s work on your boat coming along, Pacey?”

He blinked, his chest and stomach tightening with anxiety, not sure where the question was going to lead. “Um… it’s good. I expect to be finished in a few weeks, and in time for the Regatta.”

“Well, let’s hope the boat holds water better than you do,” his dad snarked.

“Thanks for the vote of confidence, Pop.” Inwardly groaning, he left the kitchen and walked into the living room. His nieces saw him and jumped up from where they were sitting on the floor in front of the television watching Nickelodeon. “Pacey, Pacey, Pacey!”

“Oh, God. It’s the little monsters,” he joked before sitting down next to his sister. “Hey, Carrie.” Then he leaned his head back against the couch, closed his eyes, and sighed, “I’m exhausted.”

It wasn’t long before the girls were climbing into his lap. They snuggled against him, and their comfort and warmth quickly lulled him to sleep. Suddenly he was being shaken awake. He opened his eyes to find Doug standing over him. “You wanna go get some breakfast?” his brother asked. “How does Connie’s Diner sound?”

Feeling groggy, he didn’t answer right away. He yawned and looked around the room, getting his bearings. His sister and nieces were gone, and he was stretched out on the sofa. He looked up at his brother. “I thought you had to finish your shift?”

“I finished it,” Doug said. “Pacey, you’ve been asleep for five hours. You wanna get something to eat?”

“Uh… yeah, okay. I could eat.”

It was after eleven a.m. when they arrived at the diner and took a couple seats at the counter. After perusing the menu for a few minutes, he ordered sausage, pancakes, and scrambled eggs when the waitress came back around. His brother added cream and sugar to his coffee, and then finally spoke. “So… you wanna tell me what happened when you picked Joey up in Boston?”

His stomach knotted. “What makes you think something happened?”

Doug furrowed his brows in disbelief. “Pacey, it was written all over your face the moment you walked through the door this morning.”

“Okay, fine,” he surrendered as the waitress returned with their plates of hot food. “Where do I start? Well, the reason I was picking her up in the city in the middle of the night was because she and her college beau broke up. He had another girl up there. She was upset and I was trying to be… supportive, I guess. But then I ended up pulling the car over and… I kissed her.”

“Hey, you kissed her,” Doug said in a congratulatory tone. “Good for you.”

Licking his lips, he adamantly shook his head. “No. No, it’s not good.”

His brother eyed him. “What’d she do? Slap you?”

“Uh, well, not at first. She kissed me back.” His brother’s eyebrows rose in surprise. “Yeah. I mean, I’m telling you, Dougie, it was a good kiss. Joey was actually, uh, kinda into it. I think. Well, for as long as it lasted. And then she totally freaked out. Started hitting me and yellin’ at me. So, you know, classic rejection, and now she’s not speaking to me.”

“Ouch,” Doug sympathized. “She probably just needs to get over the shock of it. Kissing a girl right after she was dumped? Eh…”

“The whole thing was her fault,” he insisted defensively. “I mean, she told me that I was the one she thinks about. You know? _Me_. And then she gives me this look. What was I supposed to do? Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for her to give me that look?” He shook his head in exasperation and took a sip of his coffee. “I couldn’t just stand there and do nothing.”

Doug sighed. “Look, I don’t get it. She gave you the look. You kissed her. It _was_ a good kiss. So, what’s the problem?”

Hadn’t he been clear? “Well, the hitting, punching, and rejecting. That might be a bit of a problem. Not to mention, Dawson. If he found out that I kissed her? That Pacey Witter had the audacity to fall for Dawson Leery’s soulmate? He’d never speak to me again. I can’t risk that, you know? He’s the brother I never had.”

Doug then proceeded to rehash the plot of _Speed_ where Joey was the bus, Dawson was the bomb, and _he_ was Keanu Reeves. He appreciated his brother’s efforts, but he saw no solution. “Well, you’re right about one thing, Dougie. Dawson is a ticking time bomb waiting to go off as soon as he gets wind of any of this. I mean, what was I thinking? I fell for an impossible girl, knowing all along just how impossible it was. I brought this on myself.”

His brother kept up the pep talk as they finished their breakfast, continuing as they walked out of the diner and towards the police cruiser. Doug encouraged him to ‘defuse the bomb’ and tell Dawson about his feelings for Joey, and he was thankful for such good advice. But even if that somehow worked, if Dawson, for the first time since Joey Potter walked into their lives, was suddenly now cool with being usurped by his best friend, that didn’t mean _she_ would be willing. “You’ve left out a couple minor details i.e. her hitting, her punching, her yelling—”

“Oh, grow up, little brother,” Doug retorted. “Do you think she would’ve reacted so strongly if she didn’t feel something for you, too?”

Was it possible? He followed his brother to the car. “Do you really think so?”

Doug sighed. “Pacey, that was a complete overreaction.”

There was that word again. He climbed into the passenger seat of the cruiser and buckled his seat belt while his brother got behind the wheel. “Just think about it, Pacey,” Doug continued. “When you kiss someone, who doesn’t feel the same way—and they happen to be a good friend of yours and not, you know, a complete stranger who would be perfectly within their rights to be angry at a non-consensual kiss—the reaction could be awkward and uncomfortable. They might apologize for hurting your feelings or for possibly leading you to believe they felt something more than friendship, and they’ll likely do their best to let you down easy. But they don’t fly off the handle. They don’t scream and punch you.”

Doug’s words went around and around his head on the short drive back to his brother’s apartment. Soon he was dropped off, Doug heading back to the sheriff’s office to finish up some paperwork. Once inside he picked up the phone and called his sister.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Gretchen.”

“Hey, Pacey! How are you?”

“Uh… I kissed Joey.”

“Good for you. How did it go?”

“Well, the kiss itself was…” He sighed, leaning his head back against the couch. “Incredible. Her reaction? Not so much.”

“I’m sorry, Pace. What did she say?” His sister’s tone became sympathetic. “She doesn’t feel the same and just wants to be friends?”

He paused, the conversation with his brother fresh in his mind. “Um, well, no. She didn’t say anything like that. But she got angry. She starting hitting me and yellin’ at me, said I’d had a meltdown. Then she wouldn’t talk to me the rest of the ride home.”

Gretchen was silent for a moment. “How did Joey react when you kissed her the last time?”

Swallowing, memories from sophomore year came forward in his mind, of that night after the carnival when he’d kissed Joey in front of her house. “She… Well, she didn’t get angry. It was awkward and she was uncomfortable, but she was pretty calm about it. She told me she didn’t feel the same way. She was hung up on Dawson, of course. And… well, she was actually very nice about the whole thing even though she was rejecting me.”

“And this time, Joey didn’t actually tell you she didn’t feel the same way, and instead she freaked out?”

Realization began to dawn on him. Butterflies once again started fluttering in the pit of his stomach. “Yeah. She freaked out.”

His sister sighed into the phone. “Pacey, I’m willing to bet Joey now feels very differently about you than she did the first time you kissed her. Don’t think of it as a rejection. I think she’s just afraid.”

“What do you think she’s scared of?” he asked.

“Probably the same things you’re scared of,” Gretchen said.

What was he scared of? “Oh, you mean like pain, rejection, and disappointment. Taking a huge risk by falling in love again and possibly losing precious friendships, which of course means Dawson.”

His sister hummed. “You have to tell Dawson, Pacey. Yes, he used to date Joey, but they were only friends for a long time before that and they’re still friends now. You’ve been his friend even longer. He cares about you. You are important to him. Even if he doesn’t like what you’re saying to him, he’ll just have to get over it if he wants you and Joey to be happy.”

“Do you really think I could make her happy, Gretchen?” he murmured into the phone.

“I think you could make any girl happy, Pace. And perhaps especially a girl like Joey.”

His brows furrowed. “What do you mean?”

She cleared her throat. “Well, Joey’s lost a lot, you know? She lost both her mother and her father at a young age, and under heartbreaking circumstances that will affect her for the rest of her life. You have a lot of love to give, and it’s probably exactly what she needs. It’s also very possible that on some level she knows this, Pacey, and it scares her. Someone who has already lost a lot is probably afraid of losing anything else.”

Like losing Dawson’s friendship. He didn’t want to lose it either, but despite that fear, he’d still went for it with Joey anyway. Even if she did feel something for him too, it was more than likely that her fear of losing Dawson would prevent her from ever admitting it. Doug was right. He would need to find a way to somehow remove the threat of a falling out with Dawson. It would probably be the only way Joey would allow herself to act on anything. His heart sunk within him. He knew exactly how he felt about her, and if he was forced to make a choice, he knew what choice he’d make. He knew what he’d be willing to risk, to even give up. But he also knew that Joey wasn’t one to take chances, and if _she_ was forced to make a choice, he wasn’t sure whether she would believe a relationship with him was worth the risk.

“You still there, Pace?”

“Uh, yeah. I’m just thinking.”

“Look, maybe Joey just needs some time. You kissed her. So, she probably now knows, or at least has a good idea, of how you feel about her. You’ve certainly given her something to think about. If she doesn’t feel the same as you do, then I’m really sorry. But if she does like you the same way you like her, then Dawson might not prove to be too big of an obstacle. Love conquers fear, Pacey.”

“Thanks for listening, Gretchen.” He sighed. “Anyway, how are you? What’s going on in your life?”

Silence. “Um… oh, you know, the usual. Up to my eyeballs in term papers, and dreading finals. Look, I gotta go, Pace. I have to meet some friends. I’ll talk to you later?”

“Yeah, okay. Talk to you later.” He hung up the phone. His mind went back to the scene on the side of the road, to Joey hitting and shoving him after he kissed her. The one and only real objection she’d raised after her angry _‘how could yous’_ was Dawson. He might’ve felt encouraged by the possibility that Joey might care for him if it wasn’t for the guilt he had been trying to live with since he’d realized he was in love with his best friend’s soulmate, the guilt that had grown exponentially since he’d acted on it and kissed her.

April. If the past week hadn’t been the worst of his life, it was definitely in the top five. Joey hadn’t spoken to him since he dropped her off home on Sunday morning. There was a time when sharing almost every class with Joey had been his favorite thing about junior year, but for the past five days it had been nothing but painful and excruciatingly awkward. She used to sit right behind him or in front of him or next to him in all their classes, but now she made a point to take a seat far away from where he sat. They didn’t ride to and from school together or eat lunch together. She avoided him in the halls. It was clear the last thing she wanted was to be in close proximity to him.

The week had been hell without her. Without hearing the sound of her voice, the timbre of her laugh. Without seeing her smile at his stupid jokes, or frown in disapproval when he annoyed her. Without her soulful eyes looking into his with a fondness that he had never thought possible. Had he truly ruined everything? Was their friendship over? Could he imagine life without her? Every night since that fateful morning on the ride back from Boston, where he took a chance without thinking of the risks or potentially negative consequences, he’d lay awake, trying to imagine how his future would look without Joey being a significant part of it. It was a dark, miserable place. He wanted her. More than that, he loved her with a passion so great he knew he could never be truly happy with anyone else but her.

At lunch on Friday, while Dawson had been bemoaning the impending removal of the woods they had once spent entire summers in when they were kids to make way for condos, he’d decided to follow Doug’s advice and proposed the idea of going camping. It was an ideal location that would remind Dawson of their bond, their lifelong friendship. It was why he was here on Saturday night, Buzz and his little friends and Dawson all sleeping soundly around the fire, while he lay awake, unable to sleep.

It was fitting that they’d gone camping on April Fool’s Day because he really was a fool. He was a fool to think his friendship with Dawson was something he could readily give up if forced to make a choice. A fool to think there was a chance Dawson could actually give him his blessing to pursue a relationship with Joey. That Dawson wouldn’t have seen his feelings for Joey as anything other than utter betrayal, a violation of the oath of loyalty they’d made as boys, as blood brothers. Hurting Dawson was the last thing he wanted to do.

Doug and Gretchen had meant well, and on the surface, they had given him good advice, but they didn’t know Dawson like he did. Nor did they fully understand just how important Dawson was to him. He wouldn’t have survived his boyhood without him. He wouldn’t be the person he was now without him. He’d be a 17-year-old version of the Buzz he’d met on that first mentoring day, bitter and angry at the world, lashing out at everyone, not letting anyone close enough to hurt him ever again.

The sounds of the crackling fire and Dawson’s slow, steady breathing filled his ears. Joey filled his mind—her smile, her laugh, her achingly beautiful brown eyes. The feel of her hand grasping his, her head on his shoulder, her arms pulling him into a hug. The feel of her mouth beneath his, warm and soft and sweeter than anything he had ever tasted. A love that could never be his tore at his heart. He stared up at the night sky, tears forming and falling from the corners of his eyes.

*****

Joey, Andie, and Jen walked out of the roller rink, into the chilly night air, and hurried towards the old blue truck. Joey got behind the wheel while her friends slid in through the passenger side door. Andie buckled her seatbelt while Jen searched the middle of the bench seat for her own belt. She found it just as Joey turned the ignition and started the truck. The radio abruptly came to life and Jen reached out to turn the volume down.

Joey quickly turned on the heat, air suddenly blasting onto the floorboards. “We’re not dressed properly for this weather,” she grumbled.

“At least we have coats on over our lingerie,” Jen contended.

Andie hugged her arms around her and shivered. “Well, I had a great time, ladies. This was a lot of fun.”

Joey pressed down on the clutch and threw the truck into first gear. “Yeah, me too. I hadn’t been to the roller rink in so long. I had forgotten how fun it was, how much I loved coming here.”

“When was the last time you were here?” Andie asked.

“Um, let’s see… It probably would’ve been… Oh! My 12th birthday party.” She pulled out of the parking lot and onto Old Harbor Road. “Yeah, that was it. After that, my mom’s cancer got worse and we kind of just… stopped going to the roller rink on weekends.”

Andie gave her a sympathetic frown. “Well, I hope your birthday party was at least a good one.”

Joey chewed on her lip, remembering. “Actually, well, it started out not so great and then I was miserable for a while in the middle of it. As with most co-ed parties full of sixth-graders, there was drama involved.”

“Oh, I love this song!” Jen interjected. She turned the volume back up and “Dancing in the Dark” suddenly filled the cab.

“I didn’t know you liked Bruce Springsteen,” Andie said excitedly.

Jen shrugged. “What’s not to like? He’s the Boss.”

Smiling, Joey glanced at her friends. The three girls then started singing along to the radio. They sang so loudly and so terribly off-key that they kept dissolving into fits of laughter. Soon they were back at Jen’s house. Once the truck was parked and the engine turned off, Joey slid out and closed the door behind her. She stared over at the Leery’s house.

“Don’t you guys think it’s weird that we haven’t seen Dawson at all?” Joey asked. “I mean, he wasn’t here this afternoon. He still wasn’t around when we left for the roller rink. And his car still isn’t here. I know he’s been busy helping Gail with the restaurant but even she’s been home today.”

“He went camping with Pacey,” Andie explained.

Joey and Jen stared at her. “How do you know that?” asked Jen.

She shrugged as she stepped onto the porch. “Pacey told me yesterday in school. He said he going to be hanging out with the kid from the mentoring program and then he was going camping with Dawson.” Andie looked back at Jen and Joey as they came up the steps, their brows knitting. “What? We _are_ friends, you know. We do talk when we see each other and it’s totally fine.”

Later, after having gotten ready for bed and into their pajamas, the girls lounged around Jen’s bedroom. “This has been a perfect Saturday night,” Andie said happily as she got into her sleeping bag on the floor beside the bed. “We really needed this, and I think we should make it a regular thing. What do you think?”

“I liked it,” Joey admitted.

“Me, too,” added Jen with a smile.

Andie smiled wide and clasped her hands together. “Yay!”

Chuckling, Joey rolled her eyes. It wasn’t long before Jen switched off the light, but the girls continued to talk. Andie told them all about Jack and his new friend Ethan. “So, Joey,” she then said. “Tell us all about the drama of your 12th birthday party.”

“Oh, yeah, I wanna hear this, too,” Jen agreed.

Joey laughed. “But it’s so dumb, and it was so long ago.”

Scoffing, Andie tutted her. “But neither me nor Jen were in Capeside back then. We don’t know these stories, and I, for one, want to hear them.”

“Okay, fine,” Joey relented. “So, at my party there were about quite a bunch of kids from the sixth grade. I think my mom invited the entire class.” She laughed. “Anyway, about 20 to 25 showed up, I think. I was so excited and at first, I _was_ having fun with my friends. And then the DJ did that whole ‘couples only’ thing where he plays a slow song and then boys and girls couple up and hold hands while they skate around the rink. So, he’s announcing ‘Couples skate only! Couples skate only!’ for the first time that night and I was hoping Dawson would ask me to skate with him.” She sighed. “But of course, he had a huge crush on Meghan Arliss and he asked _her_ to skate with him.”

“Ugh, I’m sorry, Joey,” Andie sympathized.

“Yeah, that must’ve sucked,” agreed Jen.

Joey nodded. “Anyway, that’s basically how most of the night went. We had fun during regular skates, laughing and goofing off, but whenever the DJ would do the ‘couples only’ thing, Dawson made a beeline for Meghan and completely ignored me. Not to mention, none of the other boys asked me to skate with them either.”

“Even though it was _your_ birthday?” Andie replied indignantly.

“Yeah.”

“Boys are twits,” Jen said.

Andie cleared her throat. “Um… I’m assuming Pacey was at your party?”

Joey chewed on her lip, nodding. “Yeah, but he was in the room with the arcade games. He doesn’t like to ska—” The sentence abruptly trailed off. Her eyes widened with a look of realization. “But actually, he…”

“What?” Andie and Jen asked in unison.

“The DJ announced the final skate, and of course it was another couples only skate. I was hoping that Dawson would finally ask me, you know, because it _was_ my birthday and we were best friends. But nope, he went right for Meghan again. The other boys who were skating all paired off with other girls.”

“I’ll say it again,” Jen inserted. “Boys are twits. All of them. Complete idiots.”

Joey sighed. “You know, it wasn’t easy being the tallest girl in the sixth grade. I was taller than even most of the boys and just felt so awkward. Anyway, so I’m sitting on a bench beside the rink and I’m just really upset, trying not to cry, and…” She smiled at the memory. “And then Pacey was there and he’d actually went and put on skates, and he was kind of clumsy in them.” She giggled. “But he held out his hand and asked me to skate the final skate with him.”

“Aww!” exclaimed Andie.

“Yeah, it was really sweet,” she admitted. “Looking back on it now. I was pretty ungrateful then, I’m sorry to say.”

Jen pursed her lips. “So, did you? Skate with him?”

Her smile became a frown. “Well, after some stubborn resistance on my part, and Pacey patiently trying to convince me to go with him, I finally agreed. We got onto the rink and he held my hand, but we weren’t even able to do, you know, one full lap around before the song ended. Then it was over. Everyone had to return their skates and head home. And that was my 12th birthday party.”

“At least it ended on a high note,” said Andie. “Kind of…”

“Well, I don’t know about that high note,” Joey corrected. “You know how I mentioned there was drama? Well, Dawson got really mad at Pacey about something after the party. I had no idea what, but they were fighting in the parking lot until Mitch arrived to pick Dawson up. So, yeah. Drama.”

“Gee, I wonder what they were fighting about,” Jen said pointedly.

Joey frowned, her brows knitting with worry.

Andie sighed. “Boys may be twits, but anyone who says chivalry is dead hasn’t met Pacey Witter. I think the thing that sucks most about our breakup, other than the blatantly obvious, is how hard it was to move on when _you_ were the bad guy. I mean, I can’t go around angry like, ‘screw him! I’m better off without him!’ or ‘I’m just gonna find myself a guy who treats me the way I deserve.’ I think it might be easier to get over someone when you realize how wrong they were for you, that you are truly better off without them in your life, but I can’t say that about Pacey. He was perfect, being with him was perfect. And I screwed it all up. But I’ve come to accept it as a life lesson. Learning to forgive yourself is very important, and it might be even harder than forgiving others.”

Her frown deepening, Joey didn’t reply. Jen shifted in the bed, trying to get comfortable. “Now that you’ve forgiven yourself and are in a good place, Andie, have you thought about dating? I’m sure there are some boys at our school who aren’t complete idiots all the time.”

“Yeah, I’ve thought about it…” Andie replied hesitantly. “In a sort of vague way, no one specific. Pacey was the first guy I ever… you know. He was so gentle and caring and unselfish, and not to be crass, but he always made me feel good, even the very first time, if you know what I mean, which was a total shock to me, by the way. I know this may be hard to believe because of the mistake I made last summer, but the thought of being with someone else—in that way—makes me kind of nervous. There are lot of jerks out there.” She sighed. “But I do miss it, I’m not gonna lie. There’s nothing on the planet that can compare to being in love. Maybe I’ll meet someone nice who will sweep me off my feet. Who knows?”

“I hope you meet someone, Andie,” Jen said.

Joey nodded. “Me, too.”

Andie heaved a sigh. “Thanks. And, um, I never said this before, but it really means a lot to me that you all didn’t just, like, cast me aside after what I did to Pacey. I totally would’ve understood if you had. I did a terrible thing. You’ve been friends with him a lot longer, especially you, Joey, and I’m still kind of the new girl in town.”

“You’re _our_ friend, too, Andie,” Joey told her. “We all make mistakes and it’s not our place to judge.”

“She’s right,” Jen said. “We’ve all done things we deeply regret, things that hurt people we care about. We apologize and do what we can to make amends, and then we just move on and try to do better. That’s all we can really ask of each other. You deserve to be happy, Andie, and so does Pacey.” Beneath the blanket, she reached over and squeezed Joey’s hand. “We _all_ do.”

Hot tears pricked Joey’s eyes, and she curled herself into the fetal position, pulling the blankets over her shoulder. Andie then said goodnight and the room grew quiet. After several minutes she heard light snoring coming from the floor. She sighed, unable to sleep. The mattress dipped as Jen shifted onto her side and inched closer. “Are you all right, Joey?” she whispered.

“I don’t know,” she whispered back. “I don’t know what to think, or how to feel. When _he_ kissed me, he told me it was just a compulsive, hormonal impulse, but…”

“That’s what he said?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, what prompted him to say that? How did you react when it happened?”

She let out a quiet sigh of exasperation. “How do you think I reacted? I freaked out.”

“And that’s when he told you it was just an impulse?”

“…Yes.” Joey pursed her lips and chewed on the inside of the bottom one. “So, you think it was more than just an impulse?”

Jen was quiet for a moment. “I don’t think Pacey has a habit of kissing girls for no real reason. I also don’t think he would do something with the massive potential to turn his entire life upside down in a moment of… hormonal thoughtlessness. I’m willing to guess there had actually been a lot of thought behind it, if not in the moment, then for a long time beforehand.”

Joey frowned. “I guess… some things are starting to make sense, but I feel more confused than ever. I don’t want this to… I don’t want things to be awkward and uncomfortable. I don’t want to upset anyone. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.”

“What about your own feelings?” Jen asked.

“Maybe I’ll know once I figure out what they are,” she snarked. “Why did he have to go and do something like this? We were finally friends, real friends. I could count on him and go to him when I needed help. I could confide in him and just be myself around him, and now... I mean, I was perfectly happy with the way things were. I didn’t want or need anything else from him.”

Jen licked her lips and thought for a moment. “Were you?” She paused. “You didn’t?”

Joey buried her face in her pillow and groaned. “Someone just shoot me,” she said, her voice muffled by the fabric.

“I’m sure in time you’ll find the clarity you need,” Jen assured. “Don’t be too hard on yourself, okay?”

She didn’t reply and simply lifted her face from the pillow, hugging the blankets around her tighter. After a few moments of silence, she spoke again. “Thanks for listening, Jen. I’m sorry for biting your head off earlier.”

Jen smiled. “What are friends for? You know, I think Andie is right. We need to do this more often.”

“That would be nice,” she agreed. Once again, the bedroom became quiet, and soon she heard Jen’s slow, steady breathing along with Andie’s light snores. Not knowing how or when, at some point Joey fell asleep.

*****

He stood inside the convenience store, face to face with Joey. He desperately tried to think of a way to turn the situation into a joke but nothing came to mind. Instead, he apologized and told her she had been right about the kiss because of Dawson and the potential for disastrous consequences. He told her he’d been monumentally stupid and didn’t know what he’d been thinking.

Stupid, of course, but life would go on. He’d survived worse in his life than the fool’s broken heart he had now, one that was entirely his own doing. It would pass. He’d get over it. He ignored the fact that his feelings for Joey hadn’t diminished after nearly six months of unrequited longing. “I just wanted you to know it was an impulse, plain and simple,” he told her. “One that has left my body. Permanently. I promise.” He hoped the look on his face wasn’t transparent. He was lying, to her and to himself. He knew he was lying.

“It’s okay, Pacey,” Joey tried to assure him. “I mean, I totally overreacted. I mean, something isn’t a big deal unless you let it be. And… And it…” She lowered her gaze from his. “You know, it’s… It’s not a big deal. Why get so upset? I mean, it obviously meant nothing. Right?”

The small flicker of hope that she felt the same for him was instantly snuffed out. He averted his eyes from hers, forcing the pain away. “Right. Right because what I did was a mistake.”

“Right.”

“Right. Well, uh… I guess that puts us back to just being friends.” He held out his hand, and Joey shook it. “Definitely,” she said.

“Great,” he breathed, wishing the earth would open up and swallow him. He then muttered a feeble excuse about Buzz, sugar, and needing to get him home, and beat a hasty retreat from the convenience store.

April 10. He walked into the cafeteria on Monday, carrying his lunch tray, to find Joey was already sitting with Dawson. He sighed and turned away, spotting Andie and Jack at another table, and walked over to join them. Opening his bottle of lemonade, he glanced in Joey’s direction. For two people who were “definitely” friends, they sure were going out of their way to avoid each other. There was one thing he knew for sure: he was miserable without her. He missed her like a drowning man misses the air in his lungs.

_“Pacey!” _

Startled, he turned back sharply. “What, Andie?”

She stared at him, arching her brows. “Didn’t you hear me talking to you? I asked you how your weekend was.”

“Oh, well, you know…” He sighed, trying to shove Joey out of his thoughts. “On Saturday, I had Buzz with me. We worked on the boat until about three o’clock and then I went to work. Then I did the same thing all over again on Sunday.” He glanced between Andie and Jack. “And you guys? How was your weekend?”

“Good,” they answered in unison. “We went to Providence with Dad to see Mom and we also got to see my friend Kate,” Andie added. “When do you think you’ll be finished with the boat?”

“I expect to be finished in a week or two, and then I’ll test the waters,” he replied.

She smiled. “Oh, so, have you decided what poem you’re going to recite in Mr. Broderick’s class on Friday?”

He shook his head. “No, not yet.”

Andie frowned in disapproval. “Pacey, you have to make sure you have enough time to practice it. That means choosing a poem well in advance. You can’t just wing it. You know, pick one on Friday morning and then recite it in the afternoon. This is such an easy assignment for you. You’re a natural in front of an audience, and Mr. Broderick likes you. It’s an easy A. Just pick a poem that speaks to you personally and recite from the heart. You’ll easily convey the meaning.”

“Say ‘easy’ again,” he teased. She rolled her eyes and he chuckled.

Jack flipped open a textbook. “Did you guys do the history assignment yet? The one that’s due tomorrow?”

“The paper on Martin Luther King, Jr? I’m almost finished.” He took a swig of his lemonade. “The video store was dead on Sunday and I wrote most of it at work.”

“Hey, guys.”

He turned to see his best friend standing there. Andie and Jack said their hellos. His gaze was pulled to Joey, who walked up behind Dawson. Their eyes met and held for a moment before she quickly looked away. His guts twisted into knots. “You got any plans for spring break?” Dawson asked them.

Pursing his lips, he shook his head. Jack and Andie exchanged a brief look. “No,” they said.

“Well, my Aunt Gwen is selling her house,” continued Dawson. “She lives in Springfield. We used to spend a lot of time there during the summer when we were kids.”

“I remember,” he said, glancing at Joey again. Their eyes locked, but she wouldn’t maintain it for long, and quickly dropped her gaze from his.

Dawson smiled. “Yeah, well, she’s invited us to come for the weekend as a one last hurrah type thing before she moves. Do you guys want to come with us?” He motioned to Joey. “We’ll be leaving on Saturday—it takes about five hours to get there—and then we’ll come back on Monday.”

Andie smiled. “I’d love to. Jack?” Her brother nodded in agreement. “Yeah, sure,” he said. “Why not? Sounds like fun.”

“Pace?” his best friend prodded.

He looked at Joey again, staring at her shoes, her brows knitting. He frowned. “I’d love to, Dawson, but I think I’m gonna have to sit this one out. I’ve got Buzz on the weekends now, and I don’t want to just skip town when he looks forward to us hanging out. It’s important to him. Don’t want to let the kid down, you know?” He frowned again at Joey’s obvious look of relief, frustration rising up inside him.

Dawson pursed his lips, impressed. “Well, all right. I respect that. I do wish you’d change your mind, though. I understand if you don’t, but it’s an open invitation in case you do.”

“Thanks, man.” His gaze then collided with Joey’s. Affection and longing rose up sharply inside him, but his heart constricted, painfully reminding him that she didn’t feel the same way. He tried to ignore it. What a fool he was for thinking he could control his feelings for her, that they would simply pass and he would eventually move on. A sense of aching loss gnawed at him as he watched her walk away with Dawson.

On Friday, spring break anticipation had reached fever pitch. Students were restless, goofing off in class, and a spike in locker-related practical jokes was at an all-time high. In the afternoon, he walked out of math as the bell rang, Joey somewhere behind him, and started making his way to English. He soon met up with Dawson in the hall, heading in the same direction. They walked into the classroom, nodded and waved hello to Andie and Jack, and then took their usual seats with Jen. It was the only class he shared with Joey where she hadn’t opted to start sitting on the opposite side of the room. She sat directly in front of him and next to Dawson, and their friend surely would’ve noticed her abrupt change in seating.

After telling the class to settle down, Mr. Broderick sat back in the chair behind his desk and started calling out names of students in alphabetical order to come up front and recite their poems. He sat attentively, trying not to be distracted by the back of Joey’s head, and listened to poems about nature—trees and flowers and the ocean—poems about friendship and love, life and death. And then his teacher called out, “Joey Potter.”

Staring, he watched her stand up and walk to the front of the classroom, carrying a piece of lined paper in her hand. “Okay, Ms. Potter, what poem have you chosen to recite for us?”

“‘Fear’ by Raymond Carver,” she answered.

“Excellent choice,” Mr. Broderick replied.

She chewed her lip and pulled her hair behind an ear. “Yeah, well, I had this… friend… up in Boston and he helped me choose a poem weeks ago, but I realized the one I’d picked didn’t really speak to me. So, I ended up choosing this one recently, and haven’t had that much time to prepare and so I hope it’s—”

“Potter, you’re rambling,” their teacher said dryly. “I’m sure it’s fine. Go ahead.”

Joey cleared her throat. “Okay,” she breathed. “‘Fear.’” Then she began to recite her poem:

_Fear of seeing a police car pull into the drive.  
Fear of falling asleep at night.  
Fear of not falling asleep.  
Fear of the past rising up.  
Fear of the present taking flight.  
Fear of the telephone that rings in the dead of night.  
Fear of electrical storms.  
Fear of the cleaning woman who has a spot on her cheek!  
Fear of dogs I’ve been told won’t bite.  
Fear of anxiety!  
Fear of having to identify the body of a dead friend.  
Fear of running out of money.  
Fear of having too much, though people will not believe this.  
Fear of psychological profiles.  
Fear of being late and fear of arriving before anyone else.  
Fear of my children’s handwriting on envelopes.  
Fear they’ll die before I do, and I’ll feel guilty.  
Fear of having to live with my mother in her old age, and mine.  
Fear of confusion.  
Fear this day will end on an unhappy note.  
Fear of waking up to find you gone.  
Fear of not loving and fear of not loving enough.  
Fear that what I love will prove lethal to those I love.  
Fear of death.  
Fear of living too long.  
Fear of death._

_I've said that._

Joey lowered the paper, swallowing, and looked up. Their eyes met for a brief moment before she turned her attention to Mr. Broderick, who commended her for a job well done. Their teacher then asked her what the poem meant to her. “I think most of the time life has more fears than securities,” she answered. “And any of these fears can happen on a daily basis, and maybe sometimes all of them at once, especially the ones that are contradictory and just leave you feeling confused and unsure as to what you’re even truly afraid of.”

Mr. Broderick nodded appreciatively. “Nice job, Joey. You can sit down.”

He watched her as she made her way back to her desk. Their eyes locked briefly just before she turned to sit down in front of him, the butterflies erupting inside. He glanced up at the clock, more thankful than he’d ever been in his life that his name was Witter, and hoped the time would run out before Mr. Broderick got to him. No such luck.

“Pacey?” the teacher called out. “Do you have a poem prepared for us?”

“Yes, Mr. Broderick.” From behind his rectangular wooden desk, his English teacher curled his fingers and motioned him to come forward. He took a deep breath, feeling his face grow hot, and stood up from his seat. As he walked to the front of the class, he felt like his heart was in his throat.

“Okay, Mr. Witter, what do you have for us? I’m all a tingle.”

He almost smirked at his teacher’s dry delivery. “‘Just a Minute’ by Dr. Benjamin E. Mays.”

Mr. Broderick furrowed his brows, giving him a questioning look. “Is he a poet?”

“Not as his profession,” he explained. “He was a civil rights leader who was the president of Morehouse College when Martin Luther King, Jr. attended there. He gave the eulogy at King’s funeral.”

“Interesting choice, Mr. Witter.” Mr. Broderick leaned back in his chair and intertwined his fingers over his lap. “I’m ready when you are.”

He swallowed against a lump the size of a boulder and turned to face his classmates. He clenched his hands into fists, unsure of what to do with them, and then just held them behind his back. On his left, Andie gave him a smile and encouraging nod. Just behind her, Jack gave him a discreet thumbs up. He fought a smile, and glanced at Jen and Dawson, who smiled and leaned forward in their desks with keen interest. His gaze then locked on Joey’s, and this time she didn’t look away. He took a deep breath and, looking into her eyes, began to recite from memory, slowly, pausing dramatically after each line:

_I only have a minute,  
Sixty seconds in it.  
Forced upon me, I can’t refuse it,  
Didn’t seek it, didn’t choose it,  
But it’s up to me to use it.  
I must suffer if I lose it,  
Give an account if I abuse it.  
Just a tiny little minute,  
But eternity is in it._

Raw emotion welled up inside him. He remembered that early morning when he’d stood on the side of the road with Joey in the freezing cold, threw caution to the wind, and finally chose to act. His eyes still glued to hers, he watched them widen, saw her lips parting as she stared at him. Her brows knitted, and she lowered her gaze over her desk.

He looked over at Mr. Broderick who gaped at him as if dumbfounded. “Excellent work, Pacey. And what does this poem mean to you?”

Taking a deep breath, he thought for a moment. Once again, he glanced at Joey, and although her gaze was still directed downwards, he saw her blush. He cleared his throat. “Uh… Well, it means time is valuable and it shouldn’t be wasted. Even in just one minute, the choices we make in such a short period of time could affect the rest of our lives. So, we should make the most of every minute because we never know how our lives could change, or what we might lose out on if we don’t use the time we have wisely.”

Mr. Broderick stared at him and then nodded, silently motioning him to return to his seat. He walked down the aisle of desks and chairs, trying not to look at Joey, and then quickly sat down behind her. “Oh, Mr. Witter?” his teacher spoke from behind the desk. He looked over at him. “You just earned yourself an A+. Excellent job.” He smiled to himself, a sense of pride welling up inside him. “Okay, class, thank you for all your hard work on this unit,” Mr. Broderick continued. Suddenly the bell rang, dismissing 6th period, and students jumped out of their seats. “Enjoy your spring break,” he called out over the din.

Later that evening after he got out of work, he rode his bike to his house instead of going back to Doug’s. He laid his bike against the brick steps of the front porch and walked in the door. He glanced into the living room to see his three nieces on the floor with their toys, and went searching for his dad. He found him sitting in the back den watching TV and drinking beer. “Hey, Pop,” he greeted cautiously. “You wanted me to come home?”

John Witter tore his gaze from the TV and looked up at him standing there. “Hi, Pacey. Uh, yeah.” He looked back at the television. “Uh, could you go upstairs and talk to your sister? We can’t seem to get through to her. Your mother doesn’t know what else to do.”

Worry tightened his stomach. “What do you mean? What’s wrong with Carrie?”

“I don’t know, son.”

He walked out of the den and into the living room where his nieces were playing with Barbies. They giggled excitedly at his sudden appearance, and he got down on the floor with them. “How’s your mom doing, Piper?” he asked the eldest.

The five-year-old pulled on one of her pigtails and shrugged. “She’s sleeping.”

The clock on the wall told him it was only just past eight o’clock. “Sleeping, huh?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Mommy sleeps a lot,” said one of the twins.

He sighed, rubbing his fingers between his brows. “Okay. Uh, keep playing and I’ll be back down in a few minutes.”

Once upstairs, he knocked on the door to Gretchen’s old bedroom. “Carrie, it’s me,” he spoke through the barrier. There was no answer, but he opened the door and stepped inside. There were no lights on and he blinked, his eyes starting to adjust to the darkness as he flipped the light switch. He looked at the bed, where there was obviously somebody huddled beneath a bundle of blankets.

“Ugh, Pacey,” a voice mumbled. “Turn the light back off.”

“Sorry, no can do.” He walked over to the bed and threw the covers back. “What’s going on with you?”

Tears came to her eyes as his sister looked up at him. “Jerry filed for divorce,” she sniffled.

Sighing, he sat down on the side of the bed. “I’m sorry, Carrie.”

“I know I was the one who left him, and I know I was right to,” she said tearfully. “But I guess I was hoping he’d feel some sort of remorse and at least try to make an effort to put his family back together. He hasn’t spoken to me or the girls since I left, not even a phone call. They ask for their daddy all the time. It’s not fair to them. He doesn’t give a shit.”

“He was a jerk. He was not a nice guy, okay? You and the girls are better off without him around. If you were still living together, he’d just continue to treat you like crap, and then when the girls got older, he’d treat them like crap, too.”

“That’s what I get for marrying a guy just like Dad,” she grumbled.

He bit his tongue. “Look, your kids need you. They don’t have their father, so they need even more of your attention. Isolating yourself is only going to make this situation harder on them.” He thought of Buzz, and didn’t want the same for his nieces. “And do you really want the majority of their time to be spent with Mom and Dad? That wouldn’t be good for anyone. They’re downstairs playing with their dolls. Go down and play with them. Please?”

Carrie wiped her tears from her face and nodded. She sat up, took a deep breath, and he helped her climb out of the bed. “I’m sure I look like a train wreck,” she muttered as she got to her feet.

“Just pull a brush through your hair and you’ll be fine,” he encouraged.

He followed his eldest sister down the stairs and listened as the girls shouted, “Mommy! Mommy!” from the living room. He smiled to himself and then went back to the den. “Carrie’s in the living room playing with the girls. So, I, uh… I guess I’ll see you later, Pop.”

An awkward tension filled the air. John Witter cleared his throat and nodded, keeping his gaze on the television screen. “Yeah. Thanks for coming over, Pacey. Don’t forget to say hello to your mother.”

Just then the doorbell rang, and he turned from the den, his attention piqued. Soon his mother called out, “Pacey!”

He walked towards the front of the house where he saw his mom standing with the door open. There was a guy standing on the porch. As he got closer, he recognized him as one of his childhood friends who’d moved away to another town after third grade and recently applied for boarding school in an attempt to escape his violent father. “Will! What are you doing here, man?”

Will Krudski smiled and held out his hand. He shook it. “Hey, Pacey. Um, I hope it’s cool I showed up like this. I should’ve called, but…”

“It’s okay,” he reassured. “I’m just surprised to see you is all. What brings you back to Capeside?”

“Spring break. I didn’t want to stay at school. Some… stuff… is going down there I kind of wanted to get away from. I didn’t want to go home to my house, of course. I didn’t really know where else to spend the week. You were the first person I thought of.”

He smiled. “Hey, what are childhood best friends for, eh?” He glanced inside the house. “You really don’t want to stay here, though. I mean, I don’t even stay here. It’s a house full, a lot going on. But we can go to Doug’s place. That’s where I’ve been staying.”

An hour later, they were sitting on Doug’s couch, his brother only having put up a mild protest at having a guest stay for the week. “So, what are we gonna do this weekend?” Will asked.

The first thing that popped into his head was _True Love_ and Buzz and then his shifts at the video store. “Um…” He rubbed his chin, trying to think of something. “Well, I did have some stuff I had to do, like work. But, um…” He remembered Dawson’s open invitation to join him and their friends on that weekend trip to his aunt’s house. “Maybe I can get out of it. I’ll make some phone calls.”

After assuring Buzz that missing the weekend wouldn’t be a big deal since they both had spring break and could hang out all week, and then switching shifts with one of his co-workers, his weekend opened up. He felt a sense of relief. While several days off from school was always welcome, the thought of not seeing Joey until a week from Monday had been agonizing. No matter how frustrating and painful it was to be around her, knowing he could never have her, it didn’t compare to the misery of being without her.


	14. 2000 (Part Five)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Close your eyes, give me your hand, darling  
Do you feel my heart beating  
Do you understand  
Do you feel the same  
Am I only dreaming  
Is this burning an eternal flame_
> 
> _I believe it's meant to be, darling  
I watch you when you are sleeping  
You belong with me  
Do you feel the same  
Am I only dreaming  
Or is this burning an eternal flame_
> 
> _Say my name  
Sun shines through the rain  
A whole life so lonely  
And then come and ease the pain  
I don't want to lose this feeling_
> 
> _Close your eyes, give me your hand, darling  
Do you feel my heart beating  
Do you understand  
Do you feel the same  
Am I only dreaming  
Is this burning an eternal flame_

April 15. He stood outside the Leery’s house with Dawson, Andie, and Will as they arranged the luggage in the trunk of the SUV. Joey was standing there behind him, frowning. Things were still as painfully awkward as ever. He watched Will and Dawson maneuver everyone’s luggage, needing to put a couple bags in the third-row seat to make it all fit. “Geez, Andie, why did you pack so much when it’s only for the weekend?”

While she threw him a confused look, Dawson turned to him, eyes widening. “Oh, man. I didn’t tell you ‘cause I didn’t think you were coming, but the weekend trip has turned into an week-long trip. We’re not coming back until next Saturday. I’m sorry.”

“Oh.” He turned to glance at Joey, who wouldn’t meet his gaze. “Uh, well, I’ll just have to call Buzz and my boss, but I don’t mind. Will?”

“I’ve got nothing else going on this week,” his friend replied. “Whatever Pacey’s doing, I’m happy to do.”

Soon they were on the road, heading for a Podunk town somewhere outside Springfield. He sat behind Dawson, Andie and Will squeezing beside him. He again bemoaned her amount of luggage, leaving them little sitting room in the back. She rolled her eyes at his teasing and chose to give her full attention to Will instead. Occasionally during the drive, Joey would glance over her shoulder, their eyes would meet and hold, if only briefly, and he’d feel the tingling again, the surge of electricity race through his blood. After several hours, and a couple stops for food and gas, they arrived at Aunt Gwen’s house.

He and Joey barely spoke two words to each other all evening, and then when it was time to retire for the night, everyone else took up the sleeping bags on the floor. After some feeble attempts to change the sleeping arrangements, neither Will nor Dawson being agreeable, they resigned themselves to sharing the bed, naturally bickering as they did so. There was nothing to do except roll over and try to sleep. He tried, but it was useless. The ceiling above his head mocked him as he stared up at it. He lay awake, feeling tense, angry, confused, lonely, frustrated through half the night, aware of her heat, her nearness. He listened to Joey’s breathing. She wasn’t asleep either. He knew her that well.

On Sunday afternoon, not long after he and Will had returned from the pool hall, Aunt Gwen found him on the couch in the living room where the small group of friends were lounging in front of the television. “So, Pacey,” she said coyly. “I hear you’re a pretty good cook.”

_“You are?”_ Andie and Dawson said in unison, staring at him with looks of disbelief.

“Uh…” He glanced between them and Dawson’s aunt. “Who… Who told you that?”

Gwen smiled. “Joey did while we were at the grocery store. I could use some help in the kitchen. Dinner for six is no small task.”

Surprised to hear Joey would mention anything about him to Dawson’s aunt, he turned and caught her eye. She gave him an awkward smile and tucked her hair behind an ear. “Uh, sure. Happy to help.”

He got up off the couch and followed Gwen into the kitchen. She equipped him with a knife and he got to chopping vegetables. Once in a while he’d peer into the living room, where his friends watched TV, laughing and talking amongst themselves. He noticed Joey’s laugh wasn’t a real one, her smiles not genuine enough to reach her eyes, and they would quickly become frowns when she thought no one was looking. His heart sunk within him. Despite being hurt by her rejection, he still wanted to be around her, but it was obvious she felt very differently about his presence.

“So, Pacey, what’s your deal?” Aunt Gwen asked, pulling his attention from the living room.

_“My deal?”_ His brows furrowed.

“Yeah. You got yourself a girlfriend back in Capeside?”

Annoyance rose up inside him at the personal question. “No, I don’t. Why do you want to know?”

She shrugged. “Just curious. Gail had told me a while back that you had turned into—what did she call you—” Pausing, she thought for a moment and then laughed to herself. “Oh, yeah. She said Dawson told her you were being given Capeside’s Boyfriend of the Year Award, or something like that.”

He sighed, rolling his eyes. “Yeah, well… That was a long time ago.”

“So, who was the lucky girl?” Gwen asked.

Damn, this woman was nosy. “She’s sitting over there in your living room.”

She turned to look. A confused expression came across her face. “Not… not _Joey?”_

“No. Andie.”

Gwen breathed a sigh of relief. “Oh, good.” He frowned, the painting he saw of Dawson and Joey coming to mind. God forbid anyone come between her nephew and his soulmate. “So, any chance for you two to get back together?” she questioned.

He blinked at her. “No.”

“So, what happened between you two? Andie seems like a nice girl, and you’re not so bad. Never say never.”

Anger bubbled in his gut. He barely knew this woman. Biting the inside of his cheek, he fought hard not to be rude. “I mean no offense, Gwen, but what happened between me and Andie is our business and nobody else’s.”

She threw her hands up in surrender. “Fair enough.” Gwen paused, and then changed the subject. “So, Joey also tells me that you bought an old boat and named it _True Love?”_

“Uh, yeah. I did.”

“She said you did an amazing job,” Gwen continued. “That the boat was in shambles and now it’s beautiful. She seemed really impressed. I guess I’ll have to see this boat called _True Love_ next time I visit Capeside.”

He nodded and glanced into the living room, again surprised that Joey would not only be talking about him, but would be saying positive things. “Well, it’s not quite finished yet. I still have a little more work to do, and then I have to find out if she’s sea-worthy. I’ll be entering the annual regatta, and Gail’s restaurant is sponsoring me, actually.”

Gwen smiled excitedly. “She didn’t tell me that! I’ll have to ask my sister all about it next time I talk to her. Well, Pacey, I wish you luck with _True Love.”_

“Thanks.” He glanced at Joey again. Then he chopped the rest of the vegetables in relative peace without any more prying questions from Aunt Gwen. It wasn’t long before a pot roast and mashed potatoes were in the oven. They soon gathered around the dining room table. While they passed dishes around, Gwen started to prod Andie with the same sorts of questions she was giving him in the kitchen.

“I have to say, Andie, I’m surprised you’d let Capeside’s _Boyfriend of the Year_ get away,” Gwen teased, winking at Dawson, who turned toward him with an awkward half-smile and gave him an apologetic look.

Glaring at her, his jaw clenching, he set his fork down on the table and pursed his lips. Across from him, Andie frowned sadly. He stared at her until she met his gaze, and then shook his head, giving her a look of reassurance, silently telling her to pay no mind to Aunt Gwen. Her sad frown turned into a sad smile, which she quickly hid behind a mask of confidence. “I didn’t let him get away,” Andie replied matter-of-factly. “He’s sitting right here and he’s one of my good friends.”

He smiled at her, and then side-eyed Gwen, who suddenly had nothing more to say on the matter.

Later that night, he stood in the bathroom brushing his teeth when Joey walked in carrying her own toothbrush and toothpaste. “Oh, sorry,” she said, clearly startled, her face reddening in embarrassment. “I just wanted to brush my teeth. The door was open, and so I—”

He removed the toothbrush from his mouth and gave her a weak smile. “There’s two sinks here, Potter.”

Joey nodded slowly, took a deep breath, and then approached the sink. “Of course, we can share.”

“We’re already sharing a bed,” he quipped, looking at her in the mirror.

Her eyes flew to his and she blushed before quickly busying herself with the tube of toothpaste. The tension was so thick it could’ve been cut with a knife. She had told him the night before that there shouldn’t be any weirdness between them if what happened wasn’t a big deal, and he honestly didn’t want there to be weirdness either. He couldn’t help how he felt about her, nor could he control how hurt and frustrated her rejection made him feel. But if anyone was making it weird, it was her. If it wasn’t a big deal, why couldn’t she just go back to treating him the way she did before he ever kissed her?

She heaved a sigh, complaining, “Are we going to have to share the bed all week long?”

“Maybe you’re worried, with sharing a bed, you might be driven mad with lust for me,” he mocked dryly, eyeing her in the mirror to see her reaction.

Her eyes narrowed, her mouth curling into a sneer. “Hardly.”

“Then there’s no problem, is there?” he snapped.

She scowled and they started arguing again. He sighed, torn by his conflicting emotions. Every time his gaze met hers in the mirror, his heart turned over. And while a small part of him wanted to jump ship and get away from this thorny conversation, a much larger part wanted to stop the flow of words with his lips. But he’d learned a hard lesson in kissing Joey Potter unawares, and he had no desire to get punched again.

He walked into the guestroom hoping the second night of sleeping in the same bed wouldn’t be as difficult as the night before, but when he saw her brows knit in worry, seeing how unhappy she looked, he shook his head. Then he walked back around the bed and again tried to change the sleeping arrangements. “Will, let Joey use your sleeping bag, huh?”

His friend stared. “I’m comfortable right where I am, and I’m not getting in a bed with you, Pacey.”

He rolled his eyes and looked at Joey. “If Jackers had come, _he_ would’ve shared the bed with me,” he muttered. Her eyes sparkled and she fought back a smile. “And it wouldn’t have been a problem.”

“Andie, can you let Joey use your sleeping bag?” he whispered.

She stared at him, arching her brow. “You mean you want _me_ to sleep in the bed with you?”

He pursed his lips. “It’s nothing we haven’t done before, Andie.”

“Yeah, but…” She paused, thinking. “It would be too weird, Pacey. I know we’re friends now, but… I don’t think it’s a good idea. I’m sorry.”

“Okay. I understand. Let me use the sleeping bag and you can share the bed with Joey.”

Andie glanced at Will beside her on the floor. “But I’m comfortable here. I like the sleeping bag. Why can’t you and Joey just sleep in the bed? Why is this a problem?”

“Because she hates me!” he whispered dramatically. Next to him, Joey rolled her eyes, fighting another smile.

Dawson then walked into the room, saving him from having to give Andie a real answer. “Hey, man. Let Joey use your sleeping bag and me and you can share the bed.”

His best friend gave him an incredulous look. “I don’t think so, Pace. Guys don’t share beds.”

“Come on, Dawson,” he pleaded. “Okay, fine. I’ll take the sleeping bag and you can sleep in the bed with Joey.”

“That would be too strange,” Dawson said.

“What do you mean, _strange?_ You slept in the same bed for years and it was no big deal.”

Dawson glanced between him and Joey, who was chewing on her bottom lip. “Yeah, well, we were kids. That was then and this is now. Why exactly can’t you two sleep together? You did last night. What’s the problem?”

Before he could reply, Joey suddenly interjected, placing her hand on his arm and pulling him back. “You’re right, Dawson,” she voiced nervously. “Of course, there isn’t a problem. Why would there be a problem? It’s fine. Pacey’s just being silly.”

He glared at her as they started to move back towards the bed. “Oh, _I’m_ the one being silly?”

Her expression became a scowl. “Let’s just get some sleep, okay?” she murmured, throwing the covers back.

Getting into bed, he pulled the blanket over himself. Joey lay next to him, her back toward him, rigid. The tension was palpable. He’d dreamed of sharing a bed with her for so long. And under completely different circumstances. Rolling to his side, he stared at her back. He closed his eyes and focused on the sound of her breathing, the warmth of her body next to his, the sweet scent of her hair. Her breathing eventually slowed and he knew the exact moment she succumbed to sleep. He drifted off soon after.

On Friday morning, he woke to the sound of an alarm. It was coming from the small table on Joey’s side of the bed. It had been placed there the night before so she wouldn’t oversleep as she was supposed to go into Springfield with Dawson and Aunt Gwen. He hadn’t been pleased at the thought of being woken at six a.m. just so she could spend the entire day away from him, and he’d picked a stupid argument. They’d bickered again so badly as they got into bed last night that Dawson had finally told them to shut up or leave the room.

It was now six a.m. and the alarm had indeed woken him. However, the alarm apparently hadn’t woken Joey. Annoyed, he groaned and rolled over. He reached over her easily, his chest pressing against her back, his arm brushing along hers, surprised at the feel of her bare skin. She’d gone to bed wrapped up in a robe that she was now no longer wearing. His fingers moved towards the buzzing alarm and he smacked it, shutting it off. Then he pulled his arm back, again brushing the soft skin of her arm. Heaving a sigh, he rolled over and put his back to her, quickly falling asleep.

In the afternoon, after Andie had finally been convinced to go to the pool hall with him and Will to humorous results, they headed back to Gwen’s house. Once again, he was roped into being her prep cook and went to work alongside her in the kitchen. While they sat around the dinner table, she was saddened by the fact they’d all be leaving tomorrow and shared more of her favorite memories of Dawson and Joey and their many trips to her house over the years, and often sprinkled in her own opinions about their relationship—_perfect, magical, destined_. It was all he could do to keep seated at the table when what he really wanted was to run from the room.

“Friday night,” Aunt Gwen then announced in a sing-song voice. “You know what that means…!”

Dawson groaned. Joey giggled at his misery. “Karaoke!” she exclaimed.

Andie and Will cleared off the table and did the dishes. It wasn’t long before Aunt Gwen’s karaoke machine was pulled from a closet and set up in the living room. Unexpectedly, he found himself having fun. That is, until Gwen got Dawson and Joey to stand up and sing a duet of “Daydream Believer.” Watching them together made him tense, reminded him of what he could never have, and made him feel even more alone. Even if Doug and Gretchen were right—that Joey felt something for him, too—there was no way that _something_ stood a chance. Dawson was such a huge part of Joey’s life that she’d never risk all that history for _him_. He was a fool for ever thinking he had a shot, even if it was only a shot in the dark. He couldn’t stand it, and got up and left.

Joey soon followed him outside, and, naturally, they started arguing. The tension had reached a breaking point and he couldn’t keep quiet about it any longer. She seemed just as confused as ever, which only frustrated him even more. This whole they’re-_definitely_-friends-but-avoid-each-other-as-though-their-lives-depended-on-it arrangement sucked. It was driving him nuts. It was uncomfortable and weird, he hated every single second of it, and he told her so.

“Then why did you come here, Pacey?”

_Unbelievable._ “You know, for a bright girl, you can be really daft sometimes,” he replied, standing up from the rocking chair. He was done skirting around it. He was just going to speak the truth. “Why do you think I came here? I came here to be with you!” Joey stared up at him, her eyes wide. “It’s as simple as that. I mean, when you like somebody, proximity is a good thing, regardless of how they feel about you. Or _don’t_, as the case may be.”

He started to walk away. There, he’d laid it out. He was done acting like what had happened three weeks ago was no big deal. That it was just a meaningless impulse. It wasn’t, and now she knew the truth.

“I felt it.”

He stopped in his tracks and turned around. _Felt…?_ She was gazing at him with this… _look_ on her face. “What?”

“This morning,” Joey revealed. “Your arm brushed up against me in bed, and… and I felt it.”

He’d told her the truth, and now he wanted her to finally do the same. “How did it feel?”

Her eyes were shiny. She hesitated, and then… “It made me feel alive.”

The butterflies erupted in his stomach. His heart started pounding beneath his ribs. _Oh, God._ Was this really happening? “Okay.” He rubbed his hands together. There was honestly only one thing to do at this point, but he didn’t want to get punched. He was going to warn her and give her a chance to stop him ahead of time. “Joey… I’m going to kiss you now.”

“You can’t,” she protested.

He started moving towards her. “Look, Jo, you can’t say something like that to me and expect me _not_ to kiss you.” He kept walking, keeping his hands up, the memory of her last freak-out fresh in his mind. “So, that’s exactly what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna kiss ya in about 10 seconds. And if you don’t want me to kiss you…” He paused, stepping closer. “Well, if you don’t want me to, I guess then you’re just gonna have to stop me.”

Joey took a deep breath and looked down, nervously playing with her fingers. He slowly, cautiously, closed the distance between them, counting inside his head. She then lifted her doe eyes to his face, and what he saw in their depths was all he needed. She wouldn’t be hitting him this time.

“Ten.”

He held her face in his hands and lowered his mouth to hers, brushing a simple, gentle kiss on her lips. She held his waist and opened to him, turning the simple kiss into something deeper. Bolts of electricity shot down his spine. It was like nothing he’d ever known, and everything he’d always wanted. His hands dropped from her face to pull her closer and then he heard the sound of someone clearing their throat behind him.

They froze. “Oh, my God,” Joey whispered. His stomach tightened into knots of guilt as his mind immediately thought of the worst. He didn’t want to turn around and see Andie standing there—the look on her face would kill him—and he didn’t want to see Dawson either. He had the feeling it was Gwen, which wasn’t good, but at least it wasn’t the worst possible scenario. “Pacey,” Joey whispered again. His heart sinking at the sound of panic in her voice and the fearful look in her face, he braced himself and turned around.

Aunt Gwen was staring at them, unamused, but silent. He could tell when his presence was unwanted. After making some feeble excuse about wanting to sing some more karaoke, he went back inside the house. He found Dawson and Will actually packing up the machine, and was at least thankful he wouldn’t have to endure anymore karaoke while Joey was saying who knows what to Gwen outside.

He parked himself on the couch while everyone else was somewhere else. He wondered if Aunt Gwen would tell Dawson. Guilt plagued him at the thought. The panic in Joey’s voice and the fear written across her face at being caught went around and around his head. Doubts welled up inside him again. Twice now, she’d let him kiss her, but he still didn’t know how she truly felt about him. Clearly, whatever she felt wasn’t strong enough to keep from panicking about being found out. He wasn’t sure she had the guts to tell Dawson, or ever would. But tell him what exactly? That _he_ made her feel alive? And then what? She was probably too afraid to call it anything else.

After a little while, Andie found him and tried to give him a pep talk. He was surprised to learn she liked Will, and even more surprised to learn that it didn’t bother him at all. Will was a great guy. He’d be good to Andie. And even though she said they should be honest about moving on with other people and that she wanted him to be happy, something still told him she wouldn’t react well to him and Joey being together. Something in her voice and the way she looked at him told him that she wouldn’t be nearly as unbothered by it as he was about the idea of her and Will.

And what would he even say to Andie? That Joey let him kiss her twice, but she keeps freaking out and this thing between them is probably never gonna get off the ground because she’s too afraid to let it? Whatever this thing was?

“Well, I’m gonna get ready for bed,” Andie told him. “It’s getting late, and we have a long drive tomorrow. Are you glad to be going home?”

“Is it that obvious?” he grinned. He couldn’t wait to get the hell out of this house.

Andie smirked and stood up. “Goodnight, Pacey.”

He sighed, again contemplating whether he should tell her about Joey and again deciding against it. “Goodnight, Andie.”

Sometime later, he went to the guestroom to find Andie, Will, and Dawson in their usual spots on the floor, cocooned in their sleeping bags. They were asleep. The bed was still made up, and Joey was nowhere to be seen. There was no way in hell she’d want to sleep next to him now, he thought bitterly, and left the bedroom. He went outside and got a fire going in the pit out behind the house.

It wasn’t long before Joey found him out there. Another frustrating conversation ensued. To his surprise, she told him she had tried to tell Dawson. She didn’t get far because apparently, she had no idea what to say. Because she had no idea how she feels. He knew somewhere inside she knew exactly how she felt. She was just too afraid to admit it. He couldn’t keep doing this with her. He couldn’t keep kissing her while she just stands there, passively allowing it and then doing nothing about it except panic. “I can’t be the one that’s always initiating this,” he told her. “I can’t be the one who’s always giving you the answers.”

Her eyes became wet and she lowered her gaze, fighting back the tears.

“Look at me, Joey.”

“I can’t,” she said, her voice thick with emotion.

“Please.” She had told him she feels awful, but so did he. He knew she was scared, but so was he. He felt sick over Dawson and Andie finding out. The thought of hurting them tore him up inside. But he _loved_ Joey. It was that simple. And if she felt the same way he did, she wouldn’t be able to stand not being together. The distance between them would be tearing her up even worse than the possibility of hurting their friends.

Joey took a deep breath, and steeling herself, she looked up at him. Tears had brimmed over and fallen.

“If you felt even one shred of what I feel for you, then we wouldn’t be standing here having this conversation.” He couldn’t keep doing this to himself. Whatever she felt for him, it obviously wasn’t stronger than the fear. He started to walk away.

“Pacey,” she whispered, suddenly turning and grabbing his hand, preventing him from walking away.

He stared down at their hands and then his eyes locked on hers. He couldn’t seem to breathe. Breathing didn’t seem to matter anyway. All that mattered were those mesmerizing brown eyes. Eyes that were saying something his heart longed to hear. She was looking at him in a way she had never looked at him before. He couldn’t look away. How could he when she was holding onto his hand and looking at him like that?

Time stilled as she moved forward, his breath hitched, and suddenly her mouth was on his. _She_ was kissing him. Joey Potter was kissing _him_. It was like a dream come true. A dream that he’d put out of his mind for years. A dream he’d thought would never happen. But here it was, within his grasp. He savored the feel of her lips, all soft and pliant and warm. His hands went around her, holding her against him. He could feel the heat of her body against his. Nothing could be more real than this.

He responded to her kiss; his breathing quickened as her fingers slid back through his hair to pull him closer. He swayed for a moment, drowning in her sweetness. His hands then gripped her waist, and when he heard a soft moan escape her throat as he pulled her hips against his, he thought his heart would explode. In that moment, he started to believe that Joey might actually want to be with him as much as he ached to be with her. And he knew, as he’d somehow known deep down for as long as he could remember, that there was _something_ between them, something that could no longer be denied.

She broke the kiss, pulling away from him slightly, and looked up at him. Her eyes filled with softness. “Do you still want to know how I feel?” she said. He gazed down at her, overwhelmed by emotion, swallowing against the tightness in his throat, and nodded. Joey took his hand in hers and placed it over her heart; the quickened thump beneath his palm matched the pounding of his own. “This is how you make me feel, Pacey.”

His heart swelled. Taking her hand, he pressed it flat against his chest. He could feel the warmth of her palm as his heart hammered against his ribs. “This isn’t a hormonal glitch,” he murmured softly. “It’s not an impulse. And believe me, it’s _not_ fleeting. It never was. I’ve felt this way for a long time, Jo.”

She let out a shuddering breath and then leaned in towards him, her arms going around his shoulders. “Pacey,” she sighed into his ear. He could feel her body against his, the smooth arch of her back, the pressure of her arms around his neck, her breasts against his chest. His arms wrapped around her and he hugged her close.

In no hurry to return to the house, they then sat together by the fire. Joey reached underneath his arm, taking his hand and threading their fingers. He looked down at the smaller hand entwined with his. Raw emotion welled up inside him. Turning to gaze at her, he wanted more than anything to tell her that he loved her, tell her just how much and for just how long he had loved her. But he knew she wasn’t ready to hear that. This was still too new, too complicated, and he thought better of telling her something she more than likely wouldn’t say back to him. At least right now. He hoped he’d be given the chance to tell her in the near future, hoped that in time she would be able to say it back.

Her brown eyes filled with tenderness under his gaze. Joey then kissed him again, soft lips brushing his, and he opened his own to kiss her back. And just like that, the weird awkwardness and uncomfortable tension that had suffocated them for the past three weeks was gone, and everything felt natural. Everything felt right. He belonged with her and she belonged with him; he knew it to the depths of his soul. Holding his hand in both of hers, she laid her head on his shoulder. They remained by the fire until the last ember burned out.

It was after midnight when they walked back inside the house. All was dark and quiet. He changed into pajama bottoms and a tank top, and then walked into the bathroom to brush his teeth. While he squeezed his toothpaste onto the brush, Joey walked in, also clad in pajama pants and a tank top, and closed the door behind her, locking it. His heart started beating a little faster.

Wordlessly, she stepped further into the room and stood beside him in front of the other basin. She applied toothpaste to her brush and then their eyes locked in the mirror. He realized he had stopped what he was doing to watch her and returned to his task. It felt intimate and quietly domestic, like they were an old married couple, and he relished every second of it. They brushed their teeth side by side at the bathroom sink, their eyes often meeting in the mirror. The atmosphere subtly changed. The air between them became charged with a completely different kind of tension.

After they rinsed the toothpaste from their mouths, he turned to face her. Joey’s eyes heated, her gaze falling to his mouth, and then she pushed him against the wall, bringing her lips to his in a kiss that started hot and then blazed higher, almost instantly. Her hands gripped his shoulders. Blood pounding in his ears, he ran his tongue against her bottom lip and her mouth opened in response. She kissed him harder, growing more daring, and her tongue brushed lightly against his. He groaned against her mouth—he couldn’t help it. She tasted like mint and sugar, and something that was uniquely her, something rich and warm and intoxicating.

He moved his hands from behind her back to around her waist and pulled her flush against him. Joey moaned into his mouth and then suddenly pulled back, abruptly breaking the kiss, her eyes wide and dilated. She teetered, off-balance, and gasped for breath. “Pacey,” she breathed. “You're making me crazy. This… This is crazy.”

Breathing hard, he tried to ignore the heat in his groin and the muscles tightening in the pit of his stomach. Doubts started to resurface, his chest filling with worry that she might change her mind about this—about him. “But… it’s a good crazy, right?” he asked tentatively.

Joey smiled and once again moved closer, wrapping her arms around his waist and resting her head on his shoulder. He could feel the warmth of her breath on his neck. “Yes,” she whispered against his skin.

He filled with relief, the knots of worry dissipating inside, and wrapped his arms around her. Holding her close, he could feel her heart pounding against his. She was tall, like him, and he could feel every bit of her against every bit of him, a perfect fit. They held onto each other for several minutes as their breathing returned to normal. He then took her by the hand and led her out of the bathroom. Their hands let go once they reached the guestroom door. They quietly stepped inside the dark room and listened to the light snores of their friends inside their sleeping bags. Guilt instantly twisted his guts at the sight of Dawson and Andie, peacefully unaware of what had just occurred in the bathroom and outside earlier.

He and Joey climbed into bed, the first night since their arrival at Aunt Gwen’s that they’d done so without complaint or argument. They lay facing each other; the moon had risen high in the sky, bright and almost full, shining through the window and illuminating the room. He traced a finger along her cheek. She inched closer and their legs tangled. He could see the gleam of her eyes, the curve of her face, the shape of her lips. They gazed at one another. He smiled, happiness lighting his eyes. Her smile was giddy, radiant, and she tried to duck her head to hide it but failed. Beneath the covers, she put her hand in his, threading their fingers.

Though he needed to get some sleep, he didn’t want to close his eyes, didn’t want to miss a minute of this. He didn’t want to wake up in the morning and find it had all been a dream that would slip through his fingers the moment he opened his eyes again. He fought it, but realized it was a losing battle. His eyelids grew heavy and drowsiness began to pull him under as he watched Joey’s own eyes drift closed, a faint smile upon her lips and her hand still holding his. The words _I love you_ rolled about silently within his thoughts as if they were the waves of the sea rocking him to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those readers wanting to know what was going on inside Joey's head during these events, she will reveal all in a future chapter.


	15. 2000 (Part Six)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Send me a sign, let me know  
Give me a time, a place I should go  
Reach inside, watch me grow  
See me rise_
> 
> _Scene of the crime, star of the show  
If you were mine, then we would know  
That peace of mind and seeds that we sow  
Are intertwined_
> 
> _We almost made it  
But making it is overrated_
> 
> _Scene of the crime, friend or foe  
I've got a body to hide, you've got a body on show  
And with our bodies entwined we will know  
Paradise_
> 
> _Scene of the crime, go with the flow  
Take it fast, take it slow  
Stay blind, so I don't know  
What's right_
> 
> _Our breath evaporates before our eyes  
The ground beneath that shakes under our weight  
We almost made it  
Making it is overrated_
> 
> _Scene of the crime..._

April 22. When he woke, he saw Joey beside him, her head resting on his arm. A warm glow filled his heart. He moved slightly and her eyes flickered open. For a moment he wondered if she’d panic again, if she’d regret what had happened last night, but when she met his gaze, a smile spread across her face and he beamed. The door then opened, and noticing how close she was to him, her eyes widened and she slid backwards, creating distance between them. He groaned, and pulled the covers over their heads. Her eyes sparkled humorously beneath the blanket.

Will chuckled as he stepped into the bedroom. “Ooh, they’re still not out of bed. You know, for two people who put up such a fuss about having to share a bed every night, they sure don’t ever want to get out of it in the morning.”

Joey’s eyes held his gaze and they grinned sheepishly at the astute observation.

“Pacey, are you seriously still asleep?” Andie questioned in an incredulous tone. “It’s almost ten o’clock. We have to get this show on the road pretty soon.”

“Hey, you guys coming down for breakfast or what?” Dawson asked as he walked into the room. “Aunt Gwen is putting on a big spread before we leave. Fuel for the journey, she said. Hurry up and get dressed.”

At the sound of Dawson’s voice, Joey frowned, her brows knitting with worry. He threw the covers off them. “All right, all right,” he said, “I’m getting up,” and swung his legs out and over the side of the bed.

It wasn’t long before he was carrying both his and Joey’s bags down the stairs. He deposited them by the front door and then joined his friends and Gwen at the dining table, Joey taking the seat across from him. Gwen eyed him knowingly. He shifted uncomfortably in his chair. “Well, it’s about time, you two,” Dawson said by way of greeting.

He glanced at Joey, fighting a smirk as he poured himself a glass of orange juice. She averted her eyes from his and reached for one of the platters of food, sliding some bacon onto her plate. Once they’d all finished eating, Dawson and Will began packing the car with everyone’s luggage while he stood at the kitchen sink washing the breakfast dishes. He listened as Joey and Andie walked out the front door to join the others. Gwen approached the counter and started putting the clean glasses away.

“Look, Pacey,” she began tentatively. “I wasn’t going to say anything because it’s not my place, but I think I should give you some friendly advice. You seem like a really nice young man and it sounds like you have a lot going for you. But about Joey… You should really know that she and Dawson are—”

What? Soulmates? “Aunt Gwen,” he said, interrupting her and placing the last of the washed silverware in the drying rack. “I want you to know that I appreciate being invited on this trip. I appreciate all your hospitality and that you allowed us to spend spring break here, even those of us who you didn’t even know. It was very nice of you and you were a gracious host. But, with all due respect, I’m not going to talk about Joey with you.” He tossed the damp sponge next to the faucet. “You’re right, it’s not your place. And I feel like I should give _you_ some advice. Maybe you shouldn’t concern yourself with the love lives of teenagers.”

With that, he walked out of the kitchen and through the front door, joining his friends outside. They soon all said their goodbyes to Aunt Gwen, Joey rather awkwardly so. He gave her a tight smile and a curt nod and then got into the back behind Dawson, Andie and Will squeezing in beside him once again while Joey climbed into the front passenger seat. Gwen waved as they pulled out of the driveway.

Dawson then made for the Massachusetts Turnpike, the windy roads from Gwen’s house full of turns and hills. After they’d driven about 25 miles, before even reaching the highway, Andie groaned and closed her eyes. He turned to look at her. “You okay, McPhee?” he asked.

“I’m going to be carsick,” Andie said, her eyes still closed. “Right now.”

“Me, too,” Will added.

His friend’s face had a green tinge to it. “Dawson, man, pull over,” he begged. “I think Andie and Will are gonna throw up and you know I’m a sympathetic vomiter. Things could get real ugly back here.”

His best friend threw a look of alarm at him in the rearview mirror. Dawson then slowed the SUV and pulled over to the side of the road. Will flung open the car door, and he and Andie piled out of the back, losing what was in their stomachs as they went. At least that was what they were supposed to do: lose it outside the car. Dawson and Joey made grossed-out sounds, turning their heads away.

“I can’t be sick in front of strangers,” Andie moaned, doubled over.

“What are you talkin’ about?” he asked from where he still sat in the back seat. “There aren’t any strangers here.”

“The people driving by, Pacey! What will they think?!”

He shook his head, rolling his eyes. “They don’t know you. What do you think they’re gonna do? Call up the Harvard admissions office and tell them they saw one Andrea McPhee puking on the side of the road in the middle-of-nowhere Massachusetts?”

Will was still losing it. Grimacing, Joey unbuckled her seat belt. “I need some fresh air.”

“The air ain’t so fresh out there, Potter,” he quipped.

She laughed and got out of the car. Soon they were all standing on the side of the road. He and Dawson fell into a fit of laughter for a good five minutes over the situation, at the sight of Will doubled over, Andie still complaining that people driving by could see her, and Joey just aimlessly milling about and getting a breath of fresh air. “Life is never dull, Pace,” his best friend chuckled.

Guilt immediately twisted his insides. “No, Dawson, it isn’t.”

It wasn’t long before Andie and Will straightened up, the worst of it over. He handed them a water bottle to rinse out their mouths. “Thanks,” Andie said.

“No, thank _you_ for not puking in the car,” he replied.

“I don’t think I can sit in the back anymore,” Will muttered.

Dawson nodded. “What about you, Andie?”

She handed Will the water bottle. “I think if I lay down a little while, I’ll be fine.”

Joey stepped closer, coming up to stand near him. His heart started beating a little faster. “Will should sit up front,” she proposed. “Andie can lay down in the middle. There’s a third-row seat. I bet if we tried, we could get all the bags to fit in the trunk to make room.”

She started to walk towards the back of the car, her arm brushing his as she went past, and he felt a streak of heat race through him like lightning. It had been over ten hours since they’d kissed, since he’d held her in his arms and felt her warmth pressed against him. It was ten hours too long. He followed her behind the car. He and Joey then rearranged all their bags so that every piece fit in the trunk, freeing up the third seat.

Joey climbed into the far back and he got in beside her while Will hopped in the front seat and Andie lay down. They sat close together, their arms and thighs touching. In an ideal world, they’d be alone in that back seat, and he could throw his arms around her and pull her onto his lap. He pushed the lustful fantasy from his mind. Discreetly, she took his hand and squeezed. He smiled and felt the warm glow spread from his heart through his whole body.

They arrived back in Capeside later that afternoon, and a feeling of unease began to well up inside him. He felt as if he was now waiting for the other shoe to drop. Spring break was over, and it was back to the reality of their lives and the complications that lay ahead of them. Their first stop was the bus station, where Will was catching his ride back to New Raleigh, and then Andie was dropped at her house. Dawson shortly after pulled up outside Doug’s apartment building. In the far back seat, he squeezed Joey’s hand before climbing out. After thanking Dawson for the invitation and saying he’d see him in school on Monday, he started walking towards the building entrance.

He pulled out his key and opened the door to his brother’s apartment. As he stepped inside, he found Doug walking out of the bedroom, buttoning up his uniform. “Hey, little brother,” he greeted. “Welcome back.”

“Hey, Dougie.” His bag dropped to the floor. “You going to work?”

“Yeah. It’s my turn for weekend duty. I’ve got evening shifts. So, how was spring break?”

He had no idea how to answer that question. “Uh, well, me and Will had fun playing pool and conning the locals out of their money.”

Doug nodded as he shrugged on his coat. “Admirable,” he snarked. “And being with Dawson and Joey all week?”

“It had its gag-worthy moments, to be honest,” he said. “Did you know they have their very own karaoke routine?”

“I’m sure that wasn’t pleasant to watch,” his brother sympathized.

Not making eye contact he picked up his bag and walked into the living room. “Believe me, Dougie, it wasn’t.”

He wasn’t sure why he couldn’t tell his brother the complete truth. After all, it was Doug who first told him that Joey must have feelings for him, but the sense of unease had settled in the pit of his stomach. He knew he was going to have to tell Dawson, and soon. He hoped and prayed his budding relationship with Joey would survive the confession, but a nagging feeling in the back of his mind told him there was a possibility it might not. It scared him. He didn’t want to tell Doug about the amazing thing that had happened between him and Joey at Aunt Gwen’s if it was just going to blow up in his face.

“Oh, by the way, there are at least 10 messages for you on the answering machine from Buzz,” his brother said before going out the door.

After he listened to Buzz’s messages and called him back, making plans to spend the day together on Sunday, he turned on the TV. He flipped through channels, not settling on anything. Hours passed and the afternoon turned into evening. He paced the apartment, feeling restless and full of nervous energy. The ten o’clock news came on the television. He wanted to be with Joey. He wanted to know what she was thinking, how she was feeling. He wanted to hold her in his arms and tell her he loved her. He wanted to hear her tell him the same—that she loved him, needed him. He wanted to feel her mouth open under his, inviting him in. He wanted to sleep next to her like he’d done for the past week.

A shot of heat fired deep inside him at the thought. Pursing his lips, he sat on the couch and stared at the cordless phone. He really wanted to hear her voice at the very least. As if he’d summoned her just by thinking it, the phone began to ring. He jerked up and stared at it for a moment before answering.

“Hello?” he said.

“Hi, Pacey.”

“Hey, Jo.” The butterflies came to life at the sound of her voice. “I was just thinking about you.”

“You were? Good things, I hope,” she said.

Warmth spread through him at the suggestiveness in her tone. “Maybe,” he teased.

“That’s all the answer I’m going to get?” she replied.

“So, what’s up? Why are you calling?” He wanted to change the subject because he knew if she really started asking him questions, he’d just come right out and make all sorts of declarations. He knew it wasn’t the right time, and he also didn’t want to do that on the phone.

“Do I need a reason to call you?”

He hesitated. “Uh, well, no. I guess not. But something must’ve made you pick up the phone and—”

“I just wanted to hear your voice, Pacey.”

“Oh.” He swallowed, emotion rising up inside him. The fear lessened.

She scoffed, but then grew quiet for a moment. “I hope that’s all right.”

_“All right?_ Are you kidding me, Jo? It’s better than all right. I like to hear your voice, too.”

“I’ll be sure to call you more often then,” she said, sounding pleased. She paused, and he smiled into the phone. “What happened at Aunt Gwen’s… I wasn’t just dreaming it? Or hallucinating? That really did happen, right?”

“Yes, Jo. It happened.” Was this the real reason she’d called? Reassurance?

“When can I see you again, Pacey?” Her voice had dropped to just below a whisper.

“Miss me already, Potter?”

“I will neither confirm nor deny. But seriously, Pace… I need to see you.”

“Well, uh…” He felt warm all over at the sound of yearning in her voice, but he grinned and decided to tease her. “We’ll see each other in Homeroom on Monday morning, I suppose.”

“Not until Monday?” Joey complained. “Do you have to work tomorrow?”

“Yeah, but I don’t go in until four,” he said. “I have Buzz with me during the day, though.”

“What are you going to be doing with Buzz?”

“Working on _True Love_,” he answered. “There’s a few things I gotta finish up. You can come hang out with me and Buzz, if you want, while we ready her for the regatta. When I win, you and me can go out and celebrate.”

“You sure sound confident, Pacey.”

“Just wishful thinking. If I win, will I get a victory kiss?”

“Maybe,” she answered coyly.

He grinned. “And what are _you_ going to be doing tomorrow? Have you decided what you want to paint on your wall yet?”

“No,” Joey said and heaved an exasperated sigh. “I really want to paint, but I just… I guess I need some inspiration.”

“I’m sure it’ll come to you,” he encouraged. “Just be patient.”

“When do you get out of work on Sunday?” she asked, abruptly changing the subject. “Maybe we could go see a movie or something.”

“You just want to get me alone in a dark theater and have your way with me, don’t you, Potter?” The sound of her laughter made his heart swell. He’d always loved making her laugh. “Well, to answer your question, I’m closing. So, I don’t get out until ten o’clock.”

“Oh. Okay.”

He heard the disappointment in her voice and couldn’t help but smile. “So, I’ll see you on Monday, yeah?”

She sighed. “Yeah.”

He bit his lip to keep himself from laughing. “But I’ll call you tomorrow, Jo. I promise.”

“…Okay. Well, I’ll talk to you later, I guess.”

“Yep. Talk to you later. Bye, Jo.”

“Bye, Pace.”

He hung up the phone and laughed to himself. Hurrying off the couch, he put on his coat and walked out the door. Once he unlocked his bike from the rack outside the apartment building, he rode for the Potter’s house.

When he got to their driveway, he hopped off his bike and parked it beneath a tree. He walked around to the back of the house to Joey’s bedroom window. The light was on and the curtains were open. He stood there for a second, just watching her sit at her desk. She was writing in what looked like a journal. Her hair was up in a ponytail. And she looked so sexy in those pajamas. He smiled, wondering if she ever wrote about him, or was writing about him now. He finally tapped on the window to get her attention.

Joey’s head snapped up and her eyes widened at the sight of him. She hurried towards him and he could see the joy in her face. He could also see that she wasn’t wearing a bra. She raised the window. “What are you doing here, Pacey?”

“You said you needed to see me, Jo.” He shrugged. She gave him a shy smile. “Can I come in?”

She chewed on her lip, glancing around the room, her gaze fixing briefly on her bed before she looked at him again. “I should come out there, I think.”

Smiling, he grabbed her hand to pull her out the window.

“Wait, Pacey. I should change.” She pulled at her body-hugging tank top to imply she wasn’t presentable.

“No!” He whispered desperately. “I like it.” He smirked and pulled on her hand again.

“Okay.” She grinned back at him, blushing.

He smiled to himself as he watched her climb out the window. She was beautiful. He knew what lay ahead of them would be rough, on the both of them, and he wanted to savor these moments before they inevitably hit stormy waters when they told Dawson. “How are you?” he asked.

Joey pulled him to her, kissing his lips passionately, and his heart started thundering against his ribs. He felt a surge of hope so great it almost made him dizzy. Maybe her feelings for him were just as strong as his for her. Maybe things would turn out all right when their friends found out about them. Maybe they’d make it. Maybe she loved him.

“I’m good,” she finally answered. “How are you?” She kissed him again, lingering longer than necessary.

“Never been better.” He smirked at her as he kissed her, backing her up against the wall of her house. She gasped lightly and then grinned up at him. He kissed her again. He broke away and smiled at her a moment, both his hands resting on the wall on either side of her.

“So, what have you been doing today since you got home?”

He leaned down and kissed her. “Thinking about you.”

Joey moved closer to him, her hands going to his shirt, sliding up his chest and around his neck. She kissed his chin softly. “I’ve been thinking about you, too, Pacey,” she whispered, her brown eyes sparkling.

“You don’t say,” he smirked and pressed his mouth to hers.

She pulled back and looked up at him. “I tried to tell Dawson again.”

His stomach twisted. “You did? When?”

“After we dropped you off this afternoon,” she said. “We were alone in the car and… I tried to tell him, Pacey.” Her chest moved as she breathed deeply. “But then I just felt so guilty. I felt like if I told him then, it would ruin the whole week we’d had, the entire trip, and I couldn’t do that to him. It just wasn’t the best time to say anything. I thought maybe I’d give it a couple days.”

He rested his forehead against hers and they were nose to nose, breath to breath. He stayed like that for a few seconds. It wasn’t going to be easy, for either of them, to break this news to Dawson. But was it at all possible their best friend would handle it with maturity and respect for their autonomy? That he’d be accepting or understanding, even if begrudgingly? That he actually wouldn’t wig out like a self-involved drama queen and hate him forever?

Memories flashed before his eyes. Dawson picking that stupid fight in the roller rink parking lot after Joey’s birthday party. The look Dawson gave him when he’d spun the bottle and it landed on Joey. A basketball being thrown at his face. The drunken rant at Dawson’s 16th birthday party. The night Dawson caught him and Joey at the dance studio.

She moved closer and kissed his frown away, the memories quickly fading. “Bessie’s asleep and we have an hour before Bodie comes home from work,” she murmured against his lips. She glanced up at him a moment, grinning before she kissed him again passionately.

His mouth then moved from her lips, kissing along her jawline. He smiled at the soft mewling sound she made. “An hour, huh? What do you wanna do?” 

She tilted her head as he kissed her throat. “Hmm… Can’t you think of anything, Pace?”

“Well, Jo, I could think of a few things.”

His lips gently caressed her skin, thankful that her ponytail had given him easy access to her neck. He kissed her earlobe. Warmth spread through him, from the tips of his fingers down to his toes. She gasped his name when he found the soft spot behind her ear and kissed it. His heart swelled at the sound of his name on her lips, spoken in such a way, an indescribable feeling rising up inside him. His tongue darted out, caressing the sensitive spot, and her eyes rolled back. Trembling, she teetered, suddenly off-balance. He caught her, his hands moving down from the wall and encircling her waist.

Joey pulled his face to hers. She captured his lips in an ardent kiss. Her fingers were in his hair, her breasts were pressed against his chest, her slender form searing against his. He ached to slide his hand beneath that tank top, move his fingers up her rib cage, and hold one of those perfect breasts in his palm. He knew she wasn’t ready for anything like that, but knowing she trusted him like this, that someday she might be ready, and _he_ was the one she had these feelings for, sent a giddy joy surging through him.

He again raised his hands to plant them on the wall on either side of her, and kissed her back.

On Monday morning, when he walked out of Doug’s apartment building, he saw Joey parked out front in the old blue truck. His eyes widened in surprise and she smiled as he hurried towards her. He opened the passenger side door and jumped in. “Good morning, Jo,” he said.

She smiled. “Morning.”

Joey then pulled onto the road and drove towards the high school. “So… It’s our first day in school since…”

“Yep.”

“Classes and… lunch in the cafeteria and… walking in the hallways together and…” The sentence trailed off.

“Being in Dawson’s proximity all day,” he finished. They hadn’t even talked about school, about being around their friends, their classmates.

“Yes, that,” she said. Her cheeks blushed. “Being around _each other_ all day long and having to act normal.”

His lips pursed and he tilted his head. “This isn’t normal?”

She scoffed and threw him a look. “You know what I mean, Pacey.”

They sat in silence, the moment becoming awkward. Joey chewed on her lip, and he watched her knuckles whiten as she gripped the steering wheel. Just before they reached Main Street, she turned off the road and onto a cul-de-sac. Despite downtown being nearby, it was secluded and quiet and devoid of parked cars, the only property being the Our Lady of Grace Catholic Church down at the far end.

She parked the truck and unbuckled her seat belt. “Pacey?” she asked suddenly.

“Yeah, Jo?” Something was happening but he wasn’t exactly sure what. His heart started pounding.

Then she was coming toward him and her lips were on his. He closed his eyes and melted, kissing her back and letting a tiny groan escape his throat. Her hands were in his hair and on his skin, caressing his face and neck with her soft fingertips. He wanted to pull her onto his lap and press her hips into his, but he kept his arms loose around her. After several minutes of this, they both sat back, breathing heavily, and smiled at each other. Nothing had ever felt so wonderful. He had never been this happy in his entire life.

“We should get to school,” Joey finally said before sliding back over behind the wheel and reaching for her seat belt.

He didn’t say anything because he couldn’t get his heart to stop pounding so hard and was afraid of what he might say. The words were right there, on the tip of his tongue, and it took everything he had to hold them back. He needed time before he started talking again, time to stop wanting her, to stop needing another kiss. It had also taken everything he had to ignore the tightening in his groin, the quickening of his pulse, the blood rushing in his veins, making him hot all over.

They soon were walking from the student parking lot and towards the school. More than anything, he wanted to reach out and hold her hand. He wanted to link their fingers and walk into school _together_. He wanted to tell everyone that Joey Potter was his girl. That the most beautiful girl in Capeside liked _him_. Instead, they walked side by side, maintaining a safe distance between them.

Once inside the building, they went their separate ways to their lockers and he found Dawson waiting for him beside his. His stomach twisted fiercely, the guilt flooding him. “Hey, man,” he greeted before putting in the combination to his locker.

“Hey, Pace. Sorry I didn’t call you back last night. I was at the restaurant helping my mom all day and I was just too tired when I got home. What’s up?”

“Um…” He stared inside his locker, hesitating. _I have to tell Dawson about Joey. I should tell him. I have to. Just tell him. Just do it. Do it. _“Uh, yeah. Well, my work on _True Love_ is officially done as of yesterday afternoon and I wanted to invite you to its christening this weekend. I’m thinking Saturday. You free?”

Dawson shook his head and smiled a look of disbelief. “Wow. You really finished it. I have to say I’m impressed, Pacey. Good for you. I’d love to be there. And I’ll bring the champagne.”

Guilt stabbed him. “Oh, no,” he scoffed. “You don’t have to do that, Dawson. That’s not necessary.”

“I know I don’t have to,” his best friend shrugged. “I want to.”

“Well, thanks…” He tried to smile. Then the bell rang, saving him from the conversation. “See ya at lunch,” Dawson said before walking off.

Heading towards Homeroom, he turned a corner and glimpsed Joey’s locker further down the hall. She wasn’t there. Grinning to himself, he pulled his backpack around and unzipped it, retrieving a spiral notebook and a pen. He tore out a small piece of lined paper and wrote a quick note. As he passed by Joey’s locker, he shoved it inside one of the vents.

When he walked into Homeroom, he was pleased to see Joey had taken back her old seat near his and was no longer going to be sitting on the other side of the room. But one look at Andie, sitting in her front row seat, smiling and waving hello to him, made his stomach twist into knots again. After the teacher had taken attendance, they recited the Pledge of Allegiance, and listened to the morning announcements, the bell rang.

Joey got up from her desk to leave for 1st period. “Go to the library instead of Study Hall,” she told him.

He nodded and watched her walk out the door. Then he pulled out his history textbook and tried his damnedest to concentrate for the next 42 minutes. Later, when he walked into the library as the 3rd period bell rang, he caught sight of Joey sitting at a table by herself on the far side of the large, rectangular room. It had only been an hour and a half since he’d seen her, but the sight of her made him weak in the knees.

She gave him a glowing smile as he approached the table and sat down. Her chemistry book was open in front of her; she was studying for their next class. He gazed at her for a moment as her eyes then sparkled with a knowing glint. “So, this turned up in my locker this morning,” she murmured, pulling a small folded piece of lined paper from her pocket and setting it on the table. “I seem to have a secret admirer.”

“It’s definitely a secret,” he said dryly.

“There’s no name on the note, but he says he’s walking around with chest pain,” she grinned.

“And the cause of this chest pain?” He smirked, keeping his voice low.

Joey blushed, putting the note back inside her jeans pocket, and looked determinedly down at her textbook. “Apparently, I’m so beautiful it makes his chest hurt.”

He pursed his lips, nodding, as he pulled his own chemistry book from his backpack. “He should probably see a doctor about that.”

She started laughing, and it was music to his ears.

April 26. Everyone walked out of history as the bell rang dismissing 1st period. He followed the flow of his classmates until they dispersed in the hall. It was Wednesday and so he had gym, and had less than five minutes to get down to the boys’ locker room on the other side of the building.

When he reached the west hallway, he stopped at the corner to see if there was any sign of Joey. She’d had a doctor’s appointment that morning, and he hadn’t seen her since last night. He had spent the evening at her house, doing his homework with her in the living room under her older sister’s watchful eye. At ten o’clock, Bessie told him to get on home. Joey walked him out to her front porch and they’d lingered there for some time, kissing under the stars.

He looked around the corner and his heart leapt. Joey was there, putting in the combination on her padlock. He smiled excitedly. As soon as she opened her locker door, a folded piece of paper fell out and she quickly caught it. She glanced over her shoulder before she opened it.

He watched her eyes read over the words, anxious to see her reaction when she thought no one was looking. She chuckled, a joyful smile spreading across her face, her cheeks blushing. His heart swelled inside his chest as he gazed at her. _Dear Joey,_ he’d written. _Do you like me? Check yes or no. If you check yes, will you let me hold your hand? Check yes or no. If you check yes, will you let me kiss you after school? Check yes or no_.

Joey pulled a pen from her pocket and then the warning bell rang—he had two minutes to get to 2nd period. He turned and hauled ass to the boys’ locker room.

Later, he made it to 4th period chemistry before Joey, and his gaze followed her as she walked into the classroom and took her seat in front of him, smirking as she did so. He turned and caught Jen’s eye and his stomach clenched. He smiled awkwardly and quickly turned his head to face the front. There was something about the way Jen looked at him. Why did she have to be so damn perceptive?

Joey turned around in her seat. “Why weren’t you in Study Hall?” she asked him.

“I got called to Mr. Kapinos’ office,” he explained, keeping his voice low. “Apparently he’s noticed there’s been an obvious upswing in my grades since I left my parents’ house and started staying with Doug, and he wanted to know if that was just coincidental or if there was anything about my home-life I needed to talk to someone about.” He scoffed and shook his head. “He’s been asking me that question all year as if eventually I’m actually going to answer it.”

She frowned. “Well… that’s good about your grades, though.”

Anger bubbled in his gut. “Where were these questions in sixth grade? Seventh grade? Eighth grade? I’m almost outta here. What good is it gonna do now? Too little, too late.”

Her brown eyes saddened as they locked on his. “I wish you’d tell me more about it, Pace,” she whispered as the bell rang to signal start of class. “I wish I’d asked those questions. Those nights you’d show up to sleep on my floor, and I never really…” She shrugged helplessly.

“You were going through your own shit, Jo.” It was Dawson who should’ve noticed or cared, he thought bitterly. It was his teachers. Hell, his own mother should’ve cared.

Mrs. J then began taking attendance and Joey turned in her seat to face the front of the class. He pulled his textbook and notebook from his backpack. Soon the homework assignment they’d turned in yesterday was being passed back from the front. Joey turned to give him his worksheet. “Nice job,” she said as she placed it in his waiting hand.

He looked at the grade. He’d gotten a B. He hadn’t gotten a B in science since… Well, not since sophomore year when Andie had helped him raise his grade point average from the grave. He smiled down at Mrs. J’s written comment at the bottom, feeling pleased, when a note suddenly dropped on his desk. It was folded up into a small square, and one edge was frayed as if it had been torn from a spiral notebook—_his_ spiral notebook. She had passed back the note he’d given her.

He glanced up to see Joey bent over the side of her desk, busying herself with the backpack on the floor. He lifted his head and his eyes darted back and forth over the room, lingering on Jen, to make sure no one watching. He brought the note down into his lap and unfolded it. A wide smile spread across his face. She’d checked _yes_ beneath every question and next to the last one she’d written a response. He smiled at her handwriting. Not too large or too small, straight as an arrow, and feminine, with swirls and curves.

_“Don’t go to the cafeteria. Meet me behind the stage in the auditorium.”_

He looked up at the clock, willing it to move faster. After an agonizing wait, eventually the bell rang dismissing 4th period. He hurried to his locker, tossing his backpack inside. Skipping lunch would be a welcome relief. Since they’d come back from their spring break trip, lunch had become more of a social hour. Sitting at a table with both Dawson and Joey, not to mention Andie, Jack, and Jen now all sitting with them as well, was almost unbearable. The guilt took away his appetite and, for the first time ever, he’d begun counting down the minutes until lunch was over.

The auditorium was dark and quiet, empty. He walked around to the side of the stage, went up the wooden steps, and then made his way to the back. It was even darker there. For some reason, hesitance filled him at the thought of calling out her name. He roamed around, wondering if Joey had gotten there before him. There was no sign of her. He propped himself against the wall next to the dressing room door to wait; the door then opened, light spilling out, and two hands pulled him inside, shutting the door behind them.

Joey pushed him against the door and set her hands on his chest. His eyes widened and his heart started hammering beneath his ribs. Her eyes filled with softness and he melted. “Pacey,” she whispered, her voice tender.

And then her lips were on his, and her hands were skimming up his chest to his shoulders. He moved forward and turned them, backing her up against the wall. He molded her closer to him and mussed her soft hair, his fingers spearing through it. He captured her mouth with his. She tasted so sweet, and it went straight to all the broken places inside him like a balm for his soul.

“You are incredible, Potter,” he said as he caressed his lips along her jaw.

“I missed you all morning.” She sighed contentedly at his mouth moved down her neck.

He chuckled against her skin. “I was just with you in chemistry class.”

Joey tutted. “Yeah, but you were behind me. I didn’t really get to see you, or touch you or kiss you.” She pulled his face up to hers and kissed his lips.

“Good thing because Jen was in there,” he quipped. “And I’m pretty sure that would confirm her suspicions.”

“Suspicions? But we haven’t done anything in front of anyone. I mean, she can’t know for sure.”

He nodded and encircled her waist with his arms. “True, but you and I both were miserable for several weeks and now I think we’re noticeably not miserable all of a sudden.” He shrugged. “Besides, Jen has known how I feel about you for a long time and I think she can put two and two together, Jo.”

“How long has she known, Pace?” she murmured.

“Uh, well…” He cleared his throat. “You remember that whole casual sex pact me and Jen made?” She frowned at him. His stomach clenched. “Uh, yeah, not my proudest moment. But you recall, Jo, how that didn’t work out, like, at all? Never even came close to working out.” She was still frowning. “Um, well, Jen easily figured out the real reason why it wasn’t working and she pretty much called it that night at the dance studio.”

Joey swallowed, thinking, and then her eyes went wide, giving him an incredulous look. “But, Pacey, that was _five_ months ago.”

His lips pursed. “Yep.”

“And all this time, you…?” Her brows knitted as she gazed up at him in wonder.

“All this time,” he breathed. He gave her a half-smile and shrugged. “And… well, a lot longer than that, if I’m being honest with myself.”

She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him passionately. His hands held onto her waist while his heart pounded and his blood sang. They went on kissing, a desperate kiss that slowly turned lazy and teasing and sweet. With a sigh she laid her head on his shoulder, her arms going around his back. He felt her warm breath on his neck while he stroked her hair and ran his fingertips down her spine. A silent contentment spread and enveloped them, and they held onto each other until the bell rang.

Joey raised her head to look at him. “You go first, Pace. I’ll see you at math.”

Sighing, he nodded begrudgingly, wishing they could stay holed up there for the rest of the day. He laid a gentle kiss on her lips and then walked out of the dressing room.

While standing in front of his locker pulling out his backpack, he heard a familiar voice in the hallway behind him.

“Pacey, there you are!”

He turned around. Guilt twisted his insides. “Hey, Andie.”

She gave him a puzzled look. “Where were you at lunch? We were all wondering.”

“Oh, I, uh… Um, well. I had to go see Mr. Kapinos today.” It wasn’t a total lie.

“Oh.” Her expression became concerned. “Is everything okay?”

He forced a smile. “Uh, yeah, actually. My grades have improved over the past couple months. He just wanted to, you know, check in with me.”

Andie beamed at him. He wanted to run away. “That’s great, Pacey.”

“Well, I gotta get to trig before the bell rings,” he said, shutting his locker and breaking eye contact. “I’ll see you later.”

“Okay. See ya.” She smiled and walked away.

Then he headed towards math class, hating himself.

Later, he arrived at his English classroom to see everyone standing around outside the closed door, Joey walking behind him. “Where’s Mr. Broderick?” he asked as he came up behind his friends.

“Don’t know,” Jack answered. “Maybe he’s just running a little late.”

Dawson turned and looked at him. “Hey, where were you during lunch? Joey wasn’t there either.”

His guts twisted. “Um…” Andie stepped over. “Pacey was in Mr. Kapinos’ office,” she said, saving him from having to answer. For a split second he felt thankful she’d provided him good cover, but then he felt even more like shit for putting her in a position to lie for him. Dawson had no reaction to this news other than mild interest and turned his head as Joey stepped up beside them.

“To answer your question, Dawson, I really wasn’t that hungry and decided to skip the cafeteria crowd,” she said as she joined the group, shrugging casually and averting her eyes from anyone else’s.

Pursing his lips, he turned and caught Jen’s knowing gaze. What he saw there wasn’t exactly comforting. Mr. Broderick arrived soon after, breaking up the crowd, and then everyone filtered into class.

April 28. On Friday, after school let out, he smiled to himself as he walked across the student lot to the Witter wagon, his mom having let him borrow it for the day. Then his stomach flipped at the sight of Dawson’s SUV parked next to it and his friend rummaging around in the trunk. “Hey, Pace,” he greeted.

“Hey, Dawson.” His chest tightened with anxiety. It felt like his stomach was going to fall out through his ass. “Look, um, I wanted to talk to you about something.”

His best friend shut the trunk door and turned to him, giving him his full attention. “What’s up?”

He swallowed against a lump the size of a boulder in his throat. “Uh, well…” _Just tell him. Tell him. Do it. DO IT, YOU GOOD-FOR-NOTHING SON OF A BITCH._ “Um, you still coming to the boat christening tomorrow?”

“Of course,” Dawson breathed, laughing as if in disbelief of such a ridiculous question. “I wouldn’t miss it. My dad says he wants to come, too. My mom wanted to, but she’s slammed on Saturdays at the restaurant. So, who’s all coming?”

“Uh… well, there’s you and me, of course.” He chuckled nervously. “And now Mitch. Deputy Doug will be there. Buzz. Jen. Jack and Andie. Krudski’s coming. Oh, and, uh, Joey.”

His best friend smiled. “Cool. We can probably swing by and pick up Joey on the way, then.”

He blinked. “Uh-huh.”

“Okay, well, I’ll see you tomorrow. Bye, Pace.”

“See ya, Dawson.”

He watched his friend get into the SUV. Inwardly chiding himself for chickening out, he climbed into the wagon. But as he drove towards work, his mood lightened as he thought about his day at school. He and Joey had spent Study Hall in the dressing room behind the stage. They’d passed notes back and forth through math class. At the end of the day, when he got out of Spanish, and went to deposit the books he didn’t need to take home for the weekend, he had opened his locker to find a note stuck in the vent. Giddy, he’d quickly read it.

_“Dear Pacey,”_ she’d written in her beautiful handwriting. _“Your end-of-novel project for _‘The Great Gatsby’_ was really good. You had all of us laughing, even Mr. Broderick. He was so proud. Everyone loved it, especially me. I love how smart and funny you are. ~ Jo__ey”_

He’d smiled at the ‘o’ in her name that had been drawn in the shape of a heart. The giddiness he’d felt had carried him on cloud nine all the way outside until seeing Dawson in the parking lot had sent him crashing to the pavement.

At seven o’clock, he left the video store and drove to the Potter’s house. He stepped onto their porch just as she walked out through the door. She smiled and gave him a kiss. His heart leapt and the butterflies came alive. “So, where are we going tonight?” she asked, taking his hand in hers.

“You’ve been saying all week that we haven’t been to the movies in forever and you want to go see a movie,” he said.

“Yeah, but I also said going to the Rialto wouldn’t be a good idea,” she replied. “Not until, you know, after we talk to Dawson.”

He grinned. “We’re not going to the Rialto. We’re not even staying in Capeside. I’m taking you, Miss Josephine Potter, up to Wellfleet.”

She laughed. “Wellfleet is like half an hour away.”

“So, we should really get a move on,” he said, pulling her by the hand and stepping down off the porch. “The movie starts at eight, after the sun goes down.”

“The sun goes down?” Her brows knitted in confusion for a moment, and then realization dawned. “We’re going to the drive-in? But it doesn’t usually open until Memorial Day Weekend.”

“True.” He waggled his eyebrows at her. “But they’ve been advertising on the radio for the past two weeks that they’re trying something different this year and opening a month earlier to see how it goes. It opens tonight.”

“Isn’t the drive-in where guys take girls to get them in the back seat and…” She arched her brows at him.

He side-eyed her. “I don’t know what guys you’ve been hanging around, Potter, but we’re going because _Frequency_ is playing and you said you wanted to see it. And Wellfleet is far enough away that the likelihood of us running into anyone we know is slim. Also, I’ve never been to the drive-in before and thought it would be fun.”

Joey nodding, giving him a half-smile, and said nothing more.

They didn’t talk much on the ride north, mostly listening to music, and soon they arrived at the Wellfleet Drive-In Theater, the only drive-in on the Cape. He paid the admission price for two and parked in the third row from the back. He glanced at Joey in the passenger seat, noticing her tense posture. “I’m gonna go get some snacks,” he said, sliding out of the car.

Soon he was back, carrying popcorn, candy, and soda, and got in behind the steering wheel, moving the seat all the way back for more leg room. Joey had already turned the radio to the station that would play the movie’s audio. She smiled as he handed her the popcorn. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a napkin and gave it to her. Her gaze filled with tenderness as she took it from his hand.

The previews started. He took a sip of his Coca-Cola. “This is a date, right?” he asked her. “Like, an actual, real date?” _Not just two people fooling around in dark rooms and on quiet streets?_

“What else would it be?” Her expression was confusion.

“Well, it’s not like we’ve never gone to the movies together before, Jo. Just the two of us… We’ve done it a lot.”

“Yeah, but it’s different now, Pacey.”

He wanted to ask her what they were and what this thing was. She’d been reluctant to call A.J. her boyfriend and she had been with him out in the open. So, what did that make _him?_ He wanted to ask her, wanted to know, but also knew there was little point in defining it before they told Dawson. It would be real once they told him. The sneaking around couldn’t go on much longer; he knew it wasn’t right. And he wanted it so badly to be real. They had to tell him soon.

“Why are you frowning?” Joey said, breaking his reverie.

“Just thinking too much, I guess.”

“Don’t think. Just watch.” She handed him some Twizzlers and nodded towards the huge screen at the front of the lot, and he grinned.

An hour into the movie, he noticed in his peripheral view that she kept glancing over and eyeing him. She started fidgeting in her seat, playing with her fingers, crossing and uncrossing her legs. It was starting to become enough of a distraction to finally say something. “You got ants in your pants, Potter? If you need to pee, there’s bathrooms over there.”

She threw him a look. “I don’t have to pee, Pacey.” Then she thought for a moment. “Well, maybe. I’ll be back.”

“Do you want me to go with you?”

“To the bathroom?” She gave him an incredulous look.

“I’m not going to walk into the stall with you, Potter,” he snarked. “I mean, do you want me to walk with you over there?”

Her brows knitted and her lips pursed. “Why would I need you to walk me?”

He gaped at her. “I know what kind of guys hang around the drive-in, Jo. An old skeeze might bother you or something.”

“I’ll be fine,” she reassured. “If anyone bothers me, I’ll just tell them my date is Sheriff Witter’s son and they better watch it.” He smirked. “But thank you, Pacey. You’re sweet to offer.”

She walked away towards the ladies’ room, and he didn’t take his eyes off her until she disappeared from view. It wasn’t long before he saw her walking back to the car. She approached the passenger side door and then hesitated, looking at him through the window. Grinning, she moved further down and opened the rear door, climbing into the back and closing the door behind her.

Turning in his seat, he stared. Her eyes sparkled with affection and a touch of mischief. “Do you want to watch the rest of the movie back here?”

He didn’t need to be asked twice, and climbed over the front seat, falling gracelessly into the back, and she laughed. Sitting himself upright, he then slid closer to her. Neither of them were watching the movie. He didn’t even know what it was about. She gazed up at him and his eyes drank her in. Beams of light shone through the windows, just enough to brighten her face. His heart beat like crazy inside his chest; he loved her so much.

Joey reached up and gently smoothed his furrowed brow, her hand then sliding down to caress his face. “No one has ever looked at me the way you do, Pacey,” she whispered. “No one’s ever kissed me the way you do.”

Emotion rose up within him. He leaned down and pressed his lips to hers. The first kiss was delicate, gentle, and slowly became more passionate, but still full of tenderness. Her sweet, supple kisses made his heart pound. The butterflies fluttered like mad inside him. When her mouth parted, he could hardly keep from groaning aloud. Her lips were so soft, and she tasted like popcorn and salt.

“Pacey,” she whispered, easing her mouth from his.

He smiled, gazing into her face. Joey was radiant. Her cheeks were flushed. Her eyes sparkled now more than ever, and they’d become so dark they were almost black. His hand met hers in the air and she played with his fingers, intertwining them and then loosening, over and over. She kissed his cheek, his temple, his closed eyelids, the corner of his mouth. Warmth flowed through him. He looked at her in awe.

Her mouth curved into a slight smile. “What?”

“I just…” He sighed. “I just can’t believe this is happening.” He had never thought it was possible to feel this happy.

Joey smiled shyly and blushed. Then she reached up to lightly caress his chin, his jaw, his cheek. Her eyes gazed at him steadily, large, velvety brown, and gentle. He wanted her to look at him like that forever. They cuddled in the back seat for the rest of the movie, talking quietly, kissing softly, making plans for the weekend. Contentment filled his heart, as fear for their future nagged at him in the back of his mind. He’d give anything if only this feeling of euphoria would last. As he drove away from the Potter’s house later, the closer he got to Doug’s apartment building the more reality began to sink in, and he found himself thinking tonight had just been the calm before the storm.


	16. 2000 (Part Seven)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _You are what they call the human season  
You are all the alphabet in one  
You are every colour of confusion  
You are all the silence I've become_
> 
> _Love me for stupid reasons  
I like those most  
Wide-eyed but worth believing  
God knows_
> 
> _Damn the angry voice that keeps us quiet  
The editor whose work is never done  
Keeping pretty words between my teeth and  
Sweet confessions underneath my tongue_
> 
> _Drowsy contemplation  
Do I let you in  
Well, this is my invitation  
But how do I begin_
> 
> _She has such an awful lot of soldiers  
Quite a lovely army all her own  
Night and day they stand before the fortress  
Very safe but very all alone_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a head's up: from this point on, things will start to head in the Canon Divergent direction.

April 29. On Saturday night he stood in front of Dawson’s house, sick to his stomach with guilt and fear. Joey stood beside him, frozen like a deer caught in the headlights. He blinked under the explosion of Dawson’s words, his insinuations that anything between him and Joey would be something caused by her boredom or confusion. Insinuations that it would be meaningless, that nothing was more important to him than sex, that his interest in Joey was purely sexual. He argued, but he saw in his gaze that Dawson meant every word. “This has nothing to do with sex,” he said.

“Oh, what, are you _in love?”_ Dawson said, his tone dripping with scorn. “Is that what this is?”

He turned to Joey, who was still cowering. He _was_ in love and wanted to tell Dawson the truth, but he hadn’t even told her yet and he still didn’t know if she was. He didn’t want to have to tell her like this, with their best friend raging at them. She had yet to say a word, and the fear he felt was starting to overpower the guilt.

“You know what, Pacey?” Dawson fumed at him. “I feel sorry for you. Because when all this is over, you’re really gonna need your friends, and you’re not gonna have any.” Doug had warned him of this. “You are not gonna have a single one.” And just like that, the guilt turned to anger. Their eyes held, his best friend’s full of hatred and dark with rage. Dawson turned to storm away.

Joey reached over and took his hand, squeezing his palm, her grip firm and strong. But before he could really take comfort in the action, Andie showed up with Will, and she dropped his hand. His stomach twisted fiercely and then to his horror, Dawson angrily outed him and Joey to Andie, obviously still on her first date with Will. He almost couldn’t believe Dawson would be so cruel.

“Go ahead, ask ‘em,” Dawson said to her. “‘Cause I can’t even stand to look at ‘em anymore.” He turned and walked inside his house.

Joey, who still hadn’t said a single word, then immediately ran after Dawson and left him out there, disappearing inside the house. And Andie was standing behind him. He felt crushed—crushed for hurting Dawson, crushed for Andie being hurt this way—but his heart constricted and dread filled his stomach like a lead weight. He was going to lose Joey. Grief began welling up inside him and his eyes filled with tears.

It was obvious Andie was upset, but unlike Dawson, she wasn’t cruel or vindictive. She knew that for him to risk everything for Joey, he must love her. That it wasn’t a meaningless fling. “God, how could you be so stupid, Pacey? You know you’re gonna get hurt.” He didn’t know what felt worse, Dawson’s rage or Andie’s concern. “She is _never_ going to love you like she loves him, okay?” His eyes flew to hers and he stared, her words like ice water in his face. “He is her first love, Pacey. Her first love.”

Andie walked off in tears, Will following her, and he stared up the house, her words running in circles inside his head. She’d spoken aloud the fear that had nagged him for the past several months, if not his whole life. Minutes passed and Joey still hadn’t reappeared. He knew. He knew what was happening in there. He knew Dawson would say anything to manipulate her into doing exactly what he wanted her to do. He knew that she ultimately wouldn’t consider _him_ worth the risk, that she probably didn’t have as much faith in their fledgling relationship as he did. He knew Dawson was more important to her. He knew Andie was right.

And he knew it was over. The longer Joey stayed inside that house the more over it was. He finally turned and walked away.

*****

On Saturday morning following the boat christening, Joey stood propped against the fence next to Jen, feeling a sense of relief at having someone to confide in about her situation with Pacey and Dawson, someone impartial who would listen without judgment. “Whatever I do, I’m the villain. I mean, the girl’s always the villain, right? In stories like these, she’s always some wicked, conniving whore who manipulates her way between two brothers, or two_ best friends_…”

“Okay, Joey, keep in mind that most of those stories have been written by men.”

“I really wish I was more like you. You _feel_ things and you _act_ on ‘em. Pacey does the same thing. He’s… fearless.”

“All right, I’ll let you in on a little secret about the so-called fearless,” Jen said. “We’re not as tough you think we are. And Pacey’s heart can break just as easily as the next guy. Maybe even more so, considering it was already broken when you got there.”

She thought for a moment. “Andie.”

Jen shrugged. “When I think about who Pacey was when I met him, and then who he became after being with her…” She laughed to herself. “You know, Pacey had this whole bad boy thing going on. He didn’t care about school. Always clowning around in class and getting in trouble. Always in detention for one reason or another. Stealing his dad’s patrol car all the time. Caused a town scandal with Ms. Jacobs.”

Joey scowled. “That woman disgusts me.”

_“Anyway,”_ Jen continued, throwing her a look. “The point is, Pacey was a hard nut to crack. And Andie cracked him wide open to reveal there was nothing but soft mush inside. He’s a total softie, as most of us are who like to act all tough to avoid getting hurt. And she hurt him. Badly. He was still a pile of soft mush when he fell for you, and hadn’t fully gotten over that hurt and regrown that hard shell to lock anyone else out. You get what I’m saying?”

“The last thing in the world I want to do is hurt Pacey. But I don’t want to hurt Dawson either. Why do I have to decide who gets hurt and who doesn’t? I don’t want to hurt anyone, but no matter what I do, someone gets hurt, including me.”

Jen moved off the fence and they started walking again towards her grandmother’s car. “Don’t think of it that way, Joey. Think about what would make _you_ happy, despite the complications of it all. Would breaking things off with Pacey make you happy?”

“No.”

“Would being with Pacey make you happy?”

“Yes.”

Jen nodded. “Well, there’s your answer.”

Scoffing, she shook her head. “It’s not that simple. I wish it was, but…”

“Of course, it’s not that simple. It’s messy and complicated, but that’s because life is messy and complicated. The thing is, it’s _your_ life, and you’re the one who has to live it. You need to start putting your own happiness ahead of others. Don’t think about what would make Dawson happy, or what would make Pacey happy. What would make _you_ happy, more than anything?”

She walked in silence for several moments. She swallowed against the lump growing in her throat. “Jen, I…”

“Joey, do you love Pacey?”

“I… Well, I, uh…” She nervously rubbed her hand over her brow. “I don’t know… Maybe?” She groaned. “I think so.”

Jen turned to look at her and smiled. “Well, there you go.”

“But…” She chewed on her lip. “Hurting Dawson won’t make me happy. I can’t lose Dawson, Jen. I lost my mom and my dad, and I can’t lose Dawson, too. It’d be like losing my family all over again. I can’t.”

“Dawson might get angry, and he may stay angry for a long while, but you’re the most important person in his life. If _your_ happiness is important to him, then you won’t lose him, no matter what you decide. You didn’t lose him when you broke up with him, twice, and you didn’t lose him when you were dating A.J. Have a little faith.”

Joey shook her head. “This is different. It’s possible he wouldn’t see this as forgivable. Dawson and Pacey… They’re best friends and I know they care about each other, but there’s always been this _thing_ underneath it all… I don’t know. Dawson hates losing in general, but he especially hates losing to Pacey, and tries to avoid situations where the two of them have to compete. It’s been like that since we were kids. Like, they’d be playing a game and as soon as it was obvious Dawson wasn’t going to win, he’d say he was bored and quit. Every time. Dawson has…” She sighed. “He’s always had sort of an inferiority complex when it comes to Pacey, even though he’d never admit it.”

Jen smirked at her as she pulled her car keys from her pocket. “Oh, well, I knew that.”

Her brows knitted. “You did?”

“I knew it when Dawson threw that basketball at Pacey’s face sophomore year and broke his nose.”

“And that was sort of my fault too, of course,” Joey groaned.

Laughing, Jen opened her car door. “How was that your fault?”

She pursed her lips and got into the passenger seat. “Because in so many words I kind of maybe told Dawson that Pacey was sexier than him. And then Dawson broke his nose.”

Jen laughed and stuck the key in the ignition. “Boys are such idiots. Have you thought about whether this current love triangle might have been going on for a lot longer than any of you realize?”

Joey frowned and looked out the window.

**1995**

February 14. Joey sat in the kitchen while her mother stood at the stove making breakfast for supper—her favorite—when Bessie walked in the room. She was all dressed up for her date with Bodie. “So, sis,” she said. “How many valentines did you get in school today?”

She refused to look at her older sister and hesitated to answer. “Um, just one.”

“Dawson?” Bessie replied. “Or Pacey?”

Joey pulled out the red and pink valentine from her backpack. “‘Thanks for being my best friend,’” she read aloud. ‘Happy Valentine’s Day. Dawson.’” Sighing, she put it back inside her backpack.

“Why the face?” her sister asked. “Isn’t that a good thing?”

Lillian glanced over her shoulder and caught her eye. Joey pursed her lips. “Well, yeah. But he also gave a valentine to Meghan and sat with her at lunch and walked with her to all our classes. He barely said two words to me today.”

Bessie’s expression was sympathetic. “I’m sorry. And I’m sorry you had to eat lunch by yourself. That’s no fun.”

“I wasn’t by myself,” Joey said. “Well, I was, but then Pacey came over and sat with me.”

Turning from the stove, Lillian looked at her daughter and smiled. “Pacey is such a sweet kid.”

Joey scowled. “Mom, I don’t know why you like him so much.” She heaved a disgusted sigh. “He didn’t give me a valentine even though we’re friends… sort of. He didn’t give any to anybody else in our class, but still… He said that he’d wanted to give me a valentine but he didn’t want Dawson to get mad at him. Why would Dawson get mad? Why couldn’t he just admit that he either totally forgot or just didn’t want to? And did you know Pacey got, like, 15 valentines today? Ugh.”

“Well, he is pretty cute,” Bessie admitted. “He’s gonna be a heartbreaker.”

_“Heartbreaker?”_ She arched a skeptical brow.

“Oh, yeah,” her sister replied humorously. “Big time. He’s gonna drive the girls crazy and then break their hearts, I’m sure.”

“You say that like it’s a good thing, Bessie,” she grumbled.

Lillian laughed. “Maybe he’ll break a few. I don’t think he’ll break _too_ many. He’s such a gentle, tenderhearted boy.”

Joey scrunched up her face. “Mom, this is Pacey Witter you’re talking about. He pulls my ponytail and calls me names, pokes me with his pencil in class, and tickles me, even though he knows I hate it.” Lillian and Bessie exchanged a knowing look, smirking. “How is that _gentle_ and _tenderhearted?”_

“Sweetie, some people are really soft and gentle on the inside. They hurt easily and deeply—wounds that can go so deep they might never recover. So, they become rough around the edges to protect that softness.”

“He’s not nice to me, okay, Mom? Dawson is nice to me. And he’s not gonna break anybody’s heart.”

“Yes, Dawson is a very nice boy,” said Lillian. “But Pacey is _kind_. There’s a big difference between being nice and being kind, which I’m sure you’ll come to appreciate when you’re older.”

She scoffed. “Pacey isn’t kind. He does all that stuff to me on purpose.”

Her mother let out a breathy laugh. “That’s just… Pacey being a doofus. He’s a 12-year-old boy and he’s going to do irritating things. I know he makes you mad sometimes, but you’re forgetting that he also makes you laugh. I’ve seen Pacey make you laugh so hard milk came out your nose.”

Joey rolled her eyes. “That doesn’t make him _kind.”_

“No, but plenty of other things do. He always goes out of his way to help others in a purely selfless way, and _that_ is kind. Dawson gave you a valentine today, and that was very nice of him, but he ignored you all day. Pacey saw you were alone at lunch and he came over to sit with you. Remember your birthday party? You were upset Dawson wouldn’t skate with you and none of the other boys asked? And Pacey, who hates roller skating, saw you were unhappy and went and put on skates.”

“You know, last year, when Mrs. O’Brien’s husband died, Pacey went to her house and mowed her lawn for free all summer,” Bessie added. “She told me. She hadn’t asked him to. He just did it because he knew she needed it.”

Joey lowered her gaze from her mother’s pointed look and pursed her lips.

Lillian turned back to the stove, stirring the scrambled eggs. “Joey, remember back in August, the chain kept slipping on your bike and the insides of your legs were all scratched up? Your dad was working days _and_ nights at the restaurant because I was in the hospital, he didn’t have time to fix it, and we couldn’t afford to buy you a new one. Pacey fixed it for you.”

Her brows knitted. “Mom, Daddy fixed it before he went to work. He was still at home when me and Bessie left for the library and when I got back the bike was fixed.”

“No, sweetie. Pacey came over to see if you wanted to go swimming, but you weren’t here. Your dad had to leave for work and mentioned your problems with the bike chain to Pacey. He fixed it after your dad left. He did it without being asked, without telling anyone he did it, and without expecting anything in return.” Lillian turned around to look at her daughter. “And, Joey, _that_ is kindness.”

Chewing on her lip, Joey kept quiet and averted her eyes from her mother’s.

“But yes, Dawson is a nice boy,” Lillian said, turning back around. “He’s always polite and well-mannered, and has a stable home with a decent, respectable, good family.” Then she scowled and turned off the burner underneath the eggs. “Don’t get me started on the Witter’s.”

There was a knock on the door; Bodie had arrived to pick up Bessie. Shortly after her sister left, her dad came home from the Ice House and they sat down at the table to eat supper.

*****

He sat on the deck rail, staring at his boat, _True Love_, desperately trying to suppress his heartbreak, the irony not lost on him.

“Pacey,” Joey whispered.

With a sudden, wrenching pain, he knew that he’d lost. He’d known it was coming. “It’s over, isn’t it?”

Her eyes were shiny with unshed tears. “It has to be.”

“Maybe you should be the first one to go this time.” He pushed his pain away, refusing to sit there weeping as the woman he loved walked away from him. Forcing down everything he was feeling, all that terrible emptiness and loss, he jumped down from the rail and fled.

Back at Doug’s apartment, he walked in to find the TV on in the living room. He shut the door behind him. “Hey, Pace, you hungry?” his brother called out from the kitchen.

He didn’t even have the energy to speak. Words were caught somewhere in the back of his throat. Stepping into the room, he sat down. Then he leaned back against the couch and stared at nothing.

“Pacey?” Doug walked out of the kitchen. “I made lasag—”

He couldn’t look at his brother. The words ‘_I told you so_’ went around and around his head, a bitter ache clutching at him deep inside his chest. Silently, Doug walked over and sat down next to him. He kept his face turned away, and choked back the lump forming in his throat. _Hold it together_, he pleaded with himself.

Doug laid a warm hand on his back, offering comfort. He couldn’t hold back the tears any longer and the floodgates opened. He put his head in his hands and started to cry, softly at first, then with anguished sobs. Such a display of emotion in front of his older brother made him feel weak, but he couldn’t stop it. It all hurt so much. He loved her and she would never love him—again. He was right back where he started, only it was so much worse because now he knew what it felt like to hold her in his arms, to kiss her and have her kiss him back.

After several minutes, he willed himself to stop crying. Then he sat up with a shake of his shoulders and let out a shuddering breath. His brother still sat beside him, silent. “Dawson knows,” he sniffled, brushing the tears from his face with the back of his hand. “We went to his house to tell him, and he already knew. Well, he pretended he didn’t know at first, you know, and then…”

Doug arched his brow. _“Pretended_ he didn’t…? That sounds pretty manipulative, if you ask me.”

He sighed. “Apparently, Jen told him. She knew we were telling him today and I guess she thought he had already found out when she talked to him.”

“And Dawson is angry.” It wasn’t a question.

“Yes, he’s angry. Angry doesn’t even begin to cover it. He went for the jugular. I’m pretty sure the guy hates me now.”

His brother took a deep breath, thinking. “I can imagine losing a lifelong friendship is devastating.”

The tears threatened again, and he clenched his jaw, forcing them away. “No, that’s, uh… Joey ended it. It’s over. She said it _has to be_ over, so I’m sure he gave her a ‘me or him’ ultimatum. I was never gonna be the winner there. I don’t know why I ever believed any other outcome was possible.”

“I doubt this is the _outcome_, Pacey. Whatever happened tonight, this thing between the three of you is probably far from over. It was obviously an emotional night, and Joey made a decision in the face of Dawson’s anger, but that choice could change once she has time to think about it.”

He wasn’t going to hold his breath. Doug stood up and placed a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it. “Come and eat something.”

After he followed his brother into the kitchen and sat down, Doug dished him up a plate and joined him at the small round table. They ate in silence for some minutes. The crying had helped clear his head, as did the food in his belly. He gazed across the table at his brother. “Hey, Dougie?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for not saying ‘I told you so.’” He gave him a weak smile. “But you did warn me, didn’t you?”

Doug smiled as he chewed, nodding his head before taking a sip of water. “I warn you about a lot of things, little brother, but you’re in the habit of not listening.”

He fought a grin. “That almost sounds like an ‘I told you so,’ I think.”

“Well, if the shoe fits, Pace.”

His shoulders shrugged in defeat and he sighed. Then they finished their meal in comfortable silence. After clearing the table and doing the dishes, he started to walk out of the kitchen as Doug was putting the clean utensils back in the drawer. “Pacey?”

He turned back around with an expectant look. “What?”

“Ultimatums don’t really work, you know,” his brother told him. “Relationships are supposed to be built on love. Ultimatums are threats, and no one likes to feel threatened. Love and threats don’t mix. Ever. That’s not a loving relationship. The use of force in any relationship is never healthy. It’s damaging.”

“What are you saying, Doug?”

His brother closed the drawer and looked up to meet his gaze. “I’m saying don’t give up on Joey. She’s a smart girl and she’s also strong-willed. I’m sure she’ll eventually see Dawson’s ultimatum for what it is.”

He could only hope that was true.

May. The first day back to school after what went down on Saturday night was miserable from start to finish. He waited for Dawson in the student parking lot on Monday morning, hoping they could have a civil conversation about what had happened, hoping his best friend’s anger had dissipated at least a little bit. No such luck.

“Dawson, I’m sorry. I made a mistake. I never should’ve snuck around with her behind your back. Please believe me when I say it was only a week. It’s not like it had been going on for months. I should’ve told you about Joey sooner, and I tried so many times but I kept chickening out. I didn’t want to hurt you, man. Okay? I’m really, really sorry.”

“Go to hell, Pacey.”

He stared after Dawson’s retreating back. “Okay, then,” he breathed.

When he opened his locker, he couldn’t help the sudden spark of hope that he would find a note there from Joey, only to come crashing down when there wasn’t one. It wasn’t long before he noticed that everyone else in the hallways was decidedly more cheerful than usual. There was a certain buzz in the air that hadn’t been there last week. He had thought maybe it just seemed that way because he was so miserable in comparison to everyone else. Then he saw posters going up announcing Junior Prom on May 26 and the Senior Prom on June 2, along with information for buying tickets. He didn’t even want to think about prom. The theme that the Junior Prom Committee had chosen was “Couples.” The idea of it only increased his misery.

In Homeroom, he walked in and laid eyes on Joey for the first time since Saturday. She started upon seeing him and instantly lowered her gaze. _Great_. He then saw Andie in her front row seat. Upon sight of him, she scowled and crossed her arms. He went past and turned to his classmate sitting behind her. “Hey, Nick, switch seats with me for today.”

“What’s wrong with your seat, Witter?”

“I gotta talk to Andie. You’re leaving in ten minutes when the bell rings, anyway. Come on, Nicandri.”

With a groan, Nick stood up and walked to the back, sitting down behind Joey. Then he took the desk behind his ex-girlfriend and leaned forward. “Andie, I’m sorry,” he murmured fervently. “Please talk to me. Please.”

Her back went rigid. “I’ve got nothing to say to you, Pacey.”

“Well, that’s a first, McPhee.” He sighed. “Andie, please. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry your date with Will got ruined. I’m sorry you had to find out like that. I never wanted it to happen that way. I never wanted you to get hurt. I would never intentionally hurt you. You have no idea how sorry I am.”

Silence.

“And… Well, you said it yourself that we shouldn’t feel guilty about moving on and that it naturally has to happen, but I did feel guilty about how it would make you feel and—”

Andie spun around in her chair and eyed him with an angry glint. “I also said we needed to be _open_ and _honest_ with each other about it. You were supposed to be my friend and you lied to my face.”

The teacher walked in, shutting the door behind him. “Well, it was more of an omission, to be fair,” he replied. Her face hardened. “Andie, I didn’t know how to tell you, okay? I didn’t even know what to say because I didn’t even know exactly what was happening with me and Joey and—”

“I think I’ve heard enough.” She spun back around.

“Andie, I’m sor—” But Mr. Kenyon then began taking attendance, cutting off his desperate whisper.

The rest of the school week went about the same. Dawson wouldn’t speak to him, and the couple times he did weren’t exactly civil. Joey wouldn’t speak to him. Andie wouldn’t speak to him. Jack and Jen avoided him, too. Jack had jokingly told him that he’d already been punched once because of a situation involving Joey and he didn’t want to risk Dawson’s ire again, but then he didn’t speak to him for the rest of the week. Jen didn’t want to get caught in the middle any more than she already had and asked to be left out of it. Yet they still spoke to Dawson, ate lunch with Dawson, walked to classes with Dawson. It seemed like everyone had taken Dawson’s side in this. He felt like a pariah, and again bitterly admitted to himself that Doug had been right, and Dawson had been right. He’d ended up alone.

Every waking moment he wasn’t at school or at work, he was down on the docks with _True Love_. He’d once hoped to do the regatta with Dawson, but that was now out of the picture. Will had agreed to run it with him, and he arrived on the weekend to go sailing on some practice runs. He’d spent Saturday and Sunday out on the water with both Will and Buzz, who happily came along.

He couldn’t wait for the ocean to warm up enough to go swimming. He loved to swim. It gave him a magic feeling, similar to watching the water as they skimmed over it with the boat. All things related to water filled his heart with a sense of peace. Being out there with the wind and the sun in his face was invigorating, and there were moments when he almost forgot the pain.

It was official. _True Love_ was seaworthy. But the regatta was next weekend and he knew that stormy weather still lay ahead.

May 15. The first thing on Monday, he renewed the lease on the wall he’d gotten for Joey that remained untouched. For the past two weeks, he’d often see her standing or sitting in front of it, staring. Last night, she’d told him she wanted to paint but she wasn’t ready to. He was starting to think the wall had become a metaphor in her mind that somehow tied the wall to him and how she felt about him. And there it sat, day after day, unfinished and barely even started.

The Annual Capeside Regatta on Sunday had been a disaster, just like everything else in his life, and walking into school the following morning was no picnic. Everywhere he went, people were staring at him. By now everyone in school knew what had been going on between him and Joey and Dawson. If they’d only suspected before, the regatta confirmed it. There were pats on the back and sympathetic comments about the regatta loss as he moved through the halls—“Tough break, Witter”—but that didn’t provide any comfort.

He felt like shit. At least Andie had told him she didn’t hate him. But Dawson knew just how hard he’d worked on _True Love_, knew just what the regatta had meant to him, and he did everything in his power to ruin it. He’d never intentionally hurt Dawson, and for his best friend to treat him with such cruel vindictiveness was crushing. But it wasn’t the only thing that was crushing. The fact that Joey nor any of their friends seemed to care that Dawson could’ve killed him over a boat race was soul-destroying. Feelings of worthlessness were once again threatening to pull him under just as finals loomed.

He turned and walked around the corner, heading to his locker to drop off his backpack before going to lunch, and saw Jack and Jen standing with Dawson in the hall, smiling and talking about something. As he watched them, he could feel anger bubbling in his gut. Taking a deep breath, he started moving again. He felt his anger surge as he walked by them. “Hey, Jack. Hey, Jen.”

“…Hey,” they murmured in unison, not looking at him. Dawson glared.

He kept moving, clenching his fists, trying to calm himself, but then laid eyes on Joey walking ahead of him. He watched her dark brown hair sway from side to side. Her ponytail swished as reflections from the florescent lighting crackled through it. He could feel his heart pounding and his temples throbbing. But it wasn’t long before he turned the corner, losing sight of her, and felt his pulse begin to slow.

Carrying his lunch tray, he walked into the cafeteria, passing the table where Prom Committee members were selling tickets, to see Dawson, Jen, Jack, and Andie all sitting together. Two of them caught his eye and had the decency to look ashamed. Dawson stared at him with a look of triumph. Andie offered him a weak smile, but then lowered her gaze. Knowing that it was only a matter of minutes before Joey herself showed up and joined them, once again leaving him completely ostracized even after what Dawson had done, he clenched his jaw and started moving towards an empty table on the other side of the cafeteria.

With each step he took, he could feel the anger building inside him to a boiling point. The rage was building in his gut, like a seething pit of hot lava burning its way to the surface. He unceremoniously dropped his tray down on the table and turned around, walking back toward his friends.

He stopped just a few feet away, and they all turned to look at him. “This is unbelievable,” he spat, and their eyes widened. “You’re all acting like I committed a crime, like I freakin’ murdered somebody, when Dawson could’ve seriously hurt, or even killed, me and Will at the regatta. And yet… I mean, what the hell is this?” He sarcastically waved his hand at their table. At least they had the decency to look chastised for a moment.

Then he turned to look directly at his increasingly-becoming-former best friend. “Dawson, I didn’t kill your grandmother, I didn’t burn down your house, I didn’t write Steven Spielberg a scathing letter telling him what a _talentless hack_ you are. I fell in love, man! That’s it. I fell in love. It was something I never expected or, frankly, even wanted to happen! But it happened! I fell in love with a girl who broke up with you A YEAR AGO and then you REJECTED!”

His friends all stared up at him, stunned into silence by his sudden outburst. The cafeteria grew quiet. He could hear voices murmuring around him while everyone stared.

“Joey and I betrayed you _equally_, Dawson. But you forgave her almost immediately, not because you wanted her, but because you wanted to beat me! In order to win, you have to get the girl, right? You only ever wanted her in the first place because I told you_ I_ wanted her!”

“You snuck around behind my back,” he retorted angrily. “You didn’t tell me any—”

“Sophomore year, Dawson! Sophomore year. I came to you and told you I liked Joey, that I wanted to be with her, because I felt like I needed your permission to do something about it. And you told me to go for it, remember?”

Dawson heaved an exasperated sigh.

“‘What could be better than my two best friends kissing,’ you said. Remember? But after realizing that if we got together it would mean Joey’s world would’ve revolve around you anymore, you reneged. But you still didn’t want her! You wanted Jen. You just didn’t want _me_ to have her! It’s the story of our goddamned life.”

Glowering at him, Dawson’s eyes filled with hatred.

He shook his head in disgust. “You think you have some sort of monopoly on Joey’s history. You act like I wasn’t even around. It was the _three of us_, Dawson! _We_ grew up together. I was there! For all of it! When Joey broke her arm, I sat in the hospital waiting room. And when her mom was sick, I was at the hospital. I was at the funeral. Our entire childhood, Dawson… I’ve been here the whole time!”

“You’ve been telling me all year that you and Joey needed to go your separate ways,” he went on. “How you both needed to move on. And immediately after rejecting her, you started flaunting Eve all over the place. Crashing boats, buying condoms, putting on a display in front of the whole school, without any regard for Joey’s feelings _at all_. So, it was perfectly okay for _you_ to move on, but you thought she’d just sit around and wait for you to pull your head out of your ass.”

Dawson opened his mouth to protest, but Jen laid a calming hand on his arm and shook her head, silencing him. “Let him speak his piece,” she said quietly.

“You wanted us all to just move on, and we did! You’re just pissed off because it’s not the Dawson Leery Show anymore. Me and Joey used to revolve around _you,_ and whatever was going on in your life always took priority over anything else. We all finally moved on, _including you_, but the moment you found out me and Joey might be moving on _together_, you play the victim! Because you only care about yourself.”

They stared at each other for a moment. “The fact of the matter is Joey’s love life is none of your damn business anymore. You don’t _own_ her, Dawson. She’s her own person, with her own free will. If the only way you can keep her is by emotionally blackmailing her with threats and manipulative control tactics, how can you call that love? You don’t care about her happiness. So, I’m done feeling guilty, Dawson. I’m done apologizing.”

He turned around and instantly came face-to-face with Joey, who stood there with her mouth open, gaping at him. How long had she been standing there? He swallowed hard. Then he walked off without another word, heading back to the table where he’d abandoned his lunch tray. The cafeteria had erupted in applause, his classmates cheering and whistling. “Way to go, Witter,” someone shouted. He knew it was more appreciation for the entertainment his public display provided than any kind of genuine support. It wasn’t like his classmates gave a damn about his problem with Dawson and Joey. They just liked to witness the drama of it all.

Heaving a sigh, he stared down at his food. He had no appetite.

“Hey.”

His head snapped up and he saw Andie standing there with her backpack over one shoulder and holding her lunch tray with her partially-eaten sandwich. She gave him a half-smile, and her eyes were sympathetic. “Is this seat taken?”

Sitting up straight, he shook his head and gestured to the chair across from him. He watched Andie sit down and tried to smile.

“So, uh…” She pursed her lips and played with her soda bottle. “You liked Joey sophomore year, huh?”

“Andie,” he sighed, closing his eyes. “It was before I met you, before you ever moved to Capeside. There was nothing going on while you and me were together, I promise. I loved you more than anything.”

She nodded, giving him a sad smile. “I know.” She sighed. “I’m really sorry, Pacey.”

His brows furrowed in confusion. “What do you have to be sorry about?”

Her eyes became shiny with tears. “I’m sorry for what Dawson did to you yesterday. It wasn’t right. You should’ve won the regatta, and everyone in town knows it. And… And I’m sorry you’re hurting. When I said I wanted you to be happy, Pacey, I meant it.”

“I know you did, Andie. I want you to be happy, too. You know, Will likes you an awful lot.”

She smiled weakly. He took a deep breath, opened his chocolate pudding, and finished his lunch in mostly companionable silence, determined to not look in Dawson and Joey’s direction. When he and Andie dropped off their trays at the dish room window, she turned to him. “Do have anyone to study with for finals?” she asked.

“I don’t really have any friends at the moment,” he replied glumly.

“Do you want a study partner?” Her brow arched. “You know I can be of help. I’ve helped you before. You know I can do wonders with flashcards, quizzes, and study games, not to mention time management so we pay an equal amount of attention to each subject.”

He chuckled and then shrugged in defeat. “All right, Andie. I really don’t want to fail my finals, and right now I think there’s a good chance of that happening.”

She smiled brightly. “Of course, you don’t. Especially since your grades have perked up this semester. You don’t want to throw away all your hard work.”

“Mr. Witter.”

Closing his eyes, he groaned and turned around. “Hi, Mr. Kapinos.”

The school psychologist frowned. “That was quite the display earlier.”

“You saw that, huh?”

“Come see me after your last class, Pacey.”

He watched Mr. Kapinos walk away, swearing to himself that every day seemed to suck more than the last.

Later that night, as he gazed up at Doug’s living room ceiling, unable to sleep, he came to a decision. Despite losing the regatta, he knew he would’ve won. He’d proved to his dad that his endeavor to restore _True Love_ had been worthwhile, that he’d made a success of it. Over the past few weeks, the only time he’d ever felt any sense of peace was out on the water. Nearly every waking moment was filled with pain: the pain of Joey’s rejection, the pain of unrequited love, the pain of Dawson’s hatred, the pain of being alone, of solitary nights and friendless days. He wanted to escape. His summers were rarely ever good, but this one was looking to be the most miserable one yet. He had money in the bank and a boat. He was gonna get the hell out of Capeside.

May 26. Doug helped him with his tuxedo and then he picked up Andie. They soon arrived at Leery’s Fresh Fish for the Anti-Prom that had been organized in protest of the Junior Prom Committee’s discrimination against Jack. He enjoyed Andie’s company, and had honestly wanted to spend the evening with her, and told himself that was the reason he’d asked her. But as soon as they arrived, and he laid eyes on Joey sitting down at their friends’ table, all that was forgotten.

He stood by the punch bowl and glanced around. His gaze quickly found Joey, speaking with Jen near the door. In the soft lighting, he could see her face clearly outlined. Her lips curved ever so slightly and her eyes glistened. He swallowed hard. She was so beautiful. And he knew. He knew why he’d come. He burned her image into his mind, knowing as long as he’d live, he’d never see another woman as lovely. He wanted to tell her. He ached to hold her.

Then Dawson appeared, whisking her out to the dance floor again, making sure to stare daggers at him as he did so. After several hours of this—watching Dawson parade Joey around like a trophy, all the while shooting triumphant glares in his direction—he started wondering whether he really was a glutton for punishment.

Later on, Andie had gotten up to use the ladies’ room, leaving him sitting at their table. A happy couple sat next to him, gazing moonily at each other and kissing. He wanted to find the nearest cliff. But at the unexpected and welcome sound of Joey’s voice, he turned around in his chair. “I’ve been meaning to ask you something all night, Pacey.” He gazed up at her, wondering what that could be. She reached for his hand. “Would you like to dance with me?”

For a moment, he stared at her hand holding his. It was the last thing he'd ever expected her to ask. Then he closed his hand around hers and smiled. “Yes.”

Taking him by the hand, she led him to the dance floor. His heart started beating faster. The butterflies came alive. Turning to face each other, Joey slid into his arms. He sighed as her body came into contact with his, and they started to dance. “How come this feels so right?” he murmured.

“I think it was those dance lessons,” she replied, smiling, obviously trying to make light of it.

He chuckled at the memory of their week at the dance studio with Penny Pretty as they moved to the music. Her earrings then caught his eye, glittering diamonds that hung from her earlobes. He’d never seen them before. They didn’t look right on her. His hand raised to touch one. “Where did you get those? They’re not you.”

“Why,” she replied, as his fingers moved to touch a tendril of her hair. “Because I’m just a poor tomboy, or because Dawson gave them to me?”

He wasn’t surprised—Dawson was always trying to cast her in a role—but that wasn’t the reason. “Neither. See this?” He took her wrist with the bracelet, holding it up. “This is you. It’s not showy, or gaudy. Just simple. Elegant. Beautiful.”

“It’s my mom’s bracelet.”

“I know.”

Joey looked up at him, surprised. “How do you know?”

The memory of that December morning filled his mind. She’d looked so pretty that day. “Well, because you told me. Six months ago. You were wearing that, uh, blue sweater with the snowflakes that you have. We were walking down the hallways at school. I was annoying you as per usual.” She let out a breathy laugh, smiling up at him. “You said, ‘Look, Pacey. I just found my mother’s bracelet this morning, so why don’t you cut me some slack?’”

She scoffed in surprise. “You remember that?”

Vivid memories began flashing in front of his eyes. Sanding and painting _True Love_, fixing up the B&B, sitting next to her while she ate popcorn, rehearsing the school play in her living room, driving lessons, picking her up in Boston, Aunt Gwen’s house. Her fingers entwined with his. Notes in his locker. Her arms around him. The dressing room behind the auditorium. Her lips moving beneath his.

He leaned closer. “I remember everything,” he whispered.

Joey’s hands slid up his chest to his shoulders as he tightened his hold on her waist and pulled her closer. When she didn’t resist, he held her firmly. He bent his head, inhaling the sweet scent of her warm skin and soft hair. She had worn it up off her neck, but some loose strands dropped in wispy tendrils. Then her face was tucked against his, and they were skin to skin. They swayed to the music, their bodies as one. His hand moved up the back of her gown until his fingers caressed the bare expanse of her skin. She felt wonderful against him—warm and firm, yet soft and feminine—and he melted inside.

Then she froze in his arms, and a thin thread of worry slipped through his mind. He pulled back and looked at her. She gazed up at him, misery etching across her face. “Dawson saw us, right?” he murmured.

“I _hate_ this, Pacey,” she said.

He frowned sadly at the pain in her eyes. “Go on, Jo. It’s okay.”

Joey squeezed his arm gratefully and then ran after Dawson.

There was a bench near the door, and a breeze blew soft and cool whenever anyone went in or out of the restaurant. He sat on it and took off his tie before leaning over, his elbows on his knees. Not even two minutes later, Joey reappeared, walking inside. Her eyes met his and then she walked over, sitting down beside him. They sat in silence for several long moments. “What are you thinking about?” she asked.

“Dawson’s 14th birthday party,” he answered.

She threw him a baffled look. “Why?”

He shrugged. “Do you remember it?”

“Yeah, of course I do,” she said. “It was at his house.”

“Uh-huh.”

Joey pursed her lips, fighting a grin. “And we played Spin the Bottle in the living room while Mitch and Gail were in the kitchen pretending to not know.”

Nodding, he turned to look at her. “Yep. We played Spin the Bottle.”

“And at one point you spun it and it landed on me,” she said. “You then moved in as if to kiss me, stopped, and then pretended to vomit while everyone else laughed, even Dawson, which was humiliating to my 14-year-old psyche.”

“And you got up and ran into the bathroom, crying.” He sighed. “I remember.”

Joey frowned. “Does anything good ever happen at Dawson’s birthday parties?”

Laughing, he shook his head. “Not usually for us. He typically does all right, although his 16th was a disaster.”

“That it was,” she replied.

“I wanted to kiss you, you know,” he blurted.

Her brows knitted. “Wha…?”

He stared down at his hands. “When we played Spin the Bottle. I had wanted to kiss you, and I felt terrible that I’d made you cry. I was sick to my stomach over it.”

“I know you felt bad.”

“You do?”

She nodded, giving him a half smile. “Don’t you remember what happened after that? Dawson and everyone kept playing but you sat outside the bathroom door apologizing and trying to coax me out. You kept making stupid jokes to make me laugh, and then I finally came out.”

He chuckled, the memory coming back to him. “Yeah.”

“So, why didn’t you kiss me?”

“Because when the bottle landed on you, Dawson gave me the same look he’s been giving me since he found out about us. It’s a look I’m very familiar with. So, I pretended to be disgusted and didn’t kiss you, but now I’m wishing I had. I wish a lot of things.”

Joey gazed at him. “I don’t know. Maybe timing is everything.”

He looked up at her and their eyes held. “As long as Dawson’s in the picture, our timing will probably always be bad.”

“Pacey,” she whispered. “Please just give me some time to sort it out.”

If time was the only thing she wanted from him, then she’d have plenty of it when he leaves Capeside. Andie then appeared in his line of vision. She didn’t look happy. His guts twisted into knots of guilt. “Anyway, I should return to my date,” he said. “I hope the rest of your night improves. Thanks for the dance, Jo. Take all the time you need.” Then he walked away from her, refusing to turn and glance behind him.

*****

May 28. Joey climbed down from Dawson’s bedroom window. She started to walk towards the dock but then stopped and stared at the house next door. Without a second thought, she changed course. When she reached the porch, she went up the stairs and knocked on the inside door. Less than a minute later, it opened.

“Josephine Potter? At this time of night?”

“Hi, Mrs. Ryan. I didn’t mean to come over this late, but I was next door…” She frowned in disapproval. Joey ignored it. “Is Jen home?”

The older woman shook her head. “She went down to the waterfront with Jack and his sister for some Memorial Day Weekend festivities, but I’m expecting her home any minute. Do you want to come inside and wait?”

She smiled awkwardly. “No, but thank you. I can wait out here for a few minutes.”

“Suit yourself, dear. Have a good night.” Mrs. Ryan closed the door.

Then she walked out of the porch and sat down on the steps. After waiting about 10 minutes, Jen turned up. “Hey, Joey,” she greeted, her eyes widening in surprise. “What are you doing here?”

“I was at the Leery’s for dinner. Dawson’s mom asked me to be her Maid of Honor. After dinner, I asked Dawson if we could go up to his room and watch a movie, and…” She shrugged, the sentence trailing off.

“And?” Jen said, sitting down next to her.

Joey tucked her hair behind an ear and heaved a sigh. “Well, we’d tried that a couple weeks ago and watched _E.T_. I guess… Bessie had said that growing up means dealing with consequences but… I just want things to go back to the way they used to be before everything became so messy and complicated. And I still want to watch a movie with an ending I know like the back of my hand.”

She pursed her lips, thinking. “Movie night in Dawson’s bedroom was always my safe space when I was a kid. My life was falling apart, but I had Dawson, and in his room, I could shut myself away from everything that was hurting me. And I knew as long as he was there, I would be all right. I’d still get my own happy ending. But without Dawson, I don’t know what my ending would be. The future turns into this scary place where anything could happen that I have no control over. And what if my ending is bad? What if my life ends up a tragedy like my parents? So, I cling to Dawson like a child and am terrified of losing the only security I have left.”

Jen nodded in understanding. “And how did that go? Reverting back to being a kid and watching a movie with Dawson?”

“He picked _Jurassic Park_ tonight. I didn’t even really pay attention to it, to be honest.” She swallowed against the lump forming at the back of her throat. “My mind was elsewhere.”

“Pacey?” Jen said quietly.

She let out a shuddering breath, her eyes suddenly filling with tears. “It’s becoming more and more obvious that Pacey is growing up. I mean, we’re the same age and he just seems so much older all of a sudden. Like, he’s turning into a man right in front of my eyes. While me and Dawson…” Her tears welled up and brimmed over, and she hastily brushed them away. “I just want things between the three of us to go back to the way they were before,” she said, her voice thick with emotion.

“I gotta be honest with you, Joey. You didn’t seem all that happy before. You obviously didn’t have this difficult situation to deal with, but I can’t say you were _happy_. You were angry most of the time, even when you were with Dawson, and then over the course of this year I started to see the anger fade. And… what I _can_ say is… That week following Spring Break, when you were with Pacey? You were positively _glowing_; you were so happy. You could barely keep from smiling at all times. I’d never seen you like that, ever.”

She shook her head, trying to fight the emotion welling up inside, but it was no use. Joey hugged her knees, hiding her face, and began to cry, hoarse, racking sobs. Jen slid closer, wrapped an arm around her, and placed a gentle hand on her back. “Everything’s gonna be all right, Joey. You’ll see.”

**1995**

September 23. On Saturday night, Joey sat up in bed reading the new book she’d gotten for her birthday. Lillian knocked on the door and walked in. “Your sister is staying with Bodie tonight, so you get the bedroom all to yourself,” she said.

“Mom, I can’t believe you guys let Bessie spend the night with her boyfriend,” Joey replied, frowning. “Gross.”

“Your sister is 22 years old. She’s an adult. You won’t think it’s so gross when you fall in love.” Lillian moved over to the bed and climbed up, lying down next to her daughter. “What are you reading?”

“_Choose Your Own Adventure_,” she answered.

Her mother gave her a teasing smile. “And let me guess, did you already skip ahead to the back to find out how to get the happy ending?”

Joey rolled her eyes. “No one wants a bad ending, Mom.”

Lillian sighed. “No, they don’t. Did you have fun at your birthday party today? I’m sorry your dad had to miss it. We can’t really afford to close the restaurant on Saturday afternoon. We need the money right now. He feels terrible about it.”

“It’s okay. I understand. My party was a lot of fun. Thank you.”

“I still can’t believe my baby girl is a teenager now.”

She chewed on her lip. “I wonder why Pacey didn’t come to the party. He kept telling me all week he was coming, and then he doesn’t show up.”

“Mrs. Witter said something unexpected had come up and he couldn’t make it. You’ll have to ask him about it at school on Monday.”

Scowling, Joey stared down at her book. “He drives me nuts, Mom.”

Fighting a grin, Lillian nodded. “I know he does, honey.” A glowing smile then spread across her face as she turned on her side to look at her daughter, propping her head up with her elbow. “You know, Pacey reminds me a lot of your dad when he was that age.”

“Really?”

“Mm-hmm. Very much.” She smiled. “Your daddy drove me nuts, too. He’s been driving me nuts for 30 years.”

Joey swallowed against a lump in her throat as tears pricked her eyes. “Do you ever wish you hadn’t married Daddy?” she murmured.

Lillian’s eyes went wide. “Of course not. I wouldn’t have had you or Bessie if I hadn’t married your father, and I wouldn’t trade you girls for the world.”

She sniffled and put aside her book before turning on her side and scooting down to lay face to face with her mom. “But pretend you didn’t have me or Bessie. Do you regret it?”

“No. Your father is the love of my life. There’s no one in the world who can make me feel the way he makes me feel. There’s no one in this world who could ever look at me like he does, or kiss me like he does. Were there other young men I knew who may have been a safer choice? Who may have given me an easier life? Yes. But I never would’ve been truly happy with anyone else. The love we have is once-in-a-lifetime, and I’d marry your daddy all over again.”

“But he hurt you,” she whispered tearfully.

Lillian reached out and brushed a strand of hair away from her daughter’s face, tucking it behind her ear. “Your father and I have been in love since we were kids. We grew up together and there were a lot of growing pains. We’ve hurt each other a hundred times over. It doesn’t mean we don’t love each other.”

Tears fell from Joey’s eyes. “But he _really_ hurt you, Mom. What he’s done to you…” She paused, wiping her tears. “I hate him.”

“Josephine Potter, don’t you ever say that,” her mother scolded. “You don’t hate anyone, and especially not your father. You love your father. You can be angry at someone and still love them. But there’s only so much time I have left on this earth, and I don’t want to spend it being bitter and angry at the man I love.”

“But how could he do this to you? And it’s all over town. Everyone knows.”

Lillian’s eyes pricked with tears. “Sweetheart, your dad was faithful to me for almost 30 years. He loves me more than life itself. But losing me… he can’t cope with it. He’s not strong like me and you and Bessie. He’s falling apart inside. He’s a gentle, tenderhearted man, and the pain is just too much to bear. Some people become desperate and look for ways to escape the pain. They escape by drinking too much, or doing drugs. For others, sex is an escape. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

She brushed away the tears from her cheeks. “But love isn’t supposed to be like that. True love means a happy ending. It’s supposed to last forever, and not turn bad in the end. You’re not supposed to end up with a broken heart. That’s what happily ever after means.”

“Oh, Joey,” her mother sighed. “Real love isn’t a fairy tale, honey. True love is hard, and there are no guarantees. It’s a leap of faith. It’s something you have to work at and fight for. It’s a choice you make, every day, to love somebody despite how much they drive you nuts.”

“But you could be making the wrong choice and not even know it,” she replied tearfully. “You might think you’re making the right choice, but then it all falls apart and you don’t get the happy ending.”

Lillian picked up the book that lay on the bed between them and looked at it for a moment. “Josephine, don’t be so determined to make every perfect choice just to get the happily ever after that you forget to actually _live_. Take risks. Live in the moment. Follow your heart and live the life you want to live, regardless of what the ending might be.” Tears filled her eyes. “That’s how you live with no regrets. My ending is coming soon, and other than the ending itself and what I’ll miss out on in the future, I can say that I don’t have any regrets about the life I’ve already lived. Don’t be so afraid of life, my darling. The fun is in the adventure, _not_ knowing the ending.”

Joey slid over, tucked herself into her mother, and started to cry.


	17. 2000 (Part Eight)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _There's a lightning in your eyes I can't deny  
Then there's me inside a sinking boat  
Running out of time  
Without you I'll never make it out alive  
But I know, yes I know we'll be all right_
> 
> _There's a devil in your smile that's chasing me  
And every time I turn around it's only gaining speed  
There's a moment when you finally realize  
There's no way you can change the rolling tide  
But I know, yes I know that I'll be fine_
> 
> _There's a future in my life I can't foresee  
Unless of course I stay on course  
And keep you next to me  
There will always be the kind that criticize  
But I know, yes I know we'll be all right_
> 
> _This time I'm ready to run  
Escape from the city and follow the sun  
'Cause I wanna be yours  
Don't you wanna be mine  
I don't wanna get lost in the dark of the night  
This time I'm ready to run  
Wherever you are is the place I belong  
'Cause I wanna be free  
And I wanna be young  
I will never look back now I'm ready to run_
> 
> _This time I'm ready to run  
I'll give everything that I got for your love_
> 
> _This time I'm ready to run_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that the fic is officially in Canon Divergent territory, I've decided that it will start to include Joey's POV surrounding certain important events in the story from here on out, particularly when changes need to be highlighted from what we saw on the show. The Joey in this story won't be nearly as hung up on Dawson as she was on the show, and in this story the final events of S3 allow her to sever the cord like she should've. I'm also not going to reward Dawson for his asshole-ish behavior like the show did by suddenly letting him be the bigger person and be seen as the hero by giving Joey his permission to do what she wants with her life (Thank you, Oh Wise One), so you'll see some changes there as well.

May 29. On Memorial Day, he and Doug went to their parents’ house. Upon walking in the door, he was immediately greeted by chaos. His eldest sister was in the living room, screaming into the telephone, and there was no doubt her erstwhile husband was on the other end. Their parents were having a heated discussion in the kitchen about the Carrie-and-Jerry situation. He looked around for his nieces, but there was no sign of them downstairs.

He walked into his bedroom to find the girls sitting on the floor playing with some toys, closing the door and frowning because the commotion could still be heard. Upon sight of him, his nieces jumped up and ran to him, hugging his legs. “How’re you doing, Piper?” he asked the oldest.

Her mouth curved into a frown and she shrugged. Sighing, he closed his eyes and shook his head. He needed to get these girls out of this house for a while. “Who wants to go for ice cream?”

“Me!” they all shouted excitedly.

After they were back downstairs, he told Piper to get her mom’s car keys and then they were walking out the door, leaving the angry chaos of the Witter household behind them. Once the girls were buckled into their car seats, he took off toward Buzz’s house, and after his young mentee was collected, he drove them to Reese’s Dairy Bar. When they arrived, the place was packed. He silently cursed the tourist season, and was again glad to be getting out of Capeside this summer.

“I want a ice cream cone,” Maddie said as he helped her out of her car seat.

“You got it, kiddo.”

After telling Buzz to hold onto Piper’s hand, he took hold of the twins and they walked over to the back of the long line. Eventually Audrey didn’t want to stand anymore and was reaching for him to hold her. As he picked her up and held her in his arms, Buzz suddenly pointed and called out, “It’s Dawson!”

He turned sharply, his gaze falling on Dawson, Joey, Jack, and Jen sitting at one of the umbrella-covered picnic tables. Joey was staring back at him while the others glanced around to see where the shouting had come from. His heart constricted. “Put your hand down, Buzz, and stop pointing,” he spoke in a low voice, tearing his eyes from Joey’s.

“But I wanna go say hi to Dawson,” he whined.

“Well, he’s busy eating his ice cream and we still have to get ours, okay?”

Buzz accepted it begrudgingly. Slowly, they moved forward in line towards the window. He glanced over at the table with his friends. None of them appeared particularly happy. Joey sat there next to Dawson with a plain vanilla cone, looking rather morose. He felt sorry for her, but his pity was mixed with frustration. She’d made her bed and now she was going to have to lie in it. He was sure this was just a glimpse of what his summer would look like if he stayed, and he was more determined than ever to leave.

They finally got up to the window to order. “What do you want, Piper?” he asked.

“A twist,” she replied.

“A twist,” her twin sisters mimicked.

The woman on the other side had her pen and pad ready. “Three small twists.” He turned to Buzz. “You?”

“Same,” Buzz answered.

“Okay, make that four twists.” He glanced over at where Joey sat, still frowning at her vanilla cone, before turning back to the lady. “And a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup Sundae. And, uh, see that table over there? With the girl with the dark hair—really pretty? Sitting next to the blond guy?”

She smiled. “You mean Josephine Potter?”

He blinked in surprise. “You know her?”

“Sure,” she said, shrugging. “We’ve known the Potters for years. Shame what happened to the Ice House. That was a nice little restaurant, and just down the street, too. They had great food. We used to help each other out by doing joint promotions.”

“Well, can you send the sundae over to her? Oh, and send some napkins with it. She’ll need ‘em.”

The woman smirked. “And who shall I say has bought it for her?”

He shrugged. “Just tell her it’s on the house. But don’t give it to her until after we’re gone. Please?”

She eyed him a moment and then smiled with what seemed like kind sympathy. “Sure thing, sweetie.”

“Do you want to pay?” he asked Piper. His niece nodded excitedly and took the cash from his hand, giving it over to the woman behind the window.

One by one, the twists came out and he dispersed them among the kids. Audrey still in his arms, he handed over her ice cream last, and she began to lick as they turned and walked away from the window.

June. On Friday after he got out of work, he drove the Witter wagon back to his parents’ house, where Doug was going to be picking him up after he got done with his shift. His stomach tightened into knots of anxiety as he went up the brick steps and onto the porch. As he opened the front door and stepped inside, he wondered if there would ever come a day when he could walk inside his own home and not feel sick.

Immediately upon sitting down on the living room couch, his nieces were all over him like little monkeys. After getting out their excited energy, he got them to sit calmly next to him, with one on his lap, and watch some TV. His parents soon joined him in the room. He watched them crack open cans of beer, and his jaw clenched. “Where’s Carrie?” he asked them.

“She’s taking a nap,” his mother answered.

He glanced up at the clock; it wasn’t even eight-thirty. Shaking his head, he sighed and leaned back against the couch. Piper then slid off the couch and climbed into the chair with his dad. “You wanna sit with Grandpa?” John Witter said, his arm going around her as she cuddled against him.

He couldn’t remember ever sitting in his dad’s lap. But at least his dad seemed to be in a good mood, and so now was probably the best time. It honestly didn’t matter what his father said—he was going to do what he had already decided to do—but he figured he should tell his dad ahead of time as to avoid a world of hurt when he showed up back in Capeside at the end of the summer. “So, uh, Pop… there was something I wanted to run by you.”

“And what’s that, Pacey?”

“I was thinking of going sailing over summer vacation.”

His dad took a swig of beer. “Like a fishing trip?”

He hesitated, swallowing hard. “Um, not exactly. Although, I think I’ll probably end up doing a lot of fishing. But, uh, I was gonna sail my boat down to the Florida Keys. I already talked to my boss at the video store and he said they can probably hold my position until I get back.”

Both his parents turned stunned expressions on him. “Who’s going with you?” his dad asked.

“Um…” Should he lie? “Uh, well, no one. It’ll be just me and the sea.”

“Well, I don’t think _that’s_ a good idea,” his mother remarked to his father, as if he wasn’t sitting right there. “_Pacey? _Going on a sailboat a thousand miles away? And _by himself?_ We’d never see him again. When he screws up, no one will be there to help him.”

He frowned and looked at his dad, whose attention had returned to the television screen. “I know you can handle a boat, Pacey. You did well in the regatta—I watched you—but you had your friend with you. It’s possible you’ll hit some rough waters. We’re heading into hurricane season, you know?”

Despite surprise at hearing his dad had even been present at the regatta, let alone believed he’d done well, a deflated feeling began welling up inside him. He could sense his parents weren’t going to approve, but he was still determined to go, no matter what. “I know, Pop.”

John Witter was silent for a long moment. “Stay near the coastline and don’t stray out too far into open waters, you hear me?”

A smile broke out on his face, feeling elated by his father’s approval of his summer plans. “Yeah, Dad. Of course.”

“And call home every week or your mother will worry.”

“I certainly don’t want to have to go down to Florida to identify your body,” she said. “Which is probably more likely than you think.”

He blinked. “Thanks for the vote of confidence, Ma.”

His father turned to look at him, his face stern. “Well, your mother is right. You can’t afford any screw-ups on this one because it could mean your life, Pacey.”

“I understand, Pop. I’ll be careful, I promise.”

She shook her head. “I don’t know about this, John.”

“The boy is 17 years old,” his father told her. “He’s almost an adult. He can handle himself.”

“All right, all right.” His mother raised her hands in defeat.

Sitting back against the couch, the twins snuggled on either side of him, he counted down the days inside his head. In less than a week, he’d be done with school, and then he’d be getting the hell out of here. Spending the summer in Capeside was nothing he wanted to subject himself to. And he had thought last year sucked—with both Andie and Dawson away and Joey lost in a cloud of anger, ignoring him all summer. This summer would be even worse if he stayed. He knew what it would entail—Dawson and Joey painfully trying to force something to work that was just never going to work while he wallowed in the background—and he could feel the anger flood his gut whenever he thought about it. He couldn’t wait to be far away from everything and everyone making him miserable.

June 8. On Thursday, he finished the last of his finals and walked out of school at half past twelve, feeling like a free man. He wouldn’t have to even look at this place again until September. Doug was parked in the student drop off, waiting for him. He walked across the lawn and soon Andie was walking by his side. “Hey, how’d ya do?” he asked her.

“I think I did all right,” she answered coyly. “You?”

“Whose sadistic idea was it to have the trig final and the chemistry final on the same day? Cruel and unusual. I just hope I didn’t bomb.”

Andie gave him an encouraging smile. “I’m sure you did fine.”

“Oh!” he exclaimed, remembering, and unzipped his backpack, pulling out her yearbook and handing it over. “I wrote you a little something in the back.”

“Thanks, Pacey,” she said, blushing. “Um… you still planning on leaving on your adventure?”

“Yep. Sunday morning. I figure I should at least make an appearance at Mitch and Gail’s wedding on Saturday.”

“Okay, so… We decided to throw you a going-away party,” she said, smiling brightly.

His brows furrowed as he looked down at her suspiciously. “Who’s _we?”_

Andie giggled. “Me and Jack and Jen. Her grandmother got in on it, too. And I invited Will, but unfortunately, he can’t make it. He says he wants you to send him a postcard from Key West, though. Anyway, we’re gonna have it down by the dock tomorrow night, right in front of _True Love_. Don’t worry about bringing anything. We’ve got it all planned. You in?” She waggled her eyebrows.

He felt touched they would do something like that just for him. “Sure, McPhee,” he replied, smiling. “I’ll be there.”

Andie beamed at him and then said goodbye, turning towards the student parking lot. He quickly reached his brother’s patrol car. “Hey, Dougie,” he said, getting into the passenger seat. “You can just drop me off at the docks.”

“And how were your finals?” his brother asked, pulling the car away from the curb. “Math and science today, right?”

“Yep. It was torture.”

Later that afternoon, he walked out of the market with his bag of goods to pack away on the boat to see Joey standing there scowling, leaning against the building with her arms crossed. She obviously wasn’t happy about something. As he walked away, it became obvious that someone had told her he was leaving Capeside for the summer and she was pissed off.

“Well, I expected you to at least say goodbye,” she said.

“Oh, yeah, the goodbye scene. Played that one over a thousand times in my head. I come to you, heart in hand, and announce my plans. You look at me, pained, but then, of course, the Potter sarcasm kicks in and I leave never getting what I came for.”

Joey shook her head, throwing her hands up in frustration. “And what is that, Pacey?”

How many times did he have to put himself out there for her? Open himself up to the pain of her rejection over and over again? He was done. He knew what would’ve happened if he’d come to her to tell her he was leaving: nothing. Saying goodbye would just be too painful, and it would get him nowhere. So, what was the point? “You never ask me to stay. Ever.”

“Look, that’s not my decision.”

“Yes, it is. It always has been. You may be too afraid to make it, but let’s be honest with each other, here. The decision to be together or not to be together has _always_ been yours.” He turned to see they were in front of the wall he’d leased for her, still unpainted. It seemed fitting that they’d arrive at this spot.

“All I asked for was time.”

“And that’s exactly what you got. And you’re gonna get three more months of it. Maybe by September you’ll have finally come to a decision about whether or not you want to be with me.” He smiled sarcastically and took a bite of his Three Musketeers candy bar.

Joey scowled, anger flaring in her eyes. “You know, I may be undecided, Pacey, but at least I’m not running away. You can dress it up any way you want, Pacey. It still comes down to the same thing: you’re giving up.”

Unbelievable. “_I’m_ giving up. You’re a piece of work, Potter, you know that? You’re the one who ended things between us, so don’t talk to me about giving up. _I’m_ the one giving up?”

“Mm-hmm!” Her face pinched in anger.

He chuckled dryly. “Turn around.” She obeyed. “It’s your wall. It’s unfinished… Just like us.”

She turned back to face him, still scowling. “Believe it or not, Pacey, this is not the ending that I asked for.”

“Me neither. But it’s the ending we got, isn’t it?” He couldn’t keep the sarcasm out of his tone.

“Yeah, I guess it is.” She glared and walked away.

He turned to watch her go. “And whose fault is that, Potter?” he called after her. “You’re the one with the power to change things, here.”

Joey kept walking and didn’t look back. He gazed up at her wall, and started to wonder if she was right. _Was_ he giving up? Did she just need _a little_ more time? Should he wait? But for how long? And then wait for what? For her just to decide in the end he wasn’t worth it? That she’d rather stay with a guy who was all wrong for her because she was too scared to move on with her life? And then it’d be a whole summer wasted wallowing in agony, when he could’ve been sailing to the Keys and trying to forget about all the bullshit back home. Doug had told him that every time he looked up at the stars, he’d see her face. Well, maybe that was true, but it’d be far better than seeing her around town, joined at the hip with Dawson all summer while she threw sorrowful looks in his direction.

The stars were safer. The stars couldn’t hurt him.

On Friday night, he stood at the picnic table in front of the dock where _True Love_ was moored, watching Andie, Jack, and Jen drive off with Mrs. Ryan. Her story about Thomas Culpepper and having no regrets went around his head. If he left Capeside without showing Joey one last time how he felt about her, would he regret it? Would he return in September and only kick himself, wishing he’d made a last-ditch effort to win the girl of his dreams and free her from her cage?

His mind made up, he threw on his jacket and started walking toward the hardware store.

Standing in front of her wall, he set the can of red paint on the ground and removed the lid. He knew Joey was afraid—afraid to make a choice, afraid to take a chance, afraid to make a leap of faith. But maybe she just needed one last push, and then she’d find the courage. She had needed a push to repaint her ruined mural. She’d needed a push to get her driver’s license. She’d needed a push to stand up and fight for Principal Green. And he’d been there for her through it all, pushing and encouraging her. He wanted to let her know that he hadn’t given up, that if she decided to make that leap, he’d be there to catch her. The brush lowered into the can. He climbed the ladder, and began to paint.

June 10. The wedding was beautiful, and he was happy for Mitch and Gail, and genuinely touched they had invited him after everything that happened. Maybe it was the fact their son had nearly killed him that had prompted them to bestow a peace offering. He glanced over at Joey, milling about the refreshment table. He walked over and ladled some punch into a glass. She stared at him while he took a sip.

“You look very pretty,” he said simply.

“Thanks,” she replied, averting her eyes from his in an embarrassed way, tucking her hair behind an ear. She busied herself with straightening napkins. “So, uh, when are you leaving? I didn’t get the specifics.”

He shoved his hand in his pocket and drank more before answering. “Tomorrow.”

Her lips pursed, and she nodded, saying nothing.

“You got anything you want to say to me, Jo?”

Their eyes met and held for a long moment. She opened her mouth to speak, but then Gail called her over. The dancing was about to begin. He walked over to the back porch, and waited. A little while later, when Joey finally approached him and told him her decision, he wasn’t surprised. Disappointed, but not surprised. Well, he’d tried. He’d done everything he could think of. It was her choice, and she made it. If only she’d made it sooner, instead of the long, drawn-out melodrama that had been the past two months of their lives.

And it was clear Dawson still hated him. He was disappointed by that, but again, not surprised. With a deep breath, he pushed the pain away, as far down as he could manage. He walked away from his best friend, feeling numb. He’d lost both Joey and Dawson, but he’d think about that later. He’d have all the time in the world to think about it over the summer, and probably for the rest of his life.

*****

May 29. At a picnic table with an umbrella in the center, Joey sat beside Dawson while Jen and Jack regaled them with their prom woes. She had no desire to add to the discussion, and Dawson didn’t seem keen on talking about the prom either. Jen had broken up with Henry Parker for what seemed like the tenth time and Jack was miserable about the way he left things with his friend Ethan. Dawson and Jack then left the table to finally stand in line to get them their ice cream, leaving her alone with Jen.

“You haven’t said much.”

“I have nothing positive to say about the prom,” Joey replied.

Jen frowned; her lips pursed at the corner. “Was there _any_ part of prom you enjoyed?”

She swallowed, hesitating. “Not really.”

“I saw you dancing with Pacey, though,” Jen said quietly, her voice just above a whisper.

“I can’t say I _enjoyed_ it.” She propped her elbows on the table, and then crossed her arms and shrugged. “Well, I mean, _I did_, but I think it just made me sad, more than anything. That’s honestly how I feel when I’m around Pacey now. So, while part of me enjoyed the dance and didn’t want it to end, another part of me was just sad about the whole situation. And then Dawson went and blew up over it.”

Around them, families were filling up the other umbrella-covered picnic tables. “Yeah, I saw him leave and then you ran out after him,” Jen said. “But I didn’t see him come back inside. I take it the conversation went bad?”

She frowned again, face pinched as she stared down at the table. “That’s an understatement,” she snarked. “He orchestrated the whole Anti-Prom, not for Jack’s sake, but as a play to make me choose him. Please don’t tell Jack, though, okay? I don’t want Dawson’s behavior to start bringing everyone else down.”

“I wouldn’t _want_ to tell Jack that, believe me,” Jen remarked. “You know I love Dawson and we’re good friends and we trust each other, but I gotta say… when he gets his mind settled on something, he’ll do whatever it takes. Unfortunately, he doesn’t mind fighting dirty.” She scoffed. “Remember sophomore year? After me and Dawson had broken up? I had a date with Cliff to the carnival, and Dawson concocted that whole double date?”

“Yeah, by using Mary Beth and lying to her,” Joey grumbled disapprovingly. That had also been the night Pacey had kissed her in front of her house. He’d kissed her first, before Dawson ever did. She pushed that thought away. Then she shook her head, frowning again at the memory from prom night. “He kissed me.”

Confusion etched across Jen’s expression. “Dawson?”

She glanced over to see Dawson and Jack moving closer to the stand’s window. “Yeah. After he saw me dancing with Pacey and confessed the whole Anti-Prom scheme.”

“And how did that go?”

“It reaffirmed something I’ve known for a while now,” she said.

Jen arched her brows, giving her an expectant look. “Which is?”

Again, Joey glanced over to the line where Dawson and Jack stood. They were moving up to the window to order. “That I’m not in love with Dawson anymore.” It was the first time she’d spoken the words out loud, and felt as if a weight had been lifted.

“That couldn’t have been an easy truth to accept.”

“Honestly? It’s terrifying. Months ago, I had started talking about my feelings for Dawson in the past tense, but didn’t really want to think about it too much, and then when Pacey kissed me… I knew for sure. I admitted the truth to myself: I don’t love him like I used to. I mean, Dawson is my best friend, and he’ll always be my best friend. I think a part of me will always love him in _that_ way, but that’s as far as it goes. And after Dawson kissed me at prom, I can say that’s as far as it’s ever gonna go. I know that now, and the revelation that everything I thought I knew about myself and my future was completely wrong just fills me with such fear that it keeps me frozen in place, unable to move in any direction. And I know Dawson wants more than friendship, and still believes we’re soulmates and everything will work out just the way he’s always said it will.”

Jen leaned over the table. “And now you don’t believe in the whole _soulmates_ thing? That it’s meant to be? That you’ll always find your way back to each other, as he likes to say?”

She pursed her lips, thinking it over, hard truths circling her mind that she didn’t want to speak out loud. She pushed those thoughts away. “Well…” She sighed, her brows knitting. “But I don’t want to lose him. I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want to hurt anyone. I’m tired of hurting people. And I’m only hurting myself in the process.”

Dawson and Jack were now heading back carrying four ice cream cones, and they ended the conversation. When the guys reached the picnic table, they took their seats beside her and Jen. “Small vanilla cone,” Dawson said, as he handed over the ice cream. “Your favorite.”

Joey stared for a moment, swallowing hard, and then took the ice cream from his outstretched hand. It was such a small thing, and yet she found herself feeling trapped, as if the vanilla cone was going to suffocate her. She wanted to get up from the table and run away but she didn’t; needed to scream and kept silent. And then she saw him. Her heart jumped and her breath caught in her throat. She hadn’t seen him since Friday night at the prom, since she’d come to some realizations about herself.

Pacey was surrounded by children, Buzz and three little girls. They had to be his nieces. One of the girls, with blond hair pulled into two pigtails, threw her hands up, silently begging for him to hold her. He smiled and picked her up off the ground just as Buzz laid eyes on their table and shouted for Dawson. She watched Pacey’s head turn in the direction of their table, and his eyes locked with hers for a long moment before he turned away.

The sight of him holding a child in his arms didn’t make Joey’s heart beat any slower. It did strange things to her insides, making them go all soft. For a second, she could imagine Pacey holding a child of his own and doing all the things a dad would do, changing diapers, singing songs, playing tea party or throwing a ball around, telling bedtime stories, tucking the covers around the child at night. Their child.

Her mind froze. Where had that thought come from? What was wrong with her? She was supposed to be forgetting about Pacey. She couldn’t possibly choose between what she might have with him, and her lifelong friendship with her best friend. Dawson was a sure thing. Pacey was the great unknown. It was best to just be friends with the both of them, and leave it at that. Nothing more. It was safer that way for everyone involved. How could she let the sight of Pacey holding his niece change anything?

But somehow it did, and Joey could feel her resolve weakening. Dawson, Jen, and Jack spoke around her, but she wasn’t exactly sure what they were talking about. She tried her best to ignore him, but her gaze was drawn to Pacey like a magnet as he moved forward in the line. He still held his niece with pigtails in one arm, while the other two played with his other hand or hugged him about his leg. It was obvious Buzz was speaking excitedly about something, and Pacey would smile and give him his full attention even though the girls clung to him. She wondered what they were talking about, and wished she was standing in line with them instead of sitting at this table.

“Maybe we should invite him over,” suggested Jen. “Extend an olive branch. This thing between you two can’t go on forever.”

“It can,” Dawson retorted. “Pacey ruined everything, and there’s no going back. Do you think I’ll ever be able to trust him again? That’s not my fault. He made his choices.”

Joey frowned. She’d hoped that in time Dawson’s anger would dissipate, and they would be able to speak about Pacey calmly. That in time, he’d become accepting and forgiving, and then she would be free to go after what she wanted without fear of repercussions. That in time, they’d get their friendship on track to the point where it didn’t matter who she dated. It was obvious that time was probably far off into the distant future, if it ever came at all.

She ate some of her ice cream, but then didn’t want anymore, and tossed half of it in the nearby trash can. Her fingers were all sticky. “Did you get any napkins, Dawson?”

He stopped talking mid-sentence and turned to look at her. “Uh…” He glanced at the table. “No, I didn’t. You want me to go get some?”

“No, that’s okay.” She sighed and then wiped her hands on the thighs of her jeans. Looking up, she watched Pacey and the kids walk away from the window, ice cream in hand. The pigtailed toddler bouncing on his hip held onto the cone and licked her ice cream before offering some to Pacey. He smiled, opened his mouth wide, and little girl giggled before feeding him from her cone.

As Joey watched them cross the street together, heading for the waterfront, Pacey making sure everyone held hands and looked both ways before they crossed, she filled with an aching loneliness she couldn’t even put into words, an awareness that something was missing from her life, that feeling of emptiness that had crept into her heart since the night she broke things off with him suddenly intensifying.

“Miss Potter?”

The voice pulled her from her reverie. She turned to see Mr. Palmer, an older gentleman whose family owned Reese’s Dairy Bar. He had a white apron tied around his waist and was standing in front of their table. He was holding a Peanut Butter Cup Sundae. “This is for you,” he said, setting the dish down in front of her along with a spoon. “On the house.”

She was stunned; she’d never gotten anything free there before. “Wow. Thanks, Mr. Palmer.”

The older man smiled. “You know, we still feel awful bad your family’s restaurant burned down. Maybe someday you’ll fix it up again, but I know you and your sister are running the bed and breakfast now and I’m sure that keeps you very busy.”

“Yeah, it does.” She wasn’t sure how the Palmer’s knew that the Peanut Butter Cup Sundae was her favorite, as she rarely ever ordered it. She’d only been allowed on special occasions when she was younger, as a cone was much cheaper, and then the only times she’d gotten it in recent memory were when she was with Pacey and they’d shared it. She wasn’t one to splurge on herself. Her gaze turned in the direction Pacey and the kids had walked off. _Did he…?_

Mr. Palmer’s eyes then widened as if he remembered something he’d forgotten. He pulled some napkins from the pocket of his apron and offered them to her. “I was told you’d probably need these.”

“Thank you,” she said, taking the napkins from his hand. The words dried up in Joey’s mouth as her heart leapt inside her chest, her insides continuing to soften. _Pacey._

The man turned to leave. “Wait, uh… Do you have any more spoons, so I can share with my friends?” she asked. “There’s no way I can eat the whole thing myself.”

He nodded and pulled out three more spoons from his apron pocket. “Enjoy,” he said before walking off.

“Wow, that was nice of them,” Jack commented. “Apparently being well-known in this town must have its perks for _some_ people.”

She rolled her eyes, fighting a grin. “Trust me. This is probably the one and only time the Potter name will come in useful.” She could feel Dawson staring at her, and she refused to look at him. Instead, she picked up a spoon and dug into her sundae, conflicting thoughts of Pacey swirling inside her head.

June 9. Joey stood in front of her wall, staring up at “ASK ME TO STAY” painted in large red letters. Her feelings for Pacey, the strong connection she felt to him, welled up inside her. It was Pacey who pulled the car over on that cold March morning and turned her body and her world upside down. It was Pacey who had made everything she’d once felt for Dawson seem like… less.

For most of her life, she had loved Dawson, and believed he was the one for her. Yet when it finally happened, when she finally got everything she’d always thought she wanted, almost immediately it had felt like something was missing. Being in a relationship with him wasn’t what she thought it was going to be. It seemed like they were always searching for something more with each other, but couldn’t find it. It never felt quite right. Things never really clicked once they became a couple.

Not like this.

And now she knew why.

It was never Dawson she was supposed to click with. It wasn’t him she needed. It wasn’t him who made her fall head over heels to the point of complete abandon.

It was his best friend.

Since they were kids, she was inexplicably, undeniably consumed with thoughts about Pacey. Every little thing he did got under her skin, and sometimes she would obsess for days over something he had said or done—or _not_ said or _not_ done—to her, no matter how seemingly insignificant. She had cared far too much for someone who claimed to not care at all, and had worked hard for years to suppress and deny just how much she cared.

After the prom, when she came home to Bessie and cried her eyes out, she had finally stopped denying it. It was no use lying to herself anymore. She had fallen in love with Pacey. She didn’t know when exactly—maybe it was a string of moments added up together instead of a singular event—but she knew the truth when he kissed her. And she had spent so long harboring feelings she constantly denied, that it was possible she’d known the truth way before that ever happened.

As the details fell into place in Joey’s mind, fitting together like puzzle pieces, the inevitable questions followed, the same questions that had been plaguing her for the past two months. What would happen if it all fell apart? What if this thing with Pacey crashed and burned in the end? And she’d sacrificed her friendship with Dawson for it? What if he hated her for it and would never forgive her? And she ended up all alone and brokenhearted, with no love and no best friend? Was taking a chance with Pacey worth giving up Dawson, possibly forever?

She’d told Dawson earlier that night that the reason she’d broken things off with Pacey was because she didn’t want to lose him. She wouldn’t just be losing his friendship, but she’d be losing Mitch and Gail and the security his family gave her. They felt like family to her, and they treated her like family. She’d never forget Gail telling her that she thought of her as her own daughter. Her life was so intertwined with his, that to have that all ripped away from her was something she couldn’t bear. But still she told him that if there had been a chance Dawson could forgive her, if there had been a chance that she wouldn’t lose him, she might not have chosen to end things with Pacey. The way Dawson had responded hadn’t given her any hope.

_“Well, then I’m glad you made the right choice, Joey,”_ he’d said. _“I know things are difficult right now, but in time you’ll see. Hindsight is 20/20, you know? You’ll look back and realize you avoided making a huge mistake. You avoided taking unnecessary detours off the road that’s going to take you where you’re destined to be.”_

_“And where’s that, Dawson?”_

_“Right back here. You and me. Dawson and Joey. What we have is magical, and anything else will only pale in comparison.”_

She’d said nothing in reply. And so, the answers to those questions continued to be the same. Fear of Dawson’s anger and hatred choked her, paralyzing her from moving forward.

June 10. She wanted to escape from the pain. She wanted to curl up into a ball and weep. She wanted to go home and find her mother there and ask her to make it all better. Instead, she asked Dawson for a camera.

“Jo?”

She turned around, determined to mask her emotions. “Yep.”

“Don’t I even get a goodbye?” Pacey asked.

Although she had berated him a couple days ago about his plan to just leave without saying goodbye, she hadn’t been prepared for it. This was it? This was really the last time she was going to see him for the next several months? This was their ending? Now she knew exactly why Pacey had wanted to avoid a goodbye scene. Saying goodbye was too painful, but she tried to keep her face like a wall.

“Goodbye, Pacey.”

Her face then crumpled as she turned away to her fate.

Steeling herself, pushing her pain away, Joey took the camera back towards the dance floor and snapped some photos of the happy couple. She also got Bessie and Bodie to smile for her. It wasn’t long before Dawson asked her to dance. As they moved to the music, a chasm of sorrow cut through her heart. If only Pacey had been there to dance with her instead. If only she and Pacey had the whole summer together to look forward to. Now her summer looked lonely and bleak.

“You know, I used to be able to look in your eyes and know everything you were thinking,” Dawson told her. “These days? I haven’t a clue.”

“I was just thinking about this summer,” she said. It was partly true. And maybe it wouldn’t be so bleak. She’d have her best friend with her, after all. It wouldn’t be so lonely. “How much there’s gonna be to do, and… I mean, we didn’t get a chance to spend last summer together, you and I. We’re gonna have a lot to catch up on. There’ll be waterskiing with your dad, and, um… Fourth of July on Waldeck Island and… We can even go into Boston for the weekend. I mean, that would be fun.”

Just her and her best friend, thick as thieves all summer long, just like old times. It was a closeness she’d never know with Pacey, and then the truth of that realization only made the chasm cut deeper until she could feel her heart breaking. She lowered her gaze, chewing her bottom lip, desperately trying to fight back the tears.

“Yeah. You know, we could even take a little road trip up to Vermont and visit Aunt Gwen. I can’t promise I’ll participate in karaoke this time, but it would be nice to see her new house.”

At the mention of Aunt Gwen’s house, her heart felt like it shattered in her chest. Thankfully the song immediately ended, and she quickly made some excuse about needing to use a restroom. Joey hurried inside the house and up the stairs, locking herself inside the bathroom. Her back up against the door, she let the tears come. What if Pacey never came back? What if something happened to him? Or he just decided to stay in Florida and never set foot in this town again? Never wanted to see her again?

Eventually her sobs subsided and she wiped her tears away. Suddenly there was a knock on the door. “Joey, honey?”

It was Gail. Fresh tears filled her eyes as she unlocked the door and opened it. Dawson’s mom frowned in sympathy and stepped inside the bathroom, closing the door behind her. “Why the tears?”

She pursed her mouth, chewing on her bottom lip. “Pacey left.”

Gail sighed and moved to stand beside her, leaning back against the bathroom counter. “You know, when I proposed to Mitch, I told him that I didn’t want to let fear of making the same mistakes prevent us from being together. There are a lot of good reasons to not be with someone, Joey, but fear isn’t really one of them.” She cleared her throat and turned, taking both Joey’s hands in hers. “I’m so thankful you were here to celebrate this special day with us, and that you stood up as my Maid of Honor. It meant so much to me to have you share this with our family because you mean the world to us, Joey. So, if you need to leave now and go find Pacey…”

“But the reception isn’t over yet. I couldn’t leave in the middle...”

“It’s okay, Joey. You did your part and I’m so grateful.”

“But Dawson…”

“It’s _your_ life, honey. I know I’m not your mother, that I can never truly fill Lillian’s shoes, but I think I can speak for your mom here. She would want you to be happy. And I don’t think she’d want you to let fear prevent you from being happy.” She took a deep breath. “Well, I should return to my husband and our guests. Just know that whether you decide to stay or leave, Joey, it’s fine by me.”

“Thank you. I appreciate it—really I do—but I can stay. We haven’t even heard Dawson’s Best Man speech yet, so…”

Gail gave her a sad smile and squeezed her hand before walking out of the bathroom.

Then for a long time, there was only silence, and the longer it went on the more Joey could feel her future slipping away. She was stuck here with Dawson, not making any progress, not moving forward or backward. It suddenly was as if she was sinking in quicksand. Down, down, down; deep into a pit of despair. And with Pacey gone, she felt like she was sinking with nothing to hold onto. She then realized she’d been sinking for a long time, and Pacey had spent the past year trying to pull her out, but now she was going to lose herself and suffocate.

He’d told her at Aunt Gwen’s house that he couldn’t be the one always initiating, that he couldn’t be the one giving her all the answers. He was right. Pacey couldn’t pull her out of the quicksand. She’d have to pull herself out. She’d have to fight for the life she wanted. Her mind made up, Joey unlocked the bathroom door and stepped out.

Dawson had been her rock. When she was lost, her world upside down and falling apart around her, he had been her true north. He’d been the person she’d needed most in that time of her life. He’d helped her get through the worst imaginable, and she’d emerged from that dark period not utterly broken as a person because of him.

But that was then. And this was now. He wasn’t who she needed now. Dawson had helped her walk at a time when she could barely stand, but now she was ready to run and she couldn’t let him hold her back any longer. Now it was time to finally grow up, to spread her wings and fly, for the first time in her life, even if that meant leaving him behind if he wouldn’t let her go.

Back outside, her gaze quickly found him on the dock. Her stomach in knots, Joey walked out there to join him. “Hey,” she said.

“Hey,” he greeted. “I’m practicing the Best Man speech. Kinda nervous…”

She hesitated, but then Pacey’s face swam in front of her eyes. Courage welled up inside her, and she suddenly considered the whole ordeal with a peace of mind that surprised her. “I’m sorry, but I can’t do this, Dawson,” she finally spoke.

His brows furrows in confusion. “Do what?”

_“This.”_ She gestured her finger back and forth between them. “I have to go.”

“What are you saying, Joey?”

“Six weeks ago, I sat in your bedroom and told you that I needed Pacey.”

Dawson’s face hardened.

She felt a lump growing at the back of her throat and swallowed against it. “It was the truth, and sometimes the truth hurts. The truth frees you from the pain and anxiety of keeping it hidden, but it also comes with consequences—consequences that I was too afraid of. The thing about telling the truth, Dawson, is that although it means I’m doing the right thing by being honest with you, it doesn’t mean that what I have to say is anything you want to hear. And the last thing in the world I ever want to do is hurt you.”

He stared, breathing hard.

Tears filled her eyes. “I care about you and our friendship, Dawson. You know I do. I always will. You’re my best friend. And I don’t want you to hate me, or feel like you can never forgive me.” Her tears brimmed over, falling, and she let out a shuddering breath. “But my heart is breaking,” she choked.

“Because of Pacey.”

“I can’t live without him.”

His mouth became an angry line. “I’m sure you can, Joey.”

She shook her head. “But I don’t want to. I have to go. I’m sorry.” She started to turn away, but his angry retort stopped her.

“You’re making a colossal mistake,” Dawson said, his eyes shiny, emotion creeping into his voice. “Where do you think this thing with Pacey is gonna end up? What makes you think a relationship with him will work better than ours? All roads lead back to me, Joey. We’re soulmates, and there’s no getting around it. _We_ get the happy ending. You said so yourself.”

She wanted to tell him he was wrong, and explain just how wrong he was, but didn’t want to add insult to injury. “If all roads lead back to you, then it doesn’t matter which road I take, does it?” she replied, sarcasm creeping into her tone. She shook her head, not wanting to fight. “I have to go. Otherwise I’ll never know and I’ll always regret it. I can’t live with that kind of regret, Dawson.”

“Think about what you’re walking away from, what you’ll be missing out on. You say you don’t want to live without him, but you’re perfectly fine living without me?”

“Dawson, I don’t want to live without our friendship either. But you don’t seem to understand that the way I feel about Pacey and the way I feel about you are completely different. You forced a competition when there never was one. It doesn’t have to be one or the other. Being with Pacey doesn’t mean I’ve replaced you, that I’m giving up my friendship with you.”

He scowled. “That’s exactly what it means, Joey.”

She wiped the tears from her face. “Only because you’re making it that way! I _want_ us to still be friends, Dawson. So, if anyone is giving up our friendship, it’s not me. It’s you. And I’m not going to let you hold that over my head anymore. I’m not going to let fear stop me from doing what I want.” She took a deep breath. “I have to leave, Dawson.” She made to turn and go.

“What about all our promises?” he demanded, and she turned back around. “The pacts we made? Were they just meaningless to you?”

“We were kids, Dawson,” she pleaded, feeling frustration rise up inside her. “Things change, people change. We need to grow up. But growing up doesn’t have to mean growing apart, Dawson. You’re a huge part of my life, and you’ll always be my best friend.”

Angry tears welled up in his eyes and a desperate look etched across his face. “You’re making a huge mistake, Joey! You’re going to bitterly regret this. Pacey is going to want you to have sex with him, and he’s not someone who’s going to wait forever. Sex is all he cares about, and he’s gonna expect you to give it up, or he’ll just move on to someone else who will.”

She had the sudden urge to slap him, anger flooding her stomach like molten lava. Why did he keep making this about sex? How could he say something so unfair, and so untrue? Did he really believe that? Did he not know Pacey at all? Or was he just hurt and blindly lashing out like a wounded animal? She had her own thoughts on the subject of sex and Pacey, but she knew they were nothing Dawson wanted to hear. She stood by what she had told him—that being truthful was the right thing to do—but sometimes honesty could be needlessly hurtful, and she was hurting him enough right now.

“I have to go now, Dawson. I’m sorry. I hope you can forgive me.”

Joey turned and quickly walked away. Soon she was running and she didn’t look back.

*****

By the time he arrived back at Doug’s apartment, he had changed his mind about his departure plans. He was going to leave today. After he changed out of his clothes, Doug walked in the door, home from his shift. “So, how was the wedding?” his brother asked.

“Mitch and Gail looked very happy,” he replied, not knowing how to even begin to describe how he felt about what else happened at the wedding.

“And did you talk to Joey while you were there?”

He avoided looking at his brother while he packed up the last of his summer clothes into a box on the living room couch. “Uh, yeah, a little bit.”

Shoving his hands in his pockets, Doug lowered his gaze and sighed. “You know, at the diner this morning, some folks were talking about some big sign that had been painted on a wall downtown that just seemingly went up overnight.”

“You don’t say.”

“Yeah, they were very curious about it. So, after breakfast, I decided to take a drive downtown and see for myself. That was you, Pacey, wasn’t it? You painted the sign?”

His clothes were all folded and packed up. Now he just needed to grab some things off the bathroom sink and he was ready to leave. “Yes, Dougie. That was me.”

His brother walked further into the room, heading for the kitchen. “I take it she didn’t ask you to stay.”

“No, Doug. She didn’t ask me to stay.” He retreated to the bathroom, where he grabbed up his toothbrush and toothpaste along with other personal care items, and emerged with the last of his belongings to pack up.

“You’re not leaving tomorrow, are you?”

He dropped the toiletries into the box. “No. I’m leaving as soon as possible. I just gotta call Buzz first to say goodbye. The kid has abandonment issues, you know? If I were to leave a day early without saying anything… Well, I don’t want to screw the kid up any more than he already has been.”

Doug nodded silently and retreated to his bedroom. Once he got on the phone and called Buzz, promising to see him at the end of the summer when school starts back up, he was ready to go. His brother then returned to the living room, changed out of his deputy uniform. “You should probably give Mom and Dad a call, too. They think you’re leaving tomorrow. And you don’t want to just take off without saying goodbye to your nieces. They adore you, Pacey, and they’re not going to see you for months.”

“Are you trying to stop me from going, Dougie? Or stall me? Are you thinking I’ll change my mind?”

“Well, I do wish you’d reconsider. Running away from your problems isn’t going to solve them. But no, Pacey, I’m not trying to stop you.”

There was only one thing that could’ve changed his mind about staying, and it didn’t happen. Now nothing was going to stop him. He didn’t want to spend another minute in Capeside. The sooner he put this place behind him, the better. But he did get on the phone and say goodbye to his parents, his sister, and nieces, promising them he’d come home in one piece. Then he figured he may as well call Gretchen, and got on the phone with her as well.

After he finally hung up the phone, wanting to be done with phone calls and goodbyes, he turned to his brother. An awkward silence filled the air. “You’re gonna miss me, Doug, aren’t you? Admit it. I mean, who will you get to decoupage with you all summer?”

His brother rolled his eyes. “I will neither confirm nor deny such a statement.”

Smiling, he stepped forward and pulled his big brother into a hug. “Thank you, Doug. For everything.”

“Anytime, little brother.” Doug squeezed tight for a brief moment and then let go.

He gathered up his box and walked toward the door, opening it. He turned back. “Goodbye, Doug.”

An alarmed expression etched across his brother’s face. “You _are_ coming back, right, Pacey?”

His stomach tightened and he swallowed. It had always been his plan to come back, but somewhere in the back of his mind he also hadn’t ruled out the unique appeal of never returning. “Of course, Doug. The plan is to be back Labor Day Weekend, and the plan hasn’t changed.” Yet.

His brother seemed to accept this, and smiled with relief. After one last hug goodbye, he walked out, closing the apartment door behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Going forward, the Joey in this story will not be the Joey we got in S4. I don't know what happened there. It's like Joey left Capeside in S3 and came back replaced with a pod person. Pacey, too, in a lot of ways. The Joey in this story will be the Joey of S1-3, who didn't have nearly as much hangups as she suddenly did in S4 (For example: sex*). And it was really for no apparent reason other than the writers wanting to manufacture problems out of thin air in her relationship with Pacey to prove it wouldn't work and she belongs with Dawson or whatever the hell they were going for by the end of S4. They had to turn Pacey into a jerk and Dawson into a forgiving nice guy, who ended up having an agenda anyway by the end and using situations to his advantage, which Joey of course fell for. So, bleugh.
> 
> *(In the pilot episode of this show, Joey was musing about Dawson's dick size, in S2 it was strongly implied she almost had sex with Jack and the only reason it didn't happen was because he couldn't get it up, she had no problem watching porn in Dawson's bedroom with Jen, Andie, and Abby, and by the premiere of S3, she was taking off her shirt and throwing herself at Dawson, and it's entirely possible she would've gone through with it if he hadn't rejected her, even if for all the wrong reasons. So, the constant melodrama she had with Pacey concerning sex was OOC imo.)


	18. Summer of 2000 (Part One)

June 10. He left Doug’s downtown apartment with the last of his belongings he was bringing with him and walked down to the waterfront, heading for the docks. On his way there, he stopped at the bank and took out some cash from the ATM. The Pacey Witter Savings Account had done well, despite the money used to purchase and restore the _True Love_. Taking the summer off work would hurt a little, but maybe he could find an odd job or two while in Key West. He suspected he’d probably end up needing something to keep his mind occupied.

Once the last of his belongings were all stowed away inside the sailboat, and he double checked there was enough diesel in the fuel tank and the ham radio was in working order, he went up to the corner store to get a cold drink for the road. As he made his way back, he suddenly glimpsed Joey sprinting down the dock, no longer in her bridesmaid dress, clad in a red top and dark blue jeans. And then she was calling his name over and over. He wasn’t sure whether he even wanted to know what this was about, and could feel his defenses going up.

“You want something, Jo?” he asked, turning onto the dock. She was on the boat, looking down into the cabin.

“I want to talk to you,” she said, hopping down and onto the dock.

He’d already made up his mind. “No, no. A bit late for this now. I’m leaving. You can’t stop me, so don’t even try.”

“That’s not why I’m here.”

“So, why are you here? You wanna say goodbye again? Maybe you wanted to rub it in a little bit, huh?” The last thing he needed right now was for her to give him another lecture about _giving up_. He started unmooring the boat.

Joey’s heart was beating like mad inside her chest and then in a rush she started making a speech about not wanting to stop him or Dawson or be stopped by him or Dawson, about how they’d spent the past year trying to stop each other from growing up. She knew she’d done the same to Dawson. From freaking out over that Matt Caufield party, to giving him a hard time about dropping film class and taking the movie posters down from his walls, to the whole thing with Eve—she’d held Dawson back just as much. And Dawson wanted things to stay the same as they’d always been, wanted her to stay the same, wanted her to still cling to childish ideals like magic and destiny and soulmates, wanted to prevent her from moving forward beyond him.

“But… But not you,” she told him. Pacey was the exact opposite, always pushing her to grow up and face reality, encouraging her to confront her fears and overcome her self-doubt. Yet he didn’t leave her on her own. He stood right by her side, cheering her on and supporting her through it all. “I mean, you’re different, and… you’ve challenged me every step of the way and you’ve been there every step of the way.”

He didn’t know what she was getting at. What was this, a more heartfelt goodbye? A kind explanation of how much she appreciated their brief time together but why she still stood by her choice? How she still wanted to be friends? He untied another rope. “Jo, departure time is in T-minus 30 seconds, so if there’s a point, I suggest you get to it.” He stepped around her and onto the boat, putting his back to her, protecting himself as best he could from whatever she was about to say.

Joey knew he hadn’t exactly said those three little words to her. The thought of saying them first was scary, and she wasn’t sure whether saying the words would be enough, but she knew he felt the same way. She knew it in her bones. “I think I’m in love with you.”

He froze; he hadn’t been expecting that. A sense of relief sparked inside, and hope rose in his chest, but _think_ wasn’t enough, not enough to make him change his mind and stay. He needed her to be sure. “You think or you know?”

She loved him like she had never loved anyone else, needed him like she had never needed anyone else. She had never been so sure of anything in her life. “I know.”

Like a landslide, his defenses came down. He turned and gazed at her, his eyes locking on hers, months of hurt melting away. Her brown eyes were just as bright and soulful as the day he first met her, eyes that told him her words were true—she loved him. Butterflies came to life in his stomach. His heart pounded. His pulse ricocheted.

“I’ve known it since the moment you kissed me and maybe even before that. And…” She sighed, smiling. “As scary as it is, I don’t want to deny it anymore, Pacey. I don’t want to run from it, and I don’t want to let it run from me.”

He’d told her the decision to be together or not to be together had always been hers to make. If she asked him to stay and be with her, he would. “So… what are we gonna do here, Jo?”

“I wanna come with you.”

That was the last thing he’d ever expected her to say. A breathy laugh of disbelief escaped him. “What? You crazy?” _Joey Potter?_ Run away with him to the Florida Keys for the summer?

She shook her head, still smiling. “Mm-mmm. I wanna stop standing still. I wanna move forward. I wanna come with you.”

He saw the elation in her face, her happy smile, and almost rapturous determination. But how could she just take off from all her responsibilities? That wasn’t like her. “What about Bessie and the B&B? They need you.”

Joey moved closer to the boat, not taking her eyes off him. “Not as much as I need you, Pacey.”

The words he’d most longed to hear. Emotion rose within him and he melted inside. A sweet thrill of joy surged through his entire body, a feeling like he’d never known before. He couldn’t speak. She must’ve seen it all in his face because she beamed at him and made to step onto the boat.

“Ah-ah-ah!” he exclaimed, wagging his finger teasingly.

Joey chuckled, and then raised out her hand, just like she’d done the first time, way back in October. “Permission to come aboard?”

He filled with happiness, and his heart swelled with love for her, opening so wide it should have hurt. His hand reached out, taking hers. “Permission granted.”

Helping Joey into the boat, she was then in his arms. They clasped each other in a warm, close embrace, and their lips met in a sweet, long, thrilling kiss; a kiss of love. It seemed as if they had never known what happiness was before, so completely overjoyed were they now.

“You can swim, can’t ya?” he joked, stepping down into the cockpit.

“Of course,” she said, stepping down after him. “I’m just kinda worried about the next change of clothes.”

“That’s nothing to worry about,” he reassured her. “We’re gonna hit the next port in a few days.”

“Few days?”

He unmoored the last rope, tossing it into the water. “Yeah! Or a few days after that.”

Joey looked out over the harbor, the sun low in the sky, soon to set, and shrugged. “Who really cares?”

Beaming, he started the engine and began maneuvering the boat away from the docks. “Goodbye, Capeside,” he said. “Hello, first actual fun summer of my life.”

“No scrubbing toilets or making beds or doing dishes or waitressing for me,” she remarked. “I’m on vacation.”

He laughed. “So, uh, anyway, how did you know I’d leave today instead of tomorrow like I said?”

“I didn’t,” she admitted. “I drove home, changed clothes, and went to your brother’s place to talk to you. When Doug told me that you’d changed your mind after getting home from the wedding, and you’d already left, I panicked and ran to try and catch you. I was so scared that I was too late, and I almost was. You'll never know the relief I felt when I saw your boat was still there.”

“Well, the important thing is you weren’t late.” He smiled. “And now you’re my first mate.”

She chuckled. “Happy to be your first mate.” Pursing her lips, she thought for a moment. “I suppose Doug will tell Bessie to come pick up the truck. I left it parked outside his building. He’s bound to see it there, right?”

Laughing, he shook his head. “Bessie is gonna flip.”

“I should probably call her at the next port… Or maybe email is best. That way I don’t have to listen to her yelling at me over the phone. You said the next stop is a few days away? I hope she doesn’t worry too much.”

“We’ll make port in the morning so you can contact Bessie and let her know you’re all right. There’s no harm in making a short pit stop at the Vineyard.” He laughed again. “Wait until everyone finds out we ran off together.”

Joey gave him a _yikes_ look, but then shrugged. “Oh well. Let ‘em talk.”

He smirked. “Speaking of people talking, I renewed the lease on your wall through September.”

“Why would you do that?” she asked curiously, amused.

“Well… if you didn’t ask me to stay, then I wanted to force you to either paint over it or look at it all summer, and eat your heart out.” She thrust her tongue in her cheek, fighting a grin. “And if you _did_ ask me to stay, then I wanted Dawson to eat _his_ heart out all summer.”

She tried not to laugh, but then frowned at the memory of leaving Dawson behind on his dock. “I don’t think he’s going to have a very good summer, Pace, regardless of the wall. I mean, I hope he does, but…”

He nodded, feeling regretful at the way it all went down. “Well, they say absence makes the heart grow fonder, and maybe in three months’ time he’ll be… you know… not so angry anymore. At you, anyway. It’s possible.”

“Maybe, but I’m not entirely sure he thought I’d actually be going _with you_ to Key West.”

Once they were out of the harbor, she helped him put the sails up, and they began cruising in a south-westerly direction. “I’ve never felt so free, Pacey,” she said, beaming with giddiness. “I mean, I can’t believe I actually did it. I’ve never done something so impulsive in my whole life. Certainly not with Dawson.”

“That’s for sure, Potter.”

“And the thing is, he spent the past year shirking off every pragmatic, responsible bone in his body. He’s done impulsive things, but just not with me. And that’s what I finally figured out, Pacey. Me and Dawson? Neither of us would ever grow as people by clinging to something that is long past its expiration date. We just hold each other back, like an anchor keeps a boat tied to the shore. There was a time when my life was in such turmoil that I needed that anchor. But when the storm is over, it’s time to set sail, and you won’t get anywhere if you refuse to pull the anchor up.”

“So, what you’re saying is that Dawson is the anchor in this analogy and you’re the boat?”

Joey laughed, shrugging. “Yeah.”

He thought for a moment. “So, wait… what does that make me?”

“The wind.”

He gazed at her, his heart swelling at the tenderness in her eyes. “Beneath your wings?” he grinned.

Joey gave him a half-smile. “I’m a boat, not a bird, in this analogy, Pace.”

Two hours later, they were approaching Martha’s Vineyard. The sun had already set, and he didn’t want to attempt to navigate a strange harbor in the dark. That would only spell disaster. They lowered the sails, dropped anchor outside Oak Bluffs, and retired for the night below deck. “Now, about clothes,” he said once they were below. “I think I’ve got some stuff you can wear.”

He opened a cabinet, and pulled out a sweatshirt and some sweatpants. “They’re probably too big, but you can sleep in them.”

_“Probably?”_ she retorted, arching her brow.

“Definitely,” he corrected, clearing his throat. “Anyway, it’ll be cold at night until we get further south.”

Joey looked around the cabin. “Uh, Pacey… what are the sleeping arrangements?”

He handed over the sweats and then nodded to the area behind her. “Well, there’s a forward V-berth bunk. The mattress is pretty comfortable, and there’s enough room for the both of us.”

“Um… I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

“I thought I was going to be the only one aboard, Jo. I didn’t plan on…”

“I know.”

His mouth curved into a half-smile and he shrugged. “Well, it’s just to sleep in. You can trust me, Jo. You know that, right?”

She tucked her hair behind her ears. “It’s… It’s me I don’t trust.”

“What do you mean? You don’t trust yourself about what?”

Joey hesitated, unsure if she should explain her feelings. “You. I don’t know if I trust myself with you,” she admitted, glancing up at him.

His brows furrowed as he pursed his lips. Did she think he wouldn’t be able to restrain his hormonal impulses? That they’d go from hugging to kissing to point of no return without her having time to even think about what was happening and consider the consequences? That he’d expect her to go further than she was ready to? That he’d be upset if she didn’t? He was gonna love her no matter what, no matter how long he had to wait. Hell, he had to wait practically the entire school year just to tell her how he felt about her. So, in the big scheme of things, what’s another year or more to wait for the physical culmination of that love?

“Jo, you don’t need to worry about that with me. I won’t—”

“No, that’s not it. I know _you_ won’t, Pacey.” She gazed at him, her eyes again filling with tenderness, and she stepped closer, taking his hands in hers, threading their fingers. “I trust you completely.”

A smile spread across his face. Her trust in him made him feel proud, made his blood race through his veins.

She took a deep breath and looked up at him, her eyes twinkling as she let go of his hands and hugged him around his waist. “This is all so new and exciting, Pacey. And I think I’d like to keep some mystery between us for as long as possible. Because, well, not to bring Dawson up again, but for years I had been in the habit of _just sleeping_ in a bed with him and there was just… no mystery left whatsoever. I have no intention of repeating the same old habits with you.” Yet totally unlike with Dawson, if she got in the habit of _just sleeping_ in a bed with Pacey, she knew it would only be so long before they weren’t _just sleeping_ anymore. She kept that thought to herself.

“Okay, Jo. I’ll think of somethin’, but for tonight, we really should share. Just because it’s going to be cold out here on the water and there’s really no other place to sleep than what I’ve currently got set up. When we get into port tomorrow, I’ll figure out separate sleeping arrangements.”

Joey smiled. She could handle one night. “Okay, that’s fine.”

“You go change and I’ll fix us something to eat. How does toast and scrambled eggs sound?”

“You got a kitchen on this thing?”

Laughing, he thumbed behind him where there was a small galley. “It’s just a mini fridge, a sink, and a gas stovetop with two small burners, but it’ll do.”

She then disappeared into the back to change out of her clothes, and he pulled the eggs out of the fridge. When Joey reappeared, her face held a scrunched-up expression. “The onboard commode leaves a lot to be desired.”

Chuckling, he nodded with wide eyes as he stirred the eggs over the stove. “That it does. It is what it is. We’ll make it work.” He glanced over his shoulder and gazed at Joey, standing there in his sweats. He liked the sight of her in his clothes, liked it a lot. He liked the sight of her, period. He had to clear his dry throat to find his voice. “They look much better on you.”

She blushed and sat down on the cushioned bench in a small eating nook, behind a wooden table that was bolted to the floor. He soon changed into warmer clothing and then dished up their eggs and toast. “So, how long until we reach Key West, do you think?” Joey asked.

He retrieved his map and returned to the table. “The next port after our side trip on the Vineyard is New Jersey, which is over 300 nautical miles away. The boat will probably keep steady at about 12 mph, or maybe 15 if we get some good wind, unless of course the wind dies down and our speed drops. So, we’ll get there in about…”

“Thirty-six hours, more or less. Well, if we don’t make any stops.”

“I’m glad one of us is good at math,” he quipped. “All in all, if the weather is good and the wind is kind and there aren’t many hiccups along the way, it’ll probably take us about two weeks to reach Key West, maybe three. Longer if we want to make extra stops and check out different places. We could get there in about five days if we made a straight line for it without stopping day or night, but I promised my dad I’d basically hug the shore. Avoiding the gulf stream will be tricky and then when you’re that close to land, you gotta navigate around other boats and fishing traps, and then whale sanctuaries once we reach Florida.”

“Do you really think we’ll see whales, Pacey?” she said excitedly. “Wow. At what port will we stop after New Jersey?”

He smiled, feeling elated at her enthusiasm about the trip. Glancing down at the chart on the table, he followed the map down the coast. “Probably Virginia.”

She laughed, feeling giddy. “I can’t believe we’re doing this. I mean, this is amazing.”

“Didn’t I tell you to stick with me, Potter? See? You’re going places.”

With a glowing smile, she leaned over and kissed him. After they finished eating and cleaned the galley, Joey started yawning and then soon was shivering. “You were right,” she told him. “It’s cold.”

“Let’s go to bed. It’ll be warmer.”

They climbed into the bunk and lay on their sides beneath the blankets, facing each other, and continued to talk about their summer plans. “So, tomorrow, you’ll call or email Bessie?”

“Yep.”

“We should also get you some clothes.”

She pursed her lips. “Maybe at a different port. The Vineyard is probably too expensive.”

He shrugged. “I’ve got money. And we might need to get some things for us to do, you know, to keep us occupied. I wasn’t expecting to have someone to entertain.”

“We could get the books on my summer reading list,” she suggested.

“Isn’t that homework?” he asked skeptically. “We’re on vacation, Jo.”

She rolled her eyes. “Technically, it’s for AP English next year. But books are books and I like to read stories, whether they’re homework or not.”

He chuckled. “Okay, Jo. We’ll get your books.”

Joey gazed at him for a long moment, for the first time her thoughts moving forward beyond this summer, to the unknown future. “Are you as scared as I am about this?” she asked quietly.

_“This_ meaning sleeping in the same bed or sailing to Key West for the summer?” He paused, taking in the look in her eyes. “Or _this_ as in you and me?”

“You and me,” she answered.

He let out a heavy sigh. “I’m terrified, Jo.”

Her brows rose in surprise. “Really?”

“Right now, everything I’ve ever wanted is in this boat. Good things rarely happen to me, and so I’m afraid I might jinx it. Every time something good comes into my life, something that’s positive and feels right, something happens and takes it away from me. And I don’t want to ever lose this feeling. I… I don’t want to lose you, Jo.”

“I’m scared of the same thing, Pacey,” she confessed.

He brushed her hair back from her face, tucking the strands behind her ear. “Well, you’re not gonna lose me. I’m not going anywhere. This is it for me. You’re it.”

Reaching up, Joey caressed his jawline with her fingertips. “Why does falling in love feel like you’re jumping off a cliff?”

“Because… Because it means so much. And because you can either fly or crash, and the crash hurts really bad. But when you know in your gut it’s right, if you wanna fly then you just gotta go for it, even if there’s a chance you could crash so hard everything inside you breaks.”

“Yeah,” she breathed. Then she shot him a teasing grin. “You know, you _still_ haven’t told me.”

“Told you what?” he questioned, arching his brow.

“What I told you back on the dock,” she said with a challenging look. “You’ve never once said it to me.”

His eyes drank her in, his mouth curved into a smile. “I’m in love with you, Joey,” he said quietly. “I have been for a long time.”

She smiled brightly. “Yeah, I know.”

He blinked. “That’s all you have to say, Potter? _I know?”_

She gave him a thousand-watt smile, her eyes laughing, and slid closer. Then she kissed him, sweet and slow, a cocoon of warmth enveloping them, his scent mixed with hers intoxicating as they breathed each other in. They broke apart before the kiss could become something else, and then he kissed the tip of her nose and then her brow. She breathed a contented sigh and kissed his chin, a soft smile playing at the corners of her mouth.

Joey inched closer and tucked herself against him, nuzzling against his chest. She didn’t say anything, but uttered a soft sound that revealed her pleasure in volumes. He pulled the blankets up higher over them both, and tucked them over her shoulder and around her back, inching closer. She pushed one knee forward, and he parted his legs around her, tangling them together. They were quiet for a long time.

“You okay?” she asked, breaking the silence.

“Fine.” He rested his chin on top of her head and stroked her silky hair. “You?”

“Better than fine, Pace.”

He laughed. What had he done to deserve a beautiful woman like Joey? Was he even allowed this happiness? Oh, well. To hell with it. He’d steal it, if he wasn’t. Then thoughts of Dawson suddenly flashed in his mind. Maybe he did steal it…

“Pace?”

“Yeah?”

“What’s wrong?”

He closed his eyes for a second and then leaned back to look at her. “What makes you think something is wrong?”

“You tensed.”

“It’s nothin’, Jo.”

She shook her head adamantly. “No, Pacey. You and me? We’re going to be completely honest with each other. We’re going to tell each other everything. So, tell me.”

He wanted them to be open and honest, too. He didn’t want to hide anything from her. “Okay. I was thinking about Dawson.” His last memory of his best friend went round his head, from earlier that day at the wedding. Had that really only been hours ago? It felt longer. “I’m happy as hell right now that you’re with me, Joey. And I have no regrets at all where you’re concerned. I just wish what happened between us hadn’t hurt him as much as it did. I wish he was still my friend. I feel bad that he’s not, and that it’s my fault. Things are never gonna be the same between me and Dawson.”

“You don’t know that, Pacey. And it’s not your fault. If Dawson isn’t your friend anymore, that’s a choice _he_ made. You’re not the one who gave up on your friendship. If Dawson doesn’t want you for a friend, then that’s his loss, and one he might regret dearly in time.”

“Yeah, in time, he might not be so angry anymore, but he’s never gonna be my friend again, Jo. That’s not easy to accept. There were times in my life when no one in my family was there for me, but Dawson was. Times when no one else would be my friend, but he was. Even if he never speaks to me again, he’ll still be the best friend I ever had.”

“Maybe this summer apart will help, Pace. He needs to move on from what happened just as much as we do. Some time and distance apart are probably what the three of us need more than anything.”

His hand went to her face, his fingers tenderly brushing her cheek. “You’re right. Well, except between you and me.”

Joey smiled and again tucked herself against him, snuggling into his warmth. He could feel her breath on the nape of his neck. Would writing Dawson and asking him for forgiveness just be adding major insult to painful injury now that Joey had run off with him on a sailing trip down to Florida? He honestly didn’t know what to do about Dawson. Maybe he didn’t care. Maybe he didn’t want to think about Dawson anymore. Maybe he just wanted him and Joey to enjoy this summer on their own terms, instead of playing supporting roles in whatever movie Dawson had decided to make over the summer.

His eyes soon drifted closed, and with Joey in his arms, he fell asleep a happy man.

In the morning, they carefully navigated the small, tightly enclosed harbor of Oak Bluffs. They found an empty spot in the marina on the east side of the harbor, near the seasonal passenger ferries that bring visitors to and from Cape Cod and Nantucket, and moored _True Love_ to the dock. An attendant came out to greet them, a middle-aged man with graying brown hair, wearing a dark blue button down with a patch of the marina’s logo on the upper left chest. “Welcome, folks,” the man asked. “How long you here for?”

“Just a few hours, probably,” he replied, glancing at the watch Bodie had gotten him for Christmas. It was just past eight o’clock.

“The half-day mooring fee is $14, and I also need to see proof of vessel registration and a current insurance policy.”

He nodded, handing over the papers and the cash, inwardly groaning at the expense. If he didn’t want to pay these fees all the way down the coast, he’d have to think of something.

“If you stay past noon, you’ll incur the full dock fee,” the attendant told them, handing back the registration and insurance papers. “The marina has gas, diesel, water, and electrical services. There are showers and restrooms, laundromat, a bait and tackle shop, and pump-out service for your waste. And there are medical facilities within five miles, if you’re in need.”

“Thanks a lot. Can you point us to a place to buy some clothes in town? Nothing too expensive. And an Internet café?”

Joey smiled appreciatively. He winked at her.

“Uh, yeah, over on Circuit Avenue there are plenty of small clothing stores. You’ll find cafes and restaurants down there, too. So, walk out of the marina, pass the Harbormaster’s office, and you’ll find yourselves on Lake Avenue. Cross Lake and Circuit Ave is right there.”

“Thank you, sir.”

They soon stepped off the boat and made their way out of the marina. Across the street, they saw the sign for Circuit Avenue. Standing in front of the crosswalk, waiting for traffic to clear, Joey slipped her hand inside his palm, weaving her slender fingers through his until he wasn’t sure where her touch ended and his began. It sent a thrill surging through him. His heart beat faster as he gazed down at her, the blood heating in his veins. Her eyes sparkled and she smiled sweetly.

He never thought he’d be able to do this: hold hands with Joey while they walked down the street in broad daylight like a real couple. The simple act of holding her hand felt more meaningful than he ever could’ve imagined. It filled him with a sense of quiet contentment. Nothing had ever felt so good, felt so right. He loved the warmth of her smooth palm against his, the delicate softness of her fingers. As they crossed the street, his hold on her hand tightened, a feeling of protectiveness rising up inside him.

*****

The street was lined with stores on both sides, and they passed by a bakery with a separate donut shop, a nail salon, wine and cheese shop, several restaurants of varying cuisine, an ice cream shop, and pet food store. Joey had never been to the Vineyard, although her sister came on occasion when visiting Bodie’s family. She soaked in everything: the sun-lit trees and busy street, the smell of freshly baked bread, the feel of Pacey’s hand holding hers, and in her head over and over again _I am in love with you_.

They soon came upon Circuit Cyber Café and stepped inside. The place was busy; a long line of patrons reached almost to the door. The counter at the back wall looked like it could be inside any coffee shop, cookies and cakes and pastries on display behind a glass case. At the front of the café were two small coffee tables, armchairs in varying colors of fabric, a leather couch against the wall, and five desks with computers.

“I’ll get us something to eat while you email Bessie,” Pacey said.

“Okay.”

“Do you want coffee?”

She bobbed her head and sighed as she stared at one of the desks. Then she let go of his hand and walked over to one of the available computers. After sitting down in the leather chair and logging on, she signed in to her email. She opened a new message, selected the Potter B&B email address, wrote _“__Don’t Kill Me”_ in the subject line, and then proceeded to confess to Bessie:

_“I’m sure you’re going out of your mind with worry and wondering where I am and why I didn’t come home last night with the truck. Unless you’ve already talked to Doug Witter? Anyway, I kind of did something crazy yesterday. You’ll laugh actually. OK… probably you won’t. I’m writing you from Bodie’s hometown on the Vineyard. That’s right. I’m in Oak Bluffs… for the next few hours, anyway. See, well, it’s kind of a long story and I hadn’t told you about this before because it was too upsetting to talk about, but Pacey was leaving for the summer on his boat. He was about to pull anchor and sail down to Key West and back by himself and I just knew… I just knew I had to go with him. I knew that if I didn’t, I’d always regret not knowing what would’ve happened. I’d never be able to live with myself if I didn’t go. So, I did the most impulsive and irresponsible thing I’ve ever done in my entire existence. I got on the boat and went with him. He’s not planning on coming back until right before school starts, so I’ll be gone all summer. _

_I know I should’ve talked to you first, but there was no time for a discussion or even a phone call. I had to get to the dock right away or he would’ve left without ever knowing how I really feel about him. I’m so sorry for leaving you without my help with the B&B this summer. I know how busy you’re going to be. But I’ve worked every summer since I was 13 years old and I’ll probably work every summer for the rest of my life. I just know this is my one and only chance to actually enjoy being young and free. I promise that if you let me back in the house in September, I’ll never abandon you like this again. But this is something I have to do now. I’m sorry, Bessie. I hope you won’t be too mad and that you’ll forgive me even though I’m sure you’re wishing you could throttle me right now. _

_Give my love to Alexander and Bodie. Tell them I promise to make it back home in one piece._

_Write back if you can. I can check my email at the next port, which is Atlantic City, New Jersey, but it’ll probably be a few days before we arrive. I had wanted to stop at New York City but Pacey says it’s too expensive to dock there._

_Love,_

_ Joey_

_P.S. I know I’m in no position to ask you to do me any favors, but could you email my summer reading list? There’s a copy of it on the desk in my room.”_

She clicked the Send button and sighed, feeling a huge sense of relief. Pacey then dropped into the chair next to her and handed her a cup of coffee and a small plate with a warm cinnamon roll dripping with icing. “Thanks.”

“So, you emailed Bessie?”

“Yep.”

“Anybody else?”

She shook her head as she took a sip of her hot coffee. “I don’t feel the need to explain myself to anyone else right now.” But then Jen floated through her mind. She’d like to talk to Jen about stuff. Maybe next time. “Do you wanna email anybody?”

He thought for a second. “Nope. But I’m gonna send postcards to Doug and Gretchen and Buzz when we get further on with our travels.” He paused, thinking it over again. “And well… I honestly _had_ planned on writing Andie occasionally, but now that you’ve come with me, I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.”

“I understand,” she said. “It’d be like writing Dawson. ‘Hey buddy! Sorry about everything, but I’m loving life on my romantic summer cruise with your erstwhile best friend!’ He’d love that, I’m sure.”

Pacey snorted, closing his eyes and shaking his head. “Yeah.” Then he was gazing at her, his blue eyes going all warm and soft as his mouth curved into a smirk. “Romantic, huh?”

She suddenly felt all tingly inside and pursed her lips to fight a stupid grin from forming on her face. God, he was irresistible. She wasn’t sure how long she’d be able to resist. “Um, so about those separate sleeping arrangements…”

“Right. There’s gotta be a hardware store around here we can check out. I could try to make another bunk… Possibly. That could take a while, though. Or a sporting goods store? I could get an air mattress, maybe. We could set it up in the main cabin.”

A feeling that she was putting him out welled up inside. “I don’t think it’ll be easy to create two separate sleeping quarters. I mean, there’s not a _ton_ of room. I don’t want to impose, or mess up your whole layout down there. And after you worked so hard, Pacey. I know I’m a last-minute stowaway, basically, and you weren’t planning on…”

He reached over and took her hand. Before she realized what he intended, he lifted her fingers and pressed his mouth to the back of her hand. “I _want_ you to impose on me, Jo. I want you to impose on me for the rest of my life.”

Joey let out a shaky breath, her insides melting to pure mush. Without thought or care, she leaned over and pressed her lips to his. He tasted like cinnamon and sugar. The warmth of the innocent kiss spread through her body like lightning. “I love you,” she murmured against his mouth.

He stroked her hair, a Cheshire-cat smile on his face. “I know.”

Laughing, she rolled her eyes and sat back up, ripping off a piece of her own gooey cinnamon roll and popping it in her mouth.

When they finished their coffee, they walked out of the café hand-in-hand and continued down the street. She loved the feel of his hand holding hers, the safety and warmth of him. A drug store soon came into her view. “We should stop there,” she said, pointing towards it.

“Okay, but we gotta be back in the marina before it’s too late, remember. And you still need to get some clothes.”

“Trust me, Pace. You _want_ me to buy a toothbrush and deodorant.”

Minutes later they were walking through the doors of Ocean Park Pharmacy. Her mind quickly ran down a list of items she would need over the next several months. “Um, Pacey?”

He turned his head and looked at her.

“Do you mind if I shop by myself?” she asked hesitantly, feeling her cheeks redden. “I can meet you here at the door in a few minutes.”

“Why?” His brows furrowed in confusion.

“Well… I just need to get some personal stuff. You know…” She lowered her gaze from his and could feel her face getting redder, inwardly chiding herself for her own silly embarrassment. “Girl stuff.”

Pacey smiled knowingly. “Sure. There’s a patio and outdoor furniture place across the street. I’ll go check that out while you shop.”

He let go of her hand and started walking away. She smiled as she watched him, her heart full. He hadn’t made it to the door when he turned back around. “Jo? You really don’t need to be embarrassed about this stuff. I have three sisters.”

“Exactly, Pace. Remember what I said about keeping the mystery alive?”

He laughed and turned away.

She smiled, and then when he disappeared from view, grabbed a shopping basket. Walking up and down aisles, she collected a new toothbrush along with toothpaste and mouthwash, a stick of deodorant, shampoo and conditioner, hairbrush, razor and shaving cream, and SPF 30 sunscreen. Then she went in search of tampons. She quickly found what she needed. Placing a box in her basket and turning, she suddenly found herself facing a large display of condoms.

Joey stared, before quickly glancing around, not wanting anyone to catch her looking, as if what she was doing was wrong, somehow. She could almost hear Jen’s voice, cursing society and the patriarchy. Glancing back at the display, she began to read. Good lord, there were so many. Plain ones, gold ones, lambskin ones, and ribbed ones in various sizes. She didn’t know which size Pacey would need, but he was six-foot-two and his hands and feet were big, she mused, chewing her lip to stop herself from smiling.

Yet that was all the attention she planned on giving the subject because thinking about Pacey putting on a condom made her face burn, her stomach flutter, and her center spasm. And it was not helping her goal, which was… what? To wait for the right time, she supposed. But when was the right time? She didn’t know—she just knew it wasn’t right now.

When her gaze fell on glow-in-the-dark condoms, she couldn’t help giggling. She quickly threw her hand over her mouth. From somewhere behind her towards the front of the store, Pacey called out, “Is that you laughing, Potter?”

_Oh, my God._ She bolted from the aisle.

*****

His hand on the tiller, he kept the _True Love’s_ direction steady as they sailed through the Vineyard Sound. As promised, he had to make sure the boat veered no farther out than five miles from shore, although that was currently not much of a problem as Martha’s Vineyard was only seven miles from the mainland. But he remembered his dad on many a fishing trip talking about how notorious the cross-current was in the Sound, and kept one hand firm on the tiller and the other on the taut rope that went to the boom. Up ahead, land came into view, and he changing their direction to sail by it instead of straight at it.

“Is that the Cape?” Joey asked. “Or probably not? I don’t see the Nobska Lighthouse.”

“No, we’re past the Cape. It’s one of the Elizabeth Islands. We’re gonna sail around them and make for the Rhode Island coast. I think this one on our right here is the largest—Naushon Island.”

She gazed out ahead. “The Elizabeth Islands, huh? You think the Forbes family would let us look around?”

He chuckled. “Doubtful.” A memory stirred, something he hadn’t thought about in years. “You know, my dad used to threaten to send me to the Penikese Island School for Boys all the time.”

“The reform school for delinquents?” She threw him a look of wide-eyed disbelief.

“Yep. Also, fun fact: Penikese Island was home to the one and only leper colony in Massachusetts. My dad loved telling me _all_ about it. It’d give me nightmares when I was a kid.”

She frowned, gazing out at the island’s shoreline. “Your dad’s a jerk.”

Heaving a sigh, he nodded. “You don’t know the half of it,” he muttered under his breath. Seeing the look of concern spread across her face, her eyes saddening with worry, he gave her an easy smile. “So, uh, the last time we were in the state of Rhode Island, we had to go to a mental health facility. I think this time around will be a lot more fun, don’t you think?”

Joey shook her head, smiling, the sparkle in her eyes returning. “Perhaps Rhode Island is best seen sailing right by it.”

He laughed, thoughts of his father fading away.

For the next few hours they sailed under the sun. Connected with each other, body and soul, their hearts beat a little faster whenever they touched and quicker still when they gazed adoringly into each other’s eyes. He never wanted to see the light fade from her eyes. Those fiery, passionate eyes that told him she loved him.

Earlier in the day, after they’d finished the rest of their shopping and returned to the boat, Pacey sure had been thankful they’d made it back in the nick of time to avoid another dock fee, and Joey wondered just how much money he had to sponsor this summer voyage. He had used the diesel motor until they were out of the harbor and in sight of open waters, and then she helped him raise the sails. The wind was favorable, and they had soon made their way out of the Vineyard Sound.

“Time to put up the Bimini,” he said once they were in the open waters heading for Rhode Island.

She had been covering her arms and shoulders with sunscreen. Her brows knitted. “Um… the what?” she laughed.

He smiled and stepped over to the cabintop and began unfolding a large white canvas cloth fitted over a metal frame. “Biminis are to a sailboat cockpit what air-conditioning is to a house in Florida. It’ll give us shade from the sun and protection from UV rays. Otherwise, we’d never be able to be out here all day long and actually enjoy it, and sunburns are no picnic. It was expensive, but worth it.”

She looked up at the makeshift awning that was now over her head. “There goes the sun,” she said glumly.

“You’ll thank me in July and August, Jo, believe me.”

The sun would surely be much hotter once they were in Key West. “I’m sure I will.”

“Okay, First Mate,” he announced, excitedly rubbing his palms together. “I’m heading below deck to work on the new sleeping arrangements. You keep watch. Holler if you need me.”

“Are you going to tell me what those arrangements are now?”

He grinned, said, “Just wait and see,” and then disappeared below.

Earlier when she’d stood at the register and paid for her items at the drug store, he had waited for her near the door, carrying a large white plastic bag with a blue Vineyard Patio & Spa logo etched across the side. When she asked what was in the bag, he had said it was a surprise. Then he’d sat on a bench with the bag between his legs while she picked out clothes at the Pequot Second Hand Shop, and still wouldn’t tell her what was in it. When she’d asked him if they were going to look for a hardware or sporting goods store, he had said they no longer needed to, and her curiosity about the bag piqued even more.

While he was below, Joey sat back and relaxed under the Bimini top. The sun rose high in the sky, casting its beautiful rays on the ocean. She gazed at the red and orange hues reflected on the surface as the boat moved across the water. It was so tranquil and peaceful. She felt happy and content. Today her life was perfect.

He emerged carrying a package wrapped in brown paper, grinning from ear to ear. He set it on her lap. “For you,” he said.

Her eyes went wide with surprise. “You got me something?” He only smiled in reply, and she tore open the package. She discarded the paper, revealing a sketch pad, pencils, watercolor paper, paints, and brushes. “Oh, Pacey,” she breathed, staring down at her gifts. She couldn’t remember seeing anything like this in the stores they shopped in. “When did you get this?”

“I snuck out while you were trying on clothes,” he explained. “There’s only so much sitting and waiting a guy can do, ya know? I asked one of the shop girls if there was a place nearby where I could get some art supplies and she told me A.C. Moore was just around the corner.”

Joey smiled, touched by his thoughtful gift. “Thank you, Pacey.”

He shrugged. “It was nothing. There’s no TV, although I do have a radio-slash-CD-player, but I figured you’d like to have something to do in the long hours we’ll be spending on the boat. Well, whenever the inclination strikes you.”

She set the art supplies aside and stood up, reaching for him. He wrapped his arms around her waist, the solid feel of him making heat spread up from her core to add to her joy. Joey ran her fingers through the short hair above his ears, tugged his head down to hers and poured out everything she felt for him in a kiss full of happiness and desire and the rush of emotion that no longer had to be denied.

And then he took her hand. “Come and see,” he invited. “I wanna show you where we’ll be sleeping.”

Her eyes widened with excitement and she followed him down into the cabin. She saw two hammocks hanging from the rafters, one on top of the other, and she laughed in disbelief, her mouth falling open. “Oh, my goodness.”

“Do you like it?” he asked hesitantly, unsure of her reaction.

_“Like it?_ This is genius, Pacey. I mean… the way your mind works. Never in a million years would I have thought of something like this.” Her heart filled with love for him. “Thank you for doing this.”

Averting his eyes from hers, he shrugged. “You don’t need to thank me. It was nothing.”

Joey shook her head, moving closer to him, her hands gripping his waist. “You’re amazing,” she said softly. “You need to know that, Pace. I can’t stand the thought of you thinking you don’t deserve to be thanked for everything you do for me. You need to know in your heart that you’re an amazing person. There’s no one like you.”

He gazed at her, his heart swelling, beating louder. He brushed her lips with his fingertips. He moved his hand gently down her neck, over her collarbone, onto the soft skin below. He could barely breathe. “I love you,” he whispered.

He kissed her, as if to punctuate the emotion he was feeling. He kissed her, because she felt like his other half, as though all the missing pieces of him had fallen into place, making him whole for the first time in his life. He kissed her, because, even if he had nothing else, he had her. None of the rest mattered. Just her. Just her and him, together.

With a soft sigh, she melted into his kiss. Her hands ran up his back as she pressed closer, his arms going around her. His kiss was tender and passionate, but there was an aching sweetness in this kiss that hadn’t been there before. For a brief moment, she relished being that close to him, yet it wasn’t close enough. The desire he was stirring within her was undeniable and it felt so good. She didn’t want it to end.

But she had to pull away, her heart racing, more thankful than ever for the new separate sleeping arrangements.

In the late afternoon, Joey laid out on the deck of the forward bow, letting the sun warm her skin and lull her to sleep. She dreamt that Pacey had changed, had grown older and more serious, but still the man she loved, and he arrived right before her wedding to a stranger, picked her up on his white horse and carried her away to a white castle in the clouds. She woke up to waves crashing against the hull as they sailed into Narragansett Bay beneath the setting sun.

*****

Except for the occasional change of course to avoid a fishing boat or a yacht, little correction was needed to stay on course. When Rhode Island came into his view on the horizon, he knew he was just over three miles from the coast. He maintained a steady south-westerly direction while Joey napped in the sun. That evening, they anchored outside Newport.

With his help, Joey got into the top hammock on the second attempt. He covered her with a thin blanket and then nudged the hammock until it began to rock as she yawned and closed her eyes. He got into the hammock beneath her. Quietly they swung in their hammocks, enjoying the gentle sway of the boat. The sound of the ocean. The happiness and peace of being together. And being in love.

_Mitch Leery was right_, he thought, remembering a long ago conversation as he closed his eyes. _Home is what a man feels in his heart_.

And his home was with Joey.

The next day, traffic on the water soon increased once Rhode Island was behind them. Like an autumn jam of leaves on the creek, the ocean became clogged with boats and vessels. It had been about 14 hours since they’d lifted anchor outside Newport, and he knew they must be approaching New York City. Joey then helped him maneuver the boat to get safely around the flow of traffic.

They soon found themselves sailing by the Long Island coastline. “Do you think we could get closer to shore?” Joey suddenly asked.

“Yeah, sure.”

It wasn’t very long until he’d closed the distance between the _True Love_ and Long Island to about half a mile. As they sailed by beachfront property that bespoke of wealth and luxury, he watched Joey pull out her sketch pad and pencils. His heart swelled as he watched her draw, frowning and biting on the end of a pencil. She was bent over the sketch pad, her hand moving across the page as she split her attention between the coastline and what she was creating. He noticed she was able to draw perfectly straight lines without using a ruler, which impressed him. Watching her at work doing something she loved, something she was incredibly good at, he found the sight of her like this very moving.

“Are you gonna let me see it when you’re done?” he asked.

“Perhaps,” she replied teasingly, pulling out some colored pencils. “What do you think it would be like to live in the Hamptons?”

He gazed over at the shore as they sailed by yet another mansion. “Other than the close proximity to Manhattan, life is probably not much different than on the Cape. You’d be surrounded by uptight, rich white people.”

Joey gazed down at her drawing. “Better to be rich than poor.”

“Maybe in some ways,” he admitted. “Others… probably not.”

“I’m sure their lives are way easier, Pace.”

“Easier, sure, but not necessarily happier.”

She chewed on her lip and said nothing more, and then bent over the sketch pad to continue drawing.

The traffic became even more congested as they neared New York Harbor, and he took the boat further out from the coastline to avoid it. They crossed state lines into New Jersey just as the sun began to set, and he decided to drop anchor two miles off-shore from Highlands Beach. Then he took out his fishing pole, baited the hook, and cast the reel over the side of the boat. “I’m gonna catch us some dinner.”

When they retired inside the cabin, Joey revealed her finished drawing of the Long Island coastline featuring a Hamptons beach house and its landscaping. His eyes widened as she offered it over, and he took it into his hands. It looked so alive, so real, and wondered how that was even possible to do just with pencils. “This is great. You are so talented, Jo.”

She averted her eyes, embarrassed. “Thanks, Pace.”

“I know I’m a tad biased here, Jo, but you could sell this. It’s _that_ good.”

“Well, I don’t know about that. I’m just happy I drew something at all. This is the first time I’ve been inspired to do anything even remotely artistic in months.”

An indescribable feeling welling up inside him. She was an amazing woman. He took the drawing and propped it up against the wall of the cabin. After taking the prepared fish fillets over to the galley, he heated up the frying pan and cooked their supper. They spoke excitedly about their next port of call while they ate, anticipating what new sights lay in store for them in Atlantic City.

“I wonder if Bessie emailed me back,” Joey commented after eating the last bite of her fish.

“Hopefully she didn’t have a stroke,” he snarked.

“I really hope she’s not upset, but if she is, then… Well, she’ll get over it.” Her hand reached across the table, meeting his fingers in a sensual twining, and she gazed at him with a warm smile. “Thank you for the meal. It was delicious.”

He beamed at her praise. She was looking at him with such pride and love, it made his chest swell.

The pans and dishes were soon washed and put away. After brushing his teeth over the sink and changing into a tank top and sweats, he returned to the cabin and sat down in the nook on the bench beside Joey, now wearing pajamas. She slid closer, her arms going around his shoulders, and kissed him. He held onto her and kissed her back, passionate and possessive. Her mouth was soft and yielding and full of promises. They kissed like that for some time, and when they finally came up for air, they looked into one another’s eyes with such emotion that he couldn’t stand it.

“I’m gonna go up and do one last check before bed,” he told her before escaping above deck for a breather.

Lights dotted the shoreline. The night was cool, and he enjoyed the sting of air on his overheated skin. God, she was beautiful. He liked her pajamas. He liked her bare feet. He liked the smile she wore for him. He liked her mouth on his. Liked watching her eyes flutter closed. Liked hearing the sounds she made at the back of her throat. Liked the feel of her palms on his chest and how her body leaned into his. He liked it all way too much. Spending three months in an enclosed space alone with her was going to be a challenge.

He had wanted no other woman as much as he wanted Joey, but he was bound and determined not to screw this up. When he’d been infatuated with Tamara, he had rushed into sex at the first opportunity. And with Andie, he thought they had waited until the right time, but they honestly didn’t wait that long. Judging by that success rate, he didn’t want to do anything too fast, too soon with Joey. He knew she wasn’t ready for that either, and he wanted things to be different with her. He wanted this to last forever.

Later, after he helped Joey climb into her hammock, he got into his own below her and stared over at her drawing. Being with him on the boat had inspired her. He felt the same way. She inspired him like no one, like nothing ever had before. He was starting to realize why he’d built this boat. When he started back in the fall, he didn’t have any real idea. It was just something to throw himself into so he could get his mind off his heartbreak. It was something to get him out of the house.

Looking back, he should’ve realized the real reason behind it when he had chosen the name _True Love_ and she had been the first person he’d thought of to include in his plans to build the boat, just like laying tracks down long before a train would ever come. As Joey’s hand dropped down from her hammock and he reached up to hold it, entwining their fingers, he knew exactly why he had built this boat.

He built it for her.


	19. Summer of 2000 (Part Two)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Love on an atom, love on a cloud  
To see the birth of all that isn't now  
Can you imagine a love that is so proud  
It never has to question why or how  
Total abandon, the love in my dreams  
When I wake up I'm soaking in my sheets_
> 
> _Breathe, breathe  
Believe, believe, believe, believe  
That we are loud like_
> 
> _For all of our youth  
We have craved them  
Their beauty and their truth  
So we name them  
And somehow they pull us through  
We have craved them  
For all of our youth_
> 
> _Breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe  
Believe, believe, believe, believe  
We are loud like love  
We are loud like love  
We are loud like love..._

June 13. On Tuesday morning, the alarm he’d set the night before went off at seven o’clock. While he fixed their breakfast, Joey got on the radio to listen to the weather forecast. It called for 80 degrees and 10-15 knot winds, with waves around one to two feet. It should take them around seven hours to get to Atlantic City. That sounded pretty good to him, and the _True Love_ should give them a smooth ride down.

An hour after they woke, they lifted anchor and raised the sails. A strong, steady wind filled them, and before long they were making good progress south. The weather was beautiful. There were other boats as they moved out into open waters; in every direction the ocean was dotted with fishing boats, yachts, and cargo vessels. But they kept their distance. He held onto the tiller, maintaining their position three miles out from the coastline.

“Pacey, dolphins!” Joey shouted, pointing out over the side of the boat.

He instantly looked over across the deep blue face of the ocean and he saw the dolphins; big dolphins jumping and flipping in and out of the water playfully. He had never seen that before. It was an incredible sight to witness. For the rest of the day, they were surrounded by dolphins all around them, and Joey did her best to snap pictures with the Kodak disposable camera she’d gotten while shopping on the Vineyard.

Around three o’clock in the afternoon, they were lowering the sails as they approached the Atlantic City shoreline. He then turned on the diesel motor and drove the boat along the shore near the boardwalk. There was a vast selection of marinas. His eyes fell on one that didn’t look all that busy, and hoping to go unnoticed and avoid a dock fee, upon seeing an empty slip he guided the _True Love_ in. He and Joey quickly moored her to the dock. They spent the next 30 minutes washing the boat and he gave her a serious hose down. There was salt on the metal rods holding up the rope rails on the deck, and the ocean water really had done a number on the hull.

Then he and Joey walked hand-in-hand along the scenic boardwalk nestled on the ocean. Atlantic City seemed like innocent diverting fun, like a once-decadent playground that had lost some of its luster over the decades, with just a slight undercurrent of carny danger. While walking along the boardwalk, they sampled some cotton candy and fried dough and salt water taffy, and tried a few games of chance, although chance seemed to have little to do with the outcome.

He was dismayed he couldn’t seem to win Joey any prizes, even a tiny stuffed snake, the lowest possible prize. The snakes were long and made of green plush, with glued felt eyes, and shiny ribbons around their necks, if snakes even had necks.

“You don’t want one of those, do you, Jo?” he asked. “Obvious phallic display.”

“No,” she told him, and laughed. Then she paused, finding that she did wish he could give her something to remember their day spent here. “Well… maybe.” She laughed again.

He frowned as he gazed at the challenge in front of him. “You know, there’s a reason my dad made me stop playing baseball. Athletics are not my strongest suit.”

“And what is?” she heard herself ask in a suggestive voice. Mortification reddened her face. She couldn’t believe she’d inadvertently thrown out a _double entendre_, especially when she was determined _not_ to have sex with him. Well, not yet, anyway.

He laughed, butterflies fluttering in his gut. “Would you like to find out, Potter?”

Then he placed his hand under her chin and tipped her head up to his face. He lowered his head to hers, and then his lips were on hers, kissing her tenderly and passionately, making her feel like the most cherished, desired, beautiful girl on earth. She was so in love with him that her head spun. They broke apart. “Yep,” she said, breathing hard. “It’s kissing. Kissing is your strongest suit. Definitely.”

He laughed again, his heart full and happy, and turned back to the game. He handed over two dollars and was given three balls. He eyed the target and threw the first ball. Five minutes later they were walking away, Joey holding the ugly plush snake in one hand while she held his hand in the other.

“So, what do you wanna do, Jo? We could check out a restaurant and get something to eat that isn’t fish or eggs or cheese balls.”

“Nothing too expensive, though,” she said.

He smiled down at her. “I’ve got plenty of money.”

She threw him a skeptical look. Since when did he have a lot of money? “Well, I have money, too, Pace. I can pay for dinner. We honestly should take turns paying for things.”

“But that’s your college money, Jo. You’re not touchin’ that.”

Pursing her lips, she sighed. “Pacey, I can’t have you footing the bill the entire trip. You were only planning on financing yourself, but now there’s two of us. I mean, I don’t know what you budgeted, or if you budgeted at all, but suddenly having another mouth to feed and clothe wasn’t in your plans. I can contribute.”

“But not out of your college fund that you’ve scrimped and saved every dollar you’ve earned to build. Sorry, Jo. Not happening.”

“I guess I’ll have to find a way to make some vacation money, then,” she replied.

Suddenly, he had an idea. It could work, and it wouldn’t hurt to try. They were soon strolling down the beach when his eyes fell on a tall building with a sign that read “BALLYS” at the top. He smiled and pulled Joey towards it. “We’re gonna try the casino,” he told her.

Her eyes widened. “But we’re underage.”

Shrugging, he kept heading for the casino. “Won’t hurt to take a shot.”

The casino doors had two bouncers but to his and Joey’s surprise, they weren’t asked to show their I.D. They stepped inside, totally blown away by their surroundings. They felt a hum in their veins as they walked around the casino floor. Something about the noise, the lights, and the happy anticipation that was palpable in the air made them feel excited.

“Pick one,” he said, grinning, and nodded toward the slot machines.

She smiled excitedly. “One with a lever you have to pull. That would be more fun than pushing a button, I think.”

They continued walking around the floor until they stood in front of a 25-cent Triple Diamond slot machine. They each put in five dollars of their own money. Joey slipped her hand inside his, threading their fingers. She reached up and grabbed the lever, her grip on his hand tightening, and pulled. Three diamonds came up, the machine’s lights flashing.

“Oh, my God, Pacey! We won $20!”

She pulled the lever again. They won another 20. They played for nearly an hour and ran their ten dollars up to $480. They couldn’t believe it. Joey was squealing with delight as the machine’s lights continually flashed and blinked in front of her. He gazed at her, feeling elated, watching her eyes light up, and thought they were brighter than all the lights in Atlantic City.

Joey pulled her camera out of her pocket and turned to the man on the slot machine next to them, smiling. “Excuse me? Would you mind taking our picture?”

He gave them a withering look. But he stepped over and took the camera begrudgingly. He and Joey wrapped their arms around each other in front of the blinking and flashing machine, and smiled for the camera. Once it was snapped, the man handed it back and returned to his own machine.

“We should try for more, Jo. We’re on a roll, here.”

“Oh, my… Well… No. No, we shouldn’t. We really should leave before I head down a spiral path that leads straight to Gamblers Anonymous. Let’s take our boon and run, Pace.”

Laughing, he grabbed her hand and they went to find a cashier to collect their winnings. He handed the money over to Joey as they made their way towards the exit. “Your vacation fund,” he told her. “Now let’s get the hell out of here before someone realizes they forgot to card us.”

*****

Back on the boardwalk, they soon found the How You Brewin Internet Café. Joey logged on to one of the available computers while Pacey milled about looking over their selection of bagged coffee grounds, T-shirts, and mugs. She signed in to her email, and sure enough, Bessie had written back.

_“Don’t kill you? You’re just lucky you’re not within throwing distance! Joey -- how could you just get on a boat without talking to me? How come Pacey’s parents were going to let him go alone? Don’t they care at all about his safety and well-being? _

_Bodie thinks it’s pretty cool. He’s glad you’re finally getting the chance to actually enjoy your summer instead of spending it here with us, which, by the way would have actually been quite HELPFUL. But anyway, after I calmed down, I realized that maybe Bodie is right. Well, partially. I mean, couldn’t you have explored your relationship with Pacey and all that without actually hopping on a boat to Florida? I mean, isn’t there some activity the two of you could have come up with that didn’t involve me worrying about you every single second for the next three months? Maybe it was selfish, but I guess I sort of was looking forward to having you around the B&B all summer. I’m not sure I can even do it without you. Plus, next year you graduate, and then you’ll be leaving this town. There’s only so much time left to spend with you until you fly the nest and move on to bigger and better things. _

_But… I didn’t set out to write this to chastise you. You chastised yourself enough. _

_Bodie and I want you to have a good time, but please try not to be too impulsive and irresponsible during the rest of your trip. Don’t make any foolish decisions that you’ll regret later! _

_Write as often as possible. I miss you. I love you. Be careful!!_

_P.S. Your summer reading list is attached.”_

She thought Bessie would’ve been even more mad than she was. Not that she was exactly brimming with happiness over it, but at least her sister will have the rest of the summer to simmer down. Joey stared at the admonition to not make foolish decisions she’ll later regret. She knew what Bessie was getting at, and she bristled at the unsolicited counsel. She was going to be 18 years old in three months. She wasn’t a child anymore.

Ever since her sister had gotten pregnant with Alexander, she’d practically beaten her over the head with lectures about sex and being safe and responsible, and avoiding mistakes and consequences that could alter her life irreparably. Surely, Bessie knew she wouldn’t be _that_ irresponsible. She wrote a quick message back, letting her sister know she had arrived in Atlantic City safely and things were going well so far, and ignoring her sister’s not-so-thinly-veiled plea for her not to have sex with Pacey.

Joey glanced over her shoulder. He was still reading the variety of coffee mugs. She turned back to face the computer and opened a new message before selecting Jen’s email address and writing _“Hello from New Jersey”_ in the subject line.

_“So, I’m sure by now you know I’m not in Capeside anymore and that I left with Pacey on his boat. There is so much going on inside of me right now that I feel like I could burst, and I need to share it with someone. You’re the only friend I have who I know wouldn’t be hurt by it. I certainly can’t write Dawson. I thought about writing Jack, but there’s always a chance Andie could see it. I don’t think she understands what happened between Pacey and me. I don’t always understand it either, but then again, I don’t ever ask myself how or why. I guess I don’t really have to._

_Jen… I can’t even begin to describe how I feel about Pacey. I just know there is a feeling deep inside of me that I can’t control. Something that feels right, that makes me feel… I don’t know, tingly and warm and safe, in a strange way. I haven’t felt truly safe since I lost my parents, but I do now. Pacey makes me feel safe. He makes me feel loved._

_He’s also totally insane! Here in Atlantic City we went to a casino. I couldn’t believe they didn’t card us. I’d never seen a casino before. It was the craziest experience of my life. There is absolutely nothing in Capeside I could even possibly relate this to. He insisted we raise some extra cash by playing the slots. He put in five bucks and I put in five — and we won $480!!! Leave it to Pacey. I just… I would never even think to do something like that. My whole life has always been about saving up, saving every last penny, and money not growing on trees and all that. Well, apparently it grows under flashing blinking lights. This is an amazing place. And Pacey is an amazing person._

_OK, so… when I hopped aboard the boat, I hadn’t exactly taken into account the sleeping arrangements. Pacey had one obvious plan, which I obviously nixed. He knows I’m not ready for sex yet, but I refuse to get into the old habit of platonic bed-sharing, or we’ll be heading down a path I’ve already trod and I’m not interested in repeating. Fortunately, he came up with a workable option. He’s a madcap genius, I swear. And it’s not that I don’t want to have sex with him… I mean, every time I’m near him now I get goosebumps! When he kisses me… I don’t want it to stop. But I know in my heart I should wait. I want to wait. I do. But there are times I’ll be watching him when he doesn’t think I’m looking and then suddenly I’m just… not exactly sure what I’m waiting for. You got any advice?_

_I hope you write back. I want to hear all about your summer, too. _

_Love,_   
_Joey_

_P.S. Please don’t tell Dawson I wrote you. I’m sure it would just lead to questions and there’s absolutely nothing about my life right now that he would take any pleasure in hearing about.”_

She hit the send button, returned to Bessie’s email to print her summer reading list, and then logged off the computer.

*****

Once Joey had finished writing her email to Bessie, he held onto her hand as they walked out of the Internet café and onto the boardwalk. The shadows had begun getting longer as the sun went down, and the colorful lights that covered nearly every building started to come to life. It was nearly seven o’clock, but there was still so much more to see. They soon came across the Ripley’s Believe it or Not! Museum.

“Wanna check it out?” he asked her.

“Sure,” Joey said with a smile.

It didn’t seem like much of a place at first. When they stepped closer to the entrance doors, a mock witch’s den had been set up behind a large window, with a wax witch, standing over a bubbling cauldron, many elaborate rugs covering the floor, and a table with a crystal ball. He was looking through the window at the den rather uninterestedly when he heard a voice say, “Hey, you!”

He looked at Joey, whose brows were knitted in confusion, and turned around behind him, but there was no one. “You,” the voice said. “In the blue shirt. I’m in here.”

Looking closer inside the witch’s den, he saw the face of a pale girl reflected in the crystal ball. “I’m the Genie of the Crystal Ball,” she said in a thick Eastern European accent, “and I want to tell you what a great time you will have here at Ripley’s Believe It or Not! Museum.”

“What in the world is that?” Joey said.

“And you, too, in the red shirt, with the dark hair and pretty eyes,” said the Genie. “You can have a wonderful time at the Ripley’s Believe It or Not! Museum, so why not come inside?”

He and Joey looked at each other. “Can she see us?” he asked.

“Of course, I can,” the Genie answered, smiling. “Just like you can see me, handsome. So, why don’t you come in and play? A cute guy such as yourself could have lots of fun in here.”

Joey smirked. “The crystal ball is flirting with you, Pacey.”

Snorting, he shook his head. “What happens inside?”

The Genie of the Crystal Ball laughed. “You get to see all the attractions,” she said, before smiling some more at him. “Like me.”

“Do you still want to go in?” Joey asked.

“Listen to your friend, Pacey. Don’t you want to see the inside of my lamp?” the Genie asked, her tone even more flirtatious.

He laughed at the bizarreness of the situation while Joey rolled her eyes. “All right.”

They paid the cheap entrance fee. Once inside, they spent almost an hour perusing the many galleries of the Odditorium, taking in the strange exhibits. They saw everything from a lock of George Washington’s hair, to the world’s largest matchstick bridge, to stuffed six-toed cats, to pictures of a family of giants, to celebrities painted on crickets. He posed in front of some shrunken human heads while Joey took a picture, laughing. But the Genie of the Crystal Ball was nowhere to be found inside.

“Did you two have a good time?” she asked them afterwards, all mock-innocence, as they stepped back outside.

They glared at her and walked away.

“Pacey, I’m starving. Let’s go eat.”

He held onto Joey’s hand as they continued down the boardwalk, keeping their eyes peeled for a restaurant that looked appealing. They were soon walking inside the Rainforest Cafe. Immediately upon entering, it was like stepping into another world. Waterfalls and aquariums with brightly-colored fish could be seen inside the restaurant amid a rainforest atmosphere. Nature sounds filled the air above them, including singing birds, thunder and rain. As the hostess led them through the dining areas, they passed animatronic trumpeting elephants and a chest-pounding gorilla.

He kept his hand on Joey’s lower back and then pulled out the seat for her when they reached their table. After glancing over the menu, he looked up at her. “What are you gonna get?”

“Nothing that lives in the ocean,” she quipped.

Chuckling, he nodded and returned to his menu. The waitress soon arrived to take their order. They shared an appetizer of nachos and both got the BBQ bacon cheeseburger for dinner. The tables all around them were filled with families, parents and grandparents and a blur of children. “Did your parents ever take you out like this when you were a kid?” Joey asked him.

He swallowed his sip of root beer. _“My_ parents? No. I was lucky if I got taken to the McDonald’s in Hyannis. Those times were few and far between, and it was usually Doug or Gretchen who took me. You?”

“My parents would’ve never been able to afford to take us out to a place like this.” She spun her glass of Diet Coke on the tabletop. “I can’t imagine what it must’ve been like for your parents, having five kids.”

“Well, for a while it was just Carrie, Amy, and Doug, and I think my parents were content with that. They’re all close in age, only a year apart, and then that was supposed to be it. Gretchen was a surprise, six years after Doug was born, and before she came home from the hospital, my ma had her tubes tied.”

Her mouth fell open. “But… then you…”

Pursing his lips, he nodded and took another drink of his soda. “You could say I was really, _really_ unwanted.” He grinned, trying to make light of it. “I’ve been the bane of my father’s existence ever since,” he said in a joking tone. “I get blank emancipation papers almost every year for my birthday.”

She forked her side salad. “Are you close with your mom?”

“Um… what’s with the questions, Joey?” The last thing in the world he wanted was to talk about his family.

She gaped at his reaction and then shrugged. “I’m just making conversation, Pacey. And… I don’t know. I just wanna know. You mention your dad sometimes, but you rarely ever talk about your mom.”

The waitress came by and refilled their water glasses. “Seeing as how you lost your mom, I don’t think you wanna hear me talk about mine, especially when I don’t have anything that great to say. I mean, it’s not like she’s, you know…”

“Dead.”

“Yeah.” He sighed. “So, who am I to complain, right? Let’s talk about something else, Jo.”

Frowning, her brows knitted with concern. “Okay…”

An awkward silence filled the air between them. He took another bite of his burger. “So, the next port of call is in Virginia, and it could take a couple days’ sailing to get there. Unless you wanna stop anywhere in between?”

“Hmm… I’ll have to take a look at the map when we get back on the boat,” she said.

The bill came, and Joey wanted to pay with her newly acquired vacation fund courtesy of Bally’s casino. When they walked out of the restaurant, the sun had long since set, and the boardwalk was as alive as ever. It seemed just as busy as the daytime, if not busier, with a crowd of people moving on the wooden walkway in both directions. In the distance, he saw a huge Ferris wheel all lit up. He turned to Joey and smiled, taking her hand in his, and began walking towards it.

On their way down the boardwalk, they passed by the decorated booth of a fortune-teller. The intriguing music, bright colors, and the gypsy woman caught their eye. “Fortune? I vill tell fortune to bee-u-tee-full girl?” she asked in her gypsy brogue, smiling invitingly and gesturing for Joey to sit down at her table.

“Yeah, I don’t think so,” he said dryly.

“You remember that fortune-teller at the Capeside Family Fun Fair last year?” Joey asked. “What she told me… It did kind of come true.”

“Yeah, she said somethin’ to me, too, Jo, and… Well, let’s say I’d rather not know anything else about my future before it arrives.”

She let go of his hand and walked back over to the gypsy’s booth, handing over the fee. He sighed and turned around, walking back to join her. They were invited to sit down while the gypsy woman prepared the table, speaking in her Romany language. Joey handed him the plush green snake to hold. “Thanks,” he snarked.

Taking Joey’s hand and carefully and seriously inspecting her palm, the woman then said to her, “I see you have had much pain.” The woman frowned. “Much sorrow and death in your lifetime for someone so young… But you have loved much also.”

He watched Joey’s brows furrow, but she allowed the gypsy woman to continue. “I see more pain and sorrow and death in your future, I am very sorry to say.” Joey’s hand began to tremble. “Do not be afraid,” said the woman. “I see more love and more happiness, too. I see leetle boy and leetle girl. Very happy family. I see you will have a long, happy life with a successful, professional man,” she concluded, smiling. Joey quickly withdrew her hand from the gypsy’s grasp.

The woman looked at him. “And how about you?”

“No, thank you.”

They walked away, and he peered down at her knitted brows and the frown on her face. “Jo, she’s a carny. You know that everything she said was vague as hell, right? And that it could apply to pretty much anyone? She probably says that to every single young woman who sits at her table. She does it for money. It’s a scam. I mean, everyone on earth will have pain and sorrow and death in their future. We all die. It’s inevitable.”

Joey’s hand squeezed his. “Well, hopefully not too soon.”

“She also said you’d have two kids and a successful husband.” He grinned. _“Very happy family,” _he said, mimicking the woman’s thick accent.

“Yeah… hopefully not too soon with that either.” They walked in silence for several moments. “I don’t know if I’d be a good mother.”

His brows furrowed in disbelief. “What? Of course, you would. You had the best mom, and I bet you’ll be just like her.”

Gazing up at him, she smiled warmly. “You’d be a good dad, Pacey.”

“What makes you say that?” he said, laughing.

“I’ve seen you in action.”

They were getting closer to the Ferris wheel, looming not far ahead of them. “You mean Buzz? I never knew what it was like to have a kid depend on you, and then I abandoned him to his own devices all summer. I kind of felt like crap about that, but he actually made some friends the last few months of school. So, I hope he’ll have a pretty good summer while I’m gone. And I’m determined to not be a deadbeat mentor when I get back to Capeside in September. Buzz is gonna know that I’m there for him whenever he needs me. If I ever have kids, even if I screw them up, which I inevitably will, I’m gonna make sure they know I love ‘em. And I’m gonna make sure they love me. I swear I’m gonna be nothin’ like my dad.”

She squeezed his hand again. “Pacey, you’re nothing like him _now_.”

As they neared the Ferris wheel, they heard its worker calling out, “last ride of the night!” Running hand-in-hand to catch it, they sat there, breathless and laughing, in the last passenger car available. The low door was closed before the wheel started turning slowly. Around and around they went, the ocean and the boardwalk and the lights of Atlantic City all around below them, until finally the worker began his job of unloading each car’s passengers. They were soon sitting at the top of the ride, dangling high in the sky. As if on cue, the fireworks show began.

Looking out at the night and the city, they seemed cocooned together in a world made only for them. Colorful explosions in the sky doubled with their reflection in the water below. Joey leaned closer to him in the coolness of the night’s breezes up there, and he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “Could this be any more perfect?” she asked.

“Yes,” he answered, and turned his head, lowering his mouth to hers, kissing her softly. He released her, searching her eyes, gazing at him adoringly, then kissed her again, this time long and hard and passionate.

A skyrocket shot up into the sky and exploded in a shower of bright red stars. The first one was followed by half a dozen more, painting the sky in flashes of sparkling colors. More rockets rose high above them and exploded, multicolored lights illuminated both the boardwalk buildings and the boats in the marinas below.

“I love you, Joey,” he said, breaking their kiss and searching deeply into her eyes once again. They were dilated, and he thought he saw a glimmer of passion stirring there. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” she sighed, her fingers sliding through his hair. “So much.”

He kissed her again. Then he dropped his lips to her neck, and she moaned. That perfect purr fanned the flames and spurred him on. His heart raced, and butterflies fought to escape his stomach. Her goosebumps flashed under his tongue’s caress, and she shuddered with each kiss against her throat. Her hands then wrapped into his T-shirt, fisting the fabric. “Pacey,” she breathed. “I really don’t think we should christen the Ferris wheel.”

“Depends how long we’re stuck up here,” he quipped.

She laughed, and he pulled away, smiling at her. Sitting back against the seat, he heaved a sigh and waited for his breathing to return to normal. The wheel started moving again and it wasn’t long before they were back on the ground.

“There’s still so much we haven’t seen,” Joey said. “This boardwalk is huge. Do you think we could spend another day here? Or are you in a hurry to get going?”

“No, I’m in no hurry,” he replied, smiling. “We can hang out here tomorrow, too.”

She yawned and then wrapped her arms around his waist, laying her head on his shoulder. “Let’s go back to the boat, Pace.”

The following day, they went all over Atlantic City, taking in the various sights and sounds, sampling the variety of foods offered by boardwalk vendors. When they arrived back at the marina and boarded the _True Love_, to their chagrin they found a band had set up on the docks near the boat and was playing loud reggae music while people danced all around. After an unsuccessful attempt to sleep while the music raged on outside, he hopped out of his hammock.

“Jo, I can’t take this. We’re gettin’ out of here.”

After turning on the boat’s lighting above deck, he started the motor and drove out of the marina. Once he positioned the _True Love_ about a mile offshore, he anchored and returned to the cabin below. There he found Joey looking over their map of the east coast. “So, where would you like to stop next?” he asked her.

She tilted her head back and forth, thinking. “You know, I’m desperately needing a shower. A _real_ shower. Not a dip in the ocean with my clothes on.”

“I told you that you could easily bathe with your clothes off, Jo.” He walked over to the mini fridge to grab a bottle of water. “I mean, _I do_.”

She threw him a look and chewed her lip, fighting a grin. “There’s a port on the other side of Delaware Bay. It’s about 50 nautical miles from here, in Lewes. It would probably take us just under four hours to get there, depending on the weather.”

He twisted the bottle cap and took a drink. “Okay. We’ll find a place where you can take a shower, and I’ll also fill up the diesel tank while we’re there.”

“Since we have the casino winnings, maybe we could splurge and get a motel room,” she suggested. “Take a break from the hammocks for one night. I’m sure our spines will thank us later.”

He smiled. “Sounds good to me.”

*****

Having slept in after another late night in Atlantic City, it was close to noon on Thursday when Joey helped Pacey raise the sails for departure. A strong wind filled them and soon they were on the move. Sitting on the white cushioned bench seat in the cockpit, her pulse fluttered as she watched him handle the tiller and the boom, tack or trim the sails, his every move one of confident control and finesse.

Then he handed her the sunscreen. She began to rub it on her arms and shoulders and then her face. When she was finished, she handed it back to him. “Thanks.”

He reached out to spread some more evenly around her lips and nose. “Can’t take any chances with this beautiful face,” he said. Then he put some on his, too.

“Whose face did you mean?” she asked, and he laughed.

“You’re the only beautiful one on this boat, Jo.”

Her cheeks blushed with embarrassment. She shook her head, gazing at him. He was beautiful, and he didn’t even know it. “I beg to differ. You should see the way the girls in school look at you now when you walk down the hallway.”

A baffled expression etched across his face. “They _look_ at me? They never talk to me.”

“Probably your reputation, honestly.”

“You mean the weird kid who slept with his English teacher when he was just 15 and caused a town scandal?”

She shrugged. “That might have something to do with it. You’re known as a troublemaker. Well, you used to be, anyway. Also, your dad’s the sheriff and no one wants to date a narc.”

He grinned, nodding in agreement. “If only they knew my dad hates me. Girls have been giving me a wide berth ever since I can remember. I don’t know why you decided to give me the time of day, to be honest.”

“You’re right, Pacey. Now that I think of it, I’m gonna use the rest of my casino cash for a plane ticket home as soon as we get into port. It was fun while it lasted… I guess.”

“Dawson will be thrilled,” he blurted out.

That was the last person she wanted to think or talk about right now. “Speaking of your dad, how come he was going to let you come alone on this trip?”

He pursed his lips, thinking. “He’s probably hoping I’ll get in a tragic accident and never come home so he can collect on my life insurance policy and buy himself a bigger boat.”

Joey snorted, but then frowned, wishing he would drop the jokes and speak frankly about his father. He never wanted to talk about it, and always changed the subject, usually after making some joke. She knew there was a lot of pain underneath those jokes and wished he would open up and share the burden with her.

“It’s hot today,” he said, wiping the sweat off his brow with his forearm. He grabbed the hem of his T-shirt and pulled it off over his head. Then he handed her the bottle of sunscreen again. “Help me out.” Pacey sat down on the seat beside her and put his back to her. She spread some sunscreen on her palms and then rubbed the lotion into the smooth, soft skin over his shoulders, his neck, and up and down his strong back. She’d died and gone to heaven, her insides going all warm and fluttery.

Then he turned to take the bottle from her to do his front. She made a _tsk, tsk_ noise. “That’s my job,” she told him. He smirked and threw his hands up in mock defeat. Joey spread more sunscreen on her palms and then rubbed it over his muscular arms, down to his hands and fingers, then his chest and stomach, her fingers brushing along the trail of dark hair that ran down from his belly button. She paused when she reached the waistband of his swim trunks, her heart beating like mad inside her chest, and looked up at him.

He gazed at her intensely, his eyes becoming a darker shade of blue, his mouth curving into a slight smile. “Thanks, Joey.” Then he turned away from her and stepped out of the cockpit, moving down the deck to the forward bow to check on the sail ropes.

She let her gaze roam over his glistening upper body as he worked in the sun, noticed the way his bicep muscles flexed every time he pulled at a rope or maneuvered the sail, the way his shoulder blades moved whenever he reached for something. Joey shook her head to clear her mind before the heat she felt rising inside her body reddened her cheeks and she embarrassed herself. Then she sat back and closed her eyes to feel the salty breeze and the warm sunshine. Moments later, she suddenly felt his lips touch hers, surprising, but soft and warm. She opened her eyes as he pulled back.

“Couldn’t help it,” he said. “You’re too beautiful to resist.”

“I bet you used that line on all the girls you dated.”

Pacey looked affronted, but then he grinned sarcastically. “Yeah, ‘cause there’ve been _so_ many,” he quipped. “You’re just naturally skeptical, Potter. That’s all right. I’ll wait.”

“For what?”

“For you to actually believe me when I say you’re beautiful.”

She smiled, her heart doing a little flip, and then she watched him move to the cabintop and unfold the Bimini over the cockpit.

It was going on four o’clock in the afternoon when they sailed into Breakwater Harbor outside Lewes, Delaware. Once the _True Love_ was moored to the dock, they disembarked with a packed overnight bag and made their way into town. Some locals pointed them in the direction of a place with cheap rates, and before long they were walking hand-in-hand into the lobby of the Anchorage Hotel.

“We only have one room left, but it’s not a double,” the woman said behind the reception desk. “There’s one queen bed, and it’s 40 bucks for the night.”

She looked over at Pacey, who met her gaze with arched brows, silently asking her to yea or nay. She nodded, smiling her approval, although her stomach fluttered and tightened. But it was the only room available. Unless they wanted to go to another place and spend more money, they had no choice. He took out his wallet. “We’ll take the room.” Then he handed over his debit card. “Do you have a cot or a rollaway bed we could use?”

Joey smiled at his thoughtful consideration of the boundaries she’d put in place, without her having to say a word.

“I’m afraid all the rollaway beds are in use, hun,” the woman replied. “School just let out around here and the hotel is packed full of families with lots of kids, not to mention the conference going on in the next town over.”

She watched Pacey sign on the dotted line, registering their names, and then the receptionist handed over two keys to room 217. Unlocking the door to their room, he held it open and she stepped in first. It was nothing to write home about, but it was a larger living space than the boat cabin. He walked in behind her and closed the door, carrying the overnight bag and dropping it on the bed.

“I’ll sleep on top of the covers, Jo.”

Joey felt her heart swell with love for him, for his sweet and unfailing concern for her feelings, his thoughtfulness, his gentleness. He was caring and kind and she loved him. She again wondered what she was even waiting for, and why. Her thoughts turned to the email she’d sent Jen, hoping she’d hear back from her sooner rather than later.

“Ladies first,” he told her, nodding at the bathroom door.

She then brought the overnight bag with in her into the bathroom and soon stepped into the hot shower. After drying off and putting on a clean set of clothes, she walked out of the bathroom. Pacey was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching TV. “Hey, Jo, while I’m in the shower, you should go to the bookstore across the street and get some books on your reading list,” he said. “Then we can go get something to eat.”

“Yeah, okay,” she smiled. “Sounds good.”

She slipped on her sandals, put one of the room keys in her pocket, kissed him, and then walked out of the room. Having already chosen a title off her list that she thought Pacey might like more than the others, she quickly found a paperback edition at the small bookstore and returned to the hotel. Walking off the elevator and onto the second floor, she remembered when he had read _Little Women_ to her last Christmas when she’d been sick and felt tingly inside at the thought of listening to him read to her again. The memory carried her to their room, where she stuck in her key and unlocked the door, stepping back inside and closing it behind her.

A sound from the shower interrupted her train of thought. There it was again. Was that a moan? Maybe she’d just imagined that deep, throaty sound amid the pounding of the water pressure. She heard it again. It wasn’t her imagination. She wasn’t exactly naïve, but it took a moment for her to figure it out. It was the sound of a man aroused, and obviously his hand and his imagination were busy. Oh, God. She blushed—she could feel the heat of embarrassment wash over her. Was this why Pacey had sent her out to the bookstore? Most likely. She’d clearly come back too soon.

Frozen in place, she didn’t know what to do. Should she loudly announce her presence, maybe turn on the TV, so that he’ll stop? That probably wouldn’t be kind. Spending all hours of the day and night in a cramped, enclosed space together was no doubt just as frustrating for him as it sometimes was for her. Well, she couldn’t just stand there and listen either. Suddenly the intensity and frequency of his moans increased and another type of heat fired through her. It was if her thighs went up in flames. She bit down on her lip, unable to suppress her physical reaction, and then quickly and quietly went back out through the door and into the hallway. And waited.

How long should she wait? How long did it take? Joey didn’t know. After what seemed like close to ten minutes, she unlocked the door again and tentatively stepped back inside. The bathroom door was still shut, but the shower had been turned off. She breathed a sigh of relief, and walked over to sit on the edge of the bed, placing the shopping bag with her new book down on the mattress beside her. Feeling embarrassed and frustrated and, although she really didn’t want to admit it, turned on, she nervously bounced her leg up and down. Then she picked up the remote and turned on the television just as the bathroom door opened and Pacey walked out.

She gazed at him standing there, wet hair with a large white towel wrapped around his waist. He raised a smaller towel to dry his hair. Then his eyes quickly caught her steady gaze. “Hey, you’re back,” he said with a smile. He lowered the towel and stared at her.

She stared right back at him with bated breath. It wasn’t like she’d never seen him without a shirt on before, but somehow the damp hair and the towel and the beads of water that clung to his smooth, taut skin made him appear even more attractive. It didn’t help that she had to keep forcing the memory away of what she’d walked in on minutes earlier.

“Yeah, just walked through the door.”

It was no secret how handsome he was. His good looks had always unnerved her, ever since they were kids. Come to think of it, Pacey had featured heavily in her very first sex dream when she was 15 years old. The dream had been so intense and graphic that it had woken her up, breathless and throbbing. It had only made her confused and upset, which she took out on him with a vengeance the following day at school. Now she knew why. Dawson was right—hindsight was 20/20.

Her fingers tingled from wanting to touch the damp, glistening muscles of his chest and arms. Her toes curled at the memory of the sounds she’d heard him make while in the shower. The way his wet hair stuck out in all directions—no words. She could feel her face burning. Her mouth had gone dry. She needed to change the subject of her internal monologue. Now.

Joey swallowed and tore her eyes away, trying to focus on the television. A rerun of _Seinfeld_ was on. She tried to pay attention, but her gaze kept drifting to Pacey as he crouched in front of the overnight bag and looked through the packed clothes.

“Hey, so what books did you get?”

She turned from the television to look at him. He was still standing there in his towel, a pair of jeans in his hand. “Uh… I got _Moby Dick_.”

He smiled, nodding appreciatively. “Good choice. Appropriate for us seafaring folk. Just the one book?”

“Well, you know, once it’s finished, I can get another one.” He nodded again and then she watched him disappear inside the bathroom, a sense of relief filling her.

Later that night, after they’d gotten dinner at a local restaurant recommended by the hotel staff and then took a stroll along the beach and back to the marina to check on the _True Love_, they returned to the hotel. While Pacey went out to get ice from the vending room near the elevator, Joey changed into the most unrevealing nightwear she had—a pair of short-sleeved cotton pajamas—and buttoned them up as high as possible. She then walked out of the bathroom and automatically went to the side of the bed she’d used before in the boat’s bunk on their first night, somewhat surprised at how natural it felt.

Scooting down under the covers, she felt her body go rigid with tension, and lay like that until she heard the door open and his footfall as he entered the room. She stopped breathing as she listened to him double check the locks on the door. “Already in bed, huh, Jo?” Pacey said as he walked in. “I guess it’s been a long day,” he sighed, kicking off his shoes. “Oh, we gotta make sure to check out on time tomorrow. Have to be out of here by eleven. Need to remember to set the alarm.”

She listened to the sound of him putting ice in a glass and then filling it with water. He walked around to her side of the bed and set the glass down on her end table. “Thanks, Pace.”

“No problem. Do you mind if I watch a little TV before I turn out the light?”

“No, that’s fine.”

The television came on and the unmistakable sound of the _ER_ opening credits filled the room. “What’s gonna happen to Carter, Jo?” Pacey asked in an emotional tone of mock concern as he sat down on the end of the bed.

She giggled. “Didn’t they send him off to rehab in the season finale?”

“That they did. I almost shed a tear.”

_“Almost?”_

“I plead the fifth.”

She lay awake, staring at the wall, listening to the television. After about half an hour, Pacey shut off the TV. Her body went rigid with tension again and she stopped breathing as she listened to him walk around the room. She shut her eyes tight and forced herself to take long, shallow breaths. It was almost torture listening to his movements and trying not to imagine what he was doing. The whisper of his T-shirt sliding off, a belt buckle opened, a button popped. When she heard his jeans hit the floor and the barely discernible sound of his pajama bottoms sliding up his legs, a corresponding heat flooded the pit of her stomach. She had to bite her lip to stifle a whimper.

She heard his footsteps padding to the bathroom and water running, being shut off, and then his footsteps come back to the bed. She felt the dip as he lay down on top of the covers, true to his word. She was curled in a ball, as far away from him as she could get, the covers tucked around her like a wall.

“Joey?” he murmured in the dark, rolling over onto his side behind her.

“Hmm?”

“I wanna kiss you goodnight.”

Her eyes shut tightly, her insides warring against her. “How about I kiss you good morning instead, Pacey?”

Silence. “Okay.”

He slid closer and she tensed even more. His arm started coming around to hold her. “I really think you should stay on your side of the bed,” she told him, suddenly feeling panicked.

He froze. More silence. “Um, okay…” The bed dipped as he moved away from her. “Goodnight, Jo.”

“Goodnight, Pace.”

She only fell asleep once he’d stopped moving and she heard his deep breaths even out.

The following day, they went to JavaByte Internet Lounge next to the Dairy Queen near the beach, and Joey logged onto a computer and signed in to her email. Bessie hadn’t replied, but Jen had. _“Your secret is safe with me,”_ was written in the subject line. Excitedly, she opened the message.

_“Joey,_

_Well, I must admit I was not exactly expecting to hear from you. But I’m glad you felt you could write me. We’ve come a long way since sophomore year, haven’t we? I’ve always wondered if my arrival in Capeside had this Pandora’s box type effect on the entire Pacey/Joey/Dawson universe. I suppose it’s a bit self-indulgent to take responsibility for that whole devolution, but if there’s a way to blame myself, you can bet I’ll find it._

_Ironically, I think everything worked out for the best. You sound happy. Treasure that. Happiness doesn’t find you too often – you have to hold onto what you find. While you were watching Mitch and Gail take their vows, I was chasing a bus full of football players halfway to Ohio to tell one specific football player that I love him. And it was cheesy and sappy and cinematic and totally out of character – yet I feel this inner peace now. I have the knowledge that no matter what happens, I didn’t let a chance for happiness slip me by. You’re doing the same. Run with it… savor it… hold onto your happiness for as long as you can. It’s too rare and too precious a thing to let go. That’s my advice._

_I’ve kept your secret. I don’t see any point in telling Dawson you wrote me… for now. I can’t promise I’ll never have to tell him. I don’t want to lie to him. He trusts me. So if he asks, I can’t promise that I won’t tell him the truth. But I don’t see the point right now in hurting him needlessly. _

_Take care of yourself Joey. Keep me updated on your travels, if you want to._

_Love,_   
_Jen_

_P.S. My advice about sex? Joey, I’m the last person you should be asking about that. I guess I should tell you to take your time. You’ll know when the moment is right. I didn’t take my time, and look how screwed up I am. Hope that helps… JL”_

She stared at the screen, feeling glad Jen wrote, but somewhat disappointed that was all she had to say. She hit the reply button and began to type.

_“Jen,_

_Thanks for writing me back. I can’t believe you chased Henry almost all the way to Ohio, but good for you. I hope you can hold onto your happiness, too. We stayed in a real hotel last night here in Delaware. I was beginning to desperately need a real shower. It was well worth the money we paid. Even though it looked a bit like the Bates Motel, it felt like the Ritz compared to our usual cramped boat. It felt wonderful… Until I started thinking about sex with him. I mean, the two of us in a small enclosed space all week, finally in a facility with hot water and a queen-sized bed with a comfortable mattress – how could I not? There was only one bed our hotel room, but when we slept… Jen, I wouldn’t even let him touch me because I was afraid of what would happen._

_I don’t know if afraid is the right word exactly… I mean, I’m not afraid of Pacey! I guess I’m afraid of myself – the way he looks at me with those warm dark blue eyes… It’s like I’m just going to forget everything else in the world and give in to what my heart is telling me. And I have to try SO HARD not to do that. So, no offense, but your advice doesn’t exactly help! Not when I’m spending every waking – and sleeping – moment with someone I want to have sex with. I know the collective experiences of you and my sister and countless others should bring my mind to the logical “stay away” conclusion but somehow when we’re together my brain starts making leaps and bounds toward other not so logical conclusions. I have to stop myself not because I want to, but because I know I have to or there’ll be no turning back. Once we start having sex, everything will change and I know I’m not ready for that yet._

_So, I’m waiting… waiting for the right time. But when is the right time? At what point will it be right? A month from now? Six months from now? Next week? How will I know? And when will I completely disregard all these rational thoughts, listen to what my body and my heart are telling me, and give in to Pacey’s irresistible charm???_

_Anyway, other than this ongoing internal struggle, everything here is perfect. The weather is perfect. The places are perfect. Pacey is perfect. _

_I want you to keep me updated on your summer, too. Take care._

_Love,_   
_Joey_

_P.S. Thanks for keeping my secret. I completely understand if you have to tell Dawson the truth if he asks.”_

She signed out of her email and logged off. Then she looked up at Pacey sitting at the computer on the other side of the table. “Email anybody?” she asked him.

He shook his head. “I don’t actually have email. I’m looking up info about the next port.”

“You don’t have email? You know, you can easily get one.”

“Didn’t you see _Terminator?_ These things will eventually kill us all, Jo. Pacey J. Witter is going to stay off the grid.”

Rolling her eyes, she snorted. “Well, if you don’t have email, then how come you said you’d planned on writing Andie?”

He blinked, then his lips curved into a smirk. “See, Potter, there’s this thing called paper. And you write on it with a pen. Then you stick it in an envelope, put a stamp on it, and mail it. It’s much more—”

“Romantic?” She grinned teasingly and stood up from the table.

“…Personal.” He got off the computer, threw their overnight bag over his shoulder, and joined her side. “So, what did Bessie have to say?”

Joey froze. She hadn’t told him she’d written Jen, and suddenly wasn’t sure how he’d react to knowing she was keeping in touch with friends back in Capeside. She certainly didn’t want him to know the dominant subject of her emails with Jen. “Not much…” Lowering her gaze, she sighed. She didn’t want to lie, or hide things from him. “Bessie didn’t reply to my last email, but Jen did.”

He stared at her. “You’re writing Jen? As in Jen Lindley?”

“Why is that surprising, Pacey?”

“Well, you two aren’t exactly Buffy and Willow.”

She shrugged as they stepped out of the lounge and onto the sidewalk. “We got kinda close back in the spring when, you know…” She sighed. “I needed a friend. Someone I could talk to about the whole situation with you and Dawson. A friend who would listen without judgment and who would just be there for me without any agenda. Lord knows that wasn’t Dawson anymore, no matter how much he tried to convince me otherwise.”

He took her hand, threading their fingers, and they began to walk towards the harbor. “And you’re writing her now about… what? To see how Dawson is doing since you left?”

_“No,_ Pacey. I haven’t asked about him at all. I’m writing her just to keep in touch because that’s what friends do. I’m writing her to tell her how happy I am to be on this trip with you and how I’m loving every second of it.”

“Really?” He turned to her and smiled.

Joey gazed at him, her heart full of love. “Yes. Really.”

*****

Once he’d filled the tank with diesel fuel and they were out of the harbor, Joey helped him raise the sails, and soon they were moving south along the Delaware coast. It would take about five hours to reach Virginia. He sat in the cockpit, his hand on the tiller, his gaze often roaming over to Joey. She sat on the other cushioned bench on his left, her eyes closed, soaking up the sunshine. She looked totally content and at peace.

His thoughts drifted to the night before in the hotel room. To when he laid down on the bed beside her and felt how tense she was, how tightly wound, as if she’d been on her guard. He supposed he couldn’t blame her, but he just wished he knew what was going on inside her head. He knew she wasn’t ready for sex, and he respected that. Hell, even he didn’t think sex would be a good idea right now. It was way too soon. They hadn’t even been on the boat for a full week yet. They had all the time in the world.

He just wanted her to know that she could trust him. She’d told him she did, but then it was like she almost panicked when he’d gotten on top of the covers next to her. Sure, he was a teenager, but he wasn’t some hormonal Neanderthal with no self-control. Even back when he was 15 and a dumbass, he’d been (mostly) in control of himself. Waiting didn’t bother him. As long as he had her, he was happy. But he couldn’t help wondering… did Joey at least want to? As much as he did?

He wasn’t sure, but he noticed the way she touched him, the way she kissed him, the way she held him. She even initiated it a lot of the time. He noticed the way she would stare at him for no reason. And the way she’d look at him when he kissed her, as if with a longing or desire or openness that seemed to want to invite him in and bring him closer. Everything else in the world seemed to disappear whenever she looked into his eyes.

Her left leg bounced a bit now and then as it sat there crossed in a feminine way on her right leg, turned in his direction. Joey’s body was turned towards him and was open and this was certainly a good sign. He remembered one of Tamara’s lessons on how important non-verbal communication was and what it says without saying anything. Joey was attracted to him without a doubt, but whether she actually wanted to have sex with him was another thing altogether.

“So, are you going to talk to me or think about me?” she suddenly asked, grinning at him.

He forced himself back to reality. “Can’t I do both?”

Joey smiled, her eyes sparkling in the sunshine. “So, what do you want to do in Virginia?”

“Um…” He shrugged, unsure. “Just take in the sights and see what we find, I guess.”

They arrived at Chincoteague Island, Virginia in the late afternoon. After setting sights on a marina with a lot of vacant slips and not many people hanging around, he moored the _True Love_ to its dock. They soon learned the island was only seven miles long and three miles wide, with lots to see and do. Once they’d strolled around the beach area and snacked on funnel cake, they came across Refuge Mini Golf and Amusements.

“What do you think?” Joey asked.

“You really want to play?” he replied, his brows arching in surprise.

She pursed her lips and shrugged. “Sure, why not?”

It was June at the beach—peak mini golf season—and the place was packed, no doubt with locals and tourists alike. The course was designed like an African wildlife refuge, with giraffes, zebras, and elephants all around. He went first at each hole, doing a quick once over of the obstacle, and then taking his shot while Joey watched. Then he stepped to the side to allow her to take her turn.

“Thanks for not being one of those guys who takes a girl to mini golf and stands close behind her and leans into her ass and places his hands over hers on the club,” she said, rolling her eyes.

He laughed. “I don’t need to be one of those guys, Potter.” Suddenly he wondered just how often Dawson had subjected her to torturous rounds of mini golf back home.

It wasn’t long before they reached the ninth hole. Joey appraised the green, widened the space between her feet, and repositioned her weight. But then, instead of taking the shot, she shoved the putter between her legs, holding it with her thighs, bent over, took the elastic from around her wrist, and pulled her dark hair into a ponytail.

“Potter, this isn’t the U.S. Open. Just hit the ball.”

“My hair was falling in my face, Pacey. I couldn’t see the ball.” She turned back to the green and continued in her goal of finding the perfect Zen alignment between her and the ball.

He turned and noticed a group of impatient golfers behind them, waiting for them to move on to the next hole. God, it was hot out here—too hot for mini golf. Joey took a swing at last. The ball rolled slowly toward the nick in the wall, hit it at just the right spot, and with a perfect trajectory glided between the giraffe’s legs and landed in the cup: a hole in one.

“Nice shot, Jo!”

She beamed. “One of these days, Pace, I just might beat you.”

Laughing, he started walking with her to the next hole. “I have no doubts about that.”

When they finished up at the 18th hole, they returned their clubs and walked back out onto the boulevard, heading down toward the waterfront. On the way they stopped to eat at the McDonald’s, and enjoyed the air-conditioning while they had French fries and hot fudge sundaes. Once they reached the beach, they slipped off their shoes and carried them as they stepped onto the warm sand.

“It’s so frickin’ hot, I’m sweatin’ my ass off, Potter.”

“I know. I can’t believe how hot it is. Even by the ocean.”

The golden sun was turning to orange, sending yellow ribbons of glimmering light across the water. He looked out over the pristine blue of the ocean ahead of them. It looked so inviting. Grinning, he grabbed hold of her hand and started running down the beach, pulling her along with him. Gleefully, they ran into the water fully clothed, soaking their bodies in the glorious respite from the heat. Joey laughed with delight as she dunked her head below the surface and came up shaking like a wet spaniel. He laughed, his heart swelling at the look of joy on her face.

“Oh, my God, Pacey,” she giggled, rubbing her hand over her face and looking down at her clothes, soaked to her skin.

Then she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him, while at the same time pulling him down into the salty water. He stood up, pulling Joey with him. Without giving her a chance to react, he picked her up and threw her further out into the water. The sound of their splashing and laughing bounced across the ocean’s surface.

Fifteen minutes later they sat on the sand together, Joey lying back between his legs, with her head against his shoulder, their hands clasped together, fingers entwined. Sunshine glittered on the water’s surface. “I’ve never been this happy in my life,” he whispered into her ear. “I didn’t know it was possible to even be this happy. I want us to stay together for the rest of our lives. But… then I remember we’re only 17 and… I suppose that’s unrealistic, huh?”

“Some people might say that’s unrealistic,” she said. “But I don’t care. There are lots of people who fell in love when they were teenagers and are still together decades later. Me and you, Pace. I believe.”

His heart thumping in his chest, he smiled and pressed his cheek to hers. “I love you more than life itself.”

Joey turned her head and leaned forward, gently kissing his mouth. He unclasped their hands, and she turned fully into him, her arms going around his shoulders as he held her. There was a time when he didn’t think it would ever be possible for her to love him just as much as he loved her, but he was now starting to believe he’d been wrong. Maybe they had a real chance. Maybe this could truly last forever.

The setting sun blazed on their faces across the sea, painted its colorful splendor on the evening sky, and showered its golden enchantment on the sandy beach. The air began to cool slightly, a breeze blowing softly from the sea as bright blue waves crashed on the shoreline. Looking into his eyes, Joey hugged him to her and kissed him again, sweeter and more sensual, and he could feel her love for him pouring out of her.


	20. Summer of 2000 (Part Three)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _If the sun refused to shine  
I would still be loving you  
When mountains crumble to the sea  
There will still be you and me_
> 
> _Kind woman, I give you my all  
Kind woman, nothing more_
> 
> _Little drops of rain  
Whisper of the pain  
Tears of love lost in the days gone by_
> 
> _My love is strong  
With you there is no wrong  
Together we shall go until we die_
> 
> _My, my, my_
> 
> _An inspiration's what you are to me  
Inspiration, look, see_
> 
> _And so today my world—it smiles  
Your hand in mine, we walk the miles  
Thanks to you it will be done  
For you to me are the only one_
> 
> _Happiness: no more be sad  
Happiness: I'm glad_
> 
> _If the sun refused to shine  
I would still be loving you  
Mountains crumble to the sea  
There will still be you and me_

June 16. On Friday morning, they departed Chincoteague Island, raised the sails, and continued south. It would take two to three days to reach the next port in Wilmington, North Carolina. Despite the heat wave, they couldn’t have asked for better weather conditions, and it appeared as though their trip down to the next port was going to go smoothly.

Joey took the tiller and Pacey’s compass while he sat back on the bench seat next to her with his fishing pole. “I think you should be the entertainment this afternoon,” he said. “You sing, right?”

“A little,” she replied, curious as to where this was leading.

“Dance?”

“Only when forced,” she snarked, smiling at him.

He baited the hook. “Okay so, you don’t sing or dance much. Do you tell jokes?”

Her brows knitted as she threw him a look. “Not really. Isn’t that your department? And as you can see, I’m a little busy to sing or dance or tell jokes. You tell me a joke.”

“What, and ruin my quest to catch us some lunch? I have to concentrate here. I think I’ll just watch you instead.” He cast his reel over the starboard side and gazed back at her, his blue eyes sparkling in the sunshine. She smirked at him. Then he tilted his head from side to side as if debating. “Okay, well… I’ve got some dirty jokes. You wanna hear a dirty joke, Potter?”

She felt her face grow warm, and her stomach fluttered. “Sure.”

Pacey grinned. “Okay. Um… Okay. After telling his wife he was working late at the office, a man took his secretary to a hotel for some wild sex. On the way home, he noticed a love bite on his neck and started to panic. What was he gonna tell his wife? Walking in the door, he was greeted by his dog. In a moment of inspiration, he dropped to the floor and pretended to fight off his loving, affectionate dog. Holding his neck with one hand, he walked into the living room and exclaimed, ‘Honey, look what the dog did my neck!’ His wife jumped up from the couch, ripped open her blouse, and said, ‘That’s nothing. Look what he did to my tits!’”

Joey started laughing. “Oh, my God.”

“I have plenty more. Here’s another one. During a staff meeting in Heaven, God, Moses, and St. Peter concluded that the behavior of President Clinton had necessitated the creation of an eleventh commandment. The three worked long and hard in a brainstorming session to settle on the wording of the commandment so that it carried the same honor and dignity as the other ten. After many revisions, they finally agreed on what it should be: ‘Thou shall not comfort thy rod with thy staff.’”

She snorted and threw her hand to cover her eyes. “That is so stupid, Pacey,” she said, giggling.

“I didn’t say the jokes would be smart, Jo. I said they’d be dirty.”

She held onto the tiller while Pacey fished, and they laughed and talked for the rest of their journey. It was close to three o’clock in the afternoon when they lowered the sails outside Virginia Beach, and although it took a little while, they found a large marina where they could dock inconspicuously.

It was a beautiful, clear day. Although very hot, there was a strong breeze coming off the ocean. The beach was jam-packed with vacationers seeking escape from the oppressive heat, sitting beneath their umbrellas flapping in the wind, with their sand chairs, colorful towels, and coolers. Once in town, she walked with Pacey to WebCity, a public cybercafé, and logged onto an available computer. There was no email from Jen, but Bessie had finally written her back.

_“It sounds like you’re having a blast, Jo. I’m glad you’re staying safe and being careful and taking your time. You don’t need to race down to Key West. Enjoy the sights. The B&B has quite a few guests this week, which has kept us busy. Between cooking breakfast here and seeing to any repairs or other odd jobs around the place and working at the Leery’s restaurant at night, Bodie is going to run himself ragged. I don’t know how he does it. He loves it, though. ‘There’s nothing wrong with hard work,’ he says. He told me to say hi and that he loves you. Alexander is great and he misses his Aunt Joey. He asks for “Jo-Jo” every day._

_So, I ran into Mrs. Witter at the grocery store on Wednesday, and apparently, she had no idea you were with Pacey on his little voyage south. You should’ve seen the look on her face. It was as if she’d smelled bad eggs. I’ve never understood the Witter’s, and we’re talking going back to the days when I was in school with Doug. I know Mom and Dad sure never cared for them. I just remembered something… It was many years ago, but one time Pacey’s dad came to the Ice House after we’d closed up for the night looking for him. I was in the kitchen with Dad, and Pacey was back there with us. He’d knocked on the door right after Dad had locked it, but he let him in and gave him something to eat. When we overheard John Witter asking Mom if Pacey was there… I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone look as scared as Pacey did. And not like a kid’s regular ‘whoops, I’m in trouble now’ kind of way. I mean, he was _TERRIFIED_, Joey. Of his own father. Dad immediately left the kitchen, and he and Mom told him that Pacey wasn’t there. At first, I was shocked they would lie to Mr. Witter. He’s the sheriff! But when we stopped at the Leery’s house to drop Pacey off and pick you up, Dad said Mr. Witter had clearly been drinking and in this case it would’ve been wrong to tell the truth. Not exactly sure what that was about, but it obviously wasn’t good._

_Where are you now? I hope everything is still going well and that you’re taking care of yourself._

_Love,  
Bessie”_

She glanced over her shoulder at Pacey, sitting down on a leather couch and watching the TV that was mounted on the wall. Frowning, she turned back to the computer screen and hit the reply button on her sister’s email.

_“Bessie,_

_It’s such a beautiful sunny day. We overheard some people saying it was supposed to start raining heavily tomorrow or maybe the next day, but it certainly isn’t raining here yet. I’m in Virginia Beach now. I can’t believe how hot it is! Yesterday we were in a place called Chincoteague (I have no idea how to pronounce it) and Pacey grabbed my hand and we ran down the beach and straight into the ocean – fully clothed! We got soaked and I didn’t care. Somehow Pacey manages to act first and think later, almost always meeting with success, whereas my carefully planned, cautiously executed maneuvers always leave me stagnate with inertia or consumed with regret. He’s teaching me to live in the moment and experience life, instead of just watching it happen with a cynical wit to mask my fears and insecurities. Have I mentioned how amazing he is?_

_I don’t have much time to write because we’ve got to get back on the boat soon. Pacey is in kind of a hurry to get out of here so we can make the next port before it starts raining, and he still wants to go to the market and then has to find a bait shop to get some more fresh lures. I also need to stop at a thrift store to pick a few more things to wear. The clothes I bought on the Vineyard don’t exactly fall into the fashionable category, nor are they particularly designed for comfort in this kind of heat. I don’t think I can wear jeans anymore. It’s way too stifling. _

_I wonder why Mrs. Witter would react that way. Maybe because she disapproves of him being alone with a girl for months? Or do you think it’s personal? Like, maybe she doesn’t like me for some reason? I don’t exactly see her all that often, but whenever I do, she’s always been polite. Weird. I do remember Pacey spending a lot of time at the Ice House, and I do remember the reason being whatever was going on at home. It’s so strange. I’ve known him since I was six years old, just as long as I’ve known Dawson, but sometimes it feels like I’ve only just found him. The more I get to know him, the more I realize there’s so much I don’t know about him. Like how he really feels about his father or why he never talks about it. Sure, he makes jokes alluding to things… but I know that’s just his defense mechanism for covering up how he really feels. I want to know him better. I want to understand him. Most of all I want us to share his pain together so he’s not in it alone. Do you know what I mean? _

_I hope things are going OK with the B&B. I can’t wait to see you and Bodie and Alexander and tell you about all the wonderful, crazy things we’ve seen so far. I’m sure there’s much more to come. I’m taking lots of pictures! _

_I gotta go now. Email me soon, OK?_

_Lots of love,  
Joey”_

She then signed out of her email and logged off the computer. “Pacey,” she said, standing up from the desk.

His head turned from the television screen and he smiled. Coming over, he took hold of her hand and they walked out of the café.

*****

The air-conditioning was a god send. He sat on a bench in the thrift store while Joey went around the women’s section picking out clothing, throwing denim shorts and tank tops over her left arm. When she stepped out the dressing room, she peeked at him. His breath caught in his throat. His heart stuttered. He had no idea where the tomboy had gone. In front of him stood a woman, slender and feminine. She looked achingly lovely in a blue sundress with some sort of floral pattern that left her slim shoulders bare, hugged her breasts and waist, then flowed loosely down over her hips and stopped below her knees. She looked as if she belonged on a tropical island.

He gazed at her, his eyes widening in appreciation of her in the dress. “What do you think?” she asked softly, and gave him a look of uncertainty. “I know it’s not my typical…” The sentence trailed off and she shrugged.

“You’re beautiful,” he said, his voice husky as he looked her up and down.

Joey smiled, her cheeks turning red. “There are a couple more just like it, in different colors and patterns. May as well get them, especially since the price is decent. It’s only gonna get hotter the further south we go.”

He nodded, eyes wide. “You sure got that right, Fräulein.”

After one last stop for ice cream, they went back to the boat. Once she was unmoored from the dock, he drove the _True Love_ out of the harbor and raised the sails when they reached the open waters of the Atlantic. He soon positioned the boat a few miles out from shore, ideal for fishing, and lowered the sails. “Well, First Mate,” he said to Joey, glancing at his watch; it was almost six o’clock. “We have about three and a half hours until nautical twilight ends and we have to anchor for the night. You keep watch while I catch us some dinner.”

He went down into the cabin to grab his fishing pole and the live bait container from the mini fridge, quickly returning. Joey watched him in appreciative silence while he baited the shrimp onto the hook, careful to avoid hooking it through its black spot and killing it. He lowered the rod and smiled at her before turning and stepping out of the cockpit. Then he cast his reel over the starboard bow.

It wasn’t long before there was a tug on his line. The tug was strong enough to make the pole quiver. He waited until the tug became an extended pull that bent his pole into a bow shape. He tightened his grip on the rod, adrenaline pumping through his veins. He began to reel in his catch slowly, pausing every few seconds to make sure the fish was still there.

The fish came up fighting with every ounce of its energy. It splashed and writhed in protest of being forced towards the surface and having its meal disturbed. He could tell from the splashes and the tension on the pole that he’d caught a big one, and pulled the fish up out of the ocean. The sun gleamed off its silver body. He’d caught a bluefish.

He brought the fish in closer, its fighting becoming weaker every second. It felt as if it weighed seven or eight pounds and looked almost two feet long. It was the biggest fish he’d caught so far on their trip. He smiled, his chest filling with self-satisfaction at the accomplishment. Yet his delight at catching the fish diminished with the sudden thought that Dawson wasn’t there to share his moment. He had no hope they’d ever have moments like these again.

“Wow, Pacey! That fish is huge!”

Turning, he glanced at Joey, smiling at him excitedly. He smiled in return, thoughts of Dawson fading away just as quickly as they’d come forward. “Indeed, it is. Too huge for us. We don’t need that much.” He removed the fish from the hook, taking extra care to avoid the spiny dorsal fin. He held it up by the mouth and inspected it. “It’s a beauty, Jo. Too beautiful to eat, and too beautiful to have its day ruined.”

He gazed at it a moment before tossing it back into the ocean. The fish floated lazily for a moment until it realized it was free and then quickly disappeared to safer parts of the water. After watching it swim away, he baited his hook again and cast the line back into the water to see if he could get lucky a second time. Some time went by, and then he caught a smaller black sea bass. “Now that’s what I’m talkin’ about,” he said, reeling it in.

Once he’d gutted and cleaned the fish in a pail of water, he threw the remnants over the side of the boat. With a cutting board in his lap, he sat in the cockpit and prepared the fish while Joey looked on. He held onto the fish head with his right hand, made a cut just below the gills, and drove his pocket knife straight down to the tail. He folded the skin back, cut the meat clean off the skin, and then did the same to the other side.

After they raised the sails again, getting a move on, he carried the cutting board with the two fish fillets down to the galley to cook them. Half an hour later, he returned, lifting the serving tray into Joey’s hands before he climbed out of the cabin to join her. Sitting down beside her, he watched her glance down at her plate and smile appreciatively. “This looks really good. I can’t believe you cooked rice, too.”

“Rice is easy,” he said, shrugging, and then watched with bated breath as she forked her pan-seared fish and lifted a piece to her mouth.

Joey’s eyes went wide. “Oh, my goodness,” she said after swallowing her first bite. “Pacey. You could order this in a restaurant. Seriously. It’s delicious. People would pay good money to eat this well. I could never cook like this.”

He let out the breath he’d been holding and smiled, his insides warming at her approval. “Sure, you could. Fish is honestly not difficult. Black sea bass is tasty, in general, but all it takes is olive oil and butter, a little salt and pepper, and some shallots, capers, and lemon. That’s it. There’s really nothing to it, and it cooks up real fast. You could do it easily.”

“I don’t know about that, Pace. Anyway, I prefer to have a man cook for me.”

He laughed, leaning over to kiss her cheek. They then finished their meal in companionable silence. As they closed the distance between the _True Love_ and the coastline, the sun set and the sky darkened. Stars twinkled brilliantly above them. Around nine o’clock, he checked their position and saw they had crossed state lines into North Carolina and must be approaching the Outer Banks. They lowered the sails and anchored the boat a mile from shore as the last of the light was starting to disappear over the horizon.

Once he’d brushed his teeth, he went above deck to bathe. He walked over to the port side of the forward bow, pulled off his T-shirt, shorts, and boxers, and jumped in the ocean. The water was cool but it felt refreshing. Floating at the surface, he closed his eyes and indulged in the moment, letting the ocean caress his skin. However, it wasn’t long before he was shivering, and he pulled himself back onto the boat.

After drying off with a towel and pulling on a tank top and loose pajama bottoms, he sat down beside Joey on the cushioned bench in the small eating nook. She looked so sexy in her pajamas, her dark brown hair falling over her shoulders. The top she wore revealed the delicate skin over her collarbone. Lower still, it clearly outlined the perfect shape of her breasts. He forced his gaze somewhere else. _Moby Dick_ was on the table. “You reading?” he asked.

She smiled sheepishly. “Would you read to me?”

“Sure.”

Opening the book, he flipped to the first page of chapter one, and began to read aloud. He spoke clearly, taking his time, becoming absorbed. Joey’s warm body snuggled against him, and she’d giggle at the different voices he created for the characters. When he finished the first chapter, he closed the book.

“Thank you,” she said. “I love the sound of your voice.”

His heart swelled. When she was silent for several moments, he looked over and saw her staring ahead. He followed her gaze to the wall calendar that hung on the opposite side of the cabin. “Tomorrow we’ll have been on the boat a full week,” he told her.

“Tomorrow is my parents’ wedding anniversary,” she said. “June 17, 1972. They got married so young. I can’t even imagine. That would be crazy these days.”

“Yeah. Things were probably different back then.”

A wistful look came over her face. “You know what I miss the most?” she asked. “My parents were really good together. They’d dance around the living room whenever their wedding song came on the radio. In the summertime, they’d sit on the front porch and talk long into the night after they thought me and Bessie had gone to sleep. During thunderstorms when the cable would go out, she’d read to him while they shared a bowl of popcorn on the couch.”

He was touched by her memories. “That’s really sweet, Jo.”

“I feel bad about it, too,” she said.

“Why?”

“My parents were very lovey-dovey—always kissing, always hugging, always touching. I used to tell them to stop, and I’d get so embarrassed. One time I overheard my dad whisper something _very_ dirty in my mom’s ear and I was mortified for weeks. I couldn’t even look them in the eye. Like, it was burned into my brain. It still is. Ugh.” She closed her eyes, shaking her head as if shaking the memory away. “But now… now I’d give anything for them to have stayed that way right up until the end. What my dad did to her…”

Frowning in sympathy, he reached across the table and held her hand for a moment.

Joey hesitated, but then continued. “It’s just… My mom sacrificed a lot for my dad. She didn’t apply to college, even though she could’ve, just to stay in Capeside and be with him. Then she married him before she’d even turned 20. She was going on 22 when she had Bessie. My mom was smart and beautiful and talented. She could’ve done so much more with her life. She had so many dreams—art school, starting a bed and breakfast. But she loved my dad so much that she put her dreams on the back burner. He was her entire world, and then he ripped her life apart.”

Silence filled the cabin. He didn’t know what to say, so he said, “I’m sorry, Jo.”

“Lesson learned,” she said, shrugging it off. “That’s never going to be me.”

“It won’t be. You have a bright future ahead of you. You’re going to do amazing things with your life. I know it.”

She gave him a warm smile and leaned over, kissing him softly. “You turn,” she said.

His brows furrowed in confusion. “My turn for what?”

“To talk! I told you some stuff, and now I want to hear your stuff.”

“You don’t wanna hear my stuff, believe me.”

Joey pursed her lips and threw him a pointed look. “But there’s so much about you I don’t know. We were never that close… well, not in the same way that me and…”

He nodded. “Dawson were.” They could’ve been if she’d allowed it, he thought.

“…Yeah.” She frowned slightly, but then she slid closer to him, her eyes blazing, full of tenderness and affection. His mouth went dry and he swallowed as her soft fingers brushed lazily up and down his forearm. “There’s so much I don’t know, Pacey,” she murmured quietly. “I want to know everything about you.”

“Okay,” he sighed, and gave her a slight smile. “Well, what do you wanna know? Fire away.”

She thought for a moment, her eyes roaming over his face, before her gaze settled on something and she stared. She reached up with the tips of her fingers and traced them lightly over his right cheek. “How did you get that scar?” she asked.

He touched his face self-consciously, trying to push the memories away that were suddenly assaulting him.

“I didn’t mean to imply that it’s horrible or anything,” Joey assured him. “I’m just curious.”

His stomach tightened. He didn’t want to think about it. He didn’t want to recall the details. “Long story.”

She smiled sweetly. “I’m in no hurry. Besides, Pace, it’s gonna be you and me on this boat for three months. We have time for long stories.”

“It’s not a story you wanna hear, Jo,” he said, almost pleading. It certainly wasn’t a story he wanted to tell.

“How are you going to tell me what I want or don’t want to hear?” Her brow arched. “I do, Pacey,” she pleaded right back. “Tell me.”

Leaning over and putting his elbows on the table, he forced his gaze away from hers and spoke slowly. “My dad and I were on a weekend fishing trip with some of the guys he works with.” He stared down at the table. “There was an accident.”

Joey slid closer along the bench until their legs were touching. “What kind of accident, Pacey?”

His stomach was in knots. Momentarily, he considered lying, considered regurgitating the same old tired explanation he’d used whenever someone had brought up his scar, but he knew he couldn’t lie to Joey. He didn’t have it in him. “An accident involving my drunk dad and a beer bottle.”

“Oh, my God,” she breathed, her hand moving to grip his arm. She stared at him. “You say _accident_, but… it really wasn’t an accident, was it?” He couldn’t meet her eyes. “Oh, Pacey. When did this happen?”

“The summer after eighth grade.” The memory was now fresh in his mind, vivid. “I made the terrible mistake of _accidentally_ beating my father at darts, besting him in front of his deputies and their sons, and then paid dearly for it later that night.”

A sorrowful expression crossed her face. She took his hand in both of hers. “Is that the only time something like that happened?”

He wouldn’t look at her. “It was the only time with a beer bottle. He avoided my face most of the time—it’d be too noticeable and lead to too many questions.”

“Oh, Pacey.” Joey sniffled beside him. “I’m so sorry. That’s… I can’t… I don’t know what to say. There aren’t words. How awful. I wish I had been there for you.”

Finally turning to look at her, he saw her eyes had filled up with tears. “But you were.” Her brows knitted in confusion. “Those nights you let me sleep on your bedroom floor. So, you were there for me when I needed you.”

She pouted, her eyes brimming over. “I didn’t know that was happening—”

“No one did.”

“But I wasn’t there for you in any kind of real way, I wasn’t there to help you.”

He lifted his hand and brushed away her falling tears before caressing her cheek with his palm. “You are now.”

Her arms came around his shoulders and she hugged him tightly. He felt her tears on his neck. This was why he didn’t want to tell her any of this shit. “Please don’t cry, Jo.”

“How can I not cry, Pacey?” Her voice was thick with emotion. She choked out a shaky breath. “The thought of someone hurting you… Your own father… I can’t…” She kissed his neck, his ear, his hair, his temple. Then she suddenly pulled out of the hug and looked at him. Her gaze was intense, and he thought he saw something like fierce indignation in her tear-filled eyes. “Pacey… does your dad still hurt you? Is this still happening?”

“He hasn’t laid a hand on me since the night the Ice House burned down.”

A look of realization dawned on her face. “You punched him. I remember.”

Pursing his lips, he nodded. “I punched him, yeah. All it took was for him to insult a girl I loved for me to finally fight back. He’d hit me earlier that night, and I did nothing. I could never fight for myself. Andie, I could fight for. He hasn’t touched me since.” He grabbed her hands. “You can’t tell anyone, Joey. I mean it. Not Bessie or… or Jen or Dawson. Nobody.”

She stared. “Dawson doesn’t know?”

“No, he doesn’t.”

“But how is that possible, Pacey? He’s your best friend. Didn’t he ever suspect?”

“Dawson has always been too busy trying to turn his life into a movie to open his eyes and face reality.”

Shaking her head, she frowned. “You should tell him, Pace. You should tell the Leery’s. They’ll help you. I know they will.”

No one could help him, not really. “Joey, no one can know. No one.”

“But Pacey… it’s not right, what he’s done to you. It’s criminal! He shouldn’t be the sheriff. He shouldn’t wear a badge.”

“I don’t want to rock the boat, Jo. Please understand. I only have one more year. Just one more year, and then I can get away from him and from Capeside for good. I don’t want anything to mess that up. I want to get through this last year unscathed. And I don’t even live with him anymore. So… it’s nothing to worry about now.”

She shook her head, clearly unhappy with his response. “Does Doug know about this? I mean, if I had a big brother, and my dad was hurting me…”

There were times over the years when he’d asked himself the same question, many times he’d wondered. But he knew Doug, probably better than anyone. He may be a jerk sometimes, but he was always trying to look out for him. His brother cared about him, in his own dysfunctional way. “No, he doesn’t know. The physical side of it didn’t start until after he’d moved out of the house, and my dad never hit me when anyone else was around. No one ever saw it happen.”

“What about your mom? Your sisters?”

“My mom knows, yes, and Gretchen. That’s it. And now you.”

Joey looked dumbfounded. “Your _mom?_ What does she do? Does she do anything? Try to stop it?”

He ran his fingers over the cover of _Moby Dick_. “My mother is a functioning alcoholic with no regard for me as a person. She fed me—well, most of the time—clothed me, made sure I had what I needed for school, gave me an allowance until I got a job, lets me use the car almost whenever I want to, etc. etc. etc. I guess you could call that support, in a way, but… I’m pretty sure that’s all out of obligation, though. I honestly don’t know. She’s never treated me badly, exactly, but she’s never cared that my father does. I spent my life hearing my dad and brother tell me what a loser I am, that I’m a lost cause, a screw-up. She’s never said those things to me, but when _they_ do, she’s all, ‘that’s okay, honey, I’ll be there to help you when you screw up, so don’t worry.’ Like… _thanks, Ma_.”

He shook his head, sighing. “I can’t figure her out. My dad is an immature, abusive asshole. His dad is an asshole. I’m sure my grandpa’s dad was an asshole, too. But I cannot for the life of me explain my mother. I can cope with my dad, but her indifference to my suffering… Somehow it feels worse than any bruise or broken bone. That stuff heals. The way my mom makes me feel? That never goes away.”

“It feels like she betrayed and abandoned you?” Joey said quietly.

“Something like that, yeah.” It felt as if a weight was being lifted, just hearing someone finally put his feelings to words, feelings he’d never been able to express before. “And that’s the reason I don’t talk about her, Jo. And why I don’t really talk about my dad much with you, either. You used to say things to me in the past, like, _‘well, you’re lucky to have a mother and father at all,’ _and I never knew how to explain to you that sometimes it’s better to grow up without your parents than it is to grow up with parents like that.”

She chewed on her lip. “Well, I don’t know—”

“Your mom got sick and it’s a tragedy that she isn’t here, but she _loved_ you. She cared about you. Your dad messed up. He made mistakes, but he tried to be a good father. He’s a better father than mine ever was. And he loves you. He messed up and made mistakes _because_ he loves you. Some people… get desperate to save the ones they love and they make bad choices. That’s far better than growing up knowing your parents don’t love you. Trust me.”

Joey laid her head on his shoulder, slid her hand down his arm until her fingertips brushed the back of his hand, caressing his skin in lazy circles. For some time, she remained silent, her fingers interlocked with his. “I wish we had said these things to each other years ago. I’ve known you my whole life, and there’s so much I just didn’t know… didn’t see. We could’ve been there for each other.”

“We are now. Maybe timing is everything.” He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. He didn’t want to be sad. He didn’t want to think about this stuff. “Let’s not end the night like this, Jo. Please? We had such a good day. Let’s talk about something else, do something else.” He got up from the seat, forcing his family from his mind, and then went over to the hammocks, taking them down from the hooks in the ceiling.

“Pacey, what are you—”

“You’ll see in a minute.” Then he walked over to the other side of the room and pulled the CD player out of a cabinet. “Let’s dance,” he said. “Put those lessons to good use. We wouldn’t want to disappoint Miss Penny Pretty.”

She snorted. “Pacey, all you have is Led Zeppelin. Speaking of which, we should get some more music at the next port.”

Smirking, he took out a CD. “I’ll have you know that Zeppelin can be very romantic.” The disc was placed inside the player, he selected the song he wanted, and then turning to look at her, he said, “Get over here, Josephine.”

Her eyes flashed and her cheeks flushed pink. She chewed her lip to fight a grin. Then she stood and came into his arms, placing one hand on his shoulder and the other in his palm, while he held onto her back. She inched closer and then their ribcages were touching. Their eyes met and held. She smiled, her knowing gaze sparkling up at him. He reached down and pushed the play button. Music filled the cabin.

They started to dance around the floor. The awkwardness and tension that had permeated their dancing during the week spent at the Starlight Dance Studio was gone. After a few turns around the small space, laughing as they spun, Joey pulled his head down and kissed him a slow, passionate kiss. His arms slipped around her waist and her arms went around his neck, her fingers brushing through his hair. He pulled her closer, until her breasts were against his chest and he could feel the pounding in her heart; he wondered if she could feel the wild beating of his own.

It felt as if every dream he’d ever had had come true, here with his arms around her and her lips on his. Meant to be and so right. Then the kiss deepened, and he stopped thinking, stopped having any thoughts outside the music in his ears and the feelings in his legs, in the pit of his stomach, and in his heart. Soft as velvet, potent as liquor, her kiss made his head spin.

He held himself on the brink of what was proper all the while Joey kissed him. He even stayed in control when she went soft and yielding against him, so he could feel all the curves of her body. But when she made the sound deep in her throat, that purring moan, he lost restraint. His hand traveled up the length of her back, his fingers slipping into her dark hair, while the other pulled her body tighter against him. His tongue caressed her bottom lip. She gasped. His tongue delved inside, sweeping over hers, drawing another one of those mind-numbing sounds from her throat. Lust-filled thoughts consumed his mind; he wanted her beneath him, naked, writhing, gasping his name. His groin tightened.

Then he stopped. Before things progressed any further, he forced himself to stop kissing her. He pushed her away gently, keeping his hands on her shoulders deliberately so they wouldn’t wander, and tried to regulate his breathing. “It shouldn’t have gone that far, Jo. I’m sorry.”

She stood on shaking legs, eyes closed, breathing hard.

He traced her collarbone with his thumbs, the softness of her skin like silk, delicate. “I hope I didn’t scare you, or make you uncomfortable,” he said quietly.

Joey looked up at him, eyes connecting with his, and leaned into his touch. “Not possible.”

He smiled and let his hands wander to the nape of her neck, his fingers brushing upward until they were in her hair. He felt Joey shiver at his touch, and his smile deepened. “I want to kiss you again, but it’s probably not a good idea. At least right now.”

She let out a breath, nodding her agreement. He slid his hands back to her shoulders, down her bare arms, and to her hands, entwining their fingers. “Let’s get some sleep, Jo. We’ve got an early morning tomorrow.”

Once the hammocks were hanging back up, they climbed in and quickly fell asleep.

He awoke to the alarm going off at six o’clock, stretched and got out of the hammock. Joey mumbled something but didn’t wake. After he made some coffee, he left the cabin and went above deck. Mug in hand, he stood and waited for the sun to rise. The wind was blowing, and the air felt quite chill. The boat rocked merrily as waves splashed against the hull. He witnessed the first golden rays of light appear. The eastern skies soon cracked red, pink, orange, and gold beams on ominously dark clouds spreading from the southeast to the west. Then the sun rose slowly and steadily up over the horizon like a blazing red fireball.

The sight was beautiful, but his stomach tightened with anxiety as his dad’s old adage went in circles round his mind: _Red skies at morning, sailors take warning._ If the saying proved true, they’d see some bad weather before the day was out. He wanted to make it to Wilmington as quickly as possible. Tossing the rest of his coffee overboard, he returned below deck.

“Joey, wake up,” he said, nudging her arm while she still snoozed in the hammock.

She groaned. “Five more minutes, Pace.”

He shook her again. “No, we really gotta get going. I’m gonna raise the anchors.” She sat up and he helped her down from the hammock. “There’s hot coffee in the galley.”

Once he changed into a clean set of clothes, he left the cabin and began preparing for departure. He untied the sails, hoisting them. Keeping the boat about a mile from shore, the ocean began turning more gray than blue as the wind picked up. The storm gathered and black clouds obscured the sunlight. It wasn’t even noon and the world was going dark. The waves that had been rocking earlier were beginning to churn up much more now. Nothing too rough yet, but more than he was happy with.

“Joey, go down and get on the radio and listen to the maritime weather report.”

She disappeared below deck and a few minutes later she shouted his name. He thought he heard something like worry in her voice. Returning below, he found her with the radio. She stared at him, her eyes going wide. He swallowed and the knots in his gut tightened. “What did the weather report say?” he asked tentatively.

“A fast-moving tropical storm east of Georgia is now heading northward,” she repeated, her voice becoming increasingly panicked. “It previously hadn’t been expected to make landfall. Something about wind shear and being absorbed by a possible cold front preventing it from strengthening from a tropical depression to a storm, but something changed. Something about the Gulf Stream... I don’t know. It’s now expected to pound the beaches all the way up the east coast. It said from North Carolina to Southeast Virginia, major coastal flooding is expected. Um… and… multiple tidal cycles… with up to eight inches of rain… and… and 40 to 50 mph winds with gusts up to 60 mph.” She paused, swallowing. “Pacey, it said the storm center will make its closest pass over the Outer Banks by this afternoon. And something about…” She pursed her lips, trying to think. “Potential for _life-threatening inundation? _The Outer Banks are going to be hit the hardest.”

“Shit,” he breathed. “Okay, we have to get the boat to shore.”

Quickly returning above deck, Joey followed him. “Should we have stayed in Virginia, Pacey?”

He chuckled darkly. “Yeah, maybe. But it sounds like Virginia is gonna get hit with it, too. So…”

“Yeah, but not as bad as down here.”

“Okay, so maybe we should’ve listened to the news report sooner.”

She gaped at him, her hands going to her hips. “You think?”

“Look, we’ll be okay, Jo. Okay? I’ll do everything I can to get us to shore before the eye of the storm passes over the Outer Banks.” He heaved a sigh, trying to stay calm.

“Joey, hold the bow into the wind,” he ordered, placing her hand on the tiller. He then loosened the main sail and quickly tied it to its boom at the second reef points. “We have to bring the boat in to shore.”

He was hauling up the reefed main sail when the first serious gust of rain hit them. After donning his blue hooded rain suit and inflatable life vest, he took the tiller from Joey and told her to stay down in the cabin where it was safe. The wind caused the waves to grow to five feet very quickly. The water was an ominous dark gray. His father had told him many a time on their fishing trips about the dangers of getting caught by a wave amidships, broaching, and getting the boat swamped.

Watching the pattern of approaching waves and wind gusts, he waited for a relative lull and then pushed the tiller hard over, turning the sailboat before the wind. The _True Love_ immediately sprang forward, pushed by the building wind, charged up the backside of the wave and down its face. And then the rain started to pour.

He called down to Joey below, “Where are we right now,” and waited for her to check their coordinates.

“Um… we’re right off of Nags Head, I think!”

“That’s in the Outer Banks, right?”

“Yes!” she shouted.

Suddenly there was a flash of bright light instantly followed by a long, low rumble in the sky. _Oh, no._ He stepped away from the hatch and gazed out ahead.

“Pacey, was that thunder?!” Joey exclaimed from below.

“Yes. Yes, it was.”

“I’m coming up there.”

In the space of a drawn breath, gale force winds suddenly whipped across the _True Love_ and tore at her exposed sails. Panic rising within him, he shook his head adamantly. “No! You’re staying down there where it’s safe! I’m not gonna let anything happen to you!”

She’d moved to the bottom of the steps and was staring up at him. He saw she’d put on the yellow rain suit and a life vest. “You need my help!”

“I’ll be fine, Jo! I have this under control!” He hoped the hysterical pitch to his voice was only his imagination. He didn’t know how the hell he was going to get them back to shore with the wind and the rain sending them careening in the opposite direction. At least he thought that’s what was happening. He honestly didn’t know which end was up anymore.

The storm unleashed itself upon the ocean, bearing down as if with the sharp teeth of a hurricane. Waves crashed against the hull, tossing loose objects around the cabin below. On deck, the sails flapped about in the wind and downpour. To verify their heading, he withdrew the compass Joey had gotten him last Christmas. The needle spun, as if confused about which way to go; the secondary dial that showed him where he should be wobbled, as if seasick.

The wind and current had veered them off course. He had no idea where the shore was. He had no idea which direction they were moving towards. He wouldn’t be able to navigate until they made it out of the storm. Now he just had to concentrate on keeping the _True Love_ afloat.

The bottom of the boat suddenly scraped hard against something. They were closer to shore than he thought, but they must’ve veered into a reef area, or maybe a wreck. Not good. He struggled to hold onto the tiller and the boom as the fury of the wind and the powerful waves fought to jerk the rope from his hands. It was no use. He couldn’t do it by himself. Making for the hatch, he hopped down into the cabin. Water had begun to seep in below deck. Joey stood there, a look of terror on her face.

“I always thought I’d go to my grave never having said this,” he told her. “But I wish my dad was here. He’d know what to do.”

“Pacey, this is a little too _Perfect Storm_ for me!” Then one of the windows shattered, glass flying everywhere, and she screamed. Gazing at the damage, her mouth fell open. “Was that a tree branch that just flew in here? I really don’t want us to end up playing out a scene from _Titanic_, Pacey!”

“Do you wanna be Jack or Rose?”

She laughed as if in spite of herself before her face contorted with panic again. “This is not the time for your jokes!”

A huge wave crashed against the bow, and the _True Love_ groaned and thrummed. The boat tilted severely, as if teetering on the edge of a cliff, before it swung back again. Joey was screaming and he lunged himself at her, grabbing hold of her to keep her upright.

_Think, Witter. Think. What are we gonna do here?_ This was one situation he was determined not to fail. He’d spent his entire life screwing up, but that wasn’t gonna happen this time. He was going to take care of this. He was going to make sure nothing happened to Joey. He was going to take of her… of them… and of the _True Love_.

Breathing heavily, anxiety plaguing his insides, he held her face with both his hands. “Okay, Jo… You and me are gonna go back up there. We’re gonna have to bring her in together and save this thing. You were right. I need your help. We can do this.”

She swallowed, closing her eyes for a second, and then she nodded. “Okay,” she breathed shakily.

Together, they climbed up out of the cabin and returned above deck, the storm still raging tumultuously. “We have to turn into the wind and get out of the reef before we hit something and it destroys the boat,” he shouted in an attempt to be heard. “Help me with the tiller!”

“What? Pacey, I can’t hear—”

“The tiller! Come on,” he motioned.

The tiller handle swung back and forth dangerously as he managed to grab it, and pulled hard to the right. The wallowing sailboat responded, crazily, and he was sure it was going to tip over. He screamed for Joey to hold on as he fought the tiller. A gust of wind from the other direction straightened them out in the water, and their near catastrophe was over as quickly as it had begun.

Joey then lent him her strength, and they both struggled to bring the tiller back to center. Between them, they managed to point the boat into the wind and raced forward with the current. Lightning flashes continuously ripped across the sky from one end to the other, and the deafening thunder intensified their fear.

“Won’t the current take us further out from shore?” shouted Joey into the raging sky.

“It will, but we have to ride the current away from the reef first, then turn and go with the wind. That should bring us to the shore.” He only hoped they didn’t run aground but would worry about that later.

She shrugged helplessly. “All right, well, you’re driving! But could you be a little more careful when you turn next time?”

“I’ll try,” he said. “But I’ll need your help.”

“Just tell me when,” Joey said as she placed her hands next to his on the tiller.

He concentrated as he tried to gauge the current and the wind. He couldn’t be sure, but it seemed right. “Now!” he yelled, and they both used all their strength to turn the boat in the direction of the forceful winds.

The weather continued to build, the wind blowing horizontal rain and pushing the waves up to ten feet. He and Joey were low in the cockpit as the driving rain stung their faces. The sailboat climbed each wave and raced down the face of the swells. He worked the tiller constantly to keep the boat before the wind. A broach in these conditions would be deadly.

He squinted in an attempt to see through the rain and spray running into his eyes, but there was near zero visibility. He glanced at Joey, who huddled beside him after refusing to leave him and go down to the cabin by herself. “We’ll be okay,” he said in a comforting tone, but wasn’t sure whether he was trying to convince her or himself.

“Good because I really don’t want to die a virgin,” she snarked.

“We could take care of that right now, if you want.” He smirked at her.

Joey stared at his hands firmly holding the tiller before glancing around at the storm raging all around them and throwing him a sarcastic look. “Then we really would die, Pacey.”

Shrugging, he grinned. “Best way to go, in my opinion.”

“Pacey… you know how much I love you, right?”

He thought he heard the fear return to her voice and she looked at him with what seemed like a pleading gaze. “Now don’t start that, Jo! We’re not going to die. You are not going to die.”

Then she wrapped her arms around him and huddled closer, hiding her face against his shoulder.

Over an hour passed and eventually the wind began to abate. The storm had passed over and was now quickly moving north. The clouds to the south were starting to break up with rays of sunbeams shining through the ragged holes in the gray clouds. The wind died down to a slight breeze. He stood up and gazed about him in every direction. Land was nowhere to be seen.

He and Joey were soaked to the skin. Water was dripping from their hair. The storm had broken the week’s heat spell, and Joey shivered slightly in the cool breeze. She huddled against him. They looked at each other, relief rising inside them, and laughed at each other’s dripping, windblown state. Then Joey’s face fell; she was clearly shaken up. She clutched him tightly to her, her face pressed against his.

“It’s all right,” he soothed, his hand going behind her head, stroking her wet hair. “We’re all right. See, Jo? I told you we’d be okay.”

She let out a shuddering breath and nodded before pulling away. Then he kissed her temple, her forehead. He knew he should try to lighten her mood. “And the most important thing here is that you didn’t die a virgin. So, I call that a success.”

She snorted and smacked his arm playfully.

Returning to the cabin, they found the state below deck nothing to laugh at. Anything that hadn’t been bolted down was scattered and strewn about haphazardly. He saw the look on Joey’s face and still wanted to at least try to cheer her up. “Look at this mess you made, Potter!” he teased.

“Me? I’m not the one who drove us into a storm, now am I?”

“Good point. I’ll clean up down here. Take my compass and go back up. Keep us heading southwest so we’ll reach the shore. Hopefully we’ll end up somewhere close to Wilmington. We’ll probably need to stay there a few days to repair the damages.”

Silently, Joey left the cabin and returned to the cockpit. He set about straightening out the mess below. An hour later, he emerged from below deck to find Joey slumped beside the tiller, her head bobbing as she fought off sleep. He took the compass from her hand, carefully unthreading the chain from around her wrist and clutched fingers. He flipped it up and found she had done her job. Their progress, though slight because of the lack of wind, was all due southwest. 

“Hey, sleepyhead,” he said as he helped her up. “You should go down and take a nap. You’ll sweat sleeping down there, but at least you’ll be in the shade. Be sure to drink some water and eat something before you get in the hammock.”

Joey mumbled her agreement and then descended into the cabin and climbed into the top hammock on her first try.

He then went about assessing the boat for any damages. Tying off the tiller, he climbed the mast to examine the sail where it tied to the boom. Using another long piece taken from the lead rope, he managed to raise the sail about a third of the way. The _True Love_ responded immediately to the light wind gathering in it. At least that would gain them some speed again, he thought. Large tears ran through the lower part of the sail, so he couldn’t raise it any higher. He took out his pocket knife and poked eyelets at the bottom to secure the sail to the boom. Returning to the cockpit, he sat beside the tiller, and waited.

A few hours after she’d gone below deck, Joey returned to the cockpit. He had his hand on the tiller, lost in thought. “Sorry I slept so long,” she said. “You should’ve woken me. Can I get you anything? You hungry?”

“I’d like some spaghetti and meatballs. Do you think that’s possible, or should I have put in my request earlier?”

“Hang on,” she said, ducking back through the hatch and down into the cabin. “I’ll have to check on the cook and the other kitchen wenches.”

She soon re-emerged with a banana and a can of root beer. “The cook needed more notice, so it looks like this will have to do. Enjoy!”

He ate his banana and drank from his can of root beer while Joey took the tiller for a while. Just as the sun began to set, they spotted land at the western horizon. He went to the cabin to check their coordinates against the nautical chart. The land was most likely Cape Hatteras, or near it, and he knew they were only about three miles away from shore. He breathed a sigh of relief and emerged from below deck to lower the sails and drop anchor.

After turning on the above deck lighting, he and Joey retired below for the night. The mood was somber, quiet. He cooked up a quick dinner of bacon and eggs—thankful a few had miraculously remained intact inside the mini fridge—which seemed to improve her spirits far more than any joke or good-natured banter.

They took turns at the sink, brushing their teeth, and then he got into the bottom hammock and stretched out. Joey came over and put her hands on the hammock above him. Just when he thought she was going to hoist herself up, she hesitated and stepped back, gazing down at him. “Can I sleep with you tonight?” she asked quietly.

He swallowed, nodding. “Of course.”

Scooting over, he made room for her and she got in the hammock and lay down beside him. He lifted his arm for a moment and she snuggled against him, her head on his chest, before holding her to him. Her hand slid over his stomach and hugged him around his waist. Minutes passed, and he then heard her sniffles, felt her chest heave with shaky breaths. He turned slightly to look at her. Silent tears rolled down her face. He wiped the tears from her cheek. It had been a long, exhausting, emotional day, not to mention the night before.

Turning to lay on his side, he kissed her eyelids, her brow, her temple, her cheek, and her tears soon subsided. He brushed her lips with his, kissing her softly. It wasn’t long before his breathing slowed and he could feel sleep begin to pull him under.

“Pacey?” she murmured.

“Hmm?”

“You _do_ know how much I love you, right?”

This again? He chuckled. “Jo, if you love me even half as much as I love you, then it’s more than enough for me.”

She snuggled tighter to him and kissed his ear. He pulled Joey closer, his arms wrapping around her, and their legs tangled. The gentle waves that rocked the boat and her warm breath on his chest lulled him into a deep, restful sleep.


	21. Summer of 2000 (Part Four)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _You're just too good to be true  
I can't take my eyes off you  
You'd be like heaven to touch  
I wanna hold you so much  
At long last love has arrived  
And I thank God I'm alive  
You're just too good to be true  
Can't take my eyes off you_
> 
> _Pardon the way that I stare  
There's nothing else to compare  
The sight of you leaves me weak  
There are no words left to speak  
But if you feel like I feel  
Please let me know that is real  
You're just too good to be true  
I can't take my eyes off you_
> 
> _I love you, baby  
And if it's quite all right  
I need you, baby  
To warm the lonely nights  
I love you, baby  
Trust in me when I say  
Oh, pretty baby  
Don't bring me down, I pray  
Oh, pretty baby  
Now that I've found you, stay  
And let me love you, baby  
Let me love you_

June 19. First thing on Monday morning, Joey left the beach marina, Pacey remaining behind to continue repairs on the _True Love_, and made for the downtown area of Wilmington. Once she reached Connections Cyber Café, she stepped inside and logged on to one of the available computers to shoot her sister the A-OK email. When she signed in, she found a frazzled message from Bessie, in a panic over the storm. She quickly replied and let her know everything was fine. She was pleased to see Jen had also sent her an email.

_“Joey,_

_I only have a second because I’m with Dawson at an internet café in Philadelphia and he already thinks it’s extremely odd that I insisted we stop here. But here’s the situation. There’s a couple of Capesiders here in the City of Brotherly Love who won’t admit it, but are scared to death that you and Pacey are swimming with the fishes at the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean right about now in light of the recent storm. Me and Jack are both pretty convinced that two dead seafaring teenagers would have at least been noticed by the coast guard and would likely have made local, if not national news – but if you wouldn’t mind shooting word my way that you and Pacey survived the first big summer storm of the debatable millennium, it would be much appreciated. Thanks. Now I have to go email Grams since that is what I told Dawson I had to do…_

_Jen_

_P.S. I know I told you I wouldn’t say anything and I haven’t… yet. But I don’t think I can take Dawson and Andie hedging around the “Do you think they’re okay?” question all summer long. And since they have absolutely no idea that you’re even checking your email on this little honeymoon of yours… please, let me pass on some good news. That is, assuming you’re alive and reading this…_

_P.S.S. I read your last email but I can’t begin to give you the kind of reply you deserve on that subject with Dawson sitting on the other side of the room. I’ll write back as soon as I can. JL”_

She stared at the screen. A man took the computer next to hers and set his cup of coffee down on the desk beside the keyboard, momentarily distracting her. She honestly had no idea the storm would generate such a glut of concern back home. But once Dawson knew she was okay, would he be angry at her for telling Jen and not him? Should she email him, too? She couldn’t exactly spam everyone with an “I’m OK” at this point… It would probably just come across as impersonal and hurtful and not at all what she intended it to be. Maybe speaking to Dawson through Jen was the better idea, but then how would Pacey feel, knowing she was sending messages to Dawson and the others? She’d wanted to leave Capeside behind her in the near but distant past, but here it was coming back to haunt her with all its complications.

_“Jen,_

_I’m alive. Pacey is, too. We’re relatively safe here in Wilmington, North Carolina, and we’ll be staying for a few days. The boat is OK, considering the shape it _could_ have been in, but it’s going to need a few small repairs. Pacey is working on that now. Despite his reluctance, I finally convinced him to call home and let his family know he’s all right, which he’s supposed to do when he meets me for breakfast in a little bit. So, I guess you can go ahead and let everyone else know that we survived and we’re doing fine. _

_That storm was about the scariest thing that’s ever happened to me. I don’t know why I felt like the boat was invulnerable, or that nothing bad could happen as long as Pacey and I were together. But I got the proverbial wakeup call on Saturday that “True Love” does not conquer all… at least, not Mother Nature. At one point, I really did think we were going to die. I just felt so vulnerable, so suddenly aware of my surroundings, aware that this was reality and not just some fantasy dream cruise or a movie that Dawson was shooting in his backyard. It was real and it was terrifying and it was nothing like I’ve ever experienced and, to be quite honest, I hope I never do again. _

_Anyway, what are you all doing in Philadelphia? Just a weekend getaway, or is there a specific purpose for this sojourn to Pennsylvania? Either way, I hope you’re all having fun and enjoying yourselves._

_Joey_

_P.S. I can fully appreciate why broaching a certain subject while Dawson is there wouldn’t be ideal, but… I think maybe I’ve possibly made up my mind. Life is too short to wait for what you want, right? I mean, we could’ve died in that storm! Died without ever knowing what it was like to love each other in every way possible. So, I decided. I think. Maybe.”_

After she logged off the computer, Joey glanced at the clock on the wall. She needed to get over to the restaurant. Returning to Wrightsville Beach, she walked inside Neptune’s. The place smelled amazing and it was packed with people. There was a sign directing customers to seat themselves, so she found a small table for two and sat down. An older gentleman with an apron tied around his waist soon approached the table and handed her a menu.

“Hiya, hun,” the waiter greeted with a smile. “You here alone?”

“No, I’m waiting for my boyfriend.”

Her mind froze, and a silly grin started to spread across her face as she watched the waiter place another menu down across from her and walk away. She chewed her lip, fighting it as she felt the heat rise in her face. She’d said it without thinking. It had just slipped out, but she realized she meant it. She’d never really been able to think of anyone that way before. She’d avoided calling A.J. that. She and Jack never quite got that far, and Dawson… Although, he’d technically been her boyfriend for a few months, she usually just thought of him as Dawson. There weren’t really words for that role.

But she and Pacey were a couple now, at least she thought so. And this trip was the most amazing, eye-opening experience she’d ever had. Not that that was so hard when she’d spent her entire life in Capeside. The trip hadn’t been perfect so far, but she was learning so much more than she’d ever have learned at home. About Pacey—and about the world.

A few minutes later, he joined her at the table. “Hey. We’re gonna need new sails,” he sighed as he sat down across from her. “I thought maybe the torn sails could be sewn up, but I think they’re too badly damaged.”

“Oh, no,” she frowned. “How much is that going to cost?”

“It’s not cheap, but it’s okay. I’ve got the money.”

She gave him a skeptical look. “You keep saying you have money. From where?”

He stared, shrugging. “I have a job, Jo.”

“Yeah, but… the video store?”

“I’ve been working there for the past three years.”

Before she could reply, the waiter returned to the table. “So, this must be the boyfriend.”

Pursing her lips, her eyes flew to Pacey’s. She blushed furiously as she watched his grin spread into a wide smile. “Uh… yeah, that’s me,” he said.

“Do you know what you want for breakfast?” the waiter then asked.

“I’ll have coffee and orange juice,” she replied. “And, uh, the kid’s meal.”

Pacey laughed under his breath. “Um… well, I’m not that hungry. So… yeah, I’ll get the same.”

The waiter nodded and left. She chewed her lip while Pacey started smirking at her. “You’re telling people I’m your boyfriend, huh?”

“Well…” Oh, God. She was blushing again. “That is what you are… Aren’t you?” She suddenly felt uneasy, as if perhaps she should’ve had a conversation with him about it first.

He reached across the table and took her hand, playing with her fingers. “Well, aren’t you my girlfriend?”

She wished she would stop blushing, and had no idea why she felt so nervous. “Am I?”

Laughing, Pacey shook his head. “Jesus, Potter. Okay. I’m your boyfriend and you’re my girlfriend. There, that settles it.” She smiled, her heart swelling, as he pulled his hand away when the waiter returned with their coffee and juice. “Oh, so, did you let Bessie know you’re okay?” he asked once they were alone again.

Her stomach fluttered with nerves. “Uh… yeah. She’d already emailed me first, freaking out about the storm. And… well…” She sighed. “Jen emailed me, too. She’s in Philadelphia with everyone. Apparently, Dawson and Andie are very, very worried about us, and she wanted to know if she could assure them that we’re okay.”

He rubbed his fingers over his forehead. “What did you say?”

“I told Jen she could let them know that we survived the storm and we’re alive. You’re not angry with me, are you? Please don’t be angry, Pacey.”

“No, I’m not angry, Jo.” Sighing, he picked up his cup of coffee and took a sip. “Well, I suppose it wouldn’t exactly be kind to let them spend the summer wondering if we’re dead. I wouldn’t want to put Andie through that. Although, admittedly, I think it might’ve been a good idea to let Dawson wonder for a while. It would’ve given him something to think about, and perhaps a little self-reflection about how badly he handled this whole situation might’ve done him some good.”

She frowned, and wondered if the three of them would ever be able to be friends again. Right now, it seemed highly unlikely. “Well, maybe being _‘scared to death’_ as Jen put it made him think over the past couple days.”

“Yeah, maybe,” he breathed.

“Speaking of letting people know we’re alive…” Her brows arched pointedly.

He blinked at her before closing his eyes and shaking his head. “I know, I know… I’ll call as soon as we’re done eating.”

A few minutes later, their food arrived at the table. She gazed down at her large plate in shock. It was supposed to be the kid’s meal, but she still ended up with eggs, bacon, sausage, grits, hash browns, and a biscuit. “I can’t believe this,” she said, looking up at Pacey, who was also staring down impressively at his plate. “We’re definitely not in Massachusetts anymore.”

“Do people down here really eat this much before noon?” he said before glancing down at his plate. “So, people actually eat stuff called grits, huh?” He took a bite and nodded appreciatively while he chewed. “Believe it or not, it’s pretty darn edible.”

They dug into their breakfast. To her surprise, the grits were delicious, as was everything else, but there was no way she could eat it all. “We better not stay in Wilmington very long or you’ll need _two_ boats to get me back home, Pacey,” she joked.

“Whatever it takes,” he smiled.

The check came and she paid for their meal. Taking Pacey’s hand, they walked out of the restaurant and into the sunshine.

*****

Standing at one of the payphones they found on the beach, his stomach filled with nerves, he lifted the receiver while Joey watched from a respectful distance. The safe bet would be to call his brother and hopefully he could just pass on the news that he was still alive to their parents, and that way he could avoid calling home. After punching in the number, he waited for a few brief moments while it rang.

“Barnstable County Sheriff’s Office. Good morning. How may I help you?”

“Hi, uh… Can I talk to Deputy Witter?”

“Sure. Hold please.” … “May I ask who’s calling?”

“His brother.”

“Pacey? Pacey Witter, is that you?”

“Hi, Margaret.”

“I heard you went sailing down to Florida. We were so worried after that storm. Are you all right?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine. Nothing to worry about. So, is Doug still there?”

“He is. Just a moment.”

He sighed and turned around, looking out over the beach, watching the gentle waves of the ocean roll onto the shore. Then he heard the click of the phone.

“Hello, wandering brother…”

“Hey, Dougie. How are ya?”

“Just fine. You’re lucky you caught me. I was just about to head out on patrol.”

“In a hurry to get back to flirting with your fellow officers on the police radio?”

“Funny. Is this why you called me?”

“Believe it or not, no. I just wanted to call home and let you guys know I’m all right.”

“This doesn’t count as calling home, Pacey.”

“Sure, it does. I called and spoke to a family member. Good enough.”

“Well, I happen to have tidings from the small coastal town that you inhabit when you’re not cruising the Atlantic. In case I spoke with you, Dad wanted me to remind you that you need to check in with your 20 every week, and he hasn’t heard from you since you left. That’s his way of saying he’s worried, so drop a line, okay?”

He rolled his eyes. “Just tell him I’m in Wilmington, North Carolina, and everything’s fine. So, how’s everyone else doing?”

“Oh, well, everyone else at the house is in the usual chaotic disorder, and thus the reason I moved out the day I turned 20. Little did I know that I’d eventually get stuck with stray younger siblings.”

“You love having me live with you, Doug. Just admit it. Who else are you gonna get to decoupage and paper mâché with you?”

“Just check in with Dad, Pacey. Don’t spend all of your money, what little you have, and try to bring Joey back in one piece. Speaking of whom, how is she doing?”

He felt warmth rise inside him and smiled into the receiver. “My girlfriend is good. Really good.”

Doug cleared his throat. “You know, uh, Pacey…” His brother heaved a sigh. “Look, uh, Mom’s not too happy that you brought Joey along on your summer vacation.”

“Why the hell not?” He furrowed his brows, unable to comprehend any possible reason for this, and glanced over at Joey while she stood nearby watching the waves.

“Look, she just wants to remind you that next year is a big year for Dad—election year—and there’s been a little murmuring around town that someone could actually run against him for once.”

“Okay…” He lowered his voice and put his back to her. “What does that have to do with me and Joey?”

Doug sighed again. “Mom doesn’t want you to do anything stupid and ruin Dad’s chances for reelection in case someone does decide to run against him.”

He clenched his jaw. “Like what?”

“This is not coming from me. This is a direct quote straight from our mother: ‘if you knock up the Potter girl, whose father is a convicted felon serving time in prison, and shame the family name and your dad’s position in this community with such an unwanted connection, you’ll never be allowed to set foot back inside the house again.’”

Rage flooded his gut like molten lava. “You’ve got to be fuckin’ kidding me, Doug.”

“Look, little brother, don’t shoot the messenger, okay? Those are not at all my feelings about the Potter family or your present situation at sea. Although… you _will_ use protection, won’t you, Pacey? I know you wouldn’t be _that_ stupid.”

“Unbelievable. You know what? I’m glad Ma said that. I don’t _want_ to set foot back inside the house again, so I’m glad I’ve finally got my chance to make that happen. Let’s just hope my boys can swim. Fingers crossed, Doug. Wish me luck.” He slammed down the payphone receiver.

Shoving down his anger and irritation, he returned to Joey’s side. “Hey.”

She smiled brightly. “Hey. So, your family knows you’re alive and safe after the storm?”

“Yeah, they know.”

Joey frowned at the look on his face. “The conversation not go well?”

He gazed out over the sandy expanse in front of them, watching the beach start to fill up with vacationers, and considered telling her exactly what Doug had said. But if there was one thing he was determined to do it was to protect Joey from his family’s dysfunction and negativity as much as possible. “It went just as well as any call home was to be expected. The good thing is I don’t have to call again for another week, but maybe I’ll push it to two just to spite them.”

“What did they say?”

“It’s not important.” He tried to push thoughts of his parents from his mind, but the resentment was welling up inside. “Remember those kitschy T-shirts we saw in that gift shop in Virginia Beach? The ones that said ‘Virginia Is For Lovers’ on the front? I think we should stop there on the way back so I can get two of ‘em and give them to my parents just to see the look on their faces.”

She snorted, shaking her head. “They’ll love that.”

Tongue in his cheek, he nodded. “It’s sad, but when you grow up fully aware of the fact that there is no way you’re possibly going to please the folks that spawned you, you start coming up with ways to intentionally aggravate them. I’ll have you know this is a documented phenomenon. I don’t think it’s unique to the Witter clan, but we are certainly a paradigmatic case study.” Turning to Joey, he smiled and took her hand in his. “I think you’re my cosmic reward for putting up with their crap for so many years.”

She smiled sweetly and threaded their fingers. “If anyone deserves a cosmic reward, it’s you.”

“You know, there’s this lame song Gretchen always used to play that had some line where the guy said something like he knew he was going to heaven cause he’d _‘already done his time in hell.’_ This is it. You’re like my heaven on earth, Jo.”

She leaned into him and he drew her close, covering her mouth with his. Joey kissed him back, running her hands through his hair. Their bodies melted together. He eventually drew away, his breathing ragged. She smiled, caressing his chin and jaw with her soft fingertips. Then hand-in-hand they walked down to the beach, taking the long way back towards the marina.

As the strolled along the water’s edge, they picked up seashells and a few sparse sand dollars. They enjoyed the gentle morning breeze coming off the ocean. He thought Joey was as lovely as anything. Her body was getting more tan every day. She was wearing denim shorts that showed off her long legs, a purple tank top that exposed her bare midriff, and pristine white tennis shoes. He had trouble keeping his eyes off her.

When they returned to the _True Love_, he went about removing the main sail from the boom while Joey stood in the cockpit watching him in appreciative silence. This couldn’t be a very exciting way for her to spend such a beautiful day. He stepped down beside her and encircled her waist with his arms. “So, I think you should go hang out on the beach while I work on the boat repairs, and then I’ll meet you there later. Tonight, we’ll go out on the town and then we’ll watch the sunset together. How does that sound?”

“And what am I gonna do on the beach all day by myself?” she asked, grinning up at him as her hands slid up his chest to his shoulders.

“Swim? Sunbathe? Read? Paint? Draw? Have some alone time?”

Joey hummed and then kissed his chin before caressing her lips down his jawline. “Okay.”

He watched her disappear below deck, and after a few minutes, she emerged with a bathing suit underneath her clothes and beach bag over her shoulder. Walking over to him, she planted a kiss on his mouth. “I’ll see you later.”

“Okay. Be careful.”

“I’ll be fine, Pacey.”

He watched her step out of the cockpit and onto the dock before she turned around. “And, uh, Pacey?”

“Yeah?”

“You need a shave.”

Chuckling, he nodded his agreement as he rubbed his hand over his stubbled cheek. He’d have to add that to his list of things to get done that day. Once the torn sails were completely removed from the mast, he stepped off the boat and went back into town, heading for the Marine Warehouse Center to purchase new sails and other supplies needed to repair the damage to the hull. On his way there, he came upon a shop called Carolina Beads Inc. There was a sign in the window promoting jewelry making. His hand slipped inside his pocket, his fingers closing around the treasure there, and he smiled before stepping inside the shop.

In the early afternoon, just as he was tying the new main sail to the boom, Joey returned to the boat. He looked at her in surprise. “Back already?”

“I got bored.”

_“Bored?_ On the beach?”

She set her bag down and sat on the cushioned bench seat in the cockpit. “Well, I swam a little and I read a little and I drew a little and then…” She shrugged. “I’d rather be with you.”

He smiled. For the rest of the afternoon, he worked on repairing the damage to the hull, thankful it was only slight and nothing major and well above the water line. While he worked, Joey remained in the cockpit and soon took out her sketch pad and began to draw. From time to time he’d stop and watch her for a moment, and the sight of her so content and at peace warmed his heart.

*****

At the end of the afternoon, they dressed into some nicer clothes and walked into town for dinner. It wasn’t long before they arrived at Elizabeth’s Pizzeria, a hole-in-the-wall place recommended by some of the other boaters at the marina who’d told them it was run “by northerners who know how to make pizza.” They were soon seated in a dark wood booth and ordered. The pizza was just as good as promised. After dinner, they returned to the beach, where they came upon some large tents that had been erected. A band was playing. People were dancing. There was clearly a wedding reception going on.

“Who gets married on a Monday?” Joey asked as they walked past the catering tent.

“You’d be surprised.”

They turned around and saw one of the catering employees opening up several crates of champagne. “We actually do at least ten Monday weddings a year,” he said before walking away with two bottles.

The band transitioned into the beginning chords of “Can’t Take My Eyes Off You.” He gazed over at Joey, clad in the tropical blue sundress she’d bought in Virginia, and smiled. She looked so beautiful. Then he held out his hand. “Dance with me.”

Her eyes widened, and she suddenly felt embarrassed as she glanced around. “Out here?”

Peeking into the reception tent, he saw the dance floor was crowded. “Come on,” he said, taking her by the hand, and sneaking into the tent.

“We’re crashing the wedding, Pacey,” she whispered fervently.

“Yeah, so? Maybe they won’t notice.”

On the dance floor, he swept her into his arms. She gazed up at him, her brown eyes warm and full of emotion. Their lips were a breath apart as they swayed together and twirled around the dance floor, Joey giggling as they spun. When the song ended, he took her by the hand and they mingled among the guests. He took up a fake southern accent and people seemed to buy it. She was amazed at his way with strangers, at how everyone responded to him: laughing, smiling, completely taken in by his charm and easy good looks.

They laughed as they walked hand-in-hand out of the reception and back onto the beach. As they passed the catering tent again, Joey saw the open crates of champagne, and with a spur-of-the-moment decision, she grabbed a bottle and started running, pulling him with her.

“Potter, you’re a thief!”

“Did you see that spread? They won’t miss it. They’re rich!” She couldn’t stop laughing as they ran down the sidewalk and toward the marina.

“Let’s watch the sunset,” he said when they reached the boat. Going down into the cabin, he quickly grabbed a blanket and then returned above deck. “On the beach.”

“Sounds good to me,” she said, slipping her hand inside his.

Minutes later, they laid the blanket on the sand and sat down, watching the sun lower in the sky. “I’m glad I thought of the blanket,” he told her. “I don’t want your dress to get dirty.”

She scoffed. “I don’t care about my dress.”

“I can’t believe you stole champagne.”

“It’s toast time o’clock,” Joey said in response, lifting the bottle. “Don’t be a buzzkill.”

He laughed. “Me? A buzzkill? Never. Uncork that baby.”

Arching her brow, Joey sat up on her knees and then popped the cork on the champagne, laughing as the foam ran over her hands and all over the blanket in front of her. Instead of taking a sip from the bottle, she guzzled it down to Pacey’s astonishment. Then she handed him the bottle. He tilted it back and drank, tears of champagne running down the sides of his mouth. Placing the bottle down between his legs, he gasped for air, the bubbles of the champagne seemingly taking his breath away.

Joey slid closer, gazing at him intensely, and kissed away the champagne on his lips and chin. Then she grinned at him. “Thanks for shaving.”

He chuckled. “You’re welcome.”

Reaching between his legs, her eyes locked on his, glinting suggestively. He swallowed. His heart started to pound. Her hand encircled the champagne bottle and she lifted it to her mouth to take another drink. They took turns with the bottle, Joey taking a lot more turns than him. The sun set and the sky darkened into twilight. Her head soon became pleasantly fizzy and she smiled at him, thoughts of the recent storm and her earlier email to Jen going round her head. “What would you do if you knew you only had a couple hours to live?” she asked.

“I’d sit right here with you.”

“Same,” she said, smiling. Her fingers drummed the bottle and then she took another drink. She felt a warm glow seeping through her, heating her blood. “Is that the only thing you’d want to do?”

He was suddenly getting nervous, his heart pounding and butterflies fluttering like mad in his gut. Time passed slowly as they sat in silence, the tension becoming palpable. “Uh, well… no.”

The smoldering look in his eyes—or was it the champagne—made her heart skip. “What else?”

“I’d…” His face grew hot. “I’d make love to you, maybe.”

“Maybe?” Her brow arched.

He shrugged, gazing at her. Just because he’d want to doesn’t mean she would. “Well, it takes two to tango.”

Her mouth curved into a smirk. She took another drink from the champagne before setting the now empty bottle down in the sand next to the blanket. Turning back, she began to move toward him, and he thought he saw desire in her eyes. He gulped. His pulse ricocheted. “You know what I’ve just figured out, Potter? Alcohol turns you into a flirt.”

“It does not,” she giggled.

“Oh, yes, it does. Sophomore year? That senior creep you were mackin’ on the beach? And the Y2K party? You were gonna go get in the back seat of that jerk Delaney’s car? Drinking clearly impairs your good judgment.”

Joey pursed her lips, fighting a smirk, and moved closer. “But there aren’t any jerks here now. I’m just sitting on the beach with my boyfriend.”

His breathing quickened. The champagne was going to his head and his thoughts were muddled. Something was happening, and a small voice in the back of his mind told him that something probably wasn’t a good idea. He leaned back and away from her as she came closer. He could have stopped her when he felt her hands on his waist. He could have pushed her back and stood up, suggested they walk off their champagne buzz and return to the boat. But he didn’t.

Her heart beat like mad inside her chest. The pit of her stomach tightened. A strong sense of longing welled up inside her. “I’m in love with you, Pacey,” she whispered.

Eyes wide, he nodded. His mouth had gone dry and he swallowed to find his voice. “I’m in love with you, too.”

The champagne made her brave. She smiled and moved over him, sitting on his knees. He didn’t lean forward and kiss her. The promise was there in his eyes, but he still didn’t kiss her. He had such strong hands. She felt the pressure of each one of those long fingers as they slid slowly up the sides of her waist. It tickled and she squirmed, giggling.

He grinned broadly. It had been years since he’d tickled her, the memories coming forward in his mind of a time when the tickling and teasing had meant something else entirely. Or had it? “I’d almost forgotten,” he said as if in awe. He started tickling her like crazy, which caused her to laugh even harder. “Pacey, stop,” she begged, but her laughter was infectious and he was laughing, too.

The next thing Joey knew, she was in his arms and his lips were on hers. It started as a featherlight kiss and it made her heart pound and her brain fog as reason flew out the window. It began easy and slow—a brush of lips and hints of tongue. She slid her arms around his neck, her hands into his hair, and opened her mouth, inviting him in.

Pacey’s hands were on her back, and his mouth was on her lips, and all her girl parts sang, _Ooh yes, more please_, as every sense was heightened by his touch. He deepened the kiss. Her whirling, champagne-hazy mind registered her pounding heart and the velvet feel of his lips on hers—skilled lips, capable hands… Losing herself in that kiss, in him, she loved how he made her feel… so alive and… wanton… craving his touch… his lips on her temple, her earlobe, her neck… The feel of him pressed against her teased her senses, making her feel hot and sexy and just a little bit reckless…

He pulled back, and they both gasped for air, more than a little bit disoriented. She’d moved forward off his knees and was now straddling his hips, her weight pressing into him. If they didn’t stop right now, there would be no way to prevent his arousal from quickly becoming obvious to the both of them, and that was the last thing he needed.

“Why’d you stop?” she breathed. Her girl parts still sang. Actually, they weren’t singing. They were begging.

“Joey…”

“Pacey,” she breathed desperately.

He sighed, covering his eyes for a moment, and tried to think clearly. “Not like this, Jo. We shouldn’t make out like this.”

She gave him a teasing look and giggled. “Like what? What’s wrong with this? It’s you and me.”

“Joey, you’re drunk.”

“I’m a _little_ tipsy. We _shared_ the bottle, Pacey. I didn’t drink the whole thing myself.”

“You drank most of it.”

She huffed.

Smiling, he raised his hand to caress her face. “Well, you realize we’re out on a public beach where anyone could walk over and see us, right? I _really_ don’t think you’re into that.”

A shred of rational thinking broke through the haze of champagne. “Okay, so maybe I am a _little_ drunk.”

Laughing, he wrapped his arms around her, holding her in his lap, and took a deep breath. “What was this about, huh?”

“What?”

“You asked that question about what I’d want to do if I knew I was going to die, and then you practically jumped me. What’s that about?”

Joey frowned, not wanting to confess. It suddenly seemed so girly and stupid. “Well…” She couldn’t look him in the eye. “We almost died in that storm.”

“Ah.” Now it made sense. “Is this about the whole not-dying-a-virgin thing?”

“Not just that. I mean, we _could_ have died, Pacey. And the thought of us not…” The sentence trailed off.

He understood. “But we didn’t die, Jo. We’re likely not going to die for a _very_ long time.”

Emotion welled up inside her. “But we could die anytime and we have no idea. That’s the point. A meteor could hit this beach. And then that’d be it for us.”

“A meteor?” He blinked and fought hard to suppress a smirk.

“Yes, Pacey. A meteor.” She didn’t want to miss out on anything with him. She didn’t want to live, or die, with regrets. But she knew he was right. If they’d gone further tonight than she was truly ready for, all because of fear and champagne, she probably would have regretted it. Well, maybe…

He leaned forward and kissed her cheek. He really didn’t want a frightening near-death experience at sea to be the reason they did anything as momentous as their first time together. That wasn’t the right reason. Nor was alcohol. “You and I are going to be just fine,” he murmured in her ear. “What happened was a scary thing, but it’s over. I promise to be more careful with checking the weather, and I will do everything in my power to avoid any and all storms from here on out. I swear it.”

She nodded and hugged him to her. Holding her in his arms, he suddenly remembered what was in his pocket. He pulled out of the hug and smiled at her. “I have something for you.”

“What?” Her brows knitted with a questioning look.

He pulled the ring from his pocket and held it up to her.

Joey’s eyes widened. She recognized the small seashell they’d found on the beach earlier, its color ranging from violet at one end to a shiny blue at the other. It had been fitted onto a ring. “Is that from this morning? How did you—?”

“Yep. You had said this one was your favorite. When I was in town, I passed by this shop where you could make your own jewelry and I asked about making the shell into something. So, I made it into a ring.”

_“You_ made this? For me?” She gazed at him in amazement.

He shrugged it off. “It really wasn’t that difficult, Jo. You can do wonders with a hot glue gun.”

She slipped the ring on her left hand. She’d honestly never expected to be the kind of girl who wanted a man to give her jewelry, but she was unexpectedly touched by the sweet sentiment, the thoughtfulness behind it, and his way of saying, ‘I love you,’ without speaking the words. “It’s so beautiful. I love it. Thank you, Pacey.” Sliding her arms around his neck, she kissed him sweetly.

Eventually the last light of day disappeared. The air was still warm. They lay side by side on the blanket, staring up at the moon and stars, bright in the sky. She turned slightly and laid her head on his chest, her arm going around his waist. His fingers combed through her hair, sending shock waves tingling through her body. They were alone on the beach, under the starry sky, in each other’s arms, and so in love. She wanted him, wanted to love him, wanted to show him just how much she loved him, and she knew it had nothing to do with the champagne, its bottle sitting forgotten on the far edge of their blanket.

The rational side of her brain was, however, throwing up several counterarguments. She knew they hadn’t been together that long, that it was logically much too soon for such a serious step. She worried about the passion she felt for him, its intensity and how quickly it could become all-consuming if she let it, how easily it could make her reckless and foolish. She worried about making a mistake, making the wrong choice, and the potential consequences that could alter her future in a way she was not prepared to handle.

There were other fears, too. Fears that lay much deeper. Fears that she didn’t want to think about. Fears that gave voice to her deepest insecurities and feelings of self-consciousness. The memory of when she stood in Dawson’s bedroom last year, finally ready to take their relationship to the next level because it was obvious that’s why he was interested in Eve and she wanted to be the one he wanted, but was instead faced with his sexual rejection still made her face burn.

The rational side to her mind knew Pacey was nothing like Dawson, that her relationship with Pacey was nothing like the one she’d had with Dawson, and that the circumstances were totally different. Yet the remembered humiliation still simmered beneath the surface. She’d never been able to think of herself as sexy or beautiful, as appealing in a physical way, as someone who could be anyone’s object of desire. But Pacey made her feel desired, wanted, needed, loved. He made her feel beautiful. She knew he wanted her. It was written all over his face, in his eyes, in the way he kissed her.

Yet she was still Joey Potter: Virgin At Large. She remembered the stupid purity quiz they took during that all-night study session sophomore year, and her and Dawson tying for the purest ones there. Pacey’s score was nowhere even close to hers. She knew very little about sex compared to him. How could she possibly live up to a 35-year-old experienced woman? Andie had been a virgin before Pacey, but they were always so loved up and gaga over each other, she must’ve been doing something right.

Joey suddenly felt desperate to talk to Jen about all this, and hoped she had finally emailed her back. The first thing tomorrow morning, she was determined to head to the Internet café and see if there was a message waiting for her. She snuggled closer to Pacey and hugged him tighter around the waist. “I love you,” she whispered.

He smiled, his hand still in her hair. “I love you too, Jo.”

Later that night, staring up at Joey’s hammock and listening to her slow and steady breathing, Pacey Witter was unable to sleep. He’d almost lost control tonight and more than likely would have if they had been alone on the boat or in a motel room, or possibly if he’d drank just as much as she had. Too much time had passed since the last time he’d… When she’d straddled his legs and kissed him on the beach, the sweet taste of her had made the wanting painful. It was going to be a _very_ long three months, longer than he’d thought if she kept that up. As sleep finally began to pull him under, he made a silent vow to steer clear of alcohol for the rest of the summer.

*****

Returning to downtown Wilmington and Connections Cyber Café first thing on Tuesday morning, Joey frowned as she stared at her email inbox. There was still no reply from Jen, and she felt like she was going to burst. She quickly clicked on the compose button to bring up a new message and began to type.

_“Jen,_

_I had hoped you’d have emailed me back by now, but maybe you’re still in Philadelphia. Please, please, PLEASE write back soon. One minute I feel like I’m ready to have sex with Pacey, the next minute I’m second-guessing myself. I want to wait, and I know the smart thing is to wait. I also really want to have sex with Pacey. I really, really do, but then I start thinking of everything that can go wrong. I don’t want to get pregnant at a young age. My life would be over and the future I’ve worked so hard for would completely disappear. I refuse to let that happen. I refuse to end up like my mother. Yet the more pressing concern that is consuming me at the moment is the fact that Pacey has pretty much called me a prude ever since we hit puberty, and I have to admit with good reason. What if when we finally decide to act on our feelings, I freeze like an imbecile and don’t know what to do? Or how to do anything? What if it just ends up being the worst experience he’s ever had and he never wants to do it again? What if he realizes he’d have better luck in the sack with someone else? And yet even as I type this, I KNOW how absurd it sounds because this is Pacey and I know he loves me. I know he loves me more than anything._

_But I’m going crazy here. Do you realize I’m going to be 18 in September? I’ll be old enough to vote and join the army! I thought I’d have gotten past this whole virginity issue by now. My hormones are going berserk and there is so much tension and frustration coiled up inside me that I feel like I’m going to jump out of my skin. The same is probably true for Pacey, but I think he’s much more at ease with himself and his sexuality than I obviously am. He never lets on that he’s frustrated about what is or isn’t happening between us, for which I’m thankful. He really is the perfect gentleman at all times, considerate and caring and understanding. And he’s perfectly content to live in the moment and take each day at a time. I’m not built like that, not really. My body and my mind are at war with each other, and if something doesn’t give soon there are going to be casualties. _

_Please help me!_

_Joey”_

She quickly hit send and heaved a sigh. Leaning back in the leather office chair, she picked up her mug of hot coffee and took a sip. Her stomach growled. The pastries behind the glass display case up front were calling her name. A couple minutes later, she returned to the computer with a blueberry muffin. As she finished her last bite, to her surprise a reply from Jen suddenly appeared in her inbox. Nerves filled her stomach as she quickly opened the email.

_“Joey, are you anywhere near a telephone where you can talk privately? I’m home alone for the next hour until Grams gets back from the store. Call me if you can.”_

She stared at the brief message. Just then one of the café’s employees was starting to clear off a nearby table. “Excuse me?” Joey said, getting her attention. “Are there any payphones nearby?”

The woman smiled. “Sure is, sweetheart. Right around the corner on the other side of the building,” she replied in her southern drawl.

“Thank you.” Joey logged off the computer and went in search of the payphone. Moments later, she was dialing Jen’s number.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Jen.”

“Hey, Joey.” She thought she heard a touch of humor in her voice. “Sorry I haven’t been able to write back. We didn’t get back home from Philly until late last night and then I just crashed. That’s a long ass bus ride.”

“Hey. Sorry. Yeah, I figured you were still away or something.”

“So… I see you’re having quite the dilemma.”

She pursed her lips. “That’s kind of an understatement, Jen.”

Her friend chuckled into the phone. “Look, I’m no expert, but I think you’ll know it’s the right time when you no longer have this dilemma going on inside you. There won’t be a war between your mind and body—both will be in total agreement. Then you’ll know you’re ready and the time is right.”

She sighed. “That answer—while I appreciate the definite ring of truth to it—doesn’t exactly help me. Whenever we’re together, I feel like I’m going to explode and we haven’t even spent a full two weeks on the boat. I don’t want to feel like this the whole summer.”

“You know, Joey… you don’t need to jump into the deep end right away.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, it’s like this… When you first learned how to swim, did you start by jumping off a diving board into the deep end of the pool?”

She scoffed. “No, of course not. And we didn’t have a pool, Jen. We had the creek.”

“Okay, fine. The creek. So, you probably stayed in shallow water for a while. When you became comfortable with more depth, you gradually went deeper. Eventually you were able to jump into the deepest parts of the creek and swim without being afraid, right?”

Her brows knitted at the analogy. She had a feeling she knew what Jen was getting at. “…Yeah.”

“Well, Joey, think of sex like learning how to swim. You don’t have to go straight from naïve virgin to going all the way. You know, there _are_ ways to relieve some of that frustration and tension between you and Pacey without doing anything you’re not ready for.”

She swallowed, her mouth going dry. “Um…”

“Ways that wouldn’t even require either of you to take off any clothes. Do you get what I’m saying, Joey?”

Her cheeks flushed, and her stomach fluttered. “I think so, yeah. Do you think Pacey would actually like that? I mean, he’s used to more…”

Jen tutted. “Joey, I’m willing to bet that he would be happy and content with any kind of affection you choose to give. If I’ve ever doubted anything about Pacey, I’ve never doubted his love for you.”

She smiled into the phone, warmth rising inside her. “Thanks, Jen.”

“I’m sorry I was M.I.A. but I hope you know you can talk to me anytime about this stuff, and I’ll do my best to respond in more of a timely fashion.”

“So, what were you guys doing in Philadelphia?”

“Oh, well… we were kind of just sitting around Dawson’s backyard roasting marshmallows over the fire pit and we got to talking. Somehow the idea came up that we should take a weekend trip somewhere, and Dawson mentioned a few of his favorite spots in Philly from when he spent last summer there. Me and Jack and Andie had never been. One thing led to another and soon we were buying four bus tickets. When we got there, Andie insisted on visiting some universities in the city and we ended up getting brochures for Temple and Drexel. She made it seem like she was interested in backup places in case there’s a slim chance she doesn’t get into Harvard, but Jack had the sneaking suspicion she was doing it for him. We had fun, though. Dawson took lots of pictures.”

“I’m glad you all had a good time.” She wondered whether she should ask the question, but wouldn’t _not_ asking the question come across as cold and heartless? “Um, Jen… How is Dawson? Really?”

She paused. “He’s doing okay, Joey. He’s found some things to keep himself occupied. He’ll be all right. I’ll tell you he and Andie were very relieved to know that you’d emailed me to let us all know you and Pacey survived the storm.”

“That’s good. Well, I should get going. Pacey wants to raise the anchors this morning. Goodbye, North Carolina. Florida, here we come.”

“Okay. Be safe and have fun. And that goes for _everything_ you guys do,” Jen said suggestively.

She laughed. “Thanks. We will.”

“I’m glad you called, Joey. It was nice talking to you.”

“It was nice talking to you, too. It’s honestly making me a little homesick.”

“I’ll be right here in Capeside, Mass when you return, and we’ll catch up for real.”

“Sounds good. Bye, Jen.”

“Bye, Joey. Take care of yourself.”

Not long after she had hung up the phone, Joey was walking down the marina dock towards the moored _True Love_. Pacey was on deck busying himself with getting her ready for departure. “Hey, there, First Mate,” he called out to her as she approached. “We’ll be all set to leave in about ten minutes.”

“Aye, aye, Captain.”

“We should get fairly close to Charleston by the time it gets dark. We can anchor there for the night and then continue on to Florida. Unless you’re hankerin’ to stop in South Carolina for a while?” His accent slipped easily into a southern drawl on the last sentence.

She grinned as she boarded the boat. “Let’s just get to Key West, Pace.”

“You got it, Jo. I calculate three or four days until we get there.”

Moving towards him in the cockpit, her arms went around his waist and she held him close. Joey gazed up at him, her heart full of love and affection and desire. His blue eyes sparkled happily, and his face had a glow that didn’t come from the sunshine or the ocean breeze.

“So…” he said with a smile, holding her in his arms and entwining his hands behind her lower back. “What are you most wanting to do when we’re in Key West? You know, we’ll be down there for like four or five weeks.”

Thoughts of last night on the beach and her conversation with Jen swirled inside Joey’s mind as she stared at Pacey’s chest. Then her mouth curved into a smirk as she again raised her eyes to his. “Oh, lots of things.”


	22. Summer of 2000 (Part Five)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains sexual content.

June 21. At eight o’clock on Wednesday morning they raised the sails and then traveled steadily along the South Carolina coast. The wind was fair and the weather was fine. By nine o’clock that night they were anchoring a mile off Tybee Island, not far from Savannah, Georgia. While in Wilmington, Joey had picked up some CDs of her favorite alternative bands and a deck of cards. They spent the evening playing poker and listening to music, their laughter bouncing off the cabin walls. When they got into their hammocks, they took turns reading from _Moby Dick_ until they could no longer keep their eyes open.

Having set the alarm for six a.m., Pacey was readying the boat to make sail at the crack of dawn. If the wind was kind, it would take roughly 15 hours to reach Jacksonville and he wanted to get there by nightfall. The wind was indeed kind, and they were mooring the _True Love_ in an empty slip along one of the Jacksonville Beach Marina docks by twilight. The marina was fully equipped with clean bathrooms and hot showers, laundry, fuel station, and bait shop, and on Friday morning they were able to partake of its services before raising anchor.

On Saturday afternoon, they arrived in Port Everglades, and after lowering the sails, Pacey drove the boat into a large marina. “I thought we’d be in Key West by now,” Joey said. “You said it was three or four days away.”

“I guess I calculated wrong,” he shrugged. “Florida is a _really_ long state. Who knew?” He grinned, a humorous glint in his gaze.

She rolled her eyes. “So, what you’re saying is that Key West is probably still days away?”

He pursed his lips. “Uh… yeah, most likely.”

“Maybe as the first mate, and as someone who is admittedly much better at math,_ I_ should be in charge of the nautical chart, Pacey.”

“Probably a good idea, Jo.”

Once the boat was docked, they set out hand-in-hand across a giant causeway toward the city center. Seeing a sign posted for a Hop-On Hop-Off Bus Tour, they decided to take in the sights of all Miami had to offer. An unbroken line of luxury hotels separated the ocean and the long golden beach from the main thoroughfare. Each hotel had its own private beach area fenced in, leaving access to only tiny strips of sand for the general public.

“Very unfair, in my opinion,” he remarked.

A network of smaller causeways connected a myriad of smaller islands, a residential area in a sheltered lagoon, protected from the ocean by a narrow strip of land and surrounded by the glamorous homes of the fabulously wealthy. Meticulously-tended gardens reached down to the water, each boasting a fishing boat on a private dock.

“Wouldn’t it be amazing to live in one of those houses,” Joey said. “It’d be like a fairy tale. I could see us in a house like that.”

His brows furrowed and he laughed. “Uh, yeah… that’s never gonna happen. The chances of us ever being rich are slim to none, but I guess we could start playing the lottery.”

She fought a grin. “I know it’s just a fantasy, but it doesn’t hurt to dream. I’ve always wanted to know what it would be like to never be poor again.”

“Jo, I honestly don’t think you’re that poor. You have a roof over your head, your own bed to sleep in, and plenty to eat. Other people aren’t so fortunate.”

“Yeah, I know you’re right, Pacey. I know I should be thankful for what I _do_ have, but when you grow up in Capeside surrounded by rich snobs who look down on you your whole life…”

He squeezed her hand. “I know, which is one of the reasons why Capeside sucks. But it’s only a matter of time before we can put the place behind us. And I don’t need a mansion or some fancy beach house. As long as I’m with you, I’d be happy anywhere. Even in Capeside, honestly, as much as I hate the place.”

She shook her head, thoughts of home on her mind, chuckling over the differences despite growing up in the same place, surrounded by the same people. “Even though he’s always wanted to go to Hollywood, Dawson loves Capeside and would probably be content there if he had to stay. All his little movie projects were always about Capeside, if you think about it. But now that I’ve gotten a small taste of the rest of the world, I can’t imagine just spending forever there. What do you think that says about us?”

“You and I have had a very different experience than he has, Jo.”

“You’re right about that.”

When the bus tour ended, they stocked up on provisions for the journey ahead in an ultra-modern supermarket that was bigger than any grocery store they had ever seen. The size of the place and the vast selection inside was mind-boggling. Near the marina, they purchased a navigational chart made specifically for the Florida Keys. The Keys were beautiful, but they also had their inherent dangers. Run the boat up on a reef, and it could be lost forever.

They soon made their way back to the dock. Miami was vibrant and beautiful, but unpleasantly hot and humid and the noise of the traffic was deafening. Leaving the port, the dike of buildings and palm trees in Miami disappeared as they sailed south before anchoring in Biscayne Bay for the night. Depending on how fast the wind carried the _True Love_, Joey calculated that Key West was two to three days away.

On Monday, the Atlantic Ocean brightened into a gorgeous turquoise. In the afternoon, a bulwark of palm trees and tropical shrubs reappeared. They had reached Key Largo. There was something beautiful, natural, almost untouched about the clear blue water and breathtaking scenery of the island. It was as if they’d stepped into another world.

Once the boat was docked, Joey inquired the marina staff about an Internet café on the island, but was instead pointed in the direction of the public library. After logging onto one of the six computers, she checked her email, happy to find a message from Bessie. She hit the reply button and wrote _“Hello from Florida”_ in the subject line.

_“Bessie,_

_It’s so nice to get an email from you! It made me happy to hear that you and Alexander and Bodie are having a good summer so far. We’ve made it safely to the Keys. I miss you guys. I’m sure you’re very busy with the B&B. I really think I’m gonna need to get some kind of job when I get back to Capeside in September. I’m sure the B&B is going to need all the help it can get with you and Bodie struggling without me all summer, but I think I’m going to need some kind of gainful employment that actually allows for a profit margin if I ever want to get out of Capeside and attend a good college. They don’t come cheap._

_So, Pacey and I have started reading to each other at night. I know… it sounds a little cheesy, but it’s comforting in a way. Sometimes we’d take turns reading magazines or newspaper articles… you know, to keep abreast of important world events like Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston’s impending wedding… but then we started to read _Moby Dick_. (Thanks again for sending me my summer reading list.) We take turns reading to each other. I like reading… but to tell you the truth, my favorite part is listening to Pacey read. He really is a good actor, you know. And at the sad parts… I can tell when his voice chokes up just a little… like he’s actually on the verge of tears. And then I almost start crying myself and he teases me for being a sap. Even though we both know he started it! _

_Bess… I don’t know how to explain how I feel about Pacey. The words “I love him” sound trite and overused. It’s like, anyone could use those words to describe how they felt about anybody… about anything. I mean, Antony loved Cleopatra, right? Romeo loved Juliet? And I feel no remote connection to those couples. I wish I had the words to describe the unique feeling that we share. I’m sure it sounds pretty delusional to presume us to be the first and only people to ever feel this way about each other… but I still like to think there is something about Pacey and me that no one else could ever quite touch. “Love” doesn’t even come close to describing what I feel. _

_We’re temporarily docked in Key Largo before we continue south to Key West. I hope you write back soon. Give all my love to Alexander and Bodie, and tell them I miss them._

_Love,  
Joey”_

Walking out of the library, she soon returned to the dock and boarded the _True Love_. Her captain needing to concentrate and carefully navigate the Keys, she decided not to be a distraction, and after lathering herself with sunscreen, left the cockpit and went down to the forward bow to lay in the sun. It gave her a good excuse to switch off and think about Pacey. In her daydream, they were shipwrecked on a desert island like in those cheesy 80’s movies, _Blue Lagoon_ and the one with Phoebe Cates and that guy from _Charles in Charge_. Of course, that one wasn’t an island, exactly. More like a desert oasis. Same difference.

She forced her mind back to the fantasy at hand. Having lost all their possessions in the shipwreck, they’d be forced to live without clothes. They’d spend their days spearing fish, climbing trees for nuts and berries, and having blue lagoon moments in a rushing waterfall. They would both get a golden bronze tan, and she would plait flowers into her hair and languish all day in the sand. At night, the sky was always cloudless and the moon always full, and Pacey would make love to her under the stars.

Her mind lingered on that part of the fantasy for some time, his tenderness and the gentle way in which he held her, his naked body aligned with hers. Oh, the things he would do to her. The things she would _let_ him do to her. The things she wanted to do to him. A smile crept along her mouth and a blush stained her cheeks as she felt heat rising up inside her body.

She could easily picture them living forever on their own private desert island. It was an idle wish, and a selfish one, to be rid of the real world and all its complications, but as with any daydream, there was some truth to it. Wherever she was, she wanted Pacey, just as she wanted these peaceful days to last, and a lifetime spent with him to be hers.

*****

June 28. Navigating the slower current of Hawk Channel that lay between the Keys and a line of reefs to the south and east of the islands, they reached Key West on Wednesday evening. They were soon greeted by feathery palm fronds silhouetted against a lavender sky, the sun a bright orange ball turning the horizon pinkish red as it sank into the water.

“Pacey, we made it! You did it. You really did it.”

A huge smile had broken out on his face. He turned to look at her. Their gaze met and held a long moment. _“We_ did it,” he said. “I couldn’t have done it without you.”

Her eyes filled with emotion. She stepped closer and raised her mouth to his, anchoring his head close with a splayed hand at his neck. After a long, breathless kiss, they broke apart and he gazed down at her, his heart full and happy. “I love you, Joey.”

“I love you, too.”

They soon found a marina that looked like it had less than 100 slips and tried their best to dock inconspicuously. However, an older lady with deeply weathered skin and big bleach-blond hair, in white capris and a bright yellow T-shirt that read Stock Island Yacht Club and Marina, came upon them as they tied off the last mooring line. She gave them a dazzling bright smile. “Welcome to Key West,” she greeted. “Is this your first time here?”

“Yes, ma’am,” he replied, inwardly groaning that they’d been unable to slip by unnoticed.

“Do you have a reservation?”

“Um… reservation?”

She nodded, smiling her unnaturally white teeth at them. “Did you reserve a dock slip?”

Hesitating, he glanced at Joey. “Uh, no…”

“Well, lucky for you, we have some slips available. You’ve come to the best marina on the island. Like a treasure in paradise, the Stock Island Yacht Club and Marina is perfectly situated off the pristine shoreline of the Atlantic Ocean and the crystal clear waters of the Boca Chica Channel.” She spoke like she was reading lines out of a brochure. “We’re only four miles from the Key West International Airport and ten minutes away from the historic district and Duval Street. Our unmatched location is perfect for boating, scuba diving, ecotours, and some of the best sport fishing in the Florida Keys. You won’t find a more state-of-the-art marina facility.”

Joey smiled tightly. “Thank you. We’re thrilled to be here.”

He bit his cheek to stop himself from grinning at her dry tone.

“So, how long do you plan on docking? And will you require a dry dock or a wet slip?”

“Wet slip, and we’ll probably be here for about a month,” he replied.

The woman looked over the sailboat. “Looks like a 25-footer. What’s your daft?”

Pursing his lips, he shoved his hands in his pockets. “Four feet.”

“The wet slip dock fee will be $1000 for the month.”

He groaned, hanging his head. He hadn’t wanted to spend nearly that much of his savings on this trip. Maybe he could find a job on the island to help off-set the cost.

The woman shrugged. “We have the cheapest rates in Key West. Take it or leave it.”

“There goes the rest of the casino winnings,” Joey muttered. “And then some.”

“All right,” he said. “We’ll take it.” Where else were they gonna go?

It wasn’t long before they were walking hand-in-hand around the marina, checking out the place. The yacht club was a grand building. It was painted a pastel yellow and had a turquoise blue tin roof, with wrap-around spindled porches on two floors. A large outdoor patio contained several round tables with umbrellas. It had its own small patch of sand for a private beach complete with deck chairs and blue cabanas, and a roped-off area in the channel designated for swimming.

Inside the club, there was white wicker furniture, French Quarter tile floors, white plantation shutters, and an abundance of tropical plants. Lots of throw pillows in a floral print. High ceilings with gently whirring ceiling fans everywhere. If he looked up “South Florida” on the Internet, he’d probably find pictures that looked exactly like this.

While Joey was milling about the club lobby, he located the payphones and called home. Thankfully, he got the answering machine. “Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad. Hi, Carrie and Piper and Audrey and Maddie. So sorry I missed you. Too bad we didn’t get to have one of our nice family chats. Just wanted to let you all know that me and Joey made it safely to Key West, our home for the next month or so. Also, wanted to give you an update: Joey still isn’t pregnant, but we’ll keep trying. I’ll call again right before we leave to head home. Bye.”

The sky was darkening and they returned to the boat, deciding to check out the island the following day. They read a chapter from _Moby Dick_ before turning out the lights. Around noon, they ventured into the middle of town. The streets narrowed and the palm trees were plentiful. Pedestrians and cats outnumbered the cars. They soon reached Duval Street, Key West’s main drag. The air smelled like salt and liquor. “Everyone seems so cheerful,” Joey remarked.

“Well, to be fair, many of them also seem drunk,” he said, and she laughed.

Walking along Duval, they came upon Danny’s Island Hideaway. A “Help Wanted” sign in the front window propelled him inside, pulling Joey along with him. Although the door was unlocked, the place was empty inside, with chairs upside down on the tables.

“We’re closed,” a voice called out from behind the bar before a man popped up into their view. He looked to be in his late 30’s or early 40’s, with cropped short black hair and brown skin. “We don’t open until four.”

“Um, are you Danny?” he asked.

“No, I’m Steve. I run the place.”

“Then who’s Danny?”

“The owner.”

“He’s not around?”

“He’s in Boston. Or New York, maybe. He typically only comes down here in the winter. Look, we really are closed. If you’re looking for food or a beverage of your choice, you’ll need to move on somewhere else.”

He shook his head. “You need help around here?”

Steve furrowed his brows. “Help?”

“There’s a sign in your window.”

“Oh! Well, yeah. You lookin’ for work?”

“I am.”

“Okay… For starters, do you drink?”

_Not usually…_ “No, I’m not old enough.”

Steve tilted his head back and forth, as if considering his response, and walked out from behind the bar. “Okay, good, you don’t drink. That’s a rare commodity on this island, let me tell you. The turn around here is crazy. Good-for-nothing sons-of-bitches showing up to work already drunk or hungover, or not showing up at all, or they do but then they’re drunk by the end of their shift. I fired three people in the last two weeks. So, I’m in a real bind.”

“I’m available for the next month, and then I’ll be heading back north.”

“Where you from?”

“Cape Cod. The name’s Pacey, by the way, and this is my girlfriend, Joey. We sailed down here for the summer.”

They shook hands. “Nice to meet you. You sail down here with your folks?”

“No. Just the two of us.”

Steve blinked. “The two of you? Sailed all the way from Cape Cod to Key West? _By yourselves?”_

A sense of self-satisfaction filled his chest. “Yeah.”

“Wow. Uh, well, do you at least know your way around a kitchen?”

He nodded. “Yeah, I think so.”

“Pacey’s a really good cook,” Joey interjected.

His jaw clenched as he fought a smile, warmth rising inside him at her praise. “Well, I probably caught, cleaned, and cooked almost every kind of fish between here and Massachusetts.”

“Did you, now?” Steve smirked. “Okay, well, look, if you’re under 21, you can’t bartend, but you’ll end up doing almost everything else around the Hideaway, from washing dishes and replenishing stock to mopping up behind the bar and sweeping the walk out front to prepping food in the kitchen. Sometimes fishermen like to bring their catch in here and have us clean ‘em and cook ‘em, on top of our customers ordering off the regular menu, and it can get kind of crazy back there. It’s not a glamorous job.”

He smiled. “Perfect for me, then. I’m not qualified for glamorous.”

Steve grinned appreciatively. “I like you, kid. You’re hired.” He turned to Joey and eyed her up and down. “You lookin’ for work, too? We could use a waitress who will show up on time and remain sober through her shift.”

She pursed her lips and shrugged. “Sure. We could use the cash.”

“Joey, is it? Great. Our weekend staff are our rock stars, been with us for the past ten years at least. It’s the Tuesday through Thursday shifts we desperately need covered, four to midnight. We’re closed on Mondays. The pay is minimum wage plus tips. That work for you guys?”

“Yeah, sounds fine,” she replied.

He nodded. “Yep.”

They shook hands again. “Stop by anytime tomorrow and we’ll go over the paperwork to make it official.”

When they stepped back out onto Duval Street, they watched Steve remove the “Help Wanted” sign from the window.

July. Apart from the tourist areas around Duval Street, once it reached ten o’clock at night Key West turned into an old age retirement home. Everything closed down, stores and restaurants, even the fast food joints. Although their first week working at the Hideaway was hectic because of the Fourth of July holiday, Duval Street loud and alive, the customers non-stop from open until close, the island was a quiet and detached place, and its people liked simple pleasures and easy living. Key West offered the beauty he and Joey craved, the peaceful setting that relaxed, and long strips of uncrowded beaches. Their bodies grew browner every day, sticky with salt, their hair full of sand, the smell of the ocean always in their nostrils—it was a great life, a different life.

On Monday, the Hideaway was closed, and their new boss had offered to introduce them to snorkeling. They were supposed to meet him in the afternoon. Joey was in the boat’s cockpit, painting. He joined her from below deck. “You wanna go sailing this weekend?” he asked, sitting down next to her.

“Sure,” she said. “Where do you want to go?”

“Let’s just go around the island and see what we find,” he shrugged.

She reached over and ran her fingers through his hair. “It’s getting long,” she said. “You need a haircut. We could go do that before we meet Steve later.”

Nodding his agreement, he grinned at her. “Yeah, I know. I’ll call him and ask if he knows a good barber.”

“Do you know what today is, Pacey?”

“Um… Monday?”

“No. Well, yes, but… what else?”

He didn’t know what she was getting at. His brows furrowed behind his sunglasses as he watched some guys nearby mooring their own sailboat to the dock. “July 10th?”

She rolled her eyes. “It’s our one-month anniversary.”

“Just one month?”

“Well, yeah. We left Capeside on June 10th,” she replied.

Smiling, he nodded. “Well, if you want _my_ opinion, Jo, I’m willing to count back as far as Aunt Gwen’s house. So, that would be… two and a half months by Pacey Witter’s calculations, with a little break in the middle.”

Joey’s mouth curved into a smirk as she dipped her paintbrush into a small jar of water. “Between the two of us, who has never gotten a failing grade in math?”

He laughed. “Okay, fine. One month. Are we the kind of people who do one-month anniversaries, Jo? Now, six months—that’s special. A year. Five years. Ten. But… _one_ month? That’s not exactly a milestone.”

“And here I thought you had the bleeding heart of a romantic beneath your glib, sarcastic exterior,” she said, grinning. “Imagine my disappointment.”

“So, what are you saying, Potter? You wanna go out and celebrate?”

She shrugged, feigning disinterest, and smiled. “You’re obviously not into that, Pacey. So, we don’t have to do anything. Like you said, one month isn’t a big deal. It’s not special.”

He couldn’t tell if she was kidding or if she was truly bothered. “But if it’s special to _you_, then it _would_ be special to me.”

Joey turned to look at him. She flipped her ponytail over her shoulder and gave him another smile. Flirtatious? No—knowing. Like she knew something, a secret. But what would that even be? Absurd. His gaze was drawn again to the other sailboat.

“I want it to be special for the both of us, Pacey.”

There was something about the way she said it, so knowingly, so provocatively, that he turned towards her sharply, suspicion growing inside him. He saw something in her eyes. He was sure when he’d first looked at her it was simply fondness or affection, but then it quickly became something more. He thought it might have been desire… passion… arousal? Or had he just hoped that was what he saw? Was his mind playing tricks on him? 

“Then it will be, Jo. Would you like me to take you out on the town tonight?”

“I think we’ve been out on the town almost every night, Pace. Maybe we should stay in.”

“That sounds nice. We still have the final two chapters of _Moby Dick_ to read. We’ve been neglecting poor Ishmael.” He grinned. “Look, I’ll do whatever you want to do, Jo. Go out, stay in… I’m yours for the night to do as you wish.”

She smiled sweetly, her eyes glinting with mischief.

Soon after using one of the marina’s payphones, he and Joey went into town to the barbershop Steve had recommended, Soul Scissors, just one block from the main drag on Truman Avenue. Hand-in-hand they walked inside, the bell over the door dinging as they went through it, and the first thing he noticed was that the place smelled of soap and scented lotions. It was also partially empty. Besides the young kid getting a haircut by a heavy-set black woman and the other customer who looked like he was in his mid-20’s getting his afro cut off by a barber with dreads, the shop had nobody else inside.

A man appeared from the back. He looked to be in his 30’s, slender and muscular, with a well-groomed beard. “What can we do for you?” he asked as he approached.

“Uh, I need a haircut. Steve Johnson recommended the place.”

“You know Steve?” the barber smiled.

“He’s our boss at the Hideaway,” he said, tilting his head at Joey beside him.

“The Hideaway?” The man’s brows furrowed for a moment. “You must be new, then.”

They nodded. “We just started last week,” Joey replied.

“Cool. I might run into you there sometime.” The barber gestured to an empty chair in front of a large mirror.

While Joey went and sat in the row of chairs designated as a waiting area, placing the large beach bag she’d been carrying at her feet, he got into the chair. Up on the wall he saw the barber’s license and that his name was Alan Hughes. There was also a sign listing the shop’s services and prices. The price for a haircut was $25, but a buzzcut was only 20. He pursed his lips, considering it, and then shrugged. Why not? It was hotter than a crotch in Key West and the humidity was killer.

The barber wrapped a black apron around his neck. “Do you know what kind of cut you’re lookin’ for?”

He glanced over at Joey, who was flipping through a magazine, before turning back to look at the barber in the mirror in front of them. “I think I want the buzzcut.”

“You got it,” said Alan, and then he grabbed the electric clippers. “How short you want it?”

“I don’t want to look like a skinhead or like I’m joining the army,” he answered. “But, you know, short.”

“Any particular style? Fades? Edges?”

“Nah. Just something simple.”

After the barber made six or seven swipes across his head, it was done. He gaped at the mirror, amazed at the difference it made in his appearance. He looked over at Joey, who was staring him, her mouth falling open. His stomach tightened. “Do you like it?” he asked.

“It’s… well, it’s different. Not at all what I was expecting.”

He frowned. “Does it look bad?”

Her mouth curved into a half-smile as she gave him a pointed look. “You could never look _bad_, Pacey.” She shrugged. “It’ll just take some getting used to.”

“Your man looks good,” the barber said with a smile, patting him on the shoulder, and he chuckled.

“See, Jo? He says I look good, and he’s the expert.”

She pursed her lips, fighting a grin.

Just then the door opened, the bell ringing, as a man walked inside, clad in Bermuda shorts and a bowling shirt with a gaudy tropical pattern. “Hey, Alan.”

“‘Sup, Robert. How’s it goin’?”

“Pretty good, pretty good,” the man replied. “Guess which magnificent vessel I saw sailing into the harbor yesterday?” In the mirror, he watched Alan give the man a curious look as he unsnapped the apron from his neck. _“Tabitha’s Secret.”_

The barber shook his head while he carefully pulled the apron away from him, making sure loose hairs didn’t get on his clothing. “Your boss, Steve, will _love_ that,” Alan told him in a sarcastic tone.

“I take it _Tabitha’s Secret_ is a...?” he began.

“A yacht,” Alan replied. “A very large yacht, owned by one Mr. James Moore. He’s Danny Brecker’s business partner.”

He hopped out of the chair. “Danny Brecker… as in _Danny’s-Island-Hideaway Danny?”_

The barber nodded. “Yeah.” He looked over at the man who’d taken a seat in the waiting area and was now perusing a newspaper. “These two young folks work for Steve now, Robert. Just got hired.”

The man looked up from the paper and nodded. “Ah. Well, I’m sure I’ll be seeing you. Steve’s a good dude.”

He smiled before turning back to Alan. “And Steve doesn’t like him—the business partner?”

“Well, Danny is a very laid back dude, likes the Hideaway just as it is, only spends a couple months here in the winter, and pretty much lets Steve manage the place without too much interference,” Alan answered. “Mr. Moore, on the other hand, for years has been wanting to turn the Hideaway into a classy establishment for rich folks, which is not the vibe of that place at all. There’s the yacht clubs for that, not to mention the luxury resorts, one of which Mr. Moore owns: the Ambrosia Hotel. It’s the classiest place on the island, is always winning some award or another, especially the restaurant. All his restaurants do. I have to admit, you can get a damn fine meal at the Ambrosia’s restaurant. Took my wife there for our anniversary last year. Expensive as hell, but worth it.”

He and Joey walked over to the reception desk where the cash register was, and Alan rang him up. He handed over the cash and tip. “Thanks for the haircut,” he said.

Alan smiled. “You’re welcome. Stop by when you need it buzzed again, if you plan on keeping it short—probably in a few weeks. Say hi to Steve next time you see him.”

“I will,” he replied, taking Joey’s hand in his, and she threaded their fingers. “We’re meeting him later.”

They eventually made their way to a beach on the Gulf side of the island. They’d found this was the loveliest time of day to go to Key West’s beaches—the late afternoon. The sand was soft and white. Steve had told them it was imported from Barbados. Fringed with coconut palms and leafy mango trees, this particular beach wasn’t large, but was beautiful against the varied blues of the sea. The palm trees, laden with fruit, stretched out towards the water, their shade providing welcome relief. Only the tourists exposed themselves to the full rays of the sun and the blazing heat of the sand.

Around them, children worked on building sand castles while their parents sat and watched. Another group played a game of volleyball while some simply sat and enjoyed the sunshine. Others were playing frisbee. Finding a shady spot beneath a large coconut palm, Joey dropped the overstuffed beach bag slung over her shoulder.

“Steve’s not here yet,” he remarked, pulling his T-shirt over his head while his girlfriend laid out a beach blanket over the sand.

Joey’s ponytailed-head disappeared inside her shirt. Pulling it off, she revealed the halter top of her cobalt blue bikini. “I’m sure he’ll be here soon.” She pulled off her white shorts and folded them neatly before placing them down on one end of the blanket. “He said he’d meet us at four o’clock. We’re early.”

His eyes took in the sight of her lying there in her bikini; once again he was struck speechless by her beauty. By now he should be used to it, but somehow, she still managed to leave him breathless.

“Can I have the sunscreen, Pace?” she asked, adjusting her sunglasses.

Without taking his eyes off her, he reached into the bag and dug around until he found the bottle she’d packed and pulled it out. “Here you go.” He glanced down at the overstuffed bag. “You sure packed a lot. What all have you got in there? And did you pack _our book?_ For snorkeling?”

She shrugged and smiled. “You never know what you might need. Maybe we’ll end up lounging on the beach for a while, and reading a book in the sun is a very relaxing activity.”

He then watched every movement she made as she rubbed the white lotion across her tanned body. With each pass, the fire simmering inside him increased as lustful thoughts of loving her teased him. Someday, hopefully. Someday he’d be able to. But if he had any hope of surviving the afternoon, he needed to look elsewhere. Lifting his eyes, he caught the wispy trail of a military jet as it quickly moved across the sky high above them. When it disappeared from view, he lowered his gaze and caught several men watching Joey as she applied a layer of sunscreen to her long legs. His jaw clenched in annoyance.

“When you’re done, can I get some help?” he said, ignoring the men and sitting down on the blanket beside her, kissing her cheek.

Joey paused with one hand on her calf and smiled. “Of course.” Moving closer, she squeezed sunscreen into her palm. “Turn around and I’ll get your back.”

The nerve endings in his back jumped the second her hands made contact. Her touch felt like a caress as she spread the sunscreen across his upper back and shoulders. He loved the feel of her hands on his skin. It was enough to make him suck in a breath, and blow every other thought out of his head. Gradually she worked her way down his spine. Instinctively, he leaned back against her caress, content to sit like this the whole day.

“Anywhere else you need help?” she asked as her hands skimmed his lower back and above the waistband of his swim trunks.

Was there a hint of flirtatiousness in her tone, or was his mind playing tricks on him? He could think of a few other places he’d like her hands, but none were appropriate for their current location nor had their relationship progressed to the point where such a thing would even be currently possible. Only in his dreams. Hopefully a future reality. “I’m good for now. What about you?”

Her hands left his skin. He felt her warmth long after she no longer touched him. “Just my back,” Joey said. “I covered everywhere else.”

He took his time covering every inch of her shoulders and back, her skin warm and soft under his touch. When he could no longer use applying sunscreen as his reason for touching her, he let his hand rest on her shoulder and laid a soft kiss on the back of her neck. “All set.”

They sat side by side on the blanket, watching the water and the beachgoers. Joey reached over and ran her fingers through his buzzed short hair. “It’s growing on me,” she said. “Now you just need to wash the salt out.”

He chuckled, grinning at her. “I probably haven’t had a hot shower in about two weeks. My body is one with the sea, Jo. Just me and the salt water.”

She rolled her eyes and laughed as she pulled a water bottle out of the beach bag.

They greeted Steve when he arrived and before long, they were in the ocean exploring the bounty beneath the gentle waves. The Gulf of Mexico was warm and crystal clear. Beneath its surface the bright, colorful tropical fish darted and swam in the pristine water. The yellows and blues of angelfish and butterfly fish showed clearly against the light sandy bottom. With Joey swimming beside him, this was his idea of the perfect life.

At six o’clock, their boss gave them a ride back to the center of town, and they were once again walking hand-in-hand down Duval Street. They came across La Concha Grill & Café, just two blocks from the Hideaway. The scent of grilled meat and fish greeted them as they approached the open entrance to the dining area. The large open windows filled the outer walls of the building, allowing the gentle ocean breeze to blow into the restaurant and carry the aroma of the cooking food out to the sidewalk to tantalize passersby.

“We haven’t tried this place yet,” Joey said.

“Let’s check it out.”

The ambiance inside represented the usual tropical décor found in Key West, and it had an outdoor motif—it was as if they were seated on an outdoor porch without actually being outside. The lighting was dim, and there was a band setting up to play on a small stage on the other side of the large dining room. He and Joey were seated at a small table near the windows and began perusing the menu.

“Hi, I’m Natalie, what can I get you two to drink?” asked their waitress, a tall, skinny girl with her red ponytail pulled through the back of a white baseball cap.

“I’ll have a Coca-Cola,” he said.

“Just water for me,” Joey added.

She returned quickly with the drinks. “So, have you guys decided what you’d like to eat?” Natalie asked while removing a pad and pencil from her apron.

Joey glanced down at her menu. “I’ll have the conch sandwich and fries.”

He nodded. “Same.”

As Natalie walked off, the band that had been setting up began to play. They were pretty decent; mixing a little Caribbean sound to a rock beat. Joey got up and moved to the other side of the table to sit next to him. Her arm went around his shoulders and her hand immediately went to his head, running her hand over his hair. “I love it,” she murmured in his ear.

He chuckled darkly. “You do, huh?”

“It’s so soft. I love the way it feels.”

“Even with all the salt in it?” he grinned.

“Even with the salt.” She kept running her fingers over his head before pulling gently on his earlobe. “It’ll be even softer when you wash it.”

Turning his face toward hers, their lips were only inches apart. “Kiss me.”

Her eyes widened. “In the middle of the restaurant?”

“We’re not in the middle,” he said, smirking. “We’re way over here by the windows.”

“I really don’t want to be one of those couples who make everyone around them gag, Pacey.”

“No one’s even looking at us, Jo.”

“They will if we start kissing in front of them,” she snarked.

Lowering his gaze to her mouth, he moved in slowly, close enough to feel her breath on his face. She didn’t pull back, emboldening him. “Kiss me,” he whispered.

Joey closed the distance between them and brushed a featherlight kiss on his lips before pulling away, smiling at him. He made to kiss her back, but then the sound of someone clearing their throat turned their attention away from each other. A clean-cut man stood in front of their table, dressed in khakis and a light blue short-sleeved button-down shirt. He appeared to be in his 40’s, slender, with brown hair and a serious gaze.

“Are you Pacey Witter?”

“Um…” _Huh?_

“You’re the new guy at Danny’s Island Hideaway?”

He nodded, feeling uneasy. “Yeah. Why?”

The man smiled. He had a confident air about him, as though he was someone important and he knew just how important he was. “Well, there’s a gentleman over at the bar who said he and his fishing buddies brought their catch into the Hideaway on Fourth of July and that you cooked them the best Skipjack tuna steaks they’ve ever had.”

“That was nice of him to say…” He still wasn’t sure why this man was talking to him. Joey turned and squeezed his arm, giving him a pleased smile. They briefly glanced over at the bar where a couple men were nodding at them and raising pints of beer in their direction.

“Yes, well, I just thought a chef deserved to hear his compliments,” the man stated matter-of-factly, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I know how important that is.”

He swallowed, still baffled by this whole exchange. “Well, thank you... but I’m not really a chef, though.”

The man smiled again, his eyes glinting knowingly. “All chefs start out saying, _‘I’m not really a chef.’_” He turned to Joey and gave her a polite nod. “Sorry for interrupting. Have a nice night and enjoy your meal.” 

They watched him walk away with puzzled brows. He didn’t re-approach them and soon there wasn’t any sight of him inside the restaurant. When their food came to the table, the delicious aroma filling their nostrils, all thoughts of the man left their heads.

*****

They stepped back out onto Duval Street just as the sun was setting. Tourists still packed the street, pedestrians moving in every direction. “Back to the boat?” he questioned Joey. “You said you wanted to celebrate our one-month anniversary with a night in, right?”

She felt warmth rise inside her, and her cheeks felt flushed. “Um… yeah, I do want a night in, but let’s walk around a little first.”

He smiled. “Sure.”

Joey took his hand, entwining their fingers, and then began walking them in a purposeful direction up Duval towards Fleming Street. It was only an eight-minute walk to their destination. She’d been positively burning with anticipation for the past week, and now that the time had arrived to reveal her surprise, she felt so giddy with nerves she had to keep telling herself to calm down. The further they walked, the closer they got, the faster her heart raced.

At first, he thought she’d just wanted a leisurely stroll, but he could feel her tension beside him. Something was on her mind. Either she was intentionally putting off their return to the boat, for some reason, or she had other ideas. He was at a loss as to what those could be. Looking over at her, he noticed the overstuffed beach bag she was still carrying. “Let me carry the bag, Jo. You’ve been lugging that thing around all day.”

“It’s not heavy, Pace.”

Rolling his eyes, he let go of her hand and stepped over to take the bag from her. “I’ve got it.”

She smiled as he slung the bag over his shoulder, affection for him filling her heart.

When they reached Fleming Street, she turned right onto it and continued walking. His suspicions were growing. “Uh, Joey… where are we going?”

Her stomach tightened. “What? We’re just checking out the town, Pacey. This isn’t anything new.”

True enough. They’d done their fair share of aimless wandering around the historic district. She wasn’t walking as if in a hurry, yet there was an air of determination about her, like there was a specific point to this particular sojourn. “But you said you wanted a night in, and we’re not even heading in the direction of the marina. We’re actually moving further from it.”

He was right, and she didn’t know how to keep up the charade in the face of it. May as well start dropping hints. They were so close now, it didn’t matter. “Maybe there’s something I want to show you,” she said coyly.

His eyes narrowed—suspicions confirmed. “And where is this something?”

Joey fought to keep from grinning. “On Margaret Street.”

He had no idea what the hell was on Margaret Street. “And?”

“Didn’t you say earlier today that you’re mine to do with as I please tonight?” Her brow arched.

“Yes, I did. Yes, I did, and you know what? I’m along for the ride. So, I’ll just stop asking questions now.”

She smiled brightly, gave him a kiss on the cheek as he threw his free arm around her shoulders, and took his hand in hers. He was intrigued. She was clearly up to something. Four blocks up Fleming from Duval, they reached Margaret Street. Joey turned left and motioned to him that they needed to cross the street to the other side. His gaze fell on a large colonial-style guesthouse with wrap-around porches, a white picket fence, and a white sign hanging out front with The Cabana Inn painted in bright blue letters. She’d planned this, he suddenly realized.

Joey stopped at the gate in the picket fence next to the sign, her heart pounding and her stomach fluttering. “Happy Anniversary. My gift to you… to us.”

He didn’t know what to think, or what this meant. He was speechless. “And the gift is…?”

“Soft mattresses and hot running water.”

He laughed. “I thought you said you wanted a night in.”

Grinning, she opened the gate in the fence. “And that’s what we’re getting: a night in at the Inn.”

“How much does a room here cost, Jo?”

“That’s not important,” she said evasively. “If I want to spend my first paycheck courtesy of Danny’s Island Hideaway on something special, I will.”

He shook his head, dumbfounded. “But I didn’t give you anything.”

Joey threw him a look and stepped away from the gate, moving closer to him until her arms were sliding around his waist. “You gave me a romantic summer cruise, Pacey—a trip of a lifetime that I’ll never forget as long as I live.” She smiled up at him. “And you made my seashell ring,” she added, throwing up her left hand and showing it off.

Letting out a breathy laugh, he kissed her on her forehead. Then he nodded up at the guesthouse. “Okay. Well, you lead the way.”

Once they’d walked down the concrete path and inside the house, Joey checked in and they were given two keys to a guestroom on the second floor. They climbed the stairs and he followed her inside the room, which was large and spacious. There were two queen-sized beds and a flat-screen TV was on the wall opposite. The private bathroom had a shower and double sinks. The window was open and a ceiling fan whirred above them, dispersing the ocean breeze.

“Nice,” he said appreciatively, and smiled at Joey.

She dropped the beach bag down on one of the beds. “You can use the shower first. I packed you clean clothes.” She pulled out his pajama bottoms and one of his gray tank tops.

He gazed at her, watching her take her little pajama shorts with the moon and stars pattern and the matching navy blue tank top out of the bag. He’d told her last week that those were his favorite. Her cheeks reddened under his gaze and she bit her lower lip. “Hurry up and take a shower, Pacey, so I can, too,” she said, tossing him his clothes along with his toothbrush and toothpaste she’d pulled from the bag.

Grinning, he disappeared inside the bathroom.

A little while later, after they’d both showered and dressed into their pajamas, he took _Moby Dick_ out of the beach bag. “Let’s cuddle up and read,” he said. “Just two chapters and we’re done.”

“We’ll have to get a new book,” she replied.

He got on the bed he’d claimed for his own, giving her the one nearest the bathroom, sat up on top of the covers, and leaned back against the pillows. Then Joey climbed up and sat down on the bed beside him. “You go first,” he told her, handing her the book.

She began to read. Although when Joey had first suggested they read to each other from the books on her summer reading list, it just sounded like homework to him, but he had to admit that membership in their little reading club had its privileges. He got to hear Joey’s sweet, sexy voice reading page after page, the excitement in her voice when she got to momentous events in the story… not to mention her sarcastic sidebars.

“Final chapter,” he said, turning the page.

“You read it, Pacey.”

“The whole chapter?”

She nodded, running her arm behind him, laying her head on his shoulder, and again putting her fingers in his hair. The entire time he read the last chapter, her hand never left his head. He loved the feel of her hands in his hair, the intimacy of it, but perhaps mostly because he realized she liked it. And he wanted to give her whatever she wanted.

“The end,” he said with a sigh. “I’ll admit the story is a little dated, but no less classic. I think I identify with Ishmael a little bit.”

“Yeah?” Joey gave him a look of interest.

He nodded, closing the book on his lap. “Yeah. You know, he’s something of an outcast, feels a little removed from everybody… and so he went out to sea. I guess I figured I was always gonna be the lonely sailor…” His gaze met hers and held. “Until the day I saw you standing there on the dock, telling me you loved me… that you wanted to come with me on this journey.”

She smiled sweetly, her fingers still languidly brushing over his head. She loved the feel of his buzzcut, so soft against her palm.

“Maybe there oughta be a sequel to this book. Ishmael lives happily ever after sailing away with his own _true love_.”

“Pacey, everyone in the book pretty much died.”

Laughing, he shrugged. “But not good old Ishmael. He’s not exactly a hero… but neither am I.”

Emotion rose within her. “You’re a hero to some people,” she said quietly.

He reached over to caress her face. “I don’t know how come I got lucky enough to be with the girl of my dreams… but I’m holding on to every minute of it, Jo.”

“I am, too, Pace.” She leaned over and kissed him.

He kissed her back sweetly, careful not to turn the kiss into something else. She’d obviously gotten a room with two beds for a reason. Then he placed _Moby Dick_ on his side table and picked up the remote. “You wanna watch some TV?”

Her stomach tightened with nerves, heat rising up inside her. She absentmindedly played with the hem of her pajama shorts. “Uh… yeah, sure.”

The television was turned on, but she wasn’t paying attention to it. She became fidgety and kept glancing over at Pacey, devouring him with her eyes. Her gaze ran up and down his firm body, lingering on his hips, the pit of her stomach tightening. She’d imagined the evening progressing somewhat differently. She’d figured the sexual tension of sharing a bedroom would have built to the point where they just naturally fell upon each other.

Joey glanced at the alarm clock; it was past eleven o’clock. She retreated to the bathroom. She stared at herself in the mirror, adjusted the shelf bra inside her tank, ran her fingers through her now-dry hair. She couldn’t stop her rising dismay. Maybe they should’ve talked about this instead of her springing it on him as a surprise. Had she made a mistake when she’d just assumed they would progress things a little further tonight? Had he not even considered the possibility? Pacey seemed as relaxed as she was jumpy. Each brush of his bare arm against hers had sent her hormones spiraling higher.

She returned to the bed and climbed up beside him. He felt her eyes on him and turned his head. The way she was looking at him—the butterflies came to life inside. His mouth went dry and he swallowed. They stared at each other for a long, silent moment. She knew he wanted her, but she was still feeling vulnerable and insecure about being the initiator. Hunger and anxiety battled inside her as she waited for him to make a move.

When the tension inside her reached a bursting point, she leaned over and brushed her lips against his. “I don’t want to watch TV, Pacey,” she murmured against his lips, and took the remote from his left hand. Turning from him, she switched the TV off before leaning across him to set the remote on the stand next to their book.

His body tensed as she’d moved over him. What was happening? She was now sitting on her knees next to him, gazing at him intensely, licking her lips, chest heaving as if with anticipation. He was trying to think but his head was starting to fog. He suddenly felt nervous. “Joey, I…”

Looking at him, trying to judge how okay with this he would be, she found his eyes darker than normal. Her heart beat like mad as lust fogged his blue eyes. And she knew. Pacey didn’t just love her, he wanted her. He desired her. He would never reject her. Not now, not ever. She refused to hear whatever he was going to say, to allow words to make her chicken out or re-think her decision. Leaning over, she kissed him again. When their mouths touched, it was like something igniting between them. She felt it all the way down to her toes.

Joey deepened the kiss, and her tongue brushed against his bottom lip. Heat shot through him and his chest rumbled with pleasure. He parted his lips. To his amazement, she darted her tongue inside to lightly play with his. His brain went to mush. He ached to hold her, to pull her flush against him, but knew that would not be a good idea. Maintaining a safe distance between their bodies was necessary to keep his desire under control, something he’d been getting better at.

A spark of fiery hunger shot through her as Pacey took over, completely dominating the kiss, his tongue invading her mouth. His hand slid back and cupped her head in that way she loved. Craved. She clutched his shoulders to steady herself. It was pointless. She was a quaking mess of nerves and untamed energy. Nothing could steady her now. Her center ached and clenched around nothing, growing slick with her wetness. Her body was overheating and her stomach was swirling with incredible sensations she only wanted to chase. So, she straddled his leg and pressed herself against his thigh, reveling in the hot friction that only made her want more.

Joey’s mouth was on his, her tongue brushing against his, her hands were in his hair, and his mind was a blissful fog of nothing as all thought had flown out the window. Then through that fog his brain registered her sitting on his thigh. He groaned and his hands went to cup her ass. His palms squeezed her pajama-covered flesh, reveling the feel of her. His body tightened and his eyes snapped open. _No, no, no, no._ He’d gone too far.

His hands immediately moved to her waist and he broke their kiss, gasping for breath as he gently pushed her away from him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to… I wasn’t…” He heaved a sigh. “I’m sorry, Jo. We can stop. We should stop.”

She shook her head. “It’s okay. Really.”

Joey plied his hands from her waist and pulled them behind her. Their eyes locked as her ass once again filled his hands. His heart hammered beneath his ribs. He almost couldn’t believe it. She nodded her consent and her mouth reclaimed his in a passionate kiss. Soon she was rubbing up and down on his leg, making those purring sounds at the back of her throat while he kissed her, and he felt her damp heat through the thin cotton of his pajama bottoms. He groaned. His body then reacted before he could prevent it and he was rock hard in seconds. He stiffened abruptly and pushed her off his leg.

“Did I do something wrong?” Joey asked, breathing heavily, her heart pounding. Self-consciousness began to worm its way into the back of her mind.

He shook his head reassuringly. “No, no, no. Jo, you didn’t do anything wrong. This is… I mean, you’re amazing…” He gasped for breath. “I’m just, uh… I’m…” He glanced down at his crotch.

She watched his cheeks redden with embarrassment and then followed his gaze downwards to his crotch. Her eyes widened at the size of his thick hardness. His pajama bottoms left little to the imagination. She found she didn’t feel scared of it, or anything that was happening, and only wanted it, wanted this. She suddenly felt hot all over, like her skin was burning, and she raised her eyes to stare at him.

“I’m sorry.” He couldn’t meet her gaze. “I’m really sorry.”

“Pacey, stop apologizing or you’ll ruin the mood.”

He let out a breathless laugh, still unable to look her in the eye. “I should’ve stopped it sooner, Jo.”

“That’s okay.” She licked her lips, her body clenching.

“Well, don’t worry, it’ll go away in a minute… or five. We should probably turn the TV back on, huh?”

Joey started to crawl back towards him. “No, Pacey. I mean… _that’s okay_.”

His eyes went wide as she moved over him and he groaned when she settled down to straddle his legs, pressing her lips to his as her hands slid into his hair, brushing her tongue against his, moaning into his mouth. He pulled back to stare at her in shock. Lust filled her brown eyes. She took his breath away.

“There’s a particular teenage rite of passage I’d like to try.”

He blinked. Something about that phrase ‘teenage rite of passage’ jogged his memory. He remembered, and his mouth curved into a smile. Did she mean…? _Holy shit._ Was he dreaming? He stared at her with wide-eyed wonder. “Is this what we’re doing?”

She gave him a sheepish smile and nodded. “Well, if you want to…”

There was a time when he wouldn’t have believed Joey Potter would ever want him this way. How did he get so lucky? Never one to turn down his dream, he kissed her senseless. His hands trembled as he gripped her waist and pulled her closer.

She moved forward and settled down on his lap and… there it was. She felt it. She moved her hips over his hardness and he groaned, the sound making her whole body go up in flames. One of his big hands skimmed down over her backside, digging into her flesh. A blast of heat surged through her, making her nipples tighten and her inner walls clench with need.

Then she leaned in and kissed him passionately. As his tongue danced with hers, she slowly started grinding her hips against him. The feel of his erection rubbing over her covered mound was delicious and she began to grind faster. With the feel of her moving against him, rubbing his hard cock over and over again, heat flowed through his body. He thrust up to meet her movements and she gasped. The inside of his pajama bottoms was already damp with pre-cum, and he prayed he wouldn’t come before she did.

Sparks of pleasure fired through her body. It didn’t matter that his pants and her shorts were in the way. The friction against her swollen bundle of nerves was mounting each time he rolled his hips, rubbing harder and harder against her. Her body grew taut all over and her nipples ached. She needed… she needed… _something_. She didn’t know what. “Pacey,” she breathed desperately.

“What, Jo?”

She shook her head at a loss. “…Touch me.” Then she grabbed his hand and held it to her breast.

His heavy-lidded eyes widened. It had been so long since he’d held a woman like this, and he’d wanted to touch Joey for longer than he could remember. He palmed her breast through her tank top, ran his thumb over her hardened nipple, and breathed a sigh into her mouth. She jerked her hips over him at the fierce dart of pleasure that shot threw her. It seemed like every muscle in her body had coiled tight. She was on the brink of something wonderful—it was so close... It hovered there, just out of reach.

She frantically drove her hips over his. “Pacey,” she whimpered. “Pacey. PaceyPaceyPaceyPaceyPacey…”

He switched breasts, groaning in pleasure as he squeezed her in his palm. She felt so good. “Come for me, baby,” he said in a husky voice she’d never heard before. “Come on my cock. Let me see how good I make you feel.” He pinched her nipple in a rhythm that matched her pounding heartbeat, hard but not too hard, and just right.

Joey wasn’t sure if it was his touch, his filthy words, or the fact he’d called her _baby_ for the first time that sent her over the edge, but as his covered erection continued stimulating her clit, she let free what had been building inside her. The tension finally burst. The orgasm swept through her, the tingles reaching all her nerve endings. Her mind flooded with pleasure and moans escaped her throat. As her climax built, her thighs tightened around him.

She buried her face against Pacey’s neck as it crested higher. His hands caressed up and down her back as he held her through her release. As she came down from her high, she inwardly cringed even as she inhaled his spicy scent that she loved so much.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, feeling embarrassed. She’d basically jumped his bones and then came against him like a cat in heat. She could feel her face flush and she knew she must be crimson.

“What the hell for?” he growled. “Don’t apologize, Potter. You’ll ruin the mood.”

She grinned against his neck, and started to laugh. She felt him shift beneath her. He was still hard. She began rocking her hips over his again, giving him the friction he needed. Then she trailed kisses along his jaw and down his neck. She heard his panted breath speed up and she smiled.

“Oh, my God…” He couldn’t take anymore. He was going to explode. Then she licked and sucked his neck while he gripped her hip, grinding her over his hard cock. Sparks of pleasure shot out from his groin, down his legs and up his spine. He lost it. “Fuck, Joey…” he said with gritted teeth. His body tightened in release and he came with a guttural moan, a haze of ecstasy filling his mind.

“Oh, baby, baby, baby,” he chanted into her neck, his body shuddering, the hand over her breast pulsating. An indescribable sensation welled up inside her, fierce and emotional. She felt powerful and sexy, knowing she could make Pacey feel this way, and decided this might be her new favorite activity. The way he looked at her. The sounds he made. Calling her _baby_, something she never expected to want or even like. _God_, she loved making him come.

They held each other for some time—not speaking, not even looking at one another—just wrapped around each other, holding one another close as their breathing returned to normal. “I’m a sticky mess,” he muttered. “I guess I’ll need another shower.” Joey then began to giggle, and her laughter was infectious.

It wasn’t long before she slid off the mattress and reached for the beach bag over on her bed. He sat and watched her pull out another clean pair of his pajama bottoms. He stared, amazed. She really _had_ planned all this. All of it. Even the make out session with the frantic dry humping. Well, not so dry, actually…

“You’re incredible, Potter. Absolutely incredible.”

She walked back over to him, carrying the fresh pajamas. “Happy Anniversary, even though it’s only one month.”

He smirked. “One-month anniversaries are officially now my favorite.”

Laughing, she leaned over and kissed him.

A little while later, they each got into their beds and lay down facing each other. Joey suddenly felt ridiculous. Why did they need separate beds? She’d rather be over there with Pacey. As if he’d read her mind, or the expression on her face, he smiled and lifted the covers, silently inviting her over. Fighting a grin, she quickly slipped out of her bed and moved over to join him, sliding in beside him. She turned on her side and he spooned her, his arms going around her protectively.

“It was the haircut, wasn’t it?” he teased, his lips close to her ear. “You just couldn’t keep your hands off me. Admit it, Potter. It was the hair.”

She giggled.

“I knew it. Remind me tomorrow to stop by the barbershop and give that guy another tip.”

She kept laughing. “I love you, Pacey,” she sighed.

“I love you, too.”

His hand slid up the mattress to find hers and he held her palm inside his. “Jo?”

“Hmm?”

“Thank you. This is the best anniversary I’ve ever had.”

Her cheeks flushed and she chewed her lip. “You’re welcome. This is the best anniversary I’ve ever had, too.”

Pacey was soon asleep. She listened to his slow and steady breathing. Carefully as not to wake him, she turned in his arms. She looked at him, gazing at his face. She sighed and thought to herself that he was the most beautiful man she’d ever known. Her thoughts turned to earlier and she blushed at the memory of the way he’d groped her and the dirty words he’d spoken. He was so gentle most of the time, but apparently there really was a sleeping animal under there, ready to devour her at the slightest sexual provocation.

She was a little blown away by that fact—not to mention excited—but also the fact that if he had just _tried_ to get her to go even further, in the heat of the moment she probably would’ve. Easily, and without hesitation. That was a little concerning. But maybe the point was Pacey didn’t try, even when he could’ve and other guys would’ve. He knew without a word that she wasn’t ready for more than she was willing to give, and was seemingly content to let her set the pace.

Less than a year ago, she’d bemoaned to him while he laid on her bedroom floor the night Dawson had rejected her that she’d never experienced a particular teenage rite of passage. Her brief romance with Dawson didn’t have a whole lot of passion, at least on her end. Not like this. Not even close. She’d lamented to him that night about being the virginal prude and wondered if something was wrong with her, but Pacey had assured her there wasn’t.

His words came forward in her mind, sharp and clear. _“Joey, it will happen for you,”_ he’d told her. _When you’re ready, when you decide it’s the right time, and when you’re with the right person who wants you just as badly as you want him, it’ll happen. There’s no need for it to happen sooner than that, unless you want it to. The choice is entirely yours, and you’re right—it is a big deal.”_

And she remembered what she’d told Dawson sophomore year while they stood in front of her locker after Abby Morgan’s cruel mystery game with the very personal note Pacey had written Andie. She’d told Dawson that sex wasn’t about the perfect setting or the perfect timing—it was about the perfect person.

Joey lay there, watching Pacey sleep, watching his chest move as he breathed, watching the peace that was over his face, his mouth curved into a smile even as he slept. She softly caressed his cheek with the backs of her fingers, then gently caressed the outline of his face, studying him carefully, every freckle, every line, every curve. She snuggled against him, his arm going around her, their legs tangling.

“You’re my perfect person,” she whispered before the lull of sleep pulled her under and her eyes closed.


	23. Summer of 2000 (Part Six)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the later than usual update. Life has been kicking my ass recently.
> 
> This chapter contains sexual content.

July 18. On Tuesday afternoon, he and Joey arrived at the Hideaway about half an hour before the start of their shift, and Christine, the bartender, unlocked the door and let them inside. While Joey went over to the hostess stand, he made his way to the back. The cooks were busy prepping for the impending rush, but they smiled upon his entrance into the kitchen and greeted him enthusiastically.

“And how was your day, Witter?” Steve greeted from the kitchen doorway.

He turned and smiled, thoughts of his girlfriend swirling around his head, an image of her sitting beneath a palm tree in an emerald green bikini with her sketch pad and colored pencils vivid in his mind. “It was pretty cool. How about yours?”

“Had a business meeting that lasted longer than I would’ve liked, but other than that it was good. James Moore said he’ll be stopping by later tonight, so keep on the lookout. I’ve seen enough of him today, honestly.”

“Okay.” Although he had heard a lot about him over the past week, he had yet to meet this illustrious Mr. Moore and found himself somewhat curious. He followed his boss into a small office. Steve sat behind a desk and picked up the phone. After Danny Brecker answered, he put the call on speakerphone. For the next fifteen minutes, he listened as Steve reported to the owner everything from the kitchen staff, to menu choices, to inventory recently purchased. As usual, Steve waited until the very end to discuss any problems with customers or employees.

This had become their regular routine since James Moore had showed up in Key West. An increasingly irritated Steve would call the owner to discuss the daily business of running the restaurant while he sat and listened quietly. “I know you hate doing this,” Danny said through the speaker. “And you know I trust you, right, Steve?”

“Yeah, yeah,” his boss grumbled.

“It’s just while James is there because God knows he’ll be calling me and expecting me to know the day-to-day shit. Is Pacey Witter there with you?”

He cleared his throat. “Yeah, I’m here.”

“Good. Are you learning anything, kid?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Glad to hear it. Steve tells me you have great potential. Too bad you’re not sticking around.”

He smiled as a satisfied feeling rose inside him. “Uh… thanks.”

After the call ended, he left the office. He then slipped on an apron and headed out of the kitchen. “Anything in particular you want done first?” he asked Steve, who’d followed him out front.

“Glasses. Wipe all the tables and chairs, sweep the floor, straighten up for the rush.”

“You got it, boss.”

He worked in silence while his gaze often drifted to Joey, who was greeting the day’s first customers. He loaded all the glasses onto the shelves behind the bar, aware of Steve at the other end, chatting with a pair of tourists about the area’s best flats fishing and where they could hire a guide. He moved on to the tables and chairs, aware of time passing, and that the trickle of customers entering the restaurant would soon be a surge. The Hideaway wasn’t a large place, but it was a busy one. Joey waited on a couple guys drinking shots and beer. Locals, he recognized. They came almost every day, always together and always wearing Florida Gators caps. They’d flirt shamelessly with Joey and would laugh heartily at her sarcastic barbs. They were also some of her best tippers.

Business grew brisk. He bounced around between the kitchen and the dining room and bar, stocking, serving, washing, cooking. While back in the kitchen cleaning and prepping some fish filets for a group of tourists who brought in their catch for the day, Steve popped his head in the door. “Witter, when you get done with that, come out here. There’s someone who wants to speak with you.”

Curious, he finished the task wondering who in the world would want to talk to him. After washing his hands and untying the apron from his waist, he walked out of the kitchen. From behind the bar, Steve nodded at a table where a man was sitting alone and drinking from a bottle of beer. Although clad in dockers, a short-sleeved Polo shirt, and sandals, the man almost seemed too clean-cut and formal for Key West. As he moved closer to the table, he recognized the man as being the same one who’d approached him and Joey at La Concha the week before.

“Mr. Pacey Witter,” the man greeted, standing up from the table and stretching out his hand. “I’m James Moore. Glad we can officially meet.”

“Hello.” They shook hands. The man motioned for him to join him at the table, and he sat down. “What did you want to see me about?”

“I’m hearing good things.” Mr. Moore smiled. “Danny’s name may be out front, but I like to hear good things about it as I am part owner of the place.”

“Which part?” he quipped dryly.

His mouth curved into a smirk. “Twenty percent.”

He stared, swallowing, and nodded.

“Steve is quite pleased with you, as are the customers. Danny seems to be as well. He said as much to me earlier.”

“That’s good to hear. Thanks, Mr. Moore.”

“Call me James. So, you didn’t want to try your hand at waiting tables like your girlfriend?”

He chuckled. “Joey’s much cuter than me. She actually gets good tips.”

Mr. Moore grinned. “Plenty of ladies in here would probably tip you handsomely. The men, too, I imagine.”

“Nah. I’ll stick to the grunt work.” 

“Anyway, Pacey, I was wondering what your long term plans are. Steve tells me you’re only in Key West for another couple of weeks or so?”

“Yeah. We’re leaving at the end of the month and sailing back north. We need to be home by Labor Day Weekend.”

He took a final swig from his beer, placing the empty bottle down on the table. “Okay. Well, keep up the good work. I hope we can speak again before you leave.”

They stood up and shook hands, and Pacey watched as Mr. Moore set some cash on the table and then walked out through the door.

As the evening progressed into night, the restaurant stayed fairly busy, but at least the mad dinner rush was over. At midnight, the Hideaway closed. The remaining customers paid their bar tab and left. The kitchen staff trickled out, and finally Steve. For the first time, he and Joey were given closing duties; they had to wipe, sweep, and mop the entire place before locking up for the night.

Joey stepped into the kitchen to find Pacey wiping down the counters. He wore one of his gray tank tops, having discarded his Hawaiian shirt with the print of silhouetted palm trees against a sunset backdrop. She stared at him for a long moment. Sweat beaded his brow as he worked. With a diet consisting mostly of seafood combined with their active island lifestyle, he’d grown quite lean over the summer and his arms more muscular. He had also become very tan and it only enhanced his sexy good looks. He was a man’s man—comfortable and self-assured.

He turned around. She looked up to meet his eyes. His gaze sent her senses tingling. Desire rose rampant in her whole body; she longed to reach out and touch him, feel the warmth of his skin, the strength beneath, have his hands touch her again, experience more of his hot kisses on a tropical day.

“Everything’s clean out front, Pace,” she said, moving further into the kitchen to stand beside him.

“I just have to mop the floor and we can go.” He gazed at her, taking in her dilated pupils and the passion filling her eyes. Heat surged through his blood. “Joey, have I told you that you look cute in Key West?” He smirked. “But what am I saying? You’ve looked cute everywhere up and down this coast. And if I had to hazard a guess, I’d wager you’d look pretty damn cute on the other coast, too.”

“Well, maybe we’ll go there someday and you’ll find out.” Her face flushed and she licked her lips. He chuckled softly, tilting her chin up with his finger. His eyes danced down at hers, and her heart beat faster. Her chin burned from his touch and she dropped her gaze to his lips, longing for his kiss.

With his fingertips, he traced along Joey’s face. Her cheekbone, her brow, her jaw. Her full, luscious bottom lip. Remembering their passion-filled make out sessions over the past week, need rose fierce and warm inside him. His hand slid from her face and slipped behind her head to exert only a tiny bit of pressure as he closed the distance between them. His pulse raced, his blood heated, and he saw an answering flare of desire in her eyes. She was sweetness and flame, softness and spice.

The first touch of Pacey’s lips on hers set fire to her blood. Heat surged through her veins, pressure rushing low to pool at her center. He kissed her gently, offering instead of demanding as his lips moved over hers with firm, yet soft insistence. She knew they should stop this before it went too far, seeing as how they were at their workplace and not in the privacy of the boat, but her need was spiraling out of control. She wanted him to touch her.

He ran his tongue along the line of her lips, seeking entrance to her mouth. Joey answered his silent plea, parting her lips with a soft moan that stabbed him with pride and desire. He swept his tongue against hers and her lush, sweet taste swamped his senses. As she melted against him, surrendering to the passion that blazed between them, he could only hold onto his control by a thread. Heat flowed through his body, hardening him. He pulled her into his arms, his hands on her back as he resisted the desperate need to pull her tight against his body, tight against the erection that grew more painful by the moment.

She pulled out of the kiss, panting for breath. “We really shouldn’t be doing this in public, Pacey.”

He ran his lips along her jawline, one hand around her back, the other resting on her hip. “But we’re the only ones here, Jo,” he whispered, and she could feel his hot breath against her skin.

“Well, that’s true…” She encircled his neck, her fingers brushing the buzzed short hair at the nape. Her other hand rested on his chest, just above his heart. She could feel it pounding beneath her palm.

He grinned into her throat before raising his head to look at her. “You’d really consider making out right here in this kitchen, wouldn’t you, Potter?” His mouth curved into a knowing smirk. “Naughty girl,” he teased, his blue eyes glinting.

She pursed her lips, fighting a grin. His hand slowly moved upward. She wore no bra beneath her tank top, and Pacey’s touch and intentions were clear. Warmth spread through her when his hand reached her waist and a finger trailed the valley between her breasts and up the V of her tank top. His eyes dropped from hers to the satiny skin he was stroking. Joey closed her eyes in exquisite delight at the feel of his fingertips caressing her. Aching to feel his skin against hers, she quivered beneath his touch, her body growing warm as she yearned for him to keep going.

“You have always been so beautiful,” he murmured, his heart swelling with love for her.

Her eyes flew open to meet his. She could scarcely breathe; the emotions and sensations caused by his touch were almost overwhelming. Pacey’s warm palm took the weight of her breast, his thumb teased the nipple through the fabric of her tank top, but his eyes never left hers and she could see the hunger reflected in them. Her body responded powerfully, her hormones raging. As he fondled her breast, teasing her nipple, she could feel the corresponding tugs between her legs, her body clenching and tightening.

He reclaimed Joey’s mouth in a passionate kiss as he gently squeezed her soft breast. He felt her passion rising in the tense, needy lines of her body and the trembling of her hands as she clung to his shoulders. He felt her body heating in the way she melted against him, and in the small, restless movements of her hips. Whether or not she fully realized it, her body begged to be touched, stroked, filled.

Dear God in heaven, he wanted to be the one to fill it. He could only hope that sooner or later, he would.

He struggled for control, but she was fire in his arms, lightning in his blood, and he wanted to pull her closer until she melted into him and there was no telling where he ended and she began. Joey’s breath tore from her lungs as erratically as his, her heart pounding in a rhythm as violent as his own. The heady scent of her arousal filled the air between them.

Need slammed into him hard.

His hand moved from her back to her thigh, caressing her soft, silky skin up to the hem of her white shorts. His fingers burned to feel the wet heat of the sweetness between her legs. Joey moaned into his mouth, as if hearing his unspoken thoughts. The last thread of his control snapped. Need burned through his blood, a desperate need to spread her, to touch her, to enter her. But as his hand began to slide underneath the denim shorts and further up her thigh towards her heat, she froze.

_Not now. Too far._ He’d gone too far.

He quickly pulled his hand back, but it was too late. Joey leaned back to look at him and he lowered his other hand from her breast. “Are you trying to seduce me?” she said teasingly, arching her brow.

His eyes widened humorously._ “Me?_ I was in here cleaning, happily minding my own business, Potter. So, who was trying to seduce _who_, here? Hmm?”

She shoved her tongue in her cheek, trying not to smile. “Well, we need to come to our senses and calm down. We have to get out of here soon or there might not be any taxis around to take us back to the marina. I’m really not in the mood for a five-mile walk in the middle of the night, Pacey. Are you?”

“Definitely not,” he said, his body still hard and aching.

“Anyway, we can always continue this when we get back to the boat…” Her brows waggled and she smirked, her eyes glinting knowingly.

His body throbbed. “Well, then I better finish up here, and we can go.” He turned away to retrieve the mop and bucket.

From the kitchen doorway, she watched Pacey finish up the last task of the night. She wasn’t quite sure why she’d froze. It had been obvious where his hand was going, and while her body went _ooh yes, please_, she’d panicked. They were still technically in a public place, even if they were the only ones currently around. And what if Steve had forgotten something, or had come back to check on the place to make sure it had been closed properly, and had walked in on them?

But she knew the true reason for her panic was because Pacey’s fingers had been sliding toward a place no one had ever dared touch her. A place she admitted she’d never even touched herself, at least not in that way. It was something she’d always felt embarrassed about and uncomfortable with. Yet she had wanted Pacey to touch her. Badly. Still, fear of the unknown had made her freeze up. She obviously wasn’t ready for that yet. She remembered Jen’s earlier words of advice about gradually working her way at becoming comfortable with going further, and smiled to herself. She knew in time she would be.

Hand-in-hand, Pacey and Joey stepped onto Duval Street in search of a taxi. They ambled along happily, noting the bars with music spilling across the pavement, the small cafes with diners at their outdoor tables, the other pedestrians moving in every direction. Even this late, the tourist areas had a festive, laid-back feel. The night air was refreshing after the hot day. The slight breeze blowing in from the ocean tinged the air with salt, and they caught the scent of night-blooming jasmine, its sweet fragrance adding to the romance of Key West.

*****

On Friday, Joey made her way into town to Sippin’ Internet Café on Eaton Street, just one block west off Duval, and logged onto an available computer after getting coffee and a slice of key lime pie. The last two times she’d checked her email, she still had had no reply from Bessie or Jen. Her sister had sent her a quick message to express her relief that she’d made it Key West in one piece. She’d written her back, but she had yet to get any response from Bessie since. She assumed her sister had just been too busy with the B&B to get on the computer lately, and again felt a slight twinge of guilt at leaving Bessie without her help for the summer. Upon signing into her email, she smiled when she saw she finally had a reply from Jen, although it had been sent almost a week ago. She chastised herself for not checking sooner.

_“Joey,_

_That’s great you made it to Key West safe and sound! Congrats on a successful journey. I’m sorry for the radio silence on my end and that it’s taken me so long to reply. I’ve actually been having a very busy summer. My relationship with Henry is solely existing through letters and phone calls while he’s at football camp. Not ideal, but I think there’s something very old-timey romantic about it. Grams has also kept me busy with one fundraiser or another. She’s quite the social butterfly around Capeside. And it seems like almost every weekend, I’m packing a bag and then I’m off somewhere with Dawson, Andie, and Jack. Since Philadelphia, we’ve been to Boston and Providence, and we even drove up to Vermont to visit Dawson’s aunt. _

_She’s got a cute house. I think you’d like it. Of course, I never saw the old one that was the home of so many of your childhood memories, so I honestly can’t compare them. That woman is a trip, I have to say. Gwen was kind of surprised you hadn’t come along, and when she asked what you were up to for the summer her eyes practically bugged out of her head when we told her you’d sailed to Florida with Pacey. She was rendered speechless for at least five minutes, I swear, and then she spent the rest of the day alone with Dawson, leaving me and Jack and Andie to fend for ourselves. But that was all right. The town she lives in is small, but we came across some interesting sights and had a nice time._

_I want to hear all about what’s going on with you. What’s Key West like? How are things with Pacey? I know the last time we talked you were feeling quite frustrated with your situation. I hope things are better. Let me know!_

_Love,  
Jen”_

It was nice to know her friends were having a good time. She hoped Dawson was enjoying himself. She also hoped that by the time she and Pacey returned home, his anger would have significantly lessened and he would actually want to be friends. Only time would tell. Joey finished the last of her coffee and then hit the reply button.

_“Jen,_

_It’s so good to hear from you. I’m happy you’re having a good summer and you’ve actually been able to venture out of Capeside. Key West is quiet and loud, funky and old fashioned, vibrant and subdued. It’s an eclectic mix. You’ve got the rich, tacky, and sunburned hanging around the yacht club, and then later on Duval Street, the main drag down here, you’ll run into a 70-year-old bum in a Hawaiian shirt and bare feet who will tell you a filthy joke if you give him a dollar. Leave it to Pacey to end up paying the guy five bucks. My face turned beet-red as each joke proved dirtier than the last, but of course Pacey says it was well worth the money! The weather is VERY hot and humid, and so I’ve pretty much given up wearing a bra, but the island is beautiful. The water is so warm and crystal clear. The ocean is gorgeous here. _

_We got temporary part-time jobs to offset the cost of docking at the yacht club’s marina. We’re working at a small bar and restaurant. It’s a real dive, but our boss is a pretty nice guy. Between the pay and the tips, it’s well worth it, and to tell you the truth I don’t think a Joey Potter summer would have been complete without some time spent in a food and beverage serving capacity. I’m actually having a good time. The people are really interesting – nothing like Capeside. And everyone at work adores Pacey, of course. He could charm the skin off a snake, as Bodie would say._

_When we first got here, Pacey got us bus passes for the public transit to get around. It’s not like either of us could rent a car, and the bus is much cheaper than renting a scooter. Pacey had wanted to rent one, but I have no interest in being scraped off the Key West pavement. The buses only run until midnight, and so we usually end up having to splurge on a taxi for a ride back to the marina when we get out of work. _

_The Hemingway Days Caribbean Street Fair is tomorrow, and that should be fun. They’re going to close Duval Street to vehicles from 10 am to 10 pm, and it’ll be transformed into an open-air market with lots of vendors selling art, crafts, jewelry, food, clothing. I guess thousands of people come every year. I’ve been painting and drawing a lot. Pacey saw a sign last week that said vendors were still needed and told me I should sell my work at the fair, but I honestly don’t think it’s _that_ good. _

_So, to answer your question… things between me and Pacey are great, tension-and-frustration-free. We’re really, really happy. So, I want to say thank you for helping me out. I don’t know how I survived puberty without a close female friend, but I’m glad I have one now. _

_Well, I’ve got some shopping to do in town before I return to the boat. I hope you can write back soon. I want to hear more about what you’ve been up to!_

_Love,  
Joey_

_P.S. Tell Jack I said hello. Andie and Dawson, too, but only if that won’t just end up being salt in the wound. I’ll let you decide. I trust your judgment. I may be having the time of my life down here, but I do miss you guys.”_

After leaving the café and finishing up her shopping at the grocery store, she made her way back to the club on Stock Island. There she ran into Alice Wilson, a young woman in her early 20’s whose parents owned one of the smaller yachts that were moored at the marina. The family hailed from Orlando, had become regulars at the Hideaway, and had been impressed to learn she and Pacey had sailed all the way to Key West from Massachusetts by themselves. They chatted for a few minutes before Joey continued on her way. On the dock beside the _True Love_, she found her boyfriend hammering and nailing wood, hinges, and pegboard together. Her brows knitted in confusion.

“What are you doing, Pace?”

He turned and looked at her as she approached, smiling. “I’m making a backdrop to display your art at the fair.”

She halted and stared. “What do you mean?”

His lips pursed, and he shrugged. “Oh, well… I might’ve taken the liberty in filling out a vendor application for you and it was accepted.” He raised his hands in the air. “Surprise!”

Her eyes went wide. “You didn’t.”

“Oh, but I did.” He gave her a shit-eating grin.

She felt surprised, and yet wasn’t shocked at all that Pacey Witter would do something like that. Her heart swelled. Dropping her bags to the ground, she moved towards him and threw her arms around his shoulders. He pulled her close, hugging her tight against his body. “Why are you so good to me?”

He chuckled, his hands rubbing her back. _“Why?_ Because I love ya, silly.”

Pulling out of the hug, she laughed. “So, we’re really going to display my art tomorrow?”

“Yep, and you’ll sell some of it, Jo. I know you will. I’ve got your paintings and drawings packed in a crate down in the cabin.”

As he turned back around to continue hammering the display board, she shook her head as if in disbelief. She studied him while he worked and she was amazed by him, amazed by this young man standing in front of her. Pacey was so incredibly kind; the most wonderful, most romantic, smartest person she’d ever known. What had she done to deserve him? What? Nothing, she told herself. She’d been bitter and angry and sarcastic towards him for almost their entire lives, and yet he loved her anyway. She vowed to love him back just as much in return, to never take him for granted, to show him every day just how lucky she was to have him.

On Saturday morning, they hitched a ride into town with a fellow boater from the marina. When they arrived on Duval, they found the fair’s information booth and were pointed in the direction of the small canvas enclosure that would house their own display. After walking a few blocks, they reached a tent that had been set up with a sign pinned to a canvas flap that read, “Art by Josephine Potter.”

Joey’s stomach filled with nerves of excitement as they entered the booth. She stood back and watched Pacey inside the booth while he set up the portable backdrop he’d made the day before to display her sketches and watercolors. All around them, colorful tents dotted both sides of the street—booths filled with paintings, sculptures, pottery, jewelry, and tropical clothing. The delicious aroma from the food vendors filled the air.

“I think that’ll do it,” Pacey said, stepping from beneath the canopy to view his handiwork. He studied the structure for a moment, then gave Joey a grin and wandered to her side. “Well, Jo? What do you think?” He slid his arm around her waist.

“Perfect,” she replied, enjoying the closeness and warmth of his hand against her side. His skin smelled of sunshine and fresh air and clean sweat, and oh God, it was delicious. “Now all we need to do is set up everything.”

“Let’s get to work.” He gave her waist a squeeze before shifting his arm and heading for the boxes they’d set down inside the tent.

Joey watched him a moment, admiring his strong features, his determined mouth and the line between his brows that deepened as he set his mind to the task at hand. When he bent down to lift her paintings from the crate, she joined him inside the booth. In the shadow of the enclosure, she paused a moment to brush her fingers along the nape of his neck and into his soft hair. “I still love this buzzcut,” she said, feeling giddy with the depth of her emotions and attraction to him.

“Thanks.” He captured her fingers and drew them to his lips.

“I should be the one thanking you,” she said. “For doing all this for me.”

“I wanted to.”

“I know. So… thank you, Pacey.”

He smiled, his gaze tender. “You’re welcome, Jo.”

The fair commenced at ten o’clock and Duval Street filled with pedestrians. A couple wandered into their tent, gave them a quiet nod, and ambled through the display looking at one picture after another. The couple ended up being her first sale. A small painting of the Key West sunset, but still a sale. Excitement and satisfaction welled up inside her. She handed Pacey the cash, and while she wrapped the painting in tissue and brown paper, he made change from the small container they’d brought along to serve as a cash box.

When the couple said goodbye, Joey spun around, grinning broadly as her eyes widened in pleasant surprise. “Can you believe it, Pacey?”

“I most certainly can. I told you, Potter. I’m so proud of you.”

She took him in her arms and held him close, enjoying the moment and wishing days like these could last forever. He drew in a lengthy breath and lovingly gazed at her as if he felt the same.

*****

July 27. He and Joey arrived at work on Thursday, looking forward to their last shift at the Hideaway and a wide open weekend of leisure in Key West before they were to lift anchor and set sail back home next week. Christine and the kitchen staff had already arrived, and were currently preparing for the day’s rush of patrons. While Joey was with Christine at the bar, he went back to the kitchen to greet his coworkers. They chatted for a few minutes and shared some laughs.

The restaurant was soon humming and as the sky began to darken it filled up to capacity. James Moore appeared, wearing navy blue pants and a light short-sleeved shirt opened at the throat. He had the impression that this was casual for him, but it was almost formal by Key West standards. It was the first time Pacey had seen him since they met, and he watched him move around the place, observing Joey waiting on customers at the tables, conversing with Christine at the bar, and visiting the kitchen frequently. When a small table by the wall opened up, he watched the man sit down.

While he was replenishing clean glasses behind the bar, Joey came over and asked Christine for a bottle of Corona with lime. “For Mr. Moore,” she said. “Uh, Pace?”

He turned and smiled. He thought she looked especially cute today in her faded blue jean shorts and white V-neck tank top. Her hair was up in a ponytail, there wasn’t a drop of makeup on her face, and she wore no jewelry except for the small seashell ring on her left hand. He loved that about her, how she seemingly didn’t put an obscene amount of time or effort into her appearance. She didn’t need to—her natural, fresh-faced look made her all the more beautiful. “Yeah, Jo?”

“He wants you to come over and talk to him.” They shared a silent look and she shrugged.

Pursing his lips, he nodded, and after the last of the clean glasses were on the shelves, he removed his apron and stepped out from behind the bar. When he reached Mr. Moore’s table, they shook hands, and the man motioned for him to sit and join him. “I keep on hearing very good things about you,” James said in a friendly tone before taking a sip from his beer.

He smiled. “Thanks. That’s good to know.”

“I see Steve put a Help Wanted sign in the front window. So, I take it you’re still planning on leaving Key West next week?”

“Yeah. Monday.”

“Is there any way I could coax you to stay? For a beach bum town, Key West takes its food very seriously. I’ve considered stealing you out from under Steve’s nose and setting you up in the Ambrosia’s restaurant. The kitchen could use you.”

_At the fancy resort?_ Joey suddenly arrived at their table. She wordlessly set a glass of Coca-Cola in front of him with a straw, winked at him and smiled, sending his heart pounding and his stomach fluttering. “Can I get you anything else?” she asked James. “Another beer?”

“No, but thank you.”

Joey then left their table just as quickly as she’d appeared. He forced his attention back to Mr. Moore. “Well, uh… I mean, hey, I’d love to stay here. Sometimes I wish we could. You know… work here at the Hideaway, sleep on the boat. What else could we possibly need?” He paused. Sometimes he really did wish they didn’t have to go back home. What the hell was waiting for them there? But he didn’t want to dwell on that right now.

“I’m having the best damn summer of my life. I’ve got no real reason to go home anytime soon, but my girlfriend wants to get back to school for our senior year. She’s probably gonna graduate top of our class, or close to it. She’s goin’ places, so… you know...” He sighed, not really wanting to think about the unknown future that lay beyond high school.

“Don’t you have any ambitions?” asked Mr. Moore.

Shaking his head, he shrugged. “Sometimes I wonder why I don’t have any, but then I remember that my parents wouldn’t give a shit about me whether I succeed or fail. Maybe that’s the reason I don’t have any ambition.” He paused. “I take that back. This was it—sailing my boat down to Key West. This was my ambition. I’ve done the one thing I always wanted to do. The only thing I have to look forward to now is… being with Joey. She actually has ambitions, and she can achieve them, too. She’s smart and she’s talented. She can do whatever she wants after she graduates.” And as much as he was loath to admit it at the moment, so could Dawson. Certainly Andie. Even Jen and Jack. They were definitely all college-bound.

“And you have no real interest in graduating like your girlfriend?” He nodded in her general direction.

“Well… I’d like to, sure, I guess… but I’ve always known there’s a good chance I won’t. I don’t know. We’ll see. Wherever she wants to go that’s where I’ll be, and right now she wants to go back to Capeside. So, adios Key West.”

James pursed his lips, nodding. “How long have you two known each other?”

He swallowed a sip of his soda. “Since we were six years old.”

“Love at first sight?”

“Hardly,” he laughed, but then he thought for a moment, remembering the butterflies she’d always given him, even when they were kids. “Well… maybe for me, I think… a little bit. For the longest time we were more rivals, I suppose, and then over the past year we became close friends and finally learned to trust each other. It took a long time for us to realize... Anyway, we haven’t been dating that long. I’m counting my lucky stars she decided to give me the time of day. She’s the most amazing person, and I’m sure she’ll end up at some Ivy League institution or another. I’m just hoping she won’t realize she’s attached herself to a loser going nowhere who might not even graduate from high school.”

Mr. Moore’s brows furrowed. “You don’t look like a loser to me. I happen to think you’re a young man who just might be worth investing in.” He drank from his beer. “You know, higher learning is a wonderful opportunity, but not everyone is afforded the opportunity nor is it an opportunity that is best for everyone. Education is important, but not always necessary to succeed in life. Being in the restaurant business, some of the most successful people I know are high school dropouts.”

He drummed his fingers on the table while his gaze found Joey, carrying platters of food from the kitchen. “I don’t plan on dropping out, but fingers crossed I can graduate. If I don’t, then… well, I’ll cross that bridge when I get there, I guess.” He wanted to change the subject.

James folded his hands in his lap. “According to Steve, your coworkers, and the regular patrons I’ve talked to, you not only have great potential as a cook, but you’re also very charming. I’ve seen the way you speak with people. You’re very comfortable with yourself, and with others, even adults. I’d say that’s pretty uncommon in someone your age. The cooks like it when you hang out back there with them. I’ve never observed or heard about you speaking harshly with any of the other staff, even when the place is slammed and you’re being pulled in ten different directions. It’s an appealing quality, and can be rare in this business. I have a feeling you’d run a kitchen where people could thrive under you in a high-morale environment. You said once before you’re not _really_ a chef, but that can easily become a reality. Have you thought of culinary school as opposed to college?”

He stared, not knowing what to say. Cooking? As a career? “Um… I’ve never thought about it.”

“You should.”

He imagined telling his family about this new chosen profession. _Cooking is women’s work,_ they’d say. Doug and his parents would probably laugh him right out of the room. He didn’t reply, and only nodded.

“You live on Cape Cod? Did Steve inform me right?”

“Yeah, we live on the Cape. Have you ever been?”

James smiled. “Sure. A couple summers ago I took my family there for vacation. We rented a beach house for a week. It’s a beautiful area.”

“You know, my girlfriend, Joey? Her family owns the best bed and breakfast in the county. Next time you’re on the Cape, you should check them out. It’s the Potter B&B.”

“I just might do that.” He finished the last of his beer. “It was great talking to you, Pacey. If you ever find yourself back in Key West, or in Miami or Boston or New York or Chicago or Las Vegas or London, you can look me up at the Ambrosia restaurant in any of those places. If I’m not there, then my people will know how to get a hold of me and we can speak, but hopefully we’ll meet again in person. I’d very much like that.” He stood up and took out his wallet, leaving some cash on the table for Joey’s tip. “Good luck with school, and the girlfriend. And don’t forget about what I’ve said. Leave some room for ambition in your life. You owe it to yourself to live up to your full potential.”

He stood up and shook his hand. “Thank you, Mr. Moore.”

For the rest of the evening he thought about their conversation. He was pretty good at cooking, he supposed. What else was he good at? At this point he could probably beat the pants off his dad at a fishing contest. Not that he would ever try. The last thing in the world he ever wanted to do was compete with him. But if he kept that tidbit in the back of his mind, he might be able to retain his sanity in the future whenever he gets pissed off at his dad. Fishing was something he might actually be good at.

There was something else he was good at—making Joey happy. He could see it in her eyes. He’d thought it was just that summer glow that girls tend to get, but now he was starting to believe that maybe it was him. He could see her when she didn’t think he was looking, just watching him, and she always looked totally content. Joey was his whole world now. He couldn’t imagine being with or even wanting to be with anyone else.

*****

July 30. On Sunday, Joey made her way into town to the Internet café and was pleased to see an email from Jen and finally one from Bessie, telling her about how busy she’d been with the B&B and was happy to know her little sister would be coming home soon. After she replied to Bessie, she read Jen’s email.

_“Joey,_

_Sounds like you and Pacey are having an amazing time in Key West. It seems like a fun, interesting place. Maybe someday I’ll go there myself. I bet Jack would love it. I can’t wait to look at all your pictures and hear more of your stories. As far as your friends back in Capeside go, I don’t think we’ll be doing anymore weekend getaways. Jack and Dawson got a job house painting and that’s going to keep them busy. So, I believe we’re pretty much going to spend August lying around on the beach and trying our best to avoid tourists, which is just fine with me. We’re all going to the movies tonight to see _What Lies Beneath_ with Harrison Ford and Michelle Pfeiffer. It looks like it’ll be good._

_Anyway, you sound really happy and I’m happy for you and Pacey. I’m glad to hear that there is no longer any tension and frustration between you guys, but come on, Joey! I want all the sordid details!! Don’t leave a girl hanging. My boyfriend is currently 700 miles away and there is a severe lack of excitement in my life. _

_Love,  
Jen_

_P.S. I told Andie and Jack that you said hello and that you miss them. It went just fine. Andie is a nice, forgiving girl, and a good friend. I don’t think she harbors any ill will towards you or Pacey. She wants you guys to be happy. But I didn’t relay your hellos to Dawson. After expressing relief that you and Pacey survived the storm, he hasn’t brought your names up since and it’s become this white elephant in the room that none of us talk about when we’re with him. I’m hoping his silence on the subject is just him working things out with himself and that everything will go back to being relatively normal once school starts up again. Well, as normal as anything in our lives has been so far.”_

Joey frowned at the screen. While she was glad that Andie had taken her communication well, she couldn’t help but feel disappointed that Dawson might still be resentful. After reading the email a second time, she clicked on the reply button.

_“Jen,_

_So good to hear from you. I was happy to hear that Andie took my greetings well. I’m feeling kinda positive we can still be friends when I get back. As for Dawson… well, I’m trying to hope. I told Pacey we weren’t leaving until we visited the Hemingway House. He didn’t see the appeal. It’s only the most famous tourist attraction here short of the street corner sign that informs you that you’re 90 miles from Cuba, and Jimmy Buffet’s Margaritaville café. When we went, I got a brick from the house as a souvenir gift for Dawson. It’s kind of a peace offering, I suppose. Pacey isn’t so sure Dawson will see it that way and made some crack about Hemingway killing himself, but I’m hoping it’ll at least be a start to mending things between the three of us when we get home. _

_Anyway, the many, many descendants of Hemingway’s cats still live there and are all taken care of by the staff – and they’re adorable. Pacey wanted to take one back to Capeside with us, but I kind of figure they probably like Key West a little better than they’d like our dreary little town. We’ll be saying goodbye to the island soon, but we really did it – spent our summer sailing to the southernmost part of the United States. And tomorrow we’ll get to turn around and do it all again. I don’t know whether to be happy or sad that we’re basically halfway home. _

_Although, I do miss Bodie’s cooking. I’m looking forward to some home-cooked meals that aren’t seafood, but I have to admit Pacey’s a pretty good fisherman. He’s so good that the yacht club paid him $100 to catch a few flounders when their kitchen ran out yesterday! They’re even going to let us eat at the club restaurant for free tonight! It’s a very fancy place, so I’ll have to put on a dress. Even though a lot of the places around here are beautiful and romantic, sometimes I think there’s no better feeling in the world than just being on the boat and sitting by Pacey’s side as he prepares the fish he caught for the two of us to eat. It’s like I know there’s nothing more we need on this earth than each other._

_As for the sordid details you’re asking for, I’m sorry but I don’t think I want to put any of that in writing and send it out over the worldwide web. When I get back home, we’ll talk. I promise!_

_Well, I should get going. We need to make sure we have everything we need before we leave tomorrow, and Pacey wants to go for one last sailing excursion around the island this afternoon. I’ll write you from our next port of call._

_Love,  
Joey”_

After signing out of her email, she logged off the computer and left the café. It wasn’t long before she caught the public transit bus on Duval Street for a ride back to Stock Island. Forty-five minutes later, she was walking down the marina dock towards the _True Love_. Upon sight of Pacey getting the boat ready to sail, her heart skipped a beat. He greeted her with a hug when she came aboard.

“Did you call home and tell your family we’re leaving tomorrow?” she asked.

“I talked to Doug,” he replied. “And when I called the house, Carrie answered. So, I talked to her, and she can relay the information. My dad had gone fishing with some of his drinking buddies and my mom was out running errands. I’m not complaining.”

She nodded. “Well, that’s good you called.”

With her arms around his waist, she gazed up at him. Pacey had the most beautiful smile and tender eyes. The eyes she stared into were the deepest blue she had ever seen—ocean blue. Joey smiled up at him as he smiled in return. A silent truth hung in the air between them. She knew he loved her and he knew she loved him.

*****

After their sojourn out to the crystal clear blue of the sea surrounding the island, they arrived back at the dock much later than they’d planned. Upon their return, Joey made use of the marina’s facilities and rushed through a quick shower, dressing at warp speed, drawing on a colorful lavender and plum sundress that hugged her body and flared at the waist. It was cool and comfortable in the oppressive humidity. She dried her hair, applied a touch of mascara, and was ready. Not wanting to be late for their dinner reservation, she hurried back to the boat to collect Pacey.

He was standing on the dock waiting for her, in dark pants and a gray and white bowling shirt. When he spotted her, he smiled, the corners of his eyes crinkling. With his hands shoved casually in his pockets, he looked relaxed, confident, attractive. Joey’s heart sped up a little as she hurried toward him and the worries over being late for their reservation disappeared.

Pacey stepped off the boat to meet her, his eyes running slowly down the length of her, taking in her shiny dark brown hair, the light gloss on her lips, down her long suntanned legs to her sandal-clad feet. He thought she looked so beautiful. His pulse raced as butterflies erupted in his stomach.

She felt his gaze as if he touched her. Warmth permeated her body and made her breathless. She felt the tingling awareness of her body for his. “Ready for dinner in a super fancy restaurant?” she asked with a smile, stepping forward and kissing him sweetly.

“Yeah, I’m looking forward to it,” he told her.

He took her hand in his and they walked to the yacht club. Twilight began to fall. The club lights illuminated the walkway from the marina and one bright star could be seen just above the horizon. They were soon inside the grand yellow and turquoise building and making their way to the restaurant. Joey was halfway across the lobby when Pacey suddenly stopped walking.

“Good grief, Potter, look at that outfit you’re wearing,” he murmured, his warm hand gently grasping her upper arm and turning her towards him. “The air-conditioning is making your nipples hard and they’re showing right through your dress. Every guy in this place is staring at you.”

Joey glanced down at her sundress. Oops—he was right. But surely not every man was looking at her. Not with all the grown women dressed to kill walking around the place. She darted a quick glance around the lobby; no one was even looking in their direction. She rolled her eyes. “If people are looking that closely, Pace, then they deserve to see something,” she teased.

He stared at her, fighting a grin. “You look radiant, Jo.”

She gazed up at him; his look was yearning, hungry. She felt a tingling at her arm, against the side of her breast where the back of his fingers touched. She had trouble thinking of anything else, but stepped back and he released her arm, slowly pulling his fingers free. Then she took his hand in hers and they continued walking to the restaurant.

He glanced down at her again as she walked beside him. Since they’d left Capeside, Joey had taken to wearing more feminine dresses and skirts in the past several weeks than he’d ever seen her wear in the last ten years. “Have you decided to change the way you dress, or did you wear this for me?”

Pacey ran his fingers down her bare back. She felt his touch with a shock. His fingertips were light, leaving a trace of electricity in their path. She shivered and blushed, darting him a quick glance. Seeing the gleam in his eyes as he met her gaze, her breath caught. Her heart skipped a beat, and then began beating double time. The trail his fingers left down her back was still warm, and her skin longed for more contact. Her whole body yearned for contact with his. She had to clear her throat to speak.

“It’s so hot and humid here, this is honestly the coolest thing…” She trailed off. A blush stained her cheeks. She wasn’t quite sure how to explain her sudden draw to more girly clothes. She’d always felt so foolish and stupid in pretty clothing, as if she looked ridiculous and everyone around her thought so too, and had been much more comfortable hiding herself by dressing like a tomboy. But Pacey made her feel so beautiful, she didn’t feel like hiding anymore.

After stopping at the bar and getting two sodas, they took their drinks out to the first floor patio and waited for their dinner call at 7:30. They were given a quiet table in the back. The ones surrounding it were unoccupied, giving them momentary privacy. Joey didn’t know why, but she felt as nervous as if she was on a first date.

“I don’t really belong in a place like this,” she said. “I mean, look at this place. I think we’re the only people here under 30 years old. And look at the women. I think they’re all wearing diamonds and heels, and I’m just in this cotton sundress.”

He glanced around. “None of these people hold a candle to you, Jo. Anyway, who cares about them? We’re not going to talk to them, and I doubt they’re going to talk to us. Tonight is just about me and you and having a nice time on our last night in Key West. Ignore everything else.”

Nodding, she smiled, although she still felt out of place. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“So, we’re eating on the yacht club’s dime,” Pacey remarked as he looked over the menu. “Anything we want. What should we order?”

“Steak and lobster,” she replied, smirking. “Definitely.”

“Excellent choice, Josephine,” he said in a fake pompous tone, and she laughed.

Over the course of their dinner, Pacey set her at ease, cracking jokes, making her laugh, and just being his usual sweet self. Soon she didn’t care that she was surrounded by rich and tacky snobs. A jazz band had struck up some light music in the corner and several older couples had begun to dance in the middle of the large dining room. They looked like they’d been dancing together for decades. She watched them, a smile playing at the corners of her mouth.

He saw the dreamy look in Joey’s eyes and felt pretty confident she wouldn’t refuse him if he asked her to dance. He stood up and offered her his hand. She smiled brightly and took it without hesitation. They walked over to join the other couples and she smoothly went into his arms. From the moment her body touched his, he was reminded of just how well they fit together.

Her body was firm, yet soft, and her sweet scent floated off her warm skin and intoxicated his senses. Joey sighed softly, which further aroused him. They floated together on the dance floor for the remainder of the song, eyes locked, contented smiles on their faces. She moved closer to him as the song ended, her hand moving to the nape of his neck. “Let’s get out of here,” she whispered, her lips brushing lightly against his ear.

“I was just about to suggest that, Potter,” he said, grinning, and she blushed.

Not having to pay a check, they walked hand-in-hand off the dance floor and out of the club restaurant. When they reached the boat, Pacey stepped aboard as a voice called out, “Hey, Joey!”

She turned to see Alice Wilson walking towards her, smiling. She smiled politely in return as Pacey disappeared below deck. “Hi, Alice. How are you?”

“Just fine, thanks. You?”

“I’m good.”

Alice’s red curls were pulled back into ponytail at her nape. “I hear you’re no longer working at the Hideaway and you’ll be lifting anchor soon.”

She nodded. “You heard correctly. We’re leaving tomorrow.”

“Well, good luck with the rest of your summer and I hope your journey north is a safe one,” Alice said kindly.

“Thanks.”

Moments later, Joey was descending into the boat cabin. Her boyfriend had stripped down to a white tank top and his dark boxers, and was carrying navigational charts and setting them down on the small table in the eating nook. He turned to look at her and she smirked. “The humidity is killing me, Jo.”

“There’s a cool breeze above deck.”

“Yeah, I might jump in the water a little later.”

Joey kicked off her sandals and went to the galley to grab a water bottle from the mini fridge. Pacey walked over as she turned and leaned back against the counter, taking a sip. “Dinner was nice,” he said.

She set the bottle of water down and smiled. “It was.”

“So, it’s our last night in Key West. What do you wanna do, Jo?”

She felt heat rise up inside her and her face flushed. “We could read from our book.”

They were halfway through _The Picture of Dorian Gray_. He moved closer and smirked, his eyes glinting as his hands rested on the counter on either side of her. “We could…”

Her gaze roamed over his lean, taut body, his soft, tanned skin, and up to meet his eyes, smoldering like blue fire. She craved his touch, his kiss. “Pacey,” she breathed, and lifted her mouth to his.

When Joey said his name like that, all breathless, his desire for her increased tenfold. Their lips collided. He’d meant to be gentle about it, but immediately it was all fire and passion. One taste of her sweet mouth had him craving more. He lifted the hem of her purple sundress.

Her lips parted as she felt Pacey’s strong thigh slide between hers. She felt heat start between her legs from the pressure there and surge up her body to stain her cheeks a warm pink. Her arms went around his shoulders, her hands into his hair. He could feel her heat against his thigh, he could smell her arousal, and he hardened instantly, tenting his boxers. He reclaimed her mouth in a passionate kiss as he pressed his thigh firmly against her.

Joey whimpered when heat shot through her, sending sparks of fire in all directions only to crash back between her legs with scalding intensity. “Please, Pacey,” she said as she pulled out of the kiss, gasping for breath, rubbing herself on his thigh.

“Please what, Joey?” he whispered seductively as his blue eyes darkened with passion and he moved his leg against her in a steady rhythm.

Her body tightened and her center became even more slick with desire as the large bulge of his erection pressed against her. A desperate mewling sound escaped her throat, and she inwardly cringed with embarrassment, but she knew he could ease the seemingly never-ending ache inside her. “You know what I want, Pacey.”

He did. His hands slid behind her to squeeze her ass and then he lifted her up onto the counter, her legs locking around his hips. He gathered the skirt of her dress and bunched it up around her waist, pulling it behind her and exposing the small patch of white fabric that covered her sweetness. Their mouths met in another kiss, devouring each other, tongues meeting in passionate caresses.

_More._ He needed more of her. Tearing his mouth from hers, he kissed down her jaw and her slender throat. Her perfect breasts beckoned. He traced a finger over the lush curve of them. “Oh, that’s right. You’re not wearing a bra underneath this dress, are you?”

She shook her head, a long lock of her dark hair feathering against his face. Her breath was coming in desperate pants. “No.” He lifted his eyes to hers, looking for approval, permission. Their gaze held for an intense moment. Her breasts ached and her center throbbed, clenching around nothing. She licked her lips and nodded.

_Sweet Jesus._ He savored the touch of her silky hair even as he slipped his hand beneath the fabric of her dress, a haze of lust filling his head. She held her breath as his fingertips caressed her stomach and moved upwards to cup her bare breast, gently squeezing her in his palm, his thumb stroking her straining nipple.

He groaned. It was like a dream come true. He gazed at her, saw the desire in her velvety brown eyes. “You feel so good, baby.”

The feel of his hand on her breast was unlike anything Joey had ever imagined. Heat flashed from her breast to the throbbing bundle of nerves at her center, and she knew her panties were wet. She whimpered as Pacey tugged gently on her nipple, soothing her ache and enflaming her at the same time. She felt as if her skin was burning. The large hand at her back moved lower until it cupped her ass, tilting her hips as he settled between her legs, positioning her mound directly against his hard cock.

It felt so incredibly good as she rubbed herself against him, stimulating her clit through their thin clothing. She ground herself against his erection, and he groaned. “You’re so beautiful, Joey,” he breathed as he gripped her ass with one hand and fondled her bare breast underneath her dress with another. “I love you.”

Her center throbbed and clenched. She felt empty. Needy. She stroked Pacey’s strong shoulders, his neck and his chest. His skin was soft and tanned a golden brown. He was the beautiful one. She felt his erection pulse inside his boxers as he thrust against her to meet the grinding of her hips, and a sheen of sweat covered his skin. He whispered her name in her ear and she heard his moans of desire as he found satisfaction with her body.

She closed her eyes, swept away by all that she was feeling. Then her entire body coiled tight, on the verge of release, desperate for that blissful sensation that hovered just over the edge. “Pacey,” she whimpered, tightened her grip on his shoulders. “PaceyPaceyPacey…”

He knew she was close. He rolled her nipple between his fingers and pinched as he thrust harder against her. “Let go, baby,” he whispered, never taking his eyes off her. He wanted to watch her come, loved it when her body tensed, reveled in the way her thighs would tighten around him, and she’d make the sexiest noises. It was the sweetest music to his ears. “I love to make you come.”

“Oh, my God,” she moaned. Joey’s eyes rolled and she arched against him, crying out when his seductive words caused the tension inside her to snap and spiral downward in intense waves, her clit throbbing with pleasure over his clothed erection as he continued thrusting against her. Breathing hard, she clung to his shoulders as her body went limp. The delicious feeling spread out from her center down to her toes and to the tips of her fingers. Her head was swimming with it.

“I love you, Pacey,” she whimpered, kissing him all over his face, his cheeks, his eyelids, his brow as she bucked her hips slowly against him. His hand left her breast and his arms wrapped around her, holding her tenderly. She felt his hard cock pulse against her. Joey locked her thighs tighter around his hips. “We’re not done yet,” she murmured suggestively.

He grinned and nodded. His hands went to grip her ass and Joey started to grind her hips harder against him. He thrust to meet her, a desperate need growing inside him as her hot center stroked his swollen cock. He bit his lip as he watched her hips work, his mind filling with wanton lust. He could see the plump lips of her pussy, the way her underwear clung wetly between them. He ached to pull the thin material aside and touch her. He desperately wanted to gather that wetness and drag his finger up to her clit and make her scream his name. He wanted to nudge his finger inside her wet heat and feel her tightening around it, wanted to feel her tighten around his cock.

“Oh, baby… I’m going to… Fuck, Joey… I’m gonna come…” His body went rigid, shuddering as he moaned, spilling inside his boxers, lost in the ecstasy of his orgasm.

The sight and sound of his pleasure caused arousal to spark once again at her center, and Joey craned her neck, her mouth seeking Pacey’s. She kissed him deeply, lovingly, wanting him to feel everything she was feeling for him. He rested his forehead against hers, both a sweaty mess. They savored the moment together, kissing and whispering sweet nothings, and held onto each other as their breathing slowly returned to normal.

Some minutes later, he helped Joey hop off the counter. “Let’s get cleaned up,” he said.

She went into the back, disappearing from Pacey’s view, and quickly removed her sundress and threw on a tank top. Then she returned to the main cabin. “The ocean is calling me,” she said, smiling. “And it says I need a bath.”

“You and me both,” he smirked.

She glanced down at his boxers—a damp mess. Chuckling, Joey took Pacey by the hand and they went above deck. The lights that hung on the mast and around the railings twinkled in the dark, lighting the area around their boat. It was a cloudless sky and stars twinkled brightly above them. They walked to the far edge of the sailboat, grabbed each other by the hand, and jumped in.

The water was cool and refreshing on their heated skin and had a great calming, but energizing effect. They swam around, splashing each other and laughing, careful of other boats around the dock. They soon returned to the _True Love_, dried off, and changed into their pajamas. Getting into the bottom hammock together, they spoke quietly in the dark about their favorite memories of their stay in Key West and of their plans for the next few weeks, of their return trip back up the coast and the places they wanted to see. They lay tangled together, exhaustion finally pulling them under, and they fell asleep in each other’s arms.


	24. Summer of 2000 (Part Seven)

August 8. The air in Savannah could drown a man, Pacey thought. It was a unique city, with beautiful architecture, squares full of well-built brick buildings and fountains and oak trees draped in Spanish moss. The humidity, however, was suffocating, and it was barely nine o’clock. He couldn’t wait to get back out on the open water. Yet here he was, traipsing hand in hand with his girlfriend through the almost unbearable heat all because she wanted some Georgia peaches. He’d probably never be able to give her much, but peaches he could do.

“Pace, do you mind if we pop into this café?” Joey asked. “I told Bessie and Jen that I’d write them from the next port.”

He looked up at a building ahead on the sidewalk with The Busy Bean Internet Café etched in black letters across the front window between two sheer mint green curtains. “Yeah, sure.”

When they walked inside, they were greeted by the welcome relief of air-conditioning. “Thank Christ,” he muttered under his breath. “Take your time, Jo. I’m in no rush to leave.”

She smirked. After giving her boyfriend’s hand a quick squeeze, Joey left his side and logged onto one of the available computers. She opened a new message and wrote _“Hello from the Peach State”_ in the subject line.

_“Bessie,_

_I hope things are going well and that you and Bodie are finding some time to enjoy your summer despite how busy you both are. I’m currently writing you from Savannah, Georgia. It’s beautiful and right near the ocean and it’s hotter than hell. I had thought that the bar in Key West would be the last of our employment this summer, but apparently not. When we docked in Daytona, Pacey managed to get a gig taking people on a “Dolphin Tour” when a tour company overbooked. It was pretty hilarious. They gave us a group of tourists who didn’t speak English, so they had no idea what Pacey was saying, which was a good thing because neither did Pacey. He was making up the whole thing as he went along, complete with perfect comedic timing. Despite the language barrier, he managed to make them laugh as only Pacey knows how. They all wanted a group photo with him afterwards. It was cute._

_I stayed out of it and kept to the front of the boat, just looking out over the blue water and wondering at its magnitude and how it seems to stretch on forever. It doesn’t, really, and you’ll eventually find land again. That made me think of Pacey and me and the fact we’re heading home to Capeside. This summer has been an absolute dream and right now our feelings seem so strong and powerful, but I guess it’s inevitable we’re going to come face to face with reality sooner or later. I’m trying not to worry about what might be awaiting us when we return to the real world, but you know me, Bess. If worrying was an Olympic sport, I’d be a gold medalist. _

_After finishing _Moby Dick_, we read _The Picture of Dorian Gray_, and now we’ve started _The Two Gentlemen of Verona_. I have to say Shakespeare isn’t really Pacey’s thing. He’s started up again with saying that I’m crazy for doing homework over the summer. Well, is it my fault that the AP English class I’m taking next year requires us to do summer reading? Pacey probably doesn’t even know if there’s a summer reading requirement for his class! He doesn’t exactly focus on things like that, which is fine, but I need to get a decent enough class ranking to get a scholarship since it’s not like I can exactly afford my choice of Ivies. If I don’t get a scholarship, there won’t be any choices at all and I’ll just end up at Capeside Community College. Well, Pacey may not enjoy Shakespeare that much, but I still love listening to him read. His voice has become the most comforting sound I know._

_Give all my love to Alexander and Bodie. Write back soon, if you can._

_Love,  
Joey”_

After she hit the send button, she glanced behind her to see Pacey sitting on the leather couch against the wall, drinking a cold soda and flipping through _ESPN_ magazine. Her shopping bag had been set on the couch beside him. She smiled as her heart skipped a beat; she loved watching him when he didn’t know she was looking.

He could suddenly feel her eyes on him and looked up to meet her gaze, returning her smile. “Do you want me to get you anything, Jo? You want something to drink?”

She shook her head and smiled again. “Not right now.” Turning back to the computer, she opened up the new message from Jen and began to read.

_“Joey,_

_It sounds like you had a magical time in Key West. I’m happy you were able to stretch out your wings and do something like this for yourself. I’m sure this is a summer you’ll never forget, and I hope you and Pacey cherish these memories you’re creating. I sound like a real sap, don’t I? I think I’m just missing Henry. Phone calls and letters are great, but I haven’t seen him in weeks. Anyway, enough about my lack of romance…_

_Let’s talk about Andie’s! We all went to see _Coyote Ugly _on Friday night. We got there early to get good seats and there was this really cute guy sitting behind us who was flirting with Andie before the previews started. He even invited her to come sit with him during the movie but she wouldn’t. Jack and I both told her she was crazy. She needs to get back out there and meet somebody. I think you and me should make that our mission for senior year: get Andie McPhee a boyfriend in time for prom. Come to think of it, Jack needs a boyfriend, too. What do you say? As for the movie, Dawson said it was “low brow” but the three of us loved it, so whatever. Not everyone can be Spielberg, Dawson. Broaden your horizons, buddy. We told him he has to go see _Bring It On_ with us when it comes out in a couple weeks and I think he audibly groaned._

_Anyway… I’m leaving in a few minutes. I’m picking up Andie, then we have to swing by a house on Barcliff Ave to get Jack and Dawson, and then we’re going to Harding Beach. I want to have a nice summer glow when we go back to school, so I gotta perfect this tan._

_Let me know what you’ve been up to since leaving Key West. Take care of yourself, and say hi to Pacey for me._

_Love,  
Jen_

_P.S. I’m going to hold you to that promise. When you get back, you have to give me ALL the sordid details!”_

Joey grinned at the screen, feeling a blush creep into her cheeks. She read the email again, the realization dawning on her that in a few short weeks she would be reunited with her friends and they’d be embarking on their senior year together. It was hard for her to imagine being back in school. She could read Shakespeare’s play and even write up a brief summary of its basic plot points—it wasn’t the work that she minded—but it was so hard to imagine being back in a classroom, back in Capeside, watching the snow fall outside the window, thinking about her next class, or what she was going to eat for lunch… or whatever topic had permeated their already angst-filled lives.

She thought about seeing Jen and Jack and Andie and Dawson every day. It was going to be strange, especially now that she and Pacey were a couple. She wondered how things would be different, how complicated navigating senior year could be with everyone having to adjust to this new shift in the group dynamic. Yet it was so hard to even conceptualize school while she was still spending her days sailing on the ocean, basking out on the deck, watching Pacey fish while the sun sets over the horizon.

_“Jen,_

_Well, we’re moving back up the coast. It hasn’t changed that much since the trip down, except the shore is on the left side of the boat instead of the right. I don’t think I told you about what happened with the Hemingway Days Fair in Key West! Well, Pacey surprised me and signed me up as a vendor to sell my artwork. We had our own booth and I sold five pieces! Isn’t that amazing? I was shocked. Pacey wasn’t, though. He said he thought I’d sell them all, but I think that was just his personal bias showing. _

_I bought a Carolina Jasmine plant in a florist shop here in Savannah. I thought it would be good to draw since it’s so beautiful and vibrant, but I also think it’ll make a nice gift for someone back home. Maybe Bessie or Mrs. Leery. It’s hard for me to imagine what it’s going to be like when I get home, so I haven’t really given it much thought. Reality is slowly starting to creep in whenever I remember practical things, like, my summer reading list for AP English, like how soon the SATs will be coming up, college applications… _

_But it’s almost impossible to dwell too long on these things when Pacey is showing me sea birds and jellyfish and otters. He’s so content to live in the present moment. It’s amazing to me. And sometimes annoying because he refuses to plan for anything. Pacey is so very smart and he’s very driven when he’s made his mind up about something. He has a lot going for him, much more than he gives himself credit for. He could do anything he wanted if he just made a little bit more of an effort. The world is his oyster, so to speak. He just needs to believe it. Sometimes he gets irritated when I even talk about the future. But can I help it? I want to live in the moment – I want to experience each day just for what it is – but there’s the ever-present reality that I want my life to be different from the rest of the Potters’ screwed up lives. They all lived in the moment and just let life happen to them. My mom ended up dying young and poor, my dad ended up in jail, and my sister ended up an unmarried mother way before she was ready. And if I don’t worry about my future, that’s how I’d end up, too._

_Anyway, I’m glad you’re all having fun together. I take it Jack and Dawson are still hard at work with their house painting job? Good for them. An afternoon on the beach sounds like a great way to spend the day to me. Even a night at the movie theater with a bucket of popcorn. I have to say reading your emails makes me miss home and hanging out with you guys. Funny how it’s really the little things that bring so much joy to our otherwise mundane existence. Regarding Andie and Jack’s love lives, well, I’m not one to meddle in other people’s personal affairs, but if anyone deserves to meet a nice guy, they both do. The only problem is finding one in Capeside…_

_I’m not sure where our next port of call will be. Pacey mentioned the possibility that we may mostly anchor for the night instead of pulling into port to save on docking fees as much as possible, but that would also mean we’d probably end up back home about two weeks earlier than he’d planned. So, I’m not sure what he’ll decide to do. I’ll email you again as soon as we’re docked somewhere and I have access to a computer._

_Love,  
Joey_

_P.S. I hope you’ll be able to see Henry soon. Have you thought about going out to see him? Still have a few weeks left of summer vacation. A little road trip might be good. But with school starting back up again, I imagine he’ll be back in Capeside soon enough? Either way, I hope it won’t be long until you’re reunited.”_

She logged off the computer and got up from the desk.

Pacey looked up at the sound of Joey’s chair sliding back. His gaze rested on her mouth while he thought about kissing her again. Her kisses melted him. “All set?” he asked, setting aside the magazine he’d been reading.

“Yep. We can go. Jen says hello, by the way,” she said, and he smiled.

Following her out the door, he watched her ponytail swing as she walked into the blazing heat. Her dark hair was so soft; he knew he’d never get tired of running his fingers through it. He reached for her hand, holding it tight as they made their way further along the downtown street that overlooked the south channel of the Savannah River. They soon came upon an A-frame sign on the sidewalk that read, “Georgia peaches sold here.”

When they stepped inside the small shop, they were greeted by a pretty young woman with deep brown skin, high cheekbones, dark almond-shaped eyes, and long shiny black hair. “Welcome to Lawson’s Orchard & Farm Store,” she greeted in a friendly tone with a thick southern drawl. “My name is Essie Mae. How can I help y’all?”

“We’re here for some Georgia peaches,” Joey said.

The woman grinned. “Well, you’ve sure come to the right place.”

He watched his girlfriend pick up a small shopping basket and go perusing among the many bushels of peaches, blackberries, and other fruits and vegetables.

“So, how long have you worked here, Essie Mae?” he asked conversationally, leaning against the front counter near the register. “I guess you know all the ins and outs of the peach business.”

“I’ve been workin’ here at the store for eight years now, ever since I graduated from Beach High. My daddy said it would help me build character and learn responsibility. He runs the orchard and farm with my momma and my older brothers. My family’s made a living out of the peach-pickin’ business for over three decades now. Why, folks from all around come to Savannah to buy Georgia homegrown peaches. They’re the _freshest_, _tastiest_, and _juiciest_ peaches grown around the world.” She smiled suggestively as she emphasized each word, her dark eyes sparkling at him. “So, where y’all come from? I can tell you’re not from around here.”

He nodded, smiling. “We’re from Massachusetts. We sailed down to Key West for the summer, and now we’re sailing back north.”

“How excitin’! I hope you’re enjoyin’ your visit here. We have steeped southern traditions here in Savannah. After Atlanta burned, lotta folks moved here and staked roots. My family was one of ‘em. We have a deep love for Savannah. I hope you will, too.” She leaned closer over the counter, revealing ample cleavage beneath her pink polo shirt, and her eyes twinkled as she gazed at him. “If there’s anything you need to find, or if you have problems with directions and gettin’ ‘round, lemme know. I’ll be happy to oblige ya in findin’ whatever it is you need. Anything at all. I knows Savannah like the backa my hand, I do,” she said, all while reaching out and gently patting the back of his own hand as she did so.

A soft smile graced Essie Mae’s face, and her eyes screamed her obvious attraction to him, which made him feel somewhat like fresh meat on a platter in front of her. He glanced at Joey, who was now walking with her basket back towards the front, her gaze steady in his direction. Feeling uneasy with the way Essie Mae kept looking at him, he chuckled nervously and shoved his hands in his pockets. “Well, thank you,” he said. “That’s very nice of you, but we arrived yesterday afternoon and had a great time sightseeing. We’re only here for the morning, and then we’ll be heading back to the docks in a little bit.”

A moment later, Joey set her basket down next to the register, and he thought she’d dropped it on the counter a little harder than was necessary. She turned her head to look at him, a steely glint in her eye. After she was rung up, she handed over the cash for the fresh fruit.

“Thanks for stopping by Lawson’s. Come back anytime.” Essie Mae winked at him and shot him a wicked smile.

He swallowed, feeling his cheeks redden with embarrassment in spite of himself. “Thanks. Have a nice day.”

With a tight smile and curt nod, Joey took the bag of peaches and turned away without a word, heading for the door. Once outside, she turned a sarcastic smirk in his direction. “You have a cute nose, Pacey. Don’t make me break it.”

“What did I do?” he balked. “I didn’t do anything!”

Joey made a little noise of disgust. “I can’t believe you let her talk to you like that.”

“Like what?” He shrugged, trying not to make a big deal out of something so small. “We were just talking. She was being friendly. Southern hospitality, and all that.”

Her mouth tightened. “She was shamelessly flirting with you, Pacey. Don’t deny it. I saw her and I heard her. She wasn’t particularly subtle about it, was she?”

“Do you actually think I care about that woman and her peaches, Jo?” he teased. “I mean, come on. I’m here with you.”

She frowned, and inwardly chided herself. Why did she always react this way whenever women showed Pacey any attention? She always got irritated and angry, even before when they were just friends. She remembered the constant annoyance that was the barrage of Valentines the girls would shove at him in middle school every year and the anger she felt over it. It wasn’t his fault he had a strong magnetic field that he was apparently clueless about.

Joey gazed into his deep blue eyes, taking in his buzzed short hair and suntanned face. He was probably the handsomest man she’d ever seen. She’d always thought so, and that was before she ever ventured out of Capeside. Now that she’d seen more of the world, her summation still held true. She still didn’t quite understand why he was as attached to her as he was, why exactly he loved and wanted her so much. With his innate charm, comfortable masculinity, and penchant for grand romantic gestures, he could easily have anyone he wanted—women who would be more than willing to share their bed with him whenever he wanted. Older women. More beautiful women. Women who were far more experienced. Women who wouldn’t make him wait for anything.

Her brows knitted while she pursed her lips. “Well, I wouldn’t want to get in the way of a secret romantic liaison,” she said sarcastically, her tone more bitter than she’d intended.

_What?_ He laughed in disbelief. “When and how could I ever pull that off? We’re practically becoming each other’s appendages, Jo.”

She rolled her eyes.

He took her in his arms and gave her a pointed look. “Now, why would I ever need to run off with some wanton hussy when I already have the coolest girl in all the ports as my first mate?”

Joey looked sheepishly up at him, fighting a smile.

Kissing her forehead, he then rested his brow against hers. “You’re my one and only, and no one could ever take your place. I can’t even imagine myself wanting to be with anyone other than you.” He sighed, pulling back to gaze down at her, wondering where the sudden jealousy and anger had come from. “What’s going on inside that head of yours, Potter?”

“I don’t know,” she said. She honestly didn’t. She knew Pacey loved her, knew he was a loyal and faithful person. She knew she could trust him without a single doubt. Why didn’t she just try to explain it to him? He would’ve understood, or at least tried to. She wanted to make sense of her thoughts, her confusing emotions, but didn’t know how to put them into words.

He nodded his silent acceptance of her non-answer and took her by the hand. She threaded their fingers. The walk back to the docks was mostly small talk with little attempt at serious conversation. It was obvious to Pacey that Joey still had something on her mind, but he made no great effort to find out what it was; he knew she’d tell him when she was ready.

Once they were back aboard the _True Love_, he got the boat all set for departure. They were soon sailing southeast on the Savannah River and heading back to the Atlantic Ocean, just fifteen miles downstream from the city. The wind was kind and he maneuvered a strong current to their advantage. It was around eight o’clock in the evening when they arrived in Charleston, South Carolina, where they were going to spend a couple days. In no rush to arrive back in Capeside any sooner than was necessary, they’d decided to take their time with their return trip up the coast. Pacey also thought it would be more romantic to spend their two-month anniversary ashore in a beautiful city than fishing for their dinner in the middle of the Atlantic.

The marina where they moored was quiet, with only a few people coming and going from their boats along the dock near the _True Love_. Pacey sat on the floor of the cockpit up on deck, its lights glowing beneath the night sky, and watched Joey put a knife into a peach’s shallow groove, ever so carefully. Its juice spilled out, and she lifted her hand to lick it from her fingers. “Have you decided who you’re going to give that jasmine plant to?” he asked her. “Well, after you draw it.”

She began to cut and remove the pit. She was sitting across from him, her bronze legs stretched out in front of her. For as long as he could remember, he’d loved her long legs, and the summertime when she’d finally reveal them after an entire school year of keeping them hidden beneath loose-fitting jeans and cargo pants. The hem of her red pajama top stopped at her waist, and the strap kept slipping down on one side, giving him a view of her soft suntanned shoulder.

“Hmm… I think Bessie,” Joey answered, spearing a slice of peach and bringing it to her lips, her hand cupped underneath to catch the juices. “I want to do some shopping on the way home. I still have to get a souvenir for Bodie. I have to say I love what I got for Alexander. The Mickey Mouse bib is so cute, and the 'My Aunt Went To Florida But All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt' is up there on the cheese-o-meter. But it made me laugh, so oh well.”

As he watched, her tongue came out to meet the succulent morsel a split second before her mouth closed over the fork. He licked his own lips and could have sworn he could taste the peach himself.

“This is so good,” she groaned in appreciation. The first bite was heaven—a sweet, sugary rush. “I think my body has realized there’s been a severe lack of fresh fruit this summer.” She grinned. “Here, you gotta have some, Pacey.”

He took his own fork to the small plate in her hand where she’d cut several pieces, speared a peach, and then quickly lifted it to his mouth and popped the dripping slice in. That Essie Mae woman was right; this was the juiciest peach he’d ever had. “Delicious.”

“Are you going to get anymore souvenirs?” she asked.

“I don’t think so,” he answered, thinking it over. “I’m pretty sure I got gifts for everyone I want to buy gifts for. You wouldn’t let me get the Minnie Mouse bow for Doug at the Disney Store in Daytona Beach, which was a damn shame, so I got him the Florida snowman paperweight thingy. He can add it to his collection of useless art pieces and whatnot. I got the Minnie Mouse hats for my nieces, and the Jimmy Buffett Margaritaville coffee mugs for Carrie and Gretchen. Oh, and I got the Dumbo keychain for Andie. That’s it. Although, now I’m wondering if I should’ve gotten those ‘You Can’t Drink All Day If You Don’t Start In The Morning’ T-shirts for my parents when we were in Key West?”

She shook her head, fighting a grin. “Yeah, Pace, I’m sure that would’ve gone over like a lead balloon.”

“It’s the thought that counts,” he said, and she laughed.

“You’re really going to give Andie that souvenir?” Joey probed.

He shrugged. Pacey didn’t know whether he was going to give it to her or not… but how could he not have thought about Andie when he saw that display case with the plethora of gifts dedicated to Dumbo. He couldn’t help thinking she would’ve loved going to that Disney Store. “I hope she can forgive me,” he finally said. But… most importantly he hoped she could forgive Joey. She needed friendship more than he did; he was afraid after this summer he was going to have to become accustomed to pretty much living without it. Joey was his whole world now.

“I think she will, Pace, if she hasn’t already.”

“Andie is a really good person, and a good friend.” He paused, sighing. “She was basically my only friend last spring when all that bullshit with Dawson went down. I hope we can be friends when this boat makes its way back to Capeside’s shores. But, in the meantime, I’m with my best friend having the best damn summer of my life.”

She smiled. “You’re right. Andie is a good person. I think things with you and Andie will be fine.”

He hoped so. Pacey then watched Joey ravenously wolf down the rest of the peach slices. Then he leaned forward. His fingers reached for her cheek. “You’ve got some juice on the corner of your mouth.”

She leaned forward. His fingers brushed against the corner of her lips. Her gaze went to his face as he touched her, and she watched him with a growing tension. She was intensely aware of him all of a sudden, of the electricity between them. It was always there, the sexual attraction that was an undercurrent to everything they said and did together, but it had now come to the fore, suddenly vibrating. Their shoulders were now barely touching, their legs only inches apart.

As Joey sat there, he caressed her lower lip with his thumb. His gaze went to her mouth. Then he pulled his thumb away and licked it, tasting the peaches… and her. “Delicious,” he said again, smirking.

She could feel the flush cross her face even as her heart sped up. She sucked in a breath at the electric tension sparking in the air around them. He loved the way she reacted to him. Pacey reached out and pulled Joey onto his lap and squeezed her. Then he kissed her tenderly and whispered her name. Her lips were warm against his. The heart inside his chest began to pound. “You make me so happy. Let’s go back down below and make out.”

“How romantic,” Joey laughed. “How about we go back down and finish our book?”

He scrunched up his face. “I’m not in the mood for Shakespeare. It’s boring.”

“But I want you to read to me,” she said quietly, kissing his nose. “Your voice is sexy.”

“Your ass is sexy.” He waggled his brows, grinning at her.

She rolled her eyes. “Why did I start dating you?” she questioned teasingly.

“It took a lot of convincing.”

She laughed. “You know, it’s not fair that you’re sexy _and_ funny.”

He shook his head. “Look who’s talking, Potter… Just kidding. Your jokes suck.”

Affronted, her mouth fell open and she let out a breathy laugh of disbelief, playfully hitting him on the arm.

“Ooh, I love it when you get rough,” Pacey teased.

“I hate you.”

He grinned at her, holding her tight and gazing at her with eyes full of affection. “No, you don’t.”

Smiling, Joey leaned forward and pressed her lips to his, claiming his mouth with a slow, passionate kiss. Pulling her closer, he softly kissed her neck. It was obvious to him she wanted to fool around—he could practically smell the desire coming off her. Sliding his hand up beneath her tank top, he cupped her bare breast and rubbed her hardened nipple.

Her head dropped back. His touch felt so good, but she had to keep her head on straight. “Pacey… we… can’t.”

Running his tongue along her neck, he kissed the sensitive spot behind her earlobe and gently suckled. She moaned and his groin tightened. “Why can’t we, Jo?”

“Well, not out here! Someone could walk by on the dock and see us.”

“Okay, okay,” he replied, and pulled his hand out from under her top. “Okay, fine. Let’s go read some more Shakespeare. The sooner we finish that boring play, the sooner we can move on to a more interesting book.”

Joey climbed off his lap and stood up. Looking down at him and smiling, she reached out her hand. “Let’s go below deck and make out.”

Taking her hand, Pacey was more than willing to honor her request.

Later that night they lay cuddled up in the bottom hammock, taking turns reading aloud from _The Two Gentlemen of Verona_ until they finished the play. For nearly an hour, Pacey held Joey in his arms as they whispered to one another about anything and everything. Then she lay awake for a while longer, just watching him sleep, and her thoughts drifted back to their morning spent in Savannah. She could finally put words to her angry reaction over the shop girl flirting with Pacey.

It was fear.

It was the same fear she’d had when Pacey first kissed her on the side of the road on that cold March morning. It was the same fear that had welled up inside her when she’d stood outside with him at Aunt Gwen’s house and he forced her to finally confront what was happening between them. She knew that Pacey was the one person on earth who had the power to hurt her more deeply than anyone else. In some way she’d always known, Joey realized.

She’d spent years hardening herself against his charm, his humor, his good looks, his kind heart, all in an effort to prevent herself from being drawn in like a fool and falling for him. Because she knew deep down that he was the one person who could rip her life apart if she let him get too close. But Joey had been fighting the inevitable in vain. She’d fallen deeply and irrevocably in love with Pacey. Losing him would be intolerable. To live in a world where Pacey didn’t want her or love her anymore would be unbearable. And she knew if she lost him, she’d also lose herself, and might never recover from the pain of it. So, when something made her feel threatened, even something as silly and harmless as that flirtatious woman in the shop, the anger would rise up along with her bitter attitude, like old familiar friends.

Joey softly caressed Pacey’s face. Though still asleep, his lips curved into a slight smile at her touch. She momentarily thought about waking him up to talk to him again, considered explaining her earlier behavior and admitting how she felt. But the fear was still there, holding her back. She continued to stroke his cheek with the backs of her fingers before snuggling closer. The solid feel of him was a comfort, as was the scent of him and the sound of his breathing, and it wasn’t long before she was lulled to sleep.

August 26. On Saturday evening, Joey stepped inside a large Cyber Café and logged onto a computer while Pacey went up to the counter at the back of the café to peruse the selection of cookies and pastries and other baked goods behind the glass display case. Once she signed into her email, she opened a new message and selected Jen’s email address.

_“Jen,_

_Guess where I am? NEW YORK CITY! We didn’t stop here on the way south because Pacey had said it was too expensive to dock here, but he’d remembered that I had been quite bummed about missing my chance to see the Empire State Building and decided to stop here for me on the return trip. We still couldn’t exactly dock here, but Pacey ended up making some deal and gave a guard $100 to let the boat sit for a few hours in one of the smaller loading areas in South Street Seaport. We have to be back by 10:00 tonight. I can’t believe how many people are in this city. It’s crazy! Let’s just say when you’ve been spending all summer at little southeastern ports, New York City is something of an eye-opener. It’s such a whirlwind of activity. I have to try and find some way to take in all the city’s splendor in just a few short hours. _

_Being here made me think of you, so I had to send you a quick message. I can’t believe you actually grew up here. How did you go from all this to Capeside? I know I was pretty tough on you when you first got to town… well, OK, I was a total bitch. I cringe when I think about it. Did I ever apologize? If not, I’m sorry for being a total bitch to you. But I look around at this amazing city and no wonder I was threatened. Just to think of this world you came from… with the exception of a couple trips to Boston and Providence, before this summer I’d barely been 10 miles from my backyard. I don’t know how you manage not to look back and wish you were here instead. I think I would, if I were you._

_Pacey bought me a bouquet of flowers from a street vendor at the seaport. I couldn’t believe he’d spend money on flowers! But still… they’re so beautiful and it was very romantic. A year or two ago, I never would’ve admitted to even being remotely interested in stuff like that. It’s so cliché, for one thing. For another, I probably would’ve said something like, “flowers are just an antiquated symbol that no longer carries any meaning except a desperate, sexist attempt to prove that the guy has seen one too many movies on the Romance Channel.” But… I have to admit that in the here and now I can see why it carries meaning for people. Because in its old-fashioned sentiment, it says “I love you” without actually speaking those trite, overused words. Much to my surprise, I’ve learned that Pacey, for all his glibness and sarcasm, is actually quite old-fashioned in a lot of ways. Andie was right – whoever said chivalry is dead has never been charmed by Pacey Witter. He’s just amazing… He’s promised that tonight will be the most romantic night of my life. I don’t know what he has planned, but I know I can’t wait to find out._

_We’ll be home next weekend. It feels so weird to type that. I still can’t comprehend returning to everyday life in Capeside. I’m looking forward to seeing you, though! We’ll talk soon._

_Love,  
Joey”_

After logging off the computer, Joey returned to her boyfriend’s side and he gave her the small cup of coffee he’d ordered for her.

Moments later, they stepped out of the café and onto the sidewalk. Taking Joey by the hand, Pacey stepped close to the curb and raised his arm to hail a cab. “You hungry?” he asked her.

“I’m starving.”

“Where do you want to eat? I’m sure we could find a nice little restaurant around here.”

She thought for a moment. “I want a New York hot dog.”

Chuckling, he threw her a look. “We’re in the greatest city on earth and you want a hot dog?”

“Yep!”

It wasn’t long before a taxi pulled up alongside the curb. He opened the door, and after Joey slid into the back seat, he climbed in after her.

“Where we goin’?” the driver asked.

“Where can we find the best hot dogs in this city?” Pacey asked.

The driver glanced over his shoulder at them and grinned. “Katz’s Deli, of course.”

He looked at Joey and winked. “Then I guess that’s where we’re going.”

After several minutes of stop-and-go traffic, the taxi let them off in front of Katz’s Delicatessen on Houston Street in the Lower East Side of Manhattan. The large, old-fashioned deli was packed with customers. When they got up to the counter, they each ordered a classic hot dog, piled high with dripping condiments, and sat down together at a Formica table.

Pacey watched his girlfriend bite into her dog happily. Amused, he said, “I thought you didn’t even like sauerkraut.”

Joey shrugged. “I don’t, but this is _New York_ we’re talking about!”

“Ah. When in Rome…”

“Exactly.”

Once they’d finished eating and Joey had snapped some pictures, they were back outside. They walked along together, pointing out the sights as cars whizzed by and the city buzzed with aliveness around them. Pacey had never felt anything like it. He knew the best of the best came to New York City to pursue their dreams and find success. You could feel it in the air, the creative energy of eight million souls pulsing like its own life force. He wondered what it would be like to live in a city this big and with this much energy.

Joey felt so comfortable strolling down the busy street with her arm draped through Pacey’s. It felt as though she were in a movie: yellow flashes of taxis driving by; people rushing by purposefully; and grand, tall buildings surrounding them on all sides. It didn’t feel real. Except it _was_ real, and she was really here, part of this magical world, and all because of Pacey.

When they reached 2nd Ave, they hailed another taxi cab. “Empire State Building,” Pacey announced to the driver when they got into the back seat. Joey beamed and hugged his arm tight, snuggling against him. They soon arrived at their destination on East 34th Street and joined the long line of people waiting to get inside the historical landmark. It was a little crowded and it took them almost half an hour to take the two sets of elevators up to the roof balcony, where it was predictably busy.

They couldn’t believe what it was like to be up on the top of such a huge building and take in the vast metropolis all around them. They could barely see the cars, and the wind was so strong it sometimes felt as though the building was swaying. It was a very warm evening, but the wind would occasionally give them a chill. The views of the city were amazing, with its lights punctuating the darkness like sparkling jewels, along with the sights and sounds of the teeming humanity below.

After getting a tourist to take their picture in front of one of the lookout binoculars, Joey wrapped her arms around her boyfriend’s waist. “This is so romantic, Pacey. What a shame it isn’t Valentine’s Day.” She grinned up at him.

“Would I be Cary Grant or Tom Hanks in this scenario?” he quipped.

“Neither. You don’t ever have to be anyone else. I love you best when you’re just yourself.”

He gazed down at her, his heart full. He drank in the sight of her. “There is nothing in my life more valuable than you,” he murmured. His heart—and mouth—overtook his mind, and he pressed a kiss to her lips. Her very soft, welcoming lips.

The velvet warmth of Pacey’s mouth was like a drug, and though her mind screamed _not in public_, her heart wasn’t listening. Her desire for him was as potent as ever, and she sighed into his kiss, opening her mouth, letting him in. His taste, and scent, the way his tongue lightly caressed hers… all of it was as familiar as if they’d been doing this for years, but at the same time there was the excited, urgent feeling of new love. It was bliss. 

He quickly gentled the kiss, savoring the feel of her lips on his. Nothing could ever be more real than this, and his heart told him he needed her forever.

Soon after, they left the Empire State Building and approached one of the many taxis out on the curb. “Central Park South,” Pacey informed the driver as they got into the cab. “At 7th Ave and West 59th.”

“We’re going to walk around Central Park?” Joey arched her brows as the taxi pulled into traffic. “In the dark? That’s probably not the smartest thing to do.” She’d heard of people getting mugged in that park. Raped and killed, even. She didn’t want to be neurotic and ruin their perfect evening, but she had to listen to her common sense. Walking through Central Park at night, even if she was with a tall, strong guy like Pacey, would be taking a foolish risk. “I really don’t want to take the chance of being assaulted. You told me this was going to be the most romantic night of my life, and a bad blow to the head would certainly ruin the moment, especially if one of us ends up in the hospital. Or _dead_, Pacey.”

“Well, you’re right about that. Dying is a mood killer for sure, Potter.” He grinned at her unamused expressed. “Would you just trust me, Jo? I know what I’m doing.”

She remained skeptical. That is, until the taxi turned onto West 59th Street and she saw the horse carriages lined up along the park. Her eyes went wide and she turned a surprised gaze in her boyfriend’s direction. He gave her a knowing smile and raised his brows as if to say _I told you so_. “Oh, my God,” she whispered excitedly.

When they departed from the cab, they were greeted by a charming middle-aged man who seemed to be from another era with his Irish brogue and top hat. “Hallo, me name is Paul,” he said with a smile and took out some carrots from his pocket before offering them to Joey. “Would you like to feed the horse?”

She beamed, and Pacey’s heart swelled at her look of happiness.

“Her name is Sunny,” Paul told them as he patted the horse’s smooth chestnut brown coat. Joey took a carrot and brought her palm up to the horse’s mouth, giggling as its teeth gently nibbled against her skin. She and Pacey then pulled themselves up into the white, half-top Cinderella-style carriage with the red, slightly worn plush interior. Paul set off at a nice pace going west on Central Park South to the nearest park entrance. He happily chatted with them as he held onto Sunny’s reins, but he also knew when to stop talking and let them enjoy their time together.

Joey immediately felt caught up in the experience—it was something so new, so different. She snuggled against Pacey and slid her hand around his waist as he threw an arm around her shoulder, holding her close. The leisurely pace of the carriage ride was a welcome change from the hustle and bustle that appeared to be the usual speed of life in New York. It was also surprisingly quiet in the park, the sounds of the city seemingly disappearing. They talked about nothing and just enjoyed the carriage ride.

“Pacey,” she whispered, and he turned his head to gaze at her. “I’ve never felt more like a fairy tale princess in my entire life. And up until now I never would’ve even admitted that was something I even wanted to feel like.”

His expression softened, giving her a look that melted her insides, and he brushed her nose with his. “I love you, Joey.”

“I love you, too, Pace.”

His thumb traced her lower lip as if he was trying to savor the feel of her words and not just the sound. “You and me,” he said quietly. “Nothing else matters. Tonight couldn’t have been more perfect.”

Tilting her head, she leaned closer and kissed him. “In a few years when we’re older, promise me we’ll come back here and take another carriage ride, but this time we’ll bring a bottle of champagne along with us. Then it’ll _really_ be perfect.”

He laughed. “You’ve got yourself a deal, Potter.”

When the carriage ride was over, they took some pictures and said goodbye to Paul and Sunny. The taxi ride back to South Street Seaport was a contemplative one. Pacey held onto Joey’s hand while they sat quietly in the back seat. They gazed out the windows, lost in thought as they took in the sights. It was nearly ten o’clock, a time when Capeside would have all but shut down until the next morning, but New York seemed just as alive as it was a few hours ago. It truly was the city that never sleeps.

Pacey glanced over at Joey, his heart swelling with love and self-satisfaction at the look of pure contentment on her face. He had wanted to give her a night she’d never forget, and felt pretty sure he’d managed to achieve that. He thought back to earlier when he had bought her the bouquet of flowers. Maybe it was a little silly, but he couldn’t help himself. The flowers were pretty and had made him think of her. To his astonishment, she hadn’t laughed at him when he gave them to her and had actually seemed touched at the gesture. He never even knew she liked flowers.

He was learning new things about Joey every day, which was incredible since he had known her practically his entire life. As long as Dawson had… in spite of the way Dawson acted like he invented the whole ‘friends forever’ thing. But enough about Dawson. He didn’t want to think about the guy right now. He would be home sooner than he was ready for and knew there would be no escaping thinking about Dawson once he set foot back in Capeside. Tonight was all about him and Joey. It definitely had been the most romantic night ever… for both of them.


	25. Summer of 2000 (Part Eight)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _All the lives always tempted to trade  
Will they hate me for all the choices I made  
Will they stop when they see me again  
I can't stop now I know who I am_
> 
> _Now I'm all yours, I'm not afraid  
And you're all mine, say what they may  
And all your love I'll take to the grave  
And all my life starts now_
> 
> _That can't tear me down  
They can't take you out of my thoughts  
Under every scar there's a battle I've lost  
Will they stop when they see us again  
I can't stop now I know who I am_
> 
> _Now I'm all yours, I'm not afraid  
And you're all mine, say what they may  
And all your love I'll take to the grave  
And all my life starts_
> 
> _I'm all yours, I'm not afraid  
And you're all mine, say what they may  
And all your love I'll take to the grave  
And all my life starts, starts now_

September 2. On Saturday evening the red sun was setting, and the sky was painted in brilliant orange, purple, and pink hues. The Capeside shoreline was a dark green silhouette against the twilight sky. Over the past week, since they’d left New York City, the mood on the boat had grown more subdued, with long stretches of quiet, each lost in their own thoughts. Tomorrow, they’d walk back inside their homes and reunite with their families. In just three days, they were going to walk back into school for the first time since June. At some point, Tuesday at the very latest, they would come face to face with their friends—with Dawson.

“I wanna start reading _The Little Mermaid_ tonight,” Joey commented, her head bent over the newspaper she’d gotten this morning when they’d made a brief stop in Rhode Island to call their families and inform them of their impending arrival. 

“We can do that. But I still think we should turn the _True Love_ around and head back to Key West,” Pacey said before taking the last bite of his fish. “Or anywhere, really. How does Virginia Beach sound? Virginia _is_ for lovers, you know.” He waggled his eyebrows.

Looking up from the newspaper, she sighed and shook her head. “But we’re finally seniors. This is our year to really make the most of that miserable place known as Capeside High. Isn’t there _anything_ about going back to school you look forward to? Anything at all?”

“I guess if I was into tormenting freshmen, I’d find some amusement in being a senior,” he deadpanned. She threw him a pointed look. “Okay, fine. Well…” He gazed at her and smiled. “I can say the thing I’ll probably enjoy the most about going back to school is relishing in the knowledge that, unlike our classmates, I actually got the hell out of Capeside for the summer and did something most, if not all of them will never do. And not to mention enjoying the fact that I got the most beautiful girl in the whole school to run away with me for the summer and she is now _my_ girlfriend. Eat your hearts out, losers.”

She laughed and rolled her eyes, her cheeks turning pink.

He grinned appreciatively. “I think we should start our campaign for Prom King and Queen immediately.”

“I’ll be sure to have buttons and posters made up,” she quipped, shooting him a sarcastic look. Joey then ran her fingers through her damp hair and gazed out at Capeside’s darkening shore. She’d been trying to talk about the inevitable all week, but every time she’d brought up the subject, it hadn’t gone over well. Discussing it—_him_—would signal their summer of bliss was truly over and it was time to face reality. They were getting off the boat tomorrow, and they couldn’t put it off any longer. “Um, speaking of people who are currently eating their hearts out…”

His jaw clenched. He closed his eyes, heaved a sigh, and took a swig from his bottle of root beer. He knew what she was getting at, and he knew the closer they’d gotten to home, the more she’d been thinking about it and wanting to talk about it, but he didn’t see the point in talking about this. Apologizing wouldn’t change anything.

She stared at her boyfriend, at his stiff posture and refusal to meet her eyes. “Pacey, we have to talk about Dawson.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s our friend.”

He arched his brow, giving her challenging look. “Is he?”

Frustrated, she shook her head. “Pacey, I know Dawson’s friendship is just as important to you as it is to me. If there’s any chance, no matter how small, that we can possibly make amends and salvage what’s left of that friendship, then we should at least try.”

He set his plate aside and stacked it atop Joey’s empty plate. “I’m sure you’ll have much better luck with that than me. You know, since you’re his _soulmate_ and all. Unlike me, I’m sure he doesn’t hate _your guts_.” He knew Dawson was far more likely to pursue Joey, to try to win her back and convince her that she’d made the wrong choice, than to permanently cast her aside and refuse to forgive her. He didn’t want to think about that, and forced the thought from his mind.

She gaped at him, at the bitterness in his tone. “Pacey, we both betrayed Dawson. I’m just as guilty as you are. Even though I want to get my friendship with Dawson back on track, I’m fully aware of the fact that it isn’t going to happen overnight. I can’t just snap my fingers or wave some magic wand. It’s probably going to take a while, and it’s not going to be easy, but it’ll be worth it in the end if I can gain back my friend. And I don’t want to put it off because once we’re home, the longer we go without talking to him and trying to clear the air, the more difficult and more awkward it’s gonna be. We’re a couple now, Pacey, and spending senior year walking on eggshells around Dawson is not gonna be fun for any of us, unless we can come to some sort of understanding and as soon as possible. And that starts with apologizing.”

“Yeah.” He highly doubted Dawson had any interest in restoring their friendship, just as he doubted there was anything that he could possibly do to change that. He wasn’t sure if he even wanted to. Dawson wasn’t likely to ever forgive him, no matter what he said or did. Back in the spring, he’d apologized until he was blue in the face to no avail, and that was after Joey had ended things between them. Now that she’d gone with him to Key West, any apologies coming from him would certainly fall on deaf ears.

Pacey remembered his outburst in the school cafeteria, his declaration that he was done apologizing. He’d meant it. While he had apologized for sneaking around behind Dawson’s back and the way he’d found out, which he seriously regretted, he knew he hadn’t given the apology his former best friend had actually wanted to hear. But if Dawson thought there was a chance that he would ever apologize for that, he was delusional. For as long as he lived, he would never apologize for that.

“I’m so glad we talked about this, Jo. This is exactly how I wanted to spend the last night of our vacation.”

“What’s with the tone, Pacey?” She stared at him, at his furrowed brows and the scowl on his face, her mood plummeting. This wasn’t how she wanted to spend their last night on the boat either. She slid down the cushioned bench seat and cuddled against him, her hand going to his hair, caressing his soft buzzcut.

He sighed, not wanting to argue anymore. “Feel free to throw me overboard now, Jo. You were probably checking the personal ads in the newspaper for someone new, I bet.”

She gave him an elbow. “Not possible.”

“Or even better, as soon as you’re rid of me, I’m sure Dawson will forgive you right away and then you can ride off into the sunset with your soulmate. I’m more trouble than I’m worth.”

Shaking her head, she gave him a half-smile before pressing her lips to his. When she kissed his frown away, she leaned her head on his shoulder, that spot made just for her, and held his hand, entwining their fingers. “You’re absolutely worth it. So much so that I’m willing to guess Dawson misses you just as much as you refuse to admit you miss him. So, I think you should stop denying it, and just come right out and tell him you’re sorry and that you miss him.”

“You think you can butter me up, kissing me with the sweetest lips I’ve ever known?”

She smiled, gazing at him with the utmost confidence in their love. “Yes, as a matter of fact, I do.”

“Keep trying, then, Potter. It might help me come to a decision about something. Like… whether or not I’m gonna turn this boat around and head back to Florida.”

Laughing, she elbowed him again.

He winced, rubbing the sting away. “Will you quit? You’re gonna bruise a rib.”

Joey shook her head and gave him a stern look. “I want you _here_… _in Capeside_… _with me_.”

“We’d be much happier elsewhere, believe me,” he said, kissing her cheek.

“But I have to finish school, Pacey. I want to take the SATs again. I have to apply to college. I have to make sure I get a decent class rank and earn a scholarship. So, that means I have to stay in Capeside for senior year. And you are just gonna have to stay here, go to school with me, and deal with it. I refuse to live without you.”

“Not in the Cleopatra or Juliet kind of way, though, right?” He eyed her suspiciously. “I know my love is powerful, Jo, but it shouldn’t lead to suicide.”

She frowned at him, unamused. “Do you want another elbow to the ribs, Pacey Witter?”

He balked. “Good lord, woman. I never knew you had such violent tendencies. Frankly, I’m appalled.”

“Let me make it up to you,” she said, smirking suggestively as she climbed onto his lap, straddling his thighs.

“And what do you propose?” he replied with a sly grin.

“Can’t you tell what I really want to do right now?” She wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him as she shifted closer and pressed herself tight against him, telling him exactly what she wanted to do.

“I can imagine.” He kissed her throat and pulled her closer, grinding her hips firmly against his own.

Joey licked her lips, wanting more, as the warmth that always spread through her when she was in Pacey’s arms consumed her now. Getting off his lap, she took hold of his hand and they retreated below deck for the night.

September 3. It was close to noon on Sunday when they moored the _True Love_ to its slip in the Capeside Harbor Boatyard, just a few blocks from Main Street. Pacey carried their bags off the boat, stepping onto the dock. “You got all your souvenirs?” he asked. He lifted one of the bags, feeling its weight. “Is the Ernest Hemingway Friendship Brick of Suicidal Writers in here?”

“Yes,” Joey answered, throwing him a pointed look. “And don’t call it that.”

“You even got the jasmine plant for Bessie? You didn’t forget it down in the cabin, did ya?”

She smiled and shook her head. “It’s in the bag.” Joey glanced at the totes thrown over his shoulder. It didn’t seem like a lot. “Is that everything?”

“We can leave the rest of the stuff on the boat and get it tomorrow.”

“Okay.”

They started walking up the dock. Now that they were home, Pacey knew the first thing that would be on people’s minds when they saw them again, especially once they walked into school. “Before we leave, though, there is one other thing we should cover.”

“What’s that?”

“Well, they’re gonna ask…”

Her brows knitted. “Who’s gonna ask what?”

“The masses. They’re gonna ask what happened on the boat. This summer… between you and I… you know, sexually speaking.”

Joey scoffed. “No one cares, Pacey.”

_Please._ He threw her a look.

“Okay, maybe they care, but they’re not gonna ask. It’s too crass.”

“We live in a crass age.” He already could imagine the looks and stupid comments as they walked down the hallways on the first day of school. “Think about it, Jo. We walk into school on Tuesday and… you know people are gonna ask.”

She scoffed again. She hadn’t thought of people asking her such an invasive, personal question. “Okay, so what are you gonna say?”

It wasn’t up to him. “That really depends.”

“On?”

“On what you’re gonna say.”

She had no desire to share the private details of her summer or her relationship with Pacey with their braindead classmates. “Well, I guess I’m going to say nothing because it’s no one’s business.”

He agreed. “That’s good. Nothing sounds perfect. We’ll keep ‘em all guessing. I think a little mystery will help our prom campaign.”

She laughed, rolling her eyes. “Anyway, they’re not gonna ask.”

“Oh, they’ll ask.” It was gonna be the first thing outta their mouths, Pacey thought.

*****

After lunch, and after the shock had worn off that his sister Gretchen was back home to stay for some reason that she intended to keep secret, and after he’d been subsequently ousted from Doug’s apartment, he brought his bags back to the boat. Staring at the hammocks, pondering whether he should take Gretchen’s suggestion and ask the Potter’s if he could stay with them for a while, he heard his sister call out.

“Permission to come aboard, Captain Witter?”

He returned above deck. “What are you doing here, Gretchen?”

His sister stood on the dock, hands on her hips, looking affronted. “Don’t I get to see the infamous _True Love?_ Look at this boat, Pace. Look at what you did. This is amazing. I’m very proud of you.”

“Thanks, sis,” he replied, smiling. “You know, you had every chance to see it back in the spring. I believe your college semester usually ends sometime in mid-May and I didn’t leave Capeside until June 10th. So, where were you then?”

“I got a summer job in Provincetown, and no, I didn’t stop here to visit on the way up there. I’m sorry.”

“Did you get fired from that pub in Boston?”

She shook her head. “No, I quit when school let out. I wanted to get out of Boston for a while.”

Now he was getting somewhere. “Why? What’s wrong with Boston? Did something happen?”

“Nothing happened, Pacey. I just needed a change of scenery.”

“Uh-huh. Sure. Change of scenery. That’s why you moved back to Capeside to live with your favorite brother.”

“We both know Doug is not my favorite brother. My current living arrangement is temporary, and I’m only staying with him because I refuse to stay with Mom and Dad.”

“That makes two of us.”

Her gaze roamed over the _True Love_ once more. “So, are you gonna show me around your pride and joy, or what?”

Back down inside the cabin, he let Gretchen look around. She smiled as she did so, nodding with approval. After placing her hands onto Joey’s hammock and giving it a nudge, sending it gently swinging, she turned around. “So, this is where the summer magic happened, huh?” she said with a smirk.

He furrowed his brows and pursed his lips into a thin line. “I don’t appreciate the insinuation.”

“Come on, let’s go,” she said, making for the steps that led up above deck.

“Where are we going?”

Without replying, Gretchen left the cabin. Shaking his head, he followed her. They were soon striding up the dock and then out of the marina. His gaze fell on the Witter wagon. “You’ve got Mom’s car?” he asked.

“Yeah, she’s letting me use it for a while.”

He was soon sitting in the passenger seat. His sister put the car into gear and pulled onto the street. “I’m gonna ask again. Where are we going?”

“Home.”

“Back to Dougie’s?”

She hesitated. “…No.”

He groaned. “Fuckin’ A, Gretch. I really don’t wanna see Mom and Dad right now.”

She frowned at him. “Pacey, you’ve been gone all summer. From what Doug told me, Mom and Dad gave you their permission to go without too much hassle. The least you can do is pop into the house for a few minutes and say, ‘Hi guys, I’m home.’ It’s common courtesy, Pace.”

“They wouldn’t know common courtesy if it bit ‘em in the ass.”

“Okay, honestly, I just wanted to check on Carrie and the kids, and I didn’t want to go to the house by myself.”

He nodded, throwing her a sarcastic look. “So, what you’re saying is we’re back to being the emotional support siblings.”

Gretchen smiled. “How else do you think we survived having narcissists for parents?”

“Speak for yourself,” he muttered. “Only one of us survived.”

“You’re gonna get away from them, too, Pace. In just nine months, you’ll be free to go wherever you want, as far away from them as you want.”

He eyed his sister with suspicion. Then why the hell did she come back here? So, she said she needed a break. She could’ve taken a break literally anywhere. Why come back to Capeside? He longed to be anywhere but here. He wanted to be back on the _True Love_, sailing somewhere, anywhere. The only things he needed in this whole world were his boat and his girl. He heaved a sigh and stared glumly out the window. “I miss Joey.”

A few minutes later, Pacey was trudging up the brick steps to his porch, his stomach in knots, his chest tight with anxiety. Gretchen opened the front door, and he followed her inside. They found their parents on the couch in the living room, watching TV and drinking beer, several empty cans on the coffee table in front of them. He glanced at the clock on the mantle. It was only two in the afternoon.

“Mom, Dad… Pacey’s home.”

They turned to look at him. “Hi, Ma. Hi, Pop.”

His mother smiled. “Well, look at that, John. Pacey made it Florida and back without screwing it up. I wasn’t sure you could do it, but I’ll admit when I’m wrong. I’m real proud of you, honey.”

Did he expect anything different? He forced a smile. “Gee, thanks, Mom.”

His father stared for a moment before nodding. “Well, Pacey, I see you made it back in one piece.”

“I did.”

“And in time to start your final year of school and graduate, unlike your sister, who apparently thinks she can shirk off her senior year just for the hell of it.”

Pacey glanced at Gretchen. Her face hardened as she crossed her arms in front of her and shook her head.

“Is that boat of yours still in one piece?”

“Yes, sir.”

“And Joey Potter?”

“Yes, Dad. She’s fine.”

“Good.”

His mother frowned. “She’s not pregnant, is she?”

He clenched his jaw in annoyance. “Not that I know of, but fingers crossed.”

Gretchen snorted, chuckling. Their mother’s eyes narrowed in suspicion for a moment, but then she relaxed. “Well, we’ll just have to have her over here next Sunday for a family dinner. We never did get to have your other little girlfriend over to the house. What was her name? The crazy one? Allie?”

Anger bubbled in his gut. “Her name is Andie, Ma. And she’s not crazy.”

“I’m fairly certain only crazy people get sent to mental hospitals, honey. Anyway, be sure to invite the Potter girl for dinner on Sunday, okay?”

He threw a wide-eyed, panicked gaze at Gretchen. She silently mouthed “I’m sorry” at him. There was no way in hell he was bringing Joey inside this house. His parents then cracked open two more beers and turned their attention back to the TV, ignoring him.

*****

Joey was sitting in Mrs. Ryan’s kitchen, listening to Jen bemoan the woes of her long distance relationship with Henry while she sat at the table with a bowl of green beans picked from her grandmother’s garden. Henry wasn’t coming back to Capeside and had gone to boarding school instead. After her grams voiced her disapproval of the arrangement, Jen effectively dismissed her from the kitchen.

“Goodbye, Josephine,” Mrs. Ryan said. “Nice to have you back, safe and _sound.”_

She didn’t know what to say, so she said nothing in reply. What was Jen’s grandmother implying by that? What exactly was sound? Her hymen? Joey shook her head and gave her full attention to her friend.

“Okay, enough me,” Jen said, snapping the end off of a bean. “You’re the one fresh from the world excursion. So?”

“We had the time of our lives. It was a beautiful summer. Going away with Pacey was the best decision I’ve ever made. Once I get my pictures developed, I’ll bring them over. Did you get my email from New York?”

“Yeah, thanks for taking a few minutes out of what precious little time you had to spend there to write me. I didn’t reply because I figured you’d be home soon enough and we could talk in person. So, did Pacey make good on his promise to give you the most romantic night of your life?” Her brows shot up curiously.

She nodded, crossing her arms on the table and smiling. “Yes, he did. We took a carriage ride through Central Park. I felt like Cinderella, which is so girly and stupid, but…” She shrugged. “It was magical. Seeing the Empire State Building all lit up at night was incredible. I hope we get to go back there someday. I don’t know how you manage to be content in Capeside after growing up in New York. How are you not bored out of your mind in this dreary little town?”

Jen hesitated, quietly snapping the ends off the green beans for a moment. “Capeside’s not so bad. Everyone I love is here. With New York, as with most amazing places, there’s usually a dark underbelly. And in my case, I saw a little too much of that underbelly at way too young of an age, and I don’t think I ever want to go back there.” She quickly turned her frown into a smile. “But like I said, Joey, _enough about me_. Cut to the sordid stuff! You promised to give me details, and now with my boyfriend living four hours away for the rest of the school year, my prospects for enjoying some romance during my senior year have pretty much dwindled. So, tell me!”

Joey glanced over her shoulder, wondering if Mrs. Ryan was still hovering somewhere within earshot.

“Let’s go out on the porch,” Jen said perceptively, standing from the table.

Once she was seated on the wicker couch, she felt her face grow hot while her stomach filled with nerves. “I honestly don’t know where to start. Um… well, I followed your advice about not jumping into the deep end right away and taking my time getting comfortable in shallower depths, so to speak.”

Jen nodded beside her, leaning over the bowl of green beans on the wicker table in front of the couch. “Yeah, good. So, how many bases did you round?”

“Bases?” she asked with knitted brows.

“Yeah, you know… first base, second base… _third_ base.” Jen smirked, waggling her brows.

She thought for a moment. “Um, we got to second? I think?”

Her friend giggled. “Good for you. Well, how was it? What’s Pacey like?”

Feeling slightly embarrassed, her face flushed. Then she remembered something and frowned. “Well, I’m sure you know what he’s like, if I recall correctly.”

Jen tutted, shooting her a pointed look. “Come on now, Joey. Me and Pacey didn’t get nearly that far. I’ll have you know that clothing was never removed. Well, except our shoes, I guess. Every time we even _attempted_ second base, I’d immediately start laughing and it would ruin the whole thing. You’re never gonna slide into home if you can’t even round second. It just didn’t ever work, even though we tried. There were no sparks, no attraction. And I’m pretty sure the reason was because I wasn’t the girl Pacey actually wanted to be making out with, now was I?”

She smiled, blushing, and tucked her hair behind her ears. “Well, to answer your question… it was good and a lot of fun, and Pacey is… Well, I honestly don’t know what I was expecting, but he doesn’t disappoint. He’s just…” She couldn’t stop herself from grinning ear to ear like an idiot. “Pacey is perfect. I love him so much, Jen. He makes me feel…” She sighed, clasping her hands and shrugging. “I don’t know. There just aren’t words to describe how happy I am.”

Jen smiled. “Well, I’m very happy for you, Joey. For the both of you.”

“Thanks. And… thanks for being a listening ear this summer and helping a girl out.”

“Glad to do it, Joey.”

“And I’m glad you seemed to have a great summer despite being separated from Henry.” She glanced over at the Leery’s house, remembering all the photographs of Jen, Jack, and Andie that were plastered all over Dawson’s room. It seemed like they all had a good summer. She wondered if Dawson had even missed her at all, and wasn’t sure what she wanted the answer to be. “Um, Jen, how is everyone else doing?”

“Good. Yeah, everybody’s good.”

“And Dawson? He’s… he’s okay?”

Jen nodded, giving her a kind smile. “He’s doing all right, Joey. Really. We kept him busy and made sure he had fun this summer.”

She again thought of the photographs. Watching her friend continue to snap the ends off the green beans, she remembered she needed to get home soon herself. “Well, I gotta go. I promised Bessie I’d help her with dinner.”

“What are you doing tonight? You and Pacey just laying low?”

“No, we’re not doing anything. We’re taking our first official night off from each other.”

“Well, we are all going to the Dive-In. Why don’t you join us?”

The thought of seeing everyone else so soon after getting back… “I don’t know that that’s such a good idea.”

But Jen wouldn’t take no for an answer.

*****

Pacey stood next to his girlfriend in front of the sink in the Potter’s kitchen, washing the dinner dishes. He glanced over his shoulder to see Bessie staring at them with narrowed eyes and a frown. He sighed and returned to the task. Joey’s sister hadn’t exactly been thrilled to see him when he showed up at the house earlier, and all through dinner she’d been rather cold towards him. At first, he’d thought maybe Bessie was still not too happy about Joey running off for the summer, but then remembered that she had told him that her sister had cooled off rather quickly and actually had been excited for her in her emails. Yet there was obviously some reason he clearly wasn’t Bessie’s favorite person right now.

Later, after Joey changed out of her skirt and into a pair of shorts, Bodie dropped them off at Stupmuck Cove. His stomach was tight with nerves. While the idea of showing up back in town like a returning adventurer, the envy of all his peers, with a beautiful girl on his arm he could show off, had been somewhat appealing, now that he was home reality was quite different. He was conscious of the fact there was no one at the Dive-In who actually wanted to see him. He was fully aware that he’d left Capeside as the pariah of their little social group and nothing over the summer would’ve changed that. The very fact Joey had chosen him over Dawson would’ve undoubtedly cemented his pariah status.

Taking his girlfriend by the hand, Pacey started walking from the road down towards the beach. “Bessie asked you, didn’t she? About the two of us on the boat? What did you say? ‘Cause she was not giving me friendly looks, I’ll tell you that.”

“I thought we said we weren’t saying anything.”

“Yeah, well, that was in reference to the general masses we’ll inevitably rub shoulders with. I’m assuming family and trusted friends are different.”

Joey gave him a look, wondering if he’d said anything to anybody. “Why? Did Doug or Gretchen ask you?”

He shook his head. “No, although my sister made vague insinuations. So… what did you say when Bessie asked? I mean, she did ask, right?”

“Yes, Pacey, she asked, and I refused to answer. It’s none of her business. Why does it matter?”

“Look, I just want to know how discreet you want to be.” He lowered his voice. “Personally, I would love to shout from every rooftop in Capeside that I dry-humped Josephine Potter on every surface inside that boat, not to mention in a few motel rooms.” He watched her eyes widen as she suddenly stared at her feet, blushing. “But I am the soul of discretion, Jo. I won’t say a word if you don’t want me to, not to anyone. Not even if Doug or Gretchen come right out and ask, which I’m pretty sure they eventually will. So, just to be clear, if family and friends ask, we’re telling them nothing, too?” He paused and eyed her to see her reaction, finally getting to the question he’d most wondered about. “Or… what about Dawson? What are you gonna say when he asks?”

She blinked, swallowing. Her stomach did a somersault. That was not a conversation she ever wanted to have with Dawson. “He’s not going to ask, Pacey. I’m sure that’s something he’d rather not know.”

“Are you kidding me, Jo? There isn’t a single person on this _good green earth_ who wants to know more than Dawson Leery. The guy is _dying_ to know, believe me. Stealing his soulmate from him is bad enough, but stealing her virginity from him, too? I mean, God forbid. That’s all the reason he’d need to never speak a single word to me for the rest of his natural born life.”

She frowned. “Pacey, Dawson doesn’t think like that. He doesn’t own me. He certainly doesn’t _own_ my virginity, so it can’t be _stolen_ from him, now can it?”

He shook his head, wishing she’d open her eyes to the truth behind his former best friend’s motives and actions wherever she was concerned. “Try telling Dawson that,” he muttered. “Do you recall the first thing outta his mouth when he found out about us? He basically accused me of using you for sex. I’m positive that’s his biggest issue with us—the idea that you and I would have sex and ruin the perfect life he’s scripted for himself and his soulmate.”

She felt uncomfortable, recognizing the ring of truth behind his words. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter, Pacey. It’s none of his business, whether he asks or not, which I’m sure he won’t. And as Jen would say, virginity is a sexist social concept designed by men to control women and their sexuality.”

“Ding-ding-ding!” His finger shot up in the air to emphasize his point. “Thank you! That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

Joey side-eyed him. “You’re really annoying, you know that?”

He grinned. “Yeah, but you love me, anyway.”

“Somebody’s got to.” She smirked and leaned into him, kissing his cheek.

They soon stepped onto the sand and began walking along the beach. The summer weekend tradition of the Dive-In was seemingly as popular as ever. Groups of teenagers and other young Capeside locals were standing around over by the snack bar. Suddenly a loud voice rent the air. “Woo hoo! Look who’s back! Hey, Witter! If the boat’s a-rockin’, don’t come a-knockin’!”

While people turned in their direction, laughing, Pacey tried to find the owner of the voice, but no luck. He turned to his girlfriend. “See? What’d I tell ya, Potter?”

Annoyed, she felt her cheeks redden with embarrassment. “That’s all we’re gonna hear the first week of school, isn’t it?”

“You betcha.”

“Morons.”

They kept walking and soon laid eyes on Dawson, Jen, and Jack sitting in the cockpit of a speedboat. Pacey locked eyes with Dawson. Even from this distance, he could see the hatred in his eyes, glaring into his own. He could also see hurt, an open wound that hadn’t healed. Dawson would hate him forever. And the way Jack and Jen were looking at him was far from inviting. Guilt twisted his insides.

Disappointed at their friends’ reaction to seeing them together, Joey’s face fell. The air was suddenly thick with tension, awkward and uncomfortable. Maybe it had been too soon to see everyone. Maybe they should’ve waited until school forced them all to return to their normal routine of seeing each other every day. Maybe she should’ve had a few minutes to talk with Dawson alone and come to an understanding before the three of them rubbed shoulders again.

“Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea,” she said.

“Well, it wasn’t my idea in the first place.” He was irritated by the guilt he felt. He didn’t want to feel guilty because he refused to believe he’d done anything as terrible as their dysfunctional social circle had made it out to be. He refused to allow Dawson’s anger to make him believe he’d committed some heinous crime, that being with Joey was wrong, somehow.

Her disappointment quickly became annoyance. They had gone into this with open eyes, had known this was coming, and getting the initial awkwardness quickly out of the way was for the best. She tightened her grip on Pacey’s hand. “Well, we’re a couple now, we have nothing to be ashamed of, and they’re just gonna have to get used to it. May as well start now. Come on, let’s go say hi.”

Joey took one step forward and they watched Dawson immediately hop out of the speedboat and walk away. Pacey rolled his eyes and let go of her hand. “No one over there wants to see me, Jo. I’ll go get us some drinks and you can go say hi and square things away. I’ll meet up with you in a little bit.”

“I guess that might be easier…”

She turned and watched her boyfriend’s retreating back. She suddenly felt even more nervous now that she was standing there by herself. Frustration welled up inside her at the situation. Why should she have to feel nervous about hanging out with her friends? She wanted to hurry up and get it over with. Like ripping off a Band-Aid, she told herself.

While Pacey stood in line in at the snack bar, he glanced his sister surrounded by a group of people, all beaming at her. He was supposed to be the Witter who was getting all the attention, the one who’d just come back from a summer-long sailing trip, but not with Gretchen around. She had obviously retaken her spot as the most popular girl in Capeside. _Cheerleaders_, he thought, shaking his head. Gretchen spotted him and walked over. “You know, it’s one thing to usurp the couch, but it’s quite another to come back here and best my social standing.”

“Do you wanna take a walk?” she asked, looking up at him with a knowing gaze.

She always knew, he thought. Was there anyone on the planet who knew him better than Gretchen? Feeling simultaneously relieved his sister was there and annoyed that she had been the only person at the Dive-In to even crack a smile in his direction, he nodded. “Yeah.”

They were soon hemming and hawing over the conundrum that had them both vying for Doug’s couch. “Is it possible you’ve grown more obnoxious over time?” she teased.

“Well, it is the Witter way.”

“Hmm, and somehow you still got the girl.”

He smiled, happiness fluttering inside his chest. “Yes, I did. Who would’ve thunk me and Joey would end up together, huh?”

Gretchen stared at him. “Uh… me.”

“You did not.”

“It didn’t take Nostradamus to call it. I mean, look at your similarities. Neither of you have had an easy upbringing, but look at how well you’ve both turned out. You’re both classic scrappy underdogs. She’s sassy and you’re a legendary annoyance. She’s beautiful and you’re… lucky.”

His brows furrowed. “There is a compliment in there somewhere, right?”

She laughed. “You’re both lucky.”

His sister always knew how to make him feel better. “Thank you.”

“I knew you two were like magnets. You know, you push them around and they pull away from each other in opposite directions, when all you need to do is flip them over. You and Joey just needed a little flip. Wasn’t I telling you for the past couple years that she would be incredibly lucky to have someone like you and that you should just go for it? And look at you. You finally did, and you got what you always wanted. You should listen to your big sister more often.”

Pacey couldn’t stop the grin from spreading across his face. “And what about you, Gretchen? Honestly. Why would you come back here?” It made no sense. He knew there was something she wasn’t telling him.

“I’m just taking a break. That’s all.”

“All right.” He wasn’t going to push it. She’d tell him when she was ready to tell him. “Well, as they say in non-dysfunctional families, welcome home, Gretchen.” He threw his arm over her shoulder and hugged her to him.

“And, uh, speaking of home, I have a suggestion that I think you might find appealing.”

He was intrigued. “Yeah?”

Gretchen smirked. “Technically, you and I are both homeless, and we both deserve better than Doug’s couch.”

“That we do.”

“And… you and I once managed to share a bedroom for about ten years without killing each other.”

“Also very true.”

She stopped walking and gave him an expectant look. “So? How about you and I rent a place together?”

Was she serious? “Um…”

“I’ve got some money saved up from tending bar all summer, and I know you’ve got plenty of money, Mr. Savings Account.”

“Would you keep your voice down?” He glanced over his shoulder. “You haven’t told anyone about that, have you?”

Gretchen gave him a pointed look. “No, Pacey. I promise.”

Nodding, he shoved his hands in his pockets. He was so close to getting out of this place, he didn’t want anyone or anything to jinx it. “Good.”

“If we pool our funds together, we could easily afford rent every month until you graduate. Well? How does it sound? We can go apartment hunting this week when you get out of school.”

“Sounds good to me, Gretchen.”

He was soon heading back down the beach. He quickly laid eyes on Joey sitting in the speedboat, Dawson standing next to it. She was smiling and talking. And Dawson was all smiles, beaming ear to ear as he gazed down at Joey, no doubt wasting no time with attempting to reinstate his soulmate status. Disgusted, Pacey turned and walked away.

Further down the beach, he caught sight of Andie talking to a couple guys. A spark of hope fluttered inside his chest and he smiled. Finally, a friendly face. That spark was quickly extinguished when she hurried away in the opposite direction. He was almost certain she’d seen him. Hadn’t she? His mood plummeted even more. Why the hell did he even come? He felt miserable.

After wandering around aimlessly for a little while, he came across Joey standing by herself and walked over to her. “There you are,” she said with a smile. “I’ve been looking all over for you. Where did you go?”

“I was with Gretchen.”

“She’s here?”

“Yeah. She’s here, currently reclaiming her position at the top of Capeside’s social ladder. So, did you get things all _squared away_ with Dawson? Those were your words, right? _‘Square things away?’”_

Joey sighed, feeling confused over how the night had gone. She was glad to get the initial reunion with Dawson out of the way, but the casual small talk was so awkward. With the movie on the screen and so many people around, it was an impossible location to say everything she wanted to say. They needed to sit somewhere alone and talk. “No, not even close,” she muttered.

He gazed down at her and frowned. “Then I take it you’re having just as much fun here as I am.”

“I’m sorry for the way everyone reacted. I thought once they saw us together, saw how happy we were, that they’d, you know, accept it or just act normal or…” She sighed. “I don’t know. Not with Dawson around, I guess. I’m sorry for dragging you here, Pace.”

“Well, we can leave, Jo. The night doesn’t have to be a total wash.”

She knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep if she left now. There was something she needed to do, but she knew Pacey wouldn’t be happy about it. “Do you mind if I stay and… got a ride home with Dawson?”

His stomach twisted into knots, his walls coming up. “Why?”

“I need to talk to him, Pacey. _Really_ talk to him. Alone.”

“Talk to him about what?”

She scoffed. “Pacey, dealing with Dawson is a reality for me. It’s a reality for the both of us. I need to apologize and at least attempt to clear the air. We both do.”

There was that word again. _Apologize_. The more she brought it up, the more irritated he felt. “The guy hates me, okay? I can’t change that.”

“Well, you could try!”

“I don’t want to!

“Well, I do, and I’m sorry if you have a problem with that!”

“You’re damn right, I have a problem with that. You’re not even unpacked yet and all you can think about is—”

“I can’t help it if he’s been on my mind. I need Dawson to forgive me, Pacey. I thought you, of all people, would understand.”

“What do we have to apologize for, Jo? We apologized countless times, months ago! How many more times do we need to apologize? And apologize for what?! For being happy? For being together? Because I am never, ever going to apologize for that! And have you considered that maybe it’s Dawson who owes _us_ an apology for the horrible shit he pulled last spring? That maybe he should be asking for _our_ forgiveness? That _Dawson_ is the one who should be anxious to _square things away?”_

Joey heaved an exasperated sigh. “Well, maybe we should be the bigger people and take the high road, Pacey. You know, maybe we should at the very least acknowledge what we did to him and the hurt it caused him, and then maybe he’ll be more inclined to apologize for how badly he reacted. Try to put yourself in Dawson’s shoes.”

He shook his head. “Why? He never puts himself in mine.” He started walking away.

“Pacey!”

“It’s fine,” he told her, turning around to face her as he kept walking. “Ever since we left New York, you’ve become more and more preoccupied with Dawson. So, you know what? Go ahead. Go ahead and get a ride home with him. That way you can have all the time in the world to tell him just how sorry you are for being with me and to let him know just how much you regret making that choice. I’m sure he’ll forgive you in no time, Jo.”

Her face fell. Was that really what he thought she would say to Dawson? She stared after Pacey, watching him walk away, her stomach tightening with a dreadful, sick feeling.

*****

Joey leaned against the hood of Dawson’s SUV, waiting for him. He was obviously surprised to find her there, but she was at least glad that the awkwardness from earlier hadn’t prevented him from offering her a ride home like she’d hoped he would.

“So, I bet you got to see a lot of different places,” Dawson said conversationally, finally speaking after several minutes of quiet.

“Yeah. Amazing places.”

Silence. “Any favorites?”

She glanced out the car window, fighting a smile. “Well, Key West, of course. The Carolinas were beautiful. Atlantic City was a lot of fun and New York was incredible. I took lots of pictures if you… uh…” She paused, inwardly chided herself. Why the hell would he ever want to see those? “Um… so, Jen told me that you guys all went to Philadelphia together?”

“Yeah. That was a fun trip.”

Silence.

“So, how are your parents doing?”

He scoffed. “They’re still in their honeymoon phase.”

“Ah.”

“Yeah.”

“So, how many times have you walked in on them this summer?”

“I lost count.”

She chuckled, and then fell silent.

A few minutes later, she was asking Dawson about his new interest in photography while he walked her to her front porch. “Didn’t think I’d like it nearly as much as I have, but I guess that’s the way it always is, huh?”

“What’s that?” she asked.

“You don’t choose what you love, it chooses you.”

There. He’d decided to be the one to open the door to the conversation. She’d rehearsed it inside her head countless times over the past week, but she had no idea how it actually was gonna go. She closed her eyes and quickly gathered her thoughts. “Dawson, uh… I’m very sorry. I’m sorry for the way things happened last spring. I’m sorry for the way I handled it, or _didn’t_ handle it, as was the case, and the way you found out. I feel terrible about that and I so badly wish it didn’t happen that way. And… I’m sorry that you were hurt. I know how difficult it was for you and probably still must be.”

Dawson heaved a sigh. “It wasn’t easy, thinking of the two of you together every day and every night.”

Averting her eyes, she shoved her hands in her back pockets. Pacey was right; there was no one who probably wanted to know more than Dawson. “Well, then I’m especially grateful for you being the only person I’ve talked to tonight who wasn’t crass enough to ask the big, invasive question.”

“I’m the only person the answer could potentially kill.”

Joey stared at him. Dawson may not be so crass as to come right out and ask, but that didn’t mean he didn’t want her to tell him. It was written all over his face. He was desperate for reassurance, for her to put his mind at ease. She could do that, but she and Pacey had both agreed to say nothing. Besides, there was no point in reassuring Dawson now. The only thing he could possibly hope for between them was friendship because that’s all there would ever be.

Then she remembered the gift. “Wait here.”

She walked over by the door where his wrapped souvenir was sitting. Carrying it off the porch, she handed it to Dawson. “It’s for you.”

After he’d unwrapped the brick and she’d told him it was from Ernest Hemingway’s house, Dawson had to make a comment about Hemingway killing himself. Pacey had been right about that, too, she thought. “It represents the foundation of… of a new friendship.”

“I feel like I’m at the ribbon-cutting of a new strip mall.”

“Quit joking, Dawson.”

“The truth is, Joey, it’s gonna take a lot more than symbols to get back what we had, and right now I’m not even sure that I want to.”

Memories of last spring suddenly came forward; Dawson’s ultimatum, his angry and accusatory words, the look on his face when she left him behind on his dock back in June. “Okay…”

Dawson stared down at the brick for a moment before meeting her eyes again. “We’re just gonna have to take one day at a time.”

“I know.” She took the wrapping paper from Dawson’s hand and walked up onto the porch. As she reached her front door, Pacey’s face swam in front of her eyes. She turned, watching him move towards his car door. “Uh, Dawson…” He stopped and looked at her. “Um… I may be sorry for a lot of things, but… I’m not sorry I fell in love with Pacey. And I’m not sorry that I went away with him for the summer. Those are two things I’ll never be sorry for, and I think you know that. So… thanks again for not asking that question that everyone’s been asking.”

Sighing, Dawson stared at her for a moment. Then his mouth curved into a hint of a smile. “I realized that I don’t have to ask that question.”

“You don’t?” she shrugged, curious as to what he meant, remembering her earlier conversation with Pacey on the beach.

“Nope,” he said, opening the car door. “I know you, Joey, and I already know the answer. I’ve known the answer all along.”

Frowning, she stepped inside the house. With Pacey on her mind, she walked over to kitchen wall and took the keys to the truck off their hook. When she got behind the steering wheel and put on her seatbelt, it dawned on her that she hadn’t driven stick since June. A slight sense of panic rose up inside her. She sat there and groaned, begrudgingly lifting the key up to the ignition. But she took a deep breath, thought of Pacey and their driving lessons, and feeling the anxiety start to dissipate, she then started the truck.

*****

Sitting on the boat’s cabintop, Pacey watched his girlfriend pull up and park in front of the dock, no doubt fresh from clearing the air with her erstwhile soulmate. He had imagined their conversation fifty different ways, and they all ended with Dawson doing the most to guilt-trip her into doubting herself and the choices she made as he was wont to do.

Joey walked down the dock towards the _True Love_. She knew Pacey had been mad at her, and while just the thought of Pacey being upset with her had twisted her stomach, she knew he couldn’t stay mad at her for long. He wasn’t immune to her charm. Far from it.

“Well, I’ve decided something,” she announced as she traipsed along the dock in front of him. “And it is perhaps the singularly most important thing that I’ve realized in the last 45 minutes, so I must share it with you.” She sighed and set her hands on her hips. “This town has far too many stoplights for somebody who’s not very good at driving stick. I stalled seven times coming over here.”

“Too bad it wasn’t eight,” he muttered.

Yep, he was still mad. She stepped off the dock and onto the boat. “I stalled seven times,” she said, sitting down next to him. “And six out of the seven times, do you know what I thought about?”

He shook his head as he resolutely stared down at the book in his hands, an old edition of _The Little Mermaid_ they’d gotten from a thrift store in New Haven. It felt like he’d been reading the same paragraph for the past fifteen minutes.

“You.”

He knew she was buttering him up. Well, it wasn’t going to work this time, he told himself.

“It’s this secret thing I do whenever I get really pissed off or confused or angry or… upset or sad. I think of you and I immediately feel good inside. I guess it’s kind of like taking a good mood pill or something.” It had started fairly early into junior year, she remembered. Whenever she was upset or confused about Dawson, angry at her sister or the jerks in school or the world in general, sad about her mom, her dad, she’d think about Pacey and she’d feel better. Why had it taken her so long to realize she was in love with him?

She was definitely buttering him up, he thought. He refused to fall for it. It was not going to work.

“And I swore to myself that I would never tell you that I did this because it is so girly and stupid. And I just told you because… I needed to score major points for not really explaining what went down tonight, or why I’ve been so preoccupied with the need for us to apologize to Dawson.”

She’d paused and he looked up from the book. Who was he kidding? Of course, it would work, but he still wasn’t going to give in easily. “Keep going,” he told her.

Joey lifted her legs and hugged her knees. “Pacey, I wanted to talk to Dawson tonight, not because for four months of my life he was my boyfriend, but because for the better part of my life he was my friend. And as my friend, I hurt him deeply. We both did. Instead of having the maturity and courage to sit him down and just talk to him about how we felt, we snuck around behind his back, we lied to him and our friends, and then he found out the truth from someone else entirely. I ruined our friendship and then I broke his heart. Living with that fact has caused me no small amount of guilt over the past three months.”

She wasn’t the only one who felt guilty. More times than he could count, Pacey had wished that, instead of sneaking around and going back and forth for a week about who should be the one to tell Dawson, they both would’ve just sat him down right away and then the three of them could’ve talked about it together. Looking back on what they’d done instead made him want to kick himself.

“So, yes, over the past week I’ve been preoccupied a lot with wanting to make amends for all that, and it’s made my mind wander sometimes, but my heart? That’s a fixed point. Three months riding the open waters couldn’t shake it, and I’ll be damned if I let your insecurities shake it.”

She did what she did best and called him on his bullshit. The frustration melting away, he chuckled.

“My heart never left this boat. It’s never left you.” Joey smiled as Pacey pressed his forehead to hers, their noses brushing lightly. “And as far as I can tell, it’s never going to.”

She’d done it. She’d buttered him right up. “Okay, you got me.” He set the book aside and grabbed her hand. “I do want to know one thing, though.”

She breathed a contented sigh as he pulled her against him, cradling her in his arms. “What’s that?”

“I want to know what exactly it was you thought of the seventh time you stalled,” he said before pressing his lips to her shoulder.

“That I was never going to drive stick again.”

He scoffed. “How very practical.”

Joey smiled at him. He bent his head and their lips met in a soft, passionate kiss. Her lips were so sweet; he loved them more each time he tasted them. Pacey held the kiss as long as he could, before brushing her nose with his.

“So,” he said after a moment. “Are you gonna tell me how it went?”

“Talking to Dawson?” She leaned back against him, his arms still around her.

“Yeah, that. Did you give Dawson his friendship brick?”

“Yes, I did.”

“I bet he can’t wait to hit me in the face with it.”

Joey laughed in spite of herself. “Pacey,” she sighed.

He shrugged, taking her hands and threading their fingers. “So, is all forgiven? Did you apologize enough for running off with his former best friend?”

“Is all forgiven? Hardly. And I’m never going to apologize for that. So, if that’s what Dawson wants to hear, then he shouldn’t hold his breath. I will never apologize for loving you, Pacey. I’d have to actually feel sorry to apologize for that, and I’m not sorry at all.”

He smiled and kissed her cheek. Then the other thing that had been weighing on his mind came to the fore. “So… did Dawson ask?”

Frowning, she sat up and stared at her boyfriend. How had he been so right about Dawson, and she’d been so wrong? “Sort of. In a roundabout way, I guess. Not directly…”

Of course, he did. Pacey gave her an _I told you so_ look. “And did you set his mind at ease? Did you assure him that his soulmate returned from her summer cruise untainted by one Pacey J. Witter? That she returned to him unspoiled, her virginity still intact?”

“Gross, Pacey. As a matter of fact, I didn’t. We said we were keeping that to ourselves, and it would only have given him false hope, wouldn’t it? I may not have had sex with you over the summer, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to in the future.”

He blinked, taken aback by her words. “You are?” She’d never just come right out and said anything like that before.

Joey laughed in disbelief at his surprise, feeling slightly embarrassed, averting her eyes from his surprised gaze. “Well…? What did you think was eventually going to happen, Pacey?”

“Well, I hoped but I never… you know, _assumed_.”

“Why? Because I’m a prude?” She scowled.

Shaking his head, Pacey chuckled and pulled her into his arms once again. “Potter, you are most definitely not a prude. I stand corrected, and I’ve never been more happy to be wrong.”

She blushed furiously and started giggling while he nuzzled her cheek. “Um, Pace?”

“Yeah?”

“I have a confession to make.”

His brows furrowed. “Which is?”

Joey sighed. “I told Jen.”

“Told Jen what?”

“About what happened on the boat. This summer… between you and I… you know, sexually speaking. She asked, and… I told.”

He was stunned into silence for a moment. “When you say _you told_, you mean…?” He arched his brows.

Her face reddened and she chewed on her lip. “Well, I didn’t go into vivid detail, but she now has a pretty good idea of what transpired. Are you mad? I know we said we weren’t going to say anything, but she’d basically made me promise to tell her when I got back and…” Her brows knitted with worry. “Please don’t be mad, Pacey.”

He chuckled. Why was he not surprised? Apparently, she and Jen had gone from email buddies to real, actual friends. He was happy about that; she needed friends. “I’m not mad, Joey.” Then he grinned and lowered his mouth close to her ear. “Well, since you got to tell someone, I think it’s only fair that I get to tell someone.”

“Gretchen,” she replied without hesitation. “Girls only.”

He laughed. “Okay. So, if my sister asks, and if I want to tell her the truth, then…”

She nodded. “Yes. You can tell her.”

Pacey sighed, ashamed of his behavior earlier at the Dive-In. “Jo?”

She leaned back to look at him. “Yeah?”

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

He kissed her temple. “For getting so mad earlier… about you and Dawson.”

She turned in his arms and kissed him near his mouth. “Pacey, I don’t think your problem is me and Dawson. I think your problem is _you and Dawson_, and that’s not a problem I can fix. That’s between the two of you, and I can’t force it. My relationship with Dawson is completely different from yours. I was wrong to try and push you into apologizing. I can’t tell you what to do or say. I can’t really tell you how to feel about the state of your friendship with Dawson.”

He didn’t know how to feel. His feelings about last spring were a complicated mess, and while he did very much regret certain choices and how some events occurred, the vindictive malice that Dawson had displayed towards him and the hateful things he’d said were like a poison in his mind.

“Maybe _I’m_ more trouble than _I’m_ worth,” she said glumly, sadness welling up at the fractured nature of their once inseparable friendships. “Have you considered that?”

Pacey knew that even if he and Dawson both sincerely apologized and struck up a peace between them, things would never be the same. It wasn’t likely they would ever be friends again, certainly not like they used to be. Gazing at Joey, he knew he’d probably never be able to restore the friendship he’d lost with Dawson, but he’d gained so much more.

“You’re trouble all day and all night, Potter,” he teased. Then he lifted his hand to caress her cheek. “But you’re most definitely worth it. You are worth more than life itself.” He kissed her nose. “And not just for the sex we’re someday gonna have in the future.”

Joey laughed. “Thanks, I guess. Well, I definitely like you for the sex we’re gonna have in the future. I mean, the rest is pretty good, too. Except for your parents, but I’m willing to try and look past that.”

“Funny you should mention them…” He chuckled darkly, shaking his head. “Guess who wants to have you over for family dinner on Sunday?”

She stared. “You’re kidding.” Sunday dinner at the Witter’s? Had hell frozen over?

“Oh, I wish I was, Jo, believe me.”

“I think I may come down with a bad cold later this week.”

“Yeah, I think that’s the same one I’m gonna catch.”

She smiled, snuggling closer. They were quiet for several moments, their arms wrapped around each other, perfectly content. She gazed down at the boat, at where it was moored securely to the dock. “Hey, Pace?”

He softly brushed his nose along hers. “Hmm?”

“I kind of miss being out on the water all day.”

“Me too, Jo.”

“Can we… get in our hammocks and read our book? Pretend we’re sailing somewhere far from here?”

Nodding, he smiled and pressed his lips to hers, and they kissed each other with a renewed passion.

*****

September 4. On Labor Day, they were sitting at an umbrella-covered table, sharing a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup Sundae. Joey dipped her spoon into the rich peanut butter sauce and chocolate fudge before lifting it to her mouth. “This is perfectly delicious,” she said, rolling her eyes up at the umbrella.

“So are you,” Pacey smirked as he spooned the vanilla ice cream, and she blushed at the compliment.

“Lame.”

They turned to stare at Buzz, who started laughing into his ice cream cone. Joey fought a grin. “This kid is clearly gonna give you a run for your money, Pace.”

He shook his head. “You don’t know the half of it,” he teased, winking at Buzz.

A few minutes later, Pacey tossed their trash into a nearby can. “So, we ready to go out on the boat?”

“Yeah!” Buzz exclaimed.

Joey smiled at him and they got up to leave. As they maneuvered through the other umbrella-covered picnic tables in front of the Reese’s Dairy Bar stand, they suddenly came face to face with Dawson, Jen, Andie, and Jack, who were standing in the long line in front of the order window. For a moment, they all gaped silently at each other, none of them having expected the encounter.

“Um, how are you guys?” Joey asked, feeling somewhat awkward at being caught off-guard.

“We’re good,” Jen answered.

“Yeah… just getting some ice cream,” Andie stated the obvious with a shrug.

Pacey’s gaze met Dawson’s and held, and he could still see the anger and hatred there. The others with him in line awkwardly glanced between them, and appeared anxious over Dawson’s reaction. With her head held high, Joey reached out and took Pacey’s hand in hers, squeezing his palm. “Okay, well, see you guys in school tomorrow,” she told their friends.

“See ya, Joey,” Jen and Jack said in unison, before she punched his arm and said, “Jinx! You owe me a Coke.”

Jack grimaced while he rubbed the spot on his arm where his best friend’s fist had made contact. “Jesus!” he grumbled while Jen laughed.

“It’s good to see you, Pacey,” Andie said quietly.

He smiled sadly, remembering her avoidance last night at the Dive-In. “It’s good to see you, too, Andie.”

After giving their friends a half-smile and nod of acknowledgement, Joey started turning them away, heading for the street. Then Pacey stopped in his tracks and turned back. “Hey, guys,” he called out, still holding firmly onto Joey’s hand while Buzz stood beside him.

Jen, Jack, Andie, and Dawson turned and looked at them, their expressions a mixture of surprise, confusion, curiosity, and annoyance. He sighed, and then took Joey’s advice about being the bigger person. “We’re, uh… we’re going sailing on the _True Love_. You wanna come with us?”

Joey’s eyes widened and she stared at her boyfriend. She hadn’t expected that at all. Affection and admiration for him filled her heart.

Jen and Andie smiled brightly, clearly pleased, while Jack nervously eyed Dawson for a reaction. Pacey’s eyes locked with his for a brief moment, and then wordlessly, Dawson turned around and put his back to him. Jack shrugged helplessly while Jen and Andie’s smiles faltered. “Um, I think we’re just probably gonna get ice cream today,” Jen replied. “But thanks for asking, Pacey,” Andie added, her expression holding some mixture of gratitude and sympathy.

“Well, it’s an open invitation, just so you know.”

Pacey watched his friends smile appreciatively, and then he turned away, walking towards the street. When they reached the curb, he looked down at Buzz. “Take my hand, and then we gotta look both ways before we cross.”

“Okay, _Pissy_.”

Joey snorted. He rolled his eyes, heaving an exasperated sigh over his young mentee. He knew this was just payback for being gone all summer, but that was okay. He could handle it, and he was pretty sure Buzz would soon get over it. Pacey glanced at his girlfriend beside him. She gazed at him with such pride and love, his heart swelled and his stomach fluttered. “What?”

“That was a very nice thing you did back there,” she said.

He pursed his lips and nodded, not wanting to make a big deal out of it. “It was nothing.”

Joey shook her head, her brown eyes soft and tender. “No, it wasn’t, Pacey.”

He started to glance over his shoulder. “Do you think they’re talking about us?”

She shrugged and then threaded their fingers, squeezing his hand tight. “Let ‘em talk.”

Smiling, Pacey walked with Joey and Buzz across the street and down to the waterfront. They were soon unmooring the _True Love_ from the dock. Once he’d motored them out of the harbor and Joey helped him raise the sails, they spent the afternoon cruising the open waters of the Atlantic, soaking up the warm sun and the salty breeze.


	26. 2000 (Senior Year: Part One)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Watch your tear fall  
Let them fall, fall and I'll  
Make the seas calm, take you in my arms, you cry  
Let your tears fall_
> 
> _It's not a crime  
To fall apart sometimes  
It's not a crime to ask why, to ask why, you cry  
Let your tears fall_
> 
> _So give it all, give it all to me  
And you can call whenever you need me, you'll cry  
Just let your tears fall  
Let your tears fall_
> 
> _I know you been on your knees  
I run to your side, baby_
> 
> _I will come, no I won't run  
I'm not scared to care  
Come to me when you're in need  
Set it free, let the truth breathe_
> 
> _Tell me all your secrets  
Tell me your fears  
I won't push you away  
I'll only pull you near_
> 
> _No, I won't judge you  
I'mma help you through_
> 
> _Tell me all your secrets  
Share in your pain  
Confess it all to me  
No matter, tell me your name_
> 
> _No, I won't judge you  
I'mma help you through  
Let your tears fall_

September 4. As promised to Mrs. Thompson, after their afternoon spent sailing, Pacey had Buzz home safe and sound by five o’clock. He and Joey then walked to Doug’s downtown apartment to meet up with Gretchen. When he climbed into the front passenger seat of the Witter wagon, his sister turned to him and grinned as she buckled her seatbelt.

“Taking my little brother back-to-school shopping,” she said gleefully, and started the car. “Just like old times.”

“Just you, me, and the Cape Cod Mall,” he replied. “Oh, but now we’ve got Joey, of course.” He glanced over his shoulder at his girlfriend in the backseat and smiled.

She returned his smile. “Yeah, thanks for taking me along, Gretchen. Bessie and Bodie are too busy with B&B guests to take me and I’d rather run backwards through a cornfield than drive our truck out to the mall.”

Pacey laughed. “A manual transmission is the bane of Jo’s existence.”

Gretchen reached inside her purse and pulled out an envelope, handing it over as she pulled out onto the street. “Rescued from the junk drawer at Mom and Dad’s.”

The envelope was official Capeside High stationary and it was addressed to him. Of course, his mother would’ve just tossed it in the junk drawer. He shook his head and rolled his eyes as he opened it. “Must be my class schedule and school supply list. I wish they would just send this stuff to Doug’s place. The guidance office knows I don’t live at home anymore.”

“Does the term _legal guardian_ mean anything to you? The school still has to send any official communication to Mom and Dad, Pace.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” he muttered, pulling the contents out of the envelope. It was indeed his class schedule and list of needed supplies. He handed the schedule over his shoulder to his girlfriend. “Do we have any classes together this year?”

Joey pulled out her schedule from her jeans pocket to compare them. “Um… Spanish.”

He groaned. “That’s it?”

“I’m taking all AP classes this year, Pacey. I don’t even have a Study Hall. My schedule is crammed.”

“Nerd,” he teased. “If you look closely, you’ll see that I get out of school at 12:05. I guess that’s probably the best thing about being a senior—getting outta there hours before everybody else. Hopefully that’ll help me on the job front. I still can’t believe the video store replaced me. I was with them for three years, and they said they could hold my position for me. Well, apparently not. So much for loyalty.”

“You can do a lot better than the video store.” Joey smirked as she looked more closely at his schedule. She smiled in surprise. “You’re doing Drama as one of your electives? And you picked Creative Writing for your English class?”

He nodded. “Yep, both at Mr. Broderick’s suggestion, actually. I wonder if he’s doing the school play again.”

“Um… Pacey, how are you not taking any math or science classes? No Pre-Calc? No Physics?”

“You’re only required to take three years of math and science in order to graduate, Jo. So, I’m done with them. I wanted a stress-free senior year. I only have to take four classes this semester: Spanish, English, Drama, and U.S. Government. Oh, well, and Gym, I guess. Does that count as a real class, though? Next semester I’ll swap out Drama for Personal Finance.”

Joey handed his schedule back to him. “But Pacey, you’ll improve your GPA and your chances of getting into college by taking four years of math and science.”

“Yeah, but I’m improving my chances of actually graduating by doing the bare minimum,” he snarked. “Everyone sitting in this car knows I’m not getting into college.”

Both his girlfriend and his sister immediately protested.

Thirty minutes after leaving Capeside, they arrived at the Cape Cod Mall in Hyannis. The mall was moderately full. Not jammed like on weekends. They spent well over an hour perusing J.Crew, Journeys, American Eagle, Aeropostale, and Staples for new clothes and supplies. Hand in hand with Joey, Pacey carried their shopping bags as they made for the food court. They found themselves walking past the Victoria’s Secret.

“Need anything in there, Jo?” he grinned.

Unamused, she threw him a look. “In your dreams.”

“Literally.”

She blushed and started laughing.

After getting some food and sitting down at one of the many metal-legged plastic-topped tables, they ate and conversed happily. The food court was busy, mostly filled with families and groups of chattering teenagers making the most of their last day of summer vacation before the start of the new school year. Above the loud noise of conversations and a very disgruntled baby at a nearby table came the sound of canned music.

“I think it’s so exciting that you two are getting your own place together,” Joey said before dipping one of her French fries into some ketchup.

“I especially liked that killer two-bedroom condo I saw advertised in the paper this morning,” Pacey replied.

Gretchen dabbed the grease off her slice of pizza with a napkin. “If you want to pay $1200 a month, by all means, but I’m thinking we need to set our sights a little lower.”

He shrugged and took a sip from his soda. The idea of getting his own apartment with Gretchen was sounding more appealing the more he thought about it. While he was depositing their trash and trays at a receptacle, he was suddenly accosted by Jen, Jack, and Andie. “Pacey, hey!”

Surprised, he turned and stared. “Hey.”

“What are you doing here?” Jen asked.

“Getting our last-minute school shopping done,” he tilted his back head towards where Joey and Gretchen were sitting at a table somewhere behind him. “What about you guys?”

“We just got out of the movie theater,” Jack replied.

He nodded, still feeling somewhat awkward after how things went at the Dive-In. “So, uh, what movie did you see?”

Andie smiled. “_Bring It On_. We were gonna go see it at the Rialto last weekend, but Grams ended up roping us into a picnic-slash-bonfire thing for the Capeside Rotary Club. Anyway, the cinema here has bigger screens and newer seats.”

He glanced around for a moment. “Is, uh… is Dawson here with you?”

“No, Pacey,” Jen replied. “He’s not.”

“Oh, so that’s why you’re talking to me,” he said caustically. His eyes locked with Jen’s and held, unspoken words hanging in the air between them. He was sure she'd spent all summer listening to Dawson’s opinions of him, once again remembering his threats that when this thing was all over, he wouldn’t have a friend in the world.

Jen sighed, frowning. She exchanged a look with Jack, who nodded. “Let’s go over and say hi to Joey, Andie,” he told his sister. He then patted Pacey on the arm as they started heading that way. “Good to have you back home, man.”

“Sure thing, Jackers,” he said, wondering if Jack actually had any opinions about the group’s current predicament, before crossing his arms and staring at Jen.

Her face fell and she gave him a defeated shrug. “I’m sorry, Pacey.” She slid her hand inside the crook of his elbow and started turning him in the direction their friends had walked off. “You know we love you, but this situation is incredibly awkward for the rest of us. Dawson is our friend, too, and we just spent the entire summer watching said friend try and fail to hide just how heartbroken he was.”

He sighed and his stomach turned with guilt as he started walking back towards Joey with Jen clutching his arm.

“And at the Dive-In… well, it immediately became obvious that you and Dawson don’t even want to breathe the same air,” she continued. “Trying to be normal and act cool around two friends who hate each other is incredibly difficult. Especially for me. I mean, the way things went down back in the spring… I’m the one who made the situation so much worse. I still feel awful about that whole thing, and I feel like it’s my fault things got as bad as they did between the three of you by getting involved and opening my big mouth. So, what do you want me to do? If you and Dawson just kissed and made up, it would make it a lot easier on us…”

“I really don’t see that happening, Jen.”

She shook her head. “Well, then I guess you’re forcing the rest of us into two different social circles where in one we hang out with you and the other we hang out with Dawson and never the twain shall meet. Is that what you want?”

He frowned. “Did you give this same speech to Dawson, by any chance?”

“Yes, actually, I did. Last night at the Dive-In.”

“And I’m sure you take his side in all this,” he grumbled.

Jen stopped walking. “Pacey, I’m not on anyone’s side. I love you and Dawson and Joey. I want you all to be happy. I feel for Dawson and what he’s going through, but I’m also really happy for you and Joey. Both can be true at the same time.”

He gave her a sad smile, the guilty feeling still churning in the pit of his stomach. “So, then… you think Joey made the right choice? You don’t think she made a terrible mistake?”

“Joey chose her own happiness, and that will probably always be the right choice,” she replied shrewdly. “But I’ll tell you this, Pacey. I obviously haven’t known Joey as nearly as long as you and Dawson, but from what I can tell, it was only when _you_ started loving her that I saw her becoming less insecure, less angry, and more confident, more outgoing, and happier than I’d ever seen her before. You’re good for her, Pacey. And she’s good for you. I really believe that.”

“Even after being Dawson’s shoulder to cry on all summer? You don’t think I’m a crappy friend?”

Jen sighed, crossing her arms. “I think you and Dawson both could’ve handled the situation a lot better. But in the end, you chose not to sacrifice your happiness for Dawson’s sake. I don’t think that makes you a terrible friend. Happiness is so rare in this world that once you find it, you’ve got to hold on to it. Unfortunately, sometimes people get hurt in the process, but that’s just part of life. Maybe you don’t believe it right now, Pacey, but you deserve to be happy.”

The guilt started to subside, at least a little, and he gave her a weak smile. “Yeah,” he breathed.

She smiled and wrapped her arms around him in a hug. “I missed you this summer, Pacey. I’m really glad you’re back.”

“Thanks, Jen,” he said as he returned her hug.

When they rejoined the others, he found Andie happily quizzing Joey about her summer spent sailing. Pleased that there didn’t seem to be any awkward feelings between the two girls, his heart warmed. After a few more minutes’ conversation, the two groups parted ways. It wasn’t long before they were back in the Witter wagon and heading home to Capeside. They arrived at the Potter’s house first, and Pacey walked Joey up to her porch.

He set her shopping bags down in front of the door and pulled his girlfriend towards him, circling his arms around her. “As you well know, there is no hot running water on the boat.”

“I’m fully aware,” she smiled.

“And… so, I was thinking that maybe I could come over here in the morning to get ready for school?”

Joey chuckled, nodding. “Of course.”

He ran his fingers through her hair. “Bessie won’t mind?”

“I don’t care even if she does.”

“Well… I want to get back in her good opinion, Jo. How about in exchange for letting me use the shower, I’ll cook breakfast? Do you think she’d like that?”

She hugged him closer. “I’m sure she would.” Then she paused, thinking. “Oh, but there’s B&B guests here. They’re checking out in the morning, but we’ll have to feed them before they go.”

His eyes went wide as he shook his head. “Well, I won’t poison them, Jo.”

“Well, I guess that’s one less thing for Bessie to do…” she smirked.

The car horn blasted.

They turned to look at Gretchen, staring at them with an impatient expression on her face. “Older sisters are annoying,” he said.

“Tell me about it.”

Pacey grinned and bent his head, capturing her mouth in a series of sensual kisses that left her breathless. “Goodnight,” he whispered, his brow resting against hers. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Goodnight,” Joey murmured, inhaling his scent and sighing in contentment. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Still embracing, they stood for a moment, gazing into each other’s eyes, before he leaned in for one last quick kiss. Then he walked off the porch and started heading back towards the car. Much to his surprise, on the drive back to the boatyard, he found he was starting to actually look forward to school. Thoughts of being with Joey every day, holding hands in the hallway, eating lunch together, sitting next to each other in class, buoyed him and lifted his mood. Later that night, he fell asleep in his hammock with a smile on his face.

September 5. On Tuesday morning, with his backpack over his shoulder, Pacey stepped off the boat and onto the dock only to be met with the sudden and unexpected appearance of an older Witter sibling.

“Well, good morning, wandering brother.”

“And what brings you down to the harbor at so early an hour, Doug?”

His brother turned to walk beside him as he strode up the dock. “I happen to bring tidings from the home front. Mom came across another letter from the school and called me to pass on the information. You’re supposed to meet with your guidance counselor today after your last class.”

_And it starts_. Pacey scoffed, shaking his head. “Of course, I am. You know, I have to hand it to Mr. Milo. The man doesn’t give up easily.”

“You’d think he’d know a lost cause when he sees one,” Doug snarked.

“Is that supposed to be a joke?” He frowned.

“Lighten up, little brother.”

“Look, Dougie, I know you’re probably in a hurry to get back to flirting with your boyfriends on the police radio, but can you give me a ride to Joey’s house?”

As his brother’s jaw clenched and his face hardened into a scowl, Pacey gave him a shit-eating grin.

Once he’d showered and dressed, he busied himself in the Potter’s kitchen, whipping up a large batch of pancakes and scrambled eggs while Joey got ready in the bathroom. Her older sister walked in holding Alexander, a surprised expression on her face. “What is Pacey Witter doing in my kitchen before seven A.M.?”

“Good morning, Bessie,” he greeted with a smile. “I needed to use your facilities before school, and as payment, you and your guests will have a hot breakfast.” He tilted his head. “There’s a fresh pot of coffee over there on the counter.”

“Thanks,” she replied hesitantly. “I appreciate that.” After she set Alexander down in his chair and she poured herself a cup of coffee, she stood against the counter, watching him.

He worked over the stove quietly for some moments until finally he couldn’t stand her staring at him. “Is there anything you want to say to me, Bessie, now that we’re alone? You’ve obviously got something on your mind.”

Sighing, she drummed her fingertips on the coffee mug. “You know, Pacey… Joey is the first Potter who has a real chance to get out of this town and make something of herself. And I just… I just don’t want anyone or anything to jeopardize that. She actually has the talent and the ambition and ability to achieve her future goals, and nothing should get in the way of that.”

“I don’t want anything to get in the way of that either,” he said, his stomach tightening into a knot.

“I know you don’t,” Bessie said kindly. “But love tends to make people… foolish… and reckless, especially young love. Running away for the summer without a word to anyone was a very impulsive, irresponsible thing for Joey to do, and not like her at all, and I just hope that kind of behavior doesn’t become a habit. Actions have consequences.”

He swallowed, unsure what to say. Before he could reply, Joey herself appeared in the kitchen, all dressed for school. His mouth curved into a smile as she noticed she had decided to wear a skirt and a pinkish-colored shirt, and realized he’d wrongfully assumed she’d revert back to her tomboy style once they were no longer on a tropical island. “Good morning.”

“Morning,” Joey said and went to pour herself a cup of coffee.

Bessie glanced between them and left the kitchen. When she was gone, he leaned closer to his girlfriend and lowered his voice. “Will you please just tell your sister that we didn’t have sex on the boat?”

Taken aback, her brows knitted as she stared at him. “What? No, I’m not going to do that because it’s none of her business.”

“Fine, then I’ll just have to tell her. I’m pretty sure she thinks I’m going to ruin your life.”

“Well, you probably will, to be fair.” She gave him a teasing smirk, watching him roll his eyes, and then took a sip from her coffee. “Telling Bessie would just set an unhealthy precedent that would only lead to her butting into our relationship whenever she feels entitled. Whatever does or doesn’t happen between us is not her concern, Pacey.”

“Well, she is concerned, I’ll tell you that.” He stirred the scrambled eggs. “Do you think she would’ve ever given Dawson a speech about being impulsive and irresponsible? Do you think she’d say a relationship with Dawson would make you foolish and reckless? Do you think being with Dawson would make her worry about your future? I think not. Let’s face it, Jo. I’m just one big screw-up and everyone knows it. The opposite of the Midas Touch? That’s me. So, you’re right. I probably will ruin your life.”

“I’m going to ignore all that, just like you should ignore Bessie and her meddling. Did you roll out of the wrong side of the hammock this morning?” Her hand caressed his head, brushing over his buzzcut, and she kissed his cheek. “Thanks for making breakfast, honey.”

He pinched his face amusingly. “Thanks for letting me use your shower, darling.”

Chuckling, she lifted her coffee cup to her mouth and drank. “Not sure if the whole terms-of-endearment thing really works for us, but we’ll keep trying.”

They were soon heading out the door. Pacey drove the Potter’s truck to the high school and parked in the senior lot. Kids were once again swarming the school grounds. As he and Joey walked hand in hand towards the main entrance, he remembered Doug’s message and sighed. “You know they wanna see me in the guidance office after school?”

“So?”

“So, do they wanna see _you_ in the guidance office after school?”

She smiled. “…No.”

Uh-huh. “No. See, that right there is a bad sign. It means they’re singling me out already.”

“Aww, don’t worry, sweetie,” she assured him, and he smiled knowingly. “They probably just wanna extend a helping hand and let you know that they’re there to help you fulfill your destiny as the world’s greatest gas station attendant.”

“Oh,” he scoffed. “That’s cute.”

“What? Suddenly teasing’s out of the question?”

He grinned and squeezed her hand. “Oh, no, tease away, you little hussy,” he replied, and she scoffed. “But you do raise an interesting point, and I think that we should talk about it now that we’re back in school.”

Joey had no idea what he was getting at. “Talk about what exactly?”

“Well, our mutual wants and needs.”

“Did you actually just say that out loud?” She gaped, surprised, glancing at the other students around them.

“Well, like you said, we’re a couple now, Potter. And as a couple, I think there are a couple things we need to discuss.”

She gazed at him curiously, wondering where this was going. “Such as?”

Pacey thought for a moment. “Well, now that we’re surrounded once again by our classmates, no doubt they will all have comments and questions and opinions.”

“And it’s none of their business,” she replied firmly.

“That’s my girl.” He smiled. “But if they want to know just how amazing a girlfriend you are, do you want me to talk you up? Gush about you until we sicken everyone with the power of our love?”

She stared at him. “That’s our goal? To make our classmates sick?”

He grinned. “To make them sick with jealousy, yes. Now, would you like me to walk you to all your classes and carry your books?”

Joey shoved her tongue in her cheek, fighting a grin. “I know chivalry is far from dead when it comes to you, Pacey, but I don’t think that’s necessary.”

He shrugged. “Thought I’d ask.” Then he hesitated, feeling a little silly. “You know, uh, we’re not going to see each other this year as much as last year, what with our different class schedules and all.”

“Yeah…” They started to climb the concrete steps toward the main doors, students of all ages filing in around them.

“And, well… remember that week after Spring Break?” he asked tentatively. “When we would leave those notes in each other’s lockers?”

Grinning, she chewed her bottom lip and leaned close to him as they walked through the doors. “Do you want me to write you love notes, Pacey Witter?”

His face burned. “There might be days where we don’t see each other for hours. And if you happened to drop a little note in my locker, at some point during the day, just to tell me you miss me or to say hi or even just to tell me if one of the other AP nerds puked their guts out in class, you know, if you so felt inclined… then that would be fine with me.”

“Just admit it, Pacey. You want me to write you love notes.”

“Fine,” he muttered, glancing over his shoulder. “I want you to write me love notes. Happy now, Potter?”

She gave him a thousand-watt smile. “Well, I expect these notes to be reciprocated.”

“Naturally.” He grinned. “While we’re at it, can they be dirty?”

“Pacey!” Embarrassed, she averted her eyes and looked away from him. Joey let go of his hand to tuck her hair behind her ear and started walking faster.

He shrugged helplessly. “Hey, I’m just asking. It’ll put my creative writing class to good use. But I can keep them PG, if that’s what you’d prefer?”

She thought about it for a moment. It wasn’t as though she were wholly opposed, but there was a time and a place for everything, and school wasn’t necessarily it. Not to mention the mortification that would result if an explicit note was misplaced and someone else got their hands on it. “Jury’s out on that. I’ll let you know. Anything else you want to discuss?”

They turned onto the east hallway. “Kissing in public.”

With people looking at them? “Maybe.”

“Maybe?” Would he actually be expected to go all day without kissing her? Not gonna happen.

“Well, if it’s of the spontaneous variety,” she said. Not like those obnoxious couples who would make out in front of their lockers for the sole purpose of having everyone watch them make out.

“Good lord, woman. You really are a fickle mistress, you know that? I mean, without kissing, what do we really have left?”

She nodded soberly. “Precious little. We should probably break up.”

The butterflies started fluttering in the pit of his stomach as they reached his classroom door. There was no way she could go all day without kissing him either. “Yeah, well, we had a good run, huh?” Then he smiled, knowing just how much in love and committed to each other they were.

“Mm-hmm.” Joey turned to face him. He was beaming at her, his gaze filled with a luminous joy. She closed the distance between them, her arms going around his shoulders, and kissed him enthusiastically, as if she was dying of thirst and he was the water she’d been deprived of. His hand was in her hair and he kissed her back just as ardently.

“Excuse me,” she heard someone mutter behind her, and they made room in the doorway as they saw it was Dawson who had come upon them.

They sighed and moved away from the classroom to the other side of the hall, guilt rearing its ugly head. “That’s not how I, uh, envisioned kicking off the school year,” she said.

“No,” he agreed, and then glanced at the doorway where Dawson had just walked through. “How much does that guy hate me right now?”

She frowned. “Pacey, that_ guy_ is your erstwhile best friend. Eventually you two are gonna have to work this stuff out.”

He took hold of her hand. “I know, I know. I’ve got a sit-down penciled in for late October… of 2002.” He brought the back of her hand to his lips, kissing it.

“Nice.”

He held both her hands, threading their fingers. “You know what this is?”

“An awkward segue?” she frowned.

“No,” he said, leaning closer. “This is our first ever, as a couple, outside-a-classroom goodbye.”

“Is this supposed to make me all weak in the knees, or something?”

He moved closer, his lips less than an inch from her. “Well, one can but hope.” Pacey made to dramatically pull away from her, but then quickly turned back and captured her lips with his, giving her a passionate kiss as he pulled her close.

She was so in love with him, her head spun.

“How’s that for spontaneity?” he asked when he released her.

Joey quickly recovered, acting nonchalant. “I saw it coming a mile away,” she teased, smiling as she started walking. They held hands until the last second, her fingertips slipping from his. “Have a good day,” she said before finally turning her back to him and disappearing around the corner.

Feeling elated, his heart full, Pacey rubbed his hands together and walked into Homeroom smiling ear to ear. He walked by Mr. Mathieson, who was busy writing “Welcome Back” in chalk on the blackboard. He took the last empty desk, situated in the middle of the classroom. Glancing to his right, he locked eyes with Dawson sitting at the desk next to his. _Great_. He stared at the clock, willing it to move faster.

Once 5th period Spanish let out, he and Joey walked hand in hand from class to their lockers, deposing their backpacks, and then went to lunch. They filled their trays in line and then walked into the cafeteria. Their eyes quickly fell on Dawson sitting with Jack and Andie, but Jen was nowhere to be seen. They found an empty table together on the other side of the dining hall. After they started eating, Pacey turned to his girlfriend and smirked. “So… how many people have asked you so far?”

“About you and me on the boat?”

“Yeah.”

She rolled her eyes. “At least five… in every class.” Her face formed a scowl. Then she lowered her voice. “In AP Calculus, Lisa Rooker actually tapped me on the shoulder and asked what you were like in bed,” she said with a disgusted tone.

“Those math geeks sure are a horny bunch,” he snarked, shaking his head. His mouth curved into a smirk. “So, did you tell her I was amazing?”

_“Are_ you amazing?” she questioned, tilting her head and pursing her lips doubtfully.

He stared. “Getting sassy now, are we?”

Joey fought a grin. “Well, did anyone ask you?”

“Uh-huh. A bunch. I told them that I was a gentleman and I wasn’t going to talk about stuff that only me and my girlfriend should know about. I’m sure you can imagine the varying responses, all incredibly unfair jabs at my character. I mean, geez! You sleep with _one_ teacher, and suddenly you’re a dog for life. I don’t get why people around here act like I’m some kind of Lothario. I seriously blame Abby Morgan and all that noxious crap she spread around school sophomore year.”

“Ah, well, they don’t know you like I do,” she replied, smiling. “You are, in fact, the perfect gentleman, Pace. Well, most of the time.”

“I have my moments,” he shrugged, leaning over to kiss her on the cheek. Then he suddenly remembered something. “Oh!” He pulled the truck keys from his jean shorts pocket and placed them on the table. “Don’t forget you’re driving yourself home after school. I’m meeting up with Gretchen when I get out to go look at apartments.”

Joey took the keys and then forked her salad. “So, do you have anybody in your classes?”

He nodded, glancing over at Dawson’s table on the other side of the cafeteria. “Uh… Both Jen and Jack are in my Government class, and… uh… I have Homeroom with Dawson, as you well know, but that’s it. Nothing with Andie, but I’m assuming she’s in AP world with you.” He gazed at his girlfriend for a moment. “Is Dawson in any of your classes?”

“Just AP English so far. And yes, I do have Andie in my AP Calc, Physics, and U.S. Government classes, so that’s nice. We’ll see what the afternoon holds.” She took a swig from her can of Diet Coke. “Are we gonna see each other later?”

“After school?”

“Yeah.”

He nodding, thinking a moment. “Other than looking at some places with Gretchen, my calendar is free tonight, Miss Potter. Should I call the _True Love_ and make dinner reservations? Say, seven o’clock?”

Her eyes twinkled. “It’s a date.”

“Hopefully this meeting with Mr. Milo is just a quick catch-up thing, and then I’m home free. But know that I’ll be thinking of you while you’re stuck in…” He paused. “What are you taking this afternoon?”

“After lunch, I have AP Economics, and then my last class is AP Studio Art.”

He stared at her, dumbfounded. “There’s even advanced placement with art?”

Joey shrugged. “Yeah. This semester is drawing and then next semester will be painting. I need to make sure my student portfolio is uniquely diversified and my college applications look top notch.”

Sooner than they would like, the bell rang, bringing an end to lunch. In the hallway outside the cafeteria, Pacey and Joey stood together, their hands entwined. “Thanks for staying and eating lunch with me, even though you could’ve just gotten your guidance office thing over with and gone home,” she said.

“Happy to,” he replied, smiling. “I’ll take all the time with you I can get.” Leaning closer, he bent his head and gave her a quick kiss.

When the bell rang again, they said goodbye, and Joey headed for 6th period while Pacey made his way to the guidance office.

*****

Pacey opened the front door and walked inside the house. He could hear the TV playing in the living room. Poking his head in, he saw the twins sitting on the floor watching cartoons. His sister Carrie was asleep on the couch. He quietly made his way to the kitchen, feeling thankful his parents didn’t seem to be at home. His eyes locked on the junk drawer.

He quickly crossed the kitchen floor and opened it. The drawer was a haphazard collection of papers, coupons, batteries, scissors, rubber bands, lip balm, bread bag twist-ties, and an assortment of other random items. He hurriedly began pulling things out of the drawer. Then he found it. A Capeside High School envelope addressed to him, unopened and postmarked back in June, a week after he and Joey had left. Pacey ripped it open.

His stomach twisted. The paper in his hands was proof that everything Mitch Leery had told him in the guidance office was true. He’d bombed his chemistry, trig, and U.S. history final exams, sending his final grades into the toilet. He’d failed all three classes. Feelings of hopelessness rose up, like bile from his gut. His hand fisted, the report card crumpling in his grasp.

The front door opened and he quickly shoved the report card in the garbage can. His mom appeared in the kitchen, carrying a couple bags of groceries. “Well, hi, honey. I didn’t expect to see you today.”

“Uh, hi Mom, I was just… uh…” He sighed. “I’m meeting Gretchen in a little bit, and I had some time to kill.”

“Are you all set for your first day back to school tomorrow?” she asked while setting the grocery bags on the counter.

He blinked, staring, thoughts of the junk drawer swirling inside his mind, aggravation welling up inside him at her ignorance and utter disregard. “My first day was today.”

His mother opened the fridge and placed a carton of eggs inside. “Oh, how was it?”

“Fantastic.” He needed to get the hell out of this house. “I’m leaving. Bye, Ma.”

“Don’t you want to stay for dinner, honey?” she asked as he walked out of the kitchen. “I’m making your favorite,” she called out after him. “Creamed chipped beef on toast!”

Shaking his head in disgust, he opened the front door, yelled, “that’s Doug’s favorite,” and slammed the door shut behind him.

A few hours later, hands shoved in his pocket and feeling miserable, Pacey walked around the dilapidated beach house, his sister enthusiastically trying to sell the prospect of living there. He looked around at the state of disrepair and obvious neglect the previous tenants had left the place in. This wasn’t what he had in mind when he thought of “move-in ready.” The place was a mess.

“Just think about it, Pacey,” Gretchen said. “There’s actually two bedrooms, a large bathroom, a nice outdoor patio here off the living room. The kitchen is a decent size for the two of us. We’re close to Main Street, close to the high school. We’d be right next to the water. Mill Pond is in the backyard, Pace. You could keep your boat anchored out there and when you want to go sailing, you can reach the ocean in a just a few minutes. It’s perfect.”

“It’s crap.”

She shrugged. “The rent for this place is way cheaper than the one-bedroom apartments downtown. Unlike that killer condo you had your eyes on, it falls right within our budgetary limitations. So, do you know what that means?”

“Well, I’m guessing it means we get to split the utilities with the cockroaches.”

“No. It means we can do this, Pace. You know, Bessie Potter told me a couple weeks ago that you did a wonderful job with helping to fix up their place and turn it into a bed and breakfast. And I’m sure that was much more labor-intensive than what we’d have to do here. It just needs a good cleaning up and a fresh coat of paint. So, come on. We’re going to turn this place into a home, Pacey. I promise.”

He walked over to stand in the open sliding-glass doorway that led out to the patio, and gazed at the waterfront beyond the backyard overgrown with weeds. “Yeah, and until then we’ll just have to get used to brushing our teeth with brown water.”

Gretchen crossed her arms. “Okay, what’s up? You seem to have a particularly nasty case of First Day of School. Does senior status not bring you any joy?”

“Funny you should mention that,” he said, turning around. “‘Cause it turns out, I’m not exactly a senior.”

“Oh, yeah? Then what exactly are you?”

He unceremoniously dropped onto the couch. “Well, I’m screwed. I’m totally screwed.”

“Okay, elaborate,” Gretchen replied, setting her purse down.

Heaving a sigh, he then unloaded. “It seems as though I managed to fail three classes last year.” His sister closed her eyes, shaking her head. “Yeah. _Three_. You know, so now I gotta retake those three classes, somehow pass them all this time around, and pass all _this_ year’s classes if I wanna have any hope of graduating.” He’d always known there was a slim chance he might not, but now that slim chance looked like a foregone conclusion.

His sister sat down on the arm of the couch. “Well, okay… you do it. You know, you work really hard this year, and you do it. Plenty of kids in my class had to do make-up credits their senior year. So, it’s fine. It’s not that big of a deal. What does Joey think?”

He refused to look at Gretchen. Joey was the last person he wanted to give this news to. Actually, scratch that. His father was the last person. Doug was a close second, followed by Dawson, and then Joey.

“You haven’t told her? Why?”

“Because _Joey_ is smart, but _Pacey_ is an idiot, and I’m trying not to make her any more aware of that fact than she already is.”

“You are not an idiot, Pacey. And something tells me that Joey’s feelings for you are not contingent on your GPA.” She got up off the couch. “Listen, I can stand here and tell you that everything is gonna be okay, but it’s gonna sound a lot better coming from her. So, tell her. Okay?”

Pacey shook his head, feeling hopeless. “I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.”

Gretchen’s brows knitted as she stared at him. “Pacey, this girl is a keeper, and I can’t in good conscience allow you to blow it ‘cause you’re scared.”

He scoffed. “Scared?”

“Like a little girl. And if you’re not careful, you’re going to sabotage this relationship before it has the chance to really become something.”

He leaned back against the couch. “I’m gonna sabotage it, huh? Methinks you’ve been watching a little too much Oprah.”

“I’m serious, Pacey.”

“What do you expect when I’ve had to listen in stereo all my life to my brother and my father telling me how stupid I am? How can I help not feeling like a moron sometimes?”

“You’re right. They’re jerks, both of them. But Dad and Doug have so many problems between them, you should just throw them a huge pity party. Besides, they’re not your problem.”

He rolled his eyes. “Oh, please, Great Oracle of Capeside, who is?”

Arching her brow, she gave him a pointed look. “Your problem is Dawson.”

“Dawson?”

“Don’t tell me you don’t hear him, whispering in your ear, telling you that you’re not good enough, that he’s the better man, that he’s better for Joey. Don’t listen to that voice, Pacey. That voice is a ghost. Joey obviously doesn’t want to be with Dawson, or she would be. She picked _you_, and I doubt her reasons had anything to do with your grades. So, just talk to her about your classes. Okay?”

Maybe Dawson was a small part of the problem, but that honestly wasn’t what was bothering him. If he flunked out, which now seemed more than likely to happen, what kind of future could Joey have with him? And as soon as he told her his little problem, she’d come to the same conclusions herself.

Heaving a sigh, Pacey got up off the couch and followed Gretchen outside. They were soon sitting in front of the owner, signing a rental agreement for a nine-month lease of the rundown beach house on Bridge Street. They were each given a set of keys, and after shaking hands with the owner, they went to the hardware store to buy paint and supplies.

A couple hours later, he was sitting with his girlfriend in the forward bow of the _True Love_, dining on a large pizza he’d gotten downtown at Carmine’s. Joey sat there in a pink satiny dress, clearly not wearing a bra, the thin straps frequently falling down, revealing her soft, tanned bare skin, her long dark hair flowing over her shoulders, wisps dancing in the gentle breeze around her, and not even that could improve his mood.

“So… I got to hang out with Andie after school today,” she told him.

“Yeah?”

“She asked me if I wanted to go for ice cream.” Joey paused, thinking. “It was very nice of her. You know, to go out of her way to make sure things aren’t… weird between us.”

“Did Andie talk about it? You know, what happened back in the spring?”

She took a bite of her pizza, nodding. “Sort of. She admitted she had been shocked and hurt when it all first happened, but she understands that sometimes things happen that are beyond our control, and she knows that you and I aren’t the kind of people who would intentionally hurt anyone. She was very gracious about it, and she seemed genuinely glad you’re happy. Have you talked to her?”

He shook his head. “Not really.” He’d wanted to, but now there were other things weighing on his mind.

“You probably should. Are you gonna give her the souvenir you got her?”

“I don’t know,” he shrugged. The dumbo keychain was down in the cabin. Maybe he’d give it to her, if he could find an opportune moment that would lessen the awkwardness of it all.

Joey gazed at him. When she first got on the boat, she’d instantly known he wasn’t in a good mood. There was something going on behind his eyes, and she wasn’t sure what was the cause. He’d been perfectly okay when they’d said goodbye outside the cafeteria earlier that day. Was it his family? School? Being back in Capeside in general? She’d asked him if he was all right, and he’d told her he was fine, but couldn’t quite meet her eyes when he said it. He’d since been abnormally quiet. She was trying her best to keep up a cheerful attitude and keep the conversation light in hopes it would pull him out of his broodiness, but so far, she wasn’t having much luck.

“So glad we could make reservations. You know, personally, I find the food leaves a little something to be desired, but… gotta love the atmosphere.” She smiled at him, but he only nodded in agreement. “So, how was your day, honey?”

“Oh, it was just swell.” Part of him knew he should follow his sister’s advice and just tell Joey about it, but she was obviously in a good mood. Why ruin it by talking about what a dismal failure with no future he was?

She rolled her eyes at his sarcasm. “I think you’re just a little grumpy because we’re not in the middle of the Atlantic anymore.”

Heading back to the ocean sounded great to him. “Hey, look, I could have this baby packed up and ready go in about 15 minutes,” he said, standing up. “You just gotta give me the word. I guarantee all this school stuff will still be here when we get back.” He hopped down into the cockpit and lifted the lid on the cooler. “Root beer?”

“No, thanks. Our summer at sea was an exceptionally lovely _then_, but this is _now_. It’s our senior year. Do you have any idea what that means?”

“Well, if I had a car, I guess I could park it in the senior lot,” he said, opening a bottle of root beer. “That’d be pretty cool.”

“Read my lips, Pace. One more year. Then we’re out of here. No more high school. No more Capeside. It’s what we’ve always wanted, and we’re so close now.”

Maybe she was. He, on the other hand… Saying nothing in reply, he took a drink.

Joey frowned at his silence. “So, what was that whole guidance office thing about, anyway? Was Mr. Milo happy to see you? Did he give his favorite student a big hug?” she teased.

“Uh, Mr. Milo retired, actually. Seeing me through my senior year was just too much for the old guy to take.”

“Retired? Then who’d you see? Mr. Kapinos?”

Pacey stepped out of the cockpit, heading back to the forward bow. “Surprisingly, no, but the school year is still young. I can almost guarantee I’ll be called to his office eventually. Apparently, the school has roped in the football coach to help in the guidance office while they look for Mr. Milo’s replacement.”

Her brows knitted in confusion. “Football coach? Wait. You mean, Mr. Leery?”

“Yes. Good ol’ Mitch.”

“What did he talk to you about?”

He hesitated for a moment. “Uh, my schedule…”

She scoffed. “You mean the easiest schedule in the senior class? Pacey, I hope he encouraged you to take some more challenging classes. I know a half-day has its appeal, but you’ll serve yourself and your future prospects better if you have a full schedule.”

What future prospects? He shook his head, sighing.

“Well, are you at least going to take the SATs?” She sighed. “I need to start prepping for the SATs myself. We can do it together.”

Pacey was thankful for the abrupt change in topic. “But you took them in the spring and, if memory serves me right, you got an excellent score.”

She shrugged. “I know, but… applications to Ivy League schools are so competitive. I want to see if I can crack 1400.”

“Wasn’t 1380 close enough?” he asked, dumbfounded. Then he chuckled. “Why am I not surprised? I mean, this is the same Joey Potter who made me trudge through the cold marsh hunting for snails because she got a 98 on a test.”

“You say that like you didn’t have any fun,” she teased.

Gazing at her, the memories from that day came back to him and he smiled. “I did have fun.”

The tenderness in his eyes and the warmth in his voice made her feel incredibly loved and desired. Joey tried and failed to stop herself from grinning like a fool. “Me, too.” Then her face grew serious. “But you _are_ finally going to take your SATs next month, though, right?”

“Why? So, I can score a 950? I mean, what’s the point, Jo?”

“Pacey, come on. Don’t be so defeatist. You’re incredibly smart, much smarter than you realize or give yourself credit for. A little bit of work goes a long way with you. If you take the time to study for it, I think you can get a great SAT score.”

While her confidence in him usually made him feel stronger and more capable, he wasn’t so sure about the SATs. There was no point taking them and getting a score that would only end up being an embarrassment to her and his family. Just the idea of taking the SATs and getting a decent enough score so that some school overlooked his abysmal transcript was laughable. College just wasn’t in the stars for him. He’d made his peace with it. Well, mostly.

But the thought of flunking out entirely? Of being the loser who couldn’t even hack it in high school? Pacey handed his girlfriend the parmesan cheese as he sat down across from her. “Can we not talk about the SATs or school right now?”

“Okay…” She took the container from him. “Thanks. Well, do you wanna hear about my new job?”

“What new job?” He stared. When did that happen? She hadn’t told him she was going job hunting.

“You’re looking at Capeside Yacht Club’s newest serving wench,” she chuckled. “And it was Andie who told me about the position this afternoon, actually.”

“Congratulations.” At least she was having a good first start of the school year, unlike himself.

His bad mood was making her patience wear a little thin. “Don’t sound _too_ excited for me there, Pacey.”

He shrugged. “I didn’t know you were so fixated on getting a job.”

“Well, yeah. I mean, you of all people should know just how badly I need to make the extra money. I mean, without it, I’m doomed to walk the streets of Capeside forever, which is unacceptable. I’m not ending up some townie.”

“You’re not going to, Jo. You’re gonna get out of here. I wouldn’t bet against that Potter girl, remember?”

She smiled at the memory and chewed her lip. “I remember.”

He took another swig from his root beer. He had thought that once he was with Joey back on the boat, he’d start to feel a little better about the situation. But even here Pacey couldn’t rid himself of the feeling that he was tainted with failure, inferior, worthless. “You’re gonna leave all the townies in Capeside behind, Jo, so don’t worry.”

*****

September 6. On Wednesday evening, after she’d managed to get Alexander to finally go to sleep, Joey lay down on her bed and began her chapter reading assignment that was due tomorrow. The clock had just struck eight when she heard the doorbell ring. With a sigh, she rolled off her bed and went to the front door, wondering if their rare night off was now going to entail paying guests.

However, when she opened the door, she was greeted with a surprise. “Jen!”

“Hey, Joey.” Her friend stood there with crossed arms, looking somewhat uncomfortable.

“I didn’t expect to see you. What brings you here? Is everything all right?”

Jen came through the open door. “Yeah, I just… I was downtown and I didn’t feel like going home just yet.”

Shutting the door behind her, Joey motioned towards the kitchen. “Well, come in. Can I get you anything to drink? You hungry?”

“No, no. I’m fine. I think I just needed some estrogen therapy,” Jen said as she moved into the living room. “I’m sick of boys at the moment.”

“Yeah. I’m glad you came over. We actually don’t have any guests tonight for a change and I was afraid I was going to have to spend my evening alone with a toddler.”

They sat down on the couch. “Where’s Bessie and Bodie?” Jen asked.

“A rare date night.”

“And that boyfriend of yours? I noticed he wasn’t in school today.”

Joey nodded. “He took the day off to help his sister with moving into this house they’re renting. I stopped by there on my way to school this morning and Pacey showed me around. It’s a cute place, I think, and it’s right on the pond. Needs some work, though, so he’ll be busy with that. He said he might cut tomorrow, too. I guess taking a couple days off the first week of school isn’t a big deal, and it’s not as though he has a super demanding schedule this year.”

Jen shook her head. “Those half-day warriors. Must be nice.”

“Meanwhile, I’m already up to my eyeballs with homework.”

“Don’t get me started, Joey. The paper I have to write for AP Psych next week is a monster. And why did I ever decide to take AP Statistics? I mean, someone please shoot me and put me out of my misery.”

She smiled. “I bet I’ll be wanting another hole in the head myself come midterms.”

Jen chuckled. “We’ll all want several, I’m sure.”

“So, um, how’s Henry?”

Her friend lowered her gaze, crossing her arms. “Henry? I couldn’t care less. He asked Jack to do him a favor and dump me for him.”

Joey’s mouth fell open. “No! What a jerk!”

“I know. An immature little twit.” She groaned. “I’m just… so pissed off right now, you can’t even imagine. I thought he loved me, you know?”

“Henry was crazy about you, Jen. You know that. It was obvious to everyone. But he’s just…”

“A 16-year-old kid who has a lot of growing up to do?”

She frowned in sympathy. “Yeah.”

Jen heaved a sigh. “I mean, who am I kidding? Sure, me and Henry might’ve had this year together if he’d come back to Capeside, and then what? He’d still have two more years of high school after that and I’d be going off to college. There was no future in this. What was I thinking? Getting so involved, so emotionally attached to something that was going nowhere in the end? I’m an idiot.”

“You’re not an idiot, Jen. The heart wants what the heart wants.”

“Well, sometimes the heart is an idiot, Joey.”

She shrugged in defeat.

Jen shook her head, disgusted. “And the fact he didn’t even have the balls to break up with me himself and had to hire my best friend for the hit job.”

“That’s unfortunate. What did Jack say?”

“Well, I honestly didn’t let him say much. I kind of blew up and stormed off.” Jen took a deep breath and then smiled. “Let’s talk about something else. So, tell me about Pacey. How’re things going now that you’ve rejoined the real world?”

Joey frowned slightly. “He’s been kinda moody. Back to school blues, I guess. He said he was going to call me tonight from the new house. The phone company was supposed to be installing their line today.”

“So, what’s this Gretchen Witter like? Dawson and Jack mentioned her briefly, but…”

“She’s nothing like the rest of Pacey’s family, which is a good thing. He’s a lot closer with her than his other siblings. She’s pretty nice. She was a Capeside High cheerleader. So, you know… super popular, and she got really good grades and never got in any trouble.”

“So, like you said,” Jen replied. “Nothing like the rest of the Witter’s.”

Joey laughed.

“So, how’s it going with you and Dawson? You two getting back into the swing of things?”

She rolled her eyes. “Well, he doesn’t go out of his way to talk to me, but I can say he’s being polite, and… that’s about it.” The memory from their first day rolled over her like a wave of embarrassment. “And of course, I had to start the day off yesterday by making out with Pacey in the doorway of Dawson’s Homeroom. So, that wasn’t at all awkward and uncomfortable for everyone involved.”

“Yikes. That is…”

“Yeah.”

Jen reached over and gave her a reassuring pat on the arm. “It’s okay, Joey. This is an adjustment period. It’ll take some getting used to, and then before you know it, everyone will just accept this as the new normal. It’s not like Dawson was never going to see you two kissing. It was bound to happen, sooner or later. Best to get it over with right away.”

“Yeah, but… I never wanted to shove it in his face like that.”

“Well, no… but it’s not like you did it on purpose.”

Sighing, Joey got off the couch. “We’ll just have to make the best of it. It is what it is. I’m not giving up hope that in time the three of us can all be friends, or at least Pacey and Dawson will be able to tolerate being in the same room together without wanting to maim each other. That’s a good first step, right?”

When she came back to the living room from checking on Alexander, Jen told her she should be getting on home to her grandmother. After saying goodbye, Joey returned to her bedroom, hoping Pacey would call soon. Bessie and Bodie soon came home from their dinner date, and still no phone call. It was half past nine when the doorbell suddenly rang again.

“I got it,” Joey called out as she walked to the front door. To her surprise, Dawson was standing on the other side of it.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” she said, letting him in the house.

He glanced at his watch. “It’s not too late, I hope.”

She shook her head as she closed the door. “Oh, no, not at all. Of course not. Come on in. You missed Jen. She was here a little bit ago.”

“Oh, well… too bad I didn’t get to see her. There’s always tomorrow at school, I guess. So… you and Jen are like, hanging out now?”

She shrugged. “We’re friends. Why?”

He shook his head. “No reason, just… surprised. I mean, Jen was never really your favorite person.”

“Well, that was a long time ago, Dawson. A lot’s changed since sophomore year.”

“You’re right about that.”

Deciding not to give his comment a reply, Joey headed to the kitchen while Dawson then explained the reason for his coming over. She found it hard to believe he’d come all the way over there just to give her back her Counting Crows CDs that he’d borrowed in the 9th grade. There had to be another reason, a real reason. She set two glasses down on the counter and offered him some iced tea.

“No,” he replied to her offer. “Um… the reason I stopped by was, uh…” He hesitated, rubbing his brow. “Well… Pacey.”

“Okay. What about Pacey?”

He sighed. “You know what? Just talk to Pacey, okay?”

“About?” Did something else happen between the two of them? Dawson seemed concerned. What was this?

“About school. He’s in trouble.”

“What are you talking about? What kind of trouble?” She hadn’t heard anything. Pacey hadn’t said anything.

“Well, he didn’t show up for school today…”

She sighed. “I know he didn’t, Dawson. He’s busy helping Gretchen with moving into their new place, but that’s nothing to worry about. I mean, good grief. You were making me nervous there for a second.”

He shook his head. “Well, if he’s not careful and misses too much school, he’s gonna flunk out. I can’t for the life of me figure out why I should even care about this, but… I’m here, and if there’s anyone who can help him out, it’s you. So…”

What? _Flunk out?_ There was no way Pacey would be in such serious trouble and not tell her about it. They told each other everything. This was absurd. “Well, no offense, Dawson, but if Pacey was in such dire straits, don’t you think I would know about it?”

“No, I don’t.”

“Why?”

“Don’t you get it, Joey? When you love someone, you want her to be proud of you, you want her to think that there’s nothing in the world that you’re incapable of, and the thought of disappointing her is… it’s crippling.”

Was Pacey afraid to tell her? But he’d opened up and told her incredibly difficult, personal things over the summer. And they’d agreed to always be upfront and honest in their relationship. Was he really afraid of what she’d think of him? Afraid she’d be disappointed?

Dawson then started to head for the front door. “Goodnight.”

Wordlessly, Joey watched him leave. Her emotions were a mixture of confusion, worry, anger, sadness. Her gaze fell on the truck keys hanging from their hook on the wall. “I’m going out!” she shouted for her sister and Bodie to hear.

After turning off Main and onto Bridge Street, she kept her eyes peeled for the last driveway on the right before the road crossed over Mill Pond. When she pulled up in front of the weathered beach house, she shut the engine off and hopped out of the truck. Moments later she was knocking on the front door. Gretchen answered.

“Hi, Joey.”

“Hey. Is Pacey here?”

Eyeing her, Gretchen stepped aside to let her in. “Yeah. Is everything okay?”

She walked inside, looking around at all the boxes stacked everywhere. “Well, I’ll let you know after I talk to Pacey.”

“He’s out on the back patio.”

Joey followed Pacey’s sister to the living room area and watched her open the sliding glass door. “There he is. Try not to bruise him,” Gretchen said before disappearing back inside the house, closing the door behind her.

“Hey,” Pacey greeted, happily surprised she’d come to see him, and quickly approached her. “There’s my girl.”

His hands grasped her hips but she put her palms on his chest and gently pushed him back. “What’s going on with you?”

He blinked, taken aback for a moment. “What do you mean?”

“Why are you suddenly in danger of flunking out? Why did I have to hear it from Dawson? Why does Dawson know more about your life right now than I do, Pacey?”

_Great_. Why was he not surprised? Of course, Dawson would go running to tell Joey. “Because apparently Leery Sr. has a very big mouth, and oh how I bet Junior loved being on the receiving end of that news.”

She sighed. This was not about his feud with Dawson. “Can you please stick to the point?”

“No, honestly. I’m sure he loved hearing that, you know? Now the guy’s salivating. He gets to swoop in on his soulmate with a big fat, ‘I told you so.’ Did he finally convince you I’m a loser?”

“You’re not a loser, Pacey. I didn’t spend my summer with a _loser_. And this has got nothing to do with Dawson. This is about you and me. Do you know how insulting it is to know that I’m not even on your list of people to contact in case of emergency?”

He scoffed, shaking his head. “This isn’t an emergency, Jo. It’s not that big a deal, you know? I’m handling it.”

Unamused, she crossed her arms. “And how does cutting school translate to handling it, Pacey? You could’ve helped Gretchen with the move on the weekend. School is obviously where you need to be if you have so much at stake.” She watched him busy himself with a fishing rod, refusing to look her in the eye. Sadness and disappointment welled up inside, overpowering her anger. “Why couldn’t you have told me about this yourself? Why didn’t you come to me immediately? And even after I asked you why Mr. Leery had to talk to you, you still couldn’t just be upfront about it. I thought you trusted me. I thought we were a team. Was I wrong?”

His brows furrowed as he worked the fishing line, keeping his back to her. Was that the impression his actions had given her? That had never been his intention.

“Pacey…”

He wanted to speak, but the words were caught somewhere in his throat. His reluctance to tell her about his failed classes and the threat that posed on graduating was somehow tied up in his fear of losing her, his fear of a future without her in it.

She stared, at a loss for words. “Fine.” She turned from him, walking back over to the sliding glass door and opening it. “Let me know if you ever feel like telling me about anything that’s going on in your life.”

Closing his eyes, he heaved a sigh and turned around. “Joey, wait.”

She paused in the open doorway, gazing at him, arching her brows expectantly.

He crossed the patio floor, closing the distance between them, and grasped hold of the door handle. “Please don’t leave.”

Crossing her arms, she stepped back out of the doorway and watched him slide the door closed again. “Are you gonna talk to me now?”

“Okay, so where do I start?” he asked, walking over to a wicker loveseat his sister had bought at a discount furniture store earlier that afternoon and sitting down.

“Start wherever you want, Pacey.” She moved to sit beside him.

He honestly didn’t know how to explain himself, but he was going to try. “Well, I’ll start of first by saying that you, Josephine Potter, have just wrecked me. In the best possible way, you have absolutely wrecked me. Because, you see, I fell in love with you knowing that there was never any possibility of being with you, knowing full well that a sizable chunk of your heart would always be wrapped up in our friend, Dawson. And that much was actually okay with me.” He heaved a sigh. “Then you chose me and turned everything on its head. I got everything that I wanted. But ever since I found out just how badly I screwed up at school, I’ve just been a wreck.”

Astonished, she hadn’t been expecting to hear anything at all like this. “Why?”

“Because now it seems like all I can do is wait for the other shoe to drop… wait for you to realize what a big mistake you’ve made… and wait for you to realize that I’m just gonna be a big disappointment.”

It saddened her that he felt this way. “What does this have to do with you screwing up at school?”

He shook his head. “Don’t you get it? Maybe Bessie is right to worry about your future where I’m concerned. Maybe I am the loser who’s gonna ruin your life. I mean, maybe you did make the wrong choice. Dawson would never have screwed up like I did, Jo. It just wouldn’t have happened. You know that.”

She pursed her lips, nodding. “You’re right. Do you know what else Dawson would never do? He would never buy me a wall to encourage my creative talent and personal growth. Something like that never would even enter his mind. And he would never inspire me to run away with him for the summer. It just wouldn’t happen, and you know that. We had a magic summer, Pacey. We shared something that I’m gonna remember for the rest of my life. We’re creating our own history here. We built something really special together over the summer—an incredible foundation for a relationship. And unlike the very brief romance I shared with Dawson, it’s a relationship that I believe can stand the test of time.”

“That’s a nice way of looking at it.” He felt like a fool. Why didn’t he just talk to her right away?

“Yeah. But this is where it gets rough. We spent three months at sea, but we haven’t even come close to weathering the storm. I mean, we ran away. We made our own reality and lived in it. It was so wonderful, but…”

“But it couldn’t last forever.” If only.

She smiled at his disappointed expression. “Nor should it. Pacey, a relationship isn’t about a romantic three-month cruise. It’s gonna be the details that define us… you know, the moments. Now that we’re back in the real world with all its challenges, sometimes things are going to be really hard. But we can handle anything that comes our way if we handle it together. And we’ll never be able to help each other with problems if we don’t know what they are, you know? We have to talk to each other, share the burden.”

Emotion tightened his throat, and he swallowed against the lump forming there. “Okay,” he breathed. “Joey… I am… really scared. Um… I think that I screwed up and I’m gonna flunk out of high school.” He took a deep breath, tears pricking his eyes. “So, I need your help. Uh… really badly.”

She smiled, reaching out to rest a comforting hand on his back. “That’s all you needed to say, Pace.”

“Easy for you to say,” he sighed, and she pulled him to her, cradling his head to her shoulder.

“Whatever it takes, we’re gonna fix it,” she assured him as he lifted his head to look at her. She clasped his face in her hands, wiping his tears away with her thumbs. “You know? Everything’s gonna be okay.”

Pacey sighed, worry still plaguing him. “But how can you be sure?”

Because she knew they were in this together. They were a team. “I’m not going anywhere without you.”

He breathed a sigh of relief. His hands went to her face as his mouth came down softly on hers. Their kiss was full of love and full of promise. When they broke apart, he gazed at her and smiled. “I really should’ve listened to my sister. She had told me to talk to you about my school problem, you know?”

“It’s nice to know someone in the Witter family can boast a brain cell or two,” Joey teased.

He snorted. “I guess I deserve that.”

She shook her head. “Wouldn’t it have been so much easier if you’d just told me about this right away?”

“You know, when Mitch told me that I’d failed three of my classes, and that I risked watching my friends all graduate and start their lives without me… all I could think about was you.” He sighed and gazed at her, running his fingers through her soft hair. “After high school, you’ll undoubtedly go off to some prestigious institution and achieve academic glory. But with a flunky and a failure for a boyfriend? In what world would that ever work? I’d just drag you down, Jo. I wouldn’t be anyone you could be proud of, and would just be an embarrassment to you. What kind of future could you have with me if I flunk out? So… I was just scared to tell you.”

That’s what he was afraid of? The reason he hadn’t wanted to tell her? Didn’t he know that her future would always lay with him? “I told you that I refuse to live without you, Pacey Witter. So, you’re stuck with me. And you could never be an embarrassment. No matter what becomes of your high school career, I could never not be proud of you. You’re an amazing person. You’re going to do amazing things with your life. I’ve already seen you do amazing things, and I’m sure you’ll continue to amaze me for a long time to come.”

Pacey’s heart swelled, full to bursting. He kissed her again and then leaned into her. Joey leaned back against the loveseat, pulling him with her, and he wrapped her leg around his hip. “Let’s make out,” he murmured suggestively.

“Sounds romantic,” she laughed.

“Well, you’re far too cynical for my romantic overtures.”

“Doesn’t mean you don’t earn points for trying.”

“Oh, come on. You love me.”

“And you bug me.”

Chuckling, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer. He kissed her again, and they were tangled and devouring each other’s lips for what felt like forever.

*****

September 7. Lunchtime in the cafeteria had changed dramatically this year, Pacey thought as he sat down with his tray at an empty table. Tables were not nearly as full as previous years, largely thanks to the seniors who’d chosen the half-day route and many others who’d rather spend their lunch period in the computer lab, or the lounge designated for the sole use of High Honor Roll students where they could stretch out on several couches and sleep.

While opening his can of soda, he suddenly found himself staring at Andie, Jack, and Jen standing in front of his table. “Hey, guys.”

“Hi,” they greeted.

“Are you sitting by yourself?” Jen asked him.

“Oh, no. Joey had to go talk to Mr. Kasdan about something, but she should be here in a minute or two.”

Jack gripped his tray, nodding. “Uh… do you mind if we sit with you guys?”

After a quick glance around the cafeteria, Pacey shook his head. “No, not at all.” He watched his friends take up three other seats at the table, leaving an empty one for Joey when she arrived. “So, I guess Dawson isn’t coming to lunch?”

Jen pursed her lips, fighting a smirk. “He’s hanging out in the A/V room today with the other nerds.”

He snorted. That was no surprise to him. “So, how’s your day going so far, Andie?” he asked, turning to watch her open her bottle of lemonade.

“Ugh,” she groaned. “It’s only the third day of school, and already Mrs. Viscardi gave a pop quiz. How about you?”

He shrugged. “All right, I guess. Jack?”

His friend nodded as he took a swig from his carton of milk. “I’m just happy tomorrow’s Friday.”

“Speaking of Fridays,” Pacey said, something important popping into his mind. “I’m glad I’ve got a few minutes alone with you. So, uh, Joey’s 18th birthday is in a couple weeks—Friday, the 22nd. I was thinking of throwing a party at my new place. You guys would come, right?”

“Yeah, of course,” Jack said.

Andie nodded. “Definitely.”

“Wouldn’t miss it,” Jen added.

He smiled. “Good.” Then he hesitated a moment. “Do you guys think Dawson would come?” He watched his friends exchange looks of uncertainty. “Eighteen is kind of a big deal, you know, and I know it would mean a lot to Joey if he was there, but if the party is at my house then maybe he wouldn’t want to come. I mean, you’d think maybe he could forget about that for an evening and just come for her, right?”

Jen shrugged. “I don’t know, Pacey. One would hope. Do you want me to talk to him and see what he says?”

Opening up his chocolate pudding, Jack smiled. “I think Dawson would understand that Joey’s 18th birthday is a momentous occasion.”

“You know, Pacey, I think it’s really sweet of you to stay and have lunch here with Joey,” Andie said. “Even though you could technically just go home at the lunch bell like the rest of the half-dayers.”

“Uh… well, I’m not a half-dayer anymore, actually.”

She flashed him a bright smile. “You decided to take more classes?”

He threw her a chastising look. “Don’t get too excited there, McPhee. I didn’t _decide_ to take more, I don’t really have a choice. You see, I bombed the hell out of three of my final exams last year, and instead of going to summer school, I went to Key West. So, guess who has _three_ classes after lunch? And the irony of it all is that now I’m not gonna get out of school until about 45 minutes _after_ the rest of you.”

His friends all stared at him, blinking. “Oh, man, that sucks,” Jack commiserated.

“Yeah, Pacey. God…”

Andie frowned. “I’m so sorry, Pacey.”

He shook his head. “I don’t know why you’re all so shocked. Especially you, Andie. I mean, you of all people know how much of a screw-up I am.”

“I know nothing of the sort, Pacey,” she replied sternly. “You are incredibly smart, and you’re very driven when you have something to focus on. I’ve said so a hundred times. Your problem is that you need to believe in yourself. I believe in you, and I always have.” She paused for a moment. “I bet Joey does, too.”

Pacey started to nod and then his eyes flew to the cafeteria entrance, where Joey was suddenly walking in carrying her lunch tray, her backpack slung over one shoulder. His thoughts went to the note folded up in the front left pocket of his jeans. Between 3rd and 4th period, he’d found the note stuck in the vent of his locker. He’d opened it to find her familiar feminine handwriting, sending the butterflies in his stomach ablaze.

_“I chose you. And I will choose you, over and over. Without pause, and without a doubt, in a heartbeat I’ll keep choosing you. ~ Joey”_

From across the cafeteria, her gaze found and held his. Her features softened and she smiled. His heart skipped a beat. “I know she does, Andie.”


	27. 2000 (Senior Year: Part Two)

September 16. Pacey arrived at Capeside Yacht Club just before six o’clock on Saturday evening to pick Joey up from work. He instructed Buzz to keep the car doors locked while he went to collect her. Once inside the building, he followed the signs to the club’s restaurant. The place was busy with plenty of tables filled with members. A tall young man with dark hair was standing behind the bar wiping down the counter. He walked over and approached.

“Hey, is Joey Potter here?” he asked the guy.

“She’s probably out back in the kitchen polishing her sickle,” he said before giving him the once over. “And who are you, if you don’t mind me asking?”

He stared for a moment, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I’m her boyfriend.”

The guy let out a breathy scoff of disbelief. “That shrew actually has a boyfriend?”

“You must be Drue Valentine.” He finally could put a face to the name, featured in several ongoing rants about work.

“She’s talked about me, huh?” the guy said with a cocky smirk.

Pacey blinked. “You’ve been mentioned.”

A sly grin spread across Drue’s face. “Funny she’s never mentioned you,” he said pointedly.

Rolling his eyes, he turned and saw Joey walking towards him, her face lighting up at the sight of him. She’d changed out of her uniform and into a pair of jeans and a red V-neck tank top. “Hey,” she greeted with a bright smile. He returned her smile. “Hey there. Ready to go?” he asked, and she nodded.

“Well, Potter, aren’t you going to introduce me to this boyfriend of yours whom you’ve managed to keep secret?” Drue interjected. “Or do you keep him locked in your basement?”

Her eyes narrowed as she clenched her jaw in annoyance. “Drue, this is Pacey Witter.”

His brows furrowed as he considered the name. “Witter… Witter… Why does that sound familiar?” A look of realization dawned on his face and he snapped his fingers. “Got it. Sheriff Witter. You related?”

“Unfortunately,” Pacey deadpanned.

“He’s been in here a couple times,” said Drue. “Of course, he’s not a member of the club, but he’s usually a guest of—"

“The mayor. I know.” He turned to his girlfriend. “Ready?”

She placed her hand in his, threading their fingers. “Yeah, let’s go.”

Drue’s mouth curved into a sarcastic smirk. “Witter, I have a friendly piece of advice for you. If by some miracle you actually get to take Ms. Frigid here to bed tonight, be sure to sleep with a silver cross and wear some garlic around your neck.”

Pacey blinked while Joey glared, her jaw clenching, and then he turned to walk away from the bar, pulling her with him. Stepping out of the restaurant and into the hallway, she frowned and shook her head in disgust. “I should get hazard pay working with that cretin.”

“He’s a piece of work. So, you haven’t told any of your coworkers that you have a boyfriend, Josephine?” he teased. “I’m crushed.”

“I don’t talk about my life at work, Pacey.” She threw him a disdainful look. “Especially not with Drue Valentine.”

Once outside in the parking lot, they walked towards the Witter wagon, where Buzz was waiting in the back seat. “You still wanna go to Eastham for the game?” he asked her.

Joey thought for a second. “Yeah. I mean, we should support Jack, and I did tell Jen that we’d be there. She’s saving us seats.”

“So, how was work?” he asked once they were on the road.

Joey groaned. “Oh, you know, it was eight delightful hours of serving food to tacky snobs who own yachts, pay a staunch yearly membership fee, and spend an average of 50 bucks a meal… and are the stingiest tippers I’ve ever encountered. I got better tips at the Ice House.” She let out a sigh. “But I’m done talking or thinking about work, at least until ten a.m. tomorrow. How about you? I wanna hear about your day.”

“It was good,” Buzz spoke up, and she smiled at him over her shoulder.

“Yep, our day was good,” Pacey said, glancing over at her as he turned onto Main Street. “We went for a hike through the woods this morning and then went out on the boat for a few hours this afternoon.”

“I wish I’d been with you instead of at work,” she griped.

He reached over the armrest and took her hand, holding it between them. “Well, you’re with me now. Think of your paycheck next Friday and all the money you’re saving. The yacht club is just a means to an end.”

As they drove through downtown, they came upon Joey’s wall. “Ask Me To Stay” was still painted in large red letters. Pacey slowed the car and idled in front of it for a moment, smiling at the memories it evoked. “The lease is up at the end of the month,” he said.

“Well, that’ll at least save you a hundred bucks,” she commented. “What do you think the owner will do?”

“Paint over it so he can lease it or sell it to someone else, I suppose. The people of this town are probably sick of looking at it. One person in particular, I’m sure.”

Joey gave him a side-eye. “Yes, I’m sure.” She turned to look again at the words he’d painted on her wall, sadness welling up inside. _“I’ll_ miss it when it’s gone, though.”

Sighing, he pressed his feet to the gas and started driving away. “You never did get to paint your mural.”

“No, I guess not. But I liked yours.”

After a 20-minute drive north, they arrived in the town of Eastham. Following the directions to the Nauset Regional High School that Jen had given them, they were soon parking his mom’s Jeep Wagoneer in the visitor lot. Pacey and Joey walked hand in hand to the football stadium, Buzz beside them. To their pleasant surprise, Jen was waiting for them by the main gate to show them their seats. They followed her to the stands above the 40-yard line, started climbing the concrete steps, and soon found Andie seated on the aisle and watching the game.

“Thanks for saving us a spot,” Joey said as they moved down the row and took their seats on the hard bleacher benches.

“Not a problem,” Jen said, sitting down between her and Andie.

Pacey looked out over the small stadium. “What have we missed so far?”

“Not much,” Andie replied. “Play just started.”

The Capeside Minutemen were playing their rivals, the Nauset Regional Warriors. They watched the opposing team, in their black and gold uniforms, retake their home field following a time out. Pacey looked over at Jen and Andie for a long moment, before asking, “Why didn’t Dawson come along?”

“He went back to working at the video store over the summer,” Jen answered. “He tried, but he said that he can’t really get out of weekend shifts. His boss doesn’t like having the newbie he hired work unsupervised. He wants Dawson there on the weekends since he’s not there.”

Disgust rose up inside him. “Replaced with a newbie who can’t even handle the store by himself. Good grief.” He glanced over at his friends again. “So, you mean the reason Dawson didn’t come to the game wasn’t because _I_ was gonna be here?”

Jen shot him a look, frowning, and shook her head. _“No_, Pacey.”

He shoved his tongue in his cheek, thinking. “Did he even _know_ I was gonna be here?”

“We might’ve… forgotten to mention it when we invited him,” Andie replied evasively.

He nodded in reply and then sighed. He really needed to earn back the money he’d spent on their summer vacation. “I gotta get a job.”

His girlfriend turned and smiled. “Maybe you should apply at the restaurants in town.”

“I don’t think I’d cut it as a waiter, Jo.”

“I wasn’t talking about waiting tables, Pacey, although I’m sure you could without a problem. I meant for you to work in the kitchen. Maybe some places are looking for a prep cook, or even a busboy or dishwasher and then you can work your way into a prep cook spot. You gotta start somewhere.”

His brows furrowed as he thought about what she’d said. Cooking? “I don’t know…”

She wasn’t sure why he was so hesitant. “But you liked working at Steve’s Hideaway, and you were good at it. You cooked the best fish—everyone said so.”

“Yeah, well, that was in Key West, Jo. Imagine what my dad or Doug would say about me working as a cook.”

“As if the video store was glamorous employment,” she snarked. “Why would they care?”

“Retail, they get. Cooking, they wouldn’t.”

Joey didn’t quite understand, but she let it go. “Well, I’m starving. Let’s go get something to eat.” She turned to her friends. “You girls want anything?”

“We ate on the way here,” Andie replied. “But thanks.”

They made their way down the concrete steps and out of the bleachers, taking Buzz with them. They found a small crowd had gathered at the concessions and got in back of a long line. Joey leaned back against Pacey, his arms around her waist, and he gently kissed her neck. “Are you having fun?” he whispered in her ear.

“Yes,” she smiled, turning her face to look at him. “Are you?”

“Well, I’m with you, so of course I am.”

She kissed his cheek and he smiled.

While standing at the concession stand, they overheard several women talking about how pathetic the Minutemen’s offense was. One woman in particular was bragging about how great her son was, the Warriors’ quarterback. That he would be meeting very soon with several college recruiters. A heavy-set, well-dressed man who stood next to the woman started making everyone in line laugh by berating Capeside’s wide receiver for being gay.

“This is going to be a slaughter; we’ll have our second team by halftime,” the mother of the quarterback loudly predicted for all to hear. “There’s no way that Nancy-boy is gonna get through our defense.”

Pacey and Joey’s smiles had now turned to anger. She stepped forward, his hands coming down from her waist, and confronted the man. Being taller, she looked down at him. She utilized all the colorful language she had in her vocabulary arsenal and informed him, in no small way, that that wide receiver was named Cape Cod’s offensive player of the year last year. She then turned to the woman, and using the same vocabulary, informed her that her son would be in for a long, painful day as soon as Coach Leery turned his defense on him.

Pacey quickly covered Buzz’s ears until the storm was over. Then, during a lull, he was finally able to pull Joey away before security arrived and threw her out. They finally made it to a different food stand, peacefully ordered, and went back to their seats. While they remained solemn and quiet while they ate, Buzz, however, went into great detail as he ate his hot dog and fries.

“All I can say is that it was a good thing I wasn’t there,” Andie said hotly. “No one talks bad about my brother and gets away with it. If I had been there, we probably would’ve been thrown out for sure. So, way to go.”

Joey was still red with anger, mixed with embarrassment. A small smile then came to her face as Jen also responded in kind and praised her outburst in defense of Jack.

The referees stopped the game right after the Minutemen called time out. The referees were having problems with the game clock. This gave the Minutemen time to catch their breath and for Mitch Leery to regroup from the Warriors’ quick start. Making use of the lull in play, cheerleaders donned in black and gold uniforms ran out in front of the bleachers, shaking pom-poms in their hands.

“We’ve got the moves, we’ve in the groove,” the girls chanted below. “Now lemme hear your Warrior spirit!”

The crowd seated around them stomped on the concrete and clapped along to the cheer.

“We won’t stop till we reach the top! Now lemme hear your Warrior spirit!”

The crowd again stomped repeatedly.

“We’ve got the muscle, watch our hustle! Now lemme hear your Warrior spirit!”

The stomping filled the bleachers.

“Heeeeeeeeeeeey! Now go Warriors!”

The cheerleaders then jumped and clapped and shouted, waving their gold pom-poms at the crowd. Pacey turned to Jen. “So, how badly do you miss it? Just think, you could’ve been over there on the other side of the field cheering with the Capeside squad right now.”

Jen’s mouth pursed into a thin line. “Don’t make me hurt you, Pacey. That was a temporary lapse in judgment, one that I will never make again.”

When the game resumed, Buzz was the first to notice that the Minutemen now had a different defense. During the entire first half of the game they spoke very little: a word of approval of Capeside’s action, a groan and grumble when their quarterback fumbled the ball but luckily recovered it, and a big cheer when Jack caught a 20-yard pass for a first down.

During another break in game play as the defensive and offensive teams switched up, the Warriors cheerleaders returned in front of the bleachers below. Their captain looked up and shouted, “Aggressive!” Everyone knew what she meant, and the crowd collectively whooped and hollered. Joey turned to Jen and grinned mischievously. “Hey, it’s your favorite chant from last year. How about it for old time’s sake?”

Jen groaned while Andie giggled. “Definitely. Let’s.”

“Be aggressive,” the cheerleader shouted. “B-E aggressive! B-E A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E! Aggressive! B-E aggressive!”

The three girls turned to Pacey. “If I have to do it, then you have to do it,” Jen told him.

“It’s _your_ signature cheer,” he muttered. Eyes rolling up to the sky, he shook his head and then shrugged in defeat.

The four friends then began clapping along as the head cheerleader led the crowd into a repeat of the popular chant. “BE AGGRESSIVE!” they yelled at the top of their lungs, making their voices louder than everyone else around them. “Passive aggressive! P-A-S-S-I-V-E! Aggressive! Passive aggressive!”

The people sitting around them turned in their direction, giving them withering looks as they fell into a fit of laughter. The head cheerleader below looked up at them and scowled. The four friends waggled their fingers at her before she flipped her hair and walked off with the rest of her squad. When Jack finally scored a touchdown right before the half-time whistle, they were on their feet, jumping and yelling. “WAY TO GO, JACK,” Jen screamed. “THAT’S WHAT I’M FUCKING TALKING ABOUT!”

While their neighbors in the crowd shot disapproving looks in their direction, Pacey hurriedly tried to cover Buzz’s ears, but the kid grinned up at him. “Too late, _Pissy.”_

“Please don’t tell your mom.”

His mentee only giggled in response, which wasn’t reassuring.

Later on, Jack continued to shine in the second half, but having to get Buzz home by nine o’clock, Pacey soon said goodbye to his friends, and he and Joey left. Thankful to beat an overwhelming crowd for the exit, he didn’t mind leaving the game a little early. It wasn’t long before they were back in Capeside.

“So, where to now?” he asked Joey once they’d returned Buzz to his mother. “You want me to take you home?”

“It’s still early. Bessie and Bodie are still up, and there’s guests at the house. Let’s go to your place. What’s Gretchen up to tonight? Has she finally decided what color she wants to paint her bedroom?”

“I don’t know about the paint, but she went to Provincetown with some friends to go shopping and see some band playing a gig up there,” he replied. “When I stopped at home before coming to get you, there was a note she’d left on the fridge. She won’t be back until late.”

They could finally be alone for the first time in almost a week; she liked that idea. Joey squeezed his hand and smiled. “Looks like it’s just you and me, then.”

When they got to the beach house, Pacey opened the car door for her. After she slid out of the seat, she kissed him with tender promises. Then she smiled and took his hand in hers. Once inside the house, they kicked off their shoes and sat down on the couch in the living room. “So, what did you tell your parents to get us out of family dinner tomorrow?” Joey asked.

“I told them that we can’t make it because we’re getting fake I.D.s and buying a bunch of booze and sailing the boat to Nantucket for the day.”

Joey stared. “Are you serious? Sheriff Witter would haul your ass back home and lock you in your old bedroom for the rest of the school year.”

He scoffed. “More like I’d probably have to enter the Witness Protection Program.”

“Your dad doesn’t hate you _that_ much, Pacey.”

“Yes, he does.”

She crossed her arms, frowning. “You know, there’s only so much longer we can keep putting this family dinner thing off. I can’t have your mother hating me.”

He threw his arm up on the couch behind Joey’s head and changed the subject. “So, do you know what you want for your birthday?”

Sighing, she thought for a second. “I already told you: I don’t want anything.”

He gave her a disbelieving look. “Jo, you’re turning 18. It’s a big deal. You must want something.”

“I already have everything I want,” she said, smiling sweetly. “And it’s not like I need anything, Pacey. I have plenty of art supplies, plenty of books, plenty of clothes, more jewelry than I’ll ever wear, probably…” She shrugged. “All I want for my birthday is you.”

“Well, you’ve already got me.”

“See? I have everything I want.”

Giving up the birthday gift question for now, he leaned over and picked up the remote off the coffee table. “You wanna watch TV?”

Joey slid closer to him on the couch, anticipation building inside her as her stomach fluttered. Then, shyly, with a warm wide-eyed smile that was almost teasing, she said, “Not really.”

His gaze lingered at her V-neck tank top for a moment, and then Pacey looked deeply in her brown eyes, which shone with love for him. He remembered something from earlier and decided to tease her. “Uh, you know that guy you work with, Drue?”

She frowned. Why were they talking about him? That was the last thing she wanted to talk about right now. “What about him?”

“You work with him a lot, right?”

“When I’m there, he’s there, unfortunately,” she grumbled.

Nodding, he thought for a moment. “You know, you called him a cretin earlier.”

Her brows knitted. “Yeah? Well, I pretty much despise him, so…”

“You used to call me a cretin all the time, Potter. Do you despise him the same way you despised me?”

She slid closer and lifted her hand, caressing his soft buzzcut with her palm. “I never really _despised_ you, Pacey,” she murmured. “The exact opposite, actually, which is why I had to live in denial and act like I did.”

He turned to look at her, their faces inches apart. “Hmm, sounds familiar,” he grinned. “But you know, you work long hours with this Drue guy who you think is a cretin _now_ and then eventually you might change your mind about him and realize you were in denial the whole time.”

She smiled and kissed him. “Are we jealous for some reason?”

“No!” he answered quickly. “It’s just that you neglected to tell him you had a boyfriend and I don’t like the way he talks to you and the fact he’s near you all the time,” he said with a teasing smirk.

Chuckling, Joey nuzzled his neck for a moment before looking at him. “The guy is a jerk, Pacey, and I just so happen to be in love with someone else.”

“Yeah, well, you used to be in love with Dawson…” he said. “And while you and Dawson had a very long, complicated, emotionally-fraught history that was frankly very steep competition that kept me waiting in the wings for months while you dragged your heels, I don’t think I present that same kind of competition for some new cretin who walks into your life.” He pursed his lips, giving her a look. “I’m not Dawson.”

“No,” she said, and her gaze swept over his body slowly, suggestively. “You’re not.” She’d dropped her voice and it slid over him, all husky sweetness. Pacey felt that tingling on the back of his neck, the butterflies in his stomach, the tightening of his groin. He loved how she affected him. Loved and needed it. There was no denying the pulse of longing inside him when that murmur of a voice slid over him like a curtain of silk and she went from innocent to seductress. She slid even closer to him; her soft lips curved into a knowing smile. Then she kissed him slowly and passionately, starting the fire deep within him.

Joey straddled Pacey’s lap, grinding against his quickly hardening erection, and he groaned. And then they were kissing. And thrusting. His hands palmed her breasts through her tank top. Then they were kissing and thrusting even harder. Her body grew hot all over, her center wet and swollen and clenching around nothing, craving that indescribable pleasure she knew Pacey could give her.

Her hand slipped beneath the hem of his T-shirt. His body jerked the slightest bit when her cool fingers brushed his overheated skin, and she grinned. When her fingertips stroked over his stomach, his heart leapt. The feel of her touch and her lips moving over his and the delicate caress of her tongue and the sounds she was making; she was driving him crazy with lust.

“I want to if you want you,” he suddenly said in a great swooping gasp after breaking apart from their passionate kiss. He hoped it hadn’t sounded as desperate to her ears as it did to his own.

Her stomach instantly knotted. “Um…” Her breathing came in harsh pants. She paused, thinking. They had been together three months now. He’d been incredibly patient with her, and she wanted to say yes. She wanted this to be it. “You want to? Right… right now?”

“Well…” He searched her face. “I only want to if _you_ want to. Do you?”

She made to speak, but stopped herself, confusion and uncertainty rising up inside. She did want to, she told herself. She wanted Pacey. She really did. But… she hadn’t planned on this happening tonight. It still felt too soon, but then again, what the hell was she waiting for? Joey suddenly thought of her mother, and one of the last things she had said to her while she was delirious on pain meds, her body an emaciated shell, was that she should live with no regrets.

Smiling, he shook his head. “Forget what I said, Jo. It’s okay. Now’s obviously not the right time.”

“I didn’t decide yet,” she said, her stomach still in knots. “I mean, maybe…”

“Jo, you hesitated. I don’t want to unless you’re 100% certain, without a doubt. Until you are, we won’t do it.”

Despite his kindness, she felt like she was disappointing him. He had sex with Andie in sophomore year, and probably had a lot of it. And he wasn’t a virgin then either. He’d been only 15 when the whole thing with Ms. Jacobs happened. He obviously wasn’t afraid. Andie was such a Type A, and knowing she’d only been 16 and hadn’t waited very long with Pacey, she probably hadn’t really been all that afraid either. Joey felt childish and silly in comparison.

“I’m sorry, Pacey.”

He watched her frown and caressed her arms reassuringly, feeling a twinge of guilt. “Don’t apologize, Jo. Don’t ever apologize for how you feel, especially to me. It’s okay. I’m in no rush. I just… got caught up, is all. I thought you wanted to, but I shouldn’t have just sprung it on you like that in the heat of the moment. That wasn’t fair. _I’m_ sorry.”

“But I did want to.” She swallowed. _“I do_. I’m just…” Afraid? Ashamed? Embarrassed? Why couldn’t she just shake her fear and apprehension? “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” She covered her eyes with her hand. She suddenly wanted to cry, but had no idea why.

Pacey laughed. “There’s nothing wrong with you, Joey. That’s why I love you.”

She peered at him from behind her hand. “There are about a hundred things wrong with me, and you know it.”

_“Please_. You’re smart. You’re beautiful. Kind. Talented. Cute. Funny. An adorable book nerd.” He paused, fighting a grin. “And some… might say you’re… opinionated and have a temper… but I’ll say you’re passionate about your thoughts and feelings.” He chest shook with suppressed laughter.

She lowered her hand, rolling her eyes and fighting a smile as her cheeks blushed pink.

Pacey thought for a moment. “Okay, there is _one_ thing wrong with you, Potter.”

“What?”

“You have shitty taste in music, but that’s honestly the biggest fault I can find.”

She hit him playfully on the arm. “How dare you?”

He pushed her over so that he was lying on top of her on the couch. “Maybe if I force you to listen to Pink Floyd nonstop, I can brainwash you into liking them.”

“Or make me homicidal.”

Pacey leaned down, brushing her nose with his. “As long as we’re homicidal together, I won’t mind.”

Joey gazed into his blue eyes and melted. She wanted to tell him how terrified she was of losing him, terrified that he’d find someone better, more desirable and exciting, someone who would never make him wait for sex. An irrational fear, she knew, but one that still nagged at her in the back of her mind. But more than that, she was terrified that something would happen after graduation to send them careening in different directions. Terrified that they would end up at different colleges, in different cities, forcing their relationship into the murky waters of long distance. Or worse, that he would actually flunk out and then when she left Capeside, he either couldn’t or wouldn’t go with her and she’d have to leave him behind.

She didn’t want to graduate with any regrets. She didn’t want them to ever have to part, but especially without having loved each other in all the ways she wanted to, in every way possible. She could feel her heart breaking just at the thought. But before she could even begin to explain all the thoughts swirling around her head, Pacey kissed her gently.

“I love you, Joey, and I know you love me,” he said. “Sex isn’t going to change that. And waiting isn’t going to change that either. Okay? So, we can wait as long as you want to.”

She smiled; it was like he could read her mind. He rolled onto his side, taking her with him, his arms encircling her as he held her close, and for about the millionth time since that fateful June day when she’d run to the dock and left with him for the summer, she was struck by just how lucky she was. Joey leaned closer and pressed her lips to his, kissing him tenderly.

Passion between them quickly built again. She grasped his hand and placed it underneath her red tank top. They kissed while his fingers slid over her ribcage. The way she sighed and moved against him heated his blood. Heaven, Pacey thought, as her breast was suddenly nestled in the palm of his hand. He deepened the kiss when he heard her moan and felt her strain against him. He cupped her breast more fully as his thumb flicked over the sheer material of her bra. Through the thin fabric, he felt her nipple pearl in response.

“You are so perfect,” he breathed. Pacey then shifted his attention, pressing warm kisses on the curve of her chin, along her jawline, and to the sensitive spot behind her ear. She moaned and squirmed in response. His senses filled with the scent of her. An intense need surged through him, leaving him breathless and shaky. Desire clawed in his gut, lower. Would he ever get enough of this woman? He wanted her. Forever.

Joey shifted, draping her left leg over his jean-clad hip. His hardness pressed against the warm vee of her inner thighs. He tightened his hold on her as his large hand palmed her backside. She rolled them again until she was on top, straddling him with one solid, fluid movement, and began grinding her center over the thick ridge of his erection. Soon they were both lost, and had forgotten all about the brief interruption as they succumbed to their desires.

*****

September 22. The four picnic tables were lined up behind the weathered beach house. They would soon be covered with platters of food, guests seated around them. Joey’s 18th birthday had arrived, and preparations were in full swing. Pacey was in the kitchen putting the burgers and hot dogs he’d gotten at the market in the fridge while Gretchen was getting dressed. Will Krudski, who had come down from New Raleigh for the weekend, was setting out chairs and hanging up decorations. Andie and Jen were expected to arrive soon to help out. He had invited their families and asked them all to bring a dish to pass so that he wouldn’t have to make or buy a huge amount of food, and was sure glad he did once he found out his sister had also invited their new neighbors.

Gretchen walked into the kitchen wearing a figure-hugging purple dress. He stared. “That’s what you’re wearing? You’re gonna give Jen’s grandmother a heart attack. It’s a little inappropriate for a backyard BBQ, don’t you think? Who do you think is coming to this thing? Ben Affleck?”

She pursed her lips into a disapproving line. “Don’t ever comment on a girl’s clothes, Pacey, unless it’s something nice.”

“Duly noted, but you should know that Mrs. Ryan is probably gonna start praying for your soul in church.”

Rolling her eyes, Gretchen ignored his comment and they started walking out of the kitchen and into the living room. “I think somebody should tell your friend Will how to put up the decorations,” his sister commented when they reached the sliding glass doors.

Pacey stepped out onto the back porch to see Will on a ladder hanging sloppy steamers. “You gotta twist ‘em, man.”

“I think they look fine like that.” They were hanging in a miserable fashion.

“He’s right, Will,” his sister interjected.

His friend blinked at Gretchen for a moment and visibly gulped. Pacey glanced at his sister’s dress, frowning. “Well, then I guess I gotta redo them,” Will finally said after drawing his gaze away from Gretchen.

“Sorry, buddy,” Pacey apologized.

Will looked at him with kind eyes. “Don’t worry about it. It’s Joey’s birthday, and I know you want it to be perfect.”

He chuckled. “I don’t expect perfection, just not…” His hand waved through the air. “Whatever this is.”

“So, Pacey, when is Joey getting here?” Will asked. “I thought she’d be here by now. Didn’t school get out, like, an hour ago?”

“That was the plan, but her boss wouldn’t let her have the night off. At least she’s getting out a few hours early, but making her come in on her birthday just to work two hours? Spiteful witch. Anyway, Dawson is picking her up at five o’clock and bringing her to the party. Everyone else should be here around six.”

“Dawson?” His sister arched her brows in surprise. “You’re not picking her up?”

“Well, _I was_... According to Jen, he’d initially refused to attend a gathering at our humble abode, but the being-alone-with-Joey carrot was dangled in front of him and he reluctantly agreed to be of service. It was probably the only way to get him here, and I knew if he didn’t show up for her birthday, she would’ve been unhappy about it.”

Will smiled as he twisted the streamers. “You’re a good guy, Pacey.”

He shook his head and muttered, “Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m just glad Jo’s still gonna get here a little earlier than everyone else. I’ve got a surprise for her.”

“Well, you should. You’re her boyfriend,” Gretchen snarked, and Pacey gave her an exaggerated, sarcastic smile.

Less than ten minutes later, Andie and Jen arrived and helped Will finish up with the decorations. Blue and white streamers soon hung from the back porch, wrapping down the posts and around the railings. The gas grill was checked to make sure they had enough propane. The picnic tables were covered in gingham tablecloths.

Across town at the yacht club, Joey bounced around between tables, frequently glancing at the clock, willing it to move faster. Fridays were usually her busiest shift and most members over the age of 60 loved to dine early. Although Drue and Mrs. Valentine were doing their best to make her afternoon as miserable as possible, the club’s hostess, Charlotte, made sure to mention it was her birthday when she seated members at their tables. It may be the shortest shift she’d ever had, but the tips weren’t stingy for once and she was pleased she going to make out pretty good by the end of it.

When the clock struck five o’clock, Joey rushed out of the club restaurant and made for the exit. As promised, she found Dawson’s SUV was sitting out front on the curb, and she smiled. She quickly opened the passenger door and hopped into the front seat. “Thank you so much for doing this, Dawson.”

“It’s no problem.” He put the car into Drive and pulled away from the curb.

“Pacey is just so busy with getting things ready for the party, and he’s got his sister and Jack and Jen and Andie helping him, and Bessie and Bodie are busy checking in B&B guests and getting them settled in before they can come to the party. So, I really had no way of getting to Pacey’s house, and so I really apprecia—”

“Joey, it’s okay. You don’t have to explain. Jen said you needed a ride, and I’m happy to give you a ride.”

She gave him a half-smile and then leaned back in her seat, glancing out the car window.

“Happy birthday, by the way.”

“You already said it to me earlier in school, Dawson. Remember?”

“Well, there’s nothing wrong with wishing it more than once.”

She again smiled awkwardly and they both chose silence for the remainder of the drive. When Dawson turned onto Bridge Street, she directed him to the beach house’s driveway. They were soon parked in front of the house, and Joey thanked him again as she unbuckled her seat belt.

“Wait,” Dawson said when she reached for the door handle. “I want to give you your gift before you go in.”

“But you can just bring it inside and I’ll open it later with the others,” she replied with a smile. As he averted his eyes from her gaze and opened the console between them, lifting out a wrapped box, realization dawned and her smile faltered. “You’re not coming in to the party, are you?”

Dawson heaved a sigh. “Joey, I’m sorry. I thought maybe I’d be able to, but I can’t.”

A wave of disappointment washed over her. “Why not?”

“Do you really need to ask that? It’s honestly a little unbelievable that people expect me to attend a party being thrown by my so-called best friend for the girl he stole from me and just act like everything’s cool. And I did consider it, for your sake—even on the drive over here I was still considering it—but I can’t grin and fake it with Pacey, Joey. Not even for a couple hours and not even for you, and I’m sorry, but that’s just how it is.”

“But Dawson, we’ve had over ten years’ worth of friendship before this stuff ever happened between the three of us. Doesn’t that count for anything?”

“I’m not setting a foot inside Pacey’s house. I’m sorry, but I just can’t.” He handed her the wrapped gift. “Happy birthday, Joey. I wish we could’ve been celebrating it under different circumstances.”

She stared, tears pricking her eyes, a flurry of emotions swirling inside her as she tried to process what had just happened. She took the gift from his hand, and then quietly exited the vehicle without saying another word. He had already backed out of the driveway by the time she reached the front door. Before she could even knock, the door flung open.

“Hey there, birthday girl,” Pacey said excitedly, standing there in a dark blue bowling shirt and khaki pants. She rushed forward into his arms. “Happy birthday,” he whispered in her ear.

“Thank you, Pacey,” she whispered, clinging tightly to him.

He rubbed her back. Then his brows furrowed as her body language told him something was wrong. He pulled out of the hug to look at her. “What’s the matter, Jo?”

She frowned, not wanting to be upset, not wanting to bring him down. “Dawson isn’t coming to the party. He dropped me off and… left. He, uh, just can’t bring himself to attend.”

Anger rose in his chest, but he suppressed it with a sigh. “I’m sorry, Jo.”

Taking a deep breath, she shook it off. “It’s fine. We’re going to have a great time. It’s his loss, right?”

“That’s right,” he replied with a big smile. “Anyway, I’ve got a couple things to show you,” he said enthusiastically, taking the car keys from his pocket. Joey’s eyes popped. “Come on, we’re goin’ for a ride.”

“What about your guests?” she asked curiously, looking around at the two other vehicles parked in the driveway alongside the Witter family wagon. She was pretty sure one of them was Andie’s car. “Aren’t people inside waiting?”

“A few,” he said evasively. “But most either have work or other commitments—like football practice, for instance—that prevent them from being here for at least another hour. We have some time. I won’t make you late for your own party,” he joked.

She smiled, placing her hand inside his larger one. “I’m ready. Let’s go.” 

They drove down Main Street and Joey kept glancing over at Pacey behind the wheel, intrigued as to what the surprise could be. “Don’t I even get a hint?” she pouted.

“I’m going to take you to the place where I fell in love with you for the first time.”

She had no idea where they were going. They passed the high school and kept driving. Soon he was making a left turn and her eyes widened. “We’re heading towards the creek.”

“Yep.”

“Are we going to the B&B?”

“Nope.”

“The Leery’s house?”

“Definitely not.”

When he turned left onto Ridgevale Road, she became confused. “Are we bypassing the creek and going to the beach? Wait. Are we going to the marshes? Are we hunting for snails again, Pacey?” she teased.

He laughed. “Just be patient, Potter. And no, we’re not bypassing the creek. We’re gonna be right next to it, actually.”

They never went as far as the marshes or Ridgevale Beach. When he turned left onto Cranberry Lane, her jaw dropped. “We’re going to your parents’ house?”

“Sort of.”

She felt even more confused. She could count on one hand the number of times in her whole life she’d been to the Witter’s, and she hadn’t been inside their house for a year. How could Pacey have first fallen in love with her there?

He smiled when his family’s house came into view. “I have to say, Jo, I do love the fact that I now live clear on the other side of town from my parents.”

“Yes, but that also means you live clear on the other side of town from _me_, Pacey.”

“Well, you win some, you lose some,” he joked. “But at least you’re closer to me than my parents since you live on the other side of the creek.”

He parked the wagon a little further down the road from the house to keep it out of sight. When they got out of the car, Pacey took Joey by the hand and they walked across the street to the woods on the other side of the road. He led her to an opening in the tree line. The path was white and sandy. The warm dirt cushioned their footfall. Green pine needles and spurts of grass aligned the narrow path and tall trees surrounded them on either side. The sun was sneaking through the trees, and Joey thought the green pine against the blue sky was beautiful.

“This is something else, back here,” she remarked.

“It’s nice, isn’t it? I took Buzz hiking through here last weekend and I came upon something I hadn’t seen or even thought about in God knows how long. Do you remember the last time you were in these woods?”

Her brows knitted, wondering what he was referring to. “Um…”

“1993.” He looked at her confused expression and smiled. “Do you remember the summer after fourth grade? Dawson got the chicken pox real bad and he was stuck at home sick, quarantined inside his house, and the two of us were forced to fend for ourselves without him for several weeks.”

“I remember,” she laughed. “He even missed the entire last week of school.”

“Do you remember playing in these woods?” he asked.

The short path suddenly led them to an open area where a dilapidated miniature house was sitting. The bright blue paint that once coated it was peeling and the small white door and shutters were clinging to their hinges. Joey stared at the house that she hadn’t seen in years. Her mouth fell open. “This was our little playground,” she reminisced as she let go of his hand and walked around the clearing.

Pacey observed the house and the wide circular space in which it sat. The trees were like towers that seemed to cover them from the outside world. He couldn’t help but admire Joey as she spun slowly around, taking everything in. “Carrie and Amy used to come out here and play when they were kids,” he told her as she walked over and touched the rough, wood roof. “My dad built this little house for them. Me and Gretchen would come out here, too. And then… that summer you and me played here a lot.”

“And this is where you fell in love with me for the first time?” she said with a teasing smile, running her fingertips over one of the crooked white shutters, her brows knitting as she tried to rack her brain for the long-forgotten memories.

“As much as a ten-year-old can possibly fall in love, yes.” That summer he’d finally gotten Joey all to himself, and for about three weeks he was truly loving life for the first time. Her smiles, her laughter, her big brown eyes, and her undivided attention had made him come alive. He’d wanted to be with her every moment of every day. And all the days, for the rest of his life. But she hadn’t been nearly as interested in him, and soon Dawson was well again. By the following summer everything changed. She was no longer the same and had become encased in a sarcastic, angry shell.

The memories were now coming back. Joey now remembered those days spent with Pacey, riding bikes and swimming in the creek and playing in these woods. She remembered his keen imagination and all the adventures he’d cook up for them. She remembered the blue house with the white door and pretending they lived all alone in a magical forest. She hadn’t thought about it in years.

That had been her last summer she enjoyed as a child, the last summer before her life turned upside down, before her mother became sick with cancer, when she was still a happy and free kid, without a worry or care in the world. There was life before her mother’s cancer, and then life after her mother’s cancer, and the life before had become a blur that was sometimes difficult to remember.

Joey stared at the small house for a few more seconds, and then walked back to him, wrapping her arms around his neck. “Thank you,” she murmured. “Thank you for finding this place again and showing it to me.”

“You said a couple weeks ago that we were creating our own history,” he said, his hands holding her by the hips, and glanced around the clearing. “This is part of our history. Who would’ve thought you and me would end up together, huh?” He smiled.

“My mom, probably.”

His eyes widened in surprise. “Really?”

Joey giggled at the memories. “I’m pretty sure she had us pegged.” Then she gazed up at him, her face softening. “My mom adored you, Pacey. I think she’d be really happy, you know, about you and me.”

He smiled, his heart swelling. She pulled his head down and captured his mouth with hers, kissing him softly but firmly. Their kisses were an expression of their love and what they felt, a magnetic pull, sweet and irresistible. He pulled gently away from her and they gazed at one another. “This isn’t your only surprise, Jo. There’s still one more thing I wanna show you before we return to your party.”

“What?”

“You’ll see.”

They were soon parked in front of her wall downtown. She slid out of the front passenger seat and walked onto the patch of dirt and weeds below the large painted sign that read, “Ask Me To Stay.” He came over to stand beside her and then held her hand.

“Pace, what did you do?” she asked, turning a wide-eyed pointed look in his direction.

“I may have extended the lease.”

Her stomach flipped with excitement. “For how long?”

Squeezing her hand, his heart filled with happiness. “I signed a 12-month lease.”

“A year?” She was shocked. It was too much. They wouldn’t even be here a year from now. Well, hopefully.

“And… well, when the lease is up, I’ll sign another one. And then when that one’s up, I’ll sign another one. And another one every year after that, or at least until I’ve made enough money to buy the thing outright. I sort of entered into a lease-to-own agreement with the guy.”

Rendered speechless, she could only stare at him. She couldn’t believe he would do this.

He smiled and squeezed her hand again. The expression on her face was something he would remember for the rest of his life. “The wall is yours, Jo. It belongs to you. Forever. Just like me.”

A surge of emotion tightened her throat. She swallowed. Tears filled her eyes as she shook her head. “Pacey…” Unable to contain her amazement and the love and joy that overwhelmed her, she pulled him into her arms and hugged him fiercely. “Thank you so much, Pacey.” Her voice choked with emotion. She was so pleased she began to cry into his shoulder and again whispered, “Thank you.”

“Now you can finally paint your mural,” he said, holding her close. “Happy birthday, Jo.”

He pulled away from her embrace and wiped her tears with his thumbs. Then he bent his head and kissed her gently. Joey’s arms went around his neck and she deepened the kiss. Pacey made a soft sound at the back of his throat, that distinct sound of pure pleasure she loved so much. She wanted to hear it again. And again, and again…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally I was going to include the birthday party in this chapter, but the party itself would've changed the whole mood of this. So, I needed to separate it. It'll be in the next chapter.


	28. 2000 (Senior Year: Part Three)

September 22. Pacey and Joey arrived back at the beach house shortly after six o’clock to find no else had arrived at the party in their absence. When they walked through the front door, her eyes popped and her jaw dropped. The banner strung across the kitchen read _Happy Birthday Joey_. The living room looked festive, decorated with white streamers and balloons, Happy 18th Birthday signs and blue frilly things hanging everywhere. More than that, it looked like her boyfriend and his sister had finally finished their interior décor, the walls painted half green and half blue.

“This is amazing,” she said, feeling pleased and also slightly embarrassed at being the center of attention. “I think I’d really only been expecting a cake, but… _this?_ You didn’t have to do all this. Thank you, Pacey.”

His heart warmed at her bright smile. “I’m glad you like it. And yes, I absolutely had to do all this, Jo. Eighteen is a big deal, and you’re my girl.”

She wrapped her arms around him. “And the place looks great. You and Gretchen did a nice job in here.”

“Wait until you see my bedroom,” he said, excited to show it off. “I finished painting it yesterday after school. I hung some stuff up on the walls today. I think you’ll like it.”

The thought of his bedroom made Joey’s heart jump, and she felt her cheeks redden. She shouldn’t be thinking about his bedroom right now. His bed. Being taken to it. God, what was she doing? She forced the thoughts away.

Just then Andie, Jen, and Gretchen came inside from the back porch and rushed towards her. “Happy birthday, Joey!” they all shouted.

She gave them each a hug and thanked them all. Movement in her peripheral vision caused her to turn and her eyes went wide. “Will Krudski?!” she said as he walked through the sliding glass doorway.

“Hey, Joey,” he greeted with a smile. “Surprise. Long time, no see. Happy birthday.”

“Thanks. So, how’ve you been? I haven’t seen you since the—”

“The regatta. Yeah. Fun times,” he deadpanned.

She awkwardly glanced between Pacey and Jen, and then looked down at the wrapped gift in her hand from Dawson, memories of the regatta coming forward in her mind. “Yeah…” Maybe it had been best for Dawson not to have come to the party? Pacey, Dawson, _and_ Will being all together might have been super uncomfortable. She still felt disappointed about his absence, though. “Um, so, how’s boarding school?”

He frowned for a moment. “Let’s not ruin the party with talk about school,” he chuckled darkly.

“Good idea,” Pacey agreed.

An hour later, the birthday party was in full swing. Bessie, Bodie, and Alexander had been the first to arrive. Jack came after football practice and brought his father and Jen’s grandmother with him. Doug showed up as well as Mitch and Gail Leery soon after, and then Buzz’s mother dropped him off. Pacey and Gretchen’s next-door neighbors arrived, Earl and Pam Dixon, an older couple who also owned their own boat, followed by their neighbors from across the street, Shaun and Angela Covich and their two children.

A gingham-cloth covered card table that sat flush against the back of the house was topped with wrapped gifts. One of the picnic tables was covered with all sorts of finger foods, snacks, and side dishes. Music emanated from a boom box on the porch, the volume loud enough to be entertaining but low enough for everyone to enjoy conversation. Pacey stood at the grill, flipping burgers and hot dogs, while Gretchen kept the punch bowl full.

After watching Joey for a moment, laughing with Jen and Jack at a picnic table, he turned to his sister as he flipped a patty. “Where’s Carrie? She was supposed to come with the girls.”

Gretchen shook her head and shrugged. “I don’t know. When I talked to her this morning, she said she’d be here.”

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. “Maybe that’s her,” he said, handing the spatula to his sister. After walking from the porch and back inside the house, he made his way to the front door. He opened it and then stared in shock.

“Hey there,” Drue Valentine said. “How’s the party going? Anyone wearing a lampshade on their head yet?”

“What the hell are you doing here?”

Drue’s self-satisfied smile became a frown. “Is that how you always greet people who show up at your door, Witter?”

“People who weren’t invited.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

Before he could ask the guy again what he was doing at his house, his sister came up beside him. “Oh, not Carrie,” she said, taken aback. “And who are you?”

“I’m Drue. I work with Joey at the yacht club.” He gave her the once over, gazing at her tight dress appreciatively. “And who might you be?” he asked with a flirtatious grin.

Pacey’s jaw clenched. “This is my sister. I’ll ask you again. What are you doin’ here?”

Drue lifted a familiar backpack. “Joey was in such a rush when she left work earlier, she left her bag behind. I’m merely doing her a favor by returning it.”

Gretchen smiled. “That was very nice of you. Um… do you want to come inside and join the party? We’ve got plenty of food. You can give Joey her bag yourself.”

Turning his head, Pacey gave her a shocked expression. “What?!”

“We should be hospitable,” she muttered under her breath.

“Why, I’d love to attend Joey’s birthday party,” Drue replied with glee. “Thank you.”

Once their impromptu guest was inside the house, Pacey closed the front door behind him, grumbling all the way back out to the porch. Joey soon caught his gaze with a wide-eyed look of surprise at the sudden appearance of her much-despised coworker. He could only shake his head and shrug helplessly. While Drue grabbed a glass of punch, Pacey turned his attention back to the grill.

*****

Jen sighed, her mouth curving into a slight frown. “I’m sorry Dawson didn’t come, Joey. He was reluctant when I invited him, but then when we talked about it and I told him how much it would mean to you to have him at your party, he said he’d make the effort for you. I almost can’t believe he wouldn’t be here for such an important occasion.”

“Maybe when push came to shove, he just couldn’t bring himself to walk in here,” Jack added. “Maybe if the party had been at a neutral location, so to speak, and not at Pacey’s house…”

“Yeah, maybe,” she replied. Anger rose up inside her chest. “It’s just… I know that no matter how awkward or difficult things might be between us, I would never intentionally skip out on something that was important to Dawson. He means too much to me. Our friendship means too much. Everything we’ve been through together over the years… and not just me and Dawson—_Pacey and Dawson_. Doesn’t that mean more than any stupid fight or misunderstanding? I wish I could lock them both in a room together and force them to work it out. And sometimes I just want to throttle Dawson and tell him to get over it already; me and Pacey being together isn’t the end of the world. Other times I still feel guilty about my own behavior last spring and just really awful about the way it all went down. And so, I want so badly for him to forgive me that I’m willing to do everything I can just to spare his feelings and make myself agreeable.”

Jack frowned in sympathy. “I’m sorry, Joey. The situation sucks all around.”

After swallowing a bite of her grandmother’s fruit salad, Jen agreed. “I’ll try to talk to Dawson when I get home later.”

Joey’s attention was suddenly drawn to the porch, where she saw Drue Valentine step through the sliding glass doorway. Her mouth fell open as she stared at Pacey. Her boyfriend stared back, apparently with no explanation as to why her coworker had crashed her party. She then watched as Drue approached the picnic table carrying her backpack. “You left this behind,” he said when he reached her table.

“Thanks for bringing it over,” she said once he’d handed it to her. “So, why are you still here? You don’t have to stay.”

“Such rudeness, Potter. Your boyfriend’s sister was kind enough to invite me to stay,” he remarked before turning his gaze on Jen. He stared for a moment, his mouth curving into a knowing smirk, winked at her, and walked away without another word. Joey then watched him introduce himself to Andie and Will, and scowled in his direction.

Jack stood up from the table. “I’m gonna go get another burger. You ladies want anything?”

They shook their heads and he left. Joey turned from him and noticed her friend’s shocked expression. “Jen? What is it?”

“How do you know that guy?” she asked in reply, staring hard at Drue.

“He works at the yacht club. His mother is my bitch of a boss.” She paused, taking in her demeanor. “Do _you_ know him?”

Jen frowned. “Unfortunately. But that was a long time ago—in New York. There are some things about that place I wish I could forget, and he’s one of them. I had no idea he was in Capeside. This certainly doesn’t bode well.”

She considered her words for a moment. “Did you… date him?”

“No,” she replied, shaking her head. “I was stupid when I was younger, but not that stupid. We went to the same school. You could say he was our class’s friendly neighborhood drug dealer. But… there was one time… It was just an indiscretion. It only happened once, and never again, thank God. I’m not sure if he even remembers it; we were both chemically altered at the time.”

Joey’s eyes went wide and, lowering her voice to a whisper, she said, “You had sex with Drue Valentine?”

Jen shook her head. “Well, sort of, not… technically. We didn’t, you know, go all the way, but we did, you know…” The sentence trailed off.

“Did what?”

“Well, you and Pacey are pretty hot and heavy these days, Joey, so I’m sure you can guess.”

“We’re not _that_ hot and heavy.” She frowned, sighing, and felt a sense of frustration stirring inside her.

Jen eyed her for a moment, concern etching across her face. “What’s wrong? Are things going okay between you two?”

“Nothing’s _wrong_, really,” she shrugged. “Things are good. It’s just…” She paused, and glanced around. The other partygoers were standing out of earshot from their table, talking and laughing.

“Is sex the problem?”

“Sex is always my problem,” she muttered. “Not that he would ever let on, but I think Pacey might be getting a little impatient.”

Shaking her head, Jen took a sip of her punch. “Joey, he loves you. No way.”

She tucked her hair behind her ears and leaned forward, placing her arms on the table. “Okay, maybe impatient isn’t the right word. He says he’s fine with waiting, and I don’t feel pressured by him at all, but I know he really wants to have sex. Last weekend, we were making out and he came right out and said he wanted to. And there’s nothing wrong with that. I just wasn’t ready, and he was wonderful about it, actually, but he hasn’t brought it up since. And now when we make out, it’s like he’s… almost hesitant to do anything without my expressed permission. But Pacey’s not the problem. I’m the problem.”

“Joey, are you _sure_ you really wanna have sex?”

“Of course, I want to have sex. I really do. Honestly, I think I’m the one who’s impatient. I don’t even know what I’m waiting for. I just keep waiting and waiting, and so I keep _him_ waiting and waiting. And for what? I guess I just feel… scared? But sometimes I’m not even sure what exactly it is I’m scared of. The idea of getting pregnant is terrifying, but I know there are ways to prevent that from happening. Sex will change everything, but am I actually ready for such a big change? Everyone says that when you’re ready, you’ll just know, but what if that’s just what they all say and they never really know?”

“Joey, I thought you were going to take things slow and gradually work your way up to it. Is that not working out? Or are you just not ready to, uh, slide into home base yet?”

“We’re kind of stuck on second. I don’t know if _stuck_ is entirely accurate. It’s not like we’re not having fun, but I guess I’m a little worried Pacey might be getting bored of just hanging around second base. I know he wants more. At this point, _I_ want more, but I just keep waiting.”

Jen pursed her lips and nodded. “Well, I very much doubt Pacey could ever be _bored_ with you, Joey. Are you just not ready to move on to third base?”

She blushed, averting her eyes. “I mean, I want to. I think about it all the time. I know it’s silly, but I feel embarrassed about being the one to bring it up. So, I just wait for Pacey to initiate, you know, pushing us further, and he hasn’t. I’m not sure why.”

“Maybe he’s scared, too.”

“Why would _he_ be scared, Jen? Pacey’s the experienced one. I feel like I don’t know what the hell I’m doing half the time.”

“Experience is subjective, Joey. Who knows what he did or didn’t do before? I’m assuming you don’t know the intimate details of his past relationships…”

“Well, no. I’ve never asked for specifics, and he’s never offered to share them. Not that I’m complaining. Part of me wants to know every single detail, but a larger part of me would rather go to my grave not knowing.”

“Maybe he’s just waiting for you to bring it up. Pacey might not want you to feel obligated or pressured. Maybe he’s letting you be the one to take the lead?”

“Yeah, maybe,” she sighed. “I don’t know what’s going on inside his head. I wish I knew.”

“Well, you could ask him,” she laughed. “Or… do you want me to, you know, drop a hint? I’m very good at getting people to open up, which I’m sure you can attest to.”

Joey snorted and rolled her eyes. “Right.”

Leaning forward, Jen gave her a kind smile. “You know, Joey, maybe you wouldn’t feel as embarrassed or scared about this, and would feel more ready, if you were better informed and actually prepared. Suppose you and Pacey both decided to have sex tonight, do you even have what you need to prevent getting pregnant?”

She chewed on her lip. “Well, I know _I_ don’t. I kind of doubt Pacey does.”

“Joey, I think you’d feel a little more confident about all this if you were at least prepared. Have you thought about going to the free clinic?”

Her brows knitted. “The free clinic?”

“Yeah. For girls in New York, a visit to the free clinic to get birth control, safe sex advice… it’s a rite of passage. I think you’d feel better if you went and got the information you need. There isn’t one in Capeside, but there’s one in Hyannis. You should call them up and make an appointment. You’re 18 now, Joey. It’s time to take your sexual health into your own hands. Take control. And the truth is, I don’t know if anybody truly knows when they’re ready, but you do know if you’re prepared. And right now, you’re not.”

“You’re right,” she agreed with a half-smile. While she appreciated the mature advice, she couldn’t help but feel a little apprehensive about the idea of going to the free clinic and talking to a stranger about her sex life, or lack thereof. She had a hard enough time talking about it with people she felt comfortable with.

Jen raised her glass of punch. “To responsible sexual gratification.”

Starting to feel more at ease, Joey smiled and raised hers. “To womanhood.”

They clinked their glasses. “Cheers.”

*****

Standing near the grill, Pacey bit into his hot dog and chewed appreciatively. He smiled as he watched Andie and Will engrossed in conversation, Bodie, Mitch, Doug, and Jack talking enthusiastically, Buzz running around with the neighbor kids, Mr. McPhee and Mrs. Ryan smiling with the Dixons, Gretchen entertaining the Covich couple, Joey laughing with Bessie and Gail. He tore his gaze away as Jen stepped onto the porch to refill her glass of punch. “Hey,” he greeted.

“Hey, Pacey. Great party.”

“Thanks. It honestly doesn’t seem like enough, but as long as the birthday girl is having fun, I’m happy.”

Jen shook her head. “Nah, it’s plenty. I think it’s just the kind of party she likes—nothing too wild and crazy.”

He nodded in agreement. “She seems to be enjoying herself.”

“She is.” Jen took a sip of her punch. “So, uh, how are things going between you two?”

Brows furrowing, he eyed her with suspicion. “Fine… Why do you ask?”

She shrugged. “Just making conversation, Pacey. You’ve been thrown back into the complicated world of high school, not to mention the ongoing split with Dawson, but you guys still seem really happy, and that makes me happy.”

“Well, we are happy, despite life and school and all its complications.”

“I bet you’re glad you and me never actually had sex last year, huh?” she asked, smirking. “That’s one complication our social circle avoided.”

He snorted. “I was relieved when it didn’t work out, yeah. I would’ve regretted it.” He swallowed, realizing what he’d said and the way it sounded. “Not anything against you personally, of course. You’re a beautiful girl. I just mean... well, I would’ve regretted hooking up with anyone when I was, you know, in love with someone else.”

Jen laughed. “I know what you meant, Pacey. I would’ve regretted it, too, and nothing against you personally. I’m fully aware of your many charms. We’re much better off as we are—friends with no benefits. So, is it safe to say that things are, uh, _working out_ much better with Joey than they did with me?”

“Is that your roundabout way of asking if me and Joey are having sex? Well, we’re not, which I’m sure you already know. Joey told me that she told you about the two of us over the summer.”

“Does that bother you?”

He shook his head. “I don’t care that she talks to you. Joey needs friends, people to talk to other than me.”

Nodding, Jen drank from her glass of punch. “Does it bother you that you guys aren’t having sex yet?”

He gaped. _“Bother_ me? Are you kidding? My last two relationships pretty much ended with the object of my affection leaving town either to avoid prosecution or go to a mental hospital, if you recall. What I have with Joey…” He sighed. “I’ve never really had this kind of relationship before, one where we take our time, where we actually build a strong foundation together, and just… enjoy being in love without adding certain complications to the mix. So, I’m determined not to screw this up. This has to be the one thing I get right.”

“So, you and Ms. Jacobs and… you and Andie? You didn’t take your time?”

Pacey laughed derisively. “Uh… me and Tamara went right from flirting to fucking, and in a span of a few short weeks. And with Andie… well, we were only together for like a month when we started having sex, so…”

Nodding, Jen eyed him a moment. “So, you and Andie didn’t fool around for a while first?”

“No, not really.” He shrugged. “We went from not being that physical to being _really_ physical. Suffice to say, this is the first time I’ve gone slow with any girl. I don’t mind. I kind of like it. It’s different with Joey. I’ve never been this happy. I can’t lose her, Jen. I refuse to screw this up by doing something stupid, which we both know I’m entirely capable of.”

“Stupid like… pressuring Joey into doing something she’s not ready for?”

He stared, swallowing. Guilt churned in the pit of his stomach. “Well, let’s face it, I basically pressured Tamara. I aggressively pursued her until I wore her defenses down and she gave in to me. Not that that condones her part in it. And look how that turned out. Andie, well… at the time I didn’t think I was pressuring her, but looking back I can see that I put her in a position where it was difficult to say no, even though I told her she didn’t have to do anything she wasn’t ready to do. And then I pretty much propositioned you and talked you into a casual sex pact just for the sake of getting laid.”

“I blame that on the witches brew we concocted,” she joked.

“I don’t have a great track record, Jen.”

She smiled at him with kind eyes. “Pacey, I don’t think Andie regrets anything with you. Well, when it comes to that part of your relationship, anyway.”

“I hope that’s true.”

“And nothing even happened between you and me, so don’t even think about that. It’s ancient history, water under the bridge. And when it comes to Ms. Jacobs, I can only hope she severely regrets her own actions, but I doubt she’d regret yours. I’m sure you were nothing but good to her. You like to act all tough and play the part of the glib smartass, but speaking as someone who also presents herself as a tough smartass, I know you’re a real softie with a heart of gold underneath it all.”

Feeling embarrassed by the compliment, he averted his gaze and blushed as he fought a smile. “Well, thank you.”

Jen glanced out into the backyard and gazed at Joey for a moment before turning her attention back to the conversation. “Um… I know that you’re taking things slow this time around, but there’s also such a thing as taking things _too_ slow. Us girls can get frustrated, too. So, just in case you’re ever feeling frustrated in the future, chances are Joey might feel the same way. Don’t let fear of screwing up prevent you from moving things in their natural progression, Pacey.”

He stared for a moment, wondering what exactly she was getting at, but before he could reply there was a knock at the front door. His attention averted to Gretchen, who hurried through the sliding glass doorway and into the living room. Moments later, his three nieces were running out through the doorway and onto the covered porch. “I guess my sister Carrie finally decided to arrive,” Pacey told Jen.

While holding the twins in his arms, Piper hugging him around the legs, he heard the unmistakable sound of his parents’ voices inside the house and his stomach bottomed out. Gretchen stepped outside and their eyes met and held for a long moment. The expression on her face wasn’t comforting. He set his nieces down and stared at his sister in shock. “Why the hell are they here?”

“Mom said Carrie was having a bad day and decided not to come,” Gretchen replied. “But the girls were upset because they wanted to come and…” She sighed and crossed their arms. “Mom and Dad decided to bring them, but then Carrie perked up at the last minute and said she’d take them. They all started fighting about going or not going and who was or wasn’t invited. I don’t know. Anyway, the gang’s all here. They’re inside taking a tour of the house.” She swallowed, her face falling. “Oh, and one more thing… it gets worse. I should warn you that—”

Pacey’s attention was suddenly drawn to the doorway where he saw a white-haired man with a withered face but a surprisingly hard and muscular body walk outside. “Oh, no,” he muttered.

His sister frowned. “Oh, yes.”

“Who is that?” Jen asked.

“Pacey!” the old man greeted. “When your dad told me you and your sister had moved into a house on the pond, I wasn’t quite expecting something this run-down. Couldn’t you have found something else that wouldn’t embarrass the family? We have a reputation to uphold in this community. The place is a dump.” He broke out into hearty laughter.

“Hi, Grandpa,” he said dryly and watched the man step out into the yard. “Kill me now,” he muttered.

Jen stared. “He’s your grandfather?”

Groaning, he raised his eyes to the ceiling and shook his head in disgust. “That man is Dale Witter, a grade-A asshole, former Sheriff of Barnstable County, and sadly, my grandfather.”

“All right, the party can start,” his dad announced as he walked out through the sliding glass doorway carrying a large case of beer to the backyard. His mother, walking out behind him, laughed. “Hi there, sweetie,” she said to him in passing.

Joey appeared on the porch, her eyes going wide. “Why is your Grandpa Dale here, Pacey?” she asked when she reached his side.

He shrugged in defeat. “To get drunk and ruin everyone’s good time? Why else does he go anywhere?”

Carrie appeared and wished Joey a rather glum happy birthday. “Joanne!” his mother then suddenly exclaimed, returning to the porch with outstretched arms. “Happy birthday, sweetie!”

Joey was pulled into an uncomfortable hug. “Um, thank you, Mrs. Witter.”

His mother smiled as she released her. “I would’ve brought you a gift if I’d known about the party sooner, but Pacey forgot to mention it. He’s always forgetting things like that.” She brought a hand up and patted his cheek. “Mind like a sieve this one. Right, honey?”

He forced a smile. “Right, Ma.”

Joey watched her boyfriend’s mother step off the porch and join his father in the backyard, where he handed her a beer. “Your mom does know my name, doesn’t she, Pacey?”

“Yes, she does,” he grumbled, his mood plummeting. Was his mother being passive-aggressive because of not being invited? “I can’t believe this. I’m so sorry. I had no idea they were going to show up. This is gonna be a disaster.”

She held his hand reassuringly. “It’ll be okay, Pace.”

“Do you really believe that, Jo? Or is it just wishful thinking?” Then there was another knock on his front door. “What now?” he groaned.

Gretchen walked back inside the house and then soon returned with their new guest. Pacey stared, taken aback, not having expected him to change his mind and show up. He almost wished he’d been the one to answer the door, so he could’ve slammed it in the guy’s face, but he had bigger problems to worry about than his girlfriend’s ex-soulmate finally deciding to get his head out of his ass.

“Happy birthday, Joey.”

“Thanks,” she said somewhat awkwardly. She didn’t know how to feel—relieved and happy that he’d changed his mind, or annoyed that he’d decided to stay away until now.

“I, uh, hope it’s okay that I’m here.”

“Welcome to the Witter House of Horrors, Dawson,” Gretchen said. “You’re just in time to watch the party go up in flames.”

Without a word spoken between them, Pacey watched Dawson turn and step out into the backyard and speak to his parents. He then watched his own father and grandfather, beers in hand, enthusiastically fawn all over the golden boy. “Perfect,” he muttered. “Just perfect.”

Joey squeezed his hand. “Maybe it won’t be as bad as you think.”

Predictably, the birthday party turned into a disaster. It was like a scene out of _Who’s Afraid of Virginia Wolf_ expanded to include a gathering of family and friends. The alcohol was free-flowing, as were the insults and hostile interactions. His mother kept calling his girlfriend “Joanne” and asking Andie sly questions alluding to her fragile mental health. His dad kept making vague, underhanded remarks that were either directed at Jack or Doug, or both. Gretchen was insulted one too many times by their grandfather. Practically everyone was insulted one too many times by his grandfather. Even Mrs. Ryan was starting to lose her calm demeanor, and Jen was forced to create distance between them.

Joey refused to leave her boyfriend’s side or let go of his hand, the tension between her and Dawson noticeably palpable as he seemingly refused to engage her in conversation while she was anywhere near Pacey. They remained cocooned on the back porch, trying to stay as separate from the rest of the Witter clan as possible. He’d proposed going inside and locking themselves away in his bedroom upstairs, but she’d quickly vetoed that idea.

The only person who seemed to be truly enjoying the drunken display of constant rudeness and inappropriate behavior was Drue Valentine. “You sure know how to throw a party, Witter,” he said as he stepped between the white-and-blue-streamer-decorated posts and onto the covered porch. Pacey frowned while Drue threw him a shit-eating grin as he refilled his punch glass. “And you have a _really_ interesting family.”

Shaking his head, he rolled his eyes. Once Drue walked away, Pacey turned to his girlfriend. “When we get married, I’m changing my name to Potter. And our kids are gonna have the name Potter.”

Joey laughed, and then felt her cheeks grow warm as his words sunk in. She knew it had just been an offhanded joke, but did Pacey really give serious thought to getting married and having kids someday? Not marriage and family in an abstract sense, but to marry _her_ and have children with _her_. To live with her and grow old with her. To be with her forever. Her heart leapt and her stomach fluttered.

“I think it’s time for birthday cake!” Andie announced authoritatively while clapping her hands, apparently trying to gain some control over a party quickly falling apart at the seams. Pacey caught her eye and he gave her a grateful smile.

He reluctantly let go of Joey’s hand and walked inside the house with Andie, following her to the kitchen. She helped him get the large chocolate cake out of the fridge. She started applying the 18 wax candles to the top. “So, how’re you holding up, Pacey?” she asked, looking at him with concern.

He heaved a sigh. “I just want to get this over with. As soon as the festivities end, my family can get the hell out of here.” Watching her fuss over the perfect alignment of the candle placement, he smiled. “You, uh, having a good time with Will?”

Andie’s eyes flew to his and she blushed, before quickly lowering her gaze. “Um… yeah. He’s still the same sweet guy he was five months ago.”

“I think we should talk him into coming down to visit more often. What do you think?”

She smiled, still refusing to look at him. “Yeah, that’d be nice.”

Gazing at her, he decided to take advantage of finally being alone with her. “Uh, Andie… I just want to say that I’m sorry. I’m sorry for—”

“Stop right there, Pacey Witter. You have nothing to be sorry for. I told you that I wanted you to be happy. Are you happy?”

“At the moment? Not really. But generally speaking? Yes.”

“Well, then you have nothing to be sorry about.”

He wished that were true. Jen’s conversation from earlier swirled around inside his head. “Um, Andie… can I ask you something?”

She stared at the candles, turning the cake this way and that to be sure of the perfect coverage, before she looked up at him. “Sure.”

“When we were… together… was I good to you?”

She gaped at him. “Are you serious? You know you were. You saved me, Pacey.”

“You gotta stop saying that, Andie. I didn’t. You saved yourself. I was just there to lend a helping hand whenever you needed it.” She gave him a shy smile. He swallowed, nerves twisting his gut. “Do you, uh, regret our relationship being physical? Do you think that I pressured you into it? That we went really fast and should’ve waited? Do you regret I was your first but then we broke up? Do you wish we hadn’t and you’d saved your first time for someone else?”

Her mouth fell open, her brows knitting in confusion. “Where’s all this coming from, Pacey?” He could only shrug. “Do _you_ regret those things?”

“That depends on whether you do or not,” he lamented.

“Pacey, I don’t regret a single second I spent with you. Every moment was magical.” She paused, frowning. “Well, until those rather ugly moments at the end, but that was all my fault and I’m sorry for that.”

Shaking his head, he gave her a sad smile. “It wasn’t all your fault, McPhee. I’m sorry, too.” Emotion tightened his throat. “We’re still friends, right, Andie? Not that I deserve your friendship…”

She smiled sweetly and gave him a comforting pat him on the arm. “I’ll always be your friend, Pacey. No matter what. I told you that before, and nothing’s changed. Okay?”

“Um, I, uh, have something for you,” he said. “I got you a souvenir when I was in Florida. It’s on the boat, though. I was gonna take Will sailing sometime this weekend. You wanna come with us?”

Andie beamed at him. “I’d love to.”

*****

Outside, Joey had ventured out from the porch and to the backyard, trying her best to mingle with the guests while avoiding Pacey’s parents. Mid-conversation, Bessie and Bodie’s eyes went wide. They gave her a pointed look and then walked away. Confused, she turned around to see Dawson had approached. “Finally decided to talk to me, huh? You know, now that my boyfriend’s inside the house.”

“I’m really sorry that I left earlier and didn’t stick around for the party,” he apologized, seemingly ignoring her jab about avoiding Pacey. “I know I had my obvious reasons for not wanting to be here, but I had also managed to talk myself into thinking it would be easier on you without me around. You know, that you could just enjoy your party without a huge elephant in the room. You deserve to have fun at your own party without things being awkward. But I was at home, thinking about it, and I just felt really bad. I know how I’d feel if you weren’t there for my 18th birthday…”

He sighed. “I’m sorry, Joey. But I’m here now, and I hope that at least makes a slight bit of difference. My parents will probably throw me a party in March, and I’m assuming you’ll be a better friend to me than I’ve been today.”

“I don’t know, Dawson.” She sipped her punch. “Payback’s a bitch.”

He chuckled. “I probably deserve that.”

She tilted her head, pursing her lips and arching a skeptical brow. _“Probably?”_

Then she heard Andie calling her name and she turned around. Embarrassed about once again being the center of attention, she walked with Dawson towards the porch decorated with streamers and balloons. The other guests gathered around as she saw Pacey walk through the sliding glass doorway carrying a cake covered with lit candles. Gretchen then led the group into singing the Happy Birthday song. While everyone sang, “dear Joey,” Mrs. Witter could be heard singing “Joanne” in a very loud, intoxicated voice. Joey looked at Pacey, and he stared at her while his jaw clenched and he shook his head in disgust. She suddenly smiled at the ridiculousness of his mother’s determination not to use her correct name and her chest shook with suppressed laughter.

“Don’t forget to make a wish,” Bessie reminded her when the song came to an end.

A birthday wish was supposed to come true if you blew out all your candles with one breath. But a million wishes wouldn’t bring her mom back, or get her dad out of prison. Joey looked around at the party guests. Some were friends she’d known since childhood, and some were friends she’d made in more recent years. Others she’d never met before, being Pacey and Gretchen’s new neighbors. Everyone was waiting for her to blow out her candles, but she didn’t know what to wish for.

She supposed she could wish for a decent class ranking, acceptance into a great college, a successful future career where she’d never have to worry about money again. Or perhaps a more general wish for good health and happiness for herself and all those she loved.

_And then she looked at him. _

Her eyes locked with Pacey’s, and he smiled. Time simply stopped. The music and voices disappeared and there was nothing but him. The most beautiful man she had ever seen. The kindest, smartest, most romantic and loving person she had ever known. She imagined the cake was white, instead of chocolate, and instead of candles, a bride and groom cake topper. Suddenly she knew what to wish for when she blew out the candles on her cake.

Pacey sat at a picnic table and watched Gretchen and Andie hand out slices of cake and refill glasses of pink punch. He took a bite of his own piece. “This is good cake,” he said to Joey, seated across from him. She nodded appreciatively while she chewed. “So, uh, did Dawson apologize for bailing on you earlier?”

“Yeah. He said he’d thought it would be easier for me if he’d stayed away.”

Dumbfounded, Pacey stared at her. “Easier? For _you?”_

“You know, so I could have fun at my party without having to deal with the tension and awkwardness between us.”

“That’s complete bullshit.”

He didn’t realize that he had spoken into one of those rare silences that can fall over a group without warning until the words were out of his mouth. By then it was too late. The birthday crowd froze. He was suddenly the focal point of a variety of expressions that ranged across the spectrum of stern disapproval to acute interest to barely concealed amusement.

Up on the porch, his neighbor Mrs. Dixon called out, “What did he say?”

“He said _bullshit_,” her husband responded.

“Good lord,” Pacey muttered.

“Why’d he say _bullshit?”_ the woman asked.

“Very good question,” Drue Valentine called out, clearly enjoying himself.

“This is your problem,” Joey said out of the side of her mouth. “You solve it.”

There was another sudden silence. Pacey swallowed his last bite of cake and faced the partygoers. “We were talking about the Red Sox losing to the damn Baltimore Orioles.” While most of the adults grumbled in agreement and the subject was dropped, his friends looked skeptical.

“Nice,” Joey said as he turned back to face her.

“Thank you,” he smirked.

A few minutes passed, and he caught his dad staring at him with that familiar glassy haze of intoxication. A knot of dread tightened in the pit of his stomach. His dad looked at both him and Joey for a moment, and then he turned to Mitch Leery standing next to him. “You know, I’d always assumed that your boy would best my son at pretty much anything and everything,” he said loud enough for all to hear.

“Everyone knows Dawson Leery is gonna go far in life and that Pacey will be lucky to find a job where he can make ends meet,” Grandpa Dale added for good measure, followed by a hearty chuckle.

His eyes locked with Joey’s while his father laughed, and she frowned in sympathy. “Here we go. I’m surprised it took this long.”

“So, imagine my surprise, Mitch, when Pacey stole your son’s little girlfriend right out from under his nose. Make that a win for the Witters, eh?” The Sheriff let out another guffaw of laughter. “Frankly, between you and me, I have no idea why any girl would attach herself to a sinking ship instead of a shooting star, but hey, we all make our choices in life.”

Speechless, Pacey and Joey could only stare at each other; they refused to look at Dawson. The birthday crowd grew quiet, with many furtive glances between the Sheriff and Mr. Leery and their picnic table. Her face hardened with indignation, and he could see her brown eyes flare with anger. She started to turn away, to speak up, but he reached out and grasped hold of her wrist. “Don’t,” he pleaded. “It’ll only make it worse.”

Mitch Leery shook his head, seemingly at a loss as to what to say to those statements. “You know, John, you should be very happy with Pacey, at the way he’s facing the challenges of this school year head-on. I hear from his teachers that he’s making a real effort, especially in last year’s classes that he’s making up. They’re very pleased with his work. You should be proud of him, John. I know I am.”

“What do you mean, _last year’s classes?”_

His father’s tone had changed instantly; it was now dripping with venom. Nothing good ever came from that tone. That tone was a threat. “Oh no.” He leaned forward and hung his head, closing his eyes. Joey grabbed his hand. He heard Gretchen and Carrie plead with their mother to get their dad out of here.

“Well, uh…” Mitch seemed to be floundering. “Maybe you and Susan should talk to Pacey about that later.”

John Witter turned from Mr. Leery. “Did you fail your classes, boy? How many?”

Fear twisted his gut. “Three.”

Pacey then remembered an incident in which his dad berated him for a poor grade on a report card in middle school, and after repeated degrading remarks, rolled up the report itself, hit him over the side of the head with it, saying, _“Maybe this will knock some sense into you. If not, maybe something else will.” _He might be too old and too big to beat now, but certainly not to berate.

“You stupid, worthless, no good piece of shit,” his father shouted as he moved unsteadily towards his picnic table.

Everyone stared in shock, and he heard some audible gasps. “Sheriff Witter!” Jen’s grandmother exclaimed in dismay. Pacey’s fight or flight response kicked in and he stood up, took hold of Joey, and pulled her with him. His dad kept coming. As he turned to start walking them back towards the house, suddenly Doug, Mitch, and Bodie stood between him and his father. “Dad,” his brother said in a stern, authoritative voice. “It’s time to go home.”

“Yeah, John, that’s probably a good idea,” Mitch added.

“Maybe it’s best we all go and let the kids enjoy the rest of their party, huh?” Bodie said, exchanging a concerned glance with Bessie.

Before his father, or anyone, could say anything more, Mrs. Thompson called out, “Hello! I’m here to pick up Buzz. I knocked on the front door, but apparently no one heard me. So, I walked around the house.”

The appearance of Buzz’s mother deflated the tension like a pin pricking a balloon.

*****

The Witter clan departed soon after, save Pacey and Gretchen. One by one, the other guests began to leave, and expressed parting birthday wishes to Joey as they left. “Excellent party, Witter,” Drue said gleefully, patting him on the shoulder as he made for the sliding glass doorway. “This is probably the most fun I’ve had since moving to this shitty town.”

Pacey scowled as he watched him walk inside the house.

While Joey stood with Dawson at the front door, an awkward silence hung in the air between them. “I bet you’re sure glad you decided to show up,” she said sarcastically.

“Sorry your party got ruined,” Dawson replied. “But I guess it was your turn, huh? My 16th was certainly an embarrassing disaster, and _I’m_ the one who ruined my own party. At least you’re not to blame for what went on here.”

She glanced at the wrapped present on the small table near the door, where she’d left Dawson’s gift earlier. She reached for it and picked it up. “So, should I open your gift now?”

He shrugged. “Sure. It’s honestly not much.”

Joey tore the shiny paper, revealing a stack of CDs. “You’re not re-gifting my own stuff you borrowed, are you?” she teased.

“No,” Dawson laughed. “They’re brand new.”

“Coldplay, Everclear, Eve 6, Incubus, Smashing Pumpkins,” she read off the album covers. They were indeed brand new.

“These were all released over the summer,” he explained. “And I figured you might want to catch up on everything you missed out on while you were away.”

Their eyes met and held for a moment, her stomach clenching into a knot of anxiety. There was something about the way he said the words. Did he mean more than just the music? “Um, thanks, Dawson.”

“You’re welcome. Happy birthday, Joey.” And then he was gone.

She walked back out through the sliding glass doors. Those remaining were all working together quietly, barely speaking, an air of moroseness now hanging over the party. Jen, Jack, Andie, and Will were clearing off the picnic tables while Bessie and Bodie were helping Pacey and Gretchen gather up the gifts and cards. She soon followed them outside to help them load the trunk of Bodie’s car with her gifts.

“Do you want to come home with us?” Bessie asked while Bodie got Alexander into his car seat.

She turned to watch her boyfriend and his sister disappear back inside the house. “No, Pacey will drive me home a little later.”

When she returned inside, Joey stood in the sliding glass doorway and caught Pacey’s eye, motioning for him to join her on the porch. “Show me your bedroom,” she said, her throat tight with sympathy and sadness.

With a halfhearted smile, he took hold of her hand and they stepped inside the house. They moved through the living room and turned right when they reached the hallway. Then they climbed the stairs. His bedroom was at the far end of the hall, having given Gretchen the one closest to the bathroom. He threw open the door, flipped the light switch, and stepped aside, allowing Joey to enter the room first.

In silence, Joey took in the full-sized cherry bed and its accompanying furnishings. At the foot of his unmade bed, a weathered old travel trunk held a stack of his school textbooks and an unruly pile of papers. The room was painted a dark shade of blue, with white stripes on the wall opposite the bed. Two large windows flanked the room, one of them looking out over the backyard and Mill Pond beyond.

Her eyes took in the framed pictures he’d hung on the wall. There was a drawing of Dumbo, the one she knew her mother had done one year for Pacey’s birthday. She smiled. There was a large framed collage of pictures taken during their summer vacation. Then her gaze fell on the painting of her mother on the beach in a red dress, one she’d done sophomore year and had sold at the Capeside Family Fun Fair. Her mouth fell open. He had been the one to buy it? But Jack had never said…

She looked at Pacey, her heart filling with love and affection for him. “It’s peaceful in here,” she said.

“Nothing like out there,” he muttered as he sat on the edge of the bed and heaved a sigh. “I’m sorry about the party, Jo. I’m so sorry. I wanted tonight to be perfect, and… it was a nightmare. You deserved something so much better.”

“Pacey, I loved my party. Other than the behavior of certain guests, which you had no control over, everything you did for me today was amazing. My surprises, the decorations, the food, the cake, my family and friends, everyone I love here…” She smiled sweetly. “Thank you.”

“But leave it to my family to turn it into a train wreck. We’re cursed, or I’m cursed—either one. My dad is right. I _am_ a sinking ship, and you should get as far away from me as you can.”

Joey shook her head and crossed the room to stand in front of him. “Don’t you listen to a damn word he says, Pacey,” she told him, her hands going to rest on his shoulders, sliding to his neck, her fingertips caressing his skin. “Nobody out there believed what he said—least of all me—and neither should you. So, don’t you believe him. Not for a second. You are gonna get out of this town and prove him wrong. I know you will.”

His hands grasped her hips. “What would I do without you, Josephine Potter?”

She wanted desperately to comfort him. So, Joey did what any impassioned, madly in love woman would do. She kissed him. She started by brushing her lips against his, once, twice, feeling his mouth soften under hers in response. For countless moments, it was the only movement between them: long, slow, gentle kisses, beneath which an inexorable desire began to build, part lust, part tenderness, fed with hunger for the taste of each other.

Even as her excitement grew, Joey knew there would be no fervent make out session between them tonight. Pacey was more exhausted than he would admit. Plus, several of their friends were still downstairs. She’d fulfil her own helpless need to lie alongside him and feel the warm, hard length of his body another night.

Tentatively, Pacey’s hand tugged the tank top free of her jeans and crept beneath to rest on her bare skin with an unassuming, gentle pressure. His fingers caressed her in languid circles. “I love you,” he whispered against her lips.

She smiled, her eyes sparkling. “I love you, too.” Thoughts of her conversation with Jen came forward. “Will we get any alone time this weekend? You know, when I get out of work?”

“I have Will staying here all weekend,” he said, his mouth curving into a frown. “I kinda have to entertain him.”

“Oh.” She couldn’t help feeling disappointed.

“But you don’t have work on Monday, Jo. And we both know I’m currently jobless. So, after school we can have the whole evening to ourselves. I’ll tell Gretchen to scram or something.” He grinned.

“Okay.” Then she pouted. “I won’t see you until Monday?”

Chuckling, his arms encircled her and pulled her closer. “Just can’t get enough of me, huh, Potter?” He waggled his brows at her. “I have to say I’m excited you’re 18 now. Think about it: all my women have been older. Ms. Jacobs, definitely. Andie’s older. You’re older. I think it’s safe to say I have a penchant for really smart, bossy, older women. I think this is my type.”

She rolled her eyes and thrust her tongue in her cheek, fighting a smile. Then she gave him an affronted look. “I’m not bossy!”

_“Anyway_… I didn’t say you couldn’t see me this weekend, Jo. I just said we probably wouldn’t be able to be alone. You’re more than welcome to hang out with me and Will when you get out of work.”

“I don’t know,” she sighed. “I wouldn’t want to interrupt your boys’ weekend.”

“You wouldn’t be interrupting. I invited Andie to go sailing with us. Is it weird that it kinda feels like I’m playing matchmaker for my ex-girlfriend?” he asked, and she laughed. “But seriously, Jo… you can hang out with us.”

“Well, I have a ton of homework to do by Monday. I should probably get that done.”

He nodded his understanding and stood up from the bed. Lustful thoughts then came unbidden to his mind and he grinned to himself. His conversation with Jen earlier also sprang to mind. “You know, Potter, the next best thing to being alone with me is thinking about being alone with me.”

She smirked as she gazed up at him. “Yeah?”

“What if I were to give you… a homework assignment for the weekend? You know, once you finish your actual homework.”

Her brows knitted, unsure as to what that could be. “Okay?”

He licked his lips and went for it. “Have you ever, uh, explored yourself? Especially now that you know what’s waiting for you on the other side?” His girlfriend made a sort of squeaking noise, as if he’d said the most scandalous thing ever. Well, maybe he had. After all, this was Joey Potter. He doubted anyone had ever dared say such things to her before.

She giggled nervously, her cheeks instantly becoming hot, and she lowered her eyes from his direct gaze. She knew she must be crimson. “Um…”

Pacey dared. “This weekend,” he whispered in Joey’s ear. “When you get in bed at night, think of me and how you want me to touch you. Slide your hand between your legs and think of me.” He pressed his thigh between her legs. It wasn’t a lot, but she whimpered all the same. “Consider this your homework. I want you to touch yourself when you’re all alone in your bed, thinking about me. Do you accept your assignment?”

Something visceral knotted in the pit of Joey’s stomach. Desire fired up her blood. Her breasts felt heavy and there was a dragging ache between her legs. She gripped his shoulders, her breathing coming in rapid pants. Her mouth had gone dry and she had to swallow in order to speak. “Yes,” she murmured.

“And someday,” he continued to whisper. “If you let me, I’m going to take you to bed and kiss and touch and stroke and lick and suck until…”

Joey sagged against his thigh, wedged between her legs. “Until?”

He grinned, brushing his lips against her ear. “Until you scream. Until I’m completely yours and you’re completely mine.”

Pacey lifted his face to look at her. Joey met his gaze and held it with intensity. His blue eyes had darkened to the color of navy, and his pulse throbbed in his neck. His walls were down, or at least down enough that she could see the real him underneath all his defense mechanisms, the emotional and sexual man he was behind it all. Her eyes smoldered with desire, and as he watched, her lips parted in invitation. He dipped his head and kissed her passionately.


	29. 2000 (Senior Year: Part Four)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains sexually explicit material.

September 24. In the middle of the night, Joey walked out of her room and into the kitchen, took the phone from the charger, and went back to her bedroom. Everyone else in the house was asleep, so she actually had privacy. She dialed Pacey’s home number. Although late, he picked up on the first ring.

“Hello?” he said.

“Hi.”

“Joey? Why are you whispering?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. Because it’s two in the morning? Anyway, I’m kinda surprised you’re up—happy, but surprised.”

“Me and Will were playing video games. He just went up to bed.”

“He’s staying in your room?

“Yeah, well, he’s the guest. I’m staying in Couch City this weekend. Why are _you_ up, Josephine?”

“I can’t sleep.”

“How was the yacht club?”

“Ugh. I made some pretty good tips, though. Wish I didn’t have to go back in the morning, and I could just hang out with you all day tomorrow, or well… I guess it’s today now, isn’t it? Anyway, how was your day, sweetheart?”

“Nice. Took the boat out this afternoon. It was a beautiful day. Andie and Will enjoyed themselves. If it weren’t for having Buzz along with us, I probably would’ve felt like a third wheel. You know, like the good old days of hanging out with you and Dawson.”

“Ha. Ha. Well, I’m glad you had a good day.”

“So, why can’t you sleep, Jo?”

“I was up late finishing my calc assignment, and then… I just couldn’t sleep.” There was a long pause. “I miss you, Pace.”

He chuckled. “You just saw me last night, Joey.”

“So? We were together for pretty much every waking—and sleeping—moment for three months.”

“I know. I’m just teasing. I miss you, too, Jo. I keep thinking about kissing you.”

“Yeah?”

“How sweet you taste.” She smiled as her stomach fluttered. “The sounds you make when I kiss your neck and that soft spot behind your ear.” His voice was rough, strained.

“Pacey, what are you doing?”

“Thinking about how badly I want to kiss you… and touch you.” He lowered his voice.

Her heart was pounding. “You sound sleepy.”

“Nope, I’m not sleepy at all. So, Miss Potter, have you given any attention to your _other_ homework assignment? Have you been… _thinking_ about me at all?”

She was overwhelmed with embarrassment. Before being with Pacey, she’d never touched herself in the way in which he was alluding to because it had always felt somehow… _wrong_—she wasn’t exactly sure why—and she’d always been unable to truly see herself as a sexual person. Someone with sexual desires, someone who could actually be sexually desirable to someone else. Before her passionate make out sessions with Pacey, she was like someone who had never tasted sugar, who couldn’t believe something so sweet existed. “Um…”

Pacey laughed quietly. “You don’t have to be embarrassed, Jo. It’s just you and me here. We love each other. Besides, we’ve known each other practically our entire lives.”

“That’s why I’m embarrassed,” she snarked.

“Okay, well, then forget about the assignment. I don’t want to embarrass you or make you feel uncomfortable. I thought maybe… it would be fun, and I was honestly just hoping you think about me when I’m not around, that’s all. You know, the same way I think about you…”

Joey smiled, her heart filling with affection for him. It wasn’t about whatever he might be doing on the other end of the telephone or what he wanted to do or what he was curious about. It was the fact Pacey could open up and just say it to her, the person he fantasized about, and he knew it would be okay. It was the fact he trusted her enough to be vulnerable. It made her love him more. “Well, you’re pretty much all I think about, butthead.”

“There’s my girl. But seriously, Jo… we don’t have to talk about this if you don’t wan—”

“Well, I _tried_, Pace.” She was whispering again, and felt her face grow hot at the admission. “To, uh, _do my homework_.” She sighed, feeling disappointed at her rather vain attempt earlier. When she’d finished her math assignment, she took to exploring herself, but nothing had really happened. No fireworks, no pleasure-induced blissful feeling like when she was with Pacey. “But I couldn’t really… I don’t know. It didn’t really work. Maybe there’s something wrong with me.”

“There’s nothing wrong with you, Joey. I think it’s probably a lot easier for guys. You women are complicated, a puzzle that needs to be figured out. I’m looking forward to figuring you out, though. That’s the fun stuff. And the fact that you at least tried, well…” His voice lowered. “That means you were, uh, touching yourself?”

Her cheeks reddened even more. “Yes.”

His breathing hardened on the phone as he exhaled deeper. “Were you thinking about me when you were touching yourself?”

“Yes,” she giggled nervously, and listened to his breaths, the excitement forcing itself into the receiver.

“Then… you completed your assignment, Jo. That’s all that was asked of you.”

“True, but I’m gonna have to give myself a D on the assignment, maybe a D+ for effort. I promise to keep trying, though, Pace. Maybe…” She shrugged. “Maybe I was just too exhausted, my head too full of calculus to really relax.”

“There you go.”

She yawned and felt her eyelids grow heavy. “Now that I’ve listened to your voice, I think I can actually go to sleep. I miss sleeping next to you.”

“I miss sleeping next to you, too. Best sleep I’ve ever gotten.”

She let out a breathy laugh. “I love you, Pacey.”

“I love you, Jo. Goodnight.”

After hanging up the phone, Joey quickly fell asleep.

_She was running down one of the hallways at school and trying to open doors, but they were all locked. She could hear Pacey’s voice ahead. He was behind one of the doors; she just had to find the right one. Finally, a door opened and there he was. Then they were below deck on the _ True Love _ and he was lying next to her in the hammock, but she couldn’t remember how this had happened. When did they get back on the boat? Pacey’s face was hovering over hers and his hand was moving down her stomach to between her thighs, his fingers sliding underneath the lace edge of her panties. He’d never done that before. Suddenly she could feel her clit throbbing, her body tight and straining with the intensity of it, but then everything started to fade. **No, no, no. Just a little longer.** It felt so good. She was going to come. She was almost there, but she was slipping away…_

Joey opened her eyes. She groaned in frustration. She’d been so close. Why did she have to wake up right at the good part? The tingling sensation remained and she started squirming. She heaved a sigh as she stared up at the ceiling. Her clit was tight and throbbed dully, and she could feel her wetness; she needed relief. The twinge of embarrassment she felt as she slid her left hand underneath the waistband of her pajama bottoms wasn’t strong enough to stem the suddenly powerful rush of her imagination. Things she’d never really been able to imagine about herself before being with Pacey now began to invade her mind because she could easily imagine _Pacey_ doing them to her. Pacey’s mouth on her breasts and Pacey’s head between her thighs. Heat pooled between her legs.

The hair that covered her mound was soft and springy under her fingers. Her fingers moved lower, dipping into her cleft of soft skin. She found her wetness and bit back a whimper. She closed her eyes and let the mental images flow through her mind. It wasn’t her fingers, but Pacey’s. It was him touching her, sliding his fingers over her sensitive flesh. It was him who gathered her wetness and let his fingertips glide over her clit.

Joey was past the point of feeling shame now. For years she’d completely repressed any notion of yearning to be touched like this, and especially any yearning to be touched by Pacey Witter. Now that she was finally giving in and indulging, she could barely control herself.

She thought about Pacey’s lips pressed to hers, his naked body covering hers. She thought about what it would feel like to have him enter her and fill her. She gasped as she let her finger slide inside of her, moving in and out, imagining him sliding into her pussy. He would be so big, so hard, when he took her. She bit back a moan. More wetness flowed from her center. She gathered it on her fingers, spreading her juices over her hardened bundle of nerves. Her inner muscles clenched as thoughts of Pacey ran through her mind. Her breasts were heavy and she palmed them, trying to ease the ache. She pinched and rolled her nipples while she thrummed her clit faster. Her thoughts focused on his face between her legs, his mouth sucking on her swollen clit. Heat spread through her, from her head down to her toes. Her breathing quickened into little pants.

Then she could hear his voice murmuring close to her ear, imagined dirty talk that almost surprised her with how explicit it was. “Oh, my God,” she moaned. Suddenly, her toes curled as her orgasm snaked up her legs, pulsating at the base of her spine, before centering on her throbbing core. Her body shuddered, every muscle tense. Waves of pleasure overtook her senses. She clenched her teeth to prevent making any loud sounds, slammed her eyes shut, and arched slightly off the mattress before clamping her thighs down against her hand.

It took several moments for Joey to find the strength to drag her hand to her stomach, and even longer for her breathing to return to normal. Turning her head to the side, her gaze fell on the cordless phone that lay on the mattress. She started giggling. Impulsively, she reached for it and dialed Pacey’s home number.

It picked up on the fourth ring. “Hello?” he answered groggily.

She could only giggle in response, the sound of his rough voice making her all tingly inside.

“Potter?”

“Are you asleep, Pacey?” she asked quietly, trying in vain to suppress her laughter.

“Yes. Jesus, what time is it?”

Unable to help herself, she kept giggling and glanced at the clock. “It’s just after six,” she answered. “But I just wanted to say… A+. A+, A+, A+.”

He groaned and mumbled something unintelligible.

“Go back to sleep, Pace,” she said, laughing. “I’ll talk to you later.” Then she hung up the phone. Feeling giddy, she stared up at the ceiling as her giggles subsided. Before falling back to sleep, she thought it might actually be a good idea to take up Jen’s advice about calling the free clinic and scheduling an appointment.

*****

September 28. Between their mountain of homework, studying for the swiftly-approaching SATs, the B&B being at full capacity, and Gretchen’s friends from out of town having shown up for an impromptu visit—once again making him a resident of Couch City—Pacey hadn’t had much in the way of quality alone time with Joey all week. He was hoping to rectify that this afternoon. It was a beautiful day and he wanted to take the boat out. The two of them once again alone together on the _True Love_ was just what they needed. It would also be a great way to celebrate getting his first A on an assignment since the school year started.

He walked with Jen from their government class, his A grade in hand, heading for Joey’s locker. She quickly came into view, as did Dawson, but one glance in his direction and his former best friend quickly walked away. He wished Dawson would just get over it already. He rolled his eyes as he approached his girlfriend. “Someone couldn’t have high-tailed it out of here fast enough,” he griped, before leaning in to kiss her.

She hummed. “And you were in such a race to start conversation with him?” she challenged.

“She’s right, Pacey,” Jen agreed. “One day, one of you is gonna have to put an end to this great era of silence.”

He gazed down the long west hallway, watching Dawson round a corner. Neither of them had spoken a word to each other since June. Even at Joey’s birthday party last week, they both pretty much acted like the other was invisible. “But not me and not today.” There were times he felt the void of Dawson’s friendship, but he’d quickly suppress it. There was nothing he could do to change Dawson’s mind about him, so why bother? He’d done his fair share of talking and apologizing last spring. The ball was in Dawson’s court. Pacey turned his attention back to Joey and smiled. “Today, I am celebrating,” he said, taking her in his arms.

“Celebrating?” she questioned as her arms went around his neck.

“Pacey done good,” Jen said, smiling as she turned to open her locker.

“Oh, Pacey done _very_ good. Pacey got his first A.” He showed off his government paper that he’d spent Monday evening writing up. His girlfriend beamed. “Good omen, yeah? And I couldn’t have done it without you.” He kissed her.

“Aww.” She pulled him into a hug. “I was but a mere study aide.”

He rolled his eyes. “Sure, you were.” It had taken him a good three hours to write it, with Joey sitting next to him on the floor in his living room with the laptop on the coffee table in front of her, looking up countless articles for him to use as references, not to mention all the proofreading. There was no way he could’ve gotten an A without her help. “So, now, you’re gonna come sailing with me. Thursdays at the yacht club are deader than a doornail, you’ve said so yourself, and so I think you can take the afternoon off. Because this afternoon is bound to be one of the last beautiful days of the season and you have been conscripted back into first mate duties.”

Joey inwardly groaned. She’d much rather be out on the boat. “I’d love to, Pace, but I have a project to do.”

“Put it off for one day?”

“It’s due tomorrow, and…” The thought of being holed up at the yacht club with Dawson and Drue Valentine wasn’t exactly a thrilling prospect.

He had no idea why she was frowning like that over homework. “Am I missing something here?”

“It’s with Dawson,” she said. “It wasn’t planned. We were assigned.”

“Well, isn’t that cute?” He wouldn’t get to spend the day with his girlfriend, but Dawson would. _Great._

“I’ll go with you, if you want,” Jen offered. “I mean, maybe the open horizon will lift my spirits a bit, huh?”

Surprised, Pacey smiled. “Really?”

Jen smiled back. “Yeah.”

The bell rang, and he took Joey by the hand as they started walking in the direction of their Spanish class. “There you go—willing victim,” she said.

“Oh, two things,” Jen told him, glancing back over her shoulder as she walked in front of them. “First of all, I absolutely refuse to make out with you, and second of all, there’s a distinct possibility that I’ll puke.”

Joey smiled and pulled Pacey’s arm around her shoulder. “What do you know? Those are my two things,” she joked, and then leaned over to kiss him on the cheek.

Hours later, he was aboard the _True Love_, sailing out on the open waters of the Atlantic Ocean. It was a gorgeous day, the weather warm and slightly humid, perfect wind, and despite his girlfriend not being able to come along, he was enjoying his time with Jen. He couldn’t remember the last time the two of them hung out, although it must’ve been early on in junior year when their pact came to its inevitable end, before Joey became the center of his universe.

“It must’ve been hard as hell to turn this boat around and come back to reality,” Jen said while sitting beside him on one of the cushioned bench seats in the cockpit.

“That’s an understatement.”

“You could just forget about the world out here.”

“Yeah, you could almost forget that your girlfriend’s spending the entire afternoon with her ex-soulmate,” he snarked.

Jen shook her head. “Pacey, you know, I am probably the last person on earth that should be out here with you.”

“Oh, that’s not true. Ever see Dougie in a speedo?”

She laughed. “I mean, I love you and Joey, but, uh… if you’re having doubts whether a teenage couple can sustain a relationship, I’m probably not the best person to talk to right now.”

Scoffing, he shook his head, but before he could reply, a strong gust of wind filled the sails and the boat teetered as it sped up, making Jen nervous. It only lasted a moment as he maneuvered the tiller to go with the wind. After she inquired about the weather and he assured her the report from earlier that morning had predicted good weather and that a stormfront would pass right by them, he finally responded. “I’m not having doubts, by the way. Well, not too many. Sometimes I worry about what’s gonna happen after high school, especially if I can’t get my shit together, but I try not to think about that too much. _Try_ being the operative word. But would there be serious doubts about having a relationship that can survive high school if, say, I was dating a freshman…?” He side-eyed her. “Yeah.”

“You’re right, you’re right,” she conceded. “What was I thinking? And I know me and Henry were in a completely different position than you and Joey are in now. You guys are the same age, on the same page, are mature beyond your years because of everything life has thrown at you, and are heading in the same direction.”

“I hope we are.” He worked the tiller. “Heading in the same direction, that is. Well, maybe not literally, but hopefully in the same, you know, vicinity. There’s no way in hell I’d ever get into any school she’d get into, but I can certainly live wherever that school happens to be.”

“Sounds like you’ve got it all worked out, Pacey.”

He sighed as uncertainty welled up inside him. “I just have to work my ass off this year in order to graduate. Easier said than done.”

She smiled brightly. “Well, you’re doing good so far, Pacey. Have you gotten a single grade this semester that was less than a B?”

“Well, no…” He blushed and fought a smile, a sense of self-satisfaction coloring his face.

“You going to take the SATs next month?”

He shrugged. “Joey keeps trying to talk me into it, but I don’t know…”

She threw him a pointed look. “You’re smart enough to get a good score, Pacey. You obviously get good grades when you make an effort, as evidenced by the A you got today. I bet if you got a high SAT score, you’d still do well with college applications even with a low GPA.”

“Yeah, that’s was the college advisor said—admissions offices would look at my transcript and see ‘smart slacker’ all over it. But let’s face it, I’m probably not getting in anywhere other than Capeside Community College, so why even bother wasting my money on application fees?”

“You definitely could get into UMass. It’s not Harvard or MIT, but it’s not CCC either.”

“I don’t even know if I _want_ to go college, Jen. What would I even do there? Study, but study for what? To be what? To do what? College is just a holding pen for 18 to 22-year-olds before they’re forced to grow up and join the real world.”

“You make a very good point there, Pacey. I have no idea what the hell I’m going to do with my life. I guess college is the place where you’re supposed to at least try to figure that out. Unless you’re someone like Dawson who’s bound for film school, and in that case, you’ve got your future already mapped out.”

“Now he just needs to figure out how to get back together with his erstwhile soulmate and everything will fall into place exactly like he always said it would,” he snarked.

“Oh, Pacey. I think it’s fair to assume that this thing with Joey that exists between the two of you has probably been going on for most of your lives, but it’s time you all moved on. I’m sure it’ll add years to your lifespan.”

He threw her a pointed look. “Jen, do you honestly think Dawson’s moved on? He still thinks I stole something that belonged to him, that I preyed on her vulnerability, as if Joey doesn’t have the free will to decide for herself. Do you think Dawson’s given up on Joey? That he’s accepted the choices she’s made? He’s accepted that his future no longer lies with her and that I’m the one she wants to be with?”

Heaving a sigh, she looked away and only shook her head.

“That’s what I thought, and that’s why _this thing_ will never truly be over. We’ll always be in love with the same woman.”

“Time heals all wounds, Pacey, or at least significantly dulls the pain. Dawson may not be ready to move on right now, but maybe when he sees that you and Joey have and that even though he’s still angry, you still want to be his friend…” She grinned at him. “You catch more flies with honey, as Grams would say.”

“Why does everyone think I need to be the one to extend an olive branch? Has everyone forgotten what happened at the regatta? I would think Dawson nearly killing me and Will Krudski would somehow trump the evil of falling in love with his ex-girlfriend.”

Again, Jen sighed, but before she could reply another strong gust of wind rocked the boat. She gazed out at the sky, slowly darkening with cloud cover. “Um, are you sure that storm is supposed to pass right over us?”

Pacey’s grip tightened on the tiller, steadying the boat. “That’s what the weather report said. It’s gonna head out to sea. There’s absolutely nothing to worry about.”

Hours later, while sitting beside his girlfriend in an entirely different vessel, he saw the _True Love_ for the last time. As they sailed away from his most prized possession, a storm of emotions raged inside him, to match the powerful storm raging all around them. An urge to scream, to weep. He was furious with himself, with fate, even with Dawson for setting foot onto his boat and practically forcing him off it, as irrational as it was. A wave of depression rolled over him.

“Pacey, what were you thinking?” Joey demanded angrily, shouting over the noise of the rain pelting down on them. “How could you do that? How could you entertain the thought of letting yourself go down with that boat?”

He stared at her, dumbfounded. “I had no intention of _going down_ with her, Jo,” he shouted back. “She’s not in that bad shape! We weren’t sinking!”

She shook her head in exasperation. “We’d come all that way to help you, Pacey, and despite the danger we were all in, you untied the rope and refused to get off! Your life is more important than a boat! How could you hesitate, even for second? How could you be so selfish, even for a moment? Because it’s not just _your_ life, Pacey! It’s mine, too!”

“I never intended for you to risk your life out here, Joey! And as if abandoning the _True Love_ would be the easiest, most natural thing I could ever possibly do!”

She stared, at a loss for words. Why didn’t he get it? Something so devastating becoming so real had been terrifying.

He clenched his jaw and refused to speak any longer. His stony silence continued for the rest of the journey back to shore. Eventually the wind abated, and by the time they were pulling into the yacht club’s harbor, it had stopped raining.

As the fishing boat was being moored to the dock, Pacey saw Mitch and Gail, Jen’s grandmother, Andie, and Jack standing around in anxious anticipation. _But not a Witter in sight_, he thought. _Shocking_. He stepped off the boat and walked through the small crowd of concerned friends without speaking a word to anyone. Joey followed him up the dock and away from the waterfront. She was still pissed off, but he couldn’t help how he felt.

“Jo, the best memories of my life are on that sailboat. It represents everything that’s good to me in this world. So, you just gotta excuse me if I’m having a bit of a hard time letting all that go right now.”

“No, I won’t excuse you, Pacey. I don’t think I’ve ever been that scared for someone in my whole life.”

He watched her eyes fill with tears; she’d been scared to lose him. His anger melted away. “I’m sorry that I put you through that. You know, you and I have been through a bad storm together before, one much worse than this.”

“The difference being we were actually _together_. Even the worst is endurable as long as we’re together. So, can you do me a favor? You know, in the future when you’re dealing with life and death matters, um…” Her eyes filled with fresh tears and her voice became thick with emotion. “Remember that you’re thinking for two.”

His heart swelled and Pacey felt that odd sense of wonder again, the wonder that came from knowing Joey loved and cared for him just as much as he did for her. From knowing she couldn’t lose him, just as he couldn’t lose her. He smiled tenderly. “I can do that,” he said before pulling her into his arms and holding her close. Their hug was warm and enveloping and filled with strong emotions.

Joey pulled away and moved back to look at him. “You knew he was going to come for you, didn’t you?”

“What makes you say that?” he asked, although he was certain she knew the truth of it.

“Because you know him just as well as he knows you. It’s the nature of best friends.”

And she was probably the one person who knew them both better than anyone else. He shook his head. “No. Ex-best friends now.”

“You know, whether you guys hang out or not, he’s still a part of you, Pace. How can you really be whole if you continue to act like he doesn’t exist?”

He’d been honest with Jen earlier—he did regret the state of his friendship with Dawson and wished things were different. He also knew their relationship was beyond repair at this point and there was probably little he could do to change that. Jen had told him to just be honest with Dawson and tell him that, but he’d be a fool to believe the situation could be fixed just by having a conversation.

Pacey wrapped his arm around Joey’s shoulders and they walked to the yacht club’s parking lot. When they reached the Potter’s blue truck, she handed him the keys. He opened the passenger side door for her, and as he did so, she turned to face him, stepped forward, and kissed him. The kiss was short and sweet, but full of emotion—warmth and comfort, tenderness and love. He closed the door behind her after she slid into the seat.

They were soon pulling into the beach house driveway. Pacey shut the engine off, and they just sat there in silence. It had started raining again; drops pattering lightly on the windshield. Joey unbuckled her seatbelt, slid over, and leaned her head against his shoulder. She remembered her earlier fear. Again, tears stung her eyes. How could she ever survive the turmoil of losing him?

He heard her sniffles and turned to get a good look at her. “Jo, are you crying?”

“I can’t help it,” she choked. “I think I’m still scared. I can’t lose you, Pacey.”

“I’m so sorry I frightened you. It’s the last thing I would ever want to do, but everything’s okay now. I’m safe. You’re safe. Jen’s safe. Dawson, too. No one was hurt.” He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close.

Joey tightened her hold on him and buried her face in his neck. Unable to fight her emotions any longer, she let her tears fall. He held her as she cried, whispering soothing words of reassurance. She realized that what frightened her most was the very thought of being without him was so painfully devastating, was enough to make her seize with panic. How could she ever possibly endure the reality of it, should it ever become one?

“It’s all right,” he said quietly when she finally pulled back. With the pads of his thumbs, he wiped her tears away. “I’m all right. You didn’t lose me, and you’re not going to. We’re gonna have a long life together, you and me. I promise not to do anything so reckless as to risk my own life. When I refused to leave my boat, I wasn’t thinking of you in that moment and how it would affect you, and I’m sorry, Jo. I’ll never do that again. Never. Please forgive me.”

She couldn’t smile, even to comfort him. “There’s nothing to forgive, Pacey. As long as you hold me. As long as you kiss me.”

He kissed her. Gently. His lips parted hers, his tongue stroked, but in comfort rather than in desire, in love rather than in that loving lust they shared. This was a kiss to warm, to comfort, to soothe. It was a kiss to bind their hearts and souls, and to build a foundation of future promises. When Pacey lifted his head and gazed at her tenderly, Joey touched his jaw, and this time, she managed a smile.

*****

On Friday night when Joey’s shift ended at the yacht club, she drove over to the beach house and was soon knocking on the front door. After a moment, Gretchen answered. “Hey, Joey,” she greeted, before stepping aside to let her in.

“Hey. How are you?”

Gretchen closed the door behind her. “I’m good. You?”

She shrugged. “I’m all right. Work was a drag, but I’m glad to be here, though.” She glanced around the kitchen and peered into the empty living room. “Where’s Pacey?”

“He’s upstairs.”

Joey considered the rather glum way she’d said the words. “Is… is he okay?”

“I don’t really know, but I’m gonna guess he’s having a bad day.”

“Did something happen after school?” she asked. While her boyfriend hadn’t exactly been cheerful earlier, understandable after the events of last night, there wasn’t anything that had caused her concern.

“Uh… a couple things, actually.” Gretchen walked over to the fridge and opened it. “You want anything to drink? I’ve got some Diet Coke.”

She nodded. “Sure. Diet Coke sounds great.”

Gretchen pulled out two cans of soda and handed one over. “So, when Pacey got out of school today, he went with Doug and one our brother’s friends to Crescent Island to look for the _True Love_.”

Her eyes widened. “Really?” She felt like her heart was in her throat. “Did he… did he find it?”

“No. Doug’s friend assumes it smashed into the cove and then sunk.”

Disappointment and sadness welled up inside. She closed her eyes and shook her head. “Oh, Pacey,” she sighed.

“Yeah. And then after that, he went over to Dawson’s house to talk to him.”

Joey gaped. “He did what?”

Gretchen nodded and took a sip of her soda. “Yep. Apparently, he went over there and thanked Dawson for what he did last night and apologized for everything and told him he hopes that someday they can be friends again.”

“Wow. I, uh…” Stunned, she almost couldn’t believe it. “Pacey told you that?”

“No. He hasn’t said more than ten words to me all day. Dawson told me.”

Her brows knitted. “Dawson? When was this?”

“We ordered dinner from Leery’s Fresh Fish, and when I went over there to pick it up, Dawson was there, and he told me about Pacey’s surprise visit this afternoon.”

“Huh.” Joey pursed her lips, thinking it all over. She found herself standing in front of the calendar on the wall next to the fridge, and recognized it as the one Pacey had gotten in Key West. It was vivid and colorful, in contrast to the subdued natural colors of the kitchen. It had a fancy pocket for holding notes or letters, guarded by topless mermaids, intertwined with seaweed fronds. The picture above was of a beautiful tropical island landscape. Joey flipped the calendar to see what picture was on the next month. In black sharpie, “Planned Parenthood, 4pm” was written under Thursday, October 5th. Her eyes went wide.

She didn’t want to be nosy, but she couldn’t help herself. “Uh, Gretchen… not that it’s any of my business, but I guess I’m just…” She pointed to the appointment. “Have you been there before? I guess I was just wondering because I’ve been, you know, thinking about it, and… Well, I’ve never been, but I’m thinking I should. What’s it like there? Are the people nice? Is it intimidating? I want to go, but I also kind of panic whenever I seriously think about picking up the phone and calling them to make an appointment.”

Gretchen laughed. “Well, if you’d stop your nervous rambling, Joey, I could tell you that that isn’t my appointment. And no, I’ve never been to the one in Hyannis. I’ve been to the one in Boston, though. A few times. The staff there were very nice and easy to talk to.”

Her gaze flew back to the calendar and she stared. “You mean, that’s… that’s…”

“Yes. That’s Pacey’s appointment.”

The free clinic had services for men? There was so much about this stuff she didn’t know. And why would Pacey be going? She turned back to Gretchen.

“Before you can ask me the obvious follow-up question, that’s really something you should ask him.” Then she watched Gretchen walk down the hallway and stand at the bottom of the stairs. “Pacey! Joey’s here!” A moment later, she heard his footsteps in the hall and then coming down the stairs.

Pacey’s heart leapt when he saw her; she was a sight for sore eyes. “Hey, Jo,” he said, smiling.

“Hey.” She stepped forward, wrapping her arms around him in a hug, careful not to spill her Diet Coke.

“Well, I’ll make myself scarce,” Gretchen told them. “I’ll be up in my room if you need me.”

“We won’t,” Pacey snarked, gazing down at his girlfriend.

Joey snorted. “It was nice talking to you Gretchen,” she called out as his sister started going up the stairs. “And thanks for the soda.”

Once he heard his sister’s bedroom door shut, he dipped his head and kissed his girlfriend. “I’m happy you’re here. It’s been a day, let me tell ya.”

“Talk to me.” She took him by the hand and led him into the living room where they sat on the couch. She set her can of soda on the coffee table and her backpack down by her feet.

Pacey recounted the events following school. “We circled the entire island, and nothing. I just… I just can’t believe she’s gone. It’s like a nightmare.” Tears pricked his eyes. “I’m sure it’s stupid to mourn a sailboat, but…”

Joey held his hand reassuringly. “It’s not stupid, Pace.” It was finally sinking in that the _True Love_ was lost to them. They would never set foot on it again. They would never go sailing on it again. Never sit together while Pacey cleaned and cooked the fish he caught for their dinner. Never get into their hammocks again. “I’m so sorry.” Tears filled her own eyes. “All your hard work to restore it. All those memories we made, our whole summer together. The boat was priceless...”

“And now it’s at the bottom of the ocean. Do you think it’s a bad sign? That the boat I built for you and named _True Love_ sunk? The other shoe is bound to drop, right? Or was _this_ the other shoe? Why does everything good in my life end up a disaster?”

She sniffled and laid her head on his shoulder, squeezing his hand in hers. They sat in silence for several moments, grief tugging at their hearts. “At least you and Jen are okay. We may have lost the boat, Pace, but your life is far more precious. The boat may be gone, but not our memories. It’s something we’ll never forget, and I have hundreds of pictures to ensure we won’t. The _True Love_ still exists in our hearts. It’s a part of our history that can never be erased, something we’ll always cherish.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” He smiled and kissed her head. “Afterwards, Doug insisted we stop by Mom and Dad’s to check in on them—well, mostly Carrie and the kids—and of course my brother had to regale my father with how I’d lost my boat in the storm. That was a fun conversation. There was only so much of a verbal beating I could take, and I just walked out of the room and right out the back door. I was standing out there, staring at the creek, and the realization hit me that Jen and I really _could_ have gone down with the boat if Dawson hadn’t come out there…” He sighed. “So, I walked over to the Leery’s house and thanked him for what he did.”

Joey lifted her head from his shoulder to look at him. “What did he say?”

He shrugged. “Well, he was civil, but he didn’t say much. Just that there was no need to thank him because I would’ve done the same thing if the situation had been reversed.”

“You would’ve.”

“I don’t know about that, Jo. I’d like to think so, but…”

“Pacey, you’d lie down in traffic for Dawson. Is there anything you wouldn’t do for him? Come on.”

He smirked at her. “Other than give you up?”

She fought a smile. “Well, other than that… yeah.”

“Anyway, I suppose he evened the score. He nearly killed me once, and now he’s saved my life. I guess we can wipe the slate clean. Well, as far as I’m concerned. Not that he wants to kiss and make up anytime soon, seeing as how I basically stabbed him in the back…”

“We both did. We share the blame equally. Just give him some time, Pace. Maybe he’ll remember why you two were friends in the first place. Your friendship had nothing to do with me. And he hasn’t exactly forgiven me yet, either, you know. Civil, yes. Friends? Far from it. But I won’t give up hope that’ll change in time.”

Her gaze fell on the kitchen, and once again the wall calendar came to mind. “Um… so, I was checking out the calendar next to the fridge. You know, the one you got at that shop in Key West.”

“Yeah? Good place for it, huh? I’m glad I took it from the boat last weekend.” He pouted. “The mermaids were lonely.”

Joey snorted, rolling her eyes. “Um… so, I flipped the calendar and saw the Planned Parenthood appointment.”

So, that’s why she brought it up, he thought. He pursed his lips and nodded. “Ah.”

“Well? Is there something I should know about, Pacey?”

“It’s just my regular six-month check-up, Jo.”

“What are they checking, exactly?”

Licking his lips, he hesitated, not knowing how comfortable she’d be with the subject. “It’s for STD and HIV screening.”

She was stunned; he’d never mentioned this to her before. “When did you start doing that?”

“When I was dating Andie,” he explained. “She insisted that I get tested before we started… you know… and I happily obliged. I’ve been going pretty much every six months since then. Well, it’s been longer than six months this time. I kind of bailed on my appointment back in July seeing as how I wasn’t around.”

“Were you nervous about going?” she asked, wondering about her own hesitation to make an appointment despite knowing how much she should.

“It’s like going to any doctor’s office. Sitting in the waiting room is kind of weird. Like, you’re sitting there wondering if everyone else is judging you or wondering what your problem is, but then you realize that the other people sitting there are probably worried about the same thing. So, the first time was a little nerve-wracking, yeah. You don’t really know what to expect, and no one likes to be poked and prodded or asked a bunch of personal questions. It wasn’t so bad, though. The faces soon became familiar and they’re nice enough.”

“You never fail to surprise me, Pacey Witter.”

“Does this impress you?” he laughed.

“Well,” she smiled, and couldn’t help the blush suddenly coloring her cheeks. “Just that… I think out of all our friends, you’re the most mature and grown up out of all of us. You’re like this grown man walking around inside the shell of a 17-year-old boy.”

He let out a breathy laugh. “But like most kids, I still screw up.”

“Yeah, well, adults screw up all the time,” she said dryly.

“That they do, but I guess that’s being human. Humans screw up regularly—some more than others—but it’s in our very nature. I guess I should try to make peace with that.”

“You don’t screw up regularly, Pacey. That’s your dad talking, as if he has any freedom of speech when it comes to accusing people of screwing up. Just look at him. And you’re just… figuring out life, like all of us are. We’re all gonna make mistakes from time to time. We just can’t get down on ourselves every time we do. We gotta pick ourselves up, learn from those mistakes, and just keep going.”

He gazed at her, his heart full. “Enough about me. How was work?”

She shrugged. “Just work. Drue and his mother were their usual worst selves, but I made some good tips. I think those tacky snobs are starting to warm up to me. And something weird… Drue asked me if I’d come to a birthday party for Jen if he threw one.”

“Isn’t her birthday in May?” he asked, his brows furrowing in confusion.

“Yeah.”

“The guy must be throwing one hell of a party if he’s planning this far in advance.”

Joey then inched closer to him and brought her lips close to his ear. “I really don’t want to talk about Drue right now,” she whispered.

Grinning, he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her against him. “You don’t, huh?”

“There’s something I want to tell you,” she continued to whisper. “I adore you. Because you’re smart, you’re funny, and you’re so sweet and wonderful. Anyone who doesn’t think so is an idiot.”

Pacey blushed at her compliments, and chuckled softly. “I adore you, too.” She wrapped her arm around his waist and sighed. He held her close, then put one of his hands on the side of her face. Joey looked at him again. The way he studied her face made her feel as if she were the most beautiful, most desirable woman in the world.

Pacey brushed her cheek with his thumb, then leaned his head down and gently kissed her lips. He only tasted her briefly, slightly disappointing her; Joey ached for more. He loved the taste of her lips every time he kissed her. She was the best thing that had ever happened to him, and he was not taking it for granted. Then he smiled and kissed her again, this time a long, deep kiss, sending Joey’s heart fluttering. He sighed as he kissed her, and she clutched his clothing, lost in the passionate embrace.

Finally, they came up for air, their breathing ragged, their faces flushed. Joey felt herself come alive, desperate to kiss him again, desperate to feel his body come alive beneath hers. Oh, how she wished his sister wasn’t home, or that they were somewhere else, somewhere where no one could disturb them. That was another thing they’d lost with the boat—their fortress of solitude.

Pacey smiled at her. He could see the wheels turning inside her head. “What are you thinking about?” he whispered.

Joey blushed again. “Nothing, nothing,” she said quietly. “Just that I like being alone with you, but I don’t want Gretchen to walk in on us. And it’s not like we can just go upstairs to your room, because then, well… she’d probably hear us or she’d at least know why went up there, and…” Her face grew hot.

He laughed. “Well, then we’d better not be doing anything unfit for public consumption,” he murmured. “Although it is tempting.”

“Pace?” she whispered.

He cupped her jaw and cheek, tracing her lips with his thumb. “Yeah?”

“Kiss me again.”

He made a hoarse sound and obliged. The instant she parted her lips, his tongue slid inside. If hers hadn’t stroked his in return, he might’ve retreated before the kiss could become something else. As it was, the kiss quickly became deep and passionate. He held the back of her head, slid his other hand up her rib cage until it rested just beneath her breast. When he lifted her mouth from hers for a quick breath, she stared at him, her brown eyes dark and dilated with passion. “We could go for a drive and, you know, park somewhere,” he breathed.

Joey pursed her lips. “What kind of girl do you think I am, Pacey Witter?” she teased. “Besides, knowing our luck, Deputy Doug would probably come along and knock on a fogged-up window.”

He started laughing. “Older siblings, who the hell needs ‘em?”

“Let’s make a date,” she proposed, feeling excited about her idea now that she’d thought of it. “There are no B&B guests booked on Sunday night. Bodie has the night off from Gail’s restaurant, and he’s taking Bessie out to dinner at some fancy place up in Provincetown for their anniversary, leaving me to watch Alexander. How about you pick me up at the yacht club when I get out of work and then once we have my nephew fed and asleep, we’ll spend the whole evening together… in my bedroom. I know it won’t make up for the tragic loss of your boat, but maybe some quality alone time will help ease the pain.”

“I like the sound of that,” he grinned.

Joey nestled closer, holding him tighter. “Me too.”

October 1. It was nearly seven o’clock on Sunday evening and Pacey found himself in Joey’s bedroom as planned, except his nose was buried in a book. “You know, when you said, ‘let’s make a date,’” he said after finishing a chapter. “Spending the evening doing homework wasn’t what I had in mind.”

She laughed, shaking her head. “Work first, play later. These assignments have to be done by tomorrow and they’re not going to do themselves. Besides, you already finished most of your homework, and weren’t you the one who once told me that you received certain _rewards_ for studying?”

He perked up. “Are you saying I’m gonna be rewarded?”

“Maybe,” she answered coyly. “How many chapters do you have left?”

“I still have to read three more,” he grumbled.

“Well, then you’re wasting time, aren’t you?” She shot him a teasing look over her shoulder.

He shook his head. “I still think assigning homework over the weekend is cruel and unusual punishment.”

“Pacey, the sooner you finish your assigned reading, the sooner we can have fun.”

“What kind of fun we talkin’ about, Potter?”

She turned to look at him, his eyebrows waggling at her, and she smirked. _“Read.”_

Forty-five minutes later, he lowered his book and gazed at her. “I’m bored.”

“Good.”

“Good? I thought you were supposed to be concerned about me in light of the recent tragedy I’ve suffered.”

“Pacey, it’s precisely because of the recent tragedy you suffered that you could use a little boredom. Now keep reading.”

“Seriously, Jo, what’s the point of reading a book about the future when the future in the book is already the past?” he complained, before launching into a winded diatribe about how nonsensical it was to be reading _1984_. After a quip about Boy George, he tossed a pillow off the white wicker chair next to her desk to sit down but saw a pile of envelopes and brochures in the seat. He picked it up. “What’s this stuff?”

Her stomach tightened. “Oh, nothing,” she said evasively, reaching to take it from him. “It’s just junk mail.”

“Oh, junk mail,” he replied sarcastically.

“It’s just college mail that came over the summer.”

As he sat down in the chair, Pacey stared at the large envelope in his hands. “You get junk mail from Princeton University?”

“It doesn’t mean anything,” she said, trying to make light of it, and took the envelope from him. “It comes from everywhere.” She began looking through the pile on her desk. “I mean… for instance, like I’m gonna go to St. Olaf College? Or, uh… the University of Hawaii? Or, uh… Valparaiso University? I mean, where is that? It’s like in Brazil or something.”

“It’s in Indiana, Jo. They play in the Missouri Valley Conference.”

“I’m guessing that’s a sports reference.”

He smiled. “It is.”

“Well, as if I’m gonna go all the way to Indiana, Pace. Just because these schools send out brochures doesn’t mean I’m actually gonna go to these places.”

“But you _are_ gonna go somewhere?”

Her stomach tightened again. She didn’t want to be having this conversation. Well, she did, but she didn’t, as she felt unsure where the conversation would lead. What if she did decide on a college that was a thousand miles away, or even farther? Could she really expect Pacey to pack up his life and leave everything behind just to follow her to middle-of-nowhere Indiana? She frowned, but then tried to make light of it again. “Well, not right this second.”

Pacey scoffed; she must have some idea of where she wanted to go.

“I mean, it’s early yet.” Joey got up from the desk and moved over to join him in the chair, sitting on his lap as his arm came up to pull her down. “There’s no rush to make any choices right now. I still have plenty of time to decide which schools I want to apply to. Once we take the SATs later this month, I think I can start narrowing down the possibilities.” She kissed him. “You _are_ going to take the SATs, right, Pace?”

“Only if forced,” he snarked.

She kissed him again. “This is me forcing you.”

“You’re buttering me up, aren’t you, Potter?”

She smirked and pressed her lips to his. “Works every time.”

Shaking his head, he sighed in defeat.

A little while later, he was sitting on the bed reading the last assigned chapter, his back against the pillows, his legs sprawled out in front of him. Joey sat next to him, having already finished all her homework. He could sense her fidgeting and grinned to himself. He decided to keep her waiting. Although he’d finally finished the chapter, he still held the book open, staring at the page and trying not to laugh at her impatient sighs.

Joey slid down on the bed, propping up on one elbow to look at him sitting there. “Pacey, are you seriously going to read all night? How long does it take to read five measly chapters?”

“I finished like ten minutes ago. I just wanted to make you suffer,” he teased.

“Jerk,” she giggled, and grabbed the book from his hands, tossing it aside, before pulling him down towards her.

Laughing, Pacey dipped his head and touched his lips to hers, all the while reminding himself not to get carried away with lust, despite being alone and on her bed; he knew she wasn’t ready to go too far. The warm caress of his lips spun a sweet pleasure through her blood, and Joey savored the taste of happiness. She leaned into the kiss, enticed by the tender persuasion of his mouth. He angled his head to capture her lips more fully, yet his kiss remained infinitely patient, his touch light and careful.

She raised a hand to his shoulder to steady herself and curled her fingers into his shirt. The tip of his tongue teased the seam of her mouth, and she opened to him. She was almost surprised to realize the breathy moan that whispered through the quiet room was hers. After a moment, she grew impatient with his caution, his restraint. She wanted to lose herself in Pacey’s kiss, in the mind-numbing sensations he stirred, and the pleasurable comfort of his touch.

Drawing on the boldness he’d encouraged in her and the assurance that she was always safe with him, Joey pulled back from the kiss and looked at him as they lay on their sides facing each other. “I, um… I wanted to tell you that the homework you assigned me has a been a fabulous success.”

Pacey blinked for a moment. When realization set in, a broad smile spread across his face, his blue eyes sparkling with delight. “Oh, really? So, you’ve been thinking about me, huh, Potter? And, uh, what did you think about?” he murmured huskily. “Did you think about how you want me to touch you? About what you want me to do to you?”

Joey nearly stopped breathing. She swallowed. Blood rushed into her face, leaving her feeling embarrassed and turned on at the same time. Unable to look him in the eye any longer, she stared at his mouth.

“You did, didn’t you?” he teased. “Thinking, imagining, wishing it was happening, wishing I was really there. So, what does it look like, Jo, when you imagine me and you together?”

“Um…” She giggled nervously, feeling like she was going to burst.

“Hmm, let me guess, then,” he told her as his hand caressed her side and then pulled her leg over his hip. Then he smoothed his hand over the backside of her jeans, pressing her body closer to him. “Do you want to be on top, Jo? Do you wanna ride my cock? Take control, hold me down while you pleasure yourself?”

Joey gasped. Their eyes locked, and the look Pacey was giving her set her on fire with lust and had her chest heaving. She could feel her blood rushing to her head, her eyesight becoming blurry, her mind swirling in a heady fog of desire.

Pacey watched her reactions with pleasure. This was a puzzle piece he’d figured out: she liked words, and she liked his voice. He thought back to all the times she’d asked him to read to her. Of course. He began breathing heavily himself. Excited, he inched closer and pressed his lips to her ear. “You like that, huh? Hmm… but that’s not how you pictured it.” He thought for a moment. “Do you want me to take control? You want me to hold you up against your bedroom wall, your legs wrapped around me while I fuck you hard enough to wake up all the B&B guests?” he teased playfully.

Joey giggled, and already heavily stimulated by his words, shivered as his hand slipped beneath the hem of her shirt and stroked the soft skin of her stomach. Wetness pooled at her aching center. She squirmed at the sensation and felt herself flush even darker. It felt as if her blood was on fire.

Pacey went on, encouraged by her reactions. He pressed a brief, passionate kiss to her lips, sliding his hand further up her rib cage to rest just below her breast, before breaking the kiss and gazing at her heavy-lidded eyes, smoldering with desire. “Hmm, not that either.” He arched his brow. Lustful ideas swam in front of his gaze and he grinned wickedly before lowering his mouth and leaving a trail of kisses down her throat, across her shoulder, and back up again. “You want me to bend you over in front of me and slide my cock into your pussy from behind?” he murmured against her jaw.

Her whole body shuddered against his as he touched and teased her. She clutched helplessly at the front of his patterned shirt, her breath coming in quickened pants. The feeling of him hard and pressed between her legs was working Joey into a hot mess and she rocked against him. It’d been too long since they’d been able to be together like this.

“But that’s not how you imagined it…” He lifted his face to gaze at her. Their eyes met, and he smiled. “Do you want to feel me on top of you, your arms around me, your legs locked around my waist, me pressing deep inside until you mold tightly around me and I make you come around my hard cock?”

Joey, in a fog of stimulation and mindless desire, whimpered at his words, a desperate mewling sound escaping her throat.

Pacey grinned hungrily. “Bingo. We have a winner.” His hand finally slid higher, up and under her cotton bra, to fondle her breast.

She captured his lips, kissing him passionately. New wetness seeped between her legs. She was wetter and hotter than she’d ever been in her life. “Please, touch me,” she begged, her eyelids fluttering low. “Pacey. Touch me now.”

He stared in surprise as she pulled his hand out from under her shirt and then started unbuttoning her jeans. His heart hammered beneath his ribs as he watched her pull the zipper down. Leaning over her until she lay back against the bed, he lavished her mouth with another kiss, and then whispered, “Are you sure, my little skittish kitten?”

She gazed up at him. His eyes twinkled with humor, but also uncertainty. “Yes. I need you, Pacey.”

The magic words. _She needed him_. He rested his forehead against hers and slid his hand inside her jeans, down between her legs, his eyes darkening when he found her underwear wet. His own body throbbed with desire, but he tried to ignore it. “You are so damn beautiful, Joey.” He palmed her in his hand. “And you’re so damn wet.”

She whimpered again as he rubbed her clit through the thin, damp fabric. His fingers felt good, even though there was a barrier between him and her skin, but not good enough. “I want you to_ really_ touch me, Pacey,” she pleaded when he rubbed again. He laughed, but his dark blue eyes were glowing with such stark, raw desire that she felt as if she were melting under the heat of his gaze.

“Don’t be impatient, Jo,” he said softly, his deep, husky voice bringing her closer to the edge.

The need in him burned through his veins. He finally slipped his hand beneath the fabric of her panties, and her breath caught in anticipation. He gently parted her soft hair and slid his fingers down the center of her silky, wet folds. It had been so long since he’d touched anyone like this, and he almost couldn’t believe he was touching _her_ like this. She was so soft, and felt so good beneath his fingers.

She shuddered, and her eagerness sent a thrill surging through him. He wanted to take his time, savor the moment, but she was now mewling desperately. He quickly found her spot, rubbing her in slow circles. Joey moaned in response, arching off the mattress.

“I love you, Pacey,” she whimpered. There was so much she wanted to do, wanted to say, but all she could do was experience his gentle touch and the extreme pleasure it gave her. “You make me feel so good. I want to make you feel like this.”

“You do, huh?” He kissed her, but then she quickly pulled away.

“Please, please, please, please,” she begged. It felt as if every muscle in her body had coiled tight, and she throbbed between her legs, desperate for release.

“Is this what you want?” He stroked her faster with his middle finger, smoothing her own hot wetness over her swollen clit, and in seconds she was coming apart under his hand. “That’s it, baby. Come for me.”

Climax struck her so hard, it left her breathless, but that didn’t stop Pacey. He kept stroking her through it, arousing her all over again. This time he slipped his middle finger inside her, and she gasped, gripping his arm. He paused and looked down at her, brows furrowing with concern. He’d gone too far. He started to pull his finger out of her, but she shook her head. “No, don’t stop.”

The corner of his mouth curved. Then he pumped in and out, careful not to go too deep, his palm pressing hard against her clit with each stroke, causing another orgasm. It was more intense this time, making her toes curl and her body arch off the mattress. With his name on her lips, her mind flooded with pleasure.

“Pacey…” She started laughing, except it was a laugh he’d never really heard before. God, he loved that sound, that breathy, deliriously happy giggle. He wanted to hear more of it. It made him feel… he didn’t even have a word for it. He didn’t even have a place for the feeling, but it made him pull her closer and kiss her ardently.

Frantic with lust, she then shifted them until they were both on their sides again. She reached between them, her fingers going to the waistband of his pants.

His body went rigid. “Joey.” He shook his head, suddenly feeling nervous, and tried to pry her hands away. “You don’t… That’s not…”

Looking into his eyes, she unzipped his khaki pants and reached for him, wrapping her fingers around his aroused length, stroking him through his boxers. He closed his eyes and leaned into her. She had turned the tables; she was in control. His eyes grew smaller, his breaths ragged. It was more exciting than she had ever imagined, but she wouldn’t be satisfied unless she could feel his skin, the same way he’d felt hers.

“You don’t have to do this, Jo,” he groaned. “This wasn’t about me. It was supposed to be about you.”

She smirked. “Well, this is about me, too. I know I don’t _have_ to do this. I want to.” When she reached inside his boxers to feel him, he let out a moan, and stopped being coherent. “Were you saying something, Pacey?”

Against her shoulder, he shook his head. “N-no. Fuck… no.”

She wrapped her hand around his thick length, pulsing inside her grasp. He felt smooth as silk, and yet hard as steel. She wasn’t satisfied with just a touch. She stroked the length of him, teasing the crown with her thumb, running it over the soft, smooth tip. “That’s what I thought.”

Then she explored him as much as he had her, depending on instinct and the sounds he was making for instruction. The sound of his moans made her body come alive more than she had ever imagined. All she cared about was making him feel good. His hands raked through her hair. It was not his usual soft, gentle touch, but the rough, passionate feel of a man who was no longer thinking with reason.

Joey knew he needed her, just as much as she needed him. Her heart swelled, full to bursting.

He rested his forehead against hers and stared down between them, at where her hand disappeared inside his pants, where she was stroking and exploring with her soft fingers until he thought he would scream. Then she moved her hand up the length of his shaft with one long, tight, fantastic squeezing stroke, her thumb brushing over the sensitive slit in his cockhead.

“I don’t really know what I’m doing, Pacey,” she said, sounding worried.

“It’s great, Jo,” he said, his voice strangled. “Do that again.”

She made that soft, giggling sound again. God, that sound drove him crazy. She obliged him, petting and pulling and squeezing and milking his cock until he was gasping for air and clutching her, his body shaking as he thrust into her hand.

Fluid was now leaking steadily from the tip, making her glides over his erection slick. She knew he had to be close. “Tell me how to make you come. I want to watch you come…” she whispered, wanting to see his face twist in that sweet agony.

He groaned, her words making his eyes roll. “You’re doing fine, Jo.”

“Pacey, just tell me,” she demanded.

“Okay, squeeze tighter and go faster.”

She did as he instructed, taking him faster, each tight stroke of his cock a thrust of pleasure. Joey kept her face close to his, wanting to watch every reaction. The pressure to climax gripped his entire groin. Her hand clenched and stroked his cock over and over, the sensation sending him over the edge. Pacey closed his eyes hard as ecstasy flooded him. He let out a guttural sound and his body shuddered. He whispered her name passionately as he buried his face in her neck.

“Oh, baby, baby, baby,” he moaned as the warmth of his orgasm spilled over her fingers. “I love you.”

Joey smiled, his pleasure immensely satisfying. Knowing she was the one to make him feel that way made her feel excited, powerful. She listened as his breathing slowed. “Did you come?” she teased.

He snickered as she baited him. “No. Did you?”

“Liar,” she giggled as he lifted his face from her neck.

If he lived for a thousand years, Pacey would never get enough of that sound. Then Joey was back in his arms and they were kissing and holding each other fiercely. Their love bloomed stronger than ever, filling their hearts and joining them together.

*****

On Monday when Joey got out of school, she greeted Bessie and Bodie as she walked through the front door. Once she was alone in the kitchen, she pulled the Barnstable County Telephone Book out of the drawer and grabbed the cordless phone off its base and retreated into her bedroom, closing the door behind her. Sitting on her bed, she flipped open the large book and started searching for the right page. When her gaze fell on the listing for Planned Parenthood in Hyannis, a town just 30 minutes west of Capeside and more than twice its size, she stared at it for a long moment.

Her stomach tightening with nerves but her mind made up, Joey picked up the phone and dialed the number.


	30. 2000 (Senior Year: Part Five)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for waiting patiently for an update; I know it's been longer than usual. I work in healthcare and the past few weeks have been very stressful and overwhelming, leaving no energy to write. I'm glad to be finally updating. I hope you like the chapter.
> 
> The scene in the show where Joey goes to the free clinic always got on my nerves as the way the doctor went about wording certain questions rubbed me the wrong way and was pretty much borderline judgmental. I wanted to rectify that here and make it more realistic as to what actually happens when one goes to the free clinic (I used my own personal experiences as a resource).

October 6. It was Friday night and Jen’s unbirthday party was in full swing. Pacey meandered around the house party, looking for Joey. It had been after eight o’clock when they’d first arrived. It was starting to heat up. Pot smoke filled the air. Kegs of beer were flowing. Cups of spiked punch everywhere. Loud music. Suddenly he ran into the unbirthday girl herself.

“Hey, Jen.”

“Hi, Pacey. Enjoying the festivities?”

He shrugged. “It’s all right, but I figure… don’t we all see enough of these people during school hours? Do we really need to see them in our free time as well?”

“Still Mr. Antisocial, I see.” She laughed, and then stared at the can of Coca-Cola in this hand. “You’re not drinking?”

“I had one cup of punch earlier and that’s my limit; I’m driving. Joey, on the other hand…”

“Yeah, where is that girlfriend of yours?” Jen glanced around.

“She went off to get more punch, and that was like fifteen minutes ago. Haven’t seen her since. She’s here somewhere,” he sighed.

Jen eyed him for a moment. “Is everything okay?”

Pacey sighed again. “I guess…” He paused. “She’s acting… I don’t know. Something’s up with her. She found out she’s fourth in the class, and you’d think she’d be excited about it, but… it was like she wasn’t happy about it at all. I don’t get it.”

“Wow. Fourth. That’s amazing. And maybe it’s also overwhelming? The future can be a daunting prospect.”

“She doesn’t like talking about the future. She tends to change the subject when I bring it up. But she’s got a great class rank, and her SAT score is really high… There’s honestly nothing for her to worry about. I don’t know why she seems so stressed over it. She can probably get into any college she wants.”

Jen nodded. “Well, I’m sure she’ll talk about it when she’s ready to, Pacey. Other than this college stuff, everything else good with you guys?”

“Yeah,” he said, smiling. “Things are great.”

After Jen bid him with a _see you later_, he continued making his way through the sea of classmates, trying to find Joey. The house was huge, and he seemed to be walking around in circles, or maybe he just kept getting lost. Unfortunately, when he ventured into the large room with the indoor pool, he ran into the party’s host.

“So, Witter, you having a good time?” Drue asked.

“Great,” he deadpanned.

“Too bad your interesting family didn’t crash the party. They would’ve really livened things up around here.”

His mouth formed a hard line and he stared.

“You know, I have to admit, Witter, I’ve never seen a more radiant couple. You and Potter truly outshine every other twosome here. So pure. So virginal. It just warms my heart. Or makes me extremely nauseated. I can’t quite figure out which feeling it is yet.”

Resisting the urge to shove Drue Valentine in the pool, he merely glared and then walked off. He returned to the main area of the house. Most of their senior class were in attendance. Some girls waved him over, trying to get his attention, but he frowned and kept walking; he didn’t want to talk to them. Even with his cold demeanor, some still had the nerve to try their luck, which was nonexistent. Only one girl had his attention, and all he had to do was find her.

“Hi, Pacey,” said Meghan Arliss, flashing him a flirtatious smile, flipping her long blond hair over her shoulder. “I think this is the first party I’ve seen you at since school started back up. I was starting to think you were becoming a hermit.” She laughed and playfully touched him on the arm. “So, uh, you flying solo tonight?” she asked suggestively.

“No, I’m here with Joey.”

Another voice joined the conversation. “Right. Joey Potter,” the voice snickered.

He turned to see Belinda McGovern standing there with two of her cronies, cups of spiked punch in hand, and frowned. “Well, if it isn’t Satan’s little helper. What are you doing here? Did someone leave your cage open?”

Belinda scowled. “So, how long do you think this thing with Joey Potter is actually going to last? We’re thinking of starting a class pool. I mean, we’re all aware of your lecherous reputation, and—”

“Yes, we are.” Meghan smirked, her eyes screaming her obvious attraction to him.

His face scrunched in confusion.

“And we all know Joey Potter is a prude,” Belinda continued.

“I’m glad to see your education isn’t getting in the way of your ignorance,” he snarked.

Her eyes narrowed. “Face it. She’s much better suited for another virgin, like… that asexual film geek Dawson Leery. Unless...” She grinned, her eyes glinting meanly. “Whatever did happen on your boat over the summer, Pacey? You and Joey, all alone for three months…”

“I mean, if I was her, I wouldn’t have been able to resist,” Meghan cooed. “But then again, I’m the exact opposite of a prude.” Then she frowned. “You don’t have to bag on Dawson, Belinda. He’s a pretty nice guy.”

“As if you care, Meghan. Or are you thinking of making a play for Dawson since Jim dumped you over the summer?”

“Kiss my ass, Belinda. I dumped him.”

“Sure, you did.”

What the hell was happening right now? Did he really need a reminder of why he didn’t socialize with these people? “You girls really have Van Gogh’s ear for conversation. I’m gonna go find my girlfriend now. Belinda, I think you should go slip into something more comfortable… like a coma.” He walked away, shaking his head, wondering where in the world Joey was. He didn’t get very far when Meghan appeared at his side, apparently having followed him.

“So, this is our last year of high school,” she told him. “And I’m just wondering when you and I are finally gonna get together and do something.”

“Try never,” he spat.

“I’m talking about more than just sex here, Pacey.”

He scoffed. “No, you’re not.”

Meghan’s blue eyes narrowed. “You know I’ve liked you since sixth grade, and you treat me like crap. I don’t understand that. What’s the problem?”

He kept walking, wandering through the partygoers, scanning the room for any glimpse of Joey. “Would you leave me alone, please?”

“You know, I’ve been out with a lot of guys at our school,” she said haughtily. “They all practically jumped at the chance, and I could easily have any guy here. I don’t see what makes you so different.”

“Yeah, well, I have some taste.”

Meghan came to a stop, but he continued walking. “You’re an asshole,” she called out behind him. Rolling his eyes, he kept on moving. When he turned a corner, he ran into a familiar face. “Hey, Jackers,” he greeted, feeling thankful he found a friend amidst the sea of teenagers.

“Hey, Pace. How’s it going?”

“Uh… I’m all right. How ‘bout you? How’s the arm?”

Jack looked down at his sling. “Not great, but I’ll live.”

He frowned in sympathy. “Sucks, man. Are you gonna be out for the rest of the season?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

“That’s too bad. You were playing really well, too. Man… I’m sorry.” He went to pat him on the shoulder of the bad arm, but quickly stopped himself. “Oop. Hey, uh, have you seen Joey around here anywhere?”

“Um, I think I saw her getting some punch and then she was talking to Dawson for a few minutes.”

He glanced around. His eyes widened and he smiled as he saw her walking towards them. “Finally. There’s my girl.”

Joey kissed him and then smiled, clearly amused about something. “Why did Meghan Arliss call you an asshole?”

“Oh, you heard that, huh?”

“Uh-huh. She was pretty loud.” She turned her gaze from him and smiled at their friend. “Hi, Jack.”

“Hi, Joey.”

She turned back to her boyfriend. “Well? What was that about?”

Pacey heaved a sigh and shrugged. “Nothing important. She’s been calling me an asshole since middle school.”

“Did you know…” Joey giggled and took a sip of her punch. “Did you know that she hung out with Dawson in middle school just to try to make you jealous?”

“Yeah, I knew that.”

“Did it work?” She arched her brow at him while drinking more of her punch.

“No, but was there _another girl_ who constantly hung out with Dawson that made me jealous?” He smirked. “Well, yes. Yes, there was. But I can’t quite think of her name…” He tapped his chin, pretending to think hard, and Joey pursed her lips, fighting a smile.

Jack shook his head. “Sometimes it’s very weird to hear you guys talk about life in Capeside before me and Andie got here. It almost feels like they’re memories I should have, but I don’t, since I wasn’t even around.”

“Yeah, it does seem kind of weird to remember there was a time before you and Andie and Jen were here.”

Joey snorted. “Do you think Dawson ever found out?” she asked, seemingly ignoring everything Jack had said.

“Found out what?” His brows furrowed.

“That Meghan was just using him because she had a crush on you.”

“He was hung up on her for a while—all through middle school—and, well, if he did find out, it wasn’t me who told him.”

She shook her head. “Me either. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. Although, I was tempted whenever I got mad at him.”

He eyed her for a moment. “So, have you run into Dawson at this party, Jo? I haven’t seen him.”

“Yeah, I talked to him a little while ago. He found out I’m fourth.”

Jack’s eyes went wide. “Fourth? In the class? That’s great, Joey!”

She nodded, her mouth curving into a frown. “Yeah. Thanks. But I don’t know why you’re so impressed with fourth place, Jack. I mean, isn’t Andie first?”

“Yeah, but… that’s Andie. She’s been first every year since kindergarten.”

“Speaking of Andie, where is that sister of yours?” Pacey asked. “I’m guessing she’s here.”

“Oh, she’s here,” Jack confirmed. “I don’t know where she is. Probably in a corner reading a book about how to nag your brother into applying to college.”

“What about how to nag your boyfriend?” Joey quipped, her words starting to slur. “That’s a book I need.”

Pacey smirked sarcastically. “Ha. Ha.”

Punch in hand, Joey observed the crowd in the other room, which had obviously been cleared for dancing. Couples filled the makeshift dance floor, their arms around each other, while music played. She grabbed Pacey’s hand. “Let’s dance.”

“Sure.” He turned to their friend. “Uh, see you around, Jack.”

“Yeah, see ya.”

Joey set her punch down on a nearby table as they walked into the other room. In Pacey’s arms she floated away. Closing her eyes, she matched his steps as they moved in time, swaying to the music. He kissed her forehead. She took in his scent, allowing the heady mixture to rekindle the sensations he always brought out in her. Her mind wasn’t thinking straight, but she still had enough mental capacity to let her know they were in a crowded room with their classmates and not alone in his beach house.

He loved dancing with her. He loved letting her out a bit and watching her snake back to him. He loved the moment she slid back into his arms. He loved the feel of her. What he loved… was… her. Christ, how he loved her. He wanted to touch her, to hold her, forever. “You’re the most beautiful girl here,” he murmured.

Joey blushed at the compliment and held him tighter. What would she ever do without him?

Pacey then watched the expression on her face change, watched her brows knit together. “What are you thinking about, Potter?” he whispered in her ear.

She frowned. It was that question, the question that had been looming over her head all week—where did she see herself in five years? She honestly didn’t know. She didn’t know where she’d be, or what she’d be doing. Not knowing what life had in store was scary, but it was far less scary with Pacey by her side. She could only hope that five years from now he would be right there with her, and the thought of that not being the case filled her with dread. A future without him in it was a future she didn’t want. Joey sighed. “Oh, you know… just stressing about getting into college.”

Pacey chuckled. “And what exactly do you have to stress about, Number Four? You got some really good news this week. You’re gonna get into a great school and then you’re gonna have a great life. Why are you worrying?”

She wanted to tell him, but wouldn’t telling him that she worried he wouldn’t graduate and she’d have to leave him behind just bring him down? Or worse, even drive a nail in the proverbial coffin? Raw emotion rose up inside her. She had to get away. The song ended and she stepped out of his arms. “I’m gonna go get some more punch.”

Joey didn’t come back, and before long Pacey was once again trying to find her in the massive three-story beach house overflowing with their classmates. He soon ran into Andie. “Hey, how’s it going?”

She smiled. “All right. Hey, do you know where Jen and Joey are? I can’t find them anywhere.”

“Nope,” he replied, shaking his head. “Believe me, I wish I knew. You enjoying the party, Andie?”

“Yeah,” she said, shrugging. “Sort of. It’s okay. I’ve had some interesting conversations, and… not so interesting. And of course, I managed to piss off my brother. So, what are your thoughts on the whole college thing?”

“Like…” His brows furrowed. “Whether I’m gonna go or not?”

She shrugged again and took a sip of her punch. “Sure.”

He sighed, thinking it over. “Well, to get into college I have to graduate high school first, and there’s a good chance that won’t happen. So…”

“Pacey, come on. I know for a fact you can do it if you work hard.” She suddenly lowered her gaze from his and stared at her cup. “I suppose you’re gonna go wherever Joey goes, huh?”

“Are you saying I actually have a shot at getting into somewhere like Princeton, Andie? Because if you are, I think you’ve had a bit too much of Drue’s punch.”

Her eyes met his again. “No, what I’m saying is that if Joey does go to _somewhere like Princeton_, I’m sure there are other schools nearby that you’d probably apply to, right?”

“Like a community college, you mean? Yeah, I’m sure that’ll make people proud.”

She gave him a pointed look. “There’s nothing wrong with going to community college, Pacey.”

“Says the girl who’s probably going to Harvard.”

“Pacey, community college could be a good fit. It’s cheaper, and there’s smaller classes. I’m sure you could easily find a community college near whatever university Joey ends up going to, but, you know, CCC is actually one of the top ten community colleges in the state. Think of the money you’d save on room and board by staying here while you get your prerequisites out of the way. Then after a couple years you’d have a better chance at getting into the school you want because it’s a transfer. There’s _nothing wrong_ with going to community college, Pacey. If you feel like community college really would be best for you, then that’s what you should do. You should listen to what your mind is telling you, not what you think people expect of you.”

“I honestly don’t know what I’m gonna do, Andie. I don’t know if any college is in the cards for me, community or not, or if I even _want_ to go. So, I haven’t decided if I’m going to apply anywhere, and as far as I know, Joey hasn’t even decided where she’s going to apply yet either. And if I don’t graduate and have to repeat another year of high school, this whole conversation is a moot point, anyway.”

“Pacey, I know I probably sound like a broken record, but you shouldn’t sell yourself short.”

“I wish I had it all figured out like you do, Andie.”

She scoffed. “I do not have it all figured out, Pacey. Do I know I’m going college? Yes. Do I know where? Not yet. There are schools I like, but nothing’s officially decided. And I don’t know what I’m going to do once I get there. I don’t know what I want to study or what career track I’m going to choose. I don’t know where I’ll be five years from now, or what I’ll be doing, and that’s very stressful. I have ideas, but nothing I’m certain about, and I’m sure those ideas will evolve and I’ll change my mind a hundred times over. That’s part of growing up. I don’t have to have all the answers right now, and neither do you, Pacey. I don’t want you to stress over the future, but I also don’t want you to give up on it either. You have so much potential to do great things with your life. I’ve always known this. You just need to believe it yourself.”

Smiling, he nodded at her words. She always knew just what to say. “Thanks, Andie. And I have no doubt that you’re gonna do great things with your life.” He sighed and glanced around at the revelry. “Well, I’m gonna try to find Joey. Hopefully I can stave off any alcohol poisoning. I’ll see ya.”

Almost an hour later, Joey was the one to find him—sitting at a table with Drue Valentine and some of their classmates playing strip poker—and then it wasn’t long before he was carrying her over his shoulder and out of the house. “Pacey, put me down,” she yelled.

He kept silent until they reached the Witter wagon and he set her down outside the passenger side door. After unlocking it and helping her into the seat, he walked over to the driver’s side. She was still huffing with irritation as he buckled his seatbelt. “I can’t believe you, Pacey,” she seethed, her words slurring from the alcohol. “You can play strip poker, but I can’t? That is such sexist bullcrap.”

“Jo, you have every right to play strip poker, and in fact, I encourage it in the future,” he said while he put the car into gear. “But I happen to believe that if you were sober and thinking clearly, you wouldn’t want to take your clothes off in front of Drue Valentine. Correct me if I’m wrong, here. I mean, hey, we can go back and you can strip down in front of Drue and the rest of our classmates if you want. Just say the word.”

Conceding the point, she crossed her arms and grumbled to herself. “I only did it to provoke a reaction out of you, anyway.”

He grinned, and started pulling out of the driveway. “Well, it worked.”

Finally, Pacey got her home, and once out of the car after hemming and hawing about her actually wanting to be carried this time, she was again talking in confusing circles. Why would she want to forgo college to stick around in Capeside when she could easily get into most of the top schools in the country? Besides, it was practically her lifelong dream to get the hell out of this town. “Just what? Stay here and work as a waitress all your life? Come on. I mean, forgive me if you’re losing me here, Jo, but to be perfectly honest you haven’t made the slightest bit of sense all night, even before you were drunk—”

Joey then adorably, drunkenly, but honestly admitted to him the true source of her stress. “I wanna be with you, Pacey. I wanna stay and be with you.”

He heaved a sigh. She wasn’t worried about whether or not she’d get into a good school. She was worried that she’d get into a good school without him. That she’d have to leave Capeside without him. “Well, Hon, if you wanna be with me, then staying here would be a really stupid idea, considering I don’t plan to be here. I plan to be wherever you are.”

Her face softened with relief as she broke out into a thousand-watt smile. “Really?”

“Yes, really.”

Then he started walking her toward the porch. Instead of just telling him about her worries and trying to solve them together, she’d decided to drown them in spiked punch—not the smartest of choices. “I would hate to think that I fell in love with a moron.”

Joey turned in his arms and threw hers over his shoulders. “So, you’re in love with me, huh?” she asked teasingly.

God, she was so damn cute. “Well, not currently, no. Right now, you’re just some crazy drunk girl I gotta get in that door without waking up all the paying customers at her sister’s B&B. But generally speaking? Yes.”

She smiled brightly. “May I kiss you right now?”

“Yes, please,” he chuckled. Her lips claimed his, and even as he kissed her back in earnest, he knew she was buttering him up. “But I’m still not carrying you,” he said after she broke the kiss.

“Please?” she whispered in his ear.

“Nope.”

Her doe eyes gazed up at him pleadingly. He shook his head; she couldn’t get her way all the time. “You can give me the eyes, but it’s just not gonna work.” She gave him another pleading look. “Oh, come on. Honestly, you don’t—” She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him again. “Jo, what, do I look like I just fell off the turnip truck?” he mumbled into her kiss. “You think I’m gonna fall for this?” She kept kissing him. “Jo.”

She pulled out of the kiss, and he admitted defeat. Who had he been fooling? It worked every time, and she knew it. “Halfway, that’s it, I swear.” She giggled and her arms went around his shoulders again. “I’m not kidding. My back’s killing me, here.” He lifted her and started walking to the porch. He also had to admit that he liked the feel of her in his arms and didn’t want to put her down quite yet. “Well, I guess since you’re up,” he said as he stepped onto the porch, lifting her more securely.

When they got to the door, Joey reached for the knob and turned. “It’s locked,” she whispered.

“Do you have your key?” he asked.

“It’s in my pocket.”

He stood there for a moment. “Well, are you gonna take it out or what?”

“Oh, right.” Joey’s hand slid inside her front jeans pocket and took out her keys. Then she unlocked the door.

Pacey carried her inside the house, shutting the door behind them with his foot. A lamp in the living room was on, but all else was quiet and dark. He glanced at the clock; it was just past midnight. He quickly and quietly carried her through the kitchen to her bedroom door. Once they were inside her room, he put her down.

“Thank you, Pacey,” she said, smiling.

“You’re welcome.”

Joey gazed up at him, her hands at his neck, her fingertips softly caressing his skin. “So, when you say you plan to be wherever I am, does that mean _anywhere?”_

He chuckled under his breath. “Yes, anywhere.”

“So… what if I did decide to go to a college in… Indiana?”

“Then I guess I’ll become a Hoosiers fan,” he grinned.

“But what if I decide to go thousands of miles away, like all the way to the University of Hawaii?”

Pacey smiled down at her, his arms going around her waist. “Then I guess I’ll be packing my bags, getting on a plane, and saying, ‘Aloha’ for the next four years.”

“Or what if I want to go somewhere abroad, where they don’t speak English and the culture is utterly different? Like, what if I want to study in Paris?”

“Then I guess I’ll just have to get a passport.”

Joey’s eyes fill with emotion. “You’d really do that for me?”

“I’d do anything for you,” he said quietly. “You know that.”

“But what about your family? What would they say about you moving far away, just to follow some girl across the country?”

“I really don’t care what they’d say. And you’re not _some girl_. There’s no one more important to me than you.” He paused. “Are _you_ sure that you’d want me to go with you wherever you decide to go? That I wouldn’t hold you back? I mean, college is a whole new chapter in your life, and you might want a fresh start.”

“I want you in every chapter. I thought I told you that I’m not going anywhere without you.” Affection for him filled her heart, and she closed the distance between them, pressing her lips to his. He kissed her back, and she melted into the kiss with pure abandonment, totally his. She pressed her body to him and squirmed against him, wanting his touch, desire pooling at her center.

He could feel himself becoming aroused and he broke the kiss. “Okay, Jo, enough of that. I think it’s time we say goodnight.”

She gazed up at him. “I wanna play strip poker with you, Pacey.”

He chuckled. “I’m sure that can be arranged at some point.”

Nodding, she swallowed. “I want…” Joey blushed furiously, but the alcohol made her bold. “I want to see what you look like naked,” she whispered. She truly did. She knew he was beautiful from head to toe—she just wanted to see it for herself.

He blushed, but then he gave her a smug look. “You’re assuming I’d lose, and I’ll have you know I’m excellent at cards. I was wiping the floor with those guys earlier. So, you know what they say about making assumptions,” he teased.

“Oh, please. You think I couldn’t beat you? Besides, who’s to say you wouldn’t lose on purpose?” Her brows arched with a challenging look.

He laughed. “Believe me, I will play to win against you, Potter, especially if it involves clothes coming off.”

Joey leaned closer, her arms going around his neck. “Come on, then. Let’s play.”

“That would be fun, but not tonight. It’s late and I should be getting home.”

“Spend the night, Pacey,” she whispered pleadingly. “Sleep with me. I want you to.”

His stomach tightened fiercely. He felt his face grow hot. “That’s not a good idea, Jo—for a number of reasons.”

“What reasons?”

He shook his head as he could still hear the alcohol slurring her words. “One, you have a houseful of family and B&B guests, and two… I don’t have a condom.”

Joey chewed on her lip, her mind and her body at odds. “Well… we can be quiet, and… we can be careful.”

Laughing in disbelief, Pacey stepped back from her. “Careful as in… what? Pull out? How many cups of punch did you drink, Miss Josephine? Are you listening to yourself?” He sighed. “Well, for your information, it’s been a very long time since I’ve had sex, so the chances of me being able to do that are probably slim. Once I get, uh, back in the saddle again, so to speak, I can probably do that, but I still wouldn’t take that chance. I’ve never done it without a condom, and I’m not about to start now. What about your future? I refuse to be the reason it falls apart.” He scoffed, shaking his head. “There’s that drunk thinking again, Potter… which leads us to obvious reason number three: _you’re drunk_.”

“I’m not _that_ drunk, Pacey.”

“I beg to differ.”

A glimmer of logic and reason broke through the haze of intoxication and she realized what she’d been propositioning. “You’re right. I wasn’t… I’m sorry, Pace.” Her face grew hot with humiliation. What had she been thinking? It was her damn hormones driving her crazy. “Ugh… I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to—”

He wrapped his arms around her. “It’s okay. It’s not that I don’t want to. Believe me, I do. You know I do. It’s just that… when you and I do decide to sleep together, I’m gonna make sure neither of us are drunk.”

She smiled as she gazed up at him, her hands moving from his waist, sliding around his back. “How did I get so lucky?” The corner of her mouth curved into a grin. “I still wanna play strip poker, though.”

“We’ll plan on it,” he said, laughing. “Gretchen actually got a job, so we’ll have some more free evenings to ourselves.” Her eyes sparkled; she was clearly pleased with this information. Pacey dipped his head and kissed her. A few minutes later, he was walking back out to the Witter wagon with a smile on his face. As he drove towards the beach house, he thought about a future with Joey, a future that was looking more and more like a reality than a dream. A hopeful feeling rising in his chest, he now felt more bound and determined than ever to work his ass off and graduate.

*****

October 12. After school on Thursday, Joey hopped in her friend’s car and they started driving to Hyannis. As they drove out of the Capeside town limits, her stomach knotted with anxiety. She turned to her friend sitting behind the wheel, and said, “Thanks for coming with me. And thanks for driving. Bessie wanted the truck to go shopping and I didn’t want to bother arguing for it. She would’ve asked too many questions.”

Jen smiled. “No problem, Joey. Happy to do it, and Grams was more than happy to let me use her car. You know, I was alone the first time I went, and… well, I wish I’d had someone there with me.”

“I’m glad not to be going alone. Thanks for telling me about the free clinic in the first place, by the way. I don’t have the money or health insurance to go to a doctor’s office.”

“No need to thank me.” Jen stared for a moment. “So, does Pacey know you’re going?”

“No, not yet,” she answered. “I thought about telling him last night when he was helping me study for that big English test tomorrow—we were up until well past midnight, and we’ll have another cram session tonight when I get out of work. Anyway, I kinda wanted to wait until after the appointment to tell him about it. He probably would’ve offered to come with me, but…” The sentence trailed off.

“You don’t want him to come with you to stuff like this?”

She chewed on her lip and shrugged. “I don’t know… I just felt nervous about telling him, or…” She sighed. “I felt kinda awkward, I guess. The thought of him sitting out in the waiting room while I’m back in there with a stranger’s face between my legs… I don’t know. It sounds stupid now that I think about it. I mean, there honestly wouldn’t be a problem with Pacey being there. He’s actually very comfortable when it comes to this stuff. I wish I was more like him. He’s just… very sure of himself, you know? He’s the kind of person who could probably walk around naked in public without being painfully embarrassed. I mean… it’s like he’s at ease in his own skin. Does that make sense?”

Jen nodded and gave her a kind smile. “Yeah, it makes sense, and I agree—Pacey is very comfortable with himself—but it’s all about what _you_ feel most comfortable doing. This is about _your_ health and _your_ body. After today, you’ll know what to expect, so maybe next time you can bring Pacey along. Well, if that’s what you want. It’s a personal thing.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

After a 30-minute drive, they arrived at Planned Parenthood. While sitting next to Jen in the waiting room, Joey began to fill out the basic registration and medical history forms. Sadness crept into her heart when she checked the box for cancer and wrote “mother” in the line next to it, but she quickly pushed it down and suppressed it. Once she filled out the menstrual and pregnancy history and substance use sections, she reached the sexual history part of the form and paused.

Joey stared down at the clipboard and checked the box, “No Intercourse Yet” without hesitation, but felt she was unable to really answer the following questions.

“Need any help?” Jen asked quietly.

“I don’t think the rest of this applies to me,” she said. “Well, not yet anyway…”

Several minutes later, her name was called by a young woman wearing scrubs, and after casting a nervous smile in Jen’s direction, Joey followed the nurse out of the room. She then was given a cup for a urine sample. Once that was done, she followed the woman further down the hall to an exam room. After taking her weight and blood pressure, the nurse instructed her to undress, put on a gown, and wait for the doctor on the exam table, and then left the room.

Joey did as was told, and then waited, looking around at the informative posters on the walls and the plastic replicas of the male and female reproductive systems. The doctor soon entered the room carrying the clipboard and smiled before greeting her warmly. The woman sat down in a chair opposite the exam table.

“So, have you ever had a pelvic exam before?”

Anxiety made Joey feel as though her rib cage were shrinking. “No.”

“Are you sexually active?”

She hesitated. Did touching and fooling around count? “What do you mean?”

“Are you currently having intercourse?”

“Oh, I’m sorry… I wasn’t sure what… uh, never mind. No, I’m not, but I’m going to be, uh, having intercourse. That’s why I’m here.” She wished her face wasn’t so red.

“Okay. I’m going to ask you some questions, and I apologize in advance if they seem too personal or make you feel awkward at all. I want you to feel comfortable in this space and free to talk about whatever you need to in confidence. Okay?”

Joey took a deep breath and nodded. “Okay.”

“So, you’re not sexually active yet, but you’re soon going to be? Is that correct?”

“Yes.”

“Do you plan on taking birth control?”

She hesitated, uncertain for a moment, but when she thought of her future plans and the idea of actually ending up stuck in Capeside like her mother… “Yes, I want to.”

The doctor looked down at the clipboard and took out her pen. “Do you plan on having sex with men or women or both?”

She stared, not having expected that question. “Uh…”

“It’s okay to be unsure, Joey.”

“Oh, no, no, I’m sure.” She laughed nervously. “Uh, men. Well, _a_ man. I’m pretty that’s all I can handle.” God, why was she rambling?

The woman smiled patiently. “Does the person you’re planning on having sex with have sex with men or women or both? Or is that unknown at this time?”

“Um… well, he’s only had sex with women... so far.” She laughed again, trying in vain to ease the awkwardness she felt.

“So, he’s sexually active?”

Joey felt her face grow redder. “Well, he _was_… but not, you know… uh, we haven’t yet… So, I guess not right now?”

“Okay. Is the person you’re planning on having sex with only going to have sex with you?”

“Well, I sure hope so,” she laughed.

“It’s especially important to use protection if the relationship is not going to be monogamous, and sometimes we may think a partner is monogamous, but—”

“No, it’s monogamous.” She tucked her hair behind her ears. “And he’s definitely monogamous. Definitely. There’s really no doubt in my mind.”

“Regardless, it’s important to practice safe sex. Is your sexual contact going to be vaginal, oral, or anal? Or any combination of the three?”

Her eyes went wide. She knew her face had to be as red as a tomato. Clearing her throat, she averted her eyes. “Well… I, uh, I don’t think… not, um, not anal.”

“So, you’re planning on having vaginal and oral sex?”

_Oh, God_. She wanted to run from the room. Joey nodded her answer, still unable to meet the woman’s direct gaze.

The doctor glanced at the clipboard again. “Do you plan on using condoms?”

Joey swallowed, painfully remembering her embarrassingly stupid behavior the night Pacey took her home from Jen’s unbirthday party. “Yes.”

“Have you been exposed to a Sexually Transmitted Disease recently?”

“…No.”

“Has the person you’re planning on having sex with experienced any STD symptoms in the past 60 days?”

“I don’t think so. He gets tested regularly.”

“That’s good he’s being responsible. Have you ever shared needles? Tattoos, I.V. drug use, etc.?”

“No, never.”

“Does the person you’re planning on having sex with use IV drugs?”

“No.”

“Did you get a blood transfusion before 1985?”

“No.”

“Any recent major life changes?”

“No, not recent.”

“Any concerns regarding weight or eating?”

“No.”

“Are you being abused, sexually, physically, or emotionally?”

She hadn’t been expecting that question either. “No.”

“Are you being forced to do something against your will?”

“No.”

“Do you have a good support system?”

She thought of Pacey. She thought of Jen sitting out there in the waiting room. She thought of Bessie and Bodie, Mr. and Mrs. Leery… Dawson. “Yes, I do.”

“Glad to hear it. Then you’re very fortunate. Do you eat a healthy diet?”

“I try to, but I guess pizza and candy are the staples in any teenager’s life, right?” Joey laughed.

The doctor smiled. “There’s always a little room for pizza and candy. Do you work? Full-time or part-time?”

“I work part-time at the Capeside Yacht Club.”

“Are you a student?”

“I’m a senior at Capeside High School.”

The doctor smiled and put the clipboard down. “Okay, then… now that we’ve got the paperwork out of the way, do you have any questions or concerns you’d like to talk about?”

Joey played with the hem of the hospital gown’s sleeve. “I guess I’m a little nervous about the pelvic exam.”

“It’s normal to be nervous your first time. I was, too. The most difficult part of the first exam is usually the speculum insertion. Every woman is different. Some people feel pressure, some find it uncomfortable, some don’t feel any discomfort. So, please let me know how you feel. The gel I use is cold, but it enables me to check for any abnormalities. From beginning to end, the exam only takes a few minutes. Just remember to breath and relax.”

She was soon lying down, her feet in the stirrups and her butt on the edge of the table, her stomach in knots. Joey listened as the doctor prepared for the exam somewhere over to the side of her. Her self-consciousness and insecurities welled up as the doctor rolled her stool over to the table and situated herself between the stirrups. She listened to the sound of latex gloves being put on.

When the external exam began, she couldn’t stop the question from falling out of her mouth. “Am I… normal… down there?” she asked quietly.

“Are you feeling any pain or discomfort, Joey?”

“No, none.”

She continued with the physical examination. “Everything looks and feels normal. Nothing to worry about.” True to her word, the pelvic exam only lasted several minutes.

Once Joey was dressed again, the hospital gown folded neatly on the exam table, she sat in a chair and waited. When the doctor returned, she carried with her an inconspicuous brown paper bag. After sitting down, she handed the bag over to Joey. “Inside you’ll find condoms and birth control pills, along with information about birth control and how it works. You’ll take your first pill on the first Sunday after your next period starts. Be sure to use a second birth control method, like condoms, for the first seven days if you have sex. I’m writing you a prescription for the birth control. When you need more, you just call in the refill. Okay?”

Joey let out a shaky breath as she took the paper bag. “Okay. Thank you.”

The doctor considered her a moment. “Is the person you’re involved with also in high school?”

“My boyfriend? Yeah. We’re in the same class.”

She smiled and picked up a pamphlet from the desk. “We’re going to be starting a new workshop here on Monday, and we still have a few open spots available. It’s aimed at young people like yourself. It will last for three weeks and each session will be 1-hour long. I thought maybe you’d be interested, and… I think it might be good for you. We encourage young couples to attend together, but you’re more than welcome to attend on your own if that’s something you’d be more comfortable with.”

Joey took the pamphlet from her outstretched hand and began reading it.

The doctor continued. “Unfortunately, there’s a lot of anxiety, shame, and insecurity connected to our sexuality and our most intimate body parts. This can be overwhelming for so many young people, especially at this time of your life when you’re going through a lot of changes, physically and emotionally. Our goal with the workshop is to help young people develop healthy relationships with themselves and others, and sex is a big part of that. Sexuality and sexual health need to be demystified. The workshop is not only meant to help young people approach sex with a certain level of maturity and responsibility, but to also approach it in a positive way. We want young people to make sensible and well-informed choices based on medical knowledge, not social stigma, gossip, misunderstandings, or fear. There’s nothing to be ashamed or afraid of. Sex can be a wonderful, healthy, fun, fulfilling part of life.”

She nodded, still staring at the pamphlet in her hand. “Thanks,” she said, before getting up and heading for the door.

“Joey?”

She turned back around. “Yeah?”

“Smile. And be sure to call and sign up for the workshop if you’re interested.”

She gave the doctor a half-hearted smile and then walked out the door. She quickly found Jen in the waiting room. “Ready to go?” her friend said, standing up from the chair.

“Yeah. Let’s go. I gotta be at the yacht club by five o’clock.”

“So, how was it?” Jen asked as they walked across the parking lot toward her grandmother’s sedan.

“Um…” She didn’t know how to describe it. “It wasn’t that terrible, but it wasn’t that great either.”

Her friend laughed. “Welcome to the wonderful world of pelvic exams.” After they got into the car and started heading out of the parking lot, Jen glanced over. “So, did you get birth control?”

Joey pulled the brown paper bag out of her backpack and waved it. “Yep. There’s like 20 condoms in here. I got pills, too.”

“That’ll keep you and Pacey busy for a while,” Jen laughed.

Her face went red. She pulled the pamphlet out of the bag and stared at it. Jen noticed and asked about it. “Oh, it’s this sex education workshop they’re having,” she replied. “It’s every Monday from 3:30-4:30 for the next three weeks.”

“What’s it say? Read it to me.”

Again, Joey looked down at the pamphlet, and then she began to read aloud.

YES, PLEASE!  
(Purposeful Liberating Enjoyable Adolescent Sexual Education)

Yes, PLEASE! is a comprehensive sexual health and wellness program. Within a fun and safe learning environment, young people are equipped with the knowledge, resources, and support necessary to explore their sexuality and maintain control over their sexual health. Yes, PLEASE! encourages the participation of young people who are eager for more information. At Planned Parenthood Hyannis, this workshop is LGBT inclusive and the sessions will cover a variety of sexual health-related topics.

_Workshop Topics:_

Sex & Self-Esteem  
Implicit Bias  
Sex & Gender  
Attraction  
HIV & STD 101  
Sexual Decision-Making  
Sexual Empowerment  
Consent & Communication  
Healthy Relationships

Jen glanced over at her. “That actually sounds pretty interesting. LGBT inclusive, huh? You don’t find that a lot around here.”

Scoffing, Joey agreed. “God forbid they even mention same sex relationships in any Capeside High health class.”

“Well, not just here. I don’t think there was a single class period where any significant amount of time was spent discussing LGBT sexual health in my sex ed class in New York.” She paused, thinking for a moment. “Huh. I wonder if Jack would want to go.”

“I don’t know…”

“Yeah, you never know with him—he’s still sorting things out. But this workshop thing could be good. Say, what if we all went?”

Joey stared at her. “What do you mean by _we_, Jen?”

Her friend grinned. “You know… you and Pacey, and me and Jack. What do you think?”

“Um, I don’t know. I mean, maybe… I guess I don’t know how to feel right now. It’s like I’ve just taken these huge steps toward something monumentally life-changing, and… now I’m kind of unsure what to do with it.”

“I think you just need some time to process everything.”

“You’re probably right.” Joey then stared out the window, lost in thought.

*****

October 13. On Friday after Joey got home from school, she walked into her bedroom to find her sister standing in front of her dresser with the top drawer open. “What are you doing?” she demanded.

“Nothing,” Bessie replied, quickly shutting the drawer. “Just the laundry.” Then she grabbed the wicker basket from atop the bed. “I gotta go,” she said before walking out of the room.

Joey moved towards her dresser and opened the top drawer. Sure enough, there was her bag of condoms and birth control pills she’d gotten at the free clinic. Her stomach knotted with a mixture of guilt and embarrassment. What were the chances Bessie hadn’t looked at what was in the bag? Slim to none. She hung her head, covering her brow with her hand. _Just great_.

She walked out of the bedroom and into the kitchen, where Bodie was cooking; it was a rare Friday night off for the both of them. Sometimes it felt like she hardly got to see him much lately, what with school and the yacht club and most free evenings spent at Pacey’s house, and Bodie’s increased hours at the restaurant over the past couple weeks because of Mrs. Leery being sick. Joey grabbed the cordless phone from the charger and returned to her room, closing the door behind her, and started dialing. Moments later, her friend answered.

“Hey, Jen. It’s me.”

“Hi, Joey. How are ya?”

“Um… okay, but, um, I think Bessie just found the condoms and birth control.”

“Yikes. Where did you put them?”

“In my sock drawer.” She started giggling at something so cliché and collapsed on her bed with a sigh.

“The sock drawer, huh?” Jen laughed. “Well, what did your sister say?”

“Nothing, but if she actually did snoop through my drawer, then I can guarantee she’ll eventually have a lot to say. I can see a lecture in my very near future.”

“Joey, you’re 18 years old. You have every right to take ownership of your body and your sexuality.”

She heaved another sigh. “Yeah, I know.”

“Are you gonna do that workshop thing?”

“I don’t know… I haven’t mentioned it to Pacey yet. I was thinking about telling him when I see him tonight. Did you ask Jack?”

“Yep. No go. He provided soccer practice as an excuse, but I have a feeling he would’ve come up with a completely different reason not to go had soccer not even been in the picture. Oh, well. You and Pacey should go, though.”

“…Yeah. I’ll see what he says.” Then she heard Bodie calling her to dinner. “Well, Jen, I gotta go. I’ll see you on Monday, if not before.”

“Okay. Have a good weekend, Joey.”

“Thanks. You, too.” She hung up the phone and walked out to the kitchen, where she retrieved plates and silverware to set the dining table.

It wasn’t long before they were sitting around the table, including their B&B guests. The Potter Bed & Breakfast was now offering dinner to their guests as well—not just the morning meal—and she knew that meant Bodie had become even busier. He cooked breakfast, tended to any chores or repairs around the house during the day, prepared dinner if they had guests, and then was usually heading out to Leery’s Fresh Fish before five o’clock to manage the evening shift. If only Bessie could learn to cook as good as Bodie, and then at least the guests’ meals could be taken out of his overstretched hands.

“Hey, I got an A on that English test,” she told him while she cut into her pot roast.

He set the bowl of potatoes down as he took his seat at the head of the table beside her. “Good for you, Jo,” he said with a smile.

“Yeah, I was up all night studying with Pacey, so I’m exhausted.”

“I bet you are,” Bessie remarked.

Her sister’s snide tone immediately made Joey bristle. She knew exactly what was behind it. “Excuse me?”

“Nothing. Pass the potatoes.”

“Not until you tell me what that meant,” Joey challenged.

She ignored her. “Bodie, dear, will you please pass the potatoes?”

Her sister’s boyfriend and one of the guests made to reach for the bowl, but Joey grabbed hold of it. “You’ll get the potatoes when you tell me what that meant, Bess.”

“You wanna know what it meant? Fine. It meant either you were at Pacey’s having sex _all night_, or you’ve started your own mail order birth control business out of your bedroom.”

Anger flooded Joey’s gut, and they started to argue at the table in front of everyone. She pointed out she’d spent three months sailing with Pacey alone, and Bessie hadn’t exactly forced her to turn around and come home. “I didn’t let you. You just went. What could I possibly say?” her sister said.

Joey picked up her dinner plate. “Nothing,” she retorted, standing up from her chair. “Just like there’s nothing you can say about this.”

Her sister followed her into the kitchen. “There is one thing I can say about it, young lady. You’re making the biggest mistake of your life!”

“Bessie, for your information, I’m not having sex, okay? But at some point, I’m going to, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me.”

“You’re an 18-year-old girl who doesn’t understand the first thing about consequences and responsibility,” her sister shot back at her, raising her voice. The B&B guests stood up from the table and started hurrying away. “You are not ready to have sex!”

“I am the oldest 18-year-old in Capeside, Bessie. My whole life has been consequences and responsibility, okay? So, if you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll go to my birth control warehouse.” She stormed off to her room, slamming the door.

After fuming in her bedroom for several minutes, Joey glanced at the clock. She was supposed to be going over to Pacey’s house; he was expecting her. Her gaze fell on the drawer where the bag of contraceptives was stashed. Since her appointment at the free clinic, just knowing she had protection in her possession and that she had a definite plan to start the pill after her next period had bolstered her confidence. She’d thought she was finally ready to go further if Pacey wanted to. She’d been kind of excited about seeing him earlier, and had toyed with the idea of bringing the bag over to his place and talking about it, or maybe even using one of the condoms, but now…

_You’re making the biggest mistake of your life. _

Bessie’s words kept going round and round in circles inside her head. Her sister knew she had protection, and that if she was indeed having sex, she was obviously being mature and responsible about it. So, then why would being intimate with Pacey—someone she was in love with, who was in love with her, with whom she shared a serious, committed relationship—be the biggest mistake of her life?

Bessie had been totally fine with her spending the night with A.J. in his dorm room, and had even begged for juicy details when she’d arrived home from Boston the following morning. Of course, the conversation then became about Pacey, A.J. quickly forgotten. In the short time she’d dated Dawson, Bessie often teased her about sex, wanting to know if they’d done it yet. Although she simultaneously hit her over the head with safe sex lectures, her sister still didn’t seem at all concerned about the possibility of her relationship with Dawson becoming sexual. So… why would Pacey be the biggest mistake of her life?

Her sister’s words had eroded the newfound confidence she’d felt. Joey stared at the clock. She knew her boyfriend was waiting for her, but it was like she was frozen in the chair, hesitating to just get up and go. Although feeling overwhelmed with confusion and uncertainty, she finally pushed herself to walk out of her room. She grabbed the keys to the truck off the hook on the wall and stepped out the back door. Yet instead of walking around to the driveway, she walked towards the creek.

Joey stared out across the water. For so many years, whenever she’d been overwhelmed and confused or angry and afraid, she’d gotten into her row boat and then climbed the ladder into Dawson’s bedroom. It had been an escape, a sanctuary where she could run away and hide from her life. That sanctuary was closed to her now, and she found that she didn’t mourn it too badly. Running away had its appeal, of course, and at one point that had been her M.O., but burying your head in the sand and refusing to face reality wouldn’t solve your problems. Pacey had helped her to see that.

She turned away from the creek and sat down in one of the lawn chairs and watched the sun set, still unable to get Bessie’s words out of her head. It wasn’t long before Bodie joined her outside, carrying Alexander in his arms. She immediately knew why he’d come out there—to play mediator. Sure enough, he brought up the fight with her sister in front of the B&B guests.

“Why is she being so irrational?”

“Your sister worries about you, Jo… all the time, in fact,” Bodie told her. “She doesn’t want you to end up like her. She wants more for you. You know, you’re the one who’s supposed to get outta here. She just wants to make sure that happens.”

“Bessie was 26 when she had Alexander. You know, she was an adult, and you had been together for years. It’s not like she got knocked up in high school and had to drop out and miss college.”

“Well, no… but she didn’t go to college all the same. She never left Capeside.”

“But the reason wasn’t sex. Our parents couldn’t afford it, not even community college, and then Mom got sick…”

“No, you’re right. Well, mostly…”

“So, the fact that I have contraception should be a relief, shouldn’t it? It’s not like I’m putting myself at risk by making foolish decisions.”

“True, but I’m not exactly sure sex itself is the issue.” Bodie thought for a moment. “Bessie stayed in Capeside for me, you know? I’d left the Vineyard after high school and had come over here to go to Capeside Community College. We met and… that was it. Your sister could’ve left town any time, but she stayed here for me. And then she stayed here for your Mom, and then you, and then she had Alexander. The point is, your sister doesn’t want you to do the same thing she did, which is the same thing your mother did. She doesn’t want you to sacrifice your opportunities and stay here for a boy.”

“But Bessie loves you.”

“She does.”

“And she’s happy. I mean, at least I think she’s happy.”

“She’s pretty happy, I’d say,” Bodie agreed. “But your sister knows that you have the potential to do so much more with your life than just stick around here. You’ve got the smarts and the ambition to really make something of yourself, and she doesn’t want anything or anyone to prevent you from doing just that.”

Still unable to shake the anxious feeling that had been sitting in the pit of her stomach since Bessie had found her birth control, Joey nodded. “I haven’t made my decision yet. About sex, I mean.” She paused, slightly wondering why it seemed easier to talk to Bodie than Bessie about this. “Well, I mean, I know I want to, and I know that eventually I’m going to… It’s just that…” She played with the stuffed animal her nephew had handed to her. “I just thought that if I was prepared, then I would be ready _right now_, and I thought that I was, but… now I’m not so sure.”

“You know, I can’t tell you what to do. No one can. For now, all I can say is that if you’re having doubts about sex, then you’re probably not ready to have sex right now.”

Joey sighed and chewed on her lip. “Yeah,” she sighed. After she handed the stuffed animal back to Alexander, Bodie stood up and she watched them disappear back inside the house. The keys in her pocket reminded her that there was some place she was supposed to be, and she made for the old blue truck.

*****

It was after eight o’clock when Joey arrived at the beach house. Pacey opened the sliding glass door to let her in the living room. She was a sight for sore eyes. “Hey, I was just about to call you,” he said, pulling her into a hug. “I thought you would’ve been here earlier.”

She kissed him. “I’m sorry. I, uh… I got into a fight with Bessie.”

“Ah.” Pacey closed the door and he sat down on the couch. “What was the fight about?”

Joey hesitated. “Gretchen’s not here, is she?”

“No. I told you—she’s working tonight at the Leery’s restaurant; she’ll be bartending until eleven.”

Again, she hesitated, unsure as to how much detail she should reveal. She thought Bodie was right—sex itself wasn’t the core of her sister’s issue. It was her relationship with Pacey, the seriousness of it, and the thought that she’d give up on her dreams for him, to stay in Capeside with him. Maybe that’s what she’d meant by _the biggest mistake of her life_. “Um… well, I need to tell you something.”

His guts instantly knotted with worry as he watched her pace around the room in front of him. “What?”

“So, yesterday after school… you know how I was hanging out with Jen before work?”

“Yeah, you went with her to Hyannis, you said.”

“Um, yeah, I did…” She nervously played with her fingers. “Uh, well, we weren’t really _hanging out_, per se, and it was more like she went with _me_ to Hyannis…”

He eyed her nervous posture, the knots in his stomach tightening. “For…?”

Why did she feel so embarrassed about this? It was just Pacey, for crying out loud. “I had an appointment at the free clinic.”

He immediately thought the worst. “Oh, God… please don’t tell me you’ve been having sex with some other guy and that you’re pregnant.”

Joey’s eyes went wide, flying to his. She felt stunned. “What?! Of course not! I just had a pelvic exam and got condoms and birth control.”

He blinked and then let out the breath he’d been holding as he filled with relief. “Jesus, that’s it? Christ, Jo. You were acting like you were about to tell me something terrible.”

“Pacey, how could you think I’d ever do something like that to you?”

Opening his mouth, he almost replied that a girl he loved had cheated on him before and so it wasn’t like it was outside the realm of possibility, but then he thought better of it. “And this has something to do with the fight with your sister?” he asked, avoiding giving any kind of real answer to her question.

“Well, Bessie found the condoms and birth control pills in my bedroom, and she flipped out.”

“I’m sorry. Did you kiss and make up?”

“I haven’t spoken to her since, but I’m sure I will at some point over the weekend. That’s bound to be a pleasant conversation,” she snarked.

Sighing, Pacey leaned back against the couch, the weight of her words slowly sinking in. “Wait a minute. You went to the free clinic and got condoms? And birth control?”

She averted her eyes from his surprised gaze. “Um… yes.”

He had no idea what to say. “Uh… did you bring them with you?”

She pursed her lips, throwing him a pointed look. “No, I didn’t, Pacey.” Then she sat down on the couch next to him. “I guess I thought that I was ready to have sex, or that I was going to be ready, and felt like it would be a good idea to go to the clinic and… you know, get prepared, but…”

He watched her play with her fingers and gazed at her while she chewed her bottom lip. “Joey, is this about what happened after Jen’s unbirthday party? Look, I don’t want you to do anything you’re not ready to do. I don’t want you to think that I’m… not content or satisfied or whatever. I mean, I’m in no hurry, and I don’t want you to feel pressured. If I ever came across that way… Jo, I’m sorry.”

“No! No, Pacey. You’ve been nothing but wonderful. I just think… I think I’m pressuring myself. My body and my mind are constantly at odds, and I keep changing my mind from one day to the next, and frankly, it’s exhausting.”

“Jo, it’s perfectly okay that we’re not having sex yet. And if you’re this anxious about it, then… I don’t know… maybe we’re moving too fast and should slow things down a bit.”

Did he mean stop fooling around? God, that was the last thing she wanted. She’d only end up frustrated on top of everything else. She slid closer to him. “You know, Pace, just because we’re not having sex yet, it doesn’t mean… Well, there are certain things we can do, that I want to do…”

He smiled. “What kinds of things?” he asked, before suddenly wondering if she’d actually been serious about the strip poker idea or if that had just been the alcohol talking.

Joey leaned over, bringing her mouth close to his ear. “I could kiss you,” she whispered.

“Hmm.” An idea sprang to mind. Pacey started to move towards her. “Or perhaps I could just come over there and…” He kept moving until she was lying back on the couch and he straddled her legs.

As his hands moved to her waist, Joey immediately knew what was about to happen. “No, no, Pacey.” Then he started tickling her. “Pacey, no!” she giggled, grabbing at his hands. “Stop it!”

But he kept tickling and laughing at her attempts to wiggle free. Joey continued to giggle uncontrollably, and then after a minute, he relented. Joey suddenly remembered the pamphlet advertising the workshop at the free clinic and she gazed up at him. “Pacey?”

“Yeah?” he breathed, still straddling her legs.

“Are you doing anything after school on Monday?”

“Not really.” Thoughts of the _True Love_ came forward in his mind, and he briefly mourned the loss of his boat before pushing the thoughts away. “Just homework, probably, and I’ll be more than happy for any excuse to put that off as long as possible.”

She snorted. “So, then, you’ll hang out with me on Monday?”

“Jo, don’t we always hang out on Mondays after school?”

“Well, yeah, but… just don’t make plans, okay?”

“Why? What are we doing?”

She turned to look at him, propping herself up on her elbows. “Um… it’s a surprise.”

He stared down at her and grinned. “A surprise, huh?” He started tickling her again. She began giggling and squirming, but then he noticed her wince. Pacey immediately stopped. “Are you all right?” He pulled away from her.

Joey reached up and pulled him down on top of her. “I’m fine. It was just a slight stitch in my side from laughing.” She started to gently kiss his neck. “There’s only so much time before your sister comes home, and I think we should make the most of it.”

Pacey smiled as he dipped his head and kissed her. “Hmm. Yes, I think we should.”

Their passion soon overtook all emotions, and Joey felt the confusion and anxiety that had plagued her all afternoon quickly fade. All their worries disappeared. They thought of nothing but their love for each other and the feel of their bodies pressing against one another and the stroking touch of their fingers, until they were both limp with exhausted pleasure.


	31. 2000 (Senior Year: Part Six)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains sexually explicit material.

October 14. On Saturday afternoon after Pacey retrieved Joey from the yacht club, they headed down to the waterfront to grab a bite to eat. After finishing their meal, they decided to walk downtown. It was such a beautiful day, the mild fall weather bringing another Indian Summer to the Cape. While the weather was certainly enjoyable, it made Pacey bemoan the loss of the _True Love_ even more. What he wouldn’t give to be out there on the water, with his boat and his girl, soaking up the warm sun and the salty breeze. At times he felt stuck, trapped, as if he himself had been run aground.

“This town is sorely lacking in postmeridian activities,” he told his girlfriend as they strolled away from the waterfront, her hand holding onto the crook in his arm while they walked.

“We could always do a Bonnie and Clyde,” she suggested with a smirk.

“What, like hit a bank and go on the lam?”

She shrugged. “Well, it’s a practical solution to two of our biggest problems: money and boredom.”

He chuckled. “Yeah, that’s good, actually. You know, we could get ourselves one of those big honkin’ sedans. I can get myself a fedora. You can get yourself one of those Kodak box cameras. Then we just head out across the heartland. You know, thumb our nose at the authorities, stopping occasionally, I guess, to take cute pictures of the loving gangster couple.”

Joey laughed as they came to a stop outside the record store. When she looked inside the window, she saw Dawson and Gretchen listening to music together. The sight somewhat surprised her. She knew they worked together at the Leery’s restaurant, but when did they start socializing outside work?

“Do wanna burn some time spinning some discs?” Pacey asked, noting her sudden interest in the store.

“Oh, nah, not right now,” she declined. “Come on.” Then she led him away from the store window. Ideally, they could’ve walked right in there, ran into Dawson, and then the three of them would’ve just spent the rest of the afternoon together like old times. Things were different now. Since the storm, Pacey and Dawson had become much more civil. They actually politely acknowledged each other’s presence when in school now, which was a vast improvement, but they were still far off from running into each other during social situations without awkwardness ensuing and even further from hanging out together on purpose. She hoped one day they’d be able to.

They continued walking, passing by small shops, eateries, and a grocery store, when they suddenly found themselves staring at Joey’s wall. It still looked the same—a white canvas painted over a portion of the large brick wall, with “ASK ME TO STAY” painted in large red letters. They smiled when they stared up at it, memories coming back to them.

“So… Jo, when are you gonna start your mural?” he asked. “I mean, I can help. We can get some white paint, get rid of my desperate plea up there, and then you’ll have a clean slate to create your masterpiece.”

“You want me to paint over it?” Her brows knitted. She felt a twinge of sadness at the thought of _getting rid_ of Pacey’s hastily painted S.O.S.

“Well, if you want to paint your mural, you’ll kinda have to, right?” he laughed.

“And… that doesn’t bother you?” she wondered. Didn’t he have a sentimental attachment to it like she did?

Pacey turned from the wall to glance at her. “I wouldn’t say it bothers me. I mean, if it got painted over because some company wanted to advertise hemorrhoid cream? Sure, I might be bothered. But if it’s because you’re going to fill the wall with something extraordinarily beautiful… of course, not. Besides, you didn’t ask me to stay, did you? We left.”

Joey let out a breathy laugh. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

A little while later, while they were at the beach house watching TV in the living room, Gretchen walked through the sliding glass door carrying a poster. “Hey! You guys up for going to a rave tonight?”

“A rave?” Joey replied, eyes going wide with surprise.

“In Capeside?” Pacey scoffed.

His sister glanced down at the poster. “Well, I’m not exactly sure where it is, but it’s somewhere around here. I gotta call some friends for the directions. So, you two wanna come with?”

They stared at her for a moment. “Us?” Pacey replied, gesturing between himself and his girlfriend. “We’re not exactly rave people, Gretch.”

“Seriously,” Joey agreed.

“Oh, come on! Don’t be a couple sticks in the mud.”

The telephone rang. Pacey jumped off the couch and went to the kitchen to answer it. “Hello?”

“Hey, Pace.”

“Hi, Jen. What’s up?”

“Oh, not much. Is Joey there, by any chance?”

“Uh, yeah. Hold on.”

He walked back into the living room. Joey smiled as she took the cordless phone from him. “Hey, Jen.”

“Hi! So, uh, I managed to get Jack to change his mind about that workshop thing. It’s on Monday after school, right? You and Pacey still going?”

“Um…” She glanced at her boyfriend. “Yeah. We’re gonna check it out and see what it’s like.”

“Cool. OH! Did you hear? Andie got accepted to Harvard.”

“Oh, my God! That’s amazing.” She turned to Pacey and smiled. “Andie got into Harvard.”

He laughed to himself. “Of course, she did.”

“Yeah, really great,” Jen continued. “So, me and Jack and Andie are going out to this rave tonight to celebrate. Kinda random for Capeside, but Jack’s actually super excited about it and he rarely gets excited about anything. You guys wanna go?”

“Well, we’ve just been discussing that very topic, actually. We might.”

“Okay, well, I guess if I see you there, then… I see you there.”

“Okay. Talk to you later, Jen.”

After hanging up the phone, she turned to Pacey. “So, you wanna check out that rave?”

He gave her an amused look and then frowned. “Really, Jo?”

“It won’t hurt to try something new, Pacey. Weren’t you just saying earlier that there’s nothing to do in this town? So, put on your best bowling shirt and take me out.”

He chuckled, nodding his acquiescence. “All right, all right. We’ll go out.”

Later, while getting ready for said rave, Dawson showed up at the beach house, Gretchen apparently having invited him earlier. Pacey and Joey exchanged looks as they followed them out the back door. “Did you know my sister asked him to come?” he whispered.

“No, I didn’t. I’m just as surprised as you are, Pace.”

They watched Dawson and Gretchen get into the front seats of his SUV. Pacey walked around to the back. “It might not be so bad,” Joey told him as he opened the door for her. If they were to start making gains at mending their friendships, socializing would have to happen at some point. Her boyfriend only hummed in response and then closed the door after she was in the back seat. They then drove outside the Capeside town limits, using Gretchen’s directions to find the place.

“So, I thought you had to work,” Gretchen said to Dawson.

He glanced in the rearview mirror at Pacey, their eyes meeting for a moment. “The restaurant wasn’t busy and Bodie said I could take off. You know, between working part-time at both the video store and the restaurant, not to mention the pile of college applications I’ve yet to finish, I don’t get a lot of opportunities to go out.”

“Look at that, Pacey,” Gretchen said in a teasing tone as she glanced over her shoulder. “Dawson has _two_ jobs. Something to think about.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” he grumbled in response.

“My little brother is in need of employment,” she explained to Dawson, who didn’t say anything in reply.

The more Gretchen and Dawson chatted nonstop, often laughing and teasing each other, the more Pacey and Joey threw each other bemused looks in the back seat. He found himself becoming increasingly annoyed. Why in the world was his sister hanging out with Dawson, of all people? What was even happening here? Whatever it was, he didn’t like it.

It was after ten o’clock when they arrived at the secret location. People had begun arriving that morning and by the evening the rave was in full swing with over 1,000 people in attendance. When they reached the entrance to the massive tent, it was no surprise to run into Drue Valentine. “Right on,” he clapped in greeting. “You guys are so not the squares I thought you were.” He eyed Gretchen up and down appreciatively. “Pacey’s older sister. It’s very nice to see you again.”

“Too bad I can’t say the same,” she snarked.

“Ouch.”

Joey laughed as Pacey stood behind her, hugging her around her waist. Just then Andie, Jack, and Jen approached. They took turns congratulating Andie on her Harvard news. “You did it,” Pacey said as he gave her a hug. “Just like you always said you would.”

“Wow, Potter, how cool are you?” Drue said. “You don’t mind that hug lasted just a split second longer than the ex guidelines allow?”

Pacey threw him a baffled look as he pulled out of the hug, still holding onto Andie’s hands. Joey couldn’t help but feel a twinge of… something—she refused to use the word jealousy—when watching Pacey and Andie hugging rather tightly, but she wasn’t about to allow Drue to get the best of her. She merely glared. Drue laughed and walked away.

“What is that guy’s deal?” Gretchen asked.

“Did you ever meet Abby Morgan?” Dawson responded.

“Ugh, Abby Morgan,” Pacey said as he took his girlfriend’s hand and started walking. “I can’t say I miss her at all, as horrible as that sounds.”

“That’s not horrible,” Joey replied. “It’s the truth. Not everyone who meets a tragic, untimely end is a good person who is missed by all.” Then she squeezed his hand. “When we’re inside, we’re sticking to the buddy system. We’re not leaving each other alone in that sea of people.”

He smiled and squeezed her hand in return. “You know, I have to say I’m surprised at your enthusiasm over going to something like this, Potter. I mean, there’s probably a never-ending flow of booze and drugs in there. You realize this?”

“Do you plan on doing drugs, Pace?” she teased.

“No, of course not. Do you?”

She laughed. “No. Are you gonna drink? Dawson’s the designated driver, so you can go wild.”

He scoffed, shaking his head. “And how long before the cops descend on this place, Jo? The last thing in the world I need is for my dad to find me at a rave, drunk, surrounded by people stoned out of their gourds. He’d throw my ass in the clink.”

“Well, I’m not gonna drink either,” she replied, still cringing over her behavior at Jen’s unbirthday party.

“Probably a good idea, Jo,” he said, looking up at the huge structure looming in front of them. “We don’t know what kind of weirdos are in there. Well, we know Drue Valentine is in there, and that’s reason enough to be on your guard.”

She smiled up at him. “Is this you being protective, Pacey Witter?”

Glancing at her, he grinned. “Is that okay?”

“I like it,” she shrugged, feeling herself blush.

They were soon passing through the massive entrance tent and approaching the building where the rave was being held—an abandoned warehouse that had been cleaned up and decorated for the occasion. Pacey and Joey had never been to a rave before. It was exactly like how they had imagined it would be. Loud. Colorful. Dark. With two giant guys in black trench coats guarding the doors. The building was filled to the brim with teens and young adults talking and walking and dancing.

After a few minutes, Joey went with Gretchen in search of a women’s restroom and some drinks, leaving Pacey alone with his former best friend. They stood together somewhat awkwardly. “Not exactly our scene, huh?” Dawson then said conversationally, his tone friendly.

“No, it most certainly is not.”

“I’m, uh, gonna go get a soda or something. You want anything?”

He blinked. Why was Dawson being so polite? Why was he in such a good mood? Was it because of Gretchen? “Um… no, I’m good. Thanks.”

Pursing his lips, Dawson nodded and then walked off, leaving Pacey alone to observe the craziness around him. There was neon everywhere. Ravers wore neon necklaces and gripped neon glow sticks, brandishing them above their heads like batons. A sea of colorful bodies swirled together like shoals of tropical fish. Despite the flashing lights and all the glow sticks it was still dark out on the dance floor.

Twenty minutes passed, and all he’d done was wander through the surging dancers, trying not to make contact with anyone. The blaring electronic music was too fast, too wild for Pacey’s taste. People danced to it as a reaction—there was nothing coordinated or rhythmic about their movements. He found it disorienting and exhausting. Walking out of the main dancing area, Pacey found a quieter section of the warehouse and a random floral couch to sit on.

Joey meandered around the snack table with Pacey’s sister, checking out the offerings. She was honestly surprised to find platters of fresh fruit, half-expecting there to be nothing but an assortment of candy and other junk food. “I’m sorry about the Dawson-snafu,” Gretchen told her. “But when I invited him, he said no. It didn’t even occur to me that he’d end up changing his mind.”

“That’s okay,” she replied, almost surprised at how unbothered she was by Dawson’s presence in their little social group. “I’m kind of glad we all ended up together. I mean, accidental or not, things have been betting better, slowly.”

“I’m glad to hear that. The three of you have so much history, and Dawson’s such a nice guy.”

“Minus that whole trying-to-seriously-injure-or-kill-your-younger-brother thing at the regatta six months ago, right?” Joey quipped.

Gretchen gave her a _yikes_ look. “We all have our low points, I guess.”

She watched Pacey’s sister pick up a lollipop off the table. “Look, I know this is totally none of my business, but… you and Dawson… was this, like, supposed to be a date?”

Her eyes went wide and she laughed in disbelief. “A date? Where exactly did that come from?”

“Well, obviously you’re aware of his incredibly infamous crush on you, and it’s obvious that you two seem to be getting along really well and, you know, choosing to hang out together in social situations. So, I just thought…” She shrugged.

“First of all, that crush ended when he was like, twelve,” Gretchen retorted. “Second of all, we’re just friends.”

“Okay, but he has a way of hanging onto things since he was, like, twelve, and although he outgrows them and in hindsight can look at them with the proper perspective, he doesn’t really let them go. They’re still in there, just waiting for the chance to come out again. It seems as though he really likes you, and so if he thought there was the slightest chance, then maybe…”

“You know what I think? If Dawson is waiting for some childhood crush to come around again, he’s not waiting on _me_,” Gretchen said pointedly.

Her stomach twisted and she frowned, before following Pacey’s sister away from the snack table. “Do you honestly think that, Gretchen?”

The older girl smiled. “Joey, he’s still far too hung up on this whole thing with you and Pacey to be even remotely interested in me, or anyone, right now. Trust me. However, if _you_ were to suddenly become available again, I’m sure he’d be _very_ interested in that change of events.”

“Well, I really don’t see that happening,” she replied. “Me becoming available, I mean.”

“Me neither,” Gretchen said with a smile.

“And even if, God forbid, I did become available, it just would never happen with Dawson again. That ship has long since sailed.” She couldn’t even picture it. Just the thought was enough to make her cringe with embarrassment. Then she observed those dancing and walking around her, wearing what seemed like neon costumes instead of regular clothes. She glanced down at her jeans. “Do I look all right?”

Gretchen turned back to glance at her. “Yeah, you look great. Why?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t think I fit in here with these people.”

“The point of a rave isn’t to fit in, really. It’s to be your own individual self, no matter how weird or not weird that is, during a wild night of fun.”

They were soon reunited with Dawson, who was standing off by himself watching the revelry. “Where’s Pacey?” Joey asked him.

He shrugged. “I don’t know. I left to get a drink and when I came back, he was gone.”

She turned this way and that, hoping for any glimpse of her boyfriend, but couldn’t see him anywhere. She highly doubted he was dancing. It dawned on her that he probably would’ve looked for an escape from the chaos. “I’m gonna go find him. You two have fun.”

“Okay,” Dawson said, smiling. “We’ll meet up with you guys later.”

After several minutes, Joey stepped through glittery steamers hanging in a large opening in the back wall to find another area where ravers stood around talking and drinking in the relative quiet compared to the nonstop thumping of the music emanating from the dance floor in the adjacent room. Sure enough, there was Pacey sitting alone on a couch in the middle of the large open space.

Joey walked up behind the couch and her hands on the back of it, Pacey turning to look at her. “You know, you’re violating the sacred buddy system. No one ventures out alone, remember?”

“Well, you know, I would’ve stayed in there, but I was really too intimidated by all the intricate steps necessary to enjoy the most tuneless music known to man.”

“I, too, felt a little out of place,” she admitted as she walked around the couch to sit next to him. “You know, not having dressed in what could only be described as an homage to Japanese animation.”

He snorted. “So, why are we here?” He wanted to be anywhere but here. They could’ve had the beach house all to themselves all night, and instead…

Joey gave him a look. “We’re trying something new.”

“Yeah,” he conceded. “Which only really serves to let me know how much I enjoyed the old.”

“Hmm. Me too, but I am glad we came. I mean, if nothing else, to witness the wasted youth of America firsthand.”

“And it ain’t pretty,” he quipped while she shook her head in agreement. He gazed at her, thankful that they were at least together and he wasn’t suffering this nonsense by himself. “But you, madame, most certainly are.” He leaned over and kissed her.

She beamed at him, and then again wondered what was really bothering him. She knew he was bothered by Dawson and Gretchen hanging out, but maybe there was something else. “Remember how we used to play Barnacle for Your Thoughts?”

“Yes,” he replied, remembering long days on the boat and the occasional lulls when both fell silent for a time, and the game they would play to spark conversation again.

“Well, I don’t exactly have a barnacle on me, but I could offer you this lovely glow necklace.” She held up a circular neon glow stick.

“Oh, which I would gladly accept,” he said, taking it from her and putting it atop his head.

“Ah! It gives you that whole Caesar look again.”

He shook his head while she laughed. “Wonderful.”

“So, I did my part, and I think now you’re supposed to tell me something deep and profound.”

Pacey sighed and turned from her, thinking. “You wanna hear something deep and profound, huh?” He turned back to look at her. “I miss the _True Love_, Jo. I mean, right now, sitting under the stars, my arm around you.” He lifted his arm and she snuggled against him as it came around her shoulder. “Let me tell ya, I miss _True Love_ something fierce.” There was nowhere in the world he’d rather be right now.

“I miss her too, Pacey.”

He turned to look at her and they both frowned in sympathy. Then he lifted the glow necklace from his head and placed it on hers. “Your turn, Potter.”

Joey hummed. “Well, I think I might’ve inadvertently been a little forceful when I quizzed Gretchen about her and Dawson.”

“Really?” He didn’t know what to make of that.

“Yes, unfortunately. I mean, your sister’s social life is none of my business. The same goes for Dawson, actually.”

He watched her mouth curve into a frown. “And I take it that bothers you?”

She snuggled closer. “Well, I admit it bothers me that we’re still not friends, and I hate being on the outside. I mean, Dawson used to always tell me when there was a girl he liked—from his childhood fixation on Gretchen, to Meghan in middle school, to Jen when she first moved here, and every silly little crush in between. He’d always come and talk to me about that stuff. You know, I was his best friend, and now…” She heaved a sigh. “I guess it just sucks that I’m not really a part of his life and that I can only find out anything that might be going on with him by interrogating third parties.”

“I’m sure Dawson will let you back into the inner circle sooner rather than later.” Although he was fairly certain there was still only one girl his former best friend had his sights on, the thought of Dawson pursuing his sister made Pacey cringe. “So, are you saying he really does like Gretchen?”

“I don’t know. It seems like he enjoys her company. I have no clue if he has romantic intentions or not at this point.”

“Well, let’s hope he doesn’t. And anyway, my sister is smarter than that. She’s 21 years old. Dawson is 17 and still in high school. I mean, come on.” He smirked at his girlfriend and went to reach for the glow necklace on her head. “I guess we’re back to my turn, huh?”

Joey leaned back, blocking him from grabbing the necklace. “Um…”

He gazed at her. “Uh oh. You’ve got your ‘we need to talk’ face, Potter. I have nightmares about that face.”

She pursed her lips, fighting a grin. “Shut up.” She cleared her throat. “So, uh, you know how I asked you if you were free after school on Monday?”

“Yes,” he said, smiling. “You said we were doing something but it was a surprise.”

“While a surprise seemed funny at the time, I don’t think keeping it a surprise is the best way to go on this one,” she admitted.

“Um… okay…?” His interest was suddenly even more piqued.

Joey chewed on her lip while she played with her fingers in her lap. “You know how I went to the free clinic earlier this week?”

Pacey nodded. “Uh-huh. And I went last week. Clean bill of health, by the way. I am HIV-and-STD-free.”

“Were you expecting anything different?”

“Well, no,” he said with a laugh. “Anyway, you were saying…”

“Yeah.” She turned to sit facing him. “So, um, the free clinic is having this adolescent sex ed workshop thing on Monday, and it’s supposed to be good for couples to go. So, I thought… that maybe… we could go. Well, if you want to.”

That was the last thing he’d ever expected. “Um… is that something you really wanna do, Jo?”

She smiled to herself, blushing. “With you, yes. I think Jen and Jack are gonna go, too.”

“Well, as I think we already established I’m free on Monday afternoon, then I am at your service.”

Her eyes went wide and she smiled. “You’ll go? Really?”

Pacey leaned over and kissed her. “Yes, really.”

“I’m glad you agreed, since I already signed us up,” she joked.

“You know, it’s probably not such a bad idea for you to practice putting condoms on bananas before we get to the real thing.”

Joey blushed harder and playfully smacked him on the arm. Then she watched as people were leaving the space to head back into the rave. “Come on, let’s rejoin the fun.”

“I don’t know if _fun_ is the word I’d choose, Jo.”

“Come on, Pace. Let’s just go dance around for a bit and be silly for a change. Didn’t you say that to me once? That it’s good to look silly once in a while?”

He chuckled, remembering their pink cardboard 17th birthday crowns. “You remember that?”

She smirked and stood up from the couch. “You’re not the only one who remembers everything.”

Hand in hand, they walked back towards main room with the dance floor when they were suddenly accosted by Andie and Drue Valentine. “Oh, my God! Hi!” she exclaimed excitedly.

Pacey didn’t know what to make of such a greeting. “Hi.” After proclaiming her love for them, Andie pulled him into another tight hug. Something in the pit of his stomach tightened, a voice in the back of his mind telling him something wasn’t right.

Then she made to hug Joey, but she stopped her. “Yeah, Andie, uh, I think you’ve done enough hugging tonight,” she said, feeling like the way Andie was behaving with Pacey was borderline inappropriate.

“I just wanted to show you guys how much I love you both,” Andie told them with perky enthusiasm. “You guys are so good together, and, Joey, you are so nice! Well, except for the time when you snuck around with Pacey behind Dawson’s back. That was pretty low. But, really, who can blame you? I mean, it’s Pacey.” She gazed up at him adoringly. “I pretend not to care, but I have to admit, Pace, you are the love of my life, and I am so not over you. I don’t think I’ll ever get over you. I’ll probably love you forever.”

He had no idea what to say to that and couldn’t even look at her. Joey kept glancing between them with a confused expression, not knowing where in the world this stuff was coming from.

“I hope it’s okay that I said that,” Andie continued. “I mean, we’re all really good friends, so it’s not like it’s some big secret, right?”

“It’s news to me, Andie,” Joey replied, not liking where the conversation had led.

“You totally don’t have to worry,” Andie told her. “I mean, Pacey is _so_ over me, and such the faithful type.” Something twisted in the pit of his stomach again. “If only I had been—maybe we’d still be together,” she concluded earnestly.

He eyed her carefully; something was definitely off. “Andie, are you feeling okay?”

She confessed she felt great and then went off bouncing with Drue, leaving him staring after them. “Well, that was minorly appalling,” Joey remarked as she took him by the hand and they once again started heading for the dance floor.

They were soon surrounded once again by glow stick-waving ravers, electronic dance music blasting in their ears, but Pacey’s mind was elsewhere. Joey noticed the look on his face and reached up to smooth his furrowed brow. “What’s up?”

“I’m worried about Andie. Something’s not right.”

“Do you think she’s been drinking?”

He shrugged, licking his lips. “I mean, I guess that’s possible, but she knows she’s not supposed to drink alcohol while on her meds.”

She thought for a moment. “I think she drank a little bit at Jen’s unbirthday party, but she wasn’t behaving like that.”

“Yeah, the way she was acting… I don’t think that was alcohol-induced. It’s…” He sighed and shook his head. “It’s almost like she was manic.”

Joey’s eyes widened and she gulped. “You don’t think she’s stopped taking her medication, do you?”

“I hope not, but it’s not like she hasn’t done that before. It would definitely account for the extreme mood swing.”

They soon laid eyes on Jack, who was surrounded by fit guys in tight neon shorts, their torsos painted in glitter, dancing his heart out. “I think our Jackers finally found his people,” he quipped, and Joey laughed, but despite the distraction of the loud music and the interesting characters around them on the dance floor, the worry about Andie wouldn’t go away.

Pacey soon learned the worry was entirely justified. It was nearly two o’clock in the morning, and he found himself standing with his friends, watching Andie being loaded onto an ambulance as she lay unconscious on a stretcher. Guilt plagued him the entire silent ride to the hospital, while they all sat in the waiting room, nervously anticipating any news on Andie’s condition, when he chose to remain behind and stay while Joey, his sister, and Dawson went home, and even in the morning when he was able to talk to her and see firsthand that she was all right.

After the McPhees dropped him off at the beach house, he grabbed the phone from the kitchen, and feeling exhausted, collapsed on the couch and called Joey. Her sister’s boyfriend answered the phone. “Potter Bed and Breakfast.”

“Hey, Bodie. Is Jo there?”

“You mean she’s not with you?”

“Uh… no, not right now.”

Silence. “Well, Joey never came home last night, Pacey. We assumed she slept over at your place. Wasn’t she with you and Gretchen? Didn’t you guys go to some rave?”

What did Bodie mean Joey didn’t come home? He bolted upright, suddenly wide awake. “Uh, yeah, we did. She was with us, but uh…” He knew she’d left the hospital with Dawson and his sister, and they’d been heading home. Was she with Dawson? Or had she crashed here with Gretchen?

Pacey stood up from the couch and started walking toward the staircase, telling Bodie about the rave to stall. He quickly climbed the stairs. Then he knocked on his sister’s bedroom door before opening it a crack, peering inside. She was asleep in her bed. He quietly closed the door. He walked down the hall and glanced into his own bedroom. The bed was empty. Joey wasn’t there. “I’m sure she’s on her way home, then,” he said. “Just have her call me later.”

“Can’t get enough of each other, huh?” Bodie teased.

He gave him a half-hearted laugh and hung up the phone. Inwardly groaning, he then dialed Dawson’s phone number as he walked back downstairs. Mitch answered. “Hi, Mr. Leery.”

“Pacey Witter! To what do I owe this distinct yet rare pleasure so early on a Sunday morning?”

“Um, did Dawson come home last night?”

“No, my son came home _this morning_.”

Pacey glanced at the clock; it was almost eight. “How long ago?”

“Oh, about an hour ago. He immediately crashed upstairs.”

“Was Joey with him?”

“Joey?” Mitch scoffed in surprise. “No, she wasn’t. Is everything all right, Pacey?”

“Um… I hope so. Yeah, I’m sure… I’ll, uh, see you in school, Mr. Leery.”

After hanging up the phone, he paced around the living room, his stomach in knots. Where would Joey have gone, if not home? Was it possible she would’ve gone over to see Jen? The unease he felt starting to dissipate, he realized that was more than likely. Pacey trudged upstairs to his room and collapsed on his bed.

*****

Full of mixed emotions, Joey watched Dawson walk up the dock to his house and disappear inside. She’d told him he didn’t have to drive her home, that she’d just borrow his row boat like old times, but she found herself staring at Jen’s house. Frowning, she walked back up the dock and was soon knocking on Mrs. Ryan’s door. Just a few moments later, it opened.

“Josephine Potter! This early on a Sunday morning? You caught me getting ready for church. What can I do for you?”

“Is Jen up?”

“Oh, well, she’s upstairs in her bedroom. I spoke with her earlier, but she might have gone back to sleep. From what I gather, she got home late last night.”

“And some of us haven’t even been home yet,” she joked, laughing.

Mrs. Ryan pursed her lips in disapproval. “Did I see you over there with the Leery boy?”

Joey’s smile faltered and her mouth became a thin line. “May I talk to Jen, please?”

“Sure, sweetheart. Just go on upstairs.”

Rolling her eyes, she walked inside and kicked her shoes off by the door. Then she ascended the stairs to the second floor. When she reached Jen’s bedroom door, she knocked lightly.

“Grams, I said I’m not hungry,” spoke a muffled voice. “And no, I’m not going to church, so don’t even ask.”

Snorting, Joey opened the door and stepped inside, shutting the door behind her. “It’s just me.” She watched the covers fly open, revealing Jen’s face and surprised expression. “And I’m not hungry either, by the way. I’m stuffed to the gills from that stopover at Denny’s.” Her friend said nothing in reply, and she frowned. “How are you doing?”

Jen shook her head, tears filling her eyes. “Not good.”

“Do you wanna tell me what happened?” Joey asked, crossing the floor and sitting down on the bed beside her.

“I had the pills,” she said as she sat up. Jen sniffled and wiped the tears from her eyes. “Drue gave them to me, but I wasn’t going to take them, I swear. Andie kept asking questions about them, about what it was like to take them, and she wanted to see what they looked like.” She covered her face with her hands and groaned. “God, I feel so stupid, Joey. I should’ve seen right through it, but it honestly didn’t cross my mind that Andie McPhee, of all people, would want to get high. She took the pills and wouldn’t give them back and then swallowed one.”

Joey chewed on her lip, shaking her head. “I’m sorry, Jen. It’s not your fault. I mean, Andie basically stole the pills from you. You didn’t make her take them. She made her own choice, and unfortunately it was a bad one.”

Fresh tears filled Jen’s eyes. “Try telling Jack that. I mean, he hates me now.”

“He had a bad scare, and I’m sure he’s very angry right now, but… Jack could never hate you, Jen. He loves you.”

“Yeah,” she breathed.

Sighing, Joey slid back on the bed until she was sitting next to her friend. “You know, we kinda figured something was up with Andie. You should’ve seen the way she was acting with Pacey, and the stuff she was saying to us…” She shook her head, still annoyed at how uncomfortable she’d felt about the way Andie had been hanging all over her boyfriend. Even though Andie had been right—she had nothing to worry about—Joey couldn’t help feeling a little threatened by her history with Pacey.

“Oh, God,” Jen groaned. “I can only imagine.”

“Yeah. Not good.”

The two friends sat in comfortable silence for some minutes. “So, who’d you go to Denny’s with?”

“Dawson.”

“Really?”

Shoving her tongue in her cheek, she nodded. “Yeah. Pacey decided to stay at the hospital with Jack, and after we dropped Gretchen off, we decided to get something to eat.” She pulled her legs up and hugged her knees. “It wasn’t so bad, actually. There were moments when awkward silences ensued, I won’t lie, but for the most part it was all right. At times it almost felt like things were back to normal, but…”

Jen eyed her. “But?”

“I don’t know,” Joey shrugged. “There were moments when it was obvious that Dawson is still… hurt… over everything. That he’s still not over the fact I sailed away with Pacey for three months. That he hasn’t really moved on as much as he appears.”

“Huh.”

“Yeah. But he also might like Gretchen.”

Jen’s brows knitted. “Wow. Seriously?”

“Yep. Well, kind of? Maybe? I’m not positive, but Pacey’s not too happy about it, I can tell you that much.”

“I’m sure he’s not too happy with me either. I mean, I know how protective he is of Andie.”

Joey frowned as memories came back to her. Andie sure had that whole damsel in distress thing down, and Pacey sure loved saving her time and time again. “He’ll understand when I explain to him what really happened.”

Jen threw over the covers and slid out of bed, walking over to her dresser. “Well, I can guarantee Jack won’t. I think it’s safe to say that whole sex ed workshop thing on Monday probably isn’t in the cards for us. I’m sure that’s out now.”

“Well…” Disappointment welled up inside. “Even if Jack doesn’t want to come, which I completely understand for a couple reasons, that doesn’t mean you can’t, Jen. I still want you to come with us, whether Jack goes or not.”

“Yeah, but will Pacey want me there?” her friend asked, giving her a look of uncertainty. “After what happened last night?”

Joey got off the bed. “Look, Jen… Pacey isn’t one to hold a grudge. If he was, we wouldn’t even be dating,” she joked, trying to lighten the mood. “But seriously, he’ll be fine. Once he hears the whole story, he’ll know you’re not to blame for what Andie did.”

Not long after, Jen offered to drive her home, promising Mrs. Ryan she’d be back in time for her to take the car to church. When she walked inside her house, Bessie immediately started yelling about her having spent all night with Pacey and not coming home at a decent hour, being reckless and irresponsible.

“Bessie, I told you that I’d be out all night.”

“Well, I expected you to at least come home and sleep in your own bed. Or are you now much too occupied with Pacey’s bed?”

“Frankly, that’s none of your business. I am 18 years old, Bessie. I can do whatever I want with Pacey, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

“Okay, young lady, you may be 18 and of age, but you know what? _Pacey isn’t_.”

Joey had no idea what to say to that. “For your information, Bessie, I was only with Pacey until three o’clock, when I left him in the hospital with Jack. Andie had… an episode, and she was rushed to the hospital. So, that’s the kind of night I had, all right?”

“Well, if you haven’t seen Pacey since three, where the hell have you been all night?”

“I was with Dawson!”

Her sister’s demeanor instantly changed, the anger leaving her face, her posture. “Oh. So… you were with Dawson until…” She glanced at her watch.

“Until about seven o’clock, yes, and then I went over to talk to Jen for a few minutes.”

“Okay, well… Just call us next time, Jo, and let us know if you’re not going to be home at a decent hour. All right?”

Joey glared at her sister. “Why is it totally okay for me to have been with Dawson all night, but not Pacey? I mean, you didn’t even ask _what_ I was doing with Dawson. Meanwhile, every other day I get the third degree about what I’m doing with Pacey.”

Bessie averted her gaze, turning her back and walking into the kitchen. “Jo, you know how much we like Pacey, and how much we appreciate everything he did to help us get the B&B off the ground, but…”

“But?” She followed her sister to the kitchen.

“Dawson is… well, Dawson is going places, Joey. He’s getting out of this town and he’s going to make something of himself. He’s bound for some prestigious film school or another, right?”

“What does that have to do with Pacey?”

Turning her back again, Bessie approached the counter and poured herself a cup of coffee. “Dawson isn’t the type of guy who is going to hold you back in any way, or get you in any trouble. He’s not a screw-up. He’s driven. He has goals he wants to achieve. He has an incredible future laid out in front of him, just like you do.”

“And Pacey doesn’t, is that it?” Joey fumed.

Coffee mug in hand, Bessie turned and stared at her. “Do you honestly think Pacey is going to have the same success as you, or even close to it? Academically or professionally? That doesn’t make him a bad person. Pacey is a lovely person, but you two are on completely different paths, and unfortunately there’s a very good chance you’d talk yourself right into staying on the same path as him, which you’d only end up regretting later.”

“That’s completely unfair, Bessie! Pacey has tons of potential to do amazing things with his life. You just don’t know him like I do.”

“Maybe I don’t, but don’t you think there’s a good chance he’ll only squander that potential, just like he’s squandered it all through high school?”

Joey shook her head, seething, unable to reply, the underlying truth to those words stabbing her like a thorn in her side.

“You know what I see when I look at you and Pacey?”

“No, what?”

“Mom and Dad.”

She blinked, not having expected such a response. “What is that supposed to mean? Pacey is nothing like Dad, Bessie.”

“You sure about that, Jo? Good-looking charmer, center of female attention, possessed of many talents, but a slacker with zero ambition to make his life better until it’s too late. Obsessed with his high school sweetheart who gives up her dreams and opportunities because she’s just as foolishly obsessed with him, but he only ends up ruining her life with his bad choices.”

Clenching her jaw, Joey stormed out of the kitchen and into her bedroom, slamming the door behind her. Lying on her bed, she stared up at the ceiling, her sister’s words going around and around inside her head. Tears filled her eyes. Bessie was wrong, so wrong, and had been entirely too dismissive of Pacey. How could her sister possibly think he had no ambition? He wanted to get out of Capeside just as badly as she did. Everything Pacey had accomplished so far… the money, time, and energy spent into restoring his boat, and then achieving what he set out to do: sailing down to Key West, and all the hard work he’d been putting into improving his grades this year. She knew when Pacey set his mind to doing something, there was no stopping him.

Yet she couldn’t help but realize that ever since he lost the _True Love_, Pacey’s general outlook on life and the future had become rather gloomy. He had no real interests other than her. He hadn’t even gotten a job yet, which honestly wasn’t like him. They were supposed to take the SATs in less than two weeks, and she still wasn’t sure whether he was actually going to take them. She wanted him to feel inspired and hopeful, just like he’d been all summer long.

Suddenly an idea sprang to mind, and she smiled to herself. Just then there was a knock on her bedroom door. Joey heaved a sigh and sat up. “Come in.”

Bodie peeked his head in. “Pacey called earlier. He wants you to call him later.”

“Okay.” After the door shut, she lay back down, and feeling excited about her new plans, she fell asleep with a smile on her face.

*****

October 16. Pacey walked out of school at quarter to three, skipping out on the last fifteen minutes of his final class, and met Joey and Jen in the parking lot. They climbed into the Witter wagon and were soon on the road to Hyannis. After arriving at the Planned Parenthood, they followed the signs to the sex education classroom. They were greeted by a woman holding a clipboard, who checked their names on a list, and then instructed them to take a seat at one of the tables.

A few other people were already inside the room, seated at rectangular tables. Pacey and Joey sat themselves at an empty table in the back of the classroom, Jen sitting down at the table directly next to them. Joey looked around the room. A large poster of a girl with a wide smile and giving the room two thumbs up looked down on them from the wall. A speech bubble next to her said: _A condom is cheaper and easier than a child_. She glanced at Pacey, and they locked eyes. He smirked, said, “Poster girl is right,” and Joey laughed.

One of the chalkboards at the front of the classroom contained a large display of male and female genitalia drawn vividly in pink chalk, with _Sex & Self-Esteem_ written in blue chalk above. Pacey looked over at Joey. “I think I have an idea for your mural.”

She burst out laughing, the other students turning to look at her curiously as the instructor walked into the classroom. The woman looked to be in her mid to late 30’s, very pretty, with almond-shaped eyes, smooth brown skin, and cropped short black hair. She introduced herself to the class as Janiece Dunlap, “but you can call me Niecy,” she said with a smile. “I have a master’s in sociology and I’ve been working with Planned Parenthood as a Health and Sexuality Educator for the past six years.”

After introductions were made around the room, Joey learned that her classmates ranged in age from 16 to 20, and there were two other couples besides her and Pacey. To begin the class, Ms. Dunlap handed out a short questionnaire as an ice breaker. Joey looked over the ten questions, and then leaned into her boyfriend. “It’s like that purity quiz we did at Chris Wolfe’s house sophomore year, only not nearly as ridiculous,” she murmured.

Pacey snorted, reading over the first few questions. With a frown, he wrote, “15” with his pencil in the blank line next to the second question. When the allotted ten minutes were up, the instructor had everyone read their questionnaires out loud to the class. Joey couldn’t help but cringe slightly with embarrassment at the public display, but the small group wasn’t so bad, and having both Pacey and Jen there with her helped put her more at ease.

“Okay, Sex and Self-Esteem,” Ms. Dunlap then began one the ice breaker activity was done, clasping her hands together at the front of the classroom. “A number of studies have found a connection between self-esteem and teen sexuality. One study found that younger girls with low self-esteem are more likely to engage in sexual activity, while teen boys with low self-esteem were less likely to be sexually active. Boys with high self-esteem were two-and-a-half times more likely to initiate sex, while girls with high self-esteem are three times less likely to have sex.”

“Adolescents with low self-esteem are also more likely to engage in risky sexual behavior once becoming sexually active, such as having sex without a condom, having multiple sexual partners, and having sex in exchange for drugs. Of course, there are always exceptions. Not all teens with low self-esteem will become sexually active at a young age. Conversely, high self-esteem doesn’t guarantee anything either.

“Teens who have a strong sense of themselves and self-respect, who place a high value on themselves and their futures, are not immune to sexual urges. Having good self-esteem may help them to handle relationships in more mature ways. Teens who struggle with their own sense of self-worth may be prone to unwise decisions about sex. So, in today’s session, we’ll focus on healthy self-esteem when it comes to sex, and the factors that may have an impact, including implicit bias and attraction to the opposite or same sex.”

Pacey and Joey glanced at each other and smiled while the instructor handed out packets. “You’re attracted to me, right?” he whispered. She let out a breathy laugh. “Kinda,” she teased, shrugging, before laughing again while he rolled his eyes.

“Now, why is self-esteem important?” Ms. Dunlap continued. “A young person with healthy self-esteem is more likely to have positive behavioral characteristics, like acting independent and mature, taking pride in their achievements, accepting frustration and dealing with it responsibly, trying new things and challenges, and helping others when possible. On the other hand, if low self-esteem is not treated, it can lead to problems such as: relationship troubles and difficulty making friends, negative moods, low motivation, poor body image, early sexual activity, drinking alcohol or taking drugs to feel better.”

Feeling eyes on him, Pacey turned and met Jen’s gaze. They gave each other sympathetic looks.

The instructor began moving about the tables. “What causes low self-esteem? How a person feels about themselves is a direct result of their experiences and how they deal with situations. Some causes of low self-esteem are: bullying and loneliness, anxiety, depression, unrealistic goals, friends who are bad influences, trauma or abuse, stressful life events like divorce or death.” She returned up front and picked up a piece of white chalk and began writing. “But the most common cause of low self-esteem in teenagers is unsupportive parents, caregivers, or others that play an influential role in their life.”

Pacey stared down at the tabletop, totally unsurprised at hearing such a thing. Joey reached beneath the table and squeezed his hand. His mouth curved into a slight smile, and he squeezed her hand in return.

“Now, what are the signs of low self-esteem?” Ms. Dunlap asked the class before turning back to the blackboard with her chalk. “Some general signs a teenager has low self-esteem are…”

Joey read the list off the blackboard, including “avoiding new things and opportunities” and “feeling unloved and unwanted” and “negative self-talk and comparisons to others,” “fear of failure or embarrassment,” and “low levels of motivation and interest.” She frowned and glanced at Pacey.

He caught her gaze. “Hey, I tried that rave, didn’t I?” he quipped. She gave him a half-smile.

“If you feel like anything that we’ve discussed so far is hitting pretty close to home,” the instructor said, turning to face the class. “There are things you all can do to develop positive self-esteem, but it’s also important to remember that teenage self-esteem develops and changes frequently over time. But one way to improve self-esteem and build confidence is to focus on your strengths, instead of weaknesses, and your talents, hard work, and effort, instead of accomplishments or the end results.”

Again, Joey thought of her idea for the mural on her wall downtown, and smiled to herself, before returning rapt attention to Ms. Dunlap.

Over an hour later, Joey was walking through the crafts supplies store in downtown Capeside, heading for the paint section. Once she purchased the canvas drop cloths, primer, and stencils she needed to begin working, she stepped out onto the sidewalk and waited for her boyfriend. Pacey soon pulled up and helped her put her supplies into the back of the Witter wagon.

“So, how’s Andie?” Joey asked as he pulled away from the curb.

“Grateful I delivered her homework,” he answered. “She’s all right, I guess. Embarrassed, doesn’t wanna show her face in school.”

She chewed on her lip, almost annoyed with herself for wanting to ask. “So, uh, did she say anything about the way she acted towards you at the rave? The stuff she said?”

He hesitated as he put his blinker on, making a right turn. “She apologized, but we didn’t really get into it. Whether she really meant those things or not… there’s nothing to do about it. It won’t change anything. I just hate the thought of her being…”

“Hurt? Heartbroken and pining over you?”

“Yeah,” he sighed. “Something like that.”

“I know what you mean.”

Pacey sighed again, knowing she meant Dawson. He also knew she’d bristled at the rapturous attention Andie had given him at the rave, but honestly didn’t know what to do or say about it.

Joey glanced at him, remembering earlier how he’d been the only one at school who hadn’t snubbed Jen, or stared and whispered as she walked down the hallway, how he’d made a point to be kind to her in front of everyone in the face of their cruel looks. Her heart swelled with admiration and affection for him. Then her fight with Bessie came unbidden to her mind, and anger bubbled in her gut. She was a firsthand witness to just how amazing a person Pacey was, and she knew he’d prove everyone who ever underestimated him wrong, including his own family.

They were soon pulling up in front of her wall. Having filled up a bucket with water, they carried it over. She glanced down at her skirt, admittedly not in proper clothes, but she didn’t care. She was too excited to put off getting started. Using a mild soapy solution, together they began to clean the wall to prep it for the mural. Pausing for a moment, Joey watched Pacey scrub the dirt away from the old bricks.

“So, what did you think of the workshop today?” she asked.

“It was interesting,” he replied. “Nothing too sexy, I have to admit.”

“Well, not this week,” she grinned. “I believe the condom-practicing is next session.”

“Excited?” He waggled his eyebrows at her, and she snorted. “You planning on bringing any supplies from your birth control warehouse?”

Joey gasped, whirling, and threw a soapy sponge at him. He ducked, narrowly missing it, and laughed. They continued washing the wall in comfortable silence for some time. Again, she thought of their class earlier, and the circumstances that could lead to teenagers becoming sexualized too young. “You know, Pacey…?”

“Yeah?” he replied, glancing at her.

“You know that what happened with Ms. Jacobs wasn’t your fault, right?”

Guilt twisted his insides. “I don’t know about that, Jo. I was definitely the instigator, the aggressor. She only gave in after I wore her down.”

She nodded, considering what he’d said. “I get that, but… you were a child, Pace. She was the adult. She was the one with the power to say no and prevent anything from going beyond a silly flirtation.”

“I guess… well, I guess if you’re love-and-attention-starved, you’re desperate to get it anywhere you can get it.”

“That doesn’t excuse her actions, Pacey.”

“I was talking about myself, Jo.” He heaved a sigh. “Now more than ever, I wish it had never happened. I wish I had waited.”

Unable to help it, insecurity and a twinge of jealousy welled up inside. “You mean, so your first time could’ve been with Andie? The way it was for her?”

Pacey then looked over at his girlfriend and considered her a moment. “No. Not with Andie.”

Joey turned and their eyes met. They gazed at each other, a soft smile playing across his lips. Her heart filled with love and emotion. She could never find enough words to describe her devotion to him, and all that he made her feel.

“So, you coming over after this?” he asked, transitioning the conversation to something less heavy.

“Don’t I always come over on Mondays since it’s my night off from the yacht club?”

“Well, yeah…” He paused, feeling slightly nervous. “You know, uh, Gretchen’s working at the restaurant tonight. She won’t be home until late.”

Blushing, Joey turned and gazed at him. “Working late, huh?”

He licked his lips and nodded, concentrating on scrubbing the wall in front of him. “Yep. We’ll have lots of quiet time for more SAT prep.”

“Ohh, SAT prep,” she replied, feigning ignorance. “So, that’s all you want to do later, Pacey?”

“Yep. Just hours and hours of SAT prep. You know, we, uh, didn’t really get any studying done all weekend, Jo.”

“Yeah, you’re right. We didn’t study at all. I guess we’ll just have to rectify that tonight.”

Their eyes met and held, and they grinned knowingly.

Once the last of the brick wall was cleaned, they stared up at it. “So, are you gonna paint the whole thing white next? Cover up my red scrawl up there? Have a clean slate before you start your mural? You’ll probably have to, right?”

Joey gazed at him for a long moment. She didn’t want a clean slate. She didn’t ever want to erase anything of Pacey’s from her life. The wall was hers, but it was his, too, and in her mind, it somehow represented both of them, their relationship, the history they were making together. “I’ll think of something,” she replied evasively. “But you won’t be able to see it until it’s finished, remember. It’s going to be covered with drop cloth when I’m not working on it, so no peeking!”

He chuckled. “Okay, Jo, no peeking. I promise.”

Later that evening, after enjoying a delicious homecooked meal and finishing their school assignments, they sat together in the living room, hunched over the SAT study guides spread out on the table in front of them. Staring down at a prep book, Joey sighed. She’d lost interest. Well, in studying, that is. She turned towards Pacey and stared at him.

Sensing her eyes on him, he looked at her. She slid back until she was leaning against the back of the couch. They gazed into each other’s eyes, their intense look speaking what their minds and bodies were feeling. The sexual attraction between them was evident. “You don’t wanna study anymore, do you?”

She shook her head. “Not at all.”

Licking his lips, Pacey nodded and tossed his pen on the coffee table, before leaning back against the couch. Joey moved closer and pressed her mouth to his. It was a slow and gentle kiss at first, before quickly becoming deep and passionate. They soon broke the kiss, coming up for air. “You are so beautiful,” he said softly, gazing into her lovely brown eyes.

“Thank you.”

He wanted Joey so badly, that the hunger he had for her devoured him internally and it made him want to tear off her skirt. They had been together four months now and they were alone; it felt like the right time. The lust building inside him was drowning him. Pacey undressed her with his mind and what he saw was pure magnificence.

“I want you, Jo,” he said frankly.

“I know,” she murmured. “I want you, too, Pacey.”

Sometimes he found it hard to believe, but the look in her eyes told him her words were true. He also could see she wasn’t ready, not to go further than they had already. Not yet. Maybe that whole sex ed workshop thing of hers was actually a really good idea, maybe it was something she needed to help the anxiety she still felt about it, to help build her confidence.

Pacey reached out and pulled her closer into his arms. Joey climbed over him as he did so, straddling his lap, her skirt sliding up her thighs to bunch around her hips. His hands moved from her waist up her rib cage, moving to massage her breasts through the soft material of her shirt. Joey closed her eyes and enjoyed his touch. It felt good. She felt wanted.

Then she recaptured his lips with a passionate kiss. Joey sucked on his bottom lip, grinning as she felt something harden against her. She pulled away and gave him a sultry look. Her lust-filled eyes and parted mouth, swollen from his kisses, made Pacey’s jeans feel even tighter than they did already. Joey looked down at his crotch and smirked, rocking her hips over him.

Pacey began panting for breath, and Joey smiled. She lowered her hand to cup his erection through his jeans. “You’re so hard…” Hearing him groan in response only spurred her on. She began to slowly stroke his thick hardness up and down, feeling him throb through the fabric. She watched as Pacey’s eyes closed and he moaned softly.

Joey kissed him again, teasing his lips with the tip of her tongue before he allowed her to enter. They continued to make out passionately while she rubbed him through his jeans. Pacey slid one hand up beneath her shirt to fondle her breast while the other reached underneath her skirt. He rubbed his thumb over a hardening nipple and reveled in her moans, loving how she responded to him. Then he rubbed her swollen clit through the damp fabric of her underwear, earning a gasp and that mewling sound he loved so much.

Their eyes met and Joey smiled before dipping her head and leaving a trail of kisses down his neck. The way Pacey groaned in response was music to her ears. She finally decided to stop teasing him. He let out a whimper when she stopped rubbing his erection, making her giggle, but then her hands were at the waistband of his jeans, unbuttoning them.

Pacey started breathing even heavier, his chest heaving with anticipation. He swallowed, staring down at her hand, expecting it to slip inside his pants and grasp hold of him. Sensing her pause, he looked up at her. “What?”

Joey gulped, feeling a little nervous. “Can I…?” Her face was hot, burning. “Can I take it out?” she whispered. “I want to see you.”

He immediately felt himself blush, his stomach fluttering with nerves. His mouth went dry, and he had to swallow to find his voice. “Okay,” he murmured, nodding his consent.

She bit her lip to try and stop herself from grinning like a fool. Joey looked him in the eye as she slowly took his zipper down, over the throbbing length that was begging to be freed. Breathing hard, he watched while she pulled his jeans down and then pulled him from his boxers, releasing his hardness and exposing it to her waiting grasp.

Joey couldn’t breathe. She was so wet between her legs. So hot. Her skin was shrinking. Tension made her want to burst. Her gaze was drawn to the sight of his pulsing erection, even more intimidating than she’d imagined. She’d known he was big, but to actually see it in front of her… She measured him with her eyes, and the size of him made her mouth fall open.

“Is it… it is okay?” he asked quietly, not sure what to make of her reaction.

The earlier lessons on self-esteem suddenly came to mind. She smiled and gazed at him tenderly. “You’re beautiful, Pacey.” He truly was. His body was worth admiring and loving with everything she had—her hands, her lips, and the clench of her untested sex.

He hadn’t expected to hear that, and he averted his eyes from hers, blushing, embarrassed. He stayed very still but for the quake of his muscles as Joey touched, at first with tentative, feather-light forays, then more boldly as her courage and confidence increased. Finally, he broke and slid his hand inside her panties, gathering her wetness and gliding his fingers over her sensitive clit. She moaned and rocked against his hand.

Joey again bent her head to kiss and suckle his neck while she jerked him off. All the while, Pacey continued to fondle her breasts and tease her nipples while gently rubbing her clit. Their moans filled the living room while they stroked each other.

She loved the way he felt in her hand. He was hot and strong and solid. It made her feel safe and secure, beautiful and desired, knowing she was the one who made Pacey’s body react this way. Clear liquid began leaking out of the tip of the engorged head. A drop fell upon her finger, and impulsively, she put it to her mouth and licked it. His eyes suddenly were a brilliant blue that smoldered with heat. Sapphire fire.

“I wanted to see what you tasted like,” Joey whispered.

He gulped, stunned. “And what do I taste like?” he asked huskily.

“Salt,” she answered softly.

Pacey reached up to draw her face down to his and took her mouth passionately, using his tongue to arouse her to a fever pitch. Joey moaned as his hand moved between her legs, stroking her sensitive bud with his thumb while his thick middle finger slipped inside her. She shuddered as he slid in and out in small movements, allowing the pressure to build towards a powerful release. Her body coiled tight, and with a firm stroke of his fingers over her swollen clit, the tension burst and she finally came, crying out in ecstasy.

Her hand clenched tighter around his rigid length, stroking him faster. When her mouth returned to his neck, kissing and licking his skin, it was enough to send Pacey over the edge, and he moaned into her shoulder, the milky-white warmth of his orgasm spilling all over her hand. Although his brain was a heady fog of pleasure, he blindly swung his arm out and grabbed the tissue box off the side table. Smiling at his consideration, Joey retrieved a tissue and wiped her hand. Then her arms were around his shoulders and they were kissing and holding each other tightly, whispering words of love and other sweet nothings.

Later that night, while Joey lay awake in her own bedroom, staring up at the ceiling, she decided not to care about what Bessie said. She didn’t care about what anyone said. She didn’t care about what anyone thought. No one understood Pacey like she did, and no one knew the depth of their love and commitment except for themselves. Whatever direction life took them, she knew she’d be with Pacey. Wherever she ended up going to college, she knew he’d go with her. She knew without a doubt that he loved her too much to allow anything to get in the way of her dreams and aspirations. He was practically her very own cheerleader. She knew he’d never let her give up on her future. And she knew they would never, ever be parted.


	32. 2000 (Senior Year: Part Seven)

October 19. On Thursday morning, Pacey drove the Witter wagon to the Potter B&B to pick up Joey for school. She walked out her front door with a slight frown and was soon in the front seat beside him. “You’re late,” she said as she buckled her seat belt.

“I know, I know.” He put the car into reverse to back out of the driveway. “But only five minutes this time. So… an improvement, eh?”

Joey threw him a look; he’d been late every day this week. “Pacey, how much longer are you going to be taking Andie’s homework to and from school?”

He shook his head. “I don’t know. Until she’s ready to come back, I guess.”

Although she felt for Andie and sympathized with her present situation, and had even spent some time visiting her on Sunday, Joey couldn’t help feeling somewhat annoyed by the fact Pacey had now become her errand boy. “And why can’t Jack take care of her homework? Why does it have to be you? I mean, he’s her brother, he lives with her, and he goes to our school. There shouldn’t be any reason why Jack can’t get her assignments and then turn them in for her.”

“Jack and Andie aren’t getting along too well at the moment,” he replied. “They keep fighting about Jen. I’m helping her out because I’m her friend. I mean, she was the only one there for me last spring when all that bullshit went down. The least I can do is schlep her homework assignments to and from school, right?”

“Right.”

His stomach twisted at the tone in Joey’s voice, sensing her irritation. “Anyway, I’m sure she’ll be ready to come back next week. I think she just needs a few days to get over the sting of embarrassment.” He frowned as he looked over at his girlfriend, staring out the window and saying nothing in reply. “Am I gonna see you after school today?”

“I’m working tonight.”

“I know, but not until five o’clock. You’ll have a couple hours before you gotta be there.”

“Don’t you have to go see Andie when you get out?”

“Well, yeah… but that’ll only take a few minutes.”

“You’ve said that almost every day this week and then those _few minutes_ turn into an hour.”

He heaved a sigh. “Jo…”

“It doesn’t matter. Spend as much time over there as you need. I think I might just work some more on my mural this afternoon before I head to the yacht club.”

“Okay…” They both chose silence for the rest of the drive.

After arriving at school and parking the Jeep in the senior lot, they started walking towards the front entrance. Pacey reached out and took Joey by the hand. Glancing over at her, he could almost see the annoyance seeping out of her pores. He knew how he’d feel if the situation were reversed, if she was spending every morning and afternoon alone with Dawson up in his bedroom, even if it was just to deliver homework. He stopped walking and pulled her into his arms. “This isn’t how I want to spend the day, Jo.”

“What?”

“With my stomach in a knot because you’re mad.”

“I don’t want to argue about Andie, Pacey.”

“Is that what we’re doing? Arguing?” He watched her pull her face into a glum expression. “Jo, you have nothing to worry about. There’s nothing to be jealous over.”

“I’m not jealous,” she denied, albeit almost too strongly, and inwardly chided herself.

He pursed his lips and have her a look of disbelief. “Face it, Potter. You kinda have a bit of a jealous streak.” She refused to meet his eyes, and he paused until she finally looked up at him. “I love you, Joey. I am _in love_ with you. For as long as I live, there will never be anyone else for me. And even if I have to deliver Andie McPhee’s homework to her every day for the rest of the school year, nothing is going to change that.”

She laughed in spite of herself and heaved a sigh. Joey lifted her mouth, and with immeasurable gentleness, Pacey brushed his lips against hers, warm and comforting and extremely tender. He lifted his head. Her brown eyes were softly, intensely focused on him. “I love you, Pacey.”

“I know,” he said, smiling.

As they turned together, Joey once again placing her hand in his, they laid eyes on Dawson. Her stomach twisted at the look of disappointment and disapproval in his face. His gaze then moved slightly over to Pacey, and they locked eyes. Dawson stared at him with a look of pure disdain, almost hatred, before turning and walking up the steps toward the open doors.

“What the hell was that about?” he asked, feeling stunned.

“I have no idea, Pace. I mean, Dawson has seen us kissing before.”

“A lot by now, I would imagine. I don’t know what I did to piss him off this time.”

She frowned. “Not just you. He wasn’t exactly happy to see me either. He was fine yesterday. I don’t get it.”

Once inside, and after a brief stopover at their lockers, Joey gave Pacey a quick kiss outside his Homeroom door and he walked into the classroom. He took his usual seat beside his former best friend, who obviously refused to look at him. Leaning over, he whispered, “Hey, man, did I, uh… did I do something to you? I mean, recently?”

“I don’t know, Pacey,” Dawson replied, before turning to look him, a steely glint in his eye. “Did you?”

_What?_ Before he could reply, Mr. Mathieson began taking attendance. Once the Pledge of Allegiance and the morning announcements were over, the bell rang and he watched Dawson walk out with the other students departing for their 1st period classes. As hard as he tried, he couldn’t come up with a reason he had suddenly incurred more of Dawson’s anger.

Later, he left his government class and walked with Jen to her locker, conveniently placed near his girlfriend’s. Upon seeing him approach, Joey smiled, and he dipped his head to kiss her. “So, how was AP English with Dawson?”

Her mouth curved into a frown. “I tried to say hello and talk to him, but other than saying ‘Hi’, he wouldn’t really speak to me. I don’t know what I did.”

“Oh, my God,” their friend groaned next to them as she closed her locker. Her brows knitted as she turned to face them with a pained look. “I think it’s my fault. I’m so sorry. I just wasn’t thinking, and—”

“Jen, what are you talking about?” Joey questioned. “Did something happen with Dawson?”

She adjusted her backpack over her shoulders. “He came over last night, just to see how I was doing, and…” Sighing, she rubbed her brow with her fingers. “He saw the _Yes PLEASE!_ packet in my room and started asking about it, like what it was, where it was, did I go by myself…” She groaned again. “Joey, I’m so sorry, but I couldn’t lie to Dawson. I was so consumed with what happened with Andie and the fact Jack is icing me out, that I honestly didn’t give the potential consequences of telling him about the sex ed class much thought. But he got upset that I would go with you guys, knowing how much he’d be hurt by something like that… So, now Dawson’s mad at me, too. I can’t catch a break, it seems.”

Pacey scoffed and shook his head, Dawson’s dirty looks and the comment in Homeroom suddenly becoming all too clear. Joey’s stomach was doing somersaults, and she gave her boyfriend a crestfallen look. “Great,” she muttered.

“Well, I can pretty much guess that whatever small progress Dawson might’ve made towards tolerating my presence has essentially just been erased,” Pacey remarked.

“Please don’t be mad at me, you guys,” Jen pleaded.

“Don’t worry about it,” he replied kindly. “It’s no big deal. Honestly. Dawson needs to just get over it already.”

At a loss as to this turn of events, Joey could only shrug helplessly. This was the last thing she needed. The bell rang, and with a heavy sigh, Jen walked away. Pacey then took his girlfriend’s hand in his, threading their fingers, and they started heading to Spanish. “The sex ed class is probably a real blow to a guy obsessed with your virginity,” he said quietly as they walked through the hallway amidst a sea of students moving in every direction.

“Pacey, I’m sure the idea of me and sex with someone else is… well…somewhat painful, which is certainly understandable.” She grimaced, hating the thought of inflicting anymore heartache on her oldest friend. “But you make it sound as though he has some abnormal fixation.”

“Well, I don’t know about _that_, but I told you before—I’m pretty sure Dawson thinks it’s something else I’m going to steal from him. You know, he called dibs and I’m going to take it away. Not to mention us having sex would really put a monkey wrench into the whole destined-to-be-together-forever scenario he’s written in his head. There’s only one person who has the right to have sex with his soulmate, and it sure as hell ain’t Pacey Witter.”

Joey frowned, remembering her meeting with the college advisor after school two days ago and the recommendation essay she still had to submit for her application to Williams, a private liberal arts college. She had recently decided to narrow the radius for her college applications to places not _too_ far from home—all northeastern schools—and Williamstown was only about three hours west of Boston. She had felt a sense of satisfaction, and fear, at completing and submitting her applications to her advisor, but the essay to be written by “the person who knows you best” was giving her a significant amount of anxiety.

While Dawson had certainly known her the longest, had been up close and personal to her many struggles over the years and knew just how hard she had worked to get where she was now, who had once known everything about her, all her secrets and worries and hopes and dreams, she had to admit that he knew very little about her life currently. Even so, the years they spent as inseparable friends far outweighed the last few months of estrangement. Yet she knew that asking Dawson to write it could hurt Pacey’s feelings. She hated how complicated everything still seemed to be between them all. Perhaps it didn’t matter now, since the chances of Dawson being willing to write the essay were slim to none.

*****

When the final bell rang at three o’clock, Pacey walked out of chemistry class, thankful the day was over. His friends had all gotten out forty-five minutes before, but here he was walking out with the underclassmen. He had to admit, senior year had really been a bust so far. After doing his daily round to Andie’s teachers to collect her assignments, he finally left school.

It wasn’t long before he arrived at Andie’s house in the rich part of town. She opened her front door with a smile and he followed her upstairs to her bedroom, where he deposited his backpack on her floor and started removing her textbooks. She was grateful for his help, but still reluctant to show her face in school.

“Andie, if our high school didn’t have a history of forgiving stupidity, how do you think I’d be able to walk down the halls, huh?” He sat down on her bed next to the stack of textbooks.

“Oh, please. What have you done that was so stupid, other than that whole thing that happened with your teacher?”

“That was a pretty big one, Andie.”

“And I’m sure all the guys in school revere you for it,” she snarked. “But look at what you did for Jack by standing up to Mr. Peterson. And then last year, kicking Matt Caufield’s ass in the school parking lot? You’ve got nothing to be ashamed of and you can hold your head up when you walk into school. Unlike me, the Type A smart girl who spent a whole summer vacation in a mental hospital and then nearly died after taking only _one_ tab of Ecstasy. I mean, come on. I’m a joke.”

“I’m not exactly Mr. Popular, Andie.”

“That’s because you’re not desperate to be liked. You don’t kiss their asses and go to their parties and try to fit in. You despise the trust fund babies like Belinda McGovern and the jerks on the basketball team, and they know it.”

“Maybe so. You’ve got nothing to be ashamed either, Andie. I mean, aren’t you Valedictorian? And aren’t you going to Harvard? Come on.”

“The school year isn’t over yet, Pacey. Just because I’m first now, doesn’t mean I’ll still be first in June.”

“McPhee, does the person in second even have a chance at overpassing you? I mean, are your GPAs even close? You’d probably have to fail all your classes from here on out for that person to even have a shot, am I right?” She scoffed and shook her head, refusing to meet his gaze. “That’s what I thought,” he said with a smug air.

“But do you know who does have a real shot at taking second?” Andie arched her brow, giving him a pointed look.

He stared at her, realization dawning. “Joey?”

She nodded, smiling. “Principal Peskin told me the differences in rank between 2nd, 3rd, and 4th are mere tenths of a point. Joey has a real chance at being Salutatorian.”

“Wow.” He felt a sense of pride rise in his chest. “She’s worked hard. She’d deserve it.”

Then Andie frowned. “Look, Pacey… about those things I said to you and Joey at the rave…”

“There’s really no need to talk about it. It’s fine. It’s no big deal. So, don’t worry about it.”

“You know, you guys have been really good about coming to visit me, but you’ve all been alone. No one wants to talk about the other night, and no one’s talking to each other.”

He fiddled with her books, thinking over the day’s events. At lunchtime, he and Joey sat at their usual spot and watched as Dawson, Jen, and Jack all sat down at separate tables. “Yeah, well, we’re not the most huggy of groups right now. I mean, our previously fractured circle of friends has just gone and fractured itself again.”

“You mean Jen and Jack.”

“No, I mean everybody.”

“That’s ridiculous because we all talked about this, Pacey.”

“Well, you talked about it. Look, it’s not just about what happened at the rave, Andie. I mean, yeah, sure, Jack refuses to speak to Jen and blames her completely, and then he got in a fight with Dawson who was trying to defend her, but…” He sighed and stared down at her AP Calculus book. “Stuff between me, Joey, and Dawson has gone to shit again, and Jen found herself in the middle of it—yet again—and I just don’t see the point in trying to repair it at this point. It’s beyond repair, and I’m going to make my peace with it.”

“Why can’t everybody just get over their drama? Look, we can fix this. If we all just sat down and talked about this stuff together, then—”

“Why? Honestly. Why, Andie? I mean… Maybe not all friendships need to be saved. Maybe we’re meant to just spend a certain part of our lives with certain people and then move on. Isn’t that what this whole year is supposed to be about, anyway—movin’ on?”

“Pacey, we can move on without moving away from each other.”

“Well, maybe we can’t. Maybe we’re not meant to. There’s a big world out there, and once we graduate, we’re probably not going to see much of each other, anyway. So, who cares? It’s only a few more months, and then we’re outta here and we can all move on with our lives and never think about this high school nonsense ever again.”

Andie’s face fell and she sat down beside him on the bed in a huff. “You’ve become so cynical, Pacey.”

He grinned at her. “I’ve always been cynical, McPhee.”

“That’s not true. I remember a time when my eternal optimism rubbed off on you.”

“Yeah, well, that was a long time ago. A lot’s happened since then.”

She frowned and crossed her arms. “Yeah, I know.” Then her eyes widened and she gazed at him as if remembering something. “The SATs are this Saturday.”

He pursed his lips and nodded, standing up from the bed. “Yep.”

“Please tell me you’re going to take them, Pacey. Yes?”

“Well, I have been studying my ass off with Joey for weeks…” He shrugged.

“That wasn’t exactly a yes.”

Pacey cleared his throat and turned to grab his backpack, slinging it over his shoulder. “I’ll be back in the morning to pick up your homework.”

She was still frowning. “Okay. Well, say hi to Joey for me.”

“Will do. See ya, Andie.”

It was going on four o’clock when he parked the Witter wagon in the beach house driveway and walked through the side door and into the living room. The sight of Joey on his couch caught him by surprise. “Hey.” He hadn’t been expecting to see her after school. “Andie sends her best,” he said as he joined her on the couch.

“I was wondering where you were,” Joey replied as he leaned in to kiss her.

Pacey pressed his forehead to hers, happy to finally be back at home and with her, when his sister loudly cleared her throat and interrupted them to send him to the grocery store. Then after another quick kiss, he was heading back out the door and to the car, bemoaning the fact Joey would surely be at the yacht club by the time he got back and he was looking at the third evening in a row spent without her company.

On Friday after school, he was once again at Andie’s house, where she laid the news on him that her dad had offered her the chance to go to Italy and stay with her aunt for six months. He’d been surprised, and she was torn over the decision to stay or go, but he knew what he’d decide if he were in her place. It wasn’t up to him, though, and she’d have to make her own decision.

After she regaled him with stories about her summer spent in Florence as a young girl, he said goodbye and left. When he got home to an empty house—Gretchen having already left for her shift at Leery’s Fresh Fish—he noticed the answering machine was flashing. Upon pressing the red “PLAY” button, the machine responded in its usual cheery, synthetic voice:

“Hello. You have two messages.” The machine paused for a moment, and then resumed. “First message…”

The voice he now heard belonged to the girl he loved. The answering machine continued:

“Hi, Pace. It’s me. I, um… I was just calling to talk to you for a few minutes before I had to go work, but I guess you’re not home from Andie’s yet. I’m working until ten o’clock, but maybe I’ll call you when I get home, or you can call me… Whatever. I’ll, uh… I guess I’ll talk to you later. Love you.”

Frowning, he leaned against the kitchen counter with a heavy sigh. The answering machine then announced the second message, and a completely different voice filled the kitchen:

“Hey, it’s Bodie. I’m calling for Pacey. I wanted to know if you could stop by the B&B sometime this weekend? There’s something I’d like to talk to you about. Thanks.”

Pacey’s brows furrowed. What in the world could Bodie want to talk to him about? Unless it was about Joey. He pursed his lips, thinking about Bodie’s request. He’d honestly avoided making any appearances at the B&B since Joey told him about her confrontation with Bessie over her _birth control warehouse_; his face probably wasn’t a welcome sight. Is that what Bodie wanted to talk to him about? Safe sex and Joey’s well-being? Jesus, he hoped not.

On Saturday morning, Joey picked him up in the truck and then he drove them to the SAT testing site. They followed signs to a small room that contained about 15 desks. After reporting to the middle-aged woman at the front of the room, they received their test booklets. The test would be timed, and they weren’t to start until she said so. While in his seat next to Joey, he glanced around the room, saw the looks of anxiety and almost sheer panic on some of the faces. Teenagers, most likely juniors and seniors and some he recognized from his school, obsessively sharpened pencils, rubbed sweaty palms up and down their thighs, darted their eyes around the room with a look that he could only describe as someone fighting back nausea.

“You may begin,” the woman announced.

The rustle of paper immediately filled the room. With a heavy sigh, Pacey opened his booklet. He worked for over an hour on the reading and writing sections, but when it came time to start the math section, he merely stared down at the page while everyone worked diligently around him. He glanced at Joey, at her knitted brows, her head bent over the desk while she chewed her bottom lip. He took a moment to look around the room. All the other faces were the same, everyone clearly worked up over the SATs.

Pacey could see their stress, and Joey’s stress. The stress of sitting there in this almost claustrophobic room, the stress of the pressure put upon them. The pressure that if they don’t do well, then they weren’t going to get into college, which meant they weren’t going to get a good degree, and so they weren’t going to get a good enough job, which meant they weren’t going to have a good life. The idealism that society put into their heads about a single test just amazed him.

Staring down at the math section, Pacey picked up his pencil, wrote, “The problems all have answers” at the top of the page, and closed his booklet. Then he stood up from his seat, carried his test to the front of the room, and handed it over to the woman sitting behind a large mahogany desk. “I’m finished,” he told her.

As he walked back towards his own desk, Joey gaped at him. “How are you done already?” she whispered.

“I’m just done.” He refused to meet her eyes. “I’ll be waiting for you out in the truck.”

Almost two hours later, they were driving away from the test site, heading for the yacht club. The ride was a silent one for several minutes. “So, how do you think you did?” Joey asked, breaking the quiet.

Pacey shrugged, thankful he was driving and had to keep his eyes on the road—a good reason to avoid her penetrating gaze. “I have no idea. Maybe I bombed it, maybe I did all right. I mean, we did how many practice tests over the past month? Some of it was bound to sink in, I imagine.”

“Tell me the truth, did you even finish the math section, Pacey? How were you the first one done with over an hour to go?”

Heaving a sigh, he knew he had to just be honest about it. “I didn’t even do the math section, Jo.”

“What?! You mean, you just left it blank? The entire section? Why?”

“Because screw that test, that’s why.” She shook her head, scoffing in disbelief, clearly at a loss. “Look, Jo, I know what I am, and I know who I am, and I know that test isn’t going to make the slightest bit of difference in the life of Pacey J. Witter. Why should I stress myself out over a test designed to exclude a mass amount of people from higher education when I’m already working my ass off just to graduate high school by the skin of my teeth?”

“But what about your future, Pacey? A good score on the SATs will open doors for you. A great score could get your foot inside the doors of really good schools, even with an average GPA.”

“Are they even doors I wanna go through? When I think about four more years of books and tests and essays and cramming for final exams… I just… I’m not doing it, Jo. College isn’t something I want. When this school year is over, I’m done.”

She sighed, her mouth curving into a frown. “Well, I have to admit I’m a little disappointed, but—”

“Jo, listen, I’m not like you. You’re destined for academic success. I never was. I’m sorry if I’m just not going to live up to your expectations, but this doesn’t change anything about our plans. Wherever you decide you want to go to college, that’s where I’m gonna go. I’ll get a job and rent an apartment. We’ll still be together and—”

“Pacey, I meant I’m disappointed that you don’t seem to want more for yourself, when you could easily achieve it if you tried. You deserve the best life has to offer. I’ll love you whether you go to college or not. If you don’t go, you won’t be letting me down or not living up to whatever expectations you think I have where you’re concerned.”

He knew Joey loved him and wanted what was best for him, and while the logical side of his brain told him that what she said was true, he couldn’t make himself believe it. Why did he deserve the best? Who was he? He was nobody, nothing.

*****

On Thursday, after Pacey left to run his grocery errand, Joey found herself sitting in his backyard with his sister discussing her current dilemma involving her application to Williams College. “It’s a peer rec to be written by ‘the person who knows me best.’”

“Ah,” Gretchen replied sagely. “And the plot thickens. So, have you asked him yet?”

“Who?”

“Dawson.”

“Dawson?” She laughed nervously. “Well, see, if I ask Dawson—not that I’m going to—but if I do ask him…”

“What about Pacey?”

Joey smiled, nodded. “Exactly. What about Pacey? I mean, if I ask Dawson, I know he’ll be hurt.”

“But you shouldn’t hurt yourself just to avoid hurting Pacey’s feelings. You gotta be a little selfish here. It’s your college application. They want the person who knows you the best, which doesn’t necessarily mean the person you’re dating.”

“So, you’re saying I should ask Dawson?”

“I’m saying you should answer the question. So, I take it that you haven’t mentioned this to Pacey, then?”

“No. I met with the college advisor on Tuesday afternoon, and we haven’t had a whole lot of time to be alone since then to talk about much of anything.” Gretchen gave her a disbelieving look. “Of course, while that’s true, I admit I haven’t wanted to bring it up when we have been able to spend time together.”

“There’s that whole avoidance thing again. Have you ever considered just how similar you and Pacey are?”

She sat lost in thought for a moment. Although she hated the fact she wanted to ask, she couldn’t help the question from falling out of her mouth. “Does Pacey ever… talk about Andie? You know, since he’s been spending so much time with her since this past weekend.”

Gretchen eyed her for a moment. “No, he doesn’t mention her at all, actually. However, he’s always talking about you. It’s ‘Joey said this,’ and ‘Joey thinks that.’ Seriously. You’re his favorite topic of conversation.”

She smiled, but then remembered the things Andie had said to Pacey at the rave. “She’s still in love with him, I think.”

“Andie?”

“Yeah. I mean, I guess I can’t blame her. If Pacey and I broke up, I don’t think I’d ever get over it either.”

“The ones we loved never really leave us. We’re all the lump sum of our relationships and experiences with other people. Love leaves an indelible mark on our lives, even if it’s only with us a short time before we move on. It especially leaves a lasting mark if those people remain part of our lives, even after the love is gone. Sometimes you can remain friends, and sometimes you can’t. Time may not necessarily heal all wounds, but it certainly makes them less painful and allows you to look back with a different perspective. Andie probably just needs the time and space to grow, to gain some closure on the hormonal turmoil that is high school, as I’m sure you all do. College will help with that.”

Joey gazed out at the water, currently devoid of sailboats and motorboats. It was a windy day. The weather was finally starting to change. Maybe Andie was still very much a lingering presence in Pacey’s life, just as Dawson was in hers. “Okay, so… what if I do drop the avoidance thing and actually ask Dawson and then he doesn’t want to write it? I’m not exactly in a position to ask him to do me any favors right now. I just… I don’t know how he’ll react.”

“There’s only one way to find out,” Gretchen said.

On Friday after school, with her decision finally made, Joey made a pitstop at the Leery’s on her way to the yacht club, and bit the bullet. She asked Dawson, handing over the peer rec form. He hadn’t exactly been thrilled, but he at least agreed to think about it. In the late afternoon on Saturday, after a long day spent retaking the SATs and then working, when she’d returned home from her shift at the yacht club, she received a surprising invitation from Andie to have dinner with her that evening. While sitting out on her dock, Dawson found her doing some of her assigned reading for AP English.

After she invited him to sit and he turned down her invitation, saying he couldn’t stay, she saw he was holding a piece of paper. Her stomach in knots, Joey stood up to face him. “Well… either you’re a very fast writer, which I know not to be the case, or… you come bearing bad news.”

“I just… I… I’ve been…” He heaved a sigh. “I’ve been thinking about it since the minute you asked me, and the answer just keeps coming back the same. I’m not the right person… to write this. Not anymore.” He handed the form back to her.

Joey stared down at it, unable to look at him. “You did what I asked. You, um, you thought about it, and… I thank you for that.” She looked up and noticed Pacey walking into her back yard, heading towards them. Her stomach twisted, hoping a confrontation wasn’t in store.

“Sorry,” Dawson said, before turning to leave.

She shrugged it off, trying to force down her disappointment. “Okay.”

Pacey stood watching Dawson walk up the dock towards him. His former best friend merely glared, walking right by him without a word. Rolling his eyes, he turned his attention to Joey, who was coming to meet him. “So… play date?”

“Not exactly, uh…”

“Did you reassure him that despite your attendance at a certain sex ed class, you’re still a virgin and haven’t destroyed that last shred of hope he’s been holding onto?”

Joey’s face hardened. When was he going to drop these glib remarks about Dawson and her virginity? “That’s not even remotely funny. Pace, I asked Dawson to write a peer recommendation for me,” she explained, handing the form to him. “He said no, so it’s really nothing.” Then she kept walking towards the house.

He read the peer rec form she’d handed to him, staring at the words, “THE PERSON WHO KNOWS YOU BEST.” Why was this the first time he was seeing it? She’d never mentioned it. “Well, that’s obviously not nothing because you’re obviously upset that he said no. Why didn’t you talk to me about this?”

“It’s been hard to tell you much of anything this week,” she said, turning back to him. “You’re never around.”

“Okay, look, if you’re still angry with me for how much time I was spending with Andie, you should—”

“Look, Pacey… That’s not it, okay? I was just waiting to see if he’d actually agree to do it before starting World War—where are we now? Fifteen? There’s no point in fighting over something that’s not even going to happen. And if you’re upset that I asked him, Pacey… it’s because it was the question.”

Pacey stood there, listening to her recite significant moments of her childhood and adolescence that Dawson had been a part of while he again stared down at the form in his hands. Something deep inside his chest clutched at him and ached. Nothing she was saying was news to him. He knew just how close Dawson and Joey used to be, joined at the hip practically their entire lives. But when was she going to move on from that? When was she going to stop fixating on the past, finally let Dawson go, and grow up? How much longer was she going to carry this torch for a childhood friendship she’d grown out of a long time ago? When was the present going to become more important to her than the past?

“So, you… really, Pace… you can’t be angry with me for asking him.”

“I’m not angry, Jo. It doesn’t bother me that you asked Dawson to do something for you. It’s the question. ‘The person who knows you best.’ When do I get to be that person?”

Joey’s face fell. He was obviously hurt, and hurting him was the last thing in the world she ever wanted to do, was the reason she’d dragged her heels over asking Dawson in the first place. Her elbows going to her knees, she buried her face in her hands. This had been such a crappy week. Sure, the sex ed class had been kind of fun, but what little time she’d spent with Pacey since then had been ripe with these flare ups about either Dawson or Andie. They weren’t connecting very well.

“Look, I, uh… I didn’t come over here to argue with you, Jo. I’m actually here to see Bodie. He left a message yesterday saying he wanted me to stop by and talk to him.”

That gave her pause, and realization dawned on her momentarily, before she frowned again. “He already left for the restaurant,” she told him. Joey sighed and stood up from the lawn chair. “I’m sorry you came all the way over here for nothing.”

“So, you want me to go, is that it?”

“I didn’t say that, Pacey.”

“You didn’t have to. I know when my presence is unwanted. It’s a sixth sense I developed from living with my parents for seventeen years.”

She watched him walk away, frustration and disappointment welling up inside. “Pacey!”

“It’s fine, Jo,” he called out over his shoulder. “There’s someplace I gotta be, anyway. Don’t worry about it. I’ll call you later.”

Joey stared helplessly after him, but later on when she arrived at Leery’s Fresh Fish to meet Andie for dinner, she found that the place Pacey had to be was one and the same. As it turned out, to all their surprise, it was the same place Dawson, Jen, and Jack had to be as well. They soon learned Andie was leaving Capeside for the rest of the school year, and had concocted this dinner scheme to get them all in the same place together so she could say goodbye as well as give them an impassioned speech about friendship before she left. It was an emotional scene, but it seemed to Joey that Andie told them all exactly what they needed to hear.

*****

When the tears subsided, and after everyone finally ordered off the menu, Joey found Pacey waiting outside the bathroom. “Anybody in there?” she asked him.

“Uh, yeah, and there’s only room for one.”

“Oh.”

“Which, I guess, is kind of a recurring theme these days.”

She sighed and stepped closer. “Pace, I’m really sorry—”

“Hold on a second,” he said, reaching out to caress her arms reassuringly. “Let me go first this time.” He chuckled at his own foolishness and held her hands in his. “Jo, I’m sorry for how I reacted to the whole peer rec thing. I think it was just kind of a left hook to the hot button, and… I reacted… like Pacey.”

Joey smiled, shaking her head. “You know who that guy you reacted like is gonna be in ten years, Pace?”

He had no clue.

“The person who knows me best,” she told him. “Dawson knows my past. My future lies with you.” Joey watched him smile, saw the worry leave his face, relief spreading through her. “You know, if you think about it, you didn’t even like me three years ago.”

He may not have liked her so much back then, but he loved her. He’d always loved her, even when he didn’t like her. “Well, you always tease the ones you love,” Pacey said as he leaned in for a kiss.

Breaking the kiss, Joey recalled her conversation with Gretchen two days ago. “And you do always have to deal with the ones that you used to love.”

He sighed and looked over at their table where it looked like Andie and Dawson were having an animated conversation, before turning back and nodding. Joey kissed his forehead and then pulled him into a hug. He held her tight, his fingers spearing her soft dark brown hair while she caressed his buzzcut with her palm. “I’m sorry I haven’t been around much this week, Jo,” he murmured over her shoulder.

“Don’t be sorry, Pace,” she said, pulled out of the hug. “You have nothing to be sorry about. _I’m_ sorry for giving you a hard time about it.”

“I just… I don’t know… I felt guilty that I didn’t do anything to help Andie at the rave, that she almost died. And the stuff she said to us that night… I keep trying to convince myself it was just the drugs talking, but I really don’t think it was. Well, I’m sure the chemical haze lifted away the filter and everything she’d only been thinking and never saying finally tumbled out. It honestly makes me feel like crap, and I’m tired of feeling guilty for breaking up with her when I technically didn’t do anything wrong. I mean, how long has it been? And yet sometimes I just feel… bad about it. I don’t know. And now she’s leaving. I kind of hate the thought of her moving to the other side of the world still feeling bad about us and the way things happened. I just… I just want her to be happy and I feel bad that she’s not.”

“Pacey,” she said, her voice full of tenderness. “I think it’s obvious that you care about Andie, that she means a lot to you, and knowing that part of her is still hurting over your breakup… Well, I know that’s not an easy weight to carry, believe me. If there’s anyone who understands completely, it’s me, Pace.”

Heaving a sigh, he nodded and briefly glanced over at their table again. “I’m sorry Dawson won’t write your peer rec, Jo.”

She attempted to shrug it off, but the rejection still stung. “It’s not the end of the world.”

“What reason did he give?”

“That he’s not the right person to write it.”

“Well, I, uh… I’m gonna have to agree with him. I don’t think you asked the right person.”

“Why doesn’t that surprise me?” she teased. “So, do you want to write it?”

He shook his head. “I’m not the right person either.”

“You’re not?” Joey hadn’t been expecting that.

“If that peer rec was for _my_ college application, and it had to be written by the person who knows _me_ best, do you know who I’d ask to write it?”

“No. Who?”

“Gretchen.”

She stared at him, a nagging feeling in the back of her mind telling her she knew where he was going with this. “Your sister.”

He nodded in the affirmative, giving her a smile. “There’s only one person who knows what it’s like to be a Witter in this town. Well, at least a self-aware Witter. There’s only one person who knows what it’s been like for _me_ to be a Witter—what it was like for me to grow up in that house. She has seen and heard things… witnessed firsthand things about my life that no one else could possibly understand the same way she does because it was her life, too. She was right there with me for most of it. She has celebrated with me and cried with me. She knows all the ups and downs, the highs and the lows, that have gotten me to this point. Gretchen understands why I am the way I am and why I do things I do better than anyone, probably even better than myself, as much as I’m loathe to admit it.” He paused, gazing at his girlfriend a moment. “Jo, the person who knows you best is Bessie. You just don’t want to admit it.”

She scrunched up her face, not liking what he said, even though as soon as the words were out of his mouth, she knew they were true. She just didn’t want to ask Bessie. They’d been butting heads so much lately, and what if her sister said no? The rejection would probably hurt worse than Dawson’s.

“Just think about it,” he said, rubbing her arm comfortingly.

After the bathroom was finally available, they were soon back at the table with their friends. They spent the next hour eating and talking and generally quizzing Andie about Italy and her plans for the next six months while she was there. When dinner ended, Joey stepped outside to escape the flurry of emotions inside. She walked across the street to the waterfront, gazing out over the harbor.

Andie had been right about her and Pacey and Dawson earlier, Joey thought. It was truly a rare thing to still have the same friends at 18 that you had at six. So many years invested in each other, so many years spent as constant companions, despite the ups and downs, the fights and misunderstandings. For all of it now to end on a bitter, angry note, to throw away their friendships, to refuse to forgive and let go of resentment… it wasn’t how she wanted to leave Capeside.

She wanted them to face the future together, and hoped that, although distance would surely separate them, they would stay just as bonded in their hearts no matter where life took them. Yet she knew that was out of her hands. While was ready and willing for things to return to normal between them all, she knew she was probably the only one. She could only hope that would change in time—sooner rather than later—or they’d squander their last year to all be together and would no doubt look back on this time in their lives with regret.

“I knew I’d find you here,” spoke a familiar voice, breaking her reverie.

“I thought you didn’t know me anymore, Dawson.”

He sighed as he leaned on the wooden railing beside her. “The truth is, I never doubted how well I knew you, Joey. I was just afraid of what would happen if I had to write it all down. I was afraid of having a reminder in writing, staring me in the face, of just how well I used to know you, and just how much everything’s changed this year… just how much you’ve changed. I mean, you’ve done things I never would’ve imagined possible. And, uh, you seem to be heading in a direction that’s even further and further away from where we used to be.”

She had no idea how to respond to that. Was this a reference to the sex ed class?

He sighed again. “Before, you told me that if I decided to write the recommendation that I was the right person for the job. While I don’t know this new Joey you’re suddenly turning into, and I may not ever understand why, I do know the old Joey. I know her like the back of my hand. So, if the offer still stands, I would really like to write it for you.”

Her mouth fell open, not having expected Dawson to change his mind. Her heart was a flurry of mixed emotions. She felt touched he’d given it a second thought, but also slightly disappointed in his reasoning and the thinly-veiled disappointment in her personal choices. Joey didn’t think she’d changed all that much, and whatever changes she had undergone over the past year, she thought they were good ones. Now when she looked at herself in the mirror, she actually liked what she saw… for the most part, and for the first time since she could remember, she actually liked herself.

“Um… thank you, Dawson, for thinking about it some more and offering to help me. I appreciate the offer. Really, I do, but, um, I think your first instincts were right. Your gut told you that you weren’t the right person to write it, and you should trust your gut. I’ve since realized that the right person might actually be my sister, and so I think I’m going to ask her to write it.”

Dawson smiled and nodded. “I think Bessie would write you a wonderful recommendation, Joey.”

She averted her eyes from his, tucking her hair behind her ears. “I’m starting to think so, too.” Looking past him, her gaze fell on Pacey and Andie talking on one of the benches near the waterfront. She hoped they were really and truly talking things out, that Andie would be able to leave for Italy with no serious regrets over loose ends, and that both she and Pacey could have the weight of a relationship gone bad lifted from their shoulders.

Following her gaze, Dawson turned to look at them as well. “It’s nice to see.”

It was quite possibly the last time the two friends would see each other in a long time. “It gives them something to hold onto.”

Sitting on a bench outside the Leery’s restaurant, Pacey turned to Andie and smiled. “You know, what I think we’re gonna miss the most about you, McPhee, is just your overwhelming optimism. Your ardent belief that everything in the world is wonderful until proven crap. Do you think maybe you could leave us with a little bit of that when you go?”

“It’s the least I can do.”

She leaned in for a hug, her arms going around him, and held her tight. “I’m gonna miss ya, Andie.”

“Me, too.” She pulled out of the hug and gazed at him intensely. “Pacey, you know how I told you that you gave me the strength to do things that I always needed to do, but I was too afraid to do? I would like to at least try to return the favor before I go.”

His brows furrowed as he stared at her, and he wondered where she was going with this. “Yeah?”

Her eyes wet with unshed tears, Andie nodded. “Joey told me you basically walked out of the SATs.”

“Hey, I finished the reading and writing sections.”

“But you skipped out on math and the final essay.”

“I’m sorry for disappointing you, Andie, but you should be used to it by now, right? I mean, it’s classic Pacey. I’m usually a disappointment,” he laughed, trying to make light of it, despite how serious the conversation suddenly felt.

“You have to stop saying stuff like that. You’re _not_ a disappointment, Pacey. You never were. You aren’t now. You have to start believing in yourself. The people in your life who somehow ingrained this idea in your head that you’re nothing but a disappointment and that’s all you’ll ever be… I wish I could strangle them. It’s _not_ true.”

With a heavy sigh, he stared down at his hands in his lap. “Andie, I know you wanted me to take the SATs. I know you want me to apply to college. You want me to graduate high school. You’re not the only one. My teachers, guidance counselors… Joey, my sister, Doug. I know they all want me to be better, _do_ better… but what if I can’t? What if this is just me and this is all I’m ever gonna be?”

“Then the people who love you will love you no matter what,” she replied. “Have you tried wanting those things purely for yourself and a sense of self-satisfaction, and not as a way to please everyone around you? You can’t worry so much about pleasing people, Pacey, because people are never satisfied in general, and it’ll just leave you feeling like you’re a disappointment, when nothing could be further from the truth.

“You know, forget about your teachers and your family, and Joey, even. Forget about me. Forget about everyone’s opinions. Forget about what you think you know about what people want from you, or for you. Throw those perceived expectations out the window. You should take the SATs, but only so you can say you did. Don’t think about what the score will be, or whether or not it’ll make a difference on a college application. Think of it as a personal achievement. Take pride in your efforts, in your hard work, regardless of the outcome. Think about graduating high school as a real achievement, no matter what you decide to do with your life afterwards. Don’t do it to prove your parents wrong, or to make Joey happy or anyone else, for that matter. Just do it for yourself, Pacey. To make yourself proud.”

Her words touched him deeply. She’d walked into his life right when Ms. Jacobs had walked out of it, and the pain and humiliation had still been very much a burden. He’d been a listless fool, and then she came along, the first person to really push him, challenge him, inspire him to be a better person. Andie meant more to him than he could say or express, and all he could manage to say was, “Thank you.”

She smiled and gave him another hug, which was quickly cut short when Dawson called them inside to take a group photo. As they stood up from the bench, she turned to him. “You know, I was talking to Dawson earlier, and well… I hope things get better between you two.”

“The chances of that seem slim at the moment, Andie.”

“I know it seems that way now, but I think we all know just how important Joey’s friendship is to Dawson, and I told him that he wasn’t exactly going to endear himself to her by hating the guy she loves. So, I’m hoping that in time, you’ll all realize that your friendships are way more important than any fight.”

Pacey opened the door to the restaurant, holding it open for her. “I’m not the one fighting, Andie. The ball is in Dawson’s court.”

“You’ll catch more flies with honey,” she replied in sing-song voice as she stepped over threshold.

Nodding and rolling his eyes, he followed her inside.

Once the group photo was taken, they said their goodbyes, and one by one departed the restaurant until only he and Joey remained. Pacey took her hand and they started heading for the exit when he heard his name called. They turned and saw Bodie had come out of the kitchen and was walking towards them.

Pacey stepped forward to greet him and they shook hands. “Hey, Bodie.”

“Hi, Pacey. Did you get my message?”

“Yeah, I did.”

“You got a minute?”

With a questioning glance at Joey, who merely pursed her lips and shrugged her shoulders, he walked with Bodie over to the bar, leaving his girlfriend by the door. “So, what’s up?” he asked when they sat themselves on a couple stools.

“I have a proposition for you,” Bodie said. “As you probably have heard by now, Gail Leery is having a baby.”

“Yeah. I did hear that.”

“She’s going to be cutting back on her hours here at the restaurant, which means I’ll need to be here more. We’re talking 12-hour shifts, six days a week.”

“Yikes.”

“Such is restaurant life, and my life will be Leery’s Fresh Fish, potentially from now until Gail comes back from maternity leave, and that’s if she even decides to come back full time. Anyway, this means I won’t be able to help out nearly as much at the B&B. Now, I love Bessie to death, and Joey, but they can’t cook for beans.”

Pacey laughed.

“At least when it comes to the kind of the quality paying customers expect,” Bodie continued. “Which leads me to my proposition…”

“Which is…?” He thought he had an idea, but the guy couldn’t really be serious. Could he?

“Would you like a job? We’re booked solid almost every day, and we’re making good money. It’ll pay more than that video store ever did; I can tell you that.”

Pacey blinked. He really was serious. “Um, does Bessie know you’re offering me this job?”

Chuckling, Bodie gave him a look as if he didn’t believe he’d ask such a question. “Of course, she does. I don’t make decisions about the B&B without her. She’s the owner. So, would you like to come onboard as the B&B’s cook? You’ll be working almost every day, as long as we’ve got guests staying with us. We serve breakfast and dinner on weekdays, and all three meals on weekends. The holidays are coming up quickly, and we’ll be busier than ever. If you don’t want the job, I’ll have to find someone else.”

Andie’s earlier words suddenly came forward in Pacey’s mind. The times when he felt the proudest, felt that sense of self-satisfaction over an achievement, had all been when he was cooking. Cooking for other people. Watching them eat something he had made and love what they were eating. He remembered Joey’s occasional comments that he should apply to local restaurants, as cooking was something that he was obviously good at and enjoyed doing. He hadn’t taken her up on her suggestions, letting fear of his father’s and brother’s opinions hold him back. Yet he hadn’t pursued employment elsewhere either, knowing deep down there wasn’t anything else he truly wanted to do.

Although he could almost hear the constant digs during Sunday dinners at his parents’ house once his family learned he got a job cooking, he decided to take Andie’s advice and throw their opinions out. He was going to make a decision purely for himself, without any regard to what they thought or expected or wanted. Turning a glance in Joey’s direction, saw her brows rise expectantly. It was obvious she knew what he and her sister’s boyfriend were talking about.

“Joey knows about this, doesn’t she?”

“Well, it was partly her idea.”

Pacey smiled at her. She held his gaze and returned his smile, her eyes sparkling with warmth and the knowledge of what just transpired. Then he turned his attention back to Bodie. “Okay. I’ll take the job.”


	33. 2000 (Senior Year: Part Eight)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains some sexually explicit language.

October 23. Sitting at their table in the back of the classroom on Monday afternoon, Pacey and Joey watched as Ms. Dunlap walked about the room setting a banana and several condoms down on each table. They glanced over at Jen as a banana was set in front of her, who turned and gave them an amused look. Suddenly the room became electric. People sat up in their seats, their rapt attention given. Their instructor moved to the front of the classroom and stood facing them with a ripe banana dangling in her left hand, the words “Sexual Decision-Making” and “Sexual Empowerment” written in chalk on the blackboard behind her.

“Now, I’m sure you hear people tell you all the time that you should wear a condom—including myself—but they never actually tell you how to put one on,” Ms. Dunlap said to the class. “If you have no idea how to use a condom, have no fear. You’re not alone, and these are skills anyone can develop. All it takes is some time and practice. So, that’s what we’re going to do today. If someone doesn’t have the dexterity and intelligence to put a condom on correctly, then should they really be having sex? Knowledge comes first.”

Then she set the banana down on her desk and held up a wrapped condom. “Be sure not to use a condom that has been lying around a long time. Condoms with spermicide last for two years, others can last for five. Also, don’t use a condom that’s been exposed too long to direct sunlight or heat. It will break down. Condoms are best stored in a cool, dark place, like a cabinet or a drawer.”

The pit of Joey’s stomach fluttered as she watched their instructor open the wrapper and remove the rubber. Her eyes lowered to the banana and condoms on the table between her and Pacey, and her face grew hot. Part of her wanted to run from the room to escape the embarrassment she suddenly felt.

“Hold it in your hand like this and put it over the tip of the penis,” Ms. Dunlap continued, holding the rubber circle over the end of the banana. “Pull down and make sure it rolls down evenly as far as it will go, pinch the tip to remove any air bubbles, and that’s it. Piece of cake. Now it’s your turn. You can work together with your partner, but I’d like everyone to try doing it by themselves.”

Pacey and Joey turned to each other and locked eyes as they heard the giggles belonging to some of the others in the classroom. She chewed her lip, hesitating. He could see she was slightly uncomfortable and gave her an understanding smile. “How about I go first?” he suggested.

“Well, between the two of us, you’re the one who actually knows what they’re doing,” she joked, trying make light of the embarrassing situation.

“You will, too,” he said kindly.

She then watched her boyfriend artfully perform the task seemingly as easy as Ms. Dunlap had. “Ta-daa!” he announced with slightly over-the-top enthusiasm, holding up the covered banana, and she couldn’t help but laugh. Her heart filled with appreciation for him, at his ability to put her more at ease. “Your turn, Potter.” Pacey unrolled the condom and handed the piece of fruit over.

Joey tentatively took the banana from his hand. When she picked up a wrapped condom, she found she was suddenly battling against a wave of fresh panic. What if she did it wrong? What if it broke? Was she even ready for this? Why did she feel afraid? Everyone else in the room was doing it without too much trouble, including Jen, who apparently had been just as efficient with the task as Pacey. Was it truly even fear that she felt? Or was it just awkward? She wasn’t sure. Again, the desire to just run away rose up inside her, but she forced it down. If she didn’t learn how to put her hand on Pacey’s knee, unzip his fly, and roll a condom down onto his banana, then she never would. She’d just stay this pathetic, deer-in-the-headlights person forever. That’s not at all what she wanted.

Then there she was, unwrapping a condom and rolling it down the shaft of the banana, pinching the tip, and feeling generally mortified, but she was glad she did it. Pacey gave her a smile and a casual shrug. “See? Nothing to it,” he said.

As Ms. Dunlap circled the room observing the class, she mentioned facts and details about various contraceptives, and reminded them that, “you are never to use the same condom twice.”

They exchanged mildly disgusted looks before descending into laughter, which they quickly suppressed. Less than an hour later, they were walking out of Planned Parenthood. In Joey’s mind, she replaced the banana with the real thing, and wondered just how simple it would be in a situation when one wasn’t dealing with an inanimate object. Her face burned and she chewed her lip. Then she looked over at Pacey and smiled.

She thought of his calm demeanor in class, the way he tried his best to put her at ease, the way he went first with the banana and took his time to show her the correct way before she attempted it herself. Was there truly a better partner, better teacher, better friend than Pacey? She remembered that cold March morning when he’d kissed her by the side of the road, and that fateful Spring Break spent at Aunt Gwen’s house. She remembered feeling happy and scared and confused and aroused, not knowing until those moments it was even possible to feel at that at once. She’d been scared for so long—scared of love, of sex, of life, of growing up, of the future. In many ways, those things still scared her, but as Joey reached over and took hold of Pacey’s hand, feeling his strong grip surround her palm protectively, she realized she wasn’t nearly as scared as she used to be.

*****

Early on Saturday morning, Pacey arrived at the Potter B&B to start his weekend of shadowing Bodie before he took over the cook job full-time. They worked together in the kitchen, fixing a hot breakfast for the B&B guests to be served promptly at eight o’clock, or at least as close to it as possible. He was flipping pancakes onto a platter when Joey’s sister walked into the kitchen.

“Good morning,” she said to him.

“Good morning, Bessie,” he replied hesitantly, still unsure as to whether his presence was actually welcomed there or not. “There’s a pot of fresh coffee on the counter.”

“Thanks.” After retrieving a mug from the cupboard, she poured herself a cup.

While he stirred the scrambled eggs, he could feel her eyes on him. “Uh, are you sure it’s okay that I’m here, Bessie?” he asked.

“Well, both Bodie and Joey say you’re the man for the job,” she said.

He turned to face her, briefly glancing at Bodie. “Regardless of whatever cooking skills I may have, is it cool that I’m here? I don’t want there to be… uh, you know, I don’t really have the desire to be somewhere I’m not wanted, so I just don’t want there to be problems.”

She took another sip of her coffee before responding. “I honestly don’t mind, Pacey. Besides, the more time you spend here at the B&B, then the more time Joey will be here.”

“And all the more you’ll get to keep an eye on us, right?” He smirked, knowing he’d hit the nail on the head.

Bessie’s eyes narrowed and she cleared her throat. Ignoring his remark, she turned to Bodie. “I’m gonna go take a shower,” she said before kissing him on the cheek and walking out of the kitchen.

“Don’t mind her,” Bodie then told him. “She’s feeling a lot of things right now.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, as much as she’s rooting for Joey to get out of Capeside and go see the great wide world out there, she’s also dreading it. Bessie wants her to go, but hates the thought of her leaving. Sometimes you wish your kids would just stay kids forever, that they wouldn’t have to grow up and leave you, but at the same time you want them to mature into responsible, well-rounded adults. With both their parents out of the picture, just how well Joey turns out has fallen on Bessie’s shoulders, and believe me, sometimes it keeps her awake at night. She worries a lot.”

“The Potter sisters have that in common, among other things.”

Bodie chuckled. “Very true.” He grabbed two small plates and forked some pancakes off the platter. After spreading some butter and drizzling maple syrup on both small stacks, he handed a plate to Pacey. “Okay, let’s taste these pancakes of yours. They look good, but a chef should always taste his own food before serving it to others.”

Pacey cut his pancakes with the side of his fork, but then hesitated as he watched Bodie dig in and take a bite. The man chewed with an appreciative grunt. “Very good,” he said, and Pacey’s insides swelled at the approval. “Better than Bessie’s,” he continued with a lowered voice.

Snorting, Pacey took his own bite of the syrupy-laden goodness, nodding in agreement. Just then Joey walked into the kitchen. Quickly setting his plate down, he smiled as she came closer and kissed him on the cheek. “Good morning,” she said as she put her arms around him, pulling him into a hug.

“Good morning, Jo.” He squeezed her and kissed her temple.

She pulled out of the embrace and greeted Bodie as she retrieved a mug from the cupboard. After pouring herself a cup of coffee, she took a sip. “Mmm! This tastes as good as it smells.”

“Would you like some pancakes to go with that?” Pacey asked. “My pancakes are delicious, I must say. I have a secret ingredient—so secret that even _I_ don’t know what it is.”

Joey and Bodie laughed. “I’d love to have some pancakes,” she replied just as several B&B guests started appearing. They were soon seated around the dining table.

A little while later, while Bessie and Bodie were at the kitchen sink washing up the breakfast dishes, Joey emerged from her bedroom dressed in her work uniform. “Ready to go?” Pacey asked, dangling his car keys.

It wasn’t long before they were pulling up in front of the yacht club. “Bessie said she was going to pick you up later,” he told her.

“Okay. So, what are you gonna do today?” Joey asked.

“Well, I’ve got to get back to the B&B to work on lunch with Bodie, and then I’m taking Buzz fishing this afternoon. I’ll have to be at the B&B to cook dinner, but first I’ll be making a stop at that used bookstore on the other side of town, the one next to that weird apothecary.”

“Oh, the bookstore, huh?” she replied with a teasing smile.

He grinned back. “Yep. The search is still on. The store downtown didn’t really have a good enough selection.”

“I already found mine, I’m happy to say.” She leaned over and kissed him. “Say hi to Buzz for me.”

Pacey watched her walk away from the car. Just as she pulled open the door to the club, she turned and looked at him, mouthing the words, “I love you” before disappearing inside. Smiling, he pulled away from the curb and headed back to the Potter’s house. Just before noon, some of the B&B’s guests returned carrying several bags, clearly having spent their morning downtown at Capeside’s shops.

“I hope you’re all hungry,” he said as they came through the door. “I’ve cooked up some hamburgers for lunch.”

“Oh, they smell so good,” Mrs. Cutler remarked as she handed a shopping bag over to her husband. “I’m starving.”

When lunch was over, Pacey sat in the backyard and stared out at the creek, lost in thought. The urge to just go over to the Leery’s and see Dawson welled up inside him, bringing the unfortunate realization of just how much he was starting to miss his erstwhile best friend. In an ideal world, he’d be taking Dawson along on his fishing excursion with Buzz. More than ever, he wished he could just talk to him like he used to. He loved Joey, and knew she was always there to talk to, but she worried enough about the future without adding his worries and doubts to the pile.

He heard the back door open and he turned to see Bodie carrying Alexander outside. “Lunch was a hit,” the man told him as he sat down in the wooden lawn chair beside him. “Mr. Cutler had _two_ burgers.”

“Thanks. Glad to hear it.”

Bodie eyed him for a moment. “So… what are you sitting out here thinking about?”

“The SATs.”

“Ah. Yeah, Joey’s been thinking about that, too. She said it takes about three weeks to get the results back.”

“I’m sure Jo got a fantastic score.”

Bodie nodded in agreement. “I’m sure she did. And you?”

Pacey scoffed and leaned back in the chair. “Well, seeing as how I only finished half of it, I doubt it. It doesn’t matter anyway. College isn’t in my future.”

“Then what do you see in your future?”

He could only think of Joey, but the thought of admitting to Bodie that she was only thing he had going for him seemed pathetic. “I don’t know.”

“You know, I didn’t take the SATs,” Bodie told him.

“You didn’t?” Pacey looked at him in confusion. “But I thought you went to community college.”

“I did. Right here at CCC. Most community colleges don’t require the SAT. Also, culinary programs in general don’t require an SAT score and they typically have a 100% acceptance rate.”

Pacey stared, blinking, while Alexander fidgeted with a stuffed elephant in Bodie’s arms. “You went to a culinary program here in Capeside?”

Smiling, Bodie nodded. “I did. Well, while there still was one. CCC got rid of it a while ago due to fewer and fewer applicants each year, but you’ll find there’s plenty of other community colleges with culinary programs out there to choose from. They’re a lot cheaper than the big schools’ prices. They’re also typically accelerated. A university can stretch out the program over four years, but you could complete your education and get a decent job in the field within a year or two by going to community college or a trade school.”

Gazing out at the creek, something like hope rose inside Pacey’s chest. The door to the future was suddenly wide open, and the light pouring through it was almost blinding. The future was now bright with possibilities. He could choose for himself who to be, what to be, what to do, and he knew that he had a much better chance at holding onto Joey if he actually did something with his life and made something of himself. The future was opening up and promising more. A future spent with the woman he loved. He wanted to be able to support her, take care of her, give her a good life. He had to do something with himself, and this was the one thing he truly enjoyed doing.

But who was he to think culinary school would make a difference, that who he was or what he did mattered? That it would ever matter? Pacey shoved back the unwelcome voice in his head. It always sounded in his father’s voice, telling him that he didn’t matter, that he was no use, that he would never amount to anything. He’d been bringing home A’s and B’s all semester. He’d restored a boat almost from scratch, and sailed it all the way to Key West and back with success. He’d earned the love and trust of a phenomenal woman, a goddess among humans. None of it silenced the voice.

“You know, I took one of those career aptitude tests, and the school’s college advisor informed me that the top profession best suited to my career personality was law enforcement,” Pacey said.

“You’re kidding.” Bodie stared at him as if dumbfounded.

“Oh, I wish I was. But, you know, my dad and Doug will be thrilled. It’s the longstanding Witter family tradition. Becoming a cop is probably the one and only thing I could possibly do with my life that they’d actually be proud of, and even then, I’m not so sure.”

“Pacey, I have the distinct feeling you’d be miserable doing that job.”

He glanced at his watch. “Yeah. Me too. Well, I gotta go pick up Buzz. Thanks for helping breakfast and lunch go off without a hitch. I’ll be back later.” Heaving a sigh, Pacey stood up and made his way over to the Witter wagon parked in the drive.

*****

November 4. As the ending credits rolled on _Charlie’s Angels_, Joey left the theater with Jen and Jack, tossing her empty soda cup and bag of popcorn into a trash can on their way out. Upon leaving the Rialto, they walked down the street to Connie’s Diner. They seated themselves at a Formica table and menus were put in front of them. After a couple minutes, their waitress appeared again and they ordered.

“So…” Jack began, before taking a sip of his root beer. “Tell me all about that workshop you guys went to. It ended this week, right?”

“Yes, we had the last session on Monday,” Jen answered.

“And how did that go?”

Joey smirked as she locked eyes with Jen across the table. “It wasn’t as… entertaining… as the condom-and-banana demonstration.” Jack started laughing. “But it was still kinda fun. It was all about consent and communication, and we did some role playing.”

“Sounds kinky,” he joked.

“Not really the kind of role playing you’re implying,” Jen replied, throwing him a look. “It wasn’t _that_ exciting.”

“So, do you ladies feel more empowered? More knowledgeable?”

Tearing the paper wrapper from around her straw, Joey thought for a moment and smiled. “Yeah, I should say so. I’m glad I went,” she said, and Jen agreed.

Jack then cleared his throat. “Good. So, there is something we need to discuss.” The girls eyed him curiously. “Do you recall the interesting addition to yesterday’s morning announcements?”

Joey grinned and nodded. “The senior trip.”

“For your information, Jack, I don’t ski,” Jen said.

“Ahh, come on. There’s more to do at a resort than ski.”

“I don’t snowboard either. In fact, I think we can safely rule out all outdoor sports, and indoor, while we’re at it.”

“Same here, Jack,” agreed Joey. “Why plan a trip in the middle of winter, anyway? Unless you do ski or snowboard, then there’s really nothing to do except hang out inside the lodge and drink hot chocolate. Not exactly what I’d call a scintillating vacation.”

He shook his head in disapproval. “Well, I’m sorry that not all of us had a _scintillating_ summer spent sailing to Key West, Josephine.” She laughed at his pompous tone and unamused look. “It’s a weekend _away_ from Capeside. Who cares what the destination is? Or whether it’s in February or April? And I’m sure there’s more to do there. I bet there’s hot tubs,” he concluded, waggling his eyebrows at them.

“You know what?” Joey said, giving him a sarcastic smile. “I’m sold. I can’t wait to share a hot tub with people from our school. Not only do I have to put up with the braindead morons in our class every day, I now get to go to a ski resort with them. Thrilling.”

“Don’t you wanna share a hot tub with Pacey?” Jack challenged, dramatically lifting his glass and sipping soda through his straw without taking his eyes off her.

Unable to help herself, Joey blushed furiously. She then shot him a sarcastic look. “I really don’t think me and Pacey are hot tub people.”

“I’m pretty sure Pacey would make a hot tub exception where you’re concerned.”

Willing herself to stop blushing and failing abysmally, Joey refused to meet his eye and pushed her straw into her chocolate milkshake.

“December 1st is the deadline to sign up, so think about it.” Jack then stood up from the table, excusing himself to go find a bathroom before their food arrived. Once he was out of earshot, she looked across the table at Jen. “Since we have a moment to ourselves, I wanted to inform you that I’ve made a very important decision, one that I’m not gonna go back on. It’s officially settled.”

“What’s settled?” her friend asked with an amused smile.

“I’m going to have sex with Pacey.”

“Joey, I thought you already said you wanted to, like, months ago.”

“True, I said I _wanted_ to, but hadn’t come to any solid, concrete decision as to the _when_ part. It’s been decided.”

“What, do you have a date circled in your calendar or something?” Jen teased.

She rolled her eyes while her friend giggled. “Shut up. I mean, I would right now, but… well, Bessie kind of made a good point recently, and so I think I’m going to take that into consideration. She rightly pointed out that Pacey is still a minor, and I’m not.”

“Oh, come on, Joey. You’re only a few months older. It’s not like you’re Ms. Jacobs in this scenario.”

“Still…” She frowned. That comment from Bessie had been slowly eating away at her for weeks. The things Ms. Dunlap had discussed in the workshop about consent and building healthy relationships had also been weighing on her mind. “Anyway, I’ve decided that when Pacey turns 18, we’ll do it.”

“That’s gonna be one hell of a birthday present.”

Jack then suddenly reappeared. “Whose birthday present?” he questioned as he sat down.

The girls gazed at each other. “Uh… um, well…” Jen stammered. Joey then spoke up. “It’s Pacey’s 18th birthday in a couple months.”

“Oh, what are you gonna get him?”

Jen resolutely stared down at the table while Joey thrust her tongue in her cheek, her face growing hot. “I… uh… I don’t know yet. I’ve already got my Christmas gift planned, but…” Her eyes briefly flickered over to Jen. “You got any ideas?”

“Well, you know him a lot better than I do, Joey. Is there any possible way to salvage the _True Love?”_

She frowned. “I wish.”

“So, what’s that boyfriend of yours up to tonight, anyway?” Jack asked. “Since seeing Cameron Diaz in tight leather outfits on the big screen wasn’t enough to entice him to come out with us?”

Joey glanced at her watch; it was after eight o’clock. “Let’s see… it’s Saturday night… He’s probably at home watching _Cops_.”

Jen gave her a look of disbelief. “_Cops?_ Really? He’d rather watch trash TV than spend a night out on the town with us fine people?”

“Apparently. Last night, we watched _World’s Wildest Police Videos_. And did you know that he’s going on a ride along with Doug tomorrow?”

“You’re kidding,” Jen said, while Jack merely grinned and busied himself with his drink. “He’s voluntarily spending the whole day at work with Doug?”

“I get to spend my Sunday morning with Drue Valentine,” Jack interjected. “I think I’d rather hang with Doug, to be honest.”

Joey’s eyes went wide. “With Drue? Why?”

He shrugged casually. “We’ve got a physics project to work on together. I think I’m gonna make him do most of the work. You know, it’ll be a karma thing for what he did to Jen and my sister.”

“Well, I’m with you there. I think I’d rather be in Doug’s company than Drue’s any day.” She tucked her hair behind her ears and rested her arms on the table. “You know, ever since Pacey got the law enforcement result on that stupid career aptitude test, he’s been weirdly interested. Can you guys honestly see him enforcing the law? Pulling people over? Giving them traffic tickets? Because I sure can’t.”

Neither could her friends. “Pacey’s more likely to end up sitting in the back of a cop car instead of the front,” Jack quipped.

“Ugh, please don’t say that,” Joey replied with a groan. “I’ve had enough run-ins with the law to last me a lifetime. Let’s hope this interest Pacey suddenly has in police work is just a short-lived phase.”

Shortly after, the waitress arrived with their plates of food, and the three friends eagerly dug in, talking and laughing well into the evening.

Late on Monday night, Joey sat in her truck, parked along the waterfront close to downtown. She gazed out at the nearby woods. They were cloaked in darkness. Then suddenly she saw the beam of a flashlight, and soon after, Pacey and Dawson emerged from the dark. Shovels were held over their shoulders as they walked side by side. They glanced at each other, their mouths curving into a slight smile. Raw emotion welled up inside her at the sight, and she swallowed against the lump tightening her throat.

Choking back her tears, she unlocked the doors while the boys set their tools down in the back of the truck. When the doors opened, she positioned herself in the middle seat. Pacey got behind the wheel while Dawson buckled his seatbelt on her other side. She couldn’t help but smile as they drove away, heading for the beach house. Although the drive was quiet, the awkwardness that surely would’ve pervaded it mere weeks ago wasn’t there. The silence was comfortable, something she wouldn’t have imagined possible.

Once they arrived, she walked Pacey to the back door and out of Dawson’s sight. Standing on the back porch, she wrapped her arms around his neck and smiled deviously up at him and licked her lips intentionally. He raised an eyebrow and grinned lustfully. A giggle escaped her as he bent his head and ran his lips up her throat to her jaw. “Does this have anything to do with a certain note that may have been left in your locker this afternoon, Miss Potter?” he murmured in her ear. “You haven’t yet mentioned it, and I think it’s at least worth a discussion.”

“Whatever do you mean, Pacey Witter?” she asked, feigning ignorance, although a flush crept up her neck into her face and her toes curled as memory of the note filled her mind.

“Mm-hmm.”

Her mouth opened slightly as she anticipated his kiss, and he captured her lips with his. They held each other tightly and kissed passionately. Then she went and put her hands in his hair, but gentled the kiss at the same time. He melted into her and showed her how much he loved her. His hands came up and cradled her face. Pacey didn’t intensify anything, didn’t try to arouse or enflame. The love in his kiss was tangible and almost overwhelming.

Joey pulled back breathlessly and gazed at him. His blue eyes sparkled. She reached up and cupped his cheek. “I don’t know how you do it, but I can actually feel how much you love me when you kiss me like that.”

He smiled slowly. “Today was a good day. Yesterday was, too. Surprising, since I spent almost the entire day with Deputy Doug.”

“It was a good day,” she agreed, smiling back at him. He looked happy. “Did, uh… did working together with Dawson to pull that prank on Drue have anything to do with it?”

Pacey let out a breathy laugh and stared at his feet. “Uh, maybe. Yeah, I think so.” Then he met her gaze, smiled, and placed the keys in her hand. “Speaking of whom… you better get back to the truck or the guy’s bound to think we’re screwing on the couch and have forgotten all about him out there.”

Rolling her eyes, she snorted. “Kiss me goodnight.” He chuckled and kissed her. “I love you,” she said simply as he stepped inside the house.

“I love you, too, Jo. I’ll see you in the morning. Now go put Dawson’s mind at ease.” Pacey grinned at her as he closed the door.

Shaking her head, Joey walked off the back porch and around the side of the house to the truck. It wasn’t long before she was pulling into the Leery’s driveway. After parking the truck, she slightly turned to face her friend. “So, did you have fun with Pacey?” she asked.

Dawson cleared his throat and stared down at his lap. “Uh… yeah, I did. We really pulled it off. Karma, gotta love it.”

“And the pact you guys made in the ninth grade was kept.”

“Feels good to say that about at least one pact we made,” he replied.

Joey frowned and felt a twinge of guilt. “You know, we should do this more often… the three of us.”

Dawson finally looked over at her. “What, pull pranks on Drue?”

“No, silly,” she laughed. “I mean, hang out. You know, spend time together. When the three of us were riding in the truck tonight, it just felt…” She sighed and tucked her hair behind an ear. “It felt like all was right with the world again, like, this is how things are supposed to be. Me and Pacey… we miss you. The three of us—we mean too much to each other, Dawson, to let our final year in Capeside go by like this. We should be making the most of it with the people we care about the most. And… I mean, let’s be honest with ourselves, Dawson. Who can stay mad at Pacey Witter for long? Even all those years when I tried my damnedest, it was impossible.” She gave an awkward laugh.

“It would mean a lot to you if Pacey and I became friends again, wouldn’t it?” he asked quietly, staring out the windshield.

It was impossible for her to stop the tears now welling up in her eyes. Her throat constricted. She let out a shaky breath and he turned to look at her. “It would mean the world to me, Dawson,” she said tearfully, her voice thick with emotion.

He sighed and unbuckled his seatbelt. “I think I need to figure out whether me and you can become real friends again first, before I can give serious consideration to the three of us hanging out like old times. I would like to believe that it’s possible, though. I hope you can understand, Joey.”

“I do,” she breathed, staring down at her hands while she played with her fingers. “I do.” Then she changed the subject. “So, Dawson, now that you’ve pulled off the ultimate senior prank, what are your thoughts on the senior trip?”

“The ski trip? I don’t know. Uh… well, I know Jack really wants to go. I’m sure he’ll be able to talk Jen into it. I don’t know if I’m interested. I mean, it could be fun to get out of Capeside for a couple days. I guess it depends…”

She eyed him while he paused. “Depends on what?”

He huffed and glanced out the car window at his house. “Well, I guess it depends on whether you and Pacey are gonna go.”

“Well, me and Pacey aren’t exactly what you’d call ‘joiners,’” she said. “I’m pretty sure he spent the majority of his time at that rave sitting on a couch by himself.” Dawson chuckled. “We haven’t really talked about it yet. I’ve thought about it. I mean, we might go, and if we do, you should come. It could be fun.”

“Honestly, Jo, if you and Pacey are going, then I’m probably gonna skip.”

“Why, Dawson?” she laughed, her brows knitting. “The trip’s not until February. I would hope that by then things between us will at least improved to the point we can be in a social setting two days in a row surrounded by our classmates.”

He hesitated to answer and was quiet for a moment. “Joey, I know what happens on the senior trip. I especially know why couples go on the senior trip. Everyone does. It’s all innocent fun and skiing and hot chocolate by the fireplace during the day, and then by night it just turns into one big…” He heaved a sigh and looked at her. “It’s true there once was a time when I looked forward to going on the senior trip with you, but things are different now. Going on the senior trip with you and Pacey will just make it all the more apparent just how much has changed, and… well, I’d just rather not be an eyewitness, that’s all. That would not be fun for me. I’m sure you understand what I’m saying.”

She could feel her heart sinking within her. Was this about sex again? “Um…” He looked at her as if he was hoping she’d contradict him, that she’d assure him there was no possible way she and Pacey were one of those couples who go on the senior ski trip to take advantage of the private cabins and lack of parental supervision. She shrugged helplessly. “Yeah. I get it.”

“Well, goodnight,” he said while opening the truck door. “Thanks for the ride.”

“Goodnight, Dawson.”

Later, while Joey lay on her bed and stared up at her ceiling, a thousand thoughts swirled inside her head. She thought of school and of her college applications. The essay Bessie had agreed to write for her. She thought of the mural on her wall downtown, coming along nicely, and couldn’t wait to unveil it to Pacey. She thought of Jen and Jack and their outing to the movies on Saturday night. The upcoming senior trip, and Dawson’s reasons for avoiding it.

Watching her and her boyfriend spend a romantic weekend together probably wasn’t on Dawson’s list of things to experience before the end of senior year. The trip was going to be almost a month after Pacey’s birthday, and it was logical to conclude they’d be having sex by then. A weekend trip at a ski lodge with log cabins, crackling fireplaces, and, not to mention, hot tubs, might make that fact obvious to anyone paying attention to them, and Dawson would certainly be paying attention if he were present.

Suddenly the thought of a weekend away with Pacey didn’t seem so bad, despite also having to attend with the rest of their class. He wasn’t one to socialize with the masses, but she knew he’d jump at any chance to escape Capeside, even if it was just for the weekend. Her thoughts then turned to where life would lead them after high school. The future was hazy and stretched out unknown before them. More than anything, she wanted Pacey to come to some sort of direction for his life. To plan for something, anything. The way he’d just given up on the SATs still rankled. The way he refused to even apply to college, any college. That he’d write off the possibility without even trying.

He just needed to get away from his family and surround himself with better people, Joey thought. If he could just get away from his parents, away from this town… Soon. Soon, he would. The school year was almost half over. She longed for the day when Pacey’s support system was beyond incredible. His life held a sea of promises, if only he could see it, and she clung to the hope that one day he’d be at peace with his life and happier than he’d ever been.

She closed her eyes now, and abandoned herself to delicious thoughts of him, of the devoted heart that she sometimes swore she could feel beating against her own. Her mind ran through his witty conversations, tender looks, warm smiles, soft kisses. She lingered on their earlier kiss on his back porch. One of the bright spots in her life were Pacey’s kisses. Whatever his faults were, he sure knew how to use his mouth.

Joey’s eyes popped open as she remembered the note tucked away in her jeans. The memory of finding it in her locker earlier that afternoon made her face flush hot. Standing there in the hallway with other students walking around behind her, it was all she could do to act normal and not make a sound when she’d first read it. She arched her hips slightly off the bed and pulled it from her back pocket. Biting down on her lip, butterflies coming alive in the pit of her stomach, she opened the note, again recognizing the familiar handwriting, and began to read.

_“I want to taste you, all of you. In my dreams, that’s all I do all day long. I want to kiss you. I want to kiss your breasts. I want to taste your nipples until you can’t take anymore. I want to kiss your belly. I want to kiss the inside of your thighs. Your skin is so soft and so warm. You are so beautiful. I have never wanted anyone as much as I want you. I want to taste you. I want to lick your pussy. I want to suck your little clit. I want to fuck you with my tongue. I want to feel you come against my mouth. I want to taste it. I want you. I love you.”_

Her cheeks were burning red. She felt hot all over. Waiting for Pacey’s 18th birthday might prove more difficult than she’d anticipated. The note was an unabashed message of pure desire that curled her toes. His words were honest. Heartfelt and erotic and outrageous. It was a very Pacey thing to do—but it was so much more. Despite all they’d weathered over the past five months, and all the uncertainty and stress of the unknown future, everything about his love for her was reassuring and strong, making hope and possibility burst from somewhere deep inside her.

*****

November 10. On Friday afternoon, Pacey walked away from his locker, feeling giddy and grinning ear to ear, butterflies of anticipation coming alive in his gut. As he turned a corner, he laid eyes on the college advisor’s office and came to a halt. Joey’s note was momentarily forgotten and the butterflies formed a tight knot. He’d been debating all week whether he should stop in and see Ms. Watson. He moved closer and hovered outside the door, still uncertain, but thoughts of his brother and Joey and Bodie and the past couple weeks spent cooking at the B&B suddenly made the decision easier.

He bit the bullet and stepped inside the college advisor’s office. There were neat stacks of folders and piles of papers on the desk—organized chaos. Ms. Watson was standing in front of a metal cabinet and sorting through files, the skirt she wore revealing her surprisingly long, trim legs. He’d only ever seen her sitting behind her large desk. “Oh, hello, Pacey,” the advisor greeted when she turned to see him come through her door. “I wasn’t expecting to see you back in my office.”

He stared, pursing his lips, and nodded. “I’m sure you weren’t.”

Ms. Watson closed the cabinet, opened another, and began skimming over the contents. “I didn’t mean that the way it sounded.” She pulled out a file. “Come on over and sit down.”

Pacey narrowed his eyes and then sat down in the hard, wooden chair across from Ms. Watson’s desk. He watched her flip open the file and glance over the papers in front of her.

“So, have you given anymore thought to your result on the career aptitude test?” she asked.

“Um…” He had, if only for the briefest of moments. “I kinda toyed with the idea of law enforcement, but I know that’s not the job for me. There’s actually something else I have in mind, something I really enjoy doing and I’m good at it and… but it was only recently that I gave it serious consideration.” Thoughts of his ride along with Doug came to mind, what his older brother had told him the following day.

_“Pacey, I think that you're a daring original. I think you have a talent for flying in the face of conventionality, and I think that you were born to break the rules, not enforce them. And you know what? I actually admire that in you. I really do.”_

Words he hadn’t expected to ever hear from Doug. For the first time, he thought it was actually possible to choose cooking as a profession and have his older brother’s support. He believed that Doug wouldn’t laugh him right out of the room, that he wouldn’t think him weak and pathetic for wanting to be in a kitchen instead of a police car. His dad was another matter, but he’d cross that road when he got to it.

“So, what have you set your sights on?”

“Culinary school,” he said confidently.

Ms. Watson gave him a look of surprise and then a big smile spread across her face. “That’s great, Pacey! Culinary school is a wonderful foundation to an incredible career path.” She excitedly stood up from the desk and walked back over to her filing cabinets, quickly returning with a thick folder.

“Now, some of the best culinary schools are in New York and California, but Massachusetts has some great programs,” she told him, opening the folder. It was full of brochures and papers that looked like applications. “Let’s narrow down what would be best for you. Do you want to stay in Massachusetts or are you wanting or willing to go out of state?”

“It honestly depends on where Joey decides to go,” he said. “Wherever she goes, that’s where I plan to be.”

“Joey Potter?” Ms. Watson’s eyebrows shot up. “You mean… you two…?”

“Yep.”

“Okay, well… not that I should tell you this, and I’m willing to bet you already know, but she’s narrowed her focus on northeastern universities. Like I said, Massachusetts has some really good programs, but you’ll also find some decent ones in Vermont and New Hampshire. And of course, New York City, it goes without saying.”

Ms. Watson then pulled a brochure from the file. “The Cambridge School of Culinary Arts,” she read off the cover. “It’s a great school. The Professional Chef’s Program is only 37 weeks, from September through June, and you’d be able to land a great job after you finish. The school isn’t technically a college, so there’s no degree, but it offers a certificate of completion. As I’m sure you know, Cambridge is a short distance from downtown Boston, so you’ll have access to the amazing dining experiences the city has to offer.”

Pacey smiled as she handed the brochure over to him. He started to flip through it. It sounded good, that is if Joey ended up going to a school in Boston. His eyes then fell on the tuition section of the brochure. His eyes went wide and he gulped. “Tuition is $25,000?”

“When you count up the application fee, books, materials and equipment you’ll need, you’re probably going to spend close to 30K.”

“For just 37 weeks and no actual degree? _Thirty grand?”_ He was shocked.

“It’s expensive, to be sure. How is your family’s financial situation?”

Pacey heaved a sigh and closed the brochure. “I’ve got some money in savings, but not…”

Ms. Watson gave him an indulgent smile. “What about your parents?”

“I would rather get hit by a bus engulfed in flames than ask my father for money.”

She nodded slowly. “Okay… well, then your best bet is going to be community college. I’m going to level with you. Some of the _best_ culinary programs are found in community colleges. No lie. There are quite a few in Massachusetts. I can think of a couple off the top of my head that could give the ritzier, pricier schools a run for their money. If you attend a college here in the state, since you’re a resident tuition is really affordable—just a fifth of what you’d spend on the Cambridge school’s program. Plus, you’ll earn a degree, with the opportunity to pursue further education in hospitality management or even transfer to one of those New York schools for your bachelor’s.”

Flipping through the folder, Ms. Watson pulled out a few community college applications and laid them on the desk in front of him. “I can help you fill them out?” she offered kindly.

His stomach fluttering with nerves, thoughts of Joey and their future swirling inside his mind, a future that now seemed brighter than ever, Pacey reached out and grasped hold of an application.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter got too big and I was forced to split it in two. I'll be updating again as soon as it's completed. Should only be a few days. I hope you enjoyed the chapter.


	34. 2000 (Senior Year: Part Nine)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said after the last update that the next one would only be a few days, but then the death of George Floyd happened (RIP) and with everything that's gone on around the world since, I just didn't have it in me to write. I was finally able to finish the chapter. I hope you enjoy and thank you for your patience in waiting.
> 
> This chapter contains sexually explicit material.

November 10. Once Pacey finished filling out a few applications with Ms. Watson, he walked out of school and headed to the Potter’s house. After cooking up a quick garlic rosemary pork roast and some mashed potatoes for Bessie, Alexander, and the B&B guests, he rushed home, showered and changed his clothes, and then drove back. Soon he was standing on Joey’s front porch and knocking on the door. Moments later, it opened to reveal his girlfriend on the other side. She had already pulled on a long black coat. His eyes drifted down to the black heels covering her feet and back up to her face. She smiled and stepped out the door, closing it behind her.

“Happy Anniversary,” Joey said before kissing him on the lips.

A pleasurable sound escaped his throat as he kissed her back. “Happy Anniversary. We officially made it to five months. Who knew, huh?” Longer than her and Dawson lasted, he suddenly thought, the competitive side to him reveling in that knowledge. He quickly pushed those thoughts away.

With a loving gaze, she slipped her hand in his. “Take me to dinner, sweetheart. I’m starving.”

As soon as Pacey had parked the Witter wagon and they stepped inside Carmine’s, the Italian restaurant downtown, he immediately felt the butterflies. The restaurant was very intimate and romantic, with low lighting and plenty of tables for two. The Italian décor featured whimsical artwork, including a Spaghetti Western version of the Mona Lisa. The hostess led them to a table for two in the center of the dining room. When Joey removed her coat, revealing a familiar purple sundress that clung to her chest and flared out at the waist, he ran his eyes down her figure. He hadn’t seen her wear it since their last night in Key West. She wore a light, black sweater on top and had on no makeup that he could tell.

“Thank you,” Joey said. It was obvious her boyfriend liked what he saw, that he thought she was beautiful. Her eyes twinkled knowingly as she again took his hand. “I remembered you liked this dress.”

“I like it a lot.”

Pacey pulled the chair out for her and Joey warmed at the sweet but simple action. A waiter in a red button-down shirt and black pants arrived and gave them two huge menus. Most of the tables were full, which was typical of a Friday night. Their waiter quickly returned with a basket of freshly-baked Italian bread and a platter with small containers of olive oil, vinegar, grated cheese, and crushed red pepper flakes.

Joey sipped some water and watched the flambé dinner being prepared across the room. “So, this morning I stopped by Ms. Watson’s office and submitted the essay Bessie wrote for my application to Williams.”

“It’s a great essay,” he said. “And as much as admitting this might betray my manly exterior, I got a little choked up reading it.”

“Don’t worry, Pace. I won’t tell anyone.” She turned her attention to the menu. “With the essay submitted, all my college applications are finished. The application process is done, but now begins the waiting game. Fun.”

He lowered his own menu and gazed at her. “Potter, I thought we agreed that tonight we weren’t going to talk about stressful stuff? We’re supposed to just enjoy a night out.”

She set her menu on the table and frowned. “You’re right, you’re right,” she said, tucking her hair behind her ears. “I’m sorry. No more college talk.” Then she smiled. “If only we could order champagne,” she wished.

Pacey chuckled as memories of a night spent on a North Carolina beach with a pilfered bottle of champagne came to mind. “I promise that when we go out for our…” He paused, calculating. “Four-year anniversary, we’ll order champagne, Jo.”

“I’m going to hold you to that promise.”

The waiter then reappeared. “Are you ready to order?” he asked politely.

With one last quick glance over their menus, they both ordered their favorites and the waiter departed again. They were soon dining on chicken parmesan and spaghetti with meatballs. Wanting to linger a little longer, they decided to order dessert. Their waiter placed smaller, leather-bound menus in their hands.

“I don’t think I can eat a whole dessert,” Joey said. “I don’t wanna feel stuffed to the gills.”

“Otherwise, you might fall asleep on me later, and I know we both want tonight to be really special.”

Her face flushed. Her stomach fluttered. Then she threw him an affronted look. “I beg your pardon, Pacey Witter, but if I’m not mistaken, you’re the one who zonked out on me two nights ago,” Joey reminded him, a teasing gleam in her brown eyes. “So, maybe you shouldn’t have a whole dessert either.”

Tongue firmly planted in cheek, he nodded. “How about we share a dessert?”

She brightened, giving him one of her thousand-watt smiles. “Okay.”

While they waited, Pacey gazed at her. “Do you remember the last time you wore that dress?” he asked.

She blushed furiously, chewing on her lip, and nodded. “Yes.”

“That was a good night.” The tone in his voice was wistful, memories coming back to him.

“It was,” she said suggestively. “Tonight’s a good night, too.”

“I have a feeling it’s gonna get even better later.”

Joey blushed hotter still. Her stomach clenched. Her toes curled inside her shoes. Everything in her body seemed to tighten in anticipation. She remembered the note she’d put in Pacey’s locker earlier that afternoon. She wanted their anniversary to be special, for them to try something new, just like she had wanted their first month anniversary to be special when they were in Key West, and she’d told him as much in the note. Pacey grinned across the table at her, managing to make his eyes twinkle with amusement and desire at the same time. Before anything else could be said between them, dessert arrived.

Their selection was Chocolate Cookies and Cream, and they were smart to order one to share. Two large, delicious chocolate chip cookies came on a dish with two scoops of vanilla ice cream, and on each side were generous helpings of raspberry and fudge sauce. The air changed while they ate and the space between them became charged with energy, their eyes often meeting across the table, fingers touching, then entwining.

Neither of them spoke until Pacey paid the check. When they stood and he moved behind her, Joey could feel the heat of his body along hers. His hand on the small of her back propelled her forward and out the door to his car. He walked her to the passenger door, but instead of opening it, he turned her to face him. Searching her gaze for a moment, he cupped her face in his hands, sliding his fingers into her hair and anchoring her in place. The kiss started out soft, the brush of his lips over hers, but before she could consider the consequences or remind herself that they were on a public street, Joey parted her lips and let her tongue dart out to trace the curve of his mouth.

It was if the dam broke and all the heat and hunger they’d been feeling poured out of them. Pacey’s passionate kiss left her lips swollen and her body wanting. Her hands fisted in his jacket and she hauled him closer as he pushed her back against the car. Joey didn’t stop until she parted her legs for him, fitting him against the V of her body. Shaking in the cool night air, she suddenly remembered herself and where they were.

“I’m sorry,” he said, freezing in place. “I don’t know what came over me.”

He backed up a fraction of an inch but kept his hands on her waist. “Not your fault,” she said, struggling to catch her breath.

Pacey brought his lips to the center of her forehead, pressing a kiss to her skin that could’ve been considered chaste if not for the heat simmering just beneath the surface. He opened her door and she climbed inside. At least they’d found the presence of mind to stop before anyone stumbled upon their impromptu make out session.

Joey kept her hands folded in her lap as Pacey pulled out of the parking lot and onto the street. It couldn’t be more than eight or so, but it was late enough to be completely dark outside. She observed the drive and it soon became obvious they were heading for the beach house. “Gretchen won’t be home, right?”

He glanced over at her and smirked. “Nope. She’s tending bar at the restaurant all evening—probably won’t be home until close to midnight.”

They drove for another couple of miles before arriving at the beach house. Once inside, Joey shrugged off her coat, removing a wrapped gift from the inside pocket as she did so, and tossed it over the back of the couch. Pacey saw the gift in her hand, grinned excitedly, and then quickly left the room. He returned as quickly as he had left and sat down on the couch next to her.

Joey eyed the wrapped present in her boyfriend’s hand. “Remember, this whole gift exchange wasn’t supposed to be serious.”

“I know.”

“We weren’t supposed to spend more than 20 bucks.”

He smiled patiently. “I didn’t. I promise.”

Her eyes narrowed in suspicion. The gift he held was shaped like a book, like hers, but the wrapping paper looked awfully nice. “We agreed they’d be joke gifts.”

“Jo,” he said with a pointed look. “I know, and I stuck to the agreement. I swear.”

Giggling, they handed each other the wrapped presents. According to their summer tradition of perusing the self-help section of any bookstore they walked into and searching for the most ridiculous title they could find on the shelf, they agreed to select a book and surprise each other on their anniversary.

“Open yours first,” Joey said.

“Okay.” Grinning ear to ear, Pacey tore at the wrapping paper to reveal a book. He stared down at the cover and started to laugh. “_Outwitting Squirrels: 101 Cunning Stratagems to Reduce Dramatically the Egregious Misappropriation of Seed from Your Birdfeeder_ by Bill Adler Jr.” He kept laughing. “This will surely come in handy. Thank you.”

She giggled. “You’re welcome.” She held up her own wrapped gift. “My turn.” His laughter subsided, and she thought she saw something flicker across his face, but she wasn’t sure what. Suspicion grew once more. “I’m not going to find jewelry in here or something, am I, Pacey?”

“No,” he said emphatically. “Jo, just open it.”

Her stomach tight with anticipation, she ripped open the wrapping paper. True to his word, the gift was indeed a book. Eyes widening at the cover, she burst out laughing. “That’s not fair! You always win!” Dumbfounded at Pacey’s ability to find the most ridiculous books in print, she couldn’t contain her laughter. “_How to Defend Yourself Against Alien Abduction_ by Ann Druffel,” she read. “It sounds like a book Fox Mulder would write.”

“You should flip through the pages and see if there’s any helpful tips in there,” he said jokingly, but then stared intently at her.

Joey smiled and turned the front cover of the book over, along with the first few blank pages. When she reached the copyright page, she found a couple folded up pieces of paper stuck in the book. “You went to the used bookstore, right?” she said, looking up at him. “Looks like someone left some papers behind.”

“Huh. What do they say?” Pacey watched her remove the papers and set the book aside with bated breath.

“Maybe it’s a map that’ll show us where to hide from the aliens,” she snarked as she flipped open the folded pieces of paper. It took a second for her to realize what she was looking at. It was a photo copy of a college application, and it wasn’t blank. It had been filled out. At the sight of Pacey’s name, she stared in shock, her mouth falling open.

She wasn’t saying anything, and silence filled the living room. “I, uh, I stopped by Ms. Watson’s office after school today, and she helped me fill some applications out.”

“I can’t believe it.” She still felt shock.

When Joey flipped the first paper over, underneath the Hospitality Degrees and Certificates header, she saw Pacey had checked the box for the Culinary Arts Program. It was as if the stars suddenly aligned. Her eyes filled with tears and she reached for him. He opened his arms and pulled her into his embrace. She could almost feel much of the stress and worry she’d been carrying around leave her body.

“I hope these are tears of joy,” Pacey said as he stroked her hair, knowing how important it had been to her that he apply to college. “If they’re the other kind of tears, then I think we might have some problems…”

She snorted and lifted her face to look at him, quickly brushing her tears away. “You didn’t do this for me, did you? I mean… you did this because you wanted to… _for you_. Right?”

“Yes,” he said softly. “I did it for me.” Then he pursed his lips and tilted his head from side to side. “But, well, if you think about it, pretty much everything I do for me is, in some way, also for you, and for us. I mean, let’s face it. You’re probably gonna end up a Rhodes Scholar, Jo. You can’t have an embarrassment for a boyfriend.”

“Pacey, you’ll never be an embarrassment,” she said, frowning. “Don’t talk like that.”

“So, how do you feel about me going to a culinary program?” he asked, uncertainty rising up, knowing how much being poor had impacted her, had affected her future goals. “Being a cook… I mean, it’s not a glamorous profession. I’ll never be rich.”

She gave him a pointed look and smiled. “You don’t need to be rich, Pace. As far as how I feel about you going to culinary school, well you _are_ pretty good in the kitchen, I must admit.”

“I’m also pretty good in the bedroom… which I hope you will also soon admit.”

“There you go bragging again.”

“Well, I can back it up. There are very few things I can brag about, Jo, but that is one of them.” Desire began to build in the pit of his stomach and he gently pulled the book and copies of his applications from her hands, setting them aside on the coffee table. Then he put his arms around her. “I am pretty crazy about you, you know.”

“That’s good. It’s mutual.” She pulled his head to hers and kissed his eyes and nose.

“You’ve got lousy aim, Potter.” He kissed her lips, her neck, and that spot behind her ear. “You have sexy ear lobes, you know that?”

She snorted and rolled her eyes. “You’re putting me on.”

“No, but that’s a good idea,” he said suggestively, before pulling her flush against him and capturing her mouth in a passionate kiss. He kissed her hungrily, then slowed to soft, lingering kisses.

Joey straddled his hips as his arms encircled her. They kissed for a long time, gripping each other tightly, hardly able to catch a breath, using their lips and tongues to silently say everything they felt. Her lips clung to his as her hands moved to his chest and her hips moved against his lap. Pacey’s hands moved up her back to the thickness of her dark hair, taking pleasure in its softness.

He kissed her deeply, inhaling the sweet taste of her tongue, inhaling the delicious smells of her. She shrugged off her black sweater, revealing her bare shoulders, and he caressed the soft skin of her arms. His appetite was suddenly voracious. His hands moved forward, sliding up Joey’s waist to hold her breasts through the soft fabric. Her hands cupped the back of his head as she leaned in and planted tiny kisses all over his face. He reveled in her sweet affection and the fact she wore no bra beneath the sundress, just like on that first night she’d worn it. His thumbs brushed over her hardening nipples and he smiled when she moaned.

He captured her lips in another ardent kiss and she felt him grow hard beneath her, as warm desire crept through her body. Joey melted into his kiss; her mind emptied of all thought except a vital desire. As she began to fall into blissful oblivion, vivid thoughts of taking him into her mouth and sucking on his cock… of giving him extreme pleasure and making him come, caused such convulsive spasms at her hot center as she thought about how it would make him feel, that she suddenly had a very clear understanding of why he loved to make her come. Surrendering to the sensation of being wrapped in Pacey’s loving arms, the dominant thought in her mind was how his love made her feel safe, like nothing could ever threaten, hurt, or overwhelm her again; Pacey simply wouldn’t allow it; he would care for her, protect her, and be there for her. Always.

Joey broke their kiss and leaned back, gazing into his blue eyes, darkened by desire. “I’m thinking about that note you left in my locker on Monday,” she murmured. Although her mind was on the pleasure that he would surely give her, she was also fixated on the pleasure she longed to give him. She’d never had oral sex, or given it, but she had a strong feeling she would love receiving it, as well as giving it.

His heart hammered beneath his ribs. His stomach clenched. “Yeah?” He remembered the note she’d left him earlier that day, about wanting their anniversary to be special.

She climbed off his lap and stood up, holding out her hand to him. “Let’s go upstairs.”

Giddy with anticipation and his gut fluttering with nerves, Pacey took hold of her hand and she led him upstairs to his bedroom. When the door closed, bathing them in darkness, instead of heading for the bed, he backed her up against the wall and flipped the light switch, immediately illuminating the room. “I don’t want to miss anything,” he said quietly.

And then all was lost in the thrilling press of mouths and bodies. He kissed her like he’d never get enough of her. She kissed him back exactly the same way, sliding her hands beneath the hem of his sweater, moving her hands up and over the satiny smooth muscles of his back. She kissed his neck, his jaw, each corner of his lips. Felt him shudder in response. Lower still, there was an intense wave of desire. Pressing against the front of his underwear. Dampening hers…

The next thing Joey knew, she was moving them forwards away from the wall, slowly pushing Pacey back until his legs hit the side of the bed. They climbed onto the mattress and he hovered over her, smothering her with passionate kisses. Then he started to move lower. Determined to give in to what she wanted the most in this moment, she gently pushed him over until he was lying on his back.

“Jo, what are you doing?” he chuckled, and gazed up at her with a confused expression. “I thought this was about my note.”

“We’ll get to that,” she said, blushing, unable to meet his eyes. “But first, this is about my note.”

“Yeah…?” All she’d really written in her note was that she felt the same and wanted their anniversary to be special, but as her hands stroked his erection through the fabric of his jeans and then she started to unzip his fly, it dawned on him what she’d meant by, “the same.” His mouth fell open as he gaped at her in surprise. He hadn’t been expecting this at all. “Jo, you don’t… you don’t have to do this. This wasn’t… I mean, I didn’t write that note to get… this… out of you. I just wanted to…”

“Are you nervous, Pacey?” she asked, grinning at him, arching her brow, amused at his stammering.

“Um…” His face flushed hot with embarrassment even as his body throbbed. “A bit, yeah.” He stared at her. He didn’t recall the previous women in his life being particularly enthusiastic about this act. “Joey, what could you possibly get out of it? This wasn’t supposed to be about me. I wanted it to be about you.”

“This _is_ about me, Pacey. I’m doing this because I want to.” She felt nervous, too, but she wanted to try. There was a first time for everything, she thought as she slid down further on the bed. She pulled his jeans down past his hips and stared at the outline of his thick, erect cock. Tugging it free of his boxers, she fisted it in her hand and looked up to meet Pacey’s wide-eyed gaze as she started to stroke him. She watched him close his eyes and start to breath heavily. “You said that you wanted to do it to me.”

“But that’s different, Jo.”

“How is that different?”

“I don’t know. It just is.” Pacey looked down at her soft hands sliding up and down the length of his swollen cock, and he started to pant harder.

“That’s not a reason. Do you like oral sex, Pacey?” she asked in a tone that made it clear she already knew the answer.

He nodded and whispered, “Yes.”

“Okay, then.” She hesitated a moment. “I’m not exactly sure what to…”

“Just no teeth,” he breathed, his chest heaving, body clenching at the sensation of her tight grip around his erection.

“No teeth?”

“No teeth. That’s it.”

Joey turned her attention back to his erection. He was so beautiful. He was big and hard and thick and… male. He smelled like salt and something else, something uniquely Pacey. Her mouth started watering. Then she grasped his erection firmly, lowered her mouth, and flicked her tongue over his engorged head.

Pacey’s eyes rolled and he let out a groan. “Oh, my God…” When was the last time a woman had put her mouth on him? He couldn’t even remember.

She wasn’t exactly sure how to give a blow job, so she could only go off instinct and the images that had been burned into her brain of the porno she’d watched in Dawson’s room with Jen, Andie, and Abby Morgan that one time. Not to mention, she’d also spent a great deal of time imagining what she’d do if she ever got her lips around Pacey’s cock. She just hoped to God she would do it right and that it would feel good to him.

She repeated the flick of her tongue a few more times, before flattening her tongue and swirling it around his sensitive head. Then she took him fully in her mouth, careful not to scrape him with her teeth, and the loud moan this elicited from him caused a surge of power to rise up inside her. She could then feel her confidence grow with each satisfied grunt and groan over every bob of her head. She held his pleasure in the palm of her hand. She felt powerful.

From the first flick of Joey’s tongue, Pacey was gone. It was almost like this was the first time he’d ever experienced it. Every movement of her mouth around him was mesmerizing. Then she started to stroke one hand up and down, twisting around his shaft. He started moaning and couldn’t stop. He looked down into the velvety brownness of her eyes smiling up at him and it was the most erotic thing he’d ever seen in his life. Her soft, pink mouth was hot and wet. Her swollen lips looked incredible around his cock. As he watched her tongue lick up and down his shaft, he had to fight the urge to grab her head and rock his hips against her, so he balled his hands into tight fists.

Joey thought that his sounds had taken on a note of desperation. “Pacey, tell me how to make you come,” she whispered.

He smiled down at her, running his hands through her hair. She was so beautiful. “You’re doing fine, Jo.”

She gave him a pointed look. “Pacey, just tell me.”

“Deeper… harder,” he whispered, closing his eyes. He still couldn’t believe she was doing this.

Joey didn’t hesitate to wrap both hands around his swollen shaft and squeeze tighter, before she returned her mouth to his engorged head and increased her suction. He let out another guttural moan and his hands clutched her hair. She picked up the pace; stroking faster, squeezing tighter, and sucking harder. Then she took him to the back of her throat and swallowed.

“Oh, Jeeezus,” he hissed, pushing himself up on his elbows. He stared down at her, his lips parted and his eyes wide. “Oh, _fuck_. Joey. Oh, baby, _yes_.”

She smiled around his cock, knowing he was close whenever the _baby_ talk started. She felt her confidence grow even more, enjoying his low moans and the fact that she was pleasing him. She licked his salty tip, her tongue padding against his soft-hardness, enjoying the feel of him in her mouth—this was something new, this was fun, and her body responded in kind, throbbing and clenching with her own need. She sucked him with steady and gentle pressure, squeezed him, and soon fell into a rhythm of making love to him with her mouth.

A few times his hips bucked upwards, pushing his cock to the back of her throat. She gagged twice, and things got messy as her saliva started mixing with his precum, but that didn’t stop her. Pacey was praying out loud to God to make him last longer, but she wasn’t having any of that. She wanted him to come, and come now.

Pacey looked down to watch her and he felt his groin tighten even more. He’d gazed at Joey’s mouth a lot over the last few years, and fantasized about that mouth, but nothing could’ve prepared him for how carnal she looked at that moment. She tickled, and teased, and stroked, and licked, and sucked, and swallowed until he couldn’t take it any longer. As she worked her mouth and hand faster, he felt the jolts of pleasure turn into waves. She sucked harder, swallowing right when the head of his cock bumped the back of her throat. His hands gripped her hair as his waves of pleasure became a flood, and he came with a loud guttural moan, his orgasm spilling into her mouth.

She continued to work his heavy cock, milking him of every last drop, as she swallowed his salty release. Softly she licked away the last remaining drops and thought she knew why Pacey would always smother her with reverent kisses after making her come. To give love and pleasure—and to know it was accepted—was a real gift. Joey had never felt so tender toward him as she did in that moment.

“Oh, my God, the room is spinning.” Pacey lay there with his eyes closed, breathing hard and with his hands still in her hair, and knew that if he had tried to stand up right now, he doubted he could trust that his legs would be able to hold him up.

Giggling at his post-orgasmic state of bliss, Joey had also never felt more turned on in her life: the salty taste of him and the intense pleasure she’d given him. She had never felt more confident. Then before she knew it, Pacey had tucked himself away inside his boxers, pulled his jeans up, and reached for her, bringing her back up the bed and turning her over once again onto her back. “My turn,” he said huskily, his eyes smoldering like blue fire.

Joey reached underneath his sweater. She was almost amazed by the way her hands felt on his chest, the warmth of his skin. Indescribable emotions swirled inside her. Her eyes wandered over his body, at the jeans that hung loose and unzipped around his hips, liking every inch of him. Her eyes found their way back to his, and he was smiling.

Propping himself up with one elbow, Pacey gazed down at her. “You are really sexy. Did you know that?” he whispered as he brushed his thumb over her lips.

She shook her head and rolled her eyes, feeling herself blush. “No, I’m not—”

“Yes. Yes, you are. You’re beautiful.” His voice was hoarse as he leaned down to kiss her again. She kissed him back deeply, wanting him to feel everything she was feeling, wanting him to understand the way he made her feel.

Pacey reached down to the hem of her dress, lifting it further up her legs, before his hand crept underneath. He hooked his finger along the side of her panties and slowly removed them. He gently rubbed his hand along her bikini line, and his touch felt so good she whispered his name in a heavy breath. She inhaled with anticipation as he slid his finger from her inner thigh to her slick center.

“Damn, Potter. You’re so wet,” Pacey said quietly, loving the apparent fact that sucking his dick had turned her on this much.

Joey squirmed in ecstasy as his finger swirled around inside her while she moved her hips against the gentle pressure of his hand. Slowly he removed his finger, brought it to his mouth, and licked it like candy. “I want to taste more of you,” he murmured, and she felt her entire body clench with need.

He kissed her slowly as their tongues once again stroked and caressed. His palm then caressed her side, gliding upward. His hand skimmed over her covered breasts and drifted along her neck and bare shoulders. He broke their kiss, pulling back to look at her. “Are you sure you’re okay with this, Jo? Just because I said those things in that note doesn’t mean you have to let me—”

“Yes, Pacey. I’m sure.” Her voice was barely a whisper, but her eyes spoke volumes.

Excitement filled his gut. “Can I look at you?”

Joey suddenly hesitated, briefly wishing they’d kept the lights off. She hadn’t allowed him to look at her before, hadn’t allowed any significant removal of clothing. She hadn’t wanted him to be disappointed. Her insecurities had plagued her, but the way he was looking at her now… She nodded. “Yes.”

Pacey made a noise in the back of his throat and then slowly, gently, he pulled down the top of her sundress, exposing her breasts, which had hardened and yearned for his touch. He stared down at her silently, lips parting slightly as he sucked in a breath. She was perfectly round, soft and touchable, tipped by pretty peach nipples that begged for his attention. Attention he was more than willing to give her. Just as he longed to explore the silken folds between her thighs. He could smell Joey’s arousal now, creamy with an enticing spice. He longed to taste her.

His eyes roamed over her and she could feel her body tighten under his gaze. She blushed. His eyes moved up to hers. “Joey,” he whispered. “You are so sexy. You _are_. You’re so beautiful, so perfect...”

She knew he was being kind. Surely, he was seeing exactly what she saw in the mirror every day, all her little imperfections. He ran his long fingers up her stomach to cup her breast. He flicked his thumb back and forth over a peaked nipple, and Joey released a shaky breath.

“Do you like that?” he asked, his words sounding slow and thick in his mouth.

She nodded. “Yes.”

A groan tore from his throat as he kneaded and squeezed her bare breasts. Waves of pleasure rippled through her before Pacey bent his head and took one puckered nipple into his mouth. He sucked hard and she moaned loudly, her hand moving to hold the back of his head against her. He reveled in the taste of her in his mouth, the fragrance of her skin, and shuddered at her sounds of pleasure as he laved and suckled one breast and then the other.

Joey’s nerves rioted through her body, her moans of pleasure filling the room. Hot darts seemed to pummel where she was already pulsating at her core, deep sensations that his tongue, his teeth, and his lips created inside her. Unable to stop herself, her hips kept arching up off the mattress. Every time she did so, he would groan against her skin, and his sounds didn’t help. “Pacey,” she begged.

He released her breast and looked at her. “Yes, Jo?”

“Please. I can’t stand it.” Her hips arched again.

Grinning with a smug look of triumph, Pacey started moving lower, positioning himself to lay between her legs. Then he took hold of the hem of her dress and pushed it up, bunching it around her waist, revealing her naked hips. He looked up and her eyes met his. The fire burning in them made his groin tighten with arousal, made his body start to respond to her again, made him long to slip a hand inside his boxers and stroke himself. Still, he ignored it and lowered his gaze.

Her pussy was beautiful. His fingers slid through her curls to open her soft folds and she bucked beneath him. Her slick, swollen lips flared out like tiny wings, glistening with her juices. His eyes widened when he saw her engorged clit, the pink bud protruding from under its fleshy hood. He held his breath as his eyes feasted on her sweet core. As he watched, the puckered flesh around her entrance tightened briefly and then opened wider, as if beckoning him in. His mouth watered.

Joey stared down at him. Pacey wasn’t speaking, wasn’t moving. Just staring. Another wave of insecurity suddenly hit her and her eyes squeezed shut. Embarrassment reddened her already flushed cheeks. She couldn’t look at him. She didn’t see how what she had down there was in the least bit attractive, and his face was right there… Yet as she anticipated his touch, his mouth, still she ached with desire and could feel her wetness flowing even more. She wanted it, wanted him.

“Joey, look at me. Please.” Her brown eyes opened slowly and met his.

“Pacey.” Her voice was throaty, thick with emotion.

“Is this okay? Are you okay?”

“Pacey, okay does not even begin to describe how I’m feeling right now.”

She smiled then and it lit up his world. He leaned forward and brought his mouth closer to her mound, inhaling her scent. It was a scent designed to make his head spin. “You are so beautiful,” he told her again, murmuring against her flesh. “And you’re driving me crazy, you smell so good.”

The last few words were barely intelligible, his voice having become little more than a husky growl. Every word made her body weep more. Joey could only whimper in response. If she was driving him crazy, he for sure was driving her crazy. His mouth had moved to her inner thigh, where he was planting soft kisses. God, the anticipation was killing her.

Slowly, Pacey moved lower. When Joey felt the tip of his tongue at the base of her folds, she dug her heels into the mattress. He spread her legs further apart so his tongue could reach its target. He stuck his tongue out and swirled it around her entrance, sampling her nectar, and she let out a surprised cry. He loved her taste—sweet and salty and spicy in equal measure—and the way she responded to him.

It was as if she had let go of the reins of a wild horse. He eagerly dove at the crux of her legs and did all that he’d said he wanted to do. Joey felt his tongue surge out to lick her, long and deep. It was the most extraordinary sensation she’d ever experienced. She knew what it was like to touch herself. She knew what it was like to feel his groping fingers touch her there, but his wet tongue was exquisite, unlike anything she’d even imagined.

With gentle, concentrated skill, Pacey took his time, trailing her flesh up and down and in circular motions. He nibbled and sucked her gently, using his lips and tongue to take her to a place of new discovery while he kept one hand on her breast, caressing her soft flesh and rolling her taut nipple between his fingers. He used attentive care—licking, sucking, and stroking her wetness, devouring her sweet juices as they flowed into his mouth. He thrust his tongue inside, drew it out again, stabbed at her, sucked at her folds until she was panting loudly and writhing beneath him. He was fully aroused now and had to press himself into the mattress for relief.

Joey’s own desperate need for more was building, and it seemed to match Pacey’s. Then his mouth engulfed her throbbing clit, and he sucked hard, stroking his tongue against it. “Oh, my God!” Her hands held the back of his head and she began to rock against his mouth, suddenly releasing a powerful orgasm. “Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod… Pacey…”

The sensation too much to take, she pushed his head away and he released her clit, kissing her inner thigh. Yet her hips were still arching against him, her body still tense. He looked up at her. “Do you want more?”

“I just…” Her whole body clenched with need. She ached to be filled. Did they really need to wait until Pacey’s birthday? She wanted to stick to her decision, but it was just a couple months…

He realized what she needed as she squirmed beneath him. Moving forward, he hooked her legs over his shoulders and pushed his middle finger inside her and curled it, stroking the spot directly below her clit. Immediately, the walls of her pussy clamped down on him.

“Yes,” she said, groaning, the internal debate momentarily forgotten. “Don’t stop.”

He pumped his finger in and out, watching her movements as she raised and lowered her hips to meet his thrusts. She was so warm and wet and tight around his finger. He could only imagine just how good she’d feel wrapped around his cock. His erection throbbed and he thrust himself into the mattress harder.

“It feels so good, Pacey,” Joey whimpered, as his tongue began to lick her clit in time with the thrust of his finger.

“I know, baby. For me, too.”

She moaned loudly, an indescribable tension building at her center, and once again was desperate for relief. “Please,” she got out. “Please…”

Pacey’s mouth then returned to her clit and he suckled firmer, stroked her faster, until he hit the chord he’d been chasing. Joey arched with a strangled cry, her pussy cinching his finger tight. Her liquid pleasure flooded his hand and triggered a response that hadn’t occurred in a while. With a stifled groan, he came inside his pants. And then she was giggling with surprised delight, that sound that was music to his ears. He laid reverent kisses along her inner thigh, chuckling against her skin.

A little later, Joey returned to Pacey’s bedroom from the bathroom, and climbed back up on the bed beside him. He pulled her closer, spooning her, bringing his mouth close to her ear. “Spend the night,” he whispered.

She hummed and took his hand, threading their fingers. “Won’t your sister be home soon? What would she think?”

“So? Gretchen won’t care.”

“I wish I could stay, but I can’t. I really should go home and sleep in my own bed.”

“Come on, Jo,” he nudged. “You’re 18. You could stay over if you wanted to.”

“I’d love to sleep over, Pace, but I kind of want to avoid any more lectures from Bessie.”

He heaved a sigh. “Okay.” Then he grinned and leaned closer, his lips brushing against her ear. “So, do you think I earned my right to brag? Anything you care to admit right now?”

She blushed, rolling her eyes, and laughed quietly while she turned in his arms to face him. “Since when do you need your ego stroked?” she teased. He smiled broadly at her, a beautiful smile. Then she changed the subject. “I’m so happy you’re applying to college.”

“We’ll see if I get in anywhere.”

“I’m sure you will,” she encouraged.

He hoped he’d get into a school that was near whatever college she decided to attend. He didn’t want to think about what they would do if he only ended up getting into a school that wasn’t, but he knew what his choice would be. Joey was his world. She made him a whole person. If it came down to either being with her or going to college, then there really was no doubt. He’d choose her, every time.

“You know, I’ve been thinking…” he said. “Have you thought about art school?”

“Art school?” Her brows rose in surprise.

“Or… well, majoring in art at whatever ivy-covered institution you get into?”

“Pacey, do you have any idea how much money artists make? There’s a good reason the term ‘starving artist’ exists.”

He let out a breathy laugh. “Not everything’s about money, Jo. You love art, and you’re good at it. It makes you happy.”

She shrugged. “I know. I do love it and it does make me happy, but there’s no real future in it. Other than a hobby, anyway. Let’s face it. I’m never going to be the next Georgia O’Keeffe. Still, I’m not going to give up doing it, no matter what I study. It’s still something to do for me, purely for my own enjoyment.”

“Okay, well, speaking of which, when are you gonna be finished with the mural?”

“I’m planning on being done by Christmas,” she answered.

He blinked. “Christmas? Jo, it only took you five weeks to finish the mural at school.”

“Pacey, that was much smaller. The wall downtown is huge! And I can only work on it when I’m not at school or the yacht club, or when I’m not doing my homework, and when I’m not with you. I don’t have a lot of free time, you know.”

He smiled and kissed her. “I can’t wait to see your wall when it’s done. We’ll have to have a big unveiling party.”

She snuggled closer to him, their legs tangling. Her eyes gazed over his handsome face. Her heart swelled with affection for him. She hoped he realized how much he’d given her, and how grateful she was that he constantly went out of his way to make her feel safe and cherished. What had she done to deserve him? “I wish there was something I could give to you,” she said quietly. “Or do for you, to repay you for everything you’ve done for me.”

“Just love me. That’s all I want.” Pacey smiled and reached his hand up to tuck some loose strands of her soft dark hair behind an ear. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted, for as long as I can remember.”

Joey smiled and caressed his cheek, but as they wrapped their arms around each other and embraced in another long sensuous kiss, she couldn’t help wishing he wanted more.


	35. 2000 (Senior Year: Part Ten)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Oh no, get ready  
I feel it coming, it's coming again  
Don't give up, and don't let me  
'Cause I'm needing you to understand  
When I go, all I ever seem to fear  
Is that you're gonna find someone  
And slowly watch me disappear_
> 
> _Don't let the tide come and wash us away  
Don't let the tide come and take me  
I just want a safe place to hide us away  
So don't let the tide come and take me  
Don't let the tide come and wash us away  
Don't let the tide come and take me  
Far from with you, where I wanna stay  
So don't let the tide come and take me___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for waiting patiently for an update, for continuing to give this story kudos and lovely, supportive comments. I'm hoping there won't be as nearly long a wait for the next update. I hope you enjoy the chapter and that it was worth the wait.

November 22. On the Wednesday evening before Thanksgiving, Pacey pulled the steaming cherry pie out of the oven and set it on the counter to join the apple and pumpkin pies that had been baked earlier. Removing the oven mits from his hands, he tossed them aside and turned to see his girlfriend and his sister sitting at the table and watching him. He smiled.

“That smells so good,” Joey said, her eyes wide.

“We can sample the goods tonight, right, Pace?”

He frowned and shook his head. “No, Gretchen, you cannot. These pies will remain intact until they reach Mom and Dad’s tomorrow.”

“I still can’t get over the look on Mom’s face when you said you’d do the dessert,” his sister replied.

“What did she say?” Joey asked.

Pacey rolled his eyes. “The things you miss when you skip out on Sunday dinner, Jo.”

She shot him a pointed look. “If only I could skip out on more of them,” she muttered, before turning to Gretchen. “Well, what did your mom say?”

“It was the indulgent look of a parent when their five-year-old tells them they’re going to cook them a big breakfast. ‘Sure thing, sweetie.’” Gretchen scoffed. Then she smiled. “So, are you coming over to witness the fiasco that is the Witter Family Thanksgiving?”

“Uh, no,” Joey replied. “I figure I should spend the day with my family.”

“So, will Bodie be cooking the turkey?” she asked.

Joey shook her head. She hesitated to answer, glancing at Pacey nervously. “We’re actually all going over to the Leery’s.”

He stared. This was news to him. “Since when?”

She heaved a sigh. “Since last night, apparently. Gail invited us to come to their house, and Bessie and Bodie accepted the invitation. Jen and Mrs. Ryan are invited, and Jack and his dad, too. I’m sorry they didn’t invite you. I’m sure they would’ve if… well, you know, if things were different.”

Pacey shared a look with his sister, who gave him a sympathetic frown. “Well, I guess that’s for the best. It would’ve been nice if _my_ mom had invited your family over, but that honestly wouldn’t have gone well by any means. You really don’t want to subject yourselves to the drunken Irish-Catholic rants that usually pepper any Witter holiday festivity. I can only imagine the passive-aggressive crap that would’ve come out of my parents’ mouths had you guys been sitting at the table. I’m sure your sister and Bodie would’ve vowed never to set foot in our house again.”

“You mean because they’re living in sin and have a mixed child out of wedlock?” She scowled.

The phone suddenly rang and Gretchen stood up with a groan. “You’re right, Joey. They’re ignorant jerks. At least Thanksgiving is only once a year, thank goodness.” On the third ring, she answered the phone.

Pacey walked over to his girlfriend and bent over to wrap his arms around her. “I’ll miss you tomorrow, if it’s any consolation. Especially since the only friend I’ll have there is Gretchen.”

“Well, what about Doug?” she replied.

“He’ll be around my dad, so you can expect he’ll be a jerk, too. Gotta keep up appearances, you know. Carrie is fine to be around, but she’s too wrapped up in her own life’s problems to pay much attention to her teenage brother.”

“Isn’t your sister Amy coming up from North Carolina?”

Sighing, he shook his head. “Amy and her husband and kids will be coming up for Christmas and New Year’s. They’re spending Thanksgiving with my brother-in-law’s family. That’s one good thing, I have to say. This year’s Thanksgiving will be devoid of my two brothers-in-law. Hallelujah.”

Joey reached up behind him and ran her hand through his soft hair. “I take it Carrie and her husband still have no plans to reconcile?”

“Nope. The divorce is still going through as planned. Good riddance. The guy’s a prick. I feel bad for my nieces, though. They ask about him a lot, and he never sees them. Never calls. What an ass. Anyway, the Thanksgiving table will more tolerable without him there. Now, if only we could have dinner without my mom and dad…”

“You know,” she said, turning to face him. “We have to be at the Leery’s by two o’clock, and you said your mom was serving dinner at four, right?”

“Yep.”

“What if I hung out with my family at the Leery’s for a couple hours, and then went to your house to be with you? Would that help?”

His heart swelled with both affection and relief. “Really, Jo? You’d do that?”

She reached up and caressed his cheek. “You’re supposed to spend the holidays with the people who love you, and there’s nobody who loves you more than I do, Pacey.” His blue eyes twinkled as he smiled down at her. “And helping Gretchen be the emotional buffer between you and your parents is the least I can do.”

“I’m pretty sure an emotional buffer is needed between my parents and just about everybody,” Gretchen remarked grimly.

The next day dawned bright and sunny, with predictions for warmer-than-usual temperatures rising above 50 degrees by the mid-afternoon. Thanksgiving had arrived, and it proved to be just as much a disaster as Pacey expected. The holiday gave his father a good excuse to drink more than usual, loosening whatever minimal restraint he might’ve had when it came to throwing insults and snide remarks at his children. Golden-boy Doug was mercifully spared from the continuous onslaught, most of the time, and decided to be a good sport and laugh along. Pacey grew more beleaguered by the hour.

The doorbell rang shortly before four o’clock, and with an exasperated huff, he stood up from the couch and made his way to the front door. He opened it to find his smiling girlfriend holding a bouquet. His brows furrowed as he gazed at the flowers in her hand.

“For your mother,” she explained with a shrug. “One should never go anywhere emptyhanded. Also, I’m desperate for your mom not to call me Joanna for once.”

Although he was thankful for Joey’s prompt arrival, he wasn’t sure whether his parents’ behavior would improve or worsen with her presence. The way their occasional Sunday family dinners had gone, Pacey didn’t think the outlook was good. Moving aside, he held the door open while she walked through, giving him a quick kiss as she stepped inside the house. “Thanks for coming,” he murmured, shutting the door behind her.

She smiled and kissed him again.

“Uh, hey, listen…” he whispered conspiratorially. “Doug let it slip to my parents that I’d applied to some colleges, so if my parents mention this to you—and I’m sure they will—just don’t say anything, okay?”

“What do you mean? If they already know…” Her face contorted with confusion.

“I mean, specifics. Don’t say anything about which schools I applied to or…” He sighed. “Just don’t say anything about culinary programs. Please, Jo.”

She looked at his pleading gaze and nodded. “Okay, I won’t. I promise.” She gave his arm a reassuring squeeze.

Pacey watched her head towards the kitchen. He soon overheard Gretchen and Carrie’s warm greetings and then his mother’s honeyed voice rang out. “Oh, honey, these flowers are beautiful! This was very sweet of you, Joanna.”

“Her name’s Joey, Ma,” he called out.

“That’s what I said, Pacey,” his mother snapped in response.

Shaking his head and grinding his teeth, he walked with heavy feet to join them in the kitchen.

At four o’clock, everyone sat down to Thanksgiving dinner.

Two of his favorite people, and most of his favorite foods, were gathered together under one roof. It should’ve been a joyful day, and Pacey kept reminding himself that he had a lot to be thankful for, but it seemed to him that his parents were doing the most to make it a miserable occasion. His mother had truly put on a feast. They all ate and ate, and talked and talked. His three nieces sang Thanksgiving songs and Christmas songs and random silly songs, at times some of the older ones gleefully joining in, especially Doug.

On the surface, the Witter dining table might’ve appeared to be like most Thanksgiving tables around the country. Yet underneath, a simmering tension was brewing as his father grew more and more inebriated, his offhand remarks and snide comments becoming increasingly cruel. His mother made halfhearted attempts to diffuse it. Desperate to escape the table even for a minute, he grabbed Joey by the hand and retreated to the kitchen where they were to fetch the pies for dessert. Gretchen soon joined them, carrying the dirty dinner plates and silverware.

“You doing okay there, Pace?” his sister asked, her tone full of concern, setting the dishes down in the sink.

“I think if he grinds his teeth any harder, his jaw is going to crack,” Joey quipped.

Ignoring them, Pacey grabbed the cherry pie from the counter. “The sooner we serve dessert, the sooner we can get the hell out of here. Come on.”

They returned to the dining table with the three pies he’d baked the day before and sat down while his mother started slicing them up and dishing them out. From the corner of his eye, Pacey caught his father’s familiar, hostile glazed look flicker at him for a moment before settling on Joey.

“I hear you’ve applied to some very good schools, Joey,” Mr. Witter said.

“Oh, yeah, well…” She felt her cheeks turn red as she suddenly became the center of attention, everyone’s eyes on her around the table. “I don’t know if I’ll actually get in. I’m kind of in the waiting game now.”

“You haven’t heard back from anywhere?” Gretchen asked.

Joey shook her head. “Well, I heard back from one. Sort of. I’ve apparently made the short list of new applicants to Worthington, and I’ve been invited to some fancy alumni party they’re having in a few weeks. Members of the Admissions Committee will be there.”

“Wow. Worthington.” Mrs. Witter looked mildly impressed. “I’m sure you have a promising future ahead of you. Good for you, Joanne.”

Pacey and Joey exchanged a look.

“Are you planning on taking my son to this fancy college party? I’m sure he’ll fit right in.” John Witter laughed.

Joey gave him a tight smile. “I’m not about to walk into the lion’s den by myself, Mr. Witter. I wouldn’t go without him.”

The sheriff grinned at his wife. “I can see it now. Joey Potter, walking around some grand ballroom or something of the sort, schmoozing with the big, important people, everyone talking about their applications to Worthington… and Harvard and Stanford, and then she’s introducing them all to her boyfriend, who, with any luck, just might get his G.E.D. It’ll be a proud moment for her, I’m sure.” He laughed again.

Pacey’s shoulders slumped. His guts twisted into a knot. How did his father know exactly what to say, know exactly which buttons to push, to throw his worst fears and troubled thoughts in his face?

“Oh, John.” Mrs. Witter joined in her husband’s laughter. “Let the kids have their fun. A fancy party doesn’t happen every day.”

“I doubt Pacey will see much more of them.”

Joey’s eyes narrowed and she glared at Pacey’s dad.

“So, Miss Potter,” John Witter began again after swallowing a bite of pumpkin pie. “I’m guessing you’re the one I have to thank for putting ideas of college in my son’s head.”

“Oh, Mr. Witter, I’m happy that Pacey wants to go to college, but I don’t think I can take all the credit.” She tried to smile at the sheriff, and then shot a quick concerned glance at her boyfriend.

“Well, I have to blame someone ‘cause Pacey’s _big dreams_ means I’m gonna have to finance another drop out’s half-assed education.”

Pacey’s eyes locked with his sister’s across the table, and he watched her mouth curve into a hard frown. “I didn’t drop out, Dad,” Gretchen said.

“Oh, really? ‘Cause I didn’t realize working as a bar maid in a fish restaurant qualified as a university education. Then again, I’m just an uneducated police officer, putting his life on the line every day for the people of this town. What do I know?”

Pacey and Gretchen glared at him. Joey didn’t like where the conversation was heading, the growing hostility at the table. “Mr. Witter, I really don’t think Pacey will be dropping out. He’s done very well this semester so far. I think he’ll do great in college. Just you wait.”

“I appreciate the youthful optimism, Joey. My prediction: If he doesn’t drop out, he’ll flunk out. College is a waste of his time and my money.”

While Pacey had a number of rebuttals to this, especially on the money front, he had found that it was best to keep his head down and his mouth shut and let his father’s tirades wash over him. It was no doubt his sister Carrie had also come to this same conclusion, paying no mind to the conversation at hand and giving all her attention to her kids, avoiding anymore ire thrown her way from her father.

Then his mom finally spoke up. “Oh, honey. Just because Pacey flunked a class or two last year doesn’t mean he’s going to flunk out in college. Right, sweetie?” She turned a smile in his direction. He grimaced.

“He failed _three_ classes, Susan. Three. Do you think college is easier than high school?” John Witter scoffed.

“Well, I have faith in him, and no matter how long I have to wait, I know that one day my faith will pay off.” Pacey watched his mother turn another smile in his direction and reach out to pat his hand.

“Will your faith also pay for him to go to a college he'll eventually flunk out of?” his dad grumbled. “It's money down the drain.”

“Oh, John!” His mom laughed and shook her head.

“I’m just saying Pacey should set his sights on something he can actually accomplish, like refrigeration and repair. We always knew Gretchen was college material.”

His mom turned a beaming, prideful look at his sister. “Oh, yeah.”

“But Pacey… You remember when he was a kid and he wanted to be a veterinarian when he grew up? And you always said…”

His mother smiled at the memory. “I always said, ‘dog groomer, honey. Dog groomer.’”

“Exactly. Somebody has to be the dog groomer. Don’t set your sights too high, son. That way you won’t be disappointed.”

As Joey noticed her boyfriend’s shoulders slump further, anger bubbled in her gut. She felt horrified at the lack of support, or even basic kindness. How could anyone treat their child this way? Doug continued to chuckle with amusement and she wanted to throw her pie at him. “Pacey’s going to do great things with his life, Mr. Witter. You’ll see.”

“Yes, he will,” Gretchen agreed. “He’ll show all of us.”

“Sure thing, girls,” John Witter replied with an indulgent smile.

“Look, Mr. Witter—”

Pacey grabbed her hand and shook his head, silently telling her to stop. With a resigned sigh, she returned to her slice of apple pie. She didn’t know why Pacey wouldn’t just tell his family about the culinary programs he’d applied to. Wouldn’t they be proud of him becoming a chef? Why should he hide his aspirations and his talents? He should shove them in their face. Fight back.

“I have to admit, Pacey, this is a damn fine pie,” John Witter complimented, slicing off another bite with the side of his fork. Everyone around the table readily agreed.

His brows arched as he threw a surprised yet cautious look at his father. Genuine praise seemed unlikely.

“Did you wear a frilly apron around the kitchen while you baked it?” His father let out a large guffaw of laughter. Doug managed a chuckle in response, and then frowned at his plate. “Probably the same one you wear around the Potter’s kitchen.”

“Oh, stop it, John,” Mrs. Witter said, laughing. “If Pacey enjoys that kind of work, what’s the harm?”

“Plenty. While I’m thankful Bessie Potter offered our son a job and he’s earning a paycheck every week, where’s the pride in kitchen work? Not for a real man, surely. The kitchen is the woman’s domain. People in this community expect something from us. He needs a job befitting the family name. Something people can take pride in.” He heaved an exasperated sigh. “At least I have Doug. You would never let me down, would you, son? Now you just need to settle down with a good woman and give me some more grandchildren.”

Pacey exchanged a look with his older brother, who was now frowning. “Sure thing, Pop,” Doug said, probably trying to sound enthusiastic but failing miserably.

In that moment, Pacey wasn’t sure who he felt sorrier for, himself or Doug. He scowled in his father’s direction.

“Bodie is a chef,” Joey spoke up, her face red with barely-concealed rage. “Are you saying he’s not a real man, Mr. Witter?”

“Well… that’s different. That’s fine enough work for… someone like him.”

Joey’s eyes bugged. The rage bubbling in her gut was quickly becoming a flood. “Someone… _like him?”_

Mrs. Witter finally looked nervous. “Now, John, remember this is Thanksgiving dinner. We’re supposed to be positive and thankful for our blessings. Right, honey? Let’s go around the table and say what we’re thankful for.”

“Susan, all I’m saying is that the boy needs to man up already.” The sheriff sharply pointed his finger in Pacey’s direction. “You know, get serious about himself and be realistic about his future. He’s almost eighteen, for Christ’s sake. If he’s going to have any chance at making ends meet, he shouldn’t be wasting his time on frivolous pursuits.”

Pacey was trying to shut his ears, drown out his parents’ voices and think about something else. He briefly glanced at Gretchen, who was staring at him, concern and sympathy etched across her face. As his parents continued to talk about him as if he wasn’t even in the room, underneath the table Joey reached for his hand. Entwining their fingers, she squeezed hard and pulled him with her as she stood up. As he got to his feet, he saw the looks of surprise on his family members’ faces.

“Thank you for inviting me to dinner, Mr. and Mrs. Witter,” Joey said politely. “I appreciate the invitation. The meal was delicious. I do need to be getting home now. I promised Bessie that me and Pacey would spend the evening at home with her and Alexander. Happy Thanksgiving.”

She walked them quickly to the front door and they grabbed their coats from the hook on their way out.

Not long after, Pacey was in the passenger seat of Joey’s truck, staring out his window while she drove. The sun had already set, and he could see the stars in the sky over the creek. Could anything salvage the holiday? The day had been nothing but miserable from start to finish. “I miss my boat,” he murmured in the darkened cab, finally breaking the silence.

“I know, Pace,” Joey sighed. “Me too.”

“I miss being on the water. I miss our hammocks. Being alone. Just the two of us, away from everything and everyone, as if we were the only two people in the world.”

Instead of heading in the direction of the beach house, Joey made a turn and started heading for the B&B. After a minute, Pacey noticed. “Oh, so you were serious about us hanging out with Bessie tonight? I thought that was just an excuse to get the hell away from my parents.”

She glanced over at him, smirking. “It was. I just want to stop at home and get a couple things I forgot to grab earlier.”

“Is this a stopover at the birth control warehouse, by any chance? I could use some cheering up,” Pacey cracked.

Joey laughed, shaking her head. “Sorry, not tonight.”

“Does this have anything to do with the lighter fluid and small stack of wood that has suddenly appeared in the back of the truck?” he asked. There was also a blue cooler back there. That stuff hadn’t been there yesterday.

“Maybe,” she hedged.

Pacey remained in the truck while his girlfriend ran inside her house. From the looks of the empty driveway, it seemed as though Bessie and Bodie hadn’t returned home from the Leery’s yet. Joey reappeared minutes later carrying a rolled up sleeping bag under her arm and her backpack. His brows furrowed in wonder as he watched her toss the items into the truck bed before she got back behind the wheel.

“Potter, you look like the cat the ate the canary. What gives? What’s with the stuff in the back?”

“You’ll see. Just be patient, Pace.”

Once they’d left the creek behind, and it became obvious she wasn’t heading for his house, having chosen to drive in the opposite direction, he became even more curious. Then he watched her make a left turn. “Are we heading to the ocean, Jo?”

“You’ve guessed correctly.” She threw one of her brilliant smiles at him.

Forest Beach was one of the small beaches just off Route 28 near the Capeside town limits. It was public, but had the feel of a private beach. It could get quite busy in the summer and there wasn’t a whole lot of parking space; you’d only get a decent spot if you showed up early enough. But on a cool November evening, it was completely deserted. They drove the truck right out onto the sand and killed the engine. The beach was white in the moonlight. They listened to the rush of water in front of them, its pounding upon the solid shore, force against stillness.

Joey opened the door and walked around the truck. She took Pacey’s hand and they lifted the things she’d brought from the truck bed, before walking further down the beach. They came to a stop near the fire pit that was closest to the water. Then she laid out the sleeping bag over the sand. “How about a night under the stars for an early Christmas present before it gets too cold and starts snowing? Just the two of us, all alone, no one else around. I know it’s not quite like being on the boat out on the open water, but I thought this was maybe second best.”

He smiled, his heart swelling at her thoughtfulness. Then he pursed his lips. “Won’t Bessie notice if you don’t spend the night under her roof?”

“She definitely will, which is why I left her a note informing her that I decided to go camping for the night.”

“Camping?” His brows arched.

She shrugged. “Well, you know, it is, sort of. Minus the tent and the woods.” 

“Um, Jo, how cold is it supposed to get tonight?”

“I checked the weather forecast, Pacey, and it’s only supposed to drop down to 40 overnight. It’s gonna be another warm day tomorrow.”

Joey unzipped her backpack. “There’s one of your hoodies in here, in case you get cold and want another layer of clothing, and a pair of sweatpants because I figured you wouldn’t want to sleep in your jeans.” She turned her back and leaned over to unzip the sleeping bag after Pacey took the sweatpants from her. She listened as his jeans hit the sand behind her and bit her lip as a flush reddened her cheeks.

There was already a bed of coals in the concrete fire pit, and after adding the wood and lighter fluid, they soon had a cheerful fire going. From the cooler, out came two bottles of root beer and all the fixings required to make s’mores. Pacey foraged some sticks from the grassy area lined with trees on the nearby hill while Joey got the graham crackers and chocolate bars ready.

Marshmallows on the end of their sticks, they roasted them over the fire. While Joey frowned as her marshmallow burned and fell off her stick into the fire, she was at least pleased that Pacey didn’t laugh _too_ hard. Pacey’s technique was pristine. She watched as he didn’t let any hot spots develop, and when the marshmallow appeared ready to catch fire, he quickly pulled it back and blew it out. A small plate of graham crackers and broken pieces of chocolate sat between them on the blanket.

Pacey held out his hand. “Cracker.”

She passed it to him with a piece of chocolate on it. She reached over with another cracker half and placed it on top of the marshmallow, together holding it in place until she was able to maneuver her fingers to hold it like a sandwich as he pulled the stick out. The glide of his fingers against hers set heat coursing through her system. “Thanks,” she said, taking the sweet treat. “It’s a pleasure to watch a master at work.”

“I’ve had lots of practice over the years.” Pacey smiled and then placed another marshmallow onto the stick for himself. He watched Joey bite into her s’more and the look on her face wasn’t that far off from when she orgasmed, and he’d seen that often enough in the past few months. He shifted in his seat on the blanket as he felt his cock starting to fill. He turned back to the fire and tried to focus on roasting his own marshmallow.

Sometimes he still couldn’t quite believe that Joey Potter was his girl. That she actually loved him. That they knew each other in this way. Intimately. He blew out a breath. It was too good, too perfect, to last. He didn’t have that kind of luck. The other shoe was bound to drop at some point sooner or later. Maybe at the fancy college party, when she’ll finally realize that she’s way out of his league. That in the long run, there realistically wasn’t any place for him in her life. She was bound to meet someone who fit better, who was at least in her league’s orbit, who perhaps was one of those other promising applicants to Worthington, or Harvard or Yale. He didn’t fit, and he never would. The future tide was just waiting to wash him away.

Joey swatted his arm.

“What?”

She pointed at the fire. “You’re burning.”

He was indeed. The marshmallow was a glorious briquette of carbonized sugar. He really shouldn’t read anything allegorical into this. It was a burnt marshmallow, not a sign of the future state of his love life. He just hadn’t been paying attention, that’s all. “Dammit.”

Joey laughed while he scraped off the burnt remains from the stick and skewered a new marshmallow. This one roasted to perfection. He bit into his s’more. The graham cracker, chocolate, and marshmallow blended perfectly on his tongue. It wasn’t something he had often, and he savored the flavors. It seemed to be the unexpected good ending to an unbelievably shitty day.

“So, how was dinner at the Leery’s?” he asked.

“Traditional, and Dawson was, you know… polite as usual.” She scowled. “At least Jen and Jack were there.” She paused, gazing into the fire. “I wish _you’d_ been there.”

“Now, _that_ wouldn’t have been awkward,” he quipped.

Her irritation from earlier that afternoon was now rising to the surface. “He treats me like I’m some kind of minor acquaintance. He’s polite and respectful and friendly, but it’s not the same. Not even close. It’s like how he’d treat the receptionist at the dentist’s office he’s been going to since he was a kid. When he looks at me, it’s like he’s looking right through me at the wall behind me.”

“I’m sorry, Jo. Give him some time.”

“But it’s been months, Pacey!” The frustration simmered down until all she felt was a lingering sadness. “It’s like he doesn’t care about me at all. I just want my friend back,” she murmured.

“I know.” Pacey wrapped his arm around her and she leaned her head against his shoulder, in that spot made just for her. They sat in comfortable silence for some time, holding each other and watching the blazing fire.

After a while, the fire burned down to some smoldering embers. Pacey added two more logs to the fire and stoked it to a small blaze before throwing on the hoodie his girlfriend had brought and sliding into the sleeping bag.

“I hope you don’t mind sleeping on the ground,” she said while slipping out of her jeans and pulling on her own pair of sweats. “At least the fire will keep us warm enough.”

He shrugged and then propped himself up on his elbow. “Sleeping on the sand is no big deal. I used to go camping all the time with Dawson, if you remember, and that’s much harder. You wake up and you’ve got a rock in your back or a twig up your ass.”

“Ah, yes, those infamous camping trips to the Capeside woods that I was never allowed to join in. Sounds like I really missed out.”

He stared at her, surprised at the hint of bitterness in her tone. “Did you _want_ to join in? I didn’t think camping was your thing.”

“Well, it’s not. I did feel kind of left out, though. Especially when you’d make it clear each and every time that I wasn’t invited.”

“Oh, well… that was probably just my Joey Potter Defense Mechanism, you know,” he chuckled. “I’d rather show you just how much I didn’t want to be in your presence than actually admit how much I really did and face your rejection.”

She laughed and then heaved a sigh. “God, we were so stupid, weren’t we?”

“We were kids,” he shrugged.

Joey threw her hair into a knot and then climbed into the sleeping bag next to Pacey. Then he zipped it up around them, cocooning them inside. “I really do love sleeping in a sleeping bag,” she said. “It’s the most comfy thing ever. It’s got to be the closest thing to being in the womb.”

“I can’t believe you’ve never been camping, Potter. I think you’d love it.”

“You think so?”

“I know so.” He grinned and waggled his eyebrows up and down. “You survived roughing it out on the open sea, didn’t you?”

“Yes, I guess I did.”

“So, you’d go camping with me if I planned a trip?”

She smiled. “Sure.”

Memories from Thanksgiving dinner again attacked him, and he tried pushing them away. “If I up and decided to just go back to Key West, would you come with me?” he said quietly.

Joey stared at him for a moment. She could easily imagine life in Key West with Pacey, as it had frequented her daydreams all summer long. He would want her to be a painter, an artist. He would be a chef, and for weeks at a time they would live purely on love, on hearts and minds he had made into food. They would always have rum and champagne, and they’d live in a white room with high ceilings and gauze curtains that danced in the salty breeze, a white room over Duval Street, a street that spat and glittered and hummed all day and all night. When they walked Duval, they’d nestle into each other and he’d hold her as if she was something he could meld into himself and she’d wrap her arms around his waist as if she could not live without his touch. It would be hot and the air heavy, but despite the oppressive heat, every night their bodies would fall into each other passionately, fitting together like lock and key. Eventually, a little boy with brown curls—the spitting image of Pacey—would be laughing as he ran barefoot through the warm sand. Their accents would never change. They would live like strangers to everyone but themselves.

She turned her head and looked up at the sky. It was a cloudless night, and she could see every star glittering above. Graduation was just six months away.

He said, “So if I left and went back to Key West, you would come?”

“Yes, of course,” she said, still gazing up at the star-filled sky, knowing that’s what he wanted to hear. “But I know you’re not going back there anytime soon.” Turning to look at him once more, she gave him a sad smile. “I know you’re only talking about running away because of what happened earlier. I’m sorry about dinner, about your parents. They’re not perfect, but they’re still your family. Maybe if you made a little bit of an effort to connect with them more…”

“It doesn’t matter what kind of effort I make, Jo. It’s never mattered. No matter what I do, or how hard I try, whether I succeed or fail, it doesn’t change how they feel about me. It won’t ever change. They hate me.”

“I’m sure they don’t hate you, Pace—”

“They don’t love me.” He said it matter-of-factly, as if he was merely stating a simple fact, and not something that had eaten away at his insides and festered since he was a child. As if those four words didn’t make him want to weep his heart out.

Joey didn’t know how to respond. She wanted to tell him he was wrong, that of course his parents loved him, but there was honestly nothing she’d witnessed from Mr. and Mrs. Witter that told her she was right. Had she ever seen them do anything loving, or even say anything remotely kind, to Pacey? Her brow creased as she frowned. “But I love you.”

“I don’t know why,” he sighed.

“Yes, you do,” she said firmly. “I’ve told you a hundred times, if not more.”

“Well, I’m pretty sure I love you more than you love me.”

She shook her head. “Not possible, Pacey Witter. Because, you see, no one’s ever loved anyone as much as I love you, and speaking as someone who loves you as much as I do, I know you’re not going to fail, no matter what anyone else says. They don’t know you like I do. There are things in life more important than high school and homework and trigonometry tests, and at all those important things, you’ve never failed. You’re a good friend. You’re loving and kind. You’re generous beyond generous. You’re loyal and trustworthy. You’re the best man I know. You just need to believe it yourself.”

“I don’t know what I’d do without you, Joey. I hope you know how much I need you.” He wanted to be hopeful for the future—their future together—but so many unknowns loomed ahead of them, worries and doubts and fears that he couldn’t quite chase away completely. They hovered around the edges of his mind, waiting in the wings, a rising tide he would be powerless to stop if they became reality.

“The same as I need you, Pace.”

Joey moved in closer to him and touched his face. Her fingers lightly brushed over his skin, which made him feel as if he were on fire. Her lips so close to his. Then her fingers touched his lips and he closed his eyes, trying to regain control of his senses before his body reacted, but before he could gain that control, her lips brushed against his in a feather-light kiss. He cupped her face and dragged her body tight against his. Then her hands ran through his hair and she was kissing him urgently.

The moment she sighed and melted against him he was a lost man.

He was completely lost to her.

Pacey undid the knot in her hair and gently ran his fingers through it. It was as soft as he expected. Like silk. It fanned over her covered shoulder and he couldn’t help but brush it away. He rolled over, pressing her into the sand beneath their sleeping bag and laying kisses against her lips, her neck, and lower. He brushed his knuckles down the side of her face and kissed where her pulse raced under her skin.

“You make me feel alive,” she whispered. Then he leaned down and brushed another kiss against her lips, light and then urgent. His body was pressed against hers. It made her feel right. She opened her legs to let him settle between her thighs. Joey arched her hips. She wanted him. She craved him.

Pacey kissed her again, his tongue caressing her bottom lip and then pushing past, entwining with hers, showing her just how much he wanted her. His hand slid between them and slipped downward underneath her sweats. Joey cried out sharply when he found the sensitive nub there and began to gently rub it through the soft cotton of her underwear, teasing her. Her breath began to come in small pants.

The general quietness of the deserted beach beyond their sleeping bag let Joey forget any sense of being exposed in public, only the sound of the water rushing onto the shore and the crackling blaze of the fire accompanied the soft noises between them. This time when Pacey’s hand slid further and into her panties, he didn’t tease, knowing just how to touch her. She met his eyes, held his gaze as she reached for the erection straining against his sweatpants. Her hand slipped inside, fingers sliding along the thick shaft and palm against the swollen head. She enjoyed the heat in his eyes, the way he melted under her touch, this big strong guy weakening in her arms. Her gaze traveled over his long body, down his arm to where his hand disappeared between her thighs.

It was almost too much, but she wanted to see him come undone first, focusing on his breathing and reactions, the way his eyes rolled and his head tilted back as if dizzy and a deep moan sounding in his throat. She pumped him faster and squeezed him tighter until he bucked against her, hot ropes of come spilling over her hand.

With a slow, lazy grin, Pacey reached up with his free hand to hold Joey’s head and pull her towards his, kissing her passionately. Soon she was rocking against him. His fingers slipped further, seeking out that spot where their bodies would eventually join and become one. She was tight and wet around his finger, and he slid another in easily. He basked in her pleasure, while he watched her come over and over again underneath his touch. He needed to remember these moments, commit them to memory so that he would never forget for as long as he lived. The color rising in her cheeks. The glaze that slipped into her eyes. The sound of her moans, her gasps pleading for more. The sound of his name on her lips. And damn, the way her lips parted in a silent cry as the pleasure took her under its waves.

They both collapsed in post orgasmic bliss, smothering each other with kisses and cuddles, whispering sweet nothings in low voices. Pacey was soon sound asleep, a faint snore coming from him. Joey gazed at him. He was a good man, with a good heart, a heart that at the moment seemed to be beating in limbo, someplace between hope and heartbreak.

A small frown furrowed his brows as if even sleep couldn’t banish the heaviness his heart carried. His long, dark lashes rested against the soft skin beneath his eyes. Joey gently pushed him over until Pacey lay on his side and settled against her. She adjusted the sleeping bag over their shoulders and spooned him, hoping the warmth of her body against his would somehow comfort him.

Within minutes she was asleep. Joey awakened much later, surrounded by warmth and the comfortingly familiar scent of Pacey. At some point in the night they had shifted positions. He now spooned her and his hand caressed up and down her hip as his mouth pressed against her neck. “Good morning,” he said quietly.

She stretched cat-like against him. The eastern sky had begun to glow softly with the approach of the sun, and the gray light of dawn filtered across the quiet beach. “Good morning.”

“Do we really have to get up and rejoin the real world?” he complained jokingly.

“I’m afraid so, Pace.”

Their makeshift campsite was soon packed up and they were on the road, heading for Pacey’s house. “Uh, Jo… you weren’t really serious about bringing me to that Worthington party, were you? I mean, you were just saying that to get my dad’s goat, right?”

From behind the steering wheel, Joey threw him a look as she made a right turn off Main Street and onto Bridge. “Of course, you’re coming with me. I wasn’t about to go alone. So, don’t even think about trying to get out of it.”

“You know, you’d be better off taking Jen with you, or Jack. I can’t see how my presence will impress anyone or help your prospects. You know what? You should ask Dawson to go with you. The Hollywood-bound wunderkind is sure to impress those people.”

“I don’t want Dawson to go with me. I want you. It’s not about helping my prospects, Pacey, it’s about moral support.”

“Oh, well, since you put it that way…” He grinned at her and she rolled her eyes.

Shortly after, they arrived at the beach house. The Witter wagon was parked in the driveway and Joey pulled up behind it. She put the truck into park and turned to her boyfriend. “Thanks for the night on the beach,” he said. “I honestly thought Thanksgiving was just going to be terrible from beginning to end, but you saved it. And that’s what I have to be thankful for: you.”

“You’re welcome. I’m thankful for you, too.” She watched him unbuckle his seatbelt. “So, as you know, there are currently no B&B guests staying with us this weekend. But, uh, Bessie and Bodie decided they’re gonna take Alexander over to Martha’s Vineyard today to visit Bodie’s family. They’re staying the night and not coming home until tomorrow,” she said in a suggestive tone.

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah, so… I was thinking, you know, when I get off work at the yacht club, if you wanted to come over and we could…”

“And we could ravish each other all night long?”

“Well, I don’t know if I would use the word _ravish_, exactly…” Suddenly she was doubting her brilliant idea. She had been trying really hard to stick to her decision to wait until he turned eighteen to go all the way. It was getting more and more difficult with each passing week. She wanted it to be really special, and a last minute decision on one stolen night of alone time in her bedroom while her sister and Bodie happened to be away wasn’t what she’d had in mind for their first time. She didn’t quite know how to make it special, but she was still trying to come up with ideas.

With a faux affronted look, Pacey shook his head. “I’m just a piece of meat to you now, Potter, aren’t I? I thought we had something real,” he cried, opening his door and stepping out, slamming the door behind him dramatically. Then he walked around the truck to the driver’s side as she rolled down her window. He leaned inside the cab towards her smiling face and kissed her sweetly on the lips. “Pick me up after work, lover.”

An embarrassed flush immediately reddened her cheeks and she scrunched up her face in disgust. Laughing, he started walking away from the truck and towards his front door. “If you ever call me that again, Pacey Witter, I’m breaking up with you,” she called out after him. Still laughing, he winked at her before disappearing inside the house. Shaking her head, unable to fight the grin spreading across her face, Joey put the truck into reverse, backed out of the drive, and then drove home.


	36. 2000 (Senior Year: Part Eleven)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Oh no, get ready  
I feel it coming, it's coming again  
I stay close, hold steady  
'Cause I don't want it, don't want it to end  
Those brown eyes, crying in a crowded bar  
Every time we get this close  
It's always pulling us apart_
> 
> _Don't let the tide come and wash us away  
Don't let the tide come and take me  
I just want a safe place to hide us away  
So don't let the tide come and take me  
Don't let the tide come and wash us away  
Don't let the tide come and take me  
Far from with you, where I wanna stay  
So don't let the tide come and take me_

December 1. On Friday at lunch, Pacey and Joey walked over to the long table against the back wall of the cafeteria, Jen and Jack following them. A poster displayed on the table advertised the upcoming senior trip in February. Today was the deadline to sign up. Barbara Johns greeted their approach with a smug look of thinly-veiled disapproval.

“Hi, there, Barbara,” Pacey said with a sarcastic smile. “We’re signing up for the senior trip.” He nodded at Joey.

“Boys and girls are not allowed to room together, Pacey,” she said with a sneer, shooting a judgmental glance at his girlfriend. “Just so you know.”

“We know,” Joey replied acidly.

“Should I put you both on the list of those who still need roommates or do you already have one lined up?” Barbara snitted.

Jen and Jack leaned around Joey to show themselves at the table. “That’s us,” she said. “The roommates,” he added.

Barbara glared at Jack. “You can’t room with another guy.”

“Why the hell not?” he demanded. “Are you saying I should room with a girl? Is Mr. Kasdan really going to allow that?”

She scowled and tapped her pen against the clipboard in front of her, hesitating as if unsure how to answer.

“Would it help if I promised to keep my hands to myself?” Pacey asked, fighting a grin. “The temptation will be there, Barbara, for sure, as Jack is a very sexy man, but I swear I’ll resist the urge to give in to my illicit passions. It might help if you can assure me that we’ll get a cabin with two beds instead of one.”

Joey shook her head, pursing her lips together in a tight line, her chest shaking with suppressed laughter. Both her friends laughed openly beside her, although Jack had also turned bright red.

“All the male rooms have two beds, Pacey,” Barbara spat.

“What about the girls’ rooms?” Jen asked.

“The girls will mostly be staying in the queen bed cabins.”

“So, it’s okay for girls to share a bed, but not boys? Seems kinda sexist and homophobic, if you ask me.”

Barbara glared. “Nobody asked you, Jennifer. There are more girls than boys in our class and the ski resort only has so many double cabins.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Jen muttered.

Pacey sighed and leaned down to tap his finger on the clipboard. “So, can you add me and Joey to the list with Jen and Jack as our roommates? Please, Barbara?”

She softened slightly and started writing their names down. “If you already paid your senior dues, then no money for the trip is required,” she told them as she wrote. “If you haven’t paid your senior dues, you’ll need to pay them before school lets out for Christmas break to be able to go on the trip.”

“Already paid for,” he said.

“All right, then. You’re all set.” She frowned at him.

“Are _you_ going on the senior trip, Barbara?” Jack asked curiously.

She scoffed and looked at them with a haughty air. “Of course not. Everyone knows the senior trip is just an excuse for teenagers to have a whole weekend without adult supervision to make terrible choices.”

Jen grinned at Jack before replying. “But Mr. Kasdan is going. Isn’t that adult supervision?”

“One teacher to supervise almost a hundred students? _Please_.”

The four friends exchanged looks, rolling their eyes as they walked away from Barbara Johns and back towards their lunch table. Unfortunately, they then ran into Drue Valentine. “I take it you squares just signed up for the senior trip?” he said with a smirk. “I’m shocked you’re even interested in partaking in a weekend of outdoor sports mixed with a healthy dose of booze and sexual debauchery. Well, not so shocked at you, Jen.” She shot him a dirty look in response. “I have to say, I’m impressed. Especially you, Potter. Unless you’re planning on bringing books and board games to keep you and Witter chastely occupied while everyone else has fun?”

Joey sneered at him and took her boyfriend by the hand, walking them away from Drue.

December 10. Early on Sunday morning, Pacey drove the Witter wagon over to the Potter B&B and cooked a hot breakfast for the guests. Every room was full and they all had healthy appetites. Once the table was adorned with large dishes of pancakes, eggs, bacon, home fries, and biscuits, along with pitchers of milk and orange juice, he waited for Joey by the back door. She soon joined him, her backpack over her shoulder.

“Say hi to Dad for me,” Bessie said, following behind her. “Tell him I love him, and wish him a happy birthday from me and Bodie and Alexander.”

“I will,” she replied rather glumly. She hadn’t seen her dad since before the summer. He had written her letters, but she hadn’t taken the time to write him back. She kept telling herself she would, and Pacey kept telling her she should, but just she never did. The guilt of also not making the time to visit her dad welled up strongly inside her, but it only made her want to hide away instead of seeing his face and the possible hurt and disappointment there. Not to mention, on top of all that, the guilt she felt over the fact she was forcing Pacey to spend their six-month anniversary at a state penitentiary. “Are you sure you don’t want to go instead, Bess? I’ll stay here and manage the B&B for you.”

“I went last year, Joey. It’s your turn for the birthday visit. Don’t worry. Pacey will be with you.” Then her older sister ushered them out the door.

They were soon on the road, making the two-hour trip up to the city of Concord. The Massachusetts Correctional Institution in that city was their destination. The drive was mostly quiet, subdued, a bit of conversation here and there, but not much. Pacey turned on the radio, filling the car with music playing on the classic rock station, and allowed Joey to be alone with her thoughts. He would only talk whenever she spoke first and initiated conversation.

As they exited I-95 and merged onto the MA-2, spotting a sign telling them they were just eight miles from Concord, Joey turned to look at him. “I’m really sorry this is how we’re spending our anniversary, Pace.”

He glanced at her before turning his eyes back to the road. “Jo, stop apologizing. As long as we’re together, I’m happy. I don’t care what we’re doing.”

“Yeah, well, try to remember that next weekend when I’m dragging you to the Worthington party.”

“I’ll try,” he said, grinning.

The beautiful white wall surrounding the prison seemed more like it was protecting a castle than a medium-security prison. In fact, the wall could give visitors the feeling that they’d taken a wrong turn somewhere. The white wall seemed to stretch for miles, covering acres of land, with guard towers overlooking every inch of it. Just across the street from the intimidating structure were shops and houses and businesses. Formerly the home of Malcolm X and Joseph Barboza, MCI-Concord was the oldest running state prison for men in Massachusetts.

Joey walked into the prison’s visiting room wondering if she was about to make a mistake. Coming to see her father wasn’t exactly a spur-of-the-moment decision—she’d known his birthday was coming up and that this year was her turn—but she had immediately agreed to go when Bessie reminded her of it instead of trying everything she could think of to get out of it like the last time two years ago. She hadn’t seen her father since that weekend back in March. Bodie had taken her; Pacey was busy with his new mentee, Buzz, and even if he hadn’t been, things between her and Pacey at that time were confusing and awkward. Before that, she had been trying to visit her dad more often, usually going every couple of months. Since that visit, there had been this long silence between them. Well, not from her dad. He’d written her, after all. She’d been too wrapped up in her own life to take the time.

Would her dad be happy to see her? Or angry she’d stayed away? She knew she was just panicking, like she usually did. She hated coming here.

Her father had been in her thoughts a lot lately. With the pressure of the future building around her, the pressure she put on herself when it came to school and work and Pacey, and the continued heartache over the loss of Dawson’s friendship, she went back to what she now believed was the root of her problems—her fear of the men in her life betraying and abandoning her.

Wanting to look as simple as possible, Joey dressed in dark blue jeans, a knit sweater, and cheap boots she’d grabbed from a thrift store. Nothing stood out except her beauty. The crowded visiting room was flooded with a variety of male prisoners and closely watched by a half dozen strategically positioned guards. Joey sat next to Pacey in the middle of it all, in a plastic chair at a small table, her heart beating like a drum.

She set her eyes on the small line of the latest inmates being escorted into the visiting room, single file. Joey took a deep breath. She’d spotted her father, the last in line. He stood looking around in his khaki prison uniform and work boots. He was tall and still a very handsome man, dark hair and brown eyes just like hers. Joey couldn’t take her eyes off him.

Mike Potter came to her table looking surprised. “Joey?”

She didn’t answer him. She felt herself getting choked up. Should she stand up and greet him with a hug? Her dad reached for her and she rose up from her chair, wrapping her arms around him. She couldn’t control her tears any longer. They trickled down her face like a steady stream.

“You’re so beautiful, Joey.” He smiled over her shoulder. “Just like your mother.”

She smiled. “Thanks.”

It would’ve been awkward and hard to break the ice between them without Pacey there, and she felt more grateful than ever that he was her own personal social buffer.

“So, what brings you to finally come see me?”

Joey took another deep breath. “It’s your birthday, Dad.”

“Well, technically, my birthday was yesterday, hun.” He winked at her.

“Yes, I know. Happy one-day-belated birthday.”

Pacey glanced between them. “You mean we could’ve come up here yesterday instead of our anniversary?”

Mike Potter’s eyes went wide with surprise.

“No, Pacey,” Joey answered him. “Inmates with last names A through L get Saturday visits. Inmates with names M through Z get Sunday visits.”

“I’m sorry,” her dad said, holding his hands up over the table. “But, uh, anniversary? Something you two kids wanna tell the old man?”

“Pacey and I have been together since June, Dad. Bessie didn’t tell you that I went sailing with Pacey for the summer? We went to Key West.”

“Your sister didn’t say a thing, and neither did Pacey.” Mike shot an accusatory look at him before his face contorted with confusion. “Wait a minute. _Key West?”_ He stared at them, dumbfounded. “How did you get there?”

“We sailed down there on Pacey’s boat. What do you mean, _neither did Pacey?_ Have you been talking to Pacey, Dad?” She turned a pointed look on her boyfriend. He opened his mouth to answer but then closed it.

Mike turned his attention to Pacey. “You have a sailboat? You didn’t mention that in any of the postcards.”

He nodded. “Yes, Mr. Potter. Well, I did have a sailboat. Unfortunately, I don’t have it anymore.”

_“Postcards?”_ Joey’s eyebrows shot up.

“What happened to the sailboat?”

“There was that bad storm back in September and I’m afraid it sunk.”

“Were you out on that boat in the storm, young lady?” her father demanded.

Joey shook her head emphatically. “No, Dad. I wasn’t. Pacey, you wrote my dad?” 

Again, he tried to answer but froze. He could see the anger beginning to rise up in her eyes. “Well, those letters were piling up in your room and you weren’t answering them and I thought somebody ought to write to the guy. I still had a bunch of postcards I’d gotten when we were on vacation, so I sent him one or two… or three. No big deal.”

“What did you write on these postcards, Pacey?” She didn’t know whether to be touched he’d want to do something thoughtful for her dad, or annoyed he’d done it behind her back.

“I was just telling him how great you were doing in school and at your job, Jo. That’s all. Your dad just wants to know how you’re doing and if you’re happy.”

Mike Potter let out a breath. Then his brows creased. “Okay, so, if _this”_—he waved his finger between the two of them—“is happening, what happened with Dawson? I thought you wanted to work things out with him.”

“It wasn’t meant to be, Dad,” she replied. “We’re better off as friends. At least I’d hoped we’d be. Dawson doesn’t really want to be my friend right now, and as far as I can tell, he might never want to.”

“I’m sorry, honey. Love is pain.”

She suddenly remembered her mother and the pain he’d caused her, and she wanted to throw the words back in his face. They were right there on the tip of her tongue, like an icy knife to stab him with. Instead, she smiled. “But I’m in love with Pacey and that isn’t painful.”

Her father gave her a small smile and sighed knowingly. “Not yet.”

Joey swallowed and glanced at Pacey. The fear returned, if only for a moment. Then she changed the subject and handed over the birthday card Bessie had sent with her.

Later that evening, Joey sat on her bedroom floor, with Pacey sitting beside her, going through an old shoebox she kept stashed at the back of her closet. Inside the box was everything she had of her mother’s. The old bracelet she’d worn to the Anti-Prom, several gold chains, two rings, a silver locket, and pencil drawings of bridges, trees, flowers, a castle, a ship on the ocean, her father, Bessie and herself as kids. She handed the drawings over to Pacey to look at. 

“Wow, your mom was so talented,” he said. “Just like you.”

Joey carefully lifted the locket out of the box. It was old-fashioned, large and unusually shaped, oval with pointed ends at the top and bottom. The design upon it was intricate and delicately carved. At the top of the oval was a hole shaped like a key. The lower part opened to reveal a small picture of her father and mother on one side when they were younger, and the other side had a picture of herself and Bessie. Her older sister had to have been about twelve in the picture. When she opened it, the two halves came apart at the hinge and split in her palm. The locket was broken.

And suddenly Joey was thirteen again. She had slipped into her parents’ bedroom and was reaching for the locket her mother used to wear. Her mother had always worn it, saying she wanted to keep everyone she loved close to her heart. It was Christmas Eve, and Joey was missing her mom awful bad that day and wanted to feel close to her heart, too. She knew her dad kept the locket in a black velvet-lined box on top of his dresser.

She had only wanted to see it. To touch it. To remember what it looked like around her mother’s neck. She’d wanted to hold tight to that memory in her mind while she held the locket in her hand, against her own heart. That’s all she’d wanted to do.

But Bessie had rushed into the bedroom and startled her. “Joey!”

She dropped the locket and it bounced on the hardwood floor. The clasp sprang open, the two halves splitting apart, and Bessie shouted again.

Immediately, Joey burst into tears. She wasn’t supposed to be in her parents’ bedroom, but she was more upset that she’d broken her mother’s locket and that her dad was going to be mad. As quick as she could, she grabbed the box and gathered up both halves of the locket and tried to fit them together inside it.

Bessie was making her nervous. “Joey, what are you _doing?”_

Then her father came in. She looked up as he stepped into the bedroom. “I only wanted to look at it, Daddy,” she said, tears streaming, heart breaking. “I only wanted…”

“I think she wants to take it, Dad,” Bessie said. “Why else would she be in here? She knows your bedroom is off-limits.”

Her father’s eyebrows shot up.

Joey stood. “No! That’s not it. I dropped it. That’s all. It just popped open and broke. Let me fix it. I can do it, Daddy.”

Mike Potter looked her square in the eyes. He had a commanding presence when he needed to be and when he looked anyone square in the eyes, you were caught, and didn’t dare look away. “Joey?”

“I miss Mom, Daddy. I just wanted—”

“But that doesn’t mean she can come in here and rifle through Mom’s things and take whatever she wants,” Bessie said.

“They’re my things now,” he corrected and stepped forward. “I’ll handle this, Bessie.” He didn’t look at her, but his tone was enough for Joey to know he meant business. Bessie backed off.

“Daddy, I really wasn’t—”

He shook his head. “Joey never stole a thing in her life.” He took the box and the locket from her hands. “Well, it is broken.”

“It was an accident.”

“But you think you can fix it?”

Joey nodded.

Her father sighed deep, straightened everything in the box, and handed the locket back to her. “Then you fix it, and you can keep it.”

“Dad, you’re just coddling her.”

He waved Bessie off. Joey looked up at her father, desperate for the connection and reassurance, and wished Bessie would just go away. She started crying again. “Really?”

He nodded.

She clutched the locket and jumped into his embrace.

Thinking back, Joey remembered how safe that felt—the warmth of his chest, the smell of his aftershave, the protection of his arms. “Thank you, Daddy,” she’d whispered. “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too, sweetheart,” he whispered back. Then he set her back down on the floor, looked deep into her eyes for a moment, then swatted her on the behind and said, “Now, get outta here and go wash up for dinner.”

She’d rushed out of the room, feeling better than she had all day, and the acute pain she’d felt over losing her mom two weeks before had lessened somewhat. At least for the moment.

Joey stared down at the broken locket in her palm and sighed. “I never was able to fix it.”

Pacey looked away from the drawing of Joey as a little girl. “Did you take it to a jeweler?”

She shook her head. “I’d tried to fix it on my own. I told my dad I would, and I did try, but a few weeks later he was arrested and…” She sighed again. “Well, suddenly there were other things on my mind and I just never got around to fixing it.”

Staring at the broken locket, Pacey watched her close it and gently place it back inside the shoebox.

On Friday after school, Joey went with Jen and Jack up to Provincetown to go Christmas shopping. Tomorrow night was the Worthington dinner party at Capeside Yacht Club, and she thought getting out of town with her friends would be a great distraction from her obsessive worrying. Getting all dressed up, mingling with professional adults, and being forced to make small talk or put on some kind of charm to impress them and compete for their approval with other academic overachievers was definitely outside her wheelhouse, and the thought of crashing and burning at the party because of her painfully awkward social skills was enough to make her feel sick with dread.

“So, what’s Pacey up to?” Jen asked from behind the steering wheel, glancing at her in the rearview mirror.

“You mean, other than trying to get out of going with me to the Worthington party tomorrow night? Oh, he and his friend Will Krudski are taking little Buzz to the movies,” Joey replied. “Pacey is picking Will up at the train station and then they’re going to see _Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon_. Pacey introduced Buzz to the _Karate Kid_ movies a couple months ago and then it spiraled into all things kung fu. He’s actually looking around for a karate class that Buzz can join next year since he won’t really be here anymore to spend time with him once we graduate.”

“Wow, that’s nice of him,” Jack said. “To look out for the kid like that.”

She thought so, too. She had honestly never known a kinder person than Pacey. “You should see the way Buzz looks at him. It’s like he’s the best thing since sliced bread. I happen to think it’s true, of course. He pretty much is.”

Her thoughts drifted to two days ago, when she’d driven to the cemetery after school to visit her mother’s grave. She had meant to visit the grave on the anniversary of her mother’s death, but she’d been so wrapped up in midterms, stressing out over every homework assignment and test, and getting ready for the party, that she had come a day late. When she arrived, she’d found someone had already been there and placed a bouquet of flowers on the stone plaque. The light dusting of snow that covered the bouquet told her that this someone had obviously visited the day before. It had snowed briefly overnight, but quickly stopped, and most of it had melted by now.

Buried in the profusion of fresh red roses was a note reading, _“Dear Mrs. Potter, I am so sorry for what happened to you. I wish you were here still. I wish you could have had a longer life, a better life. It was what you deserved. But I promise you that Joey will have a good life. I’ll do everything in my power to make sure she does. It’s the least I can do for you for all that you did for me. I will never forget your kindness and the way you cared for me when no one else did.”_ The note was signed, _“Pacey Witter.”_ She’d stood over her mother’s grave for some time after that, wiping the tears from her face.

“I take it things are still going well with you two?”

Jen’s question drew Joey out of her reverie and she blushed at her friends’ smirking faces. “Yep. Things are great.” Then she looked at Jack. “I’m sorry Pacey didn’t include you in his guys’ night out.”

“Oh, he invited me to the movies,” he told her. “I’d just rather go shopping.”

“That might be the gayest thing you’ve ever said,” Jen teased, and he laughed.

Almost an hour after leaving Capeside, they drove past the _Welcome to Provincetown_ sign. “So, why exactly did we drive up here?” Jack asked, turning a curious smile on the girls. “I mean, the Cape Cod Mall is usually our primary destination. Why come here?”

“The Woodwright’s Shop, is why,” Joey said.

His dark eyebrows rose a little higher. “And what is at the Woodwright’s Shop, may I ask?”

She smiled, a tingling excitement suddenly rippling through her body. “Pacey’s Christmas present.”

“And what is it that you’re buying there that you couldn’t find at the mall?”

She smiled even broader. “I already bought it two months ago, actually. I’m just picking it up.”

Less than five minutes later, they were pulling the car up in front of the shop on Commercial Street. The building was cedar-sided and inspired by local historic architecture. A bell over the frame dinged as they opened the door and walked inside. The shop had a nautical theme, with antiques, prints, pillows, lanterns, and telescopes. There were also wooden frames, weather vanes, vintage posters, and furniture, featuring refined leather, mahogany, and wicker.

Joey approached the counter in front of the opposite wall. An older man with thinning gray hair, who looked to be in his 60’s or early 70’s, was standing behind it. He greeted her with a warm smile. “Hello,” she said. “I’m picking up an order.”

“The name on the order, dear?”

“Potter.”

The man’s eyes lit up and he smiled excitedly. “The bottle?”

She nodded, returning his smile. “That’s the one.”

He held up his finger, motioning her to wait a moment, and disappeared behind a swinging door to the left of the counter. When he reappeared, he was carrying Pacey’s gift, and he quickly, yet carefully, set it down on the counter in front of her. Her heart swelled inside her chest, her blood surging through her veins. Emotion tightened her throat and tears pricked her eyes. “It’s perfect.”

She glanced at her friends standing next to her. Their mouths had fallen open. “Is that…?” Jack asked.

Bouncing on her toes, Joey smiled, happiness and excitement coursing through her. “Yep.”

“Oh, my God,” Jen said with wide eyes.

After depositing Pacey’s gift safely inside the trunk of Mrs. Ryan’s car, they spent the next two hours perusing the other shops up and down Commercial Street. When the sun set, the Christmas lights along both sides of the street lit up. Dark green garland with bright red bows decorated each street lamp. The air soon grew chilly and it started to snow.

The three friends decided to stop for dinner. The Mayflower, once a former sea captain’s home, was now an eclectic, ship-themed tavern, and they were soon seated in a warm booth inside. The menu had a wide variety of American and international seafood dishes. Their waiter was attentive and they ordered fairly quickly.

“So, Joey…” Jen said with a teasing smile as she set her glass back down on the table. “Pacey’s birthday is coming up rather quickly. An eventful date on the calendar.”

Joey blushed and bit the inside of her cheek to try and stop herself from grinning. It didn’t work. “I know.”

Jack glanced between them. “Am I missing something here?”

Joey stared at Jen across the table for a moment, and then shrugged. What did it matter if Jack knew? She nodded her permission. Jen turned to her best friend beside her. “Joey has decided to go all the way with Pacey when he turns eighteen.”

“It’ll be a birthday he’ll never forget,” Jack quipped.

She wasn’t exactly sure if she wanted to talk about it, but then again, maybe her friends were the sounding board she needed. “I want to plan something really special, but I’m not sure how to go about it. _Where_ seems to be the current issue I’m trying to work out. Certainly not the back of the Witter wagon or my truck. The beach house, maybe, but I’d have to be sure it was a night his sister was working late. My bedroom is an option, but there are no guarantees there won’t be any B&B guests, and Bessie and Bodie rarely go away anywhere. They’re actually going away this Sunday for a few nights, taking advantage of a three-day reprieve from B&B guests for a romantic getaway, and so they’re leaving Alexander at home with me. Anyway, my bedroom where we hang out and do homework all the time doesn’t seem special enough for the occasion, and not just for me. I want this to be special and meaningful for Pacey, too.”

“You mean because his first time was with a woman twice his age who took advantage of him and it was all caught outdoors on Dawson’s videotape?” Jen said.

Joey closed her eyes and pressed her fingers between her brows. “Ugh.” Then she sighed and chewed on her lip. Ms. Jacobs hadn’t been the only person Pacey had been involved with…

Their waiter returned to the table, carrying their platters of sizzling seafood. They thanked him and he left, and then they quietly dug into their meal. After a few minutes, Jen took a sip of her soda and pursed her lips in thought. “What if you guys went out to a nice place like this and then went back to his house? I’m willing to bet his sister would be understanding if you asked her to give you guys some privacy. Maybe she could stay over with a friend or something.”

“I know Gretchen would be okay with it. She actually took me shopping on Tuesday after school for a dress for the Worthington party. She’s really supportive of me and Pacey. Hey, did you guys know that Mitch and Gail are having a Christmas party tomorrow night, and that Gretchen is throwing it for them? They invited me and Pacey.”

“Uh, yeah, Mrs. Leery mentioned it,” Jen replied. “I believe me and Grams and Jack have been invited. I’m pretty sure we’re going. Right, Will?”

“Sure thing, Grace.”

Joey chuckled and rolled her eyes.

“So, you should totally ask Gretchen to let you and Pacey have the beach house to yourselves for the night, on whatever night you decide,” Jen told her.

“I’d have to come up with an excuse. I guess I could tell Bessie that I was staying over at your house, or that I was staying over with Gretchen and Pacey had gone camping with Doug or something. Not sure if she’d believe that, though. Who camps in the middle of winter? And she knows I’m not really the girls-sleepover type. Then again, I could just come right out and tell Bessie that I’m spending the night with Pacey. It’s not like there’s anything she could do about it. But I’d rather avoid awkward conversations and arguments if I can.”

She glanced at Jack, unsure whether she should ask the question that was burning inside her with him sitting there. “You might want to cover your ears for this,” she told him, smiling as he did so while she turned to Jen. “Do you know anything about Pacey and Andie’s first time?” she asked quietly. “Did Andie ever tell you about it?”

Jen shook her head. “I’m sorry, she didn’t. Andie didn’t ever talk to me much about Pacey or their relationship.”

Jack rolled his eyes and lowered his hands from his ears. “Pacey took my sister to some fancy restaurant and then rented a room at a bed and breakfast downtown. She’d told him how she had always pictured her first time would be and then he made it all come true for her. It was the most romantic night of her life.” The girls stared at him. “What? Andie tells me everything. Well, almost. That’s all I know. She didn’t go into any other… details.”

“A grand romantic gesture,” Joey said with a frown. “Figures. Would you expect anything less from Pacey?”

“Have _you_ ever tried turning the tables and offering _him_ a grand romantic gesture of your own?” Jen prodded.

“I’d say his present counts,” Jack mused. “You could do it right under the Christmas tree. Just try not to ruin everyone else’s gifts.”

Joey laughed and her face turned red. “Oh, God.” But then she could picture it. The Christmas tree all lit up. A fire blazing in the living room hearth, bathing her and Pacey in a warm glow. A different kind of heat rose up inside her.

“Please refrain from sexual daydreams at the table, Joey,” Jen snarked. “We’re eating over here.”

Rolling her eyes, she snorted and picked up her fork. Her hand paused mid-air as she suddenly remembered something. “Didn’t the ski resort brochure say there was a fireplace in every cabin?”

Jen shrugged, but Jack nodded. “Yeah.”

A wide smile began to spread across her face and she locked eyes with Jen. “The senior trip?” her friend guessed.

“It’s perfect,” Joey said. “It’s already planned, the dates are set. I won’t have to somehow arrange something that could easily fall apart with a monkey wrench thrown by our siblings. Bessie already knows I’m going and so I won’t have to come up with some excuse. We’ll be away from Capeside, on a special trip that neither of us has ever done before. Only…” Her shoulders slumped. “The ski trip is like a month after Pacey’s birthday.”

“Can you wait another month?” Jen asked.

“I mean, I waited this long, but…” She was getting impatient and it was getting harder to wait, but if knowing the senior trip was at the end of it, then waiting a little longer might not be so bad.

“Hey, we’ll switch up rooms when we get to the resort,” Jack said. “Me and Jen will take the room with the double beds, and you and Pacey can get the keys to the other one. I doubt Mr. Kasdan will notice.”

A thrill of excitement surged through Joey like electricity. “Okay, but don’t tell Pacey. Not a word. I want it to be a surprise.”

Jen lifted her glass. “To grand romantic gestures.”

“To finally having sex.”

“Cheers to that,” Jack added.

They all toasted, glasses clinking together, and laughed.

Later that night, back in Capeside, Pacey sat on his couch next to Will Krudski. They’d had a great time at the movies with Buzz. His young mentee was kung fu kicking and karate chopping all the way to his front door. Now, video game controllers in hand, he was enjoying time with his friend before he had to take him back to the train station in the morning.

“How’re things with your dad?” Will asked as the game’s start screen appeared on the television. “It was kinda hard to talk earlier with the kid around.”

“Um… same, I guess,” Pacey said. “I don’t have to see him that often, maybe once a week. It’s more than enough, believe me.”

“You gonna have Christmas with your folks?”

He nodded. “Yeah, me and Gretchen are going over on Christmas morning. My sister Amy is coming up with her kids. I wish she’d leave my brother-in-law at home, but that’s unlikely. I’m spending Christmas Eve with Joey over at her house.”

“So, how’s things going with you guys?”

“Good. We’re going to this fancy dinner party tomorrow night. You know Worthington?”

“That hoity-toity liberal arts college in Boston?”

Pacey nodded. “That’s the one. Well, they’ve narrowed down their applicants for next fall and Joey’s on the list. They’re holding some shindig at the yacht club so the Admissions people can get to know the potential matriculants, and I am going as Joey’s date.”

Will’s eyebrows rose and he laughed. “You don’t sound thrilled about it.”

“I’m not gonna fit in there. I have nothing in common with those people. Joey’s all nervous and stressed about impressing them. Honestly, _they_ should be trying to impress her. She’d be doing _them_ the favor if she went there.”

“Other than college stuff, everything else good with you two?”

A smile spread across Pacey’s face. “Yeah.”

Will shook his head. “Come on, man. Give me the nitty gritty. Have you guys done it yet?”

Pacey didn’t like the sound of that. “What do you mean, _have we done it yet?_ Like I would tell you. It’s none of your business.”

“I guess that means you haven’t.”

“You don’t know what the hell it means,” Pacey laughed.

Will gave him a look. “You can trust me. I’m not gonna say anything. You’re head over heels for this girl and I’m just trying to look out for you, man.”

“No, you’re just being nosey.”

“That’s not true. Don’t forget I was a firsthand witness to what went down last spring. I’m just hoping she’s as serious about you as you are about her. Do you at least fool around? Does she give you blowjobs?”

Pacey’s face went red and he cleared his throat, trying to focus on the video game. “I really don’t want to be talking about Joey like this.”

“I’m gonna take that as a yes. Uh, and how long have you guys been together?”

Pacey chewed on his bottom lip for a moment. “Six months.”

“And she’s eighteen, right?” Pause. “Huh.”

He didn’t like the sound of that either. The silence that followed was a heavy one. “What are you implying?” he finally asked.

Shrugging, Will hesitated to answer. “I just… I mean, have you thought about whether you’re just an _everything but_ guy?”

“What?”

“You know… some girls will do certain things,” Will gave him a sideways glance. “You know, they’ll let you finger ‘em or they’ll go down on you, but they won’t go all the way. They’ll do everything _but_. They’re saving their virginity for that really special someone they want to give it to.”

“Are you saying that I’m everything _but_ for Joey?” His brows furrowed and his guts twisted into a knot.

Eyes wide, Will shook his head. “No, no, of course not. I’m just… You know what? Forget what I said. It didn’t mean anything. I’ve seen the way Joey looks at you. She loves you. You’ve got nothing to worry about.”

Pacey leaned back against the couch. He lost all interest in the game.

“So, uh, how’s Dawson these days?” Will asked, giving him another sideways look.

“What’s Dawson got to do with anything?” he snapped.

“Nothing, man. Nothing. I’m just wondering if you guys have patched things up yet.”

He sighed and tossed his controller down on the couch. “Well, we’re not fighting, but we’re not hanging out either.”

Another silence. “Are Dawson and Joey hanging out?”

“Not really. I’m getting a drink,” Pacey said, abruptly standing up from the couch and ending the conversation. “You want anything?”

“No, I’m good,” Will replied, eyeing him.

He walked out of the living room and into the kitchen. Memories came forward, from a day long ago, a miserable Saturday spent in detention sophomore year. Towards the end of the day, he’d sat there in the library listening to Joey painfully trying to pour her heart out to an oblivious Dawson.

_“You know, when did everyone become so obsessed with sex? Now you too, Dawson. If you’re worried that everyone’s more experienced than you, you can rest easy because you still have one friend who will probably go to her grave a virgin.”_

_“Joey, it’s just a matter of time before you find the right person.”_

_“I have,” she’d said tearfully, her voice thick with emotion._

Pacey could still hear the despair and loneliness in her voice. For the longest time, he knew that Joey had always assumed her first time would be with Dawson. That Dawson was the special person she had wanted to take that momentous first step with. Was she consciously or subconsciously putting off moving their physical relationship forward because when it came down to it, she’d never envisioned her first time being with him? Is that what scared her? That there was a part of her that still wanted it to be with Dawson?

He was suddenly looking forward to the Worthington party. He needed a distraction, people, a night out with Joey on his arm, the laughter and conversation of strangers—anything that would drown out the niggling doubts now swirling inside his head.

December 16. The Worthington party hadn’t gone so well. Joey had obviously felt nervous and awkward and uncomfortable in the social spotlight—it didn’t help that her bitch of a boss was sitting right across from her at the table—and Pacey had done everything he could think of to break the ice and put her at ease. That hadn’t gone over very well either. Then he talked the dean’s ear off all about how Joey had made a huge difference in his life, that she was the best partner anyone could hope for, and how lucky Worthington would be if she were to go to their school. Things improved after that.

As Pacey drove the truck through downtown, heading for the creek, he turned his head to see Joey’s wall as they went past. It was still covered with canvas. She hadn’t allowed him even a peek. “When are you going to be finished with the mural, Jo?”

“Soon,” she said coyly.

“Well, let me know so that I can plan the big unveiling party and invite everyone.”

“Pace, I think I might’ve had enough of parties.”

“Funny you should say that on our way to the Leery’s Christmas party,” he quipped.

“This really is the worst weekend for parties, you know. My AP English midterm is on Monday. I should be studying.”

Pacey smiled at her. “Stop worrying so much, Jo. You’ll give yourself an ulcer. When have you ever gotten a bad grade, and especially in English? You’ve got all day Sunday to study.”

The driveway and most of the road on both sides was full of cars. They had to park quite a distance from the house. Arm in arm they walked towards the Leery abode and came in through the front door, just in time to see Dawson and Gretchen leaning in for a kiss. They stared agape. From the corner of her eye, Gretchen’s gaze locked with Pacey’s. When Dawson closed in, she quickly turned her head at the last second and kissed him on the cheek. Joey couldn’t help but notice the look of disappointment on Dawson’s face.

Then Gretchen rushed over to Pacey and Joey. “Hi, guys! So, how was it?”

Joey stood there, still trying to process what she’d seen. Why were Dawson and Gretchen about to kiss? Did Dawson like her? He’d never said anything about it. He never talked about her at all. Wouldn’t he have told her if he liked someone? Especially if it was Pacey’s sister? It seemed like another nail in the proverbial coffin their friendship was buried in. “Um, well…”

“She impressed them, of course. The alumni rep was over the moon about her.”

“Of course, she did,” Gretchen said, smiling.

“Your brother is being kind. I was a complete disaster. You should’ve seen him, though.” She nodded at Pacey. “Life of the party. Had everyone eating out of the palm of his hand. I mean, it’s not fair. Pacey is the one who should be going to Worthington and schmoozing with the big wigs. You’d really be doing _them_ the favor, you know.”

He smiled knowingly as she echoed his words from earlier back to him. “That’s really not my scene, Jo.” He turned to his sister. His face hardened. “You mind telling me what the hell you were doing almost kissing Dawson Leery in front of everyone?”

Gretchen frowned. “Mistletoe, Pace. That’s all it was. Be careful of who you get caught standing underneath it with.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he said darkly.

“There’s nothing going on with me and Dawson, Pacey. We’re just friends. Besides, I’d like to think I’m smart enough not to date a guy who’s still hung up on his ex-girlfriend. Okay?”

“You mean, me?” Joey’s brows knitted. Since when did Dawson still care about her? He never acted like it.

“Geez, who else?” Gretchen laughed. “He talks about you all the time, Joey.”

Pacey didn’t like where this conversation was heading, and took his girlfriend by the hand. “Let’s go get a drink.”

While they were in the kitchen getting some punch, Dawson came in. “Hey, guys. Glad you both made it.”

Cup in hand, staring at his former best friend’s smiling face, he looked skeptical. “You are?”

Brows furrowing, Dawson looked confused by his reaction. “Um, yeah, Pace. It’s good to see you.” He turned to Joey, still smiling. “So, how was the thing? The, uh, the Worthington bash? Did you meet the Admissions Committee?”

“Yes, I met them all.” Joey heaved a sigh and sipped her punch.

“Well? How’d it go?”

“Let’s see, Dawson… Well, it was one of those situations where they want you talk a lot about yourself.”

He grimaced and made a noise.

“Yeah. So, I’m sure you can guess how well that turned out for yours truly.”

Dawson frowned in sympathy. “Sorry, Joey. Well, you had Pacey with you. I’m sure that made it all right.” He glanced between them. “Right?”

“Pacey was definitely the life-preserver. I would’ve drowned, otherwise.”

He smiled. “Good.” Then he poured himself two cups of punch. “Well, enjoy the party.” Dawson walked out of the kitchen and they soon saw him hand over one of the cups to Gretchen.

“He’s sure in a good mood,” Joey remarked.

“Ten guesses as to why. I see Dawson’s crush on my sister is alive and well.” Pacey then turned away from their happy, smiling faces. “Does that bother you?”

She gave him a sarcastic look. “Why would that bother me?”

Those niggling doubts came to the fore. “Well, they could end up dating. He might even get serious with Gretchen and, you know, start sleeping with her.” His face scrunched up in disgust. “Gross,” he muttered under his breath. “But, you know, it would mean he’d finally moved on.”

“You realize Gretchen would have to like him back for that scenario to turn out, right?”

“But wouldn’t that bother you, Jo?”

“Not as much as it obviously bothers you, Pacey.” She arched her brow and started walking out of the kitchen.

Later, after meandering through the party and talking with the other guests, including Jack and Jen and her Grams, they found themselves in the living room standing in front of the Christmas tree. The party was still in full swing behind them, but it suddenly seemed as if they were in their own little world, away from everyone and everything. Pacey stood behind Joey and wrapped his arms around her, holding her while they looked at the tree and the Leery’s decorations. “I can’t wait until Christmas Eve,” she told him.

“Yeah? Why?”

“Just… you and me, late at night after everyone else has gone to sleep, sitting by the tree, all lit up, presents underneath, a fire crackling in the fireplace.” She smiled to herself and blushed, thinking of dinner last night with Jen and Jack, and her future plans.

Pacey noticed the blush. He leaned down and whispered in her ear. “What are you thinking about, Potter?”

She grinned even more. “It’s private.”

“Is it about me?”

“Yes, but it’s still private.”

He let out a breathy laugh and kissed her cheek.

The following day didn’t prove to be as good as Pacey had hoped, despite Bessie and Bodie leaving Alexander and an empty B&B in their hands. Joey had gotten frazzled and frustrated and kicked him out. He suspected she wasn’t that stressed and upset about him or the English test, but about Dawson and Gretchen. She ended up calling him early on Monday morning to come over and cook breakfast because unexpected guests had shown up the night before.

Later that day after school, he returned to the B&B to find Joey in an even worse mood, evidence of a poor performance on the much-dreaded midterm. She was tearful with exhaustion and still freaking out about the test and caring for Alexander and the guests. He tried to get her to admit how bothered she actually was about Dawson, but that just led to another stupid fight. Still, he stuck around to help her out. He cooked dinner and then did the dishes, cleaned the kitchen and living room and the bathrooms.

It was nearly ten o’clock when Alexander finally went to sleep. Joey joined Pacey in the living room where he’d made a fire in the hearth, and sat on the couch across from him. She was obviously still in a bad mood. “Look, I didn’t come over here to fight about Dawson,” he said.

“Yes, you did.”

He set down the newspaper he’d been reading. “Yeah, you’re right. I did come over here to fight about Dawson.” He stood up and walked over, sitting down on the coffee table in front of her. “But only because I don’t want this to become one of those things we don’t talk about, and then I look up one day and you’re gone.”

Her brows knitted. “What things, Pacey?”

“Oh, things like the future.”

“We talk about the future.”

“No, Joey, we talk _around_ the future.” Sure, they talked about her college applications, and his college applications, but they didn’t actually have any plan in place. They didn’t discuss the what ifs and the maybes. What would they do if she wanted to go to a university in New Jersey and he was only accepted to schools in Massachusetts? Would she let him skip out on college to be with her? Where did she really see them in five years? Was their relationship just as important as college, if not more? Did she truly see it lasting? Or was he just her everything _but?_

“That is not true,” she denied, and Pacey heaved a sigh. “I don’t know why it should bother me, this Dawson and Gretchen thing. If it’s even a thing.”

He moved over to sit next to her on the couch. “But it does bother you. It’s okay that it bothers you. Hell, it bothers me. I just want you to be able to tell me that. Don’t shut me out from these things. I want you to talk to me about anything that bothers you, even if it’s Dawson.”

Right now, it bothered her that he thought she didn’t care about their future. The future scared her, and a lot of the time she didn’t want to think about it or talk about it much, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t always hovering at the back of her mind. “Pacey, I do think about the future. I do.”

“So, what do you see when you think about the future?”

“Us. Me and you, Pace. _We_ grew up together. And see, Dawson and I, we didn’t grow up. We’ll always be stuck in Dawson’s bedroom, never growing, never changing, holding each other back, having the same argument over and over again. My future lies with you, not him. But that’s not really the point. This thing with Dawson and Gretchen doesn’t bother me the way you seem to think it does.”

“Then what’s bothering you, Jo?”

She felt her throat tighten with emotion. “When Jen Lindley moved to town, she was all Dawson would talk about. He talked about her constantly. He’d ask me what to do, what to say, he confided in me. I mean, I was his best friend, and now…” Tears welled up in her eyes and she sniffled. “He obviously likes Gretchen, and he hasn’t said a single word to me about her. And you heard what she said at the Leery’s party—he talks about me all the time. So, that means Dawson considers Gretchen to be a good enough friend to confide in, to share things with. And I guess I just feel…” She choked on her tears. “Pushed out. Like we’re not good enough friends for him to talk to me about whatever’s going on in his life, and he doesn’t want me in his life. I feel like he doesn’t need me to be his friend, he doesn’t want me to be his friend, and I just… miss him, Pacey.”

He placed a reassuring hand on her back. “Well, if that’s the problem, and, believe me, this isn’t easy for me to say, then you need to talk to Dawson. This isn’t going to stop bothering you until you tell him how you feel. So, go tell him. I’ll watch Alexander.”

Getting off the couch, Pacey kissed her sweetly on the head and walked into the kitchen. While making himself a cup of hot chocolate, he heard the front door open and shut. An hour went by, and Joey still hadn’t returned. He checked on a soundly sleeping Alexander before heading to her room. As he undressed down to his T-shirt and boxers, he decided to speak to Mr. Kasdan in the morning and try to see if it was possible for her to retake the test. Then he got into bed and pulled the covers over his shoulder. It wasn’t long before he drifted off to sleep.

Pacey had no idea how much time had gone by before his eyes fluttered open. A warm body was sliding into bed behind him, coming closer until pressed against him. He felt her soft lips at his ear, her sweet breath on his skin. Smiling, he pulled her arm around him, taking her hand and holding it against his chest. Then he closed his eyes and once again slipped into unconsciousness.

On Tuesday evening, the atmosphere around the B&B had completely changed. To Pacey’s surprise, Mr. Kasdan had actually agreed to let Joey retake the English test. Instead of stressed and upset, she was relaxed and in an affectionate mood, expressing gratitude for his help.

“That’s great!” he said. “How’d you do?”

Joey pulled him into a tight hug. How did she get so lucky? He really was the perfect boyfriend. “I retake the test after school tomorrow.” She pulled back, moving in for a kiss. “So, I thought tonight we could…” she murmured suggestively, kissing him.

Pacey broke the kiss and pulled back from the hug. There were things they should probably talk about first. “Uh…”

“Is something wrong?”

“You still haven’t told me about what happened when you went over to see Dawson last night. We were a little busy feeding and seeing the B&B guests out the door this morning to talk before school.”

“I talked to him, and we’re fine. I thought he didn’t care, but he does. We’re friends, it’s okay that we’re just friends, and I think we’re _both_ in a place where we can accept that.”

The doubts niggled at him again. “So, he’s not still hung up on you like my sister claims?”

Joey shook her head. “I honestly don’t think so, Pacey. I’m pretty sure he likes Gretchen.”

“Did he tell you that?”

“In a roundabout way, yeah. And no, it doesn’t bother me at all. Gretchen would be lucky to date a guy like Dawson.”

Pacey frowned. “Great,” he muttered.

She moved forward, closing the distance between them. “Now who’s bothered?” she grinned. “All _my_ ghosts are locked firmly away. Well, except for the Ghost of Christmas Future, and there’s really no reason to…” She started to kiss him again.

“There’s probably something else we should be doing right now,” he murmured against her lips.

For the rest of the evening, he helped her study for the English test. At nine o’clock, Alexander finally fell asleep. Joey returned to the living room carrying the framed picture Dawson had given her. She sat on the couch next to Pacey and set it in his lap. “My Christmas gift from Dawson.”

He looked down and stared, amazed. It was a photograph of him and Joey by the Christmas tree at the Leery’s house, a private moment during the holiday party that Dawson had managed to capture on film. They looked happy and in love.

“It’s beautiful,” Pacey said.

“It really is. I love it.”

While he appreciated the nice gesture, he couldn’t help but wonder if Dawson was truly as over her as she seemed to think he was, and what would happen in the future if he were to try to get Joey back. Pacey turned to her and smiled. “You know, Dawson wouldn’t have given this to you if he didn’t care about ya, or if he didn’t want to be your friend.”

Joey returned his smile and snuggled closer. “I know.”

“So, do you want to go through another round of flashcards?” he asked.

She lifted the picture from his lap, moving it to the coffee table, setting herself on his lap instead. She ran her fingers through his hair. “I’m done studying, and I think we should take advantage of our last night alone before Bessie and Bodie come home.”

He grinned. “Oh, yeah? Should we move this party to the bedroom?”

Hesitating, she chewed her lip. “Um, I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

“It’s not, huh?” Unable to help himself, _everything but_ started going around and around inside his head.

“After what you did for me with Mr. Kasdan, I don’t think I have a lot of will power at the moment to resist your charms,” she joked. “Best to stay out here where it’s safe.”

Their lips parted and she looked at him. He was smiling at her, but his smile wasn’t quite reaching his eyes. There was something behind them. She thought she almost saw sadness in his gaze. “Are you okay, Pacey?” she said quietly, her hands moving down from his neck to caress his shoulders.

He opened his mouth to reply, but didn’t really know what to say. He wanted to come right out and ask her if he was her everything but, yet he held back. He wasn’t sure if she would take kindly to the question, and he wasn’t sure he even wanted to know the answer. Her velvety brown eyes, so full of affection, gazed at him. “I think the Ghost of Christmas Future might be haunting me.”

She shook her head, lifting her fingertips to caress his jaw. “You and me, Pace. That’s the only future I want.”

Then Joey leaned in and kissed him. Pacey’s lips were firm and warm, and so gentle on hers. Her tongue softly caressed his own as his arms tightened around her, desire drowning out the doubts inside his head. Tremors of warmth ran through them, feelings of contentment and joy filling their hearts. Whenever they kissed, they felt truly happy, like they were the only two people in the world, and as her hands moved with purpose to unfasten the button on his jeans, passion stirred between them.


	37. 2000 (Senior Year: Part Twelve)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Christmas time is so special  
When you're kissing me under the mistletoe  
Exchanging loving gifts  
Sitting in front of the tree  
Me holding you and you holding me_
> 
> _Last year, Christmas  
It happened without us  
I was all mixed up and confused  
I didn't know what to do baby  
I never thought I'd feel this way  
I always thought that Christmas was a happy day  
I always prayed that Santa'd pack love on his sleigh  
And send it my way_
> 
> _Wishing, I pray to be in love on Christmas  
Because Christmas love gives me that feeling  
Wishing, I pray to be in love on Christmas  
Because everybody should be in love with somebody on Christmas___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains sexually explicit material.

December 22. On Friday morning, the last day of school before Christmas break, Joey woke to a world of white. A nor’easter had come up the coast, bringing 15 inches of snow to Capeside. Looking out her bedroom window, she saw it was still snowing. According to the Weather Channel, the offshore storm had also caused gusts of 60-mile-per-hour winds and 34-foot-high waves in the near-shore waters. New Jersey had been hit the worst, and 32 inches of snow had dragged New York City to a halt. School all over the county was cancelled, as was most public transportation to and from Cape Cod, leaving Bessie, Bodie, and Alexander stranded on Martha’s Vineyard.

When Bessie and Bodie had returned from their getaway on Wednesday morning, they’d had a call from Mrs. Wells, Bodie’s mother, asking them to spend Christmas with them this year—they hadn’t spent Christmas with Bodie since before Alexander was born. As there were a lot of B&B reservations on the books, it likely wasn’t going to be possible. However, they weren’t expecting guests to start arriving until Friday. A last-minute compromise was made, and they packed up Alexander and took the ferry to celebrate the holiday a few days early with the Wells family, leaving her prepare all the guest rooms by herself.

They were supposed to come back on the ferry this morning—the storm hadn't been expected to hit Massachusetts until Saturday night, but the high winds had driven the storm up the coast much faster than predicted. Now Joey wondered if any of the guests would actually show up. As she suspected, one by one guests started calling to cancel their reservations due to the bad weather.

“Mr. and Mrs. Roberts just called,” she told Bessie on the phone. “And that’s the last of them.”

“Great,” her sister said, before giving Bodie the update.

In the background, Joey could hear Mrs. Wells. “Since your guests are all dropping like flies, you might as well stay and spend a proper Christmas with your momma.”

“Are you gonna be all right, Joey?” her sister then asked. “At home by yourself? There’s no ferry on Christmas Day. We won’t get back until Tuesday. What if the furnace breaks? What if the power goes out? I’d feel better if you packed a bag and went over to the Leery’s and spent the weekend with them.”

She balked. “That’s not gonna happen, Bessie.” While she felt somewhat confident that she and Dawson were now in a pretty good place, she thought forcing her company on him for that length of time was pushing it. “I’ll just call Pacey. He’ll stay here with me.”

Silence. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea, Joey—you and Pacey, alone together in the house for days _and nights_ on end. I don’t think so.”

“Are you kidding me, Bessie? You realize I’m old enough to vote and smoke and join the army, and all without the permission of a guardian? So, if me and Pacey want to bonk each other’s brains out, well there’s nothing you can say, now is there?”

“I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, young lady: Pacey isn’t eighteen.”

“He will be in seventeen days. And anyway, it’s not like he lives under the guardianship of his parents. He’s practically emancipated, so you could say that he doesn’t really have minor status anymore and is solely responsible for himself.”

Bessie heaved a deep sigh. “But will he be responsible for you? For your future? For the consequences of your actions? Graduation is _so_ close, Joey. A year from now, you could be at a great school, in a whole new city, living a fantastic life full of open doors and opportunities. Don’t blow it because you couldn’t keep your silly hormones in check.”

Joey clenched her jaw, grinding her teeth, anger flooding her gut. She was sick of her sister butting in. It was none of her business. “Which is why I have the birth control warehouse in my bedroom, right, Bessie? Nothing will be blown.” _Well, except Pacey…_

“Josephine Potter—!”

She slammed down the receiver, nipping her sister’s tirade off in the bud. Still seething with annoyance, she walked out of the living room shaking her head. She circled the kitchen, irritated and worried that her sister still seemed to think intimacy with Pacey was so terrible. Then there was a voice she could almost hear in her ear as she suddenly thought of her mother’s smiling face, standing on a chair to hang mistletoe in the kitchen. _“You know, Joey, I always thought Christmas was the most romantic time of the year.”_

Christmas. She hadn’t enjoyed it that much in recent years since the holiday reminded her so much of her parents. Last year had been the best Christmas in a long time, even though she’d had the flu. It had been Pacey’s company that made the holiday a good one, despite her sickness. How she had managed to suppress and deny her feelings for him for so long now seemed like a mystery to her. Looking back, it was as obvious as the nose on her face.

But this year, she felt happier and more complete than ever before. It was time to bring back her favorite holiday and go all out as she shared it with Pacey. Besides, her mom was right: Christmas was colorful and fun and romantic. After fixing herself a bowl of cereal, she picked up the cordless in the kitchen and called her boyfriend. Less than an hour later, he was standing on her back porch, backpack over his shoulder, wrapped gifts in his arms, jeans caked with snow, smiling from ear to ear. As he stepped inside, his sister honked the Witter wagon’s horn as she backed out of the drive.

Joey didn’t worry about Bessie and her misgivings for very long after that. When Pacey walked back into the house, depositing more chopped wood into the wicker basket by the fireplace, he wrapped his strong arms around her and she simply melted into him. It was the quaintest few days she had ever had—snowed in with Pacey, his blue eyes entranced with her every movement, making her feel like the most beautiful girl in the world, like a goddess.

But not a sex goddess. It seemed like he’d suddenly developed incredible strength to resist her tender affections when it came to that. He was always there to provide physical affection; he was always caressing her bottom, lower back, thighs, inner thighs. He was always holding her hand or kissing her neck or running his fingers through her hair. Yet when their kisses grew passionate and she would open herself to him, he never got to rounding the bases.

For two days in a row, they did nothing but cuddle, drink hot chocolate, play board games, and watch Christmas movies. Joey was beginning to think she could always live like this. Pacey seemed to anticipate her every need perfectly, and he was a wonderful companion. She could easily imagine another weekend just like it in their near future. It made her long for time to hurry up and bring the senior ski trip closer.

Early afternoon on Christmas Eve, she sat cross-legged on the couch, reading one of her Jane Austen books. Pacey was out in the garage, trying to add a couple more years of life to her old beat-up pickup truck as well as snow chains to the tires. She finally sat back and looked around. She tossed her much-abused copy of _Persuasion_ on the coffee table in front of her. The binding was so worn it laid flat on the table.

The house was so quiet, yet it wasn’t lonely. The tree was decorated and colorfully wrapped presents lay beneath it. She could easily picture a future where they had their own home together. She envisioned herself moving in with Pacey somewhere and merging her style with his. It seemed like it would be perfect. Pacey was almost her complete opposite in a lot of ways—when they were together everything fit together perfectly and felt so right.

She eyed the tree in the corner and the other decorations around the room. Bessie had been too busy and had left the decorating to her and Pacey the weekend following Thanksgiving. Joey considered herself to be sort of an artist—she wanted color around her. She wanted warmth and stimulation. Her summer spent sailing to Key West had done wonders for her artistic inspiration. She smiled to herself as the memories came back to her while she soaked up the festive atmosphere around her.

It was going to be the most romantic Christmas Eve ever. As the afternoon went on, the sky began to darken. The tree was lit, the holiday music was cheerful, the fire in the hearth was blazing, and the eggnog was cold. Even the weather had cooperated, as the storm had long since ceased but the world was still blanketed in white and the cold front would make snuggling up together in front of a toasty fire an absolute necessity.

Things started getting even better from the moment Pacey came back after taking the truck out for a spin downtown to test the new snow chains. He was carrying her mother’s holiday favorite—poinsettias. Juggling the flowers, he shucked off his boots, stripped off his wet jacket, and came toward her in the soft glow of the Christmas lights.

“So, how’s my truck?” she asked.

“In excellent condition. I bet that baby will get you through four years of college. The snow chains will also get you through the winter.” He glanced around the room. “Power go out?”

“Nooo.” Smiling, Joey patted the couch cushion beside her.

Pacey set the flowers down on the coffee table. “I’m kidding. I recognize a romantic Christmas Eve when I see one.”

Her brows knitted. “And how many romantic Christmases have you had, Pacey?”

“Uh… well, technically none, but I thought last year had its moments.”

“You mean when I had the flu and was delirious with fever half the time,” she snarked.

He smiled, memories floating back to him. “I liked reading to you by the fire.”

“Mmm. I liked that, too.”

Gently, he pushed his girlfriend backward against the cushions. His fingers delved into her hair, stroking. His mouth found hers, and their bodies settled familiarly—exquisitely—together.

“Where’s the pizza from Carmine’s?” He grinned. “You can’t perform a cheap seduction routine without it, Potter. Not even at Christmas. I’m not that easy, you know.”

Joey rubbed her cheek against his, then nuzzled his neck. His scent filled her nose; strong, familiar, safe. She loved him more every day. “The pizza is in the kitchen, keeping warm inside the oven, as usual. But I’ve got other plans for you right now, and they’re happening right here.”

“I love them already,” Pacey said, bringing her close for another kiss. “As it happens, I’ve got a few plans of my own.”

Joey noticed the sprig of mistletoe in his hand. She smiled and dropped the matching sprig she’d been hiding. As far as romantic Christmases went, she thought this one was starting out perfectly. She had a feeling it would end that way, too.

“Ho, ho ho,” she murmured, kissing him back, and he laughed against her lips.

Breaking the kiss, Pacey rubbed her red sweater between his fingers. It was velvet, and so soft. “I like this,” he whispered.

She smiled. “It was my mother’s. I pilfered it out of Bessie’s closet for the occasion.”

His lips captured hers once more. He wrapped his arms around her and ran his hands up her back, sending shockwaves through her. His hands were warm through her clothes, making her body feel as if it was on fire. Their kisses became feverish, passionate. She adjusted her seat on the couch and spread her legs, inviting him in. He leaned over her, his hand caressing up and down her thigh as his hips settled against hers. Her hand reached between them to rub him through his jeans.

Then Pacey pulled away from her, returning to a sitting position on the couch. He was breathing heavily, trying to catch his breath. Joey looked at him, confused. While she had tried to treat this new behavior lightly over the past couple days, it was now starting to form a tight knot in the pit of her stomach. Didn’t he want her? Why was he still pulling away? “Pacey, if you keep rejecting my advances, you’re gonna give me a complex.”

“What do you mean, Jo?” he said, clearly trying to laugh it off. “I’m not rejecting anything. I’m just… feeling hungry. Let’s go eat.”

“No, that’s not it. Something’s wrong.” Panic started to rise up, but she had no idea why or what for. He wouldn’t touch her, wouldn’t let her touch him, and it had come on all of a sudden as if from nowhere. Did something happen that he wasn’t telling her about? Did he feel guilty about something? It couldn’t be another girl, right? There was no way. He couldn’t possibly… “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“Nothing’s wrong, Joey.”

“Don’t you dare lie to me, Pacey Witter.”

He sighed. Sex had become one of those things they never talked about, like the future. While he had tried to drown out Will Krudski’s words and forget the _everything but_ conversation, it had festered in his mind like a blister, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to get past it until that blister was lanced. “Look, Jo, you don’t have to do this stuff out of pity or something.”

She looked at him with confusion in her brown eyes. “Pity? What do I have to pity you for? Pacey, what are you talking about?”

He put his head in his hands and sighed. “I’m not explaining this right. Maybe pity isn’t what I mean.” He sat back up and looked at her. “Look, Jo, I know you’re not ready for sex, and you’re scared, and I get it. It’s fine. I honestly don’t mind waiting, but…” He felt embarrassed and stupid and afraid all at the same time. If he was wrong, he was an idiot. If he was right… “I don’t want you to feel like you need to, you know, fool around with me just to keep me appeased so that I won’t ask for more than you want to give me.”

Joey stared, agape, for his words were so out of the blue it was surprising. “Pacey, where in the world did that come from? Why would you think that?”

He hesitated, chewing on his lip, not looking her in the eye.

“What’s going on inside that head of yours?” she asked quietly, reaching over to hold his hand.

“I was maybe starting to think that I might be your _everything but_ guy.”

“Everything but?”

“Yeah, you know… Girls will sometimes do everything _but_ have sex because they want to wait for the person they really want to be with.”

She shook her head, a sense of sadness replacing the knot of fear. Did he still not realize just how much she loved him? It quickly turned into exasperation. “Pacey, you’re the only one I want to be with.”

“But, you know, you spent years wishing and hoping and assuming that your first time would be with Dawson. And I guess I’m just… scared… that there’s a little piece of your heart that still hopes and wishes it could be him. That small part of you that never wanted it to be me, and maybe still doesn’t.”

Joey nodded her understanding and crossed her legs, wrapping her hands around her knee. “Well, that’s true. I used to think that way about Dawson, but not anymore. I also used to think me and Dawson would make this perfect little family in a perfect house with perfect kids and we’d be perfectly happy for the rest of our lives. And that’s never going to happen. I’m not going to have a future with Dawson. I want to have a future with you.”

He smiled, relief filling his chest.

“Pacey, when I said my future lies with you, I meant it. You’re the one I want to share my life with. And when I think about sex—and I think about it a lot—you’re the one I want to have it with, and nobody else.”

“Really?”

“Yes, Pacey. I can understand if you’re frustrated, but I thought you were fine with waiting.”

He turned to look her directly in the face. “I have been fine with waiting, Jo. I’ve been too scared to sleep with you too soon. I don’t want to screw this up. I don’t want to do anything that will jeopardize the most amazing relationship I’ve ever had. I’m happy that we didn’t rush into it, that we took the time to really fall in love and build a strong foundation of friendship and trust. And, well, we’re here now. This is six months and counting. So, I just… I want… I need for you to know that if our relationship isn’t going to progress to that next level, it’s not because of me.”

“Pacey, I want you. I want you in all the ways it is possible to want a person. I honestly thought you knew that by now.”

“So, then what’s holding you back? I know you’re scared, but do you think that I’m not scared? I’m terrified, Jo.”

“You are?” What reason did he have to be scared? He was the experienced one.

“Yeah. But what is it that you’re afraid of?” His face fell slightly, one of his fears rising to the fore. “Are you afraid that it’ll be… a bad experience? Are you scared of _me?_ That… that I’ll hurt you?”

“No!” Joey took his hand in both of hers, imploring him with her steady gaze. “Of course not. I’ve heard a lot of girls complain that their first time was not a good experience, but I don’t worry about that at all because I’ll be with you. And you could never hurt me, Pacey.” She wasn’t _that_ scared of the pain, if there was any. She recalled from the sex ed class they took that it was possible, between having an active lifestyle, getting a pelvic exam, tampons, her fingers, and Pacey’s fingers, that she didn’t have much of a hymen left. “Besides, that part is only temporary. It was the more permanent things that scared me.”

A part of her wanted to tell him that she wasn’t really scared anymore. At least the things that scared her weren’t enough to prevent her from moving forward and living the life she wanted to live. She was ready, and wanted it just as much as he did. She wanted to tell him so, but then she’d have to come up with a reason she was still waiting. The ski trip was starting to mean so much to her. She truly wanted it to be a surprise, wanted it to be the most romantic weekend of Pacey’s life, wanted to show him just how special and important he was to her. That he was worth the wait. He always went out of his way to show her kindness, make her feel cherished and safe and valued. He deserved the same.

“Like what things?” he prodded, his tone gentle.

“I guess I’ve just been scared of making a mistake that will ruin my life.”

His heart sunk within him and he looked away. “Oh.”

Joey grabbed his hand, forcing his gaze back to her. “Please don’t mistake my meaning. I don’t mean you would be the mistake. I mean, I’ve been scared of getting pregnant, missing college, and getting stuck here in this town for the rest of my life. My mother got married practically right out of high school and then she had Bessie. She gave up on art school and stayed in Capeside to be with my dad. She devoted thirty years to a man who ended up sleeping with every floozy in town while she was dying of cancer. As much as I love my mother, I do not want her life. She died young and she died poor. She sacrificed everything for a guy, and in the end, he broke her heart. That is _not_ going to be me, Pacey.”

“That won’t be you, Jo.” He gripped her hand. “I promise. I don’t want you to sacrifice anything. I want you to follow your dreams. I know you’re going to do amazing things. I know you’re going to have a beautiful, brilliant life. I’ll do everything I can to make sure of it.”

She smiled. “I know you will, which is why _you_ could never be a mistake.” Joey reached up, caressing his cheek and jaw with her fingertips.

He grinned, the air between them becoming lighter, less intense. “And for the record, I will never run around with any floozies.”

“What if you get bored of me and want someone more exciting? What if five years from now you don’t want me anymore and the floozies start looking good? What if something happened, like I got sick, and wasn’t able to give you what you wanted? I mean, there are lots of floozies out there who would be more than willing. I just know you’re going to become an amazing man, and I bet there will be plenty of women who would claw each other’s eyes out for one night with you.” She hoped she came across as teasing and light, and not as if she was voicing one of her worst fears.

“Bored?! Joey, nothing about you is boring, and I’ve known you since we were six years old. I’ve loved you this long, haven’t I?” He grinned at her. “But seriously, Jo. Wanting anyone other than you… I mean, I can’t even wrap my head around it. Just the thought of being with anyone other than you makes me sick to my stomach.”

She blushed, smiling again, and threaded their fingers. “I want to do it, Pacey,” she assured him once more. “I want to have sex with you, and only you.”

He gulped. Butterflies erupted in his stomach. “Now?”

Joey laughed. “No, not right now, but… soon, at the right time.”

Grinning, Pacey leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers. “Just tell me when and where, Potter, and I’m there.” His kiss was gentle, but deep. Framing her face with his hands, he drew back, then kissed her from another angle, then another. Each kiss was slow, intimate. He used his tongue to communicate dozens of silent words, none as meaningful as the look he gave her when he held back for a minute. _I love you_, his eyes said, and he kissed her again. Then he took hold of her hand and stood them up from the couch. “Let’s go eat. I’m starving.”

Once their dinner had been consumed, Pacey excused himself to take a shower as he felt grimy from working in the garage on the truck all day. Joey returned to the living room and added more firewood to the hearth before making two mugs of hot chocolate in the kitchen. Then she stoked the fire to a blaze and sat on the couch, where he soon joined her. She snuggled against his fresh, clean warmth while they drank hot chocolate and watched _It’s a Wonderful Life_.

Pacey’s eyes flickered over to the Christmas tree for what seemed like the hundredth time since last weekend. The two gift boxes sat beneath the tree with the tag in clear sight: “For Pacey. From, Joey. Do not open until Christmas.” The gold foil wrapping and brightly colored royal blue ribbon that tied both presents together had made it quite a temptation. The gifts looked mysterious and exciting from across the room. He wondered for the countless time what they could be.

“Um, Jo… what if we exchanged presents tonight, instead of in the morning?”

“What? And break tradition?” She grinned as she followed his gaze to her gift underneath the tree. She had to admit, his presents did stand out among the rest, and inwardly congratulated herself on her wrapping job. “We’ll open them on Christmas morning, as planned.”

She eyed the other gifts under the tree. “I hope you behaved yourself and didn’t do anything over the top.”

He turned to look at her, brows shooting up. “Who, me? Over the top? I don’t know what you’re talking about, Potter.”

“Just promise me you didn’t do any of your grand romantic gestures.”

Pacey paused a moment. “What would constitute something grand, in your opinion?”

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe buying me another wall to paint.”

“Technically, the one you have now I haven’t bought yet, Jo. It’s still under the lease.”

“Whatever. You know what I mean. You promised me that you would be sensible and practical.”

He glanced over at the gift-wrapped box he’d placed under the tree on Friday. While the gifts he’d brought over for Bodie and Bessie and Alexander all had the same red and green wrapping, Joey’s had been done up in purple and silver. He gave her a knowing smirk. “I promise you it is very practical, Jo.”

An hour later, the fire had died down a little and the hot chocolate was gone, but _It’s a Wonderful Life_ was still playing out on the screen. After taking their empty mugs to the kitchen and setting them down in the sink, Joey went to her bedroom to change out of her jeans and into a comfortable set of plaid pajamas. When she opened the top drawer on her dresser to retrieve a clean pair of fuzzy socks, she laid her eyes on the brown paper bag she’d gotten from the free clinic. There were a whole lot of condoms inside it.

Again, she felt the push and pull of an inward tug of war with her mind and her body. Her heart raced and she felt the warmth of desire rise up inside her. Part of her didn’t want to wait another minute, wanted to go back out there to Pacey and have him right here, right now. Another part of her held firm to her plan for the senior trip, and dreamed of a secluded cabin at a mountain resort, a big comfy bed and a crackling fire—a whole weekend devoted to exploring each other and this brand new element to their relationship.

The dream won out.

Her heart still racing with excitement for the future, and her stomach alive with nerves, like butterflies trapped in a glass jar, she closed the sock drawer and left her bedroom.

Pacey turned his head from the television, hearing the sound of Joey’s footfall, and watched her as she walked back into the living room. A smile spread across his face as he took in her casual appearance. For a moment, he thought back to how she’d done herself up the previous weekend. The dress and heels were gone, the jewelry and the makeup. She was just as beautiful, if not more so, in this state than when she had attended the Worthington party.

“Shorts?” he said, raising his eyebrows at her as she sat down next to him. “It’s gonna drop down below thirty tonight, you know.”

“Oh well,” she shrugged. She’d paid no attention to the weather forecast. “If I get cold, you’ll keep me warm.”

He smirked at her, and her eyes twinkled back at him. She turned her head to look at the television screen, her stomach still doing somersaults. _It’s a Wonderful Life_ was still on. They sat watching together for a few minutes, but her mind kept drifting to the condoms in her dresser. The senior trip was just six weeks away. She could wait until then—she wanted to wait until then.

There were certainly ways to make the wait not so bad, but she hadn’t forgotten how her boyfriend had rebuffed her every move so far this weekend. She hoped their talk earlier had put his mind at ease, but she couldn’t be totally sure and hesitated to make another move. Joey allowed her mind to daydream about the ski trip instead, and the taunting images of Pacey finally taking her to bed made her body throb with desire. She played with her fingers, chewed her bottom lip, and starting bouncing her leg up and down.

Pacey could feel her nervous energy, and it soon distracted him from the movie. “Why are you so fidgety?”

Joey immediately stilled her leg. “Um… I don’t know.” She averted her eyes from his, feeling her face start to redden.

He gave her a suspicious look. He could still sense the nervous energy emanating from her, and he didn’t quite understand it. As they continued sitting together on the couch, watching TV, from time to time he would catch her looking at him, licking her lips, and then her eyes would dart back to the television. Did she want to make out and fool around? Was that it? Why wouldn’t she just say so? He decided he wasn't going to question, or initiate anything. He was gonna enjoy watching her make herself crazy.

Sitting next to Pacey, thinking about the senior trip, made Joey unable to concentrate on the TV. She ran her plans over and over in her mind, and felt keen with anticipation for what would surely be the most perfect weekend of her life. She could feel herself grow warm, her inner muscles clench. She glanced at Pacey, her eyes roaming over him up and down as she licked her lips.

He turned to stare at her, his eyebrows rising. He smirked. What was up with her? Her perusal was starting to turn him on, starting to send his hormones into heart-pounding overdrive. His groin tightened. Joey saw his pupils dilate, and she chewed her lip. He couldn’t take his eyes off her. Images of lust flooded his mind, and he saw her naked, moaning his name, under his hands, under his mouth, under his body, burying himself inside her.

Joey cleared her throat. “Bessie and Bodie will be back in a couple days. I’m sure I’ll be in for another lecture when they find out you’ve been staying here since Friday.”

He grinned, deciding to tease her. “Well, when your sister gets here, you can assure her that I was a perfect gentleman the entire time and didn’t lay a finger on you.”

“You think that’s what I want?” Joey asked suggestively. She blushed and shifted uncomfortably, becoming increasingly aware of her growing arousal.

They gazed at each other, seemingly waiting for the other to make the first move. The clock struck ten o’clock, and _It’s a Wonderful Life_ went off the air. Joey reached for the remote between them and shut off the television. Blood pumped through Pacey’s veins as he watched her. Their connection thumped between them, the intensity growing as they made eye contact. Her gaze drifted, and she noticed the pronounced bulge in his jeans.

Without a word, she moved off the couch, dropping a pillow on the floor in front of him and going to her knees on top of it, her palms spreading his legs slightly apart. She knew he wouldn’t be pushing her away this time. “I want to give you something,” she said.

He started breathing heavily as she slid her hands up his thighs to the waistband of his jeans, undoing the button and taking the zipper down. A surge of heat rose inside his body, spreading to his limbs.

Her hands slid into the open waistband, gripping it along with his black boxers, and tugged down just enough to release his thick, heavy shaft. The size of him was still impressive, and she felt her heart race and her mouth water. She moved up over his lap and curled her fingers around the base of his cock. His whole body tensed, anticipating the wet heat of her mouth.

But he still tried to push her away, his heart pounding, his breath ragged. “Jo, you really don’t have to do this…”

She leaned in and touched her tongue to the tip of his erection, and a shot of heat scorched along his veins. “Do you really think I only do this to throw you a bone? No pun intended,” she smirked. When she slid her tongue along his hardening length, he nearly lost his grip on his control and had to ball his hands into fists. “That I don’t actually like doing this, and I only do it because I hope you’ll be happy with just this and that way I won’t ever need to have sex with you? So that I can save my precious virginity for Dawson? That’s what you meant by everything _but_, right?”

He was panting now. “Why does it sound so stupid when you say it?”

“Because it is stupid. And because it’s not true, Pacey. I want to do this. I _like_ doing this.” Joey gave him a wicked look, and circled him with her tongue, giving extra attention to the sensitive underside of the cockhead, then licking along the shaft down to his balls and back up again. He quickly became rock hard, and she pressed tender kisses along his pulsating flesh. “Now you know how I feel. All the time. Every time I’m with you.”

She squeezed him tighter and then closed her mouth around him, wetting his shaft with her tongue as she went down until her lips met her fist, then drew back up. Pacey groaned, and his hips lifted slightly off the couch. She now knew exactly how he liked it; she knew exactly which buttons to push. She started going deeper, faster, stroking his engorged cock with both hands. Her mouth tightened as she sucked forcefully. Pulling back from him, she slowly circled her tongue around the sensitive head and then took him deep inside her mouth so fast that his eyes rolled.

Pacey clung to her, his fingers buried in her hair as she licked and sucked and squeezed him, poured out her desire to make him feel good, to give him pleasure, to show him physical affection. It humbled him. He really had been an idiot.

“Oh God,” he panted as he gazed down at her. He could feel the pressure building at the base of his spine, his muscles tensing.

Heat spread through her nerves to pool in her throbbing center. Joey’s knees shifted apart as her body undulated with longing. The scent and taste of his skin, the sound of his groans, flooded her senses. His control was starting to fray. His hands went into her hair, holding it back from her face, gripping tight but not too hard. With a moan that vibrated around his cock, she took him deeper until he hit the back of her throat.

“Jesus Christ,” he hissed.

Pacey’s leg muscles tightened as he struggled for control. He watched her lips trail up and down his shaft. Hot, wet, the suction an unbelievable sensation. He was going to come. No, no, no. His hands went to her shoulders and moved her back. Joey looked up into his darkened blue eyes. Hot, male desire contorted his beautiful features; his fat cock throbbed in her hand.

“What’s the matter?”

He hadn’t really wanted to stop her. He desperately wanted to pull her head back down on his cock, to pump himself in and out of her soft, wet mouth until he exploded. But that would be too quick. He wanted to relish these times together, wanted them to last as long as possible.

“If you keep going like that, it’ll be over for me,” he breathed. “I don’t want it to be over so soon.”

She grinned, her eyes twinkling mischievously, and licked her lips. “This isn’t the last time we’re ever gonna do this, ya know. Don’t you want to come, Pacey?”

He panted. His brows furrowed, and his face grimaced with desire. “Jesus, Potter.” As much as he wanted to come in her mouth, the desire to come deep inside her body was much stronger. He longed to be closer. He wanted to melt into her until they became one person, two halves completing the whole. He knew it would be worth the wait.

She started gliding her hand up and down his shaft. A pearly drop had formed at the tip. She bent forward, licking it away from the head.

“Fuck, baby,” he gasped. He felt his climax building, felt the tightening in his balls that told him he wouldn’t be able to resist much longer.

She quickly closed her mouth over him again. She wanted more, wanted to take him as deep as she could. The head of his cock brushed against the back of her throat. His groans filled her ears and she sucked harder. She glanced up at him and met his gaze. His eyes grew darker, and his face flushed with a look of such ecstasy it made her center throb with pleasure at giving that to him. His climax surged through him. He felt the liquid release running through his lower belly and down to his groin. Loud moans escaped his throat as he came, pulsing into her mouth.

Joey felt his gentle hold on her head and their eyes met as he watched her swallow his release. Her clit throbbed intensely, begging for relief, and her inner walls clenched with need as her throat worked around him.

Pacey’s head fell back against the couch as he panted. “Joey… that was…” He breathed huskily, unable to finish the sentence.

She smiled, and released her hold on his softening erection, caressing and kissing him there a few times. She then placed her palms on his thighs and pushed herself up off the floor, relieving her knees, kicking the pillow aside. Her center was hot and swollen, her inner thighs slick. She looked down at where he sat on the couch, his breathing returning to normal. He reached for the waistband of his boxers and jeans, pulling them up around his hips. He gazed up at her with heavy lids, his expression full of satisfaction.

“We could’ve been doing this all weekend if you hadn’t been so ridiculous, Pacey. Everything _but_, my ass. What nonsense.”

He chuckled. “I know. I’m sorry.” He watched her rub her thighs together, and smirked. “Let me make it up to you.”

Pacey inched closer to the edge of the couch cushion, his hands reaching out toward her. He stroked the soft skin of her thighs, the backs of her knees, as he looked up at her. Masculine appreciation rid the exhaustion from his eyes. Joey stood in front of him. She suddenly felt a little shy even as her heart ached for his touch. He ran his hand from her shoulder down her arm, over to her stomach. One lean hand slid under the pajama top, against her rib cage, warm and teasing.

“Kiss me, Joey,” he breathed, and then his hand moved up and cupped her soft, firm breast. His head lifted to watch her aroused, delighted reaction.

She brought up her hands to hold his face, her thumbs caressing his cheeks, and dipped her mouth to his. She kissed him, hard, eager, her hands moving to his hair. Her body throbbed with desire. His hand left her breast to flick open the buttons of her pajama top. He spread it open, revealing her bare skin underneath. His thumbs gently rubbed over her nipples as he fondled her breasts. Masterfully, he enticed her nipples to erection, and a smile of triumph lighted his eyes as he watched them harden. He looked into her eyes, the ocean blue of his gaze blending into the chocolate brown passion of hers.

His hands lowered, down her stomach, over her clad hips, to her bare thighs. His fingers stroked a path of fire over her body and stoked the aching need at her core. One hand captured her thigh in his grip while the other moved to her mound. To his delighted surprise, she wore no underwear beneath her pajamas. His strong fingers brushed her thigh up and down, teasing her, heightening her desire, until he pushed aside the crotch to her shorts.

Pacey leaned forward and kissed her stomach, murmuring her name against her flesh. Joey could never get over how he spoke her name this way, the amazement and reverence in his voice. “Your skin is so soft,” he whispered as his lips caressed her belly and his fingers grasped and curled her feminine hairs. He gazed up into her eyes as his hand reached into the warmth between her thighs and she gasped. She was hot and wet and ready for him, and she moaned out her need.

Joey rocked with him, feeling that slow spiral of satisfaction that was just beginning, the all-consuming pleasure that obliterated reason, thought, hope. Her body took control of her thoughts. She only wanted him to never stop. She felt a surge of heated excitement at her center, her clit tightening and wet desire flowing out from inside her, and she started to squirm and whimper.

Pacey’s fingers sunk into her folds and gathered her juices forward to circle her swollen clit. She moaned, moving her hands down from his head and to his shoulders. He then slid two fingers down to her entrance, and slowly slid inside her to the knuckles.

Joey whimpered. Her nails bit into his shoulders as jolts of pleasure rippled from her core to her brain. She rocked against Pacey’s hand as he started to massage her clit with his thumb along with the thrusts of his fingers. Her hips moved with his hand as his mouth moved up her belly, kissing and stroking his tongue against her skin. He wanted to taste more of her.

Pacey slid forward off the couch, going to his knees. He shoved her shorts aside and buried his face in her pussy. Each lick and suck and groan amplified her desire. The ministrations of his curled fingers inside her and the fast, hard strokes of his tongue soon caused her body to go rigid, and she felt that delicious tension heightening toward its peak.

“Pacey… I’m gonna… I’m gonna,” she moaned. The relentless attention made her head swim.

“Come on my fingers, Jo,” he breathed, picking up the pace. As much as he wanted to taste her orgasm, he wanted to feel it more. He wanted to feel her pussy clenching around his cock, wanted to see her face, her eyes, as she lost herself in what he could give her. He knew it would be worth the wait.

Joey’s head fell back as his mouth returned to her needy clit and she gripped his shoulders even tighter. She was so close, and his talented tongue was going to send her right over the edge. “Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, that’s it. Pacey, don’t stop. Don’t stop.”

Her clit burst into a powerful orgasm, her muscles clenching around his fingers. She screamed and groaned when she came. Ecstasy raced over her skin; pure pleasure filled her mind. Her body couldn’t take anymore. Her legs didn’t want to hold her up. But she needed more, grinding against his mouth even after his touch became too much. Pacey held her against him as her orgasm subsided, kissing and licking away the wetness from her thighs that she had made, they had made.

Then he was pulling her down onto his lap and curling his arms around her, holding her tight as he sat on the floor, his back up against the couch. Joey’s arms went around his shoulders and she bent her head to kiss him tenderly. “I love you so much,” she murmured blissfully.

He nodded, smiling, and brushed his nose with hers. “I love you _so_ much.”

Later that night, when in bed and lying with her arm around him, spooning him from behind as he lay on his side, Joey pressed herself into his back and placed her lips close to his ear. “You’re not my everything _but_, Pacey,” she whispered, her voice thick with emotion. He turned in her arms to face her, gathering her close against him, searching her face. Her eyes were wet.

“You’re my everything.” She held his face in her hands, her thumb brushing over his lips. “Don’t ever doubt it.”

“And you’re mine.”

Joey snaked her arms around him again, this time with her hands under his shirt, her fingers against his bare skin. She nuzzled his neck, tightening her hold on him. His warmth and comforting scent enveloped her, and she felt the lull of sleep begin to pull her under. “Tomorrow is gonna be a good day,” she murmured.

“Oh, yeah? Looking forward to spending the morning at my mom and dad’s with the Witter clan? Five kids under the age of ten, running around, causing mayhem. My brother-in-law Steve yelling at them. My dad bitching about the noise. My mom calling you anything but Joey. My sisters arguing. Getting a gift from my parents that’s probably a pair of socks or something. Sounds like fun to you?”

“I wasn’t talking about that part. Although, speaking of your family, do you think they’ll like my presents?”

He chuckled. “Joey, a gift certificate to the yacht club’s restaurant is more than my parents deserve.”

“I’m determined to make your mom use my right name by the time we graduate. But not just them, I got the concert tickets for Gretchen, that coffee table art book for Doug, the cozy fleece blanket and the mug with photos of the girls for Carrie, dolls and board games for the kids, travel coffee mug and carafe for Steve, and a photo album for Amy. You said she loves to take pictures and scrapbook, right?”

“Yeah. They’ll love them, trust me. You did add my name to the cards?” He arched his brow questioningly.

She rolled her eyes. “Seeing as how you paid for most of it, yes, I did.” Then she snuggled closer, inhaling his scent. “Enough about them. I’m going to dream about what you’ve got waiting for me under the tree,” she said with a lazy smile.

Pacey grinned. “Do I get any hints about those gold-wrapped ones with my name on it?”

She yawned and shook her head. “You’ll just have to wait. Why ruin the surprise?”

“You’re right. I can wait.”

She mumbled something about true love before falling asleep in his arms. Pacey smiled slightly. He liked it when she nuzzled his neck and tucked herself into his embrace. He knew he made her feel safe and loved, and that this was one of the reasons she loved him. He held her closer to him and closed his eyes.

Joey awakened with a tingling sensation and fluttering heart. “Pacey… Pacey,” she whispered in his ear.

He stirred slightly but didn’t open his eyes. “Hmm?”

She was persistent. “Pacey… sweetheart… wake up.”

He finally opened one eye and smiled deeply at Joey. “Merry Christmas, baby,” he mumbled, still groggy with sleep.

She hovered over him, grinning like the Cheshire Cat. “Merry Christmas! Are you ready to open your gifts?”

Pacey gave a long groaning stretch, pulled her down toward him, and then began to undo her buttons. Slowly opening her plaid pajama top, he kissed the soft skin between her breasts. “Wow, Joey, thank you. Two priceless presents wrapped in one precious package. This is the best Christmas morning ever.”

She gazed at him adoringly and then gave him a slow, sweet kiss. She snuggled against him as they lay quietly savoring their time together. Finally, she pulled away from his kisses and spoke. “I did get you something else, you know.”

He feigned astonishment. “You mean there’s more? Oh, baby… I don’t know if my heart can take it!”

Joey laughingly slapped his arm. “C’mon, Pacey. I’m serious. Let’s open our presents now. I can’t wait anymore.”

After a brief stop in the kitchen to set a kettle of water to boil on the stove, they made their way to the decorated tree in the living room, its lights still twinkling. They sat cross-legged on the floor beneath it, next to the pile of gifts. Pacey grabbed a medium-sized box with the silver wrapping and purple bow and ribbon, and handed it over to Joey. “You go first.”

“I’m very impressed with the wrapping job, Pace. Did Gretchen help you?”

“Yes, she did,” he chuckled.

She pulled away the wrapping paper and then opened the gift box. Inside was something rectangular and flat, covered in purple tissue paper. Next to it was a smaller box covered in the same silver wrapping paper. After unfolding the tissue paper, she smiled as she lifted out a one-year monthly planner and personal organizer along with a matching journal, both bound in leather dyed a very pretty rose gold color, and an 18-pack of colored pens.

“It’s for when you go off to college,” he said quietly. “Sensible and practical, like you said.”

“It’s very thoughtful of you, Pacey. Thank you.”

The cardboard casing around the planner stated, “Achieve Your Goals, Achieve Productivity, Create Happiness in Your Life.” Joey flipped open the planner, where she found pages dedicated to writing down your dreams and life goals, one-year and three-month goals. She flipped open the planner to find three colorful bookmarks and three sheets of stickers. The last sheet contained stickers with motivational messages like, “Don’t Wish For It, Work For It” and “Big Dreamers Achieve Big Goals.” She glanced at the sticker in the bottom right corner of the sheet. There was a cartoon knight atop a horse, and underneath it the words, “Be A Warrior Not A Worrier.”

She smiled. “This is perfect.” She leaned forward and kissed him. Then she saw him tilt his head and eye the other wrapped gift inside the larger box. Heart fluttering, she set the planner down and reached inside, pulling the other present out and onto her lap. She removed the silver wrapping paper, revealing what appeared to be a jewelry box.

She gave him an arched look. She didn’t need any more jewelry, and he’d already spent more of his money on her than she thought necessary. “What did I say about grand romantic gestures and spending your hard-earned money that you should be saving for college?”

“I didn’t spend that much money, Jo. I promise. And besides, it’s not new. It’s old.” He nodded at the gift in her hand.

Brows knitting with curiosity, she opened the box. She gaped at what was inside it and then at Pacey. Attached to a long silver chain was her mother’s locket, the one she’d broken on Christmas Eve five years ago, just two weeks after her mom had died. She slowly took it out and laid it in her palm. Her eyes became wet with tears. Emotion tightened her throat. Joey couldn’t speak.

“I took the locket to a jeweler in town and had it fixed.” His voice was hoarse, raw with what he felt for her. His pulse raced as he watched her open it and lay a finger on the pictures inside. She still hadn’t said anything. “And it didn’t cost much, I swear.”

“Oh, Pacey,” she finally choked out. Joey looked over at her boyfriend and the tears she was trying to contain brimmed over and fell down her face. She reached for him, wrapping her arms around him, her hand clasped around the fixed locket. That he had given this back to her—restored a broken treasure—it was as if one of the broken pieces inside her had also healed. “You have no idea how much this means to me.”

“Merry Christmas, Jo.” He kissed her shoulder, hugging her tight. “So, I did good?”

“You did very good,” she said, letting out a tiny laugh. Just then the kettle started whistling and she pulled out of his embrace, wiping her tears away. “I say we pour ourselves some hot chocolate and then it’s your turn.”

He laughed while she got up off the floor and watched her place the locket around her neck, her fingers caressing the engraved design on the front of it. It wasn’t long before they returned to the living room, steaming mugs of hot chocolate in hand. Pacey eyed the two, gold foil-wrapped gifts, tied together with the royal blue ribbon. “Which one should I open first?” he asked, sipping from his mug and then setting it down on the floor beside him.

“The top one,” she replied with a smile.

Untying the ribbon, he pulled the flat, rectangular present onto his lap. He opened it and gasped. A rustic, driftwood frame encased a painting, one of hers he’d never seen before. The painting was of a very familiar sailboat, out on the open water, wind filling its sails, with dolphins rising to the surface next to it. _“The_ _True Love_,” he breathed. His heart swelled with appreciation and affection for her. “Joey, this is so beautiful. I don’t know what to say… ‘thank you’ seems too trite.”

“I wanted to give you back something you’d lost, something priceless, and I only wish it could’ve been the real thing,” she told him. “But I guess we’ll just have to make do with replicas.” She sipped her hot chocolate and then nodded at the other gift. “There’s one more, Pace.”

He was staring at the painting, letting memories of their summer together wash over him. “Thank you. I’ll take this with me wherever I go.” Then he set the painting down and reached for the larger gift.

“Be careful with it,” Joey suddenly cautioned. Her stomach was full of nerves, imagining the look on his face. The anticipation was killing her.

Feeling a bit mischievous, he took the box, held it to his ear, and waited a moment. “Hmm… I don’t hear any ticking. Are you sure it’s for me?”

Joey was beside herself. “Pacey!” she exclaimed in playful exasperation. “Just open the gift please.”

He chuckled, pulling away the gold wrapping paper, and lifted the lid off the box. Once he saw what was inside, he stopped and stared incredulously. “Oh, my God,” he whispered. “Joey… how did you…?”

She beamed with pride. “Oh, I have my ways…”

Carefully, he lifted the corked bottle out of the box. It was thirteen inches long and five inches high. It could’ve held thirty-two ounces of wine, or rum. Its cork was tight. A sailboat was cunningly fashioned inside it, and not just any boat: _his_ sailboat. The maker had brilliantly miniaturized her blue hull along with the deck, rigging, and each canvas sail. Her masts were the size of matchsticks. Even the weave of her billowing sails was in scale, and the grain of wood on the deck was in scale, as if lumbered from bonsai trees. On the transom, an elongated oval boat sign with green letters spelled _TRUE LOVE_. The perfect sailboat floated, as it were, on plaster painted blue.

His mouth went dry and he swallowed. Pacey tore his gaze away from the bottle and looked into her brown eyes, full of affection and anticipation. Such a personal gift, and her thoughtfulness behind it, touched him deeply. His eyes became wet with unexpected tears. There were no words. Joey was his world, his heart and soul.

“It’s like you gave her back to me,” he said quietly, still feeling the shock of the gift.

“That was the idea. I did good?”

He gazed at her with heartfelt appreciation. Setting the bottle back down inside the box, he pulled her into his arms and kissed her, murmuring words of love.

After throwing some cinnamon rolls into the oven to bake, Pacey dressed and met Joey by the door, where they trudged out through the snow to her truck. He got behind the wheel and started the engine while she held onto the covered glass pan in her lap, the gifts piled up at her feet. This really had been the perfect Christmas, and Joey now knew exactly why her mom had always said it was the most romantic time of the year. She gazed at him with eyes full of tenderness and silently mouthed the words, “I love you.”

Pacey reached over and brushed her cheek with the back of his hand, feeling the bond between them that he believed nothing could break, feeling hope that a future together was truly possible. Not even a morning spent at his parents’ house could ruin his mood today.


	38. 2001 (Senior Year: Part Thirteen)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the shorter chapter, but it had become too long and disjointed, so I cut it in half to make it flow better. Another update should be coming fairly soon. I hope you enjoy. Let me know if you do!

January 1. They had gathered in the Leery’s living room for an impromptu New Year’s party to watch the ball drop in Times Square on the TV. Mitch poured champagne for everyone; Dawson and Gretchen grabbed the plastic cups and helped carry them from the kitchen.

“Here we go, everybody,” Jen shouted from the living room. “Jack, hurry up!” Her best friend rushed back into the room. “I can’t believe you were almost gonna miss the ball drop because you had to take a piss.”

“Hey, I wasn’t gonna miss it,” he replied, taking the chair next to hers. “I timed it perfectly.”

“Thanks, man,” Pacey said to Dawson as he handed him a small cup filled with champagne, before sitting down on the couch. Joey smiled beside him as she also took a cup.

Gail followed her husband and son into the living room. “All right, it’s about to start.” Jack stood up from his chair, offering her the seat. “Thanks, sweetie,” she told him, holding onto her belly protectively as she sat down. “I can’t believe I stayed up this late. Me and this baby should be in bed right now.”

Mitch smiled. “We’ll head up to bed in a few minutes.”

Pacey turned to his girlfriend and brought his mouth close to her ear. “You know, I’m not superstitious,” he said quietly. “But they say whoever you kiss at midnight on New Year’s will be with you all year.”

“Is that right?” Joey replied, her eyes twinkling. “Maybe we should be a little superstitious tonight.”

“Yeah, maybe we should,” he grinned.

They all watched the ball begin to drop on the television screen. “10, 9, 8, 7…”

“Happy New Year!” they all shouted in unison, raising their cups of champagne.

Kisses, hugs. The blasts of noisemakers and a pink kazoo that Gretchen trumpeted around the living room furniture. “Happy New Year, Pace,” Joey whispered with a kiss. “I love you.”

“Happy New Year, sweetheart,” Pacey said, returning her kiss. With his arm around her shoulder, he pulled her closer. “I love you, too.”

“Okay, bed time,” Gail announced and started to waddle toward the staircase. “You kids try to get home at a decent hour, okay?” She gave Dawson one more hug and kiss on the cheek before ascending the stairs with Mitch. 

Gretchen collapsed on the couch next to Pacey and Joey. “So, what are everyone’s New Year’s resolutions?” she asked cheerfully.

“Oh, geez. What’s with this voice of doom, this hideous reminder of real life and restraint, when we’re all trying to have a good time?” Pacey snarked dramatically. His sister rolled her eyes. “Well, I think the whole thing’s a bit stupid, to be honest. It’s just another day.”

“Yeah, it’s not like people actually stick to New Year’s resolutions, anyway,” Joey added. She did have a New Year’s resolution, though. It just wasn’t the sort one brought up in polite conversation.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m hoping to lose the five pounds I gained sophomore year,” Dawson joked. “I’m really going to stick to it this time.”

Gretchen folded her arms. “You guys are such cynics! I have a feeling this year is going to be amazing.” The others mumbled unintelligibly. “You’re all just stressed about the last half of senior year and your college applications. I’m sure you’re going to end up at the school of your dreams and you’ll all be just fine. You’ve got absolutely nothing to worry about.”

Everyone scowled at her.

An hour later, Pacey was helping Joey into her coat by the front door when Gretchen joined them, following by Dawson. “Thanks for coming,” he told them. “I’m glad you guys came.”

“Thanks for inviting us,” Joey said, beaming.

Pacey nodded, offering a smile. When Gretchen opened the door and walked out, he placed his hand on his girlfriend’s lower back and turned to follow, but stopped when Dawson addressed him.

“Uh, Pace, are you busy next weekend? You have any plans?”

Swallowing, he stared for a moment. “Um… nothing planned, no. Why?”

Dawson smiled, his posture relaxed, his voice casual. “I was wondering if you wanted to do something. You know, uh, hang out.”

“You… and me?” he asked, nonplussed.

“Yeah, me and you,” Dawson laughed as if in disbelief of his incredulity.

Joey squeezed his hand, silently pleading with him to take Dawson up on his offer. “Um, yeah, sure. I have to cook at the B&B, but other than that I’m not busy. What did you have in mind?”

“I don’t know… You wanna go fishing? The weather should be pretty mild.”

“Uh… sure. Fishing sounds great.”

Dawson flashed a friendly smile. “All right. Well, I guess I’ll see you guys at school on Tuesday.” He glanced at his watch. “Which is now tomorrow, technically.”

After saying goodbye, they left. As the Witter wagon made its way to the B&B, Pacey glanced in the rearview mirror to see Joey leaning back against the seat, staring out the window looking overjoyed. Gretchen sat beside him, relaxed and seemingly unsurprised by this recent turn of events. However, he thought back to the scene at Dawson’s front door. While it was true that his former best friend no longer displayed any anger or even dislike towards him, that over the past couple months Dawson had begun to tolerate his presence with increasing civility and sometimes even outright friendliness—and this progression appeared to be genuine on the surface—Pacey couldn’t help feeling a little hesitant and suspicious.

January 5. On Friday at lunch, as he and Joey walked hand in hand into the cafeteria, Dawson walked up to them carrying a tray. “Mind if I sit with you guys today?”

Joey smiled, obviously very happy. “Sure, Dawson.”

They were soon joined at their table by Jen and Jack. “So, Dawson, what brings you down to sit in the cafeteria with us plebes?” Jen said. “Aren’t you usually in the A/V room or the student lounge with the other geeks?” She gave him a teasing smile.

“Ha. Ha.” Then he shrugged. “I just felt like having lunch with my friends.”

It dawned on Pacey that they hadn’t all sat at lunch together like this since last winter. He also remembered that someone was missing. “So, Jackers, how’s Andie doing?” he asked, trying not to think too much about Dawson’s sudden desire to let bygones be bygones.

“She’s good,” Jack replied with a smile. “Very happy. Soaking up the culture, meeting new people, learning Italian. She’s having a great time.”

“That’s good to hear,” Pacey said.

“She misses you, though.” Joey frowned into her yogurt, and Jack quickly amended. “All of you guys. She says she’ll be back for prom and graduation.”

Jen twisted the cap off her bottle of Snapple. “It’ll be good to see her.”

After taking a spoonful of his chocolate pudding, Jack spoke again. “Oh, so, Pacey… Andie wants to know how many colleges you’ve applied to and which ones.”

“Of course, she does,” he chuckled. “Well, you can tell her I took her up on her advice about community college. I applied to Bunker Hill in Boston. I also applied to Boston University, and Newbury College in Brookline, which is just twenty minutes outside the city, but both those schools are honestly a long shot. Ms. Watson said I should go for it, but I can’t imagine being accepted. There’s a lot of competition for spots at colleges in Boston, so she also encouraged me to apply to places a little farther away. Uh, I applied to Massasoit Community College in Brockton and North Shore Community College in Danvers. Both schools are only a half-hour from the city, so that’s not too bad. But I also applied to Berkshire Community College in Pittsfield, Bristol Community College in Fall River, and Holyoke Community College. I applied to a few out-of-state schools just in case, but…” He glanced at Joey.

She gave him a small smile. “I kind of have my heart set on Boston,” she told them. “It’s just far enough, but also not too far.” She turned to Dawson. “So, where did you end up applying? USC? NYU? The American Film Institute?”

Dawson smirked. “Yes, I did. And I also applied to UCLA, Columbia, Emerson, Pratt… and Boston University.”

“We applied to Boston University, too,” Jen said, tilting her head at Jack. “And Boston College, Boston Bay College, Suffolk, Tufts, Williams, Amherst, Bentley…”

“Gretchen goes to Bentley… or, well, she did. Don’t know when she plans on going back. So, you guys don’t feel like venturing out of Massachusetts either?” Pacey said.

Jack shook his head. “Staying close to Grams is probably near the top of our requirement list, but we also applied to Vassar, uh… Bowdoin College in Maine, Middlebury College in Vermont, and Wesleyan University in Connecticut.”

“There’s no way in hell we’re getting into Vassar, Jack,” Jen said. “I don’t know why you insisted we apply there.”

He shrugged. “It doesn’t hurt to shoot for the stars.”

“Depends on how hard you crash back down to earth,” she quipped.

“I’m still kind of surprised you haven’t applied to any New York schools, Jen,” Joey told her.

“Vassar is in Poughkeepsie,” Jack offered.

Jen shook her head. “I think the first fifteen years of my life were a sufficient amount of time to spend there. What about you, Joey? I’m surprised you don’t want to go to New York.”

Everyone now turned to look at her. Finding herself the center of attention, she felt her face grow warm. “Well, New York would be a dream come true, but… I don’t think I’m ready for that. Maybe when I’m older.”

“So, where did you apply?” Jack asked.

“Um, I didn’t apply to nearly as many places as you and Jen. I… I guess I didn’t want to waste my money on application fees.” They were all still looking at her expectantly. “Well, I applied to Worthington, of course, Boston University, Williams, Wellesley, and Smith.”

“Why would you want to go to an all-girls college?” Jen looked dumbfounded. “I know Wellesley and Smith are two really good schools, Joey, but… four years of just women? What’s the college dorm experience without guys around? I could never.”

“Yeah, that would suck,” Jack agreed, and Jen smirked at him.

“Hey, don’t discourage her,” Pacey remarked. “An all-girls school is just fine by me.”

Joey and Jen exchanged looks, rolling their eyes.

Dawson’s face contorted with confusion. “Joey… you didn’t apply to any Ivy League schools?”

“Yes, she did,” Pacey cut in. He noticed his girlfriend looked embarrassed. “Go on, tell ‘em.”

“Well, I’m never going to get in, so…” Joey tried to shrug it off. They were all still staring at her. “Okay, well I applied to Brown, Penn, and Cornell. I thought those were the three I actually might have a shot at, even if it is a shot in the dark. But let’s say I was accepted to any of those schools, then I think I’d still decide to stay closer to home instead of going to an Ivy League.”

“Then what’s your number one?” Jen asked. “The one you’re just dying to get into?”

Joey sighed, memories from her disastrous performance at that party last month vividly playing out in her mind. “Worthington. It sucks that we have to wait until March to find out whether we’ve been accepted or not.”

“The wait is a killer. And on that note, enough about college,” Jack said, taking a swig of his orange soda. “Dawson, how come you’re not going on the senior trip?”

Thoughts of Worthington immediately fled from Joey’s mind. She glanced at Dawson somewhat uneasily, remembering their conversation about the ski trip a couple months ago and his desire to not be around to be a firsthand witness to any evidence of her and Pacey’s physical relationship.

Dawson shrugged. “Almost everyone I know who’s going will be coupled up. Also, I have no interest in skiing or getting wasted in a hot tub or…”

“Come on, Dawson. Live a little. There could be some cute girls on the trip who you could have a good time with,” Jen said.

“None that I’m interested in.”

Pacey couldn’t help but think of his sister and wondered if Dawson would’ve been keen to go on the trip if it had been at all possible that Gretchen could go. Later, after the bell rang and he was walking hand in hand with Joey out of the cafeteria, Pacey turned to see Dawson had appeared on his other side.

“So, Pace, are we still on for fishing tomorrow?”

“Uh, yeah, sure, Dawson. What time?”

“How about six-thirty? My house?”

He thought for a moment. “You mean _in the morning?”_

“Yeah.”

“Uh, yeah, okay. I’ll just be sure to get to the B&B early to have breakfast ready before I come over.”

“Great, I’m looking forward to it,” Dawson smiled. “Well, see you guys later.”

They watched him walk ahead and round a corner, disappearing from view. Beside him, Joey flashed a brilliant smile and squeezed his hand, clearly happy the two erstwhile best friends appeared to now be actively mending broken fences. Yet Pacey couldn’t help the suspicious feeling that again rose up in the pit of his stomach.

Later that night when he picked Joey up from work, they were standing in line at the movie theater in time for the nine o’clock showings. “How about _Shadow of the Vampire?”_ he asked.

She frowned. “You said I could pick the movie this time, Pacey.”

“Okay, okay. So, what do you want to see?”

_“Miss Congeniality_ gets my vote. It’s honestly the only thing that looks good enough to spend my money on.”

“You mean my money,” he grinned.

“I’m perfectly capable of paying for my own movie ticket, thank you very much, or even for both of us. It’s… what? Twelve dollars for two tickets?”

He shook his head. “You’re forgetting the snacks. Anyway, you’re saving for college, Jo.”

“Well, aren’t you, too?” she challenged, arching her brow.

Pacey hesitated. He wanted to tell her about his savings account, the money he’d saved all those years working at the video store, and now the money he’d been saving with the B&B job, but was still nervous about allowing it to be known. Part of him didn’t want to tell anyone about it until he was safely away from Capeside. “Well, yeah, but… I’m pretty sure any school you get into is gonna cost way more than any school I get into.”

Rolling her eyes, Joey grasped his hand and pulled him closer to the ticket booth. While in line at the concession stand, he turned to glance at her. “The usual?” he asked, and she gave him an enthusiastic nod. “A large popcorn with extra butter, some Goobers, and a small Cherry Coke. And… uh, a small Sprite and some Twizzlers.”

After handing over the cash and receiving their order, he passed her the popcorn and her soda. She started heading towards their theater. Before walking away from the counter, he quickly stuffed some napkins in his pocket. Inside the theater, Pacey and Joey sat in the back row, candy in one hand, drinks in the other, and the popcorn between them. They leaned back, waiting for the lights to dim and the previews to start.

When the popcorn was finished, Pacey set the bucket down on the floor. From the corner of his eye he saw Joey’s hands moving down toward her thighs to rub the greasy butter from her fingers. Amused, he shook his head, quickly pulled the napkins from his pocket, and held them out to her.

“Oh, thanks,” she whispered, taking the napkins. “I always forget.”

“I know,” he said, and she smiled.

Once her hands were wiped clean, Joey wove her arm under his and around the crook of his elbow, her fingers sliding down to entwine with his, and slid closer. A tingling warmth ran up Pacey’s arm and spilled over into the rest of his body, filling his chest. There was no real way to express just how much he loved her, how she made him feel. No words that existed in the English language held enough meaning. No gesture was grand enough, or romantic enough.

Halfway through the movie, Joey leaned over and whispered, “Do you think I’m like her?” She tilted her head toward the movie screen. “A tomboy in desperate need of a makeover?”

A breathy laugh of disbelief escaped him. “Are you kidding me, Jo? What do you need a makeover for? You’re a freaking goddess.”

“Don’t you think Sandra Bullock is prettier than I am?”

“No, I don’t, and she’s not. Besides, didn’t you try something like that sophomore year? That beauty pageant, remember? And all just to get Dawson to wake up and notice how beautiful you are. At least Sandra Bullock is doing this for a real cause—trying to stop the bad guys and save some lives.”

“You entered that same beauty pageant, too, Pacey Witter. Like you’re one to talk.”

“Hey, I was taking a moral stand for equality among the sexes… and I admit the potential prize money was appealing.”

She laughed. “I needed the money, too. Well, I did love your _Braveheart_ impression.” The tone of her voice was wistful. “It was the highlight of the pageant, honestly.”

Smiling, he kissed her forehead, and she snuggled closer.

After the movie ended, they exited the theater still hand in hand. The air had become noticeably colder, and Joey shivered. Pacey wrapped his arm around her, pulling her against him, and she smiled into his neck. When they arrived at the B&B, he walked her up to her front porch. The lights were still on in the house and they heard the sound of the TV in the living room. She sighed and moved closer to him, lowering her voice to a whisper. “I wish I could invite you inside, but…”

The way she tilted her head towards the door was eloquent. With some guests right inside on the couch, they really couldn’t get up to much of anything. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t kiss her goodnight. Pacey drew her into his arms and she lifted her face, eagerly accepting his kiss. He kissed her until he was forced to come up to breathe.

“Be careful,” she said with a small laugh. “We’re going to scar poor Mr. and Mrs. Campbell.”

He glanced over her shoulder at the door behind her, their silhouettes behind the sheer curtain in the small window. “I guarantee that is not the first kiss they’ve seen on this porch.”

“Is that right?”

“You seem to forget that we spent a good deal of time on this porch yesterday afternoon before I cooked dinner. They noticed, trust me.”

“They’re probably scandalized and will never come back here again. I don’t think what’s happening on this porch is typically part of a cook’s paid duties at a B&B, Pace.”

“Well, that’s extra.”

“Oh yeah? And how much is that gonna cost me?”

“Another kiss.”

They lost track of the minutes they spent on the porch kissing. Joey felt relaxed and sated in his arms, wishing she could pull him inside with her and spend the night with him wrapped around her. Soon he pulled away and nodded toward the door. “Time for sleep,” he said.

She yawned. “I think you’re right.”

Pacey held the door for her and bid her goodnight.

The next day dawned bright and clear, although a bit chilly. At least there was no snow and the remnants from the Christmas snowstorm had since melted away. Pacey drove over to the Potter B&B and began fixing breakfast for the guests. Once everything was cooked and keeping warm on the stove and in the oven, he went out the door to the porch, where Joey stood in her robe and holding a cup of coffee.

“I’m so happy you’re going to spend time with Dawson,” she said, bouncing on her toes. “I think things are finally going back to normal.”

“Yeah, seems like it,” he shrugged.

Her brows arched questioningly. “You don’t seem too thrilled about it, Pace. Don’t you want to be friends with Dawson again?”

“Well, yeah, sure I want to be friends again…” _I think._ “I guess I just don’t know why he wants to be friends with me all of a sudden.”

“Pacey,” she said, her hand going to her hip. “It’s not _all of a sudden_. You were his best friend for like twelve years. You had a rough patch, that’s all. I mean, maybe he’s realized that he’s just not angry anymore and he misses your company.”

“Yeah, maybe that’s it,” he agreed. Yet something inside him doubted it.

Then he kissed Joey goodbye and drove around to the other side of the creek to the Leery’s house. Grabbing his fishing pole and tackle box from the back of the Jeep, he walked around the house to see Dawson setting two folding chairs down on the dock. He felt nervous in a way he couldn’t quite grasp or explain, and momentarily wondered if coming here was a mistake, but after a brief pause, he continued towards the dock.

Back at the B&B, the telephone rang while Joey was getting ready for her shift at the yacht club. She heard Bessie answer in the kitchen, and then after a moment her sister called out her name. Wondering if Pacey was calling her from Dawson’s house, she opened her bedroom door and stepped out.

“It’s Susan Witter,” Bessie said quietly as she handed over the cordless.

Why was Pacey’s mom calling her? Feeling nervous and confused, she took the phone from her older sister. “Hello?”

“Hi, Joey. How are you?”

“Oh, hi Mrs. Witter,” she greeted, surprised at being addressed by her proper name. “I’m fine. How are you?”

“I’m good, honey. So, listen, I was wondering if you had any plans for Pacey’s eighteenth birthday?”

_Oh, no._ “Well, I was—”

“Because we’d like to throw him a surprise party on Monday night.”

_Oh, God._ “Um, really?”

“Yes, yes, of course! My baby boy only turns eighteen once. Amy decided to stay up here with us for another week so she could be at the party. So, she’ll be there with the kids, even though Steve had to go back to North Carolina.”

“Oh, she did?” There was no way Pacey would want a party, let alone a party at his house with his family. But how could she say no to his mom? She was being so sweet, and actually didn’t call her Joanne or Joanna for once. Not to mention his sister changed her plans and stayed behind to be there. _Oh, God!_

“Yes, she did. So, the whole family will be there. I’ll cook and we’ll get a cake and we’ll make sure there’s lots of presents. I’ll even invite his other little friends, like Dawson and… you know, Dawson’s neighbor girl and the football player.”

“Jen and Jack?”

“Yes, them. I’ll leave it up to you to keep Pacey occupied after school. Be sure to have him here at the house by six o’clock. Okay, sweetie?”

A knot of dread formed deep in her belly. “Um…” She heaved a sigh. How could she say no? “Okay, Mrs. Witter. I’ll make sure Pacey gets to the party.”

“Great. And don’t tell him! We want to surprise him!”

“Okay, I won’t.”

“Okay, buh-bye, Joey.”

“Bye.”

She placed the cordless down on its base and frowned. Pacey wasn’t going to be happy, which was an understatement. He wasn’t an angry person, and he’d never gotten so mad that he’d yelled at her or threatened to end things between them, but she supposed there was a first time for everything. For the rest of the morning, while rushing from table to table serving the busy Saturday brunch crowd, nothing she did could make the sick feeling in the pit of her stomach go away.


	39. 2001 (Senior Year: Part Fourteen)

January 6. Sitting huddled inside his warm brown coat on the Leery’s dock, Pacey stared across the calm waters of the creek with reverence. It was a typical January morning in the Capeside area with no hint of snow but just enough moisture in the air to cause everything to frost over. The sun was out, and by late morning most of the frost would melt away. His fishing line barely moved in the water. It hadn’t moved much at all in the past twenty minutes. He also hadn’t learned any information that would explain Dawson’s unexpected interest in hanging out together.

He turned slightly to the left and glanced over at his former companion. “So, uh, is this your New Year’s resolution, Dawson?”

“What?”

“You know, _this_. Me and you, hanging out like old times and acting like nothing ever happened.”

Dawson scoffed, watching his red and white bobber float gently along the small creek waves. “Well, I wouldn’t say we were acting like nothing ever happened, Pace, but… we’re acting like friends, which is what we are and what we have been for most of our lives.”

_Friends, huh?_ But Joey had basically told him the same thing, he thought. “So, what brought this on? Did you get one of those classic Mitch Leery pep talks?”

“Uh, no. I just… I don’t want to finish out senior year with there being any sort of bad blood between us. That’s not how I want us to leave Capeside.”

“So, you’re saying you don’t hate me anymore?”

“I’ve never hated you, Pacey.”

“Do you recall a certain boat race, Dawson?”

“Not my finest moment.” He sighed. “Well, since the conversation came around to this topic, I want to apologize. It was stupid and childish and dangerous of me to try and prove something in the regatta. I knew how hard you worked on your boat and how much the race had meant to you, and I ruined it. I’m sorry for that.”

Pacey had honestly never expected to hear an apology. “It’s water under the bridge. I only wish I could’ve entered the regatta this year.”

Dawson frowned. “Yeah.”

He stared down at his line in the water. Still nothing. “Maybe we’re too early. Maybe the fish are still sleeping.”

“Fish don’t sleep, Pacey.”

“You know, I’m really glad we’re hanging out again, but… did our first jaunt together in months need to be at sunrise?”

“Oh, well… I’ve got something to tell you that I have a feeling will keep you awake. I like Gretchen.”

And there it was. The real reason he was here. They were finally getting down to brass tacks. “You like her, or you _like her-like her?”_

“I’m talking about your sister, not Winnie Cooper.”

“Well, are we talking about the feelings of fondness and fellowship that naturally follow from an _almost_ obligatory mistletoe kiss, or are you going to show up outside my house holding a boom box over your head?”

“I’m crazy about her, Pacey.”

A confusing mixture of panic and disgust was swirling around his gut. “You’ve had a crush on her for years, Dawson. I mean, that’s all this is, right?”

He shook his head. “This is more than just some grade school crush. And even though she won’t admit it, and says she just wants to be friends, I think she feels the same way about me.”

“This is a hell of a lot to digest before breakfast, Dawson.”

“Well… last spring if you had just come to me and told me how you felt about Joey, it would’ve made things a hell of a lot easier. So, that’s all I’m trying to do.”

“Dawson, you and I are friends. _Friends.”_ Well, sort of, he supposed. “And sisters are…”

“Off limits?”

“Yes!” Pacey exclaimed. “Sisters are off limits. They’re like mothers, only pretty.”

“I’m not asking for your permission, Pace. I’m just letting you know.”

Unbelievable. “So, what’s the big plan? What are you going to do about it? How are you going to pursue my sister?”

“Nothing. She says she just wants to be friends, and so that’s what I’m gonna be: her friend. I’m just gonna let things play out and see what happens.”

“Nothing? What kind of a plan is that?”

“I’ve done absolutely nothing so far, and we almost kissed.”

“You almost kissed because there was mistletoe hanging over your heads, Dawson.”

“Well, you know what I mean.”

“So, your plan is to not have a plan.” Pacey sighed and shrugged his shoulders. That didn’t sound like Dawson to him. Dawson always had some master plan, some scheme, where a girl was concerned. There was always an agenda, an ulterior motive to nearly everything. Only the girl in question was usually Joey. He certainly didn’t like it any better if his sister was the target.

“I’m glad you’ve applied to some colleges,” Dawson said, changing the subject.

“We’ll see if I hear back from any of them.” Then he watched Dawson reach inside his coat pocket, pull out two folded pieces of official-looking stationary, and hand them over.

“These came in the mail yesterday.”

With his fishing pole in his right hand, Pacey took the papers and opened them with his other. A cursory glance told him one was an acceptance letter to Boston University and the other a rejection letter from Emerson College. “How… how did you hear back so fast? I thought most schools don’t send out letters until March or April?”

“Emerson and BU have early action if you apply by November fifteenth.” 

“Wow. That’s good about BU, but I’m sorry you didn’t get in to Emerson.” He handed back the letters.

Dawson shrugged. “Emerson wasn’t exactly in my top five. Now, if USC sends a rejection letter, I might need to be committed.”

“But, hey, wasn’t Spielberg rejected by USC?”

“Yes, he was. Twice.” Dawson reeled back his line and then cast it back out. “So, you looking forward to the ski trip?” he asked, once again abruptly changing the subject.

“Uh, yeah. It’ll be good to get out of Capeside for a whole weekend.”

“Doesn’t compare to a whole summer, though, I’m sure. Who are you sharing a room with?”

“Jackers.”

Dawson nodded. “I take it Joey will be staying with…”

“Yep. Jen.”

Then they were quiet for some time. The sun rose higher in the sky. The frost melted. Pacey reeled and cast his line further out, trying several different spots, but had no more luck there. The fish weren’t biting. “Are you sure fish don’t sleep, Dawson?”

He laughed. “So, did you do a lot of fishing over the summer?”

“Uh, yeah.” Pacey felt surprised Dawson would initiate any talk surrounding his summer spent sailing with Joey, and this was now the second time he’d alluded to it. “I had to. There were some days where if I didn’t fish, we didn’t eat.”

“Did you stay on the boat in Key West, or did you guys rent a couple rooms or something?”

That suspicious feeling started to return. “We stayed on the boat. I hung up a couple hammocks below deck, and that’s where we slept.”

“I know it doesn’t compare to having a boat, but your own beach house with Gretchen can’t be that bad.”

“Well, Dawson, it’s better than staying with my parents, I know that,” Pacey said. “And no, it doesn’t really compare to my boat. I still can’t believe she’s gone.”

“And Gretchen works most nights down at the restaurant, so I imagine you get the house all to yourself a lot, right? Must be nice, and for Joey, too. That way she can escape a house full of guests as often as she wants.”

Pacey stared for a moment. Suspicion rose up like weeds after spring rain. “Yeah, pretty much.”

Dawson reeled in his line and hooked a fresh live worm to the hook, before casting it back out. “I’m sure you’ve thought of this, but it probably won’t be too difficult for you to get Jack and Jen to let you be alone with Joey on the senior trip.”

“That’s honestly up to her, Dawson. If you’re wondering if I’ve got some grand romantic plan for the ski trip, well, I don’t.”

“Smart thinking, Pace. I mean, the senior class trip? How cliché, right?”

“Right.” About two thousand red flags of warning went up in Pacey’s already suspicious mind. What exactly was cliché? Seniors getting in trouble on the ski trip? Sex on the ski trip? Was Dawson trying to ascertain whether Joey was sleeping with him or not? Or if she would be soon, say, a month from now? That’s really what these vague questions full of insinuations came down to. Gretchen was right: Dawson was still as obsessed with Joey as he ever was.

Pacey glanced at his watch; it was almost ten o’clock. “I don’t think we’re having much luck here with the fish, Dawson. We’ll have to try another time. I should get going, anyway. I promised Gretchen I’d help her with something today.”

“Picking up her car from her college campus?”

“Uh, yeah…” He frowned as he reeled his line back in for the last time. It was unnerving that Dawson knew Gretchen’s personal business.

“Well, thanks for coming. It was good to hang out. We’ll have to do it again soon.”

He doubted it. “Sure, Dawson. Sounds good.” Standing up from the chair and gathering his fishing pole and tackle box, Pacey thanked Dawson for inviting him over, and left.

An hour later, Pacey was in the passenger seat of the Witter wagon while his sister drove them out of Capeside. He glanced at the speedometer and noticed she was going fifteen miles over the limit. “What’s the hurry?”

“At this speed, we can get to the school, grab my car, and get back home before dark.”

“Your car hasn’t been at school for months. Your friends have borrowed it all this time, and suddenly you need it back?”

“Friend. And, well… ex-boyfriend, actually.”

“Nick has had your car this whole time? Why’d you two break up, anyway?”

She hesitated to answer. “That’s not really important.”

“Are you ever going to tell me why you decided to take a break from school and come back to Capeside? I know it’s not for a change of scenery or you really missed your beloved family and hometown, or any of the other bogus reasons you’ve spouted over the past seven months. Was Nick the reason you left school?” Gretchen didn’t answer. “You know, I always liked that guy.”

“That’s because you don’t know him. You met him one time and you guys spent two hours eating pretzels in Mom’s living room.”

“I know enough, Gretchen. He loves the Patriots, loves sailing, and has excellent taste in music. His favorite song is Freebird.”

“You basically just described yourself.”

“Well, great men think alike.”

“Ha! He’s a jerk, Pacey. Trust me.”

“Of course, I trust you, but this little sojourn back to college will give you two a chance to spend some time together. I hope you two crazy kids can work it out.”

She shook her head. “It’s not gonna happen. Is this sudden urge for me to reconcile with Nick have anything to do with a certain fair-haired pal of yours? I told you we were just friends.”

“Yes, I know, you keep assuring me that you’re just friends and that almost-kiss at the Leery’s Christmas party meant nothing. But I’m pretty sure Dawson doesn’t think it’s nothing. He told me he’s crazy about you.”

“Dawson and I are just friends, Pace. That’s it, and that’s all it’s ever gonna be. He knows that, and I know that. I don’t think of him any other way.”

“Well, I hope that’s true because you were right about one thing.” His sister glanced at him and their eyes met and held for a brief moment. “He’s not over Joey. Far from it.”

Gretchen threw him a concerned look. “Did something happen on your little fishing excursion?”

“Other than Dawson trying to figure out if me and Joey have a sex life, you mean?”

She heaved a sigh and looked at him hesitantly. “Um, you know how I mentioned to you at said Leery’s Christmas party that he was hung up on her and talks about her all the time?”

He eyed his sister. “…Yeah.”

“Uh, well, he might’ve mentioned to me one time that he’d always assumed he and Joey would lose their virginity together. He spoke about it in the past tense, but… I really don’t think it’s past tense, Pacey. I’m pretty sure he’s still hoping.”

“Well, that’s just great.”

“Do you think it’s possible that if Joey was suddenly single, Dawson would still be _crazy_ about me? Do you think it’s at all possible that Dawson doesn’t really want us to be more than friends, and that maybe he just wants you and Joey to think he does?”

As Pacey looked out the window, memories came back. Like images on a screen, the pictures slid across his mind. His hands balled into fists. So, Dawson’s grand plan was to do nothing, huh? Nothing about Gretchen, but maybe something about Joey. “Do I think it’s possible?” he echoed with a grim laugh. “Let me tell you a story, Gretch. It’s a day I’ll never forget. In sophomore year, after Jen dumped Dawson, she was gonna go on a date with Cliff Elliot. Dawson decided to make this girl, Mary Beth, think he liked her. He asked her out on a date to the fair and maneuvered things so that it ended up being a weird double date with Jen and Cliff. Did he like Mary Beth? No. But he sure wanted Jen to think that he did and that he was totally over her in his grand scheme to win her back.”

Gretchen shook her head. “Well, that was sophomore year. I would think Dawson has matured since then.”

“Maybe not where Joey is concerned.”

“Why is that a day you won’t forget?”

His brows furrowed. “Huh?”

“You said that whole double date thing with Dawson was a day you’ll never forget.”

“Oh, well, that was the day I spent with Joey hunting for snails for a science project. It’s also the day we went to the fair together afterwards and ran into Dawson in the middle of his double date fiasco, where I proceeded to tell him that I liked Joey and he gave me his blessing to go for it. It’s the day I kissed her outside her house and it was obvious she wished it was Dawson who’d kissed her instead. So, yeah, I’m not gonna forget that day.”

“And look who got the girl in the end?” his sister said with a smile.

“You think this is the end, do ya?” He frowned. “A lot can happen between now and forever, Gretch. Especially if Dawson gets his way.”

“Pacey, come on,” she implored. “Joey adores you.”

Thoughts of his girlfriend filled his mind, and the truth in his sister’s words made his heart warm with joy. He grinned somewhat sheepishly. “She does, doesn’t she?”

“You’re her knight in shining armor.”

Almost two hours after leaving Capeside, they arrived in Boston, and after merging onto the I-90, drove ten miles west of the city to Bentley. Situated between a reservation and a conservation, the area around the university appeared rural, despite its close proximity to the city. Gretchen drove them to a wooded area on the edge of Lyman Park, where she soon pulled up in front of what was obviously student housing. It looked like a typical house, but it was teeming with college students in the middle of throwing a party.

To his sister’s horror, her car was in nowhere near enough shape to drive. The car was up on cinder blocks, with the hood popped open and two tires missing. “That son of a bitch!” she groaned as she stomped toward the house.

Dressed in a pair of snug jeans and a tight-fitting long-sleeved shirt, her ex-boyfriend came out the door when they reached the bottom of the porch, and Pacey proceeded to watch them argue about the car and its state of disrepair. Nick defended his actions, stating the tires were bad and he was worried something would happen to Gretchen if she drove with them.

“Thanks for looking out for her, man.” Pacey smiled appreciatively.

“Yeah, Nick Taylor is a renowned protector of women,” Gretchen said acidly.

“Look, if you want to leave, I’ll fix the car and you’re outta here,” Nick offered. “But listen, all your old friends are gonna be here tonight. I figured you’d wanna see everybody, and you’ll have a room all to yourself to sleep in. You and Pacey here will have a comfortable place to crash.”

“God help me,” Gretchen sighed.

“Go on in and see everyone. Me and Pacey will fix you a medium-rare veggie burger over on the grill.”

“You think you know me so well, don’t you?” she snapped.

“As well as any guy can,” Nick grinned. Gretchen scowled and then turned to walk up the stairs. “So, Pacey, you like imported beer?”

Pacey stared after his sister’s disappearing back, the door closing behind her. “Oh, I’ll…” Was he serious? While it was tempting to sit around and slug back a few beers with the guy, he suddenly felt nervous about drinking at a college party without Joey around. “I’m not old enough to drink.”

“Well, I won’t tell if you won’t.” Nick winked at him and chuckled. “So, Heineken? Corona? Red Stripe?”

“Look, I shouldn’t. I’m gonna be driving the Jeep back to the Cape as soon as Gretchen’s car is ready.”

“Are you sure? Might be a few hours before y’all leave.”

Pacey nodded and shoved his hands in his pockets. “I’m sure. Thanks, anyway.”

“Head on inside. There’s probably some soda in the fridge.”

“Thanks, man,” Pacey replied before walking up onto the porch and going into the house.

After an afternoon spent hanging out with Nick, Pacey was starting to think college might not be so bad. Gretchen didn’t seem too thrilled that they were hanging out and getting along, but he didn’t get what the big deal was. Nick was a nice enough guy, and he had painted college to be like a small city where everyone was your own age, the beer flowed like water, and parties were never-ending. It was a lot different from high school, where anyone who wasn’t standard just didn’t fit in. Nick had told him that college was a fresh start, like wiping the slate clean and deciding for yourself who you were gonna be. It made him think of Joey. If only it were a possibility they could end up at the same school. At least there was hope they’d be at schools that weren’t too far apart.

Meandering through the house, Pacey went in search of Gretchen. The sun was going to set soon. If they wanted to have the car fixed and on the road by dark, they needed to get going. As he wove through groups of partygoers, he noticed a lot of the girls were trying to get his attention, reaching for him and grabbing his hand or his arm, but he just shrugged them off and kept moving.

He soon ran into his sister talking to Nick, and threw his arms around their shoulders. “It’s so good to see you guys together. Honestly. Hey, can you believe that she’s still single, considering what an amazing catch she is?” he told Nick.

Gretchen rolled her eyes. “Okay, before you try and show all my teeth to prove what good breeding stock I am, you’ll have to excuse me.”

Pacey watched her start to walk away. “Hey, what about the car?” he called out after her.

“I think she wants to stay a little longer,” Nick said.

“So, uh, whatever happened with you two?”

“Our lives just moved in two different directions.” Nick then tilted his head, and he followed his gaze across the room and laid his eyes on a pretty woman in a yellow sweater smiling and waving at him. He recognized her as one of the girls who’d been trying to get his attention earlier. “I think I see someone who wants to move in your direction.”

Pacey gave her a half-hearted wave in return. “I don’t think that’d be such a grand idea.”

Moving closer, Nick lowered his voice conspiratorially. “Her name’s Christie. She loves horses, watersports, and back rubs from guys just like you, buddy. You can’t go wrong.”

“Oh, but I can go wrong. Very wrong. There is someone back at home who would think that’s a very, very bad idea.”

“Is that certain someone here? I don’t think so. And I am definitely not going to say anything.” Nick smirked and tossed him a set of keys. “Second room upstairs to the left. Condoms are in the cigar box next to the futon. I’m going to go talk to your sister.”

Pacey was at a loss. He’d spent the entire afternoon talking the guy’s head off about Joey. Why would he think this was cool? “Nick—”

“Hey, don’t mention it, man. Guys like me and you, we got to look out for each other.”

His mood plummeting, wordlessly he watched Nick walk away. Gretchen was right: the guy was a jerk. Shaking his head in disbelief, he turned around to see Christie had closed the distance between them and was standing right in front of him. She twirled her long strawberry blond hair around a finger.

She greeted him with a smile. “Hi. Nick said your name was Pacey?”

“Nick talked to you about me?”

“Yeah.” She was still smiling.

Incredible. “Um, Christie, is it? Look, Christie, I’m sure you’re a very nice girl, but I have a girlfriend at home who is waiting for me and I really wanna get back to her as soon as possible. So, whatever Nick told you…”

“Relax,” she said, laughing. “He didn’t say much. I only asked him to tell me your name because you happen to be the best looking guy here. Too bad you’re taken.” She shrugged and sipped from the straw in her drink.

“Yes, I am very taken. Very, very taken. I am also still a high school senior and don’t really belong here.”

“Are you planning on going to Bentley when you graduate?” she asked. “Are you here for a campus tour?”

“Oh, no. My sister goes here. Well, she did… Anyway, I’m just here to pick up her car and then we’re going back to the Cape.”

“Cape Cod?”

“Yeah. So…” She was still standing there. Was she expecting him to make conversation? “What are you studying?”

“Graphic design and computers.”

He didn’t know why that surprised him, but he was taken aback. She didn’t look like any computer nerds he knew. “Really?”

She nodded, still flashing a smile of perfect white teeth. “I run a website that I started freshman year and it’s become this huge hit. We get tons of traffic. I want to use it as my final project next year, but I’m not sure how cool my professors would be with that.”

“Why? What’s the website?”

“Oh, sex stuff,” she said casually.

Pacey gulped. “Uh… what, like porn?”

Christie started laughing and slapped him playfully on the arm. “No, of course not, silly. It’s just different forms of art—drawing, painting, photography, and short stories. But the subject matter is all very sexual.”

“You don’t say.” He laughed nervously.

“Yeah, you should totally check it out. So many writers and artists have been able to publish their work on the website. It’s been really great.” She touched his arm again. “Oh, did you know that most Christian guys who ask me about my website are perverted hardcore closet freaks? I mean, who knew?” She paused a moment, sipping from her drink. “So… are you?”

He blinked. “Am I Christian, or am I a perverted freak?” She only laughed in response, still waiting for his answer. “Well, my family is Catholic, and I guess I believe in God, but I never did anything with the Catholic thing. We never really went to church except special occasions. And as for the other… I don’t know. I haven’t really had the chance to find out.”

There were many times over the years that Joey had called him a pervert, but he honestly thought he was just a normal guy with normal urges. She certainly hadn’t called him a pervert since they’d started fooling around, no matter what he said or did. He laughed uneasily, feeling like an idiot.

“Something tells me you’d like to find out,” Christie said, grinning at his nervous laugh.

The way she was looking at him made Pacey’s face burn. He wanted to leave. “Well, I think I’m gonna—”

“I think you just need to hook up with someone who will bring out the freak in you,” she said. “You say you have a girlfriend, so what’s the problem? I take it she just lies there, if she lets you have sex at all. So, why are you with her? I’m guessing because she’s pretty, right?”

He thought Christie suddenly seemed a bit smug and he scowled. “China dolls and flowers are pretty. Josephine Potter? She’s more a sunset over the ocean or a waterfall on a tropical island. A rare beauty. And not that it’s any of your business, but no, she doesn’t just lie there, and there isn’t a problem. We’re very happy. So, if you’ll excuse me, Christie, I really need to go fix my sister’s car so we can get out of here. Good luck with the website.”

Pacey tossed Nick’s keys down on a table, grabbed his coat off a hook on the wall, and went outside to work on the car. When he was finished, he found Gretchen coming back down the stairs, her coat in her arms, and thankfully her slimy ex-boyfriend was nowhere in sight. He took hold of her hand and led her outside. “That man is a world class jerk,” he said. “Were you up in one of the bedrooms with him?”

“I know that, Pacey. I tried to tell you. And you don’t need to protect me. Yes, I was upstairs with him, but nothing happened. I mean, it almost happened, but then I realized why I came here.”

“Didn’t you come here to see Nick?”

“No, I came here to say goodbye to Nick. To finally let it go and move on with my life.”

“Well, I guess we’ve both had enough of him for tonight, right? Let’s get out of here, then, and go home. Your car’s fixed. I found the tires. They only needed a couple patches. The tread is fine. He lied about that to keep you here, obviously.” Pacey sighed. “He’s the reason you left school, isn’t he?”

“I am the reason I left school.”

“So, what happened? What’d he do to you?”

“Nothing I didn’t allow to happen. Look, it’s my fault, too. I can’t just blame him, and neither should you.”

Pacey did not like the sound of that and his face hardened. “Blame him for what?”

Then Gretchen finally told him the truth. She got pregnant and miscarried, but never told Nick about it. “It would’ve interrupted his plans to sleep with half the Theta house.”

He felt disgusted. Anger flooded his gut like molten lava. “What a dick. What. A. Dick. I can’t believe I was hanging out with that guy, thinking how cool he was. I am gonna break his—”

“No! No, you are not. I am not a victim here, Pace, and I don’t want him to know. Nobody knows about this except you and Dawson.”

_What?!_ “You told Dawson Leery before you told me?”

“He’s my friend.”

“I’m your brother!”

“With a very specific idea of how sisters should behave. I left school to work on me and the person I wanna be. I can’t be who everyone else wants me to be.”

“Okay, fair enough. At least you now know who Nick really is. I can’t believe you fell for such a self-centered, egocentric jerk like him. You know, I get that you were the cheerleader who always had the good grades and the good boyfriends and maybe you were tired of being the good one all the time. But that guy? Why him? He’s an ass! You don’t deserve to be treated like shit. You deserve better than that guy. You deserve someone who will listen to you, and who will commit to you and be faithful to you. You deserve somebody who will make you the absolute center of their universe.”

“Joey’s really lucky.”

He blinked. “What? Don’t change the subject.”

Gretchen laughed and put on her coat. “I’m not. Joey’s really lucky, and so am I. Do you know where I got the strength to finally get closure on Nick and that part of myself that I needed to let go? From you. Ever since I was a little girl, I looked to you for cues on how I should be treated. And you’re right. I deserve so much better than Nick, and my heart knows that because I have a brother who treats me as well as you do.” Her eyes filled with tears. “Do you wanna know why I came back to Capeside, Pacey? I mean, you’ve said it yourself many times—I could’ve gone anywhere.”

He nodded. “Well, yeah. You were tending bar in Provincetown all summer. You could’ve just stayed up there. Or you could’ve gone to New York or Philadelphia, or hell, you could’ve drove across the country to L.A. Why in the world come back to our shitty town and be forced to endure Sunday dinners at Mom and Dad’s house? I don’t get it.”

“Pacey, I came back to Capeside because that’s where you were,” she said, her voice thick with emotion. “I was having a difficult time, and I know it sounds silly, but… I needed to be somewhere I felt safe and protected, and that was with you. I needed my brother. I needed to be around someone who actually understands me and loves me unconditionally, someone who really cares about me. And in all my twenty-one years, there hasn’t been anyone who’s cared about me more than you, Pacey.”

He pulled her into a hug. “I’m glad you came home, Gretchen.” His sister meant more to him than words could say. From childhood, there had been one person who’d consistently had his back. She’d been his constant defender, and he’d been the same for her. Growing up in their house wasn’t easy, but they’d both tried to shield each other as much as they possibly could.

“Are you gonna be okay to drive home in the dark? It’ll be really late by the time we get back to Capeside. We can stay and leave in the morning if you want.”

“I’m all right.” Gretchen pulled away and looked up at him. “I don’t wanna stay here a minute longer. Let’s go home.”

“Okay. I’ll be following right behind you.”

About two hours later, they were pulling into the beach house driveway. When he was about to ascend the stairs to his bedroom, Gretchen called out to him, “Pacey, there’s a message for you on the answering machine.”

He walked away from the stairs and joined his sister, who once again pressed the blinking red button. An automated voice told him the new message had been left at eight fifty-eight P.M. Then Joey’s voice filled the kitchen.

“Pacey? It’s Joey. Oh, God. I thought you’d be home by now. Well, I guess this means you’re not back yet. Um, well, when you do get home, can you please come over to the yacht club? I tried calling Bessie, but no one is answering the phone and the machine is full. I’m locked in the basement storage room with Drue and we can’t get out and everyone’s left for the day and… Just get here as soon as possible, please! My bag is behind the bar and there should be a set of keys to get us out.”

Good lord. He picked up the phone and called the Potter’s house. On the fourth ring, Bodie answered. “Hello?”

“Hey, Bodie. I’m sorry to be calling so late, but did Joey get a hold of you guys?”

“Joey? Isn’t she with you? She said she’d be going to your place after work.”

“Shit.” He heaved a sigh. “I just got back from Boston. Apparently, she’s stuck at the yacht club. I’m gonna go get her.”

After asking Pacey to let them know immediately if there’s a problem, Bodie said goodbye and hung up. Then he shrugged on his coat and walked back out to the Jeep. Minutes later, he was pulling up to the yacht club’s restaurant entrance. To his relief, the door was unlocked. Just like his girlfriend had said, her brown bag was on the shelf behind the bar and her set of work keys was inside it. Now all he had to do was find the basement in this huge place.

The employee hallway between the dining room and kitchen had three doors. Thankfully, one was marked “Storage.” Twisting the doorknob, Pacey opened the door. It was pitch black, but the air felt cool like a stairwell to a basement. Reaching on the inside wall, he quickly found a light switch, illuminating the space, and he began to walk down the stairs.

The shelves were filled with linens and cleaning supplies and dusty boxes containing who knew what. At each end of the large room was a door. He tried one and found the boiler room. He crossed the basement to the opposite door and tried the knob. It was locked. Pulling Joey’s keys from his pocket, he started trying each key until he found the right one. He was relieved there were only a few, and he quickly found one that fit inside the lock.

The door opened to reveal Joey and Drue Valentine standing there. His girlfriend’s scowl turned into an instant look of relief, and Pacey smiled. His gaze went to Drue, who looked a little worse for wear. His right eye was spotting a serious shiner. Joey quickly crossed the room and he opened to her, wrapping her in an embrace. “Thank God you’re here, Pacey,” she murmured into his shoulder.

“Are you all right, Jo?” She nodded as she stepped away and took hold of his hand while his gaze remained on Drue. “Um, what happened to your _face?”_

“Well, so much for it hardly being noticeable,” Drue snarked. “Joey punched me.”

“She what?”

“Yes. Her right hook connected with my face, and quite hard, I have to say.”

Pacey looked at Joey, who was keeping quiet, and then at Drue again. “She really got a good hit in,” he said, impressed.

Drue smirked. “You don’t seem all that shocked your girlfriend would do something like this, Witter.”

“To you?” he asked with a laugh. “Not shocked at all. She does have a good arm on her. I know from experience. So, what was this fight about?” He glanced between the two of them again.

“He tried to kiss me,” Joey finally said with an exasperated huff. Being locked in the storage closet for hours had been a nightmare.

Pacey’s expression instantly hardened and he squeezed her hand. “What?”

Drue gulped and noticeably became nervous. “Look, man, it was nothing. It was dumb. I apologize. Besides, I’d say Potter can take care of herself. She certainly doled out a sufficient punishment. My face will be tarnished for at least a week.”

Joey looked up at her boyfriend nervously and tugged on his hand. “Let’s just go, okay, Pace? I’d like to get out of here. I’ve been stuck down here with him long enough.”

He unclenched his jaw and sighed. “Okay. Let’s go.” He watched his girlfriend hurry away and towards the stairwell, and then started to follow as Drue left the storage room, closing the door behind him. When they reached the bottom of the stairs, Joey was already at the top. Then Pacey abruptly turned around.

“You know, uh, last year there was this real jerk at our school,” he told Drue. “He was a senior—a real asshole. Matt Caufield. Well, he took it upon himself to ruin the mural Joey had painted in the hallway—tossed black paint all over it—after she’d worked on it for over a month. I beat the shit out of him in the school parking lot.”

Drue looked a little taken aback and let out a tiny nervous laugh, eyeing him cautiously.

Staring for a moment, Pacey set his jaw. “If you so much as lay a finger on Joey again, I’ll break your fucking neck.”

“Jesus, Witter. I believe you.”

The three of them were soon walking toward the restaurant exit. When they reached the doorway, Pacey and Joey turned at the sound of Drue chuckling behind them.

“How in the world do you two stay in a relationship with someone so different from you?”

“We’re not that different,” Joey replied. Pacey nodded in agreement. He didn’t think so either.

“Well, I admit I have recently learned that you both have a certain proclivity for violence,” he said, shooting a sarcastic look at Pacey. “But seriously, Potter. You’re reasonable and responsible, and Witter here is reckless and rash. It doesn’t add up.”

“Hey, in my defense I haven’t done anything reckless or rash in at least a month,” Pacey quipped. “But don’t tempt me.”

Joey smiled at him before turning her attention back to Drue. “Part of his recklessness is that he’s constantly surprising me, and part of his rashness is that he’s intensely passionate. Those differences are important. They make for a richer relationship.”

“We balance each other out,” Pacey added.

“Maybe while you’re in high school,” Drue said. “But the last I heard Worthington wasn’t admitting the rash boyfriends of candidates just to keep the world’s cutest couple together.”

She scowled. “How would you like a broken nose to go along with that black eye?”

“Geez. Lighten up.”

“We don’t need to be in the same college for our relationship to work, Drue,” Pacey said. “Plenty of couples don’t attend the same school or… work at the same job. Okay? That’s life.”

Drue rolled his eyes. “Well, they at least live in the same city. Wouldn’t you agree, Potter?”

“Pacey and I have every intention of being in the same city. Why do you even care, anyway?” she asked, annoyed.

“He’s just miserable, Jo.” Pacey took her hand, threading their fingers. “He sees how happy we are and it pisses him off. Come on. Let’s go.”

They walked out the door, leaving Drue behind to lock up. Pacey walked his girlfriend to her truck. Their shoulders brushed. Joey turned and he pressed her against the driver’s side door, and kissed her longingly. “I missed you all day,” he said quietly.

She smiled, but the knot that had somewhat loosened earlier now suddenly tightened fiercely, filling her insides with that sick feeling of dread. She tried to push thoughts of the impending birthday party from her mind. “How was the trip to Gretchen’s school?”

He didn’t know what to say. “It was nice to hang out with my sister, but… it sucked, to be honest.”

“I’m sorry.” Joey wrapped her arms around him and pulled him closer. Something crinkled in his pocket. “What’s that?”

“I don’t know,” he replied, his brows furrowing. Pacey reached inside his coat pocket and pulled out a small folded piece of ripped paper, opening it. His stomach bottomed out.

Joey reached for the paper and took it from his hand. A girl’s name and a phone number were written in a hasty scrawl. It wasn’t Pacey’s handwriting, but it didn’t really look like a girl’s either. “Who is Christie?”

“That scumbag,” Pacey seethed.

“Who? This Christie person?”

Closing his eyes and sighing, he shook his head. “No, Gretchen’s ex-boyfriend, Nick. Christie is the girl he was trying to hook me up with at his house party.”

Her old friends jealousy and insecurity welled up inside Joey like a poisonous geyser. She knew Pacey had a fondness for older, mature women. “A college girl?”

“Yeah. I think she was a junior, but I couldn’t be sure.”

“Was she pretty?”

He recognized that tone and felt panic start to rise. “She wasn’t my type, Jo.”

She smirked in disbelief. “Sure. Let me guess… she was a blonde?”

_“Strawberry_ blonde. Not my type at all. I happen to like leggy brunettes who boss me around.” She laughed and he gathered her in his arms. “How about you come back to my place and stay over? We’ll go upstairs to my bedroom, and I’ll let you boss me around all night long.”

“Oh, my God, Pacey,” she giggled. She tightened her fist around the paper with the Christie girl’s number and tossed it to the ground.

“Littering, Potter? I’m appalled.”

“Maybe some other guy will find it and give her a call.”

“He’ll be in for an interesting conversation, I’m sure,” he snarked, before quickly changing the subject. “Seriously, Jo. Spend the night with me. Think of it as an early birthday present.” He waggled his brows suggestively.

The word _birthday_ twisted her guts and she frowned.

His heart sunk at the look on her face. Something was wrong. She almost looked… guilty. “Are you okay? Did something else happen with Drue? Something you’re not telling me?”

“No, of course not. I’d never keep anything like that from you.” Just a surprise birthday party with your awful family, she thought bitterly. “Oh, so, how was fishing with Dawson this morning?” she asked, wanting to steer him in another direction.

Pacey gazed at her a moment, wondering why the topic would go from her sleeping over at his place to Dawson. He was unsure what to say. He wanted to tell Joey that he didn’t believe Dawson actually wanted to be friends again, at least like how they used to be. That he had only invited him fishing to grill him about their relationship. That maybe he didn’t like Gretchen as much as he let on. He wanted to tell Joey that Dawson was still hung up on her and as obsessed with her virginity as he ever was. That Dawson was still wishing she’d never have sex with him, that _he’d_ still get to be her first time.

Instead, he smiled, ran his fingers through her hair, and said, “It was fine. Yeah, we had a good time.”

Joey beamed a smile of happiness, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and hugging him tight. “I’m so glad, Pacey.”

Her hugged her back and frowned over her shoulder.

“Ugh, I can’t believe I have to be back here in the morning,” she grumbled, pulling out of the hug.

“You probably wanna go home, then, huh? Get some sleep?”

“Yeah, I should.” Her eyes flickered over the disappointed look on his face. “I’m sorry we didn’t get to spend more time together today, but we’ll have all day tomorrow when I get out of work.”

“Yeah, but it’s Sunday. We’ll just be studying and doing homework.”

Joey smiled, her hands moving up his chest and around his neck. “But we’ll still be together.”

He cupped her cheek with one large hand, blue eyes intent on hers. His gaze was warm, tender. He inched closer, nudging her nose with his. “You’re right. As long as we’re together, I’m happy no matter what we’re doing.”

As Joey got into the truck, Pacey kissing her goodnight and then shutting her door while she buckled herself in, she could only hope he’d still feel the same way once he learned what she’d done. Yet as she drove away, she couldn’t suppress the feelings of guilt and fear that were wreaking havoc on her insides. No doubt her nerves would be completely shot by the time Pacey’s birthday rolled around on Monday. She could only hope for the best, knowing very well she was hoping for a miracle.


	40. 2001 (Senior Year: Part Fifteen)

January 8. On Monday morning, Joey got ready for school earlier than usual and then drove over to the beach house. Upon knocking on the front door, no one answered. Maybe she was a little too early, she thought. She pulled her keys from her pocket and flipped through them to Pacey’s house key. Inserting it into the lock, she quickly opened the door and stepped inside. All was quiet. Her backpack was deposited on the wood countertop of the kitchen island, from which she pulled out the box of Hostess CupCakes and a pack of birthday candles.

Joey paused, standing in the kitchen and listening for any movement upstairs. Nothing. She decided she’d head up there and wake Pacey up, but as she moved out of the kitchen, she noticed he was asleep on the couch. He must not have bothered to climb the stairs to bed the night before. Returning to the island, she removed a cupcake from the plastic packaging, set it on a plate, and stuck a candle in the middle of it. Next, she went through the drawers looking for matches.

Then she carried the lit cupcake into the living room, where she woke her boyfriend up singing the “Happy Birthday” song. He wasn’t amused, and groaned, trying to pull the blanket over his head. She kept on singing.

“No. Go away, Jo.”

She frowned at his cold dismissal. “You better make a wish before I set this couch on fire.”

He turned back to look at her. “My wish would be for no further acknowledgement of today’s hollow, symbolic meaning as a milestone in the life of Pacey Witter.”

She blew out the candle herself and set the plate down on the coffee table. “Okay, but now that you’ve told me your wish, it can’t come true.”

Sighing, Pacey got up off the couch, taking the blanket with him and wrapping it around his shoulders. “Look, I understand your naïve enthusiasm, okay? I mean, what’s the harm in celebrating a birthday? Everybody else does it. What you don’t know is that every birthday I’ve had since I was ten years old has been a complete disaster. I’m talking gut-wrenching, soul-searching, question-the-universe agony.”

“Well, as least you’re not being dramatic about it,” she quipped.

Pacey’s eyes narrowed at her, and then while making a pot of coffee he began to recount examples of the terrible birthdays he’d been cursed with over the years, some of the worst days of his existence all falling on this particular day. “So, if you don’t mind, this year I think I’ll just skip it,” he concluded.

“Hmm… no,” Joey said, turning him to face her. “Remember last year? Your seventeenth birthday? Nothing awful happened, Pacey. We had a nice dinner at a nice restaurant, and there was no disaster.”

“Well, then I think that’s the key,” he replied, moving closer and wrapping her in a hug. “There might be a way we could avert another birthday disaster—if you and I were to spend a quiet evening alone, here.”

“Okay, Pace. Just you and me.” She frowned over his shoulder, her stomach twisting with guilt. “Um, you haven’t heard from Will Krudski at all lately, have you?”

Pacey pulled out of the hug and gave her a confused look. “Not since before Christmas. Why?”

She tried to shrug casually. “Oh, I was just wondering if maybe he’d given you a call to wish you a happy birthday.” Joey had called Will and invited him to the birthday party, which he readily agreed to attend, and told him it was a surprise and to not say anything to Pacey, but the thought of Will accidentally spilling the beans made her inexplicably nervous.

He only shook his head. “Nope. Not yet, anyway. The day is still young.”

“Yeah. The day is still young…” Joey watched him turn to pour himself a cup of coffee, her brow creased with worry.

Later at school, she and Pacey were once again joined at lunch by Dawson, Jen, and Jack, and as agreed upon last week, had brought any and all rejection or acceptance letters. Joey watched as Dawson and Jack pulled letters from their backpacks and set them on the table, and then pulled out a letter of her own.

Jen frowned. “It’s not fair that you guys hear back so early, and us schmucks don’t.”

“It’s your own damn fault for not applying until mid-December,” Jack scolded her playfully.

“Technically, _I_ didn’t apply. I procrastinated until the final deadline, and then you and Grams applied for me.”

“Exactly. So, stop complaining.”

The friends all passed around their letters. Joey had been accepted to Boston University, along with Dawson and Jack, while the two boys also had rejection letters from Emerson College and Suffolk University respectively. They turned to Pacey.

“When did you send in your applications, Pace?” Dawson asked.

“Well, I filled them out on November tenth,” he answered. “It was a Friday, and Ms. Watson said she would mail them right away. But maybe they didn’t actually get sent out until the Monday.”

“It’s still possible they made the deadlines,” Jack encouraged.

“BU probably sent out the admission letters before the rejection letters,” Dawson remarked.

Bristling at that comment, Pacey fixed a stare in his former best friend’s direction.

“Which schools have early action that you applied to?” Jack then asked him.

He shrugged. “Uh… well, Boston University, clearly,” he said, nodding at the letters on the table. “But let’s face it, there’s no way I’m getting in there. Other than that, I don’t know. I don’t think Ms. Watson ever said anything about early action to me.”

Reaching under the table, Joey rubbed his knee reassuringly. “You know Worthington is the school I’m holding out for, and I won’t hear from them for at least another two months.”

Then she watched her boyfriend get up from the table to dump his lunch tray, and quickly turned to her friends. “Pacey’s mom invited you all to his birthday party tonight, right?” They all stared at her like she had grown two more heads out of her neck. The knots in her stomach tightened as realization washed over her. What else had Mrs. Witter forgotten? What would Pacey be walking into? This didn't bode well. “You guys don’t know anything about the party, do you?”

Dawson exchanged looks with the others. “Uh, no. I know nothing about it. You guys?” Jen and Jack shook their heads.

“Well, you don’t have plans tonight, do you? It’s a surprise party and I can’t have it be just me and Will Krudski and Pacey’s crazy family. I need as many friendly faces as I can get there.”

“I’m doing more community service this afternoon after school,” Jen said. “But I can come to the party later. What time?”

“Great. Mrs. Witter wants me to have Pacey there at six, but I imagine we’ll probably be there until about nine or so. I hope not any longer than that.”

“I’m free,” Jack said. “I’ll be there.”

Joey flashed him look of appreciation, and then turned to her right. “Dawson?”

He beamed a smile at her. “The restaurant is closed today, so I’m off, but of course, I wouldn’t miss Pacey’s birthday. I already got him a gift, and the party will be the perfect place to give it to him. Better than the school parking lot. I’ll be there. You can count on me.”

“Thanks, Dawson,” she breathed in relief. “Oh, can you or Jack pick up Will at the train station at four-thirty and then bring him with you to the Witter’s house?”

He and Jack exchanged looks and nodded. “Sure,” Dawson said. “No problem.”

Pacey made his way back to the table, passing by Drue Valentine and exchanging dirty looks, before sitting back down next to Joey.

“What was that about?” Jen asked him, arching her brows in surprise.

“What?”

“You and Drue. I almost thought there was gonna be a rumble in the middle of the cafeteria.”

Jack swiveled in his chair to briefly glance at Drue before turning back to Pacey. “Are you the one who gave him that black eye? It’s been the talk of the senior class pretty much all day, and he’s not saying anything.”

He pursed his lips and stared at Joey. She heaved a sigh. “I punched Drue,” she admitted.

“Oh, my God,” Jen laughed. “Why? What happened? And don’t leave out any details.”

“Drue and I got locked in the basement storage room at work,” Joey began. “I was climbing to reach the top shelf to see if there was anything edible up there, but I fell down, Drue caught me, and tried to kiss me. Then I slugged him.”

Jack’s eyes went wide. “Geez. How long were you locked in the storage room?”

She grimaced. “Longer than anyone should have to endure Drue Valentine’s presence. I called home but no luck—no one answered and I couldn’t leave a message. Then I called Pacey. He wasn’t home yet, but thankfully I left a message. He came to my rescue, but by the time he got there I’d been stuck down there for hours.”

Dawson gave her an incredulous look. “Joey, why didn’t you call me? I was home. I could’ve come right away and gotten you out of there. You wouldn’t have had to wait for hours for Pacey to finally show up.”

Those words triggered a fault line that rumbled right down into Pacey’s core. He glared for a second before his eyes flickered to Jen’s. She met and held his gaze, a knowing look passing silently between them.

“Yeah, I…” Joey shrugged, at a loss. She supposed Dawson was right. “I guess I could’ve done that, but… I honestly didn’t think of you, Dawson. It didn’t even cross my mind. I’m sorry.”

Pacey inwardly gloated and tried to fight a smug expression from forming on his face.

“Joey, I know we had a rough few months there for a while, but I’m still your best friend,” Dawson continued. “Okay? You can always call on me whenever you need me, and I’ll be there for you. Day or night.”

A coldness starting working its way down Pacey’s chest.

For a moment Joey didn’t know how to respond, and something in the back of her mind told her that was kind of a strange thing for him to say in front of everyone at the table, but then she pushed the thought away and smiled. “Thanks, Dawson. I appreciate that.”

“So, what did _you_ do to Drue?” Jack asked Pacey. “You know, when you found out he kissed Joey?”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“And you just let him get away with it?” Dawson said with surprise. “Not to bring up an unpleasant memory, but I think we all know what happened when I found out about Jack kissing Joey.”

“I wouldn’t say it’s an unpleasant memory,” Jack said wistfully. “That’s the night me and Jen became friends.”

Jen laughed. “Best friends forever. Thanks to Dawson’s right hook.”

The coldness in Pacey’s chest had formed a ball of ice in the pit of his stomach. “Well, you’re lucky Jack didn’t retaliate, Dawson, because he would’ve kicked your ass.”

“Is that why you didn’t hit Drue?” Dawson countered, an edge to his voice.

“He didn’t need to hit Drue,” Joey said firmly, sick of this conversation. “I wounded his face enough. He got the message. I don’t need guys to throw punches for me, Dawson. So, please drop the aggressive masculine bullshit.”

Pacey scoffed, but before he could say anything, the bell rang, signaling the end of their lunch period. After walking hand in hand out of the cafeteria, he kissed Joey goodbye and told her he’d see her after school. Then locking eyes with Jen, they proceeded to walk together in the opposite direction. “You saw what was happening at that table, right?” he asked her.

“Maybe he was just being nice and… chivalrous,” she suggested, yet her tone didn’t sound confident.

“Dawson Leery? Chivalrous out of the kindness of his heart with no ulterior motive behind it? That’s a new one.”

Jen frowned as she walked beside him.

“And what’s with the comparisons? _He_ would’ve punched Drue’s lights out. _He_ would’ve rescued her sooner. Not like that perpetual fuck-up, Pacey Witter.”

“You know, I am kind of surprised you didn’t punch Drue,” Jen said.

“Joey had already done the punching when I got there. Besides, I was only angry that he’d tried to force himself on her. I’m not threatened by Drue Valentine.”

“Yeah, but still… I figure you must’ve done something to him. I saw the look Drue gave you in the cafeteria. That wasn’t nothing.”

He sighed. “Well, I might have… maybe… threatened to break his neck if he touched Joey again.”

“Ah, there’s the Pacey I know and love,” she quipped.

They soon reached his locker, where he grabbed his chemistry textbook and a notebook. What he’d just witnessed at lunch, and what happened on Saturday morning while fishing with his friend, went around and around his head. “I think Dawson wants to steal my girlfriend, Jen.”

“Well… I don’t know if I’d go that far, Pacey.”

“No? Then what was the point of all that? I mean, the actual motive underneath it all.”

Jen didn’t reply, keeping silent, her brows knitting as an anxious look etched across her face.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. And if I say something—if I warn him and tell him to stop or even if I say anything to Joey that accuses him—then I’ll look like the dick. I’m the asshole who’s casting aspersions on the golden boy’s character. So, I can’t do anything except keep my mouth shut and hope he doesn’t get what he wants.”

“Pacey, I know this may bruise your male ego, but boys don’t steal girls away from other guys. You’re forgetting the biggest factor here: Joey herself. It’s her choice who she’s with. Dawson can’t steal her if she doesn’t want to be stolen.”

He closed his locker. “Maybe not right now, but… later… when you all end up in college in Boston and I’m just… this loser who never gets—”

The two-minute warning bell rang out, interrupting him.

“Pacey, what are you saying? I thought you said you were gonna be in Boston, too.”

“I gotta get to chemistry class,” he muttered. “Don’t wanna be late and embarrass myself in front of a room filled with juniors. I’ll see you later, Jen.”

That afternoon, he rode with Joey back to the beach house. When they arrived, Pacey put on another pot of coffee and they sat together at the small circular dining table. He pulled out two of his textbooks and his assignments.

“Pace, you don’t have to do homework on your birthday.”

“Well, Jo, since I’m treating today like it was any other day, and nothing special in the slightest, then why not do my homework?”

Before she could reply, the phone rang. Pacey started to rise, but she quickly yelped, “I’ll get it!” and rushed to the phone in the kitchen. His mother wouldn’t call here, would she?

“Hello,” she spoke tentatively into the receiver.

“Hi, Jo.”

“Oh. Hey, Bessie.”

“I don’t want to interrupt Pacey’s birthday and all, but your report card came in the mail today.”

A fresh set of nerves fluttered in her stomach. “Did you open it?”

“Not yet. Do you want me to, or do you want to open it yourself later?”

She couldn’t wait. “Open it and read it to me.”

While Pacey was bent over his textbook, he wondered if she had gotten another college letter. Joey heard the rustling of paper and then Bessie spoke.

“You got all A’s, Jo. Congratulations.”

Relief flooded her. “Were any of those A’s an A minus, by any chance?”

“AP English was an A minus. I’m kind of surprised at that, Jo.”

“I bombed the midterm. Pacey got Mr. Kasdan to let me retake it, but it still cost me a whole letter grade.”

At the sound of that Pacey looked up from his trig homework. Joey caught his eye, silently mouthed _report card_, and he nodded in understanding.

“Oh, yep. It’s right here: B plus on the midterm exam,” her sister told her.

“Okay, well, thanks, Bess.”

After saying goodbye, Joey hung up the phone and returned to the table as Gretchen came in the house. The youngest Witter sister greeted them as she walked into the kitchen, setting her purse and keys down on the island countertop, before dropping the pile of mail on the table where Pacey sat. Then she turned back into the kitchen and poured herself a cup of coffee and asked Joey about her day.

“Oh, Pace, Shaun and Angela send their regards and birthday wishes,” Gretchen told him.

He frowned. “You told the neighbors it was my birthday today? Are you deliberately trying to jinx me?”

His sister rolled her eyes. “God forbid I mention your big you-know-what-day in casual conversation with a very nice couple who like you and wish you well. I can’t believe you still think there’s some kind of a birthday curse on you.”

“I know. Pretty ridiculous, right?” Joey replied. “But what’re you gonna do, though?” She rubbed his leg affectionately. If her boyfriend knew any better, he’d accuse her of buttering him up in advance of some really bad news, and he’d be right.

Pacey was no longer paying attention to them. He immediately forgot his homework and started going through the mail. He froze when his fingertips found two letters addressed to him: one from Boston University and the other from Bunker Hill Community College in Boston. His heart started pounding. It felt like his stomach was going to fall out of his ass. He quickly shoved the letters inside his notebook.

“What is it?” Joey asked, noticing his furrowed brows as he stared down at the table.

“Nothing. It’s, uh… my report card isn’t here, which can probably only mean one thing.” He shook his head and inwardly groaned, trying to will the nerves in his gut away. “No matter how many times I tell the school that I live here now, they still insist on sending official correspondence to Mom and Dad’s house.”

A light bulb went on in Joey’s head. “Well, we can drop by there later and you can get it.”

He scoffed. “I’m not goin’ over there. I don’t know what would be worse: showing up at the house on my birthday to find that nobody remembered because nobody there actually gives a damn about me, or showing up at the house only to be reminded of Mom’s tradition of throwing eighteenth birthday parties, which would somehow, someway also turn out to be a reminder that nobody there gives a damn about me. Let’s take a walk down memory lane, shall we? On my fifteenth birthday, our parents got me a blank emancipation form with a red bow on it, to hearty laughs all around.”

She frowned with dismay, and then turned to face Gretchen, staring at her with a wide-eyed silent plea. Pacey’s sister quickly caught on. “You know, Pace, it wouldn’t hurt to just drop by for a few minutes. Your nieces love to see you.”

“They’re the only ones inside that house who do, Gretch.”

“Come on, Pacey,” his sister implored. “When was the last time you were over there?”

He pulled a face. “Last Sunday. You know, the big family dinner with Amy and Steve before they had to go back to North Carolina. Do you not remember? You were there. Doug had the gall to mention one of his decoupage projects to Amy and Dad almost choked on his beer because the room became just a little too gay for his liking.”

Joey and Gretchen looked at each other and grimaced at the shared memory.

“Doug is never gonna come out while dad is alive, and that is just…” He sighed. “Bleak.”

“You don’t need to worry about Doug, Pacey,” Gretchen said. “I know you thrive on taking care of the people you love, but he’s twenty-eight years old. He’s a grown man who can handle his own business. Concentrate on taking care of yourself.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he muttered. Pacey then gathered his textbooks and homework, shoving them into his backpack. “I’m just gonna dump this stuff off.”

Desperate to be alone, he headed for the stairs and went up to his bedroom. Once the door was shut, he dropped the backpack on his bed and pulled out the notebook containing the two letters. Selecting the one from BU, he tore it open and skimmed down—“We regret to inform you…” For some reason, his heart began sinking at those words. Reminding himself that it was hardly a tragedy to have the obvious confirmed, he pulled free of the regret spiral and crumpled the letter in his hand.

His heart in his throat, Pacey picked up the envelope from Bunker Hill, the only school in Boston he thought he’d even had the slightest chance at being accepted to. He stared down at the envelope in his hands. His mind was becoming frozen and blunt. He had put so much thought into the plan to be in Boston with Joey that any alternative was suddenly far from his reach or imagination. There was nothing he could think of on what he would do if the letter wasn’t positive. They’d made no concrete plans for the what-ifs.

Taking a deep breath, Pacey opened the letter. Whoever had written him had started off well, but he quickly realized it was a rejection letter. For a moment he didn’t know what was happening or what it meant. Then he started reading it again, and again. The more he read, the less human the letter sounded. He wondered if it was one of those standard templates that get sent out to all unfortunate applicants.

At first glance, it sounded emotional and written with compassion, as if the writer knew the consequences of a rejection letter on someone’s life. But then it didn’t make any sense. How could they ever know what he was going through? And no matter how compassionate and empathetic they sounded, in the end, it was still a rejection letter. For him, it wasn’t just a rejection from getting admitted to that college. It was a rejection of his future with Joey in Boston.

Pacey decided not to tell Joey about it. Why worry her when there were more schools that he was bound to hear from in the next couple months and she hadn’t even heard from Worthington yet. There was still a chance, no matter how slim, that she wouldn’t get in and would decide to attend a college that wasn’t in Boston.

Regret and fear began to overwhelm him.

Down in the kitchen, Joey and Gretchen were deep in conversation about the upcoming party. Pacey’s sister had serious reservations. “This whole thing is a really bad idea, Jo. My parents are insane, and Pacey will kill you.”

“I know, and I don’t like it any more than you do, but it was your mom’s bad idea. She called me, and she was so excited and so sweet. What was I supposed to say?”

“You could’ve said no.”

“Yeah, but I said yes. Pacey’s gonna kill me, isn’t he?”

“Oh yeah, you’re dead.”

Joey shrugged helplessly. “If I’d said no, your mom would’ve been mad and…” She sighed. “Look, Gretchen, I can’t have them thinking of me as Pacey’s bitch girlfriend. I’m determined to make your parents like me.”

“My dad likes you just fine, Jo.”

She pulled a sarcastic face. “Don’t think I didn’t notice you left your mom out of that statement.”

“Joey, why do you need them to like you? You’re not going to get anywhere. I mean, Pacey’s been trying for years and look at how they treat him.”

“Well, maybe it would be nice if he was on good terms with them because they’re the only parents he’s got and once they’re gone, it’ll be too late to try to see eye-to-eye and he might… regret that. Once your parents are gone, they’re gone, and there’s no getting them back.”

The sound of the upstairs shower coming on made them glance at the ceiling for a moment, before turning their attention back to the conversation. Gretchen hesitated a moment, sucking on her bottom lip as if deliberating what to say. “Joey, I need you to understand something. Our parents are not your parents. You had good parents. Your mom was a great mom. You guys did everything together. Your dad loved you and your sister. It was obvious, seeing you all together around town. Your dad would hold your hand in the grocery store. Bessie, too, even when she was a teenager. And it was obvious that it wasn’t the kind of thing where he was doing it because he had to restrain a wild child in a public place. It was a little girl wanting her daddy to hold her hand, and her daddy wanting to hold it. I remember being so jealous whenever I’d see you guys because there was just… so much love there. You have no idea what it was like to grow up in my house. You have no idea what it’s like to grow up without hugs or kisses or I love yous.”

“Pacey got it the worst, by far, so you trying to push him to be on good terms or to spend more time with them…” Gretchen sighed, shaking her head. “I don’t think you know how hard it is for him to walk inside that house. That is not a safe, comfortable place for him.”

Joey didn’t know what to say. She collapsed in the chair, defeated. Raw emotion rose up inside her and tightened her throat. Tears pricked her eyes. “This wasn’t my idea. Your mom wants to throw Pacey a party. Maybe that counts for something. Maybe she’s trying. What do I do? Do we just… not show up? Dawson and Jen and Jack are gonna be there. Will Krudski is on a train from New Raleigh as we speak.”

“Well, if you don’t show up, my mom will _really_ hate you,” Gretchen said with a frown. “Expect to be called Joanna until you give her some grandchildren, and even then, there are no guarantees.”

“Why exactly doesn’t she like me, anyway? I’ve been nothing but nice and polite to her.”

Gretchen joined her at the table. “My parents enjoy… a certain status in the community. They’re not rich, by any means, especially in comparison to a lot of the other people in Capeside, but they hold a lot of influence in this county. Every six years, my dad runs for sheriff, and every six years, he wins. By a landslide. In the past two elections, no one even bothered to run against him. Before my dad, my grandfather was the sheriff for over thirty years. So, a lot of their ridiculous issues with Pacey are that they think he will somehow devalue their status. That he will make the people of this town—registered voters—look down on them. That his supposed failures will make them look bad. He brings home a D on a report card, my dad is ready to punch a hole in the wall. He strikes out at Little League—my dad practically has an aneurysm right there on the field. He takes Pacey hunting and my brother refuses to even touch the shotgun—my dad tries to beat that weak softness out of him. But instead of fostering his individual talents and interests—and encouraging him like normal, loving, supportive parents—they instead gripe about everything they think he can’t or won’t do.”

“Where do I fit into all this?”

“Well, Pacey’s choice of girlfriend…”

Joey frowned, realization dawning. “Is the Potter girl whose impoverished family was basically the town scandal for several years.”

“If you’d been a girl who lived over there on Windsor Drive, then my parents would be able to proudly parade you and Pacey around on the campaign trail this summer.”

She shook her head, feeling disgusted. “Did your parents treat the rest of you like this?”

Gretchen thought for a moment. “As long as we did things our parents couldn’t find too much fault with, then… it was mostly bearable. Doug did everything right. Did everything my parents wanted. Got perfect grades. Never got in any trouble. Went to the police academy after community college. Other than the snide remarks and veiled threats stemming from my dad’s unspoken suspicion over Doug’s sexuality, he was probably treated the best. I’d say Doug was the one my mother doted on the most, got the preferential treatment, got all the love and hugs. I learned from that, and did everything in my power to be the popular cheerleader who had the right kind of friends and always made Honor Roll and stayed out of trouble. Sometimes those things still weren’t good enough. Carrie and Amy, being the two eldest, had a rougher time, but they got married young and left home as soon as possible. Since they were girls, marriage to men in the armed forces was the best thing they could possibly aspire to in my parents’ eyes.”

Joey sat quietly, lost in thought. As she heard the showerhead in the upstairs bathroom turn off, tears welled up in her eyes and she quickly brushed them away.

“By the time Pacey was born, my parents were over being parents,” Gretchen continued. “They were tired and essentially ignored him unless he did something that pissed them off, and then the attention he’d finally receive was nothing positive. Even when he tried his best, his best was never good enough. They resent him, my dad especially. I mean, it’s no secret Pacey was born after my mom had her tubes tied. But I think they also resent his emotional maturity. Despite his ill treatment, Pacey has the most generous, most kind, most empathetic spirit. He has inherent goodness, and I don’t know where he got it from. Definitely not from my parents.”

As she listened to the bathroom door open and heard Pacey’s footfall on the hallway upstairs, she wondered at just how much of his youth was spent hanging out either at the Ice House or at the Leery’s, and how much of an impact that would have had on him to combat his awful home life. She vaguely remembered her mother commenting one time on Pacey and how his avoidance at going home was a sign that he wasn’t a happy kid.

Gretchen frowned. “My dad treats Pacey’s kindness and goodness like it’s a weakness. He acts like Pacey isn’t a real man because he won’t fire a gun or join a varsity sports team, but I’m pretty sure my dad knows Pacey is the better man—the better human. Pacey is also naturally good looking and funny and charming and intelligent in a way my dad could never be. And that makes my dad behave even worse—his own inferiority.”

“And your mom?”

“My mom is just a passive-aggressive narcissist. Not to mention, she and my dad both are basically functioning alcoholics.”

Joey’s heart broke for Pacey. It broke for the boy who’d been born to parents who didn’t want him. It broke for the boy with the big heart full of love who’d been trapped in a loveless family. It broke for the man who thought so little of himself, who thought nothing he did could make a difference in his own life, who thought he could never have the future he deserved. The tears in her eyes welled up and brimmed over.

“Will it be worse for Pacey if he goes to the party, or if he doesn’t go?”

“Jo, my mother would’ve thrown him a party for his eighteenth birthday whether you were dating him or not. The rest of us all got parties when we turned eighteen. Well, except Amy. She’d already left home. I think that’s probably why my mom insists on doing it—because she threw Carrie a party and loved it and a year later was planning a big party for Amy, but Amy ran off a week before her eighteenth birthday and got married. To this day she says it wasn’t intentional, but I’m pretty sure did it on purpose just to spite Mom, and I’m pretty sure Mom believes that, too.”

Joey hesitated. “So… you’re saying…?”

Gretchen heaved a sigh and stood up from the table. “I’m saying that if Pacey doesn’t show up to this shindig my mom is planning, he’ll hear about it for the rest of his life. Just ask Amy. Her eighteenth was twelve years ago and my mom still calls her on the phone every year on her birthday and guilt trips her. Will that be worse for Pacey than whatever may or may not happen at the party?” She shrugged. “Hard to say. You never know with my parents.”

Her brows knitted with indecision.

“Do you want me to tell my mom you’re not coming? I’m heading over there in a minute.”

“No. I… If I decide not to come, I’ll call your mom myself and come up with an excuse.”

Joey watched Pacey’s sister walk out of the kitchen, unsure what she should do. If she didn’t bring him over there, who would his parents blame—her or him? Would it matter? Even if they blamed her, she was sure they’d berate him for it and tell him it was all his fault for dating that awful Potter girl.

Still undecided, she slipped on her coat and waited for Pacey by the front door, holding a black scarf in her hands. Once Gretchen had left, he came down the stairs, and when he caught sight of her, he stared. “You going somewhere, Jo?”

“Yes. We both are.”

“I… all right,” he said, stunned. “But where are we going? I thought we were going to stay here tonight.”

“It’s a surprise,” she answered. “Your birthday present isn’t here. We have to go out so I can give it to you.”

Pacey looked at her while he put on his shoes and saw the worried lines on her face. “Is this a gift I’m not gonna like?”

His voice pulled her from her reverie. “I certainly hope you like it, Pacey. I worked on it hard enough.”

“Okay. I’ll just grab the car keys.”

“Nope. I’m driving.”

“Uh… okay.” He glanced around the kitchen and living room. “Where’s Gretchen?”

She hesitated. “She said she was going to your parents’ house.”

Suspicion rose up sharply from the pit of his stomach. “Is your present also at the house?”

Joey smiled and shook her head. “No. It’s not.”

“Okay, well, are you sure you wanna drive?” he asked. “I don’t mind.”

“It’s somewhat imperative that I do the driving,” she said, holding up the black scarf. “You won’t be able to see the road with a blindfold on.”

Intrigued, Pacey shrugged on his brown coat and grinned. “I didn’t know you were into the kinky stuff, Potter.”

She blushed and fought a smile. “Let’s go.”

Once they were inside her truck, Pacey tied the scarf around his eyes while she started the engine and turned the heat on, air blasting out of the vents and onto the floorboards. “Okay, I can’t see anything,” he said.

“Hmm.” Joey waved her hand in front of his face and got no response. Then she stuck up her middle finger. Still no reaction. Satisfied he truly couldn’t see through the blindfold, she threw the truck into reverse and backed out the driveway.

They were soon parked in front of her wall downtown. Leaving the engine running, Joey instructed Pacey again to not remove his blindfold. Then she slid out of the driver’s seat and walked around the truck to open the passenger door. She held onto his arms while he got out. Together, they walked across the patch of hardened earth toward her wall.

“Where are you taking me?” Pacey asked, his arms outstretched while his girlfriend guided him forward.

“And why would you be blindfolded if I was just going to tell you?”

“I thought we agreed not to celebrate.”

“I know, but don’t you want your birthday gift?”

“Sure, but it would be nice to know _where_ I am. Do I at least get to guess?”

“You can have one guess,” Joey relented.

He grinned. “Perhaps a remote dock. You brought some candles and champagne, and birthday cake that you are going to feed to me by hand while serenading me—offkey, of course—dressed only in Victoria’s Secret lingerie, after which, you will lay me down under the stars and ravish me.”

She laughed nervously. The butterflies in her stomach were trying to get out. “Close, Pace. Very close.”

When they stopped in front of the wall, she slowly removed the blindfold. He blinked, his eyes adjusting while he got his bearings. Pacey stared up at the canvas-covered wall. He turned to her and smiled. “You finished it?”

“Yes. Finally.”

Her heart pounding in her chest, Joey stepped forward and pulled down the drop cloth. When it fell away, Pacey gasped at the sight in front of him. Stunned speechless, his eyes roamed over the mural.

The plea he’d desperately painted last spring as his last-ditch effort to win Joey’s heart remained smack dab in the center in large red letters—_ASK ME TO STAY_. Yet it was no longer surrounded by a plain, faded brick wall. A colorful island seascape emblazoned the wall all around his message.

On the left side was a landscape of Key West’s Old Town, its colorful and familiar buildings tucked along small lanes and avenues. Pacey moved closer to study it. The marina and Danny’s Hideaway were there, and that charming, romantic inn where they’d spent their one-month anniversary—the night their relationship changed dramatically. In the right-side foreground, the mural showed a tropical beach and palm trees on either side. The white sandy beach quickly gave way to the blues of the ocean. Dolphins frolicked in the water and the _True Love_ sailed across the horizon as the blazing sun set in the sky above. Joey’s signature adorned the bottom corner of the mural in black paint.

Somehow, Joey had managed to capture their history as well as the tranquility and intimacy of the magical summer they had spent together. Pacey was overcome with emotion. He finally turned back to his girlfriend and she smiled at him with a love that brought tears to his eyes. His feelings for Joey were far deeper, far more profound than anything he’d experienced before. He locked his love for her inside his heart forever and once more silently vowed to never give her up, not for anyone, not for anything.

Joey gazed at him, the look on his face one that she knew she’d always remember as long as she lived. “Happy birthday, Pacey,” she whispered.

The emotion that tightened his throat still rendered him unable to speak. Pacey wrapped his arms around her, hugged her, and pulled Joey close to him. She kissed his neck, then rested her face against his shoulder, breathing in his scent. “Now the whole town will know that Joey Potter loves Pacey Witter, and they better not forget it.”

He chuckled and pulled out of the embrace. “It’s beautiful. _Thank you_ doesn’t begin to cover it. I’m deeply touched, but I’m also just amazed at your talent. Are you sure you don’t wanna go to art school?”

Joey scoffed. “I don’t see a future in art school.”

The word _future_ made his guts twist, made him remember the rejection letters, and he frantically pushed those thoughts away. Pacey bent his head and kissed her softly. Her arms wrapped around his shoulders and she deepened the kiss. Then thoughts of Mrs. Witter and the party came unbidden to her mind, filling her with a sick dread. She still didn’t know what to do.

Pacey broke the kiss, pulled back, and smiled. He again noticed her brows drawn together with worry, the look of anxiety shadowing her face, and wondered what the cause was. They walked back to the truck, getting back inside the warm cab.

“So, uh, where to now?” he asked while buckling his seatbelt. “Back to the beach house?”

“Um…” She swallowed, hesitating. Her fingers drummed the steering wheel. Out of habit she looked at the broken clock on the dashboard, and naturally it didn’t tell her what she needed to know. “What time is it?”

He glanced at the watch Bodie had gotten for him two Christmases ago. “It’s quarter to six.”

She chewed on her lip, deliberating. “Well, yeah, I guess we could, you know, just…” She refused to meet his gaze. “I mean, we could… yeah, go back to the beach house, or maybe…”

Suspicion rose up and realization began to dawn. “Uh, Jo… my mother planned a birthday party for me, didn’t she?”

“Yes,” she whined sweetly.

The guilty look of sorrowful regret on her face almost made him smile. She really had no idea how damn cute she was, he thought. “And you agreed to go along with her plan.” It wasn’t a question.

“Yes,” she said, pouting. Still, relief flooded her insides at not having the secret locked up inside her anymore. She didn’t like keeping secrets from Pacey, at least unpleasant ones, and vowed to never do so again.

“What the hell were you thinking?” Eyes wide, he shook his head in disbelief.

“She made it almost impossible to say no, and then the more I thought about it, I thought it was a good sign, you know, that your family wanted to do something special for you. But…” Her thoughts turned to her earlier conversation with Gretchen, and she frowned.

“My family could give a crap about me or my birthday,” he told her. “A party is just an excuse for my dad to get a little bit drunker than usual, eat some birthday cake, tell me I’m a disappointment, and then pass out in his chair while watching _When Animals Attack_.”

She nodded in understanding, feelings of pity tugging at her heart. Her hand went to the gearshift. “Then let’s just go back to the beach house. We won’t go to the party. It’ll be a quiet evening alone, just the two of us, like I promised.”

He shook his head and threw up his hands in defeat. “No, let’s go. And I promise I’ll act surprised so my mom doesn’t give you shit for spoiling the party.”

She stared. “Wait, really?”

“If I don’t show up after my mom went to all the trouble, it’ll just hurt her feelings.” Pacey heaved a sigh. “And I don’t really wanna do that, if I’m honest with myself.”

Joey gazed at him with increasing respect and admiration. The fact he’d care about being kind to his mother’s feelings, when his family thoughtlessly hurt his feelings on a regular basis, amazed her. He truly was an incredible man, with a great compassion and ability to love, despite what he’d had to endure over the years.

In that moment, she suddenly thought of her own mother, and knew she’d be proud of the man Pacey was becoming, knew how happy she would be that they loved each other, that she was here to give him the love and support he needed. Joey remembered those days and nights when he would invariably show up at the Ice House and stay for hours. Her mother had been very maternal, was loving and good, full of compassion and kindness, and as a child, Pacey had gravitated to Lillian Potter like a plant to sunlight.

Joey watched Pacey as he stared out the window, and then reached out to grasp his hand. “Look at me,” she said, and he turned. “I promise you that we are going to get through this night together, unscathed. And everything’s gonna be okay, I swear.” She squeezed his hand. “Okay?”

Pacey offered her a weak smile, and she let go of his hand to drive the truck away from the curb and into traffic. He turned back to stare out the window. “Oh, how I wish that were true,” he sighed, knowing full well another birthday disaster was now looming in front of him.


	41. 2001 (Senior Year: Part Sixteen)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Though the road be dark and dreary  
The pathway burning you dry  
Feel life really leading us on  
We can make it if we try  
The winds may rage, the stars may blow  
Discovers made at each day in  
No guiding light to lead us forward  
No helping hand from our friends_
> 
> _We can make it, pretty baby  
We can make it if we try  
We can make it, a-sweet darlin'  
We can make it if we try_
> 
> _If you love me like you say you do  
You've got to take a better hold  
'Cause it takes a lot of determination  
From your heart, mind and soul  
And don't let nobody steer our course  
'Cause I know this one'll always try  
And if we feel like the world is against us  
We got to look into each other's eyes_
> 
> _We can make it, pretty baby  
We can make it if we try  
We can make it, a-sweet darlin'  
We can make it if we try_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter contains a brief occurrence of offensive language.

January 8. It was almost six o’clock when Pacey and Joey arrived at the Witter family home. Getting out of the truck, he noticed Gretchen’s car and Dawson’s SUV in the driveway along with the rental car his sister and brother-in-law had gotten when they came up for Christmas. Had Amy and Steve not gone home last week like they planned? They walked around to the back of the house and made for the porch. Everything appeared dark, except for the large outdoor string lights that always hung from the house and through the oaks all the way down to and along the creek at the edge of their property, illuminating the backyard and the dock.

“I have to say, Pace,” Joey spoke quietly. “I always liked this house.”

“You’re kidding, right?” He pulled a face.

“I just mean… it’s pretty. I think it’s one of the prettiest houses on the creek. And let’s face it, your place is big and really nice. It’s bigger than the Leery’s. And look at it back here. Your yard could be in _Better Homes & Gardens_ magazine.”

“It’s the best 120K-a-year can buy.”

Her brows knitted. “Huh?”

“My dad’s sheriff’s salary,” he said as they reached the brick steps. Sighing, he looked up at the house. “Just because it looks nice on the outside doesn’t mean there were nice things happening on the inside.”

“I know.” Joey held his hand with both of hers and leaned against him as they walked up the steps and onto the porch.

Chest tight with anxiety and stomach in knots, Pacey approached the door. “Time to put on my poker face and act surprised,” he whispered.

Joey opened the door and led him inside. The rooms were dark, and the only thing visible were the lights in the backyard outside the windows. Might as well make it believable, he thought. “What happened,” Pacey said lazily. “Did someone forget to pay the electric bill, or did they just run out of light bulbs?”

The moment the words were out of his mouth, the lights in the room were suddenly flashed on, illuminating a group of laughing and smiling people in the living room.

“Surprise!” they shouted in unison. “Surprise! Surprise! Happy birthday!”

Stunned, Pacey froze. He’d half expected to walk in to find his family had forgotten what time they were coming over and had spoiled their own party. Next to him, Joey placed an arm around his waist, and all he could do was stare wordlessly while every person in the room sang the “Happy Birthday” song.

It took a moment for it all to sink in, and when it did, a self-conscious warmth spread over his face and burned his cheeks. He saw his parents, his sisters, including Amy, Doug, Dawson, Jack, and Will Krudski. His three nieces and two nephews bounced on their toes excitedly in front of them, singing the loudest.

Pacey’s mouth had gone dry. Swallowing, he turned to Joey with wide eyes of surprise. There was no way his family could’ve pulled this off all by themselves. It had to have been her doing. She blinked back tears and appeared too choked up to utter a sound. She smiled and mouthed the words _I love you_.

The second the song was over, Joey nudged him into the room, and he was immediately surrounded by a crush of family and friends, each greeting him with a hug or a kiss on the cheek. Doug clapped his shoulder affectionately before walking into the kitchen to ask their mother when they were going to eat. “Happy birthday, Pacey,” Dawson then said with a one-armed hug, before stepping back and laughing as Pacey’s nephews jumped on him and started pulling on his hand.

Unable to help it, the suspicious feelings were still there, in the pit of his stomach and the back of his mind. “Thanks, Dawson,” he replied with a weak smile, and then watched the boys drag his friend through the living room.

“Jordan! Michael!” Amy shouted. “What did I tell you about rough-housing indoors? Don’t you go breaking anything of your grandmother’s!” Then she turned to her youngest brother and smiled. “Happy birthday, Pace.”

“I thought you were going back to Wilmington. And where’s Steve?” he asked her.

“Oh, he went back last Monday—had to report to the coast guard base on Tuesday. I stayed to be here at your party, sweetie.”

“Uh, well, thanks, Amy.” He still felt a little flabbergasted at the seemingly genuine interactions he was having with his family.

Will Krudski came forward and shook his hand. “Glad to be here, man. Happy birthday.”

Pacey let out a breathy laugh. “I can’t believe you’re here.”

“Joey called and invited me. I can’t stay too long, though. I gotta catch the nine o’clock train back to New Raleigh. As much as I’d love to skip tomorrow, I’m pretty sure my ass would be in hot water if the boarding school caught me missing on a weeknight.”

“Well, it’s good to see you. I’m happy you came.” He watched Will move away and into the living room.

Joey took his coat and hung it with hers on the rack by the door. Then they went and sat on the living room couch beside Carrie and Will. There were balloons and streamers hanging from the corners in the ceiling. The coffee table was adorned with snacks, and Will and Carrie sat hunched over, partaking of the pretzels and chips. Doug walked into the room and took the chair next to the couch, Gretchen following and seating herself in another. “Dinner should be ready soon,” his older brother announced.

Pacey took a deep breath. The aroma in the air finally registered. “Mom’s making sauce?”

“Yep,” Doug said, smiling. “Spaghetti and meatballs—your favorite.”

He blinked. “You’re telling me Mom actually remembered my favorite meal?” He glanced between his three siblings, staring at them with arched brows of disbelief.

Gretchen and Doug exchanged a look. “Well… she had to be reminded,” his sister said. “She was planning on making chipped beef on toast, but Doug here told her she could make _his_ favorite, you know, later… when _his_ birthday rolled around.”

Pacey looked at his brother, feeling surprised, not knowing why everyone was going out of their way to be so nice to him. There had to be a catch somewhere. “Um, thanks, Dougie.”

“No problem,” his brother said with a smile. “Still believe in that birthday curse, don’t ya?”

“And with good reason.”

Will Krudski’s brows furrowed. “Birthday curse?”

Carrie laughed. “Don’t get him started.”

“Well, things are going well so far, aren’t they?” Joey said optimistically as Dawson and Jack came in and sat down on the floor with the kids hanging all over them.

Pacey turned and gazed at her. “We haven’t even been here twenty minutes. The other shoe is bound to drop at some point.”

It was that moment when John Witter proceeded to leave the den, where he’d been watching a hockey game, and carry the bowl of Chex Mix into the room. “No wonder your husband left you, Carrie. You’re becoming a cow,” he remarked while setting the bowl down on the coffee table.

Pacey’s jaw clenched while his eldest sister sat back against the couch and crossed her arms angrily.

“You know, on my eighteenth birthday I was trudging through the jungle in Da Nang,” his father commented. “A machine gun on my shoulder, fifty pounds of ammo on my back. I saw a lot of tragedy that day, but I celebrated that night with a gorgeous thirty-year-old Vietnamese beauty. Several times, I might add.” He chuckled and started moving back towards the den.

What horseshit. “I thought you had to be eighteen to join the army, Pop.”

John Witter pulled the lever on his recliner, putting his feet up. “You calling me a liar, son?”

Amy walked into the room. With her pretty face, bright green eyes, and long, dirty blond hair covering her shoulders, she could have alighted from a prom queen’s throne. If only she’d been into that kind of thing. She’d spurned her upper-middle-class upbringing as a teenager in the 80’s and had been a stoner in high school. “Dad, weren’t you first deployed with the marines to Vietnam in the summer of ’65?”

“Yes, hun, you are correct. Glad someone around here appreciates their old man’s history of fighting for this country.”

“But weren’t you nineteen in 1965, Dad?” Amy asked, fixing a hard stare into the den.

Pacey snorted.

“At least I served my country, young lady, and I know what it takes to be a real man.”

Amy met Pacey’s gaze and they shared a look, rolling their eyes. Then she winked at him and went back to the kitchen. His mouth curved into a slight smile as he watched her go, feeling grateful for his sister’s support, unsure where it had come from. They’d never been close, but maybe that was just because of their age difference and geographical distance.

Mrs. Witter walked into the room carrying a tray of pigs in a blanket. “Now, John, just because Pacey’s not out there defending his country doesn’t mean he’s not a man today,” she said, transferring the bite-sized snacks onto a plate on the coffee table. “And I know if there were a war on—assuming they’d take him—he’d enlist tomorrow. Wouldn’t you, honey?”

He forced a smile. “Sure thing, Ma.”

Joey frowned at Mrs. Witter and then turned to meet his gaze. “You wouldn’t really join the military, right?” she whispered.

“Of course not. Unlike that shining example over there stretched out in the La-Z-Boy, I have no desire to strap an assault weapon to my back and commit war crimes.”

“Joanna, why don’t you come set the table for dinner?” Susan Witter asked, walking back out of the room.

Her frown deepened. “Seriously? Still?” she muttered under her breath as she got off the couch.

“Her name’s _Joey_, Ma,” Pacey corrected.

“That’s what I said,” Mrs. Witter snapped.

“Of course, you did.” He looked up at the ceiling, shaking his head.

Jack got up off the floor and took Joey’s spot on the couch before reaching for the Chex Mix bowl.

John Witter looked over at him. “Who the hell are you?”

“Me? I’m Jack, sir. Jack McPhee. We met a while back on a fishing trip.”

“Don’t remember.”

“Shocker,” Pacey breathed.

Dawson tried to shrug off the boys who were still climbing all over him as well as their cousin, Piper, who’d joined in the fun. “It’s the father-son trip we took two years ago, Mr. Witter. Jack came along with us. Pacey won the tournament trophy, remember?”

John Witter chuckled. “Oh, that’s right. A proud moment. I sure hope you enjoyed it, Pacey, because it was probably the last trophy you’ll ever get.” He laughed some more and took a swig of beer. “So, Dawson, have you heard back from any colleges yet?”

“Uh, yeah, a couple. I got into Boston University, but I’m holding out for NYU or USC.”

“Well, Dawson, I have no doubt with your brains and your commitment to excellence, you’ll get exactly what you want.”

Pacey locked eyes with Gretchen. “Kill me now,” he mumbled, before holding his head in his hands, dejected. Feeling desperate to escape, he moved off the couch and headed for the back door. He grabbed his coat from the rack and walked out onto the porch.

Unable to suppress them anymore, thoughts of the rejection letters came forward. He’d known he wasn’t college material, and had even accepted that fact, but that hadn’t stopped him from foolishly holding a glimmer of hope inside himself. It was true he’d applied to several other schools, and maybe it was possible he would be accepted to one of them. But none of them were in Boston, and he knew that’s where Joey wanted to be.

A few of those colleges weren’t too far from the city, and would be an easy commute. Yet there was a chance he wouldn’t be accepted to those either. What if he wasn’t accepted to any school? What if he was only accepted to the ones that made living in Boston impractical? And what if he went? There was no way he could compete with Worthington. It would take up her time, her attention, her energy. The city and her classes would take over her life. He supposed the same would be true for him at whatever destination he ended up.

They could make promises, plans to see each other every weekend. And then weekends would turn into every other weekend. And then it would turn into one weekend a month. And then every couple of months. And then it would be over. Like a plant without sunlight or water, their relationship would wilt and die. The thought alone broke his heart. His eyes burned with tears.

He refused to let that happen. There was no way he would pick college over being with Joey. He couldn’t live without her. She came first. Their relationship came first. Everything else came second.

Yet if he did skip college and moved with her to Boston, got a job in the city and rented a room somewhere close, would he be able to compete with Worthington even then? Her classmates, dormmates, professors—everything new and exciting in the intellectual life she was going to immerse herself in? He’d be the disappointment, the embarrassment, the loser townie boyfriend who worked a job where he had to wear a uniform and a nametag. How long before she realized she wanted more—deserved more—than he could ever give her?

_I’m going to lose her. _

No matter what he did, no matter what choice he made, at some point he was going to lose Joey. The revelation shattered him, and he dropped down to sit on the brick steps, his strength depleted. There was an emptiness now growing within him, the ache of failure and the pain of heartbreak.

Suddenly he heard the voice of his father, yelling inside the house and getting louder. “Hey, when is dinner gonna be ready? I could eat the south side of a horse goin’ north!”

Then he heard the door close and the sound of his dad’s voice faded. Pacey listened as his girlfriend came up behind him.

Joey bent over him and put her hands on his shoulders. “You know, it’s not that bad,” she told him, before pulling her coat tighter around her body and sitting down next to him. It was obvious he was feeling glum. Her arm slid around him and she kissed his forehead. “Well, we’ve been here for forty-five minutes without a major crisis, and only two hours to go. At the most, three. So, legally, you can’t be mad at me for throwing this thing.”

“I’m not mad at ya.”

“I know your dad is being an ass, and I’m sorry, but other than that, I think it’s gone surprisingly well so far. They’re not perfect, granted, but I think most everyone else in your family is really making an effort to put on a good party for you, Pace. You could make a little bit of an effort, too.”

He turned his head and stared down at his feet. “It doesn’t matter what kind of effort I make. No matter what I do, I’m still gonna fail.”

Her brows knitted as she looked at him, trying to get him to meet her eye. “Fail? Fail at what? Pace, what are you talking about?”

He sighed. How could he even begin this conversation? “Nothing.”

“No, it’s not nothing. What’s wrong? Why are you so upset?”

“Um… well… I’m upset because… because I didn’t…” He couldn’t even look at her. “I just… uh…”

“You didn’t what?” He’d seemed fine earlier. Nothing had happened at school, as far as she knew. If this wasn’t about the party, then… what?

Pacey turned from her and stared at the back door. The last thing he needed was his family interrupting their private conversation and witnessing his despair. He finally looked at her, meeting her gaze. “Can we not talk about this right here?” He started to stand up. “Can we just take a walk?”

He grabbed her hand and started taking her away from the porch, his intention to go out on the dock. The creek seemed an appropriate place. They didn’t get very far when the back door opened. “Sneaking off to smoke some marijuana?”

Pacey turned and pulled a face. “What?”

After taking a swig of his beer, John Witter chuckled. “I’m just kidding. Come sit on the couch. I wanna talk to Joey.”

Well, this was bound to be terrible, Pacey thought. Joey’s eyes went wide. What could his dad want to talk to her about? Standing there holding the door open, the sheriff obviously wasn’t going to take no for an answer. They begrudgingly walked back inside the house. Pacey joined Jack and Carrie on the couch, and Joey took the seat next to him.

Reaching into his back pocket, John Witter handed her a folded piece of paper before sitting down in the chair next to them. “I suppose I have you to thank for that,” he told her.

Feeling nervous, not knowing what this could possibly be about, Joey slowly unfolded the paper. In the top right corner was the official stamp of Capeside High School, complete with address, phone number, and the principal’s name beneath it. The top left corner had Pacey’s name, his student number, his grade level—“junior/senior”—and his assigned Homeroom. Her eyes then fell to the table in the middle of the paper.

It was Pacey’s report card. Her eyes scanned over his grades. Her heart swelled, full to bursting. She turned to him, smiling, and held the paper out to him. “Five A’s and two B’s.”

He couldn’t believe it, but he searched her face and saw nothing but pure joy. His hand grasped the paper and he looked for himself. It was true. He laughed with surprise. He’d never seen so many A’s in his life.

“Now, Joey, were you doing Pacey’s homework for him?” his dad asked, smirking.

“No, Mr. Witter. Pacey worked really hard, and I can’t take all the credit for that. I mean, I certainly didn’t take his midterm exams for him, and look at the grades he got. He should be proud of his hard work, and you should, too.”

Pacey looked below his final grades for the semester and saw the midterm exam results—three A minuses, an A plus in the Spanish midterm, and three B pluses. He actually got a B plus on the trig exam. How in the world…?

“Yeah, yeah, of course, Joey.” He took a sip from his beer.

“See, Mr. Witter? Maybe my youthful optimism was right after all. Pacey is gonna do great in college. Just you wait.”

“Well, that remains to be seen.”

His guts twisting, Pacey tossed his report card down on the coffee table. Then his mother walked in the room. “Oh, John!” she scolded. “What did I tell you? Just because Pacey here flunked some classes, it doesn’t mean he’s always gonna flunk.” She turned to her youngest. “Right, sweetie? I have faith in you. So, no matter how many times you let us down, honey, my faith is always there to pick you right back up.”

“Your faith and my bank account,” Mr. Witter grumbled. “Do you know how much it’s gonna cost me to put another kid through college?”

“Honey, stop. After so many years, it’s nice to see my faith in Pacey has finally paid off. Just look at that report card. John, we should frame it and put it on the fridge.”

“All I’m saying, Susan, is that he should reach for something attainable. College? What in the world would he study? Now, trade school is more up Pacey’s alley. You know, automotive technician training. He could be a mechanic, or a plumber or electrician—good, stable work that will make him useful to the people in this community. Trade school offers education that wouldn’t require too much of his brains or my cash.”

Pacey sat there, letting his parents’ words wash over him, trying to shut his ears and drown them out, trying to fight off the feelings of worthlessness threatening to overwhelm him. Beside him, Joey felt horrified. Was that Mr. and Mrs. Witter’s idea of being supportive?

“Oh, speaking of college, sweetie,” Susan Witter said to him. “I just remembered I have something for you. Remind me later to get it.” Then she walked back out of the room.

Not knowing—not wanting to know—what that was, Pacey got up off the couch and went into the kitchen. With the fridge door open, he scanned the shelves for something to drink. He quickly laid his eyes on a can of root beer and removed it from the fridge. After closing the door, he saw Gretchen standing there in front of him.

“I’m sorry Dad is being such a jerk, and Mom… isn’t much better. How are you coping?”

“I don’t want to talk about them. I don’t want to think about them. In fact, I’d like to pretend they aren’t even here, ‘cause frankly, I got bigger problems on my mind.”

“Which are?”

He opened his root beer. “A conversation that I am supposed to have with Joey that will impact the rest of our relationship. Not to mention, explain why I’ve been in such a state of utter despair today.”

“Pacey, what are you talking about?”

“You know what my advice to you would be, Gretchen? Stick to your own problems because I’m sure they’re far more entertaining and not nearly as life-altering.”

He turned away from her and his sister hissed his name, calling him back. He just kept walking.

Joey found Pacey standing by himself in the hallway quietly observing the party—his dad still watching hockey in the den while Dawson, Jack, Will, Gretchen, and the kids played Monopoly in the living room. “What’s wrong with you, ref?” Mr. Witter shouted at the TV.

She came up behind her boyfriend and wrapped her arms around his waist. “Don’t believe them, Pace. You are gonna go to college and do amazing, you know that? And there’s nothing they can say about it. You’re gonna shock them all. You’re gonna make them eat their words. I know you are.” She kissed his cheek.

“Well, what if I don’t? What if they are one hundred percent right about me, and I am simply too stupid to do anything worthwhile with my life?”

Her heart constricting, Joey moved around to look at him. “What are you talking about?” How could he possibly think he was stupid after that report card he’d just gotten? Think he’d never get into college? Of course, he was going to. She searched his face. He almost looked… heartbroken. Something was very wrong. “Pace, what’s going on? This can’t just be about your birthday.”

“No, it’s not about my birthday.” He held her hand. “Let’s take this to the basement, huh?”

As he started to move them towards the basement door, his mother suddenly called out, “Dinner’s ready! Wash your hands and get to the table!”

With a heavy sigh, he turned around and they made for the dining room. Pacey took the empty chair next to Will Krudski and Joey sat down beside him. While his nieces and nephews were relegated to the table in the kitchen, everyone else took seats around the large dining table.

“Okay, everybody,” Mrs. Witter announced as she walked into the room carrying a large pot and setting it down on the table. “In honor of Pacey’s birthday, I made his favorite: spaghetti and meatballs.”

“Wow, Ma. Thanks for actually remembering.”

“As if I could ever forget, honey.”

Fighting hard not to roll his eyes, Pacey exchanged unamused looks with Gretchen across the table. To his surprise, the rest of dinner went by without much drama, everyone eating and conversing in relative peace. When everyone had eaten, his mother rushed them away from the dining table and into the living room. It was then that the doorbell rang. Jen had arrived, joined by her community service partner, Tobey. Susan Witter welcomed them inside.

Pacey sat on the floor while he watched his mother and sisters pile up wrapped gifts all around him. While his mother sat in the chair on the opposite side of the room, camera in hand, and looking like she was completely enjoying herself, he didn’t know how to feel, what to make of her enthusiasm. He didn’t think he’d ever understand her.

One by one, he began opening his gifts. He’d been expecting the worst, but it honestly wasn’t too terrible. His mom had gotten him some new clothes—jeans, shirts, hoodies, socks. Will Krudski got him a gift certificate to Best Buy. Pacey then opened a box that was a joint gift from Jen and Jack, revealing a New England Patriots No. 18 football jersey with “WITTER” personalized on the back. Joey got him a large, white ceramic coffee mug that read, “Being My Boyfriend Is Really The Only Gift You Need” in black letters with a smaller “—I Love You—” at the bottom. He chuckled to himself as he carefully placed it back inside the box, and grinned up at her while she leaned down from her chair and gave him a quick kiss.

Then Dawson handed him over a long, skinny envelope. Pacey tore it open and pulled out two tickets to an upcoming Boston Bruins game. “You got me hockey tickets?”

“Yeah. The New York Rangers are gonna be in town this Saturday. Should be a good game.”

Pacey studied the tickets with wide eyes. “These are… _really_ good seats, Dawson.”

He shrugged. “I figured it’d be a good date night with Joey. Get out Capeside for an evening. Or, well… I could go with you, if you wanted to go together for a guys’ night out, but I’m sure you’d rather take Joey.”

More red flags started waving inside his mind and the ball of ice returned. Behind Pacey, his girlfriend nudged him with her foot, and he forced a smile. “Uh, yeah, sure. I’d love to go to the Bruins game with you. Should be fun. Thank you.”

“That was very generous of you, Dawson,” Joey praised.

Yeah, a little _too_ generous, Pacey thought miserably.

Joey met Dawson’s gaze, and she returned his smile. Nothing made her happier at the moment than to see her two oldest friends making amends. It felt like things were finally going back to normal, that the three of them got over the worst of it, and their friendships could remain intact. It was all she’d ever wanted.

“Thanks for stealing the tickets idea, Dawson,” Gretchen teased.

“I stole nothing.”

Pacey’s older brother then handed over another white envelope. On the front was written, _“For Pacey. From Carrie, Amy, Doug, and Gretchen. We love you. Happy 18th Birthday!” _He opened the envelope, and sure enough there were two tickets inside. His mouth fell open as he pulled them out. “You guys got me Aerosmith tickets?!” He read them again. “Third row center seats?! This must’ve cost...”

“We split it between the four of us,” Doug said.

“Well, the _three_ of us, technically…”

Carrie glared. “Shut up, Amy!”

“They’re gonna be at the Tweeter Center at the end of June,” Gretchen told him, ignoring her sisters. “Think of it as a combined birthday and graduation present.”

“Wow. Thank you.” His siblings reached forward and all patted him on the shoulders or back. Gretchen tousled his hair.

Then a large wrapped gift was handed over. “That one’s from me,” John Witter said with a smile.

Tentatively, Pacey reached for it. All four of his siblings had gotten a car from their father on their eighteenth birthdays. Even Amy, who swung by the house three weeks after she got married to pick it up. The cars weren’t anything fancy, or even new, but dependable used cars that were perfect for a teenage driver’s first vehicle. Gretchen was still driving hers.

Pacey looked down at the wrapped box. There definitely wasn’t a car inside. He tore away the wrapping paper. “Fireworks.”

Several _oohs_ and _aahs_ rent the air, and he set the box on the coffee table. “It’s just what I’ve always wanted. Thanks, Pop.” He then looked around the room at his family and friends. “Thanks for all the gifts. Really. I wasn’t expecting any of this…” Joey laid her hand on his shoulder and squeezed. “Thank you.”

Once more, everyone wished him a happy birthday. His mother then leaned back in her chair, a look of total contentment on her face. “You know, I, uh, recently read an article in Ladies’ Home Journal that said a fun way to bond with your kids on their birthday was to recall a favorite memory from their childhood.”

_Please no_. Pacey’s guts instantly twisted into knots. “Oh, joy.”

“I guess I’ll go first,” Susan Witter began. “And, uh, my memory would have to be when Pacey was a baby. It was such a relief to finally have a late bloomer. Never bothered anybody. Used to fall asleep in cardboard boxes.”

_Yay, like a cat._ Pacey immediately wanted to run from the room and this shit had only just started.

“That’s right,” Doug laughed.

“If I recall, _Mother_, Pacey would fall asleep in cardboard boxes because that’s where you’d put him after one too many afternoon gin and tonics rendered you incapable of taking him up the stairs to the nursery,” Amy said scathingly. “I’d find him there after school and have to take him up myself.”

“Yes, thank you for sharing, Amy,” Mrs. Witter snapped angrily.

Joey’s eyes went wide, her face burning with secondhand embarrassment, and she stared at the floor, while Pacey looked at his older sister, once again surprised and touched at her coming to his defense.

“And there was the time that you guys almost left him at Baskin-Robbins,” Carrie said to their mother accusingly.

“I remember that, yeah,” Doug said with a frown. “You were practically driving away when this lady flagged you down with Pacey wailing in her arms. I swear, you and Dad would’ve driven home before you even realized he was gone. He had nightmares for weeks after that. Kept dreaming that he was going to be left somewhere and would never see us again.”

“Thanks for that one, Doug,” Pacey muttered, remembering. He’d been four years old at the time, and it truly had been traumatizing. The image was burned in his brain still, of watching his family drive away from him. It was one of the few hazy memories he had of his early childhood.

“Yeah, I remember,” Amy said. “He’d wake up in the middle of the night, crying, and he’d open up all the bedroom doors to see if we were still there. Then he’d come to mine and Carrie’s room and get in bed with me because Mom and Dad wouldn’t let him in their room.”

Mrs. Witter huffed. “These are supposed to be _happy_ memories. Not let’s-blame-Mom-and-Dad-for-everything memories!”

Gretchen, seeing Pacey’s discomfort, then spoke up. “You know my favorite Pacey memory? When I was in sixth grade, there was this bully named Max Brody, and he was the meanest kid you'd ever wanna meet. And one day, he pushed me off the swing set. Hard. I, um, I split my lip open. And Pacey, who was in second grade at the time, was sitting over in the sand box. And when he saw Max push me, I've never seen anybody run so fast. And he just started punching and kicking him, screaming, ‘Stay away from my sister!’ But that’s Pacey. The bravest guy I know.”

Pacey shot her a weak but grateful smile.

“Brave and foolish,” John Witter said. “As I recall, Pacey came home crying because that bully beat the pulp out of him.”

“I remember that,” his wife concurred.

Of course, that was the part they remembered, Pacey thought, frowning.

“All right. I have a Pacey story,” his dad remarked.

“I’m all a tingle,” Pacey deadpanned. He could only imagine what kind of story they were all about to be regaled with.

John Witter’s eyes narrowed briefly before speaking. “On his tenth birthday, I got him fireworks, and he thought it was the best gift he’d ever gotten. We set ‘em off in the backyard, down by the creek, and he was just so happy. And so was I. That was a good day. And that was really a good gift I got for him.”

Pacey stared at his father. His _Pacey story_ sounded more like a _Sheriff Witter story_ about that one other time he bought fireworks. Leave it to his parents to make everything about themselves. He also had lots of Sheriff Witter stories, but none he could tell in a room full of people. He said nothing, hoping that this storytelling session had finally come to an end.

Dawson cleared his throat. “Uh, I have a Pacey memory.” Everyone turned to look at him. “It was the summer after fourth grade, and I’d gotten sick with the chicken pox. My mom wouldn’t let me leave the house for weeks, and she wouldn’t let anyone come in the house either. I hated it. I was missing out on my summer vacation. I missed seeing my two best friends. So, one day, Pacey sneaks over to the house and climbs the ladder up to my room.” Dawson started laughing.

The memory clicked, and Pacey remembered, too. He smiled to himself.

“And he’s covered himself, head to toe, in Saran wrap,” Dawson continued. “Just to come over and keep me company. It was so hot up in my room, and he was dying inside that plastic wrap, but he didn’t leave for hours. And that’s Pacey. Always going out of his way to be there for the people he cares about.”

Why was Dawson being so nice to him? Pacey hated that it only made him even more suspicious, but he couldn’t help it. Maybe he was overreacting. Maybe he was being paranoid. Still, his gut told him otherwise.

“You’re lucky you didn’t get the chicken pox, Pacey,” his mother scolded. “Plastic wrap, my word. I never heard of such a thing.”

“Foolish,” his dad agreed.

“I’d already had the chicken pox, Ma. In third grade.”

Mrs. Witter was quiet for a moment, thinking. “Hmm… that does sound familiar.”

Pacey rolled his eyes.

“I’ve got a Pacey story from third grade,” Will Krudski then spoke up. “Probably _the_ Pacey story of my childhood—the one that made us friends. Uh, well, more than once I came to school with a black eye, and I’d tell everyone it was because of a fight I got into, and I’d always tell a story that sounded like the other guy was hurt a lot worse; everybody’d just listen and pretend they didn’t know any better. Not Pacey, though.

“One day, I showed up to school looking real bad, and I was hiding in the bathroom. Well, Pacey found me in there and he… knew. He knew I wasn’t getting into any fights with other kids around town, and I certainly wasn’t winning these fights. I told him that I didn’t think people were gonna believe me anymore if things kept going the way they were, and he offered to help me. So, he started picking these fake fights with me on the playground in front of everyone, running around calling me ‘Will Kruddy.’ And there we’d be, rolling around in the dirt, kicking and throwing punches, but not _too_ hard, and Pacey would let me win.”

Eyes wide, Pacey’s mouth fell open. “Hey, man! We swore we’d take that to our graves.”

Will shrugged and gave him a lazy smile. “I’m not getting black eyes anymore. I think we can let the truth be known.”

Joey reached down and squeezed Pacey’s shoulder. Gretchen was right: he did have inherent goodness. And her own mother had been right: he’d been the sweetest and kindest child. She then started speaking. “I have a Pacey memory from childhood.”

She suddenly blushed now that everyone’s eyes were on her, uncomfortable as always being the center of attention. “I have a lot, actually, but, um… It was the summer of 1994. My mom was sick and in the hospital. Without her, my dad was having to work days _and_ nights at the Ice House. The chain on my bike kept slipping, and it was scratching up my legs real bad. My dad didn’t have time to fix it, and my parents couldn’t afford to get me a new bike.”

Pacey’s eyes went wide, not expecting this particular memory. He’d never said a word about her bike to anyone, and the Potters had never said anything to him about it. 

“One day I was running around with Pacey and Dawson, and… um, it was a very hot summer. I was drenched in sweat, and because my legs were so badly scratched up, it was really painful. I remember crying because it stung so bad, and Dawson made me jump in the creek to relieve the pain, which helped a little. Anyway, Pacey came over to my house when no one was around and fixed my bike. Nobody asked him to, and he didn’t tell anyone that he’d fixed it. Pacey’s kindness is one of his most endearing qualities.”

Several _awws_ went around the room, and Susan Witter smiled. “That’s a really sweet story, Joanna.” Joey frowned while Pacey snorted, shaking his head in annoyance. His mom then stood up and clapped her hands. “Okay, who’s ready for birthday cake?”

“Me! Me! Me!” the kids all shouted excitedly.

Joey and Gretchen followed her into the kitchen. After lighting the birthday candles, Joey carried the chocolate-frosted cake into the living room, Gretchen and Mrs. Witter walking behind her with an armful of plates and a fistful of forks. Pacey stood up off the floor, grinning at her. His family and friends gathered around. “Happy birthday,” Gretchen began to sing and everyone joined in, with Doug’s voice booming over everyone else’s.

Pacey gazed at Joey and she silently mouthed _I love you_ as the singing came to a stop. “Make a wish and blow out the candles,” she said.

He wished he’d been accepted to a school in Boston. He stared at the sparkling cake while the wax sizzled from the candles. He wished he and Joey were on the same path that led to the same future. He wished Gretchen would figure out what she wanted instead of wasting her time hanging around Capeside. He wished Doug would stop caring so much about their dad’s opinion and just come out and live a happy life. He wished Carrie would pull herself out of her depression. He wished Amy would come home more often. He wished his parents weren’t assholes. He wished Dawson…

Pacey sighed. He honestly had no idea what to wish about Dawson. Maybe he wished Dawson would let Joey go and then he could just have his best friend back, no strings attached and no motives to question. Maybe he didn’t want that friendship back and just wished Dawson would move on and leave him alone. He didn’t know.

“Help him blow them out, Joanna,” Mrs. Witter said.

“What are you waiting for?” John Witter spat. “Your next birthday?”

Joey watched her boyfriend’s brows furrow, his mouth curve into a frown, the sadness in his eyes. “Pacey,” she whispered, her voice full of concern.

“Nothing I wish for will come true,” he whispered back. “It’s pointless.”

Her eyes filled with sympathy, again hoping he would tell her what was bothering him. “You don’t know that.”

Pacey took a deep breath and then wished for something he knew deep down in his core would never, ever come true. Closing his eyes, he wished the _True Love_ would come back to him. Then he opened his eyes and blew out all the candles with one breath.

As they sat around eating birthday cake and ice cream, suddenly Carrie spoke up. “Oh, Mom, you said you wanted me to remind you about Pacey and the college thing.”

Susan Witter’s eyes widened. “Oh, that’s right.”

Stomach full of nerves, Pacey watched his mother get up from the chair. He had no idea what this could possibly be, and he had no desire for it to unfold right there in the living room in front of everyone. After a moment, his mother returned from the kitchen carrying a sealed, white envelope. She was smiling, clearly excited, and then handed it over to him.

_Oh, no._

His heart sinking within him, he reached for the envelope, aware that everyone’s eyes had been suddenly drawn to him. His guts twisting into knots so tight he thought he might be sick, he stared down at the envelope. His name was on it, but with his parents’ address printed beneath. How? All the schools he’d applied to, he’d written his own address on Bridge Street.

“Who sent it to you?” Joey asked.

Pacey gazed at the officially-stamped logo in the upper left corner. He knew for a fact he hadn’t applied to this school. “Massachusetts College of Liberal Arts.”

His eyes flickered to Gretchen’s, and his sister looked impressed. “MCLA is a pretty good school.”

“I think the acceptance rate is high,” Dawson commented. “Well, compared to other liberal arts schools, like Worthington and Williams.”

“So is the tuition,” Jack added. “If I recall from my many meetings with Ms. Watson, that school is in the 20K-a-year range _after_ financial aid.”

“Where is it located?” Pacey asked. He still hadn’t opened the envelope. It dawned on him that Ms. Watson might have applied on his behalf.

“North of Pittsfield,” Doug answered. “It’s near the northwest corner of the state, close to the Vermont and New York borders.”

Pacey sighed. That was a three-hour drive from Boston, if one had a car. If not, you were looking at an eight-hour bus ride. Why even bother reading the letter? He wanted to throw the envelope away, but he just kept staring at it.

“Come on, Pace.”

“Yeah, open it already.”

“The suspense is killing me over here.”

“Just open it!”

With everyone’s eyes on him, he tore open the envelope and pulled out the letter. Unfolding it, he began to read. Surprise washed over him and he immediately looked up at Joey.

She smiled excitedly. “It’s an acceptance letter, isn’t it?”

“Read it to us, sweetie!” Mrs. Witter requested.

He returned to the letter, and began to read aloud. “‘Dear Pacey: It is my pleasure to inform you that the Admissions Committee has granted you provisional acceptance to the Massachusetts College of Liberal Arts for the Fall 2001 semester. Your final acceptance will be contingent upon your high school graduation and final transcripts. We know that you can bring something original and extraordinary to our inaugural Culinary Arts program as well as to life on campus, and we look forward to having you join the MCLA community.’”

Pacey stopped after the first paragraph, again aware that he was the center of everyone’s undivided attention and that he probably should’ve stopped reading sooner. He was afraid to look in his father’s direction.

“Inaugural?” Carrie said.

“Means it’s a brand new program, just starting,” Gretchen answered her, before turning to her younger brother. “That’s great, Pacey.”

“Congratulations, Pace,” Dawson said.

“Good for you, little brother,” Doug praised.

“We’re really happy for you, Pacey,” Jen added, and Jack nodded. “All your hard work is paying off,” he said.

Joey’s heart swelled with pride. “That’s amazing, Pacey. See? What did I tell you? You should feel so proud.”

His friends and his siblings were all smiles, but all Pacey could feel was despair.

John Witter cleared his throat and set his fifth or sixth—Pacey had lost count—can of beer down on the coffee table. “Culinary Arts, huh?” His cold, menacing tone was so at odds with the cheerful atmosphere that everyone went quiet and the air in the room changed instantly. “Just a fancy name for cooking classes.”

Pacey braced himself. He’d known this was coming. Slowly, he looked up to meet his father’s gaze. What he saw there wasn’t comforting. It rarely was.

“If you think I’m gonna shell out thousands of dollars of my hard-earned money to send you to fancy cooking classes, you’ve got another thing comin’, Pacey.” Red in the face, he got up from the chair. “A kitchen is no place for a man to be. It’s a hell of a job for a man to spend his time chopping vegetables and baking cakes! Between your brother’s artsy-fartsy hobbies and you wearing an apron for a living, how do you think that makes me look? I can’t have the people in this town saying the sheriff has fags for sons!”

Several gasps filled the room. Scoffing with disgust, Jack walked out, making for the kitchen, Jen’s friend Tobey following him. But Pacey wasn’t worried about them at the moment. Horrified, and unable to help it, he turned sharply to throw a worried glance at Doug, whose stony face was staring at the floor, his posture rigid. Righteous indignation welled up inside Pacey. Anger flooded his gut like hot acid. He stood up and faced his father.

“You really are an ignorant, heartless bastard, aren’t you?”

“Pacey!” his mother hissed.

“You’ve got some gall speaking to me that way, boy!”

“What are you gonna do about it, Pop? Hit me? Go on, hit me. See what happens.” His left hand clenched into a fist.

Joey’s gaze darted between Pacey and his father, fear sitting in her stomach like lead. She didn’t know what to do or say. She locked eyes with Dawson and he seemed equally uncomfortable and uncertain. His mouth had fallen open and he shook his head helplessly at her. Everyone else in the room had also been stunned into frightened silence. Everyone except Will Krudski, who looked tense and alert, on the edge of his seat, positioned as if ready to throw himself in front of Mr. Witter to protect Pacey if he had to. Joey had no doubt that he would.

John Witter’s eyes narrowed, his mouth forming a hard line of barely-concealed hatred. “What am I gonna do about it? Well, I’m not paying for your college, I know that. You’ve embarrassed me enough to last a lifetime, Pacey. You don’t know or care what it means to be a Witter in this community. Well, you’re gonna learn how to make a living like a real man! Do you think I’m gonna give twenty grand a year to some hoity-toity college to teach _my_ son a woman’s job? Over my dead body! You can kiss your nancy boy college dreams goodbye!”

“Well, your wallet can breathe easy, Pop, because I don’t need your stinking money!” Pacey shouted back. “And even if I did, I wouldn’t take money from you if I was starving in the street! I’ve got my own money!”

“Pacey,” Gretchen uttered in a low voice of warning.

But he was too enraged to see or hear anyone in the room other than his father, who was now sneering at him as if what he’d just claimed was a joke. “You think I’m kidding?!”

“Pacey, don’t.”

Gretchen’s second warning also fell on deaf ears. “I’ve got twelve grand in the bank, you son of a bitch! It’ll be fifteen by the time I graduate, and even more by the end of the summer! Money I’ve been scrimping and saving for almost four years so I can get the hell away from you and this town forever! And I’ll do whatever the hell I want with that money! I can certainly pay for college myself!”

John Witter stared, speechless.

Then Pacey’s throat tightened with emotion, misery welling up inside. “But you know what? I’m not going to culinary school, even if I wanted to, because I found out today that the only school in Boston that I thought would take me, rejected me, and Boston is where I’m gonna be with Joey. So, I’m not going to college, and I’m sorry if that disappoints certain people in this room, but we all gotta make our own choices in life. So, I guess, at the end of the day, you’ll get what you want, Pop. I’m going to end up exactly like you thought I would: a complete and utter failure.”

He started to walk out of the silent room, several hands reaching out to stop him, including his mother’s, but he pushed past them and out of the house. It wasn’t long before he was behind the steering wheel in the truck, pulling the visor down to get the keys, and driving away. Pacey had no idea where he was going, he just knew he needed to get away.

While in her peripheral she registered Dawson hurrying from the living room towards the front of the house, Joey had run after Pacey and out onto the back porch, but he had disappeared into the darkness. She walked back inside and removed both their coats from the rack beside the door, turning to step back outside, and then suddenly Dawson was there, putting on his coat, too. She was pretty sure Pacey wouldn’t find their friend a welcome sight right now.

“Dawson, I think I can handle this on my own.”

“Uh, you don’t have a car. Pacey took your truck. Come on, let me drive you.”

“Fine.”

They were soon on the road, heading away from the creek and towards downtown. It only took about fifteen minutes to reach Pacey and Gretchen’s weathered beach house on Bridge Street. The truck wasn’t there.

“Where would he go if he didn’t go home?” Dawson asked. “Where would he want to be? Well, unless he’s just aimlessly driving around, trying to clear his head.”

Where would Pacey want to be right now, Joey thought to herself. There was only one real answer. He’d want to be on his boat. After raw emotion rose within her as thoughts of the _True Love_ filled her mind, she was in tears. She turned away from Dawson and stared out the window, her chin quivering and tears sliding down her face.

“Joey?”

“This is all my fault,” she choked, covering her eyes. “And he’d been trying to tell me all evening that something was wrong.”

“What? Joey, it’s not your fault Pacey’s dad is a jerk, and it’s not your fault Pacey didn’t get into a college in Boston.”

“I know, but it’s my fault he thinks he disappointed me. Maybe I was wrong to push him. I pushed him to take the SATs, and that went over like a ton of bricks. I pushed him to seriously think about college, when he’d been saying for over a year that he doesn’t think that’s a place he belongs. But…”

He let out a breathy laugh. “Typical Joey Potter behavior. You tend to believe in people more than they believe in themselves. It’s a real character flaw.”

She finally met Dawson’s gaze. “The thing is, deep down I think he really does want it. He’d been so enthusiastic about doing a culinary program, and look! He was accepted to MCLA, something that should’ve made him happy and proud and excited, and because of me he’s…”

“He’s not gonna go.”

“How can I sit by and selfishly let him pass that up, Dawson?”

“It’s Pacey’s life, Joey. He has to make his own decisions about what’s best for him.”

“That’s the thing, Dawson. I’m worried that…” Emotion choked her again. She couldn’t speak it aloud. “I need to talk to Pacey.”

Dawson sighed heavily and glanced around. “Well, he hasn’t shown up back here yet.”

Sniffling, Joey wiped her tears and shook her head. “Capeside Marina Docks. He’s there.”

He blinked, staring for a moment, before he shrugged and threw the gear into drive. “Well, okay, then.”

When they arrived at the marina, instant relief flooded Joey’s insides at the sight of her truck parked in the lot. She almost jumped out of Dawson’s car before it came to a complete stop. “You want me to wait for you in case you need a ride?” he asked her.

She stood there, holding the door with one hand and her boyfriend’s coat in the other. “No, I’m okay. Pacey’s here. Thanks, Dawson. I really appreciate this.”

“You know I’d do anything for you, right, Joey?” His face softened as his eyes gazed at her intensely.

“Uh, yeah… of course, Dawson.” She was in a hurry to get to Pacey and didn’t want to stand there in the parking lot much longer. “Goodnight. See you in school tomorrow.”

After Dawson said goodbye, Joey shut the door and walked away, quickly heading for the docks. She hurried along moored boats, her eyes scanning her surroundings as she went past. Then she rounded a corner and saw him. Pacey was sitting on a crate down at the far end of a dock. With a deep sigh, she moved forward.

“Hey, Pace,” she said as she reached him.

He turned around, not surprised at all that she’d found him out there. “Hey.”

She noticed he was hugging himself to keep warm in the cold night air. Joey sat on the crate in the empty space next to him and he scooted over. She handed him his coat. “You forgot this.”

“Thanks.” He shrugged on his coat and buttoned it up, before shoving his hands in the pockets.

“I’m sorry I threw you such a bad party.”

“The party honestly wasn’t that terrible, Jo, I admit. And what happened there at the end… well, that wasn’t your fault. It’s the curse.”

She snaked her arm through his and snuggled close. “I know how you must be feeling. You don’t have to feel that way. I’m not disappointed, Pacey. One rejection is definitely not the end of the world, and it’s certainly not something that would ever make me disappointed in you. If anything, after tonight, I’m prouder than ever.”

He shook his head. Did she not fully understand the implications of him not getting into a school in Boston? “It’s not really about the rejection itself. That just makes it real. You and I are just on opposite paths, Jo. And when high school is over, those paths are going to lead us farther and farther away from each other.”

She looked at him, surprised. Did he truly believe that? “I don’t think so. I think both roads lead to the same place. Right here. You and me, Pace. That’s the one thing that will never change. Not if we don’t let it.”

“After graduation, things are just gonna get harder and harder, Jo.”

“Well, then we’ll try harder.” She sucked in her bottom lip and chewed, thinking. Uneasy feelings of fear and doubt floated disturbingly around the edges of her mind, and she pushed them back, refusing to allow them to come into focus. “Are you seriously going to forgo your chance at culinary school to be in Boston with me? Are you _sure_ that’s what you want, Pacey? Really and truly?”

“We promised each other,” he said simply.

“Promised each other what?”

He turned to look at her, their eyes meeting, and he reached over to hold her hand. “That first week of school back in September? You told me that you weren’t going anywhere without me. And then that night after Jen’s unbirthday party? I told you I was gonna be wherever you are. I have no intention of breaking my promise.”

Tears pricked her eyes again. “Allowing you to pass up an amazing opportunity just for the sake of us never having to be apart is probably the most selfish thing that I’ll ever do.” She had a sneaking suspicion that she’d only wind up hating herself for it, but again she shoved those feelings away, not wanting to acknowledge them.

He looked away and shrugged, not wanting to think about culinary school. He’d made his decision. That door was closed. “My dad is probably right, anyway. I’d just flunk out, and what kind of loser flunks out of a program that doesn’t even require you to take the SAT to get in?”

Raw emotion welled up inside her once again. Anger and indignation reddened her face. “Pacey, he is wrong. Your parents are wrong about you. Those voices in your head that sound like your parents? Well, I know it’s easier said than done, but you have to stop listening to them! Look at me.” His blue eyes met hers. “Stop believing them. You need to believe _me_ now because I’m the one who truly knows you. I’m the one who loves you. I know just what you’re capable of, and probably more than even I can imagine right now. You are not a loser, Pacey. You have never been a loser, and you will never be a loser, no matter what you do with your life.

“You’re an incredible _person_, which is far more important than grades and college degrees and career choices. I know without a shadow of a doubt that you’re meant to do great things with your life. You deserve happiness. You deserve love. You deserve to have ambition and goals. You deserve success. You deserve the best life has to offer. You deserve more than just being my boyfriend. And you have to start believing it, Pacey. I think the only reason you’re so quick to walk away from culinary school is because you don’t believe that.”

His face contorted with disbelief. “You think that I’m _settling_ for you?”

She quickly brushed away the tears that had begun to brim over. She couldn’t push away the fear entirely. “What if I’m not enough? There are things out there way better than me.”

Pacey sighed and tenderly touched her cheek. “Josephine Potter, when are you ever going to see yourself as you really are?”

“But you can do anything you want. Go anywhere you want. Have any woman you want.”

“I want _you_, Jo. You’re it for me. When I look at you, I see a beautiful, fantastic woman who makes me feel like I finally know why I was placed on this earth. You have no idea how much you’ve done for me. You’ve made it easier for me to live, to get out of bed every morning and just be myself. If we were to ever part, pieces of me would be missing. My life… my entire future… would just disappear. I see _everything_ in you.” His words brought more tears to her eyes. “God, how lucky I am, to be loved by someone as amazing as you.”

Joey leaned closer and kissed him lightly on his lips. “No, Pacey, I’m the lucky one… to have someone as wonderful as you to love.” She kissed him again. “You and me, Pace. We can make it if we try.”

Sighing, he pressed his forehead to hers, brushing her nose with his. “Then we’ll try.”

“We’ll try our damnedest.”

Pacey took her face in his hands, one thumb caressing her jaw as his eyes gazed tenderly into her own. Joey moved toward the kiss he offered. When his lips touched hers, she heard him sigh, felt his chest heave, and she eagerly reciprocated. There was always something so sweet, so gentle in his touch, in that first moment every time their lips met. With their arms wrapped in a tight embrace, their hearts felt like they had a firm hold on what they had always been seeking, and neither ever wanted to let go.


	42. 2001 (Senior Year: Part Seventeen)

January 12. On Friday night at the Cape Cod Mall, Joey walked with Jen and Gretchen into the Abercrombie & Fitch store, passing between the glass windows that displayed large black and white posters of nearly nude models. They were soon looking at the selection of jeans. “Do you think my butt would look good in these?” Jen asked, taking a hanger off a rack and holding up a pair.

“Maybe,” Joey answered, trying to imagine what she wanted her butt to look like. “You’d probably have to try them on to see how they fit.”

Gretchen moved closer. “See this, Jo?” she said, pointing to the waistline. “If the line is slightly curved, it makes your ass look perfectly round.”

“I’ll keep that mind.”

After a while, they approached the counter, and her friends noticed her hands were empty. “Didn’t you find anything?” Jen asked.

“I’m still looking around,” Joey shrugged. In fact, there were two or three things she’d love to buy, but the prices on the tags kind of shocked her. The prices at Forever 21 and Old Navy had been more to her liking.

When they left the store, Jen glanced at her watch. “We’re supposed to meet the guys at the food court in forty-five minutes, in time to grab a quick bite to eat before the movie.”

“_Antitrust_ looks really good,” Gretchen remarked. “Ryan Phillippe is so hot.”

They began walking in that general direction, window shopping along the way. “Oh, so, how was your date last night with Mark?” Joey asked.

“Who’s Mark?” Jen said.

“Mark is this guy who went to school with Gretchen. He’s been coming into Leery’s Fresh Fish almost every day for the past few weeks to see her. He finally asked her out on a date to this fancy restaurant last weekend and they went out again last night. Where did you go after dinner?”

“Far from prying eyes,” she replied elusively.

“Did you have fun?” Jen asked.

Gretchen cleared her throat. “Well, the conditions were good, but Mark was a bit… hasty.”

Jen frowned sympathetically. “I’m sorry.”

Joey glanced between them. “What do you mean?”

“Mark and I dated in high school for about five months during senior year. He was my prom date. Anyway, I’d hoped that with time and experience, he would’ve improved. I was wrong.” She scrunched up her face. “His kisses are slimy, he isn’t much into foreplay, and only focused on his orgasm. What a waste! It’s too bad because he’s really handsome. He’s even better looking now than he was in high school. Unfortunately, though, sometimes when men are aware they are handsome, they think it’s enough and make no effort,” she said reproachfully.

Joey didn’t know what to say to any of that. The thought of sleeping with someone without really knowing them that well, or deeply caring about them, made her cringe. Just the idea of anyone other than Pacey even touching her was terrifying. Jen eyed her, searching her face. “I think you scared her, Gretchen.”

Pacey’s sister laughed. “When you are well out of high school and are comfortable with your bodies and sexuality, sex won’t seem like this monumental life-changing event. I promise. The way you feel about sex usually changes as you get older. Sometimes it’s just sex. It’s being human. It’s a physical need, and sometimes you just need to fill it. As long as you’re safe and responsible about it, it’s not a big deal. Sex becomes less scary the more you do it. You know, like driving a car.” Her gaze fell on a store looming in front of them. “I think I wanna check out Bath & Body Works.”

Joey shrugged, her mind still on Gretchen’s little speech. Suddenly, Jen’s eyes went wide and she shot her a knowing grin. “You know what? Joey here probably wants to check out some books at Barnes & Noble. How about you go on ahead and we’ll just meet you at the food court?”

“Okay, cool. See you a little later.”

They watched Gretchen walk away. Then Jen took Joey by the arm, turned her around the other way, and started walking. “Um, Jen? We’re heading in the opposite direction of Barnes & Noble.”

“I know. That’s not where we’re going.”

After turning left down another wide corridor filled with the mall’s typical Friday night crowd, they were soon standing in front of Victoria’s Secret. “You’ve got to be kidding me.” Joey gaped. “Jen, we’re supposed to be shopping for the ski trip.”

“And that’s exactly what we’re doing, Joey.” She waggled her eyebrows suggestively.

“No way. I’m not going in there.”

“Come on. Haven’t you been saying that you want to make the senior trip special for Pacey?”

“Well, yes, but—”

“And didn’t you mention the other day that, while blindfolded, Pacey said something about you dressed in lingerie and feeding him birthday cake? Do you think that little scenario just popped into his head out of thin air?”

Joey stared at the storefront, watching shoppers enter and exit. She knew that Pacey’s lingerie comment on Monday night hadn’t been a new thought, and that he’d often make some joke or tease her about Victoria’s Secret whenever they came to the mall. She could feel her face burning. “Jen, I can’t. It’s too embarrassing. I would look ridiculous.”

Her friend crossed her arms and huffed. “Joey, you’re beautiful. You would look far from ridiculous. Maybe if we just went in and checked it out? You don’t have to buy anything.”

“Well…” Maybe if she just looked around… She made a few hesitant steps forward. It was then that she saw a familiar face exiting the store carrying two shiny pink bags, laughing with a friend and heading in their direction. Joey immediately turned around and started walking back the way they came, pulling Jen with her.

“What was that about?”

“Just this girl I saw. Her father, Dr. Evans, is the president of the yacht club’s board. She goes to some private school, but she’s at the yacht club every weekend. I’ve never actually met her, as I’m just a lowly serving wench, but I have no desire to run into her while walking into a lingerie store.” Joey could easily imagine the future humiliation if she were to come face to face with the girl at work and have her loudly announce where they had bumped into each other at the mall. Drue Valentine would certainly never let her forget it. “Let’s just head for the food court.”

Elsewhere in the mall, Pacey perused the aisles inside the Aéropostale store. His hands skimmed over a rack of hoodies. In front of him, Jack held up a blue hooded jacket. “What do you think?”

Pacey nodded. “Looks good. I imagine it’ll look even better on the senior trip.” Their weekend in the mountains was just three weeks away, and it was all their class was talking about.

“I’m honestly not sure if I’m even gonna have fun on this thing,” Jack sighed.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, don’t get me wrong, I love to snowboard. But you know once the sun goes down, everyone will just be looking to hook up.”

“Yeah, and?”

Jack lifted a hanger with a gray fleece hoodie and looked it over. “It’ll just be a reminder that I have nobody to hook up with, certainly nobody on the trip.”

Smirking, Pacey nodded as he moved to another rack. “Well, don’t forget you and I are sharing a room. If you get me good and liquored up, there’s no telling what might happen.”

Jack started laughing. “Yeah, right. You’d never cheat on Joey, even if you were good and liquored up.”

“You’re right. I wouldn’t. Not even for someone as cute as you.”

“Stop it. You’re making me blush.” Jack eyed the new clothing Pacey had collected in his arms. “So, uh, Mr. Moneybags, what’re you gonna do with your savings if you’re not going to college?”

He sighed and turned away, inwardly kicking himself. He still couldn’t believe he’d told everyone. What had he been thinking? Well, that was it: he hadn’t been thinking. Gretchen had scolded him for not listening to her that night he’d come home from the party, but he honestly hadn’t heard her warnings. Now he could only hope that the superstitious feeling he’d had about being jinxed by letting his savings account be public knowledge was just that: a silly superstition.

“Uh, since the plan is to move to Boston, then I guess I’ll use it for our nest egg. Maybe get a used car. Rent a decent apartment near her campus, whether that’s Worthington or another school.”

“What did Joey say about it?”

“The money? Uh, well, she was surprised, but then she also said some things now made more sense. Like how I was rarely ever broke.”

“That was quite the, uh, display at your party. I don’t think I told you this yet, but I’m sorry for those things your dad said to you. I thought the party was going pretty well up until that point.”

“Jack, I should be apologizing to you. What my dad said… there’s no excuse for it. He’s been saying shit like that my whole life.”

“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for, Pacey. You didn’t do anything wrong. We have no control how our parents choose to behave. How’s your brother, Doug? Have you talked to him since? I know you ran out of there pretty quick, but he seemed… well, he seemed really upset. He didn’t stay too much longer after you left.”

“No, I haven’t talked to Dougie. I’m kinda worried that my dad’s latest tirade only shoved him even deeper in the closet.”

“Huh. Well, we didn’t stay too much longer either. Had to take Will Krudski to the train station. We basically just helped load your gifts into Gretchen’s car and then we left.”

Pacey watched his friend drape a sweater over his arm. “Speaking of my birthday party, uh, what’s up with that guy, Tobey, that Jen brought with her?”

“Nothing. Why?”

“Well, I noticed he was makin’ eyes at ya.”

Jack scoffed. “It’s nothing, trust me. The guy is… well… we don’t get along, I’ll say that.”

“He’s not ugly…” Pacey commented.

“No, he’s not. So?”

“Come on, Jackers. I’m pretty sure attraction to men is only part of the equation. Why don’t you try going out on a date? You could double with me and Joey.”

“Yeah, that would go over well. A double date with my straight friends.”

Pacey’s face contorted with confusion. “Would that be a problem?”

“Well, Tobey doesn’t think I’m gay enough. Whatever that means. I mean, just because I’m out doesn’t mean I want to draw attention to myself.”

“Regardless of how you… present yourself, I think that if you took this Tobey guy out on a date and played a little game of hide the banana, he wouldn’t think that anymore.”

Jack rolled his eyes. “Very funny, Pacey. Tobey just isn’t my type, all right? And is that what you and Joey have been playing? Hide the banana?”

Chuckling, he shook his head and then heaved a sigh. “Not… technically.”

“How long have you guys been together?”

“Seven months.”

“Right.”

“Anyway, maybe you and this Tobey butt heads so much because of your overwhelming attraction to each other that neither of you knows what to do with. Take it from me. I’ve been there.”

Later that night, Pacey stood with his girlfriend on her back porch, his sister waiting in the car. He wrapped his arms around her waist. “So, did you like the movie?” he asked.

“I did. It was pretty good.” Joey slid her hands up his chest to his shoulders. “Are you looking forward to the hockey game tomorrow?”

“Uh…” A whole day in Boston with Dawson, just the two of them. He wasn’t so sure. “Yeah. Should be a good game.” He gazed down at her. “Will I see you after?”

“I’ll probably still be at work by the time you get back to Capeside.”

“Well, yeah, but—”

“And I’ve got a ton of studying to do for my calculus test on Monday, and I promised Bessie I’d hold down the fort for the evening so she could have a night out with Bodie. The B&B is full up with guests right now. And then I have to be back at the yacht club early on Sunday to work the brunch crowd.”

Pacey sighed. Something had been increasingly bothering him since Christmas, and while he’d thought nothing of it at first, and then started making countless excuses for it, it was now something he couldn’t ignore any longer. “We haven’t had a whole lot of time to ourselves lately.”

“I know,” she frowned. “Between work and helping out with the B&B and studying, there just hasn’t been a lot of free time the past couple weeks.”

Pacey lowered his arms from her waist, and looking at her seriously, he said, “Joey, have you been avoiding being alone with me?”

“I haven’t avoided being alone with you,” she protested. “Actually, I’m planning on spending the rest of my life alone with you.” She smiled.

His brows arched. “But you’ve been picking up extra hours at work since New Year’s, and by the time you get out, you have just enough time to do your homework and that’s it. And it seems like every time we go out lately, it’s a group event. I was planning on us going out for pizza at Carmine’s on Wednesday night, and then we get there and you’d invited Jen and Jack and Dawson. And I thought it was just gonna be me and you for the movies tonight, but again, you invited Jen and Jack… and my sister… and it turned into a shopping trip.”

She shrugged, feigning innocence. “What? I thought it would be fun. Weren’t you saying you wanted to buy some new stuff for the ski resort?”

“Yeah, but I’d rather be alone with you, as you’re aware. And on those rare evenings when we do manage to be alone, you always insist we stay in the living room. You haven’t been up in my bedroom since before Christmas, and the only times I’ve been in your room are when Bessie or Bodie are there. I just feel like… you’re avoiding, and you don’t need to. I’m not…” He was trying to find the right words to say. “Look, you know I want to have sex with you, and I understand you’re scared and I’m fine with waiting until you’re ready. But just… I don’t want you to feel like—when we are able to be alone together—that you’re disappointing me if we don’t go further than you want to. I just want to be with you.”

Joey expelled a breath. She didn’t know how she was going to keep this up. She was desperately trying to hold onto her plans for the senior trip. It was just three weeks away. Yet the waiting was becoming increasingly difficult, as was coming up with reasonable excuses for why she kept stopping their make out sessions from moving to the next level. If she was honest with herself, waiting just didn’t make sense anymore and she was starting to wish they’d just done it on the boat. If she knew waiting no longer made sense, then he certainly did. But how to keep her plans and the surprise intact without driving him crazy and frustrating him?

“I’m not really avoiding being alone with you, Pacey.” It was sort of true. “If anything, I’m trying to make sure that I get everything done that needs to get done so that I can focus on being alone with you on the senior trip. I don’t want to be up in the ski resort worrying about homework or tests or the B&B or whether I’ll still have a job at the yacht club after taking an entire weekend off. That’s why I’ve been picking up extra shifts. I’m trying to butter up my horrible boss so that she’ll give me the time off for the trip without too much hassle. When we’re up there in the mountains, I want to give you my undivided attention.”

Pacey smiled and once again wrapped his arms around her. “Okay, Potter.”

“Now kiss me goodnight. I’m getting cold out here.”

Chuckling, he bent his head and kissed her. She kissed him back, a long gentle kiss, and then pulled away. “I love you, Pacey,” she murmured.

“I love you, too. Goodnight, Jo.” He gave her another quick kiss.

When she stepped inside the house, he closed the door behind her, and after he heard the locks being turned, he walked off the porch.

On Saturday morning, Pacey rode with Dawson into Boston. After grabbing a quick lunch at a fast food drive-thru, they made their way to the Garden, now named the FleetCenter but nobody called it that. It would always be the Garden. Five or six minutes before one o’clock, with soft drinks in hand they took their aisle seats in the hockey arena that was also the home of the Celtics basketball team. The arena was packed with a sold out attendance of over seventeen thousand.

As Pacey removed his brown coat, revealing his Boston Bruins jersey with “WITTER” printed on the back, he noticed that several women seated in their section looked vaguely familiar, and it was only when the one with long strawberry blond hair turned around and smiled at him, was he able to place them. They’d been at that college party at Gretchen’s ex-boyfriend’s house. He sat there, racking his brain for the girl’s name, but he’d completely forgotten. She said something to her two friends, and they also turned to gaze at him, smirking. She smiled at him again and then winked.

Pacey ignored the reaction he had created and watched the referees and linemen, who were already skating around the ice rink in preparation for the game to begin. The seats Dawson had gotten were excellent, and he was glad he’d worn appropriately warm clothing. Some women were in fur coats, and other fans wore heavy parkas, although he thought that a tad unnecessary inside the heated arena.

Four rows in front of them, a flurry among the spectators indicated that someone of importance was entering their section. Pacey realized that it was Gary Bettman, the commissioner of the National Hockey League. Within a few moments, the crowd in the stands also recognized the VIP visitor, and great waves of booing and catcalls erupted.

On Wednesday, in an NHL game in Montreal, Boston’s star wingman, Sergei Samsonov, had engaged in a stick-swinging duel with Montreal’s Trevor Linden, and in the melee, Sergei had punched lineman Brian Savage in the face. Though both players were sent to the hospital, two days later Sergei alone was summoned to Bettman’s office, where he was fined two thousand dollars for unsportsmanlike conduct and suspended one game.

Yet it wasn’t Gary Bettman who had caught Pacey’s attention. The NHL commissioner wasn’t alone, and was in fact accompanied by a guest. Walking in next to him was James Moore. Staring, wide-eyed, Pacey had never expected to see him again.

“Hey, that’s the guy we have to thank for these great seats,” Dawson said, nodded at Moore as the man sat down next to the commissioner.

“What?”

“Yeah. Him and his wife came to the restaurant last month and loved it. They got to chatting with my parents. Really friendly. Anyway, he gifted them these tickets. My mom is far too along in her pregnancy to tolerate these hard benches, and my dad doesn’t want to leave her on her own for hours. So, I asked for the tickets for your birthday present.”

Pacey was still trying to wrap his head around this information. “Mr. Moore was in Capeside? And he came to Leery’s Fresh Fish?”

Dawson arched his brows. “You know him? I guess he’s some well-known restauranteur, from what my dad was saying. He owns restaurants all over the world. He’s on various boards and councils across the country. And according to my mom, he also owns a lot of real estate and his mansions have been featured in magazines. Must be pretty rich.”

“He also owns a huge yacht called _Tabitha’s Secret_.”

“I guess you really do know him.”

“Not really. I met him in Key West. He was business partners with the owner of the dive bar where we worked. I had a few conversations with him. He seemed like a nice enough guy.”

Dawson stared. “You worked in a dive bar? You _and_ Joey?”

Pacey nodded while sipping from his straw. “Yeah. It was a decent place. The people were interesting. We were only there like a month, but she made some really good tips.”

They quickly fell into fairly comfortable silence as the game commenced. The referee dropped the puck. The slapping of sticks rang out, and a roar went up from the fans around them as a Boston Bruin emerged with the puck. The lightning speed with which the players skated across the ice held their rapt attention. At the intermission following the first period, the NHL commissioner stood up, chatting and shaking hands with those in the seats around him.

Pacey watched as Mr. Moore followed suit. He was still watching as the man’s gaze went up the rows and then locked with his. There was recognition in his eyes. James Moore beamed a pleased, surprised smile in his direction. He watched the man tap on Gary Bettman’s shoulder and speak in his ear. A moment later, the commissioner was also looking up at him.

The two men then maneuvered out of their row and into the central aisle of the seating section, where they began to climb the concrete steps towards Pacey’s direction. “Oh my God,” he breathed, and Dawson turned sharply to look at him.

“What?”

Swallowing, he could only nod in Mr. Moore’s direction, and the commissioner moving up the steps behind him. Dawson followed his gaze to also see the two men approaching. The fans all around them watched Gary Bettman with keen interest.

“Pacey Witter,” his Key West acquaintance greeted with a smile.

“Hi, Mr. Moore.” He stood up and they shook hands.

“I thought I told you to call me James. I, uh, assume you know the NHL commissioner?”

“Good to meet you, Mr. Witter,” Mr. Bettman said, shaking Pacey’s hand warmly. “I’ve heard a lot of good things about you. Jamie here speaks very highly of you.”

“Pacey is a fine young man. Tons of talent and potential just waiting to be tapped.”

He felt himself blush at the praise. Behind him, Dawson pointedly cleared his throat. Pacey turned slightly and gestured to him. “This is my friend, Dawson Leery. His parents own Leery’s Fresh Fish, and I take it you were there recently and gave them the tickets for these seats?”

James Moore smiled. “That’s right. Glad they were put to good use. Nice to meet you, Dawson.”

“Did you really sail all the way from Cape Cod to Key West in a twenty-five-foot sailboat by yourself?” Mr. Bettman asked. A small grin tugged at the corners of his mouth.

“Um, yes, sir. Well, no, not exactly. My girlfriend came with me.”

“How did you get her to do that?”

“I tricked her into liking me.” He smirked while the two men laughed in response.

“And it worked,” Dawson quipped.

Pacey ignored him.

“You were right, Jamie. The boy’s a charmer.” The commissioner kept chuckling.

“So, how is Miss Potter? Things going well with you two?” Mr. Moore asked.

“Yeah, she’s great. Things are really good.”

“Glad to hear it. And how’s school going?”

“Um… good, actually. Surprisingly good.”

James looked pleased. Then he shoved his hands in his pockets and his face became serious. “And have you given anymore thought to what we talked about last summer, Pacey?”

Guilt inexplicably twisted his insides. Why should he feel like he let Mr. Moore down? He barely knew the guy. Keeping his face a mask of politeness, he smiled. “Yes, of course. I’ve given it a lot of thought.”

“Good. I’m happy to hear that. Well, we won’t take up anymore of your afternoon. It was good to see you again, Pacey. I hope we run into each other again sometime. Stop by the Ambrosia on Park Street if you ever want to discuss your future.”

The NHL commissioner shook his hand as well as Dawson’s, exchanging polite words, and began to descend the steps. Mr. Moore started to follow and then turned abruptly. “Uh, Pacey, what was the name of that bed and breakfast you told me I should check out next time I’m on the Cape? The one your girlfriend’s family owns?”

He blinked, not having expected that question or for the man to have remembered something so seemingly insignificant. “Oh, uh, the Potter B&B.”

“Thanks,” James said, smiling. “Enjoy the rest of the game.”

Pacey watched the two men walk back down to their row, the commissioner speaking with several other important-looking people and shaking hands along the way. A sudden wave of disappointment rushed up to engulf him, and he didn’t quite understand why. Yet as he continued to watch James Moore reclaim his own seat in the arena, realization hit him. It hadn’t been until this very moment that he finally knew just how much he had wanted to go to culinary school.

The hockey teams soon returned to the ice, but he found himself distracted by his own thoughts and unable to concentrate on the game. After the second period, he got up at the intermission and made his way to down to the lobby inside the arena’s main entrance. He quickly found a payphone. What he wanted was to talk to Joey, but she was still at work. So, he called home instead.

“Witter’s Roadside Diner. You kill ‘em, we grill ‘em.”

“Hello, Gretchen.”

“Hey, Pacey,” she laughed.

“Bored, are we?”

“Just trying to liven things up around here. I hate to admit this, but a Saturday afternoon is much too quiet and dull when you’re not around. Anyway, why are you calling me? Aren’t you supposed to be at the hockey game with Dawson?”

“That’s where I am.”

“Is something wrong?”

He sighed. “No, nothing’s wrong… or, well, I don’t know. Do you ever feel like nothing is wrong but also maybe everything is wrong?”

“Did you get into an argument with Dawson?”

“No. He’s being perfectly friendly for the most part. I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop. And believe me, Gretchen, it will drop. My life is a fuckin’ apple tree, but with shoes.”

“Pacey, what’s up?”

“Nothing. Nothing is up. Nothing but the cloud of impending doom over my head that’s starting to obscure my view of the future.”

“Pacey, come on. What’s the matter? Did something happen?”

“I just… I ran into someone I wasn’t expecting to see and… I don’t know. My mood kinda went into the toilet.”

“Who?”

“Just… just this guy I met in Key West.”

“You ran into him in Boston? There at the Garden?”

“Yeah.”

“And why was this upsetting? Did you have a problem with him?”

“No, not at all. I just… uh… seeing him was just…” He heaved another sigh. “I just really wanted to go to culinary school, Gretchen,” he admitted.

“You still can, Pacey. You should go. You obviously want to.”

“Yeah, but I want Joey more.” A voice on the payphone told him to add twenty-five more cents. “Uh, listen, Gretch, I gotta go. I’ll see you later.”

“Pacey—”

He hung up the telephone and walked away.

January 19. The smoke alarm shrilled and Joey jumped to her feet. The alarm had gone off earlier, and she’d had to wave a towel underneath it to make it stop. She’d then checked on the dinner, and it had looked fine to her. She honestly had no idea how long it took to cook a pot roast, but she didn’t think it had been in the oven _that_ long. Or had it?

“Dammit, not again! I gotta go. I’ll call you later. Love you.” She threw the cordless phone down on her bed and ran.

The kitchen was filling with smoke coming from the oven. Shit! Why did this always seem to happen whenever she attempted to cook anything? The shrilling sound jabbed like needles at her brain. She quickly turned off the oven and then removed her shoe and threw it at the annoying thing. The alarm flew off the ceiling and landed in the dining room. She picked it up and threw it out the back door.

“Joey, what the hell is going on?!” her sister shouted from behind her and Bodie’s bedroom door, having opened it a crack.

“I’ve got everything under control, Bessie,” she lied.

Opening the oven door, she coughed as smoke billowed out into the kitchen and the dining and living rooms. Damn! The dinner was ruined. What was she thinking? She couldn’t cook. This day just got worse and worse. She sank to her knees, brushed away an errant tear, and had her own private pity party.

When his Friday afternoon plans with Buzz were unexpectedly cut short after an unfortunate bout of vomiting, Pacey arrived home to find a message waiting for him on the answering machine. The automated voice told him the message had been left only five minutes earlier, and then Joey’s voice filled the kitchen. He’d just missed her call.

“Pacey! Ugh, what I walked into after school! Bessie and Alexander have some kind of stomach thing and my sister has locked them away inside her bedroom after she disinfected every surface of the house, Bodie’s working at the restaurant, and we’re expecting five guests to show up anytime now for a weekend stay. They called this morning to verify their reservation, and having seen on our website that we also provide dinner… and well, the cook’s not here! I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. I threw a roast in the oven. That should work, right? I mean, honestly, how hard can it be? You make it look so easy. Sure, the last time I tried to cook was a complete disaster, but hey, maybe—” The sound of a smoke alarm shrilled loudly, interrupting her. “Dammit, not again! I gotta go. I’ll call you later. Love you.”

The answering machine beeped as the message ended. “Good grief,” Pacey breathed, shaking his head and laughing to himself.

Then he walked right back out of the house and got back inside his mom’s car. It wasn’t long before he was pulling into the Potter’s driveway. As he neared the back porch, he almost stepped on the smoke alarm. He retrieved it from the dry winter grass and then walked through the open doorway. Smoke engulfed him.

Pacey covered his nose and mouth. “Joey, are you okay?” He saw her sitting on the kitchen floor and went to her. “Joey?”

“I burned the roast,” she mumbled. “It’s black. What’s wrong with me that I can’t cook something so easy?”

“Is it just the roast? Nothing else is on fire?”

She shook her head and he took her arm and helped her to her feet. “Let’s get out of here until the smoke clears.”

As she limped toward the back door, he noticed she was only wearing one shoe. Searching the kitchen, he found the other one on the counter. He opened all the windows downstairs and then followed her out onto the back porch. After taking a seat on the steps, he handed her the shoe and she slipped it on. She ran her fingers through her hair. Even with tear stains on her face, she looked beautiful.

“I’m hopeless.”

“Your parents owned one of the best restaurants in town and you never learned how to cook?”

Her brown eyes narrowed, and he was expecting a whole lot of attitude, but she shrugged and replied, “Not really.”

“Why?”

“Because I didn’t. My parents cooked, and then Bessie or Bodie always cooked. I never had to. And now I have you.”

“But none of them taught you anything?”

Her eyes narrowed even more. “I’m very grateful you came over, Pacey, but don’t push your luck. I’m not in a good mood.”

“I’m just asking a question, sweetheart. Is it really the burnt pot roast that’s got you in this mood, or did something else happen?”

“Well, because of Bessie being sick and B&B guests arriving, I had to call in for my shift at the yacht club, which isn’t exactly going to endear me to my bitch of a boss. And I really, really need to be on her good side right now.”

Pacey sighed. “You still haven’t asked for the weekend off for the senior trip, have you?”

With a sullen look, Joey sat down next to him. “I’ve been trying to catch her in a good mood, which now seems like a fool’s errand.”

“What if she doesn’t let you have the time off?” His heart started to sink within him.

“Pacey, I am going on that trip. I’ve been waiting this long, and now it’s only two weeks away. Nothing is going to stop me from going. I promise.”

He sure hoped so. “I take it our date night is cancelled?”

She frowned, snaking her arm through his, and snuggled closer. “I’m sorry. If Bessie wasn’t currently puking her guts out, I’d definitely be going out with you tonight.”

“When was the last time we were alone, Jo? I mean, _really_ alone… for a significant amount of time. When was the last time we made out?” He racked his brain. “Before my birthday, right?”

God, had it really been that long? She was tired of waiting, and didn’t want to make him wait any longer either. Waiting was a type of suffering, she understood that now, but the senior trip was so close. If her yearning for him almost made her ache, she knew it had to be the same for him. She didn’t want to keep avoiding, to keep putting off any type of sexual affection until the ski trip. It wasn’t fair.

“I’ll make it up to you, Pacey. I get out of work tomorrow at four, and then I’m completely free. We’ll have a Saturday date night. I’ll take _you_ out. I’ll pick you up and bring you flowers and buy you dinner and then we can go back to your place… for dessert.” She grinned. “I promise.”

“Yeah, yeah. Promises, promises,” he teased.

Joey smiled a smile that rivaled the sun, and for a moment he was lost in her charm. Sighing, she laid her head on his shoulder, in that spot made just for her. “Thanks for coming to my rescue. Have I ever told you that you’re the perfect boyfriend?”

“Can’t say that I recall, but feel free to tell me more often and reward me accordingly.”

She fought a grin and her chest shook with quiet, breathy laughter. Then her brows creased as she suddenly remembered something and she lifted her face to look at him. “What are you doing over here so early, anyway? Weren’t you supposed to be hanging out with Buzz until six?”

“He’s also puking his guts out. Must be a bug going around.”

She eyed the Witter wagon in the drive and decided to broach a subject she hadn’t brought up since his birthday. “Have you talked to your parents since your party?”

“No, and I’m not planning on it. I’m never setting foot in that house if I can help it. I’m eighteen now, and this is what I’ve been waiting for. I’m done with my father. I never want to speak to him again. I’m in control now. He can’t say or do anything to me ever again. He’ll never put his hands on me again. I’ll never let him treat me like shit again.” He sighed heavily. “Anyway, it’s done now. It’s over. I can move on from him, and pretty soon, this dreary town.”

Joey wrapped her arms around him. “I’m so sorry, Pace. At least you’re talking about it, and that’s good. It doesn’t help to keep it all bottled up inside.”

He wanted to tell her that she was one to talk, but her hand stroked his neck and he lost his train of thought. The pain inside him ebbed and more pleasant, vibrant feelings emerged. She smelled of smoke mixed with her familiar scent that was all woman—a delicate fragrance that filled his nostrils and awakened needs deep inside him. His hand rested on the curve of her hip, and the urge was strong to move upward to her breasts, to feel their soft weight, their warm sweetness, her tight nipples.

“The smoke has cleared up,” he said, pulling out of her embrace and getting to his feet. He needed to put distance between them. “Let’s go check out the damage, Potter.”

She followed him inside. “This is my last attempt at cooking. From now on, if I’m the one left in charge of meals, guests will be eating sandwiches.”

He opened the oven door. “Since when are you a person who gives up that easily?”

“How many times has the smoke alarm gone off now because of me?”

“Point taken.” He found a hot pad on the counter and lifted the pan out of the oven. Inside was a burnt lump of meat. “How long have you been cooking this thing?”

“Over an hour.”

“Jesus. At what temperature?”

“Four hundred, I think. Was that too high?”

“Uh, yeah, a bit.”

“This is why I don’t cook, Pacey.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, Jo. Anyone could’ve made that mistake. You’ll get it right next time.”

The glare she shot in his direction could have melted steel.

He cleared his throat. “Just trying to help.”

Suddenly her sister was shouting again. “Is Pacey here?!”

Joey huffed. “Yes, Bessie!” she shouted back.

“Thank God!” She heard her sister’s bedroom door shut once again, and rolled her eyes.

Pacey set the pan on another hot pad. Stabbing at the charred meat with a knife and fork, he pulled the roast apart. “I’m determining if we can salvage this.”

“You’re kidding?” Her eyes went wide. “Or you’re blind?”

“Neither. I think if we cut off the layers of black, there will be plenty enough for hash. Breakfast for dinner is on the menu tonight.” Setting the utensils down on the counter, he grabbed the loaf of Wonder bread from the counter, placed a slice of white bread on top of the roast beef, and added the lid. “We’ll let that sit for about ten minutes. It’ll absorb the burnt smell and taste.”

“Really?”

“Yep.” Then he pushed his sleeves up to his elbows and turned to her. “We’ve got work to do and you have paying guests that will be arriving soon. I’ll need some potatoes from the pantry, some eggs, and the box of biscuit mix. While you’re doing that, I’ll get the ladder out of the garage and put the smoke alarm back up.”

It didn’t take him long to reinstall the alarm. After carrying the ladder back to the garage, he got busy in the kitchen.

Later, after the guests had arrived, had been served a highly-praised dinner, and had retreated to their rooms for the night, Joey and Pacey collapsed on the living room couch. “So, what do you want to do on our date night tomorrow?” he asked her.

“You mean, before we wind up at your place?” she grinned.

Her eyes glinted suggestively, and he could feel sensations stirring in his gut as racy thoughts filled his mind. “Yeah, before that.”

Joey pursed her lips, thinking a moment. “How about something we haven’t done in a while?”

Crossing his arms, Pacey tried to think of what she could be referring to. They’d recently gone to the movies, popcorn with extra butter and all. They’d been to the mall. “Um… like what?”

“Mini golf.”

He laughed. “You’re right. We haven’t done that in a while. But were we ever big mini golf people to begin with, Jo?”

“Pacey, how am I ever going to beat you if we don’t play more often?”

“Fair enough.”

She smiled and pulled him closer, his arms loosening and going around her. “So, it’s a date. Tomorrow night. Dinner, a rousing game of mini golf, and then…”

“And then?” 

Joey smirked, her gaze gliding down his body, and then slowly, wantonly she smiled at him, her eyes sparkling impishly. And then she answered his question with a kiss full of passion and promise.


	43. 2001 (Senior Year: Part Eighteen)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains sexually explicit material.

January 20. On Saturday morning, Joey walked with heavy feet away from her boss and toward the staff break room. Once there, she stood in front of the mounted telephone on the wall and stared at it. She really didn’t want to make this phone call. After taking a deep breath, she picked up the receiver and dialed. The line on the other end picked up after the third ring.

“Potter B&B. How can I help you?”

“Very professional, Pace.”

“Thanks. What’s up? Did you forget something that you need your perfect boyfriend to drop off for you?”

“You’re never gonna let that go, are you?”

“You betcha. I’m gonna milk it for all its worth. Anyway, were you calling for me or Bessie?”

“Uh, you.”

“Glad you caught me, then. I was almost out the door and heading home.”

She sighed heavily. “Okay, so I have some good news and some bad news.”

“Hmm. Okay. What’s the good news?”

“My boss agreed to give me the weekend off for the ski trip.”

“That’s great!”

“Don’t get too excited there, Pacey. The offer was conditional.”

“I take it this is where the bad news comes in?”

“Yes, well, you know how I promised you that we’d have our date night tonight and we could finally spend some time alone?”

Silence. “Yeah.”

His voice had suddenly become morose, a tone of defeat. She frowned, hating that she was going to disappoint him yet again. “Well, our mini golf date just became a double… with Drue Valentine and the daughter of the yacht club board’s president.” Joey was now more thankful than ever that she’d turned Jen around outside the Victoria’s Secret and hadn’t run into the Evans girl. “Drue’s mom wants us to impress her and show her a good time. You were specifically mentioned as being a requirement in the deal.”

“You’ve gotta be kidding me.”

“I wish I was kidding, Pace. You have no idea how much I wish I was.”

“Well, that’s just great, Jo. I can’t believe I have to spend my Saturday night with that chucklehead.”

“I know. I’m sorry. But we only have to endure Drue for one round of mini golf. We can still hang out at your place afterwards, just the two of us. Gretchen’s still gonna be up in Provincetown, right?”

“Did you know Dawson is going with her?”

Joey laughed. “What?”

“Yeah. They’re hanging out. Just as friends, or so she claims.”

“Do you think he still likes her? I mean, she might think they’re going as just friends, but what if he thinks it’s a date?”

Pacey didn’t exactly know how to reply to that. He certainly still doubted whether any of Dawson’s romantic intentions were actually aimed at Gretchen. “Um… I’m sure he likes my sister well enough, and I’m sure they’re friends. I kinda doubt it’s gonna get more serious than that, despite his supposed crush on her.”

“Well, they can run off and elope for all I care. I just wanted to make sure we’ll have the house to ourselves for a couple hours.”

He smiled into the telephone. “Yes, we’ll be alone. Gretchen and her friends from college are going to see some singer perform. It’s all she’s been talking about for the past week.”

“Okay. I have to go start my shift,” Joey said with a sigh. “I’ll see you later.”

After saying goodbye, Pacey hung up the phone, and then grabbed his coat and left. In the late afternoon, while he sat on the couch reading the latest issue of _ESPN_ magazine and waiting for Joey to arrive, his sister came down the stairs and into the living room, wearing low rise jeans and a tight purple top that exposed her midriff.

“Oh, no, no, no,” he protested, hopping up to sit on the arm of the couch.

Gretchen turned and smirked at him. “Are you offering a fashion opinion here, Pace? ‘Cause you’ll have to excuse me if I find your credibility in that department somewhat lacking.”

“I’m offering a brother’s opinion, okay? And as a brother, I can tell you that that is not a going-out-of-the-house outfit. It’s better the bottom layer of something that could become a going-out-of-the-house outfit, but not until you put on a sweater or somethin’.”

“This is a sweater,” she shrugged, and he could see her belly button.

“No, it’s not. A sweater is a big baggy shapeless thing that hides the human form. And your… form… is on full display. Also, you say you’re hanging out with Dawson as _just friends_, but you showing up wearing that? Sends a completely different message. It says you’re on a date.”

“This isn’t a date, Pacey. It’s a group activity. Keira and Jessica are gonna be here any second and we’re going out for supper. We’re picking Dawson up after and then going to the show.”

“And when does this show get over with?”

“Probably around ten o’clock. Why?”

“Do you think you could find something to do afterwards?”

She grinned, amused. “Now, why would my little brother want me out of the house, I wonder?”

He rolled his eyes. “Well, after our date, Joey’s coming back here for a while.”

“So, is tonight the night? Do you need me to stay with my friends? Is Joey going to be… sleeping over?”

He sighed. “I highly doubt it.”

“Hmm. Speaking of your date, what are you still doing here, anyway?”

“Well, I’m just mentally preparing myself for another night of being the perfect boyfriend. It’s been a thankless job lately. Long hours, very few rewards. Not that I’m in it for the rewards, of course.”

“No, of course not. True love waits.”

“And waits and waits,” he muttered, sliding off the arm to retake his seat.

Gretchen moved to lean over the back of the couch. “Is something up?”

“No,” he lied.

“Because if something were up…”

“But nothing’s up.”

“Well, if something _were_ up and you wanted to talk about it—”

“Then I would,” he said, _wanting_ to talk about it being the key point. “I absolutely would. But I’m not going to because guess what’s up?”

It was obvious she didn’t buy what he was selling. “Something.”

“Nothing.”

A car horn suddenly honked in their driveway, and Gretchen chuckled. “You are _so_ saved by the horn.”

Pacey sighed and watched her grab up her coat. “Have fun workin’ the boulevard,” he cracked.

She laughed as she went out the door.

An hour later, Joey picked him up in her truck and they drove downtown, where they were soon parking on the street outside Carmine’s Italian Restaurant. He turned to her as he unbuckled his seatbelt. “This place? We were just here on Wednesday.”

Joey shrugged. “Yeah, but we had pizza. I’m in the mood for some pasta.”

“Hmm, yeah, pasta sounds good.” He opened his door and got out of the truck.

“So, you ready for me to finally kick your ass in mini golf?” she teased as she reached to hold his hand. Unbeknownst to her boyfriend, over the past couple months Bodie had been occasionally helping her with her putting game on his rare nights off, using a putter, a golf ball, and a coffee cup in the living room.

“Keep dreaming, Potter. We haven’t played since Halloween. So, one: you’re rusty, and two: we’re going to a course you’ve never been to before.”

“Huh. Well, we’ll see, won’t we, Pacey?”

He smiled at her smug attitude. “How about a friendly wager?”

She smirked and squeezed his gloved hand. “Deal. Name the terms.”

He let go of her hand and wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her against him and bringing his mouth close to her ear. “Winner gets to decide on one sexual reward of their choice, to be given or received later tonight.”

Joey laughed, blushing furiously. Tongue firmly in cheek, she fought the urge to grin. Then she arched her brows, challenging him with the lightness of humor etching in between them. “You’re on.”

Once inside, the hostess led them to their regular booth and set two menus down in front of them. A familiar waitress soon approached the table, beaming a bright smile. “Welcome back to Carmine’s,” she said, running her hand through her blond curls, fluffing them. She then filled their glasses with ice water. “My name is Amber and I’m very pleased to be your server again tonight.”

Joey noticed the statement had been directed only to Pacey, and she frowned. “Every time,” she breathed derisively from behind her menu.

“I’ll give you a few minutes to decide on what you want. Would you like to order something to drink first?”

“Water is fine.” She nodded to her glass on the table.

“I’ll take a Coke.”

Amber beamed another smile in Pacey’s direction, eyes twinkling. “I’ll be right back with your soda.”

Joey glared at the waitress before turning her gaze on her boyfriend. “She obviously seems very happy to see you.”

“I may have set a bad precedent with my last tip.”

She snorted, shaking her head and rolling her eyes. Moments later, Amber returned with a glass of Coca-Cola and a basket of warm, fresh Italian bread for the table. “Are you ready to order?” she asked Pacey, smiling again.

“We’ll need a few more minutes,” Joey answered curtly.

The waitress tore her eyes from Pacey and looked at her, forcing a smile. “Okay, then. I’ll be back to check on you in a bit. Take your time.”

She watched Amber walk away and then stared at her boyfriend across the table. He was perusing the menu, as oblivious as ever. “You really have no idea, do you?”

He raised his head and threw her a baffled look. “What?”

“How handsome you are.” The old familiar feeling rose up inside her, the one that had annoyed her all through middle school, and even into junior year: that he was too attractive for his own good.

He scoffed.

“You don’t think you’re handsome?”

“Well…” He felt his face become hot. “I don’t think I’m ugly, but… I don’t know. I don’t think about it. But I appreciate that you think I’m handsome. Your opinion is honestly the only one that matters.”

“You’re not just handsome, Pace, you’re… you’re gorgeous.”

“Um, thank you, but there’s no one in the room, nay, _the planet_, more beautiful than you, Jo.” He blushed again and returned to his menu.

She smiled. Then she thought back to her trip to the mall the night before, and Gretchen’s words of wisdom about the selfish behavior of men who were all too aware of their good looks. The last thing Pacey was, was selfish. They soon ordered their favorite pasta dishes. When they finished their meal and paid the bill, they returned to the truck and drove to the yacht club. It wasn’t long before they were parking in the lot by the marina.

“Why did we come here, exactly?” Pacey asked as he shut his door. “Couldn’t we have just met them at Harbor Lights?”

“But it’s like twenty minutes away. It’s smarter to carpool. Besides, might as well make it the most double date to ever double by the four of us all riding in the same vehicle.”

He held her gloved hand as they walked. “So, not only do I have to play mini golf with guy, but now I gotta ride with him there _and_ back.” He grimaced.

She gave him an indulgent smile. “If I can endure hours of working with both him and his mother every week, I promise you’ll make it through one evening.”

“I know you work for Satan’s handmaiden and all, but does that really have to involve double dating with her evil spawn?”

“You want me on our senior trip, don’t you?” Joey asked pointedly.

“Well, of course. You know me. I mean, I want you on a boat, ski resort, parking lot. I’m not choosey.”

“Look, Pace, just remember we’re not the ones who are actually supposed to have a good time on this date, okay?”

He smiled. “I wouldn’t even dream of it.”

“And this Anna Evans, she is the one having a good time. And no matter how high she registers on the over-privileged bitch-o-meter, just promise you’ll be nice.”

“When am I ever not nice?”

With Drue around? She gave him a look. “Pace…”

A shit-eating grin spread across his face, and she came in for a kiss. “What a good boy,” he murmured against her lips. “Mmm,” she laughed as he kissed her.

It was then that a car pulled up and parked in front of them. Drue Valentine got out of the passenger seat, immediately rolling his eyes, while his date got out of the driver’s side, a pretty girl with medium-length dark blond hair and a friendly smile. Drue berated her for her driving skills as they approached. “…‘Cause you’re camped out in the middle of the intersection re-thinking your eye makeup?”

“Well, it could’ve been smudged. Is… is it smudged?” she asked Joey.

“Relax. Potter here knows as much about makeup as I do. Besides, no one’s had quite the heart to tell her the natural look went out before she was born.”

Joey gave him a scathing look. “Oh, poor me.”

“Don’t listen to him,” Anna said. “The natural look is _so_ in. I read about it in the new _Allure_.” She turned to Pacey and stuck out her hand. “You must be Joey.”

A smile planted on his face, determined to be as nice and gentlemanly as possible, he removed his glove and shook her hand. “Nice to meet you, Anna. Hi.” He chuckled.

His girlfriend’s brows shot up. “You’re not Joey.” Then stuck out her own hand to shake the girl’s. “I’m Joey. Nice to meet you, Anna.”

“Pacey, guy. Joey, girl,” Drue groaned in exasperation. “I told you a thousand times in the car.”

Anna looked confused. “Who’s Potter?”

Drue clenched his jaw. “Right. Enough of the polite chitchat. Let’s get this disaster on the road.” He turned and started heading back to the car.

Pacey stared at him, frowning as he got into the front passenger seat. If the asshole was gonna be a miserable date for the girl, then he’d have to make up for it. There was no way he was going on the ski trip without Joey. He hurried to open her car door for her. “Let me get that for you.”

Anna beamed a surprised smile. “Thank you.”

He closed the door after her and saw Joey arch her brows. “Just bein’ nice,” he explained.

She pursed her lips knowingly and nodded. She knew that no matter how much Pacey had protested this whole situation, he would do just as she’d told him to. “Mm-hmm.”

Once they were all in the car and on the road, Anna talked almost non-stop all the way from Capeside to the town of Brewster. “So, I tried to get Drue to tell me about you guys earlier, but he wasn’t exactly up for sharing. How long have you been together?”

“Since June,” Joey said.

“Oh, wow. That’s a long time. I think the longest I ever had a boyfriend was like two months, and I honestly don’t even think he was my boyfriend exactly. Drue’s mom did say you were the perfect couple.”

Pacey’s brows shot up. “She did?”

“Note the tone of surprise,” Drue commented to Anna. “I doubt _perfect_ is the word he’d choose. Well, maybe it’s _almost_ perfect, and it probably would be if anybody in the back seat was getting any action. Right, Witter?”

His jaw clenched and he glared at Drue. As he was about to open his mouth, Joey grabbed his arm and shook her head. _Be nice_, she mouthed silently. Instead, he heaved a sigh and stared out the window. Joey frowned at the back of Drue’s head. What a jerk, and a moron. She wanted to wipe that smug look off his face. He knew nothing about her relationship with Pacey, and he proved it every time he opened his damn mouth.

They soon arrived at Harbor Lights Adventure Mini Golf. The outdoor course was well-maintained with beautiful natural landscaping and not too challenging, but enough to make things interesting. It was also attached to an indoor arcade and a concession stand that specialized in its house made ice cream menu in the summer months. Lighthouses, windmills, exotic animals, and rushing waterfalls adorned the course, each hole presenting varying degrees of difficulty. Pacey retrieved clubs and golf balls for everyone. With Drue’s horrible attitude and Anna’s constant chatter, it was going to be a long eighteen holes.

Drue took the first turn each time, clearly in a hurry to get this over with, and then would stand off to the side while his date took her turn. Anna was terrible at mini golf. She held the club wrong, smacked the ball too hard, and couldn’t control its direction for the life of her. And her date found it necessary to harshly criticize and mock her every move. By the fourth hole, Pacey had had about enough and didn’t know which was more irritating. He was trying very hard to be patient while Anna took her turns, and at the same time, was highly tempted to shove Drue into a waterfall.

They reached the spinning windmill hole. Anna was trying very hard to concentrate on what move to make. “Just hit the ball already,” Drue spat. “At this rate, we’re going to be here all night.”

“Well, it’s a date,” Joey said quietly. “We’re supposed to be here all night.” She turned to the girl still bent over her ball, trying to decide what to do. “Take your time, Anna.”

Also wanting to get this double date from hell over with, Pacey grew impatient. “You know what? Let me give you a hand with this.” He stepped around her and onto the green, walked over and grabbed hold of the windmill, stopping it from spinning. “And, uh, can I give you a friendly word of advice?”

“Thanks,” she said, and Joey was pleased with the girl’s genuine grateful smile. It didn’t seem as though Drue’s remarks were bringing her down too much, and that Pacey’s polite charm was working.

“It’s all finesse,” he told her. “So, you just loosen up on your grip and swing through.”

Anna hit the ball and it went flying off into the grass. She rolled her eyes and went to retrieve it.

“You know, just because you skeeves have nothing better to do doesn’t mean I’m planning on spending my entire night among the socially challenged,” Drue muttered to Joey. “I’ve got a date later with the honey I want to be with.” He pulled out his cell phone and she grabbed it from him, shoving it in her pocket. “What exactly is your problem with mobile technology?”

“It’s invasive and irritating, like you,” Joey snarked. “You are on a date, and unless you want a repeat of the bodily damage I did to you in the storage room, you better start being nice to her.”

“I get it. You’d like me to be a little more like Pacey.”

She glanced at her boyfriend, still holding the windmill and encouraging Anna. “Well, now that you mention it… it definitely wouldn’t hurt.”

“Hmm. And he does seem to be enjoying himself, doesn’t he? But then, why wouldn’t he be?”

Anna eventually sunk the putt. “Oh my God! I did it!” She squealed with delight and ran to Pacey, throwing her arms around his neck and pulling him into a hug. “Thank you!”

Not having expected such a reaction, Pacey laughed through his discomfort, eyeing Joey and Drue uneasily, and patted the girl on the back. “You’re welcome.”

“Nice work, you two. Very nice.” Drue turned to smirk at Joey. “You know, Anna had strongly reminded me of someone when I first met her. I’ve been racking my brain for a while, and I couldn’t place it until just now, seeing her with Pacey.” His knowing smirk deepened. “Andie McPhee. You remember Andie? Yeah, that night at the rave, she talked my ear off all about Witter and how he was the perfect boyfriend and she loved him so much and the sex was so good and blah bah blah. Man, what a chatterbox. And sure, Anna’s obsessed with fashion and celebrity gossip and probably can’t even spell Harvard, but it’s that same perky blond positivity. And Pacey clearly likes it, don’t you think, Potter?”

She frowned as she watched her smiling boyfriend walk back to them to take his turn. He pulled his golf ball from his pocket and set it on the green, before looking back at Joey. Their eyes met and held a moment, and she caught his signal to watch his path. Then he gazed at the spinning windmill for a few seconds before taking his shot. Hole-in-one. Pacey stepped to the sidelines and waited next to Anna, watching Joey set her ball down.

Taking a deep breath, she bent over her ball, her hands gripping the club. She lined up her shot, calculating the angles in her head, and swung. Hole-in-one. She turned a gloating look in Pacey’s direction and he laughed, his blue eyes sparkling with amusement as he winked at her. She smiled.

As they made for the next hole, Drue leaned towards her and spoke in a low voice only she could hear. “I noticed he didn’t hold the windmill for _you_, Potter.”

Drue grinned, a mean glint in his eye, and then walked on ahead of her. Something inside her tightened as she watched Pacey in front of her, Anna happily chatting next to him, frequently touching his arm to emphasize whatever she was saying. They continued on through the course. As Joey took her turns, she tried to fight off the wariness that had grown like a tenacious weed in the pit of her stomach. As much as she hacked at it, it refused to die.

She knew she should be feeling very happy that Anna was having a great time and that Pacey was making a real effort to ensure she was, seeing as how Drue was doing everything he could think of to make Anna’s time here miserable. She should be feeling relieved as this meant her chances of getting the time off for the ski trip were good. But those feelings were simply nowhere to be found at the moment. She’d even lost the smugness she’d enjoyed about being able to compete with Pacey at the game.

A cautious apprehension had crept up on her. The feeling had slowly formed earlier while at the restaurant, and it had solidified and hardened as the four of them made their way around the mini golf course.

Joey knew very well the source of this formidable feeling: her jealousy over Pacey. She’d tried very hard to control it, but all through the game she kept thinking that he was so damn handsome, and how his smile could make her lose her train of thought, and how that certain tone of his voice caused her to go all warm and tingly inside. And seeing that handsomeness, those smiles, that charm, directed at someone else was starting to make her feel a bit crazy.

While playing, she felt his gentle, contemplative gaze on her. It was too bad she couldn’t read his thoughts. She thought about how easy it was for those eyes of his to make her stomach turn to jittery butterflies, remembered how those fingers that grasped the golf club softly caressed the skin of her hands, her shoulders, her thighs. To lose all that… to have his eyes and touch belong to another woman instead… This frightened her.

And Joey knew that this is what scared her most of all. Scared her more than the embarrassment she used to feel over being naked with someone for the first time, scared her more than the once-dreaded virgin’s pain, scared her even more than getting pregnant, scared her more than missing out on college and ending up stuck in Capeside forever.

Giving herself so completely to someone so beautiful, so perfect, and giving that person the power to utterly ruin her life just by leaving her, was terrifying. She’d already lost so much. She couldn’t bear to lose this, to lose Pacey. And sex would make that all the more real, would make losing him even more painful, would make her ability to live without him even more difficult. It was probably the biggest risk she would ever take.

They finally reached the eighteenth hole. Anna had vastly improved with help and encouragement. After she had taken her turn and stood by Drue on the sidelines, Pacey cleared his throat and suggested they go on ahead and turn in their clubs. “No use waiting for the two of us to finish up,” he said, nodding at Joey. “We’ll meet you inside.”

“Fine,” Drue muttered. “Okay,” Anna said brightly. They walked away.

Once they were out of sight, Pacey turned to his girlfriend. “Jesus Christ, finally we can be alone for a few minutes.” He pulled her to him. His lips met hers and nothing else mattered.

Joey quickly pulled out of the kiss. “We’re in public,” she said, glancing around them at the nearby golfers.

“I don’t care if we are. My mother could be watching and I wouldn’t care.”

She huffed. “Well, maybe I don’t want people staring at us, Pacey.”

He leaned back and searched her face. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong.”

“Is it Drue? The guy’s being a real ass. I’ve never wanted to punch someone more.”

“I don’t think fisticuffs are appropriate on a date there, Pace. At least Anna’s having a good time, and she sure is flirting with you a lot.”

“Really? How can you tell?”

Joey gave him a skeptical look.

“Okay, so… she’s really nice and smiles a lot and likes to touch people when she talks. Could be worse, though, right? She could’ve been a raging monster, like Drue. And you said it yourself at the restaurant, Jo. I’m gorgeous.” He busted out laughing at the ridiculous statement.

“Is that so?” She crossed her arms.

“Hey, you said it. I’m obviously in high demand. What are you gonna do about it?” he teased, still laughing.

She arched her brows. “I’m gonna beat you at mini golf. We’re tied.”

A smile spread across his face and his eyes lit up. “Really?” He rubbed his hands together. “All right, let’s do this. Do you remember our little friendly wager? Winner gets one sexual reward of their choosing, to be given or received tonight.”

“Of course, I remember,” she smirked.

“And you’re still agreeable to these terms?” he questioned.

The way he was looking at her melted her insides. She felt her face grow warm. “Yes, I am.”

Butterflies came alive in his gut, and he smiled. Then he took his shot, hitting the ball so hard it hit the end of the green and jumped over the wooden barrier to land in the shrubbery. “Damn!” he exclaimed, shoulders slumped, shaking his head dramatically.

“Pacey! You can’t lose on purpose.”

“I did no such thing. I simply miscalculated.” He shrugged and moved away to find his golf ball, fighting a grin.

She laughed, and then tried to line up her ball with the hole. Simple math told her what angles she needed to make it a hole-in-one. She swung her club. The ball went exactly as planned, falling into the cup. She smiled broadly, a sense of self-satisfaction rising inside her. “I did it!”

“Nice shot, Potter, nice shot,” he said admiringly.

“You let me win,” she pouted.

“Well, I have a feeling _I’m_ gonna be the real winner later, so…” His chest shook with silent laughter and he smiled, gazing at her tenderly, his eyes telling her how much he loved her. He didn’t look at Anna like that, or the waitress, or any other girl on the planet.

Joey walked up to him and planted her lips on his. She didn’t care who saw or what they thought. Pacey’s arms snaked around her back, pulling her closer and wrapping her in a tight embrace. It was her favorite feeling to have his body pressed against hers, her mind drifted to her plans for the ski trip, longing for it, willing time to move faster.

Thoughts of the senior trip brought her back to reality. How long had they left Anna alone with Drue? He could be ruining all their progress to make the date a fun time for the girl. Joey pulled out of the kiss. “We need to go find the other two.”

Inside the arcade and concession area, Joey and Anna got cups of hot chocolate for everyone while Pacey and Drue turned in the clubs and golf balls. When they were all seated at a table, it became apparent that Drue’s ill treatment of Anna was not only nowhere near abating, but was actually becoming worse.

“Ladies and gentleman, may I present to you the marveling, idiotic mental feats of Anna Evans. Warning: do not try this at home or with more than two brain cells.”

“You’re such a jerk,” Anna told him.

“You’re the one who ordered your daddy to arrange this whole date for you. You happy now? See, unlike your nose job, I can’t be bought.”

Pacey had finally had enough. “Okay,” he chuckled darkly, standing up. “With that happy little anecdote, I think this sick and twisted evening is now over.”

Drue fixed a mean look in Joey’s direction. “It’s sweet, isn’t it? The way he always rises to the defense of damsels in distress, especially the blonder ones?”

She frowned, and fought back the jealous weed that wanted to sprout again. Pacey stared at her. “Are we both in agreement here that punching him in the face has now completely entered the appropriate zone?”

“Before you do, answer me one question, Witter. Guy to guy, okay?” Drue got up to stand in front of him. “How come beautiful girls who are dumb as a box of rocks will only put out if you tell ‘em they’re smart, while the ones who actually are smart will only perform sexual favors if you tell ‘em they're beautiful?”

“This is all my fault,” Anna said.

“No, it’s not. Nothing is your fault,” Joey reassured her.

“Yes, it is. I can’t believe I was so stupid. I feel like such an idiot. Ugh, I can’t believe I slept with you,” she groaned. Then she stormed off.

Shocked and appalled, Joey merely stared, speechless. Pacey didn’t know what to think. “I gotta admit I didn’t see that one comin’.” He glared at Drue, and the guy at least had the decency to look somewhat embarrassed. “You’re a real asshole, aren’t you? Pathetic.”

Then he walked away in search of Anna. It wasn’t long before he found her outside on the golf course. He did his best to try to cheer her up and help her not to feel bad about Drue Valentine, of all people. It seemed to work and soon she was smiling again, which was a good sign that the evening hadn’t been a total wash. She agreed to accompany him back inside. “You’re really sweet, Pacey,” she said, squeezing his forearm as they walked in through the entrance doors. “I bet you’re not the kind of guy to sleep with a girl and then treat her like trash. Are you?”

He shook his head. “No, I’m not.”

“Your girlfriend is very lucky to be with someone like you.”

“Nah, I’m the lucky one.”

“On the way here, Joey said you guys have been dating since June. How did you get together?”

He let out a breathy laugh. “Well, that is a very long story, but, um… We’ve been friends since we were kids, and it took a good long while for us to realize how we really felt, and…” Pacey glanced over at the table where Joey was talking to Drue. “Well, then last year we both finally realized and, uh, when school let out, I was gonna sail my boat down to Key West for the summer and… Joey came with me. After that, there was no turning back.”

“Wow. You have a boat?”

“Well, I did, the _True Love_. It was a great summer. Best summer of my life. We saw some amazing places, and Key West was beautiful.”

On the other side of the indoor seating area, Joey called Drue on his bullshit defense mechanisms. Not being good with girls was no excuse to treat them badly, and he should try to just be open and honest about his feelings instead of masking his insecurities with cruelty.

Obviously uncomfortable with allowing himself to be vulnerable for even a moment, Drue caught sight of Pacey and Anna talking, and again jabbed at her own insecurities. “They look kinda cute together, don’t they? They have that warm, wondrous glow of two people who’ve had sex. Not with each other, of course. Separately. You get my drift. Oh, whoops, I forgot. That’s a subject you know absolutely nothing about.”

Joey’s eyes narrowed. Pacey had been right: Drue was totally pathetic. “Your unhealthy fixation on my sex life, or the lack thereof as you perceive it, is abnormal and, frankly, borderline creepy. Anymore comments like that, and I _will_ cause you bodily harm. I’ve got no qualms about that. So, unless you’d like another black eye or a broken nose, keep your mouth shut and your warped thoughts to yourself.”

Suddenly Anna appeared at their side. “I can’t believe you spent the whole summer on a boat,” she said to Pacey as he followed her. “My dad could totally use someone like you. He’s always looking for help, and I’m like, sailing? No way.”

Pacey reached for his girlfriend’s hand, holding it in his palm and bringing it to his lips. “You just haven’t found the right person,” he told Anna, smiling down at Joey as she pulled his hand towards her and kissed it.

“Aww, the Claw Machine!” she suddenly exclaimed, looking in the direction of the arcade games. “I love that thing, but I can never win anything good.”

“Oh, it’s easy if you know what you’re doin’,” he said. “Drue, why don’t you try to win something for your date?”

Drue shot him a cold look. “I’d rather run a marathon with splinters in my heels.”

Grinding his teeth, Pacey shook his head. “Well, come on, Anna. Let’s see what we can win.”

“Okay,” she smiled brightly.

Joey watched them head for the arcade game. She felt relieved that Anna seemed as cheerful as ever, despite the awful way Drue was behaving, and knew she had Pacey to thank for that, but much to her chagrin, that jealous twinge was still there, refusing to die completely.

It wasn’t long before they made their way back to the Capeside Yacht Club. The four of them stood on the waterfront promenade. “It was nice meeting you, Joey,” Anna said.

As far as the over-privileged bitch-o-meter went, the girl really hadn’t been a bitch at all. She was actually pretty nice. “You, too.”

“Oh, I almost forgot. I feel really weird keeping this.” Anna held up the stuffed bear.

Pacey shrugged it off. “Eh, it was your quarter.”

“Well, I think Joey would like it,” she replied sweetly, and handed the bear over.

“Thank you,” Joey smiled.

After saying goodnight, they walked across the lot to the truck. As Pacey buckled his seatbelt, he heaved a deep sigh. “Thank Christ that’s over. Never again, Joey. Never again. I’ve come to the definitive conclusion that we are just not double date people. From now on, date nights are just the two of us, no exceptions.”

She threw the truck into gear and pulled out of their parking space. “You didn’t seem like you were having that bad of a time, Pacey. A cute blond girl falling all over you all night? Not exactly torture.”

“Funny.” His eyes narrowed and she smirked wittingly at him. “Anyway, now we can be alone.”

Joey smiled to herself in the darkened cab as she drove towards the beach house. They were soon cuddling on the couch in Pacey’s living room, talking about their double date. “In his own Drue-like way, he was just freaked out because she liked him back.”

He chuckled. “Well, that kinda freaks me out, too, though. Why on earth would she like Drue Valentine? She seemed like a perfectly reasonable girl, you know? It kinda makes you wonder.” He grinned at her, amused.

She laughed to herself. “Yeah. Sleeping with somebody you just met is totally reasonable.”

“Well, you know, maybe it’s a little bit rash, but to be perfectly honest, two consenting people doing something they both wanna do that’s completely natural… I don’t exactly think that’s crazy.”

“But to treat sex like it’s just some frivolous thing to do with someone who’s practically a stranger…” She shrugged. “How is that reasonable?”

Pacey smiled. “Look, Jo… sex is an amazing thing. It’s a huge, important decision, and a major step in growing up and being in love with someone. But it also can be something fun and casual that you don’t need to obsessively over-analyze to the point where the whole idea of sex becomes stale and meaningless and lacking in anything remotely spontaneous or passionate.”

Unable to stop herself, the words slipped from her lips. “Do you wish I was more like Anna, then? More casual? Blonder, perkier… easier to get into bed?”

Recognizing that all-too-familiar tone, his face fell, and he leaned back against the couch to stare at her. If she was baiting him, he wasn’t going to fall for it. “Are you trying to pick a fight with me?” he asked calmly.

God, why had she even opened her mouth? She was seriously regretting it. “No, I’m not trying to pick a fight with you.”

“‘Cause, well, it has been quite a while since we had a fight, and so I’m sure we’re heading for one at some point, but to deliberately pick a fight with me over something so stupid and, frankly, non-existent, would be a bit much, Jo.”

“I don’t want to fight, Pacey. That’s the last thing I want right now.”

“Are you sure? ‘Cause we’re here. We’re alone, finally, and we have the house to ourselves until at least midnight, and maybe….” Those niggling doubts were swirling inside his head again. “Well, you know, maybe you’re trying to avoid the previously-agreed-upon sexual activity part of the evening.”

She shook her head and leaned closer. “You’ve got it all wrong, Pace. You have no idea how wrong. I fully intend on claiming my reward.”

The second she straddled his lap, he started. Then before Pacey had a chance to kiss her, she was kissing him. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close. They kissed for some time, the bond between them deepening as always, their love and attraction for each other growing stronger. They kissed until they were both panting and Pacey was hard and desperate for her.

She leaned back, breathing heavily. “So, the reward of my choosing…”

“Yes. What do you want? Anything.”

She smirked at his pleading gaze as she got off his lap. She wanted everything, but everything would have to wait a couple more weeks. It would be worth it. Pacey was worth it.

“Well, for starters”—Joey slowly dropped down on her knees in front of him. “This.” She unbuttoned his jeans and unzipped him.

Heat rolled off his body as she leaned over him, tugging his jeans and boxers down his legs. His hands caressed her face and the muscles in his thigh flexed. “Joey, you don’t have to…” His mouth had gone dry and he swallowed. “Isn’t this supposed to be _your_ reward, not mine?”

She closed her hand around the base of his thick arousal. “This _is_ mine. This is what I want.”

Inhaling his scent, she licked the swollen head. He hissed a word she couldn’t make out, his hips bucking upward. Loving his reaction, she licked him from base to tip, stroking him with her hand as she lowered her mouth over the head. She stroked and sucked, circling the head of his cock with her tongue. His body tensed, but his hands remained gentle on her face, tracing the edge of her lips where they met his skin.

“I love to feel your mouth on me,” he panted out.

Spurred on by his words, she took him deeper and quickened her pace. When he tangled his hands in her hair, he didn’t rush or guide her. He held on tight as she teased and tasted, hearing restraint in his wanton groan.

“Joey. If you don’t slow down, I’ll come too soon.”

She drew back and slicked her tongue over his rock hard erection. “I want you to. I want to taste you.” She lowered her mouth over him again and he groaned, making her pussy clench with need. She loved the feel of his smooth skin, the press of the large vein running up his shaft against her tongue. She loved the sounds he was making, the look of ecstasy on his face. The sight of him sent jolts of desire through her body. Cupping his balls, she urged him towards release.

“Joey,” he ground out as he thrust against her mouth. 

Every thrust made her wetter between her legs. She ached for relief. Pulling one hand away from him, she undid her jeans and slipped her fingers inside. She found the swollen bud that throbbed in her sensitive mound. Hunger hot and desperate rose beneath her fingers, sensation clawed at the pit of her stomach, moistening her mouth, moistening her fingers. Her nipples hardened to darts and pressed against her bra. Her breasts ached. All of her ached, stretched taut to the breaking point.

She strained to reach for it even as she continued to suck and lick Pacey’s own throbbing arousal, her cheeks hollowing out with each stroke. She began to moan and whimper around his cock.

Her sounds made his blood pound in his ears. Pacey opened his eyes and looked down at her. After a moment, it registered what she was doing to herself. He lost control instantly, his orgasm exploding in a release of pent-up emotion, need, and desire. “Joey… _God, Jo_.” He groaned as jets of salty-sweet come filled her mouth, and desperate words streamed from his lips. “It’s so good. _Baby, baby. Fuck. Joey_.”

His sounds and his words set her on fire. Her clit swelled beneath her touch. She released. She shattered. She spasmed, and then spasmed again as she kept stroking through her pleasure, the sweet throbbing continuing to beat against her fingers.

A hiss left Pacey’s lungs as he withdrew from her mouth. Feeling limp with satisfied exhaustion, with great effort he pulled his jeans up over his hips. Then he moved off the couch, sank down to his knees, and kissed her like he’d been waiting years to do it. He kissed her cheeks, her neck, her lips, her forehead. His arms circled her. His emotions wound around him like an electric cable, binding with hers. She never felt more cherished, more desired, than when he breathed out her name, his voice filled with reverence and awe.

He brought her back up onto the couch with him, and Joey nuzzled into his warmth. She wanted to stay in his arms forever, to feel his emotions coursing through his body and into hers. They remained on the couch, snuggled against each other, for some time. When it was close to midnight, she yawned.

“Come on, I’ll drive you home,” he said, pulling out of her arms.

They were soon in the truck, heading for the Potter’s house. Pacey walked her up to the back porch. “How are you going to get back to the beach house?” she asked.

“Well, I’ll take the truck. I’ll be here in the morning to cook breakfast for the guests, so I’ll bring the truck back then.”

Joey wrapped her arms around him. “Thank you for making sure the Evans girl had a nice time, and thank you for being gracious and kind and your usual wonderful self. Getting the weekend off for the senior trip was important to me.”

Pacey smiled. “Well, me too.”

“And I’m sorry if I acted… a little weird about Anna.” Embarrassed, she couldn’t quite meet his eye. “Drue was goading me, and…” She sighed. “No, I can’t blame him. It was my own fault, honestly.”

“Jealous?” he grinned.

“I’m not proud of it, okay? I’m sorry. I don’t know why I react that way. I know it’s irrational, and it’s so… immature.”

A memory stirred. “Potter, remember in ninth grade? The Valentine’s Sadie Hawkins Dance?”

She tried to think back. “I didn’t go. I’d wanted to ask Dawson, but he said he wasn’t into dances and I was too embarrassed and afraid of the rejection.”

“I know, but I went to the dance. Do you remember? Nancy Wheeler asked me to go as her date.”

She smiled as the memory clicked. “Yes, and she kissed you by the bleachers. I remember kids talking about it in school afterwards.”

He arched his brows. “Do you remember how you treated Nancy for the rest of the school year?”

Vague memories of dirty looks, snide remarks, and general churlish behavior suddenly came back to her. She blushed.

Pacey smirked knowingly as his arms circled her waist, pulling her close. “She was nice enough, and she was pretty, but I didn’t like Nancy. I just went ‘cause she was the first girl who asked me. You know, uh, after Dawson made his intentions clear of not going to the dance, no matter who asked him, and it was obvious that you were interested in going to the dance, I’d secretly hoped that _you_ would ask me. And I had told myself that it would be nice to go just as friends, but still, I’d hoped. And even when Nancy was kissing me by the bleachers, I still wished I’d been there with you instead.”

Smiling, Joey slid her hands up his arms to rest on his shoulders. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Well, one, Dawson would’ve been pissed, and two, I was also embarrassed and afraid of your rejection.”

“We were such idiots.”

He laughed. “Yes, that’s very true, but that’s not the point. The point, Josephine Potter, is that there are a million Nancys out there, and a million Annas. There’s only one you, and you’re the only one I want. You’re the only one I’ll ever want.”

Her gloved hand touched his face gently and Joey pulled him down for a kiss. There was only one Pacey, and he was the only one she wanted. The only one she would ever want. In just two weeks, they would be on the ski trip, holed up inside a warm cabin, their bodies pressed together in new and exciting ways. If she had to go through every painful thing she’d endured in the past couple years just to get to this point, then it was worth it. Pacey was worth it. He was worth any risk. And she’d gladly risk it, risk everything, to have him. She’d proved it before on that fateful June day she’d run to him at the docks and got on that boat. She would prove it again. Come what may, she would keep proving it.


	44. 2001 (Senior Year: The Ski Trip Part One)

February 1. On Thursday night, Joey paced around her bedroom, packing for the senior trip. She was a jumble of nerves and excitement, and had spent the past several evenings packing and re-packing her duffel bag. On the bed was the senior trip form with Bessie’s signature, a requirement to get on the bus in the morning along with a signed medical release form. Joey picked it up to read it for the hundredth time.

CAPESIDE HIGH SENIOR CLASS SKI TRIP — The Spruce Pines Lodge, Mount Snow, VT  
Dates: Friday, February 2nd to Sunday, February 4th  
Drop Off Time: 7:45 am Friday, February 2nd  
Pick Up Time: 4:00 pm Sunday, February 4th  
Transportation: Boston Charter Bus Company  
Food: The lodge provides complimentary breakfast. Students will need money for their other meals and any snacks ($15 a day should cover it).

Joey set the form aside again. After all her clothes were packed, she went to retrieve her toiletry bag. For the longest time, she used to keep her bag under the sink in the bathroom, but for the past several months, she kept it safely in her top dresser drawer, taking it back and forth with her when she needed to use it. Unfortunately, she didn’t trust Bessie not to snoop. For inside the bag she’d not only placed her toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, and other basic essentials, but also her birth control pills.

Opening the dresser drawer, she pulled out her toiletry bag and the brown paper bag underneath it. She brought them over to the bed. Once she’d placed the toiletry bag inside her duffel, the phone rang. Joey walked out of her bedroom and into the kitchen, picking up the cordless.

“Potter B&B.”

“Hey, Joey.”

“Oh, hey, Jen. What’s up?”

“Pacing the house aimlessly, willing the clock to move forward to the morning. You?”

Laughing, she took the cordless back to her bedroom and shut the door. “Same.”

_“Please_. Aimlessly? Doesn’t sound like Joey Potter.”

“Okay, so maybe I’m not aimless. I’m obsessively packing and unpacking and repacking.”

“I can imagine.” Jen sighed. “I kinda feel bad that we’re going away for this weekend of teenage madness and mayhem, and Dawson is stuck in the hospital with a dying Mr. Brooks. I feel bad for Grams, too. She wants me to have fun, but…”

“Yeah, I know. But Dawson had told me months ago that he didn’t even want to go on the senior trip.”

“Oh, he didn’t tell you? He’d changed his mind and signed up at the deadline.”

“You’re kidding.” Joey didn’t know what to make of that.

“Nope. He said he was excited about getting out of Capeside and just being with his friends all weekend and making some really bad decisions, which is a totally un-Dawson-Leery-like thing to say. He really didn’t tell you he was gonna go?”

“No, he didn’t say a word about it.” Her face went red, imaging a scenario where she was trying to devote all her time locked up inside the cabin with Pacey, yet Dawson was constantly around, wanting to hang out with them. She shuddered at the thought.

“Huh. Well, either way, now he’s not going because of Mr. Brooks. So, what is it that you’re currently packing, I wonder?”

Joey heard the teasing in her voice. “Well, right now I’m about to pack my birth control warehouse.”

Jen laughed. “And what exactly is in the warehouse?”

She held the phone with her shoulder and opened the brown paper bag. “About twenty condoms and there’s spermicide in here, too. I think I’ll be leaving the spermicide behind. It doesn’t exactly scream romantic or spontaneous.”

“What kind of condoms you got?”

“I don’t know. All different kinds.”

“Different brands?”

“No. They’re all Durex.”

“Sizes?”

Joey looked over her shoulder at her bedroom door, listening for the sound of any movement outside it. Bodie had the night off from the restaurant and he was with Bessie watching TV in the living room. Then she upended the paper bag onto her bed, the condoms spilling out, wrappers of all different colors. “A variety of sizes.”

“You do know Pacey’s size, right?”

She felt herself blush. “Um, well, I’ve never measured, but he’s… well… I guess he’s…”

“Well-endowed. It’s important that you use the right size, as I’m sure you remember from sex ed class with Ms. Dunlap. Are any of those Durex Maximums? I know he buys those.”

Her fingers moved the condoms around as she read the labels. Her eyes zeroed in on the ones with black wrappers. “There’s only three Maximums. I kind of doubt that’s enough. Do you think it’s enough?”

“How much sex do you plan on having, Joey?” her friend laughed.

“I don’t know. A lot? I mean, we’ll be up there for three days.” Then something twinged inside her. “Um, Jen… how do you know what condoms Pacey buys?”

Silence. “Well… Joey, I’m sure you remember that stupid pact me and Pacey made junior year.”

A knot twisted in her stomach. “I thought nothing happened.”

“Nothing did happen. But that doesn’t mean we didn’t, you know, _try_ to make something happen.”

“Oh.” The knot loosened, but her face fell and she frowned.

“Joey, he never once put on a condom when we were messing around, I swear. I only know that he had them in his possession. Nothing ever got to the point where he even _could_ put on one, if you know what I mean.”

“Uh, yeah… I think so?”

“He never got an erection, Joey,” she said, speaking plainly. “And seeing as how, as far as I know, he probably never had any problems in that area where Ms. Jacobs and Andie were concerned, I can only conclude that I just didn’t do it for him.”

She scoffed, sitting on the bed. “Did you really have to bring up Andie and _that… woman_ right at this moment?” she reproached.

“Sorry.”

“Anyway, I doubt you were the problem, Jen.”

“Oh, I know I wasn’t. You were the problem. There was only one girl in Capeside Pacey had a hard-on for, and it sure wasn’t me.”

She shook with breathy laughter. Then she scooped up the three condoms with the black wrappers and placed them in her toiletry bag. She flushed with excitement and a stupid grin spread across her face. “Jen… this time tomorrow night, I won’t be a virgin anymore.” Joey Potter: Virginal Prude, gone forever. She couldn’t wait.

“I’m very happy for you, and Pacey, too. Are you nervous at all about this weekend?”

“Um, yes and no. I’m not that nervous about the sex part, but I kind of… don’t know what to do to make that happen.”

“Well, you see, Joey, when a boy really likes a girl, his penis will—”

She laughed. “That’s not what I mean, Jen! I just…” She picked up the senior trip permission form that was on the bed. “Okay, so it’s like a four-hour bus ride to the ski resort, and taking into consideration that we’re stopping for lunch on the way there, we’ll probably be in Vermont at the Spruce Pines Lodge around one o’clock in the afternoon at the earliest.”

“Joey, I thought we had this figured out already. Jack and I will get the room keys, and then give you and Pacey the wrong ones… accidentally on purpose.”

“Yeah, but then what? I keep picturing it with the fireplace going and candles lit around the cabin.”

“Did you pack candles, Joey?” she giggled.

Her cheeks grew crimson. “Shut up, Jen.”

“I’m shutting up.”

“The point is… there’s a lot of time between when we first get there and, you know, later. I want to surprise him, and I want it to be romantic, and I just… I really want it to be perfect.”

“So, what I’m hearing, is that you’re a little out of sorts about being the grand initiator and pulling the whole thing off, is that it?”

“Yeah, kind of.”

“Well, when the moment is right, I think you’ll know exactly what to do. Have some faith in yourself. And I bet there will be plenty of things to do during the day to keep you guys busy, like skiing or snowboarding, if you’re into that kind of thing, which I for one am not. I’m sure the ski lodge will offer plenty of distractions before you get to the, uh, indoor sports.”

Joey chuckled and took a deep breath. “Yeah. Distractions.”

The next morning, Gretchen picked her up and drove her and Pacey to the high school parking lot. Two chartered buses were waiting to transport their senior class to the Spruce Pines Lodge. Students and parents milled about, saying their goodbyes. Gretchen opened the back door of her 1989 Land Rover, and Joey grabbed both her and Pacey’s duffel bags, swinging them over her shoulder.

“You don’t need to carry both our bags, Jo.”

“They’re not heavy, Pace.”

He reached into the car and took out the brown paper shopping bag full of snacks and magazines and other random things to keep them entertained on the long bus ride to Vermont. After closing the door, Gretchen joined them to say goodbye.

“The Senior Ski Trip is a Capeside rite of passage, absolutely chock-full of the cruel and unusual.”

“Knowing our class, I highly doubt it,” Joey said, glancing over her shoulder at her classmates loading their bags on the buses.

“Well, let’s just say when I went, somebody got pregnant, somebody got arrested, and this one girl’s hair caught on fire.”

“Then it’s a miracle the school still allows this trip,” Joey snarked.

Pacey had no intentions of doing anything so reckless as to involve law enforcement, and he was fairly certain that his chance of having actual sex this weekend was just like every other weekend that came before it: slim to none. But if the stars somehow magically aligned, well, then he was at least prepared to prevent getting her pregnant. “Joey will probably keep me out of jail and Lamaze,” he said, before turning to his girlfriend. “And I guess I’ll watch out for your hair.”

Gretchen smiled. “Well, have fun,” she said, pulling him into a hug. “You’ve both earned it.”

Blushing, Joey said goodbye and turned with her boyfriend to join their classmates. When they reached the bus and the open lower compartment for luggage storage, he tried to take the duffel bags from her. “I can do it, Pacey.”

He shook his head. Stubborn as ever.

Jen and Jack then approached. “You’re gonna have some fun this weekend,” he told her.

“Ha! Fun. That’s not likely. I mean, come on. Senior trips are notoriously awful. And, as a rule of thumb, anything you look forward to for too long is invariably a disappointment.”

Pacey grinned. “The eternal optimist speaks.”

Joey shot her friend a pointed look. “Gee, thanks, Jen.”

Her mouth fell open. “I didn’t mean… you know, for other people. I meant me. Anything I look forward to for any length of time usually ends up a disaster. I doubt you guys will be disappointed. I’m sure you will all have fun this weekend.”

The corners of Jack’s mouth twitched. “Nice save,” he muttered under his breath, and Jen stared at Joey with wide eyes, silently pleading for forgiveness.

With another pointed look, Joey sighed, and turned from them.

“So, what are my chances of getting you on a snowboard, Grace?”

“About the same chance as you getting me pregnant, Will.”

Laughing, Pacey shook his head as he turned away from his friends, and then took Joey by the hand, entwining their fingers. “You know, this is exactly what we need.”

She smiled. “And what is that?”

“Well, it’s good for us to get out of town.”

“Tell me about it. Capeside has a way of making you feel trapped. I know this bus is no _True Love_, and I can almost guarantee the Spruce Pines Lodge is no Key West, but…” She blushed again despite herself. “It’ll be good to get away.”

Smiling, he squeezed her hand. Just then, Nick Delaney, that tool on the basketball team, opened one of the bus windows, and shouted, “Everyone who plans on getting laid this weekend, get on board!” Their classmates erupted in laughter, whistles, and cheers. Pursing her lips to stop herself from grinning like a fool, Joey refused to look at Pacey.

“I guess Potter here won’t be getting on.”

Groaning inwardly, Pacey and Joey turned to see Drue Valentine standing there, with Anna Evans beside him.

“Lucy, Ricky… we gotta stop meetin’ like this,” Drue quipped. “You remember Anna?”

“Hey, guys,” she said excitedly.

“Hi,” Pacey greeted. “Don’t you have to be a student at this school to go on the trip?”

Drue grinned. “We worked something out.”

Frowning, Joey turned around, but not before seeing Anna smirking, her eyes twinkling in Pacey’s direction. Unable to help it, something clutched inside her, that seed of jealousy beginning to germinate. She was soon seated on the bus beside her boyfriend, taking two seats in the middle while Jen and Jack took the seats in front of them. While seated, she watched Drue and Anna board. The girl walked in front of him, scanning the rows for seats. Her eyes quickly found Pacey and she excitedly pointed in his direction. Drue nodded. Then they were sitting right behind them. Closing her eyes, Joey took a deep steadying breath.

“Isn’t this great, you guys?” Anna said happily, reaching between the seats to squeeze Pacey’s arm.

He mumbled noncommittally and then turned to Joey, who scowled at him. He cleared his throat and pulled free of the girl’s touch. Then Mr. Kasdan began taking roll call at the front of the bus. He soon called out Joey’s name, and then he called for Penelope Price.

“Here!” Anna responded behind them.

With arched brows, Pacey turned back to Drue. “You really think you’re gonna get away with this?”

“Please. By the time our absentminded professor notices the difference, we’ll be halfway up the mountain. And, uh… know what would really suck?” He leaned forward to Pacey, lowering his voice. “Bein’ the only guy not chalkin’ one up this weekend, am I right?”

He clenched his jaw. He wasn’t about to let the jerkoff goad him. “You’re a real douche, you know that?”

“Valentine!” Mr. Kasdan shouted.

“Here!”

“Witter!”

“Here!”

Drue grinned, his eyes narrowing, before leaning towards Joey. “You know, not that I give a shit about Witter’s happiness, because I don’t, but as a guy I gotta speak up here. How long are you gonna keep stringing the poor bastard along? Piss or get off the pot.”

Pursing her lips into a hard, angry line, she turned around to face him. “So, would you like a broken nose now, or when we get to the lodge?”

“An attitude like that is gonna land you in jail someday, Potter. But hey, maybe they’ll let you share a cell with your daddy.”

“You son of a bitch,” Pacey spat, anger welling up inside, as he started to get up from his seat, Joey grabbed his arm, pulling him down. “He’s not worth getting thrown off the bus,” she said.

“Drue, be nice.” Despite Anna’s words of admonishment, she’d said them with the same tone of voice she used for practically everything: perky cheerfulness.

Joey rolled her eyes. “You know, Anna, I’m kind of surprised a girl from Chatham Academy would even want to go on Capeside’s run-of-the-mill ski trip. I mean, doesn’t your school’s senior trip usually entail some ritzy excursion to places like New York City?”

“Well, yeah. We’re going to Chicago next month. That doesn’t mean I can’t have fun in Vermont this weekend.”

Again, Drue leaned forward towards Joey and lowered his voice. “When I first asked her, she wasn’t really that interested, but after I told her Pacey was gonna be on the trip, well, she couldn’t pack her bags fast enough.”

With an annoyed huff, she turned in the seat and faced forward.

“Don’t let him get to you,” Pacey whispered, reaching over to hold her hand.

“I can’t believe we have to sit in front of them for the next five hours.”

“Just think about the destination, Jo. I’m sure once we’re there, we can easily avoid any unwanted company.”

Suddenly Mr. Kasdan was clapping his hands. “Okay, everyone, I’m leaving you here with Ted.” He clasped the driver’s shoulder. “I’ll be on the other bus until we arrive at Spruce Pines. You are all required to be on your best behavior and show respect to the driver. He’s been instructed to report any unruliness when we arrive at the lodge.” He then stepped off the bus.

Forty-five minutes later, Pacey and Joey sat huddled together, keeping their voices low, snacking on candy. Behind them, Drue Valentine had pulled out a raunchy, adult version of Mad Libs and was yelling up at the driver to give him various nouns, verbs, and adjectives. Soon he had everyone laughing.

“Well, that was fun,” Drue announced. “Now let’s move on to game two.”

Pacey and Joey turned slightly to look at him, and he met their gaze with a mischievous glint in his eye. Anna stood up behind them and started walking up and down the center aisle, distributing sheets of paper and pencils to everyone. When she reached them last, she handed over two papers and two pencils, flashing Pacey a brilliant smile and winking at him.

With a scowl on her face, Joey looked down to read the paper.

CAPESIDE HIGH SENIOR CLASS PRE-SKI TRIP SEX QUIZ  
1) Are you a virgin? (If yes, skip #2-17. That means you, Potter.)  
2) How old were you when you first had sex?  
3) What did it feel like to lose your virginity?  
4) Do you wish you had waited longer? Or done it sooner?  
5) If yes, what age do you wish you’d had it?  
6) How many people have you had sex with?  
7) How old is the oldest person you’ve had sex with?  
8) How many times have you been in love?  
9) How many casual hookups have you had?  
10) How long do you think you could go without sex?  
11) Do you like dirty talk in bed?  
12) Do you like to be dominant or passive?  
13) Where is the strangest place you’ve had sex?  
14) Have you ever had sex more than once in a day?  
15) What’s your favorite sexual position?  
16) What’s your favorite part of sex?  
17) Who is the best sex you’ve ever had?  
18) Do you plan to have sex on the ski trip?  
19) Why do you want to have sex?  
20) What are you thinking about right now?

Joey’s face burned. She turned to look at Pacey. He met her eyes, blushing. Drue was still standing up behind them. “Now, don’t worry,” he assured them all. “It’s totally anonymous. Don’t write your names on it. Just fill it out, then we’ll collect them and my good friend Penelope here will read out some of her favorite answers.”

Jaw clenching, Joey crumpled the quiz in her hand and tossed it back over her shoulder at Drue. He snickered. She watched her boyfriend tap his pencil against his own paper. “You can fill it out if you want to, Pace,” she told him, even though her insecurities over how he’d answer the questions started to gnaw at her.

He shrugged, still blushing. “It’s something to do, I guess.” He looked down over the quiz while Joey leaned forward to talk to Jen and Jack, who were laughing together over their own twenty questions. He hoped her irritation and refusal to answer them had more to do with Drue and Anna getting under her skin, and not that it was a sign she still wanted to avoid any sex discussion. Putting his mind to the task, he began to move his pencil over the paper.

“Are you gonna let me read it when you’re done?” Joey asked, curious despite herself.

“Nope.”

“Why not?”

“It’s supposed to be anonymous.”

She crossed her arms with a huff and he laughed.

Fifteen minutes later, a smiling Anna retrieved his paper. “I can’t wait to read it,” she said, her tone full of suggestion.

Pacey snorted, chuckling to himself. The girl sure was obvious. Then his face fell as he noticed his girlfriend scowling at him. _“She_ gets to read it?” she challenged, brows arching.

He gulped. “It’s just a stupid game, Jo.” Her face was still hard, and he felt panic rising up. He didn’t want to start fighting and ruin the trip. “There’s nothing worth reading, honest. Besides, most of that stuff you already know about me. There’s no one who knows my history better than you do.”

She stared at him, his tender smile, his affectionate gaze, and she melted. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

Behind them, Anna started reading off people’s anonymous answers, to most everyone’s amusement. Things got weird and quiet when she picked out the “winner” of the virginity-lost-at-what-age question. The winning age was clearly not an answer anyone wanted to hear. But soon the whole bus was laughing again. Apparently, some of their classmates decided to write entire paragraphs to answer the how-did-it-feel-to-lose-their-virginity question, there being an equal divide between the good, the embarrassing, and the downright awful.

“Oh, ho, ho, I think we found a winner for question seven,” Anna called out with glee. “Someone on this bus slept with a thirty-five-year-old?” She started giggling.

Almost in unison, a bunch of the guys on board—mostly belonging to the school’s various sports teams—shouted, “Witter!” Then they proceeded to whistle and applaud.

He blushed, embarrassed. Next to him, Joey heaved a sigh. Her mood was circling the drain.

“Hey, Ted!” Drue shouted up at the driver. “You got any Van Halen on this thing? Could you play ‘Hot for Teacher’?” The bus erupted in another round of laughter.

“Wow, Pacey,” Anna cooed, and glanced down at the paper again. “Looks like you’ve had some years of experience, in more ways than one.”

He sighed and refused to look at Joey until they moved on to other questions and more hilarious answers. Pacey was thankful, although not surprised, that nothing else from his quiz was mentioned.

“So, question seventeen, who’s the best sex you’ve ever had,” Anna recited.

Lost in her own thoughts, Joey closed her ears to her classmates’ answers and laughter. She wondered who Pacey had written down for that question: Andie or Ms. Jacobs. Maybe it was a good thing he hadn’t allowed her to read his quiz. She wasn’t sure she truly wanted to know. Either way, she was sure she would be compared, unlike herself, who had nothing and no one else to compare it to.

In the early afternoon, they arrived at the Spruce Pines Lodge. The lodge was made up of one large main building containing the lobby and a relaxed restaurant/bar, clusters of rooms and suites set in rustic cabins, and surrounded by pine trees. The lodge offered shuttle service every thirty minutes to designated resort stops, including mountain drop-offs and pick-ups for skiers, and guests going to the nearby downtown area.

Once they were off the charter bus and the lower luggage compartments were open, Joey pulled both duffel bags out. They suddenly seemed heavier than this morning. She started to trudge away from the bus, Pacey coming up beside her.

“Okay, Miss Self-Reliance, please let me give you a hand.”

“I carried ‘em to the bus. I can carry ‘em from the bus.”

Seeing she clearly felt overburdened, he sighed, shaking his head at her determined stubbornness. “This is ridiculous. Come on.” He took the bags from her shoulder and slung them across his chest.

Feeling relieved, she smiled. “Thanks.”

The students were soon in a huddle in front of Mr. Kasdan. “Okay, everyone, listen up. We don’t want to crowd the lobby, so please send only one person per room to check in at the reception desk and get your room keys. The rest of you can wait out here for your roommates to go to your assigned cabins.”

“Me and Jen will go check in and get the keys,” Jack said to Pacey.

He smiled. “Cool. Thanks. I can watch your bags.”

Joey exchanged a long, knowing look with Jen before she watched her friend turn to head up to the lodge’s main building. Then she rubbed her gloved hands together. “It’s a lot colder up here than in Capeside.”

“Yeah.”

“Hey, guys!”

Inwardly groaning, Joey turned at the sound of annoying, blond perkiness and frowned at the sight of Anna in her pink ski bunny jacket.

Pacey laughed to himself. “Hi, Anna.”

“I hope our cabins are close together,” the girl said, smiling up at him adoringly. “If not, we can always hang in the hot tubs, right?”

He cleared his throat as Joey’s face hardened. “Uh… I don’t know if we have hot tub plans, but we’ll be sure to let you know if we do.”

“Great! I really hope I get to see you later.” She smiled and walked away.

Her arms crossed, tongue firmly planted in cheek, Joey glared at Pacey.

He balked. “What did I do? I was just being polite.”

“Mm-hmm.” Then she grabbed her bag and slung it over her shoulder. “I’m gonna go find Jen.”

“Okay, well… I guess I’ll see you later, right?” Her bad mood was making his stomach twist.

“Yes, you’ll see me later, Pacey,” she said over her shoulder as she walked away.

She found her friends just as they were coming out the lobby doors. “Here you go,” Jen said, handing her a key. “Cabin number twelve. Me and Jack will be in number twenty-three, and he’ll give Pacey the other key to twelve.”

“So far apart,” she commented, taking the key.

“Yeah, well you guys happen to get a king bed suite,” Jack said. “We’re down with the lowly doubles.”

“How’d you manage to get a suite?”

Jen smiled. “The guy behind the desk was super cute and I told him it was my eighteenth birthday today, so he upgraded the room. You’re welcome.”

“Wow, thank you.” Joey stared at the key in her hand, her face going red. She looked up at her friends. “Well… wish me luck.”

They laughed. “You don’t need luck, Joey. Just relax. Everything will be fine,” Jack said. “You’ll see.”

She hurried off to find cabin twelve.

It was a two-room cabin, rustic and cozy. The stone fireplace was the definite centerpiece as you walked into the room. A king bed sat flush against the wall to her right. The décor was typical of a mountain lodge, with pine tree and moose patterns everywhere. She dropped her duffel bag on the floor in front of one of the dressers. A few minutes later, the door opened and in walked Pacey, Jack coming in behind him. Only one of them looked shocked to see her there.

“What are you doin’ here?”

She laughed, pulling out the key from her jeans pocket. “Cabin twelve. I’m supposed to be here.”

Pacey looked down at the key in his hand. “Cabin twelve.” Then he turned to Jack.

“Cabin twenty-three,” he said, holding up his own key and feigning surprise. “Huh. Well, I guess I’m the one who doesn’t belong here. We must’ve gotten the keys mixed up.”

“Jen must have the other key to twenty-three,” Joey replied, fighting a grin. “I was wondering where she was. Well, me and Pacey can share. I doubt Mr. Kasdan is gonna come knocking. Do you mind, Pace?”

He gaped, his eyes going wide. “Do I _mind?_ Sharing a room with my girlfriend for a whole weekend instead of this guy?” He thumbed at Jack. “No offense, dude.”

“None taken,” he laughed. “Have fun, you two.”

Moments later, he was gone, and they were alone. Then Pacey dropped his bags unceremoniously on the floor, and came at Joey, lifting her in his arms with a growling laugh, her legs going around him, and plopping them down on the bed. She giggled beneath him. “I told you you’d see me later.”

“Yeah, I guess you did.” Her bad mood from earlier seemed to have dissipated, filling him with pleasant relief. He lowered his mouth and claimed hers in a slow, longing kiss. Pulling away, sweetly brushing her nose with his, he saw her smile, and the butterflies came alive in his gut.

“I’ve been waiting to do that all day, Potter.”

She gazed up at him as he hovered over her. The air in the room changed, becoming electric, heated. Lust began to darken his blue eyes. Her body clenched, and then her stomach growled, ruining the moment.

He laughed. “You hungry? You didn’t eat much when we stopped for lunch.”

She sat up as he moved off her. She was hungry for more than just food. “Uh, yeah, a little. You got any snacks left in your shopping bag?”

They spent the next couple hours unpacking their bags, placing clothes in the dresser drawers, snacking on junk food, and lounging in front of the television. “This place has way more channels than I do,” he said, pointing the remote at the TV. “I should talk Gretchen into upgrading our cable.”

Joey glanced at the clock. It was still a few hours before it got dark out, and she still hadn’t quite mastered her plan. She didn’t even have a plan, if she was honest with herself. What was she going to do? Just pull the condoms out of her toiletry bag and say, ‘Okay, let’s do it?’ Pacey was the one with the talent for grand romantic gestures. She felt like a fool who didn’t know what they were doing. Well, that’s what she was. Inexperienced.

“You wanna go for a walk and check out the place? Maybe head into town? We could take the shuttle.”

“Sure,” he replied with a smile.

Capeside High seniors had completely taken over the lodge. It was a good thing the school rented out the whole place because if other guests had also been there, they surely would’ve raised hell. All around them, students were carrying skis or snowboards, sledding, getting into snowball fights, or just running around, cabin to cabin, blowing off steam from being pent-up on a bus for hours.

The sun began to set as they walked around the picturesque town, checking out the window displays of the small quaint shops and restaurants. While standing in front of one such window, their friends came upon them. “Make way for the cripple,” Jack announced, Jen on his arm, limping. “I fell earlier. It’s just a bruise.”

Joey exchanged a look with Jen, whose eyes were asking her a very specific question. She gave her an almost imperceptible shake of her head.

Jen smacked her lips. “So, uh, you guys going to Grecco’s?”

“It’s a pizza place,” Jack explained. “Supposed to be right up the street here, actually. Red checkered tablecloths, high school prices.”

Pacey looked at Joey. “Sounds fun,” she said.

“You wanna get some real food?”

She smiled. “I could eat.” She turned back to Jen. “You sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine. I’m just gonna put my best foot forward.”

No sooner had they started walking up the street, Jen had slipped on the ice and fallen flat on her back. They quickly went to her, helping her up. “You know what, it’s obviously too dangerous for me to be out here in public. I might crack a rib next.”

“Sorry about dinner, guys,” Jack said. “But I think I’ll take Jen back to the lodge.”

“That’s okay,” Joey replied.

“You should definitely go and get some pizza, though,” Jen told them. “We’ll see you later.”

They watched their friends walk away, one of them now limping even more. Joey turned to Pacey with a look of sympathy. “Poor Jen.”

“Well, she called it,” he quipped, taking her by the hand and starting to walk again.

“What?”

“You know, back at the school parking lot. She said anything you look forward to for a long time will just be a disappointment.”

“Oh.” Something in the pit of her stomach knotted. “Is that how you feel?”

He laughed. “We’re having a good time so far, aren’t we? Well, other than that bus ride. That could’ve been better, I’ll admit.”

“Tell me about it.”

The restaurant was filled with Capeside High students, and they were soon seated side by side at a table in front of a large window overlooking the darkening street. They shared pizza and drank sodas and Joey grew more nervous with each passing minute. When their waitress dropped off the check, Pacey pulled out his wallet and gave her the cash. Then to her horror, Drue and Anna were suddenly sitting down at their table across from them.

“Hey, guys.” Drue flashed them a shit-eating grin.

“Oh, brother,” Joey muttered.

“It’s good to see you, Pacey.” Anna flashed a bright smile, her eyes twinkling.

He cleared his throat. “Mm-hmm. Thanks.”

Drue sneered in Joey’s direction and she glowered at him. They were then almost immediately joined by Meghan Arliss, her on-again-off-again boyfriend Jim Connelly, and two other classmates. The waitress returned to the table, and after Drue ordered two pitchers of soda, Anna started pouring for everyone.

The conversation was quickly steered to the sex quiz on the bus earlier. “So, Witter, do you want to entertain us with any sordid stories? Come on, the teacher… I wasn’t in Capeside then, so I’d love to hear a firsthand account. She must’ve rocked your world. I have to hand it to you. Not many high school sophomores could land a chick in her thirties.”

“Maybe because it’s illegal, Drue,” Joey spat. “The woman belongs in jail.”

Pacey stared at her for a second. The whole thing was so complicated. He knew what had happened was wrong, but he didn’t think Tamara was a bad person. “That’s a little harsh, Jo,” he said quietly.

“You’re defending her?” She couldn’t believe it.

“No, but… I’m more ashamed of my actions than hers, and I wouldn’t want her sitting in a jail cell because of me.”

Drue smiled gleefully. “This is getting interesting. Okay, so the teacher thing is a hot button. We’ll pass on that. Now, what about Andie McPhee? I mean, the girl was crazy as a loon so she must’ve been a tomcat in the sack, am I right?”

The table immediately went quiet as everyone except Anna and Drue threw uneasy glances in Pacey’s direction. His face hardened and his jaw clenched. His hand curled into a fist on the table. Memories of the rave came back to him, the drugs the guy had given Jen that sent Andie to the hospital. White hot rage flooded his insides, scalding his chest.

“You’ve got some nerve even speaking her name after what you did. You say one more word about her, and I’ll break your fuckin’ jaw.”

Drue shook his head in disbelief. “Always with the violent threats, Witter.”

“Come on, now. We’re supposed to be having fun,” Anna said cheerfully.

“Said who?” Joey mumbled.

Pacey glanced at her uneasily. “Let’s just go.”

“Aww, no.” Anna frowned. “Come on, you guys. Stay and have fun with us. Drue will behave himself, I promise. Or he won’t be having any fun later.”

Drue chuckled. “Incredible. Girls have all the power when it comes to sex. It’s so much easier for you to get what you want. Us guys are just at your mercy. Right, Witter?”

With a look of contempt, Pacey could only shake his head at the guy.

Then Anna began boldly entertaining the table with stories of her sexual adventures, including losing her virginity at the age of sixteen in the back of a college football player’s BMW, seducing multiple guys into infidelity just for the fun of it, and sharing her unique thoughts on both male and female anatomy, before culminating in a story about a guy she met last summer who wanted to try the 69 position the backseat of his Dodge Neon.

Pacey sat there, trying not to make eye contact with anyone across the table. Drue was purposely antagonizing Joey to get a reaction out of her, and Anna was sitting there looking at him like he was a juicy steak and she hadn’t eaten in three weeks. The only thing he wanted to do was leave.

“Oh, what’s the matter, Potter? No personal experiences to contribute on the girls-just-wanna-have-fun front?”

She bristled at the inexperienced jab. “The amount of sexual pleasure the average teenage girl gets from the average teenage guy in some random keg party hook-up is negligible at best,” Joey said to Drue, her tone full of scorn.

“Unless you’re doing it with a man who knows what he’s doing,” Anna said coyly, gazing pointedly at Pacey.

He gulped, feeling her eyes on him, and picked up his cup and drank. He tried to look anywhere but at her, and then began spinning his soda cup on the tabletop.

Joey stared at Anna. At first, she’d been annoyed and unamused, but the more the girl kept making eyes at Pacey with every lurid detail of her exploits, the more that seed of jealousy had begun to take root. Growing like a noxious weed, its long grabby tendrils were now moving through her, within her, wrapping around her arms and legs and gut and heart and mind, clutching her hard in its grip until Pacey’s sexual history with Ms. Jacobs and Andie, and Anna’s obvious designs on Pacey were all she could think about.

“I rest my case,” Drue said, before raising his voice to address the crowded dining room full of their classmates. “Girls have it way easier than guys do. There’s no performance anxiety, and once they decide to do it, all they have to do is ask. They should be the ones carrying the condoms around in their wallets.”

The guys in the room started cheering in agreement.

Joey bristled at the notion of men keeping condoms in their wallets for those just-in-case scenarios. It brought back painful memories she didn’t want to think about right now. Then she thought of her own stash of condoms currently in her toiletry bag back at the cabin. What an utter moron. “Who said some girls don’t carry condoms? Besides, not every guy walks around with a condom in his wallet, Drue.”

“Well, there’s only one way to find out,” Anna said, addressing the crowd of onlookers. “Guys, let’s go. Wallets.”

And then pretty much every guy inside the restaurant took out their wallet and pulled out a condom, but Pacey only stared down at the table. There was no way he was going to pull his out and humiliate his girlfriend in front of everyone.

“Pacey, I don’t see your wallet,” Anna cooed.

“I left it back at the lodge.”

Joey turned sharply to stare at him. She’d seen him take his wallet out earlier to pay for their dinner, and he knew she knew he had it, so he certainly couldn’t be lying for her benefit.

“I really wanna go now,” Pacey said to her. “Can we go, please?”

“You don’t have to ask me twice.” Joey stood up from her chair. Then she glared at Drue and Anna. “Thanks for the after-dinner conversation. It was absolutely riveting as always,” she said, her tone dripping with sarcasm.

Once they were out on the sidewalk and away from everyone, she decided to confront him. “Hey, Pace, uh, why didn’t you want to show your wallet in there?”

“Because I didn’t want to embarrass you in front of that minion from hell.”

“I take it that means you’ve got a condom, right?”

Heaving a sigh, he came to a stop and removed his wallet from the back left pocket of his jeans, handing it over to her. She took it from him and opened it. Her eyes quickly saw the edge of a familiar black wrapper and pulled it out. Jen was right: Durex Maximum. She put it back and returned his wallet, saying nothing. She didn’t know what to think or feel. Her emotions were a complicated mess.

They walked in silence to the downtown pick-up spot, and fortunately made it in time for the eight o’clock shuttle. They sat alone in the very back row, away from the small group of skiers up at the front, happily chatting with the driver about their day spent on the mountain.

Joey’s silence was driving Pacey crazy. “So… are we gonna talk about this?”

“What’s there to talk about?”

“Something is definitely bothering you. Is it Drue? Anna?” He sighed. “Is it the condom? Because the fact that I have it means nothing unless you want it to, but now you’re obviously upset about something—”

“Look, I’m not upset, Pacey. You’re a guy. It’s what guys do. It’s not a big deal.”

He shook his head. “Okay, I hear the words, Jo, but the tone tells me something else.”

“Pacey, I think it’s good that you’re prepared to be safe for whenever an opportunity presents itself.”

_Opportunity?_ That made it sound like… “Joey, what do you think this condom is for if not for you?”

She took a deep breath. “Look, Pacey, I’m not mad that you have it, okay? I’m really not. I promise.”

He had no idea what to say to that, so he said nothing.

Less than fifteen minutes later, they were back at the lodge. The cabin was freezing and Joey chided herself for not keeping the fireplace on when they left earlier that afternoon. While Pacey took a shower, she got the fire going again. She was thankful it was a gas fireplace and there would be no wood chopping involved to keep the room warm all night.

Pacey soon emerged from the bathroom. He’d put his jeans back on, but had changed into a dark green corduroy shirt. Her heart fluttered at the sight; he was so very handsome. Things were still tense between them and she didn’t know how to fix it. The jealous weed was threatening to choke her, and she didn’t know how to make it go away. Then there was a knock on their door.

Joey answered to see Anna standing on the other side, wearing track pants, a skimpy blue bikini top, barely covered by an unzipped, open hoodie. “Sorry, I hope I’m not interrupting,” the girl greeted, looking right past her and into the room at Pacey. “I just wanted to remind you guys about the hot tubs.”

She stood there holding the door open, staring back at her boyfriend with a pointed look. Then she turned back to Anna. “We get the picture.”

“I just wasn’t sure if it was clear,” she said, still only looking at Pacey.

Joey’s face hardened into a sneer. “Crystal.”

“Okay, well, see ya!” She flashed him a bright, enthusiastic smile before walking off.

Resisting the urge to call the girl a two-bit floozy, she slammed the door shut and turned to Pacey. He couldn’t help it and started laughing. Then he shook his head with a sigh, saying nothing.

“No comment?”

“Not really.”

“Really? A virtually topless female comes knocking on our door at nine o’clock at night, asking if Pacey can come out to play, and you don’t have any comment?”

“Well, she’s not exactly subtle, is she?” he snarked, fighting a grin. “What more is there to say?”

Annoyed, Joey went to her duffel. She bent over it and laid eyes on her toiletry bag. Her stomach twisted as she pulled it out.

“Please tell me we can laugh about this now.”

“Laugh about what?” She stood up to face him.

“Anna. Please tell me we can laugh about Anna. Since there’s clearly no escaping the girl, we may as well laugh at how ridiculous she is.”

“Do you want to escape her? Why don’t you go join her in the hot tub?”

“And give you a valid reason to be mad at me? ‘Cause that’s what you want, right?” Those niggling doubts had returned, swirling inside his head. Surely, she must have realized by now that sharing a room for a whole weekend would mean sex would inevitably come up and here in this cabin, there was no school or work or B&B guests or older siblings to provide convenient excuses to avoid it. But picking a huge fight could certainly get the job done.

“Well, that’s the kind of girl you want, right? She’s obviously way more fun and exciting and experienced than I am.”

He blinked, his face contorting in confusion. “Jo, what are you talking about? Do you honestly think I want that girl? I don’t even think about that girl. I don’t know what it’s going to take for you to believe that you’re the only one I want, but there’s no sense in me continuing to argue the point if you’re so eager to refute it.”

She sat on the edge of the bed, and crossed her arms in front of her, dropping her gaze.

“Jo, if you’re purposely trying to ruin the weekend, well, you’re succeeding.”

“I’m not trying to ruin anything. _That girl_ is,” she said, still not meeting his eye.

“You know, Potter, sometimes your jealousy is really cute. This is not one of those times.”

“Pacey, do you have any idea how it feels to be me right now?”

“Honestly, no. But please tell me ‘cause I really wanna know what’s going on inside that beautiful head of yours.”

She took a deep breath. “Do you know what it’s like for me to sit there and listen to people bring up what happened with Ms. Jacobs as if you deserve a medal for it? Or to be reminded of how much you loved Andie? To be reminded of just how physical your relationship was with her? You know, Drue sat there spewing that bile about how girls have it so much easier when it comes to sex. What a load of crap. I hope you didn’t believe a word of what he was saying.

“I mean, girls don’t have performance anxiety? When we have sex, Pacey, I’ll have nothing to compare it to, but that’s not the case for you. Do you ever think how I might feel about competing with not only one, but _two_ prior sexual relationships, both of which meant a great deal to you? With two people who made you incredibly happy at the time? Two people who were nothing like me? Who didn’t really make you wait for anything? Do you ever think how I might be wondering how I even fit into this picture? Why you want me? How I’ll measure up? And then here comes Anna Evans, who clearly fits into that picture a lot better than I do, and she’s making it no secret just how much she wants to be number three on your list. And you sit there and have no comment.”

He gazed at her, stunned. For the longest time, he honestly hadn’t known what she was waiting for. She was enthusiastic when it came to fooling around, didn’t seem afraid or hesitant at all, and even initiated a lot of the time, but she refused to go any further and he just didn’t understand it. Sex was a completely natural thing to want to do when you were in love. Sex and falling in love went hand in hand. It didn’t make any sense to him.

But now he thought it was starting to become clear. She was a virgin, and he wasn’t, and that’s where the insecurity and jealousy was coming from. Was that what was preventing her from moving their physical relationship forward? Unless there was also some small part of her, whether she was consciously or subconsciously aware of it, that still wished it could’ve been Dawson, that wasn’t ready to let go of that romantic dream scenario of two virgin soulmates sharing their first time. Now, that made sense to him, and he hated just how much sense it made.

“Jo, if I have ever done or said anything to make you feel insecure over my relationships with Andie and Tamara, then I am sorry. If I’ve ever said or done anything to make you think I am interested in Anna, then I am sorry. Nothing could be further from the truth. And I’m sorry I can’t give you what you’d be giving me, that it won’t be an equal exchange. You have no idea how sorry I am. I’m sorry I can’t be that ideal person you always thought your first time would be with. And so… I’m still scared of that small part of you that always envisioned your first time being with Dawson. That part of you that hoped and dreamed you’d both lose your virginity together. That small part of you that wishes it didn’t have to be with someone like me.”

“Pacey, you can’t pull the Dawson card every time our relationship hits a wall. This has absolutely nothing to do with Dawson. Nothing whatsoever.”

“Oh, how I wish that were true.”

He started moving towards the door, where he grabbed his coat from the rack in the corner.

“Where are you going, Pacey?”

“I just need to take a walk, Jo. Don’t worry. I’ll be back.”

She frowned as he left the cabin, hot tears pricking her eyes. Her face crumpled and she rushed forward, taking her coat as she went out the door.

Joey was soon knocking on another cabin door and Jack answered. She burst inside their room and saw Jen coming out of the bathroom. “That Anna girl is ruining everything!” she exclaimed, coming further into the room and dropping on the edge of a bed.

Jen walked around to stand in front of her. “What are you talking about, Joey?”

“She’s all over Pacey! Regaling him with her sexual escapades in the back seat of various cars. Inviting him to hang out in the hot tub with her. Propositioning him with her eyes and her smiles and her perfect blond hair! And he does nothing to tell her to back off.”

“So, the girl has a crush. Let her have it. It’s got nothing to do with you and Pacey. You know and I know, as I’m sure all of Capeside knows, that Pacey only has eyes for you.”

“But I’m not that girl. That sexy, experienced girl who knows how to make this a really memorable weekend.”

Jen’s brows knitted. “Joey, what is really bothering you? Because I know it can’t actually be this Anna person.”

“What’s the real problem, Joey?” Jack asked.

“Sex. Sex has always been my problem. I’ve never done this before. We fool around, but I don’t know… this just feels different. And Pacey, he has done this before, plenty of times, with… you know, the other two. He’s used to… experience… and so what if… what if I just make an idiot out of myself? He’s waited a really long time, and what if I just end up disappointing him? What if we do it, and then he’s let down and then someone else comes along who’s better?”

Jack moved to sit down on the other bed. “It doesn’t sound like sex is your problem. It sounds like fear is your problem. What are you most afraid of? Because I don’t think it’s sex.”

Joey had to swallow against the lump of emotion tightening her throat. “Pacey betraying me, leaving me,” she whispered, her chin quivering.

“From one girl with daddy issues to another, I feel you, sister.” Then she smiled, looking as if she’d just remembered something, and walked across the room to where her bag was sitting against the wall.

“Pacey may be a lot of things, but disloyal isn’t one of them,” Jack said. “I’m willing to bet there isn’t anyone on the planet he’s more loyal to than you. And I’ve never seen anyone love as strongly as Pacey does.”

“I know, I know. Deep down in the bottom of my heart, I know. But… I still feel fear. For sex to take us to this whole new place that’s much more serious, more committed, more dependent on each other… and then for something to go wrong and I lose him… I couldn’t bear it.”

“The only really exciting things in life require more courage than we currently have. You just gotta take a leap of faith. And that fear you’re talking about? Sometimes that’s how you know what’s worthwhile. You wouldn’t be afraid to lose it if it wasn’t so valuable.”

“I know Pacey is worth it. He’s worth any risk. I would risk it over and over again. But…” She heaved a sigh. “Anna Evans circles into his orbit and then… I don’t know. My insecurities rear their ugly heads.”

Jen returned holding a folded piece of paper. “I rescued this from Drue’s bag along with mine and Jack’s when we stopped for lunch on the way up here, in case that weasel had any intentions of using them for nefarious purposes. You can have it.”

“What is it?”

“Pacey’s sex quiz.”

“How do you know it’s his?” she asked, brows knitting. “The quiz was anonymous.”

“It wasn’t at all hard to figure out which one was Pacey’s.”

Tentatively, Joey reached out and took the paper. She unfolded it and began to read.

CAPESIDE HIGH SENIOR CLASS PRE-SKI TRIP SEX QUIZ  
1) Are you a virgin? (If yes, skip #2-17. <strike>That means you, Potter.</strike>) _Asshole._ _No_  
2) How old were you when you first had sex? _15_  
3) What did it feel like to lose your virginity? _Great at the time_  
4) Do you wish you had waited longer? _Yes_ Or done it sooner? _NO_  
5) If yes, what age do you wish you’d had it? _17 or 18 would’ve been a lot better_  
6) How many people have you had sex with? _2_  
7) How old is the oldest person you’ve had sex with? _35_  
8) How many times have you been in love? _2 but the first time doesn’t really compare_  
9) How many casual hookups have you had? _Technically none_  
10) How long do you think you could go without sex? _A long time, apparently_  
11) Do you like dirty talk in bed? _Yes_  
12) Do you like to be dominant or passive? _Both I guess_  
13) Where is the strangest place you’ve had sex? _The ruins_  
14) Have you ever had sex more than once in a day? _No but one can always dream_  
15) What’s your favorite sexual position? _Any that I can see her face_  
16) What’s your favorite part of sex? _Making her come_  
17) Who is the best sex you’ve ever had? _I haven’t had the best yet_  
18) Why do you want to have sex? _Because I’m in love and I want to be as close to her as possible for the rest of my life. And it feels really good_  
19) Do you plan to have sex on the ski trip? _No but I hope_  
20) What are you thinking about right now? _Joey_

Her heart filled with quiet joy. Tears filled her eyes. The noxious weed of jealousy released its crippling hold on her. She looked up at Jen. “Anna’s not the one ruining everything.”

Jen shook her head.

“I think I’m the one ruining everything,” she choked, her voice full of emotion.

Jen nodded.

Taking a deep breath, sniffling and wiping her tears away, Joey steeled herself and tucked the paper inside her jeans pocket. “Okay. I have to go fix this.”

“You can do it. We have faith in you.”

“Go get your man.”

Joey beamed a grateful smile and laughed, before hurrying out the door and back to her and Pacey’s cabin, determined to salvage their weekend, to make it as romantic and memorable as possible for the both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) I've been writing these chapters for a long time. A paragraph here, a paragraph there, lines of dialogue here and there, for months and months. (And not just this, but also other important stuff that will come later down the line.) I've spent a lot of time on this one because I needed to get it right. I loved "A Winter's Tale" when I was a teenager. I was too young and too busy squealing with delight over the last scene to recognize all the bullshit that came before it. I loved this episode. As an adult with a matured perspective on how life and love and sex and relationships work, not so much. 
> 
> For the record, I love Joey Potter. But sometimes, she drives me fkn nuts. And the writers never worked the hardest to make me hate her than in "A Winter's Tale" and "Four Stories." She goes from wanting to get the time off for the senior trip so much that she's willing to double date with Drue in the previous episode, to acting seriously put out at having to go in the very first scene, treating Pacey like shit the entire episode, then seducing him into bed at the very end, only to wake up the next morning cold and distant and pissy, and then lying to Dawson about the whole thing. WHAT?! Apparently, when Gretchen tells them the senior trip is "absolutely guaranteed to be chock-full of the cruel and unusual," Joey decided to make that her own personal mission.
> 
> Pacey's not much better in "Four Stories." I get that a lot of his immature machismo is probably because of how Joey was acting, but imo he wouldn't need to grill her the morning after because he would know. Just look at his and Andie's first time. He wasn't asking her questions he should already know the answers to. Pacey "Friend to Women" Witter would be paying attention during the act because he's utterly selfless when he's in love and he genuinely cares. He wouldn't need to wonder the next morning if his partner enjoyed herself or not. Like, did the writers expect us to believe that Pacey and Joey had sex, and then said nothing to each other afterwards? Just complete silence on the subject until the next day when they start picking stupid fights at the bus terminal? Whatever.
> 
> So, I needed to change some things because I do love Joey and I didn't think writing her like a crazy person was fair to her or her relationship. I also adore Pacey, and so admittedly I'm probably mostly doing this for him. Because I need Joey to be the girlfriend Pacey deserves. He always thought he was unworthy of her, when in reality, it was the other way around. And Pacey didn't need to be written so OOC just for the plot contrivance that was Joey's supposed issues with being in a stable, secure, loving young adult relationship with someone who wasn't Dawson.
> 
> Anyway, there are certain Pacey/Joey scenes in "A Winter's Tale" that I do really like and wanted to keep. It's an iconic episode with touching scenes people have been talking about for 20 years. It was a fine line keeping those scenes but writing them to be relevant to this story and ultimately true to the characters. I hope I succeeded.
> 
> 2) The next chapter will be posted very soon, so you won't have to wait long. I promise!


	45. 2001 (Senior Year: The Ski Trip Part Two)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains <strike>an embarrassing amount of</strike> sexually explicit material.

February 2. It was after ten o’clock when Joey walked back inside their cabin to see Pacey hadn’t returned yet. She stared at the bed and pictured him entwined with her there, naked and between her thighs. Pictured him touching her, making love to her. Pictured the things she wanted him to do to her, the things she wanted to do to him. Her cheeks burned. Her stomach fluttered. Warmth shot through her center. Her love for him rose up inside her, tingled in every fiber of her being, filled her with a restless energy she didn’t know how to contain, nor did she want to.

She hurried to her duffel and pulled out her toiletry bag. Unzipping it, she took out the three condoms and walked over to her bedside table, opening the drawer and setting them down inside, before taking the bag to the bathroom sink. She turned down the bed, savoring the smell of the clean linen. Then she returned to the duffel and unrolled a kitchen towel, revealing several glass candles she’d packed away, and dispersed them throughout the room, atop the dressers, bedside tables, and the mantle over the fireplace.

Everything was pretty much ready. Now all she needed was to go find her boyfriend. It pained her to think he believed that there was some small part of her that felt she would be missing out because her first time would be with him, that he wasn’t her ideal person to share this experience with. That there was some small part of her that wished she was going to do this with Dawson instead. It pained her to think he believed she wished her first time wasn’t going to be with someone like him.

_Someone like him?_ There was no one better. Virgin or no virgin, Pacey was Pacey, and he was the only one for her. He was her perfect person, flaws and history and all. She had to prove it to him, make him believe it.

Shrugging on her winter coat, she stepped out the door and into the cold night air. Most of her classmates had gathered at the covered patio attached to the resort’s main building, near where the hot tub decks were. It featured a huge fireplace with plenty of benches, tables, and chairs around it.

As she approached the patio, her eyes naturally drawn to the blaze in the stone hearth, it quickly became obvious who was sitting on the benches talking in front of it. Pacey was unmistakable, and she easily recognized the girl sitting next to him with the blue hoodie and blond ponytail. Joey came to a stop just outside.

“When’s the last time you had sex?” she then heard Anna ask him.

Pacey’s face scrunched up. “Um, that’s not exactly the point of what I was saying, but… 1999.”

She watched Anna’s mouth fall open. “You’re kidding. I mean, look at you. How is that possible? You must be suffering. You know, there are plenty of girls out there who would feel really lucky if they could help you fix that. I mean, you’re here right now, and there are lots of pretty girls around who, I’m sure, would jump at the chance to take care of you tonight, including yours truly. You’ve got a condom in your wallet, right?”

Joey was shocked at the audacity of this girl. Yet as she listened to Pacey’s response, her heart warmed.

Sucking in lungsful of fresh air, Pacey walked and walked, trying to clear his head. He wanted to go back to the cabin, back to Joey, but the problem would still be there and he hadn’t figured out a solution yet. He wasn’t even sure he knew what the problem was. He felt helpless because he couldn’t help her. He couldn’t help her get past her fears, her insecurities, her jealousies. He didn’t know how to make her see how he felt inside—that he loved her—that he wanted her—that he ached for her in a way he had never experienced before. He didn’t know how to make her see that when it came to her, there was no competition with any woman, anywhere. Past, present, or future.

But she was right, a thousand times right.

He had never really thought how his history would have affected her. He was so sure of his absolute love and devotion to her that his romantic past rarely ever came to mind. Joey consumed his every thought, every desire. He wasn’t looking back. He was looking forward. The future was out there, and all he cared about was doing everything in his power to ensure that future was with her.

It had just never occurred to him that she may be feeling as unsure about how permanent her place was in his life as he’d been feeling about his place in hers. That his relationships with Andie and Tamara had seemed just as formidable to her as her ex-soulmate status with Dawson was to him. Neither of them could change the past; they could only live with the present and face the future.

Easier said than done.

“Hey you!”

The familiar voice pulled him out of his reverie. He looked up and noticed he’d meandered over to the hot tub section of the resort’s property. Anna hopped excitedly off the wooden deck to greet him.

“We were just getting out. Didn’t think you’d make it.”

“I’m not making it, actually. I was just taking a walk.”

Her face fell as she gazed up at him. “Hey, you look down. You know, since you were there for me in the not-so-distant past, it’s only fair I reciprocate, right?”

Ashley Hares and Darcey Jacobs, two of his classmates, stepped off the deck to join her. “I’ll catch up with you guys later,” Anna told them.

They walked off, but not before Pacey caught knowing, suggestive looks passing between the two girls and Anna. He rolled his eyes, annoyed. Ash and Darcey knew he was serious with Joey. Once the girls were gone, she smiled up at him. “So, you wanna go somewhere and talk?”

He hesitated, looking down at her, standing there in Adidas track pants, eagerly bouncing on her toes, her blue bikini top bouncing with her. “Look, Anna, I appreciate the offer, but that’s probably not a good idea.”

Glancing down at herself, she pursed her lips in thought. Then she swiftly grabbed hold of her hoodie and zipped it up over herself, her bikini now hidden from view. “Come on. You look like you could really use someone to talk to, and I’m a very good listener.”

She smiled. He shrugged. Anna seemed so inclined to friendliness, her eyes were so open and frank, that he decided to take her up on her offer. “Well, okay.”

Her smile widened.

They were soon in the outdoor covered patio sitting on two wooden benches in front of the massive stone fireplace not far from the hot tub deck. Capeside seniors milled about, sat at nearby tables drinking and chatting and playing cards, while others went to and from the hot tubs. “So,” Anna said with a deep sigh. “Talk to me. Girlfriend troubles?”

“Sort of, yeah.”

“Is it about sex?”

He stared at her. “How… how did you know?”

She rolled her eyes teasingly. “Please. She was stiff as a board sitting there at the restaurant when all the guys pulled the condoms out of their wallets. And don’t think I didn’t notice you had your wallet in your back pocket when you walked away from the table. I can guess why you didn’t show it. Joey is a virgin, right?”

He expelled a deep breath. “Yes. And I am not, and therein lies the problem, I think.”

“You guys have been together a long time, since last summer, right? When you sailed down to Key West?”

“Uh, yeah. You remember that?”

“The mini golf double date was only two weeks ago, Pacey. I may be a ditz, but my brain doesn’t have a leak in it.”

He started laughing.

“See? It’s working already.”

“What is?” he asked, still chuckling.

“I’m helping you feel better. It’s my specialty.”

She smiled, and he saw a lot more than just friendliness in her eyes. The girl would actually be nice company if she didn’t insist on occasionally gazing at him like she wanted to devour him. A twinge of guilt twisted in his gut. If Joey showed up and saw him sitting there with her looking at him like that… “Hmm.”

“So, what’s the trouble? Does she not want to have sex? Because…” She was eyeing him up and down again. “That’s crazy.”

He sighed. “I don’t think that’s the problem. I’m pretty sure she wants to, but… I think she’s just spent so many years building it up in her mind and over-analyzing it to death, that she’s let it become so huge that she can’t deal with the fact that it’s going to be very different than what she thought it was going to be. Or, well, I guess _who_ she thought it was going to be with is more accurate.

“I know she loves me, and I know she wants me, but I think she’s just having a hard time letting go of her preconceived notions and romantic ideals about the way things should be. She’s always been comfortable with the fairy tale, with ideas like soulmates and magical happy endings. Because that takes the responsibility out of her own hands. She won’t have to worry about not having control over what happens to her, you know, because it’s destiny. That also means she has a tendency to run and hide from real life. She’s not fifteen years old anymore. She can’t just lock herself away in her best friend’s bedroom, watching Spielberg movies and pretending the world doesn’t exist.

“But fantasy is safer than reality, and I’m… very real. Our relationship is very real. True love is very real. And that realness is scary because there are no guarantees, no control over what will happen to us. And there’s nothing I can do except wait for her to face reality and accept the fact that you just have to take chances. She did it before, when she got on my boat and went with me to Florida. If she could only just see how good things can be when you take even bigger chances, when you just go for it and make that jump. I don’t think she knows just how good it can be.”

Anna frowned, nodding. “You’re still talking about sex, right?”

He snorted. “Um, yeah, well, that’s part of it. If you don’t take chances, you won’t grow, you won’t move forward. And so, I wait, and I wait, and I wait for our relationship to move forward. If we don’t move forward, then what are we doing? Where is this going? What kind of future are we gonna have? She usually comes around in her own due time, but… I’ve been waiting a really long time.”

“When’s the last time you had sex?”

“Um, that’s not exactly the point of what I was saying, but… 1999.”

Anna gaped. “You’re kidding. I mean, look at you. How is that possible? You must be suffering. You know, there are plenty of girls out there who would feel really lucky if they could help you fix that. I mean, you’re here right now, and there are lots of pretty girls around who, I’m sure, would jump at the chance to take care of you tonight, including yours truly. You’ve got a condom in your wallet, right?”

Her eyes filled with heat. He gave her a hard, warning look. “I’m not showing you my wallet, Anna. I don’t think you’re understanding me. I wouldn’t say I’m suffering, exactly. It’s not like I’ve been living in a monastery in the meantime. Joey is worth the wait. I just meant… the wait is starting to get harder because I love her so much, and I want to… physically show her how much I love her. I want that… connection between us, that closeness, and I really don’t know why we’re not at that stage yet and why we just can’t seem to get there. It’s just… not happening.”

“Look, I know you’re not ready to break up with her yet. That’s okay, I get it. It doesn’t bother me. But I think it would be a shame to waste this opportunity.”

She started leaning towards him, eyes closing, lips puckering slightly, her intentions clear. He immediately put his gloved hands up to stop her. Hadn’t she heard anything he’d said? “No, Anna. You obviously don’t get it at all. _This_ is not going to happen.”

“I don’t understand. It’s just sex. It’s not that big of a deal. We’re all adults, and…”

He laughed. “No, we’re not adults. We’re not even close to being adults, and it is that big a deal.”

She said nothing, and her eyes became wet. He wondered if anyone had ever rejected her before. Not likely, based on her stories, and since it had seemed like all her experiences were casual and random. Maybe that was why she didn’t get it. She’d never been in love.

“I have someone that I want to be with for more than just one night. So, the thought of… losing her or hurting her… it’s not even a consideration. For me, it’s not about wanting to have sex, it’s about wanting to share the most intimate thing you can possibly share with someone.” He sighed. “No matter how long you have to wait.” The sting of rejection burned in Anna’s eyes, and he felt for her. He had never meant to hurt her feelings, but she should’ve known she was barking up the wrong tree. “So, look, I’m really sorry if I gave you the wrong idea.”

Pacey moved off the bench and turned to walk away from the fireplace. He quickly laid eyes on Joey, standing outside the patio, smiling at him. She’d obviously heard something, but how much?

“Hey.” It seemed as though she wasn’t as upset as she was earlier, which was a good sign seeing as she’d caught him hanging out with Anna, but he was still cautious. Things could quickly turn south again.

“Hey,” she replied with a smile.

“How long you been there?” he asked, feeling a little shy over what she might’ve overheard.

“Long enough for me to see why I love you so much.” Her eyes pricked with emotion. What did she ever do to deserve someone like him? He was walking perfection. He was goodness personified. No one could be as tall, as handsome, as charming, as fun to be with—and most importantly, as faithful and loving and kind. He had a beautiful soul. “Why every part of me loves you.”

Pacey gave her a slight smile as she stepped closer and kissed his forehead. Then she placed her gloved hand in his, and they turned to start heading back to their cabin. They walked in silence for a couple minutes.

“I’m sorry for just walkin’ outta there, Jo.”

“Pace, you can be upset. You can be angry. You earned it.”

“I wasn’t angry with ya.”

“You were. And that’s okay. You had every right to be. You did nothing wrong. I’m the one who’s sorry. I’m sorry for letting Drue and Anna get to me. I’m sorry for overreacting to everything and taking it out on you. I don’t have to be so jealous, and I don’t have to be so afraid.”

She stepped forward and kissed him sweetly. Hand in hand they continued their way towards cabin twelve. Pacey thought of what Anna had said back there, which was now reminding him of earlier outside the restaurant with Joey. When they were only a few feet from their door, he finally decided to speak up. “Um, I don’t want to argue anymore and I don’t want to dredge up anything unpleasant, but can I just ask you something?”

“Sure.” She threw him a sideways glance, wondering what he could be referring to.

“Why did it bother you that I have a condom in my wallet?”

She swallowed, hesitating. “Pace, I told you it’s okay that you have it. Really, it is.”

He shook his head. “That’s not what I asked. It bothered you, I know it did. And then you made some remark on the ride back to the lodge about me being prepared for any opportunities that come my way. What was that about? There was something there. I could tell.”

Taking a deep breath, she stopped walking and turned to him. Her face was etched with sorrow. He returned her stare, his heart in his throat. “I’ve never told anyone this, not even Dawson, but, uh, do you know how my mom found out my dad was cheating on her?” she said quietly. “He started carrying condoms in his wallet. Me and Bessie overheard them fighting one night. They rarely got into big fights, but this was really bad, probably the worst one ever. I can still hear the sound of my parents sobbing. My mom was so sick—dying—and he just…”

Pacey had no idea what to say, so he only said, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault. I’m sorry for putting my weird hang-ups and neuroses on you. You’re not my dad, we are not my parents, and this is a completely different situation.”

“Jo, I won’t carry a condom around if you don’t want me to. I’ll throw it away right now.”

She squeezed his hand, shaking her head. “It’s fine, really. Let’s just not talk about it anymore, okay? I don’t want to think about that stuff. I just wanna think about you and me.”

He smiled, but she noticed it didn’t fully light up his eyes. She had so much to make up for. She’d ruined his whole day. She had to start making things right. “Since you asked me something, can I ask you something?”

“Uh oh, I don’t know if I like the sound of that,” he teased. His eyes went wide and then he chuckled. “Sure, sweetheart.”

“Do you truly believe, deep down, that some part of me doesn’t want my first time to be with you and wishes it was with Dawson instead? Because seriously, Pace, the very idea makes me cringe.”

He laughed. “Honestly, Jo… I don’t know. I just think that… well, I think that whenever I can’t seem to make sense of you and why things aren’t going well between us… you’re right, I pull the Dawson card because that seems like the most logical explanation. ‘Cause if last spring taught me anything, it’s that Dawson is usually the reason.”

“Pacey, we are so far removed from what happened last spring. Our relationship has grown so far beyond that.”

Sighing, he nodded. “I know. I know, you’re right. I’m sorry.”

“I wasn’t looking for an apology, Pacey. I need you to know that I don’t wish anything to be different from what it is right now, right here, with you. I don’t wish you were a virgin. I don’t want to change anything about you. Your history, your experiences, your relationships… they’ve made you who you are today—this amazing young man standing in front of me, whom I love and adore. I wouldn’t change a single thing, and I wouldn’t trade you for a million Dawsons.”

“It’s really only the one that concerns me,” he deadpanned.

“Pacey.” She arched her brows, giving him an impatient look.

“Okay, okay.”

“Let’s make a deal. I will work very hard on my jealousy issues and my insecurities and I will try my hardest to believe without any doubt that I am the only one you want… if you’ll do the same when it comes to Dawson.”

Pursing his lips, he gave her a chastised look. He was quiet for a moment, deliberating. It’d be easier said than done, but he’d try. “Okay, it’s a deal.”

Her happy, winning smile warmed his heart. He gathered her in his arms, and tilted his head at their cabin. “What do you say you and I go in there, lock the door, cuddle up together in front of the fire, and you can find something for us to watch on one of the two hundred channels that TV’s got. Huh? Your pick.”

Laughing, she placed her hand back in his. “I like that idea,” she told him, pulling him with her towards the door. She had other plans, though.

Inside the cabin, they hung their coats on the rack. Pacey locked the door. Joey was swiftly becoming a jumble of nerves and excitement. She needed to calm down. A hot shower might help. She also thought it wouldn’t be a bad idea to shave her legs again.

She went over to one of the dressers and pulled open the top drawer, taking out a white tank top and some pajama bottoms. She stared at the small pile of folded clean underwear. What would be the point of putting any on? They’d just be coming off.

“I think I’m gonna take a shower,” she said. “Why don’t you find something you wanna watch, Pace?”

“Are you sure? I said you could pick.”

She shrugged. “I’m sure.”

Then she walked inside the bathroom. From inside her toiletry bag, she pulled out her toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream and razor, shampoo and conditioner. Removing her jeans, she pulled out the folded piece of copy paper with Pacey’s sex quiz answers, reading them again. Excitement warmed her blood. Anticipation tightened the pit of her stomach. Folding it back up, she placed it back inside her jeans pocket. She turned on the hot water and stepped into the shower.

Pacey watched the bathroom door close. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but something was different. Joey was different. It wasn’t the kind of different that would’ve worried him, that would’ve sent him reeling with the panic of rising dread, but… something had definitely changed, shifted. He could sense it in the air. He just didn’t know what that was.

He sat on the edge of the bed and turned on the TV, aimlessly clicking through channels, listening to the water pressure in the shower. He had no idea how much time had passed when he heard the water turn off, but just a few minutes later, he heard the sound of Joey’s hair dryer and smiled. Her femininity fascinated him. The tomboy in her was fading away, and was quickly becoming replaced with slim, delicate gracefulness, subdued elegance. Her mind was like a work of art so complex that sometimes he could hardly understand it, and her sweet and sarcastic personality always kept him guessing. She was the woman of his dreams.

A warm, passionate feeling flowed through his entire body. He had never been so in love before. His relationship with Andie was the only thing he could compare it to, and now it seemed like that had just been a teenage puppy love. What he felt for Joey was so much deeper. Their relationship had the romantic spark of young love, and the intimacy of best friends. She completely and absolutely owned his heart. She inspired in him whatever energy, passion, imagination, aspiration, and determination he had. If his life was a story, he was convinced she was its heroine.

The bathroom door opened and his heart fluttered. She smiled as she caught his eye, carrying her jeans and the sweater she’d been wearing over to her duffel bag. Pacey looked her up and down, smiling at the sight of her pajamas.

“What are you watching?” she asked, turning towards the television.

“Just a basketball game,” he shrugged. Then he clicked the TV off. “I’m gonna go brush my teeth.”

She smiled. “Okay.”

When Pacey disappeared behind the bathroom door, Joey felt a surge of excitement. She got the box of matches from her bag and quickly went around the room, lighting the candles. The thought of the condoms in her bedside drawer filled her with warmth, sent a fluttering through her body. Taking deep, steadying breaths, she calmed her nerves.

She still wasn’t exactly sure how she was going to initiate, but that didn’t matter anymore. All the obsessive planning and over-analyzing she’d done in preparation for the senior trip had gotten her nowhere, which was typical. Hadn’t Pacey taught her that sometimes you just have to live life in the moment? So, she was going to let go and just wing it.

Retrieving her hairbrush, she stood facing the mirrored vanity and began brushing her hair. The bathroom door opened, and Pacey walked out. “Hey.”

“Hi,” he smiled, coming up next to her, reaching for the hairbrush. “May I?”

Surprised, she laughed. “Sure.”

He took the brush from her and went to stand behind her. He moved the brush through her hair, reveling in its softness, in the dark chocolate color he loved so much.

As Joey watched him in the mirror, she pictured him putting that condom in his wallet, and waiting, hoping that someday soon she would be ready. She thought of the condoms that were stashed in her bedside table, a key element to her grand plan. They could wait for another time. She knew which condom she wanted to use.

“Hey, Pace.”

“Hmm?”

She reached behind to hold his hand and he stopped brushing. He looked up to meet her gaze in the mirror. “Do you… do you still have your wallet?”

“I thought we were done talking about that.”

She took the brush from his other hand. “We are.”

As she set the hairbrush down on the vanity, their earlier conversation about her parents went through his head. She must have changed her mind about his offer. “Okay,” he breathed, laughing.

Pacey removed the wallet from his back pocket and leaned into her. With his arms wrapped around her and his head on her shoulder, he held the wallet open in front of her and removed the condom. “You gonna throw it away?” he asked as she reached for it.

She knew he was being thoughtful, considerate. But the fact his first inclination was that she’d want to throw it away instead of use it saddened her. It was mostly her fault, for waiting this long when she’d honestly been ready a long time ago, for being evasive and avoidant for the past month and a half because of her oh-so-brilliant ski trip plan.

Well, that was all about to change. “I wanna throw the wrapper away.”

He locked eyes with her in the mirror, and froze, staring. He hadn’t expected… Did she feel obligated because of earlier?

Again, it saddened her that his reaction to her wanting to have sex with him was shock and disbelief. That he’d been scared there was any part of her that wished her first time didn’t have to be with _someone like him_. She loved him. He loved her; he was her best friend, her teacher, her protector—there was no one better to guide her through this moment.

He laughed nervously. “If this is about what I was—”

“Pacey,” she said, turning from the mirror to look him in the face. “This is about how you carried my bag off the bus this morning.”

She moved forward, forcing him to start backing up towards the bed. He stared at her, unable to speak, his heart starting to pound. The butterflies were alive in his gut and trying to escape. Was this really happening?

“This is about how… when we go to the movies, and you go and you buy popcorn, you always make sure you bring back a napkin so I don’t wipe all the grease on my jeans.”

Was that a thing? He’d never thought anything of it. Joey kept moving towards him, and he kept backing up. His mouth was going dry, and he licked his lips and swallowed.

“This is about how when we’re at miniature golf, you take all of the shots first so I would know the correct path.”

He finally found his voice. “Well, that’s just—”

“You taught me how to drive.”

He figured out what she was getting at—listing her reasons for why she did want it to be him. He supposed sex was like driving a car—scary at first, a big responsibility, but also fun and something you got better at, and more comfortable with, with practice. Then Joey’s fingers were at his corduroy shirt, and she started slowly undoing the buttons. His heart hammered beneath his ribs.

The corners of her mouth curved up. He wasn’t the only one who remembered everything. “And last year at prom, you knew that the bracelet I was wearing was my mom’s.”

She looked up at him, her face glowing softly in the light from the fireplace, and he smiled, memories of their dance at the Anti-Prom flashing across his mind.

“You kissed me first, sweetheart.” Before Dawson ever did.

She finally reached the last button. “The third time, you counted to ten just before doing it again, just in case I wanted to stop you.”

She opened his shirt and pushed it off his shoulders, as memories of Aunt Gwen’s backyard filled his heart. Joey was standing so close, her hair was brushing his face, the sweet scent of her shampoo filling his nostrils. His shirt came down his arms and she tossed it to the floor.

“You bought me a wall.”

Pacey’s stomach was doing somersaults. His breathing became uneven. He cleared his throat. “I didn’t buy it so much as I lea—”

She lifted his hand to her lips and kissed him. “We were alone on a boat for three months, and you understood without a word why I wasn’t ready.”

Joey’s hands were at the hem of his undershirt and she lifted it up and over his head. The muscles in the pit of his stomach had begun to tingle. He’d lost his voice again. He could only stare. He didn’t want to get too excited. He still couldn’t quite believe this was really going to happen.

She lifted her eyes from Pacey’s bare chest to his face. A watercolor of desire had begun to swirl slowly within her mind. “Do you have to ask me now why I am?”

Her clear and decisive gaze met and irresistibly held his uncertain one. Bathed in the warmth of the fireplace, there was a glow of fiery yellow-orange-red to her brown eyes. He could see no doubt, no fear. He lifted his hand, brushing the hair from her face. The desire he was battling was starting to gain the advantage.

She searched his face. Pacey still wasn’t saying anything. She could see his uncertainty was beginning to waver, but she wished there hadn’t been any uncertainty at all. For him to look at her with hesitant eyes, as if he couldn’t quite believe she truly wanted to do this with him, as if he thought there was a chance that she would change her mind and pull the rug out from under him…

She didn’t blame him, after the way she’d behaved. Maybe now wasn’t the best time. He’d been rightfully upset with her earlier. Just because she wanted to have sex right now, didn’t mean that he did. And then she remembered Aunt Gwen’s house last spring. The _look_ on his face when he’d come towards her, and the way he’d counted to ten, to be sure of her consent, to give her time to say no—sexy and reassuring at the same time.

“Pace…” Their hands met in the air, fingers caressing. Her heart was pounding, her blood was surging, heat spreading through her. “I’m gonna count to ten… and then I’m going to start kissing you.”

He accepted it was happening. His breathing evened out. Her face was so close to his, inches. His stomach felt like it was turning cartwheels.

“If you don’t want me to… then you’re just gonna have to stop me.”

He had no intention of stopping her. Pacey closed his eyes, and waited.

Counting inside her head, Joey came closer, lifting her face to his, her heart racing and her body tingling. She put her hand on his chest and felt his heart pounding, too. That told her all she needed to know.

“Ten, my love.”

She claimed his mouth with her own, kissing him deeply. When he lifted his hand to hold the back of her head as he reciprocated her kiss, she thanked God or the universe or whoever might be listening for allowing someone like him to be in her life. She cradled the back of his neck and made him kiss her even deeper, longer, harder.

Then Pacey finally took over, dominating the kiss. His love for her running like fire in his veins, he kissed her—kissed her face, her throat, her shoulders and down her arm as he lowered the thin strap of her tank top. And she was kissing him, kissing everywhere she could reach. When his arms wrapped around her, encircling her with their gentle strength, and he started pulling her with him towards the bed, Joey gave a relieved giggle, her heart soaring.

He walked backwards until his legs hit the mattress of their bed. Keeping his hold on her, he fell onto the soft comforter with her on top of him, and her giggles made him grin, made his heart swell with happiness. He shifted until he had them lying in the middle, turning until he hovered over her.

“You are so beautiful,” he murmured, and she smiled up at him.

Pacey wanted to take his time with her, wanted to savor her innocent passion, wanted this moment to last as long as possible before they allowed nature to run its course. He wanted to make sure her first time was good for her, he wanted to do everything right. For some time, they lay together on the bed, kissing passionately, hungrily. As much as he loved kissing her, he knew their control would only last so long before their bodies demanded release, and sure enough, Joey was soon squirming beneath him as his cock started to swell.

He pulled his mouth away from hers and allowed it to slide down her jaw to her throat. Joey’s back arched slightly off the mattress. Pacey’s kisses were driving her crazy. She wanted more, needed more. She reached for the hem of her tank top and pulled it over her head so she could bare her chest to the onslaught of his mouth. The top was tossed away to join his scattered clothes. The feel of his bare skin against hers was electric, exquisite, glorious and torturous, for even while she loved it, she was greedy for more.

With a groan of pure lust, Pacey cupped her breasts in both hands. Then his mouth returned to hers and he kissed her hard. Her breasts felt perfect in his hands and her throaty moans told him how much she loved having him touch her. He stroked her silken skin and his erection hardened. Beneath his palms, her nipples were tight with arousal. He pinched them lightly, and she moaned again, louder this time. 

He wrenched himself from her kisses and started moving lower, kissing the soft skin covering her collarbones. As he brought his mouth to her breast, he gazed up at her. Joey was staring back with heavy-lidded eyes. She nodded. Her breasts ached, longed for him. “Yes,” she whimpered.

“Pacey.” His name slipped out in a breathy moan the moment she felt his mouth close over one nipple. He didn’t suckle. He didn’t even move his lips, but his breath was hot and moist against her. He was still watching her when his tongue began to flick across the tender bud. His blue eyes were dark and intent, and she shuddered at the carnal promise she saw in his gaze.

Another soft moan escaped her throat. She arched her back, driving her breast harder into his mouth. He began to kiss her nipple, his tongue a sweet caress. Eyes wide, lips parted, and her skin electrifyingly alive, she could not stop staring at the way his mouth moved over her. When he paused to look up at her again, she could feel her face flaming at being caught staring.

“Do you want more?” he asked, his voice rough with desire.

She nodded, and her hips involuntarily arched. “Where’s the condom?”

He laughed. “We’ll get to that, Jo, don’t worry.” Then his brows furrowed. That was actually a very good question. Where _was_ the condom? He propped himself up on his elbow and looked around the room. It had been left over on the vanity next to her hairbrush. Not a great place for it. He turned back to her. “Hold that thought,” he said, and quickly moved off the bed.

While he grabbed the condom, Joey took the opportunity move further up the mattress and lay her head atop a soft pillow. Pacey quickly returned to the bedside, setting the condom down on the table.

“You’re still wearing your jeans,” she said, her mouth curving suggestively. “Not fair.”

“Well, you’re still wearing your pajamas. We’re both topless, which is totally fair.”

She pouted. His chest shook with silent laughter, and then he nodded his assent. Pacey made quick work of the button and zipper, and his jeans and socks were soon in a pile on the floor along with the rest of his clothes. He moved towards the bed and watched as Joey’s gaze traveled down his body to the erection tenting his boxers. When he saw her squirm, her hips arching again, his eyes darkened with lust and his blood surged hot in his veins. He rejoined her on the mattress.

“Okay, now, where were we?” he said with a sly grin. And then he was bending his head down over her again.

This time, when his mouth closed over her breast, he meant business. He started to worship her nipple with a deep, sensuous suckle, practically devouring her breast while his hand played with its creamy twin. Joey gasped, and her fingertips sunk into his nape. She still couldn’t take her eyes off him, even when he switched to her other breast and did the same.

While his mouth paid silent tribute to her breasts, Joey writhed beneath him. When she felt the gentle scrape of his teeth, she clutched that dark head to her, watching his mouth work thoroughly, loving first one tip and then the other until they were hard points of desire. A whimper formed deep in her throat and her legs opened, allowing his thigh entrance between. The moment she felt its presence there, she arched herself wantonly upon its muscled hardness and felt the exquisite ache deep inside.

“Pacey,” she begged. “I can’t…” She trailed off, breathing hard.

Lifting his mouth from her breast, he looked into her lust-glazed eyes, pleading with him to give her what she wanted. He took a deep breath. Her heady scent of desire now filled his nostrils, making his head spin. He moved lower and inserted his thumbs into the waistline of her pajama bottoms. Sliding them off, to his surprise, he saw she had on nothing underneath. His cock began throbbing.

As he slid further down on the bed, Joey knew where he was heading, and while she would normally welcome the act, she was a little impatient to get on with it. They’d had months of foreplay. “You really don’t need to do that,” she breathed. “I’m ready, Pacey. You can put on the condom.”

“But I _want_ to do this,” he replied. “I want you in my mouth. I love the way you taste.”

She whimpered, and writhed on the bed. Wanton lust fogged her brain at his words.

He planted sweet kisses across her belly, and still he moved lower. His fingers slid over her mound, through her soft hair. Pacey shivered. Fuck, she was wet. Well, he knew she could be wetter, and would probably need to be. She’d said she felt ready, but he wanted to do everything in his power to ensure it was a good experience. The thought of hurting her was almost more than he could bear.

Joey spread her legs. Closing her eyes, she quivered with excitement, reveling in the shameless, pleasurable lust that burned throughout her body. Warm, moist heat washed over her as Pacey settled down between her legs. His breath teased her. The tickle of his fingers against her sensitive skin made her jump. His mouth fluttered through her feminine curls; the heavy rasp of his breath was full of erotic promise. He kissed her there, a lingering brush of lips that brought her body off the bed and her hands to his hair. At the touch of his tongue, Joey sucked in a sharp breath and curled her fingers against his scalp.

Slow, provocative strokes brought her hips into a movement that matched his languorous rhythm, but try as she might, she couldn’t get his mouth to that place she wanted it the most. He alternated between long, teasing strokes, always stopping just before her throbbing cleft, and soft, gentle kisses on her inner thighs. He was driving her mad with lust. Joey bucked her hips and groaned.

With an amused grin, he licked her folds, filling his senses with her taste, her smell, her sounds. His own arousal throbbed inside his boxers. She bucked again as he brought his mouth closer to her clit, but not close enough. He grabbed her hips to hold her still as he suckled her folds. His tongue found her hot entrance, seeping with her wet desire, and she cried out as he plunged inside as far as he could go.

Joey’s whimpers had become a steady stream as he drove her crazy. Every time the tension built, he’d change his tactic, frustrating her with need. The twinkle in his eyes told her he knew exactly what he was doing. If only he’d move his mouth _a little_ higher. God, he was right there…

Pacey grinned, a sense of self-satisfaction rising up inside him at his ability to make her desperate with wanting him. She’d grown hotter and wetter as he worked his mouth over her. He lifted his face to look at her, causing her to whimper in protest, and he laughed. He was determined to make her scream, and he knew just what could do it: his voice.

“I love how wet you are,” he said quietly. “And you taste so good.”

Joey gasped for breath. Blood starting pounding in her ears.

His fingertips caressed her sensitive flesh. “I love the way your lips become puffy and swollen for me. They’re so soft and smooth, and I know they’d feel amazing around my cock.”

Her eyes rolled to the back of her head and she groaned.

“I love the way your clit swells and pushes out from under its hood, begging for my attention.”

Her heels dug into the mattress, her hips trying to buck against his hold on them.

“Your pussy is so beautiful.”

Joey couldn’t take it anymore. It felt like every muscle had coiled. She was tight, ready to explode, straining with the tension. And then his mouth was there, engulfing her swollen clit with its wet heat, and he slowly speared her with a finger. He licked, flicked back and forth over her, while he stroked her sensitive inner walls, the dual caresses sending her flying.

His name was in her mouth, over and over, and the sound of it ignited him, goading him to give her more. Then he sucked her clit hard between his lips, his tongue a firm stroke against it, and starbursts of light and color exploded behind her closed eyelids. The tension burst, flooding her with throbbing pleasure, and she came, gasping, and cried out again and again until the spasms subsided.

Pacey lapped her up, tasting her salty sweet orgasm on his tongue, his cock rock hard, his own need for her quickly becoming desperate. She soon pushed his face away. While she lay there quivering, he moved up over her body, planting both hands on the mattress beside her arms, and smiled down at her, triumphant.

She was still breathing harshly, her head empty of all thoughts except pure bliss. She stared up at him with heavy-lidded eyes. “Oh, my God. Oh, my God, Pacey.”

He shook his head, clicking his tongue with fake reproach. “And you wanted to skip that part.”

She started giggling, that giggle of absolute wonder and delight he loved so much. “Crazy talk. I’m so glad you didn’t listen to me.” Then she grinned wickedly and reached for his erection. “It’s only fair.”

“Nope,” he said, swiftly batting her hand away from his boxers. “If you touch me, this’ll all be over before it’s even started.”

“Oh,” she giggled.

He laughed, and then breathed a deep sigh. “I love you, Joey Potter.”

She looked up at him, tenderness and affection in her gaze. “I love you, too, Pacey.”

She pulled him down to her, bringing his lips to hers, and kissed him passionately. Her body began to thrum again, that indescribable, incomparable, delicious ache deep inside her hadn’t abated. She had to be filled by him. She needed it. Craved it. She wanted him more than she wanted her next breath.

Then Joey turned and reached over to the bedside table to grab the condom. His stomach full of butterflies, Pacey took it from her hand and sat back on his knees. He removed his boxers, freeing his aching cock, and tossed them to the floor. His hands shook as he tore the wrapper open and placed the lubricated condom at the head of his erection.

Licking her lips, Joey couldn’t take her eyes off him. She lay there in bliss, his large member pointing straight at her, a bead of pre-cum glistening on its tip. Time slowed as she watched him roll the condom down his arousal, long and thick, her body clenching with anticipation as she struggled to breathe. “Oh, my.”

Pacey looked up at her. When she finally wrenched her gaze away and met his eyes, she sucked in a breath, for he was looking at her the same way: wide-eyed, dazed, and ravenous. A slight sense of apprehension twinged inside her. His erection seemed much bigger than before, and it had always seemed huge to her.

He started to move back towards her. Joey’s eyes ran over him as he came closer, and her gaze lingered on his latex-covered cock, which projected outward with the rigidity of a sundial. “Oh, my,” she breathed again. The flush running up her throat and into her face deepened. “You are so gorgeous.”

That’s when Pacey realized he was in for it. He hadn’t intended for their first time to be a test of his control, but now it likely would be. The other part of wanting her so much was that he felt like he could come at any moment. That would be bad on many levels, excruciatingly embarrassing levels.

He crawled over her, his cock throbbing and heavy between them. Joey’s hands came up around his neck, her thumbs caressing his skin in soft circles. “I need you so much, Pacey,” she murmured, making something inexplicable tighten in his chest. He had the urge to wrap his arms around her and hold on for dear life. To protect her. To cherish her. He needed her just as much.

He resisted the urge to grab her hips, lift her into position, and thrust right inside her to the hilt. Her body suddenly seemed so small, and he seemed so big in comparison. Pacey worried that he’d be too much for her first time. If he hurt her, he’d never forgive himself. With the entrance to nirvana so very close, and yet still so far, his brain was on tilt.

Joey bit down on her lip, and in a flash so brief, he almost didn’t recognize it, worry flickered across her face. He drew the back of a finger down her cheek, holding himself in check. “Are you sure?” he asked, barely above a whisper.

“I’m absolutely sure.”

“I’ll take it slow,” he said, his voice tight with lust, not knowing whether he sought to reassure her or himself. “If you ever want to stop this, at any point, promise you’ll tell me, and I’ll stop.”

She smiled, her eyes sparkling up at him. “I won’t want you to s—”

“Jo, please just promise me.”

“Okay. I promise,” she assured him, although she had zero intentions of stopping anything.

Her legs fell naturally to either side of him. She could feel the heat from his pelvis as he grabbed hold of the base of his arousal and guided it towards her dripping center. She could feel her wetness pooling in readiness to receive him. Joey bit her lip ever so slightly as the engorged head brushed first against her inner thigh. Even then, she could feel the unyielding firmness of it against her skin, and her body throbbed in anticipation even as nervous butterflies came alive inside and muscles tightened in the pit of her stomach.

Then she felt him pause and tense above her. He pushed up on his elbows to gaze down at her. His eyes glistened, looking different from before, and a flush colored his neck. Joey caught his face between her hands. “Pacey, what is it?” she asked. “You’re trembling.”

“I’ve never been more afraid of anything than I am of hurting you,” he said, his voice ragged. “And I might this first time.”

When she was younger, Joey had dreaded the virgin’s pain, but now, after so many months with Pacey, after experiencing the pleasure of being in his arms, she no longer felt frightened. With him above her now, brushing the hair from her face, she felt safe, she felt protected. She felt cherished and loved. All her fears, all her insecurities were gone, at least for the time being. She belonged to him, and he belonged to her, and that was all that mattered to her right now.

“Well, if there is some pain, then that’s just what naturally would happen and it’s not because of you. If you don’t have enough trust in yourself, Pace, know that I trust you completely.”

Her trust in him was like a balm for his soul. He pushed away all his fears, all his trepidation. When she lifted her legs and locked her thighs against his hips, he bent his head and kissed her with ardent passion. For long moments, Pacey reveled in the taste of her mouth, the feel of her hands on his skin, the soft brush of her feminine hair across his groin. She felt so good. Then his erection throbbed uncontrollably and his balls ached. He wanted more, needed more. All of her.

He shifted and nudged her opening with the tip of his hardness. He swore under his breath as her slick heat taunted him. Poised over her, he slathered the engorged head with the juices seeping from her core, dragging it up to spread over her clit, before repositioning himself at her entrance. As he lingered there, the seconds seemed to move like a thick milkshake through a thin straw. Bracing herself, her breath coming in hard pants, Joey closed her eyes.

“Look at me,” he told her when he pressed himself into her wet heat.

She opened her velvety brown eyes, her lips soft and swollen as she stared up at him. Slowly, gently, he pressed deeper into her body, looking for any signs she was in pain.

“Are you okay?” he asked, pulling out a little, then gently pushing in again.

“Yes!” she sighed, arching up into him. The feeling of him inside her was like nothing she’d ever even imagined. It felt different from his fingers. So very different. Hotter, thicker, the invasion felt strange, but she only wanted more. “Don’t stop.”

“Tell me if it starts to hurt,” he urged.

“I will. Just… keep going.”

Pacey chuckled, but had to shake his head to relieve some of the lust. It didn’t work, not when she was shifting her hips and squeezing his sensitive tip with her inner muscles. Slowly, he thrust further inside her, careful to make sure he wasn’t hurting her. Then he reached her resistance. His stomach clenched. His mouth went dry and he swallowed.

“Give me your hand, Joey,” his husky words little more than a heavy breath he tried to control.

Once their fingers entwined, Pacey slipped his other hand beneath her hips. He lowered himself, and she felt the soft skin of his firm chest brush against the tips of her breasts. “Squeeze my hand,” he whispered, his forehead resting against hers. He gazed down at where they were joined. The instant she did, he pushed through her barrier.

She gasped at the sharp sting and stiffened, her fingers digging into the back of Pacey’s hand. Breathing hard, her eyes slammed shut.

Pacey held himself perfectly still as her body clenched tight. It was killing him, but he worried about hurting her. He looked down at her furrowed brow. She had her eyes closed, but no tears flowed. He bent his head again to place a kiss on each eyelid. “Jo, are you okay? Does it hurt?”

“A little, but I’m fine. Just… just give me a minute.”

Her breathing soon began to even out as the sharpness of the sting dulled, fading away. Her grip on Pacey’s hand loosened. She opened her eyes, and smiled. “So, that’s what it feels like,” she whispered, amazed as she rubbed her legs against his hips and thighs. “I like it.”

He breathed a sigh of relief.

Her hands moved to caress his face, and she beamed a smile up at him. Her eyes were shiny and wet with emotion. “I’m not a virgin anymore,” she said, and then lifted her hips, making him groan.

“No.” Pacey shook his head. “You’re the most beautiful woman in the world.”

Smiling, she pulled him down to kiss her. His mouth claimed hers. Then his body throbbed in protest. “Jo, I gotta move,” he gritted out. “I can’t… I… I gotta move.”

He pulled all the way out, and then gently thrust back inside her. She felt her body stretching to accommodate his girth, but there was no sting this time, and it was the most exquisite feeling. So full, so tight, so complete. Her whole body came alive with his invasion, the pleasure he’d shown her earlier returning.

“Oh, my God.” The sensation around his cock overwhelmed him. She squeezed around him as he slowly pulled out, and it was as if he’d died and gone to heaven. “Sweet Jesus,” he breathed against her neck. “You’re so warm. So tight. You feel so good.”

Every word made her body weep more.

Then she was squirming beneath him again, showing him what she needed. At first, his movements were slow, wanting to be sure she was ready for more. Soon she was moving with him. He felt her muscles tighten around him and he thrust a bit deeper. Moving in and out, Pacey watched her face, trying to find the best stroke and angle to help her reach that peak again, fighting to control his own urge to climax.

Her legs were wrapped around him, holding him. Just as her wet, silken center welcomed him, caressed him. He drove into her, each thrust more exciting than the last. She met him with her own flesh, as they heard the delicious sounds of skin on skin.

Pacey’s sweet mouth was on hers, kissing her hungrily, then kissing her cheeks, her forehead, pressing his lips to that soft spot behind her ear, down her jaw to her throat, her shoulders. His hand palmed her breasts, rolled and pinched her nipples. She felt his love with every touch, every kiss. She heard it in his husky whispers of approval, his moans of pleasure. She could feel his swollen hardness stroking every pleasure-feeling nerve inside her own body. It made her want to hold tight and arch her hips to meet his. So, she did, harder and harder, meeting thrust after thrust as his body met hers, until the feelings swirling inside her were so strong, she didn’t know what to do.

It felt so good she didn’t want it to stop, and it felt so good it hurt. Shaking, she tried to tell him to stop, to give her more, to wait, to go harder. She didn’t know what she wanted to tell him, and all that came out was fractured words before suddenly her release started to build. Her clit was tight again, and she could feel it pulsing. With each thrust, the feeling intensified, and her body was chasing it. It hovered on the edge and Pacey’s hard cock was going to send her right over it. She could feel it coming.

Joey was clenching around him, getting hotter, wetter, tighter. He knew she was close, and sent up a fervent prayer she could get there. Reaching between them where his thick hardness met her wet softness, he slicked his thumb and found that hardened bud of nerves. He began to rub in fast, firm circles, trying to help her over. Her perfect little clit throbbed beneath his touch.

“Oh, baby,” he said, his voice a husky whisper. “I love you, Joey. I love you so much.”

And that’s all it took. “Pacey!” she choked, arching off the mattress as her orgasm hit her sudden and hard. Her body pulsed with delight, with pure physical joy. She felt him swell, harden inside her. She was part of him, and he was part of her. Their skin was damp with sweat. They were breathing harshly, groaning.

“Oh, Pacey, don’t stop!” she pleaded, ecstasy running through her body. “Don’t stop, don’t…!”

“As if I could, Potter!”

When he felt Joey’s thighs tighten around him in a vice-like grip, he knew she was all the way there and thrust harder, faster, wanted to prolong her pleasure as much as possible.

Every movement of Joey’s body was tight, wet heaven. Every clench of her glorious pussy, every sound escaping her throat, was starting to pull him towards a void where there was nothing but pure sensation. Tongues of fire licked up and down his legs, heat building at the base of his spine. Her hands were all over him, caressing his face, his shoulders, his arms, his neck. Then she slid her hands up his sides and over his back, down to his hips, her soft fingers dancing over his overheated skin. He shuddered under her touch. Then she ran her warm hands over his ass, gripping him as his hips thrust against her. A growl escaped his throat, his control nearly snapping.

She was kissing him passionately, and then her kisses were on his face, his jaw, her lips brushing his ear. The pleasure she was giving him was intensifying in his lower back, making his balls lift, making his cock so hard he felt invincible, and it was starting to overwhelm his thoughts, his emotions. He could feel his control beginning to splinter at the seams, like a ship coming apart in a storm.

The pleasure had him in its mad grip now, and he was suddenly driving for satisfaction with utter disregard to her virginity and his own concern for it. But she didn’t seem to mind. She was making those mewling sounds that coincided with his thrusts, and her body was begging for his with every downward motion. She whispered encouragement, explicit, exciting things that would have shocked and shamed her in cold daylight. Words that made his head burn and his entire body feel as if on fire.

“I love you, Pacey,” Joey whimpered. “It’s so good. You feel so good.” And then her soft lips were on his neck, sucking him into her mouth, her tongue tasting his skin.

All rational thought fled his brain. His control shattered instantly, his orgasm breaking over him like a tsunami without warning, obliterating everything in its path. Time ceased to exist. The earth stopped rotating on its axis. But instead of his orgasm ebbing and retreating, it hit him again as another wave crashed over him. And this time he felt an impact even more powerful than before: with Joey’s inner muscles clenching around him, all sensations intensified, doubled, _tripled_, until everything suddenly culminated in an explosion of pleasure. He buried his face in her neck. His vision went black and a thousand colors burst behind his eyes. He felt the fire in his balls racing up his cock. With his eyes slammed shut with intense passion, his loud guttural moans filled the room as he emptied himself inside the condom.

Joey went limp, her heart pounding, her skin dewy, her breath coming in uneven gasps. His limbs went numb and he collapsed onto her, breathing just as hard. Mind. Blown. He wasn’t sure he could even remember how to spell his own name at the moment.

She gazed up at him with something akin to wonder, a smile playing at the corner of her mouth. The maddened haze of lust began to fade, leaving her head in a fog of bliss. As she looked into Pacey’s ocean-blue eyes, her love for him suddenly rose up inside her like a wave, powerful and all-consuming. Feeling dangerously close to tears, she fought them back. She refused to cry. How girly and stupid and embarrassing. She refused. She would not cry. She wouldn’t.

It suddenly occurred to him that he must be crushing her, and he shifted his weight. Still hard, he carefully eased himself out of her body, until he was half on top of her, half beside her. His head lay on Joey’s breast, listening to the pounding of her heart and the feel of it against his cheek. A rhythm. A perfect love song. They lay like that for some minutes, her fingers running through his hair.

His erection softening, the condom loosening, he moved over to lay on his back beside her. “Are you okay?” he asked.

She thought about that for a long moment. Was she okay? Her body had just gone through the most incredible experience of her young life. “I don’t think _okay_ describes what I’m feeling right now,” she answered honestly.

He chuckled and stared up at the ceiling, dazed. “Yeah.”

For a little while, she was blissfully unaware of anything at all except the quiet thrum of her body as she lay on the bed. Every inch of her was tingling. She felt a twinge of soreness, but it was dull, and she knew it would pass. Mostly, she felt spent, utterly spent. She felt fantastic. And all she wanted was to do it again as soon as possible.

Then Pacey was gone for a few minutes. She thought she heard the water running. Soon he was back, sliding into bed next to her. He rested an arm across her belly and kissed her cheek. “How are you doing, sweetheart?”

“Mmm.” It took a moment to marshal her thoughts enough to speak actual words. “Amazing. I’m amazing.”

“Yeah, you are,” Pacey agreed, and she blushed furiously. “That was…” He trailed off.

Joey turned her head to look at him, and she was a little surprised at the stunned, wide-eyed expression on his face. “Nice?” she suggested, still blushing.

_“Nice?”_

She expelled a breathy laugh. “Good?”

“You are the queen of the understatement. That was like nothing I’ve ever felt before.”

“Really?” She’d promised herself she wasn’t going to be insecure about anything afterwards, and here she was already asking for reassurance. Her throat tightened. It was suddenly a much more difficult challenge to keep her eyes dry. She blinked up at the ceiling, trying to will the tears from forming.

“Yeah. Really. It’s never been like this, Jo. It never felt like that. Not with anyone. I’ve never felt like this.”

Then the raw emotion she’d been fighting welled up inside her and burst, like a dam finally breaking. She turned and hid her face in his neck, locked the words _I love you_ inside her heart forever, and began to cry in wonderful relief. Tears pricked his own eyes and he swallowed against the lump tightening his throat. He gathered her close to his chest and held her in his arms. He feathered soothing kisses over her face and whispered soft words of comfort and praise until her tears subsided, some words she couldn’t quite catch, but his tone told her all she really needed to know, most notably that he loved her.

Soon Joey could sense the pull towards sleep, but she felt restless and found herself staring in the direction of the bathroom. She clutched the sheet and glanced around. Her pajamas were strewn across the floor and were out of reach. She chewed her bottom lip, suddenly feeling shy.

Sensing her misgivings, Pacey cupped her face in his hand and kissed her softly. “This is not the time to start feeling bashful.” He smiled against her mouth. “Go do what you need to do and then come right back. I don’t want to fall asleep until I feel you warm against me.”

She melted to pure mush. God, he was just so… so _perfect._ Blushing, she rolled out of bed.

After a few minutes, she returned from the bathroom, still naked, and slipped underneath the covers, curling up against him as he pulled her close, enveloping her in the comfort and safety of his arms. They lay there for some time, naked bodies entwined, eyes gazing into one another. Sharing gentle kisses and whispered “I love yous,” they both floated into the pleasant, satisfied drowsiness that soon lulled them to sleep.


	46. 2001 (Senior Year: The Ski Trip Part Three)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) We have now officially entered major canon divergence territory. The rest will basically be an "AU" version of S4 events. Some things will be similar, but with a definite twist. The conflict that arose at the end of S4 that centered around Joey's shiftiness in her relationship with Pacey and her apparent circling back to Dawson will not exist here. Ever. Dawson will still be Dawson, however. The show tried very hard to turn Pacey into a jerk at the end and Dawson into the chivalrous hero, thinking the audience would buy it and root for D/J. (Laughable at best seeing as how Dawson went right back to his whiny, self-involved, manipulative ways in S5-6.) Dawson will continue to be the same character he's been since S1. There will be no OOC Promicide-style breakup. In fact, not that I want to give anything away, but seeing as how going forward with my version of S4 I don't want to worry anyone prematurely, Joey and Pacey will not break up while they are still students at Capeside High School. Nor will they break up because one or both come out of left field and decide to fly off the handle and be an asshole. Their relationship deserved that much.
> 
> 2) I apologize for the length of this chapter. There was just no way to split into two, which strictly length-wise speaking, probably should've been. But I didn't have the heart to split it as everything here occurs in the same day and I'm anal-retentive about how I organize things. Seeing as how nobody complained about the length of the last chapter, then maybe this one won't be so bad either. Although, this one is sitting at 1.5K more than the last one.
> 
> 3) It was incredibly difficult to follow that last chapter, as I'd worked on it for so long to get it just right (at least in my mind) and the response to it was so great. Thank you all for your wonderful comments and feedback. I do hope this chapter also lives up to expectations for Pacey and Joey's "morning-after," since the way the show handled it was absolutely dreadful.
> 
> 4) This chapter contains <strike>a really embarrassing amount of</strike> sexually explicit material.

February 3. Pacey was totally unaware that he had fallen asleep until he awakened, but even without opening his eyes, he knew Joey was lying beside him. He could feel her there, the slender shape of her naked body pressed against his side, her head pillowed in the crook of his arm, her leg hitched over his hip, her arm around him. He could smell the warm, enticing female fragrance of her skin and hear the soft, even cadence of her breathing. He made her feel good. She loved him.

He opened his eyes. The gas fireplace had gone out, but the soft gray light of early morning filtered in around the curtained windows. Turning his head, he saw Joey was still asleep, eyes closed, lips parted slightly, and the sight of her sent lust coursing through his body. Her profile in the dim light was extraordinarily beautiful, and yet it wasn’t her beauty that reignited his desire, it was memories of last night that came flooding back at the sight of her beside him.

Those memories overwhelmed his senses: the taste of her mouth, the touch of her hands, the feel of her skin, the sounds of her passion. Most of all, the sweet erotic admissions she’d made while in the throes of orgasmic pleasure. He made her feel good. She loved him. She’d said it over and over again. Lust rocked through him, and he started to move toward her, intending to kiss her awake, but then he remembered.

He’d only had the one condom.

Mastering control over himself, he moved back and sighed. They would definitely need to make a trip into town later. Closing his eyes, he listened to the sound of Joey breathing, and soon he drifted back into unconsciousness.

Joey woke before Pacey. The room was bright, and she wondered what time it was. He was spooning her from behind, and she eased out from under his embrace, wanting to escape to the bathroom, but was unable to tear herself away. So, she turned to lay on her other side, and watched him sleep. He was beautiful. Even in slumber, his muscles flexed, revealing his strength. Not a scratch or bruise or blemish marred his perfectly smooth skin. Just a sprinkling of dark hair, in all the right places, inviting her to sample the fine tastes and textures and pleasure she’d grown to love.

Love. It hit her like a ninety-seven-mile-per-hour baseball. Her love for Pacey was powerful and terrifying and intoxicating at the same time, and made a thousand times more intense now that it came with amazing sex. The kind of earth-shattering and all the other cliché stuff she’d thought only existed in movies.

He’d told her he loved her so many times last night. He’d said it as he was plunging deep inside her and sending her over the edge. She thought she had said it, too. She was trying to remember the blissful, emotional haze of the aftermath. She hoped Pacey knew just how much she loved him in return. That now, she loved him all the more. That now, if she were to lose him, it’d be like having her very soul ripped from her body.

And that’s where the fear came in. Her love had been made all the more intense, but so had her fear.

Watching him now, she felt butterflies in her stomach. Scratch that, more like a thousand hairy spiders. She wanted to escape to the bathroom and make herself presentable before he woke up. Still, she couldn’t tear herself away. She brushed a kiss across his forehead. His eyes fluttered open, and upon seeing her, a smile spread across his face. The way he looked at her sent her heart soaring, made her entire body flush with warmth.

“Good morning,” she murmured quietly.

“Good morning.”

Joey melted inside at his tender, loving gaze. She leaned forward and kissed him. When he pulled away, she saw his face had scrunched up. “What?” she laughed.

“Morning breath.”

“Like you’re one to talk. The Morning Breath Monster, himself.”

He chuckled, and then kissed her. “Then I guess we’ll have morning breath together. You okay?”

She nodded, smiling a little sheepishly. “Yes. I’m more than okay.”

“Are you sore?” he asked, concern etching across his face, suddenly feeling a little ashamed at his loss of control, afraid things had gone a little too hard and fast there at the end.

She hadn’t noticed anything, but now that he’d said the words, she shifted her hips and felt it, that slight twinge. Was she sore? A little. Did it matter? Not to her. She decided to tease him. “Oh, I’m extremely sore, Pacey. I hope your back is broken.”

He burst out laughing. When his laughs subsided, he sighed heavily. “But seriously, Jo, are you?”

His worried look made her frown. “If I say yes, does that mean we’re not gonna do it again?”

The corners of his mouth twitched. “Well, that depends.”

“On?”

“On just how sore you are, and just how soon you wanna do it again.”

She gave him a reassuring smile. “Only a little, I promise. Not enough to prevent me from doing it again as soon as possible.”

Pacey heaved a happy sigh. “So, I’m thinking I should get you something.”

She frowned at his changing of the subject, and then her brows knitted. “Get me something?”

“Yeah, you know, to commemorate last night’s events. It wasn’t an equal exchange, after all, and I’m kinda thinking I wanna make up for that.”

“Well, if I had known there were prizes involved, I would’ve done it months ago. How about a car? I mean, nothing too expensive, just, you know, something to tool around in.”

“How about the Witter Wagoneer?”

“The Witter Wagoneer? Do I look like some two-bit floozy to you?”

He laughed. “No. No, you don’t. I don’t think you’ve ever looked more beautiful than you do this morning.”

“Then you’re easy because I’m a mess.” Joey attempted to smooth her hair back behind her ears.

“That’s what makes you even more beautiful. Your hair is messy from me running my fingers through it. Your lips are swollen from my kisses. Your cheeks are pink from my whiskers.” He smiled, a heady mixture of love and lust and pride welling up inside him. “I’m the only one who gets to see you like this.”

“Well, have you ever stopped to think that maybe you’re just the first of many, Pace?” she teased.

He smirked. “Oh. Well, in that case, I guess I just have to be satisfied with being the Neil Armstrong of the bunch.”

She laughed, rolling her eyes, and his love for her welled up inside, filling his chest, and he pulled her closer. “Oh, man, I could do this.”

“What?”

“This—the back and forth, the sweetness and the sarcasm. I could do this for the rest of my life, you know? With you as my partner in irreverence.”

She leaned toward him, letting the tip of her nose brush his, and kissed the corner of his mouth, before leaning back and smiling at him.

“I’m still trying to decide what you deserve.”

“Oh, really?” she laughed.

“Yeah. It’s got to be something… oh, something big… something… no other girl in Capeside has.”

Grinning wickedly, Joey slid her hand beneath the sheet. She reached for his penis and gave it a gentle squeeze. “What did you have in mind?” she asked, teasingly wetting her lips.

“Well, _that_, of course,” he said, his eyes twinkling with amusement. “But I meant something I’d like to _buy_ for you.”

“I don’t want anything.” She licked her lips again. “Well, other than this.” Her hand wrapped around his penis again and then began to stroke him.

Remembering, Pacey’s eyes went wide, and pushed himself back, putting much-needed distance between them. “You’re asking for trouble, Potter.”

She smirked. “Maybe that’s the kind of trouble I want,” she said suggestively, and then reached for him again, but his hand grasped hers, preventing her from touching him. A knot of worry suddenly tightened in her stomach. She’d told him she wasn’t that sore. Didn’t he want her?

He saw the look come over her face, and sighed. He cupped her cheek with his hand, his thumb moving over her with reassuring caresses. “Jo, I only had the _one_ condom,” he said, brows arching pointedly. “I’ll need to get more before we, uh, resume last night’s activities.”

She pursed her lips into a hard line, her face going red. She turned to lay on her back. Closing her eyes, she buried her face in her hands and groaned in embarrassment. “Pacey,” she muttered into her palms. “Open my bedside drawer.”

He sat up and looked past her to the wooden stand on her side of the bed, hesitating. _What?_

Sensing his pause, she nodded, still hiding. “Yes. Open it.”

With a look of utter confusion, he shifted to lean across her. He pulled open the drawer, and then froze at the sight of three condoms sitting inside it. He reached down and picked one up. “Now I know that _I_ didn’t put those there.”

Joey shook her head, her face burning, and she still hadn’t uncovered it.

Pacey sat back and stared at her. “Explain.”

She lowered her hands from her face and looked at Pacey. With a deep breath, she clutched the sheet around her and sat up, trying not to let that sore twinge she felt show on her face. “Where do I start?”

“Okay, well… when did you decide to bring condoms with you on the ski trip?”

She felt like her face was getting hotter. “Um… the night before the Worthington party.”

He gaped. “But… that was like…”

“Six weeks ago.”

Stunned into silence, he thought for a long moment, this new information swirling inside his head, starting to change everything he thought he’d known. “So… six weeks ago… you just assumed you’d be ready to sleep with me by the ski trip?”

Joey inwardly cringed, worrying that he would be mad at her. She gave him a repentant look. “I was ready, and desperately wanting to sleep with you, six weeks ago.”

Why would she have kept them both waiting so long if she’d wanted to? He slid his hand across his mouth and looked around the room. His gaze fell on the candles on her bedside table. They’d gone out, and now he vaguely remembered they’d been lit the night before, but he couldn’t recall if they’d been there when they first checked into the room. He turned to his own bedside table. More candles. He knew for sure there hadn't been any candles there. His gaze turned to the dressers and the mantle.

And just like that, more pieces of the puzzle that was Joey Potter began falling together.

“The mix-up with the room keys… wasn’t a mix-up, was it?”

“Planned with Jen and Jack, also the night before the Worthington party, when we went Christmas shopping in Provincetown.”

Their friends were in on this? He could only shake his head. His thoughts turned to her behavior over the recent weeks, how he couldn’t make sense of it, how it had filled him with doubt, with worry, that she didn’t want him as much as he wanted her, that some part of her was still foolishly clinging to Dawson. It now seemed as though the reason for it was something else entirely—the exact opposite, actually.

“Avoiding being alone with me as much as possible for the past month?”

Pursing her lips, she nodded sheepishly. “I was trying very hard to hold out for this weekend, and the waiting was killing me.”

Pacey stared, his tongue firmly planted in cheek. “Unbelievable,” he breathed incredulously. “You planned this whole thing.”

She watched as a smile began to play about his mouth, and relief spread through her. “Yes. Well, sort of. Last night didn’t _exactly_ go to plan, but… I wanted to surprise you.”

“I’m officially surprised.” He laughed, but then he remembered the events of the day before. “Then… what the hell happened yesterday?”

“Well, Anna—” She stopped herself, closing her eyes, taking a deep breath, and tucked her hair behind her ears. “No. It wasn’t Anna’s fault. I’d been so obsessed with making everything perfect, that when things started going not-so-perfectly, I freaked out… and panicked and… I let my insecurities get the better of me.”

He was still shaking his head, dumbfounded. His mouth curved into a smile as he looked at the candles again. “You’re incredible, Potter.”

She blushed. “Well, I wanted our first time to be romantic and perfect and… really special, and not just for me—for you, too. I wanted to show you how much I love you and how much you mean to me. But then, of course, in typical Joey Potter fashion, I got in my own way. I got so caught up in making the setting and timing perfect, that I forgot that there was nothing more important than just being with the perfect person…”

The conversation she’d overheard the night between Pacey and Anna came to mind, his fears and anxieties about Dawson, his hesitancy last night, the look of shock and disbelief that she’d actually want to have sex with him. Tears pricked her eyes, her chin quivered. “And I ended up driving my perfect person crazy with frustration and doubt,” she said, her voice thick with emotion.

Pacey shook his head and gathered her into his arms, the sheets bunching up around them. He held her in his lap, her legs going around him, and sighed deeply. “What am I gonna do with you, Jo?”

“Well, I hope have more sex with me, for starters,” she quipped tearfully.

He laughed. “That I can guarantee. Last night… that was the best sex I’ve ever had.”

Her face flushed hot, and she couldn’t meet his eye. “But… I didn’t know how to do anything.”

“Yes, you did,” he replied, kissing her cheek. “You knew how to love me, and that’s exactly what you did. So, you can forget all about that _first of many_ nonsense. You’re stuck with me, Potter. I ain’t ever letting you go.”

“Good. You better not.”

“I won’t. I promise.”

Her throat tightened and fresh tears pricked her eyes. “I hope you know I’m gonna hold you to that promise.”

He breathed deeply and kissed her cheek again. “I want you to.”

“You can’t leave me, Pacey,” she choked, her voice full of emotion. “Not ever.”

“Don’t talk like that, Jo. Don’t even think it. That’s not going to happen. Not ever.”

“Why are you so sure? I mean, a lot can happen…”

“Because I can’t live without you, that’s why.”

She smirked, suddenly remembering a conversation they’d had months ago. “But not in a Romeo kind of way, right? I know my love is powerful, Pace, but you should never resort to suicide.”

He laughed, softly brushing his lips along her jawline. And then Pacey remembered. He remembered her telling an oblivious Dawson in that Saturday detention sophomore year that she’d go to her grave a virgin, lonely and desperate for her best friend to open his eyes and want her instead of the exciting, experienced Jen Lindley. He remembered the night Dawson sexually rejected her, and he had sat with her on her dock while she’d cried on his shoulder. He remembered later that same night, lying on her bedroom floor listening to the fears and insecurities of a heartbroken sixteen-year-old girl who felt unloved and unwanted.

“Was it worth the wait?” he asked seriously, searching her soft brown eyes. “And I don’t mean six weeks.”

Lifting her hand, she caressed his face with the backs of her fingers. “Yes,” she whispered. “It was worth waiting all my life for.”

Relief spreading through him, Pacey captured her mouth in a long, deep kiss. They both had morning breath, so they canceled each other out, or so Joey told herself as she lost herself in his kiss, banishing thoughts of her toothbrush on the bathroom sink.

Soon their kisses turned sweetly frantic, and they fell back down on the bed, trying to disentangle the sheet from around and between their bodies, laughing and kissing. “Are you sure you’re not too sore?” he asked, caressing his lips along her throat, his hand sliding down the soft skin of her belly to reach between her legs.

“Yes, I’m sure!” Neediness was making her breasts ache and her body eager. Then her stomach growled, offering its own opinion on what her priorities were, making her grimace and Pacey chuckle.

“Well, I suppose we do need sustenance to fuel this kind of activity,” he smirked, moving off the bed and heading for the bathroom.

Joey watched his naked body move across the room with a nonchalance that surprised her, and remembered the night before with a smile. When he emerged from the bathroom a few minutes later, still naked, and picked up his jeans from the floor, she started to get out of bed, but he put his hand up and pointed, halting her.

“No, you… you stay there. Don’t you dare move.” He got into his jeans and zipped them up. “Well… maybe go brush your teeth,” he said as an afterthought, and she started laughing. “But when I get back, I wanna see you right in that spot.”

Biting her lip, she smiled.

He pulled on his socks and put on his sneakers. “Okay, so… I’m gonna go over to the restaurant in the main lodge,” he said, picking up his green corduroy shirt from the floor. He shrugged it on and started doing up the buttons.

“I’ll get us some breakfast and bring it back here…” Pacey reached for his room key on the dresser and then his wallet on the vanity, shoving them in his pockets. “And then we’ll…” he said as he moved toward the door, where he turned to look at her.

The way she was gazing at him made him stop and stare. Joey was propped up on her elbows, naked beneath the sheet, grinning at him suggestively, lust in her eyes, licking her lips, biting them, and rubbing her legs together playfully. Fire shot through his blood. Butterflies erupted in his gut. His cock twitched as a thrill radiated through him. His mouth went dry, and he had to swallow in order to speak.

“And then we’ll, we’ll… we’ll… we’ll do whatever you want.”

Unable to take his eyes off her, he practically tripped going out the door.

It was cold outside, but it wasn’t until he was halfway to the ski resort’s main building that he realized he’d forgotten to put his coat on. He walked faster. His classmates were also walking about the property, some still in their pajamas just emerging from their cabins, others walking to or from breakfast, or making their way to the shuttle, skis and snowboards over their shoulders.

As he approached the entrance to the lodge, Jen and Jack walked out. When they laid eyes on him, they exchanged brief, knowing smirks.

He shook his head accusingly as they drew near. “Well, well, well, if it isn’t the co-conspirators.”

Jen’s lips pursed and her eyes went wide, before she broke out in breathless laughter. “Hey, Pace.”

“So, uh, how was your night last night, Pacey?

“Best night of my life, Jack. Thanks for asking.”

He blew right by them and kept walking toward the entrance, still listening to the sound of their laughing voices as he opened the door.

Once inside the lodge’s restaurant, he saw it was busy. He glanced up the clock and saw he’d made it in time, as the complimentary breakfast buffet was soon going to shut down at eleven. Capeside seniors went around the buffet, choosing from a variety of hot and cold selections. There was a pretty decent spread, he thought. Pacey grabbed a to-go container and then started moving around the buffet. Tongs in hand, he was placing strips of bacon inside the Styrofoam when a voice from the pits of hell filled his ears.

“Have fun sleeping on the floor last night, Witter?”

Rolling his eyes, Pacey turned to see Drue Valentine standing there with a smug look on his stupid face. “That’s what you think, huh?” Choosing to then ignore him, he turned back around and tonged some sausage links into the container, before walking off to the pastry table.

Drue followed him. “You know, I just don’t get why a guy like you would stay in a relationship for so long with that frigid shrew,” he said behind him as they moved down the table.

After last night, the idea of anyone calling Joey frigid almost made him burst out laughing. Wouldn’t Drue Valentine just love to know what he had waiting for him back at cabin twelve? His chest shook with suppressed derisive laughter. Still ignoring him, Pacey went about lifting two cinnamon rolls into his container. He then moved further down to inspect the other offerings.

“I mean, I get that she’s cute and smart and pretty and all, sure,” Drue said, still following him around the table. “But man, it must suck dating a girl who’s such an uptight _prude_.”

With that last word, a light bulb turned on above Pacey’s head, and he stopped walking. With a look of dawning realization, he turned to stare at him. “Of course,” he scoffed. “Of course. Why didn’t I figure it out sooner? I mean, _me_, of all people.”

“Figure out what?” Drue replied with a sneer.

“You. Constantly antagonizing Joey—goading her, ridiculing her, _particularly_ when it comes to her inexperience and supposed disinterest in sex. So desperate for her attention, knowing the only way you’re gonna get it is if it’s negative…”

Drue eyed him warily, as if unsure where he was going with this.

Pacey fixed him with a knowing, self-satisfied stare, brows arching. “Just how badly do you wanna fuck my girlfriend?”

Gulping, his mouth fell open, and for a moment he looked caught out. He laughed nervously.

“Bad, right? Real bad. But she thinks you’re shit, and deep down, you know she’s right.”

With a look of contempt, Pacey turned back around, ignoring the guy’s stunned silence. “Have a good day, Drue,” he called out boisterously as he walked away. “I know I will.”

When he returned to cabin twelve carrying the container with their breakfast, he saw Joey was in the exact same spot he’d left her in, sitting up in bed, still naked under the sheet. His gaze quickly fell on her bedside table, where the three condoms were now sitting, having been removed from the drawer. She tapped her front teeth with a fingernail. With a shit-eating grin, Pacey kicked the door shut behind him.

A little while later, his eyes locked with hers as his fingers teased and stroked and circled, and sent her spiraling over the edge. She soon lay gasping, half on top of him, her clit still throbbing with small aftershocks of sensation. Joey looked down at him. He was still hard and wanting and unsatisfied. She reached down and took him in her hand, stroking and exploring him the way he explored her. He shuddered and stiffened, gritting his teeth and bracing his legs, as if resisting.

She ran her hand up and down the length of him, caressing the sensitive tip, running her fingers over the small bead of fluid, smoothing it over him. She loved the hot, satiny feel of him, and her palm tightened around him. Pacey groaned. She paused, not sure what to do. She wanted to do lots of things—she wanted to stroke the pleasure from him with her hands—she wanted to feel him come undone against her tongue—she wanted him inside her again—but she didn’t know what she wanted most.

Her body then clenched and throbbed, making up her mind for her. She wanted him inside her, now. She felt hot all over, and ached inside, but he wasn’t moving, just watching her, letting her play with him, not even reaching for a condom, even though his body was racked with barely-controlled need. For a moment, she didn’t understand why. She wanted him, and he obviously wanted her, so why wasn’t he…?

And then she knew. “Pacey, I’m not _that_ sore.”

He wanted her so badly he’d resorted to doing multiplication tables in his head to keep from exploding just from her fingers on him, but if she was hurting more than she let on, or if he lost control again and then made her soreness worse…

“Pacey, please. You said we could do whatever I want.”

A solution came to him. “Do you want to get on top?”

“Me? On top?” She was intrigued even as her face flushed red hot, suddenly feeling shy. The bright light of day inside the cabin looked a whole lot different than the firelight last night.

“Yeah. You’ll have more control.”

“Well… okay.”

Pacey shifted over a bit, lifting her as he did so she straddled him in the center of the bed. The sudden action startled her a little. After a second of battling embarrassment at the uninhibited position, she relaxed as she sat on his upper thighs. He was warm and solid—very, very solid—beneath her and she realized she truly would have a lot more control over the pace of their lovemaking.

“Like it up there, do ya?” He grinned up at her, and she laughed.

She smiled and set her palms on his chest, rubbing his nipples in tiny circles, feeling the little nubs rise beneath her hands. “It’s… interesting. I think I could get used to it.”

“I’ll let you practice on me anytime, Potter.” He lifted his hips slightly beneath her, and she clutched at his shoulders for balance. “Your turn to do the work,” he said roughly. His eyes roamed over her body above him. “Fuck. Look at you.”

Joey paused in the act of scooting forward towards his cock, and looked down at herself. Her nipples were hard and erect. Her skin was blotchy and red from her orgasm. Her curls were damp from her juices, still dripping from her hot center. She let out a breathy laugh. “Do you want me to put on the condom? If I’m the one doing the work?”

Blood surged in his veins. His cock throbbed. “Do you want to?”

“I think… I wanna try. I mean, I mastered that banana in class, didn’t I?” she grinned. Then she glanced down at his erection, a feeling of uncertainty rising inside her. “Of course, I think this is a little bigger…”

He chuckled and reached for one of the three condoms on the stand.

Having him watch her so intently made the whole process nerve-wracking. She handled the wrapper carefully. When it was time to roll the lubricated latex down his shaft, her hands trembled.

Pacey, on the other hand, didn’t move at all. He was rigid, braced as if to withstand mortal torture. Her inexperience in this arena made the act unintentionally provocative. His chest heaved, and nearly coming undone, he closed his eyes, groaning. Then he heard a popping sound. When he opened his eyes, Joey was gaping at him.

The condom had a hole in it. “Damn.”

“I think I did something wrong,” she frowned, feeling mortified.

“Not necessarily. Could be the product.” When he saw the worry lines etching across her face, he caressed her legs reassuringly. “Jo, it happens sometimes. It’s not a big deal. Let’s just be thankful it broke now and not… you know, later.” He quickly reached for another condom.

“I think you should do it.” She still felt embarrassed.

He smiled, shaking his head. “Nope. You can do it. I know you can.”

Taking a deep breath, she took the second condom and unwrapped it. This time, it rolled down with no problem. She flushed at the lust in Pacey’s eyes, more than a little turned on by how much he loved her touching him. “I’m done,” she said.

“You’re just gettin’ started.”

Joey laughed, and then moved forward. Nothing he did was what she expected. Instead of lifting her onto his erection, he used his thumb to caress her sensitive flesh. She was embarrassingly wet. “I guess you can tell I’m ready,” she muttered, her face burning, suddenly a little mortified at doing this in broad daylight, with all of her parts on full display above him.

His wicked smile calculated every degree of her insecurity. “You should see this from my side. Sheer perfection.”

Lust flowing through her, she lifted her hips over his. But she didn’t put him inside her. Instead, she rubbed her pussy over his cock, sliding his shaft against her clit. Her eyes fluttered shut as she repeated the motion. Her heat penetrated the condom, a tease of what was to come. Finally, she lifted her hips high enough to position him at her opening. There was an ache inside her that only he could soothe.

“You look incredible right now…” Pacey said distractedly as he shifted and lifted his hips in one movement. “Jesus…”

She gasped when the blunt tip of his erection pushed against her, seeking entrance. He slid in, slick and easy, the stretch no less shocking than the first time they did this. She bit her lower lip and let her head fall back, inhaling a shuddering, pained breath.

“Breathe,” he told her, eyes going wide. “Fuck, baby, I’m sorry! Exhale. Joey. Exhale.”

More helpfully, Pacey let his hips drop back down to the bed, pulling out part way, leaving only his engorged tip nestled in the sensitive flesh of her entrance. Air left her lungs the same way it came in, trembling like her arms. Tension seeped from her body, relaxing her muscles; Joey eased down, taking him inside.

They both groaned as she enveloped him, inch by slow inch, his hard cock stretching her soft, wet inner walls, until her hips rested against his. Molten heat surrounded him and he wanted to thrust up into her. At the same time, he wanted to draw this out, wanted her to have all the control. His fingers twitched, tightening against her hips, then relaxing.

“You okay?” he asked after a long humming moment, his voice tight, his teeth clenched.

Her breathing returned to normal. His smooth, hot length filled her, so tight, so complete. The sensation of fullness from this position was indescribable. And he was so hard. It felt amazing. She let her head fall forward, and then opened her eyes. Her hair was stuck to her cheeks and lips, partially obscuring her vision, but she could see the dark red flush in his face spreading down to his chest. Their eyes met, and neither of them moved. Pacey’s body was a live wire waiting to spark, and from the look on her face, he knew Joey was nearly as far gone as he was.

“Don’t move,” she whispered.

“No problem.” His gaze roamed from her mouth, swollen from his kisses, to her perfect breasts, down to where her tight, wet heat surrounded his thick hardness. “If I move, it’ll all be over.”

She made an amused sound, and focused on the way his hip bones jutted against her inner thighs, the brush of coarse hairs against her thighs and bottom, the throbbing, electric pulses deep inside her as her body adjusted to his. Joey gazed down at him, her hands running up his stomach to his chest. He was so gorgeous, and he was all hers.

“You keep looking at me like that, and I’m done.”

“Close your eyes, then.”

“Are you kidding me, Potter? You know how long I’ve waited for this?”

“I know, since 1999,” she grinned, remembering what he’d said to Anna last night.

Pacey thought of his realization about Drue at the breakfast buffet. He knew exactly what had been underneath all the antagonizing _pervert-prude_ back and forth that had peppered their relationship over the years. Long-forgotten, half-remembered memories from his youth began rushing forward. His face flushed and he bit his bottom lip.

Then he shook his head. “A lot longer than that.”

“How long?”

“Since puberty.”

Unable to speak, she gazed at him. She saw the truth of it in his face, and felt the truth of it in her own heart. She’d realized her jealousy over him was nothing new, that she’d been battling it all through her adolescence, despite how hard she’d suppressed her own feelings and pretended as though Pacey’s attention was the last thing on earth she wanted. She should’ve realized what her constant angry reactions to his attention being drawn elsewhere actually were: denial.

Why had she wasted so many years clinging to what was easy and safe and predictable, when she’d known deep down what she’d really wanted all along? Joey knew the answer: fear. She’d start making up for it now. _He_ was her soulmate. Her other half. Her match. In every way. And right now, in the most delicious of ways.

She smirked down at him. “Did you, uh, think about me a lot when you were going through puberty, Pace?”

“Uh, yes, I did, Jo. Sometimes several times a day.”

“Oh, my God,” she giggled.

Pacey’s hands tightened around her hips. “Don’t laugh,” he gritted out through clenched teeth, fighting the sudden urge to climax coursing through his body as she clenched around him.

She took a deep breath and relaxed her muscles. “Sorry.” 

Then she closed her eyes and just felt the way his cock pulsed inside her as he fought for control, listened to his murmured curses and what sounded like counting in another language. Spanish? She listened closely. He was definitely counting backwards in Spanish. She fought to keep from giggling; didn’t quite succeed. He swore again, and she smiled at the coarse words coming out of his mouth. She liked that he could be a bit filthy, that there was a dirty mind under there that came out when whipped into a sexual frenzy, so very different from his usual easy-going gentleness.

Without lifting herself off him, Joey swiveled her hips as she squeezed her inner muscles around his cock. The dual action sucked the breath from him, and he wanted nothing more than to pound up into her. His body clenched tight with restraint.

“You’re a tease.”

She opened her eyes and smiled down at him. “Hardly.”

Using his grip on her hips, he urged her into motion. “Slow,” he said, lifting her up and then gently back down. “Take it… take it easy.”

At first, she did, because it felt good to absorb each shift and glide, to feel her body adjust to his cock. “Is this right?”

“Yes,” he breathed as his entire body shivered. “Oh, baby, you have no idea how good it feels.”

Joey burned at the sensation of him deep inside her as she gazed down at him. His blue eyes were intoxicated as he looked up at her. They were like a dark storm at sea. “I think I have a pretty good idea, Pace.”

Then she lifted her hips a little higher and dropped back down, forcing a groan from his throat. Her breasts bounced with the movement. She leaned forward, setting her hands down on his sides at the bottom of his ribs and did it again. Sensation pulsed to the edges of her skin, electric. He moaned and thrust upward and the sensation spiraled inside her. And then she couldn’t stop.

It didn’t take long for Joey to set a steady rhythm, riding his body purposefully. He shuddered beneath her, his muscles bunched, his body tight between her thighs. With effort, Pacey forced his eyes to stay open, so he could watch her face, the sway of her breasts, the contraction of her stomach and thighs as she moved over him, the way his thick cock disappeared past her slick folds into the tight, wet sheath of her pussy. He could watch her for hours.

“Come closer,” he managed to mutter. She was too far, there was too much space between them. He wanted her body pressed against his. “Joey, please.”

She fell forward, her hands landing hard on the bed on either side of his head. Her hair curtained their faces as her mouth closed over his, kissing him ardently. A tangle of tongues and teeth and breath.

He shifted his focus to her breasts, capturing one with his hand and lifting it to his mouth. The moment he sucked her nipple, her pussy tightened around him. He knew she was there, close to orgasm, her body primed and ready to be pushed over the edge. Her walls squeezed and soaked his groin with her wet arousal, but he only wanted more. He pushed his free hand to her clit, adding a bit of pressure for her to move against.

“Come for me.”

“Oh, Pacey…. yes, yes, yes.” Joey moaned into the pleasure of rubbing her clit against him. She held his head tight to her breast, wanting him to suck at her harder as she rode his body. Suddenly the orgasm rolled through her like a wave, growing, building, then sweeping her up and over.

He felt her pussy clamp down on his cock before a cry of pleasure erupted from her. Just like last night, the ecstasy on her face and the sounds of pleasure coming from her imprinted on his heart and soul. Then he felt his own climax gathering swift momentum, felt the liquid release surging through him.

He watched her body moving over him, loving every second of it. Logic, emotions, his fantasies and desires mixed as pleasure began to ram through his body. And then he looked down at where they were joined to see the condom wrapped low around his thick base. “Shit! Joey…”

She was still coming when Pacey grabbed her hips and lifted her off him; she didn’t want to get off, didn’t want the throbbing pleasure to end so soon, and didn’t understand what was happening until she sat on his hips and looked down to see the gorgeous sight of his orgasm pulsing from the swollen tip of his cock. Her mind filled with wanton lust and her body throbbed harder.

“More…” she breathed, saying the first thing that came to mind.

Groaning, a look of pure ecstasy in his face, he stroked himself, giving her more, before gathering some of his release on his fingers and bringing them to her swollen clit. It was shockingly intimate, and Joey’s eyes rolled and her body clenched and soon she was crying out again as Pacey’s touch sent her soaring to another peak, and this time there was nothing to interrupt her pleasure.

They clung to each other afterwards—breathing hard, hearts pounding, the fire of lust fading—reveling in the powerful, blissful feelings of love and intimacy between them.

After a little while, they lay facing each other. Pacey smiled at her, and Joey smiled back. “You tired?” he asked. “Do you wanna take a nap?”

“I don’t want to waste my time here sleeping,” she said. “I just wanna look at you all day.”

His thoughts turned to what happened not too long ago. “Uh, Jo… how long have you had those condoms?” He nodded his head to the one remaining condom atop her bedside stand.

“Well… since I first went to the free clinic, and I think that was back in October. Yeah, October. But aren’t condoms supposed to last a really long time?”

“Yeah, but how long did the clinic have them before they gave them to you?”

“How should I know?”

“Hmm. Well, I don’t think I’m gonna try my luck with the third one. That was too close a call.”

She hesitated—she knew a condom breaking was not good, but she also knew those things could happen and was prepared. “I’m on the Pill, you know. So, it’s not like it would’ve been an utter catastrophe.”

Pacey eyed her warily. “Well… still… I don’t want to risk it. I’ve never done it without a condom, and I’m not about to start now.”

“Never?

“Nope. Not once.”

A feeling suddenly rose up from somewhere deep inside her—probably from that weakest part of herself she kept fiercely protected with her defense mechanisms, her fears and insecurities and neuroses—and she found herself wanting him to. She wanted him to come inside her, without wearing a condom. Wanted to feel his male hardness moving within her, no latex between them. She wanted him be a part of her, and her to be a part of him, two halves completing the whole, with no barrier in between.

“Pace, remember when you said that you wanted to give me something… something that would make this more of an equal exchange?”

“Yeah?” he replied, brows furrowing. He watched her bite her lower lip, searching her face, the look in her eyes, and then he knew what she was getting at. He stared, giving her a warning look. “You really are asking for trouble, aren’t ya? Well, I’m not giving you that.”

“It’d be something neither of us have ever done before…”

“That’s just your post-coital bliss talking. You’ll feel differently in a couple hours.”

She lowered her gaze, feeling her face grow hot with embarrassment. “Okay. I mean, if you don’t want to, then it’s fine.”

Pacey lifted her chin to look into her eyes. “I _want_ to, Jo, believe me. But I’m not going to take stupid chances with you. You’re too important. Your future is too important.”

She nodded—she knew he was right, and that it was a foolish suggestion, and she now felt like an idiot for even opening her mouth. The desire was still there, though. “But… maybe… someday?”

“You’re trouble with a capital T, Potter.” He grinned and pulled her closer. Then he gazed at her tenderly, a warm smile playing around his lips. “Someday.”

Wrapping her arms around him, she kissed him fervently, letting her feelings for him pour into her kiss. She kissed his lips, his chin, the tip of his nose. She kissed his temple, his brow, the scar on his cheek. They spent the next several minutes kissing, and it was like discovering the art of kissing all over again. She knew the intimate makeup of Pacey’s mouth, even the manner in which he breathed, how his lips tasted and felt and their unique shape. How his touch always made her open up like a morning glory at dawn, ready to experience everything the day would bring. She felt that way with Pacey, that anything was possible as long as they were together.

His arms came around her and held her in a tight embrace, and they reveled in the feel of their bare skin pressed against each other. She hugged him tighter still, held him possessively, but it wasn’t close enough. It would never be close enough. She wanted to melt inside him until they were one person. Wanted to be part of him. To be his in every way.

A little while later, Joey watched him walk across the room with a contented smile on her lips. She felt not the slightest bit wicked enjoying the view. That butt, those muscular legs, the way his shoulder blades moved. Emboldened, she followed him to the bathroom.

“A shower would be refreshing,” she suggested with a grin.

With a happy, surprised smile, Pacey reached a hand to her and pulled her with him into the shower, where for the next few minutes they enjoyed washing each other’s bodies and generally exulting in being young and in love.

Freshly showered and dressed, Joey collected her pajamas from the floor and carried them to her duffel. Then there was a knock on their door.

“Housekeeping.”

She turned to stare at Pacey. He shrugged. She walked over to the door, and opened it to see a woman standing there wearing a uniform and holding a large bucket of cleaning supplies. “Hi. Um, we’ll be out in just a minute.”

“No problem.”

She closed the door to see her boyfriend putting his sneakers on. “Let’s take the shuttle into town, get something to eat, otherwise distract ourselves for a little while, find a drug store and get some more condoms, and then…”

She smirked. “And then…”

“And then we’ll pick up where we left off.” He waggled his brows and grinned.

They were soon snuggled quietly together on the lodge’s shuttle, heading for the downtown drop-off spot. Neither of them had spoken for several minutes. Pacey kissed her head. “Tired?”

She smiled. “No, just pensive.”

“Do you want to share your thoughts?”

“I guess… I was just wondering why I keep doing this to myself. Why I seem to always let fear prevent me from being happy, when I know deep down what would make me happier than anything. I’m sitting here wishing we could’ve done all this on the boat last summer, and thinking about all the time I wasted spent feeling afraid. I mean, don’t get me wrong, there are still things I’m scared of, but not enough to hold me back from living the life I want.”

“The hammocks wouldn’t have been nearly as comfortable as that bed back there.”

She laughed, laughed until she cried, and was wiping the tears from her eyes when Pacey spoke again.

“You’re ready when you’re ready, Jo. There’s no sense in looking back and wishing things to be different because you can’t change it. What’s done is done. You just have to move forward. Besides, last night was perfect and I wouldn’t change anything about it.”

Joey sighed contentedly and leaned her head on his shoulder, sliding her hand inside his and entwining their fingers. “It really was perfect, wasn’t it?”

He hummed and pressed his lips to her head. “Are you still sore?” he asked quietly.

“I can’t tell.” When she clenched her inner muscles, she smiled at him. That twinge was gone. “No. Not anymore. I’m fine.”

A mixture of relief and lust spreading through him, Pacey leaned towards her and captured her mouth for a tender kiss. She tugged him closer, her hands gripping his coat to pull him against her. Her pulse raced in tandem with his as she parted her lips, inviting him to deepen the kiss. They were too wrapped up in each other to notice when the shuttle had come to its first stop, unloading skiers and snowboarders at the mountain drop-off.

A few minutes later, the shuttle arrived at the mountain pick-up stop, and more Capeside students boarded. Engrossed in each other, they considered little else. Joey’s lips were at his ear, and her hand on his thigh, when suddenly a voice from the abyss interrupted their bubble of intimacy.

“Corey, Topanga… sucking face, as usual. Well, might as well take what little you can get. Right, Witter?”

They had looked up to see Drue Valentine carrying a snowboard, smirking at them with an air of smug superiority, before he kept walking towards the back of the shuttle. A couple of their classmates followed him, also smirking in their direction.

“The guy literally showed up at school five months ago and thinks he’s the king of Capeside,” Pacey carped. “He’s begging me to punch him in the face at this point. Mark my words, Jo. It’s gonna happen sooner rather than later.”

“Please don’t let Drue goad you into another Matt Caufield-type incident.”

“Well, it doesn’t have to be on school property, Jo. I’ll punch him up here.”

She pursed her lips and arched her brows with an impatient look.

A few minutes later they arrived at the downtown stop, and although they could feel his eyes on them, they exited the shuttle without a single backwards glance at Drue. Walking hand-in-gloved-hand, they checked out an art gallery, a homemade clothing store, and a jewelry store, where Joey practically drooled over a 2.6-carat oval-cut canary diamond ring priced at sixteen thousand dollars.

She tapped on the glass case. “You said you wanted to buy me something big that no other girl in Capeside has.”

Laughing, Pacey walked over and looked down at the ring. “You like that? Well, there goes my Boston nest egg.”

“Sometimes the sacrifice is worth it for something so beautiful,” she teased.

“I didn’t think you were much of a jewelry person, Jo. At least not that kind of jewelry.”

Placing her hand back in his, she shrugged. “I don’t know. I think it might be growing on me.”

He smiled as he pulled Joey with him toward the door. “I’ll be sure to keep that in mind.”

They then found themselves perusing a cozy bookstore that smelled like apples and cinnamon. It was very warm inside and they quickly removed their coats, carrying them around over their arms. According to their tradition that began over the summer, they eventually wandered over to the self-help section and laughed together over some of the more ridiculous titles.

Pacey picked up a copy of _Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus_ from the shelf, and chuckled to himself. He’d known for a long time that the sparks between him and Joey could ignite something powerful, but he hadn’t fully realized just how effortless, just how perfect, things would be once they reached that stage. There was no real morning-after awkwardness or embarrassment, at least not the painful, crippling kind. There was no discomfort or uncertainty over how they felt or what this meant or where they stood. Thrown together at the start of junior year, with the greatest of ease they had become true friends; now with even greater ease they had finally become real lovers. And it was all so comfortable, so natural, and felt so right.

“What’s that look?” she asked quietly.

He placed the book back on the shelf and then closed the distance between them, aware of her quickening breaths and the darkening of her gorgeous eyes. Sliding a hand around her waist, he whispered directly in her ear—because he loved the way she held her breath every time he did.

“I’m thinking about how I’m head over heels in love with you.”

She chewed on the corner of her mouth, blushing. “Really? I was thinking about the same thing.”

“You don’t say,” he grinned. Joey was looking at him with a sultry, slightly shy gaze that made his insides soften and his outsides harden. Then he kissed her right there among the book shelves.

They decided to return to Grecco’s Pizzeria for an early supper. Once inside the place, Pacey led her past the dining area near the front windows, with its noisy crowd of Capeside students, to a booth in a quiet corner in the back. Joey was scarcely aware of ordering her meal. She was completely focused on the young man who sat on the other side of the table. When their order of chicken parm sandwiches arrived, she gaped.

“There’s no way I can eat all this,” she told him. “This is twice the size of any sandwich I’ve ever seen, which, these days, is saying something.”

It wasn’t very long before they had paid the check and were walking back toward the exit at the front of the restaurant when Pacey came face to face with Anna Evans. At the sight of him, her eyes went wide and she gulped, but then she quickly recovered and flashed him a friendly smile.

“Hey, Pacey.”

“Hi, Anna.”

“Did you, uh, enjoy your first night at the lodge? You know, other than that whole thing where I made a complete fool out of myself? I’m really sorry about that, by the way.”

He smiled kindly and shook his head. “It’s water under the bridge, so don’t even think about it. I’m not. And yeah, we had a great night.”

Anna smiled. “Good. Thanks for being so nice, Pacey.” Joey then saw the girl’s smile falter somewhat when she finally noticed her standing behind him. “Oh. Hi, Joey. You’re here, too.”

“Sorry to disappoint,” she snarked, moving to her boyfriend’s side and grasping his hand possessively.

Pacey snorted and clenched his jaw, trying to keep a straight face. “So, did you have a good day, Anna? Are you enjoying the trip so far?”

She shrugged. “Yeah, it was pretty good. I went skiing and then hung out with some guys in the hot tubs for a little bit. Drue is supposed to meet me, but he’s not here yet.”

“Okay, well,” he sighed. “I hope you have a nice night.”

“Thanks,” she smiled, her usual friendliness returning. “You too. I guess I’ll see you guys on the bus tomorrow.”

As they left Grecco’s, Anna’s departing words went around and around Joey’s head. She almost couldn’t believe they’d be leaving in the morning. Time had passed by so quickly. She wanted to make the most of the time they had left. “Pace, let’s just find a drug store and catch the next shuttle.”

Warmth flowed through him as he took in the look on her face. “Sounds good to me.”

After asking directions on the sidewalk from a married couple with three small children, they found Snow Mountain Pharmacy just two blocks from the downtown shuttle stop. When they stepped inside, they paused and looked around. The place was large, and it wasn’t laid out like any of the chain pharmacies they’d been to back home.

“Where do you think the condoms are?” Joey asked quietly.

He then laid eyes on the associate behind the counter at the front of the store, a gray-haired older man wearing a green short-sleeved button-down with the Snow Mountain Pharmacy logo in the upper left breast. “The easiest solution is just to ask.”

Her face burned. “Oh, God.”

Laughing, he pulled her by the hand. When they reached the counter, the older man blinked and stared, his gaze flickered between them. “Hi sir,” Pacey greeted. “Where are the—”

“Aisle six,” the associate said monotonously.

He scoffed. “You don’t know what I was gonna ask for.”

“High school students from Cape Cod? Staying at the Spruce Pines?”

Pacey exchanged a look with Joey. “Uh, yeah.”

“Aisle six.”

“Okay, then. Well, thank you, sir.”

As they walked away from the counter, they heard the man mutter, “Every goddamn year.”

Walking as fast as she could, Joey’s face flushed and she tried not to laugh. “Oh, my God,” she snickered as her boyfriend laughed beside her. They were still quietly laughing when they found the large number six hanging from the ceiling. As they rounded the corner into the aisle, they froze at the sight of Drue Valentine and Jim Connelly standing in front of the rather large selection of condoms. The two boys appeared to be deliberating something, and hadn’t noticed their appearance at the end of the aisle.

“We can go meander around the other aisles until they leave,” Pacey whispered, backing up.

“But how long are they gonna stand there?” she whispered back, impatient. The red light of the digital clock on the wall told her they had fifteen minutes to catch the shuttle, or it’d be another half hour wait for the next one. Then she sighed. “You know what? Who cares? Just go get the condoms.”

“He’ll know why I’m getting them, Jo.”

Her thoughts turned to the way her cretin of a coworker had been goading and ridiculing them about their relationship for months. Maybe he should eat his damn words for once. She smirked. “I know. It’s okay. Go get them.”

He grinned and kissed her on the cheek before walking back into the aisle and heading straight for the display of condoms. “Excuse me, fellas,” he said, cutting a path right between Drue and Jim, and ignored their stunned, wide-eyed stares.

His gaze fell on the small, four-pack box of Durex Maximum lubricated condoms, but as he started to reach, his eyes saw a larger box below and, smirking, he quickly changed course. He bent slightly to grab the twenty-four pack. Turning to look at a speechless Drue, he shook the box of condoms and then walked back towards Joey. She stood at the end of the aisle, watching, and put a hand to her mouth to hide her smile and muffle a giggle. Pacey took hold of her other hand. She turned with him to head back towards the front of the store, but not before noticing a look of pure hatred and hostility on Drue Valentine’s face.

Joey turned to her boyfriend. “You really enjoyed that, didn’t you?”

He gave a growling laugh. “Let’s just say that… if we weren’t gonna have sex later, I would’ve said that was the best thing to happen to me tonight.”

She shook her head, smiling, and then took the box from his hand. “And did you really have to get a pack of twenty-four?”

“Oh, well, there was a value pack back there with forty-two. You want me to go get that instead?”

She laughed. “You’d just love that, wouldn’t you?”

He chuckled, wagging his eyebrows at her.

“Let me pay for them,” she then told him as they approached the counter. “Seeing as how the ones I brought were decrepit. It’s a good thing you had that condom in your wallet.”

Pacey was still laughing when they came face to face with the older pharmacy associate behind the front counter. While her boyfriend was grabbing sodas from a nearby cooler, Joey set the twenty-four-pack of condoms down and pulled her wallet from her coat pocket. She inwardly cringed, feeling embarrassed, but she refused to act like the skittish kitten everyone expected her to be, refused to be mortified over being a normal, sexual human. She inwardly smiled to herself, knowing that if Jen could see her now, she’d be so proud.

The man looked at her. He looked at the box. He looked at her again. For a split second, they shared what was nothing short of a struggle for dominance. She wasn’t going down with embarrassment first. He would have to be the first one to avert his gaze.

After two bottles of soda—Cherry Coke for her, Sprite for him—were set on the counter next to the condoms, along with some packs of chips and a couple candy bars, the associate rang them up. Their items were placed in a plastic bag and when they turned away, they saw Drue Valentine and Jim Connelly walking towards the counter. Without a word passing between any of them, Pacey took Joey’s hand in his, entwining their fingers, and then walked out of the pharmacy.

They returned to their cabin just before sunset. While she took her time in the bathroom, he turned on the gas fireplace and got undressed, trading his jeans for a pair of plaid pajama bottoms. Looking around the room, he took in the glass candles dispersed atop the various surfaces, and smiled. She’d obsessively planned for weeks to make their first time perfect, and then, as she’d said, got in her own way. It was perfect anyway, because getting the small details right didn’t matter so much as the rightness of the two people involved. He knew she still cared about the small details, though. With a quick glance at the closed bathroom door, he got to work.

Pacey pulled two large, heavy wool blankets from the bottom drawer of the tallest dresser and laid them on the floor next to the fireplace. He gathered up the candles and set them down along the hearth. Knowing she must’ve brought something to light them with, he went to her duffel bag, where he quickly found matches. The candles were then lit. After he opened the box of condoms, the setup was soon complete.

When Joey emerged from the bathroom and took in the sight of Pacey sitting on the floor in front of the fireplace, the blankets spread out beneath him, the candles lit, her insides melted and warmth spread through her. She smiled as he looked her up and down, his brows raising slightly in surprise. She was only wearing underwear and a tank top. There was no point in anything else, and she was nothing if not practical. Now that she thought of it, she probably should’ve just walked out naked.

She joined him on the blanket and his arms quickly pulled her to him. The firelight bathed their faces in a warm, golden glow. Their hearts swelled with emotion. She gazed at him, inching closer. He slowly brought his face to hers, kissing her softly, slowly, passionately. Heat spread through them, sweet and thick like warm honey, and a completely separate feeling from the warmth of the fire.

He broke their kiss to move his lips to her throat, his arms tightening around her. Joey’s nearness, her sweet scent, the taste of her skin, turned his blood into flames. Her hands grasped Pacey’s bare shoulders, before letting them slide down his arms, across his chest. She could feel his heart pounding, and she could feel him trembling just as she was trembling.

She turned her body towards him, her arms going around him, basking in the warmth of the fire. “Isn’t this nice?”

“There you go with that word again. It’s a lot more than nice.”

“You know what I mean, Pacey.”

He smiled, and then his lips sought hers, passionately kissing her, and they moved to lay together on the blankets. It wasn’t long before his pajama bottoms and her tank top had been tossed aside. Soon she was squirming and arching her hips towards him. He watched her bare skin glow as she laid sprawled on the blanket covering the floor. The flames flickered across her curves, darkening her shadows and highlighting her perfect roundness. She was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. Tender desire flowed through his veins, and he needed to touch her, to feel her skin under his hands.

Pacey leaned down, his lips opening against hers. Joey opened to him, and he slid his tongue into the warm softness of her mouth and caressed hers. She moaned into him, wanting more. He trailed kisses down her neck, her collarbone, to the swell of her breasts, tasting her skin. His hands caressed her arms, sides, the skin of her belly and hips, before moving to fondle her soft breasts. They felt heavy and full in his hands, and he reveled in the feel of her nipples when they hardened into taut, peach nubs as his thumbs grazed over them. She closed her eyes, bathing in the warmth of the fire, hot desire pooling at her center at the feel of his mouth on her breasts. Her back arched and she moaned in pleasure as he took her nipple in his lips and sucked hard.

Then he lifted his face to hers and kissed her. Joey reached down to find his hardness, and took him in her hand, the whole thick, hot length of him, stroking him. He groaned.

“Jo, you are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Did you know that?”

“Yes,” she replied matter-of-factly, and then her hips arched again. She was wet and swollen, and the throb at her center ached.

He laughed. “Okay, good. Glad we got that cleared up.” His eyes roamed over her, at her hips squirming. “What do you want?” he asked quietly.

“I want you inside me,” she breathed, still stroking him. “And let’s try something new we haven’t done yet. Well, maybe not new to you…”

“New?” He gave her a surprised smile. “Um, what did you have in mind?”

“I don’t know. Everything’s new to me. I just thought… well, this is our last night in the cabin, and I want to make the most of it before we return to the real world tomorrow.”

Graphic ideas flooded his mind, which sent wanton lust coursing through him. Finally, he settled on something, but he hesitated. It was something Tamara had enjoyed and taught him how to please her at it, just as she’d taught him most everything else, but it was something Andie had hated. They’d done it once and then never again.

“What are you thinking of?” she asked.

He swallowed, still deliberating. “Are you sure you’re not sore anymore? I mean, absolutely sure. Not even the slightest.”

She shook her head, smiling. “I’m not sore at all, Pacey. I promise.”

His mind made up, he moved off the blanket and returned with a pillow. He gazed down at her. “Turn over onto your stomach, Jo.”

Her eyes widened. Nodding, Joey did as he said, pushing away the slight twinge of embarrassment at being in this position with him behind her. Her body clenched with anticipation and need. Butterflies came alive inside. Her heart pounded beneath her ribs.

“I’m not going to do anything you don’t want me to do, Jo. And just like I said last night… if you ever want me to stop, tell me immediately, and I’ll stop.”

“I trust you, Pacey.”

He pulled her up onto her hands and knees, his lips tracing her tailbone. He knelt behind her and removed her panties, then ran his large, warm hands over every inch of her body in long strokes, shoulder to hip, over her breasts, stomach, knees and thighs, between her legs, around her ass. Everywhere. His touch was everywhere. Her arms trembled, but she didn’t want him to stop. She didn’t ever want him to stop. She felt protected, safe. Cherished, and loved. She felt wanted. The intimacy made her heart swell with love for him.

When he spread her thighs and brought his hand between them, she dropped to her elbows, pressing her face into the blankets. She felt overwhelmed, feverish, and he made it so much worse and so much better. He dragged one finger over her swollen flesh, exploring her slick folds, further arousing her. Half draped over her back, Pacey breathed against her neck as he pushed two fingers deep inside her. With a strangled moan, Joey arched into his hand, wanting more. So much more.

“You like that?” he asked.

“Yes. Please, Pacey… I want…”

He teased her clit with glancing touches, light pressure, then firm, perfect, yes, right there, just like that—and then his fingers would slide away to sink back inside her. Over and over again, his mouth at her nape and behind her ear as tension began to build and her stomach tightened in anticipation.

“Oh, God… you’re gonna make me come,” she said, shocked and excited at how quickly and easily he’d brought her to this point. How easy and comfortable Pacey made everything, as if the two of them had done this together a thousand times before, as if he knew precisely what she needed and wanted to give it to her.

“Not yet,” he said, his voice husky with arousal. She felt so hot, wet, and tight around his fingers. He couldn’t wait any longer. “I want to be inside you.”

Her inner muscles spasmed and she moaned, but he withdrew his hand from her center, shoving the pillow under her stomach as he moved away. She heard a condom wrapper tearing open, and he hooked one hand behind her knee and eased it up, flattening her onto the pillow, opening her body wide for him.

He shifted again and entered her from behind, inch by inch, stroke by shallow stroke. Pacey took his time, waiting for her to adjust to his size, to the glorious feeling of stretching to receive him. He slammed his eyes shut. She was so tight in this position breathing was near impossible.

“Oh. My. God,” they both groaned, almost in unison.

Amazing. Just mind-blowingly amazing, the sensation of Pacey deep inside her, the rigid, hot length of him, and his soft stomach against her back, his warm breath on her neck. His weight. His scent. His everything. She thought she might die from it. Every part of her was tense and throbbing, ready to shatter.

She was squeezing around him and he wasn’t gonna be able to take much more of that before he unraveled. When he couldn’t hold out any longer, he grabbed her thighs to lift for a better angle and thrust. Joey cried out and gripped the blanket, her knuckles going white. His cock was hitting a completely different spot inside her than anything she had felt before.

He began to thrust, in and out, hips against her ass, her inner walls like a glove milking his shaft. So hot, so tight. Perfection. “Does that feel good?”

“Yes,” she whimpered, pleasurable tension building at her core, her release hovering over the edge. His chest was pressed into her back. His mouth was at her neck, her ear. “You feel so good, Pacey. You make me feel so good.”

“God, Jo, so do you.”

She felt Pacey slip a hand beneath her and press one finger to her clit. That was all it took—four or five pulses of his fingertip and she came, sudden and hard. Her entire body contracted around him, tearing a cry from her throat, some combination of incoherent language and mindless ecstasy.

When her orgasm subsided, he quickly removed the pillow from underneath her stomach, and turned her over onto her back. Joey pulled him down to her, spreading her legs, and kissing him passionately as he entered her again.

And then she was begging him to go harder, faster. The sound of Joey instructing him, being assertive, telling him what she wanted, needed, made his head burn and his groin tighten, and he could feel his own climax building quickly. He wasn’t going to last much longer.

The dying embers of her first orgasm roared to life again, and by the time Pacey worked himself into a swift, steady rhythm, she was falling apart again. His hand palmed her breasts and rolled her nipples as he pounded into her, driving her climax higher and higher until she could hardly breathe through the throbbing spasms.

Fire raced from his lower back straight to his balls as Joey quaked in his arms. He dropped his face to her neck, releasing hard and fast, until every last ounce of him had been wrenched dry.

Pacey held her through the last of her aftershocks, depleted but determined to control his emotional reaction. But it was the same as last night. The onslaught of raw emotion was no different. His chest cracked wide open and his throat seized. The powerful, gratifying ache ripped through his gut and welled behind his eyelids. He wanted to weep for the love of her, but he forced himself to breathe through it.

When Joey went limp and collapsed on the blanket, Pacey pulled out and grabbed the box of tissues he’d stashed nearby, removing and wadding up the condom. Breathing heavily, he then dropped down beside her, his eyes still pricked with tears. “Holy shit.”

She chuckled, wonderfully languid and limp. “I can’t move, Pacey. I can’t. It’s physically impossible.”

“Me either. But at some point, the floor will get uncomfortable and we’ll have to move. If we sleep down here, we’ll get a crick in our necks.”

“The fire will keep us warm, though.”

“Are you all right?” he asked.

“Yeah.” Her voice came out weak. She was more than all right. She was stripped down, naked and reborn. She was rippling with pleasure from her toes to the roots of her hair. Pacey had just blown her mind.

“You’re a freaking goddess,” he said, smoothing one hand over her breast and leaving it there for a long moment, a warm, comfortable weight.

Oh, he was so perfect. Two orgasms and a compliment. If she could bottle and sell him, she’d make a fortune. It was a good thing she couldn’t because he was all hers and she wasn’t about to share. Joey turned her head to the side and looked at him. He was on his back, eyes closed, his chest rising and falling from the exertion. Last night he’d held her through her first time, pleasured her in a love-and-life-affirming sort of way. Earlier today, while their lovemaking had been fun and exciting, it was still somewhat tentative and careful. But tonight… tonight was different.

Tonight, they came together as equals, with equal wants and desires. There was no need to be careful, to be gentle, to go slow. There was nothing holding either of them back. And it had blown her mind. Joey watched as Pacey’s breathing returned to normal, lying there, eyes closed, with a satisfied smile on his face. She was unable to tear her eyes away. His gorgeous, naked body was on full display. Even soft, he was impressive.

“What are you thinking?” he asked. “I can feel you staring at me.”

“I’m just wondering how long it takes for you to be ready to go again. I mean, that’s one condom down, twenty-three to go.”

He opened one eye, turned his head a bit, and laughed. “I’ll let you know as soon as I get the feeling back in my legs.”

She tried not to giggle, but didn’t quite succeed.

It was nearly midnight when she emerged from the bathroom one last time, exhausted, and Pacey suddenly lifted her in his arms, carrying her to the bed. “I can walk, you know,” she said stubbornly.

“When I’m old and wrinkled and weak and can no longer lift you, then you’ll walk. Until then, I’ll carry you to bed.”

“My hero,” she deadpanned, and he laughed.

Once they were in bed, he pulled her against him, legs tangled together beneath the covers. Joey caressed his face, gazing into his eyes. “What are you thinking about?” he whispered.

“How happy I am. How much I love you,” she answered. Pacey smiled at her and tucked some loose tendrils of dark hair behind her ear. “What are _you_ thinking about?”

“How happy I am and how much I love you,” he said quietly, grinning. “I’m thinking about how I want to sleep next to you every night and wake up next to you every morning for the rest of my life.”

She sighed and brushed the tip of his nose with hers. “Too bad tomorrow we’ll be back to the real world.”

Pacey shrugged. “Well, someday we will.”

“What?”

“Someday we’ll get to sleep next to each other every night and wake up next to each other every morning.”

Joey smiled, tucking herself against his chest, reveling in the warmth and safety of his arms holding her against him. She closed her eyes and breathed in his comforting scent. “Yeah. Someday.”


	47. 2001 (Senior Year: The Ski Trip Part Four)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I got my eyes on you  
You're everything that I see  
I want your hot love and emotion endlessly  
I can't get over you  
You left your mark on me  
I want your hot love and emotion endlessly_
> 
> _'Cause you're a good girl and you know it  
You act so different around me  
'Cause you're a good girl and you know it  
I know exactly who you could be_
> 
> _Just hold on, we're going home  
Just hold on, we're going home  
It's hard to do these things alone  
Just hold on, we're going home_
> 
> _You're the girl, you're the one  
Gave you everything I love  
I think there's something, baby  
I think there's something, baby_
> 
> _Just hold on, we're going home_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) This chapter contains sexually explicit material.
> 
> 2) Since I may not have been that clear in my note in the previous chapter, while I am doing an AU version of the end of S4, this fic will be going further, all the way to the series finale. While some things that happen in this fic will be somewhat similar to some scenes/conversations/events that occurred in S5-6, the overall plot of this story will be very different. For instance, some of those scenes might be lifted and placed in different settings or occur at a different time/order than they aired on the show. 
> 
> My goal with pretty much every major plot development in this fic, especially going forward, is to add real emotional weight—true-to-character circumstances and powerful history—behind what Pacey and Joey say to each other about their relationship and their feelings in that final kitchen scene in the series finale. 
> 
> (The show made it seem as though Pacey and Joey had had very little contact with each other between when she goes to Paris and the finale episode. The show also made it seem as though Joey hadn't even been in Capeside to see Bessie on a regular basis either, and that Bessie hadn't even known about Christopher before Joey showed up for the wedding. None those things made sense to me. Boston/"Capeside" isn't really that far from New York.) 
> 
> For me, there has to be a very good reason why Pacey says what he says in that last kitchen scene, and a very good reason why Joey says what she says, and what they say doesn't make much sense (imo) if they've gone FIVE YEARS without not only seeing each other, but actually being involved in each other's lives. (Especially what Pacey says, since he wouldn't need to "let her off the hook" if the girl hadn't even been on the hook for years.) Because I think they both would have, reasonably, moved on with their lives at that point, if that were the case. 
> 
> Those speeches would have a lot more impact and meaning if there was heavy, complicated history behind them, especially in that five year period the show skipped over. So, no matter what happens from here on out in this fic, good or bad or sad, just know that that is the scene I am always working towards.

February 4. Sunday morning dawned bright and beautiful, and its light had begun to fill the room when Joey opened her eyes. She turned on her side and gazed at the man sleeping next to her, and for the millionth time sent up a prayer of thanks. She snuggled closer to him and her hand went to his chest, feeling the steady heartbeat underneath her palm.

“I love you so much,” she whispered.

She listened to his slow, even breathing, and marveled at how handsome he was. Totally relaxed in his sleep, his eyes were closed, dark lashes falling against his face, and his lips were slightly curved into a smile. He was like an angel. A wonderful angel who’d shown her some deliciously wicked things. She was content to lay there for some minutes, just watching him sleep. Then she looked at the digital clock next to the opened box of condoms on his bedside table. They had just over an hour to shower, pack up, and be at the bus.

She leaned over her sleeping boyfriend so that her breath stirred the brown hair near his ear. “Wake up,” she whispered.

Instead, he smiled in his sleep and reached to pull her down on top of him. Joey studied his face. When he was asleep, Pacey’s face was so smooth and serene, and he looked so much younger than he was. She wondered what his son would look like. A little boy with blue eyes and brown curls. Their son. A wave of tenderness swept over her, and she leaned over and kissed his lips ever so gently.

He kissed her back without ever opening his eyes. “I want you with me for the rest of my life,” he murmured.

That was just where she wanted to be. She kissed him again, letting the kiss deepen until his eyes opened and looked up at her with muted passion, two dark, blue pools. Her breasts were just above his face and he kissed both of them. She drew a breath, remembering last night and wanting him all over again. His morning erection was rock hard against her leg and she moved on him, straddling his hips. She reached for a condom, quickly discarding the wrapper, and sheathed him before taking him inside her.

Pacey grinned sleepily up at her. Her heat felt like tight, wet heaven around him. “Using me for your own pleasure, Josephine?”

“And yours,” she answered with a smile, and then began to ride him, making slow, sweet love to him, and then fast and hard, until they both climaxed.

“That was quick,” he said, his body shuddering with pleasurable aftershocks.

She slid off him. “After the past two nights… I just can’t get enough of you, but I also can’t take all day.”

“Please do.” He stroked her hair tenderly.

She kissed him and then got out of bed. “We have to be at the buses by ten-forty-five, remember? We gotta get moving.”

Pacey frowned and sat up. “Time to go home,” he sighed.

Later, once they were satisfied that they had everything packed up and weren’t leaving anything behind, they left the cabin behind and started making their way to the two chartered buses at the front of the lodge. They were barely going to make it. As they approached, they saw most of their classmates had already boarded, all except for Drue Valentine, who appeared to be arguing with Mr. Kasdan.

“Get on the bus, punk. And where are Joey Potter and Pacey Witter? Do I honestly have to go looking for them? We don’t have time for this.”

“They’re probably off somewhere sucking face. It’s disgusting, isn’t it?”

Watching Drue get onto the bus suddenly made Joey’s stomach twist into knots. “Pace, do you think he told everyone?” she asked quietly, feeling a sense of panic start to rise. “You know… about seeing us at the drug store yesterday?”

“I suppose we’ll find out when we get on.” Pacey’s hand tightened protectively around hers as they moved closer. “We’re here, Mr. Kasdan.”

The teacher turned and eyed them with disapproval. “Just exactly what part of, _‘be at the buses at ten-forty-five so we can leave at eleven am sharp,’ _were you not listening to, Mr. Witter?”

“Well, we’re here, aren’t we?” he snarked.

“Get on the bus, Pacey,” Mr. Kasdan ordered.

Without another word, he placed his and Joey’s duffel bags in the open luggage compartment on their assigned bus, and then they boarded. To their relief, there was no reaction to their appearance by their classmates. No cheers, whistles, or vulgar remarks, which was a good sign that, for whatever reason, Drue had kept his mouth shut. Much to their grateful surprise, Jen and Jack had also saved them seats. Even better, Drue and Anna were seated together several rows behind them at the back.

Once they were sitting, Pacey’s brown paper shopping bag full of snacks and other things to occupy them on the bus ride set down at their feet, Joey leaned forward. “So, how was your weekend?” she asked.

“Pretty good,” Jen replied. “Well… other than having a bruised foot, and then Mr. Kasdan catching me getting rid of all the empty mini bottles of alcohol after we raided the locked mini bar Friday night.”

Her eyes went wide. “What?”

Jen shook her head. “You’d think he’d be happy I was doing my part to save the planet by recycling.”

“You got drunk?”

“Oh, yeah. Big time. So did Jack.”

He nodded. “Sometimes you just gotta make your own fun.” Then his mouth curved into a grin. “So, uh, how was your weekend, Joey? We didn’t really see you and Pacey too much. You missed a raucous game of Truth or Dare by the hot tubs last night.”

Blushing, she thrust her tongue in her cheek as she shook her head. “We were busy.”

“Gettin’ busy, you said?”

She laughed. “Oh, my God. Shut up, Jack.”

It wasn’t long before they were on the road, making the southward journey back to Capeside. Pacey and Joey sat huddled together, keeping their voices low, snacking on the candy bars he’d gotten from the drug store the night before. When they crossed state lines from Vermont into Massachusetts, Drue stood up and started walking down the center aisle, passing out pieces of paper to everyone.

“Okay, folks. It’s time for our post-game wrap up.”

When he reached them, he handed over two sheets of paper and two pencils without a word and kept on going. Brows knitting, Joey looked down at the paper.

CAPESIDE HIGH SENIOR CLASS POST-SKI TRIP SEX QUIZ  
1) Were you a virgin before the ski trip? (If no, skip to #6)  
2) Did you lose your virginity on the ski trip? (If no, skip to #19)  
3) How did it feel?  
4) Do you wish you’d waited longer? Or done it sooner?  
5) What, if anything, would you have done differently?  
6) Did you have non-virginity-losing sex on the ski trip? (If no, skip to #19)  
7) How many times did you have sex on the ski trip?  
8) How many people did you have sex with on the ski trip?  
9) How many of your sexual experiences were casual hookups?  
10) Did you give oral sex on the ski trip?  
11) Did you receive oral sex on the ski trip?  
12) How many orgasms did you have?  
13) How many sexual positions did you try?  
14) Is there a chance you might be pregnant or gotten someone pregnant?  
15) Do you regret any of the sex you had?  
16) Was the ski trip sex the best sex you’ve ever had? Was it the worst?  
17) Do you plan to have more sex with anyone you slept with on the ski trip?  
18) Are you in love with anyone who went on the ski trip?  
19) Do you wish that you had?  
20) What are you thinking about right now?

Joey blushed furiously, and looked at Pacey. His face had gone red, too. He chuckled and crumpled up his paper. “Hey, I answered the first one, and you didn’t,” he said, and then grinned. “I’d say it’s your turn, Potter.”

She pursed her lips. “You just want to know my answers.”

“Well, of course I do!”

“You already know them, though.”

He shrugged. “Still. It wouldn’t hurt to see it in writing. Maybe I’ll frame it and hang it on my bedroom wall.”

“What, like an award?” She laughed, and then quietly considered the quiz for a moment. “But doesn’t it have to be given back to Drue? Like hell am I going to let him read it.”

“Then don’t let him.”

Smirking, she leaned into her boyfriend and started moving her pencil across the paper.

Pacey bent his head near hers and read down the paper as she answered each question one by one. “Perfect and wonderful and amazing, huh?”

She smirked. “You know it was.”

He continued reading her answers as she wrote them. He moved closer. “Mmm-hmm,” he said huskily into her ear.

She instantly warmed at the lust in his voice, and her body clenched. “Stop,” she whispered as she wrote.

Then his eyes went wide, his finger moving to tap the paper. “Really? That many?”

Joey gaped. “You were there.”

“Yeah, but… there were definitely some moments where I’m pretty sure I lost consciousness.”

She burst into a fit of quiet giggles. She continued to write her answers while her boyfriend provided a running commentary.

“Let’s hope not, but I honestly think we’re good. No need to rush out and buy diapers anytime soon.”

“Mmm, I certainly hope so. A lot more.”

Nearly ten minutes later, Drue started coming up the center aisle to collect everyone’s quiz answers. When he reached their seat, Joey smiled and started to hand it over. His eyes widened with surprise, and he stared at her with a greedy, triumphant look, as if he couldn’t believe his good luck at procuring her answers. Then her face hardened and she arched her brows as she pulled her hand back. Fixing him with a pointed stare, she folded the paper in half and inserted into Pacey’s brown shopping bag on the floor between their feet. Drue frowned at her, and stared at the bag for a moment. Then without a word, he walked off to collect papers from their other classmates.

When they stopped for lunch at the McDonald’s in Marlborough, everyone disembarked the buses and dined under the golden arches for almost an hour. They were soon back on the road, and just before four o’clock in the afternoon, the buses were pulling into the Capeside High School parking lot. As previously agreed, Gretchen was there to pick them up.

“Hey, guys,” she greeted them with a smile. “So, how was the ski trip?”

“Well, I managed to stay out of jail,” Pacey replied. “No one’s hair caught on fire, and… I’m pretty sure Joey isn’t pregnant.”

Her face went red and she pursed her lips. “Yep. Nothing as wild and crazy happened as when you went, apparently.”

Gretchen’s gaze flickered between them, searching their faces, one corner of her mouth curving up, and Pacey inwardly groaned at his sister’s keen sense of perception. “Well, I’m glad you both stayed out trouble. Did you have a good time?”

She wished she would stop blushing. “Yeah, it was… good.”

Pacey nodded, swallowing. “Yeah, you know… it was… it was good. Just… just a weekend.” The look on Gretchen’s face wasn’t comforting. “Anyway, let’s get going. Joey’s gotta be back at her house.”

“I actually have a test to study for,” she frowned. “Not to mention a big assignment due. Only the sadists who work in the math department would schedule both homework _and_ a test the day after the senior trip.”

Once their bags were in the trunk of the Land Rover, they were heading for the Potter B&B. Try as she might, Joey couldn’t stop herself from blushing. She resolutely stared out the window, avoiding Gretchen’s gaze in the rearview mirror, biting her lip to try and stop herself from grinning like a fool. Pacey tapped his hands on his thighs as he peered out the front passenger window, trying to look anywhere but at his sister.

Gretchen’s eyes kept flickering between them, and then she grinned widely. “You two are so cute.”

“Don’t,” Pacey warned, throwing her a hard look and shaking his head, his face going even redder.

Joey let her gaze meet his sister’s in the mirror, and she frowned at her realization. “You know, don’t you?”

“That you guys did it? Well, I had only guessed, but you just confirmed it.”

“Oh, God,” Pacey groaned, hanging his head.

His sister laughed. “It honestly wasn’t that hard to figure out. You’ve both been blushing since the parking lot, and neither of you have been able to stop smiling for more than twenty seconds. Completely different vibe than our car ride on Friday morning, I must say.” She laughed again.

Pacey and Joey grimaced.

“Aww, come on, you guys,” Gretchen pleaded. “I’m your sister,” she said to him, before glancing at Joey in the mirror. “And a friend-slash-older-sister-type figure in your life. I love you both, and I know exactly what you’re feeling, but you don’t need to be embarrassed. I think it’s really sweet, and I’m very happy that you both look so happy. And if you’re worried that I’m going to open my big fat mouth, well don’t. I was a teenager in high school once, too. And besides, the last thing in the world I want to do is discuss my little brother’s sex life with anyone.” She scrunched up her face and shuddered.

“But I’ll tell you something: if you’re thinking you’ll be able to keep this a secret from the world at large, well… let’s just say when I was in high school, it really wasn’t that hard to guess which couples were having sex and which ones weren’t.”

Joey’s face flushed hotter, butterflies of embarrassment still fluttering in the pit of her stomach. Pacey shook his head and sighed, turning once again to stare out the window.

When they reached her house, he carried her duffel bag up as he walked her to her back porch. Once they were standing in front of her door, he dropped the bag and pulled her into his arms. “I suppose we’re not gonna see each other until the morning.”

“True, but we’ll see each other all day tomorrow. I’ll be there bright and early to pick you up for school, and you know Monday’s my day off. So, I’ll have all afternoon and evening free to be with you.”

“I wish we were gonna be sleeping next to each other tonight,” he said quietly. “It feels like when we got off the boat. It’s gonna be weird to sleep without you there.”

She pouted. “I know, me too. Who knows when we’ll be able to again?”

“We’ll figure something out. Or… well, hey… I mean, you _are_ eighteen, so you could just move out and come live with me and Gretchen.”

She laughed. “Yeah, that would go over like a lead balloon. Bessie would throttle me. And can you imagine what kids in school would say?”

He snorted, pulling her tighter against him. “They’d probably think I knocked you up and that your sister threw you out of the house.”

_“Probably?_ Try definitely.”

“And the non-appearance of a baby bump would make them all eat their words, and choke on the power of our love.” Her face scrunched up, and he laughed. “Anyway, speaking of Bessie… are you going to tell her?” he asked quietly, lowering his voice.

“Tell her about what?”

“Duh. About you and me on the ski trip.”

She gaped. “Of course not.”

“Well, what if she asks?”

“Then I will tell her the same exact thing I’ve been telling her since we stepped off the boat in September: it’s none of her business. Sex is private, and what happens between you and me, stays between you and me.”

“While part of me would love to tell the entire world what I did this weekend and who I did it with, yes, sex is private. It’s very private, and it will stay between you and me… and Gretchen… and Jen and Jack… and, oh yeah, Drue Valentine.”

She grimaced. “So, how long before he blabs, do you think?”

“I’m sure he’ll eventually spread it to the entire senior class… including, if not especially, Dawson,” he frowned, before dropping his arms and stepping back from her. “Ah, the proverbial final nail in the proverbial coffin.”

“What is?”

“The cruel twist of fate that was your virginity being stolen by one Pacey J. Witter, and now cannot be given to your soulmate, as it rightfully should’ve been.”

“This again? Really, Pacey? First of all, my virginity wasn’t a gift to be given or stolen. Technically, it’s just a thin membrane, and a biological state of sexual inexperience. Personally, losing my virginity was wholly a decision I needed to make about myself. And as Jen would say, the entire concept of idealistic virginity being a gift to men is just a tool to keep women in their place.”

“Again, you’re making my point.”

She gave him a patient look. “Also… Dawson is not my soulmate, Pacey.”

“Yeah? Try telling him that.”

It felt like they’d had this conversation a hundred times. She huffed and shoved her hands in her coat pockets. “I actually think the three of us are in a really good place. Dawson and I are friends again. He’s been nothing but nice to you for a while now, like actually making an effort. So… I kind of doubt it would bother him at this point.”

He blinked. “Do you hear yourself, Jo? Dawson wouldn’t care that you had sex with me? In what world? He’ll never speak to me again for the rest of his life.”

Sighing, he wasn’t sure how he felt about that, and hadn’t yet come to a definitive conclusion about how he felt about Dawson’s friendship. He still didn’t know whether he wanted it or not, or whether Dawson truly even wanted to be friends, despite outward appearances. There had definitely been moments over the past month where things almost felt back to normal, as though nothing had ever come between them, and it had felt nice to have that back. Yet Dawson would then inevitably do or say something that would fill him with doubt about his motives and sincerity.

“If you really think that’s how he’ll react, then let’s just hope he doesn’t find out. And if he does, then…” She shrugged. “I mean, so what if he does? It won’t change anything. I’m sure he suspects, anyway.”

“You know, I would just like to be able to have sex with my girlfriend, whom I adore, without having to hide the fact and walk on eggshells around the guy. But at the same time, I really don’t want to have to deal with the soap operatic repercussions of him finding out.”

She reached forward and grasped his arms. “Pace, just think about this for a minute. Dawson and I dated for _two months_ sophomore year, and then we broke up. We got back together, dated for two months, and then broke up again, and that was almost _two years ago_. What happened last spring was… horrible, and I never want to go through anything like that again, but the three of us have come a long way since then. We’ve all moved on. We’re past it.

“Also, you and I have been together for practically eight months. We’re in love, we’re happy, and he sees that every day. Any reasonable person would probably have come to the conclusion that we were already doing it by now.”

“Reasonable? Dawson? Mr. All Roads Lead Back To Me?”

She threw him a look. “Pacey, if anyone is reasonable, it’s Dawson Leery.”

“Under normal circumstances, yes… but _not_ when it comes to you, which is the whole point. He has never been reasonable where you’re concerned.”

Stepping closer, she wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled him against her. She could see Pacey getting upset and didn’t want to end their weekend like this. “Do you remember that beautiful gift Dawson gave me? The picture of us he took at his parents’ Christmas party? He knows how much I love you, Pacey, and he knows how much you love me. He wouldn’t have given me that gift if it still bothered him. And Dawson would know that being in love and being in a serious, committed relationship would likely include sex. He would at the very least assume it was a possibility, and he gave me that gift, anyway.”

He heaved a sigh, his lingering doubts about Dawson’s true motives behind that gift plaguing his thoughts.

“I know you don’t want to hurt Dawson, and I know you don’t want a repeat of the melodrama that we went through last spring. I don’t either, and I admit that this development could certainly hurt him if he was still in love with me, but I honestly don’t think he is, Pace. We’re friends, we’re only ever going to be friends, and I believe he’s accepted that. And I’m pretty sure he’s still majorly crushing on your sister. He talks about her all the time. It’s pretty much all he talks about: Gretchen and Mr. Brooks.”

He made a noncommittal sound.

She hugged him tighter. “I don’t want to end the weekend like this.”

“Like what?”

“This. You standing there with a frown on your face.”

Pacey looked down at her, his gaze warm and tender, and brushed some loose strands of her hair back behind an ear. Then Joey lifted her lips to his and kissed his frown away.

Once they said their goodbyes, she stepped inside the house, her duffel bag over her shoulder, and was immediately greeted by Bessie and Alexander, who were very happy to see her back home. After depositing her bag in her bedroom, she helped her sister get ready for supper. There were some guests at the house, but only two of their regulars: an older retired couple from Manchester-by-the-Sea who had been staying at the B&B every other month since last June when their divorced daughter and her five children moved to Capeside.

It wasn’t long before they all sat down at the dining table, where she and Bessie had brought over the meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and roasted carrots. Joey felt pleased that her sister was in such a good mood, despite having to care for guests without both her and Pacey all weekend, and that she hadn’t been the recipient of one long look or underhanded remark regarding what may or may not have happened while she was in Vermont.

When the meal was over, she stood at the kitchen sink washing the dishes while her sister dried them and put them away in the cabinets. As she handed off some dripping wet forks, she caught her sister smiling at her. “What?”

“You seem different,” Bessie said.

“I do?”

“Yeah. You look different, too.”

She smiled awkwardly and went back to focusing on the dishes. “In what way?”

Her sister shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s not a bad different. It’s a good different. You’ve been glowing since you walked in the door. You seem… more relaxed, calmer, like some sort of inner peace has come over you. You look… really happy and content.”

Joey laughed. “As opposed to what?”

“Your usual stressed out and frazzled state of affairs. I mean, just last week you were practically jumping out of your skin and couldn’t sit still for longer than a minute.”

“Oh. Well, I was probably just excited about the senior trip and time was moving too slow.”

“Hmm.”

They were silent for several more minutes, washing and drying dishes. Then Bessie spoke again. “Did something happen on the ski trip?”

She willed her face to not turn red, and failed. “What do you mean? Lots of things happened. Didn’t I tell you that Jen bruised her foot and then got busted by Mr. Kasdan for raiding the mini bar? And that a rather scintillating round of Truth or Dare has probably made the entire Yearbook Club implode?”

“I don’t mean what happened to your friends, Joey. I have this feeling that something happened _with you. _Now, you don’t have to answer me if you don’t want to, ‘cause lord knows you’ll just tell me it’s none of my business if I even ask.”

She thought for a moment. Gretchen had easily figured it out, and she supposed trying to keep it a secret from her own sister for the rest of the school year would probably be a fool’s errand, especially if she and Pacey were going to try to make future plans to spend nights together. “Go ahead and ask me, Bess,” she said, turning to look her full in the face.

Her sister hesitated, and then took a deep breath. “Did you sleep with Pacey on the ski trip?”

“Yes.”

Bessie’s eyes widened as if surprised to get such a straightforward answer. “Well… okay,” she breathed calmly, nodding her head as she took in this new information.

She smirked at the appealing thought of making her sister immediately regret her nosiness. “Quite a few times, actually.”

Her sister closed her eyes and threw her hands up, turning away from her to face the counter. “Okay, okay!”

“Would you like any more details? The positions we tried?”

Bessie pursed her lips and turned to give her a hard look.

“Hey, you asked,” Joey shrugged, inwardly gloating at her sister’s discomfort. “And just so you know… thanks, in part, to my _birth control warehouse_, we were very safe and responsible. So, there’s no need for you to worry.”

“No need for me to worry? Ha!”

“Bessie, I’m eighteen, and so is Pacey. My graduation is pretty much guaranteed at this point, he’s doing phenomenal in school and so I’m positive he’ll graduate, too. And I’m sure I’ll get into a good college, whether it’s Worthington or somewhere else. What’s there to worry about?”

Her sister looked her over for a moment. “You really are calm and relaxed about this, aren’t you? Well, you both do have a lot going for you, so don’t risk it all over foolish and reckless behavior. Please don’t forget how easy it would be for all those good things to disappear into thin air with one positive pregnancy test, young lady.”

“Which is why birth control is not only smart, but necessary. Thank you for your advice, Bessie.”

“Yes, well, Pacey may very well have been agreeable to wearing a condom if that’s what it took for your relationship to become physical, but I know teenage boys, Joey. And not just boys, grown men. Eventually they’ll try anything and everything to get out of having to wear one, which is something you should be seriously concerned about. I’m sure there will come a point, sooner or later, when Pacey will try to persuade you to give up the condoms.”

“You obviously don’t know Pacey very well if that’s what you think.” If only her sister knew that _she_ was the one to be concerned about in that area, and not her boyfriend. She’d probably have an aneurysm. Joey sighed. “Are you gonna tell Bodie about me and Pacey on the ski trip?”

Bessie looked away and dispersed the dried silverware into their drawer. “You know I will.”

She shrugged again, not surprised. It didn’t matter. She knew Bodie’s reaction to this development in her life would be a lot more reasonable than Bessie’s. The dishes done, she started to move away from the sink and out of the kitchen.

“Please just be careful, Jo,” her sister said as she walked away, sounding truly worried and almost afraid. “Don’t get so caught up in this that you lose sight of everything else.”

“I am always careful, Bessie,” Joey muttered as she reached her bedroom doorway, before closing it shut behind her.

After she’d spent over two hours at her desk, bent over her AP Calculus homework, the phone rang, and a few moments later, Bessie called out for her. Hoping it was Pacey calling, she hurried out of her room and into the kitchen to see her sister holding the cordless out with her hand covering the receiver. “It’s Dawson,” she told her in a hushed voice.

Unable to help it, her stomach filled with nerves as she reached for the phone. “Hello?”

“Hey, Joey.”

“Hi, Dawson. Um… how are you?”

“Uh, not good, actually. These past few days have sucked in ways I didn’t think possible.”

She frowned. “I’m sorry. I take it Mr. Brooks passed away?” she asked, and then walked away from Bessie’s curious stare to shut herself up in her bedroom.

He sighed into the phone. “Yeah. I know you know he wasn’t doing well, but, uh, you’ll never believe this…” He sighed again. “Well, Mr. Brooks made me his Power of Attorney, and so I had to make the decision to keep him on life support, or not.”

She dropped on the edge of her bed, her mouth falling open. “Oh, my God, Dawson. How… I mean… what did you do?”

“It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, and I hope I don’t have to do anything like that again. And I was calling because… well, are you busy? I kinda wanted talk to you about this stuff in person, but I’m not about to ask you to come over and climb my ladder. You wanna meet downtown, or something?”

“No, I’m not busy. Of course, I can meet. How about the, uh…” She was trying to think what would be open this late on a Sunday. “The Crown & Anchor?”

“Sure. Uh, in half an hour?”

“I’ll be there.”

It wasn’t long before the two friends were seated in a booth at the downtown bar and grill, with cups of coffee in front of them. Joey removed her coat and laid it on the seat next to her before looking up to meet Dawson’s gaze. “It’s been a long time since I’ve been in this place,” she told him.

“Yeah, same. It had to have been… junior year.”

She smiled, remembering. “The _Barefoot in the Park_ after party.”

Dawson laughed. “That’s right. That freshman… what’s his name? Oh, Henry Parker. He threatened to throw himself from the rafters.”

“Jen sure attracts some interesting characters.”

“I’m guessing you’re including me in there,” he joked. “At least I never threatened to seriously injure myself when things went downhill for us.”

She smiled and took a sip of her hot coffee. “I’m so sorry about everything you had to go through over the weekend. I know how much Mr. Brooks meant to you, and to be the one to make such a serious, intense decision for someone else… I don’t know if that’s something I could’ve done. I’m sorry I wasn’t around while you were dealing with all this.”

“It’s okay. My parents have been very supportive. And Gretchen, too. She basically held my hand through it.”

“Gretchen was with you at the hospital?”

“Yeah. She’s become a really good friend.”

Joey smiled. “I know. I think that’s great.”

Dawson smiled back at her. “Yeah, it is. But um… I don’t get to say it so much anymore, but I hope you know you’re still my best friend. You always were. You’ll always be my best friend, no matter where you are, where your life may take you, and no matter who you’re with…”

“You’ll always have a piece of my heart?” she grinned.

“Something like that.”

“Yeah. Doesn’t have to be a huge piece.”

“No, no, no,” he laughed. “Not a huge piece. Just, you know, a tiny piece.”

She laughed as she lifted her coffee cup, taking a sip.

“Which is probably why I called you, Joey. You’re the most important person in my life. I needed to talk to somebody, and you were the first person I thought of. I’ve never had to deal with anything like what happened with Mr. Brooks. My mom’s dad died when I was two, and my dad’s parents both died before I was even born. I just… I’ve never had anyone I care about die before. And I guess I just really wanted to talk you because, well… you’d understand.”

“Because I lost my mom.”

He sighed. “You’re the only person I know who’s dealt with anything even remotely like this, and at the same time I know what you went through is nothing like this at all. So, for me to even compare the two situations…”

“It’s okay, Dawson. I get it. It’s hard to lose the people we love. No one wants to say goodbye, and death… well, you’re saying goodbye forever. It’s not easy to wrap your head around the fact that you’re just not going to see this person anymore. That they’re just gone from your life and they’re never coming back. And depending on who they were to you and just how much of your life was wrapped up in that person, the hole they leave behind can be very hard to fill. But time goes on, and if you’re lucky, like I am, to have people in your life who shower you with love and friendship, it makes everything… not as painful anymore. You might think at the time that you’ll never be happy again, but life finds a way.”

“When did Joey Potter become so wise beyond her years?” he smiled.

“A long time ago. I’m the oldest teenager in Capeside.”

He took a sip of his coffee. “I’d say you’re right. Can I tell you something? It’s not exactly a secret, but I haven’t told anyone yet.”

“Of course.”

“Mr. Brooks put me in his will.”

Her mouth fell open. “Really? Does that mean…?”

“Mm-hmm. That he left me money? Yeah.”

“You’re kidding me.”

“I could not be kidding you less.”

“What are you gonna do with it?”

Dawson took a deep breath. “Apparently, I have to do something great with it. The proviso in his will reads, and I quote, ‘Mr. Leery, this is the money with which one achieves greatness. So, don’t go blowing it on booze and women. But should that be your choice, make sure it’s great women and great booze.’”

She snorted. “No pressure there.”

“I guess I could… pay my entire college tuition.”

“Um, are we talking about your average liberal arts school tuition, or are we talkin NYU Film School money?”

“All four years of a top-notch film school, completely paid for.”

Her eyes went wide. “Oh, my God. That’s… that’s a lot of money. That’s like… _two hundred thousand dollars_. You could make a movie.”

“Yeah, I could. It feels weird talking about how I would spend it, though. It’d be one thing if I had won the lottery, but this…”

“I understand.”

He smiled. “Anyway, uh, enough about me and my miserable weekend. How was the ski trip?”

She clenched her teeth, willing herself not to turn red in the face. “Oh, you know, it was nice. It was good just to get out of this town for a few days.”

“Did I miss anything exciting?”

“Um… Jen bruised her foot. Ashley G and Ashley H got in a huge fight with Erin Myers while playing Truth or Dare, and now the fate of our Yearbook hangs in the balance.”

Dawson snorted. “Ah, well, as Brooks was fond of saying, ‘I’ll alert the media.’ You and Pacey have fun?”

Never before in her life had she wished so hard that her face wasn’t an open book. “Yeah, like I said, we had a nice time.”

“That’s it? Nice? The infamous Capeside ski trip? Known far and wide as a mecca of wild hot tub parties, overflowing with booze, and not to mention, sexual debauchery? I mean, it’s played out as far as senior trips go, but I’m sure it was more exciting than _nice_. Nothing wild and crazy happened? That’s kind of a disappointment. Gretchen had so many stories from when she went.”

“Well, I can tell you that I personally did not attend any wild parties in any hot tubs, drink alcohol, or engage in… _debauchery_.”

“I meant about our class in general. Of course, _you_ wouldn’t. Drinking and sexual exploits are just not in Joey Potter’s repertoire.”

She threw him a look, her brows knitting. “Are you forgetting the multiple times I’ve gotten drunk at parties, Dawson?”

He laughed. “Well, true. But sex is another matter. You wouldn’t really do something so cliché and predictable as lose your virginity on the ski trip, would you?” He laughed again.

His tone was teasing, as though he was confident that she would never do such a thing. She bristled, irritated that he still thought he knew her so well, as if she was still fifteen years old and hadn’t grown, hadn’t changed. It had been obvious to her for a while now that he no longer knew her as well as he used to, even if he apparently thought otherwise.

Joey looked at him, tempted to do or say something that would shake that annoying surety he had. “How do you know I haven’t already lost it a long time ago?”

“Because I know you, and I think I’d be able to tell.”

“What, just by looking at me?”

He gave a casual shrug and drank from his coffee cup. She frowned at his arrogant confidence, at the cynically raised eyebrow.

“I’m sorry, Joey,” he said, catching the look on her face. “I don’t really need to look at you to know the truth. I know the truth in my heart.”

“And what does your heart tell you, Dawson?”

“It tells me that Joey Potter is the same girl she’s always been. The girl who views sex as a monumental, life-changing event, something sacred and important. A girl who knows the decision to lose her virginity isn’t something to take lightly. A girl who values the high standards she set for herself. A girl who honors the promises she’s made to herself.”

“That’s what it tells you, huh?”

“You said it yourself, Joey. Sophomore year, remember? You told me sex isn’t about the perfect setting or the perfect timing. It’s about the perfect person, and I know you’re someone who would wait for the perfect person.”

A sense of indignation began to simmer inside her. “You’re right, Dawson. I am.”

He smiled, and let out a sigh that sounded an awful lot like relief to her. But then the smile faltered when he took in the look on her face. “I’m sorry. I know sex has never been your favorite topic of conversation, and mine neither, really, but, I mean, we are best friends, so you could certainly talk to me about this stuff if you wanted to…”

That was honestly the last thing on earth she wanted to do. “Well, it’s kind of personal, don’t you think?”

“It’s very personal, you’re right. I should know better than to invade your privacy.” He sighed. “Look, I’m sorry. I apologize. I have no right to hold you to anything that we might have said in the past. I really do want you to be happy, and to live your life and enjoy everything that goes along with that. And… and…” He sighed again. “Look, I know that sometimes you make a promise and you mean it at the time, but then life gets in the way and it makes it impossible to keep. So, I just want you to know that it’s okay. I’m not going to hold you to whatever you may have promised before.”

Promises they made in the _tenth grade?_ Was he serious? When was he going to grow up? And why did it seem like his true feelings were actually the opposite of what he was saying? Was he trying to guilt trip her? Joey pursed her lips as her eyes hardened.

“Well, thank you for giving me your permission to sleep with Pacey, Dawson,” she said icily, her tone dripping with sarcasm. “Now we can finally do it.”

“I didn’t mean it like that, Jo.”

“Sure, you didn’t.”

“Well, have you?”

“Have I what?”

“Slept with Pacey.”

“Can’t you tell just by looking at me? I mean, you tell me, oh wise one.”

He sighed and closed his eyes, pressing his fingers between his brows.

She now worried that Pacey had been right about those soap operatic repercussions. They were all finally, _finally_, in a good place. Things finally felt right again. The fact that they could sit here at this table at all and talk like nothing awful had ever happened between them. The fact that Dawson more often than not joined her and Pacey for lunch in the cafeteria now, that he took an interest in Pacey again, and in ways that had nothing at all to do with her. Just last week, the sight of the two of them walking down the hallway at school together, talking and smiling, had filled her heart with such happiness.

She didn’t want Dawson to be angry with Pacey, didn’t want this to ruin everything between them all over again. She just wanted them to be friends, wanted them all to be friends like they used to be. She knew how much the two boys had meant to each other, and for them to throw it all away, and over her…

She wasn’t worth it.

“Dawson, if you can give me one good reason for why that’s any of your business, I’ll answer the question.”

She knew he didn’t have one, and she knew he knew it, too.

“You’re right. I apologize. It’s none of my business. I won’t ask you anything so personal again. I’m sorry.”

All of a sudden, she wondered if Mr. Brooks’ death had been the real reason he’d wanted to talk to her tonight, or if that was just a jumping off point to get down to what he’d truly wanted to talk about: her and Pacey on the ski trip. She wanted nothing more than to change the subject.

“It’s okay. Let’s talk about something else. So, you’ve been hanging out with Gretchen a lot. Are you sure you’re still just friends? Nothing happening there?” She arched her brows.

Dawson laughed, and then started to talk about his friendship with Pacey’s sister. Joey felt relieved they were able to finish their evening at the Crown & Anchor without any tension or awkwardness. As she walked to her truck in the parking lot, she wondered at the enigma that was the state of their friendship. At times, things felt so right between them, like she finally had her friend back, and felt like things were better than she ever thought they possibly could be.

Then there were moments like earlier tonight when it was obvious that he still thought things were the same, like they were still fifteen years old, and there was no one in her life more important than him. She remembered his confident tone, at the way his smile became a bit arrogant, as if he knew more than she did, as if he knew her better than she knew herself.

Which was one of the biggest reasons their romantic relationship went down in flames.

In fact, their romantic relationship fell apart as soon as it became clear to him that she was her own person, with her own dreams and aspirations, with her own free will and nature. She’d since realized that Dawson had never truly wanted her. He’d wanted the idea of her, and the idea of her was fiction, a role he needed her to play. She was real—too real—and didn’t fit inside the role he’d created for her in his own mind, and whenever she stepped outside that role, it was a huge problem with him.

They never really clicked once their relationship became romantic. They didn’t fit. She’d wanted them to. She had wanted it to feel right. She’d convinced herself she’d wanted it because Dawson was exactly the kind of person that she’d thought she was supposed to want.

He wasn’t rash or reckless. He wasn’t irresponsible and unpredictable. He didn’t have a conscious and unconscious raw sexuality simmering beneath the composed surface of his words and glances, that drew female attention like a magnet just by the way he walked into a room. He was safe. Her heart would be safe. There was nothing for her to worry about with him.

But her desire to avoid a broken heart, to live a life without any fear and uncertainty, and to have the safe predictability of a future clearly mapped out in front of her with no twists or turns in the road, did not true love make.

As she drove down Main Street, Joey wanted nothing more than to head for the beach house. She didn’t want to be alone tonight. She wanted Pacey to hold her. She wanted him to make love to her, and then she’d tell him about Bessie and Dawson, and then he’d tell her it would be all right. But it was getting late, it was a school night, and she had more studying to do for her test tomorrow. Going to see Pacey right now would, no doubt in her sister’s mind, be considered foolish and reckless behavior. The responsible, practical, Joey-Potter-thing-to-do would be to just go home. The thought made her frown. Still, she went home.

A little later, she lay in bed trying to study, but her mind kept drifting. She couldn’t stop thinking about Pacey, longing to be with him, wanting him. She replayed the weekend over and over again in her mind, her body warming and becoming wet with her memories. She was now starting to regret she hadn’t just driven to his house to get some relief from the constant yearning for him. She wanted to feel his hands on her. His mouth on her. She craved the weight of him on top of her, the fullness of him inside her. The explosion of ecstasy he gave her each time had been more incredible than anything she’d imagined in all her fantasies leading up to the ski trip.

Was this what people meant by having a “healthy sex drive?” She’d never thought it would feel quite so… driven. It was if the desire he roused in her when they were together—and the level grew higher each time—stayed with her long after. Right there, just beneath the surface. Sneaking out along with every thought of him at any given moment, making her skin feel flushed and her lips hungry to be kissed by him. Only by him.

Just when she started to doze, a tapping at her window stilled her awake. She turned to look, and it sounded as though someone was trying to open it. Why hadn’t she remembered to lock it? She hopped out of bed, reaching for something to use as a weapon, but then she saw who it was.

“Pacey,” she said in shock as she came closer to the now-open window.

“This is harder than I remembered it to be.” He looked at her. She was a sight for sore eyes, standing there scantily clad in a tank top and panties. He grinned and pointed at her weapon as he climbed in. “What were you planning to do, Potter? Bore your intruder into submission?”

She looked at the copy of _Cracking the AP Calculus Advanced Placement Exam_ in her hand and shrugged. “It was that or lubing you to death with my hand lotion.”

“That sounds promising.”

She shook her head, watching him close the window. She’d been hesitant earlier to be rash, to go with her heart’s desire and see him, and instead forced herself to be responsible and go home. And here he was, being rash and reckless enough for the both of them. “You’re crazy,” she laughed.

“At one time I’d have disagreed.” He stood in front of her and grazed her bottom lip with his forefinger. “But, yeah, you’re right. I’m out of my mind.”

Sinking both hands into her hair, he tilted her head back and pressed his mouth to hers. Dropping the book on the floor, she pulled his head down for better contact, kissing him greedily. She heard someone moan and realized the sound came from her. Panting, he broke their passionate kiss. His thumbs caressed her cheekbones before sliding down her neck to rest on her shoulders.

“Your hands are cold.” She shivered, but she knew it was more from his touch and not the coldness of his hands. His hands may have been chilled but his gaze as he looked over her was scorching.

“You can warm them up.” He fingered the spaghetti strap of her tank top. Pacey dropped to his knees, hands around her waist, and kissed a path around her navel, his tongue caressing her soft skin. “I’ve been thinking about you all night, and dying to see you. I couldn’t wait another minute,” he said, and then dipped his tongue into her belly button. She was sheer perfection. 

She clutched his shoulders, dazed by the shock of pleasure shooting through her body. “We have to be quiet,” she urged.

He hummed. “We? I think you mean _you_.”

“Please. You’re louder than me.”

Pacey laughed. “Hmm… well, maybe we’re equally noisy.”

“Right. So, _we_ need to be quiet.”

“Debatable. You have the only bedroom on the first floor. Everyone else sleeps upstairs. If I recall from the reservation book, the only people here are Mr. and Mrs. Garrigan, and I doubt they wear their hearing aids to bed. Also, it’s after ten o’clock, so Bessie’s fast asleep, and Bodie won’t be home until sometime around two, as it’s Sunday and he stays late with the sous chef to plan next week’s specials.”

“You’ve got it all figured out, don’t you? Have you forgotten about the lightly-sleeping toddler upstairs?”

“No, but I really don’t want to think about him at the moment.”

He placed a kiss on each of her hips before placing one in the center. He gazed up at her, his hands rubbing up and down the backs of her thighs. “God, these legs,” he sighed appreciatively. Slowly, with his dark and intent blue eyes still connected with hers, he pressed his lips right over where she throbbed most. As he kissed and licked and nibbled through the damp fabric, she thought for sure she was going to die.

Joey gasped, her hips arching forward with a will of their own. His tongue and teeth worked her gently but persistently. Finally, she couldn’t stand it anymore. “Take it off,” she commanded.

Pacey yanked down her panties and sunk his tongue into her. She didn’t know who was taken more by surprise by her orgasm—him or her. She cried out, biting her lip to stifle it, dizzy as each wave of pleasure crested through her. He lifted his head and scooped her in his arms. He kissed her, walking blindly to her bed. She tasted herself on him and moaned into his mouth.

He followed her down onto the mattress and covered her with his body. “Is this the same bed you’ve always had, Jo? Next time you can sneak into my room. At least my mattress doesn’t sag.”

“Shut up, Pacey.” She kissed her way up the soft yet firm column of his neck. He smelled so good—comfortingly familiar and exciting at the same time.

“You may not be concerned right now, Jo, but in the morning when your back is all kinked up, you’ll realize I was right.”

“I’ll give you kinky.” She rolled over, which made them both topple to the floor.

“Oof!” he said when she landed on top of him.

“Whoops,” she giggled. “Oh well. Nice hard support for your back.” Joey sat up and stripped off her tank top. “You should be fine now.”

Underneath her, Pacey went still. The amusement in his eyes faded, becoming replaced with heat, carnal and intense. He was entranced by the sight of her naked above him. He wanted the warm embrace of her arms, of her long, slender legs wrapped around him. He wanted to revel in her caresses, and sate his desire in the softness of her body as she called out his name in ecstasy.

“I have too many clothes on,” he pointed out.

“I was noticing that myself, Pace.”

She unbuttoned his coat, pulling it up and off his arms, before doing the same with his bowling shirt and the long-sleeved shirt underneath. Joey bent down and kissed her way across his bare chest, earning her a sharp gasp. “Shh,” she chided, not bothering to look up. “We have to be quiet, remember?”

“Quiet. Right.” Not that it mattered, since her room was on a completely different floor and on the opposite side of the house as the others. As long as they didn’t scream at the top of their lungs… which, at this point, he was now starting to think was a possibility. He hissed as she unsnapped his jeans and slid her hands inside.

She stopped when her fingers met bare hard flesh. “No underwear?”

Pacey gave her a wicked grin. “Seemed excessive tonight.”

“Good thinking.” She pushed down his jeans, staring at the long, thick length of him. Scooting down, she took him all the way in her mouth before she sucked the tip. By the way he groaned and clutched her hair, she figured he liked it, so she did it again. And again.

“Joey.” He wrapped his hand in her hair and gently tugged. She lifted her head. “While I’d really like you to do that to me again… save it for another time. Right now, I just want inside you.”

“I want that, too.” She straddled herself over his hips.

“My wallet,” he said, his voice tight with lust.

She grinned and reached behind her for his jeans that were bunched up around his calves. She pulled the wallet from the left back pocket and took out a condom. She unwrapped it, placed it at the head of his cock, and rolled it over him. Then she leaned forward and rested her hands on his chest as he moved into position. He kissed her as she lowered herself onto him, capturing her moan with his mouth as she stretched to accommodate his girth.

When he was fully inside her, he clenched his jaw, straining against the overload of sensation. She felt so warm, so wet, and so fucking tight, and he was so worked up, that his mouth just started _talking_. “Ride me, Joey,” he groaned. “Oh, baby… love me.”

Her eyes rolled, and she sat back and began sliding up and down on him. He held her hips, guiding her, moving her in a smooth, sensual rhythm, fighting the urge to go off just at the sight of her. He wanted her breasts in his mouth, and was about to tell her to lean forward, when she dropped her head back and offered them to him.

Pacey didn’t hesitate. Sitting up, putting his back up against her bed, one hand gripping her hip to control her grinding movements, he sucked her nipple into his mouth. She cried out. He murmured against her skin. “We have to be quiet, Jo, remember?”

“Do we?”

He grinned as he scraped his teeth against the taut peak of her breast. “Yeah. Or I can stop.”

“Bastard.” She smiled and squeezed herself around him, loving the feel of him so hard and full inside her.

“Okay, maybe I won’t stop,” he said, panting.

“I thought that might change your mind.”

Her arms around his shoulders, her fingers were in his hair, gripping him. He placed his hand on the small of her back to guide her rhythm over his lap. He forged a trail of kisses along her jaw to her ear. He kissed her earlobe and then sucked that soft, sensitive spot behind it where her pulse beat wildly. “Pacey… do you know what you’re doing to me?” she whimpered, lust burning through her body.

He shifted to lay again on his back, and then took charge of their rhythm, thrusting up into her with smooth, deep strokes. Still riding him, she let out a stifled cry and closed her eyes, and he knew she was getting close. He reached up and brushed her hair from her face. “Look at me. I want to watch you when you come.”

She laughed breathlessly. She could feel the rush of pleasure coursing through her with every thrust, building towards an intense release. “Keep it up and you won’t have to wait long.”

He grinned, and wanting her face close to his, pulled her down to him. “I don’t think that’ll be a problem.”

It wasn’t.

She said his name again, urgently, and he knew she was at the edge. She whimpered, and that sound, plus the exquisite look on her face, told him she was about to go over it, and he could sense she was going to drive him right over, too. “Joey,” he said, his voice a husky whisper of desire in her ear, knowing exactly what he was doing to her. “You’re gripping my cock so tight. You’re going to come, aren’t you? I can feel it. Let me feel it, baby. Make me come.”

Pacey covered her mouth a split second before Joey screamed. She plunged head first into a deep abyss of pleasure—sinking, swimming, lost to everything except the feel of him going harder and faster. She contracted so tight around him, pulling him deeper inside, the juices from her orgasm covering his throbbing cock, he quickly followed her into the abyss of pleasure, and then it was her turn to cover his mouth. They moved together, gasping and riding through the aftershocks, until she finally came to a stop and collapsed on his chest.

They lay there for a long time, skin to skin, hearts pounding, whispering words of love and affection.

After a while, Joey broke the quiet. She perked her head up. “How’s your back?” she grinned. “Any kinks?”

He chuckled. With a finger, Pacey brushed a lock of hair out of her eyes and tucked it behind an ear. “My back is fine, thank you.”

“I need to tell you something,” she said quietly.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Well, two things. First, I told Bessie about us.”

His mouth fell open and then he laughed breathlessly in disbelief. “Really? Why? I mean, I don’t mind that you did, but you seemed so adamant that you weren’t going to.”

She shrugged. “She knew something was up, and she asked me, and… I told. Keeping something so huge a secret didn’t really seem possible, at least under my own roof.” Her lips curved into a smirk. “Well, we should probably keep rendezvous like this one under wraps, as I don’t want Bessie bolting my window shut, but, you know, generally speaking.”

“Okay,” he chuckled. “And how did she react?”

“Exactly like you would expect Bessie to react.”

He pursed his lips. “So, I can expect some mean looks coming my way in the future?” He shook his head. “The Witter boy, that reckless troublemaker. He’s bad news. Not like the Leery boy. He comes from a good family. He’s so nice and polite. Never gets in any trouble. He’d never knock up our precious Joey and ruin her life.”

She rolled her eyes, fighting a grin. “Bessie didn’t say a single thing about Dawson, just so you know.”

“Okay, so, what’s the second thing you need to tell me? Are you taking an ad out in the paper and printing your sex quiz answers?”

She laughed, briefly wondering just where those answers were before remembering they’d been left in Pacey’s brown paper shopping bag. Then she hesitated, both wanting and not wanting to tell him at the same time. Her inner debate quickly tipped the balance in favor of honesty. “Well, speaking of Dawson, someone else also asked me the same question earlier—if you and I slept together on the ski trip.”

Pacey searched her face, the disappointed look in her eyes. He wasn’t surprised in the slightest. “Of course, he did. And what did you say?”

“Well, I was annoyed and getting angry, so I told him it was none of his business.”

“Where was this? Did he stop by here, or something?”

She shook her head. “He called me and asked me to meet him somewhere to talk, so I met him at the Crown & Anchor. He acted like he wanted to talk about Mr. Brooks, who died over the weekend, by the way, if you didn’t know that yet. Dawson does seem upset over it. And he did want to talk about Mr. Brooks. For the most part, that was the dominant topic. But then, of course, the conversation steered towards the ski trip, and…”

Joey sighed, feeling herself getting irritated all over again. “He thinks I’m still that fifteen-year-old girl who’s scared of growing up, who can’t make any big life decisions without his input, like he’s… he’s…”

“Like he’s still the most important person in your life and that everything you do should revolve around him somehow?”

She frowned, knowing he was right, and was quiet a moment.

It was becoming more and more obvious to Pacey that Dawson was just never going to grow up and accept reality. Not that he was surprised at this. The guy was a dreamer with his head in the clouds, after all. He knew how Dawson’s mind worked. Pacey knew he believed there was always, or almost always, some way around the reality of things to make everything fit inside the movie he wanted his life to be. Fate or destiny would always turn out in his favor.

He also knew that meant Dawson wasn’t going to give up on Joey, at least for a long while. To his surprise, he didn’t feel threatened or even all that angry about it. Pacey felt more sure than ever of her love and commitment to him.

“Anyway, Pace, I think you might’ve been right earlier about those soap operatic repercussions, and now I don’t know what to do. I don’t want us to go backwards, back to that place where we were all hurt and angry and not speaking to each other.”

“Sure, Potter, _now_ you tell me all this after you’ve had your way with me,” he snarked, shaking his head with faux disapproval.

She smirked. “Well, I wasn’t about to ruin the mood. And hey, you’re the one who climbed through _my_ window, remember?”

Pacey rubbed her back affectionately. “As for what to do about Dawson, well, you told him it was none of his business, right? Do you think he’s going to ask again?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Then… let him mind his own business and come to his own conclusions. I mean, as time goes on, the idea that we’re _not_ having sex will eventually seem utterly ridiculous, even to Dawson. And if that realization makes him angry, and he decides not to speak to us just because we’re happy, then…” He sighed. “Then do we even need a friend like that, Jo? Honestly? You don’t deserve to be treated as though you’ve done anything wrong because you haven’t. You have nothing to feel bad about, even if he wants you to.”

She looked into his eyes, his gaze filled with warmth and love. She knew Pacey was right, yet she still didn’t want to lose her friendship with Dawson all over again, not after she’d finally gotten it back. “I don’t feel bad about it, and I know I haven’t done anything wrong. Nothing has ever felt more right.”

Hauling her higher on his chest, Pacey gave her a fierce kiss. But the fierceness mellowed quickly. “You taste so good, Joey,” he whispered hoarsely. “You _feel_ so good.” His hands began to glide up and down her body. “You feel so good on top of me, your skin against mine.”

She agreed. Her breasts were pillowed by the soft firmness of his chest. Her thighs, straddling his, knew their sinewed strength. He felt so good beneath her that her body began a slow rocking while her mouth inched over his nose, his cheek, and down to the warm, bare skin of his neck.

“You smell so good,” she whispered against his throat. He smelled soapy and warm, with a musk of sex and clean sweat.

Pacey grinned in pure delight. He breathed in her scent. She smelled good, too, and he wanted to make love to her for the rest of his life. Joey was the only woman for him, now and always, and he prayed things between them could stay like this forever.

“Pacey?” Her voice was muffled against his chest.

“What is it, sweetheart?”

Blushing, she kept her face buried, inwardly chiding herself at feeling somewhat shy and embarrassed. “I want you again.”

He laughed in continued delight.

Joey lifted her head to look at him. “What’s so funny?”

“Good God, woman. You’re insatiable.”

“Is that a bad thing?” she smirked.

“No, not at all. I mean, it’s exhausting, but no, it’s not bad. It’s the opposite of bad, actually.”

“Does that mean you want me again, too?”

He arched his hips against hers. “What do you think?”

She grinned, her eyes sparkling with humor. “I think yes, but I also don’t want you to think that I’m only after your body.”

Pacey didn’t laugh this time. He smiled tenderly, his fingers moving to caress her face. His expression was soft and filled with wonder. “What I think, Potter, is that I’m the luckiest and happiest man alive.”

Then he reached for his wallet on the floor next to him, and pulled out another condom.

Her eyes went wide, a surprised smile spreading across her face. “You brought two?”

“I brought two. Something told me I’d need to come prepared.”

Giggling, Joey pressed her lips to his and kissed him with all the love and happiness exploding inside her, a perfect ending to their weekend of bliss.


	48. 2001 (Senior Year: Part Nineteen)

February 12. Their first week back to the real world from their weekend of bliss wasn’t exactly an easy transition for Pacey and Joey. They had agreed to keep their relationship appearing as normal as possible while in the presence of others, and to attempt to keep all conversation about the ski trip at a minimum. At school, they tried very hard to maintain the same level of public displays of affection they’d had before the senior trip. Unlike other couples in school whose foray into sexual activity became blatantly obvious to everyone, there was no skipping out on class to hide themselves away in the boiler room, or leaving school grounds during lunch period for secret rendezvous.

The late afternoons and evenings Joey had to spend working at the yacht club became even more of a test of her patience. She found it was now much harder to deal with Drue and his mother for hours on end when she’d much rather be spending that time with her boyfriend. Alone at the beach house, Pacey felt bored and restless without her until even the passing seconds were torture. It wasn’t easy to spend so much time together all day and act like nothing had changed between them, and then to endure long hours of separation when they left school. But at night…

The nights were another matter entirely.

On the nights Pacey’s sister worked late at the restaurant, they had over two hours together from when Joey got out of work until Gretchen was expected home, and they made use of that precious alone time. Once she left the yacht club and arrived at the beach house, they came together and made sometimes sweet, sometimes hot passionate love. This meant she often ended up doing homework into the wee hours of the morning, making it difficult for her to get up early for school. The weekend had been easier to manage, and they’d thoroughly enjoyed their eight-month anniversary on Saturday.

On Monday, they walked hand in hand from Spanish class, first stopping at her locker to drop off her books before heading to his. “So, I have to work tonight…”

He frowned. “It’s your day off.”

“I know, but guess who actually has this Friday off from work instead, thanks to Gina needing to switch shifts?” Joey said quietly while Pacey put in the combination on his padlock.

He smiled. “You got Friday night off?”

“Yes. And so, I was thinking that, as a way to make up for the fact I have to work on our first ever Valentine’s Day as a couple, Friday night would be the perfect opportunity for us to spend the night together. Gina also asked to work my Saturday morning brunch shift because she needs some extra money after she got in that fender-bender, and Mrs. Valentine agreed to it. Probably because it means it’s one less day that she’ll have to see my face this week. Anyway, that means I’ll have Saturday off, too, free and clear. Any ideas how we can get an entire night alone?”

Before he could reply, they were interrupted. “Witter,” Drue sneered, walking by them in the hall.

“Jackass,” he retorted, glaring as the guy passed.

“Don’t instigate him, Pace,” Joey implored, before lowering her voice. “He’s actually been silent on the whole seeing-us-buying-condoms thing, and I don’t want to give him reason to feel vindictive.”

“He has been silent, and that just seems weird to me,” he said, closing his locker. Then taking her by the hand and entwining their fingers, he began to lead her towards the cafeteria. “I mean, why keep quiet? You’d think Drue Valentine would rush at the chance to embarrass us in front of everyone. Jen also thinks it’s very weird, and not like him at all, and she knows the guy a lot better than we do.”

“You know what else is weird? Drue joining Yearbook Club to help them out after the two Ashleys quit. I mean, I’m not surprised that Dawson volunteered as a photographer to help them out, but Drue? He’s not exactly Mr. School Spirit, nor does he willingly do anything for others. There has to be some kind of angle.”

“Like what?” he scoffed as they approached the lunch line. “To rig the votes so he wins Best Looking?”

“More like Class Joke,” she muttered, picking up a tray.

“He thinks he’s a real jokester, all right.”

Once they’d loaded their lunch trays with their selections, they walked into the crowded cafeteria. Posters adorned the walls advertising the Valentine’s Sadie Hawkins Dance on Wednesday night, the election for junior class student government, the upcoming Mid-Winter Choir Concert, and auditions for the spring musical. They quickly sat down at their usual table, where they were soon joined by their friends.

“So, Dawson, what’s it like being in Yearbook with Drue?” Jen asked.

“I honestly haven’t done much with it yet,” he answered. “Once the results of the senior polls are announced, I’ll be taking the winners’ pictures. Then I’ll be going around taking group shots of all the different clubs as well as trying to catch candids of senior life.”

“Then what’s Drue doing?” Jack replied.

“They put him in charge of the superlatives. Did you guys vote last week?”

Joey scoffed and rolled her eyes. “No. Best Looking, Most Popular… who cares?”

Dawson shrugged. “Drue, apparently. He had his choice of Yearbook assignment, and that’s the one he picked. He also had an idea to do a senior poll, which started today. He did some poll type thing on the ski trip, which apparently was a big hit, and so Erin agreed to the idea.” Dawson paused to remove the cap from his orange soda, and Joey exchanged looks with Pacey before her eyes flickered to Jen’s for a moment. “There’s a table set up outside the cafeteria where seniors can get a copy of the poll and fill it out. Did you see it when you came in here?”

Jen reached into her bag. “I grabbed one.” She looked down at the paper, looking it over. “You’re saying Drue made this up? It’s pretty mundane. ‘Senior Class Favorites,” she read the title, before clearing her throat. “‘Favorite Musical Group—’”

“Well, that’s a given,” Dawson interrupted. “I’m sure everyone will vote for Jim and Nick’s band.”

Jack nodded. “Yep. Did you know Harbor Rockers actually got a gig in Wellfleet this weekend?”

“‘Favorite After-School Hangout, Favorite Pastime, Favorite Car, Favorite Teacher, Favorite Movie, TV Show, Actor, Actress, Athlete…’” Jen continued to read down the list. “Honestly, this is… boring. Not up to Drue’s standards, I have to say. Nothing even remotely scandalous. There’s nothing on this list that could cause any conflict or drama, unless people end up picking Jake’s house as their favorite hangout instead of Belinda McGovern’s beachside mansion and she ends up throwing a fit about how ungrateful we all are, the snob.”

“Jake has the best weed,” Pacey said with a casual shrug before he took a bite of his sandwich. They all turned their heads to stare at him. He chewed for a few moments and then laughed when he caught their looks. “Or so I’ve heard. How would I know? I’ve never been invited to his house.”

“Well, your dad is the sheriff. No one wants to invite a narc to a house party,” Joey snarked.

“My dad being the sheriff is the reason behind a lot of things that have or have not happened to me over the course of my high school career.”

Soon Jen and Jack skipped out early to spend the rest of their lunch period in the computer lab, while Dawson left go talk to his film teacher about the movie he made about Mr. Brooks. Finally alone, Pacey and Joey returned to their earlier conversation about the upcoming weekend. “So, about Friday night…” she prompted, smirking suggestively. “Gretchen changed her schedule so she could have a couple nights off a week, remember? She works a day shift on Fridays now. How are we gonna take advantage of my night off?”

He leaned in and kissed her. “I got it. There’s nothing on the books, and Bodie mentioned something about maybe taking Bessie and Alexander to the Vineyard to see his family. We check ourselves into the B&B, Bessie’s none the wiser, and then we’ll finally get to spend an entire night together for the first time since the ski trip. What do you say?” He kissed her again.

“There are no vacancies this weekend, as of last night. There’s some winter arts festival over in Wellfleet. So, you can forget about Bessie going away anywhere.”

He laughed. “Well, I guess that means I’ll be busy cooking for guests. We’ll think of something.” He rubbed his hand across his chin, an intriguing idea coming to him. “Well… what do you think about you and me, the boiler room, right now?”

Skipping class to fool around in the boiler room like the other tacky couples in this school? But if they went down there and got caught… “No.” She turned from his direct gaze, knowing he’d definitely do something that impulsive. “Pacey,” she warned, picking up her cup of soda and taking a drink.

“You considered that, didn’t you?” he said, feeling pleasantly surprised, and reached for her hand. “You did. I saw it in your eyes. You, Josephine Potter, actually considered skipping out on AP Bio and engaging in illicit sexual activities with your boyfriend…” He kissed her fingers. “On school grounds, no less. Naughty girl.” He clicked his tongue disapprovingly.

God, he was so cute, she thought, and the idea _was_ appealing on certain levels. The levels ruled by her hormones, and not her common sense. Smirking, she leaned forward, her hand still holding tight to his, while she sunk the other into his soft brown curls, and kissed him. “Well, it is second semester senior year. I guess these grades don’t really count for anything.”

Grinning, he leaned in to press his lips to hers. “So sexy,” he whispered to her as they pulled out of the kiss.

Suddenly they were interrupted. “Okay, the two of you either need to break that up or charge admission,” Drue snarked, before walking away to address the entire cafeteria, and they rolled their eyes. “Everyone, everyone, can I have a little attention here please? As most of you know, voting ended on Friday in the hotly contested Capeside High Class of 2001 Senior Superlatives, and right here, I have in my hand, fully certified for publication in this year’s Yearbook, the results of said election.”

Pacey and Joey weren’t paying much attention to him while he made this little speech, and were too wrapped up in each other’s affection to consider anything else. “So, the boiler room?” he murmured, nibbling on her fingers.

She laughed and leaned forward, kissing his face. “The boiler room isn’t proper behavior for a lady such as myself.”

“I think we’ve long since abandoned proper behavior for ladies, Potter.” He grinned mischievously and put his lips at her ear, whispering. “Before the day is over, _lady_, I bet your clothes will be on my bedroom floor.”

She smiled, laughing as he entwined their fingers. He brought the back of her hand to his mouth and kissed it. They gazed lovingly at each other while Drue stood on a chair, still talking.

“…we’ll start with Class Couple,” Drue announced. “You know, it’s not much of a contest here, folks. Yes, it’s those two people so in love, they make the rest of us want to puke on a daily basis. Joey Potter… and Pacey Witter! Their innocent, virginal love is truly something to be admired. We should all aspire to such purity of mind and body.”

Pacey and Joey stared up at his smirking face with furrowed brows, scowling in annoyance, before shaking their heads and turning away from him. A few claps and whistles went around the cafeteria, but mostly this announcement caused a non-reaction. The result wasn’t shocking to anyone. Pacey leaned towards his girlfriend and smiled. “Class Couple, Potter. I think we got Prom King and Queen in the bag.”

She laughed. “We’ll have to go all out, as is befitting high school royalty,” she joked. “Dress. Tux. Limo. The works.”

“I’m on it. Consider it done.”

Drue went on to announce Most Popular, Most Friendly, Most School Spirit, Best Looking, Best Laugh, Class Clown, and others. Then he came to Most Likely to Succeed: “Again, no surprise there. Dawson Leery and Andie McPhee. If only she was here, but I’m sure she’ll be pleased to find out once she gets tired of chasing Italian dudes and comes back to Capeside in time to give her valedictorian speech at graduation.”

Pacey and Joey rolled their eyes.

Drue then cleared his throat. “Okay, finally, last but certainly not least, Most Likely to End Up in Jail. Once again, no shockers here. Jake Baliva and… Pacey Witter!”

Everyone laughed, clapped, and whistled. Jake stood up and took a bow, with great amusement. “Do I get to make a speech?” he shouted to rounds of more laughter.

Pacey and Joey shook their heads. “He had to have rigged that,” she said.

“I’m sure Jake won fair and square,” he quipped.

“Yeah, but why would anyone have voted for you?”

He took a deep breath and shrugged. “Seducing a schoolteacher into committing a felony? Spitting in another teacher’s face? Beating the shit out of Matt Caufield in the parking lot? The irony of my dad being the sheriff of Cape Cod?”

She grinned, shaking her head. “You’re not a bad boy destined for jail, Pacey. You’re a misunderstood underachiever with a heart of gold who always does what he believes is right, no matter what people think. If only the rest of us were so brave and noble.”

A warm smile spread across his face. “I love you.”

She smiled back at him.

“Okay, thank you all for voting,” Drue announced when the noise had died down. “Don’t forget the table outside the cafeteria doors with the senior class poll. Voting ends on Thursday, so please everyone, fill those out and drop them in the box.”

Then he was gone. “Well… that was uneventful, as far as Drue goes,” Joey said to her boyfriend.

Pacey shook his head. “What was the point of announcing it in front of everyone like that? Doesn’t Yearbook Club usually just print copies of the winners list and pass them out? And I still don’t get why Drue is interested in this at all. He’s gotta be up to something, right? Is he trying to sabotage the Yearbook?”

The bell rang and they stood up from their table, grabbing their lunch trays. “Well, if he is, and he probably is, then as long as he stays away from us, I honestly don’t care.”

They walked hand in hand out of the cafeteria, passing by the table against the wall with the poll ballots and the cardboard box with a slit cut at the top to drop them in. “Why don’t you just come to my place after school on Friday? And, well… now that I think about it, we do have winter break next week. Why don’t you just pack a bag and come stay with me?”

Taken aback, her lips curved into a slight grin. “Stay with you at the beach house… all week?”

He shrugged. “Yeah, why not? We don’t have school. We’ll hang out together every day until you gotta go to work, and then sleep next to each other every night. It’s perfect.”

“Yeah, but won’t Gretchen be there?”

“She won’t mind if you stay over, Jo.”

“It’s not exactly private, though, Pacey.”

He stopped walking and took hold of both her hands. “She won’t be at the house twenty-four-seven. She works long hours at the restaurant, sometimes days, sometimes nights. We’ll have lots of alone time.”

She pursed her lips. “It’d be one thing if we had the house completely all to ourselves, but…” She smiled at the excited, expectant look on his face, silently pleading with her to agree to the idea. “Well, I’ll think about it.”

He smiled and kissed her. Then the warning bell rang out, and they parted for their next classes.

February 14. Joey walked to her locker after her last class on Wednesday afternoon, intending to switch out her books and load her bag with what she needed to take home with her. She had thirty minutes to get back to the house, change into her uniform, and make it to work. She wouldn’t get to see Pacey until later tonight.

When she put in the combination on her padlock and opened her locker, she saw a small red envelope sticking inside the vent. Warmth spread through her as she saw her name on the front in Pacey’s handwriting. She tore it open and pulled out the shiny red card inside.

_“Roses are red,  
Black cats are black.  
I’m awful at poems,  
But I’m great in the sack._

_Happy Valentine’s Day_

_Love,  
Pacey”_

She started giggling, love and happiness welling up inside her.

“What’s so funny?”

Startled, she jumped back from her locker to see Dawson standing there smiling at her. She quickly closed the card, and laughed nervously. “Oh, you know… it’s just a valentine from Pacey.”

He smiled again. “You guys have special plans tonight?”

She closed her locker. “I have to work, unfortunately,” she said as she shoved the card in the pocket of her denim pencil skirt. “I’m not sure what we’re doing afterwards.”

“Well, if I know Pacey, I’m sure a grand romantic gesture is involved.”

“Oh, well… I don’t think I require anything grand right now.”

He sighed, a sad smile playing about his mouth. “You know, I just realized that you and I never had a real Valentine’s Day together, did we? I mean, as a couple.”

She shook her head. “Our briefest of romances didn’t last long enough.”

“Ah, yes. Alive and well at Christmas, dead in the water by Valentine’s Day.”

“It just wasn’t meant to be,” she shrugged with a smile. “I’m sure you agree we’re much better off as we are. Things are pretty much perfect right now.”

He averted his gaze for a moment and laughed breathlessly. “Right.”

“So, you doing anything tonight, Dawson? Did anyone ask you to the Sadie Hawkins Dance?” she teased.

He laughed and shook his head. “Everyone knows seniors don’t go to Sadie Hawkins, Joey. It’ll just be a typical Wednesday night at the restaurant. My mom wants me to start waiting tables since one of the waiters put in his two-week notice a few days ago, but I don’t think anyone wants to see me try to balance multiple plates on my arms. I think I’ll stick to busing tables and handing out menus.”

She smiled. “I think you could get the hang of it if you tried, Dawson.” Then she sighed and shrugged her shoulders. “Well, I gotta go. Have to be at work soon. I’ll, uh… I’ll see you tomorrow?”

He nodded, smiling. “Yeah, sure thing. See you tomorrow.” She started to turn but then he called her back. “Oh, don’t forget I need to take your picture soon.”

“My picture?” Her brows knitted together.

“Yeah. You and Pacey.”

Her face contorted with confusion.

“For Yearbook,” Dawson explained. “You know, Class Couple?”

She rolled her eyes, blushing, and tucked her hair behind an ear. “Oh, right. Okay. Well, I really do have to go, or I’m gonna be late, and that’s all the reason Drue’s witch of a mother would need to can my ass. See ya.” She hurried away from him, making for the exit and the student parking lot.

Three hours after she’d started her shift at the yacht club, she was just finishing up the early dinner rush when a bouquet of flowers arrived in the dining room. “You got a special delivery, Joey,” John, a coworker of hers, said, a crystal vase of flowers in tow.

“Oh, thanks, Johnny.” Her eyes went wide with surprise. She’d never gotten flowers before. “They’re so pretty.”

The delivery boy had her sign for them, and then he passed the vase into her hands. She smiled, her heart warming. She didn’t need to read the card to know who they were from. Drue appeared around the other side of the bar, watching her.

_Nosy!_ She blushed, feeling uncomfortable at the attention she was getting from her coworkers as well as some of the patrons sitting at their dining tables. “Do I need to give you a tip?”

The delivery boy pursed his lips and shrugged. “Nah, that’s okay. Happy Valentine’s Day.”

Joey took the vase of red roses into the kitchen, Drue’s gaze following her all the way, much to her annoyance. She set them down on the work bench against the wall and pulled the card from the tiny envelope.

_“I promise to always be by your side… or under you, or on top of you. _

_Happy Valentine’s Day _

_Love,  
Pacey”_

She burst into a fit of giggles as warmth spread through her body. Looking up at the clock on the Wall, she frowned. It was still another three hours before she could leave.

Shortly after, she took her fifteen-minute break and went to the staff dining room, where she picked up the receiver on the phone mounted to the wall and dialed her boyfriend’s number. He picked up after the third ring.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Pace.”

Sitting down at the kitchen table, he smiled. “Hi, Joey. Is there a specific reason you might be calling me?” he asked, his voice teasing.

Her cheeks flushed with warmth. “I got your beautiful flowers.”

“Ahh, I thought you might’ve.”

“And your card,” she grinned. “I thought you might’ve aimed for romantic on Valentine’s Day, but instead you went with horny,” she tutted with fake disapproval.

“Did it make you laugh, though?”

“Yes, it did.”

“Then mission accomplished.”

“Thank you, sweetheart,” she smiled, and then laughed again. “Oh, and I got your romantic poem you left in my locker. Wow, that was really powerful. I was deeply touched.”

He chuckled. “I’m putting my creative writing class to good use.”

“Well, it is your favorite class.” Then she frowned. “I wish I didn’t have to work and I could be there with you right now.”

He sighed into the phone. “I know. Me too. But you’re still getting out at nine, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Gretchen promised we’d have the place to ourselves until at least eleven-thirty, possibly a little later if she decides to go out with some friends after work. Have you eaten?”

“No. I imagine I’ll be starving by the time I get out of here.”

“Good. I have dinner plans for us.”

An excited smile spread across her face. “Are we going out, or are we staying in?”

“One or the other,” he answered mysteriously.

“Okay. Well, I look forward to dinner tonight… wherever that ends up being. I gotta get back out there. I’ll see you later.”

“I’m counting down the hours, Jo.”

“So am I, Pacey.”

At nine o’clock sharp, she left the yacht club, carrying the crystal vase of red roses out to the parking lot. In less than ten minutes, she was pulling into his Bridge Street driveway. Stepping out of the truck, she could smell the aroma of something Asian—soy sauce and sesame oil—and she smiled to herself. He was cooking. He must be in a very good mood.

Pacey greeted her at the front door, spatula in hand, and pulled her into an embrace. Music from the stereo in the living room filled the air around them as she kissed him. She quickly recognized his CD of classic rock love ballads, and smiled against his mouth. She slipped a card into the wide pocket of his smock-style apron for him to find later. She knew he liked surprises.

“I’ve missed you something fierce,” he sighed.

Joey stepped into the kitchen and took off her coat, draping it over a chair at the small round table. She smiled as she glanced into the living room, where several candles had been lit. Then she wrapped her arms around him again, and for a moment she was only aware of the warmth of his body against hers, the sensation of his soft yet firm lips pressing against her own.

He drew away from her. A curling lock of brown hair fell over his forehead, and there was a smile on his boyish face. “Let’s skip dinner,” he said suggestively, his eyes darkening.

“It smells so good, though. I know you’re horny all the time, but can’t that wait until after we eat?” she teased.

“It’s not that I’m horny all the time, Jo. It’s just that you’re always sexy.” He turned off the heat under the wok Bodie and Bessie had gotten him for his birthday, then pulled her into another hug. She felt so good in his arms. A perfect fit. As if there’d been something missing since the last time he’d held her. He buried his nose in her hair and inhaled. She smelled like… Joey. Like he never wanted to let go. “How about right here in the kitchen, huh?” He nuzzled her neck.

She tapped her foot on the linoleum. “It’ll be awfully hard, though.”

“Oh, it’s extremely hard.” Pacey grinned, and took her hand from around his neck, pulling it toward the front of his jeans. “Want to see?”

Joey laughed, and their hands butted up against the card in his apron.

“What’s this?” He pulled out an envelope with his name written on the front in her beautiful handwriting. The card was simple: plain white with small red hearts all over the front of it and a printed _Happy Valentine’s Day_ inscription also in red. Then he opened it and read to himself what she’d written.

_“To the love of my life, my soulmate. I want you to know how much I’ve enjoyed annoying you all these years and how excited I am to keep doing so in the future._

_Love,  
Joey_

_P.S. I also want you know that while I love every bone in your body, there is one I’m particularly fond of.”_

He laughed. “I see I’m not the only one who’s horny all the time, Josephine,” he quipped, his eyes twinkling. “I love it.”

“Not too cheesy?” she asked, blushing. She’d never considered herself overtly romantic, and this was the first time she’d ever given anyone a real valentine.

“No. It’s perfect, and it’s exactly you: sweet and dry.” His face then grew serious for a moment, and he pulled her into another hug. “I love you, Joey.” His voice was husky, and the sound made her entire body tingle.

“I love you, too, Pacey.”

It was another minute before he let go of her. “So… the floor? I have to warn you, though. I’ve been poking holes in the condoms and replacing your birth control pills with placebos.”

Joey shook her head with a smile. “Bessie will be thrilled with this news.” She took both his hands in hers and squeezed. “I’m seriously starved, Pace, like… famished, and this smells _so_ good. Can we _please _eat first?”

He laughed. “Of course, we can. Now that I think of it, we’ll need sustenance for later.”

She moved to stand at the island, her hands dropping to the wooden top, while he went back to the stove and turned the heat on beneath the wok. “So, what’s on the menu?” she asked.

“I believe you mentioned last week that you were craving really good Chinese food and bemoaned the fact that there were no decent take out places in Capeside.”

She gasped excitedly. “Did you make my favorite fried rice?”

He nodded. “Well, I’m about to make that right now, but I’ve already made the stir fry.”

“So, I’ll get to see you in action? I enjoy watching a master at work.”

“Pfft. I’m no master.”

“You could become one, though,” she said simply. “If you went to MCLA.”

He didn’t want to talk about culinary school. “We’ve been over this, Jo. MCLA is three hours from Boston by car, which I don’t have, and eight hours by bus. That’s not… I mean, I wouldn’t even consider it. We’d never get to see each other, and then I know… I know what would eventually happen, and that would be unbearable. I don’t even want to think of it.”

She frowned, a twinge of guilt twisting in her stomach. “I know, Pace. I just… I don’t want you to give up on your dream just to stay with me.”

“Dream,” he scoffed. “Cooking is just a job that I like, and it’s a job I can do anywhere. You’re the dream, Joey, and I’m not giving you up for anything. Wherever you are, that’s where I’m gonna be.”

She had arguments to this, but didn’t want to hash them out now. Maybe as time went on, he’d be more willing to discuss it. He had so much potential for greatness, and it seemed like he was ready to just throw it away, and all for her. She wasn’t worth it, not really.

She watched him going through ingredients he had piled on the counter next to the stove. He turned on another burner and got to work. “How do you make this?” she asked. “The egg fried rice?”

“It’s simple. Beat two eggs, which I’ve done, make an omelet, and then remove it. Then in the same pan add some sliced garlic, ginger, and green chilies, add the egg back in, put in some rice, soy sauce, vinegar, salt and pepper. That’s it, and it’ll be done in fifteen minutes.”

He was right.

“This is amazing!” Joey said with a mouthful of food, hiding it behind her hand.

“Thanks,” Pacey replied, grinning, a sense of self-satisfaction filling his chest at her approval.

Once they’d cleaned and dried the dishes, she took his hand and led him into the hallway. When they reached the bottom of the stairs, he turned her and then kissed her hungrily, pressing her hard against the wall. Her body felt so good against his, soft and warm. They kissed for some time, until her body began seeking more from him, her hips arching into his. But just as his hand moved to touch her breast, his fingers grazing her hardened nipple through her shirt, the phone rang. They pulled out of their passionate kiss and groaned.

“Ignore it,” he said huskily. “We only have so much time before my sister comes home.”

“Whoever it is, they’re calling pretty late. What if it’s an emergency? What if it’s Gretchen?”

She moved away from him and back towards the kitchen, where she picked up the ringing telephone. “Hello?”

“Oh, hi, Joanna,” spoke the honeyed voice.

She frowned. “Hi, Mrs. Witter.”

Pacey’s eyes popped and his stomach twisted into knots. Why the hell was his mom calling after ten o’clock?

“Is my baby boy there?”

She hesitated. “Um, he is…” She leaned around the corner and peered into the hallway. Her boyfriend was vigorously shaking his head. “But he’s… in the bathroom right now. Do you want me to have him call you back? Are you and Mr. Witter okay?”

“Oh, sure, we’re fine, sweetie. I was only calling to see if you and Pacey would like to come to dinner on Sunday. He hasn’t been to the house since… well, since his birthday party, and I have to say his father and I are kind of missing him around here. Do you both have plans on Sunday?”

_Oh, God._ “Um…” Her eyes were locked with Pacey’s. His jaw was clenched tight. “I’m not sure. I’ll have to ask him.”

“Would you? That would be great, honey. I hope I wasn’t interrupting anything. I know it’s Valentine’s Day. Have a good night, Joanne.”

She rolled her eyes. “You too, Mrs. Witter.”

Joey hung up the phone and rejoined Pacey at the bottom of the stairs. “She wants us to come to dinner on Sunday.”

“Why didn’t you just tell her no?”

“Because I’m gutless.”

He shook his head. “That’s hardly the adjective I’d use to describe you.”

“It is when it comes to your mother. The adjectives that do describe me will probably lead to my ruin someday. I’m a stubborn, obnoxious girl with a bad attitude, remember?” That was the phrase Mrs. Valentine had used in reference to her on her first day back to work following the ski trip.

He kissed her softly on the lips. “Although you do have quite a stubborn streak, I would never use those words to describe you.”

“Difficult, then.”

“Determined.”

She smiled at him. “I love you.”

Pacey gave her a rueful smile in return. “I suppose that phone call was a real mood-killer, huh?”

She reached for his hand and turned them towards the stairs. “No,” she said. “I don’t think so.”

February 16. On Friday morning, he walked into the kitchen carrying his backpack to see his sister standing at the counter making coffee. “Hey, Gretch.”

“Hey, Pace.”

“Um… do you think I could ask you a huge favor?”

She grinned as she turned towards him. “You can always ask. Whether I’ll agree to it or not depends on what it is.”

He cleared his throat. “Okay, so… as you know our winter break is next week, so there’s no school.”

“Yeah…?” She was still grinning.

“Well, I was kinda wondering if you’d be agreeable to making yourself scarce because Joey will probably be over here… a lot.”

Gretchen laughed. “All week? Where am I supposed to go when I’m not working?”

“You can stay with Dougie. Think about it. As I am underage, you’ve made a no-alcohol-in-the-house rule, correct? Well, I know you like to go out drinking once in a while, and since that’s something you and I can’t do together yet, our big brother would be the perfect companion for a night out. He needs to let loose a little, and you two should get together and reconnect.”

“Oh, _me_ and Doug need to reconnect? I see him every Sunday at Mom and Dad’s. When’s the last time _you_ saw Doug, Pacey?”

Sighing, he bent over and set his elbows on the wooden top of the island, the topic of Sunday family dinners not one he wanted to get into. “Okay, well… you know his apartment downtown is closer to Leery’s Fresh Fish than our house. It’d be so much more convenient to crash at his place next week, and that couch is primo. That thing is goose-down. You’ll sleep like a baby.”

“You want me to stay with Doug _for a week?_ Are you crazy?”

“Hey, I lived with him for months. It wasn’t that bad. He works long hours, so I had plenty of time to myself, and his couch really is comfortable.” He sighed. “Well, could you at least find somewhere else to stay for tonight? Joey has the night off from work, and she has tomorrow off. And well… I want her to spend the night, and she does too, but she won’t if you’re there.”

Gretchen shook her head with a smile. “That’s silly. It won’t bother me if she’s there. I don’t care if she stays over… one night or even all week.”

“I know, but she does, okay? I mean, your room is right down the hall, and she… feels funny about it. And well, I do too now that I think about it, and I really don’t want to be thinking about what you may or may not be able to hear coming from my bedroom. Weren’t you saying not very long ago that you understand what it’s like to be a teenager in high school or something of the sort?”

“Okay, okay. I’ll go out after work, and then how about I just conveniently forget to come home tonight?”

A surprised smile spread across his face. “Really?”

“I’ll stay with Doug, and if he won’t have me, then I’ll just crash at Mom & Dad’s house.”

“You’d do that?”

“You’ll owe me big time.”

Excited, he swung his backpack over his shoulder. “I always do, Gretch. You’re the best!” He hurried out the door to see Joey waiting for him in the truck.

Once they were pulling out of the driveway, she smirked at him. “What’s got you in such a good mood?”

“It’s a surprise,” he said with a sly grin. “You’ll find out later.”

“Tease.”

Most of her morning in school was uneventful. Gradually, Joey began to notice there was something different about the way her classmates were looking at her. It was the very fact that everyone kept looking at her that made her uneasy. By the time she reunited with Pacey as they made their way to fifth period Spanish class together, she definitely realized that something was up. The knowing looks they were getting from their fellow seniors as they walked side by side down the hall were a mixed bag, ranging from sympathetic and apologetic, to wily and mischievous, to complete and utter shock.

Once they were seated next to each other in Spanish, Joey leaned over. “Have you noticed anything weird today?” she whispered.

“Weird?”

“Yeah, have you been getting strange looks from people?”

He thought about it a moment. “I don’t think so. Oh, but like three guys on the baseball team randomly high-fived me in the hall while I was walking to fourth period. Why? I have no clue.”

A knot began to tighten fiercely in the pit of her stomach. “Pacey… I think something is horribly wrong.”

The look on her face made his heart constrict. “What do you mean, Jo?”

“I don’t know. I just I have a bad feeling.”

“A bad feeling about what?”

“I—” Her face became red, and she lowered her voice until it was barely even a whisper. “I think Drue finally talked… about seeing us at the drug store.”

He sighed and reached over to place a comforting hand on her back. “Well, we knew he’d open his mouth eventually, right? It was bound to happen.”

She nodded, swallowing. “I know, but…” Her stomach twisted. She couldn’t shake the looks she’d gotten from their classmates. She felt like it was something much more serious than simply being seen buying condoms, but what that could be she had no idea. Yet before she could communicate this to him, their teacher addressed the class.

“¡Atención!”

When the bell rang and they walked out of class, Joey kissed her boyfriend on the cheek and told him she’d meet him at lunch. She didn’t want to linger in the halls. She just wanted to keep her head down and get through the rest of the day, and hopefully tomorrow no one would care. The attention span of the average teenager was probably shorter than a goldfish.

She didn’t bother stopping by her locker and instead went straight to the cafeteria. As she stood in the lunch line, the weird looks continued, and her feeling of unease intensified. Her stomach too unsettled to eat, she only picked a couple items, and then made her way to her regular table, trying to ignore the stares.

Shortly after, Drue entered the cafeteria followed by his small clique of braindead morons who thought the guy walked on water. He caught her eye as he walked past her, and he flashed his slightly cruel, taunting smile. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, before opening her bottle of water. It was then that she saw Jen Lindley making a beeline for her table.

“What?” she asked when her friend reached her.

“Joey…” Tears pricked Jen’s eyes. “I’m honestly surprised you’re still in school. I’m so, _so_ sorry. Do you wanna get out of here? Go somewhere? Just the two of us?”

She stared at her, dumbfounded. The bad feeling in the pit of her stomach worsened.

“You don’t know, do you?” Her face fell in dismay. “I’m so sorry, Joey. I… I don’t… I almost can’t believe he...” Jen shook her head wordlessly, her eyes wet with emotion, and then handed over a folded piece of paper.

Tentatively, she reached for the paper and then slowly opened it. At the top was printed “Senior Class Favorites” in large print. Her gaze went lower, and then her stomach bottomed out, the color draining from her face.

Pacey walked away from the Spanish classroom and made for his locker. He hadn’t made it very far when he was suddenly stopped by Mr. Broderick, who started hounding him about auditioning for the spring musical. “You should at least consider trying out,” his former English teacher intreated.

“No, I don’t think so,” he laughed. “I can’t sing.”

“I imagine you could carry a tune if you had a few lessons. I’d really like to work with my shining star again.”

He chuckled. “I appreciate that, Mr. Broderick, but my career on the stage is over.”

The older man sighed dramatically. “Oh, well. If only you were my student again this year, and then I could bribe you into auditioning with the promise of another C grade.”

“I don’t settle for C’s anymore, Mr. Broderick. I’m afraid my price would be a lot higher.”

The teacher leaned in conspiratorially and smiled. “So, I’ve heard from Mr. Kasdan. Keep up the good work, Pacey.” He patted him on the shoulder and then walked away.

Feelings of self-satisfaction and pride rose in his chest. He continued down the hall, heading for his locker. As he walked, several boisterous shouts of, “Woo-hoo! Witter!” were thrown his way, much to his annoyance. The attention he was suddenly getting from his male classmates was oddly reminiscent of sophomore year when word about his affair with Ms. Jacobs had spread. He frowned at the memory.

Less than two minutes later, he was dumping off his books, and just when he shut his locker, he heard his name again, except it was nothing like earlier.

“Pacey!”

“Pacey!”

He turned at the sound of the worried, frantic female voices to see Erin Myers and Ashley Granger coming towards him, quickly closing the distance between them. He hadn’t expected to see the two girls together. As far as he knew, they hadn’t spoken to each other since the big falling out on the ski trip.

“We are _so_ sorry, Pacey,” Erin lamented, shaking her head as if at a loss, her thick blond hair falling straight over her shoulders, and he was surprised to see tears filling her eyes. “I had no idea he was going to do something like this!”

“He told Erin it was just going to be some cheesy favorites thing,” Ashley said, her face almost a darker shade of red than her hair. He gazed at her with furrowed brows as her eyes also filled with tears. “The rest of Yearbook had nothing to do with it, Pacey. We swear it!”

“I haven’t been able see Joey to talk to her yet, but I’m going to as soon as possible,” Erin assured him. “You have to believe us that we would never, ever do such a thing to Joey, or anyone.”

“Ashley Hares is reporting him to Principal Peskin right now,” the other Ashley stated, her voice full of steely conviction. “He won’t get away with this.”

His face fell as he took in their contrite, slightly horrified expressions, as their words went round and round his head. His guts twisted into knots. “Reporting who, Ash?”

One by one, the girls began to stare, dismayed, their mouths falling open. “Drue,” she replied, looking at him like she thought this was something he should already know.

His hand curled into a tight fist. “What did he do?”

The girls exchanged more horrified looks. “You… you don’t know?” Erin asked, astounded.

“No, I don’t, but someone better tell me before I freaking lose it,” he spat, feeling the anger already starting to rise.

Chewing on her lip, more tears filling her eyes, Ashley Granger pulled a folded piece of paper from her back pocket, and handed it over. “He started handing them out in Homeroom, and then in the rest of his classes…” She shook her head. Her voice dropped to a whisper. “I am _so_ sorry, Pacey.”

He eyed the girls warily, and then reached for the paper. He opened it to see a copy of Joey’s sex quiz answers from the bus ride home from the ski trip. He gaped in shock, and at first couldn’t comprehend how or why he was even reading this right now. The quiz had been placed in his brown paper bag, and now that he remembered, he’d never even taken it out when he got home. It should still be there, in the bag, where he’d dumped it in the corner of his room. The bag was never out of his possession, out of his sight. How could Drue Valentine have possibly…? Except they did make a stop on the way back to Capeside, and their bags had all been left unattended.

It was like a bomb went off inside his head.

Heat rushed through him. In a flash, all reasonable thoughts fled his brain, eviscerated by a screaming, boiling hot anger. The paper crumpled in his hand and he turned from them. He stormed away. He could hear the girls calling his name, but he closed his ears to them. The white-hot rage consumed him, the pressure building and blistering inside him, until he was sure he would physically explode if it didn’t leave him some other way. He moved in the direction of the cafeteria, knowing exactly where to send it.

When Pacey entered the dining hall, his gaze quickly fell on the target of his burning rage. As he moved quickly towards him, he caught a glimpse of Joey in his peripheral, the woman he loved more than anyone or anything in this world. Now riding the back of her humiliation, the rage accelerated, and with his hand clenching into a tight fist, he lunged at Drue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter had grown way too long and needed to be split. I should be updating with the next chapter fairly soon.

**Author's Note:**

> The timeline on this show is one of the most screwed up I've ever seen. Pacey was 16 for a year and a half. The show didn't realize Massachusetts actually has a cold and snowy winter until S3. Both S1 and S2 was sophomore year. So much about the characters' birthdays and when stuff actually happened is fuzzy. So, the timeline I'm sticking with for this story is based on what I could best make out to be Lillian's death date on her gravestone (December 12, 1995), her dying when Joey was 13, Joey's 20th birthday in S6 occurring roughly in September 2002, and Pacey's 18th birthday apparently being in January 2001. Why his 16th was a dock party when there should've been a foot of snow on the ground is anyone's guess.
> 
> [Pacey & Joey: From Adolescence to Adulthood](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zV49LXvr11Y)
> 
> [Map of Cape Cod](https://78.media.tumblr.com/cbcf65eb65bf85f304305f1fbfb04ebf/tumblr_pajz1vtWo21s4df8ko1_1280.png)


End file.
